Finding Oneself

by Goldstar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Adventure, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 3436

A mare and stallion go on a trip to the jungle for multiple days. What will they find out about themselves?

A mare named Blank State and a stallion named Colter go out on a jungle trip for multiple days. What will they find out about themselves? And how will this trip change both ponies involved?

This is an entry for the New Blood 2023 writing contest with the topic being "A Secret Life".

Would any judges of that contest be willing to comment on this story, what they liked and didn't liked?

Published 2023-08-01 05:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-01 05:50:00 UTC

1: Hidden in Plain Sight

An earth pony mare with a white coat and black mane, but no cutie mark, got a few knocks on her front door. She went to answer and saw a pony in a hazmat suit. “Hello? Is there an outbreak of some kind?” She asked worried.

“No,” the soft sounding, heavily muffled pony said. “I read the newspaper and saw your ad for a trip into the wilds. I’m coming out of my shell and hey, I figured, I want a change of pace. I’m Colter, by the way, just another stallion if you could fully see me. Before you ask, I have a very rare condition in which exposure to the air is toxic to me, so I must wear this hazmat suit. You don’t have to feel sorry for me, I’m used to this state. I still want to go out there and live.” Colter has taken most of the words out of the mare’s mouth.

“Since you came because of the ad, you probably already know I’m Blank State. Can you give me another hour to get ready? I need to double and triple check that I have everything for these days long trip.”

“Alright. Before I go, I couldn’t help but notice you don’t have a cutie mark.” Colter then realized something, “Sorry, I hope that didn’t offend you.”

“It’s fine, although it has been a really sore point with me for the longest time, but I’m over it now. Not even the Cutie Mark Crusaders were able to help me out. Yet I feel compile to experience all kinds of things, rather I get a cutie mark or not, I need to find myself. And thanks for coming, it’s nice having company on a wild expedition.”

“You’re very welcome Blank State. I’ll meet you later.” Colter took his leave while Blank went to finish her breakfast and packing for the trip.

Around an hour later, Colter returned, knocking on the door, then Blank State arrived. “Hi Blank State. Saddle bags of holding are so nice. I probably won’t need nearly as much as I packed, but better safe than sorry, right? Anyway, you ready?”

“Yes I am Colter, let’s go. Just follow me and we’ll be well clear of Ponyville and the Everfree Forest soon enough.” Colter was walking behind Blank at first, till he found that very distracting and quickly moved up to be walking side by side with her. Feeling very embarrassed, Colter quickly came up with a subject matter.

“So, err... Ponyville, nice town, right?”

“Of course, this is my home and it’s a simple town, but one I have many fond memories of.” Blank started to gush. “There was a time before Twilight Sparkle lived here and the town didn’t have wild things going on. And sometime after she moved here, it’s like everything changed. Suddenly the tree house library became far more popular to visit. And then there were not so great moments like the Parasprites attacking. Even I don’t know how we rebuilt the town so fast after that. Lord Tirek showing up was also pretty awful. I never felt so weak and helpless in my life. And now because of that, we have a big castle right in the middle of town. I miss the simple tree house.”

“I heard of all that went down over time. Pretty wild town, eh? I didn’t move to Ponyville till after the School of Friendship opened. I haven’t joined yet, that would take more time than I’m willing to invest in right now. But please keep talking, I’m sure you have way more interesting things to talk about than I do.”

“Don’t sell yourself Colter. You must have stories worth sharing as well.” Hours passed as they walked southeast to reach the jungle close to the badlands. “And here we are. I must admit, I haven’t gone out this far before, but that makes this even more exciting for me. Are you feeling pumped Colter?”

“Yeah, somewhat, but I wish I didn’t have to wear this hazmat suit. I miss the feeling of nature and the wind on my body.” Colter appeared to frown.

“Yeah, that really does sound like such a bummer. At least you can still go outside, you’re not forced to remain indoors. I know it’s not quite what you wanted, but it’s good to find the positives that’s out there so you don’t drag yourself down with just the negative aspects.” There was a moment before Colter replied.

“I guess you’re right. I mean, I did want to go on this trip. I don’t know what I’m doing or expecting to find. I probably won’t find some kind of deep meaning about myself.”

“Adventures don’t have to be about that.” Blank State pointed to the jungle in front of them. “Isn’t it just fun to get out there and explore?”

“Yeah, it can be. I felt like I got to know you somewhat well on our way here.”

“I don’t know as much about you, but that’s fine. It’s not like we need to share our life details when we only known each other for hours.” Some minutes passed with Colter thinking.

“Thinking about the positives, okay, I got it. Wearing this hazmat suit isn’t all bad. Although I’m not expecting an outbreak that would require other ponies to wear this suit, I do feel protected, even if also stuck in here. Hot, cold, bright sunlight, bugs, doesn’t matter, I’m safe from all of that. So, it wouldn’t exactly protect me against the creatures of the Everfree Forest, but I have no intentions of going there anyway.” Blank smiled brightly upon hearing this.

“See? Although I don’t want to downplay this rare condition you have. At least it seems your body functions well. You can see, hear, move, and more. By the way, there’s a big clearing near a pond and I see a big hill very close by. I think this would be a great place to set up camp.”

“Can you let me handle it?” Colter pointed to himself. “When I was a little colt, my parents would rarely take me out camping. It’s been a couple of decades since, but I do believe I can still set up camp properly even in this suit.”

“You sound quite joyful about this. Sure. I’ll take a swim in the nearby pond.” As both ponies unpacked their saddle bags, Colter got to work on setting up a tent. While he worked, he couldn’t help but glance over and even full-on gaze at Blank State swimming on the surface.

Half an hour later, Colter finished setting up the camp, having delays due to paying attention to Blank swimming. She left the pond and walked back toward camp. Her eyes lit up. “Wow Colter, you weren’t kidding, this is probably better than I could have set up.” She spent a moment walking around looking at the camp from all angles. “It’s afternoon and I’m hungry. Want to snack?” Blank noticed that Colter barely managed to move. “Not hungry?”

“I am, but it’s embarrassing. I have to pull my mask up enough so I can eat and I don’t really feel comfortable doing that right where anyone else can see. It’s... just... it’s dumb I know... sorry, I don’t know how to explain it.”

“If you don’t want me to see you eating, that’s fine. I’m not here to invade on any boundaries you may have. I imagine you also have to be real careful to avoid exposure?”

“Thank you Blank! Y... yeah, I can handle seconds at a time of exposing my mouth. Just give me several minutes to eat in private.” Twenty minutes later, Colter returned to the camp. “Looks like you’re finished eating too. Well, we got the rest of the day ahead of us, any ideas on what to do?”

“We could go hiking. With our earth pony endurance, we could probably go for hours without getting tired. I’m curious, what’s your cutie mark? I don’t mean show it off course, I know that would expose you, but could you describe what it looks like?”

“Actually, I can draw it. Since I can’t use my mouth to manipulate things, I had to get really good at using my front hooves. The magic of sticky hooves can work through things covering your hooves.”

“Cool, I can’t wait to see it.” Colter’s drew his cutie mark on paper using colored markers. It was a picture of a yellow falling star with a blue trail behind it. “That’s pretty.”

“I know right? In your case, ponies can’t see your cutie mark because you don’t have one and in my case, because it is hidden.”

“Funny how that works out. At least you still have your special talent even if nopony else sees your cutie mark. It’s more than what I have going in that regard.”

“Do you think maybe you’ll never get a cutie mark? You’re Blank Slate. That naming might not be purely coincidence.” Blank looked down while frowning.

“Maybe. It’s so unusual for a pony to not have their cutie mark by adulthood. Maybe I’m just a late bloomer. I’m not worried about bullies among other adult ponies due to me not having a cutie mark. Fillies and colts bullied me over it, but I learned to become tougher because of that. I’m mostly over not having a cutie mark, but I wonder what it could have been.” Hearing that, Colter almost rubbed Blank’s back, but stopped himself.

“Don’t forget about the silver linings in bad experiences. Maybe this means your special talent can be whatever you want it to be. Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re a wonderful mare, cutie mark or not.”

“And you’re a wonderful stallion despite being stuck in that suit. But, no, you have it worse than me. Me not having a cutie mark is unusual, but not a disability. Maybe I just need to look harder for what I’m interested in doing and not let a picture on my flanks determine that.”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!”

“And I don’t mean this in a perverted way, but maybe someday I can see what you look like underneath the hazmat suit even if it has to be done in a very safe environment to keep you safe.” There was another moment before Colter replied.

“Wouldn’t that be nice? Freedom and unbounded by conditions such as these. If only you knew...”

“You think Twilight might know something to help you?”

“She may be the smartest pony in all of Equestria, but even she has limitations. Scootaloo can’t fly and Derpy still has crossed eyes.”

“Right, sorry. I must say I’m glad we’re both earth ponies, I mean I think you are, no sign of a horn or wings under the suit. Wow, a pegasus must have it really bad trying to get their wings to fit into a hazmat suit, probably need help from an unicorn’s magic to do that.”

A couple of days later, Blank State and Colter were on a tall hill, sitting down to admire the sunset. “There’s something I want to get off my chest.” Colter stated.

“Oh, something happened?” Blank asked, looking worried.

“Yeah. Years ago, I used to have a marefriend named Sweet Taste...”

“Ah her, I’ve heard bad things about her, but doesn’t she only date mares?” This led to a several second pause from Colter.

“I guess she was experimenting at the time?” Colter shrugged. “Anyway, if you let me continue, we did have a relationship for a bit, but she decided I wasn’t good enough. I was far more in love with her than she was with me. She was my first love interest and well, your first experience can be awful and it absolutely was. She had to be in control of everything. Bit spending, how the house is arranged, who I’m allowed to have as friends, the list goes on. More like Rotten Taste than anything sweet about her. It’s like an oxymoron name if ever heard one.” Blank began rubbing Colter’s back.

“I’m so sorry, no pony should have to deal with such an abusive pony. At least she’s out of your life now, right?”

“Yup, no more of her unless she decides to move to Ponyville or I catch her while I’m out of town. And ever since then, I’ve been scared to get into another relationship. So, I spent a couple of years being a loner, not making any new friends because I’m scared of falling in love again.”

“I promise you won’t ever have another marefriend like Sweet Taste again. Although I can’t promise you that another marefriend will be smooth going all the time because that’s not realistic. But the friends you might have now are surely not anything like Sweet Taste.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but you’re not into stallions are you?” Colter thanked having his face hidden by the hazmat suit.

“Nope, just mares.” Colter breathed a sigh of relief.

“Good. I mean... it means that it would be a very one-sided relationship if I ever fell in love with you, so it’s good that you won’t develop feelings for me so I can move on with not falling in love with mares not interested in me. I specifically chose to live in Ponyville because so many mares there are only into other mares.”

“I don’t think you should punish yourself like this Colter. You deserve the happiness that a partner can bring.”

“I know, but I’m still working up the courage. What happened with Sweet Taste really threw me for a loop. I know it’s been over a couple of years now, but I haven’t heard from her since. So, silver linings of this are learning the warning signs much sooner?”

“Yeah, but even with the positive spin, this was still truly awful to happen to you.” Blank noticed Colter looking away from her. “Is something wrong Colter?” Blank asked.

“I’m so sorry if I keep looking at you like I do. Maybe I should have gone on a trip with a stallion.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Blank looked a bit upset.

“Sorry, sorry! It’s not like... okay, you want to know the truth? How many times have I said that now? I’m glad you’re into mares and not stallions, because you won’t fall in love with me.”

“Huh?”

“Not in a bad way and no I’m not into stallions. I’m scared of love, okay? Despite that nasty breakup, my heart still desires another mare. I have a bad habit of easily falling in love with mares I have known for some time, often before I really know who they are.”

“Are you developing any feelings for me?” Colter dared not make eye contact, mask or not, for several seconds and when he finally spoke, he still didn’t look at Blank.

“Y... yes. I’m trying not to, not because I don’t think you’re a great mare, you are, but it would be a very one-sided crush. I think you’re a very wonderful mare Blank State and I’m sure any mare would love to be your marefriend and wife.”

“Thank you! This trip has been quite a benefit to us. Tomorrow, I think we should head back. We likely have jobs to get back to.” It was nighttime by now. “Oh dear, we lost track of time. Well let’s hurry up and get back to base before it gets too dark.”

As the two ponies began making their way back to camp, the darkness impaled their vision and Colter managed to trip and fall. “Colter!” Blank called out. Using what very limited vision she had in the moonlight; she carefully made her way down to where Colter fell. The hazmat suit looked very damaged, showing parts of Colter’s yellow coat underneath. The mouth part of the hazmat suit was broken, showing a smooth mouth underneath. Colter slowly turned to face Blank.

“I’m sorry,” was all Colter said in a very feminine voice.

“But your suit, won’t you get infected?” Blank asked very worried.

“No. That was a ruse to hide my true identity.”

“Wait, you’re a mare?”

“Yes,” Colter answered.

“But why did you disguise yourself as a stallion?”

“Because as I truthfully explained earlier, I didn’t want the mares of Ponyville falling in love with me. So, I figured, if I pretended to be a stallion, then they would not be interested in me. And I think it worked?” There was a pause. “Who am I kidding? I’m so stupid! I moved to where a sizeable number of pretty mares into mares live and somehow not fall for any of them. I could have moved to a town with a lot of stallions, but Equestria has a lot more mares than stallions.

“You know what? I think I moved to Ponyville on purpose, to try to force myself to not fall in love so easily anymore and well, that sure didn’t work. But here I am now, in front of a very beautiful mare such as yourself.”

“You’re beautiful too.” Blank State said with sparkles in her eyes.

“Thank you so much!” The mare heavily blushed. “And here I am now, just wanting to kiss you, hug you, be with you as long as you’ll let me. I have emophilia, which means I fall in love quickly. Despite how badly my previous relationship went, I still want a marefriend, a wife. I want to wake up every day, her arms wrapped around me, a kiss to the lips. And knowing what I read of the Element Bearers from a book they made, it was so hard to not just walk right up to Twilight Sparkle and kiss her. Good thing I didn’t, could you imagine how much trouble I could get in for randomly kissing a princess? And what if Princess Luna discovers my dreams?”

“I can’t promise we’ll have a romance that lasts forever, but I’m willing to give this a try. I don’t think Princess Luna invades anypony’s dreams unless they’re really struggling.”

“Thank you so much Blank State! Oh yeah, now that I’m re-introducing myself, I’m Star Fall.” She took off the damaged hazmat suit, also revealing her blue mane and orange eyes. “I did in fact meet Sweet Taste as a mare as I’m pretty sure she never had any interest in stallions.” After a moment, both mares leaned in to kiss each other on the lips for several seconds. “We really bonded within three days. Can I kiss you again?”

“As often as I’ll allow it, which is a lot. But let’s get you back to camp, you’re a mess.”

“Oh right.” Star suddenly realized.

“And I still no signs of a cutie mark. Ah well, I did find something much better, you.” The mares gazed at each other, seconds away from another kiss.

“At least now I can experience the wind and world around me in a way I couldn’t for years. That hazmat suit got so uncomfortable.” Blank noticed Star’s cutie mark, being like as she drew it days ago. “And to be clear, I was also a filly in my past. I only referred to myself as a colt to help with my ruse and I almost slipped several times. Wait, I did slip this time and blew it. We accidently broke me out of my shell.”

“Happy accident, or fate? Come on Star Fall, we can move our beds together, closest thing to us sharing a bed since we didn’t bring anything to be a double sized bed.” As Blank helped remove the rest of Star’s hazmat suit, she had to help her walk back to camp. Once there, Star shared another kiss with Blank. Whatever the future had in store for these two mares, Star Fall planned to face it head on, no more hiding.

Author's Note

I actually wanted to write a story like this before the contest was ever a thing. But the contest did meant I would have a reason to get this out in a timely manner and by timely I mean over an hour before the deadline. Well, I guess this was a bit of a fake out in what appeared to be me writing a straight couple only to have it be a lesbian couple. I wonder how many people who only read lesbian romance stories passed this one up because it appeared to be a straight pairing only to flip the script.