Destroy yourself or... Destroy YourSelf

Name: Fluttershy.

Title: Animal Caretaker, Little Flame.

Age: 16.

Plane: Material.

Location: Equus, Equestria, Ponyville, Fluttershy’s Cottage.

Date: Ponysesho-day - 9th - Hayprance.

Time: 11:23

Pop* pop* pop* pop* pop* pop* pop pop popopopopopopopopopopopopop!

“Oh!”

Dean flinched sideways as another grain popped.

Slowly he used the wooden spoon to turn the sesame seeds around as they turned brown.

Briefly, he noted a pleasing smell hitting his nose.

Sweat fell down his chest and into his stomach, as the fire consuming the wood slabs hit his body, he did not wake up imagining himself doing this today.

Pop!

“Ugh!”

‘This is not how these things are supposed to work.’

His eyes narrowed.

He lived for some years alone, cooking is not something unfamiliar to him, and neither is preparing something as simple as sesame seeds.

Pop!

Mmmmm*

The difference, however, is that after seeing so many familiar things in the world of Equus he forgot one important thing.

Pop!

That this world is in fact alien.

While yes the planet seems to have remarkable similarities to Earth, it isn't, by any stretch of the word.

‘A similar condition equaled a similar evolutionary progression, one that can be described as close but not truly.’

His hands kept moving

‘Fluttershy has the form of a pony, but not truly, the pegasus has the wings of a hawk, but not quite, her voice is that of a woman, but not truly, it is… better?’

It was weird, maybe a function of her cutie mark or just her nature but the pegasus sounded kind even while screaming at him.

Yes, she sounds like a woman, but the emotion in her voice is a little too… much.

Not quite human not quite… possible for a human to do so, then again her magic and cutie mark could be at fault.

He can't know without meeting more members of her species.

‘And speaking about cutie marks.’

Pop!

‘Hers seems to have another disadvantage.’

He tapped his chin.

‘It happened before when I spoke “horse”, it translated the sound to something similar to another word in her language, but not quite due to the intent behind it, meaning either this world doesn't have anything similar enough to a horse to count, or she doesn't know something close enough to do so.’

‘But it appears like if the target of her ability has something on their mind that is close to the definition of her words the translation will in turn be received as that equivalent, meaning…’

POP!

“Uuuuughhhhh*”

‘I can't even trust that things are the same.’

Sigh*

He should have realized that when he ate that sweet egg, he didn't even see the woman putting sugar on it why didn't he question that?!

‘Well, not like I can do anything about it.’

He sighed.

POP!

💢❗

“I knew you said Ponyville wasn't a very technologically gifted village but not to this point woman.”

The human raised his voice slightly as he shook his right hand, he didn't need to look at it again to see the dozen more small red dots adorning it.

And that is something new he discovered, well… connected/remembered really, Fluttershy said earth ponies had a connection to plants, apparently they are the ones that make the food too.

Using their magic to nourish their plantation even in places they had no right being, meaning every grown plant on this damn planet has magic on it!

At least for a time before the magic in them fully dissipates, they aren't truly alive to hold onto it anymore after all.

Personally, he thinks the transformation of Living to Dead is what makes them not able to hold magic anymore, crystals after all could.

He of course did not notice that little fact the first time he ate exactly because the food the woman served was not fresh, hence the magic had long since left.

But apparently the pegasus pony had recently bought her supplies in preparation for sheltering him.

‘Then again using old vegetables isn't a sin, just her wanting to get rid of them before they get too old.’

His eyes moved to the right, where her fridge stood, it was an ugly thing, at least from his perspective.

On its side was a window, that faced nothing but an open plain, the pegasus lived with a forest on the back of her house, perhaps a choice made to stay away from most other ponies and closer to her animals

But that isn't important, the point is, there's something wrong about this kitchen.

He had been here before and… wasn't there a window-like thing on the bottom of the oven?

”hehehehehehehe.”

A not-so-distant laugh echoed in the cottage as the pony giggled at her human’s suffering.

As she did so a tingle of irritation swelled up inside him.

“You don't even have a lid for this thing, I know you are small but couldn't you put something blocking the lower part of this oven? The heat of this fire is killing me and I don't even know why!”

POPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOP!

His tone was high, he wasn't angry, just mildly irritated, the only reason he was screaming was because, for some reason, the popping sound of the damn seeds, as if not weird enough, was too loud.

And he means loud.

But then again the magic inside the sesame seeds is quite literally exploding against his skin, external magic-propelled objects hitting against something constantly expunging magic does create a repellant field he came to realize.

As his hand was mercilessly attacked the pony in the living room laughed.

“Stop crying you big baby, besides this is fun!”

Smiling, she looked at her pan as the water started to steam.

Snap!

Breaking the last asparagus she started putting it inside, together with the broccoli.

“hn hmnhmn hmnhmmmmn.”

She came to realize something in the past minutes.

Preparing food to eat alone and preparing it to eat with somecreature else are two completely different things.

Yes, It is very, very different…

Oh, sure she did make food for her critters but they always ate the same things, most as a matter of fact only eat the portions she buys.

The first time she made something for Star was simple, five minutes and done, without mentioning that her relationship with him was nonexistent.

She suddenly froze, her eyes stayed glued to her pan absently staring at it.

‘Something quite weird to think considering it happened been less than 6 hours ago.’

She looked at her hooves.

She’d like to call it destiny but… no, meeting a creature who lived the same life as her and miraculously had a rainbow tongue strong enough to pass through a decade of misery like a pegasus through thunderclouds was a coincidence.

A coincidence, a very, very, very wild coincidence.

But then again, nothing is perfect.

Much less Star.

She shook her head.

‘Where was I? Ah yes, cooking.’

The feeling of doing something together with a friend made her inexplicably giggly, the fantasies about him complimenting her food were a little out there but they weren't that weird.

Well, she is discovering many new things about herself each moment she speaks with Star after all.

His eyes narrowed as he hummed in a suspicious tone, one that reached Fluttershy’s ears, reflexively she sucked her lips in as her eyes darted back.

Star couldn't see her from the kitchen, at least not while in the oven, but the threat of the human simply appearing was enough to make her body tense.

“I doubt you cook things like this, this stone oven is too big, there's nothing blocking the heat and I know damn well you aren't cooking anything on your hind legs! And why is this thing popping so much?”

He froze.

POP!

“Wait a minute…”

Crouching he tilted his head and looked inside the top of the stone oven.

heheha

His eyes narrowed.

Suddenly, he snapped his body back.

“Fluttershy… Why did you close the damn chimney?!”

His voice echoed through the cottage.

The pony stayed silent.
.

.

.

.

.

”Pff~”

“WOMAN!”

“Hehahaha, ok, ok Star I’m sorry! Just open the lid, you just have to push it sideways.”

Grumbling the human scoffed, he wasn't annoyed at the pegasus’ prank, just at himself for having fallen for it.

Ignoring the heat he extended his arm and pushed the stone lid sideways.

Pop!

“Uugh.”

Snapping his hand back at the temperature he shook it.

“The water pump is on the side of the countertop Star, there’s a place to connect it on the side of the sink.”

Turning around he walked to the side of the countertop, crouching he took the water pump and looked closely at it, weighing with his hands.

“It's… small.”

“Compared to you, most things are, I mean you have legs until Mane-day but don't worry Star I’ll take care of it.”

His face remained neutral…

”hmph… pff~

And then he snorted while chuckling a little.

Not a moment later he connected it to a hole on the side of the sink.

Pumping it three times he finally saw water leaving it.

“You know, if I ever get some bits I can guarantee you I will buy something better for my house, but then again, it's not a high bar with what you have here.”

She rolled her eyes.

“A simple life is not a bad life Star, the little things are just that, little, you should appreciate the work that goes on to keep on living.”

Hmph*

He scoffed.

“I do, and I wasn’t complaining, just… stating a fact, making your life easy and not knowing how to live without conveniences are not mutually exclusive things, ergo, you should buy an actual faucet.”

She snorted.

“On the shelf, on your left side there’s a crystal, take the red one, activate it, and put it on the fire, the seeds will stop popping when you do it.”

Walking to the shelf, he started to unconsciously tap his chin.

“What’s the difference between the two fires anyway?”

His voice was low, the pegasus heard it regardless.

“Temperature, plants, and seeds don't normally create that same psychic connection to magic I told you about, but we do.”

“Oh?”

She smiled.

“Creating a crystal that can identify the magic inside different types of things and adjust its temperature accordingly so as to not go beyond a certain point, it might sound complicated at first glance but all you need to uncomplicate it is a workaround.”

She tapped her head.

“Our influence on magic leaves many unconscious imprints, and since it is connected to everything and is everywhere the crystal just needs to connect to it and draw specific information, although more runes are necessary for that, but not many.”

Dean blinked, that… is a very important piece of information and a very useful one too.

‘Magic can hold knowledge heh- no.’

He shook his head.

‘Don’t get distracted, food and salvation now, curiosity only if you survive.’

He looked at the shelf and just like the pegasus said, he found a small rectangular crystal, just like the one before, he could read the kanjis on it.

火

‘Fire.’

学ぶ

‘Learn’

吸引

‘Draw, absorb’

Hmmm*

His eyes narrowed as he briefly noted the small inconsistency in their position, all three although in a horizontal line didn't seem to align perfectly, only fire seemed to be slightly up compared to the two others.

Tap*

‘Are they not connected? Fluttershy did speak about harmony in their making.’

Sigh*

His eyes wandered throughout the kitchen.

“Why is everything so tall here? I mean for me it's fine but for you? You are a little Pony, In my world ponies are 60 to 100 centimeters tall from the bottom of their hooves to their heads but you aren't that much taller than them, just a meter and twenty centimeters.”

Regaining her breath she put the lid on the pan, and then looked at the clock.

“Well, your proportions are extremely different though so there's that.”

‘Just 5 should be enough.’

“Weeeell, I do have many animal friends you know, kangaroos, ostriches… camels?”

Sigh*

Even without seeing it, she could feel Star’s expression turning deadpan.

“Besides, I can fly…?”

He closed his eyes.

“uuuu fffffff.”

Only to open them again a moment later after inhaling and exhaling.

Slowly, he spoke with a calm tone.

Thump!

“I see, so, magical fire seems to be different from normal, I suppose this crystal should be different from the other one too, especially its runes.”

Her ears shot up.

“Because there is no way you gave the man who doesn't have magic pathways and who permanently scarred himself on his left hand because of curiosity a fire crystal that may or may not explode in a torrent of fire if he does the same thing as before, right?”

She froze.

“Oh well, I suppose I’ll find out if you did it or not.”

“NO!”

Shooting herself forward she beat her wings as hard as she could, almost crashing into the wall as she entered the kitchen.

Gripping the wooden floor she prepared to jump at Star, the human in case looked at her with slightly widened eyes.

She pounced, just as something flew toward her.

“!”

Stopping herself with her wings she took it.

THUMP!*
THUMP*
THUMP*

“Haa, haa haaa.”

She breathed heavily as her heart hammered in her chest.

16 years, 16 years of life, 44 human ones, and the times she has felt anything remotely close to dread, especially towards death could be counted in a single hoof since yesterday.

She didn't know fearing for her own life and fearing for someone else’s, someone close to her would be almost the same thing, she’d prefer not to have known.

At least not so soon.

Because she was seconds away from having one less friend.

“Or I can not be a suicidal fool and give it to you.”

Her head snapped toward him, had she been a tiger she would have been growling.

Grrrrrrrrrr*

The human lifted both of his arms, almost shooting back as he did so.

It was more of a reflexive action than anything else, when one hears a lion they tend to walk away while facing it.

Stil…

‘Ponies… should not be able to do that…’

One more difference then.

He observed the pegasus’ body, he held no doubt that a pounce from her would break some bones, considering his plans for the afternoon he’d prefer that to not happen to him.

Although… the curiosity was still there, would his bones really break?

He shook his head, no time for side thoughts, more important things are at stake here.

For example, Revert 返す (kaesu) the rune on his palm, as far as he knows even if activated it wouldn't truly heal him just revert his body to a previous state.

An undoubtedly dangerous power that can very well be the end of him if not trained properly.

While the human pondered the pegasus relaxed her body and sighed in relief.

She… is discovering many new things about herself in the past hours, anger being one of them.

Still…

Star is not a colt, not in body, not in mind, but sometimes, sometimes the fearless idiot could give her a heart attack.

Her human’s words could be interpreted in a literal way most of the time, that is to say, if he thinks she will understand it, he can be vague.

This is not one such case, no, her Star was very much being blunt.

Speaking in a simpler way ‘The crazy colt would have done it just to prove a point’.

Her ears fell.

Regardless, it hasn't been even an hour since Star exploded that crystal, she shouldn't have given him a fire one.

For Faust’s sake, her human doesn't have magic pathways, with him it's all or nothing.

And in this case, all means a charred corpse and nightmares for the rest of her life.

Because giving a fi- no, giving any crystal to Star is not a good idea.

“You know, it's the little things that get you.”

Holding the crystal in her hooves she shook her head and looked at Star.

She stared at him with deadpan eyes.

He didn't seem to care.

hmph

He never seemed to.

‘It's your life idiot, love it like I do.’

Putting a hand on his chin he continued.

“The little connections you don't normally think about, well, I can't say much, brains can't be fully attentive all the time, much less pay attention to everything, but it costs nothing to be careful, I am the first creature without magical pathways you have ever seen after all.”

Beating her wings she flew to his side, her expression turning into one of neutrality, her human on the other hand turned and then crouched to look at the fire, a single eye stayed glued on her form.

His words… Star could be direct just as he could be metaphorical, what he says, although the truth might not be what she understands.

Even more if he says something that can be taken as something else he will not explain, because again, he doesn't think he needs to.

Sigh*

‘Asking anything to him would be the same as saying his… trust? No, not trust, something, ah! something he put in me was unwarranted.’

She almost clopped her forehead, she doesn't want praise or validation but… trust would be nice, especially coming from a friend.

Her eyes shone.

‘But his… confidence? Is not misplaced, my talent, even if not mine, is to understand, and be understood.’

In shorter words she doubts he chastised her for not babying him, no, Star is not that pathetic, much less somehuman that blames anycreature else.

No, he was more likely than not saying for her to ‘be more mindful’ of anything dangerous, like giving him anything she thinks he could do something dangerous with.

Something quite weird to think about considering she knows for a fact he’d like for her to do just that.

Wait, is he thinking about her?

Now that she thinks about it, isn't it just an unnecessarily complex form of saying the same thing her mother always did when she was a foal?

Pop!

“I would feel bad if I killed you by mistake, you know.”

Hmph!

The crystal glowed just before she threw it to the fire.

SSSSSH!

The flames immediately exploded into a bright red, the popping sounds stopped almost immediately after.

“Just by mistake?”

She puffed.

He hummed and then looked at her with unblinking eyes.

“False empathy, false emotion, I… loathe it, despise it, you know, before arriving here, before changing so much in so little time I was quite the stoic man.”

Her lips tightened as a dubious look formed on her face.

Star? Of all creatures, Stoic? The same Star that can deliver a speech straight out of his soul in a heartbeat, Is stoic?

“Well, if you are stoic then I am apathe- ouck! Staaar, stop hitting me.”

Pff*

“A twig wouldn't shake from that slap woman, and the disgrace I was cannot be compared to the pig I am now.”

Her eyes narrowed.

With more force than necessary, she bucked her human’s arm.

He didn't react.

“Truth is absolute, lie to no one, and you will be nothing but yourself for as long as you breathe.”

He looked at the ceiling.

“Maybe even beyond.”

She blinked.

Star had… moments, ones where his voice would become tones deeper, it didn't feel like him forcing it, not that it matters of course, just… she likes it, his voice that is.

He turned toward her again, and continued to stare at her with non-blinking eyes, she stared back, a neutral expression on her face all the while.

She felt something poke her chest.

She did not look down.

“Fear, as we both know it, can make one pretend to be something… else, a lie embedded on the very crux of your Self, one so deep you start to believe it real.”

Thump!*

“I could feel, but I couldn't as easily express it though, my father did not like this, he said ‘Show some emotion anything, do you feel nothing? You scare me’.”

He took his finger back.

Sigh*

“I did… I always did.”

Hmph!

“I could have smiled, I could have frowned, I could have done a hundred more expressions, but all would not be genuine, I feel and think hence I am, I am not ashamed of what I feel, neither of what I show, or don't show.”

“Enough is enough, this world will have my truth, be it ugly or beautiful, pathetic or brave, heroic or evil, I will never lie.”

THUMP!

“So understand my Truth, I will feel sad in the event of your death, but only if it was caused by a mistake of mine, I… do not care.”

He waved his hands.

“Not by some kind of choice, I don't choose what I like or not, that is how I feel, I cannot change that I do not care, and neither will I lie about it, your comfort is not worth my truth.”

“Everyone, and Everything, will know who I am, without a filter, without a mask, without a curtain. Disgusting or beautiful, I am Dean Tyronus Starfield, and I will never lie about that.”

His eyes briefly flickered to the fire, and then back to her.

She said nothing.

Star is very… unaccommodating, not inflexible just… him, and he doesn't see any need to change to be the contrary.

Had he felt any entitlement for others to do so she doesn't think she’d like him very much.

“I don't want to lie about it, even if it makes you uncomfortable, angry or sad, Fluttershy… I can't bring myself to care, I am selfish, I only care about my Self, and nothing else.”

She said nothing.

Sigh*

“Perhaps I will be sad for the lost potential of your soul, for the loss of someone who can make me feel… amused, but I will not feel sad for Fluttershy, and neither will I pretend to be, I… don't think I am capable of feeling it, at least not now.”

Sitting she extended her right wing and held her human’s back, and then smiled.

“You sit side by side with Dean Tyronus Starfield, and I… I’ll make it so you know who he is, if you want to kick him or hug him, that's with you.”

She blinked.

He stared at the fire.

She hummed.

She had defects, has defects, everycreature has them, Star… is no exception, somecrestures defects are more… grave than others.

Her wings tightened.

Star is, no, he feels less, but that does not mean he feels nothing.

He isn't cruel he just… he’s just honest, and… yes, it hurts sometimes, but living in reality often does.

Besides, she’d hate if her friend was some kind of Gallop Stu, creatures need their perfect imperfections to be themselves after all.

“I will not lie to you, I will never lie to you, or anyone somehow, some way, you have managed to make me smile, and let it be known, every expression you see on this face of mine is genuine.”

Getting up she walked closer to him, like this, crouched she could perfectly look into his eyes, they would not stay emotionless for much longer if she had anything to say about it!

With a silky smile she spread her arms and hugged Star with all her body.

“!”

Falling back he caught himself with both of his arms, stopping his impromptu fall.

Mmm!*

She ignored his irritated hum and then smiled evilly.

Her human had specifically told her how ‘her fur was pleasing to the touch’ he might not like the position he is in but she knows he likes a hug from a fluffy pony.

Leaning her jaw onto his chest she smiled up at him, she’ll take his pushed lips as a good sign.

But… that doesn't matter now, does it? No, she knew who Star was before, she held no illusions, but hearing it was another thing.

… Not that she feels angry, Faust no, maybe other ponies would, but her? With him? Nah.

She knows what it is like to have flaws, and how hard it is to surpass them, 10 Equestrian years, 27 human ones, for longer than Star had been alive she lived with those flaws.

Little, annoying things you dislike about yourself, things that… become hate if left be for long enough, if left even further the line between it and you… how to say it…. It… they won't exist anymore, instead of hating things you start to hate yourself.

The thing is, she has lived more than half of her life with those flaws, and the understatement that they don't surge from nothing.

She can't be angry at someone for not liking her, for not caring about her, it's… it would be ridiculous, she isn't entitled to pity, or care, or love, no, she is a grown Mare.

If he was cruel or mean for no reason besides being it things would be very different of course, but he isn't.

Star can't control how he feels, no creature can as a matter of fact, empathy is not an exchange, one can't deal with emotions like they deal with bits.

If everycreature that gave love received it equally in return the world would be a very different place, a very sad one.

She wants, she wants so much for him to give it back, for him to be her friend, years, years and years of living like… this changed her.

But… she is not a Foal anymore, if she wants something, she has to get it.

And she will get Star to love her.

Something… that will admittedly, or perhaps surely be rather… hard to do, how does one make a nearly apathetic creature love them after all?

Well… it's the simplest thing really, as simple as finding out what they like.

He is almost apathetic, not fully apathetic.

Star likes Truth, Determination, and Improvement, good things no doubt, first, she needs to be all those things, something she actually wanted to for a long time.

Then she has to make him like those things about her. Finally, when he has enough things he likes about Fluttershy, he will start to see her, not what is around her.

Not her potential.

Not her strength.

Not bits and pieces of her.

No.

Star has to see Fluttershy and nothing else.

She smiled.

‘Next, profit, with love of course.’

She will have that friendship, even if it is the last thing she does.

Likeness does not equate trust, neither does care, Star doesn't seem to understand that.

He doesn't understand that he can like someone, have fun with them, care about them and still not trust them, still not be friends with them.

She has to admit it is a weird thought even to her but if there's anything Star’s presence borough to her life is new perspectives and thoughts she never had for the entirety of her life.

He can like her, he can laugh with her, he can play together with her but he doesn't need to trust her, he doesn't need to care about her.

It's fine, with time and kindness, he will.

She lived for a decade in this Tartarus damned mindset, she only got free hours ago, hours, it was something… extremely fortunate.

She doesn't need to have everything now, instantly, or yesterday, no, she can wait, she can work, and in the future, she will have.

Star will think of her as a friend, he will like her, he will love her like she loves him, that is what she decided, and mayhaps for the first time in a long while, that is what she will make it happen.

Well… It is something weird, and complex, but once again Star gave her new eyes to look from.

She had never thought about it, the difference between caring about what somepony does for you and about the pony themselves.

Unconditional.

For more though and rough that Star seemed there's a single thing that will always make her like him, love.

Star refuses to love and be loved by anything that is not unconditional.

He doesn't trust her because her love isn't unconditional, because her friendship is born out of benefits, from what he did to her, from gratitude.

And he is right… halfway that is, things can start one way, progress, and end on another.

She understands it now, his words, Creatures like him and her are unbelievably complex, from a certain point of view… she can see why he looks down on the critters of his own world, perhaps she would too.

Nopony is entitled to anything, some would lie and pretend they are but… no, she lived through Tartarus for long enough to know it.

Acceptance and Kindness are not things even children are entitled to.

Had they been, her life would be much more different now.

Still, the fact most receive it shows how the world is, at the end of it all, good.

And that alone is enough to put a smile on her face.

If only she had too

Mmmm*

Star is an alien, with alien thoughts, that came from an alien culture, an alien life that passed through alien eyes.

She held back a frown.

Yes, they are similar enough, but just like she cannot take care of her critters without knowing them, without knowing how different they are from her she cannot be friends with Star without knowing those exact same things.

The little things matter, more than anypony would think.

She held back a sigh as she hugged him tighter.

She’s starting to see why Star thinks total understatement needs to precede friendship.

‘Baby steps mare, h- we need to take baby steps.’

Uff*

Star fell to the ground, not a second later two hands tried to pry her away from him.

Bringing her head back she stared into his eyes, and opened her mouth.

“No.”

Moving back she rested her face on his shoulder, and lightly rubbed her cheek onto the side of his neck.

Mmmm!

The human grumbled heavily but didn't move.

‘Fool! I know you love my fur!’

She held back a giggle at the silly thought, and then rubbed her face on his more.

prrrrrr*

She closed her eyes.

It's different.

Well, she thought it was but feeling it really makes it apparent, nuzzling her family and nuzzling her friend are two very different things.

.

.

.

She likes this, she likes this different.

But…

She opened her eyes.

Enough of daydreaming.

Feeling less is not a flaw, it's a trait, one many would consider bad, but not her, not that she considers it good of course just… she has patience.

Star gets angry about many things, just as he gets passionate about many others.

He isn't apathetic, he feels, he loves, he hates, just like she does, he just loves very specific things, good things even.

Courage, strength, will, freedom, souls, fighters, he loves all of them.

She wouldn't love him if he was cruel, if he was evil, if he was sadistic, if he was a bully, just like he will not love anything that is cowardly, weak, restrictive, passive, or pathetic.

It's ok not to love, it's… bad, but ok not to care.

It is not ok to hurt however, fortunately, Star doesn't seem to want to do this.

It would be horrible to lose a friend just after getting one.

And It will be amazing to keep one.

Oh, of course she is not changing for him to love her, Faust no, she is not that desperate-maybe desperate enough to nuzzle him so much for the first time-no, she is changing because that is the pony she wants to be, and that same pony is somepony Star would like.

She can't be blamed for taking a little advantage of it and teaching him a thing or two.

Still…

Star’s indifference is worrying, not upsetting, fortunately, not by much.

Apathy does not equal cruelty, Star is… less emotionally capable than her, uninterested, and blunt for sure but honestly even if brutal, coming from him is not cruel, or at least, doesn't have the intention to be.

Putting it simply, if Star didn't care about her and was a… sadistic creature she’d have bucked his teeth out by now, but he isn't.

He doesn't care, and it doesn't go beyond that.

But that's fine, the road to improvement is hard, harder when you do it alone, but not impossible, Star can get better, she can get better.

Seeing all the bad things won't stop her from noticing the good ones.

Even if he doesn't see it, they are walking that road together, and by Tartarus she won't let go of him just because it got a little hard.

“If I learned something after years, is that nothing is instantaneous, everything takes time, even me, compared to hours ago I changed rather extremely, but not enough, maybe it will never be enough.”

“And that's fine, life is a path where you walk on, not a marathon, and most certainly not a race.”

Moving back she supported herself on his shoulders and looked into his eyes.

“One where you’ll walk with me, one where I will teach you so many things, just like you will teach me so many more, so it's fine if you don't care, I don't expect you to do so just because I do, no.”

Moving her hooves she supported herself with her hind legs and held both of his cheeks.

“You have love inside you, I know you do, you know you do, so don't worry, Because I will push it out.”

He blinked.

‘Are… are her eyes sparkling?’

“And at the end of it, I will make sure that you will love me, just like I love you.”

He blinked.

”he…”

And then grinned.

And then smiled.

And then chuckled.

Only to then huff.

Hmph*

“Fool, you have not spoken to another pony for years, how would you even know love?”

She smiled.

“I have a family do I not?”

His smile froze.

And then fell.

Hmm*

He looked down at the wooden floor.

‘Am I… projecting?’

He shook his head.

“Is it just you, or are all you ponies unreasonably friendly?”

She smiled more

“Did you forget what I told you? Harmony and magic might not be everything I believed them to be but Friendship is Magic.”

Hmmmm*

“Then you already know what to do to get it, I am curious to see whether or not you will manage to in the first place.”

She nodded, a second later an idea popped into her mind.

Star’s world, or at least species, didn't seem to be as friendly as hers, well… it might be a little too much for her of all ponies to say that but… she has to show him what an Equestrian pony friendship is all about.

Still… baby steps.

“Star?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll nuzzle you more.”

He blinked.

“...What?”

“I’ll nuzzle you more, when you wake up, when you go to sleep, when I feel like it, when I see you down.”

He blinked.

Her smile widened.

“I’ll hug you, I’ll nuzzle you, I’ll stay reaaally close to you, do you know why?”

“!?”

Thud*

She pushed him back and pounced atop him just as his back hit the ground.

With her nose touching his she continued to speak.

“Because that's how ponies do friends you silly human.”

He snorted.

She smiled toothily.

He got up.

She did too.

He stared at the fire.

She did too.

He stayed quiet.

She did too.
.

.

.

.

.

“Would you have done it?”

Mmn?*

“The crystal I mean, would you have activated it?”

The pegasus asked carefully.

“Of course.”

Just for the human to answer bluntly.

She closed her eyes, and then inhaled.

‘It was such a good moment.’

He didn't react.

“The first time it happened I used everything I had to send that message to the crystal, a simple first-time mistake.”

“I am confident in being able to give it more context than last time, and even if I fail I can just send another wave to stop the thing from activating in the first place.”

Her face fell.

Hmph!

Turning around she huffed, and with her eyes closed and head up she walked away.

“Stupid colt.”

He blinked, just as confusion invaded his mind.

It didn't stay there for long.

His eyes followed the pony’s form up until she disappeared to the other side.

He sighed, and then went back to his fire, getting up he took the pan and started to mess with the see-.

thump

His breath hitched.

Maybe it was the alien perspective, maybe just her personality, he doesn't know.

The pony seemed far too ready to equate danger to injury and injury to death, all three are close, but far from being the same.

Not that he blames her, sapient creatures, for all their intelligence tend to lean towards a certain mindset and not try to understand the other, or have a mind so embedded in something, that anything the other says cannot be truly understood

He is no exception, whether in a higher or lower intensity, he does not know.

Besides…

‘Charred skin is much better than a mangled heart.’

Given the last chance to kill him, Yuujirou Hanma will either make a spectacle of it, or simply kill him as fast as possible.

More likely than not the man will do everything in his power to make him give up, and reincarnate in his body.

Testing if he could order the crystal to do things more precisely would be a step forward in possibly activating the one scarred into his hand.

He doesn't need perfect control, just enough to use it tonight, a single burst of revertive magic won't work, it needs to be continuous.

His eyes moved to the door.

He doesn't care about the pony, but letting her die just because he couldn't handle pain of all things would enrage whatever smudge of him lasted after the Ogre was done.

Weakness should only reflect on him, nothing else, if there's a single thing he doesn't want to bother people with is weakness.

He’ll keep his pile of shit to himself.

She didn't seem to understand it.

‘Still…’

Leaving a conversation unfinished is not something he likes to do.

“You want to avoid danger altogether wh-”

“I want, for you to not kill yourself with something stupid, that last rune made my entire body fluff out and the entirety of my living room became brand new! Star a normal pony shouldn't be able to do that!”

He stood quiet.

“If you had used that crystal you stupid colt, there wouldn't be a kitchen anymore, and I would be forced to see the charred corpse of my friend and PAY FOR HIS FUNERAL!”

THUD!

Pans fell on the wooden ground as the pegasus painted heavily.

“I find it… curious, since the first time we spoke we always fought one time or the other.”

Dean’s voice was low, she didn't need to know him to understand that he was… pensive.

“I am not against it, personally, I’m always happy to say what is on my mind, being truthful… makes me content, it makes me happy, in a way, no, not happy more… it impedes me from adding another reason to be sad, yes, more like this.”

He breathed in, and then stood quiet.
.

.

.

.

.

“I will most likely die tonight.”

THUMP!

Sigh*

“No, I will die tonight, there’s no doubt about it.”

”star?”
.

.

.

.

.

“And… I don't want to go, I don't think I ever will, mainly however I… don't want to go regretting anything.”

She opened her mouth.

He didn't let her.

“I’m not giving up, of course, don't get me wrong, just… charred skin, a burnt body, heh~ even death, will never hurt as much as resembling that thing again, my creed comes over everything, to be true and to be free, of anyone, of anything, even fear even death.”

Sigh*

“The only thing that will ever stop me is me, but who am I kidding, you already know that right?”

A room away, the pony frowned.

“And you don't like it, but, all I ask is that you remember one thing if you ever see me doing something you see as a stupid thing again.”

Even a room away, he could feel the pony nodding.

“I am not suicidal, I might be mistaken about something, and you may correct me or impede me from making a mistake if you so feel like it, but do remember this, Dean Tyronus Starfield, Is Not suicidal, ok?”

“I had a plan for the crystal, I understood what had gotten wrong in the first attempt, and while testing it a second time with a fire crystal might seem like a stupid decision I ask that you remember that my command on the first time was so strong that, as you put it, you fluffed out, and the entirety of your living room was remade.”

“Something that only happened because it was my first try, I know what went wrong, I can fix it, I may not look the part but just as you trust in my words, trust in my actions too ok?”

He tapped his head.

“This brain of mine hasn't rotted quite yet, so understand this, I do not act senselessly.”

A pony’s head poked through the doorless door.

She looked at him.

He smiled.

She nodded.

“Kay.”

“Pff~ kay to you too… I wanted to test how I could activate the crystal at a lower intensity, for more than I dislike it without magic, surviving tonight is not a possibility.”

Sigh*

His eyes narrowed.

“The soul is willing, but this temple of feculence is incapable of following it, well! For no one’s fault but mine my death will come, sooner than I’d prefer, but what can I do?”

She shrugged.

“That thing fucked up and now I’m paying for it, at the end of the road, the fault of everything that happens to me.”

He pointed his thumb to his chest.

“Is mine.”

Her eyes narrowed.

He lifted a finger.

“I can't win, I will do my best, but I will not win, I will completely ignore this fact, I will fight, I will scream, I will punch, but it doesn't matter what I do, I can't win.”

Her body sagged.

His smile became smaller.

“I can survive.”

Hmn?*

“And maybe, even thrive.”

Her head tilted.

Hmmmn?*

“It's an endurance game, to play it I first need to learn how to activate this rune scarred in my hand, a single burst of ‘Reversion’ will work for nothing, it has to be constant, I will sleep for 8 hours and fight with that monster for 24, I need to constantly heal for that long.”

His tone became deeper.

“Of course, I doubt this rune is the only thing that can help me, but for now it is the only one that I know of.”

Looking at the door he saw the pegasus’s head poking to stare at him.

Cute or not he’d have screamed had this happened before on his planet.

“I will speak with the blue pegasus, and ask her about it, she seems eager to help me, I will take advantage of it and try to find out if she knows anything that can help.”

She sighed, and then walked back to him.

He himself did not understand, why he smiled at the moment.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you keep doing this? No, I know why you want to do this, but why this way? There are a thousand more safer ways to do everything, you are not an idiot Starfield.”

His lips formed a line.

“My family would say oth-”

“Fuck your family.”

His eyes widened slightly.

“I am talking to you, my human, my friend, you can get that thing removed, you told me you stopped the Princess from doing it, we can go to Nurse Neightingale right now, and in hours the princess will arrive.”

He shook his head lightly, just as his expression returned to normal.

“A Demon Is Not A Laughing Matter Star!”

He flinched at the sudden volume.

“Princess Luna fell to one and Equestria almost became a crater together with the entire planet because of it!”

‘Oh?’

Fluttershy started pacing around the kitchen her chest expanded and shrunk as her breathing became ragged.

“I don't know why the Princess didn't forcibly remove that thing from you, and I know, I know she must have had a good reason but that doesn't stop me from wondering why a creature capable of destroying countries is inside my friend undeterred.”

He said nothing.

Did nothing.

Showed nothing.

Her anger rose.

“ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS GO TO THAT HOSPITAL!”

Clop!

“That’s it done! No danger anymore, you won't die, you won't need to risk becoming roasted meat, you won't need to die, die and die for an entire day every time you sleep!”

“Fl-”

She shot forward, and stood on her hind legs, almost coming face-to-face with him.

thump!

“You don't need to do this, you don't need to be in danger, you don't need to fight, you said it yourself you can't win, and maybe, maybe you can survive but why bother?! That thing is going to torture you, Every. Single. Day.”

She shook her head, small tear drops forming in her eyes all the while.

“It stole your dreams Star, you can just, banish it from your mind and train, I will help you, you don't need to risk your life for nothing!”

CRACK!

SSSSSSSSS

The ground broke, just as a gust of wind blew on his body.

Hmmm*

He stared at her, and then closed his eyes.

He breathed in.

And out.

His lips formed a line, just as he spoke.

“No woman Yuujirou Hanma… did not steal my dreams, much to the contrary, he made them possible, but you want an answer, so I will give you one.”

He opened his eyes.

He felt many things.

And showed none.

“It’s simple, This is the essence of my being.”

He exhaled.

His eyes hardened.

Hers stood locked.

“The essence of a being is… it is its inherent characteristics, their traits, abilities, and nature. It can be influenced by genetics, environment, and inherent qualities, but in the end, their essence defines what someone is meant to be, just as you were most likely meant to be harmony’s servant.”

She sat down.

His eyes followed her.

“That, is not my essence. I was born to die, just like any other animal in this world, existing solely to live as a pig, rolling in its own bed of shit, until I reached the point to end it all that is.”

His fist closed just as veins popped up on his arm.

She said nothing.

“Different circumstances or not my essence would not have changed, the way I acted might, the way I looked might, but looking at the past it is… disturbingly easy to see how even young I was a lesser version of that piece of trash.”

“Biology dictated my life, I was a machine, an incredibly complex and versatile one, but still a machine, you see it too right? Before it all happened, in your memories, can you see it? Actions, thoughts, anything, that hinted at the pony you would become?”

She looked at the ceiling, and then nodded.

She was very shy and… reserved even before flight camp.

But what happened only worsened what was already there, she… wasn't fated to be this way, she couldn't be.

He continued.

“Makes you think hmn?”

She nodded again.

“That is why I say it, I am a deviant, no, that's not right, I became one, I chose my essence, I chose to be a fighter, even if it costs me everything I will not live as who I was meant to be, I will do it as who I want to.”

“You, the world, their spirits, none will ever change that, I am Dean Tyronus Starfield, and I will never be anyone else.”

Her head fell.

He continued.

“You know… is the past, every time I left a conversation unfinished my breath would always hitch for days on end, anxiety would crawl up my spine, my mind would always go back to that thing, it… sucked.”

She blinked and then turned to look at him.

“The same works here, I spoke about Mind Over Matter with you, so I will not do it again, as I said, in the past, I believed myself incapable, I didn't even bother to try, when I did it was simply to feel good about myself, to say ‘I did it’ but it ended in nothing.”

He snapped his fingers.

“But that changed. Tell me, how would you feel, if your own mind tormented you, for the rest of your life about a single moment? One… about you running, running from something very, very important to you.”

Her wings ruffled.

“Something you wanted to do, something you needed to do but… you didn't, it was too hard, right? Too complicated, too scary, you can live without it, right? Leave it for another person, another day maybe, easier to do nothing, so you back out.”

She pushed her lips.

Star screaming at her hours ago is still a recent memory.

It was far from the only one however.

“You leave it away, you go away.”

Sigh*

“But it doesn't, does it? No, it keeps popping up inside your head you know damn well, you had the potential to solve it, just a little bit of pain had to come first, maybe a grand risk, maybe you wouldn't make it out.”

“But it was important, not important enough to bother improving that shit life you hate but still pretty important.”

“And if not that, imagine th- no, you don't have to imagine, do you? But do it anyways, imagine that you… passed through something, something you had no choice but to do it.”

“And as a result, you became better, you no longer hate yourself, you no longer punch the mirror, now you can stand your own reflection.”

Clap!

“You believe that you have changed, that you are not the same, but then something happens, something that leaves you… afraid, and then you run, you run like the courageous pony you delude yourself into thinking you were.”

“Creed? beliefs? Codes? Rationality? In the face of death and pain, it all… blew away, it didn't matter, that you hated everything, living was more important than anything else.”

“Now imagine, after that happened, your own mind starts screaming at you at every turn, at every second, at every day ‘Nothing changed’.”

“And you know it's true, because at the moment something had happened, at the moment when you found a wall that would take far too much pain to punch through, you folded, just like that pony you thought you had surpassed.”

His jaw tightened.

He doesn't need to be explaining anything, the Pony is not an idiot he knows that.

But she is emotional.

She is kind.

And for some damn reason, she cares.

Calming her down costs nothing, besides time, and despite it all, he felt no need to conserve it.

“This is the proof, the undeniable proof that if things grow even slightly tight for you, you’ll fold, that everything you think you believe in, is just a misty wall of pretend, it doesn't exist, it never existed, and then that part of you, the one you can't quite silence, starts speaking the truth, a truth you know to be well founded.”

“It’s not the voices, or the torment, not directly at least, no, it's the shame, it's the hate.”

He smiled, his teeth showing while he did so.

She wanted to shrink back.

She did not.

“No matter how anyone else looks at you, it doesn't even come close right?”

Her breath hitched.

“No one in this disgraceful excuse of a world could ever hate you more than you already do.”

He spread his arms.

“NO ONE! And you just keep giving yourself more reasons to! Every day you just keep giving, more and more and more reasons to continue hating but you do nothing to stop it!”

“ITS A CIRCUS, WITH A CLOWN AT THE CENTER, JUST DOING SHIT AGAIN AND AGAIN!”

His arms moved back to his side.

His expression shifted to normal.

His voice deepened.

“No, I won’t run away from anything again, I would rather die, than resemble even a fraction of the creature that I most hate on this planet.”

She stood quiet.

“I will keep walking forward, because to me moving back simply doesn't exist anymore, you have to understand something Fluttershy, if you don't risk anything, you risk everything.”

Sigh*

“But you already knew that, didn't you?”

.

.

.

She nodded.

“Of course you do, then, why the question?”

She opened her mouth.

He continued.

“It's simple, right? You want to convince me, making me question why I am doing what I am doing trying to make me see a flaw in my thoughts.”

He shrugged his shoulders and then shook his head as he held his hips.

“Stop, just… stop woman, when will you understand? It isn't about becoming the strongest, the number one, the best, it's not even about being happy, it's about the journey, it's about how much you grow while on it.”

He touched his chest.

“This thing inside me, this demon, it was my fuckup, the best fuckup in my life, but still a fuckup, one I will deal with, I don't ignore my problems anymore, I don't whine about them, I don't fold and hope that someone else will fight then for me.”

“Nor do I make up fantasies in my mind about a better version of me solving those problems, no, I do that myself.”

Her breath hitched.

His voice sped up.

“I don't blame anyone anymore, I don't curl up like a woodlouse when something hits me, I don't cry when I feel pain, and I never will.”

He pointed at Fluttershy, his expression becoming more agitated by the minute.

“No, you and all of this planet can take that as a promise, from here on out not a drop of my tears will fall on this planet Not. A. Drop.”

Snapping his body back he put his hands on his hips and breathed heavily.

Fluttershy simply looked at him.

Star was… very emotional when it came to these things.

“I punched that cunt of a princess because she put her muzzle where she didn't belong.”

Maybe a little bit too much.

“That was my fight if I died It would be fine because at the end of it all I’d know it was my fault, I’d know I didn't fold like that thing would, finding help would be the same as running away.”

Sigh*

Turning around he locked eyes with her.

He is calmer, she noted.

"Suffering comes before elation, I can't win, I know I can't, but I don't need to win, I need to hold on, for as long as I need to get strong enough to win."

Slowly, he ran his hand through his hair.

"What is best for a creature might not be what it wants, that is what you think I am doing correct?"

Her lips formed a line.

Speaking with Star was something new, but she came to understand one thing.

To hold her ground.

Star could scream, punch things, or put every drop of his emotions into his words, but he is not completely inflexible.

If she flinches anything she says after it won't be taken seriously.

So to make him realize something, she had to do it in a… ‘scientific way’ that is to say, she has to factually prove that he is in fact being an idiot colt.

"What else would it be?" The Pegasus answered.

"That is where you are wrong, creatures like us can plan the future and theorize about its possibilities, everything, I could get help from that golden fuck you call a princess, and rid myself of Yuujirou."

A frown appeared on her face, before returning to normal.

"In exchange, I'd get voices in my head for the rest of my life, and we both know, that living like that is not living at all."

Her ears fell, only for her to puff her chest and bring them up again.

She can't back down.

'Complicated'

Star is complicated, his mind, his life everything, and it's so, maddening!

If he was just a stupid colt with little reason besides pride to do what he does, it would be infinitely easier to talk to him.

But no, with him it isn't 1 + 1 = 2 it's (7.6 + 2.1) \times (4.3 - 1.9) + (3.8 \div 0.7) = 2, yes the end result is 2 but the why changes everything.

Because on that mess of a problem there are numbers so small she can't see, and they are important too!

She almost slapped her forehead.

Five hours is not nearly time enough to understand her friend.

Her lips moved upward.

That's why she’ll have to make it more.

"On the other hand, I can choose to take a massive risk, and if, IF I survive, I will be elated, to heights I never could before."

He spread his arms slightly above his head, only to bring them tumbling down on his sides a second later.

"The time of giving up on something because it's hard is over Fluttershy."

Walking near he put his hand on her head.

"And I'd be happy if I could say that for the both of us.”

Thack!

She slapped his arm away.

A deep frown was embedded on her face as she stared at him with angry eyes.

“Explain to me idiotic colt, how am I supposed to say that, if you kill yourself today? Even if you refuse to accept help against that abomination inside you we can still help you otherwise, healing spells exist you fool!”

“It might be hard to get a proficient Unicorn to come from Canterlot but it's far from imp- STAR!”

He flickered her forehead.

Ignoring her enraged scream he spoke.

“I am seeking a type of magic that will heal me woman, and I will, in the near future ask for the help of a pony to know if she knows anything, if she does not, I will ask her to make the same questions to other creatures.”

She glared at Star while holding her forehead, his words somewhat calming her.

“Finding something that will heal me isn't a problem, finding something that will fight for me, that will take the hits for me, that will make things easier for me will, the magic I seek won't do any of these things, no, all it will do, is make fighting back possible.”

Clap!

“And believe me, the second I find a way to heal without it, I will take it, the reason I refuse to get a creature to heal me however, is twofold, first, harmony, I do not know what is the extent of that thing’s control over ponies and magic.”

She opened her mouth or tried to.

He did not let her.

“mmmn!”

“I experienced personality death once Fluttershy, and might I remind you it was at the hooves of your princess.”

Her struggle stopped.

“A miracle brought me back, an infinitesimal phenomenal with chances so ridiculously small from it happening I can say with certainty in the billions of years of age of my universe, I am the first of which that happened.”

Her ears fell.

“So no, I am not putting myself before another’s horn again until I find a way to defend my self from that.”

He took his hand out of her muzzle, he made sure to not grip the pony too tightly before.

Lifting his left hand he showed her his scar.

“Revert 返す (kaesu) I need to train before using this rune.”

She snorted.

He sighed.

The pegasus understands it, he is sure of it.

She is only being overly sensitive.

“Why do you think I am not doing it right now? Simple, I could revert my body to the time when that pegasus had blown a hole in my chest If I am careless.”

Hmmn?!

“Yes, it's dangerous, much more dangerous than getting burned. For example, how much magic does it take to ‘revert’ for each second? How much magic does it take for each minute? Is it instantaneous? Or does my body pass through a slow transformation?”

“Can I stop it? Will this thing absorb ambient magic and just continue? Harmony can fuck me over for all I know, I’ll never trust in the intentions of a creature like that.”

He spread his arms and started to slowly walk in circles.

“If it all fails and I have to cut my hand off, will it revert to my arm again? Will I have to destroy my arm? Or just the rune to stop it?”

His eyebrows lifted as he looked at the small pegasus, she stood quiet but attentive.

“I was confident in my ability to stop the crystal had something gone wrong, I would feel the temperature rising, I am not slow enough to not be able to react in time.”

“That other crystal showed me, it takes time for magic to build up to that point I would be able to deactivate it, and if not that? I could throw it away.”

His breathing became ragged.

It didn't stop being weird.

He didn't specifically dislike it but… this pegasus… she makes him feel something, and not all of it is bad.

“Even if it all fails! Even if I lost a hand? There's magic in this damn world! I’d get it back one day! And even if you don't have magic capable of doing it I will make it, and you know? You know why? Why saying that isn't me being an idiot?”

He moved his head up as if nudging the pegasus, who in turn seemed to be lost.

‘Star… really doesn't do things unpurposely.’

It… well, she forgot, no, more like… she didn't take it as seriously as she should, he said he had no intention of dying after he burned himself with that crystal.

Her eyes widened.

It's a repeat.

She already had this same conversation with him before.

“BECAUSE OF MIND OVER MATTER YOU FOOL! I. DON’T. HAVE. LIMITS! NONE! NADA! NOTHING! IF I WANT SOMETHING TO HAPPEN ALL I NEED IS TIME AND WILL!’

He closed his mouth.

His heart beat wildly in his chest who kept moving up and down erratically.

“So understand this Fluttershy, danger, for me no matter how high or low in none of them, will I ever have an excuse not to face it, remember it well, don’t confuse courage with idiocy, I want to live, never doubt that.”

She stated at him.

And then sighed.

She isn't an idiot.

She might not be Star and know everything about herself but… she knows enough.

She’s not making sure he is well, she is making sure he doesn't get harmed at all.

Her eyes narrowed.

But then again, it's not just that.

“Ok star, I understand.”

He smiled.

“But.”

His face fell.

“You are wrong too you stupid colt.”

Flying toward the shelf she took a small blue crystal and showed it to him.

“You could have asked me for another crystal.”

He put his hand behind his head.

“... Sorry.”

“You better be sorry, avoiding danger when a better option is available isn't cowardice Star, you don't need to prove anything, not even to yourself, you said it to me, you know your Self, the reason to the why is more important than the action itself stupid colt, maybe you should follow your own words more.”

A grimace formed on his face.

That… yeah he should have done that.

“You don't need to face every single dangerous thing you come around fool, let sleeping manticores rest, if you know you would do it regardless, if you truly and utterly know it you won't need to prove it!”

THUD!

“These, are the actions of an insecure Stallion, and I hope, I hope you have already surpassed that Star, I had an excuse to be insecure, you did too, take your own words to heart and don't relapse to what you were.”

THUMP!

She looked at the oven, and then smiled.

Putting the water crystal away she walked back to her oven, all the while ignoring her human’s expression, a second later, she spoke.

“Those seeds are going to burn Star, the crystal I bought doesn't do miracles, a long enough time on it and it will become powder.”

“Oh shit.”

She held herself back from laughing.

“WOMAN!”

She didn't manage to.

Name: Dean Tyronus Hanma Starfield.

Title: Pig.

Age: 23 (H.Y) 8 (E.Y)

Location: Equus, Equestria, Fluttershy’s Cottage.

Date: Ponysesho-day - 9th - Hayprance.

Time: 12:07

Dean chewed on his avocado while looking down at the table.

Quinoa Chickpea Salad.

Grilled Tofu Skewers.

Steamed Broccoli and Asparagus.

Avocado and Black Bean Salsa.

Mango and coconut water smoothie.

And finally Greek Yogurt Parfait for dessert.

He inhaled as he swallowed, it wasn't bad just… new, something he’d have to get accustomed to, well… that and the lack of meat.

The ponies of Earth don't eat meat, something that can be rather detrimental to their health if forced on them.

As far as he can see it the part where ponies don't eat meat seems to be true, whether they can't is another question entirely.

Mmm*

“So.”

Fluttershy lifted her head and looked at him at the sound of his voice.

“Can ponies eat meat? Do you even want to?”

She stopped, and then put her fork down.

“As far as I know only the Pegasi, Night Pegasi, Hippogriff and Kirin Pony tribes eat meat, Earth ponies, Unicorns, Zebras, and Crystal Ponies don't, huh, now that I think about it half of all know pony tribes do eat meat.”

His eyebrow rose.

“Know pony tribes?”

She smiled.

“Of course, you see, Equestria used to be a very specist and tribalist place 200 years ago, but that changed, I’m not really good at history, or anything for that matter I dropped out of school when I was seven but as far as I know a creature named Marcus was responsible for it.”

‘... Seven?... That would be… 19 years? It, no, that would only make sense if ponies matured similarly to humans, no, more likely than not her society is different in some places while others are adapted to their lifespan.’

He nodded while holding his chin.

Fluttershy continued.

“If I am not mistaken he was a general? Or a captain? I don't truly remember, but continuing on, despite being significantly more accepting of other creatures, ponies still don't really find partners in them, well, most don't.”

Her eyes suddenly widened.

“Not because of any aversion of course! It's just… different creatures find different things attractive you know, a minotaur doesn't find ponies attractive because of their height and musculature, of course there are exceptions, there always are.”

His eyes refocused on her.

Sex drive, the reason why life even exists, the wish to, if unable to keep on living, to instead put something on the world to do so.

He… doesn't truly have a libido, be it hormonal imbalance, physiological defect, or just life beating it down, he doesn't know.

He has no interest.

hahaHaHAHAHA~!

But then again wishing to have a child and wishing to have sex are not mutually exclusive, the lack of one does not nullify the other.

“Diamond dogs in particular don't find anything besides their species fit to mate, Abyssians are far away and mostly don't interact with ponies, ponies themselves prefer 4-legged partners.”

She twirled her hoof.

“Mostly ponies only fall in love with other creatures due to personality and things like that, hence why I said know pony tribes, because some unknown hybrid between some species might exist out there, or if it doesn't, it surely will.”

Hmmm*

Dean hummed and then swallowed.

“I see, but answer me, what exactly allows completely different species to have children like this?”

Chugging down her drink Fluttershy put her cup on the table and wiped her mouth.

“Magic or course, harmony connects all of us, well…”

Her eyes wandered through his body.

“Except perhaps you Star, understand this, friendship is magic, and love is a type of friendship, I know your hesitance and caution with harmony, believe me I have some too but it would not stop anycreature from forming a family, it would go against its very concept.”

He snorted but did not comment.

Speculation on a subject that cannot be tested or experimented upon is pointless.

“So… let us suppose magic stops existing, what will happen to those hybrids?”

She pushed her lips.

“I don't truly know but… if I had to guess? They would be unable to make more of themselves outside of their tribe, hippogriffs would only be able to have foals with other hippogriffs for example.”

He lifted his hand.

She stopped.

“I meant is the sense where if they would die, magic was necessary to bring them forth, my question here is, is it necessary to keep them here?”

She breathed in, and out.

She stood quiet, not touching her food, just… tapping her chin.

He continued to eat, he didn't particularly like the food, it wasn't bad, just not to his taste.

An idea popped up inside his head.

‘Perhaps… I can alter it? No, unlikely, changing my preferences with positive reinforcement might be possible but altering the perception of the taste buds solely by controlling all subconscious input should not.’

Hmmmn*

‘But… perhaps magic can help, biomancy could very well exist here, Mind Over Matter can alter matter at later stages but it will take far too long to arrive there.’

Hmmmn*

‘Yes, it does seem like a good plan, but first I will need to learn this language as fast as possible and go to the Golden Oak Library, those books might just tell how ponies use magic but they surely will tell me the extent of what is possible.’

‘From there on out making my own magic should not be impossible.’

His eyes hardened and then wandered toward his left hand.

‘But first… survive, a plan cannot be realized by a corpse after all.’

“No.”

He turned to face Fluttershy.

“As I said before the removal of magic will almost certainly kill a creature if done abruptly, shock would end them, if not that their bodies having something less will surely cause something unpleasant.”

“But no, hybrids do not depend on magic to keep living, they will die due to the after effects of losing magic but not magic itself, understand?”

He nodded.

The pegasus went back to her food.

“I see, so… it is possible for me to have sex with a creature and have a child.”

Hmmm~

“Well, I can't say anything about it now due to your circumstances but… if you let magic form its pathways inside you I can guarantee an affirmative answer.”

Hmph!

“This will only happen when I either master Phantom System, the ability to control my subconscious that is, or if I find a way to know of magic’s intentions beforehand.”

“But anyways, I am curious, what would a human and pony child look like?”

For a moment, she froze, and then frowned, trying to imagine what a humpony? huny? Would look like.

She blinked, the image was… weird, not in a bad way just… different, and remarkably similar to a minotaur too.

‘Wait… do… women? Yes, Sat said they were called women, do they have their teats on their chest like minotauress?’

She tapped her chin, she had never seen one personally, just in books, weirdly enough, the unanswered question bothered her.

“Wait Star, where do human females have their teat-”

Uncaring or unaware, the human continued.

“For example, If I were to have a child with you, woul-”

PFF!

Fluttershy spit out her drink.

Dean closed his mouth.

He blinked.

.

.

.

.

.

And then blinked again at the sight of the panting pegasus.

Curiosity entered his mind, and so, with a calm tone, he spoke.

“Does my form disgust you in that manner? Do ponies find exposed skin repulsing? The lack of fur? Perhaps not having a muz-”

“No, NO!”

She shook her hooves while doing the same with her head.

“It’s not, not that! You just caught me by surprise, just… just that.”

Hmmn*

“That is good.”

His voice was calm.

THUMP!

Her heart was not.

“I would feel… bad for petting you had you found me revulsing.”

He stared blankly at his plate.

“I would feel even worse to stop myself from doing it.”

Thump!

“Most humans would find your form to be adorable, and they do love adorable things.”

He focused on her.

“I am no exception.”

THUMP!

Her arms shook as she suddenly pointed at him with a red face.

“Ok, OK you stupid colt! Just don't do that with other ponies! I like you, it's different, I don't want you to go to prison for molesting somepony because you couldn't stop yourself.”

He nodded.

“Your worry is unnecessary, even a universe away common sense is still a powerful tool, besides, I am no animal, I can control myself, and, had you forgotten I remember saying that you were the cutest thing I had ever seen in my life.”

Her wings twitched.

As did her entire body.

“I saw other ponies little fool, you are still cuter than all of them.”

She pouted.

Her body trembled.

“Speaking of racial characteristics and how they are seen by other creatures, could you answer a question of mine?”

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

Her Starfield senses are going off, something weird is going to happen again.

‘Why do you have to be so blunt star? Have some mercy, don't you feel embarrassed?’

Sigh*

“Yes star, you can.”

“It is just a simple question woman, your suspicions are unnecessary.*

Mmm hmmmn*

“All I want to know is how you see my form.”

“Your… form?”

He touched his face.

“My face, my lips, my chin, my jaw, my nose, my eyes, my ears, my hair, my skin, my teeth, my voice, my hands, my legs, my chest, well, everything, from the perspective of Fluttershy, what do you think of my body.”

She blinked.

“Am I ugly, do you simply feel nothing, is my form uncomfortable, do you find me intimidating, do you find me funny? Lanky? Fat? Bulky? Repulsing?”

Interlocking his fingers he leaned his chin against them and looked at the silent Pegasus.

Fights involve more than just strikes, strategy is something important too, intimidation in particular is very useful.

.

.

.

That and he wants to know how ponies could see a human.

”I like your skin…”

Mmmm?

His head tilted slightly.

“What? I couldn't hear you, you have no need to feel shy Fluttersh- Little Flame I will not feel upset if you find me ug-”

“I said, I like your skin!”

He froze.

And then blinked.

And then chuckled, it was hilarious.

“He…hehehe, that's… a very unexpected answer.”

She pouted.

“It's different ok?! It's not like I can't feel my own skin but it's all covered in fur, all of my critters have fur too, even my turtles have plates or scales, just like my snakes, I’ve never seen a creature with exposed skin before, ok? Stop being mean.”

He shook his hand.

“You misunderstand me, I am not laughing at you Little Flame, I just find it humorous the way you spoke, I only mock weaklings, and if you need to be sure of something in this life is that you are no longer one of them.”

“Oh… uhmmm, well… It’s just, it looks so cool? I mean, look at your arm.”

Shooting out of her chair she flew above the table and held his right arm.

“Just look at it, it has a light brown color but it changes! Here at the top, the color is full but on the other side, it lightens to a lighter tone! Even more your paw-”

“Palm, it is called the palm of my hand.”

“Yes, palm, your palm is both pink and white! Do you have any idea how many ponies have multi-colored fur? None!”

He blinked and then looked at the pony’s excited face.

A tingle of amusement and… something entered his mind.

He did not show it.

His hairs suddenly shot up.

He did not need to look down to see the pegasus’ hoof caressing his arm.

“It's so smooth, and… you have fur!”

Her smile widened.

“It's just so small I couldn't see it before, but you have it, wait, is that why you didn't take your clothes off yet? Because it's cold? I can light up the fire, but… no, you had your shirt off while you cooked but you kept the pants, why?”

“Privacy, decency, shame, embarrassment, many things, for humans, clothes are mandatory while in public settings, with the exception of certain areas and events that is.”

He tapped his chin.

“Mostly however one only takes their clothes off while sleeping, changing, taking a bath, alone in their house, and mainly when they have the intention of having sex.”

She looked down.

“Oh, so… all humans are… reserved?”

‘Why do you sound hopeful woman? Are you shy to that point while in this society?’

“Of course not, most are, have no doubt about that, but others are… unhinged, in a way very dissimilar to mine, our cultures are different, societies too.”

He crossed his arms, he felt nothing besides curiosity while he spoke, young adult or not he is no longer a teenager.

Now that he thinks about it, is surpassing a past version of himself his entire goal?

Shaking the thoughts off he continued with the same monotone voice from before.

“In my world it is not common for a human to expose themselves to others unless in very wild or specific, or lustful circumstances, this… seems to be different on equestria?”

“O-oh, yes, ponies only use clothes when in fancy places or to look good, most of the time we stay naked, I… and my family are on the more reserved side of society, we are the ‘shy’ ones.”

Mmm*

“I… well… ma taught me to only let somepony I’m interested in to marry see all of me you know, most ponies don't really care about it, but, I just… feel like it's something special, something that… just your special special somepony should see.”

She chuckled.

“I’m not shy, at least not about this.”

“I see”

Dean closed his eyes.

“To answer your question, humans do not have a sheath, the closest comparison I can give you is foreskin, a thin layer of extra skin that covers the penis, not all humans have it however.”

He opened one, just to see the pegasus eyes shine.

Not metaphorically, literally.

For a moment he felt like a drop of water fell from his head.

The Pegasus seemed as innocent as a curious biologist.

… Much like him now that he thinks about it.

“I understand your thoughts better now, but why are you so curious about something as weird as an alien’s genitalia? Weren’t you all shy because I saw your bits before?”

She blushed.

“Well, it's different, mares can only hide it with their tails, well, most don't really care but I do, anyway that doesn't matter, as long as you don't take it out of your sheath it's fine Star, so can I see it?”

He closed his eyes again.

And then pinched the top of his nose.

“Unless you want to do things I am sure you’d only do with your ‘special somepony’ no, but that matters little, I am mostly curious to know what you think of my body’s traits, using you as a blueprint to understand other ponies is highly necessary for me.”

She smiled awkwardly at Star’s words, and then shook her head.

‘No awkwardness, that's weak Fluttershy thoughts, not Strong Fluttershy!’

Her smile shifted, raising her right arm she pointed at Star’s face.

“Now your nose, I admit I thought it was a little weird, the cavity is bigger than a pony’s and facing downward but now I barely even think about it.”

Extending her arms she touched his ears, they weren't hard, just… stiff? Limited?

While she fondled his ears Star stood quiet, simply looking at the pegasus’ barrel.

‘Huh? So they do have belly buttons too, never bothered to look below one before.’

“Your ears are so small, and there are those lines on them and this little nub now that I see more closely, they are just so adorable and funny.”

She froze.

And then lowered herself to look at his face, her hooves centimeters away from his food.

He’ll slap her if she touches it.

“Not in a bad way ok? I’m not mocking you, I just like them.”

M mm mmmm*

Dean chuckled with his mouth closed.

Her eyebrow lifted, but she continued.

“Your lips are… well, not bigger just… more visible? I reaaally wanted to touch them, they seem so soft.”

Her eyes flickered from him to the wall.

With a smile slowly forming on her lips, she spoke.

“Can I?”

He stared at her with deadpan eyes.

He is sure his future self will not be pleased to remember himself wasting time by letting a pegasus touch his lips for no reason while having his jaw torn off and then forced down his throat.

“No, we have no time to waste, I still have to train after this, I cannot, eat anything more slowly than I already am, and be careful with your hooves, you are almost touching my plate.”

“Oh, sorry Star, maybe I can do it later?”

“Do what you want woman.”

She smiled and then sat on her chair once again.

“I’ll most likely be a corpse by tomorrow anyway.”

She frowned.

“You. Will. Not.”

Mmn?

“I won't let you die Star, I. Won't.”

He stared at the pegasus.

And then chewed on his broccoli.

She glared harder.

He hummed.

“This talk made me wonder something, you said ponies are very friendly correct?”

She blinked, her glare melting away as she did so.

“Well, yes, we do make friends and are more empathetic than most other creatures.”

Hmn*

“I see, so you like, close bonds, like friendship, and family correct?”

She nodded and then grimaced.

He continued.

“Would you like to be a mother?”

thump!

She blinked.

And then exhaled.

Calmly, she spoke.

Ignoring the wish of her body wanting to tremble

“... Yes, I mean, I love caring about my critters and I know raising a foal is completely different but… I’ve wanted it for some time, ma told me how happy she was raising me you know.”

“To see your blood grow and be happy with others, seeing them win, win and win again, I… know how it feels, somewhat, seeing my critters become strong and caring because of what I taught them.

He stood quiet.

“It’s like… seeing a flower grow from just a sapling and blooming, becoming something beautiful.”

“Like the earth ponies, giving so much of themselves into their plants to see them grown, tall, beautiful and strong.”

She clopped her hooves lightly.

“I’m sure doing the same with a foal, my own foal would be something incredible, but… well, I couldn't even take care of anycreature besides my critters properly before, but now…”

She smiled lightly.

“Now I’m… better, nowhere close to being able to take care of a foal but… closer.”

Extending her arm, she took her cup and drank it.

Dean on the other hoof, stared at her with a neutral expression.

“So if I asked for you to have my child, would yo-”

PFFFT!*

The pegasus spit out her smoothie, right on Star’s face.

He sighed and then wiped his face off.

“WHAT?!”

“Stop screaming woman, it was a simple question, and you did not even let me finish, I was going to ask if you would agree to it after you felt like you could take care of yourself, and after I managed to reach superhuman strength.”

“STAR!”

Sigh*

“Do you not wish to have a family? There is something like sperm insertion correct? I did not say we needed to have sex for it, you gain a child, become a mother, take care of it and I gain a son, or a daughter, preferably a son.”

He waved his hand in a half-half gesture, Fluttershy on the other hand, held her heart, trying to not have a heart attack.

Seconds passed.

Her heartbeat decreased.

She breathed in… and out.

Star is… blunter than a butter knife, and more logical than math.

‘Yes, yes.’

She has to… explain things to him, expecting one to understand something alien or unfamiliar is not truly smart.

“No… no Star, that is not what I want, if I have a family, it needs to be a proper one, a happy one, more importantly, it has to start as a proper one, with a special somepony.”

Hmmmn*

He tapped his chin.

“Ah, I see, you wish for the connection of a family.”

She nodded with a serious face.

She was not pouting.

“That is to say, the love and care of a husband, the affection of a child, the feeling of being a proper mother.”

Pink dots appeared on her face.

She continued nodding.

“Well then I will not bother you with my ramblings any longer if that is the case, but do you know where I can find a sperm bank? I must make sure I’m not the last of humanity on this planet after I pass.”

He smiled teethly, as always, more of amusement than actual happiness.

“Well, not only that of course, no… It would be truly incredible, you know? To see an entire race capable of obtaining Mind Over Matter in this magical world.”

‘It would be interesting to see, who’d win, those entities, or the ones who are unchained?’

He chuckled internally, to kill, or defeat an enemy one does not truly need to be alive.

‘Although…’

It would truly leave a horrible taste in his mouth.

Fluttershy stared at Star, the idiot colt was laughing, she is sure of it, not of what he wouldn't laugh at her but he is laughing at something.

Her heartbeat decreased slowly as she calmed down.

She forgets it sometimes, how blunt and insensitive Star can be, besides…

‘No never mind.’

“Well, that will only work If souls are capable of producing more of themselves via sex, something I doubt, but perhaps… perhaps I could give a shard of my own to a child of mine, would it even be possible, even more would it even do anything?”

She blinked, and then exhaled.

Of course Star is more interested in anything related to strength than having an actual child.

A thought suddenly popped up in her mind.

“Wait, why are you making these questions mister?”

His finger stopped, looking at her properly he lifted an eyebrow.

“Don't go looking at me like that, you normally just make questions about things you’re curious about, or things you plan on testing now that I think about it, why are you suddenly asking about what I think?”

Her suspicious expression melted away as she smiled sheepishly.

“Am I making you interested? What is it? Pegasus biology? Magic? Flight? Psychology? Ma-”

He snorted.

“I am not curious Little Flame, I am simply making an effort to know you better.”

She froze.

And then blinked.

“Eh?”

His face kept neutral.

“You believe I do not see you? Foolish woman I do not care about your well-being, but that does not mean I disconsider you wholly, I can help, without caring, just as easily as I can kill without hating, but never reason.”

He swirled his hand.

“Your wish to make a connection is not something insignificant, much to the contrary, it is commendable, but you do talk big for such a small soul.”

He grinned.

“Just like me, but I can see your fire burning, the newly born Ego inside this blue cage of magic fighting to stay alive, struggling to even do so little as exist, ha~”

He held his chin.

The similarities between this pegasus and him… are truly and utterly… absurd.

“Holding on for dear life, enduring until one day you will no longer need to fight merely to exist, but to win, let none in this world say otherwise Pegasus, That Is Beautiful.”

THUMP!

Her lips involuntarily went up.

His eyes narrowed.

“I am sure of it, Fluttershy you did not lie.”

Pink spots appeared on her cheeks as her heartbeat increased.

She forced herself to hold back a smile.

“But that alone does not mean I trust you, It means I am somewhat confident that the you of now fully intends on going forward with it, whether you back out or follow through is something I will see only in the future.”

“From a meaningless existence, one can crawl back from the deepest pit of shit imaginable, you aren't quite there yet, but the simple fact you are climbing it already makes you worthy of attention, Fluttershy.”

His tone deepened.

“If you wish hard enough, if you will it hard enough, if you work hard enough, the whole world will know your name.”

Butterflies formed on her stomach.

She forced herself to not hide behind her wings.

“If that is your wish, you spoke of wanting to learn of runesmithing, of learning magics correlating to the soul, maybe even take care of those animals, or perhaps become the beat psychiatrist on this planet but…”

He lifted his finger.

“You don't truly have an ultimate goal do you?”

Hmn?

“An ultimate goal, an idea or ideal, or self imposed mission, something you want to do it, word you wish to live by, something more important than your life, more important than your family, more important than everything.”

He exhaled.

“You are beautiful Little Flame, but without a goal to make you push yourself beyond the possible, you will die out.”

THUMP!

Sigh*

“And we both know, what the most likely consequence of that will be, I am a vain man, I love seeing beautiful things, I love seeing your soul glow, I love seeing it grow, and I would love continuing to do so.”

Tyronus lowered his tone.

“You have something beautiful inside you, and although you do not know of its value quite yet, I would be grateful if you protected it.”

’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!’

Her eyes swirled as red dots formed on her cheeks.

“A-anyways, going back, some ponies can eat meat, for pegasi the proteins in fish g-give amino acids, something necessary for muscle development, wing strength, and overall physical health in pegasi, t-they also have omega-3 fatty acids, something that contributes to improved cognitive function and the health of feathers or wings.”

“2 things vital for any winged creature, bat ponies need it too, well kirin also eat meat but I have personally never seen one, t-that’s it!”

Clop!

Dean went quiet, looking down he sifted his eyes to his plate.

‘Enough talk.’

Taking his fork he continued to eat his meal.

The pegasus did the same.

Both stood quiet while doing so.

.

.

.

.

.

12:21

“Soooo… what are you going to do today?”

Fluttershy asked after minutes of silence, both her and Star’s plates were almost empty.

Biting down on his broccoli Dean took his eyes off his plate and looked at the pegasus, gulping it down he opened his mouth.

“Train.”

Her head dropped.

“Oh.”

He sighed.

Years passed, and even now he had little motivation to extend any conversation, at least the ones unrelated to anything besides his beliefs.

‘It’s a bother but… I can make an effort, doing what I don't like will be a common theme from now on after all.’

“Well… that is not quite all, that pegasus pony, the one that almost killed me, Rainbow Dash, I will meet her at 13 or 1 Pm whichever you prefer, wait does your cutie mark translate time too?”

She nodded a weird expression plastered on her face all the while.

“Good to know, I will ask her if she knows any type of object or magic that can help me heal rap-”

Hmph!

His eyebrow lifted as he watched the pegasus scoff and cross her arms, leaving the last bits of her food.

Mmmn*

“Do you not like her?”

“Eh?”

“Rainbow Dash, do you not like her?”

Her expression shifted.

Clop* clop* clop*

She… fidged? Clopped? The tips of her hooves slowly.

“...No… I don't think I do, It’s…”

Sigh*

“Something stupid, never mind.”

She blew a gust of air on her ma-

THUD!

The table almost sank to the floor as the human slammed the fork on it sending most of the plates up together with all the food on it.

“Ah!”

Shooting forward Fluttershy took 4 of the plates before they could fall, fortunately, Star had the other two, and besides some spill, both cups of yogurt seemed fine.

Putting the plates down she stared at the human irritatedly.

“Star! We worked hard on these, don't throw them away!”

An upset expression befell her face.

He lifted his finger.

She snorted but sat on her chair again.

Slowly, and calmly, he spoke.

“I care more about my creed than my life, and I know you know very well why, so, I won't bother explaining it, but you aren't me, you aren't a selfish, largely apathetic, and uncaring human, you are Fluttershy.”

He exhaled.

“You are many things, but uncaring is not one of them, especially to yourself.”

Thump!

“Animals are controlled by feelings and instinct, to let the same happen to you would be to lower yourself to become less, but there is nothing wrong about believing that they matter.”

“My pain mattered when I was being killed hundreds of times inside that plane, yes it mattered, as did my fear, as did my anger, as did my courage, it is exactly because I put meaning and importance to these things that I am here, that I possess Mind over Matter.”

He touched his chest.

“My feelings mattered to me, and that's all I needed, I don't need, nor want, pity and validation from another, I would be living a very different kind of hell had my thoughts needed to be approved by others for me to feel like they are valid.”

She blinked, her plate forgotten on the table.

“I surpassed it all, fear, anger, pain, all with my will, but I am not above it, maybe I will never be, and that's not necessarily something bad, exactly because I know the value of everything I have and everything I feel.”

Thud!

He slapped his chest.

“You might never have the same mind as me, you might never in your life think ‘I will put more meaning and importance on me than anything else’ because you are not like me, you are not selfish, but you don't need to be, not for this.”

He puffed, two gusts of air leaving his nose as he did so.

“So… allow me to tell you something.”

He pointed his fork at her.

Her eyes stood fully open.

“I said it to you once and I will say it again, if you don't put any worth on yourself, if you don't value yourself, You. Are. Worthless, so answer me, do you think everything you lived through amounted to nothing? That it valued in a big round zero?”

She blinked, and then shook her head.

“Speak up.”

Clop!

Shooting up she stood on her 4 hooves and straightened her body.

“No Star, I don't.”

He sighed.

“So pray tell me you dumb filly, still thinking silly, if your life matters, why would you dub anything you lived through, anything you suffered through as ‘stupid’?”

Her lips went up.

”He…hehe.”

A small giggle escaped her.

Star… really knows how to talk to a silly head like her.

She exhaled and then focused completely on Star.

“Flight camp… years ago, when I was a filly, it was… a camp for flying creatures, mainly pegasi, but I saw some griffons, hippogriffs, and even a baby dragon once, uuuh, the little ones are cute but the big ones are scary Star so if you see one be careful.”

”Dragons?”

’DRAGONS?!’

“Flight camp was… the worst time of my life, I… you know that Pony you saw before, it's… hard to believe I changed so much but, that pony, that Fluttershy she… she only existed because of that place, you could say it made her, much like you made me.”

He lifted an eyebrow but stood quiet.

Sigh*

“10 years ago, when I was just a little 6-year-old filly I finally entered flight camp, It was a new place, made for all flying creatures to learn how to properly move through the air safely, wing beat, visualization, air control, these types of things.”

Dean tapped his finger on the table as he continued to eat.

He wouldn't describe himself as uninterested, or interested just… almost there.

Something rather weird, he showed not even the slightest interest in someone else’s history before.

“I was shy, but I made some friends, at least I thought I did just… I never liked flying mu-’

“What?”

Fluttershy froze and then blinked at Star’s deep tone.

“I… was always afraid of heights, my wings beat more out of desperation not to fall than actual control It was better when I was younger but after what happened on my last day on flight camp my heart started to beat too much every time I flied, eve-”

tap Tap Tap THUD!

Dean almost slammed his fist on the table.

She went quiet.

“I care little about the feelings and minds of others, and I do not expect them to do otherwise for me, I don't expect my words to be accepted, understood, or not outright ignored but that alone doesn't stop me from speaking, so hear me well when I say this.”

He clenched his arm.

“Everyone in this universe, and the other, has something they fear, and it is something completely normal and acceptable, yours seems to be Acrophobia, the fear of heights, and as I said, it's fine to have it.”

Her eyes turned suspicious.

“What is not fine, is to let it control you
this is unacceptable for me, and it should be so to you.”

Her face contorted.

“... It's easier said than done stupid colt.”

He closed his eyes and then relaxed his muscles.

“uuuu fffffff.”

Exhaling calmly, he opened his eyes and looked at the pony.

“I fear simple things too fool.”

She blinked.

“Eh?”

“Big things more specifically, space, the sun, the open ocean, I don't particularly feel fear just by thinking about those things but put me close enough to any of those and I will most certainly freeze like a deer.”

A skeptical expression formed on her face.

“Star… you fought against a demon and died more than 200 times.”

Her voice was flat.

“f- fff-ff-fff-f.”

Dean laughed with his mouth closed

“I know right? Those are irrational fears for you little pony.”

Her eyes suddenly widened.

“You understand right? Those are things embedded in our heads, they can be there because something happened in your life, something… traumatizing.”

Her breath hitched.

“Or not, I’ve only seen through videos, the vastness of space, of the ocean, of the sun, and you know what? I was terrified, I thought I was something up to that point you know, a human, a creature so unlikely to exist it had to be special, right?”

He crossed his arms, sighing as he did so.

“No… not at all, that day I only realized how small I was, and how much I couldn't see, then came impotence, the inability to change anything,Iwas less than a grain of sand, and that would never change.”

He chuckled.

“Stupid right?”

Her face fell, she recognized a mocking tone when she heard one.

It was never not directed at her though…

He poked his head.

“Makes no sense to be here right? This fear of something as ridiculous as size, as the unknown, as reality itself.”

He moved his arm, pointing his finger toward Fluttershy.

“Just like being afraid of heights while being a pegasus doesn't make sense.”

She looked away.

“Well, considering Harmony and its not so clear plans it actually does…”

Her head snapped toward him as her eyes bulged out.

“But you didn't know that.”

Her face fell.

The dumb colt was sounding far too smug for her taste.

Hmph!

His eyes narrowed at the Pegasus’ disregard, either she wasn't paying attention, focusing entirely on a single part, or she had the attention span of a fish.

He knows very well it's not the second.

He thought she had hardened herself enough by now, but… no, his conversations with her were impactful, but not extreme, and hence, not enough to permeate everything with her without constant reinforcement, contrary to what happened to him.

He exhaled, and then, for a moment, he paused as an idea surged in his mind.

He didn't learn or change until every little delusion was taken away, until he felt the agony of dying and being tortured for hours on end, almost a day in fact.

Fluttershy is weak, she improved sure, but if she passed through the same as he did she would not become better, much to the contrary.

Being kind would be far too slow, being aggressive… would be better, but just to a point.

He tapped his chin.

Seeing the Pegasus grow is still something he wants to do.

‘Yes…’

Going to the point and making her realize what she is missing is the best option this time.

Taking his hand out of his chin he lifted his arm and slammed his fist on the table.

THUD!

“You did it before fool, is your memory that faulty?!”

Fluttershy almost jolted out of her chair at the sudden change of tone.

His voice was not so much high as it was grave.

“You promised it didn't you?! To fight against something above you for the sake of another because of that empathy of yours! And here you are, afraid AGAIN because of something else!”

THUMP!

“Did that pathetic little pony that trembled at the mention of Yuujirou Hanma survive?! Is this all it takes for you to regress ANOTHER fear?! ANOTHER reason?!”

She stopped herself from trembling even as she flinched back, Star… really knows what to say to hit somepony.

’Not like you don't need it.’

“ANSWER ME! Did she suddenly forget what she did?!”

She shook her head.

“Did her courage suddenly evaporate?!

She shook it again.

“WELL IT CERTAINLY LOOKS LIKE IT SHE CAN’T EVEN SPEAK UP!”

Puffing her chest she inhaled.

“NO!”

ZzzZzZzzZZZZZZZZ!

Crack!*

A sudden gust of wind blew on his face, his eyes almost closed themselves reflexively, he did not let them.

Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

A buzzing sound rang in his ears.

Crack! ! ! !! Crack! ! !! ! ! Crack! Crack! ! Crack!
Crack! ! ! ! Crack! ! ! ! Crack! ! Crack! !!! Crack!

Plates fell.

As did food.

As did the cups.

He ignored it all, no, he did not ignore it, he simply did not notice it, so focused was he on the pony, no, all he did was smile.

Dean Tyronus Starfield, smiled, out of happiness, genuine happiness.

Even if just a little, even if most would never notice it, her soul burned a little brighter.

While he observed the pegasus she on the other hoof fully opened her eyes, just to freeze at the sight.

“Eh?”

The table… was completely empty.

Her plates were on the ground, broken.

The food? Wasted away.

The drinks? Splattered on the ground.

Star? Looking weirdly at her.

For a moment her brain stopped, only to suddenly remember what she did, no, more like… what she heard.

Her entire body was hot, like flames danced across her fur, which too stood on edge, her heartbeat was through the clouds and she felt an urge to prance, everything was normal, Star’s super effective speeches normally did that to her.

But then she got… brave? Excited? Determined? Yes, determined, she got a little too determined and a little angry and decided to scream.

In her defense, she thought she was too… passive on her second talk with Star and decided to do the exact contrary to prove to him, and her, that she did change.

Even if flying high up still seemed like a very scary idea, she had to do it, weak fluttershy left, now there's only place for strong fluttershy!

She thought the feeling of her lungs expanding to impossible sizes and the sensation of something exploding out of her mouth was just that, a feeling.

Her kitchen disagrees.

‘The… royal voice?!”

Her body tremb-

“YES! THAT WAS WONDERFUL WOMAN! REMEMBER THIS, YOU HAVE TO FACE EVERY PROBLEM NO MATTER HOW SMALL OR BIG WITH THE SAME DETERMINATION YOU DID WHEN YOU PASSED THROUGH YOUR FEAR OF YUUJIROU HANMA!”

Fluttershy cringed back at Star’s volume, he did sound excited but… she has the feeling he isn't screaming because of that.

“KEEP MOVING FORWARD NO MATTER WHAT, I UNDERSTAND YOU CANNOT MOVE PAST PAIN AND AGONY QUITE YET BUT FEAR IS A GOOD START.”

It was… bizarre, hearing her friend scream while excited and yet seeing him with just a small smirk on his face.

Although she could swear he had a full-blown smile before.

“U-uh thanks Star I’m sure yo-”

“WHAT?! I CAN’T HEAR YOU, CAN YOU REPEAT THAT?!”

Sigh*

Standing up she turned around and went to her room, she had another crystal there if she wasn't mistaken.
.

.

.

.

.

12:28

Dean shook his head as his ear finally stopped hurting, it could have healed earlier Fluttershy did have a Revert crystal, but he refused it.

Letting magic so close to his brain while not knowing how to fully reject it would be the height of idiocy.

“Ahhhf.”

Looking to his right he saw the yellow pegasus slouching against the sofa’s bolster, a tired sigh escaping her mouth as she did so.

He looked down at his legs, his calf is still sore from the training before, the blue pegasus would arrive in roughly 32 minutes or more, at least according to that clock.

He has no idea what those symbols mean but it was a safe assumption they were similar to a normal clock, considering the unit of time of this world that is.

“You know…”

The pony said, turning her eyes toward him.

“I… well… it's hard, surpassing it I mean, fear, my fear.”

He observed her, and then spoke.

“With enough strength, one can be fearless, but when something stronger yet again appears what will happen? They feel fear again.”

Lowering his body almost to the point of falling he leaned his head on the upper part of the sofa’s back.

“And that's the thing, the objective here isn't being fearless, no, there are only two types of fearless people, the uncaring ones and the unattached ones.”

Her head tilted.

“Not confident ones?”

He shook his head.

“I guarantee you a confident person will piss in their pants the moment a bear starts to eat them alive, what I mean by fearless is the lack of the ability to feel fear.”

He lifted his finger.

“Baki Hanma himself, the son of Yuujirou Hanma pissed himself in his fight against his father, he was afraid, still… he continued on.”

“Not having fear whatsoever only means you never had the chance to surpass it, it means the ability to do so was taken away from you.”

She blinked, Star sounded… sad?

“No, fearlessness is worthless, especially in a world where your very brain can be manipulated, that is to say, you never truly surpass your fears, unless you no longer give value to what they threaten.”

“I can guarantee you since that first death I was as afraid of Yuujirou as I am n- no, it is more precise to say I am even more afraid now, that fucker managed to create an illusory forest in my own damn mind.”

He snorted.

“He tricked me, or more precisely forced me to see something… false, a lie so obvious even a child would be able to see, one so strong not even those men would be able to completely resist it, forcing my soul to feel the pain of inexistent branches and my body to mirror those same, false woulds.”

“In case you do not comprehend, taking this concept further the Ogre can trick my soul into believing I no longer have any will, again, resulting in personality death, the same thing your Princess did before.”

THUMP!

Her body shot up just as her eyes bulged out.

“I am afraid, of him, of magic, of that Golden Fuck, of this very planet, I am afraid of many, many things, but… I just power through it, be it anger, hate, pain or will fuelling it, perhaps them all, it doesn't matter, since that day I can now go to a mirror and say it to my face without lying, that I am brave.”

Hmmn*

“Would you not like to do the same?”

“... Always Star, Always.”

Hmph*

“Then you better find a goddamn way to fly without harmonic magic and go beyond those damn clouds! You have wings, CONQUER THE SKY FOOL!”

She blinked.

“He…”

And then laughed.

“Hehe haha…hahahAHAHA ok, ok Star, I will, but!”

She pointed toward him.

“If you think I’m doing this alone you'll have another thing coming for you mister!”

He looked at the ceiling.

“I only move forward now woman, your words are unnecessary, this is something I will fix later, well, much later, considering I can't go to the sea, space or the sun white yet, but I will, more importantly.”

Nervousness gripped her body.

“Your history, continue it, tell me who is Fluttershy and what she lived through.”

Her chest rose and fell.

Exhaling a puff of air, she opened her mouth.

“Summer Flight camp, it was, as I said the worst time of my life, at the time I wasn't like I was a day ago then, but I was still a shy filly, a new place, with new creatures, far away from my last school, I was intimidated.”

“But that wasn't the problem, no, on the first day I met my new classmates, our class had a total of 20 creatures, 16 ponies, 1 griff hen, 2 hippogriffs, and a single young dragoness.”

She lightly clopped her hooves.

“I stood mostly by myself, but then I found another creature just as shy as I was, a hen named Gilda, we spoke a little, but not for long, a minute was all it took for another filly to slam into me, and start speaking like an excited squirrel.”

He lifted an eyebrow.

She chuckled.

“They speak reaaally fast star, believe me, but anyway, her name was Rainbow Dash, and she immediately said she was going to be my friend, I was… happy, very happy you know, my first friend in a far away place, everything was going good.

Hmfh

“Then it came flight training.”

Her eyes downed as her expression solidified into a stoic one.

“I was never good with my wings, In fact, I was a really weak flier, i didn't know it at the time but it was because I didn't eat my fish, something that as I said, is necessary for any healthy Pegasi.”

“Because of that little… difficulty, I was always a little afraid of flying high up, my wings couldn't handle it, they hurt only minutes after me taking off, even more they weren't flexible, so I couldn't move them normally.”

She exhaled.

“Some… could even describe it as a deficiency, the thing is… foals are… merciless, they speak what's in their mind, and contrary to you Star, the ones I found were cruel about it.”

Sigh*

“Hoops, Dumb-Bell, and Score, they didn't say anything when the other teachers were close by, no, they waited for them to leave and then… well, then they started to mock me.”

Sniff*

“I-it was something silly for a mare, a grown pony now that I think about it, but for a filly? It wasn't.”

Hmmn*

“It started when I tried to fly through a cloud ring, not even a meter above me, I tripped, fell, and then hit my face on a flag before kissing the ground, and then those three came, just to start calling me names.”

“Apparently, I had a funny way of flying, and looked ridiculous too.”

“Chicken wings, Clutter Shy, Wingless Wonder, Sky fumbler, Flutter-fail, they called me all, of course I was sad, I didn't understand why they were saying those mean things to me, Pa said ponies helped each other when they needed.”

“Everypony else I have ever met only did that, I had no reason to believe anycreture else would do otherwise, you know, the mind of a foal, so innocent, and… well, they didn't.”

Sigh*

“It was… humiliating Star, humiliating and mortifying too, every time I made a mistake, those three were always there, I thought that if I improved if I stopped being so bad at flying they’d stop being mean, hmpfh.”

She shook her head.

“Ah how stupid that was, no, those colts liked to put other ponies down, they just wanted excuses for it, little me didn't know that though, so she didn't ask for help from her parents, friends, or teachers.”

“No, she just wanted to be accepted, because the fault was hers right? She just had to be better and then nopony would have any reason to mock her.”

hmfh*

“As if they needed any of that, bullies only want to put other ponies down with their words, disguised as truth as they may be.”

Dean snorted.

How can this pegasus see one thing and disconsider it on another so much?

Maybe she’s still a litle delusional?

Puffing he opened his mouth.

“I despise weaklings, and as I said to you, screamed even, I cannot support having them near m-.”

A wing brushed against his arm.

He lifted an eyebrow.

“I know Star, believe me, I know the difference between words being said to hurt, and those being spoken to push, you were… harsh, very, very harsh.”

She poked her head.

“Even with that, this little thing right here wouldn't have heard you if we didn't have so many things in common you know.”

She smiled.

“You wanted me to question myself, even without really caring you… couldn't stand seeing somecreature like you right?”

He snorted.

“I wasn't thinking along those lines no, I hate that thing, and anything remotely similar to it, speaking to you felt more like speaking to myelf quite honestly, it's a surprise I didn't punch you, well, not that it would have done much besides breaking my hand.”

Her head leaned against the side of his neck.

“Nopony is perfect, and I can't really expect anycreature to genuinely care about me after just a day, well, not even some days really.”

A blush appeared on her cheeks.

She forced her body not to shake.

“B-but you don't need to worry! This Fluttershy is c-cute and adorable! And charming! All the weak spots of a very conveniently placed human in her life, being friends with him will take no time at all, just a month or two in fact!”

He did not laugh… externally.

Seconds passed, he stood silent.

Finally, the pegasus continued.

This time a little less bleakly.

“It didn't stop there, other ponies joined in after some weeks, they… laughed with them, called me things too, one day they even started doing it in the classroom, and I stood quiet, just taking it, it's… ridiculous.”

“I know they were wrong, not me, or… at least I do now, but I didn't then, no, I thought they were right, no matter how hard I tried my wings just didn't work, it's ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, what not wanting to eat fish did to me.”

She chuckled and then extended her right wing.

For seconds she looked at it with dead eyes.

“I started hating them you know, my wings, I hated that they were so weak, that they couldn't lift me up. With time, I started hating myself instead.”

“Three weeks after everything started and I couldn't beat my wings without anxiety running down my spine, my breath started to get irregular, my flight became worse, couldn't even fly a meter above ground by that point, too afraid somepony would see me, or that I would fall again, hundreds and hundreds of attempts that just ended on me kissing the ground made me… hesitant to fly too high.”

“And terrified of altitudes too.”

His eyes shifted throughout the pegasus's body, he knows the signs of someone holding back tears.

Still, he did nothing.

It wouldn't help anyone if he did so.

“Rainbow didn't do anything, I can't really blame her though, I didn't ask for help, and those foals were sneaky, besides, she was almost always on that flight track with Gilda, something I couldn't do.”

“And so it followed an entire month of being bullied for not flying right, really, by that point I started to wish I wasn't born a pegasus.”

“Then, one day, something happened, I failed, again, those three mocked me, again, but this time, somepony helped me, Rainbow shot down and stood between me and those colts.”

A complicated look formed on her face.

"I was happy, humiliated, and disappointed, happy that somepony finally helped me, humiliated that nothing changed even after an entire month, and disappointed that I couldn't be the one to stand up for myself.”

“They spoke, Rainbow defended me, and then, they made a bet, the three of them versus her, If she won they would shut up and leave me alone, if they won, well, I don't really know.”

She shook her head.

“But that doesn't matter, they set the race, Dumb-Bell, and Hoops versus Rainbow Dash, the entire class was there, I stood on a cloud in front of the start line as the flagger, and then, I waved.”

Her teeth grinded.

“She hit me, after leaving the finish line everything became a blur, I could barely see, but I coukd feel her hitting me, and then she just followed on! I spun, spun, spun, and spun some more until I lost any sense of balance, the moment I felt my body falling I started screaming.”

Hmnph~!

“I was panicking, I tried to beat my wings, but they wouldn't move, so I screamed, and looked at everycreature at the stands, hoping anyone, anyone at all would help me.”

She touched her face as a depreciating laugh scaped her.

“He~ haha, oh, and I understood something while I was falling, I understood something while everycreature ignored me screaming like cockatrice, that nopony really cared about me, Not. Even. Me.”

Her hoof slammed on her chest.

thump

He would have felt… something had she not have that fluff on her chest.

“Yes they were children, maybe they wouldn't have managed to catch me, maybe they weren't strong enough to even try, but they were pegasi, they could hear me just as well as I could hear them cheering, what I didn't hear was them screaming for help.”

Her eyes watered.

He said nothing, the pegasus is growing, facing reality, and reflecting upon it is something every sapient creature has to pass through.

Some just happen to be more painful than others.

“I genuinely thought I was going to die, and, and you know the best part? I wasn't afraid because of it, no, I was sad because my family would cry because I died, I was angry because those useless wings couldn't beat even to save my life!”

“I hated them, I hated me, I hated being born a pegasus.”

Her wings suddenly enveloped his torso and tightened around it.

He dared not to move.

It would break the flow.

“100 days Star, 100 days of being called every name in the book of having every little bad thing about me being blown over tenfold, of being convinced that the problem wasn't them.”

“100 days was all it took, to convince a little filly that she was truly and utterly, worthless, I was done, I didn't think falling down would be so bad, don't even know why I kept screaming quite honestly.”

“But… something weird happened, when I was about to fall, butterflies caught me.”

He opened his mouth.

And then closed it.

Questions for later, for now, her history.

“Weird right? But they did, and I… well, I completely ignored it in favor of looking around, it was the first time I was so near the ground and, I lived it, I still remember my heartsong that day.”

Still with her head resting on Star’s chest she closed her eyes.

And sang.

“What is this place”

“Filled with so many wonders?”

“Casting its spell”

“That I am now under”

“Squirrels in the trees”

“And the cute little bunnies”

“Birds flying free”

“And bees with their honey”

“Hooooonneeee- ouch!”

Mnnnnn!💢

Her head shot up to stare at her human, an irritated expression adorning her face all the while.

“You do have a beautiful singing voice, and that was a catchy song.”

She frowned harder.

“But I want to know more about Fluttershy, not hear a song composed by her.”

Only for her expression to melt a second later.

Hmph!

“Could have been a little more polite about it stupid colt.”

Hmmn*

“At least now you answer back, now continue your history.”

She snorted again.

“Anyways something weird happened after I ended my song, a rainbow exploded out, frightening all the little critters, it was only when I assured them that everything was fine that I gained my cutie mark.”

“I… loved my critters, and I knew they loved me too you know, they didn't make fun of me, they weren't mean they were all just… lovely, contrary to those foals.”

Her frown deepened

“It was then that I decided to leave Cloudsdale, I preferred to stay on solid ground, where my wings didn't make a difference, where I had a hundred big and small friends, my parents approved and so I… started living here.”

She waved her hooves at the cottage.

“I just… didn't like that place, didn't like any of the ponies that were there, even Rainbow, Even Gilda, two creatures I thought were my friends didn't help me, really.”

Her tone turned sour.

“One only cared about winning, the other only cared about Rainbow, and the ones watching? They just wanted to have fun, they didn't care.”

“Like I don't?”

She did not turn.

“No, Star, tell me, honestly, as you always do, if I fell from a cloud if you were there that day, if you could somehow fly, would you help me?”

He blinked.

“If I believed you were to die, yes, if I believed you were to only break a wing and go to a hospital however I would call you an idiot and move on.”

He tapped his chin.

“If you ever enter a fight of your own volition, against something that will surely kill you, I will do nothing, the choice was yours, the consequences are yours too, you will not use me as an instrument of safety or escape.”

She nodded.

“So you do care, not about me, but about something else, Star, I remember what you told me ‘Do it because you want not because it is expected, or permitted’.”

She smirked.

“In other words, there's something there, inside that creed of yours that makes you move, you might not care, you might even dismiss it, but me dying, or anypony else dying would displease you for some reason.”

His eyes flickered.

He was not the only one analyzing someone else.

The Pegasus was more attentive than he gave her credit for.

“What is your point?”

“My point is, you don't care, but you said it yourself, only animals let their feelings control them, you have principles, you have something you believe to be bigger than you, that you have to follow no matter what.”

“You don't care about me falling but you do care about the act in itself, about the death, not who is dying, If something entertaining was happening while they fell you wouldn't stop to see it would you?”

He shook his head, he wanted to see where she was taking all this.

“You are not cruel, those foals were, they tormented me Star, I know you would never do that, not because you are good but because of what you believe in.”

“They only cared about themselves, and for more than you say it you don't, you care about your principles more than anything, but they are not you, you don't feel anything.”

“You are different solely because your apathy is not meddled with cruelty, you don't care, something made you not care, you said it yourself, you can't help it, you can't control it.”

Her voice deepened.

“They could, they chose to be cruel, to be mean, to not care, you don't understand Star Ponies are a herd species they could have chosen to defend me, to ignore me even, but they didn't.”

Sigh*

“I don't know you well enough to say this so I will ask, Starfield, would you have joined those foals?”

.

.

.

“No, tormenting those weaker than you is… pathetic.”

She opened her mouth.

“Before you say anything, Yuujirou Hanma does not torment me, his actions have a purpose, to make me desist, to kill my will so he can take my body, in any other situation he’d simply have killed me.”

Only to close it a moment later.

“Besides, he does not see it as such, in his eyes those weaker than him are toys, born into this world to bring forth entertainment, he had a son solely for that reason, to have a ‘toy’ to play with.”

A frown appeared on her face.

He felt feathers tighten around his back.

“I may not care but the only ones I despise are weaklings, creatures that do not try to leave the pit of shit they live in, I see them as pathetic, and would most likely than not kill them.”

“But for those weaker than me? No, I’ve never done it but… I don't believe I would ever take pleasure in tormenting someone I do not hate.”

Forcing her expression back she calmly opened her mouth.

“See? It is different, you know… you are right Star, we can't choose who we become, at least I don't believe either of us had enough strength to do so.”

“I can't judge you for who you had no choice in being, you didn't choose to be this way, they did, they took joy in my pain Star and I know you wouldn't, you do things for a reason right?”

It wasn't a question.

He nodded nonetheless.

“You are good, to a point, you can do Evil things I know you can, but you are not evil, you can do good things too, but you are not good, no completely, you are… a human, a very, very selfish human.”

“And surprisingly enough, you made me understand this alone doesn't make one evil, just… alive.”

For a moment he felt… something grab his arm, and then fur.

“You wouldn't have cared and even still you would have helped because you have a heart, they heard me screaming Star, they knew me, what I couldn't do, they left me to die.”

“You do things not because you care about people but because you think they are right, because those small and big principles you have in your head make up your morals.”

His eyebrow lifted.

She smiled.

“You said it yourself, you should only follow something because you want to, not because you are obligated to, and you have morals, maybe not totally aligned to those of pony kind but you have them.”

“You care about your creed, and only your creed, ha~ and quite weirdly, that same creed makes you want to save me, makes you want to scream at a little shy pony.”

“Makes you refuse to let her live even one second more in a lie, makes you speak the truth, and only the truth, makes you try to push those ‘weaklings’ out of that pit.”

Hmph!

He snorted.

She gripped his hand tighter.

“I know it's not all good, I know you can do bad things, but I know you won't do it out of sadism, tell me if I am wrong, but I think you want to see creatures living on, I think you want to see them grow.”

Her expression softened.

“You did say you wanted to see my soul burn brighter didn't you~?”

Hmph*

“Do not derail things woman, you know much of what I told you, I am fully capable and willing to rip limbs off fr-”

“Not for no reason.”

He frowned.

She smiled.

“I would be very angry if you did it with somepony, I would undoubtedly call the guard and kick you out of my house but I’d know for a fact you didn't do it for no reason.”

“You are not so petty to the point you’d beat someone who simply annoyed you slightly if that was the case our conversation would have gone very differently, and you’d probably be in prison too.”

Using her left hoof she poked his tight.

Her neck was starting to hurt, Star’s chest was not that soft.

She still didn't feel like leaving.

“So answer me, would you do it? If I was a child, a human child, would you still save me?”

Still lying down on Star’s chest she shifted her head back to stare at his eyes.

Her pupils dilating and shining all the while.

Hmph*

“Yes fool, nothing much can be expected from children, they can be excused up to a certain point, they have not lived long enough to be judged after all.”

A sly grin formed on her face.

“Didn't you chastise yourself for not being strong since bir-”

“I cannot be excused.”

He snapped at her

“Past lives do exist woman, Yuujirou Hanma was more likely than not an exemplary creature in his past one, hence allowing him to be born in an exemplary one on the day of his birth too.”

“Past lives are facets of me, of the current Self that am I, in my past, I did not do enough and hence paid for it.”

“Do not try to find excuses for me, at the end of it all, no matter how far back you go, the fault always lies solely within me, others can be excused solely because their past lives have not chosen to follow the path of a fighter, I have, and hence I will judge myself by those standards.”

She frowned but stood quiet.

Star sounded… quite hypocritical now.

‘Or… not?’

Star said he despises weaklings and is, well, she doesn't want to use the word but… he is ridiculous enough to blame himself as an infant for not being strong, or wanting to be strong.

All that colt did at the time was piss and poop, how he thought like this is a mystery to her.

Star explained much, but his creed is still somewhat of a mystery to her, still, there must be something that makes him want to help a human infant out of consideration and yet refuse to judge himself by that same standard.

Something more than just being a fighter.

She mentally tapped her chin.

‘It’s… far too reasonable for him, at least in this scenario.’

Mnnn-*

Suddenly, she froze.

Her eyes widened as a thought came to her.

‘Pity?’

Star said it himself he only cares about himself, about his principles, but maybe… he is not lying but… he doesn't see it?

Sapient creatures are complex, incredibly so, to the point of feeling completely opposing feelings for something.

Star hates himself, she knows he does, or at least, he hates everything he was, and everything related to that person.

He is unreasonable to an absurdly ridiculous point, he feels no empathy, or at least not as much as others.

But the all times when he showed some kind of emotion were when something directly related to him.

It's weird, completely and utterly baffling, Star is extremely self-centered, to the point where if it does not relate to him he won't care.

But many things relate to him, he shouted at her because he felt angry, angry because she remembered him of him the same way a helpless child falling would remember him of being powerless.

He died in the hands of that demon, even more, Starfield almost didn't exist because of Princess Celestia’s spell!

He felt pity, not for the child but for the situation, because it reminded him of what he passed through.

He doesn't see the person he sees the circumstances.

A small smirk formed on her face.

Star feels empathy, in his own, selfish way.

When he was screaming and ranting at her before, she had the slight impression he wasn't speaking to her, but more to himself.

Starfield is acting the way he wished someone else would have toward him.

Not telling a single lie.

Speaking fully on who he truly is.

Everything.

Star doesn't see Fluttershy, or at least, he didn't, just like he doesn't see the child, he sees a hopeless situation, no fault of their own, and helps.

And ain't that a doozy?

“The same cannot be said for a Pony, at least not for now, the nature of your soul is chained and locked by magic and its plans, born with such limitations many things can be excused, they are reasonable after all.”

“But if your question is whether or not I would help an infant of my own species even knowing this, the answer is yes.”

Her lips moved up.

“But simply because I wouldn't be able to stand it, weird as it may be, the situation irritates me extremely, and as I said beforehand I am the only one who controls my Self, not my feelings…”

He suddenly stopped, narrowing his eyes in confusion at the weird scene.

The Pegasus was smiling a little too brightly.

“Anyways continue your history! This isn't about me.”

“Of course Star, of course.”

She held back a giggle and continued in a much happier tone.

“Where was I? Oh yes One only cared about winning, the other only cared about Rainbow, and the ones watching? They just wanted to have fun, they didn't care, and then I fell.”

“Butterflies of all things caught me and then the animals, then music, then that rainbow, then my cutie mark, then my cottage, and then… Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

She nodded.

“Nothing of importance, no, you see, I liked my critters, they didn't judge me, didn't lie to me, didn't make fun of me, I loved them, I still love them, so… for the next years, I stayed isolated, just with them, even my supplies were brought via phone, only ever got to outside my law when I really needed it, and every time I shook like a leaf.”

“Of course, by then everything just got worse, I never… confronted those things that happened, I just… got away, with time my breath stopped hitching every time I thought about that place, but things just got worse.”

“I connected very deeply with my critters, they were my best friends you know but… they weren't ponies I couldn't, well, I could nuzzle and talk to them but… it wasn't the same, I couldn't love them like I could love a coltfriend, I couldn't be friends with them like I could with other ponies.”

Her hoof suddenly tightened its hold around his hand.

He almost snapped it away.

Almost.

“I couldn't speak to them like I could with other ponies. I couldn't connect with them in a way only other creatures like me could, not to diminish them but… they are still animals, their lives and the lives of other sapient creatures are very different.”

Sigh*

“I only noticed that I wanted to speak with other ponies sometime later, but it was too late by then, every time I tried to speak my entire body would tremble, my voice would grow lower, if anypony tried to approach me my heart would jump a thousand times faster.”

“Loud noises scared me, I became… a coward, everything reminded me of that camp Star everything, I left that place physically but it followed me in my head.”

“I tried, I tried to talk to other ponies, but it was too scary, I wanted so much to leave that place behind But. I. Couldn't, or at least, I believed it so.”

“I wanted to change I hated that, I hated that I couldn't make a friend, I hated that I couldn't hug another pony, I hated that other ponies would find me weird, I hated that they could treat me just like those other foals.”

“I lost all my trust in pony kind, I spoke only with my family, maybe you don't understand Star but Ponies of the past were much more closed than now and some stayed like that even after 200 years if they see something different they reject it… and I was too afraid to be that.”

“And… that's the thing, I hated it all, those foals, cloudsdale, Rainbow, Gilda, the Instructors, and… me, I hated me most of all, I hated who Fluttershy had become you know, I didn't want to be her, I didn't want to be shy, weak, cowardly, pathetic but I didn't think I could do anything about it, I tried before it didn't work.”

She spread her arms.

“Fluttershy was fated to be a loner.”

Her expression suddenly brightened.

“And then you came, and… it was the best thing to ever happen to me, better than my cutie mark even, hehe~”

“I finally met someone like me, I was so happy, and you weren't a pony or even looked threatening, the way you were in the hospital only made me worry about you more.”

Her eyes shone as her tone became excited.

“Honestly Star, If you hadn't been fully honest with me I don't think I’d have handled you, but… you were different, even screaming at me I knew you were different.”

“I believed in you, every word that left your mouth, you were… everything I wanted to be, brave, blunt, and unapologetic, even more, the emotions you put in your words were too much for anything you said to be a lie.”

“Maybe I could feel them because of my cutie mark, maybe because you could put them out even before, I don't know, all I do know is that I believed in you.”

Swish!*

The pegasus suddenly spun her entire body releasing her wing from below Dean and beating her wings above him.

He said nothing.

She smiled.

Acting quickly he spun his body sideways putting his calf above the sofa and letting his feet dangle out.

She smiled more, right before landing on his chest and spreading her limbs on his torso, giving him a weird hug while laying her head below his chin.

She didn't have any contact besides her family and critters for a decade, like tartarus she will let this chance go.

“And you told me so much, I heard so much too, you were, no, you are like me, in so many ways and I just… love it so much.”

“You surpassed everything I’ve ever wanted, you understood so much of everything I’d never say, everything I’d never have the words to say.”

“You might not care, you might even disconsider it, but you changed me so much, helped me so much, saved me from myself.”

thump!

“And… I understand you too, a little bit, but I do, I understand enough to know what you mean and why, I know you are not unfeeling, you are not a pony, and you are cautious.”

He lifted an eyebrow.

“You can't control what you feel and you know what? That's normal, do you know what's normal too hmnnnn?”

Hmph!*

He snorted on her face.

FTH!*

“bleh.”

Only for her to blow air into his

“It's normal for even the most cranky of creatures to go soft with time, what I am trying to say is… I have time, we have time I will make sure we do, be it before or after my promise you will like me Star, and when you do, I am going to be a very happy Pegasus, and you are going to be a very happy human.”

Hmph!*

“Good luck with that.”

She smiled.

He grumbled.

“I hear you woman, so hear me too, It is understandable, but nonetheless unacceptable, even I have not managed to shrug off the need for contact with those of my own species, much less you.”

“But, accepting the judgment of others as truth to yourself is beyond absurd, you can hear them, ponder about them, but never accept them as gospels, listen to me Fluttershy you can be happy with another, but never forget this, you can be happy alone.”

Acting quickly the pegasus snapped her muzzle onto Star.

“I!”

Tickling the side of his neck with her fur.

“Nop, I prefer to be happy with you, you made me like this dumb Colt, Take responsibility.”

An angry expression suddenly formed on his face.

Huffing in anger he grabbed the sides of the pegasus chest.

“Eep!”

And pushed her away.

“Firstly, I made nothing, much less you, one cannot change another Fluttershy, one can give thoughts to another, one can try to convince another, but one cannot change another at least not in a natural way.”

Thud*

Still with his arm fully extended he tried to push the creepy smiling pegasus out of him.

To no avail.

‘She’s not even using her legs. How strong is this woman?!’

“You think too little of yourself, a creature has to be honest with themselves if they wish to evolve, this means you cannot overestimate yourself, just as much as you cannot underestimate yourself.”

“Give yourself credit when it is due, and chastise yourself when you deserve it, admit your mistakes and failures just as much as you admit your rights and successes, Fluttershy.”

He narrowed his eyes

She did not shrink.

“You made yourself, not me, not life, not anything, woman, you are the conductor of your own life, so hear me well if you ever become somepony you are proud to be, and want to know the person that allowed you to go on that path, look in the mirror.”

The pressure in his arm suddenly stopped.

He gave a sigh of relie-

“I know that dumb colt.”

Only for the pegasus to push past his arm and almost slam down on his chest.

From one second to the other Dean had a pony hugging his entire upper body and nuzzling his face.

… It wasn't… repulsing.

Sigh*

“Do what you want.”

“Be as grumpy as you like Star, I know you like my fur.”

His eye twitched.

He huffed.

She chuckled.

And then… silence
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

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12:33

Dean hummed.

“Fluttershy.”

Still with her head on his shoulder, she lazily opened an eye.

It was pleasing, no, better than just pleasing, it was… incredible.

Maybe it is just the mind of a touch-starved mare but… how to say it? Staying here felt like… like before before everything happened.

Or maybe she just forgot what being truly happy feels like? No matter, the past is the past.

She almost dozed off, it's funny, where she is now.

Quite easy to forget that the human below her will die if she doesn't do anything.

Instantly she snapped her body up and shook her head.

“Yes Star?”

“Your tactile telekinesis, I am curious, how does it work exactly? How does it do what it does, can you lift things bigger than you? To the point where you can lift a house without it crumbling?”

Hmnn*

“Quantum entanglement.”

His eyebrows went up.

“Our subconscious has the ability to establish and control entangled pairs of particles, something done through a neural interface.”

“As we spoke before by influencing the quantum states of one particle, the entangled counterpart will instantaneously mirror these changes.”

He nodded.

“Hence allowing a pony’s field to glue and manipulate things at an incredibly precise level, well, at least for those that train with it, that is to say, those that need to.”

“Our consciousness interacts with the entangled particles' states, translating neural intentions into changes at the quantum level, now there's the most curious thing about it.”

She leaned forward, a smile placed on her lips.

“It's not magic.”

“Uh?”

She laughed at Star’s surprised expression and then leaned closer with a small smirk.

Consciously or not, she didn't want to stay away from him, not something uncommon for a pony.

“I know right? It's crazy, but here's the thing, while creatures on Equus evolved to better use magic when we did so we started to Evolve because of it, most of our functions now depend on magic because of it but some...”

Clop

Putting her hindleg back she barely touched the bolster.

“Small ones...”

Snapping her leg up the bolster followed.

Only to suddenly break away and fly through the air.

Thud*

Until falling on the floor.

“Don’t.”

He couldn't hold on, his lips parted.

As did hers.

“Evolution, guided by magic but not supported by it, thank you fluttershy, you have managed to surprise me at the most unexpected turns while on this planet.”

“Oh, it's no-”

“I do not know about other ponies and what it would be like to live with them, but let nothing enter in the way of this statement, I am happy they chose you.”

An embarrassed smile formed on her face as she waved her hoof down.

“Now… what is the limit of this… field? How far can it extend, if I wanted to, for example… hold something gigantic, that would crumble due to my size, like a mountain, would I be able to?”

Her face fell.

With thin lips, she spoke in a deadpan tone.

“Star… you are not ripping out a mountain from the ground.”

He blinked.

“I am… not, why do you think I would do that?”

Her eyebrow rose.

“You sound very suspicious, mister.”

“Oh please you know I say nothing but the truth.”

Hmph!

“That may be so mister Starfield but you still sound very suspicious.”

“What do you mean suspicious?! And since when do you speak my full last name? It's weird.”

The pony made a weird face, and then averted her gaze from him.

“Shy?”

No response.

“Fluttershy.”

Hmmm humhum humhummmmm

“Stop singing woman! And answer me! Why do I seem suspicious?”

“No reason, no reason at aaaaall.”

He pitched his nose.

“Ok ok, another question then, if I had that tactile telekinesis and I punched something with, let's say, a force of 7 would that force be spread through the area of my telekinetic hold, or would it stay the same all throughout it.”

Gulping her tofu down Fluttershy made a confused face.

“Explain this better Star.”

“Well, imagine my telekinetic hold has a cubic area of 1 meter, now divide the inside of this area by the same one as my closed fist, let's say one by one centimeter.”

Putting another broccoli in her mouth she looked at her human attentively.

“Now, if I punch with a force of 7 will all of those little areas that make up the cube exercise the same force of 7 or will my 7 be divided by the number of areas making up that cube?”

She put her fork down and then gulped the broccoli.

“Star… I have no idea.”

His head dropped.

“Mostly because, I have never tested it, and because my hold is not that strong either, so I can't test it, Star, things like that are… how to say it… taken for granted, I don't think how I can do what I do, I just… do.”

Sigh*

“No, I understand I saw many videos of how things work in my world but they never stuck with me you know.”

He smirked.

“But there's no problem, discovering more about your world is an adventure all of it's on.”

She did too.

“One I will help you in, future best friend.”

His lips suddenly formed a line.

She noticed it.

“I… don't remember what is like to have a true friend, I’ve told you this before, and… I don't really feel any kind of excitement to have one but… I could be wrong, but I think it is something I’d like to have if I wasn't… If I could.”

She frowned as a worried look appeared on her face, Star… doesn't realize he’s unwe-

“But that doesn't matter now!”

Shooting up he grabbed her sides and stood.

“Now! Let's test this telekinesis thing to its fullest! If I ever want to lift a mou- I mean lift something big I’ll need to know it inside and out!”

She couldn't hold it.

“He~”

She laughed.

Her grumpy human could make jokes.