What is a ‘simp’ Anon?

by ImNew2023

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Human, Princess Luna, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1367

Luna has a simp problem, she turns to Anon for help.

Luna gets deep into video game streaming. But when her comment section gets flooded by thirsty ponies she turns to Anon for help.

Disaster ensues.

Published 2023-08-03 00:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-03 00:20:01 UTC

Luna has simps

Six months before our story starts, Princess Luna became infatuated with what the youth of Equestria called “video games”

Spending increasingly more hours online playing games, Luna eventually evolved into a streamer. Gaining fans and views at an astronomical rate.

But the good times quickly ended for our blue alicorn.

Sat at Luna’s computer, Anon the human looked through the comment section of her latest video with concern and cringe.

“Why do they all want your hoof pics?” He asked.

Stood next to him, the Princess of the Night could only shrug.

“We do not know, each time we stream our perfectly balanced reviews of a game our comment section is flooded with requests for pictures of our hooves and desire to know if we have something called a PonyFans account” Luna explained.

Having lost more and more of his faith in ponykind with each word that came out of Luna’s mouth, Anon managed to put together what was going on.

“Luna, unfortunately, you’ve got simps” Anon explained.

Luna was confused by Anon diagnosis.

“Anon, what is a ‘simp’?” Luna asked.

“It’s someone, usually male, who goes to great lengths to obtain the affection of a person. Usually it’s onesided” Anon explained.

As her situation settled in, Luna folder her ears back as her face went a deep crimson.

“I-I see, do I just tell them I’m not interested?” Luna asked.

“That may work, but the most sure fire way is to make them think you’re taken. If they realise you aren’t single they’ll move on” Anon suggested.

“We can’t do that” Luna stated.

“Why not?” Anon asked.

“It would be wrong to use a stallion in order to solve my personal problems. I’m going to stream right now and explain to these ‘simps’ that I’m just not interested” Luna stated.

Using her telekinesis she lifted Anon out of her chair before placing him down on the floor.

Climbing into her chair she booted up her camera.

“This won’t work,” Anon warned.

“Oh hush, it's starting,” Luna said.

“Greetings my loyal fans, I have come to inform you that I am aware of your… ‘interest’ in me. While I am flattered that many of you have chosen me as the object of your affection, I must inform you that I am not interested in pursuing a relationship with anypony. Between ruling a kingdom and my streaming career I do not have time for a coltfriend. Please understand that you are all very lovely… if not thirsty, colts and stallions, and I’m sure you’ll all make a mare very happy. It just won’t be me, I hope you’ll all continue to watch my streams for fun video game entertainment” Luna said, looking into the camera as she addressed her viewers.

Watching the comments, Luna’s face turned into a worried frown.

“They aren’t stopping, why aren’t they stopping!?” Luna panicked.

Taking out a black book and pen Anon started writing down in it.

Turning to see why he hadn’t responded, Luna turned off the camera before focusing all her attention on Anon.

Glaring him down in silence, Luna waited patiently for Anon to finish writing.

Finally turning his attention back to the princess, Anon raised an eyebrow.

“What?” He asked.

“Why are they getting worse!?” Luna demanded “we told them we aren’t interested and they’re only simping harder!” She added.

“Lulu, you made the mistake of your life. You acknowledged them, that’s what they want” Anon explained.

“Then how do we get them to move on?” Luna asked, still infuriated that her plan didn’t work.

“Well there are only two options left now. Ignore them completely or again, make them think you aren’t single anymore” Anon stated.

The first option was out of the question.

Luna couldn’t ignore the tidal wave of simps that had consumed her once Christian gamer channel.

As she tried to think of a way out of this Luna accepted the inevitable.

“Alright, we will lie about having a colt friend. But you must take up that position” Luna said, before pointing a commanding hoof at Anon.

“Luna, you know I’m not into ponies, every being on Equestria knows that, they’ll see right through it” Anon explained.

Anon’s podcast on the ideal human woman did paint a clear picture of what kind of woman he liked.

Fun, kind, human.

That was it really, he stretched that out over nine hours of podcasts.

Thinking over her situation Luna came to a brilliant conclusion.

“Anon, you dislike the concept of dating a pony because we are not the same species as you correct?” Luna asked.

“Yep, not into inter-species stuff sorry” he said.

That was all the confirmation Luna needed. Gaining a sinister grin, Luna’s horn began glowing brightly.

“Erm, Luna? What are yo-“ Anon began.

“Don’t move” Luna cut him off before blasting Anon with a beam of dark blue energy.

Once the magic faded Anon wobbled for a moment before regaining his foot-hoofing?

Looking himself over in the mirror Anon’s jaw dropped.

“Luna, why am I an earth pony?” Anon asked.

“You’re a pony now, any fear of inter-species issues have been solved” Luna explained.

“Ok… HOW am I an earth pony?” Anon asked a follow up question.

“I'm a princess Anon, don’t question it,” she explained, a cheery smile spread across her face.

“I must say you are quite a fetching stallion Anon, you’ll make the perfect coltfriend!” She said, becoming slightly giddy as her plan came together.

Realising he technically was the one responsible for this Anon dismissed any arguments.

“Just turn me back after this” he asked.

“Of course dear Anon, trust me you will be rewarded for your assistance” Luna promised.

…

Later the next day Luna began her daily stream. This time with Anon sharing her chair, although as a pony he was still noticeably smaller than her now.

“Greetings again loyal followers, this is Anon, my coltfriend. I thought I’d play Minesweeper with him, because we love each other THAT MUCH” Luna said, waving to her fans with one hoof while using the other to hug Anon.

“Erm, sup?” Anon greeted, waving his now fingerless stump of a hoof.

“They’re so faking it”

“My Queen, you need some acting lessons. Here, I’ll donate 20 bits you can put towards it”

“This is not convincing at all”

“Not convincing!? I'm not faking it, I really do love Anon!” Luna snapped at the camera.

The comments responded yet again.

“Lol epic fail”

“You don’t need to him Luna, I’ll dedicate my whole life to pleasing you”

“Mommy Lulu can’t trick us that easily”

“We have requested multiple times to stop calling us thy mother!” Luna demanded.

Anon could see she was getting physically upset from all the stress this was bringing on.

“Luna, it didn't work, let's just give it up,” Anon suggested.

“Never! This ends now! They want proof I am your mare? Let’s give it to them” she said with an agitated tone.

Slowly she started approaching Anon, making the now stallion slowly step backwards as a reaction.

“Luna, Luna I know that look, don't you think about it-“ Anon warned.

“Come here lover-colt!” She said, lunging on Anon.

Across Equestria, millions of ponies watched in awe at the display that followed. The words Anon said meaning very little, being drowned out by the physical interactions he had with Luna on live feed.

“Luna don’t you think of- not there!- get off of- oh. Oh my~” Anon at first protested, before his voice suddenly dropped to Sulu levels of depth.

…

Sat in her room watching her sister’s stream turned erotic film, Celestia wanted to look away but like a carriage crash she couldn’t peel her eyes off the event.

“Who’s your prince now bitch!? Who’s your fucking prince!?“ Anon grunted as he performed unspeakable acts on the princess of the night.

“Inkwell, make the internet illegal” she ordered.

…

Within two months of Luna’s last stream the internet had been removed from Equestria entirely. Everything but the memories of it was destroyed on a funeral pier on Celestia’s orders.

Still, Luna got rid of her simp problem so still a win in her eyes.