Fun fact about griffons; it’s way too easy to give someone a hickey when you have a beak. So when Dee started wearing a pink capelet with a high collar and a white sun hat, it was to the surprise of no one.

Mamma was quite proud of me for managing to get a girlfriend- which was to be expected. Though she did admit that she believed her to be a bad influence- but I feel like Dee and I are bad influences on each other. So whatever.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, her mother was uhh… not too thrilled with us. She barely tolerates her being a lesbian- and for her mother to find out that she was dating “one of the common immigrant rabble”- like I said. Not happy.

This is compounded with the fact that her father is the complete opposite. He’s quite accepting of his daughter, and he actually invited me to have dinner with them, once.

Keyword being once.

I was sitting next to Dee and her parents were sitting across from us. Dinner had been going quite well- up until my darling girlfriend had a question.

“Mommy, could you pass me the salt?”

“Sure thing, babe.” And you know, without thinking I reached for the salt and passed it to her.

Then I realized what I just did and my eyes shot open. Her mother was sending a death glare my way that… Well, it freaked me out a bit. Her father just rubbed the bridge of his nose.

That uh… that was the last time they had me over for dinner. I’m still banging their daughter, though, so who’s the real jackass here?

The rest of that summer went real well, too- we made a pretty penny selling off that liquor. Some people might see it as morally bankrupt to sell hard booze to underagers- but the way I see it, I’m filling a market which has high demand and very little supply. What the people wants, the people’s gonna get.

And besides. It’s far from the worst thing I’ve ever done. And people say that capitalism has failed.

But anyways, we were about to enter our last year of highschool- one which would prove to bring out many great opportunities.

Dee and I were just sitting in the back next to each other like we normally do while the teacher was just going on and on. We had an hour left- one which was taking far too long. And he was still talking!

“Now as you all know, your final capstone project will be due at the end of the school year. I trust that you’ve all thought well about what you want to do- and if you haven’t, I recommend you start now. You may do it with a partner or you may do it alone- but whatever it is, try to be unique! Representatives from several esteemed colleges across the nation will be here to look at your work.” This… is something I’ve thought about for years.

It was time to make some fuckin’ gunpowder. The crossbow is nice and all- but GUNS! That’s my aim for this project- I’m hoping to get accepted into a good school where I can learn more about smithing, metalworking, and chemistry.

I decided to talk to Dee about it after class today. Hopefully, she’ll see the potential in the idea.

After class, we both went home and were just chilling in my room. She was sitting on the bed and I was by the window, smoking a cigarette.

“So you’re telling me… that this powder you claim to know so much about… will forever change the way large-scale wars are fought?” She was… a bit skeptical, understandably. “And you know I don’t like it when you smoke when I’m in the room.” I just snorted.

“And weed’s any different?” We’ve hotboxed this room more times than I care to admit, to be fair. I crushed my cigarette and tossed it out the window.

“That’s different.” I just chuckled and gave her a quick nuzzle on the cheek.

“But anyways… absolutely it will. I know you’re skeptical, but…” she interrupted me mid sentence.

“How do you know this stuff will even work?” I just shrugged. How the fuck do I explain this?

“I… I just…” I just sighed. “I have… past experience using the stuff. A lot of experience, actually.” she just snorted and spread her arms wide-

“From fuckin’ where? Where did this… this outlandish idea even come from?” I just clamped my beak, looking from side to side. She put a hoof to my chin.

“Baby… is there something you’re not telling me?” I looked into her eyes and saw just the slightest hint of sadness. “You can tell me anything, you know.” I just sighed.

“I’m just… trying to think how to start.”

“We got time.” I just smiled and poured up a shot of our moonshine.

“Liquid courage. I’m about to tell you something I’ve never told a soul.” I downed the shot and cringed at the burn. I took a deep breath.

“Well… when I was born I was… aware.” she tilted her head in confusion. “I was aware of my surroundings. I was able to recognize that we were in a house, and I knew that it was just my reflection in the mirror.” I just started staring out the window.

“I knew who I was… but not what I was.” After a few moments, Dee finally spoke up.

“You’re trying to tell me that… fresh out of the womb, you were capable of higher levels of thinking?”

“I know it sounds insane, but ask my Mamma. She’ll corroborate my story that I said my first words at barely two months old. Not only that- I was forming coherent sentences. I helped her with her math homework, even.” I looked at her and saw that she had an… odd expression on her face. She shook her head and sighed; my heart just sank in my chest.

“Why… Why do I believe you?” she just rubbed the bridge of her nose with a hoof. “Okay… how and why?” I gave her a faint smile.

“Because for about 50 years before I was born here… I lived my life as a human.” She was just shaking her head slowly.

“That’s… that’s not possible.” she had a look of betrayal in her eyes that… hurt. “You’re lying.”

“Oh, is she now?” My eyes widened at the voice.

“Discord! The fuck are you doing in my window?” The clusterfuck organism stuck his head through my window like he owned the place.

“Oh, I don’t know. What are you doing throwing cigarette butts at people?” the discarded butt appeared between his fingers which he flicked at me, it doinking off my head. I just snorted.

“I didn’t know you were down there. Is there anything else I can help you with?” He just chuckled.

“Yes, actually!” He snapped his fingers and the room filled with a pink cloud of smoke- I heard a loud gasp across from me.

Well, let me cut to the chase. He turned me into a fucking human again. On instinct I moved to try and cover myself- as though that mattered here.

“DISCORD!” he was laughing his ass off while floating around my room, while Dee just looked on in awe. “FIX ME!”

“Well, I don’t think anything can be done for that messed up head of yours… but I can turn you back into a griffon.” I just groaned in annoyance.

“Yes I would very much fucking like that.” My patience had grown razor-wire thin at this point- and if he wasn’t a God I’d probably try and kill him.

He just laughed and snapped his fingers again- and I was back to being Leona.

“Good day, Trinity!” He flew out of my window laughing and I yelled at him-

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” I flipped him off and slammed the window. I flexed my wings and moved my tail a little bit, and breathed a sigh of relief when I got confirmation that, yes, they were still working fine.

“Gah, that guy creeps me out.” I looked over and Dee just shook her head, as if trying to snap herself out of a trance.

“So anyways, that’s how I looked as a human.” I just smirked. “Now do you believe me?” She just nodded slowly. Ah, Discord was useful for once. Nice. I hopped up onto the bed and sat next to her, wrapping her with a wing.

“And to answer your question about this weapon I’m gonna make… Well, I was kind of an expert- I was the head of the Boss’s dedicated hit squad.” her eyes widened.

“So wait, that means you-”

“Killed for a living.” I started to lower my voice- just in case anyone was listening in. “Spent 20 years on death row for it.” she just put a hoof to her mouth.

“When you said you killed that griffon… you weren’t lying?” I couldn’t help but cackle upon seeing her facial expression.

“Not one bit. Fun fact about firearms- If you shoot someone in the head with a big enough bullet… POP! It blows up like a watermelon.” She was blushing and biting her hoof. “Sends blood, brain, and skull fragments all over the room!”

Convincing her to help me with my firearms project was as easy as regaling to her all the horrible things guns can to the human body- or any body, for that matter- in gruesome detail.

Hey, I don’t kinkshame. Besides, she’s cute when she’s all hot and bothered. What really got her going was when I started describing those moments when I had time to… play with my targets.

I fucking loved those jobs- although, for different reasons than Dee would.

Eventually she couldn’t take it anymore- I pinned her down to the bed and-

My bedroom door opened.

“Leona, I… got…” My mother must have just gotten home from work. Immediately I fell onto my side, using the blanket to cover myself.

“Jesus Christ, have you ever heard of knocking!?” I then realized that… we don’t normally wear clothes.

Needless to say, dinner was awkward as hell that night.

At the moment, Dee and I were at my house, discussing the plan over morning coffee. Mamma had to work early, so that just left the two of us to discuss our plans. She took a sip of her coffee- which was more milk and sugar than the former. She snorted and said,

“I don’t understand how you can just drink black coffee like that.” I just chuckled in response.

“It lets me know I’m still alive.” I took a sip and savored the bitter, awful taste and she rolled her eyes at me.

“Well, I knew we’d have to talk about this eventually… What’re your plans for the future? It’s great… I think… that you want to bring this technology into our world- but why?” I just sighed and looked to the side.

“It’s because… because I’m still upset about what the dogs did to my homeland! The Confederacy is in utter shambles- all because a bunch of dirty fuckin’ mutts don’t know their place in this world!” Dee just snorted.

“And where exactly is that place?”

“Under my boot, that’s where!” I grabbed her hoof in my hands and she blushed. “Diamond Tiara… Bella Mia… If we play our cards right, we could slowly unfuck the economy and at the same time, put the… The beasts in their place! Think about it-” I scooted beside her and put an arm around her back, gesturing around the room.

“We could become the Empresses of the New World!” I pointed to her cutie mark- “That crown on your flank? That means that you were meant to rule!” I couldn’t help but cackle lightly.

“And gunpowder isn’t the only weapon I plan to recreate! I got a couple things I plan on recreating-” Of which I refuse to write down. But I will say- I do believe it will be highly effective for fighting the dogs.

“I want to not only fix the old Confederacy, but unite it under one banner! Our banner! We’d have an entire nation and its wealth behind us! Armies will be fielded in our names! And we’ll be remembered for millenia to come!” Dee just looked at me and blinked.

“Those goals are… lofty, to say the least. How… how do you know we won’t fail along the way?” I just snorted.

“Because authoritarianism is easy. You just gotta have a big dick to wave around and everyone else will fall in line no problem.

“Not only that, but a weak nation means weak leadership- and all it takes is a little push to topple the old rule.” I grabbed her shoulders and looked her in the eyes.

“But I can’t do it without you, baby. Between your charm and my brawn, we’ll easily be able to manipulate anyone to our will!” Her smile grew.

“So you… want to make me a queen?” I just nodded with a smirk- and she pulled me in for a kiss.

Or, as close to a kiss you can get with a beak.

It was still hot, though. Once she finally pulled back, she said-

“Fine. Fine, I’ll help you with this batshit insane plan of yours.” I couldn’t help but pull her in for a hug.

“I knew I could count on you, baby.” I began to whisper in her ear- “Plus… Imagine how many prisoners of war you’ll have access to… to play with.” her back straightened at this and I couldn’t help but cackle.

Fuck, I love this woman- all I have to do is appeal to her sadistic nature and she’s literally melting in my arms. It’s adorable, really.

So while our long term plan wasn’t entirely fleshed out- we sort of had the gist of it: We were both going to attend school to further our education. I was gonna go for the before-mentioned studies of metalworking, chemistry, and smithing. Dee said she planned to go for business management and leadership, law, and history.

After that, we were gonna find some way to make a bunch of money in Equestria- though we’re not sure how, yet. Maybe we can start our own crime family somewhere?

Either way- our opportunities are boundless.

Author's Note

So apparently Leona isn't content with just coasting through life- who would've thought?

I know this is a bit of a short one- but I felt it necessary to keep it short.

Leona has a gahddamn PLAN! She just needs a little more MUNEH and some GAHDDAMN F A I T H! With that, Her and ~~Arthur~~ Diamond Tiara will rule the world! Or, at least the griffons.

As always, thank you for reading! Likes and comments are encouraged and appreciated greatly :3