It was an odd feeling, really. First thing- the King in Yellow, a fictional god from a book I read on earth, was at some point an actual symbol of worship amongst an ancient cult.

Second- I had a symbiotic parasite living in my mouth which saved my life and is my backup if I ever get close to getting back on the booze.

And all the meanwhile, I was beginning to prepare for a war which was yet far on the horizon.

Since this was out last year of college, I was working on making the mass production of firearms a potential reality.

For our main battle rifle, I decided to go for a standard American pattern but with an arquebus-like “stick stock.” For maximum accuracy, it would be a long rifle and for aiming purposes, they would be balanced off a fork-shaped monopod which would get staked into the ground. This way, soldiers would simply fire while sitting on their haunches, and for reloading they would just hover off the ground slightly- moving them out of the way for the troops which would fire another volley behind them.

Briefly, I considered emulating a sort of Hall rifle-like breech loading system, but ultimately decided against it. Since we were starting from scratch here, I figured that it wouldn’t be worth the complexity, the time, or the cost to manufacture.

The way I have it planned is that the main infantry griffons will be armed with a rifle with a detachable bayonet, firing volleys from an advantageous position. They will also each be armed with cutlasses, for if things start getting sketchy.

The mass production would be built on the principle of interchangeable parts, using a series of specially made machinery consisting of presses, dies, lathes, molds, and woodcutting equipment. Unlike my own personal handguns, these were designed with no beauty in mind. As many parts as I could get away with would be made of molded brass, the stock would be varnished with simple linseed oil, and the barrels and metal parts would only be manufactured using a simple bluing method.

As a side note- gunmetal is NOT GRAY! It is BRASS! I don’t know why that distinction bothers me.

There would also be my Stormtroopers. They would be armed with blunderbusses, knives, cutlasses, molotov cocktails, heavy armor, Pervitin (maybe), and… a surprise!

And in fact, I was testing that surprise in the lab today!

I was with Emmie, too. He still seems so intent on following me on my eventual trip back to The Confederacy- so I figured I’d fill him in on my general plan. We also had a random stray dog with us for testing purposes, and each of us had a mask. The lab door was shut, and we both took a seat on stools next to one of the counters.

“Alright, Emmie. What you are about to witness is potentially one of the most terrifying weapons to ever grace this planet. I fully intend to use it to my advantage.” I gave him a dark grin, and he cocked an eyebrow. “Today, I will redefine the meaning of the phrase war crime.”

“Well… what is it?” He asked. Thankfully, the lab was clear- I’d personally made sure that everyone and their mother knew that I needed the lab in private today, and had even posted signs on the door warning of potential danger.

“You’ll see. Put your mask on, and make sure it’s tight!” It was a mask that strapped to the face, covering your eyes, nose, and mouth. The large filter canisters and round glass viewports almost gave us an uncanny valley kind of look that would definitely inspire fear in a more primitive populace.

“Ready?” I asked, voice heavily muffled by the filter. Emmie just nodded.

The mongrel dog was just walking around the lab idly, not a care in the world. I pulled a metal canister out of my bag and turned the valve.

The effects were instant- the room began to fill up with a pale green gas originating from the canister. Once there was a sufficient amount of gas hanging in the air, I shut the valve and waited- though I didn’t have to wait for long. The stray nearly instantly started breathing the toxic gas in, barking and whining madly as it pawed at its eyes which were slowly being burned, and began hacking up a thick, pink sputum.

Soon, it fell- and was left on the ground as a wheezing, dying beast,

“As you can see, the gas reacts with water in its eyes and lungs-” I said, though my voice was heavily muffled by the gas mask, “Converting it into hydrochloric acid and destroying the tissue around it.”

I couldn’t see Emmie’s face, so his reaction was anyone's guess. “It’s called chlorine gas, and I absolutely plan to eventually use it on other living beings.” I flicked a switch on the wall, and the fans turned on- sucking all the toxic gas out of the room into the atmosphere above. It’ll… probably be fine. In fact it was snowing outside- so I’m thinking that the chlorine should bind to the snowflakes in the air, creating acid snow.

Like I said, probably fine. I took my mask off and took in a breath of the nice, fresh air once the room was clear. I gave Emmie a smirk.

“So- what ya think?” I asked him. Slowly, he pulled his mask off- revealing a mad grin across his features.

“I think you’re batshit crazy. Alright, spill it- what’s this all for?” He asked, and I chuckled. I flung the almost dead mutt over my back and gestured for him to follow me.

“I’ll explain when we’re somewhere more private. Come on- I’m just gonna chuck this in the harbor, then we’ll head back to my place.” I gave him a smile, “I’ll make us some hot chocolate or somethin’.”

And so, we made our way to the harbor, making smalltalk and enjoying the snowy weather along the way. It was a late winter's evening- and the town felt so wonderfully serene. Unfortunately, something would soon break that serenity once we reached the harbor.

“Mind’s Eye? Leona?” I heard the gruff voice of Heavyweight nearby. “What’re you doing?”

I just gave him a shrug. “Eh, just getting rid of this test subject. You know how it goes.” I made my way down the dock.

“But… but that dog’s still alive!” I turned around and noticed that he was looking at me in abject horror.

“I don’t see the big deal-” Emmie chimed in with a shrug- “I mean, it’s pretty much dead anyway. We’re just finishing the job.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “See, you read my mind, bud!” I said, tossing the barely-breathing mutt into the water below.

“You’re a sick fuck!” He yelled, and honestly? I was feeling a bit offended.

“Now hang on, just who the fuck are you to act the role of moral compass? Haven’t you killed other ponies before in cage matches by accident?” but he ignored me and looked towards Emmie.

“Emmie, please… tell me you had nothing to do with this?” He was almost pleading, and I had a bad feeling about this whole thing. My friend looked around nervously.

“Well, not… not directly, no.” Heavyweight snorted in disgust.

“Unbelievable.” He turned around and began to walk away. “You can stop by my place to get your stuff tomorrow.” Emmie’s ears drooped low- I could tell he was in a lot of pain.

“W-what… what are you saying?” He said, his voice terribly shaky.

“What I’m saying is that we’re done. Again- if you don’t get your stuff out of my apartment by tomorrow, it’s all going in the garbage.” My best friend was in utter disbelief, and I myself was getting ready to draw my gun out of a sense of righteous anger. As he was walking away, I yelled in his direction-

“Now just where the fuck do you think you’re going, tough guy? You think you can just hurt my best pal like that and walk away?” I glared at him, gritting my beak. He turned around and got in my face.

“And just what the fuck are you gonna do about it, vulture?” OH, HE DID NOT JUST FUCKING GO THERE! I pulled out my pistol, resting the barrels under his chin. In case you didn’t know, calling a griffon a vulture is essentially the quintessential racial slur against our kind. It’s like calling an Asian person a- nevermind.

Anyways, I was fucking pissed.

“Alright, you listen to me, motherfucker. Give me one good fucking reason to not paint the snow with your miniscule fucking brains, you inbred cousin-fuckin’ mud horse.” In case you didn’t know, calling an earth pony a mud horse is essentially the quintessential racial slur against their tribe. It’s the equivalent of calling a black guy a-

You know what, I’m not gonna continue this line of thinking.

I clicked the funny switch on my pistol.

But before I could do anything stupid, I was pulled out of my rage by the sound of a choked-back sob behind me. Instantly, my whole tough bitch act fell as I holstered my gun and went to console my best friend. Heavyweight snorted and presumably walked away.

“Come on, bud. He ain’t worth it.” I said, and my friend bit his lip, shaking terribly. “We’ll go to my house and I’ll fetch you a pint, how’s that sound?” I put my wing around his back and he nodded slowly. When we got to my place, which wasn’t too terribly far of a walk, I set him on the couch and threw a blanket around his back. I then went to the kitchen to fetch him a nice, cold pint- but paralyzed by choice, I yelled into the living room.

“YO, EM! You want rocky road or mint chip?”

A pint of ice cream, that is. You know- since there was no alcohol in our house. Hell, Dee even threw out the bottles of pure spirits I was saving for molotovs.

“R-rocky road, please.” He whimpered out, and I nodded. I wasted no time in grabbing him a spoon and cracking the lid. Briefly, I saw a note on the top- Diamond Tiara’s only! Do not eat! This means you, Leona! And discarded the note. She’ll understand- the circumstances were quite dire, after all.

I tossed him the tub and he sniffled, a faint smile on his face. “Th-thanks, Leona. You’re the best.”

“Bah, don’t mention it, man.” I said, turning on the radio. And so- the next hour was filled with the sounds of eating ice cream with radio rom-coms playing in the background, with occasional bouts of Emmie crying into my shoulder.

Unbeknownst to us- my girlfriend came home at some point, heading straight for the kitchen.

“WHERE’S MY ROCKY ROAD!?” I heard her yelling, and the feathers on my neck stood straight. She stormed into the living room- and saw the state Emmie and I were both in. Her expression of righteous fury fell and she nodded in understanding, taking her spot on the nearby recliner chair.

“Spill it. What happened?” She asked, and Emmie sniffed.

“H-Heavyweight… he broke up with me.” His voice cracked fiercely, then he groaned in annoyance. “Gotta take this damn thing off, it’s starting to chafe.” He whinged, pulling his eyepatch off and revealing the weird double pupil beneath.

I just wrapped a wing around his back, deciding to continue for him. “We tested the chlorine today, using a stray dog. It worked, and once we were done I was just gonna throw it in the harbor- but Heavyweight went full moral compass on us.” I just shrugged.

“I mean… it was pretty much dead anyway, right?” Dee asked, and I nodded. “So then what’s the big deal?” Emmie sniffled and decided to chip in.

“I should’ve known he’d react that way. He’s always been big on saving the animals and all that nonsense. Remember when we were in the wagon, and Purple Heart was talking about his involvement in the great hunts?” I cocked an eyebrow and nodded. “Well, I don’t know if you noticed, but I was having a hard time keeping Heavyweight from kicking him off the wagon.”

I blinked twice, then said- “Huh. I guess I never did notice- I was busy listening to his stories, really.” I then snorted in annoyance. “What a cunt.” Emmie just sighed in response.

“You know what? I’m tired of thinking about him. What say we discuss the results of today’s experiment?” He asked with a sly grin. I couldn’t help but grin in response.

“Yeah, hon!” Dee said enthusiastically, “Tell me- what did it do?” I gave her a dark grin in response.

“Well, like I told Emmie earlier- It reacted to the water in its eyeballs and lungs, blinding it and causing it to hack up bits and pieces of its lungs. I imagine that it’s quite an agonizing death.” Dee hummed enthusiastically.

“It sure seemed that way.” Emmie spoke up, completely unbothered by that fact. Dee giggled.

“You know- you’re pretty enthusiastic about all this.” He just shrugged in response.

“I’m a stallion of science. I’m always fascinated by new discoveries and ideas. So, tell me- for what purpose have you created this… this superweapon?” I gave him a wide grin in response.

“I’m gonna be undoing an injustice that was done to my country a long, long time ago. The diamond dogs won’t know what hit them.” I lit up a cigarette then took a long drag. “I’m gonna fill their caves and castles with chlorine gas and lead a small team of stormtroopers into their caves to spread terror and drive them out. Once they’ve been driven out, a bunch of them will be picked off by rifle fire from a distance until they either surrender or die.

And once that’s all done, a rainstorm should neutralize most of the gas- and the dogs are working for us. I plan on taking over the Confederacy for myself and turning it into an industrial powerhouse!” Emmie was stroking his chin in thought.

“I’ll even give you your own team of diamond dog excavators for archaeology purposes.” His smile grew wide.

“I’m in.” He said. I gave him a wide smile and wrapped him in a hug. “What you’re doing is an utter perversion of the ideals of science- you get results, and I respect that about you.”

“I knew I could count on you. And think about it! You can do whatever crazy cult stuff that you’re into- as long as no griffons are harmed, I don’t give a shit what you do over there. The place is pretty much a lawless wasteland by now, anyway." Despite my excitement, I couldn’t keep the sadness out of my voice at the last bit.

“Keep in mind, though- This family of ours is a secret.” Dee spoke up with a stern voice. “If word of any of this gets out, we’ll be labeled as pariah’s among pony society. Despite how well laid out this plan is- we still need money. Lots of it.” she then looked to me with a smirk. “And I have just the solution.”

I cocked an eyebrow, urging her to go on.

“Next year, my father’s opening a new store in Manehattan and he wants me to manage it.” My eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. I never explained her family’s business- Rich’s Barnyard Bargains. It’s basically several big box stores all managed by her fathers corporation; Think like K-Mart or Walmart.

“We’ll use that store as a front! Money laundering, stuff like that. Meanwhile, I’ll be doing what I do best to bring in the loot.” This was PERFECT! I was literally kicking my feet in excitement- this was gonna be fuckin SWEET! “Alright, Emmie- if you think you can keep a secret, you’re 100 percent in. What d’ya say?” I held out a hand and he shook it with a grin.

The deal was sealed- and in more ways than one, the world would change forever.

Unbeknownst to all of us, while we were all plotting our eventual takeover of Manehattan and The Confederacy- some major shit had been going down across greater Equestria. Old villains were making alliances, there was this whole debacle where some kid tried to steal all the magic, and there was almost a full blown race war between the three pony tribes.

And who was the catalyst of this tomfoolery? Fuckin’ Discord, who else? Apparently, Celestia and Luna were stepping down as rulers of Equestria, crowning Princess Grand Autism as the leader.

Naturally- she’s only in her 30s, and wasn’t anywhere near prepared for the responsibility of ruling one of the biggest empires in the world. And so Discord, in his infinite wisdom, disguised himself as an ancient evil guy to trick some of the biggest “villains” in recent Equestrian history to team up, including this batshit insane little girl, to take over the throne of Equestria.

Briefly, I wondered if the little girl was a reincarnated human herself- but she’s a statue now.

Talk about getting stoned.

Anyways- I’m gonna skip the bullshit. Go to a library and read the newspapers from the time period, or wait for the history books to be written. Long story short- Twilight now has the throne to Equestria, for better or for worse. Honestly? It might be for the better in my case.

I know Twilight. I know how to deal with her.

But thankfully, that debacle cleared up- just in time for my wedding.

Dee kept her promise, and so did I. I’d been sober for a year, and I fully planned on keeping it that way. They were right- the liquor was clouding my mind.

The wedding was a small affair- the ponies of Ponyville haven’t really forgotten the whole tongue debacle. It was a warm summer's evening- and we were at the Moonside Lake. Mayor Mare was reading off our vows as I beheld my love wearing a beautiful pink tuxedo. It surprised me, but I also surprised her by wearing a dress- so it evens out.

Mamma was there constantly wiping away her tears and Dee’s parents looked much the same- although in their case, they were probably crying because their daughter was marrying me, of all people. Emmie stood not too far away- and I looked back at him and winked. Meanwhile, the rest of Dee’s extended family was there in the audience, though I didn’t really know any of them.

Silver spoon was there, too. She was Dee’s best mare- I still can’t believe they made up after that whole disaster.

“Do you, Diamond Tiara, take Leona to be your lawfully wedded wife- in sickness and in health- and to remain by her side for the rest of your days?” My girlfriendsniffled and said,

“I-I do.”

“And do you, Leona Grimfeather, take Diamond Tiara as your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health- and to remain by her side for the rest of your days?” I myself was getting choked up.

Even though I knew this was happening, it all felt so surreal to me.

“Come hell or high water, I do.” I said, tears threatening to run down my cheeks.

“If there be any objections, speak now or forever hold your piece.” Dee’s Mother looked like she was about to open her mouth to say something- but my Mamma elbowed her, hard.

She took that as her hint to shut the fuck up.

“May the Light forever shine upon this couple, as I now pronounce them to be married.” the mayor said with a smile.

Tears fell from my eyes as I pulled in my girlfriend… no, my wife in for a deep, passionate kiss.

It was… blissful. Mamma was in the audience babbling about how proud she was of me. Dee’s parents remained as somber as ever, though Mrs. Rich was rubbing her side with a hoof. We broke the kiss and Emmie put a hoof around my back.

“Glad to see it all worked out for you, friend.” He said, and I just smiled and nodded.

If you told me 40 years ago that this would be happening- I would ask to have some of whatever you were smoking. Never thought I’d get married- to a pony, no less.

But I wasn’t complaining. In fact- I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier in either of my lives.

We had a relatively small reception after the wedding, and that night, we had both rented a motel room.

After all- we still had to consummate the marriage, and we planned on getting loud. In fact- it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time, seeing as we were both in heat.

In the motel room, we got undressed and she began to unpack her suitcase full of… tools. I trembled in excitement as she laid them out, describing in excruciating detail what she was gonna do with all of them.

We… We received several noise complaints that night.

Best. Night. Ever.

As I laid in bed cuddled against her that night, despite all the soreness, all it took was seeing her little smile to just… forget it all.

“I love you so fuckin’ much. You make me the happiest girl alive.” I muttered to her, and she giggled.

“You make me feel the same way, you know that? That’s why I said yes when you asked to marry.” I kissed her on the forehead, and we both drifted off to sleep.

I don’t fully know what the future holds- but I was excited for it nonetheless. First we’ll take over Manehattan- then we’ll take over the Confederacy.

This... was gonna be fun.

Author's Note

A bit delayed, to be sure... but they're finally married! The plan is slowly but surely coming together- but now that Twilight has the throne, I wonder how that will effect the world stage?

Also... I might have been listening to too much Sabaton whenever I was thinking of Leona's battle strategy :P

Perversions of the ideals of science- but then again, Leona never was in it for the science. But hey- it's a good thing she's close friends with a de-facto mad scientist :P

And after 14 years... Leona is finally gonna raise some hell in Manehattan. Remember how they were originally gonna move there? Perhaps the world would have been better off if she did in the first place.

As always, thank you for reading! Likes and comments are appreciated greatly :3