“LET GO OF ME, PIGS!” Starlight yelled as she was literally dragged into Canterlot Castle Dungeon for questioning. They were not gentle, and Starlight didn’t make it easy for them. She kicked and struggled the whole way, getting bruised and scraped up in the process. The was held down and strapped to a chair in a decent sized stone room with one-way glass; a magic-inhibitor ring was slid onto her horn.

It was a travesty. Captain Gallus, as head of the Equestrian armed guard forces, was in charge of the execution of this travesty. Officers stormed the place, their normal guns loaded with experimental less-lethal rubber bullets which, heated up by black powder, partially melted and fused with skin. They stopped when they realized this- but the damage had been done. Arrests were made, ponies dragged off for medical attention, bodies were bagged.

“Long time no see, Principle Starlight.” Gallus said with a grin, taking his seat across from the prisoner. She glared at him with hate- but he shrugged it off. “I can see you’ve been busy.”

“After all I’ve done for you?” She growled, her gums starting to hurt from how hard she was gritting her teeth.

“I serve Equestria, Starlight. That takes priority over all else.” Her glare never fell, and he continued- “This was your choice. Twilight warned you that if you went through with this, she’d have to stop you.”

“Oh, please. After how ponies have been treated today, do you think they won’t want to fight back?” Her eyes followed Gallus as he paced around the room slowly. “What you did today was appalling. Ponies were mutilated, some could have died!” He merely shrugged.

“I admit, those rubber bullets were somewhat untested. I think they ignored the instructions and used a normal sized powder load. Lessons learned- it is what it is, and the company that made them will be brought to justice.” Starlight snorted.

“Yeah, I’m sure they will.” She rolled her eyes.

“And besides- it was about time we took a page out of Leona’s book. They were all traitors that needed to be made an example of. But anyways, on to the point.” He said plainly, leaning into the desk. “Until this whole thing blows over, Twilight’s sending you to live with the changelings, alright? She has reason to believe that your life is in danger.” Her scowl somehow intensified.

“It’s not gonna blow over! It’s never gonna blow over!” She yelled, struggling against the leather straps. “Do you think Celestia will just sit back and let this happen to her ponies!?” Gallus chuckled.

“Celestia’s semi-retired, and her strength is waning. I’m not supposed to tell anyone this- but Luna’s preoccupied with taking care of her sister in her failing health.” She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, please. You expect me to believe that?” She said, in total denial. It was impossible- Celestia was immortal, everypony knew it. “But believe it or not, no one will listen to you anyway. The ponies out there were only a small minority. The rest of us still have sense.” He had an unbearably smug grin- and after a few moments, she realized something he had yet to mention.

“And what about Trixie!?” She yelled, fear creeping up her spine.

“She’ll be fine here. It’ll only be for a few years, tops.” He explained, and Starlight froze.

“No… no, you can’t-can’t do that, I-” She begged, but would receive no mercy. “If my life’s in danger, then so is hers!” Tears threatened to spill, and she was getting desperate.

“That’s not my problem. Take it up with Twilight.” He said, leaning back in his chair. Starlight was shaking her head, almost in denial of what she was hearing.

“You can’t split us apart! You can’t!” Tears rolled down her cheeks as she begged to not be separated from the love of her life. “You can’t, I won’t, I won’t allow it!” She tried to channel her magic, but it just fizzled from the ring.

Gallus, after spending so much time at the top with so much power… changed, over the years. It was gradual at first, but sped up after being humiliated by the griffons, multiple times. When he first started school, he was a bit of a bully, as a holdover from his time as a cynical petty thief. Perhaps this trait never left him, but was buried deep down?

“You should’ve thought about that before you betrayed my country with your poisonous ideas.” He said smugly, getting off his chair and leaning against the table.

Unfortunately since he was in the dungeon, he never noticed the private Griffonian zeppelin mooring in the Canterlot Castle Airdock.

The door slammed open, and a crowd of guards followed Twilight.

“Captain Gallus! What is the meaning of this disgrace!?” She yelled from behind him, causing him to jump so high he almost hit the ceiling. He turned around, and while he stuttered out an answer… the crowd of guards split.

Leona was walking intently towards Gallus, looking very pissed off.

“MEDIC!” He yelled pre-emptively, trying to back away.

“MEDIC!” That blue shitstain yelled as I stomped up to him and decked him in the ribs. He was knocked to the ground instantly, and I was very thankful that the Equestrians followed my lead and phased out metal armor.

“Not today!” I shouted, kicking him with my wooden leg for good measure. “You’re a fucking disgrace to our kind and a stain on our reputation!” Then I kicked him again, just because.

“IS ANYPONY GONNA EXPLAIN WHAT’S GOING ON!?” Starlight yelled, cheeks wet with tears.

“Yeah, I’m kinda waiting on that as well.” I deadpanned, gently rubbing my knuckle.

Basically what happened was brought down to sheer, dumb luck. Dee and I left in our airship around the same time that Twilight was trying to talk Glimmer out of her rally. It was obvious to Twi that Glimmer wouldn’t listen, so she planned to beg the changelings for forgiveness so they’d shelter and protect Starlight.

And it just so happened that it landed on the same day we arrived for that meeting. After working out an arms deal with the changelings, that’s when she showed. She explained her predicament- and I had an idea.

I argued that she wouldn’t be any safer in the changeling hive than in Equestria- possibly even less safe. The changelings had no training, and Thorax was too naive. But the gist of it is, that Twilight realized that I was right, and I agreed to shelter Starlight and Trixie. She may be a commie- but I saw her potential future use.

She just needed a little better… guidance, is all. You know, on how to properly keep and consolidate power. She’s already an influential figure in the Equestrian mind- all we’d need is to wait for the right time to strike.

But while this was happening, Gallus was tasked with breaking apart the assembly and arresting Glimmer. He intended it to be peaceful and organized, or so he claimed. But the problem was, they simply weren’t expecting the sheer amount of ponies that would show up. And when they all started taking their shoes off and banging them against the ground, it apparently made the guards nervous.

Allegedly, Gallus never gave the order to fire. Either way, it is what it is. Their guns, reminiscent of 1500s handgonnes with a flintlock system and a large trigger, fired rubber bullets upon the crowd, inflicting gunpowder burns and other injuries.

What they didn’t realize was that the rubber bullets were only patented. They were never manufactured or tested; the original document stated that you were supposed to fire the bullet into the ground, which would then ricochet at a lower velocity. Evidently, they missed that sidenote. Their handgonnes were woefully short ranged and totally outclassed by the revolver I carried in my holster. I’m willing to bet what happened was, someone managed to smuggle the patent details for “non-lethal” rubber bullets out of the country, which Equestria copied shamelessly and without testing.

It was pure fuckin’ mayhem when we showed up. But as soon as we moored and everyone saw The Sign, it was kinda funny. I looked out the window, and they were all frozen like ants down below, they didn't know what the fuck to do.

But my plan was simple- I was gonna… put some good ideas in her head, then smuggle her back in when the time was right. Only, there was just one problem.

“If you think I’m gonna break apart a loving couple for you, you’re fuckin’ mistaken.” I asserted to Twilight, who nodded rapidly. Starlight, who had been released from her chair after Gallus recovered, looked amazed.

“Y-you mean-” She stuttered.

“What? I’m not a fuckin animal.” I went up to her and looked her in the eyes. “You’ll be safe in Griffonia. But you won’t be a prisoner, either. You’ll have freedom, privacy, and your own room within my compound. You’ll have a detachment of enforcers specifically tasked with keeping you safe.” I held out my hand, and she took it with a smile.

“You’ll even be able to write to your family. And hey- you might finally be able to get some real writing done, eh?” She giggled, and the deal was made.

I won’t bore you with the specifics of our conversation, but once she realized she’d still have her wife, freedom, and even what amounted to a paid vacation, she said that as long as I promise to eventually get her back home, she’d go with me.

I fully intended on doing that- as much as I dislike communism, if executed right, I’d much rather have a stable, friendly, and pliable Equestria on my side. I’d had just about enough of The Crown and its meddling.

Before we left, Trixie and Glimmer said their goodbyes to Twilight. Though because of the days events- it could hardly be called a tearful departure. Glimmer had a private conversation with Twilight beforehand, but I wasn’t sure what about. All I knew was Starlight left that office looking like she’d been crying.

Later that evening, we took a quick detour towards Ponyville so the couple could pick up their stuff. There wasn't a dock, so I had to get someone to fly them down manually. Sadly, we didn’t have enough fuel to stop and visit their relatives, and I was on a bit of a tight timeframe as is. I did let them write and mail out some letters, to at least let them know they were alright.

I, myself, wasted no time getting my outfit off. The work for the day was done- it was time to relax. As an afterthought, I took my leg off, setting it next to the couch. Dee was in her spot, while Glimmer and Trixie sat on one nearby.

“You know what? The decorations in here remind me of a Las Pegasus cocktail lounge!” Trixie said with a giggle, and I gave her a smug grin. On the nearby side table was a cup-shaped phone receiver.

“Yo, Tonio! You hear me?” I spoke into the device, and he immediately responded.

“Loud and clear, Don Grimfeather.” I looked over to my guests, muttering a gimme a sec into the mic.

“You girls want anything? Got all kinds of booze and liquor here. And I got some hash, if that’s what you prefer.” I said, wiggling my eyebrows. Way I saw it- might as well make them comfortable.

“No thanks, we couldn't-” Glimmer started, but her wife was having none of it.

“We'll take the champagne, please!” Her wife glared at her, but Trix looked oblivious.

Can relate.

“And get me the usual, please.” I said to him, and he replied with a chipper sure thing, Don Grimfeather.

“Wait, should we be calling you Don?” Glimmer asked, sounding somewhat nervous. I just snorted.

“Nah, if I had a problem, I would’ve said something.” I pulled the lever on my chair and kicked back, my spine thanking me in the process. “Don’t ever get buried alive. My back hasn’t been quite right since.” There was an awkward silence afterwards- but I didn’t give a shit. It was time to chill.

Tonio brought our drinks, and I reached into my non-existent coat for a tip.

“Oh, shit, forgot I wasn’t wearing my coat!” I giggled. “In my room, my coat’s hanging up. Get yourself a hundo outta the pocket.”

“No, I-I couldn’t-” He tried to be humble, but I refused.

“That was an order, Tonio.” With a wide grin, he said thank you, Don Grimfeather.

Meanwhile, my guests seemed floored. Once he was gone, Trixie asked- “A hundred? Did you say a hundred?” I just shrugged with a grin.

“What? He did a great job keepin’ the ice cubes cold.” I shook my glass, the ice cubes clinking against the sides of the fine crystalware.

“Are you not… are you not worried he’ll-” Starlight said.

“Steal from me? Not really.” I said, with no further elaboration.

“But… what if he does?” Trixie asked cautiously. I rolled my eyes and explained casually-

“Then I’ll break his wings and throw him out the window. Look, let me be very clear with something.” I put my chair leg rest down so I can sit up and properly talk to them, and Dee did the same. “Wipe that look of fear off your face. Despite what the Equestrian media will tell you, I’m not a monster. We all sort of have a mutual understanding that if you steal from me, there’s gonna be a fuckin’ problem.”

Thankfully since my wife and I share a single brain cell, she elaborated further.

“And that doesn’t just go for small fry like Tonio. Doesn’t matter how big you are, if we find out that you’re fucking with us? We’ll huck you in a shallow grave. In your essay, you were talking about using peaceful diplomacy and government regulation to keep the corporations in line. That’s a pipe dream.” Dee said plainly, and I nodded in agreement.

“And on the other end of the spectrum, I have no issues helping those below me. If someone directly under me has a problem, they go to me. Besides- government is just a nicer way of saying protection racket. Might as well treat it like one. The only difference is, instead of sending in Sally Balls and Pete the Killer to shake down some deadbeat, I send in the fucking army. If they still refuse to cooperate, especially if they try fighting back, we’ll whack the fucker and seize all their assets. But generally, people are happy to stay in line, as long as the line is reasonable.” Glimmer genuinely seemed deep in thought by this.

“Here’s what you gotta remember.” I started, getting her attention. “Generally speaking, it is important to be both loved and feared. But depending on the context, it may be safer to be feared, such as with the diamond dogs. It is much harder to get over a fear than to get over a relationship. But the key is, never be hated.” My wife nodded in agreement, and said-

“I’m willing to bet that what happened in Canterlot today will severely destabilize Equestria. In fact-” She turned on the radio next to her side of the couch, tuning through the stations to find a news broadcast.

After sifting through static, we heard- “In light of the recent tragedy, one question still remains: what happened to Glimmer? And are the rumors that she was kidnapped by the griffons true? We asked Captain Gallus for further comment, who sustained fractures to his ribs in the initial scuffle.”

I burst out laughing. “HAH! Cocksucker won’t even admit I kicked his ass!” but I was shushed by my wife and Glimmer.

“In light of recent events, Starlight Glimmer was charged with treason, and her wife, Trixie Lulamoon, charged with collusion with a traitor. Their punishment was exile. That is all I'm at liberty to say.” If I had a drink in my mouth, I would’ve done a spit take.

“Please, stay tuned for live updates!” The reporter said as Trixie scrambled off the couch.

“TREASON!?” Trixie yelled into the radio like the reporter could hear her.

“Jesus fucking Christ, can they just do something right for once? They’re giving it to us!” I ranted with a chuckle.

“Why the fuck would they do that?” Dee muttered to herself, hoof to her chin.

“Gallus said something earlier about taking a page out of your book, Leona…” Glimmer muttered while rubbing her chin. I just snorted, saying-

“Then he’s using them as fuckin’ rolling papers, then. That’s the problem with Equestrian propaganda- it’s portrayed me as such a violent psycho to the point that they only know me for the wrong things I’ve done. What probably happened was their spies saw the success of my Syndicate and learned all the wrong lessons from my methods.” I took a sip of whiskey, and looked to Starlight to ask- “When did he become such a prick anyway?” instantly, Glimmer's sheepish demeanor vanished as she decided to answer.

“I’ll tell you exactly what happened.” She said, a certain spark in her eye. “Over the past half decade or so, petty crime has skyrocketed. Protection rackets, bootlegging, gambling houses, prostitution- Gallus has been cracking down on that stuff hard for the last few years, and it’s basically doing fuck all.” I gasped, as I realized exactly where she was going with this.

“But the tighter he squeezed, the more slipped through his fingers!” I was using my hands to mimic that gesture and continued, “That’s why the Elites were able to slowly erode your middle class, right? From the lack of oversight and focus?” She nodded rapidly, giggling- which I joined in on.

“Exactly! Gallus has become tyrannical in an attempt to fight all the petty crime left in the wake of the power vacuum you left behind-” I jokingly mimicked tugging my collar, even though I was effectively naked. “The Crown bit off more than it could chew by going after the crimes of the middle and lower classes, and being completely negligent to the scheming nobles!” She ranted, gesturing in a way reminiscent of how I do. It was my turn, though!

“And if anything, it only served to highlight an underlying weakness with the system, anyway. Simply put, Twilight doesn’t know what to look for. She’s not very good at doublespeak, her poker face is atrocious, and the only thing backing her up right now is her allying with the dragons, and that’s only because Celestia kicked their asses in that war forever ago.” I put a cigarette in my mouth and fumbled for my lighter on the desk. “So what I wanna know is, despite showing their ineptitude to rule multiple times, why is Celestia so adamant on staying retired?” I asked, lighting my cigarette and taking a drag.

That, honestly, is what this all came down to. If Celestia was immortal, why the fuck wouldn’t she just keep her ass on the throne?

“Oh, shit…” I heard Glimmer mutter. At this point in the conversation, my wife and Trixie excused themselves to listen to the radio for any updates in a different part of the deck, and we didn't even notice. But Glimmer had a look in her eye, perhaps fear? “Earlier today, Gallus said something to me. About Celestia’s health failing.” My eyes widened along with hers.

“Oh… Christ.” that, honest to fuck, had me a little concerned. I anxiously nibbled on my pointer finger in thought. “If Celestia bites dirt, things are gonna get really messy. It could give Luna an in to potentially take the throne as Queen of Equestria. Twilight would be so devastated that she’d be fuckin’ useless. The Dragons only follow Celestia because they haven’t realized that her strength was waning, and because the most ancient among them were witness to the devastation of the Dragon Wars- you know, they saw their forebears fuck around and find out and vowed to not make the same mistakes. All the meanwhile, the changelings worship some fucked up elder being that I know nothing about.” I’m gonna need to put a massive rush on the BFG Project.

However, at the mention of the changelings, Starlight gasped, that spark in her eye reappearing. “What d’ya wanna know about the changelings? I know quite a bit about them, Thorax is a good friend of mine.” I couldn’t help but smirk.

“You know, you were so reserved when you first got here. Glad to know you’re quick to open up.” I joked with a chuckle, and Glimmer blushed and giggled, rubbing the back of her head.

“Yeah, I… I’ve always been like that, actually. I just never was one for small-talk, you know?” I nodded with a smile.

“I hear ya, there. Everytime I come home, Mamma asks me, what’d you have good for lunch? And I’m like I dunno, some lunchmeat I guess?” We both shared a laugh, “Like, I’m a busy woman! Half the time I skip lunch, you think I’m sitting down and cataloging that shit?” Starlight snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Oh, yeah. My Father’s kinda like that, but… well, you wanted to know about the changelings?” She said with a smug grin. She recommended I get some paper to write the stuff down. Rather than quoting Glimmer verbatim, I’ll just summarize.

It reminds me of a Lovecraft quote- “We are all the miserable denizens of a wretched little flyspeck on the back door of a microscopic universe.”

Well, it rings the same here. During the ancient times of this planet, before the rise of true, sapient life, changelings ruled the planet and dominated the weaker species. Their form was quite different back then, much like how ponies of the time look nothing like their modern counterparts. Ponies back then, called Equus Antegenuno, were reminiscent of horses; Changelings, according to legend, looked far closer to their Father.

That’s why so many ancient equine civilizations depict changelings in their oldest texts and crumbling murals as, and I quote, “Hideous creatures of eyes, mouths, and teeth which stuck to no definite form or shape, as though they were intelligent jelly.” The only “similarities” they shared, was the lack of them- anatomically or in silhouette. But of course, most of this information is common knowledge among modern men of science… Except for the existence of Father.

Father is… well, to put it bluntly, not even the changelings know his origin. Their ancient scrawlings hint at grand battles of the gods, their offspring dashed into the stones, and the leaking blood seeped into the ground and turned into Father. Due to the nature of our more rigid vocal cords, it’s impossible for ponies, griffons, or any species besides changelings to say his name. A changeling only has to give themselves the proper vocal cords; but for the rest of us, the closest pronunciation and spelling, scholars listened to traditional breaks and syllables in the name, and translated as close as they could to our modern alphabet.

Shub-Niggurath.

I shit you not. God damnit. But the way the changelings pronounce it, according to Thorax, is filled with odd chirps, clicks, wet scratchings, buzzing, and cicada-esque hissing- as though a legion of insects were combining the small noises they could make to form a complete word.

But anyways- what happened to the changelings? Well, we’re not totally sure… but from ancient changeling legends, scholars of old could piece together what sparked the change. The agreed upon answer, however, is the rise of sapient life.

Long before the first bricks of Quaggalon were baked and the first zebra civilizations formed, before the Ponies were forced to flee to the north to avoid slavery, and before intelligence itself- changelings were a much simpler organism. They would come to you in the night, take your place, and drain the emotions from your friends. By the time they realized something was off, the changeling was gone, and your friends are left to wonder why you abandoned them.

According to some scholars, this is what pushed the evolution of sapient life- or, a piece to the puzzle, anyway. The intelligence of the zebras and ponies, collectively called Equines, grew exponentially- leading to the creation of the first languages. They could finally warn their friends of impending danger; one simply had to cry CHANGELING! to get the attention of your herd.

Then, the equines built houses to shelter them in the night. Basic structures- but four walls with only one entrance was a massive improvement to the shade of a tree in the night, or a tall grassy field. Equines, though especially earth ponies, soon discovered their affinity for farming; The more food they grew, the more ponies joined their herd.

Well, we know the story- more food, more people to buy the food, more people to help make the food, you gotta keep track of the sales, you need carpenters to build better houses, then they invent things, which make things better! Then you need more people, and more farmers, and more houses, more specialized trades, now there’s money, building, writing, laws, power…

SOCIETYYYY!

Uh, ahem. But the most important invention when it came to the dethroning of the changeling, was writing. Your herd finally had a way to make their children, and their children's children, aware of the dangers these creatures possessed, and how to avoid them. Now, if this was a normal planet, these creatures would have gone extinct and remained a strange mystery for the posterity and puzzlement of future generations.

But something… happened to the changelings, around this time. They always used the system of returning corpses to Father, which gets distilled into honey. The body-chucking thing is a myth, as the most intimate details of their history are known only by those at the top.

But generally speaking, the leading theory is that as changelings consumed the more complex emotions of the equines, they started to experience true feelings and emotions for the first time. It was subtle at first, but as more and more memories of friends sharing unbreakable bonds with each other, and the subsequent heartbreak that comes with a changeling attack, they started to experience something like genuine guilt.

Then, they somehow realized- just because they had no definite form, doesn’t mean they had to stay that way. And so, modeling themselves after the new dominant species, they became what was called Equus Mimikos. Their many eyes formed into insect-like compound eyes. They closed all their extra mouths and consolidated their sharp teeth into a single orifice. Their outer jelly hardened into a somewhat porous carapace which defended them and allowed them to breathe; but the process was imperfect, and creating limbs and horns resulted in the jelly drying strangely, causing holes to appear on their legs, and gossamer-like fins.

In the case of Queen Chrysalis, her advanced age brought on by cursed magics caused her carapace to stretch quite thin. Near the end, she was a sad, gangly creature full of holes; her barrel had split, revealing the blue-green membrane which separates the carapace from the guts. Her “hair” was actually a strange vine which budded on her carapace, and she purposefully styled it to appear like a mane. Her horn was so gnarled and full of holes, it appeared as though a strong wind could make it snap off.

But despite these changes to appeal to their neighbors, they were still shunned, leading many to keep their new forms but adopt older ways of disguise. But using their newfound intelligence, they adapted.

But the problem was, as civilization spread, ponies never stopped evolving. By now, they’d completely separated from their Zebra brethren in the south, led by… Well, you all know how Equestria was founded. But it wasn’t Windigoes that caused the move, according to Glimmer. Actually, it was the result of centuries of enslavement by the Zebras. At the time, they actually had all the pony races tricked into hating each other, and-

“God damnit, you got sidetracked and I followed you right in!” I interrupted with a laugh. She had a nervous look at first, but her eyes lit up when I told her to keep going.

But anyways, the three tribes united, moved north and yada yada. Discord came to power and created a bunch of other chimeras for the funny, and Celestia and Luna rose to their initial power and clapped Discords cheeks using the Macguffin of Harmony. But anyways- back to the original point Glimmer was trying to make for this side tangent. The reason Celestia came up with the Windigo thing was because she wanted to open up trade with the zebras. At this point, it’d been thousands of years since they were enslaved, and the ponies still held a grudge every year during a national holiday.

Then Celestia was like, no no no, this is what really happened! Trust me, I was there! Or something. So this is why in Equestria, from the months of November to February, Equestrian stores like Barnyard Bargains are filled with the sounds of all kinds of annoying-as-fuck holiday songs about bells, snow, friendship, and someone’s mother singing about how horny she is for Santa Claus.

Okay, that last one was from Earth- but that song’s fucking annoying and you cannot prove me wrong. But I digress.

Anyways, as Celestia gained power, she and Luna defeated the dragons in a victory so decisive, the remaining dragons, such as Ex-Dragonlord Torch, swore they would forever be neutral and amicable to the rest of the world. After that, she could finally deal with the changeling problem once and for all…

“And… then what?” I asked after a few moments of silence. She gave me a smirk.

“That’s where the truth of the official story ends. What remains to be told was primarily pieced together by lone scholars acting independently against the permission of the princess. But thankfully, I’m close friends with Twilight and Thorax- which is about as close as I can get to a primary source.”

Basically, the rumor goes that before sending an army to wipe out the changeling hive once and for all, Celestia decided to do some research into this species… and came to the conclusion that whatever was below them needed to be protected from public knowledge at all costs.

“I… don’t know for sure what Celestia found out. No-one does except for her. One time, I asked Luna… who threatened to have me charged with treason if I pushed the matter. Well, that ship has sailed already.” She joked, and we both shared a laugh. “But get this!” She was leaning forward in her seat, clearly excited to share this knowledge; I did much the same, excited to hear her thoughts.

“After the Mass Kidnapping Incident which ousted Chrysalis as the Queen, I asked Celestia if she always knew the hive was there in the Badlands…” She giggled, rubbing her hooves together. “All she said was yes… she didn’t elaborate, but I didn’t need her to.”

So what really happened was Celestia fulfilled her role as the unwitting protagonist of a Lovecraft story, piecing together forbidden information and coming to a horrifying conclusion… This is based on sheer speculation on Glimmer’s part, she admitted, but I had a feeling in my gut that she was right.

Then, according to Glimmer, Celestia had the Mananite throne constructed in secret. It was an exceedingly difficult mineral, and probably had to be forged in Tartarus itself. We know this, as scientists have discovered small pockets of what is presumed to be the same mineral in Tartarus.

The reason it’s so difficult to work with is because it absorbs most magic. So while Celestia told the general public that the changeling issue had been dealt with, she gifted them the Mananite Throne as a gesture of goodwill to make their home basically untouchable by Equine species. Simply put, they have come to rely on magic to such a degree that no one remembers when the Celestial bodies moved on their own will, and to deprive them of this magic would have deleterious effects.

Ah, just as a note- the only reason anyone has to kickstart the sun and moon every day is because when Discord started dicking with the day/night cycle, it fucked everything up. The more you know!

So basically, changelings were still an issue… but Celestia was smart enough to form a secret agency dedicated to keeping the knowledge of changelings in their society to an almost minimum. But if you took the time to (illegally) look through some of the oldest records kept in Canterlot, and even some which were mistakenly left at Old Canterlot… the missing ponies reports can be quite telling.

“Out of curiosity…” I interrupted, something on my mind. “These reports…” I gave her a smug grin and held my arms out- come on, tell me! It meant. But for some reason, she just gave my arms an odd look. With that same odd, almost blank look, she asked-

“I… I don’t understand, what about the reports?” she asked, apparently oblivious to my meaning.

“Did you… read them?” I asked simply, and she seemingly understood.

“I… can’t say.” She said with a smug grin. I had one more thing I wanted to test, though.

“Did Twilight read any of these records?” I asked simply, and she cocked an eyebrow.

“Okay, why do you ask? Despite our… disagreement, she’s still a friend.” her smile fell and she was getting understandably suspicious. But I gave her a wide grin, because she passed the test.

“Congratulations, you know the two most important rules in life.” Before she could give me that look again, I elaborated- “Never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut. Got it?” I asked, and she finally smiled, nodding plainly in understanding with a giggle.

But for the Changelings, since acquiring emotional sustenance was getting more and more difficult as ponies caught on to early warning signs, they had to rely on drones for basic maintenance and upkeep more and more, mainly to save what little honey they were able to produce.

Drones are created when changeling grubs are allowed to age without being weaned on their special honey. With magical guidance from Intelligencia changelings, these drones did a lot of the moss-harvesting and basic upkeep of the hive, resulting in an ugly, craggy stain on the land. Meanwhile, the Mananite had turned part of the Great Southern Jungle into a dead, dusty crater, now called the Badlands.

But by the power of friendship, yadda yadda, gay insects! The mananite throne is gone, and the Changelings are finally able to embrace the higher cultures that formed around them. But… that still leaves Father.

So, let me highlight the state of this world. Equestria’s on the brink of a civil war, and their leaders aren’t the all-powerful demigods they once were, weakening with the sands of time. They’re in no place to protect the basically defenseless changelings, who are already in no place to fight!

Actually… I wonder if the changelings would allow me to build a military base within their territory? That’d be perfect, because it’d kill two birds with one stone- the changelings would be protected by my forces, and I’d finally have a military presence on the Equestrian continent I could use for dickwaving purposes.

Griffon warplanes flying in circles over Equestrian cities would be… such a beautiful sight. But first, there was something I had to take care of; the dragons need a reminder of precisely why they’re not the dominant species of this planet. But until then?

Glimmer and I, surprisingly, hit it off real fast. We just spent the rest of the evening discussing political theory and I hinted at some of my future plans. But eventually, there was something I had to ask.

“So… that town of yours.” Immediately she looked away, and I added- “You don’t have to if you don’t want to… I’m just curious about how it started, is all.” She nervously twiddled her hooves, and let out a sigh.

“It’s… not a time in my life I’m most proud of, but…” She said, trailing off. It’s like she wanted to tell her story, but was so ashamed the words could barely leave her mouth.

“You think I’m proud of all the things I’ve done?” Something I’ve come to realize- while I don’t regret my actions, I had to admit- I felt deeply ashamed, to be frank. “But it’s like I say- it is what it is.” She took a sip of wine, and after a few moments was able to gather her thoughts.

“It was… a naive experiment of mine, I guess. Basically, the goal was to create a society that was totally equal, after… no, not getting sidetracked.” Though she wasn’t making much eye contact before, I could tell she was actively avoiding it. “But anyways. I took their cutie marks away and stored them in a vault. Had them tricked I was some grand leader who could solve all of society’s ills by essentially making it so everyone in the village sucked equally. State-mandated handicapping, is the term I made up for it.” My smile grew as she continued.

“But eventually, Twilight and her friends convinced my- er, convinced the ponies of Our Town that Equalism was not the way. Eventually, they showed me how wrong I was and I’ve been friends with Twilight since.” She said, almost hurriedly. But singular my that she said, only to correct herself…

“So you’re telling me you had an entire town convinced they should worship you because they liked your ideas?” She blinked and nodded, seemingly confused. “And you don’t miss that life at all?”

She hesitated, and no matter what she said next I knew her answer. “N-no, not at all…” Once again, avoiding eye contact… but finally, she looked me in the eyes and asserted, “What I did was wrong, plain and simple. Basically, once I had the initial inner circle set up, we just had to… convince ponies to join. Obviously, ponies will refuse to give up their cutie marks… but if it’s already been taken away, they tend to settle into their roles quickly when they realize that there’s no escape.”

So, she ruled with fear, not love. But me? I couldn’t wipe the shit-eating grin off my face.

“Tell me… if Twilight didn’t intervene, how long could you have kept the show going?” I asked her- she immediately opened her mouth to answer… but closed it. “Because for the last almost ten fuckin years, Twilight’s been trying to do the same goddamn thing to me!” I took a sip of my whiskey to calm my nerves. “But you wanna know why I still have my Syndicate?”

At this point, Glimmer was deep in thought, hoof to her chin. I decided to make it a bit easier for her.

“Tell ya what. While you’re in Griffonia- I want you to watch and learn. I wanna show you how a proper country functions. And who knows? Maybe you can adapt my methods into your own ideology; what d’ya say?” I asked, holding out a hand. She looked at it cautiously, and I decided to help her make a decision. “Imagine, you and your wife flying your banner over Equestria, being hailed as saviors!”

I could see the stars in her eyes, and I smiled.

“I-I’ll think about it.” She said with a sheepish grin. Though she didn’t shake my hand- something told me I had a bite on the hook. But a glance out the window told me it was about nightfall and we would soon be reaching the ocean; shit, were we really talking all afternoon?

Hours before, Dee and Trixie saw the writing on the wall and realized that their wives were no longer paying attention to the radio, and decided to go to another room to keep up to date on world events.

To say the following events were a shitshow would be an understatement. Riots started springing up all over the nation in response to the event. Twilight was on the radio, desperately trying to calm things down, to no avail.

She was trying to explain that the ponies of interest were not exiled, but rather, are being held for protection. Maybe the people heard the message, maybe not- But all the meanwhile, in a desperate bid to get everything to calm down, Gallus instructed the Equestrian Guard to, and I quote, quell the illegal, un-Equestrian rioters.

“See, that’s the problem.” Dee said in response, “If they were gonna adapt to the changing industrial world, they had to do it much earlier.” Trixie nodded rapidly in response.

“Exactly! The lack of oversight from the Equestrian Crown over the capitalist sphere caused the utter destruction of our middle class, forcing more and more ponies to live like serfs!” The few unions that did exist, such as the dockworkers, really only existed because they were functionally branches of the Griffonian union. Something about a trade deal, probably. “Consumer Serfdom is what my dear Glimmy called it. And I can’t remember if I said this or not, but my wife really admires your socialist policies.” She said with a giggle, causing Dee to glance from side to side nervously.

“Don’t call her a socialist. Seriously.” She warned in a deadly serious voice, which took Trixie aback. “For… personal reasons, she doesn’t like socialism. And yes, I tried to explain to her how many of her policies are, by definition, socialist… but she won’t listen.” Trixie blinked in confusion… then a sly grin rose.

“Out of curiosity, and feel free to not answer…” She leaned into Dee and asked, “Your wife, Leona. Is she on… the spectrum? I only ask because Starlight is, and I noticed some…” she was abruptly interrupted.

“Do not call her an autist, either. Definitely don’t do that. While I think she is, and that one private psychiatrist thought she is…” God rest his soul. “She refuses to acknowledge the evidence.” She said with a simple shrug. “I find it cute to tease her about it, but that’s because I know she’d never do anything to me.” she giggled, and Trixie decided to avoid thinking about the implications.

But anyways- they soon got bored of the radio, as nothing really new came along. So, Dee had… an idea.

“Wanna get stoned?” She asked casually. Trixie smiled.

“Yes, please. Trixie would- er, uh…” She blushed deeply. “S-sorry. I used to refer to myself in third-pony when I was into showbiz. I still slip up sometimes.”

Dee just shrugged- the way she saw it, it wasn’t her business.

On an unrelated note- one of the major advantages a zeppelin offers over a commercial airplane is the fact that you can open the window. Just thought I’d point that out.

As it turns out, because of the weather, we were making excellent time. The wind couldn’t be more perfect, and we were expected to hit Featherworth sometime around midday tomorrow.

Despite the fact that we made fast friends, there were certain design flaws of this airship that became apparent when we attempted to sleep last night.

The walls are woefully thin- and what I first thought was engine troubles, turned out to be Glimmer snoring. Fucks sakes.

But despite that, the rest of the trip went just as smoothly. I had one of my radio operators send out the signal to get my car ready- I decided to drive the Nightgaunt home today, as the four seats would be necessary.

“You two are gonna love it here. I’m gonna show you what a nation that cares about its people can pull off.” I said to them as we got off the zeppelin. The midday sun glared down, reflecting off my car's black paint and gold trim.

She is, in the current era, top of the line. White-wall tires, the front ones protected by massive fenders which swept back along the side of the car; they served multiple functions, as each front fender held a spare tire, and the middle was reinforced along the bottom to provide a step. The powerful straight-8 engine, and the bay which held it in place took up about half the length of the car. As a result, there was very little trunk space in order to save on weight- in fact, it is a literal trunk bolted to the back, and can be locked with a key. You could hardly fit anything in it anyway, because of the police radio I had installed.

It had shatterproof windows and the flat, carriage-esque roof could be folded back. She also had roll-up windows, a heater, steel body (rather than the more common wood bodies), radio, independent front suspension, and the mirrors could be adjusted from within manually. The three-point seatbelt was also recently introduced, but as of a couple months ago, they would become a standard in all cars, per the law.

Inside the car itself was laid out a little different than what a human would be used to. Rather than being close to the floor, the pedals are actually situated raised up near the edge of the driver's seat so our legs can reach.

The black paint lined with shiny gold trim along all the edges and the fenders never failed to put a smile on my face. A custom insignia, Nightgaunt, was proudly displayed on a silver badge attached to the corner of the front hood.

“Either of you ever been in a car before?” I asked my guests as I opened the door to the back seat, showing them how to use a seatbelt.

“We’ve been in plenty of trains- never been in an automobile, though!” Glimmer responded excitedly, her giddiness quite apparent.

In response, my wife muttered “sorry your first time had to be with Leona behind the wheel.”

“What was that?” Trixie asked innocently from her seat, and I closed the door. I got in my seat, put on the belt and cranked down the window. The seat was exactly how I left it and I threw my revolver in the glovebox.

“Wait, you’re driving yourself?” Glimmer asked in disbelief. I just chuckled.

“What? Driving’s fun.” I said, reaching into the glovebox and putting on my sunglasses. The keys were already in the ignition, and I set the car to start. The battery started humming and I pressed the fire button- and with a few whirrs and rumbling stuttering, the deep roar of the straight-8 shook the car. A small sliding knob was used to adjust the spark timing until the sputtering stopped. Even with the muffler, the engine roared angrily and trembled with power.

With the flick of a switch, I turned the radio on. It was playing a soft, almost jazzy piece- one which reminded me of something you’d hear in a coffee shop, early in the morning.

“Wrong energy!” I yelled with a mad grin, wasting no time fiddling with the dial. Through the static, a voice could be heard mid-sentence.

'…Featherworth! This is Three-Dog, bringin’ y’all the sweet swingin’ sounds of the Syndicate!' The smile threatened to once again, break my beak. 'But hey- don’t you worry one bit. Here in the next hour, I’ll be back to tell all you beautiful folks what’s been happenin’ in the world! But until then? Kick your boots off, relax, and keep those union-mandated smoke breaks comin’!'

A bouncy, energetic, trumpet-heavy swing band played on the radio- but despite the low quality audio, it was perfect.

“Ready?” I asked my guests, revving the engine slightly. They exchanged nervous glances with each other. Glimmer spoke up.

“A-actually, uh-” I ignored Glimmer and slammed the gas. The tires squealed briefly and we were off.

I had one hand on the wheel, and the other was resting on the gearstick. My private airport was a decent way from the city itself, and I skidded out of the landing field onto the main road.

Building a proper road network was honestly a bigger challenge than developing the technology itself. Pretty much all the major cities had to have their remaining dirt roads paved with brick until we figured out proper asphalt. I don’t know all the details- but pretty much all the biggest cities have paved roads now.

Most of the work was done through the Transportation Enforcement Agency, which set up roads and traffic networks using my guidelines. Cars only exploded in popularity in the last two years, and so much time and consideration was put into road networks. While construction is far from complete, I hope to eventually have a robust highway system to aid in national defense. Not only that, but we were gonna be rolling out the first trolley cars and buses, to reduce the overall need for vehicles in local areas.

They also handle licensing and testing for new drivers, as well as… okay, it’s a long fucking story. All this to say, our traffic laws are basically the same as how it worked in America. Though, I did change stop light laws. If it’s you’re at a red light, and there’s no-one coming either direction, just treat it like a stop sign.

And there are exceptions- some stops might say Do Not Go on Red!

All this to say that I follow literally none of these fuckin’ rules. I was driving down the highway going 65, the empty road in front of me a beautiful sight. The speed limit sign on the side of the road didn’t display a number; in easy to read text, the speed limit was set to reasonable and prudent. Say what you will about Montana- out of all the US states, they’re the only ones who did speed limits right.

What kind of dystopia has a speed limit of 55 on a highway? Looking at you, Pennsylvania.

My guests eventually came around, and were even enjoying themselves in the back seat. We just made idle talk as I drove- or, Trixie and my wife did.

“Hey, Leona?” Glimmer asked me as I took the exit ramp to enter Featherworth. “I wanted to ask- why did you legalize heavy drugs? It just seems an odd thing to do, you know?” I groaned and rolled my eyes.

“Another Equestrian misconception. I didn’t legalize drugs, I decriminalized them. And the reason for that is so that if someone genuinely wants to quit, they can seek medical help and not get thrown in jail for a hundred fuckin’ years.” I could see her thinking in my rear-view mirror. “I know firsthand that addiction can be a bitch. But I bet the Equestrian media never bothered to mention the fact that the manufacture and sale of certain drugs, is very fuckin illegal.” I turned down the radio a bit to make it easier for me to explain.

“Basically, if an addict goes to one of the many newly-opened rehab clinics, we ask them who their dealer is. Most folks that genuinely want to quit will sing like canaries, and we go and find out if their dealer was making or just selling. If we suspect them of being a middleman, and they refuse to answer… well, anyways…” I rolled my eyes and chuckled with a smug grin. “And while incarcerations for drug use skyrocketed in Equestria and Gallus pissed away more and more money trying to brute-force the problem away, addiction rates among griffons are at an all time low.” I was genuinely proud of that fact, and it showed on my face.

“And since we encourage the addicts to rat, more and more dealers are finding other career paths with longer life-spans. They can’t even get revenge- those rehab clinics do not fuck around when it comes to protecting the patients, which is by design.” I put a cigarette in my mouth and lit it. “Cigarettes, weed, coffee, and booze. Those are the only drugs you need.”

I don’t know why, but a lot of the bosses and dealers thought I’d nationalize drug dealing and manufacturing. They thought wrong. Besides, the last thing I want is a band of funky colorful twinks with magical powers and funny haircuts going after me because some degenerate dealers thought they could sell to kids behind my back.

But anyways, Glimmer was happy with that answer, and I turned the music up. We arrived at our first destination and I parked the Nightgaunt by the curb of a small diner on the edge of town.

“Gotta borrow their phone, to let Mamma know we’re on our way. Be back in a minute.” I leaned over to give my wife a quick peck on the cheek, when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

“Wait, Leona…” Dee was the first to speak up. “Isn’t that Maria’s car? Where’s her guards?” She asked, and the car I parked behind definitely belonged to my wife’s personal assistant.

We both exchanged a look and nodded, and I turned to my guests to warn them.

“Whatever happens, keep your eyes forward and stay put.” I commanded, and they nodded rapidly. I grabbed the revolver out of the glovebox and threw it in the holster in case things got messy. I really hoped it was a case of incompetent guards on my hands, I really did; but something told me that Maria wasn’t just here for coffee.

Fucks sakes.

“After we get this taken care of, we’ll go home and bring out that photo album!” My wife said to our guests, exchanging a giggle. It was a plan her and Trixie made last night over a couple hash joints. I was actually looking forward to it as well, but most importantly, I wanted to see my baby after a week of traveling.

From their seats, Glimmer and Trixie watched as the couple entered the diner, and Dee turned to lock the door behind her. They could tell they were talking- but no words could be made out.

Dee handed the waitress a wad of bills, who then disappeared into the kitchen, presumably leaving the building. While that was happening, Leona casually approached the only group of people in the building- a gruff looking one sitting across from one which shook and trembled.

“Wait, is she-” Trixie started.

Bang!

The two looked on in horror as Leona drew a revolver and shot the guy in the back of the head, right behind the ear. He fell face down into the table.

Bang!

Leona knew better than to not double-tap. She casually scooted the dead man over in the booth, sitting across from the woman with her gun trained at her head. While this happened, Dee went to a telephone of wood and brass, calling someone.

When an unmarked black car pulled up, two griffons in suits casually got out and knocked on the door to the restaurant, evidently able to take care of the situation going forward.

“I can’t believe this, I can’t fuckin believe this!” They heard Leona’s ranting sound more and more clearly as she approached her car. She casually hopped in and set her revolver into the glove box like she didn’t just murder someone. “I ain’t dealin’ with this shit today. She ain’t goin’ nowhere.” She said to her wife with a chuckle as she took her seat.

I started the car and we were off- but I admit, I smiled as I watched Maria struggle in the rear-view mirror and get thrown into the Enforcer’s car.

“Fuckin’ rat.” I mused out loud. I briefly eyed my guests. Like, the fuck did I ever do to her? Er, aside from the thing with her father, but she doesn’t know about that… “Sorry you had to see that.” I said to them, and got no response.

My wife got Trixie to open back up through smalltalk as we drove, but Glimmer and I stayed quiet, with her probably lost in thought. Soon, I breathed a sigh of relief as I finally pulled into the driveway.

I barely even set a foot out of the car when I was attacked.

“MAMMA!” my daughter yelled, almost making me fall back into the car as she tackle-hugged me.

“Awwww!” My guests quickly forgot the show from earlier because my baby’s just that adorable.

“You been good for Gramma?” I asked, and she nodded rapidly.

“Yeah! She said you were on your way, and I’ve been waiting ever since!” I pulled my daughter in for a hug, nuzzling her adorable little forehead. I then turned around with a proud smile to regard my guests.

“If you couldn’t tell, this little gremlin here is my daughter, Anastasia.”

I love her so much. If anything ever happened to her, I’d kill everyone in the room and then myself... and more than whoever else was in the room.

Until then? I had a trip down memory lane scheduled. Fuck ‘em- the Maria thing can wait. I had new buddies to keep entertained. Family comes first, anyway.

Author's Note

Hell of an opener to an arc, eh? As always, glad to hear what ya's think! Leona's about in her thirties... and fuck knows how that's gonna go :p

I have a discord server for this fic out now!! It'd be real cool if u joined :333

As always, thanks so much for reading! Likes and comments are always greatly appreciated :3