Celestia waltzed past the rows of bookshelves in her library carefully, wearing a pink bathrobe with her pink mane tied in a bun; Teapot and teacup were carefully suspended in her magic next to a fragile shellac-based record in a sleeve, pushing the wheeled table her brass phonograph was on next to her chair. The chair was actually quite modern; with a spring-loaded recliner and sturdy, folding side-tray, it was very nice.

Setting her tea down on the tray, she wound the device up carefully, tugging the rotating crank outward just a little so it wouldn’t immediately release. The record fit perfectly atop the velvet lining, and Celestia leaned back in her chair with a sigh as her horn glowed and the device seemingly woke up, the spinning record creating a hollow, droning scratchy sound.

“The Philosophy of Friendship; A Proposal by First Equestrian Consul, Celestia. Presented in audio as was originally written by Princess Celestia, more than a thousand years ago; Narrated in its entirety by Siren Soothsong.” The voice of a mare was filtered through the hollow drone of an old audio recording, who spoke in a voice reminiscent of a sweet, kindly librarian marred only by the occasional crackling of physical media.

Celestia sipped her tea, bearing a wide, nostalgic grin on her face.

“It is no secret how the pony races see each other in our current, troubled age; in the aftermath of the reign and defeat of Discord by my Sister and I, our disappointment at the current affairs can hardly be understated!” As Celestia sipped her tea and listened to the preamble of her sole personal philosophy, she felt her hackles rising as nostalgia washed over her. “Earth. Unicorn. Pegasus. That is the Eternal Trichotomy which makes Equestria whole! Only by working together to strive for something greater have we begun turning this perpetual dustbowl of Equestria into a land of great forests and abundant Hay!”

Equestria was different in those days, as her borders only compromised a particular area around Mount Canterhorn and the Everfree; because of some divine prank by Discord, all the trees disappeared from Equestria leaving behind a great, sandy dustbowl… Aside from the Everfree, near modern-day Ponyville. Even as recently as a couple decades ago, effects of this remained; an area called the Mild, Mild West was finally settled and green-ified nearly as soon as the train lines were running. Many Equestrian forests had to be regrown and replanted from scratch with the assistance of Earth pony magic, which is why the continent seemed charged by the stuff… Have you ever wondered why ponies eat so many varieties of hay?

They had to get creative. Until contact could be re-established with the greener south, Ponies had to make do with whatever wild vegetables they could forage, and dried grass… better known as hay. A griffon could never understand the beautiful camaraderie that was created as a result of everypony having to suffer insipid, plain hay in that era. Celestia remembered eating her plain, dried ration hay with the servants; complaining along with each and every one of them. Scurvy and other diseases of deficiency were rampant, things got so bad that Celestia feared even she would lose her teeth to the disease, the idea of which still occasionally plagues her dreams; so eventually, an expeditionary force of fifty brave ponies left their New Equestrian Republic with empty carts in search of something to supplement their malnutritious diets. Thirty-eight ponies returned pulling wooden skips across the sand, loaded with seeds and dried preserves of various fruits and vegetables, and herbs from the southern jungles; they were lauded as heroes, though… admittedly, Celestia couldn’t remember their names off-hoof… not like she used to. Especially the poor souls that died of exposure on the journey.

But thanks to their heroic bravery and sacrifice, Ponies were frying fruits and spices with their hay, along with whatever else they could use to enhance their hearty, filling hay dishes; In Celestia’s opinion, hay pan-fried in lots of fresh butter and baked into a casserole with a layer of sticky, sweet and soft apple slices covering the top, seasoned with fresh nutmeg and cinnamon; and in between the layers lied a layer of soft, gooey cheese.

Celestia hummed with a smirk, quickly being pulled out of her food-fantasy by realizing she’d zoned out… and now she really wanted a hay casserole.

“But unless we are to be brought to ruin, we must work together!” Celestia realized she’d missed the part where she expressed her disgust at the then-hotly debated pseudophilosophy… Or, pseudoscience a modern pony might say, of a supposed correlation between education and race. The idea that say, an Earth pony would be inherently dumber than a Unicorn due to supposed species-related differences, is just absurd. A unicorn and an earth pony can fall in love, marry, have children, and be happy together; how could this be, if we (Meaning, ponies as a species) were truly any different? These ideas were barbaric and archaic; they were simply the result of an older past in which the Equestrian races disliked and distrusted each other, often upset they were forced to coexist.

The group of heroes who brought much-needed variety into the meals we ate every day was a diverse mix of unicorns, earth ponies, and pegasi- each bringing their individual skills and talents to the team which allowed the majority of them to return home, living healthy lives among their own found family and friends with their shared bond of hardship! Their leader was a pegasi born with a bum-wing; his special skill in weatherfinding is ultimately what made the expedition possible… and many of her contemporaries at the time thought her a fool to include him.

Even his statue, standing somewhere within the Everfree, depicted this born disability; it was something he owned. He was proud of it- Once, he confided in Celestia that as a child, neighborhood bullies would call him a ‘worthless bird!’ because of his disability. He wanted nothing more than to prove them wrong; he was a hero in the eyes of Celestia and Equestria. In fact, this piece of national literature was how it was announced to the Equestrian public that the idea was “Disgusting and treasonous!”

That aside- Celestia smiled, the end playing exactly how it always did.

“I, Celestia, First Consul of the New Equestrian Republic, on behalf of Luna, Second Consul of the New Equestrian Republic…” Celestia chuckled as she noticed the mare suck in a breath of air after announcing that mouthful. “Declare the spiritual Philosophy of Friendship to be the most supreme! I declare the mid-evenings and weekend days to be periods of rest, free from toil; In exchange, I implore you to be joyous! Invite your neighbors for parties, give them a chance, make a friend! Only through friendship will our great Republican borders reach the expanses of ocean they once did!” Giving ponies evenings and weekends off was a radical idea that she initially took some flak for… one which was tantamount in cementing her in as The ruler of ponies. It wasn’t merely a gesture of goodwill to allow workers more free time; it was a sign to the Equestrian people that things will stabilize soon. No more would the survival of their nation be dependent on round-the-clock toil, and was the beginning of the second great Pax Equestria.

Celestia felt immense pride welling up inside her, remembering the era when, much like how she did with Twilight, she had to beg the ponies to get along and make some friends. Zebra Alchemy had even begun to be reintroduced in the sciences; distilled alcohol played a pivotal role in smoothing out racial tensions… or so they say.

“Only in Friendship and Equality may this dream become a reality! So please, my sister and I ask; confide in us! Our court will be run by Celestia and Luna separately; Celestia’s court running from mid-morning until sundown, Luna’s running from late-evening until dawn. Confide in us not as your Consul’s, but as your Friend. Whatever woes befall you, whatever dispute, no matter how petty, confide in us! Confide, and you will receive Friendship!”

“Equestria was so small then, wasn’t it?” Celestia jumped, not realizing her sister had entered the room with her. “Apologies! Didn’t mean to startle you!” Luna apologized quickly while pulling a wooden chair, and Celestia held a hoof to her pounding heart, turning the phonograph off with a click.

Celestia calmed herself with several deep, even breaths; taking a sip of tea, she corrected her posture with a smirk.

“The meeting went well. Fantastic, actually!” Celestia said with a smirk, not even needing to know what the first thing her sister would ask was. “I learned that Leona was born the same sort of… way I was. So that was interesting.” She explained matter of factly, and Luna gave her a flat look… blinking curiously after a moment.

“Go on.” Was all she said, that odd look still in her eye.

“There was a two-thousand year gap in time between my arrival and her arrival. The world I’m from has changed much, and is far different than I ever could’ve possibly known! She kept referring to us as human, which admittedly, rolls off the tongue quite well.” Celestia said mirthfully, taking a sip of her tea. “Want some? I got spare cups in a nearby drawer; they might be a little dusty, though.” She offered kindly, and Luna just chuckled.

“My love affair with coffee has blossomed into a lifelong commitment, I’m sorry to say!” Luna giggled, and Celestia stuck her tongue out in faux-disgust. “So, what? Leona is one of… those… abyssinian-esque creatures? And you’re calling them… or, yourself Human, now?” Luna asked, her memory feeling a little hazy while Celestia nodded, pouring herself more tea. “Also, did Discord uhh… do that thing he did with you and I that one time?” Celestia chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Discord and his running gags… yes. We were both naked and Leona tried to mess with him by spreading her legs out… only to get spritzed with a spray bottle!” The two shared a laugh, Celestia regaining her composure and saying, “And Abyssinians more closely resembled shaved cats that probably switched between standing on their legs and springing on all-fours.” Modern day scientists seem to believe that because of their spinal structure, the majority of their time would be spent hunched over in a way that would cause a human tremendous back pain. “Not only are our faces and spines different, humans are much more… ape-like, now that I think about it. Just musing, but have you ever seen an ape, or a monkey? Especially in their hands and even in some skeleton structures, it’s worth noting how human they look… Maybe humans evolved from apes?” Celestia guessed, oblivious as to how close-enough of a guess that was.

Luna just shrugged, looking off to the side sheepishly; “...Presumably, I’m sure…” She muttered, and Celestia realized she went off on a tangent.

“But, anyway; I’m dealing with Leona. At some point, have the treasurers reallocate the budget to take resources away from watching Griffonia. Keep some surveillance, but I’ll take care of the rest.” Celestia commanded, and her sister swallowed, nodding quickly. Sipping her tea, she spoke- “Leona and I have taken each other's hoof in friendship, for the time being. After a little deeper evaluation from within the confines of a shared dream, I’ve found no indication that Griffonia will be a direct threat to Equestria. But she and I still have much to discuss- so I’ve sent her a lighter.” More sipping helped to fill the ghostly silence of the library.

Luna nodded, knowing exactly what her sister meant by that. “I’m just a little concerned, you know?” Luna muttered as she reached into a pocket dimension within her mane. It was a book and a manilla envelope, stuffed with papers; the former of which, titled Hivism and Equestria: Why Not Now? Below that was a box of subtext, reading Or; Marksism- The Solution To The Problem.

“I have just as much of a right to our archive of banned literature as you do.” Celestia said with a huff, adding- “And I have a right to know what ponies think.” Luna nodded, looking off to the side. “Have you even read it for yourself, or have you just been following Twilight’s directives?” Celestia asked frankly, and Luna rubbed her arm bashfully.

“I never looked into it, I’ll be honest- I figured if everypony around me was so adamant against it, then it wasn’t even worth considering.” Luna admitted while rubbing the back of her neck, causing Celestia to giggle; Luna’s frown turned up into a smile, Celestia spreading her arms and inviting her for a quick hug. “Admittedly, I… I find it easier being Twilight’s intimidation piece during negotiations. Modern ponies have so many strange ideas and so varied wants, I wouldn’t want to touch legislation with a halberd wielded in my magic!” Luna quipped after they broke the hug, returning to their seats; but then Luna realized her sister had a look on her face that served as a preamble to a gentle talking-to.

Even when they were foals- when Mother wasn’t home, Big Sis was in charge! One time when they were really little, she broke a pot while running around their house. Only after reassuring her that everything would be alright and helping to clean up the broken pieces, did her Big Sis speak in this exact tone of voice:

“Here’s a point Leona raised to me, paraphrased and revised in my own words.” Celestia said, taking a sip of tea and clearing her throat softly. “If I gather all the landlords and nobles in Equestria and tell them to lower the rent of their tenants, even by a reasonable measure, they’ll all jeer and hiss. Now, if I gathered all their tenants into one area and told them their rent would be lowered… what happens next?” Celestia asked rhetorically; Luna understood the point, and all she had to do was nod. Celestia didn’t need to hear it either- she knows how smart her sister is. “From the title alone, I’m guessing this ideology is some reenvisioning or reinterpretation of the way changelings structure their society.” She mused, setting the manilla envelope full of illegal propaganda pamphlets and the like, also brought for curiosity's sake.

“No point in speculating it ‘til you break a spine.” Luna said with a giggle, using an archaic idiom that meant opening a book and reading thoroughly. Not only would you break the spine of the book, your actual spine would start hurting if you stayed hunched over a book like that! “Prithee- may I join? I’ve been burdened with an empty schedule today, woe is me!” Luna overdramatized with a laugh, and Celestia couldn’t help but scoff in annoyance, dismissing the thought with a wave of a hoof.

But before Luna’s heart could break- “What kind of ridiculous question is that?” Celestia asked, gesturing with her hooves as if she still had hands- making her sister laugh in relief. She rotated her chair, facing Luna- “What kind of Vappa would I be, to deny my dear baby sister the chance to learn something new with me? Admit it, it’s rare that happens for us!” Celestia laughed as she put her arms around her sisters shoulders, kissing her on each cheek before the two hugged. For those curious- Vappa means sour wine… in other words, Celestia would’ve described herself as a sour bitch for telling her sister to leave.

“Bah, don’t over exaggerate!” Luna rolled her eyes when they broke their hug, preparing to move to the living room to read together. “You learn something new every day!” Celestia shrugged and nodded.

“True, I suppose.” She said, shutting her library door behind her and taking a mental note to put the record away later. “I just… I’ve found myself thinking about the past more often, I think. Mainly since I had my radio taken away, so I’m stuck with the newspaper…” Celestia muttered bitterly, causing her sister to sigh.

“‘Tia, you know the constant news is no good for you!” But Celestia rolled her eyes in frustration.

“I’m not naive, Luna. If you’re worried about the news being too sensationalist, then perhaps suggest to them that it gets toned back to a reasonable amount?” Though it was worded like a suggestion, it was inflected like a more direct favor. Luna just sighed.

“I’ll talk to Twilight.” Luna said, Celestia keeping a neutral expression as she got settled on the couch. “May I put coffee on?”

“Hm?” Celestia looked up from the couch, her distracted mind taking a moment to process the question. “Yes.” She grunted, blinking a few times. “Er, I mean, of course!” She forced her moodiness away with a giggle and a smile. “I got leftovers from Hayburger in the fridge! You wanna heat ‘em up?” Celestia asked/ offered, and Luna cocked a suspicious eyebrow.

“The one where they cook the patty in mustard, topping it with tomato and fried onions, pan-fried with a bit of garlic?” Luna asked with hope in her voice- when Celestia gave her a smug grin and nodded slowly- She gasped, but her smile shrank briefly. “Do… Goodness, I don’t have any meetings tonight… right?” She muttered to herself, questioning whether or not she actually had the night off… she was definitely off, but was feeling understandably paranoid. Those mustard hayburgers are notorious for causing business meetings to end in bitter disaster from how terrible they smelled on your breath.

“Lulu, dear sister… Do you know what I think?” Celestia asked, Luna perking her ear up as she cocked an eyebrow..

Celestia, old and wise, had much wisdom to share; there was only a single piece of advice that could help her sister out of this moral, philosophical conundrum.

“Fuck ‘em.” Celestia said with a smirk. Luna gasped adorably, clapping her hooves together.

“OF COURSE!” She declared with a wide grin, charging bravely into the kitchen to prepare lunch! Celestia rose out of her chair to join the fray, an utterly genius master plan hatching in her brain!

“SISTER! Oh, dear sister!” She yelled dramatically, the two charging their kitchen like a battlefield! Celestia heard a CLANG! From her kitchen, caused by her sister slamming a baking sheet onto her stovetop dramatically. “I’ve just had the greatest idea!” Luna already had all four hayburgers set out on the smooth, shallow baking sheet, ready to toss them in to warm up.

“For Heaven’s sake, spit it out! The enemy is at the gate, starvation besets our lands!” She heroically declared, patting her tummy with a hoof, causing it to grumble out loud. “I skipped breakfast…” Luna admitted with a blush, feeling sheepish because she didn’t think her stomach would actually rumble.

Celestia snorted, unable to keep her composure as the two shared a hearty laugh at their little impromptu ‘game’ of what was more-or-less playing pretend; acting like their kitchen was beset at the walls and trying to heat up their lunch wasn’t childish, it was fun! And the days of siege warfare were so long ago in the past- while they still deal with residual trauma from the days of siege warfare, as the three pony tribes fought for dominance. The humor helps Luna cope with it, as well as a sense that, if anything were to beset her ponies, her enemies would be crushed like ants.

Celestia coped by recontextualizing; she saw them not only as tragic, but awe-inspiring. Whether you were rich or poor; young or old; healthy or sick; smart or dumb; or even whether you wanted lasting peace or the total eradication of the other races; Pegasi legionnaire’s have taken over the very sky above the magical skydome shield, connected along the stone outer walls to effectively cover them on all sides. The pegasi had many encampments outside those gates, burying peepholes so they can't fight back safely; if runners could be sent out, there were plenty of opportunities for pegasi spotters to track them from above. But no matter who you were, you pulled your weight; everypony has something to contribute, for if they don’t, they will not survive the siege. And hey- at least she survived through more sieges as a pony than a human.

“‘Tia?” Luna asked, waving a hoof in front of her sister's face, causing her to snap out of it. “Is everything alright?”

“Huh? Oh, uh…” She sputtered, realizing she’d basically zoned out in the middle of a conversation. “Sorry, I was uh… thinking about last night… and tonight.” She cleared her throat, a smirk on her face- “As for my idea… wanna bake a hay casserole with me?”

Luna was in the middle of checking how hot their sandwiches were- and her head turned quickly, her eyebrow shooting up. “Hay. Apples. Cheese. That one?” Luna asked, and Celestia’s wide grin was the only answer she needed. “What was that thing you said earlier? What kind of dumb question is that?” She asked with a chuckle, shutting the oven and moving to prepare the coffee.

“Also, I wanted to ask you something.” Luna’s ear perked up as she filled the grinder with wonderful, life-giving coffee beans, turning while cocking an eyebrow. “I’m gonna be making contact with Leona in her dreams again tonight.” Luna blinked, Celestia putting her teapot on the stove to warm it as she asked- “Care to watch from afar?”

Luna smirked.

All things considered, things could’ve been better. I woke up around five or so in the afternoon feeling better, and a quick check with a mouth thermometer told me that the fever had gone down, thank fuck. I had Glimmer called on the phone as soon as Mamma brought me up some buttered toast and water, after fawning over how happy she is I’m alright, something I take no shame in; but I’ve basically been delirious, sleeping basically since I last saw Celestia. My crew needed a report from me- and I’d rather break the news myself than have my wife paraphrasing whatever nonsense I spouted while I was out of it. I trust her, and I love her with all my heart- I just wanna make sure there’s no room for misinterpretation, not to mention the fact that Glimmer was there taking notes.

While I waited for her to arrive, I took the time to change the greasy, sweat-damp bedspread and pillow cases, then worked on tossing all the used tissues. Once I felt like my room looked presentable, I hopped into the shower; it felt heavenly being able to wash my damp, matted coat caused by my fever making me sweat about as much as I drank. I chugged shamelessly from the showerhead, taking several pauses to suck in gulps of air until finally; water was running down the back of my head as I tried in vain to blow my nose into my hands, only to receive lightheadedness from all the blowing.

Unfortunately, neither that nor did drinking hot water do much to help the main problem I was having. I dried myself off lethargically, laying on my back in my fresh bed sheets when I heard Glimmer knock on the door.

“Leona? You there?” I snapped my fingers with a grumble, hoping she’d hear… mainly because I didn’t want to get out of bed again; the soundproofing on my door was currently inactive, since Anastasia likes to sleep in here with us once in a while. “I heard snapping… is everything alright?” I snapped some more, and the creaking door told me she finally got the hint. She peered through the crack- “Tonio called me. Is everything alright?” She seemed worried, and I gestured for her to get closer. I sat myself up, propping my back on stacked pillows while she cantered her way over. “Is everything alright? Why aren’t you talking?” She asked frantically, and my shoulders drooped in annoyance.

I gestured again for her to get closer. Come. Here! I normally would’ve barked out. She looked at me apprehensively, standing by my bedside while I made some final readjustments to my back support pillows.

“My voice is fucking gone.” I moaned out, my voice little more than a whisper. Starlight’s eyes widened as she finally connected the dots.

“Is this about the meeting?” She asked, and I nodded.

“Please, no follow-up questions. Talking hurts.” I muttered, my throat spiking in pain as my voice went up and down in volume. She smiled, nodding at me. “I want you to pass this need-to-know summary to the rest of the crew.”

I wasn’t gonna tell them anything they didn’t strictly need to know, at least not yet. Deeper discussion could come later- right now, I felt like an inline-8 trying to run on kerosene. Starlight nodded, clicking a pen over her notepad as I dictated-

“Celestia isn’t a direct threat to us. She and I have opened a dialogue- soon, we may have less Equestrian meddling to worry about. Other than that; biz’ can keep running smoothly, for the time being. I’m sorry I can’t be more thorough- I’m sicker than hell… and I’m sorry I wasted your time with that whole show.” Starlight’s notepad scribbling ceased with a flair, clicking her pen before stuffing both articles into her vest pocket.

“For the record, you didn’t waste any of our time. Better safe than sorry… plus, it was genuinely incredible to see.” She said, and I shrugged with a smirk. “Should I tell Mind’s Eye about Celestia being a human?” She asked.

I held my hand up, shaking my head. That’s something for me to take care of on my own time.

“Okayyy…” She muttered to herself, “Also, there was something outside your door for you.” She reached into her vest, pulling out a nondescript package of brown waxed paper, held together with a twine bow. On the back was written in beautiful calligraphy, Leona. “Do you want me to leave?” She asked, and I shrugged. If she was curious, I don’t blame her- in fact, so was I. And gonna be honest- I was still feeling out of it from earlier, so I tugged at the string and dug straight into the package…

For someone like me, with my political status, you should never just open strange packages. You don’t even lift them, don’t even lay a finger on them! That’s how you become the victim of the unibomber or something!

Plus, I was really curious… Thankfully, it turned out to be totally safe. A nondescript wooden box, a mere 3 by 4 inches wide and a little less than two inches thick was held shut by two small, finely crafted brass latches; each one having a tiny keyhole beneath the latch- but thank fuck, it was unlocked. Despite their small size, the latches felt tight and sturdy when I popped them open; in retrospect, the plain wooden box with no return address or any indication of where it came from was still very suspicious- so it could have been a very well crafted bomb. It’s always a shame when a judge has the audacity to call something so beautifully well-made like that an “Improvised” device.

Anyways…

“Holy shit.”
“Holy cow!”

We both spoke at the same time, and I swallowed in a vain attempt to soothe my throat. It was a silver box-lighter, like a Zippo; only in this universe, the company is an Equestrian based one called Hippo… which happens to be the Greek word for horse. I’ve learned to stop questioning this nonsense long ago and simply appreciate the fine craftsmanship; the elegant silver casing was embellished with a beautifully detailed engraving of a pigeon, perched looking upward on an olive branch. The artisan who brought this into existence must have had perfect vision down to the near-atomic level… because how else can you fit so much detail on such a tiny canvas? I could count the few individual olives on the branch, the finely detailed feathers marred only by the necessary hinge which allows the lighter to serve its duty.

It lay in a red-velvet recess with thumb-sized divots for taking it out… and upon removing it, I noticed first that it was kind of bottom-heavy, almost solid feeling towards the base. Then I realized that it was engraved on the small sides as well; laurel wreaths wrapped up and down each side, each leaf and branch as finely detailed as the bird. The fact that there was no repeating in the pattern tells me that the artist engraved this all by hand, rather than using a roller press to stamp a laurel wreath design on the sides.

Turning it around gently, my eyes shot open- and Glimmer summarized my thoughts exactly.

“It’s engraved on both sides!” The same bird, but facing the opposite direction. “I don’t think this was done on a machine!” I nodded, noticing a little ribbon sticking out of the velvet.

“Hold this. Please.” I said, gesturing with the lighter towards her horn. It gently floated out of my palm in a blue glow, and I tugged at the ribbon, causing the velvet bed to shift a little. Tugging it some more allowed me to remove the velvet bed the lighter rested on, being little more than a precision-carved wooden block that slides into the case. I set the box next to me, slapping my bed with my palm to pull her attention away from the lighter.

“Is… is that a letter?” She asked, peering into the box only briefly before looking up. “Are you sure you’re alright with me being here?” She seemed nervous, and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly… which just came out as huffs of air.

“I like to have a witness when weird shit goes down.” I explained frankly, and she chuckled nervously. A plain, white letter was removed, revealing beneath it a one-inch long key which appeared to go with this box. The letter is as follows, in its full glory:

Hello, Leona! I do hope you’re feeling better on this fine day, my friend! Due to the limited amount of room on the paper, I must make this correspondence sadly brief. This fine piece of Equestrian craftsmanship is no ordinary lighter; it’s a mailing system. It’s enchanted- if its flame touches anything made of conventional paper, it will combust instantly and be sent straight to me. Don’t be afraid to use it! Its fuel source is mana, so you only need a unicorn to recharge it. It can even make out the differences between cigarette paper and regular paper, meaning you could use it to smoke, if you wanted... Please, DO NOT do this! It’ll ruin the artwork over time, especially in a pocket! The artist will be very sad if that happens…

That said- don’t hesitate to use it to communicate, either! Even if you wish to have a casual chat, like the one I wish to have tonight- I’ll respond as soon as you start to dream. I’ll be in touch!

Celestia.

Starlight and I both read the letter together, and I gestured for her to hand the lighter back.

Clink!

Flipping it open, I noted that the striker wheel looked like some sort of cut emerald, held firmly in place by the axel drilled through the middle, the flint looking an odd, cloudy blue; funnily enough, the wick appeared to be made of this same metal, shaped and stylized to look like a small branch. The wick-guard was… surprisingly stock looking, being an oval-shaped metal piece with holes cut in it. But that thought was launched to the back of my mind as I heard a loud gasp, followed by the lighter being yanked out of my delicate grasp in a blue glow.

“Oh, my goodness! I’ve never seen one of these in real life before!” She stomped her hooves excitedly, completely oblivious to my scowl… which slowly turned into a grin. “C-can I explain how it works?” She asked nervously, ceasing her stomping.

I huffed with a grin. More exposition- why not? I nodded and she stomped a few more times as she brought it in closer. “The stem and the striker are just one piece! Forged of mithril, an… admittedly weird alloy that results from a complex enchantment ritual. But mithril is to magic what copper is to electricity. It sort of… holds and repeats enchantments; enchantments, being quite simply, spells in a can.”

I was nodding along, for once in my life hearing a simple to understand explanation of magic! She gestured to the ‘flint striker’- “The emerald here is the battery. It’s being charged just by me holding it… WOW!” She yelled excitedly, and I looked at her like she’d gone mad. But then she pointed- “Look closely!”

She turned the emerald slowly, and I saw it- you could faintly see springs in the stem that held the wheel in place, keeping it tight, but loose enough that it could stay off the contact. “It won’t go off without a thumb pressing it downwards!” I held a hand out, as there was something I had to check.

CCHK!

A green flame erupted from the mithril wick, looking nearly indistinguishable from a normal Zippo flame… except, radioactive green.

Clink! …Clink!

I closed it to snuff the flame out, flipping it right back open; I made sure to be gentle, using both hands and only applying pressure with the soft gripping-faces of my fingers and using both hands to shut it. The last thing I wanted was to scratch it with my claws.

“What a rare piece!” Starlight mused, and I nodded, staring at the shiny surface.

I set the lighter down on the blanket and pointed to the pocket she held her notepad in. “May I?” She handed it over, and I flipped the page with my note for the crew over. “Gotta see this in action.”

I clicked the pen and jotted out on a blank page-

Hey, Celly! My voice is completely gone, my sinuses feel like I gave head to an airpump, and I still feel queasy if I eat anything heavier than toast.

Needless to say, I can’t wait to dream tonight. I’m gonna keep it brief- I appreciate the gift. Rest assured, it’ll be kept safely in a drawer when not in use. I was afraid to touch it when I saw how beautiful it was!

I suck at ending letters. Talk to you tonight!

-Leona

I nodded, Starlight watching curiously as I tore out the small piece of paper, holding it between my claws as I held the lighter in a hand.

CCHK!
FWOOOOSH!

The letter flew out of my grasp instantly, rapidly burning up in a green glow as it flew upwards and disappeared. “There you have it.” I said with a grin.

Clink! I closed the lighter, putting the note and everything back into the box.

“Goodness, what a gift! It’s almost exactly how I remembered Spike doing it… just with his own breath.” Starlight mused as I set the key inside the box, not even bothering to lock it. Who was gonna piss with it? “I wonder if-”

Knock, Knock, Knock!

“Leona, it’s Phil! I got something important you gotta know!” My father-in-law was knocking at my door, and I rubbed my temple, setting the box to the side. “You got a minute? I ain’t jokin’, here!”

I tapped Starlight's arm lightly to get her attention.

“Talk for me, please. I’ll tell you what to say- I just don’t want to repeat myself.” She nodded with a smile. “Let him in.”

“Let me set the scene for you.” I said to Celestia, in the middle of our shared dream. Since it was only fair, I was telling her my story- but me writing it all here would just be redundant. I was at the end- all the way down in Florida. “One night I’m in some Miami beach, under a boardwalk. The piece of ass I brought along from the club earlier was laying in the dirty sand, completely topless. We were both utterly trashed, and I was snorting coke off her tits; life was fuckin beautiful!” I mused, leaning over the balcony of my beachside house.

Celestia wore another cloth dress this time, dyed green with a white apron; I wore a pair of baggy blue-jeans, a wide-necked white top, and a denim jacket. My revolver rested in the back of my waistband- Silver rolex on my wrist, cheap sunglasses in my jacket pocket.

“Coke… do I want to know what that is?” She asked, staring out at the waves and chuckling. I gave her a smirk, holding out a glass bottle.

“Coca-cola. Have a drink.” She only hesitated briefly before she grabbed it to take a sip; she licked her lips, humming as she tried to analyze the flavor. “But I was doing cocaine- which is a stimulant that hasn’t been discovered on Equus.” Probably for the best- Miami got me so into blow that I’d have a nosebleed at least once a day. “You just make a line of the powder and-” I put a finger to one of my nostrils and sniffed. “Or put it on the end of a key or something.” There were even tiny spoons you could buy for classier keybumps- although, you have to be very careful with that; if you promise someone ‘only a spoonful’ of your coke, make sure to specify what size of spoon.

I looked over- and I noticed that Celestia had an odd look on her face. “Oh fuck, you alright?” I asked her, and her head shook a little.

“Sorry, sorry.” She apologized awkwardly while I gave her a regretful look. “Just… can we keep the drug talk to a minimum?”

I just put a hand up. “Say no more. I’m sorry.” I said, looking outward. “The only other thing I’ll say about my business in Florida is that we were working with some Cubans, smuggling drugs into the country. But that didn’t matter- it’d all be over soon, little did I fucking know.” I said with a shrug.

I heard Celestia giggle softly.

“What’s so funny?” I asked her, raising an eyebrow.

“Forgive me for saying this- but after the story you just told?” She huffed, giggling some more- “It’s like the part in a picture show where the villain is finally brought to justice. Am I wrong?” She had a smug grin- and at first, I was pissed… but I calmed down quickly.

“No, no… you’re right. If I were a witness to this next trainwreck, I’d feel the uhh… Schadenfreude as well.” I snorted, giggling quietly. Celestia cocked an eyebrow, and I looked off to the side with a blush.

“Nevermind. Picture this!” I announced boldly, putting the conversation back on the tracks. “I wake up on my livingroom couch, buttass naked. I’m laying on my back, feeling like total shit and not being able to see anything; there was a piece of cloth covering my eyes, which turned out to be a pair of pink cotton panties… that weren’t mine.” I let out a chuckle, wanting to shake my head at how bad my personal life had gotten.

“You haven’t left me much to picture in that regard.” She quipped with a giggle, and I swallowed bitterly, looking out into the ocean.

I gesticulated lethargically as I asked, “Do ya ever quit breakin’ balls?” I looked down into the sand below, feeling frustrated and hearing footsteps as she made her way over to my side. “I-I’m sorry. I’m one to talk, I know.” She hugged me from the side, and I couldn’t help but smile.

She leaned against the railing next to me, and the ocean currents started to move; far in the horizon, a spout of water surmounted a slowly rising mound under the waves. A majestic blue whale surfaced briefly before returning back to its waters.

“Forgive me. I’m like an old mare; been around for so long, I got so much to say that I don’t know when to stop!” That made me laugh aloud, my mood improving immensely. “Please… go on with your story. I’m listening.” She said earnestly, and I held my hand out for her to hold again.

Standing side by side, I couldn’t help but grin, breathing out with a sigh before speaking. “The key difference between my griffon self and my human self, is that as a griffon, I have people who genuinely care about my wellbeing… whereas as a human, most of my relationships were… shallow at best. I was a massive alcoholic basically since I was fifteen; the drugs were a more recent thing, sparked by the change of environment.”

I gazed outward, taking a puff of a manifested cigarette. “I was barely feeling alive while I stumbled over to the liquor cabinet, shaking and feeling like I was about to vomit; but when I got that booze in me? Then, and only then, did my body start to feel like it was working normally. It was the middle of the afternoon and my one-nighter was long gone.” She actually left her number on the pair of panties she left behind… for some reason. I wouldn’t have called her regardless. “I’m in the middle of making my coffee and whiskey, when I hear a knock on the door. I was still naked, mind you- but I had some clarity of mind available… so I threw a pair of dirty panties on and the denim jacket on, simply holding it closed.”

I took a deep drag of the cigarette.

“There were more fucking pi- er, cops outside of my door than I’ve ever seen. Fuckers managed to get indecent exposure tacked on to the multitude of other charges.” I grumbled bitterly. “You know, along with racketeering, possession of drugs, assault and battery, contempt of court, a whole laundry list of shit.” I said with a final shrug. “I was in jail for 20 years until they finally decided they were done paying for all my meals.”

Celestia was shaking her head, looking over the railing.

“Twenty years in the can, I wanted manicott’; I compromised- I made grilled cheese off the radiator instead. Barely any privacy, the showers were done in groups- but if you knew who to pay off, it’s a nice place to get some action. I think I read that library three times over before they gave me my last meal of a bottle of whiskey.” I shrugged with a smirk. “Shaved my head, strapped me to a chair, and sent 40,000 volts of electricity directly through my brain stem. I don’t know about all that- for me, it was like a static discharge on my head.” I clapped my hands together. “The end!”

Celestia rubbed her chin in thought, leaning her elbows against the railing.

“I wonder why I still have hair when Discord turns me human?” I mused aloud, making Celestia chuckle. “And like, all my clothes disappear and my leg is just suddenly there again. It’s weird!”

“If I had to wager a guess, it’s because you don’t remember how you looked without hair very well. Presumably, it was done just before your death?” I nodded, and Celestia hummed. “This is purely speculation, but if my memory-reading theory is correct, it could explain why we’re always naked when that happens- rather than trying to guess what we’d want to wear, he simply… doesn’t give us clothes.” She shrugged, chewing on the end of a wooden pipe. I grimaced at that idea.

“I don’t like the idea that Discord can just read people’s minds whenever he seems to think it’ll be funny… You ever noticed how his magic seems to work like a dream?” I mused, looking off to the side. “Like, he can control our reality as though it were a dream or… something.” I shrugged, but Celestia was looking at me with a cocked eyebrow.

“That’s an even more terrifying thought.” She said, and now it was my turn to be confused. “What happens if he were to wake up?” I pursed my lips, resolving to not think too hard about Discord anymore. “You feel better, otherwise?” Celestia asked with a gentle smile.

I gave a half-hearted shrug- “It’s… it was somewhat insightful. I’d nearly forgotten how bad of a drunk I was before jail.” I chuckled, taking in a deep breath and letting it out with a sigh. “I feel so different, yet I can’t help but think I never changed.” I mused over my cigarette, Celestia putting a hand on my shoulder across my back.

“You’re sober now, aren’t you?” she asked, and I huffed with a smirk. “You have a family that cares about you. Do you truly think the human you could’ve pulled all that off before your incarceration?” After a few moments, I shook my head slowly.

“Thank you.” I said, looking off into the distance, watching the waves lapping against the beach shore. I drew in a deep breath, letting it out as a sigh.

“Did I tell you that my sister and I read a little into Marksism today?”

!!!

My eyes shot open, head turning- “No kiddin?” I asked, summoning a swinging bench for us to sit on. “Come oooon! I wanna know what you think!” I patted the bench next to me, and she joined me with a smile.

“For starters, I kind of like the core idea. A nation where everypony is equal, has a high emphasis on art and culture, has a right to employment and housing, and has the freedom to work whatever hours they wish.” That’s a pretty apt summary of the concept. “But my sister raised a point- how will we make sure everypony comes out of this deal feeling satisfied?”

I just shrugged- “That’s true, but getting down to brass tacks, isn’t overexploitation of labor for capital gain the main problem?” I asked, Celestia rubbing her chin in thought. “Therefore, wouldn’t taking that capital away from the Elites, gained in a morally dubious and exploitative way, be the simplest way of mediating this problem?” I suggested, “In my eyes, it’s not about what’s moral. It’s about what’s righteous.”

She nodded and hummed along with me. “What about what’s fair? These ‘Elites’ you speak about are noble lineages and ponies who had to climb to the top on their own. Does lumping in these few problematic businessponies with the majority of the population solve anything?” She asked, and I shrugged. “Furthermore- who better to put in charge of the industries than ponies who understand how it functions? We need these Elites, we need these leaders and producers if we’re ever to advance because ultimately, I don’t want Equestria falling behind. I can’t risk it!” She ranted, gesticulating with her arms. “Up the quotas, fund the researchers! Griffonia is off to the tracks, we’re stuck stumbling at the gate!’ As she concluded her rant, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You remember how you told me Hay-Mart is under investigation?” I asked her, and she cocked an eyebrow. “This is unrelated to that- but you know what’s been being whispered through the corporate grapevine?” I asked rhetorically, noting that I seemed to have her full attention. “Several massive business owners and industry leaders will be meeting up clandestinely within a couple weeks to discuss how to ensure the election turns out in their favor.” When Starlight first heard this off my father-in-law, her first suggestion was to ‘bar the doors and burn it to the ground. They’re all traitors to the Equestrian race.’

“Where did you hear this, where is it taking place?” She asked with a flat tone- and I just shrugged.

“I don’t think you’ve truly realized how weak democracy is. So take it from someone who came from a shitty one.” I smirked, remembering what little news I’d hear in jail up to my death. “You want to know how my organization got away with so much blatant crime on Earth? Everyone was being paid off- cops, judges, lawyers, you name it. Anyone who refused to get paid off was either threatened or ostracized by his colleagues- same with witnesses and stuff. Even members of a local jury can be found and threatened!” I giggled, puffing on a smoke. “And when a population of disenfranchised individuals are asked what they think is best for them, the Elites come in with their advertising dollars, putting millions into making sure the people vote against their best interest. Some sockpuppet rich cocksucker is paid to put on a show, telling the people exactly what they want to hear to secure their votes and make the shareholders rejoice.”

After a few moments of silence, she spoke apprehensively- “Is… Do you truly think this is what will happen? In Equestria?” She asked, and I snorted.

“Will happen? It happened when America shot itself in the foot when Reagan colluded with the fucking sand people. And the United States was supposed to be a strong democracy, full of checks and balances, several forests worth of paperwork and nonsense, and enough red tape to hang yourself with; America almost collapsed when the workers collectively said they had enough, all the way back in the gilded age! They sat down, stopped working, fought back, collectivized! If the Equestrian ponies continually be pushed around like they are, something’s gotta give!”

At this point, my frustration with Equestria was reaching a peak- and I figured, no better time than now to go on a rant. Celestia opened her mouth to say something- but I wasn’t done.

“The decentralized Brass Shoes have already radicalized, and likely only put their path of destruction on hold because of the upcoming elections; news like that probably gave a bunch of ponies newfound hope, which is why I’m willing to bet that the recruitment numbers have probably diminished. They’re only gonna stay that way if they feel that democracy is working- but if their last hope is crushed before their eyes like that, you’re not gonna get rid of them so easily again. That’s how a fringe minority snowballs into a proper revolution.” I explained, Celestia had her legs crossed nervously as she seemed absorbed in thought.

“In France, their King implemented a system similar to Equestria’s Triumvirate Estate whateveritscalled. When it eventually failed, he lost his head when a bunch of angry commoners found him guilty of treason.” I explained quite frankly, “In Tsarist Russia, led by the Romanov family, they never bothered trying democracy; they resorted to the ol’ Pinkerton strategy of ‘shoot them until they get back to work!’... Eventually, the Tsar was overthrown by pissed off communist revolutionaries who were getting tired of getting fucked over by their wealthy. Eventually, some guy named Lenin had the Tsar and his family dragged into some random basement and killed.” I had a wide grin, “When I led a populist revolt in Griffonia…” it was then that I noticed the look of sheer dread on her face.

I gently tapped the back of her wrist- offering to take her hand. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I want Equestria to succeed, I want to share the prosperity. I’m not using the corporate meeting as a bargaining chip- I’ll write it in a letter and send it to you tomorrow.” I gave her a smirk as she gave me a surprised look. “I’m not asking that you do anything for me… it’s just that you please do something! Bug the place, bar the doors and burn it down, whatever! Just please, for the love of fuck, do not let that meeting go off without a hitch!” That got her to chuckle behind her hand.

“Did I ever tell you how I got so into Ketamine?” She mused, and I cocked an eyebrow with a smirk. “My doctor told me I needed it. Kept me supplied while the pharmaceutical company enriched his pockets.” Celestia shook her head with a sigh. “I assumed he was but a cavity within a tooth… why do I feel he was simply the effect of something far deeper, and far more abscessed and rotten?” I threw an arm around her back, leaning into her with a wide grin.

“Come ooon, why we gotta be so depressive all the time?” I asked with a smirk, causing her to smile. “How ‘bout that lighter you sent me? That pigeon they carved into it is fuckin beautiful!” I exclaimed, only for Celestia to give me a look of faint disgust.

“Pigeon? A pigeon!?” wha? What did I say? “It’s a dove! A beautiful, majestic bird that brings to the mind images of joy and cleanliness- not imagery of grime and rubbish!” I snorted, realizing I mistook a dove for one of New York’s most common type of rat.

“Hold on, now! I’m a little biased. New York happens to be the largest pigeon sanctuary in the world!” I said with a scoff, “We grow ‘em the size of rats! One time, I saw one fly off with a whole hot dog.” We both looked each other dead in the eye before bursting out into laughter.

Gonna be honest- this is the best flu I’ve ever had to put up with! But you know what would make it even better?

“Hey, Celly!” I said, and she hmm’d at me. “Wanna shoot some guns?” All of a sudden we were in my own private gun range, located within a stretch of woods in Fertilia; The trees provided plenty of shade, and the firing line was situated at the bottom of a hill. “Hold this!” I said, shoving a tommy gun in her arms.

She examined the weapon in her grasp carefully, turning it around and taking in all the beautiful detail. “Absolutely.”

I gave her a wide grin.

Author's Note

I have a discord server now!
:3

HORSETORY

As always, thanks so much for reading! Likes and comments are greatly appreciated :3