This is my second time writing in this diary; and the first time since I made that entry in the boat on the way back to the desert.

It’s odd how the brain’s memory works. If I think hard enough, I can almost imagine the scent of a hot apple pie, or of my wifes perfume, or whatever I missed from home; it felt so close, I could almost smell it… so why is it that when not thinking long or hard at all, I’m constantly reminded of the smell of burning, rotting flesh?

We did what we could to make the town smell tolerable- For instance, we covered the burnt remains in healthy mounds of quicklime, using 50 griffons to place empty shipping containers on top, helping compact the charred bits. It does help with the smell- unfortunately, we had to dig up the couple actual graves we dug, before we just resorted to burning them; we needed the lime to make contact with the bodies before we marked their graves with some empty shipping containers.

In a hundred years, someone might choose to explore those big metal cans, oblivious to the horrors that lie just beneath their feet. But for now, it’s not perfect- when the wind is right, a lot of the greenbeaks say they smell something musty outside. But anyone who helped fight off and bury the horde knew full well what the smell was.

Even tonight, walking into the incense scented mess hall provided little relief from that… nagging in the back of my brain! But aside from that, in all honesty- burning incense within all the buildings was probably what helped the most. Sometimes when you walk inside a building, and all the shutters are closed, you can almost imagine the desert isn’t what waited for you outside.

Ironic- considering that the incense is sourced from the jungle stripes. It has to get shipped to Griffonia, then it has to make its way back around the world to ship the amount we need here. Even on the trunk at the end of my bed, where I’m writing this entry, I have a stick burning in a holder! It’s sure better than the usual cigarette smoke scent that permeated the air- but I’d be a hypocrite and a liar for saying I didn’t contribute to that.

It’s… liberating, I guess! My peers are sitting in their classrooms and studying, while I’m out here, fighting for our homeland! No one yells at me when I smoke, swear, or get drunk- they join in! Aside from the usual bullcrap, I’ve been having the time of my li----------------

Heard a big boom, dragged the pen across the page. I’ll finish this thought later- gotta run.

It’s always something, isn’t it? 4:30 in the morning, driving down the highway in my bathrobe, wielding nothing but a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I couldn’t be bothered to get dressed- Starlight wasn’t wearing anything at all when she came to me, anyway.

I told Starlight to go ahead while I went upstairs and reattached my leg- I figured she could have a few minutes extra, to make sure her wife… puts it away before I show up, on the off chance she’s calmed by now. Dee was sitting up in bed reading some ‘vampire bloodplay’ snuff novel or whatever; and when I told her what I was about to take care of, I was delayed even further by an… interesting conversation.

“I gotta run to Starlight’s. Trixie is giving her a hard time because she thinks she cheated on her.” I explained simply, hobbling onto a chair to put my leg back on.

“Trixie?” Dee said, peering over the top of the book. “Be careful what you walk into, she has a… well, she wasn’t born a mare, per se.” She licked the tip of her hoof to turn the page as my head shot up.

“Hold up, back up!” I said, turning around and sticking my hand up. “How the fuck do you know this?” She gave me an incredulous look, and I went back to tightening the straps on my leg. “Starlight told me that in confidence, and-” but Dee interrupted me.

“Wait, you didn’t notice she was wearing a binder, all the way back when she first showed up to town?” When the last strap was tightened, I got ready to slide off the chair while she set the book face-down next to her, “I noticed when she was moving around on stage. You really didn’t notice the big, empty space on her teats where her nipples shoulda been?” From what I’ve read, the ‘teats’ were actually just the balls; but without nipples, they resembled mare tits fairly close enough, especially in silhouette- close enough that as a little girl, I never saw the subtle difference… so I gave my wife a teasing grin.

“No, I didn’t notice! Because I’m not a weirdo who looks between other people’s legs!” And before anyone calls me a hypocrite, Celestia was a human! I’m still very much into humans, despite having gone native long ago; But my wife seemed genuinely taken aback. “We were kids, I mean- What? Why would I bother staring there long enough to realize that?” I was giggling as I spoke, a blush spreading across my wifes face.

“Y-you weren’t like… I dunno… curious, ever? About what everyone… else's looked like?” she rubbed her arm with a pouty expression. “I-I only figured out what a binder was years later, sometime when we were in highschool. I’m not weird!” She said, crossing her hooves.

Now that we were here, that got me thinking; this may be a great opportunity to break her balls a little. I leaned into the bed, resting my elbows on it while I sat on the floor. I gave her a sly grin- “Why were you looking in the first place? If you didn’t think she was a ladyboy, why did you wanna see her crotch so much? You didn’t see the literal magic show that was going on around her?” She was looking away from me, crossing her arms petulantly.

“I-I was curious!” I gave her a wide, teasing grin as I climbed up onto the bed, inching closer to her; she looked away, the blush spreading to the sides of her cheeks.

“It’s always with the fuckin’ curiosity with you. You were curious about how I hunted for food. You were curious about what would’ve happened if Dumb and Dumber drank wood alcohol.” Speaking of dumb and dumber- I wonder what Snips and Snails are up to these days? “You were curious how long a squirrel would last with its tail nailed to a tree.” The answer to that question… is way too long. I leaned my face in closer, “I’m curious- how long after you met me, did it take for you to get curious about what mine looked like?” I smooched her on the cheek to punctuate my sentence.

“SHUSH!” She yelled, causing me to laugh maniacally as I slid myself off the bed backwards, almost falling on my ass because of my leg. She picked her book back up, covering her blushing face with it. “Go! Doesn’t Trixie need you for something?” That’s when I just tossed my bathrobe on and grabbed my smokes out of my coat pocket.

“Love ya!” I yelled, waving back as I closed-

“Leona.” I stopped, not even turning my head to listen- I stopped in the threshold, slowly looking back as she spoke.. “First day, lunch bell. I stayed sitting for an extra moment and caught a glimpse while you walked towards Cheerilee.” She was still hiding behind her book; and I was… a little surprised how good her memory was on that. “It was unique. Different. I really didn’t see it as a… a desire at the time. I didn’t want to… do anything with them. It was a… fixation, I guess.” I nodded slowly in understanding… I was just playing with her earlier, I didn’t think she…I dunno.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked her plainly.

“No.” Fair enough. “I quit doing it after puberty and I cringe when I think of it.” Was all the explanation she wanted to give. I gave her an apologetic look, as I didn’t think breaking her balls would dig something like this up.

“I love you, honey. I’ll try to get home for breakfast.” At least it was saturday- so I didn’t have to worry about Anastasia getting up too early.

“Love you too, baby. You mean the world to me.” She said, looking me in the eyes and giving me a weary smile… which looked wonderful to me.

I made my way out… but I’m not stupid- as soon as I shut that door behind me, I got to thinking. That day my wife talked to me about my drinking was burned into my head. I doubt I’ll ever forget it.

Paraphrasing, but Dee said her father would ‘hit her mother, then she would take it out on her daughter.’ But the thing that doesn’t add up for me, is the fact that I can’t remember a time when I saw Dee come to me saying her mother had beat her. She never had any at-home injuries that I’m aware of, and she never got any black eyes.

‘How did her mother take it out on her?’

That’s the question that weighed heavily on the back of my mind as I drove to Starlights house to deal with this shit. When I arrived and found Starlight still banging at the door, I facepalmed hard as I grabbed my shotgun out of the glovebox.

“Trixie, please let us in! We just need to talk, seriously!” She yelled as she banged on it, and I grabbed her arm and gestured for her to step aside.

“Us? Who’s us?” I heard her yell through the door, holding my shotgun under my wing.

“It’s Leona, Trixie. We just wanna talk to you.” I replied politely, waiting for a response. “Look, I know you’re feeling betrayed right now- but do you think Starlight doesn’t love you more than anything else?” still nothing. “I’m with her all the time, and do you know how much she loves and talks about you?” See if this works.

“It’s true! She’s told me to stop rambling about you at work before!” Starlight backed me up, and I gave her a grin of approval for playing along.

“Exactly! I can’t get her to shut the fuck up, ‘Oh, I love her so much! She’s so amazing and I love her-’ My fuck, she thinks the world of you!” I belted out, taking in a few deep breaths to listen.

Click!

We both nearly gasped as we heard the jingling of a chain-bolt and click of a lock, the doorknob finally able to turn! Trixie wasn’t in the kitchen entryway, so we assume she’s retreated to the living room; if there was such a thing as a lockpicking spell, I think Starlight avoided using it because she wanted her wife to let her in, rather than forcing her entry.

“Say what you need and excuse yourself for something. I want a one-on-one.” I whispered the general plan in Starlights ear.

“What’s the shotgun for?” Starlight whispered back as I leaned it against the wall in the stairwell.

“Masterkey.” Was all I needed to say. She smirked briefly, trying not to giggle. “I’ll grab it on the way out.”

The living room consisted of a coffee table with a couch in front of it and a chair off to the side; Trixie was huddled up under a blanket on the couch, red eyed and sniffling while Starlight tackled her in a hug. “Are you alright, honey?” She asked, and Trixie nodded wordlessly. Starlight kissed her cheek and asked, “You want me to roll up a blunt for you?”

Trixie sniffled, nodding as she squeaked out “Uh-huh…” her voice cracked feebly as she spoke.

Starlight kissed her again, and I saw a brief smile, which soon fell. “I’ll be right back, baby.”

She hopped off and ran up the stairs, and I took a seat on the side chair. “You know, she talks about you all-”

“She cheated on me.” She croaked out meekly, wiping her eyes on the blanket. I half-shrugged and nodded.

“I guess, but here’s the thing; do you know the balls it took for her to wake me up at this hour? All because she wanted someone to help mediate things?” I looked her in the eyes as I elaborated- “She’s confused because she didn’t see it as cheating. Clearly, you do.” I explained, leaning into the arm of the chair.

“How? How is it not cheating?” She huffed, “She fucked some dirty whore because I’m not good enough for her!” I simply put a hand up in response.

“Back up. This was a classy establishment, not some back alley handjob.” I defended, and Trixie rolled her eyes.

“That makes it any better that she’s seeing other women?” I just gave her an incredulous look, shrugging and holding my hands in front of me.

“You can see other women in a porno mag; you get upset over that, too?” Her glare softened as she stared off to the side momentarily. “Bangin’ a whore is like reading a porno mag- you get it, you enjoy it, then you stuff it in the closet and throw it in the trash before your wife gets home.” I just shrugged with a smirk. “No strings attached, no emotional bond, and there’s no risk of disease; unionization of sex workers naturally comes with healthcare and bi-weekly checkups.” I’m not saying that people don’t fall in love with prostitutes- but I doubted Glimmer was a big enough simp to fall into that trap.

She let her arms out from under the blanket, resting her chin on her hoof. “Go on.” I just rolled my eyes and chuckled.

“It’s as simple as that! If I’m bangin’ a whore, I don’t feel any sort of a… connection? At least, not the way I feel with my wife.” I pulled out a cigarette and elaborated, “My wife completes me, mentally and physically; a whore gets paid to look pretty and get me off. That’s the way both my wife and I see it.” I shrugged, lighting the cigarette and taking a drag. “We trust each other enough to not go as far as, say, an affair with another married woman; Dee would never break my heart like that, and neither would Starlight intentionally break yours!” I gave her a ‘you get it yet?’ Gesture as I explained - “Sometimes I’m in the mood for a fish dinner, other times I’m in the mood for some hot sausage. The problem arose because while Starlight believes in this philosophy, she didn’t know you’d have a different view of things.”

As I finished my argument, I waited silently while she stared off to the side.

“Bangin’ a whore is no different than masturbation. That’s that!” I reiterated my point.

Her head turned slowly, and after a few moments of staring at me, the corner of her mouth twitched. “Snrk…” She was trying not to laugh, holding her hoof to her mouth. “Who-uh!” My smile fell immediately, palm making contact with my face… but in all fairness, that is how I pronounced whore. Why does everyone make fun of my accent!? “I-I get it. The uh… bias issues with the spell and all that. She didn’t think she was lying, I thought she was and I guess… my subconscious beliefs saw that as a technicality.” She muttered to herself quietly… before she chuckled again.

“All that aside.” I said, getting her attention as she chortled. “Starlight fucked up. She’s gonna own up to it- and if you two want to set boundaries, now’s the time to do it.” I puffed my cigarette and got up. “I gotta-”

“Wait!” Trixie said, making me sit back down. “I want to know what Starlight does for you!” I rubbed my chin, sighing as I got back up-

“STARLIGHT!” I yelled, causing her to start running down the stairs, an old cigarette carton full of fresh blunts held in her magic. She stopped abruptly, sputtering out-

“Sorry I took so long! I made a bunch!” Guess they’re pulling an all-nighter. I plucked one from the pack and stuck it in my pocket.

“You’re free to tell Trixie whatever you’re comfortable with about your role in the Family.” I said to her, pulling her in for a quick hug and a pat on the back. “No names, dates, locations, nothing incriminating.” I whispered with a smirk, and she nodded with a smile.

“Got it.” She whispered, slowly turning- I stopped her with a snap of my finger so she’d face me again.

“Hey!” I said to get her attention. “What’d I just say?” I pointed and asked her, just so we were a hundred percent clear.

“No names, dates, locations… or incriminating. I know!” I gave her a wide grin and playfully slapped her on the shoulder.

“Starrliiiight!” Trixie whined with a smirk, already sparking a blunt I didn’t notice she took. “What’re you doing, taking orders from someone ten years younger than you?” She said with a giggle as she puffed the blunt to get the burn started… I wonder if they use a deodorizing spell or something to get the weed scent outta the house?

…Wait.

“Wait, Starlight, you’re in your forties?” I asked incredulously, and she nodded sheepishly. Then I thought about it for a second, rubbing my beak- “Actually… You were like, 25 and I was 15 when you first rolled into town. It checks out. Huh.” That explains those occasional gray hairs in her mane, or the subtle crow’s feet around her eyes.

“Wait, huh? I invited you to my last birthday party, how did you not know?” Starlight asked with a smirk, and I just shrugged.

“I-I’m sorry, I just-just suck at remembering other people’s ages.” I rubbed the back of my head, “Genuinely, if you asked me-” Starlight put her hoof up- and I gave her a thankful smile. “I got some important stuff to take care of. You two have a nice, long chat over coffee and smokes.” Starlight and I waved each other goodbye while Trixie started chortling again.

“Caw’uhfee and shmokes!” She giggled to herself, making fun of the way I pronounced coffee.

“Ignore her. Please.” Starlight moved over so her wife was behind her, and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I shook my head with a smirk; she was stoned, what could ya’ do? “She and I are collaborating on the final rough draft of the Manifesto. I think you’re gonna love it!” She whispered excitedly, and we went in for one more hug as I turned around.

“Excellent… Oh, by the way…” I whispered, getting Starlight’s attention. “If my wife calls, cover for me. Tell her we’re still hanging out, getting stoned, whatever.” thankfully, she nodded- evidently knowing better than to ask. “And, uhh… do you mind if I got a soda outta the fridge?” She nodded, and I patted her shoulder with a wide grin. I figured since I’m passing it on the way out, might as well, you know?

With a Tangelo- branded orange soda under one wing, I grabbed the lupara with my other wing and held it to my side as well. Since I parked in the driveway, we just left the garage door open- I didn’t mind grabbing it on the way out, setting my drink and shotgun on my passenger car seat. Despite the fact that the sun had yet to begin rising, outside was actually decently lit by all the electric street lamps and various other driveway lights- I even saw a griffon on a bike making his way down the sidewalk; they’re like human bicycles, but with the chain and pedals closer to the seat. The bike itself had saddlebags and many reflective strips tacked on to the exposed parts of the frame, and the rider wore a (hopefully warm) gray flannel underneath a yellow Bargain’s warehouse vest, which already had reflective strips.

I shut the garage door and waved at him casually with a grin as he passed- he did a double take, but since he was probably heading to work, he never stopped. Who’d believe him, you know? I got in my car, set my smokes on the passenger seat and stuck the blunt somewhere safe, so it wouldn’t be crushed… naturally, I put it in my beak.

I hopped into my car and turned the key, eagerly kicking the fire pedal to get the heat on and warm up a bit on this early fall morning… Note to self- the idle is still a little funky, and I gotta stop forgetting about it. I popped the cap off the bottle using the opener built into the dash next to the cupholder, taking a nice, long sip of it. When that was tucked away in the cupholder (which has only recently started coming on standard models), I cranked my window down, leaning forward over my lighter.

Clink! Cchk!

I took a few measly puffs to get it started before pulling nice, slow, and deeply on the blunt. I inhaled nice and slow, playfully holding it in my lungs and mouth; wisps of smoke flowing from my beak until I exhaled gently. Tears flowed from my eyes as I resisted the urge to cough a lung out, but a sip of Tangelo helped tremendously with that; The cane-sugar added a particular sweetness that couldn’t compare to any of that corn-syrup crap they used in America, the Oranges grown in the Western Corvyn stepped plateau adding a wonderful tanginess to it.

I held my blunt hand out the window as I sucked in deep breaths of precious, clean air. “Cut with tobacco. Blue-raspberry wrapper. Excellent fucking taste.” Employee of the goddamn month up in that townhouse. I took a respectable puff, holding it for a few moments before exhaling gently. I looked inwards at myself for a moment, finally coming to a conclusion- “Sativa. Beauuuty-ful.” That’s the easiest for me to drive on, anyway.

I had about a forty five minute to an hour long drive ahead of me to my Father-in-laws. I had some questions that I don’t think Dee wanted me snooping for… actually, fuck it. I’m takin’ the long way, what kinda time limit do I got? I gotta enjoy this blunt. Then I’ll get answers.

Besides- I didn’t want to risk having to deal with any of the occasional night street trolley and bus traffic, you know?

The sound of pouring coffee filled the air as a crackling fireplace warmed my father-in-law’s semi-outdoor enclosed back patio. He looked like friggin’ Ebenezer Scrooge because of the ridiculous looking white silk nightgown and nightcap, and I had to use all of my brainpower to stop myself from bursting out into laughter when I saw him.

We sat at one of the green iron porch chairs surrounding the matching table. Not a hint of rust marred their surface- so this is basically a normal room, just closed off with a fence and a roof and protected from most weather. He had a hot tub, and if you opened the back gate, it let you out into the wider back yard. But it was still dark in this early hour of the morning- so the gate was closed.

“Sho.” He spoke while biting a cigar in the corner of his mouth, using a hoof-held lighter. He lit it, taking a puff and saying- “I assume you have…” he exhaled, “thoughtful reasons to be at my door at this hour.” I didn’t think he was trying to be rude, he was just speaking ‘corporate.’- it kind of sounded like something my wife would say, actually.

I put a cigarette in my mouth, “Yeh” I took the first puff of my cigarette, “My wife said some very concerning stuff-” I exhaled, grabbing my mug of hot coffee. “I need to know what my wifes relationship was like with her mother.” he froze, giving me a side-eye. He held his cigar in his hoof, using it to gesture somewhat.

“There are things my daughter confided in me that she vehemently made me swear to take to my grave.” He had a sort of urgency in his voice that almost hinted at fear. “I’m sorry, but no. She said- ‘let those secrets rot in the ground with that bitch.’” I just leered at him, sipping my coffee and keeping eye contact.

“During a moment of… weakness, she told me- Daddy used to hit mommy, and she’d take it out on me!” I leaned over the table, glaring at him hard. “How did-”

THUNK!

“I never beat her!” he yelled, pounding the table with a hoof. “I’ve gotten rough, shoved her against the hutch one time, but never outright pummeled her. That was part of the web of lies spun by my wife to… Uugh!” He waved himself off mid-sentence, and I huffed angrily. “How do you think it feels, knowing that my sweet, innocent baby will forever see you as the root cause of all her pain, no matter how hard I try to convince her!” I… I could hear the pain in his voice. I paused when I realized how… how reluctant he seemed with every word, like he didn’t want to say it out loud. Tears welled in his eyes, and I held a hand out, calming considerably as I looked at him sympathetically.

“She loves you more than anything regardless. I’ll hear you out. If you can’t convince her, maybe both of us can?” I suggested with a warm smirk. “She can’t keep carrying this trauma with her forever, I never knew!” He shook his head, resting his head on his other hoof; I turned and leaned over the table, grabbing onto his hoof with both my hands. “Do you know of a spell called Blissful Ignorance or whatever?” Once again, I got a shocked side eye.

“Bullshit.” He said, leaning against the edge of the table like I was, our hands separating. “That’s a myth, it doesn’t exist. Unicorns would rule the whole dang world otherwise.” I gave him a wide grin.

“Exactly! That’s why Starlight had to steal it from Canterlot Archives, the same way she got ahold of a time travel spell, among other things.” His eyebrows raised, still in denial about what I was telling him. “Call Starlight if you want! I had to resolve a situation between her and her wife just tonight, where her wife thought she was cheating by banging hookers!” He tilted his head and blinked incredulously. “Trixie cast the spell in secret, and Starlight denying her relations with these women was seen as cheating in Trixie’s eyes... So there’s apparently some sort of… bias issue with the spell.” But after all that, his response was simply-

“That’s not cheating?” I rolled my eyes and waved him off, wondering if he was even listening. He looked off to the side, leaning back in his chair. I did the same, staring expectantly at him. “I shouldn’t have to tell you to keep your beak shut about this, but I didn’t get to where I am by taking dumb risks. Please, don’t jump to any conclusions until the end.”

“Want me to sign an NDA?” I asked sarcastically, sipping on my coffee and puffing my cigarette. “I’m all ears.”

“My wife touched my baby girl; and damn me, because until she hit puberty and discovered who she actually… was inside, she…” his voice caught in his throat, “She went into this whole weird… rant about her foalhood interest in… mares… their bits. What she told you probably doesn’t come close to the… detailed things she told me; not even mentioning the… drawings... Naturally, I found all this… devotion to mares disturbing; and to this day, her words ring in my ears as clear as the day I heard them. Gimme that cigarette.” He set the cigar down on the ashtray, hoof shaking somewhat as he puffed on my cigarette; he could keep it, I was already pulling out another. Something told me those “drawings” were long gone.

“She said- ‘when I was little, mommy always seemed to be interested in mine.’” I felt like I could retch when I heard those words, and he held a hoof to his mouth. “I’m…” He took a deep breath. “That same day, when That Cunt found out my daughter wasn’t straight, she insulted her at the dinner table- so I shoved her into the hutch.” I smirked faintly.

“She came to me afterward for comfort- I remember that by proxy. And under threat of extreme pain-via-magic, this story would hold up on your end?” He nodded instantly, wearing a bitter scowl on his face.

“I didn’t hit that bitch; I didn’t have the time to hit her if I wanted, I worked so damn much. I was spending most of my waking hours at that store, even after our baby was born- and there’s where it all went to shit. Working my ass off to build up my brand and slowly rake in millions, all the while…” he sighed bitterly, crushing out the cigarette butt. “Big ol’ idiot me, clueless and blind to the fact that my wife molested my baby filly, all the way up until she realized she preferred lettuce to carrots!” That’s the pony equivalent of fish or sausage. “She told me about how as a filly, she always looked at mare’s parts, and-”

I grabbed his hoof with my hand gently, letting him know he didn’t need to go on. “The first step to getting her some kind of… therapy or something is to make sure she knows the truth. She’s…” He yanked his hoof back, shaking his head.

“If you want to try and convince her to listen to reason, good luck. I’ve tried to make her believe me.” He said with a sigh. “She doesn’t hate me right now; I don’t want to risk changing that by pushing this issue any further.” He said bitterly, staring off to the side while I sighed in frustration.

“Well, what the fuck do I do?” I asked him rhetorically, rubbing my temple. “I mean, she’s my wife, I love her!” Phil just shrugged.

“If you think this is something you’re gonna resolve with a single conversation, I think you’re in over your head.” He went back to puffing away at his cigar. “My daughter is a complicated mare. I tried therapy for years after I found out, but she refused to talk to anypony I sent her to- but even though her mother’s wading through Tartarus as we speak, she still keeps her mouth shut.” He had a sad look in his eyes as he spoke; I couldn’t help but wonder if teaching her early on how to talk to cops and authority (you don’t) may have had some… side consequences. “Help her when she’s down. Keep her looking forward. Be there for her.” He leaned back in his chair, staring blankly at the ashtray in front of him. “Because I’m scared of what would happen if she stopped and took any time to self-reflect at this point.”

I looked off to the side, taking a long drag of a cigarette and exhaling before nibbling on the side of my knuckle anxiously. Guess I was on my own.

At 7AM, Starlight and Trixie were both stoned and sleep deprived, giggling from the couch they sat on. Each side had its own recliner- so Starlight had her footrest up, and Trixie was laying her head in her wifes lap facing outward.

“Waitwaitwait,” Trixie giggled, “What did you say he said before you… you know…” Starlight giggled as she puffed on a cigarette, staring at the grapevine-esque design on the wallpaper and mentally tracing the path the branches took, from the ceiling all the way to the floor.

But despite this distraction, she was still somewhat conscious, “Neighsay’s last words were something like, this headrest is making my neck sore!” Being high definitely helped Trixie appreciate the macabre nature of Neighsay’s last words, because the two of them shared a wonderful laugh. “It gets better- Fin turns to me and say’s, like, I thought he’d never shut the fuck up!” Trixie was laughing while Starlight enjoyed her cigarette.

“And he never noticed you in the back seat?” She asked, and Starlight shook her head.

“Couldn’t have been any cleaner than what it was!” ‘aside from the blood,’ she thought to herself. “For all that… that shit he said to you in-” Starlight growled quietly under her breath.

“It was for me?” Trixie was taken aback! “You did that for me?”

“Opportunity came knocking. All I did was answer.” She said with a shrug, annoyed she was almost finished with this cigarette. Trixie giggled quietly, crescendoing into a sort of cackle, before it died down.

“I’d be a liar if I didn’t say I didn’t want to do… I’d do a lot more than stab him!” She said with a giggle, and Starlight felt immense relief. “I would… I would…” She giggled- and Starlight interrupted,

“If it makes you feel any better, after he died we chopped his legs off and buried them all along the Fertilian countryside before… letting the rest be shark bait.” Trixie’s giggling slowed down, ending in an uncomfortable silence.

“That’s… oh. I, uh…” Starlight nervously mulled over what her wife might be trying to say, feeling like she went too far, “I… forgot- Right! I mean… fair enough, I guess! Had to hide the, uhhh… evidence!” She rambled somewhat nervously, and Starlight still wasn’t sure what to think. “I-I just…” She whined quietly to herself.

“What’s the matter?” Starlight set her smoke in the ashtray, already overflowing despite the fact that it was emptied mere hours ago.

“I can’t… I can’t help but feel we’ve betrayed all our old friends and… values.” She muttered, and Starlight started gently stroking her wife’s mane and side. “I don’t… I don’t feel bad about our life now, per se… but everytime I think of all the time we’ve spent together, I inevitably think of Ponyville and just feel… guilty.” Since her wife was facing away, Starlight didn’t bother hiding her smile. Some of the greatest years of their lives were set in that deceptively quiet little town. “I mean, we sort of left all our old friends and made new ones! Letters are fine, but-” But Starlight interrupted-

“Maybe our old friends might not be the most thrilled with… us… I…hang on a sec…” She glanced off to the side with a sigh, using her magic to ‘wake her brain up’ a little, helping to formulate her response; made all the more sluggish by the haze of THC, Nicotine, and Sleep Deprivation. Trixie smirked, gently stroking her wifes leg.

“Leg…” she muttered quietly to herself. “Leeeeeeg… good leg.” Starlight learned long ago to disregard this type of rambling, as they were simply the result of a fragile attention span. “Leg so hot, you fry an-”

“When I think of Ponyville, Trixie…” Just like that, Starlight knew she had her wife’s undivided attention when she stopped stroking her leg. “I think of every moment we spent together, with each other and amongst our friends. We had a thriving, accepting community where we could finally be forgiven for our pasts and call our homes, and… It’s different now.” She said forlornly, almost grimacing in disgust. “The robber barons of Equestria have stolen away much of that magic by polluting our urban cities and rural farmlands. Their desire for infinite and exponential growth has been an utter disaster, and Equestria cannot function if they remain unimpeded. We-”

“Starlight.” Trixie interrupted her, “Why are you working with Leona? Really?” Starlight looked off to the side and blinked in thought.

“She’s helping me to attain my goals while allowing us to live luxuriously; not even mentioning all the other local friend’s you’ve made at that community bookclub I’m… too high to remember the name of,” Trixie giggled as Starlight’s blunder, “. And aside from that, I haven’t felt this alive in years!” She exclaimed, feeling a little more loopy from the previously-mentioned reasons. “Green Pencil Club! That's what it’s called. Took me a second- the only thing that came to mind was stoner book club a moment ago!” The two, briefly derailed, shared a giggle.

“Books are just magical when you’re high. You can’t deny it.” Trixie declared solemnly, before giggling some more. “You were in the middle of explaining why you were working for Leona.” she clarified, being a veteran stoner who knows what’s up. Anything other than this direct explanation wouldn’t have resulted in Starlight gasping-

“Right! As I was saying… The power I wield, not in magic, but in political power is just… intoxicating!” she admitted, unable to bear risking a glance at her wife’s reaction. “For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m pulling the strings!” She took in a couple deep breaths to calm down.

She cleared her throat, “When the Equestrians saw the progress of my Equalist community, they only saw something to be squashed- something to be quelled. Leona saw that as potential, and I realized I needed to figure out new ways to apply my ideas to the world!” She declared, and the awkward silence following after was only interrupted by their breathing.

“...Didn’t you brainwash, gaslight, and manipulate all those ponies into letting you take their cutie marks away, thus making them effectively suck at everything?” Trixie deadpanned sarcastically, and Starlight rolled her eyes. “That doesn’t sound like a very good idea to me. I vote no.”

“That’s besides the point.” she stammered out, causing Trixie to giggle. She rolled over, tossing the blanket in between her legs for decency and smirking at her wife.

“You’re so cute when you get… like this!” Trixie giggled, lightly poking Starlight’s nose. “If… if what you're doing helps keep this lifestyle up, and makes Equestria into our wonderful Marksist Empire, I’m all for it.” they grinned at each other from their positions, Trixie looking up and Starlight looking down. “I don’t wanna go back to work…” she grumbled to herself. “Even without Neighsay and his occasional use of my necronym there…” She huffed, concluding- “I couldn’t do it!”

“The Grand Union of Equestrian Workers.” Starlight whispered as she leaned down for a kiss. “You won’t have to.” was all she said, making her wife giggle cutely. “Let’s get to bed. It’ll be sunrise before we know it.” She said, stroking her wifes mane and kissing her on the forehead. “I love you so much.”

Trixie whined cutely, kicking her back hooves gently. “I love you toooo!”

“Gosh… when’s the last time we went on a picnic together?” My wife asked, laying on my arm and snuggled up against my side while I used her arm as a pillow. I got home a bit before sunrise- and I had the idea of packing a lunch and a blanket into a basket like we used to do as kids. There were still plenty of places in the woods around the cities where one can drive down an old logging path to find a nice clearing in the thick woods; since more sustainable logging operations have been set up throughout Griffonia, the need to chop down forests has been limited mainly to urban expansion. As a result- many rural areas seem to have random, grassy trails in the woods that allow for easier hunting or just… being there. But this clearing in the woods was private land- owned by me.

That’s why we wore our bathrobes. No one would bother us.

“Too fuckin’ long.” I replied, looking up at the dark purple sky; the odd coloration was caused by Twilight’s magic, effectively ‘winding up the planet’s clock’, as Celestia put it when I asked her. I think it’s cooler to think of it as a ‘kickstart’, though. “Fuck, I’m starvin’!” I said with a chuckle, and Dee nuzzled my side.

“Just a little longer- it’s not even light out yet!” All we had for light was the small electrical lantern between us, which… had an admittedly weak light compared to a gas or an oil one. But it wouldn’t burn us if it tipped- so that was nice. I rolled my eyes with a chuckle.

“Fine, just let me stahve to death!” I whined sarcastically, putting an arm to my forehead like a… certain drama queen from Ponyville. Dee giggled and started rubbing my belly slowly, making me huff and wince as her arm ran across my nipples.

“Gosh, you’re so cuuuute!” She whined, making me feel wonderful. She kissed my cheek, and I couldn’t stop the massive grin on my face. Even my remaining back leg was kicking at the air unconsciously. She wrapped her arm around me, tugging at my sides and making me… jiggle.

“St-Stoooop!” I whined, blushing intensely while Dee giggled at my reaction. I took my free arm and reached around me to hug her shoulder. “Knock it oooofffff!”

“But I love the noises you were making!” She whined back, nuzzling my cheek. “They’re so… so… gaaah! I looove them!” She kissed my cheek and went back to just hugging my side while we waited for the sun to rise a little more; but I couldn’t help but look off to the side and pout.

“I-I really wish you’d stop teasing me about my body. It… hurts.” Dee groaned in annoyance as she hugged me tighter.

“I wasn’t teasing you, for fucks sakes!” I scoffed silently while she asserted- “I just… it’s fun playing with your body because I love you!” My scowl softened as I slowly looked at my wife. “I-I just… will you please stop putting yourself down all the time?” She half-begged, and I couldn’t help but get a little choked up.

“Do you know how… how ashamed it makes me feel, having to cinch my gut with a belt under my coat every day?” I whined indignantly, causing my wife to lightly thump my chest with her hoof.

“Do you know how much it hurts me hearing you constantly putting yourself down!?” My eyes shot open- I’d genuinely never thought of it that way… “I love you! No matter how big or old we get, I’ll always love you!” She said with a sigh, resting her chin on my chest. “And let's face it- with my baby on the way, I probably won’t fare much better than you are right now. Having Anastasia was about the turning point for you, wasn’t it?” I thought about it for a moment… and ultimately shrugged.

“Think of it like this:” She proposed, pulling her arm out from under me and sitting up- prompting me to do the same. The little electric light off to the side between us illuminated her face in a faint yellow glow as we held hands and gazed longingly into each other’s eyes; contrasted to the blackened and void-like swathes of woods around us, she was my lighthouse in a raging storm. She reached into the neck of her bathrobe and pulled out the beautiful silver pendant I used to propose with, and I couldn’t help but glance at the sky-blue gem which perfectly matched beautiful diamond ring on my left hand; both glinted wonderfully in the slowly rising sun to our left, and I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

“If I was fat, would you still love me?” She asked, and I couldn’t help but snort.

“Yes! Yes I would!” I nodded enthusiastically. Dee shrugged-

“What if I was old and sickly and couldn’t get up on my own anymore, would you still love me?” She asked, and I smirked.

“I’ll be at your side helpin’ you up ‘till one of uh…” My voice cracked and I sniffled, too choked up to finish that sentence and trying to look away: look away so she wouldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes… but a gently hoof to my chin brought me back to eye-level while she asked,

“What if an accident left me paralyzed and unable to even walk anymore. Would you still love me?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, beak trembling as she went on- “What if I was covered head-to-toe in burns, left looking all… broken and hideous! Would you still love me!?” She asked as she pulled herself in closer, wrapping her hooves around my shoulders as I choked back a sob. I leaned in, resting my chin on her shoulder as I whimpered, tears running down my cheeks; the imagery she put in my head just… terrified me, to be honest. “Because if anything similar or adjacent to all that happened to you, I’d never forgive myself for abandoning you...” She asserted as she nuzzled my chest, gently stroking my side. “You’ve been there for me since the day we met. You’re… You’re my best friend… my wife.”

“I-I’ll never leave you! Never!” I cried over her shoulder briefly, pulling back and trying to calm myself by looking at her beautiful face; I tried to speak, but it came out as a barely-perceptible whisper. “If-if an-anything hap-hap…nev..er le-leav…” My beak trembled terribly as I hunched forward, burying my face in her chest… her very soft chest. I whined, finding solace in the warm, fuzzy chest fluff and surrounding pink silk bathrobe… while my wife giggled.

“Hang on, scoot back-” My wife said, and once again, we were rearranging ourselves. This time, she laid on her back while I laid at her side, using her chest fluff as a soft, fluffy pillow to help calm me down. “I love you, baby.” She whispered in my ear, while I wordlessly nuzzled her chest and cried silently.

Mercifully, my wife opted to enjoy the sunrise in peaceful silence while I enjoyed her presence. She was… calming. The soft texture of her fur between my fingers and the fruity scent of her conditioner was just… blissful to my senses. After a half hour had passed, my wife gently tapped my back.

“It’s getting daylight, honey.” She whispered, making me smirk. I felt a lot better, sitting up and turning the electric light off. It was that point in the morning where the sky was brighter than the landscape around us; the forest was dark, but the field was dim- dim enough to eat lunch, that is. Also dim enough that the wonderful oranges and yellows of autumn slowly started to glow with the crawling sun.

That said- our picnic basket wasn’t a basket, per-se. It was a metal cooler- branded Ghiaccio, with a light blue paint and white lid. Opening it up, you had a jar of Jiffy peanut butter, a loaf of sliced bread packaged in wax paper, some utensils and some cloth napkins on a bed of tin foil with a large plate of chicken wings that were supposed to be my dinner last night; below that in a semi-melted ice bath were various cold drinks and-

“GASP- SWEET PICKLES!” My wife yelled ravenously as she snatched them out of the cooler, bracing it against her chest to pop the lid open. One of the utensils was a little set of small hoof- tongs, used for pulling the lengthwise-sliced pickles out of the jar.

I stuck my tongue out in mock disgust, holding my palm up while I shook my head. “Eeeyuuck! Don’t even offer up one of those for me!” If someone gives me a sweet pickle and tells me it’s a dill pickle, and I bite into it? I’ll gag… then I’ll punch them in the face. My wife giggled, playfully punching me on the shoulder.

“You griffons will never understand us ponies and our relationship with sweets.” She scoffed, already unwrapping her bread. She rubbed the bump on her belly- “Isn’t that right, ‘lil Tiara?” She coo’d to herself, and I stopped unwrapping my plate of chicken wings to giggle.

“‘Lil Tiara? That’s what you’re calling her?” I laughed while she groaned and rolled her eyes. “Isn’t that a little narcis-”

“It’s not the final name, fuck no!” The butterknife she happened to be holding scared me for a moment there. “What if she’s born, and she has this beautiful purple fur that makes me wanna put Royal in her name. I can’t lock anything in! Not yet!” I rolled my eyes and giggled, slowly coming to a revelation in how Ponies name their kids.

“No, no, I know what you mean. I was just breakin’ your balls a little.” I said, unwrapping my plate of plain fried chicken wings, 48 of them neatly arranged in a circle around a bowl of ‘Jungle Sauce’ with a tin lid… which is the Griffonian retail version of that sauce the jungle zebra’s used. Because of that whole… situation, marketing has been a bit tricky- the Battle for Dustbowl happened about a week before the first advertisements went out, but they saved it in the end, thankfully. “I’m still calling this stuff Zebra Sauce. I like that name better.” If anything, it was incredibly similar to barbeque sauce- and knowing the sheer thousands of varieties there can be of barbecue sauce, I had no problem they added a little bit more… Fertilia to it.

Of course, Dee’s always gotta be a naysayer!

“It’s barely got any Zebra-native ingredients! It’s just a recreation using whatever we could produce here and quietly import. And I can’t help but feel like Zebra Sauce somewhat implies it’s made of zebras, you know?” She suggested, closing the face of her… hideous sandwich. Peanut butter with bits of peanut chunks on both slices of bread with pickle slices sandwiched between. As she lifted it to her mouth, she spoke- “But I mean, they’ve been great trade partners so far. It’s a shame we can’t be too open about it to keep the narrative.NOM!” She chomped down the first bite with a satisfied, bear-like groan of approval while I just tried to look away.

“I almost feel bad we’re rippin’ ‘em off. I feel worse about the guns we sent ‘em, though. My fuck.” I mused to myself as I reached into the cooler to grab my wife a bottle of milk.

“Mmm! Mmmhmm!” she couldn’t speak, since her mouth was probably gummed up with peanut butter; she set the sandwich down on a napkin and reached out, wordlessly begging for a drink.

“Enjoy!” I said sarcastically as I held the bottle under my arm to pop the lid and forked it over; I only spilled a little on myself, too! I grabbed myself a Tangelo, popping the cap on the cooler’s built-in opener and setting it in the cupholder… also built into the cooler. “Best fuckin’ birthday present ever.” I said to my wife, kissing her on the cheek… tasting a little peanut butter that was stuck to it.

Still, I can’t judge her for her pregnancy cravings, considering what I enjoyed while having Anastasia. I ate a fuckton of garlic toast; that is, fresh bread toasted in a pan with a thick layer of butter on top, cracked black pepper, and garlic. Peeled. Raw. Garlic cloves. My wife became wary of kissing me for a while, even after Anastasia was born.

She nodded her thanks and approval while I went back to my breakfast… lunch… dinner? All depends on how you look at it. After wordlessly devouring a few of the cold wings dipped in sauce, I finally felt like I was just satisfied enough that I could slow down, taking a deep breath. I never minded refrigerator chicken, that’s for sure.

“Anyways, there’s a thought I had, I wanna share with you- about pony names, sorta.” I asked as she was almost done making her second sandwich. “When your adorable little foal is born, you can look at their features for inspiration, in abstract or direct ways. Your eyes sparkle like diamonds, so maybe that played a part in your name?” I said as an example, and squee’d adorably at that compliment while nodding. “Another thing pony families tend to consider is family lineage- like in the case of the Apple family, hailing all the way back to an old Earth Pony farmer community tradition or other.” I shrugged, holding up a finger to let her know I was stopping for a second.

“Sorry, these wings are good.” I muttered with my mouth already half-full, and my wife giggled and munched on her second sandwich.

“I’m lish’ening” She lisped with peanut butter in and around her mouth, and I couldn’t help but giggle. But anyways- the best part of having a beak is eating the flat wings takes no effort, because the thin hook of my beak can scoop the meat right out of the center; I don’t even have to push it up with my finger!

“That in mind…” I said, washing down my last few wings with my ice-cold Tangelo. “I wonder how long it takes for an Apple family mother to think of the kids name?” Her apprehensive look turned into a smirk, then into a slow chuckle. “‘Congrats, it’s a filly! What’re you gonna call her?’” I spoke in a mocking tone, “‘Weeeelll, shoot… what’d I have to drink this morning…’” I snapped my finger dramatically, “Applejack! That’s it!”

Dee and I both burst into laughter, reminding me once again of when we were young… We did this shit all the time, even before we officially started dating; Picnics were a classic Equestrian passtime, and I’ve packed many baskets for us; and many fun insults and pranks have been devised over a weaved picnic basket. In fact, I think I still have our old basket in the attic somewhere… but I liked my cooler. I just thought it was… cooler!

“You wanna know the best part?” I saw that after washing that sandwich down, she was already almost out of milk… but thankfully, we came prepared. As I grabbed another out of the cooler and braced it under my arm, she said- “Ever since her company gained a fucking monopoly on fruit by buying out her competition-”

While she spoke and prepared another sandwich, I couldn’t help but smirk- the way she explained corporate bullshittery was just… entertaining to me. If I remember correctly, Twilight gave Applejack a large grant that allowed her family to get into international shipping- I guess it’s not blatant corruption when it’s done out of a place of friendship. But that grant allowed her the rights to import exotic fruit from the Zebra territories with her own private company; but the real kicker was when she slashed all the prices, selling her fruits at a loss to undercut her competition. Her fruits were the majority ones being sold, while the equally-expensive ones rotted and went unsold. Her competition’s stock prices all plummeted, allowing Applejack the opportunity to swoop in and buy out some of her equal-sized competitors.

Rinse. And. Repeat. Applejack has a monopoly on most Equestrian-grown fruits, even some of the prison plantations; it wouldn’t surprise me if she gazes hungrily at the jungle for its fruits, much like how I gaze longingly at the stores of black-gold beneath the desert… Plus, history shows how ruthless some of these fruit companies can be. But back to the gossip!

“She’s changed her name to Jackie Apple to disassociate herself from the fact that she’s named after liquor… despite vehemently claiming it had a different meaning to her family. And… I heard this from Silver Spoon… She's going through voice training! Getting rid of that hick accent!” I almost snorted out my drink when she said that in a loud whisper, holding a hand to my beak as I chuckled.

“I’m so happy I married you, darling.” I said, and she leaned over to kiss my cheek before returning to her lunch… leaving peanut butter from her lips in my feathers. “What the fuuuck!” I whined playfully, making her giggle cutely. The damp cloth napkin made quick work of that- and I went back to lunch!

As we ate and talked idle gossip, I was thinking about what she said earlier- about her not faring much better than me in the future. While we talked, I noticed- there was a bunch of bread- an entire loaf, in fact. A big jar of peanut butter and an equally large jar of pickles.

Even while I ate my… admittedly large portion, I realized- she was scarfing down sandwiches like I was eating wings. Around her arms and hips, I only just now noticed a sort of… pudginess that seemed uncharacteristic of her. It was subtle, but I couldn’t unsee it.

“My fuck…” My wife muttered to herself, holding a hoof to her mouth as she was halfway through her last sandwich to suppress a burp. “I can’t eat another bite… but I can’t help it!” She whined ravenously as she finished off the sandwich like a fuckin trooper.

“Now you know how I feel.” I muttered, scraping my last wing across the bottom of the sauce bowl, taking a deep breath before cleaning the meat off the bones. I dropped it on the plate once I was done, leaning back and holding a hand to my gut. I didn’t have a bulge in my belly like a cartoon character that ate too much- but I felt full nonetheless. “You know, I was thinking about what you said earlier, about you… gaining weight after your baby is born.”

We both had to pause to take deep breaths before I could speak- “For fuuhh… fucks… don’t let yourself go for my sake.” I said, looking off to the side- until she wrapped her arms around my sides, resting her chin on my shoulder. She held me tight, voice sounding like a sigh as she spoke-

“We’ll see what happens in the fu-UUURP!” She shoved herself back, covering her mouth with both hooves, face blushing intensely while I jerked back in hysterical laughter.

“In my friggin’ ear? Really!?” I jokingly waved my hand near that ear while she crossed her arms and huffed petulantly. “Baaabe! I’m not upset, it happens!” I put my arms around her, relishing her giggling as I rested my chin on her shoulder.

“S-sorry… it’s just really embarrassing…” She muttered in my ear, and I patted her back and giggled.

“I get it- that’s how your mother conditioned you.” I whispered in her ear- don’t think I forgot about that. Even in the home, her mother expected ‘Ladylike’ behavior. “You’re in private. We’re alone- let the tree’s judge us.” I said with a shrug.

“You’re right… I love-” But I interrupted her,
“Case in point- UUURP!”

She shoved off once again while I gloated, “Payback!” She huffed, stomping and whinnying angrily on the blanket before calming herself with a deep breath. “Love you, honey!” I said with a smile while she finished her deep-breath routine.

“I swear, Anastasia is more mature than you are sometimes.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance, throwing the bones out into the field and packing the rest of our stuff back away into the cooler. I’d sort through it later- I was way too fuckin’ full to bother.

“Honey, I’ve been through two lifetimes; only one of which did I have the blessing of prior experience on my side.” I threw the cooler on my back to carry to my car, my voice crescendoing in volume as I walked away. “And despite all this, I’m still trying to figure out what mature means for me!” I tossed the cooler in the back seat, leaving the door open as I headed back to the blanket.

“What the fuck kinda question is that?” She asked, getting off the blanket to help me fold it. “Mature is you… act your age? I dunno.” Once it was folded, she grabbed the lantern’s handle in her teeth while I slung the blanket across my back.

“See, that’s the thing! When I arrived here, I was carrying all sorts of trauma and baggage… particularly around my mother. Human mother.” Already, she turned her head with a scowl- but she was carrying something in her mouth. “A lot of that trauma was reflected in just… how I saw the world and the people around me… The more I think about it, the more I realize how important my Mamma is to who I am today.” She set the lantern in its little padded travel case, sitting open on the back seat.

“Leona… You’re treading a delicate line if you’re getting at what I think you’re getting at.” She spoke in a monotonous voice- but I wasn’t ready to give up yet.

“Honey, please hear me out.” I said, opening the passenger door for her. I then hopped on the driver's seat and leaned over to help pull Dee up into the car. “Being forced to live through a second childhood as an… intelligent infant and beyond’s made me rack my brain for hours and hours on why I was so… immature. What compelled me so much to… act my age, so to speak.”

While she buckled her seatbelt, I fired the engine up and turned the heat on, waiting for it to get warm; again there was that strange… something wrong with the idle, but I was used to it at this point. I couldn’t look her in the eye as I spoke, holding both hands on the steering wheel while I stared at the field in front of us. “But speaking to Celestia, she told me that she… She and I shared many of the same sort of… issues in childhood. So perhaps a physical biological issue is shared among those like us… Outsiders, that could explain that. But another thing to consider- is neither of us had a mother figure to speak of.”

I was speaking of my own experiences to try and convince her- and the hoof gently caressing my back told me I had her attention. “Her relationship was nonexistent- she left an oral will that benefited Celestia, but other than that- played little real part. My relationship with my mother was straight up toxic and abusive until she fucked off to Pittsburgh. So perhaps, subconsciously, we both may have craved a loving mother figure; and in my case, she was instrumental in getting me to accept that… that I could be loved, I guess.” Dee nuzzled my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but smile as I sniffled. “She taught me a sort of… compassion for people I never really had before.” Or, maybe I learned to use it for my own benefit. Either way.

“That coinflip of correlation or causation aside…” I said, “I needed help to work through all that pain. I couldn’t do it myself.” Her gentle stroking of my back stopped, and she slowly straightened her back as I turned to look her in the eye, pleading almost. “Your father told me something terrible about your mother. Is… Please, talk to me. Is… is everything alright?” I just didn’t know how to articulate the… the pain I felt for her… for my wife.

She scoffed, smirking at me. “When I was little-little, … just barely a foal, I remember my mother would… play down there. I guess little me was subconsciously curious about what made her so interested, making me into the creepy kid that looked at mare’s butts a lot. Happy?” She asked sarcastically as she crossed her arms and looked away. “Now drive.” She demanded.

“No. We’re not done.” Her head shot back towards my direction, making my heart skip a beat.

“You don’t tell me no.” When she said that, I blinked and froze up. It startled me because it’s a phrase I remembered her mother using… quite often. “If you even suggest, even imply, that you think I would ever… EVER!!- touch my baby-” Her yelling next to me within the confines of my car made my right ear ring.

“No, No! I wouldn’t, I’m sorry!” I pleaded, rubbing the side of my head. Dee started looking down and panting, clenching her teeth angrily.

“I-I’m gonna be better than my mother, damnit!” She growled, panting heavily as she spoke- “I’ll never be like her! I’ll NEVER be like HER!” I threw a wing and an arm around her back to try and force her to calm down.

“I never said you would be, darling. And in no way am I judging you! Now that I know the context, I feel bad for teasing you about your foalhood… habit earlier. Honest!” I spoke calmly, slowly stroking her chest with my other hand. “I’m sorry. I was just concerned, is all.” She let out a heavy sigh, hugging my arm.

“Don’t be. I know I have a… history of sexual harassment. That’s different.” If I wasn’t so nervous I could laugh. Sexual harassment, my fuck. “But… but I’m not like her. I’m better than her. I’m better than her!”

We gripped each other tight, saying- “I never doubted that honey. Not once.” I sighed, pulling back and looking her in the eyes. “You’re a good mare. A strong mare. I… I trust you, baby.” didn’t mean I wouldn’t be keeping an eye on her…

But she gave me a smile, leaning in for a quick makeout session in the front seat of my car. When we broke apart with a strand of drool connecting lip-to-beak, I wiped mine off with my arm, wearing a smug grin before I buckled my seatbelt.

“Wow! I kiss you, and then you turn around and wipe it away!” she chastised playfully- I snickered and lightly punched her shoulder.

“Whatcha gonna do ‘bout it?” I asked as I put it in gear and started making our way back down the trail.

“Five hours of edging.” she sentenced me with, and I almost sent us off the trail when I jerked my head over, cocking my eyebrow as I gripped the wheel. Thankfully it was a wide, mostly flat trail; made solid from the cold and covered in leaves, the treeline marked clearly where to go. It was a little dim in the forest yet- so I flicked the headlights on.

“I beg your pardon?” I asked, and she giggled as we trailed slowly past the long shooting range on a hill where I’d eventually teach Anastasia how to properly shoot at… but that was the last thing on my mind, currently. “Is it like, five straight hours, or is it like community service hours? Like, do I get a timecard you can punch?”

Dee snorted, chuckling adorably and shrugging. “I dunno. We’ll see.” I just blinked in… resignation. By now we were getting close- passing the private lake, perfect for fishing and boating… I didn’t have a boat yet. Or a car that can haul one. Perhaps I should change that sometime? But I love this fuckin’ car, though…

“Can you get us to a rest stop? I’m gonna have to pee soon.” Ah, yes. The joys of pregnancy. Still being careful, I sped up a little along the trail until we finally got to the highway exit; We had a good hour’s drive ahead of us, but thankfully- my car is pretty damn fast; she’s fast, heavy, and a little over three-and-a-half years old. Anastasia has held the flashlight many times over this temperamental beast of an engine, asking what all the parts did while I tried to change the oil or check the belts.

Soon, I had her at high-rev’s, cruising down the country highway and passing the few cars that were out. Mostly freight trucks, local farmers commuting about, even the occasional old-fashioned pull-cart occupying the right lane. There were a couple of tiny kerosene-powered cars probably used for going from rural towns to more populated small communities with more… international amenities. There’s actually a big enough percentage on the road that most gas station pump attendants will ask you- Gas or Kerosene?

…Does this look like a fucking kerosene car to you?

Indeed, I was cruising along, maxing it out at around 70 mp/h down a hill, steering with my right hand on the wheel and my left resting against the door; we were warmed comfortably by the heating unit below the center of the dash, listening to some soft jazz that Dee tuned the radio to; The road was smooth, black, and clear, with an empty lane to the right of us and a grassy downward-sloped median to our left separating us from the opposing lanes of traffic.

Now, if only I hadn’t put off getting my engine looked at. The loss, grief, and pain I experienced from it was… tragic and unnecessary.

Bang!! SCREEEEECH!

Something in the engine went kablooie and kerbang in the block itself, killing it in a near-instant and shearing something expensive sounding. Those are technical terms by the way; but the noise startled me so bad, I accidentally jerked the wheel to the right.

She skidded towards the right, and the front tires lost grip- so I gripped the wheel with both hands and tried to straighten it out, praying to regain traction. “YEAHHAAA!” I yelled as I managed to regain slight control to get the nose to veer left- so I slammed the brakes, making the car's tail-end to wobble precariously while I clenched my own tail-end. I held a hand to Dee’s chest as we slowed to a halt along the gravely right-hand side of the road, smoke pouring from my poor engine.

“Breath in. Breath out. Slowly.” I instructed her, doing as I said so she’d follow along. Despite our hearts both pounding in sync, sweat pouring down our faces- we were okay; the cabin’s power was completely dead- but thankfully, the cabin was spared from getting smoked out because the heater was its own unit, bolted on this early model. I moved to yank the emergency brake, having forgotten to pull it while we tried to stop- oh well.

After a few moments of calm, my wifes eyes shot open- and she struggled with the seatbelt for a second. “GOTTA PEE!” She yelled, dashing out of her side and into the treeline. I knew she’d be a few minutes because she was always gun-shy in the forest; and there was smoke and fuck knows what leaking from the engine- so I grabbed the brass fire extinguisher out of the trunk box and threw one of the hood-flaps open.

I smothered the engine until I was certain there wouldn’t be a fire, setting the extinguisher off to the side forlornly and closing the hood. A glance under my car showed me all sorts of fluids leaking out- the stench smelling suspiciously like fuel and gasoline. I gazed longingly at the Nightgaunt custom badge on the hood momentarily before opening the door and leaning against the driver’s seat.

I gazed longingly at the cold, dead dashboard I’d long become accustomed to seeing. The gauge cluster was spread out among the length of the dash, all round and glassy with silver trim. The dashboard was to be taken literally in this sense- all the instruments were recessed in mahogany, normally highlighted with the small yellow lights built in to a little overhang; it matched the mahogany knob on the shifter, extending all the way from the floor, allowing for a front bench seat. Even the cushion on the seat and the feel of the leather had become a routine familiarity for me, and the idea of replacing it was… difficult.

It was made for me- built as a one-off custom job as a personal thank you from Ben- you know, before his money and fame started getting to his head. The unique shape of the body is shared by no commercial model; the Nightgaunt badge on the hood was hand-forged before it was tacked on; and the Yellow Sign hood ornament signified that it was mine!

A small drawer on the driver's side held my smokes and my lighter; I stuck one in my beak and stuck the rest in my bathrobe’s pocket, turning towards my cooler. A bottle of Tangelo will help me get through this grieving, a little. For old times sake, I cracked it open on the driver’s side cupholder, placed just a little below the dash, tilted so the driver can reach it; the afterthought nature of the cupholders was one of my main complaints, really.

I got out and took a long swig, setting the bottle on the side fender-step. Finally lighting the smoke in my mouth, I took a long pull- in loving memory of the Nightgaunt. I rubbed a hand across the polished golden swooped fenders, smiling at my (a little dusty) reflection on the surface.

Her final scream before death was blood-curdling, too; somewhere deep within was some important gear, downgraded to a smooth circle when everything went wrong. I had to chuckle- the whole thing would’ve been anticlimactic hadn’t instinct made me want to move my hand to protect my wife- the only hand on the wheel when she blew.

“It’s like you had a heart attack- your outsides are fine… insides, not so much.” I chuckled at my own morbid joke, before sighing wistfully. “Someday, girl… someday, you’ll walk again. You can be fixed to a much better state than I can ever be, at least.” Who knows? Maybe Anastasia will get into cars one of these days? She loves watching them race- and whenever family comes to visit, she always asks them what car they’re driving, if they show up in a new one.

“You think it can be fixed?” I heard Dee ask- unsure of when she came back. I just shrugged, though.

“Maybe. I don’t have the know-how… but there’s books on that stuff, and you know Anastasia will be curious.” I said with a shrug. Holding my cigarette in my off hand, I grabbed the soda to take another swig, setting it back down with a sigh.

“Only one thing left to do.” I said, walking up to the side of the road and holding my thumb out. “Because I sure as shit am not walking four miles to the next fucking exit.” I grumbled bitterly, now feeling just… upset about the whole thing.

“Honey, don’t tell me you’re going through the five stages of grief over a car.” She asked flatly, and I couldn’t help but smirk.

“Absolutely I am! I loved that car almost as much as I love you!” She was standing on the other side of the car to avoid the smoke, so I had to turn back to see the adorable smile on her face.

Now we wait.

Continuing my entry from earlier-

Just when I’d thought I’d see everything… Near the tar seeps, they were doing some preliminary drilling in preparation of the refinery. It’d help supply our fuel needs, meaning one less thing that’ll need shipped from the mainland, I guess.

About two miles out of town, one of the derricks they built hit some sort of “pocket” or other- I don’t really know all the technical hoo-hah behind it; what I do know, is that about a mile or two outside of town there was a literal fountain of crude, black oil shooting up, like, hundreds of feet in the air!

We all watched in awe before we realized there would be inevitable cleanup duty; but we were lucky there wasn’t a fire, at least. But because of that cleanup duty, I don’t have time to finish this entry.

My fellow countrymen are in there, and I refused to abandon them- so I volunteered for the rescue team.

If this is my last entry, and I wind up drowning in oil after surviving that massive battle- I gotta say. My ghost will be really embarrassed.

Author's Note

Here's the world map for anyone who may have missed it! The other night I posted it after publishing, because... I forgor.

There is also a discord server :3

Is anyone even surprised that Dee had a fucked up childhood? :p

As always, thanks so much for reading! Likes and comments are greatly appreciated :3