The sound of a coffee maker powered by a magic-crystal battery growled away, echoing within the walls of the dingy old barn; Piles of abandoned hay were all around the space they cleared on the floor, smelling faintly of mold. Sitting on folding chairs in their fine-tailored suits were Gallus and another agent- a unicorn, who was smart enough to tie a rag around his face and nose.

“Sweet Celestia, my sinuses are screwed.” Gallus joked, waiting for the coffee to cool, set up on a folding table next to their radio setup. “I need somethin’ hot for my throat. It’s killin’ me.” His partner giggled, leaning against the ingenious device they’d use to record their magical bug.

“I told ya, Captain- you should’ve covered your face. You never know what you’re breathing in.” His voice was muffled under the rag he wore covering his mouth and nose- leaning against a Magitech device looking like a brass-and-wood paneled machine, resembling a tall coffin with a few minor oil leaks; covered in bulbs, gadgets, gizmos, and vacuum tubes, also featuring a cigarette lighter… it even has a thing for making julienne fries!

“Don’t lean against that. It’ll cost you three-years salary if you mess it up. I’m not kidding!” He said, pouring himself a mug of coffee and taking a sip. As he got back to work, he explained- “The precise magic they used to machine that puppy took a lot of unicorns a lot of time; Inside that machine is a two-atom thick needle that can record up to seventy-two hours of sound on a two-hoof wide, sixteen hoof long wax drum.” In this case, one hoof is approximately six inches.

A large, gramophone style brass speaker on a rolling cart was plugged into the side of the machine using a heavy gauge cable, the connector being wide and squared off. “This bad boy can output up to seventy ‘Belle’s of sound.” Which was the Equus version of the Decibel system. But the gramophone speaker, on a wheeled, wooden base… also had a small array of buttons, placed on top in the front corner. “This cart’s the control panel- I’ll be the one in charge of all that… but anyways, it’s got a button that can record and manually turn the drum!” He said excitedly, opening the bigger machine’s side panel and exposing the blank drum of brownish wax to the air. Above that was the rotating shaft that the recording bit slid across; a greased-up threaded shaft that moved the recording arm either left or right by rotating. The threads on it were razor thin and diamond edged, so during recording, the naked eye could barely see the arm crawling glacially to the right. All the meanwhile, surrounding the main operating machinery were all sorts of gears, pulleys, hoists, shafts, blinking lights, non-blinking lights, hoses, wires, fans, heaters, drip-oilers and tape that connected the whole thing together.

Gallus checked the time on his pocket watch, noting the time and pressing a button with the picture of a microphone printed on it- it was a soft, quiet button; you couldn’t even hear the click when it pressed down, as to not interfere with recording. The needle ‘lowered’- though it appeared to the naked eye as the arm merely twitching. The threaded shaft was so fine, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was ribbed with concentric, parallel rings. A few lights turned on in various odd places in the machine, indicating that the doohickeys were fully operational. No further information needed than lights on=good. There was even some weird… pump thing that poked through the upper ceiling of the device, looking like two mechanical bellows that occasionally let off smoke… quietly. Topping off the look, was a brass train whistle bolted onto the side of the machine; beneath it was riveted a stamped brass warning plate that warned 'TAKE HEED!', with subtext spelling out... and I quote-

Spinning gears cannot tell the difference between flesh and metal, nor do they care.

Gallus grabbed a clipboard with all the case info. “It is currently Eleven-forty eight PM, East Equestrian Time. Bug warrant issued by Pr… Celestia, on the basis of…” He could barely contain his disgust- “A tip. By Don… Leona Grimfeather of…” He swallowed spit- “The Syndicate… of… Griffonia.” His unicorn partner decided to sit at the card table and drink coffee- the smirk on his blue face was only revealed when he lifted the cloth mask to take a sip.

“Aderleth Apple Farm, about twenty miles west from Aderleth, Foalsylvania. Supposedly abandoned by the Apple family due to a vampire fruit-bat infestation, written off on taxes. Further inspection revealed the main manor structure to be empty but furnished and well maintained- perhaps as a vacation home of sorts… it also revealed an overabundance of unkempt, overgrown apple trees and a notable lack of fruit bats.” As he droned on with the details off a clipboard, his unicorn partner was… starting to get bored. “Warrant carried out by Guard Captain Gallus and Private Star Dancer; the latter being the bug operator. A helmet will be placed on his head to transmit whatever he hears from the bug onto the wax drum. Recording will resume whenever relevant- Listening will begin momentarily.”

Another press of the button, and a faint click was heard. That whole recording barely even covered a full rotation of the drum- but despite this, rewinding the drum would have already taken several seconds from this point.

“Yep. Still works.” Gallus rolled his eyes and closed the machine’s viewing doors. “So… snrk… Private Dancer?” the Private rolled his eyes… or, eye, rather. “Say, what happened to your eye, if you don’t mind me asking?” Indeed, his right eye was covered with a large white patch, held on with a bandage wrapped around his head.

“A nasty fall, Sir. Messed up my eye real bad- so that’s why I got moved from the police force to investigation.” He rubbed the side of his head, and Gallus winced sympathetically. “It’ll heal eventually, though.”

“Oof… You sure you’re gonna be able to wear that helmet?” He asked as the unicorn was already setting his barely-touched cup of black coffee down. “That thing looks like a pasta strainer with my garages junkbin taped to it!” it truly did look like a scoop colander- with holes on the non-gizmoed areas to keep your scalp cool around all the electronics.

“This marvel of enchantment and engineering is exactly what I love about pony ingenuity.” the unicorn said, horn glowing blue as he slid the helmet over it- the hole was a little too wide for his horn, but the helmet had a strap. Gallus watched as the Private’s horn flickered blue- the second time causing one of the bulbs to glow and a vacuum tube to radiate dim blue light. “It translates the sympathetic waves and vibrations of sound transmitted through a spell that only a few skilled unicorns can cast- and even fewer who are permitted.” He was adjusting the mask- “The Spell is called Gray Wallfly. And you said it yourself- a machine so fine could only be made by skilled unicorn artisans. No machine can match the precision of a unicorn molding hot steel with nothing but his own will. When the wax sets in a day, the whole thing will be preserved via enchantment- editing will have to be done with skilled enchanters, disenchanters, and special tools that can only erase the recording.”

Gallus blinked dumbly as his partner eyed the machine with genuine reverence. He opened his mouth to speak, but his partner continued his rant- “My very heartbeat will underline the voices in that manor- in a thousand years, one may pull that cylinder out and listen to my long-dead beating heart; and by then, all will be forgotten but my name. I’ve been listening- they’re about to start.” Gallus was… dumbfounded. After that thought was just javelin’d into his skull, he was a little… dazed. “Can any griffon technology boast that sort of longevity?”

“I-I mean, May-” Gallus stuttered, unsure how to answer that. So Private Dancer continued-

“If only Equestria would just band together. The ponies should stop being so contrarian about things!” Gallus smirked- this, he could get behind.

“True that. Ponies ought to have a little more faith. For all Equestria gave them? They should be thanking us.” He mused aloud.

Creeeeak!

The squeak of the barn door’s rusty hinges snapped Gallus out of it. “Princess Twilight! Princess Celestia, Princess Luna! What… what can I do for you?” He went from one shock to the next, not expecting the higher-ups to show up in this derelict old barn. “I-I don’t have any chairs, or-” Just as he was throwing himself to the ground to bow, he noticed they each carried their own pillows in their magic.

“It should have started. Is it recording?” Twilight asked plainly, seeing the Private nodding his head at the machine. She knew all about how it functioned- so she was fully aware that if he got up now, the doohickey modulator could burn out. Plus, she never actually cared about bowing, anyway.

“Of course, Princess.” Gallus’ head turned fast.

“For how long?” he asked, feeling sure he stopped the recording.

“Not long. It’s a soft button- maybe you nudged it?” He suggested with a shrug. “Either way, I suggest quiet- everything we’re saying is showing up on the record. Turn up the volume so the rest of you can listen with me.”

Gallus dashed over to the control panel, everyone piping down and getting settled as he turned the volume knob clockwise.

Ba-bump. Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-buUcrrrrrrr- “Thank you all for coming.”

Twilight felt a lump in her throat- even though the sound of the unicorn recorder’s running bloodstream and heartbeat still underlined the recording… even without her accent… how could she not recognize Applejack’s voice?

It’s been about a week since that whole thing went down in Equestria. A week since several industry leaders have been detained, following the Equestrian public slowly being trickled with new details of a grand conspiracy.

The Equestrian economy is a broken vase held together by bandaids, as several robber-barons sit in real, genuine cells in Canterlot- charges pending. Fuck you, no bail. The majority of my smuggling operations now just consisted of food being sent to aid the Equestrian public as Palistrade Avenue investors and bankers bind their wings with rope and jump off skyscrapers following this event. Barnyard Bargains, technically owned by Hay-Maker… was now headless, as Our Guy is, with any luck, somebody’s shower bitch. We gave him a chance to bail- but something tells me he wants to try and talk about my father-in-law and his… discrete business dealings.

After today, though? If I play my cards right, most of the info he would’ve given them… probably would’ve come from my beak. After Celestia and I are done talking about what needs to be said, maybe they’ll be open to some sort of… United Nations deal. Celestia seems to think they will be- so… fuck it.

Equestria is in a Mexican standoff between the ponies, the corporations, the aristocracy, and the government- and no-one dares twitch a finger… Er, hoof, I guess. The only group celebrating is the Equestrian Marksist Party; they don’t technically work with Starlight- but they get a lot of their material from the underground magazines she writes, under the pseudonym Trotsky. They’re currently the useful idiots- and that doesn’t diminish useful, in this case. While it’s still banned from mainstream literature, her ideology is being spread through word of mouth… particularly among the ponies disillusioned with the current state of things; but the problem of word of mouth, is that what the ponies currently calling themselves marksists want doesn’t quite align with Starlight’s “New Trotskyist vision!” or whatever she called it.

Honestly, it wouldn’t break my heart if she dropped Marksist entirely. I always found it to be a ridiculous pun.

Before I could even make the trip out to Equestria, I got Celestia to compromise a little on the date. I had a week: A week of rallies, speeches, public events, carnivals, airshows, car races (Annie loved those!), and so many gourmet food truck meals… Many of which served free food to the public of the many local communities they took place in. Needless to say, this was me jingling keys in the Griffonian public’s face to keep their attention away from Equestria.

Dee insisted on sticking with me all throughout- and to her credit, she did- but she’s almost seven months pregnant! She’d been complaining of cramps, and being tired; said she just wanted to spend time with Annie and maybe visit Silver Spoon after my baby’s bedtime. I was fine with that- a couple days into the week of madness, she asked Emmie if he’d fill in for her- he obviously said yes, as he took the blimp over the ocean with me and was currently sitting next to me at a round table in a Manehattan office skyscraper, much like my own… Just with more of the pinks, the vibrant hues, and the “gingerbread” decoration so common in Equestria. Honestly? After so long it was a little… nostalgic. Takes me back to bein’ a kid in Ponyville, if for but a brief moment.

“Personally, I would like to express my gratitude to the fact that we could all just sit down and speak. In a civil manner.” I may or may not have glared briefly at Twilight, who sat across from me and avoided eye contact. Celestia sat confidently to her left, looking somewhat thin in her fancy dinnerwear. “Princess Twilight. Celestia. I don’t wish to make things… awkward. What happened last time was… regrettable, to say the least. If we’re willing to let bygones be bygones, I’m willing to bury the hatchet.” The table was low, as is common in Equestria- the cushion I sat on wasn’t… the comfiest. I was shifting occasionally because it was so fucking small. Everypony else seemed comfy, at least… Luna was just… staring blankly at the phonograph; it had a comically large wax cylinder and a regular-ass brass horn for a speaker. Incredible.

“I… In retrospect, my actions were inexcusable; I was the belligerent one because…” Twilight started, but froze mid-sentence… unable to confess. “Thank you. I apologize, sincerely.”

I just put my hand up. “Water under the bridge… Mamma found the whole situation kinda funny when I told her!” Twilight blushed, but I giggled along with Celestia and Cadence- sitting to Celestia’s left at the round table- just large enough to give each of us elbow space. “But of course- Princess Luna. Princess Cadence. Thorax!” He was directly to my left, so I turned and offered my right hand to shake his hoof. “Long time no see, man.” I then turned to Cadence with a smirk and reached over, Emmie being kind enough to scoot back. “Pleasure to get to know you.”

“I’m surprised it’s taken this long, to be honest.” We shook cordially, hastily returning to our seats. “Forgive me if this sounds a little… rude… But you’re not as barbaric as Crystalia nobility makes you out to be!” We both laughed, and I couldn’t help but to roll my eyes.

“You think she’s supposed to be the bad one?” Emmie spoke up with a smirk, “You’ve never met her wife. She’s the real villain!” A small giggle was shared around the table, and I just looked around.

“Does anyone here have a problem with swearing?” I asked flatly. Thorax gently raised his hoof-

“I-I’m not a major fan of it…” He clacked his hooves sheepishly… but Luna stomped her hoof into the table.

“Oh, utter nonsense!” She said with a grin. “I’m a civilian, and this technically isn’t an official government meeting. Speak freely… Ye fussock!” We both locked eyes with wide grins, each nodding in mutual understanding. I was just gonna… not try and figure out what that insult meant.

I gestured to Emmie- “This loud-mouthed fuck named Mind's Eye is taking the place of my wife as scribe and witness. I trust him with everything I got- he’s Godfather to my wife's child. I consider him to be close family and one of my best confidants besides my wife.” I slapped him on the back and pulled him from the side for a hug with a grin. “I call him Emmie sometimes. He knows to speak up if he's got a problem with it. So… anything… else to go over before the meeting starts?” I asked with a smirk, looking around the table.

Celestia threw her hoof in the air- “What’s the consensus on smoking? We’re gonna be here for a while.” We both locked eyes, sharing wide grins.

“It’s like I always say- if I can’t smoke or swear, I’m fucked.” I looked over my shoulder and gestured to Tonio- standing by the door, next to Gallus and the few other guards posted around the room; he was already waiting with my own ashtray, ready to bring it over at a moment's notice.

While I whipped out a cigarette, Celestia was packing some fancy lookin’ pipe with some bougie tobacco, grown in Fertilia… while I lit my good ol’ Mareboro Red, grown and rolled in Equestria… I have more than a few backdoor dealings with that company to ensure my supply, even with all the trade bans.

“Can I ask something before we order our appetizers and get to business?” Cadence spoke up, and I blew my smoke in the air. “Why are you and Thorax so…” she glanced off to the side- “You know, after what happened, I thought-”

“The remains were recovered long ago, actually.” Thorax spoke up for me, and I just pointed a thumb at him.

“What he said.” after a few seconds of silence, he spoke up again-

“As long as Father could process the remains… well, I bet they’re having fun in whichever life they’re living now!” Normally, I’d wave this all off as religious nonsense… but I wasn’t gonna take that chance. “Pain is temporary- but the changeling spirit is eternal!” He beamed proudly, but it fell when I spoke-

“Not to mention, we went into a protection agreement; he let me build an airbase near the Hive, on the basis that I would protect the Hive if shit went down.” I took a puff of my smoke- He looked at me wide eyed and whispered-

‘I thought that was a secret!’ Turning to him, I cocked an eyebrow incredulously, blowing smoke out the side of my beak.

“Do they look surprised?” I gestured around and they all exchanged glances… but none of them looked surprised. “It’s an airbase. It’s not hard to spot from the sky.” I laughed, taking another drag.

“Three days.” Gallus spoke behind us… making me turn around slowly. “It took us three days to connect the dots.” He gave me a smug grin… but I just smirked, looking him dead in the eyes as I blew my smoke at him and said-

“The adults are talkin’ here.” Promptly ignoring him, I slapped the table and said- “Alright alright, let’s eat!” I turned around to gesture for Tonio to bring my food… relishing Gallus’ pissed-off glare with a smirk. I knew damn well he was older than me.

“Best thing I’ve heard all day.” Twilight deadpanned, the table sharing a laugh. The group was split between the Equestrians and the Griffonians; the former consisting of three ponies and a changeling, the latter being me and my Equestria-born friend. We chitchatted idly, waiting for our respective waiters to bring out our prepared food.

“Celestia, I really appreciated the fact that you indulged my idea of dinner over this meeting.” I mused with a smirk as Tonio brought me a fried mozzarella wheel, garnished with basil leaves and served with a cup of homemade tomato sauce for dipping… and a Tangelo, popping the cap for me. Tucking my napkin in my collar, I grabbed my fork-and-knife gleefully. “Personally, I never understood the taboo among you ponies about it.”

While I wasted no time in cutting a piece of mozzarella and stabbing it with a fork, Twilight mused- “I actually read about that subject in a book once!” As Tonio set Emmie’s fresh salad and bottle of vinaigrette dressing in front of him, I enjoyed my fried cheese and tomato sauce. “That law was written because of ponies’ in that era would sometimes spill drinks on documents, get food-sick from eating with their hooves, or chew with their mouths open!”

When Twilight was done nerding out, I looked her in the eyes as I finished chewing and swallowed. “So you swallow before you talk. Problem solved!” More giggles arose, some notably from Celestia; all the meanwhile, the pony servers put out an arrangement of flowers on a platter, many of them still on their stems. It was like one of those edible arrangements, made out of the most colorful yet least appetizing parts of your back garden; your mother’s flowerbed.

Luna shuddered, holding a rose by its stem in her magic. “Those are the moments where you barely live to not tell the tale- and that’s enough of that line of thought.” She chomped the rose and left the stem behind, letting it drop lazily to the table.

“Agreed- but back to what I was saying, think about it like this!” I said as a Changeling brought Thorax his soup, receiving a hug from him as a tip… the servant, wearing one of those goofy French maid outfits, literally skipped away in joy… changelings are weird. “There is no better way to have a meeting with multiple parties like this, than having it over dinner.” I already had a piece of cheese on the fork, so I ate it before the sauce soaked in. Before I could finish, Cadence spoke up-

“I can see it- you make rash decisions when you’re hungry.” I lightly tapped the table with my palms a few times and nodded at her as I swallowed-

“And, you never feel like you’re just sitting there when you don’t have the floor. Got nothin’ to say? Then eat and raise your hand when you do- we’ll let you finish chewing.” They were all proving my point, munching away at their appetizers as I spoke- “And if someone pisses you off? Eh, you’re better off throwing food than throwing punches!”

After a few moments of laughter, Celestia raised her hoof- The floor was hers, “And you also have to consider the hygiene standards of the era when that law was written. Things were… different, back then. Dirtier.” She shuddered, chomping on a daisy. I nodded in understanding-

“Exactly- that’s why it never hurts to be skeptical of tradition.” I mused, returning to my cheese wheel… My fork was halfway to my mouth when Emmie deadpanned-

“I think your humors are just out of balance. I think if we removed two pints of blood, you might feel better.” Luna snorted and burst into laughter while Emmie ate his salad with a smirk.

“Amateur!” Luna proclaimed, pointing a rose at him- “Clearly, because of the cold weather, the issue is a deficiency of phlegm. Small amounts of water must be taken into the lungs to remediate this issue.” She stated, flipping the rose around and biting the head off, dropping the stem.

While the Ponies found this hilarious, Thorax and I just exchanged a confused glance. “The fuck’re they talkin’ about?” Twilight giggled-

“Four humor’s theory! The idea is there’s… well, it’s just how ponies thought medicine worked back then.” She cut herself off before she went off in a tangent while I squinted, looking off to the side-ohhhhh.

“... I knew that- I just genuinely haven’t thought about it in years. .” I took a sip of pop, turning to Celestia with a friendly grin- “Why don’t you take the floor? I’m having trouble deciding where to start.”

“For starters, friend-” she said, getting out of her chair. “Our first time meeting in person in a while, and you don’t even think to stop for a hug?” While I slowly got up, Twi and Cadence gasped in shock, staring at Celestia as she made her way over to my side of the table; Emmie and Luna ate their food casually, while Thorax… uh…

“Oh, you two are already friends? That’s wonderful to hear!” Sure is, buggy-buddy.

“Jeez, announce to the whole table that I’m a shitty friend?” I pulled her in for a quick hug, patting her back casually. One arm around her back, we turned to look at the table- “We talked it out. Over several dream sessions.” I figured Luna already knew, but seeing Twilight so surprised was great. We sat back in our seats, smirking at each other like idiots.

“That business out of the way; Equestria has grown alarmingly unstable, caused by a lack of adaptation in a growing, changing world. Let’s use that as a baseline to start.” As she said that, I noticed a pony waiter bringing Luna a pot of hot coffee and a mug while Twilight merely picked at the flower platter. “Each nation- being Griffonia and Equestria along with all her other holdings, each has problems the other side believes need addressed.”

I’d finished the mozzarella wheel fast- so Tonio took that away, replacing it with a basket of small round slices of toasted bread, along with a small dish with a shallow pool of olive oil and herbs; as he was doing that, I saw a waiter bringing Celestia her tea, along with whatever Twilight was drinking.

“I propose that each side have the opportunity to simply point these issues out as they see them, so we may-” But when I saw the glass the waiter brought Twilight, I had to speak up.

“Woah woah, hold on. I apologize for interrupting.” When I saw the waiter grinding black pepper into the shallow but wide chilled glass of clear liquid, I knew it was vodka immediately. “All due respect- but I’d rather there not be any booze around me.” Before Twilight could respond, Celestia said-

“Of course! I apologize- I didn’t think it would be an issue here.” I just put my hand up,

“No, no, I appreciate it.” I couldn’t help but notice that Twilight had a look of sheer… disappointment. “Go on, I’m sorry to interrupt.” I’ve told Celestia that I quit drinking before- but it was a while ago. I’m surprised she remembered.

“The idea is, that each side will air their grievances- and when each side has had a chance to express how they feel about the other… Leona and I have something we wish to tell- for context before the discussion after that.” I finished my bottle of Tangelo, Tonio being hasty to replace it with a full one. “Maybe a bathroom break in the interim- we’ll see.” She shrugged, and I tapped my skull.

“Smart call, smart call.” I said, sipping my drink. Cadence, who was in the middle of a sip of chocolate milk, tapped the table.

“Ugh, please and thank you. I don’t know how some of those nobles can just go on and on.” She keeps mentioning her nobility- I wonder how much of her news is filtered through them? Just from that one sentence, I’m inferring that the filibuster is a common tactic in Crystalian Court.

“You wanna know the best advice that Starswirl gave to me about that problem?” Luna said, once again gesturing with a rose. “Offer your court free drinks. Lots of free drinks. Alcoholic or nay, they’ll waste less of your time when they, too, are in a rush to leave.” That all but confirmed that suspicion- and again, I can’t help but question whether or not Cadence is actually kept in the loop about her territory.

“Word to tha’ wise!” I looked at Cadence, tapping my skull; I balled my hand into a fist, raising the pointer and pinky at her- “Pointing a gun at someone’ll make ‘em get to the point quick!” I quipped, Luna and I sharing a laugh.

“I’m all for it!” She raised her hand, “That’s how justice used to work. It was easy- you see a criminal, you put them away!” While she and I laughed, Celestia cleared her throat… rather forcefully.

“Easy, inconsistent, prone to false incrimination, supporting vigilantism and chaos… all problems fixed by having a fair, consistent system of justice for all.” Which, arguably, is failing miserably in the face of laissez-faire capitalism. “But we’re not here to debate law… yet.” Agreed, actually. She looked at me with a smirk while I was dipping my bread in oil. “Leona… Would you like to start?”

I looked around the table with a grin, leaning back slightly in thought. I shook my head. “Nah- you all go first. Tell me- what’s your problem with the way I run things?” I crunched on the piece of bread, enjoying the flavors as Celestia looked around the table with a smirk. I tried to have Emmie bring a notebook to write the stuff down- but he said ‘I’ll remember. Don’t worry.’

I trusted him- he was just finishing off his salad nonchalantly, but I knew he’d remember everything. After a few moments of Twilight, Cadence, and Thorax exchanging glances… The silence was broken…

“You’re very authoritarian. And kind of mean.” by Thorax. I looked over and cocked an eyebrow- he just shrugged at me, returning to his soup. I opened my beak to make a rebuttal, but he caught me off guard by saying- “Father also seems to think you’re a… bad influence.” I shook my head lightly- Celestia had a brief thousand-yard stare when Thorax mentioned his Father… Emmie just smirked subtly, returning to his salad.

“...Noted… He probably doesn’t hate me any worse than my Mother-in-law did, at least.” I quipped, popping more bread into my mouth and noting Celestia’s look of faint relief- I don’t think she knows how much I know. Twilight spoke up next-

“You participated in a massive campaign to criminalize alcohol across the northeastern regions… only to immediately corner the market on distribution and manufacture of liquor afterwards.” She spoke drily, chomping on a daisy. “Not to mention, using organized crime and racketeering to siphon money out of the Equestrian economy to fund your… government… And I’m not sure if you’ve realized, but taking all that gold coin out of circulation is probably what started this economic spiral!” She was leaning against the table and speaking with a tone of righteous fury… I just shrugged.

“Let me ask you something,” I said, soaking another piece of bread in oil. “Did anyone on this side of the planet cry when the Confederacy was being price gouged for food, because unrestricted urban expansion tipped our farming capacity to below sustainability leading up to the Depression?” I spoke deadpan, looking Twilight in her incredulous eyes as I spoke- “Gouge us for resources, whatever. But we were gouged for food- and people starved; even my mother had to skip meals. I was forced to skip meals growing up. We were forced to move into a cramped apartment with no hot water, thin walls, all in some dirty slum.” I had a wide, almost nostalgic grin as Twilight, Cadence, and Thorax looked at me with unease… from here on out, they’ll be known collectively as the three. Luna rarely seemed phased.

Once again, Celestia cleared her throat- “Leona. Remember what we discussed.” Her tone was deadly serious, and I couldn’t help but smirk.

“One more thing I gotta say, then I’ll clamp my beak; Despite living in that situation, compared to everyone else? We were thriving.” While the three exchanged looks of incredulous surprise and a little concern, I resisted the urge to turn around and ‘check on’ Gallus’ mood.

After barely a few seconds passed, Luna deadpanned- “You never even paid taxes.” I couldn’t help but grin as she chomped a small cluster of purple flowers that I didn’t know the name of.

“Not even a single shaved bit in taxes. My wife is an accounting artist with how creative she could get.” Shaved bit refers to the act of literally shaving away the edges of coins to melt the gold down; it's why some coins have those ridges on the side. The pony bit didn’t have those- because the smooth edges symbolized ‘trust for all’ or something… But back on topic- of course Gallus had to say something, that fuck.

“You took away all the Diamond Dog’s self determination and-” Once again… I heard the clearing of a throat… Celestia again.

“Captain Gallus- while your input is appreciated, the floor is ours.” She spoke politely and clearly, and I wanted to reach across the table and high-five her.

Cadence spoke- “Building on what Captain Gallus said, you should know that the Crystalian public is not happy about that. They’re… vehemently anti-slavery.” I rolled my eyes-

“They’re not-” Then Twilight-

“Not to mention all the horrible stuff you did to them, my fuck.” I slumped forward, letting out a huff. “I still see some of those pictures when I close my eyes!” I threw my arms out in annoyance-

“What, the ones about my Ma-?” I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, and I huffed and crossed my arms as Luna spoke up.

“Poor Scootaloo is still traumatized…” I facepalmed, about to exclaim ‘fuck her!’ when Twilight-

“I’m fairly certain you’re somehow behind all those weird printing press operations we found running out of Hay-Mart. And all the bullcrap patents that get ‘leaked’ across the ocean. And the-” But on instinct, I scoffed and objected-

“Where the fuck is your proof?” I asked her, and she just huffed, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not an idiot, Leona. And on the topic of ‘unprovable crimes’-” She gestured quotation marks with her hooves at the last two words and sneered- “Several counts of public intox-”

I threw my arm out in anger- “OH! You better watch y-!”

CLACK!

“ENOUGH!” Celestia literally stomped her hoof down, silencing our bickering. “Perhaps it's best we moved on to discussing the problems facing Equestria.” She spoke calmly, and Twilight recovered quickly, holding a hoof to her chest.

I was in the middle of taking several deep breaths in silence, looking away and returning to my bread. I tried hard to not show how badly that startled me. I spoke slow and deliberately- “The point’s been made. Good idea to move on.” I nodded slowly, Twilight looking at me in anticipation.

“My point is this- in its current state, Equestria will not survive. Perhaps she will go on in name- but the heritage and prestige connected to the name will get trampled in the dirt.” I took a deep breath, my heartbeat beginning to normalize. “It’s what I did to the old Confederacy, and what the Brass Shoes will do to you. They’ll call themselves Marksists, though- all the way until they have you kneeling in front of an open grave.”

I took a sip of pop, letting that sink in for them as the Three looked between themselves. “All the problems plaguing Equestria today parallel that of the old Confederacy; from the poverty of the growing masses, to the blatant deference to corporate overlords. I bought Grover out, just like so many others have.” Another gulp of soda to take in their gazes of increasing concern. “The people missed prosperity so bad that they were willing to ignore the things it took to achieve. That’s how groups like the Brass Shoes rallied support around their uncoordinated, violent cause. Likewise, when the time came… it was the people who had the Queen of Fertilia dragged to the gallows and hung. I never ordered it, never suggested it. They were just following the example of the only people who would listen to them; and if you don’t start listening to the Equestrians, they’ll find someone who will. Anyone.”

At this point, even Luna seemed to hold a hoof to her chin with a look of concern; Twilight steepled her hooves in front of her; Cadence continued to enjoy her flowers; and Thorax just seemed… relieved. Probably because he’s the only one on this side of the planet without a looming internal crisis… aside from the one I’m already aware of, but I feel like that’s more of a passive crisis than anything… I’m talking about the weird elder god thing they keep in their basement. The one with the name that white people really shouldn’t say aloud in public. Celestia enjoyed her tea calmly.

“More than anything, the most blatant issue is inequality; wealth inequality; class inequality; hell, even racial inequality still transpires among the ponies!” I’ll be honest- Starlight may have helped build this rhetoric narrative. “That’s why when you leave private interests to their own devices- or worse, treat corporate entities like private citizens- slowly but surely, wealth will siphon its way to the top. Ponies find themselves poorer and poorer as their wages stagnate, they pay more for food, landlords are free to gouge and evict as they please, they work longer hours for tinier apartments; The business interests want infinite growth within an existentially finite world- something’s gotta give eventually!”

I pulled out and lit up a cigarette, giving them more time to process. “And changing the topic suddenly… Cadence?” She had just chomped down on a tulip, pausing briefly mid-chewing. “Can I… can I ask a couple questions on Crystalia’s court? I know broad strokes… but I wanna paint a picture here.”

“Stop, back up. How is that relevant?” Twilight asked, and I glared at her before turning back to Cadence. “We’re talking about Equestria, not Crystalia!”

I was getting ready to ask Cadence again, but my glare shot right back. “For all intents and purposes, Crystalia is an Equestrian vassal; much like Dustbowl-er… You know- the desert town.” I grinned, turning to look Cadence in the eyes. “The difference is, I don’t use the locals for cheap labor… but I genuinely couldn’t give less of a shit. There’s an old adage of mine- it’s not my business how you make a livin’.” If everyone had that mindset from the outset, we wouldn’t be in this mess.

Cadence blinked, confused. “What… Huh? What makes you think there’s something wrong with Crystalia? Yeah, there was a small incident… but all the rebels have been arrested! What’s the big deal?” At this point, the fact that Cadence isn’t an immortal alicorn like Celly or Luna was becoming painfully aware. Unicorn Thaumaticians seem to believe it to be a sort of genetic mutation, fueled by emotions-based magic, that causes their firstborn daughter to always be an alicorn. One alicorn per generation, living and dying along with the rest of the population consisting of their divided aspects. “The Crystalian ponies see me as a fair, just ruler. Why would they lie to me?” She asked naively, once again underlining her mortality and possibly sheltered childhood.

After a few seconds of locked eyes… I snorted with a grin, taking a drink then saying- “When I had Starlight visit Crystalia to do some small favors for me, she described the ponies as overworked, angry, and increasingly desperate.” Once again, she seemed taken aback and confused. “Next time someone in your court tells you everything’s peachy… Think about who else they might answer to. If friggin… Duke Dingleberry tries to tell you all about how well things are going for Crystalia… try and think about, say, the factory owners who pay tithes to the Duke. Why would they want to deal with the scrutiny of public investigation?” While she rubbed her chin, I tapped Emmie’s shoulder gently- “Switch me seats.” I whispered, sitting next to Cadence so I could talk quieter.

“Look at me.” I whispered, gently holding her hoof as she turned to me. Leaning in, I whispered- “Full disclosure. I have a mole working for me from within Crystalia.” Her eyes shot open, and I hastily amended- “Just an informant- not an agitator. A harmless friend-of-a-friend that helps keep me in the loop, that’s all.”

She seemed relieved momentarily. I turned to Emmie and pointed to Gallus- “Make sure he minds his business.” Emmie agreed; he stood up and approached Gallus with a casual smirk, using a spell to make the guards around the room slowly go deaf- I turned back to Cadence with a serious expression, whispering- “A dear friend of another dear friend. I’ll send a message, letting him know he’s safe to talk about the streets. Promise me he won’t wind up in prison? Please?”

Without hesitation, she nodded her head with a serious expression. Before the guards realized they couldn’t hear anything, I whispered in Cadence's ear- “Sunburst.” We both leaned back on the cushions, and she nodded with a look of resolve while Emmie made his way back to his seat, Gallus probably racking his brain in confusion- standing straight, since that was his job.

“If you’re right, I don’t know if there’s a single member of-” I lifted my hand up-

Snap!

“Hey, listen… You have a plan. You can start to fix things.” I put a hand to her shoulder, smirking as I spoke- “I already have a general idea what my friend will tell you, because it’ll be a lot of the same information they gave me…” But my expression turned serious again- “I’ve heard… things. I’m not speaking as a head of state here- I’m speaking as a fellow mother when I say, the first thing you should do when you get home is make sure your daughter is well protected. Even better if she can live with family in mainland Equestria; you never know how violent someone can be when money’s on the line… Then again, it sounds like that wax recording might give you an idea.”

She glanced to the side and laughed nervously, so I gently grabbed her hoof. “Your daughter, Flurry Heart… how old is she, anyway?” This here is a trick Mamma taught me- it can distract almost any mother, especially with younger kids. “Six, seven?” She gave me a wide grin, taking the bait!

“Six and a half, more or less!” She giggled, and I gave a ‘surprised’ gasp.

“No kiddin’? Anastasia’s only a little younger than her, then.” With a grin, I looked around and lightly slapped the table. “Tell ya’s what- why not take recess now? I’ve said all I gotta say, and evidently, dinner’s still on the way.” The Three, including Luna, looked between each other; each looking a mix of concerned, embarrassed, and a little fear. Or maybe anxiety? Eventually, they nodded in agreement. “On the way up here- was that a lounge I saw on the floor below?”

Celestia giggled, already heading to the door. Worked for me.

Cadence and I walked next to each other- while I was glaring at Gallus, she asked- “By the way… are they really necessary? By the time we get back, the tables will be set and it’ll be just us anyway.” I smirked- then Thorax made me grin.

“I-I really don’t like having… non-changeling guards looming behind me. It’s a bad vibe, you know?” Finally, I figured it appropriate for me to chime in.

“At this point? If I haven’t been shot yet, then it’s not gonna happen. Besides, Celestia- weren’t we gonna kick them out for the reveal anyway? Why bother bringin’ ‘em back in? Let ‘em go home, they probably all got wives and kids waitin’ for ‘em!” Looking at the guards that weren’t Gallus, I could see the looks of gleeful agreement on their faces.

Celestia, who was halfway through the doorway threshold, turned her head and shrugged. “After the table’s set? Why not.” Technically, Celestia was a civilian, with the powerless moniker of Saint… she had no legal authority to give that order.

But she did it anyway. You know why? It’s because she’s respected. She’s a living pony folk hero; that’s why they were already high-fiving before anypony said anything else… or, high-hoofing? Clacking hooves?

When no one gave a rebuttal after that- I knew they were finally connecting dots they previously didn’t think to. I’d made a room full of the most important world leaders go silent in pondering; That’s why I wore a smug grin all the way down the single flight of steps, wooden leg clacking against the concrete stairs and echoing up and down the silent stairwell.

“The thing you gotta realize- is that we’re all part of the same hypocrisy here.” I said to whoever’s ears were open. “A slave that sleeps in a bed is still a slave, believe it or not; and I know for a fact that My mutts sleep on beds.” We entered into the lounge/reception area just below the top-floor office.

“Ponies actually get compensated for their work. With money.” Twilight snarked while I took in the room around me; it was decorated with the same sort of pinks, whites, blues, frills, and ‘gingerbread’ as the floor above, but designed as a waiting area. We stepped around the empty receptionist's desk to all the couches along the walls, various waitstaff doors, and most importantly; a table with a hot pot of coffee and coffee accessories, and vending machines for Equestrian snacks, drinks, and cigarettes. My wooden leg was muffled against the soft carpet as I defended-

“They get paid in scrip! Food is cheap, rent is free, and entertainment is boundless!” Assuming your entertainment involves booze, women, propaganda films, and just… vice in general. The casino’s are quite popular. I popped two pony quarters, designed after Starswirl’s bust, onto the machine’s coin tray. Clinkclink! “Besides- you think about the increasing number of ponies, going homeless or being forced to eat less… Hell, the plummeting standard of living in general! Think about that.” I pulled the knob and retrieved a pack of Mareboro’s, turning around and tapping my skull- “When your only choice is to subject yourself to a shitty job, go to prison, or starve- you’re just a slave at a different level. Yes, it’s better than nothing, but-”

“ALRIGHT!” I heard her groan in annoyance, rubbing her temple and flopping back on a couch. “Alright…” Celestia sat next to her, putting a wing around her back as she casually read a book, pipe held in her magic; she then turned to Twilight and whispered something- and since I had tinnitus and was a few couches away, I couldn’t hear at all… but Twilight seemed to calm down, at least.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by someone tapping me on the shoulder- causing me to startle and drop my smokes. “Just me.” Emmie muttered in my ear, and I took a few deep breaths and pocketed my cigarettes. “Meet me in the restroom in a couple minutes. We need to talk.”

Tap Tap Tap Tap Tap

The sound of a pink hippogriff mare(Or is she a Hen?) tapping her finger against her kitchen counter rang out. “Gin glass… gin glass…” She muttered to herself before her memory began to work again. The cupboard! “Right! Gin and ice. Gin and ice.” She chanted under her breath, bringing the tall glass to the freezer. Grabbing a handful of icecubes-

Cliiiink!

Dumped them in, only dropping a couple in the process. She kicked them under the freezer, grabbing the bottle of freezer-chilled gin out and setting it on the counter next to the glass. Beaksmouth Dry Gin was the bottle’s name, wrapped around an iconic side-portrait of Queen Wingtoria of Nalot; the last well-respected queen of Nalot, who would’ve ruled during her great-grandparent’s generation… on her father’s side of the family. The squared-off bottle was made opaque by the rough surface of frozen condensation, the fingerprints she left around the neck freezing over a little when it sat on the counter. It was a Griffonian import- and her husband refused to tell her how he got it.

Ppphhunk!

The bottle made a satisfying vacuum-sound; the sound followed by the foresty-aromatic scent of the gin made her think of her Father; when he came to mind, her train of thought immediately made a hairpin-turn as to how he met her mother; as she lifted the (slightly heavy) bottle slowly to pour, she smiled as she remembered her dear, sweet mother.

She was a pegasus lime farmer in- “GASP! Wait! Lime!” Having forgotten the third most important ingredient to a gin and tonic, she dashed to the fridge and grabbed a fresh lime out of the drawer. “Thanks, mum!” She muttered quietly, thinking about her mother, who was a lime farmer in northern Neva-

“Damnit! Ugggh, ADHD, I swear!” She yelled to herself, annoyed that she left the second most important ingredient in a gin and tonic in the fridge; that is, the tonic water. The small glass bottle could be used to make two of those cocktails her husband liked to wind down with.

Psshh, clink!

She popped it on the opener built into the light-blue fridge door and resisted the urge to idly take a sip; her habit of cracking a bottle and immediately taking a sip doesn’t take into account the fact that tonic water tastes awful.

“Pour, count to three, stop.” She reminded herself of the technique she learned; she made this cocktail thousands of times for her father, and a thousand more times when Daddy got his son-in-law into them. “One, two, three.” She muttered as she poured, the glass being about half-full of tonic once she was done. The glass bottle was half-full, so she just put it off to the side.

“Just pour the gin, slice the lime in half. Squeeze the juice from one half into the drink, quarter the other half to garnish.” She muttered, the rest of the process being straightforward- “Stir. Add a little umbrella.” That wasn’t actually a required step- she just thought they looked cute. But the rest of the drink required little thought- smiling, she went back to thinking about her family.

Her daddy always told her about when he was a little boy, his father would bring him on business meetings to Limewire Estate; He owned Beaksmouth Distillery Company, and by extension, needed limes. Lots of limes, and for cheap. When recounting the story, this is about the time when her father would explain why they traded with the ponies instead of buying domestically; coincidentally, this was usually when her eyes would begin to glaze over.

“Something, something, the Lime’s had the cheapest prices, yadda-yadda.” She muttered and giggled, filling the glass and leaving a little over an inch from the rim. “We get their limes for cheap, pay some… import or other! Process them here! Make lots of money, rinse and repeat!” she playfully mimicked her business-minded father; his attempts to get her to join the corporate world were… quite useless. But both her parents supported her through Twilight’s Friendship School- and she couldn’t be more grateful.

It’s a shame the lime farm got bought out by the Apple family, though it was nice that her Mum could finally retire, no matter how much she hemmed-and-hawed about it; but ultimately, she never thought of her mother’s business too critically, either. She never found it strange how her family owned the nearby village, paying them with their own special money. Visiting the company store was fun, and the clerk was always really nice to her!

Partially because of ADHD, her train of thought blew through the stations as she held the metal squeeze-juicer over the glass.

Sprrrrt! Trickle…

She tossed the squeezed lime into the trash, grabbing a swizzle-stick out of the drawer.

Ting! Ting! Ting Ting!
Clink,clinkink-inkclink!

She didn’t have to stir much, as pouring the gin should’ve mixed the tonic in nicely.

“Umbrella… umbrellaaaa…” She muttered, sifting through the cupboard. “There!” a little blue umbrella toothpick finished off the classic cocktail… but before she returned to the living room to comfort her husband on the couch, she had to make her cocktail!

Bottles that were on the fridge door clinked as she yanked it open; a half-empty bottle of some expensive red wine sat proudly on the shelf, cork sticking halfway out for ease of removal. Her mother would probably have a fit if she saw her daughter treating “good wine” that way- it even came with an instruction manual of some kind on how to “properly” drink it! It promptly made its way into the bottom of the stuff drawer.

The floor plan of her kitchen was wide and open; behind the center-island counters she used to prepare the cocktail was a thin wall with a bar, a wide portal to the livingroom open next to the regular door. Gallus sat on the couch- watching in mild amusement the entire time.

“Gin and tonic, coming up!” She said, grabbing the bottle and glass and hovering into the living room; she quickly handed the glass to him and joined him on the couch, kicking her sides recliner up and taking a deep breath. “Enjoy, honey!” They leaned into each other for a kiss, and he giggled as he lifted the glass to his beak.

“You’re home early.” She mused, biting the cork and yanking it off with her beak.

Thtoo!

She spat the cork out of her mouth and took a deep gulp of the red wine, the bottle making a glug, glug, glug sound as she drank; she put it down when she finally had to shudder and gasp for air. The inside of her beak had already begun to stain red, evidenced by the smirk she turned to Gallus with…

His open-palmed hand was pointed at the discarded cork while he gave her a flat look. “Silverstream, what the heck.” She giggled cutely, taking another swig of wine while his glare and hand held firm.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not gonna close this bottle tonight.” She said flatly, giggling when her husband's shoulders fell.

“But we can’t just leave it on the ground! Who’s gonna pick it up?” She rubbed her chin and stuck a finger in the air.

“Lemme think.” She lifted the bottle- Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug… She wordlessly sucked in a gasp of air, setting the bottle onto the tray, built on her left side of the couch. She pointed at Gallus with a wide grin, poking his beak playfully. “You. Because IIII made you your drink!” His arm fell completely, and he opened his beak to retort-

“I… Fuck.” He muttered to himself, plucking the umbrella out of his drink, taking a swig and setting on his right-side tray. “Want the umbrella?” He asked, handing it off to his wife to fiddle with gleefully as he picked up the cork… her cork. Since he was heading to the kitchen to throw that away, he figured he might as well take care of the gin she left out on the counter.

Thunk!

He tossed the cork in the bin and grabbed the still- icy bottle of gin, holding his breath and lifting it to his beak- Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug……… Rrrk! His stomach rebelled at the onslaught, shuddering terribly and vomiting in his mouth a little when he put the bottle down. While he leaned against the counter trying to catch his breath, he felt a smirk curl up on the corner of his beak, simply hearing his wife's semi-slurred voice-

“That kind of day?” She asked, resting her elbows against her curled knee and holding her chin in her palms. “Come tell Mumma Siwva-Stweam!” She teased him; Gallus was totally unphased by the pathetic attempt, corking the gin and putting it back in the freezer.

He gave her a wide grin, feeling a blush on his face- “Why d’ya gotta tease me for that? You’re the one who admitted to liking that stuff!” He cooed playfully, kicking back on the couch. He took a deep sip of gin, enjoying the natural, pine-forest atmosphere like flavor and scent, underlined with that zing of lime juice… ‘Another sip couldn’t hurt.’ he repeated to himself quietly in between about a half-glasses worth of gin.

“That’s enough, mister!” Silverstream barked, forcing the glass out of his loosening grip and setting it next to her wine bottle. “Mumma’s gonna have another sip, and you’re gonna tell me what’s wrong.” She leaned back on her side, holding her arm up and her wing out of the way- glug, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug…

He leaned on his side, his wife's lap being the perfect pillow. He hugged his arm around her waist, resting his chin on her soft, fluffy tummy. She sighed, setting the bottle down as she leaned in to whisper- “It’s bedtime soon!” He groaned adorably, and Silverstream couldn’t keep her imagination from picturing her husband's blushy, pouty face.

She gently stroked his side, waiting as he mentally prepared himself to say what was bothering him while the booze settled in for both of them; she thought it was funny how, like her mother and father, their relationship was blossomed from knowing each other from a young age… though unlike her parents, the two met when they were late teens, rather than their formative years.

Silverstream was interested in where he came from- first as a casual where you from? Conversation starter, and answer she wanted to know more and more about in increasing zealotry. Slowly- crescendoing from the day they met. He was put-off by her well-to-do background, almost despising her; but being forced to work together gave them all a special bond that made him reconsider his stance against their friendship.

She wanted to know all the way up until that first date, when… after a night of heavy drinking, he confessed to… everything. Laying on the couch, crying into her lap while she felt the overwhelming urge to… protect him. She felt disgust, anger, and pain at what appeared to be his life’s story, but… at least, it seems Gallus’ mother was a great woman while she was around; she seemed more… more attentive than her mother was when they were at the same age…

Her therapist seemed to think that their… maternal relationship may have stemmed from the perceived shortcomings in her own mothers care; conversely, Gallus a sort of nostalgia for an era of childhood innocence he lost permanently through early childhood traumas… which was all a fine-and-dandy explanation, but she started getting confused when she started talking about… some guy. But his portrait on the book had a really cool beard and a cigar- which looked awesome!

“Mumma?” She heard him whisper, wrapping her arm and wing around his back.

“Tell Mumma what’s wrong. I’ll listen.” She cooed softly as he nuzzled her tummy with a contented smirk. He couldn’t see much more of his face- but she definitely saw the smirk level out. Oh! The doctor, was Sic, no, Sigmund… Sigmund… Sigmuuuuund… Sig-

“Depending on how Twilight and friend’s meeting with Fatass goes, and I’m not exaggerating- I may just be… fired, for the lack of a better term.” Silver used her left hand to gently stroke his feathers while the other rubbed along his soft fur. “Ma-Maybe I’m catastrophizing, but… Leona said some… things. Convincing things, real- real hearts and minds type stuff.” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “More or less predicting Equestria to tear itself apart, like she hasn’t gotten up from worse.” He said with clear disdain in his voice, causing Silver to speak up-

“You don’t believe her malarkey, do you?” He smirked, shaking his head in her lap; she grinned, patting her husband on the shoulder. “Good. She’s a liar with a silver tongue.” He agreed silently with a smirk… which slowly grew.

“What tha fuck, why should I believe it?” He giggled adorably, and squeezed her thighs before sitting back up, grabbing his drink on the way. He took a sip as he settled on his seat, his wife doing the same on her side. “Tomorrow's tomorrow. But I gotta tell you- Leona sitting on that cushion was like the top of a muffin in the way she was spilling over either side!” He quipped, taking another sip of his gin while Silverstream began howling laughter!

“And, you wanna know somethin’!?” He ranted drunkenly, gesticulating with the hand that didn’t hold the drink. “I’m glad they let us go home early. Like I wanted to sit around while she’s scarfing down that fuckin’ tray of lasagna the cooks finally set out.” He set his hand in his lap, Silverstreams laughter dying down when he sighed dejectedly. “That… fucking cunt.”

She scooted next to him, wobbling and grabbing his arm to sit up straight. “I have a plan. That bitch crossed a line.” She growled angrily, storming off towards their bedroom. Gallus watched as she disappeared up the stairs- he grabbed his gin and chugged the rest before chasing after her.

“I hid this in the you-know-what drawer!”she exclaimed loudly, waving some pamphlet in his face for him to snatch out of her grasp. When he looked at her with a raised eyebrow, she just nodded.

He rested his knees on his personal-belongings chest at the end of the bed, leaning his chest and belly into the sheets to read.

“Climb off your toybox! That thing’s old, I don’t want it to break!” He blushed, climbing onto the bed- laying on his belly and propping the pamphlet against the pillow.

“Sowwyy!” He muttered, Silverstream turning the over-head lamp on for him. “...Genealogy? Diamond Tiara?” He turned back to look at his Librarian wife questioningly. “Why do you have this?” His wife worked at Ponyville Public Library, and could have accessed the records at any time of course… “What… what possessed you to look into this? I know she’s related to Filthy Rich, but-”

“SHUSH!” Silver hopped on the bed, laying next to Gallus and rapping a wing around his back. “Don’t worry about it. Look at her family tree, mothers side up. Notice anything?” She asked coyly, Gallus flipping the page around slowly.

“......... Ohhhh…” His eyes widened, and he couldn’t keep a smirk from gracing his beak. “Ohhh, that’s fucked.” Silverstream just looked over with a proud, smug grin.

“Yep. What’re you gonna do with it?” She asked slyly, and Gallus just clicked his tongue in thought.

Author's Note

Sigmund Freud ova here :p

I love situational character irony. It's ironic! Not every kid traumatized in youth will turn into batman... even if they want to see themselves as a similar character. :3

Also... my gf says it's GAY MONTH FUCKERS!!
My response is: hell yea :3

Join my discord for cool people :p

Thanks so much for reading! Likes and comments are greatly appreciated :3