The sounds of the Rubicon, white with roaring and deafening anger, filled my ears; The distant scent of smoke wafted off the rolling hills which made up the new dragon territory on the opposite bank. Behind me was the backdrop of mountains lifted up by a celestial body impacting against the modern Fertilia, surrounding her in defensive walls that could be watched over by mountain settlements to the east. Outside of these ranges were rolling hills and valleys which carved their way to the ocean with rivers and tributaries, powering the water wheels that led to our industrial revolution over a century ago. I could go on about how Fertilia was still a farming backwater in that era before coal ended our reliance on flowing rivers… but that’s not why I was here.

“Do you know how much damage you’ve caused to my fledgling Syndicate?” I asked, watching the smoke of the distant fire with a misty-eyed gaze. “It’s not even about the money, Ember.” I turned around, just in time for her sole bodyguard to approach angrily.

“Dragonlord Ember, knave.” Her armor was made of claw-cast steel, as is typical for the large majority of dragons. They handled the red-hot ores with their bare claws, shaping metals like a confectioner may shape malleable globs of hot sugar into hard candy; their armors were often form-fitting and pockmarked with clawmarks and scale-like impressions caused by working the metal. While armor is typically fitted by forming the scorching slow-cooling metals around their vital areas for size, their tools are still often created from molds; The javelin she wielded was made by pouring molten ores into a mold, the finished product looking like a bronze tree branch and sharpened to a jagged point.

Luckily, I was a fast draw on my pistol; the horizontal-twin barrels were pointed upwards at her own neck, where her amateurishly crafted armor had a gap. “Knight Smolder- stand down and holster your arms.” Her accent was obviously one that was trained and received; very few dragons spoke with an heir of nobility like she did, making her stand out as the obvious leader of the bunch… if her professionally-forged golden armor wasn’t a good enough hint. Ember looked around, sniffing the air gently and unintentionally allowing me a good look at her helmet from below. “Return home. We’re the only three around.” Her Gorget was attached to her cuirass, protecting her neck; her helm was decorated like a scalp-horned dragon skull, where her real horns were hidden beneath the dragonwing-esque design on each side… secured from below by a rather flimsy strap of what looked like braided sinew.

The orange dragon got down on one knee unquestioningly. “Stay safe, Dragonlord Ember. Hydra ymg’ hafh.” I never put much thought into what that peculiar goodbye meant at the time. With a nod from her boss, she flew back home across the river. As I watched her in the middle of kindly fucking off, I couldn’t keep the scowl off my face when I heard Ember speak up again.

“I already told you- it can’t be helped!” Feeling my rage boiling over, I turned around and stomped towards her like a bear charging its victim. Before she could react, I was leaning into her shoulders with my forearms, causing her to falter a little; I met her look of outrage with a scowl. “Hey! Get of-” she was able to stand tall, despite the muscles which graced my body from my recent time spent in the military bearing all their weight onto her two shoulders.

She stared down at me in frozen shock while my left hand gripped and swiftly tore her helmet off by the chin; using the momentum from that motion, I yanked her left horn with my right hand and shot my other fist forward in a move she likely never would’vepredicted happening.

BAM!

I was finally able to shove her back, smirking in joy at the blood that ran down her chin behind the blue-red hands which cupped her muzzle in surprise while I ignored the blood running down my scale-shredded knuckle. Keeping up the momentum, I shoved my way forward to where she had just fallen on her ass and gripped her right horn; I pointed the vertical devil-horns at her with my offhand. “For all the shit you’ve caused me? You’re going to sit down and listen, my friend.” She nodded from behind the hands still cupping her muzzle briskly, and I couldn’t help but grin.

“Dragons sneeze fire. Dragons burp fire. Fire and smoke.” That’s why Catlus was slowly burning down- fucking dragons couldn’t hold their sneezes. I gave her a grin- “Isn’t that right? Isn’t that why you scaly fucks don’t even bother building houses?” I asked sarcastically while she looked off to the side. I shook her by her shoulders, causing her eyes to turn back to me. “Look at me, Ember. I gotta ask who the fuck do you think you are?” Even when she was sitting, I had to look up at her; she still looked down in fear and concern. “What? Didn’t think I had the balls to put a little bitch like you in her place?” I asked, using all my might to shove her onto her back roughly, turning my back as I walked away from her. “Because that’s what you are; your entire species exists by the good will of some pony who should’ve finished the job thousands of years ago.” I turned around and pointed to hammer in- “You’re nothin’ but a little bitch to the ponies; the planet’s so-called apex predator is nothin’ but a lap dog to those pony fucks.” I think I might have seen tears of anger or sadness in her eyes; I didn’t give a shit, turning around and walking somewhere to take off in flight.. “You won’t do anything to me because you don’t have the balls to kill me without express permission. It’d be too big a headache for your masters to deal with, anyway.”

“WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO!?” She yelled, snorting flames as I casually turned my head to glance back. “The island is full! Dragons live until they’re killed, and they get bigger overtime until either disease or murder takes them.” I nodded along sarcastically, still choosing to look over my shoulder, barely seeing her in my peripherals. “Even with the glacially slow birthrate, our population has been on a steady incline in the decades since Luna’s return! Infighting has never been lower, and the dragons are beginning to unite under a common banner!” that terrified me, but I didn’t show it- I merely huffed in faux-shock. She looked at me with a glare- “I have a 5-century plan in motion to steer Dragon civilization into something to be respected instead of feared- but you won’t ever see it, because your weak body will have betrayed you by then.” I nodded as I bent over to take off. “I’ll be respected the world over as the Dragon Lord to finally civilize her people, while you’ll be WORM FOOD!” She yelled angrily as I was already flying upwards over the mountain range.

Overall, there were two main takeaways I took from this impromptu meeting.

A- it sounded like Ember was trying to build civilization from the ground up; Most dragons lived in caves or simple homes, decorated by useless bric-a-brac, gold, gems, and other assorted looted treasure. They typically preferred meat raw and tenderized, ate with their hands without tables, and dealt with paranoia and infighting over their precious hoards of plunder. And from what I understand of Ember’s looooong term goals, I’m sure the amount of dragons who ‘preferred’ to live like this was slowly decreasing as the birthrate increased. I hate to make it sound like I’m going full white-man’s burden about the way their species generally lived, but it’s hard to fault them for preferring to stay isolated as many stick to the older primal ways of living; Plain and simple, Ember was working towards removing the cultural darwinism which kept the dragon population in check.

And most importantly, takeaway B- Even a dragon's natural armor is susceptible to blunt force. If my fist could give her a nosebleed, what could I accomplish with a shotgun? Or even better, an elephant rifle? I looked at the long mountain range which had the Rubicon running at its base, filled from the many runoffs and tributaries on the mountain.

Stopping on a cloud for a rest, I looked down at the mountain, allowing my imagination to go wild; an artillery platform here, a landing strip there. Concrete tumors bulging from the mountains, decked with howitzers and mountains of shells… a neatly stacked pile of live ammo opposite to a wild stack of smoking-hot shells. The rising sun to the east blinding the advancing dragon hoard as airplanes swoop down from above the clouds to pelt them with machinegun fire.

I looked down at the river, in the middle of its wet season; its calmer dry season could hold some sort of deployable pontoon-bridge… buoyant enough to support trucks, tanks, artillery, and soldiers carrying big guns. I wore a wide grin, knowing exactly what my next goal to work towards was.

—

By the time three-AM rolled around, we were all beat. Thorax was half-asleep in Cadence’s lap while she partook from Luna’s coffee supply; the latter mentioned was the only one here who wasn’t visibly tired, aside from the occasional yawning. Twilight, having excused herself for a couple bathroom breaks over the evening, spoke up- “I guess shince now, everyone’s said their pieces-” If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess she was slurring from exhaustion. “Wake up, Thorax-” the changeling meowed in shock when they felt a hoof poke their back. “Let’s take a vote on shome key… issues.” She yawned, slumping back into her seat. “Celestia, if’ya wouldn’t mind?” her mentor nodded slowly with a sad look as Twilight dozed off in a drunken stupor.

I was casually splitting my last cupcake in half, handing it across to Celestia for us to share. “You all know she’s fucked up, right?” I asked as I chomped the snack cake in one bite, polishing off my last bottle of Tangelo; the area around us was a mess, littered with snack-cake wrappers and empty bags of chips as our then-neat piles began falling apart naturally.

Caddy sighed and rubbed her temple slowly. “She didn’t even drink this much when she was a teenager.” She lamented, wordlessly standing up with Celestia as the two used their magic to gently lift Twilight away to a couch to sleep on. “Leave her on her side-” I heard Cadence say as she used her magic to drop a soft blue blanket over her, allowing her to hopefully get some rest. Luna snorted sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

“I dread the day she goes from being a personal embarrassment to a national embarra-OW!” She spoke plainly, receiving a punch to the shoulder from her sister.

“Non. Judgemental. Remember what Ann told us? All those words will accomplish is pushing her deeper into a bottle out of spite if she hears.” She explained eloquently, and I couldn’t agree more with her. “Remember, write this down! Relate exactly why her habit harms those around her. The intervention is next week…” she turned to Emmie and I with a smile. “But… that’s just family matters, nothing that need concern you two.” I saw Emmie return her look with a grin.

“You’re doing the right thing. Harsh words do nothing but alienate an innocent pony suffering from a legitimate disease.” He spoke casually, Celestia nodding along in agreement while I… kept my beak shut. You may call him a hypocrite for some of the things he said to me before I quit drinking; but then I remember that my wife is having his baby. He had a right to be angry with me back then. “If I might ask- are you a friend of Bill W?” He asked- referring to the Equestrian Handbill Wilson, one of the founding members of… whatever pony AA is called.

Celestia giggled and nodded. “In secret. There’s these dream group-meetings I go to, set up by my sister in an attempt to help those at rock-bottom, or those that’d rather stay anonymous.” speaking of her sister- Luna was still rubbing her bruised arm tenderly. “I go once a week, if anypony wishes to accompany me. Those dream meetings are perfect for hiding your identity while discussing our stigmatized disease called addiction.” I nodded with an appreciative smile.

“I’ll keep that in mind- thanks.” I failed to stifle a yawn at the end, rubbing tears away from my stinging eyes… I wasn’t actually crying, I was just that tired. “Fuck me… If I try going down the stairs, the rest of you’ll be scraping me off the bottom floor.” Caffeine barely did shit to me these days- so not even the caffeinated sodas were keeping me fully lucid.

Slap! I slapped my own cheek and shook my head, using the pain to focus on staying awake. Celestia choked mid-yawn when I did that.

“Knock that off- all you’re doing is hurting yourself with barely any benefit.” I nodded slowly, unable to resist yawning to prove her point.

“I say we wrap this up…” Cadence proposed slowly- “And once we’re done, we can just sleep on these couches… because I am loving them!” She leaned back into the soft cushion with a sigh as I nodded dumbly. “We got the floor for as long as we want it. Why not just wait for the elevator to be running again tomorrow?” I raised my hand instantantly.

“I’m all for it.” I said with no hesitation, cracking my neck casually. “We wanna take a vote tonight while the teams are split even?” I asked as Thorax hopped onto my lap, finally allowing me the chance to pet their soft fur.

“Wait, I thought Thorax was on our side?” Cadence asked plainly, looking at the empty spot on her lap where the catbug was. From my lap, Thorax looked up at her while I stuck my tongue out at Cadence. Hahahahahaaa! The cat’s ALL MINE! “I’m… I’m confused.” The cat rubbed the side of their head sheepishly with the side of their paw, saying-

“I uh… I struck a deal with Leona. Her soldiers use their fancy guns to fight off Dread-Maulwurfs and other, uh… dangerous fauna which originate from organisms that lived and evolved from within our Father.” The more I hear about the Father, the more my urge grows to just focus all my efforts into nuking the place. “Occasionally a creature finds its way out of the fourth-dimension geometry… and guns are safer than spears or crossbows.” I nodded plainly as Emmie wasted no time to ask-

“... so Shub-Niggurath is so massive, you’re saying that the spaces between reality host their own ecological niches in which terrestrials could evolve to survive?” He asked, and Thorax nodded with a smile. “Fascinating! So then-” Celestia cleared her throat- Emmie turning and granting her immediate attention.

“The… the size and scale of the changeling Father is to not be underestimated. It far exceeds the borders of the badlands; a disturbance or a wakeup event would cause the total uprooting of much of Plainstead’s soil from the monster below.” She spoke calmly, “It is no doubt a biological organism; but its tendency to trap explorers into inescapable fleshy geometry make its exploration simply impossible to anything alive- even a changeling.” Celestia looked off to the side, an almost… haunted look in her eyes. “Know this; those gigantic creatures and monsters that surface around areas with soft ground, such as around the hive?” She looked Emmie right in the eye- and I saw a hint of increasing trepidation glinting off it. “To the changeling Father, they are but the microscopic bacterium which make up its immune system. These creatures that often become named legends because of the chaos they cause when they surface… and they exist in the likely billions just below the ground. They’re dangerous, but free from direct control from the being they call their habitat. Stay away from the Father, Mind’s Eye.” She asserted, looking Emmie in the eye.

“I’m with her on that one.” I said, stretching my arms up in the air as he finally nodded. “Let’s stay away from the mysterious flesh pit that just casually lives under Equestria.” I kept silent as I rested my shoulders- not to let that sink in, but because I was genuinely at a loss about what to say about that. I inhaled sharply. “The topic at hand- we need to come to a compromise on the dragons.” I looked around our group with a flat look, waiting for any objections.

“A culling of the dragon population is necessary for the sake of long-term peace. If the oldest and most influential among them realize that we can’t stop them with magic, it could lead to a dark age as these wealthy hoarders rule the population with a fist of vengeance.” They were just like your average billionaire; good-for-nothing leeches who take endlessly, wallowing in their hoards and not giving a fuck who’s head they’re stomping on. “They desire infinite growth in a finite world; even if they act civilized or educated, the longevity of the dragons means that they will always require more. More resources, more gold, more food, more clean water- How much do we have to give just so the dragons can have their little game of Empire?” I asked rhetorically, and Luna nodded with a yawn.

“As much as I respect the intellectual class that Ember has worked so hard to propagate, the damning fact remains; the older conservative population will always have the final say under extraordinary circumstances.” I nodded along in agreement as she used a hoof to stifle a yawn. “The intellectual minority consists mainly of dragons born within the last decade, as well as the few older ones Ember managed to convince. The conservative majority have been around since my sister and I last culled their population; the only reason they haven’t stomped out the minority party is because they fear repercussions from my sister.” And we all knew the problem with that.

“If I may interject?” Emmie spoke up, and the rest of us nodded wearily. “Earlier, Twilight mentioned something about using her connection to the aetherium to… well, do that thing you did to the dragons.” I nodded, vaguely remembering something about that. “You know the specifics of the spell, obviously.” He nodded with a mirthless grin while Celestia looked off with a sigh.

“No. No, I refuse to let her go through that… that pain.” she shuddered as her sister wrapped a wing around her back. “I refuse to watch her suffering the way I suffered. Not even just regrets- the white hot physical pain I was forced to endure throughout was... I almost burnt my own horn out- I won’t let her do it.” Having said her piece, she leaned back and sipped her tea. “But ultimately, I concur with Leona’s original statement. A pure-dragon hegemony would spell death for the civilized world.” There was a few moments of silence where we looked amongst ourselves apprehensively before Cadence spoke up.

“Thorax and I have a couple… friends among the dragons…” She spoke softly, looking off to the side while Thorax spoke-

“Agreed… I want to know ahead of time so I can… well, make sure they’re out of harm’s way.” While I stroked their fur gently, they continued- “I’m sure Cadence would, too?” She nodded in response, “Great! Spike shouldn’t be too hard- he can’t stand the older regressive class, and usually stays in Equestria, anyway… In fact, I think he’s been staying at the Hive as of late.” The two looked at eachother and fistbumped hoof-to-paw with looks of serious agreement, since they couldn’t properly handshake.

“For my daughter’s future on this planet? For the safety of her kids?” Cadence mused, turning to me with a matching grin. “Princess Amore sacrificed herself to save her children, allowing them to flee to Equestria and ask for assistance in ousting the mad King Sombra.” She beamed proudly, conveniently dropping the fact that her ancestors begging Celestia for help is exactly why Equestria rules Crystalia today- “She lost her life so that her babies could live and await to one day reclaim the throne; as heir to the throne, I’m willing to… to risk losing a personal friendship for such a noble sacrifice.” Look at her go! I didn’t even have to gaslight her into thinking that, and I gave my new bestie a wide grin.

“I’ve read about the first Crystalian Alicorn plenty of times in history, especially after the city’s return.” I still can’t believe that ponies used to call it The Crystal Empire back then- especially considering that the locals of said empire preferred Crystalia all along. “You’re doin’ your heritage justice, Cadence. This is our world now, but it’ll be our daughter’s tomorrow, right?” She and I grinned, bumping her hoof as she nodded… the two of us hearing Celestia clear her throat.

“If… if we’re all in agreement, then… I vote that we allow Leona to take the lead on Operation Starfall?” Which was my proposed grand strategy of supplying and maintaining an advancing frontline while simultaneously blocking air travel across the strait with anti-air artillery. “And while a concrete date to set things in motion has yet to be revealed, Leona’s estimate is… Ten years?” I nodded, Emmie looking at me in shock. “I vote Aye.” She spoke, raising her right hoof.

“Yeah, yeah, hold your horses.” I muttered to him, not even realizing that was a pun at the time. “Ten years is correct. As we all enter this agreement of trust, I believe we have more time to spend on R&D, propaganda, and preparation. Why build a good war machine when you can build a better war machine?” I suggested, and he looked to the side in thought. “Our first batch of prototype dragon-rifles have been a nightmare from what I’ve heard, even though the shoproom prototype worked beautifully. Stupid shit like stocks cracking after extended field testing, not even mentioning issues with the ammo. Shit’s getting expensive, I’m thinking of annexing the minotaurs just to loot their bank.” I quipped, knowing damn well their bank was falling apart at the seams; in this tough political climate, it’s not wise to keep all your cash offshore. Luna sipped her coffee and looked me in the eye with a flat expression.

“Go ahead and try. Minos is as hostile as the Everfree- an invading force would be slaughtered by the flora well before they could bother a minotaur settlement.” Yeah, yeah, the plant spirit can detect intent and all that shit. I’ve sat through Twilight lecturing me about the Everfree plenty of times as a kid. I couldn’t help but wonder- how was agent orange made? “But ten years should be plenty sufficient. The predicament facing Equestria won’t be fixed overnight, and the extra ten years will grant us all time to help stabilize things. Aye.” She raised her right hoof, passing the vote on to Cadence to see if she had anything to add to the final deal.

She looked at me with a grin- “Get that phone line set up as soon as possible. More than keeping each other up to date… we can gossip!” She and I giggled, as I made a mental note to get the overseas private telephones set up, just for our little… group. “Aye!” She raised her right hoof, and our ears all twitched hearing Celestia clear her throat… except for me, who doesn’t have external ears.

“Addendum to my terms-” She raised her hoof, and I cocked an eyebrow. “Relevant to that last clause, know that I will be moving to a new home, just outside of Manehattan.” She looked to the side with a sheepish grin. “The… the isolation isn’t good for my long-term sobriety, no matter how much I dread re-entering the… the limelight?” She giggled, subtly asking us if she used the correct term. A quick nod from me made her grin- “Thorax, would you like to weigh in?” They looked around with a constantly-tired expression like an unamused cat does, swiping their tail back and forth down the side of my lap casually.

The cat stood up in my lap, stretched, and jumped- transforming into their regular Changeling form. While I turned to pluck another cigarette from my pack, he spoke- “I want the Changeling hive’s current status as a protectorate state to be reconsidered. My brother and I formed a committee of changelings which Father selected randomly to come up with a specific list of demands.” Holding my lighter in my hand, I paused dumbly while my cigarette rested out the side of my beak. “Shall I go on?” they asked as I removed the cigarette to flash a grin of respect, nodding and lighting up my smoke.

His magic pulled a massive doobie out of a green portal, only for me to realize it was just a scroll as he unraveled it… okay, Caddy and I might have had a few more ‘smoke breaks’ earlier. Big deal! Sativa keeps the blood pumping! “Hrm-hrm.” Thorax cleared their throat casually as they went down the list, looking us in the eye, taking brief pauses to glance at the paper every now and then. “I want my guards to have the option to bear firearms, rather than crossbows. I also want to open up small barter between my changelings and the occupants of your military base; small barter includes trading of items, food, money, valuables and oddities, Honey, prostitution in general… everything except weapons and especially not firearms… Aye.” Raising their right hoof, they quickly transformed into a dodo bird and hopped up onto Luna’s lap.

“An addendum?” She spoke, gently stroking the feathers on Thorax’s back. “The technological divide between our nations is troubling, and we would ask for help in remedying the situation. Aye.” She raised her hoof, and it was finally on to me.

Rather than going on a rant about how this is what I wanted since day fucking one!- I gave them all a polite smile, letting the rest of them think they set the terms… except Celestia, who was in on it with me. “These terms have all been acceptable thus far. I have a few terms of my own I’d like to set.” I took a final puff of my cigarette and stuffed the butt into the bottle near-full to the brim with them. “My main ask is that we all take each other's thoughts and opinions into genuine consideration before doing anything world-changing. I don’t have answers, but I’m happy to give advice.” I smirked, stifling a yawn briefly.

“I want Starlight to be allowed armed escort and passage within Equestria, and her publications be allowed to exist outside of an underground community.” I asked as the rest nodded along. “She’s become a dear friend of mine, and it’d go a long way towards letting the ponies know that you’re ready to listen to their wants.” Now that that was all the way, I took a deep breath as I prepared to give my closing statements.

“We keep the cold-war act going; the last thing the dragons need to believe is the fact that we’re all working together. As long as it’s the dragons and the ponies against the world, it’ll allow the dragons to assume the alleged weakness of the Syndicate.” They all seemed to be on board so far, so I continued- “Personal matters can be dealt with between individuals; anything else worth discussing, we’ll vote on whether or not to call this meeting… known from here on out as The Commission.” Luciano would’ve been proud. “The idea of one of us ruling on top over all the others is infeasible; being alone makes you an easy target. But a betrayal against one of us is betrayal against all of us. Betrayal is not taken lightly, my friends; Turncoats will be dealt with painlessly… for what it’s worth.” That was the only warning they were getting. “As long as the rest of you understand how much we’re all gonna have to trust and work with each other here… Aye.” I raised my right hand, leaving the floor open for further questioning and addendum… but first- “Emmie. Any particular demands you’d like to add?” He gave me a dopey grin, raising his right hoof and pointing… at his eyepatch.

“E’eye!” He pronounced in his gay-accent voice, jabbing the air towards his eye to underline his ‘joke’... which made all of us burst out laughing because of the various states of exhaustion and inebriation we were in. After we all calmed down, he shrugged and leaned into our couch's left side-rest. “Eh. Sounds good to me.” He said, and I couldn’t help but giggle as Cadence let out a yawn.

“O-uaaahhh-one thing…” her sentence was interrupted by another yawn. “Do you think Crystalia is a lost ca-uuuaaahh-ause?” Once again she was wiping tears out of her eyes, and I held a fist to my beak to stifle my uncontrollable, slow yawn.

“Fffuuahkk!” I swore through a yawn, feeling a twinge of a headache forming between my eyes. I rubbed my clamped-shut eyelids gently as I felt lightheaded and uneasy. “Honestly? Yeah. Fuck ‘em.” I groaned out in a low half-gravelly tone. “They hate the ponies just as much as the griffons. It’s a backwater earth pony city-state, who gives a fuck?” I felt Emmie nudge my side, and I sighed and lowered my head, rubbing my temple. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying- how much trouble can a population of just earth ponies really be?” I asked, the headache refusing to let up. “That’s based on my own observations, though- firsthand or otherwise.” Cadence rubbed her chin in thought.

“It could make for potentially good PR if the Ponies think the crown is shifting their focus away from Crystalia towards the issues in their own backyard.” She spoke eloquently, and I nodded and yawned once again- barely able to blink the stinging tears out of my eyes. Caddy gave me a look of concern- “Leona, are you alright? You look like something’s bothering you.” She spoke, and I nodded sheepishly.

“Just a headache because I’ve been behind on sleep lately. I’ll live.” I clamped my beak shut to keep from yawning while Celestia covered her smirk with her hoof.

“I say for our final order of business- what of Twilight’s vote?” She asked, and I looked over at her student passed out on a mass-produced office couch in a stupor. “In… In light of her inebriation, the reliability of her vote will be… questionable.” She spoke sadly, and I gave a saddened sigh.

“Who knows how much of tonight she’ll remember? Come on- the only time I ever pass out mid sentence is when I’ve been blackout for a while, crashing in a similar way to her.” I honestly didn’t think she’d get trashed- guess I underestimated her. “I’m just saying- I’m not going over all the shit I already went over again with her. This is all a verbal pact to avoid any paper trails. Fill her in, and I’m fairly certain she’d be on board. You saw how she was all night!” I shrugged, and Celestia gave a big yawn.

“So, it’s settled then. Impromptu slumber party!” she clacked her hooves playfully as we all got ready for bed on our office couches, using magically summoned blankets and pillows; the sound of the winds blowing through the mesh-lined window provided the perfect white noise to help sleep through the tinnitus while not disrupting the sleep of others. Maybe we’ll have a pillow fight in the morning?

—

The horror started when I found myself straining to stand up on a moss-covered cave floor. The only thing I wore was my wooden peg-leg; it squished into the floor covered in moss with a hint of green bioluminescence. Its glow was so dim that the only thing it illuminated was its own existence. I could barely see my feet and hands where I stood, aside from that tiny glow that highlighted the shape of the cave floor and walls around me… almost creating a path to follow.

I was wordless; panting and near-hyperventilating in the oppressively black cave. I shook fiercely as I forced myself to trudge forward; my ears were full of the sounds of my breathing and the sound of naturally-running water, the likely source of all this moss growth. Areas where the moss grew thinner only served to reveal the void-wall, the moss selfishly hoarding their light even to the surfaces they cling to. I trudged forward slowly, the moss floor growing softer and softer as I tried to keep my mind away from barking and bagpipes… or the howling.

“Th-this’s a d-dream… All a… a dream.” I muttered to myself, unsure of whether I truly believed it. The moss seemed to give more and more as I walked, but looking back revealed only darkness. “The m-moss… the moss is good… good moss…” I muttered to myself; my leg plunged downward into the moss with a loud tear, and I couldn’t help but scream in utter terror.

My heart pounded and sweat poured down my entire body as I pulled my leg loose, stepping lightly with it. The cave smelled musty and… almost meat-scented; I kept my mouth open to avoid breathing it through my nose… a mistake I would come to regret. One step too far caused the moss floor to tear dramatically- and I belly-slid through with a scream, silenced by an accidental mouthful of moss as I slid right through and down… down… Oh dear god.

Falling out of the… the creature I was just inside… I flailed and screamed maddeningly as I descended the eyeball-estimated ten mile drop to the cavernous floor of the much better lit bioluminescent cave. My body was lit green as a result of the varieties of fungi, moss, and cave bugs which skittered about the ancient, impossibly deep cavern. I corrected my flight and controlled my long descent down… a fall which at my estimation could take someone a full day of freefalling just to reach the bottom of this cave… but that wasn’t the real secret of this place. I… I forced myself to turn around, breathless with trepidation at what might be revealed.

“HOLY… HOLY SWEET FUCK!” I gasped, forcing myself to stop my descent at all costs, lest I fall into the arm of this… this unnatural thing. If I were to describe it as a simultaneous mix between a pent-armed starfish, some sort of crustacean, and a portobello mushroom that could dwarf an entire continent, it would not be unfaithful to the original spirit of the thing. I hovered wordlessly as my eyes trailed down the singularly-revealed arm coated in mosses, fleshy spikes and barbs, masses of limply-hanging tendrils with a constant expression of terror and grief… deducing that the starfish-like appendage stretched on for miles, coming to a point near the outer cave wall which… probably did little justice to the fact that the tips of its arms were probably over a half-mile wide in girth… and even wider near the base.

You could build a city on the widest part of that arm, so nature built a literal jungle instead; mercifully, the arm only made up a part of a much, much larger organism… and I slowly began to realize why Celestia chose to not wipe out the changelings; as the moss which climbed up its side looks exactly like the “Changeling Moss” you might read about in books. It grew over every vertical part of its ‘stem,’ only leaving barren the single crab-like appendage which seemed to jut out randomly next to the arm… possibly providing some sort of implied terrestrial mobility for the thing.

The roof of the cave made me come to the understanding that I woke up from somewhere within its moss-coated mushroom-cap-esque surface. Maybe I should be glad I couldn’t see the rest of the thing; it loomed over the arm and the rest of the cave for several miles, going even further than the arm itself. There was hardly anything to see on the moss-covered body; I dreaded to imagine what sort of feeler appendages lay dormant beneath its arm, or what horrible orifices it might bear overtop its alien structure… but then I heard the tearing.

A large clump of moss which clung to its side was torn asunder by the creature opening its mouth; that’s when I realized ah, right. That’s an eyelid.

I looked at the creature's eyeball, coated in green slime with a misshapen pupil in the center. It looked right back up at me, the irregular pupil contracting to a pin-prick… which at my size scale, could’ve been a hundred-yards wide. Terror shot down my spine as I felt myself go into uncontrollable freefall again as a naked human woman. “KYEEAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!”

Tears streamed down my face as I fell to my demise, flailing wildly until I felt myself land within a body of deep, salty water. I swam blindly, lucky to finally breach the surface with a gulp of air, half-choked with a sob of utter horror. “Please, God… I wanna go home…” I winced to myself, finding myself surrounded by calm, warm blue ocean water… and nothing else. I shook within the warm currentless water and… and realized that the sun was being replaced with a black cloudy sky. Lightning would strike the sea far away from me and light up the sky to reveal the incomprehensible silhouette behind. The air itself felt heavy as I noticed the clouds stirring in a few spots.

The creatures' heads looked enormous even when viewed from the ocean up to the cloud level; four of them snaked downwards into the atmosphere, having to originate from some… some greater organism which originated from the cosmos. That was the only possible explanation I could think of as the miles-wide snake heads got closer and closer… inching closer by the things' immense scale, which was uncomfortably fast from my size. Their city-sized yellow eyes glared down at me, the cat-like pupils constricting and giving the snakes a fierce appearance. One of them opened its mouth and revealed teeth as big as skyscrapers, literal gallons of saliva pouring out of its mouth into the ocean below.

Floating in the water, I stood there frozen… until a riptide dragged me deep below the ocean’s surface… once again surrounding me in a black void aside from the tiny bit of sunlight filtering towards me from above. The seabed was totally invisible in the blackness, so I felt genuine relief as I swam towards the surface light. I chased it rigorously… not fully realizing how deep I was.

I was nowhere near the surface; an anglerfish lure the size of a mountain came into view. I looked back just in time for the seamonsters lips to open, being the only part of its colossal body I could see in the glowing light, fading away behind me as the pressure sucked me into its gullet with a breathless scream-

“KYEAAAAHHHH!” I yelled, realizing that I was laying on the couch, surrounded by everyone who attended the dinner party, looking at me with worried expressions.

“Goodness, you’re awake!” Celestia said, pulling me in for a hug while I just laid there dazed and confused. My jaw hung open while I took rapid breaths, feeling my chest to make sure my heart was still beating.

“I-I p-preferred it when Gods were just a man-made concept.” I muttered to myself, Celestia nodding in solidarity while I took the time to collect myself while my friends stood by my side out of concern… it was gonna take a while to calm down, and I doubted I’d be getting any more sleep that night.

Author's Note

So... if you haven't read the most recent blog post, I am currently between jobs; I'd be really appreciative if you took the time to check out my Ko-Fi! Your support and patronage is greatly appreciated- but most importantly, I hope you all enjoyed the conclusion to the Dinner Party side-arc! The Cold-War arc is soon coming to an end... will Leona be able to keep the peace for ten more years?

Thanks for reading! Likes and comments are greatly appreciated!