“Mamma, are we almost there?” With a hand on the wheel and the other on the unfamiliar gearstick, I turned my head to give Anastasia a flat look. “Oh, okay.” She said while looking out the window with a nod; I grinned and chuckled as Mamma glared at me, sitting in the seat directly behind me in our little rental car.

“Look at the road, you’re gonna get us all killed!” I didn’t have to turn to see my wife rolling her eyes, instead reaching to turn around further to look Mamma in the eye. “Leona Grimfeather, I am your mother!” She declared as Anastasia giggled just to receive a light thump in the back of her head, courtesy of my Mamma.

“Ma, calm down. It’s bumper to bumper both lanes, we’re not even moving.” I said, causing her to scoff while I turned back around; a glance in the rearview mirror allowed me a peek at the drivers of the security escort behind our shitty rental car, and I grinned at how exasperated the driver looked. “Oh, my bad- I can pull two cars forward. Wooh.” Since we were stuck going up hill, the gearbox clunked when I shifted into first to catch up to the Model-T truck in front of me. “I’ll tell you what’s happening- the bridge I’d normally take to get where we’re going is closed for maintenance; we had to take the long way around, just like everyone else.” I huffed in annoyance- “I only just now made the connection.” Dee rolled her eyes, wrapping her hoof around my shifting-arm just as I knocked it back into neutral, holding the brake.

“We’re moving, just slowly. In fact, the restaurant's off this next exit, thank goodness.” She sighed and began tapping her hoof lightly; at this stage in her pregnancy, that was code for hurry up, I gotta piss without actually saying anything. “Ooh!” She gasped, and I felt my heart skip a beat- “The baby kicked!” I held back my sigh of relief, considering the fact that I thought we were about to discuss getting our rental’s seats reupholstered. While I held a hand gently against my wife’s belly with a beaming grin, my daughter had something to say.

“See, even little ‘sis wants to know more!” Anastasia declared as I began lurching the car forward to catch up. “Where’re we goin? Why’s it gotta be a secret to me!?” I smirked when I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw Mamma give Annie a glare, pointing a finger at her as a warning. “At least tell me what type of food we’re getting so I know what I’m in the mood for? Please?” shifting back to neutral and hitting the brake, I thought about what she said.

“... I’ll keep the reasoning a surprise, but I will tell you this; the restaurant's menu is very pony-centric, with a small menu of barbecued meats.” Anastasia held a hand to her chin in thought, peering out the window to try and get a look at the exit from her seat. “The guy who owns it cooked for your birthday party; you didn’t meet him, I drove him home because of an unrelated panic attack he had or somethin’.” Her look of confusion shifted to realization with a nod. “Silver Spoon’s husband, Truffle Shuffle. I dunno why the fuck I’m being secretive at this point. Does that give you any idea what you want for dinner?” I asked, turning my eyes back to the crawling road of black bitumen when I saw her nodding with a grin.

“I wanna try some pony food!” She exclaimed to the mild surprise of the rest of us. “It’s like that idiom I learned in school today- When in Canterlot, do as the… Uh… Ponies! I had Canterlotians stuck in my head!” Mamma and I giggled while I reached back to give her a congratulatory high-five, Dee was evidently still in shock.

“What… Anastasia, are you sure? You might not like the texture of flowers and hay!” She asked, knowing full-well how much I hated rabbit food. “What- wait a minute.” She paused and looked back- “Have you been the one eating my daisies and pickled tulips?” The fact that Anastasia averted her gaze told her everything she needed to know. “I’m not upset, I just wish you would’ve told me!” My wife unbuckled her seatbelt to turn around in her seat easier, reaching her hoof back to nudge our daughter’s shoulder playfully.

Annie looked back up in surprise, just as I had to turn away to drive forward slowly; I was confident she’d put her seatbelt back on when we got moving again. “One day I saw we were outta the gabagool and pepperoni. I thought I could close my eyes and pretend one of the flowers was a slice of lunchmeat, but it turned out pretty good!” I listened curiously, glancing back at her every now and then in the rear-view mirror. “I like to put a daisy on a slice of tomato with salt and pepper; pickled tulips are great with cheese on a cracker!” She unbuckled her seatbelt, waiting patiently for me to stop to stand up and nuzzle her Mother.

“I’ve been learning how to cook pony dishes with Silver Spoon lately; I’d love to try cooking dinner for you, I just need to know what you like.” She said, hoofbumping with Anastasia before the two sat back down, clicking their seatbelts. “You, uh… you don’t feel sick when you eat too many flowers, do you?” I heard her giggle, glancing at the mirror just in time to catch her rolling her eyes.

“This is something I learned in school last week- griffons are omnivores!” Which was correct, but something about her know-it-all tone irked me a little. “It was cool- we had a whole assembly led by a griffon who doesn’t eat any meat, but he’s perfectly healthy!” I couldn’t turn back, as traffic had finally begun moving somewhat consistently. “He does it by only eating fish!” I couldn’t hold back my laughter, peering back at her grinning face in the mirror.

“Fish aren’t meat? Glad to hear they grow off trees now!” I felt Mamma lighty slap my left shoulder, but I couldn’t help myself; thankfully, Annie found it hilarious too. “Bluegill, fresh from the blueberry bush; Crappie, right of the crapapple tree!” On an unrelated note, I really needed to take Anastasia fishing sometime again. Men fear me; women fear me; fish definitely fear me. I need that on a hat. “You can dig crabs out of the mud, so they’re basically a type of mobile-rooted potato; I’d totally be down for pescetarianism if it’s done right.” Lots of batter, lots of frying, and nothing with eyes to look back at me while I enjoy my meal. Hella tartar sauce, lotsa calamari and lobster. “Clams or oysters, especially- they gotta be cooked and deshelled. People’ve died eating clams and stuff!” And I wasn’t talking about Umberto’s.

“That’s true, but Ma!” She said as the car crested the hill we’d been stuck going up, which I hoped would stop the gearbox from groaning with each gearshift. “I’ve read in books that if you’re in an emergency, dug-up oysters are a good survival food!” The forest the road had been flanked by opened up into a decently-sized field, lining the exit we’d be taking to access this gated community; the field had a light dusting of snow, but the turnoff for our exit wasn’t for another quarter mile. “I read about a book where a Dominion of Griffons lived on an island chain, using oysters and tropical fruits for their main food source!” I said, getting an odd sense of deja-vu from that detail. Since we were stopped, I turned back and ruffled her head-feathers; She pouted and pulled her comb out to fix her pompadour while I turned my mobile radio transmitter on.

“Boss speaking, here. Tail escort, do ya’ hear me?” I asked, gesturing for Mamma to turn the volume knob up on the metal box in the backseats middle. ‘Loud and clear, Boss. Tail Escort One, Wheelman Corporal Johnathan, speaking.’ He called out, ensuring I didn’t just happen to catch some random trucker’s radio. “We’re cutting through the snow; make sure everyone else stays on the road.” Worst case scenario, I’ll just let them rear end this car to give us a shove if we’re stuck.

The orange glow behind us signified our escort truck’s emergency light spinning on. I turned slowly towards the three-inch snow, not wanting to give it too much power and make it slide. Snow crunched under the street tires as we heard the sound of gravel crackling as we crossed the painted white line, and I drove carefully until the snow was thin enough that I could drive around the other cars whilst sticking halfway to the road. I heard one of them yelling from the speaker built atop their car, ‘Back to the road, jagoff! You see the flags on the muzzle-side fenders? We’re Security Enforcement, not traffic cops.’ Taking it steady, I grabbed the receiver again- “What’s the holdup with traffic anyway? It’s two lanes going either way, there shouldn’t be a jam with this many cars!” I asked, setting the radio down as I awaited a response.

‘Powerline fell about three miles ahead- it's down to one lane as a crew works on fixing it. The hoof-drawn carriages associated with our destination is another likely factor.’ The driver responded, causing my wife to scoff and roll her eyes.

“I don’t care how many petitions these gated community chucklefucks bring to me-” She said as I finally made it to the exit slip road, being unpainted with a metal gate closing off the fenced-in tunnel that went through the mountainside. “Featherworth needs another mass-transit option to Wyndsdale other than ferrying up the Twyne Shippingway; this mountain has a perfect range of flat ridges prime for rail development.” I nodded along with her as she ranted, stopping outside the gated tunnel for one of our guys to hope out and unlock it; a large sign was posted, signifying that trespassers wouldn’t be welcome in this private community. Dee turned to look at Annie and said- “There’s a lesson to be learned about the importance of what I’m talking about later; Anyways, welcome to Little Foalsylvania!” my wife said as I started down the gas-lamp lit tunnel, which had ventilation fans every twenty feet and driven by the forces of natural gas flowing through turbines; all of which was piped from a small well that served the cut-off community of rich pony expats. “When we get out of the tunnel, don’t look at the powerlines- they’re unsightly!” My wife mocked the locals with a prudish tone, making me grin. The wooden poles stuck out of the ground proudly with their oxidized copper relays jutting proudly among the short flower beds planted around them in an attempt to ‘beautify’ them. It wasn’t entirely pointless- much of the plumbing and gas piping ran parallel to them, underground along their sides.

I spoke with a sarcastic grin- “This place has obscenely colorful and rustic pony mansions with ludicrously expensive restaurants. What’s not to love?” I opted to ignore all the mansions that seemingly appeared out of thin air once we escaped the tunnel; Leading directly to an erosion-safe shoreline grove, our destination was a small island which used to be a lock-powerhouse. I spoke like a Hollywood Tour Bus driver, working a morning shift whilst hungover- “If the locals had it their way, this place would exist in a perpetual springtime; alas, the native wildlife demands that we endure the seasonal winter depression. Weather control on a mass-organized level is freaky; that’s why Equestria needs to be an ally. Take note, Annie!” I mused aimlessly whilst wiggling a finger, shifting to second when the road straightened and switched from bitumen to rumbling red brick, lightly streaked with tire-rubber throughout. “We might just hit 40 going down this incline, hold on.” Anastasia giggled at my sarcastic musings. “I’d put it into third if that existed in this gearbox.” I heard my wife snort-

“You’re the one who’s been putting off buying a new car for yourself!” I rolled my eyes as she continued- “And you loaned my car to our temporary guests. This was all kind of last minute!” Once she concluded her griping, I said-

“First off, I’m still mourning the death of The Nightgaunt.” I said, shifting down with a clunk as I prepared to take a bend. “Second, it’s a joint decision between Annie and I!” Dee gave me a look of sheer incredulity while we swooped around the fern-planted bend, before Anastasia added-

“Yeah! We’ve been stopping at every new dealership we drive past, and she even let me test drive a few in the lot!” Mamma wasn’t supposed to know that- and I could feel her glaring at the back of my headrest; all the while Dee turned towards Annie with a questioning eyebrow. “You know, ‘cause there’s a good chance that when I’m old enough, it’ll be my car!” I nodded as the car sped up, shifting up much smoother as we meandered down the hillside road.

“If my next car lasts longer than a few years, sure!” I said as we entered the small grove of trees, surrounding the area around our riverside destination. “Heads up, Ma- covered bridge ahead, like those ones around Ponyville!” I said to distract from the topic at hand; I knew I was successful when I heard her gasp.

“Ohhh, I love those! They just seem more… well-built, somehow!” She said, being the woman who closes her eyes when we drive over modern steel bridges; at the very least, I should be thankful she’s been less-and-less neurotic about being driven around. “If one of those bolts go loose, you’d be trapped in a car falling hundreds of feet! And you know what, that’s why I hate these seatbelts, too!” She declared, defiantly unclicking her seatbelt… mainly because I had to clunk-shift down to slow to a stop before crossing the one-lane bridge.

Clunk!

I drove across the pastel-painted bridge slowly, staring flat ahead and letting out a quiet sigh of resignation; My wife looked out the window with an amused grin as Annie burst out into laughter, making me feel a little better as she blurted out- “Gramma, what the frick? Why would our bridges just collapse for no reason?” She asked sarcastically, and I had to clench my beak to keep from grinning when I heard a thwap! “Wha- I didn’t swear! Ma, back me up!” I could only shrug in response.

“I don’t make the rules, Anastasia. You messed around, you found out. It happens.” I said as we crossed the bridge's threshold onto the griffon-made island that hosted our destination; had its water raised by the artificial tributaries of underground pumps which fed it via an extensive network of decorative creeks, passing through the various hillside properties and their gigantic gardens. The river was made to ferry groups of workers to-and-from what’s currently a repurposed boiler house and living quarters. Other than that, the whole village was essentially an old-money pony’s idea of what it’s like to live in an idyllic country ‘painting on Grandma’s wall’ type-community; meanwhile the experiences of their rags-to-riches new money colleagues create patchwork microcosms of authenticity which all the more highlight the plasticky nature of such a place. One could look at this place and say ‘this is not a village’, in the same way you can look at those gas-station crack pipes with roses in them and say ‘this is not a crack pipe.’

“Oh, sign! Old Lockhouse 6, Fine Pony Dining!” She blurted out just as I laid my eyes on the architecturally Catlianesque style of red-brick architecture… or Romanesque, as I’d call it; clearly inspired by the Roma-reminiscent architecture of Catlus, specifically Emor. Arched windows dotted nearly every flat wall, highlighted by their oxidized copper frames and circumferenced by tan-brick molding and rounded pediments which matched the accent strip, running along the first-floor windowsills. The L-Shaped building was capped off with black-tile roofing joined together as oblong pyramids with flat sides, with porticos over the front-back center of the structure. “Why’s the radio antenna got a chimney around it?” She asked, referring to the bottom-top flared tall brick pillar which sported shallowly recessed archways on each face and flared pillars in the corners that contrasted the radio antenna sticking out the top heavily.

My wife unbuckled her seatbelt to slide her white mink-fur coat on just as I passed the wooden archway into the parking lot, prompting Annie to start zipping her leather jacket up over the cotton tanktop she wore to keep warm in her favorite outfit. Pulling into a parking lot, I said- “It connects to that square tower on the other side. That’s where the third-floor comms room is; you can radio the passing barges, or use the hidden switchboard if you need a private line straight to our house.” I said with a grin as I glanced up to see my Syndicates banner waving proudly atop the shallow black pyramid, with nightfall lights at each corner of the overhanging roof and underfaced cleanly with half-arch supports of aged-green copper.“To answer your question, there used to be a lock and dam here before the depression- clearly, the dam is gone… That aside, tell me, Anastasia- what’s the main reason I’d want your mothers friend to have a secret phone line straight from his business?” I asked her as I stopped the car lazily in front of the tower-side of the building, where my wife was halfway out of the car before I even yanked the parking brake. “OH! CAREFUL!” I waved my left arm and yelled, the door already slammed in my face and my wife a pink blur around the restaurant.

“Surveillance reasons- anyone who finds out that the chef is a friend of yours won’t talk about anything dangerous.” Annie prattled off, making me proud as she helped my mother put her coat on in the cramped back seat. Since I could afford no-such room, the car door swung open under tension when I pulled the knob; the rental didn’t have my much-preferred bench seat, and this vehicle was not made with my ass in mind. My daughter raised her voice to say- “The employees are listening for personal blackmail you can use to bargain with the locals!” she hopped up into the driver's seat just as I undraped my snow-white fur coat from my seat, thankful that the lot was dry as I sat on my flanks to put it on and button up. “Aaaand, all the tables probably have voice recorders that reset every 24 hours if they’re not saved.” Leering into the rear-view mirror, she whipped out her comb and asked with a grin- “Hey- I wonder how many ponies you’ll catch cheating on their wives here?” She licked her palm before running it through her pompadour and trailing her comb behind; all the meanwhile I stopped Mamma’s wing with an intent glare.

‘That’s my baby. Knock it off.’ Even sitting on the concrete pavement with my coat hanging off one arm, the message wordlessly loud-and-clear. She looked at me with a semi-disapproving look as she climbed out of her seat, making the car's rear suspension creak as she nodded at me and turned to Annie- “Aren’t you a little young to be joking about that stuff?” She asked with a smile, hugging her from the side and lifting her out of the seat after she finally put her comb away; but of course, her age didn’t change the fact that her height made her a bit heavier than you’d expect. “Ouuuffhhh! Heh, with how big you’re growing, maybe you’re older than I thought?” Of course, Annie just giggled adorably.

“Nuh-uh! I’m Six years and a couple’a months old!” She stood tall and proud with a beaming grin. “I’m not big, I’m strong!” She sat on the ground and flexed her slim arms with a pouty expression, causing my Mamma to clap in encouragement whilst I finished buttoning my ludicrously expensive fur coat; needless to say, I joined along in her praise to help change the subject. “Besides- cheating is a terrible thing to do and Mamma says rich people do it a lot!” Mamma nodded patiently and I tried not to say ‘dammit’ out loud, closing the car-doors and buttoning up her brown-and-tan fur coat.

I felt the need to speak up- “I’m proud of you Anastasia- you listen and you learn like a friggin’ genius… but what’s wrong with being big?” I asked sassily as I leaned forward, huffing and wheezing as I pulled myself up while trying not to put too much side-pressure on my wooden leg which could crack the longways oak grain. I took a deep breath with a smirk- “Kiddin. Gimme a hug!” she bolted into my arm and latched onto my chest- and I struggled to support her whole body in one hand while remaining standing. I thought to myself- ‘Oh, fuck- hold on for dear life, Baby!’ and at that moment, she readjusted her grip to wrap her arms around my neck while her hindlegs squeezed my sides. Even as my arm and shoulder began feeling tender, I held my breath and waited for her grip to loosen before setting her down gently with a huff. I really didn’t want to put her down, but I kept that to myself as I leaned down to nuzzle her beak to avoid ruffling her feathers. “Let’s roll- I got a friend and her daughter I want ‘ya to meet!” I slapped her on the back as she nodded and dashed into my Mamma for a hug; but before I forgot, I opened the small trunk of our Mini-Model A, rented on short notice- solely to retrieve the hat which came with this coat. It was soft, fluffy, and made it look like a snow fox was wrapped around my head napping cozily… just without bones or eyes. It’s like Davy Crockett, if he had a sense of real style.

“Oh, hey-” Mamma pointed out after she broke the hug- “Your mothers car- you see it parked by that big square building?” She asked, pointing out the separated living quarters designed in the same style as the main structure. “The griffons who lived there used to run a massive boiler room in this restaurant- that’s what the chimney was for!” Mamma and I walked side-by-side behind my speedwalking daughter, smirking as we watched her crane her neck over, ohhhh-ing in realization as we followed around the side of the building. Suddenly she stopped, reaching her arm out- “OH! watch-!” Mamma yelled too late, covering her beak in utter horror; thankfully she calmed down, watching what unfolded before her.

“Huh-ouhf!” bumping right into a light-pink filly wearing glasses which fell off and a tall red beanie with a long-bodied matching Hearth's Warming sweater, likely knit by her mother; its heavy padding served to keep her warm and cover most of her body with the exception of her flanks, all with the unfortunate side-effect of making the poor filly seem even more on the heavy side than she already is. The two were knocked back, and I had to cover my mouth in shame because of the schadenfreude I would feel upon seeing anyone else fall without serious injury. “Ah, ffff-rig, my bad!” She said, recovering quickly to snatch up the unicorn’s glasses and offer the filly a hand getting up off her side. She eyed the expensive glasses. “Silver frames, blue gem studded- Sheeeesh! if these got scuffed, lemme know. I’ll get it sorted, trust me; I know people.” The filly smiled warmly as my daughter took her hoof, helping her up then casually swiping the dust off her sweater’s shoulder, who surprised the fuck out of my daughter by taking the glasses back in a magic aura.

“Thank you, Miss… Anastasia Grimfeather, I assume?” The aristocratic tone threw my daughter off momentarily, who recovered when she heard- “I’m Flurry Heart, my feathery friend. If you were never taught the news, I’m the daughter of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, of the Crystal Empire of Equestria… and maybe heir to the title.” She shrugged before shaking hands with my daughter, who shook her head before looking at me with a raised eyebrow; I gave her permission to practice her doublespeak. They made eye contact, even after breaking the hand-hoof shake.

“Respect goes both ways, Flurry.” She pointed at the filly gently- “Word to the wise- as of now, I see us as equals, my friend.” I beamed at her usage of that old sarcasm-veiled threat, especially when the budding-leaders nodded with grins.

“Likewise, Anastasia. Let’s go inside- it’s freezing!” we followed along and entered the tall heavily windowed indoor dining room, kept warm with extensive radiator heating that would’ve been unnecessary when this room was used to power a ginormous boiler engine; of which was used for controlling the gigantic locks along what used to be a hydroelectric dam. An earthquake during the central height of the Depression caused structural damage which revealed a structural fault, so that it was torn apart carefully to avoid casualties and deemed too expensive to repair and maintain. Many of the workers were unpaid and forced, a tragedy commemorated with a plaque on the esplanade of the town opposite side of the wide river… and of course, the griffons affected were given Syndicalist Grand-Patriot Medals, along with cash bonuses to those affected along with the next-of-kin of those no longer with us.

Not that the rich fuckers on this side of the river gave a shit.

Just as we were approaching the copper-framed patio door, Cadence met us in the entryway, wearing a red winter coat and white-trim cape; a santa-eque hat atop her head completed the look that seems to me like it came from the North Pole, courtesy of the Jolly Bastard himself. “There you all are!” she said as we went straight for a quick hug… where she spoke quietly to me- ‘Can we stay out here a bit? I wanna chat.’ I nodded, considering the fact that I wished to do the same. We broke the hug, and I said-

“Anastasia, this is Cadence. She’s a guest and a personal friend of mine; before you ask why, we’ll talk in private after dinner, but it’s about that small mission of mine we talked about.” I said as I slapped her on the back gently so she’d approach the princess for a handshake “Heads up- I can’t stop her if she wants a hug. She and I already went over the possibility.” I stepped aside, throwing a wing and arm around my mothers back… watching Anastasia being totally helpless to my friend, who evidently found her adorable enough to scoop into a hug. I grinned along with my mother, who no-doubt still felt proud of my daughter’s well-learned politeness and oblivious to the veiled threat.

My daughter whined out ‘Maaaaaa, come on!’ Cadenced squeezed my fluffy daughter, evidently able to lift her via her innate Earth-pony strength. “Ohhhhhhhh, you’re so adorable!” She used to be a foalsitter; naturally, Cadence adored my baby, causing Flurry to look away with an adorable blush.

“Ma, really? In front of them?” She asked sheepishly as Caddy set my daughter down and ruffled her feathers, causing her to clench her beak in silent indignity. Before she could make some smart remark, I spoke up-

“And this lovely lady is my Mamma, Amelia.” I nuzzled her side, receiving a cheek-nuzzle in return from the side. “See, people think I’m in charge- but she’s the highest power in all the land.” She sat down, crossing her arms with a proud nod at my half-joke.

“You think she’s joking? Soldiers salute me in public, and I can veto anything.” She said with a grin as I helped her stand back up… after my daughter helped me get up. I turned and nodded my silent thanks, and she nodded back just like I taught her to. Mamma hoof-handshook Cadence with matching polite smiles. “How ya’ doin? Call me Ammi or Am, as long as you don’t mind me callin’ ya’ Caddy. Sound like a plan?” My old-fashioned mother asked, causing Caddy to giggle.

“Naturally, Ammi.” she said as our daughters slunked off inside together, not wishing to be embarrassed by their respective adoring mothers any further. “Truffles is waiting inside, if you wanna order- it’s freezing out here!” She said, probably deducing that I already talked to my mother about Caddy and I’s budding friendship. Mamma nodded, kissing my friend on each cheek before heading in with a grin.

“If it’s alright with you, I intend on pulling your sweet little filly into a great-big hug!” The two grinned and hoof-bumped with giggles; when the door was finally closed and we were left alone, Cadence walked with me to lean against the black-iron railing. Thankfully, I got all my hugs out when we met yesterday… though I definitely couldn’t lift Flurry up to do that. Not without throwing out my back, anyway. The railing was a little cold, but our sleeves and thick cuffs kept us warm.

The sound of the river crashing into the small stone pier below the first-floor patio. “Down there, that little pier by the river’s edge- that’s all that’s left of the old dam and the great-big locks.” I threw my left wing around Cadences back while she silently admired the far shoreline that held several fisheries and a massive barge dock, along with the canneries supplementing the former, truck and train depots serving the latter; Our warm winterwear complemented the warm street-lighting, springing to life one-by-one as the local power stations had runners checking the bulbs and flicking the lamps on. The town proper had red-brick architecture similar to the building behind us, with the most complex designs reserved for the city hall clock tower that stood long before the Depression. The local fishing piers eventually gave way to forests which hid luxury vacation condos within and evidenced by the occasional random-at-a-glance docks, devoid of their likely shed-bound winterized boats. Beyond that treeline were townhouses and further apartments beyond that, slowly revealed by looking up the opposite slope of this wide, important valley- and aside from the paved parking lot, the trees grew thick on the shores of this island, for good reason. I grinned at her smirk of silent admiration, probably having been told about the place by her driver, Tonio.

“That town’s called Hydroburg, named after the aforementioned dam and locks.” I smirked at the now-redundant city name, despite the fact that we plan on opening a new dam upstream… which now that I think about it, I’m with Dee on her train proposal, considering that a modern lock would hold up river commerce somewhat. When I said we planned on it- I really meant that people more technical than us were planning out the deets. Side note- just in time, the clocktower’s bell echoed from across the river. It was hard to tell, but pulling my chain-pinned watch out of my breast pocket confirmed my suspicions. “Five-O-Clock. The sun’s gonna be setting west- following the Twyne upstream, our left.” I said, glancing at the moving water, full of broken up chunks of surface ice which served as evidence of the Twyne’s importance to general commerce.

“Couldn’t have picked a better day to have this dinner.” She said, admiring this clear winter’s day. “That beautiful, purple sky…” She looked up and whispered to herself, shifting uncomfortably. Before I could ask what was wrong, she turned her gaze towards me with a smile- “I can’t understate how much I appreciate… everything right now.” Her horn glowed, a green Mareboro pack being produced from her coat pocket. The packet seemed to tear itself open as she offered a pre-rolled weed cigarette… which I gladly accepted, plucking one out with my beak and using my tongue to swivel it around.

With the stubby-filtered weed cigarette in the corner of my beak, I asked- “Handsh ‘er cold.” I rubbed my hands together for warmth while her magic sparked two of them at once, one for each of us. She nodded, wanting me to go first, so I took a deep puff and forgot that these were cut 20% with tobacco, my blood rushing to my head as I inhaled. “Ooh-hoo-hoo.” My voice broke as I exhaled slowly, leaning into the concrete-secured metal fence. I exhaled until I felt like my lungs were empty, since I could barely tell when the smoke ended and fog from my breath began. “C-careful!”

I held onto my friend's back as she hacked up a lung oh her exhale, leaning against the railing with one arm, trying to cover her cough with the opposing elbow. Despite her red face and nose, she moved her hoof to reveal a dopey grin upon seeing we were both caught by surprise. “Oooohhh… That’s what %20 tobacco means.” She said as we both recovered, taking deep breaths as we went for more hits. “Tangelo?” She offered, reaching into a small portal that opened near her and producing two ice-cold bottles of my favorite soda before popping the caps for us.

Clink!

We took swigs before having a moment to enjoy our smokes now that we knew what to expect, standing our bottles on the concrete ground next to us. She spoke up as I was mid-puff, causing me to glance over- seeing her staring at the gradienting sky with a grin. “I gotta ask- why’d you bring your mother? Not complaining, obviously.” She asked as I enjoyed my puff, inhaling lethargically before responding-

“She likes to meet my friends.” I just shrugged and exhaled towards the river- “Plus… why the hell not, ya know?” A sideye revealed Cadence as she turned her head away emotionlessly. Maybe not emotionless- but I couldn’t get a read on it… and that worried me a little. “Are… are you sure it’s not because you’re worried about tomorrow?” She asked, and I looked her way with a grin.

“If you want, I can list off all my own security measures, if it’ll make you feel better… but first, how’re things between you and Shiny?” She huffed, and I knew I was in for some excellent drama. “If you wanna talk about it, now’s the time… but honey, I saw the looks you were giving that man ever since two arrived yesterday evening.” I asked, remembering the awkward evening where the three of us met at the safehouse Wednesday night, all with the sole purpose of discussing the mission with Shiny in detail.

She scoffed with an eyeroll, taking a drag before inhaling and exhaling it quickly. “If he put half as much effort into running our kingdom instead of keeping me blissfully ignorant… Ohhhhh!” She groaned in frustration, rubbing her temples with a hoof, “Ever since those terrorist sympathizers threw burning bottles at the Guard, he made sure I was kept in the dark as much as possible… but… that event gave me nightmares for months…” She muttered to herself, taking a puff of her joint as I threw an arm around her shoulder, balancing myself against the railing.

“Sounds like he was trying to protect your sleep schedule… but that’s a dick way to go about it.” I admitted, causing her to nod.

“That’s part of why I… why I asked to stay here with my daughter.” Puffing her joint down to a roach, I followed along and tossed it into the river below when it was done for. She looked at me in surprise- “Wow. Littering. Really?” She asked sternly, and I shrugged playfully. She shook her head, crushing her roach out and setting it carefully next to her bottle. “Nevermind- After… after all he told me at the start of this week, I decided it best to take a break with our relationship… and a break in general.” She said with a grin, staring out at the opposite shore with me. “Driving the Crystalians away was a mass effort of ignorance and mismanagement; the noble advisors were meant to give guidance, and all they did was let Crystalia rot with greed.” She sighed, looking down at the pier with a grin. “Those bastards threatened my baby. To Tartarus with them, Tartarus to them all.” I grinned at her use of Celestia’s massive jail, allegedly built five-hundred miles below the surface… Something I’d have to see to believe, and Celestia kindly told me to stay the fuck away from it when it was brought up.

I agreed with her, nodding along as I held my soda in my smoking-hand. “They’ll come crawling back to us- just give it time. Who knows- maybe regional instability’ll make it so your daughter can take the throne?” I suggested, causing her to give a proud grin.

“Maybe… maybe…” She muttered, looking my way with a smug grin- “Now, tell me- what’s your side of tomorrows ‘Grand Negotiation’ supposed to look like?” She asked, and I nodded with a grin.

“Did Shiny fill you in on his side of the plan?” I asked, and she nodded. “Good. You’ll know that directly behind his company of Rifle-Spears is the eight-railroad track wide tunnel, perfect for walking since all the track on their side was scrapped.” She nodded along, already familiar with Shiny’s part of the deal. “On that left mountainside slope is gonna be a company of my soldiers, armed with special prototype guns that go bangbangbangbangbangbang, reloaded every 30 shots.” Rather than a floppy belt, the gun took a metal clip with 30 bullets, using a ratcheting mechanism to advance the whole clip through to the other side as it fed… and on such short notice, I’m praying that they’ll be relatively fine in the arctic conditions. “My people are gonna sled down the mountain the second they see a big ol’ purple shield go up; their mission is to make sure the Crystalians are being hit with uninterrupted sprays of bullets… or suppressive fire, as I call it- with the sole purpose of making sure they keep their crystal-heads down while they make their escape.” I tapped my beak, trying to remember all the details. “On the right side of the mountain’s gonna be me with a rifle and someone next to me to help. Crouched down in the snow, practically invisible… and literally invisible due to… some spell or other my friend’s gonna cast. On the off chance shit goes down, she and I are gonna sled down the mountain to escape.” I shrugged, turning to Caddy with a smug grin. “Nah, I ain’t worried about all that… but you wanna know what I am worried about?” I asked as the ambient light around us grew dimmer with the setting sun. “I’m gonna be gone for three whole days. Four, tops- I got family that’s gonna miss me!” I joked, patting her back… until her grin turned to a look of unease.

“That side of the mountain you’re on doesn’t have Equestria directly behind it; down that mountain is pine woods in a valley, the only thing on the other side is more mountain.” She pointed out, and I couldn’t help but feel a little surprised at how well she knew her geography. “You’d have to navigate through the forest southeast to get around the mountain; then you’d have to walk to the nearest Equestrian settlement on the other side… are you sure you’re up for that?” She asked, and I shrugged.

“I was in the army, honey- we learned plenty about navigation. We won’t get lost, if that’s your concern.” I assured her with a grin, and she gave me a faint smile. “It’ll be fine- I’m a professional.” I said, glancing up at the gradiented sky and smirking- “Professionals have standards.” She seemed to relent with a nod, pulling out two more joints. “Ya’ read my mind… let’s head in for our appetizers after this smoke- I figure we’ll talk to our daughters later.”

—

“I know we still have plenty of hostages, but…” Cassie growled to herself, sitting before her exquisitely crafted mirror-dresser. Glaring wearily at the crows feet adorning the corners of her dark green eyes and grinding her teeth, she muttered- “Lunkhead and the two fatties, I’m so pissed off I can’t even say their names!” She slammed the crystal countertop, unable to even take solace in the contents of her new makeup collection. “THEY SHOULD BE ROTTING IN A FUCKING DUNGEON! LET THEM DRINK RATS BLOOD FOR SUSTENANCE!” She raged as her partner, Steely Dan, began rubbing her untensing shoulders from behind; on instinct, her hoof reached to grab her Griffonian switchblade, taking a deep breath to force her to stop.

“The royal fatties made it out because the king had the foresight to smuggle anyone he cared about out before assessing the outer wall.” Dan muttered, the buff stallion rubbing the light-blue Crystalian’s shoulders. She tensed with a snort, slamming her knife flat into their new dresser. “He read the literal writing on the wall; literally, there was graffiti explicitly stating a general urging for violence.” Before his partner could bark out a retort, they both heard the sound of their door opening.

“Breakfast- not from a can!” Rosie sing-songed as she waltzed in, carrying a baking tray on a saddle-esque oven mitt and sporting a tacky kiss the cook apron with a heart; there was a mouth-mitten attached to the side magnetically, allowing her to bite down on the tray and slide it onto the dressertop. “It’s not burnt, trust me!” She said as her lovers surveyed the charcoally potato curiously. As the de-facto leaders of the Crystalian Democratic Republic before the recent successful election, they’d been sticking to the canned rations, reserving the quote ‘real’ foods for the Ponies. “Here’s to 95% of the vote for our Triumvirate; who gives a damn to the other parties!” she said, as Cassie lifted her knife.

Click!

“Ah, it’s only a thin foil of burnt!” Cassie giggled, using the point of her blade to peel away the black papery film, reminiscent of an onion. “Woah!” she gasped in unison with her partners, revealing slowly one of the vegetables grown only in their land; the Crystal Potato. “We are not calling this literal pearl of the earth the Crystal Potato. Remind me to host a convention to rename all the foods that are just Crystal noun. It’s fucking embarrassing!” She ranted as her lovers were still mesmerized by the milky-blue polished stone surface. It was smooth and without a single scratch or marr, aside from the occasional small chips from the burnt outer rind; likening it to a sort of pearl would hardly be inaccurate.

Dan spoke up the moment their partner could let him get a word in- “If I were walking down the street, and I saw a rock that looked like this…” He muttered wearily, crossing his eyes in thought. “I’d think damn, that’s a cool rock. I’ve only ever had these from a can!” his marefriends giggled in unison at his simple yet agreeable remark.

“Honey, you literally haven’t scratched the surface of ancient Earth Crystalian agricultural technology.” Rosie teased, startling when she saw her marefriend’s knife move quickly.

Thunk! Thunk!

Her knife sliced the potato into three even slices; and the real treasure was revealed. “Sweet merciful fuck- butter!” Cassie exclaimed, seeing the milky-white liquid bleeding out from a hollow vent which ran through the center of the root-based plant.

“Would you believe me that this ‘potato’ grows on a tree, and is likely a descendant from the tropical coconut?” Rosie asked as Cassie wordlessly cut each section into smaller halves. “It’s hard as a rock and stays frozen until you bake it; the thin channel you see butter pouring out of seems to be similar to coconut butter, from what I’ve read.” Cassie opened her mouth to speak, but shut it when Rosie pulled a cheese wedge and a small shredder from her aprons pocket. “The thin channel had some solid crystal inside it that… well, it melts and the woody-flesh soaks it up, creating the potato-like texture.” She said, grating fresh cheese that melted in tiny pieces over the steaming… fruit?

“For potential taxation clarification, is it a fruit or a vegetable?” Cassie asked while Dan just looked at her from the side with a deadpan.

“The fuck you mean tax clarification?” he asked with a wide grin- “You’re just as clueless as I am!” He said while Cassie stared at her slices of potato intensely. Her attention pulled away from Dan, seemingly mesmerized as Rosie used a salt and peppermill; sprinkling their dinner with pink salt and icy-white cracked pepper. “Ta-da!” She felt her heart skip a beat when she was reminded of her partners presence, mentally preparing herself to turn around. “The piss-day-resistance!” He exclaimed confidently as they turned to see-

POP!

A champagne cork flying across the room, thumping against the bedroom wall somewhere. It slowly dawned on the Cassie what he said, and she snorted out a peal of laughter. “Danny!
pièce de ré·sis·tance!” he shrugged at her correction, taking a deep swig from the bottle.

“IUrrrrp! Wasn’t sure what glass this stuff goes with, so I left them.” He shrugged, taking another swig from the bottle as he returned to their dresser-table. He suppressed another belch as he set the bottle on the countertop. “It ain’t just me- be ready to burp after takin’ a drink!” he said as Rosie set two champagne flutes on the desk with a grin.

“Danny, my mane man… did you even taste the stuff while you drove it down your throat?” She asked him with a dopey grin whilst wiggling her eyebrows. After receiving a confused look, she grabbed the bottle with weary eyes and a blush. “I dunno what the fuck that meant.” She said, picking up the bottle with a sudden grin. “Cheers, to all the times I wanted to smash a bottle of this stuff over some rich cocksuckers skull whilst working as a waitress!” After pouring two glasses for her and Rosie, she passed the bottle off to Dan to toast with them. “Rosie, what’re you cheers-ing to?” She blurted out rapidly, causing her marefriend to scoff playfully.

“Ninety. Five. Percent, baybeee!” She said, holding her glass up level with Cassie’s. “You’re up, Steely Dan!” She said, causing him to cross his eyes in thought.

“Cheers to… us!” He said, bringing the bottle in-

Clink!

While Dan took another swig, Rosie and Cassie enjoyed their first sips of champagne… ever! “Fuck it, I’m starving.” Cassie said, stabbing a potato with her knife and swallowing it in one go. Her partners waited in trepidation as her eyes widened in surprise. “Look… look at what those monsters have been keeping from us!” she yelled rhetorically as she tossed the last of her portion into her mouth, savoring it this time for all its warm, buttery goodness.

Her partners hoovered up their portions in turn, leaving an empty plate in front of her and a mouthful of potato she was reluctant to swallow. She did so with a gulp, trying to make the flavor last as long as possible. Until they could get more inner-wall farms set up, they would have to make do with the limited amount of crops they could scavenge from wealthy homes in the city. Most of the stores are held outside the dome, to be shipped out by pony corporations as a luxury crop.

Cassie took a shaky breath, trying to hold tears of overwhelming emotion back. “If we’re finished with lunch… we have a rally to prepare for. No more time for crying; our time to prepare is now!” She giggled as she closed her knife with a grin. “I need privacy; I gotta amp myself up, if you two don’t mind?”

—

The sound of pills pouring into a mortar-and-pestle was like music to Cassie’s ears.

Thunk, scraaaape, thunk, scraaaape!
Swish, swish!

The mare growled as she ground the awful-tasting pills down furiously. They clinked around in the pink-crystal bowl, being careful to not spill any of the precious medicine. “Like I’ll be sleeping tonight, anyway. That sheild-assed fuck is gonna regret letting us have a week to prepare!” She flung open the bottom-most right drawer on her dresser and produced a flat crystal-frame mirror, sitting flush with a pink-polished glass surface. Dumping the powder onto the mirror, Cassie snorted and chuckled at what she was using the Princesses expensive mirror for. “This fuckin thing probably cost more money than I’d make in my entire life.” She mused-

Click!

Opening the blade of her pocket knife, she cut the pile of semi-coarse powder into thin lines for her to follow, with plenty of room between each line. Her knife was used for digging out any larger chunks, which she picked up and dropped into a glass of water. “It’ll dissolve, I’ll drink the water. Simple, simple.” Just like that, she had 8 thin lines of Pervitin to get through.

Tinktinktink!

Swishing the knife in the water, she wiped the blade dry on her leg before closing it, setting it off to the side gently. Taking a deep breath, she got up to check the lock one last time, making sure the curtains were drawn. Her partners already disapproved of her Pervitin habit; but after several long months of rationing her own supply, she looked at herself in the window-clear mirror, constructed as a mimicry of her peoples advanced magics, lost to time.- “Last time. I… I’m hurt you’ve voted against me on the matter.” She sighed wistfully, reaching over to the bottom corner of the mirror where a fallen photograph stood. “My loves!” she sniffed, reading the writing scrawled on the front by a teenage Cassie, who thought it’d look cool. “Two-to-one in favor of the Mandate of Sobriety.

With a warm smile, she set the photograph face down as she leaned over the desk, holding her left hoof over her nostril.

Sniiiifftt!
Sniiiiiiiifftt!
“Bwoah!” She groaned, having to catch herself from falling into the desk. She looked up wordlessly, dabbing a cotton ball in the water and using it to wipe around the rim of her nose and lip. She smirked at herself, sniffling incessantly in between deep breaths to cool down; shuddering and huffing like… well, a horse that just snorted a line. “Gotta get dressed, don’t want a nosebleed.” She muttered to herself, storming over to the closet door she hung her outfit off of.

“Pinny-stripey shirt…” She muttered to herself, “Gotta hand it to her- going through Princesses closet made her feel like an archaeological record for fashion going back… thirty, forty years! Who keeps baby clothes without passing them down, it makes no sense!” She ranted, tearing the sleeves off her shirt before zipping it up. “Even the husband and daughter left much of their clothes behind; as evidenced by the photo albums buried deep within closets, I guess they didn’t put as much sentiment towards clothing.” She continued to rant to herself even as she approached her dresser for another two lines. “Note, keep those albums and items of sentiment. Bargaining chips!” She declared, shutting her right nostril this time.

Sniiifft!
Snrk!-Sniiiifft!

She snorted, holding her breath momentarily before erupting into more sniffles. Cleaning her nostril with another moist cotton ball to be tossed to the side, she began to nod her head to the beat of her heart's tempo with a grin. “Doing what Mark’s wouldn’t have the balls to do!” Her heavy heart thumped her chest, feeling a sense of euphoria at literally having tasted victory not longer than twenty minutes ago. “Now, where did I put that thing…” She rubbed her chin momentarily before dashing towards their large bed, reaching under and pulling a box out.

“Invisible hand of the free market…” She muttered with a wild grin, revealing the pair of specially-made pistol gauntlets. This is why she had special horseshoe magnets riveted into her hooves yesterday. “Meet your match- the left and right hooves of free Crystalia!” She giggled to herself, sliding the cuff over her forearm, ending in a steel horseshoe. With the drugs coursing through her veins, she barely even noticed how much the horseshoe weighed, with the stubby metal barrel-guard and cover appearing like a griffonian-style boot. Not only was the metal-pointed shoe great for melee engagement, bending the end of her hoof downward caused the tiny barrel to poke out the end out of the leather pouch which covered it.

The body of the main piece was fastened tightly to her forearm with black leather straps, matching the large strip of leather which looped around her arm. There used to be an Imperial Snowflake emblem made of metal and riveted onto the wide cover; but Dan helped her tear it off and stencil on their bleeding-hearts logo in light purple paint. She knew the flaking depiction wouldn’t last any true rigor, but she paid no mind as she undid the buckle, opening carelessly the utility flap which covered up the guns most sensitive mechanisms.

The underside of the flap was plain utilitarian brown leather with several small pouches; while leaving a wide strip of space down the middle to avoid interfering with the hammer mechanism, it left room for an assortment of cleaning rods and miniscule brushes, tiny cotton pads for cleaning the barrel, a full-service Horse-Army knife with a folding ram-rod, a flat square tin bottle labeled sperm oil, and another closed-off pouch lining the bottom, behind where the hammer and trigger mechanism functioned. Keeping the tools all huddled around the mechanism with leather pockets will make it harder for dirt or debris to sneak in… or at least, that sounded right to Cassie, who’s firearms education mainly came from stolen books and some good-ol’ trial-and-error, with prisoners involved in the latter… and that thought made her gasp!

“I’m losing it! Check the gun before the Ammunition Cartridges, dipshit!” She chastised herself briefly, admiring the nickel-plated piece of clockwork that now adorned her arm. The Seven-inch barrel was shrouded in a coil spring and partially obscured by a device called a cock, which made her giggle. “Who names these fuckin… All of this crap! Who came up with it!?” She asked herself rhetorically, using her hoof to lift a device called the hammer, which had a small y-shaped nudge at the end specifically for hoof-use. Not only was it tensioned from below itself with an efficient v-spring pulling down, two more hefty flat springs tensioned it with downward force from each side, pivoting from just in front of the percussion nipple. The hammer only needs to be pulled an inch-and-a-half tall, and the ends of the side leaf-springs simply recede into the gauntlet, making the system very compact. “I hope whoever built this isn’t dead, executed, or an outsider, my fuck!”

Straightening her hoof out, she stretched the gauntleted arm out and flopped the leather cover loosely over the mechanism. Running beneath the barrel were twin guide-rods that kept the whole system in-time, ingeniously making up part of the barrel bushing assembly which held the action back under spring tension; there was enough room for the whole system to lurch forward a half-inch whilst the spring around the barrel would help keep the sear from tripping accidentally by adding weight to what would otherwise be a hair-trigger… not that that was the only safety measure, of course. “Our limitations are our strengths!” She mused, holding her arm out and fiddling with a pin-and-chain that was clipped onto the underside of the gauntlet.

She bent her hoof forward and revealed the miniature chain which ran in between the guide-rods; It was attached to the underside of the barrel flush with the muzzle alongside two small, metal tabs with holes drilled, allowing her to jab a pin in horizontally. The flare-ended pin was thankfully held onto the gauntlet itself with its own slim-profile chain, as well as a metal loop which dangled from a second chain on the safety device; and matching the pistols chain-trigger was an identical one which hung with a short dangle. Straightening her hoof made the chain try hopelessly to connect with its other half, being stopped by the pin. She huffed, yanking the pin out with her teeth and bending her hoof forward.

Click!

“YES!” She yelled, pumping her gauntleted hoof in the air and stumbling back over towards the dresser.

Sniiiiff!
Sniiiiifff!

Leaning against the dresser top with a dopey grin and one gauntleted hoof, she half-moaned. “Fucking… power.” lazily grabbing another cotton ball and ignoring her runny nose, attempting to dab the powder off. “Strapped to my arms… coursing through my body…” Her heart strained and her blood-pressure gave her a headache, but she didn’t care one bit. “Earth pony limitations are but an obstacle to overcome.” She said, sitting on the bed and preparing to finish her ensemble. With the leather flap open, she pulled one of the pre-made cartridges out of the pockets.

It was a sturdy cardboard cylinder with paper-secured ball, slightly wider than the tube. Capping the bottom end was a percussion cap, acting as a simple plug held on by simply being a tight fit. A small tab allowed her to easily tear the paper with her mouth; The theory was that she could set the ball off to the side while she pours in the powder, starts the ball with the tube as leverage and biting the tube like a straw to help put the percussion-cap on… and she could do that, if her hooves weren’t shaking too much for fine movement. With an annoyed huff, she prepared to gauntlet her other arm- “Huh? When?” She asked no-one in particular, staring at her left-arm gauntlet that she only barely remembered sliding on.

She shrugged and set the pins in place, admiring her new coat, still on the mannequin next to the walk-in closet. Built using an old uniform she appropriated, it was light yet added bulk to her frame, thanks to the tassel-decked shoulderpads; all for the express purpose of making it not look like she had freakishly huge forceps and a tiny frame. It was made with a light purple fabric associated with Crystalian Royal Guards, twin rows of blue gemstones held in gold pins secured it around her body with overlapping horizontal straps; Gold seemed to be a favored highlighting color, especially in the stitching or the edge-seams as evidenced by the collars, cuffs, shoulderpads or securing straps. The exception to the rule, however, is the black stitchwork holding somewhat off-purple patches. Nopony but a scrutinizer would spot the patches which covered over the torn off emblems of her enemy; any who did might find themselves staring down the barrel of her hoof. Even in the spot where the coat hung a little lower than her flanks, where there once stood emblazoned Crystalian Snowflake emblems, had a piece of cloth with their Broken Hearts emblem painted black and stitched overtop.

“Straighten the cuff pinnnn…” she muttered as she stepped over to the mirror, examining her neck closely, noting the fact that the coats internal lining was snow white; there was a clip-on pin of the Crystal Heart on the left side of her white-lined collar, representing a desire to reclaim what belongs to the Ponies! “YES!” She yelled, charging back to the mannequin to yoink her hat off it before tipping the thing over and charging back to her dresser. She admired herself in the military cap with a short black brim embroidered gold around the lowest band of the hat; the rest of its body was snow white and rose to a flat peak, a black strap with a silver metal shield emblem making her seem taller from the front. With a final nod, she grabbed the specially-made red headband out of her drawer, signifying her total allegiance to the revolution. With a satisfied grin, she dove face-down into her desk.

Snniiiiff-Sniiiiifffft!

“WHEEWH!” She yelled, feeling amped after railing one line after the next. She looked up to see how visible her shaking would be.

CRACK! “FUCK!” she slammed her gauntleted hoof into the glass and swore out in anger, cracking the once-pristine surface as she realized how bloodshot and dilated her eyes looked. “Can’t do a speech like this…” She muttered, rushing into the closet in a half-panic, mood once again doing a total flip once she found the wall of assorted sunglasses and shades. “Aviator shades. Excellent.” Turning around, she blew her nose into some ugly-patterned dress she knew none of them would have interest in wearing before preparing to meet her partners. Clock inside the closet read- “OOH! Ten minutes to spare!”

Bolting to the door with a smug grin, she opened the door to find her lovers, looking at her with looks of concern and worry. “Look, I only snorted a couple, alright?” She growled out preemptively, shoving past them and standing proud. “I know you two are worried about me; but the next 24 hours determines the span of the rest of our lives.” She said, turning around and addressing her partners as their leader, clanking her hoof into the ground. “Sound off on roles!” She barked, her partners sharing looks of worry before conceding.

“I have my steelworkers posted in plainclothes all around the audience.” Dan said flatly, making Cassie grin. “Any naysayers will get the hint; they know what they do if someone in the crowd starts calling you family.” With a satisfied nod, she turned to Rosie.

“The banquet went off fantastically- their bellies are full, and they know which hoof fed them.” She replied smugly, adding- “They’re primed to celebrate after a rousing acceptance speech, baby. Perfect time for the troops to slip out and meet the Ponies at our preferred borders, right?” She snickered while Cassie took a deep breath, unable to calm her racing amphetamine-fuelled heart. Trembling and breathing out the sides of her mouth, she asked-

“Please… hug.” She muttered out, spreading her arms out for the three to join in on one last group hug. “We got a few minutes.” She muttered as the three prepared to face their destinies in the best way they knew how.

—

Tink-tink… Chh-Click!

I loaded the single-shot bolt action when I finally felt settled in to our perch; The .457 caliber bottlenecked cartridge had only but a moment to gleam from the bright, snowcapped mountain we were waiting at. Glancing down the peep-sight for the thousandth time, I licked my finger to judge the wind and took a mental note to check back to see how wildly it may have fluctuated.

Click!

I clicked the safety on for now, opting to wait with my eyes forward to keep an eye out for anything suspicious around the heavily-industrial buildings which formed Crystalia’s outermost perimeters; all stand weathered beside with the old guard barracks/train station, decorated with Canterlot-style columns, white marble, and graffiti’d with stencils of broken purple hearts. There was a main avenue, which was evidently part of the outbound rail network before it was scrapped for its materials- and laying on my belly on this mountainside, I had a perfect overview of where the negotiations would be held.

We were camouflaged by the specialized blanket we brought, along with our white-fur coats, layered on top of clothes, pants included; our heads were disguised with white hoods that simply clipped to our coats neck-seam, able to keep us hidden for the likely split-second window afforded by dropping the illusory pane which made us doubly-invisible as we waited.

“Starlight, how’s the other side of the mountain look? Everyone in place yet?” I asked in a hushed tone, refusing to take my eyes off the avenue.

“Just about. I got a view of Shining Armor, making his way down the road… but it’ll be about ten minutes, at the rate they’re marching.” I nodded, glancing over to see her put the binoculars down. “We gonna go over the escape plan while we’re waiting?” I nodded simply, eyes locked on that avenue, watching for any movement on the Crystalians end.

“When I give you the go-ahead, you’ll need to drop that illusion for two seconds and no more than that.” I half-whispered, running my hand along the ice-cold blued steel barrel that had a thick muffler can on the end. “At most, they’d hear a pop coming from any side of the mountain range; if shit goes down, the Crystalians will be distracted with suppressive fire, while I plant one between their leaders eyes. After the two seconds, you’ll pop the illusion again.” I glanced over to see her nodding along, using her binoculars to take a closer look at the Purple-coated Equestrian company. “After that, we’ll both get up calmly. Behind us is a snowbank with a sled and a large backpack, full of camping equipment. You hold the bag in your magic and enjoy the ride; from there, I’ll navigate us back to friendly territory, rifle slung on my back.” It was a beautiful plan, if I say so myself. Not to mention, taking the long way around means I get less exposure to the Equestrian public; we’ll find some small hick-town with guards waiting for us. That simple.

Glimmer spoke up, and I subconsciously lowered my head. “Get ready- crowd going down the Avenue, meeting Shiny in the middle.” I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face as I licked my finger to test the wind again, adjusting accordingly. “The Crystalian group is led by three ponies, and the ones marching in cobbled-together uniforms behind them seem to be a sort of People’s army…” I didn’t have to look over to see the wide grin on her face. “The one front, center- with the goofy hat. Gotta be the ringleader.” I nodded along, staying ever-vigilant and turned up the radio, transmitted via a magical signal within Shining’s white and blue uniform. It was hard to make out a voice in the static of hoof-beats reverberating across the snowy valley, only to grind to a halt, as the opposing sides stood a mere ten feet from eachother. “She seems twitchy, the hat mare- and she’s got this creepy friggin grin that…” She shuddered and shook it off. “Shining’s all stone-faced and serious, if you wanted to know.” I shrugged, leaning into my rifle once again.

“Three… no, four-hundred yards away.” I muttered to myself, adjusting my iron-sights accordingly. “Good angle, too- should punch through her left temple at an angle, possibly leaving a nasty exit wound if it redirects towards her jaw.” The CIA agents that shot Kennedy didn’t even have this good of a shot. With a satisfied nod, I kept my breathing steady as I listened to the radio.

‘Our introduction will be brief; Crystalia is a Rogue State in the eyes of the Crown. If you wish to be reasonable, I’ll grant you the courtesy.’ We heard Shiny’s voice through the quiet static, and we had to strain our ears to listen, unable to turn the radio up. ‘Furthermore, I ask that you immediately rescind your hostages; this is a non-negotiable.’ We heard a chuckle from a feminine voice that sounded oddly… cheery?

‘A pleasure to meet you too, Mr. Armor. I’d like to comply with such a reasonable request, but one problem; I haven’t stated our terms yet!’ She giggled, standing up straight with that unbreaking cashier-esque fake smile. ‘The thing we need most is fertilizer to feed m-our ponies… You know! Because of all the farms we plan to set up.’ she was giving me bad vibes overall.

‘That’s… reasonable.’ Shiny said, a little surprised. ‘How many loads? One, two trains?’ he asked, causing her to burst out into a witch-like cackle.

‘Tons! Tons and tons, we NEED tons!’ was her manic-sounding reply; Starlight and I glanced at eachother with expressions that reflected our rising concern over this total-unknown. ‘Bring us that, leave everything else. Then you’ll get your hostages back.’ I got a bad feeling, even hearing Shiny laughing back at the creepy mare.

‘What makes you think you have any leverage here?’ he asked sarcastically, and I couldn’t help but grin at his himbo-California accent. ‘Why shouldn’t Equestria march an army through here to recover her stolen property instead- hostages included?’ I wondered what he was playing at, but he continued- ‘If you execute your hostages, Celestia won’t even be able to quell the cries for war. We have magic, firearms, and other ways to turn Crystalia into a broken-glass ruin; most ponies don’t like the nobles you kidnapped, but they won’t stand for a massacre.” Looks like he’s finally learning. He stood there with a smug grin, awaiting an answer and receiving more of that empty smile.

‘If we don’t get what we want, then we’ll compost your pony hostages into fertilizer ourselves.” She spoke like any other service employee, with an air of plastic-politeness that made that statement bone-chilling. Between Starlight and I, our eyes were locked onto the unfolding scene, listening trepidly at the uncomfortable, stunned silence. ‘Yes, you heard that right. Because the truth is, I intend to squeeze you for everything I can.’ I couldn’t get a proper read of Shiny’s face from this angle, and my spotter was dead-silent with her binoculars. Just then she spoke again- a hint of malice creeping into her tone. ‘I don’t like your kind, Mister; you Equestrians with your furry coats and greasy, tangly manes. You ponies simply have no business operating on Crystalian Territory. We want you gone.’ Plain and simple, I suppose. ‘Leave, and don’t come back without fertilizer; but if you ponies leave us with nothing, then we’ll be forced to use what’s available- even the bones, if that’s what it comes down to!’

After a few moments of dread-filled silence… Shiny chuckled. ‘Fertilizer, huh? What for?’ he asked sarcastically, meeting her smug grin with one of his own, according to Starlight. ‘You’re looking to prevent a looming food crisis amongst yourselves.’ I grinned, realizing that Shiny was calling her bluff. ‘We expect our citizens to be well-fed and unharmed- anything else will forfeit the deal… leading to a military annexation of your land at worst.’ I could barely see his shrug, and Starlight giggled next to me when he said- ‘How can you keep your hostages well-fed during the crisis? Surely, you’d be forced to dip into the reserves you likely keep aside for the commoners, right?’

“She’s still got that smile- but her eyebrows give it away… ah, she turned around.” Starlight announced as the mare turned towards the two flanking her, probably to discuss something.

‘Fine. Take your whiny hostages back.’ her smile barely concealed the hatred and venom she spoke with, ‘But we still need that fertilizer!’ She barked as a line of Equestrian nobles were marched down the main strip in leg-irons as a chain-gang; as soon as they passed Shiny, the chains were quickly broken with heating spells.

“Minor bruising among some of them, but everypony seems unharmed or only injured minorly.” She muttered, “They probably surrendered peacefully when they realized they were surrounded.” I nodded plainly as the last hostage was handed off, already being led as a group calmly towards the tunnel by nurses.

Shining Armor spoke into that radio one last time. ‘Of course. By-the-by- are Snow Apricots in season?” He asked.

Tik.

I flicked the safety off and drew a breath, exhaling gently as I lined the sights up. A shimmer in front of me was the signal that our camouflage was down. Two seconds was a damn long time- my gently exhalation coincided with the pull of a hair-trigger.

Click!

The sound of a pin striking a primer was like nails on a chalkboard, and my eyes burst open as I instinctively kept my gun downrange. Another shimmer in front of me let me know Starlight’s shield was back up. My hand twitched nervously as I barked- “SHIT, WAIT-” I tried to warn her…

POP!- CRAAAAAAASH!

“AAAAAAAGH!” Starlight burst up and clutched her horn, and I watched in horror as the shield dropped with the sound of shattering glass, the bullet landing fuck knows where as Shiny threw a one-way shield behind him… of which, Starlights was not one-way. She warned me this could happen- but how the fuck was I supposed to predict a hang-fire!?

“COME ON, COME ON!” I said to her as we stood up, feeling a chill go down my spine when I saw my target pointing back at me and yelling who knows what. She whined and groaned, and I left my gun because of the half-panic I found myself in. “SLED, DOWN THE MOUNTAIN!” I said, my snowshoe-bottomed peg leg still almost making me take a tumble down the mountain. The sled was a flat wooden thing, with a rope to assist in steering and red skis on the bottom. I hopped on, Starlight doing the same whilst trying to clutch her aching head.

The Crystalia situation just went from bad to worse… but what concerned me the most, was that halfway down the mountain, Starlight realized she left the bag with our camping gear in her pain-induced delirium. Hearing the sounds of fading machine gun fire behind us, I wondered if it was too late to turn bac-

CRACK!

A stray bullet struck a tree we were passing with authority. “Okay, stray bullet or no- we can’t take that chance.” I said, leaning forward and intent on making it to the safety of the treeline below.

This whole thing was a gamble. There’s no way father’ll have the eyes there he needs to keep an eye on things, as he put it.

Fucks. Sakes.

Author's Note

I promise- this chapter was in my head loooong before... recent events :3

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