The Bad Steed

"And this week's Most Generous Student is...Ocellus!" Rarity declared, managing to get a few rounds of polite applause out of the ponies in the classroom, and a roar of encouragement from Smolder, Yona and Silverstream.

Ocellus blushed and smiled at her fellow students as she trotted to the front of the class. She was almost there when a something flared up in her peripheries. As a changeling she could feel the love emanating from those around her, a warm, welcoming calm, like slipping into a heated bath.

And she could feel its opposite as well. A chilling reminder of a childhood defined by terror and starvation.

H A T E.

Never before, even when she was raiding villages with her hive, even when she was being chased off by the Royal guard, never had she felt so much of it in one place. It hung low over the entire classroom, obscuring all the friendliness she'd enjoyed just a moment ago. Its sound was piercing shriek and its stench was so pungent that she had to stop herself from gagging.

"Ocellus, is everything alright?" Rarity asked.

In the old days, the response would have been to swarm the source of the bellicosity and rip it to pieces. Ocellus had to fight every instinct to shift her form into something imposing and replace the loathing with fear. But that wasn't proper. It would scare her classmates. She'd never be able to explain to Professor Rarity that she had been defending herself either. Not when ponies couldn't feel to other creature's emotions with the same intensity. It would be like trying to describe color to a creature that saw in black and white.

"Darling...is something the matter?" Rarity asked, stepping over to her with a kind smile.

Ocellus let out a deep breath. "I have...to go." Was all she could say as she rushed out of the room and away from the hideous torrent.

Ocellus sat in one of the bathroom stalls, her wings curled around her abdomen and her legs drawn tight to her chest. She pressed her face to the nearest wall, feeling the coolness of the plywood radiating into her carapace. She took long, deep breaths, just like Starlight had taught her.

She'd known this was a mistake. Coming to this school. She'd made such good friends. She'd thought every creature here was her friend.

But what she'd just endured had been a potent reminder how vulnerable she was in this place. The intensity of the scorn was such that, had it been split up between her fellow students, they all would have been surely started shouting insults and hurling school supplies at her in disgust. But it hadn't been split up, and that was the chilling part.

It had all somehow come from one creature.

There was a pounding on the door of the stall, accompanied by a familiar, raspy voice. "Ocellus? We know you're in there."

"It's okay if you need to be alone, we just wanted to check on you." Called Silverstream.

"No! Not okay! Yona want to see friend!" There was another pounding at the door, this time strong enough to make the filly's room shake.

Ocellus let out another long breath and felt the love, sliding through the cracks to each side of the door and creeping over to her. The tentative, normally boisterous love of Silverstream. The unalloyed love of Yona, strong and deep as the mountains.

And the love of Smolder. Almost too bright to look at, almost too hot to touch. It bubbled like lava, and like lava, you could be forgiven for mistaking that it wasn't as thick as stone.

"I'm alright." Ocellus said, slowly uncurling herself and moving hesitantly to the door. Still shuddering, she unlocked it and peeked outside.

They were all staring at her, their eyes bright with concern.

"I'm sorry if I scared any creature..." Ocellus said, hanging her head.

"What happened?" Smolder asked, leaning down and trying to meet Ocellus' eyes.

Maybe...just maybe...they would understand. Maybe they wouldn't be angry at the idea that she always knew how they felt about her, no matter what they said or thought. Maybe they wouldn't be angry at her for being her.

She opened her mouth to explain.

Then the door to the bathroom opened and a little pink pegasus zipped over, wrapping her hooves around Ocellus' neck.
"Golly, I've been looking all over for you, Ocellus. You left before I could give you my award, silly!"

Each week Rarity would choose one student to give Most Generous Student to and at the end of the next week, that student was supposed to bring the award to class so it could be given to next creature she chose. She claimed it not only rewarded generosity but encouraged the students to share their academic achievements with one another.

And Cozy Glow was the last student to have won.

As Cozy released her, Ocellus glanced down at the thing which she'd left behind. What Ocellus mistaken for a hug, was actually the placing of the Most Generous Student award around her neck. It was a thin strip of purple fabric, from which hung a small, gold medallion with a diamond in its center.

Ocellus stared at her distorted reflection in the well-polished medal, before looking back at Cozy, who remained oblivious to the annoyed looks she was receiving from Yona and Smolder. "Oh...I'm sorry you went to all that trouble..."

Cozy Glow blinked. Then she grinned, almost grotesquely. "You don't have to thank me! It must be hard being a changeling in a school with all us ponies. Would you like me to get the school nurse?"

Ocellus frowned and then her eyes widened, and she began to shake again. Slowly, she shook her head, mouth still open, eyes not leaving the winged filly.

"Alright! You have a great rest of your day then!" Cozy said, flying over to the nearest sink and washing her hooves as she hummed a jaunty little tune.

Smolder turned to Ocellus to ask her something, but Ocellus lifted a leg, pressing it lightly to Smolder's chest as if to steady herself.

It wasn't until Cozy was long gone that Ocellus began to speak and when she did, it was in a terrible whine almost too low to be heard.

"Why?"

Starlight's office was always open. That meant this should have been easy.

"I-I don't think this is a good idea." Ocellus said, pausing as they approached the closed double doors and turning back to Smolder.

After explaining what she had seen, what she had felt, oozing out of Cozy Glow, Ocellus had just wanted to go to her dorm and wait for the weekend to start. She'd already missed the rest of today's classes, anyway, a thought that was depressing enough without the knowledge that somepony she barely knew absolutely despised her.

But Smolder had insisted that she go with her to discuss the matter with Starlight.

"Yes, it is." Smolder said. "Princess Twilight said we're supposed to be safe at this school. Did you feel safe in class today when Cozy started...feeling that way about you?"

Ocellus looked away. "She's just a filly, Smolder..."

"That doesn't make it okay for her to feel that way about you. You didn't do anything to her!" Smolder argued.

You don't know that. Was all Ocellus could think. She had been too young to participate in the raid of Canterlot. But she had been there, when Queen Chrysalis almost took over Equestria. She had witnessed the final confrontation between her, Starlight and King Thorax. What if one of Cozy's parents had been attacked by a member of Ocellus' hive? What if Ocellus had taken love from her, and couldn't even remember because she'd just been one more pony drained and cocooned in years of mindless hunger?

For most of her life, Ocellus had the monster that fillies like Cozy were warned about. Don't talk to strangers, because they might be changelings in disguise.

"I'm not going to badmouth her, especially after she was so nice to me..." Ocellus said, glancing down at the medallion.

Smolder flew to the other side of Ocellus. "That's the part that's concerning! If I was angry at you, I wouldn't smile and pretend that everything was alright!"

Ocellus didn't look her in the eye. "She's probably too scared to admit how she feels."

"Are you kidding me? The way she talked to you in the bathroom. Remember how she offered to go get the nurse, after she mentioned you were a changeling? Like she was implying there was something wrong with you! You can't let some pony treat you like that."

Ocellus shook her head and turned away. "I knew I shouldn't have told you..."

Smolder landed on the carpet, her glare disappearing as Ocellus buzzed off in the direction of her and Yona's room. A second later the door to Starlight's office opened.

"Oh, hello, Smolder! Is everything alright out here? I was just finishing up with Cozy Glow, but if you can wait a few more minutes, I promise we can talk to you about whatever it is you want."

Ocellus plodded into the dormitory, her head low, her sparkling wings flat to her sides.

"Did Ocellus talk with counselor pony?" Yona asked, from where she lay on the bottom mattress of their bunk bed.

Ocellus shook her head and flittered up onto her own bunk, where a stack of books she wouldn't be able to read tonight sat by her pillow.

"It okay. Ponies sometimes make fun of Yona for the way Yona speaks. Yona is yak and yaks not need guidance counselors."

Ocellus nodded, even though Yona couldn't see her anymore, her eyes focusing on the pastel ceiling. If she focused sometimes, when she was in her pony-form, she could almost forget what she really was, where she'd come from.

But then she'd get hungry, like always.

"Sandbar no make fun of Yona for the way she speak though. Yona like Sandbar."

That was the problem, the smoky, spicy taste to Smolder's love which had made her savor each bite. Smolder liked Ocellus, the same way that Sandbar liked Yona. Smolder like Ocellus, which meant she didn't think Ocellus had to change to be around ponies.

Smolder didn't understand how much Ocellus had already changed. How much Ocellus was always changing to make the creatures around her more comfortable, more...appetizing.

Ocellus stared down at the thing around her neck, the thing which Rarity had given to her because she thought she was a good creature, who shared things with others because they needed them. But Ocellus knew better. She could change her form as much as she wanted, but the thing which Rarity mistook for generosity and which Smolder mistook for kindness, it was the thing that Cozy hated. The thing that deserved to be hated.

Ocellus didn't need food or water like other creatures. Technically, this bed, this room were superfluous, since she could transform herself to endure essentially any weather. She was immune to the poisons and diseases which infected most other creatures. And that was because Ocellus was not like other creatures. Not like ponies, not like griffons or hippogriffs or yaks or donkeys or mules.

Not even like dragons.

Ocellus fed on love. Everything she did, everything she was, was just an attempt to get more of it. She didn't have real friends. She couldn't be generous.

She didn't deserve to be here.

She didn't know why King Thorax had chosen her to go to this place, to represent the hive and to learn about pony ways. But she knew he'd made a mistake.

With one leg, she tore the medallion off before the tightness in her neck turned it into a noose and stuffed it under her pillow. She closed her eyes and stuffed them into the too soft fabric, wishing she was home, safe in her burrow, surrounded by her siblings and cousins, listening only to the distant buzz of movement.

Safe. Warm. The facade of individuality softly smothered.

And far away from this place where she was forced to remember what she really was. Smolder didn't understand. Ocellus was a void, into which other creatures fed attention and love, a greedy grub that would never be satisfied no matter how many creatures cared for her.

Cozy's hatred was hurtful...but it wasn't unwarranted.

Yona knew something was wrong. She just couldn't remember exactly what it was.

She hated not remembering things, because it made it feel like the fillies who'd made fun of her were right. She had to remind herself that yaks were the best at remembering things and that the only reason why other creatures said that yaks were stupid was because they were jealous of how smart yaks were.

She was about to ask Ocellus for some tips on how to remember the things you'd forgotten (Ocellus knew about most things, which was nice, because Yona knew she'd never tell any creature if Yona had to ask for her help) when she realized what it was she'd forgotten.

Ocellus! Yona had meant to check on her, since she seemed so scared yesterday. Yona had wanted to go smash Cozy's room for making Ocellus feel bad. It was only Ocellus begging her not to which had made stayed her hoof. It was this kind of thing which reminded Yona of why yaks were the best at being smart. Other creatures got caught up in strange ideas, about when it was or was not appropriate to smash something.

A yak never had that problem. If a creature was mean to a yak's friend, they got smashed. If other creatures were only smart enough to understand this, they'd stop being so mean to yaks and to their friends.

Yona turned back to the top bunk and opened her mouth to say something. What was she going to say again? She'd forgotten. Again.

She sighed, only distracted from her own frustration by the fact that not only was there no creature on the top bunk, but the covers and the pillow were gone.

Hmm. Maybe one of the ponies who kept the school clean had removed them while Yona was sleeping? Yona shook her head and stomped out of the room, trying again to remember what it was she had forgotten and failing to spot the letter which had been placed in the center of Ocellus' bunk.