Played for a Foal

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Anon, Flurry Heart, Comedy, Adventure, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 3829

Little Flurry Heart has taken a liking to Anon. Unfortunately, he's not that good with kids, and after the foal accidentally teleports both of them to who-knows-where, he's going to have to suck it up to get the princess home.

While visiting the Crystal Empire with his good friends Twilight and Spike, Anon accidentally makes quite the impression on Princess Flurry Heart, the young child of Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armor. However, the foal still has yet to figure out her alicorn magic, and one unfortunate spell later, she and Anon find themselves lost in the wilderness. Now, with nothing but the clothes on his back, Anon will have to brave the unknown to get Flurry Heart back to her home.

If only he was good with kids.

Published 2023-08-10 03:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-10 03:10:00 UTC

Played for a Foal

"Wow Anon, she really likes you!"

Flurry Heart clings to Anon's head, giggling happily all the while.

"That's all well and good, but what do I do here?"

"She wants you to play with her."

"...Play with her. Right."

Anon forces a smile and slowly removes the foal from his head, holding her out in front of him. Her oversized wings flop lazily to the sides and she wiggles her stubby legs while she laughs.

Anon, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Cadance, and Shining Armor are keeping a close eye on Flurry Heart in the Crystal Empire's castle. It's an uneventful day in the Empire, which made it the perfect opportunity for Twilight and Spike to visit their niece. Meanwhile, Twilight encouraged Anon to tag along, as he had never been properly introduced to the foal.

"Look Twilight, I know you mean well, but I'm not exactly good with kids."

"Oh come on, Anon. She's so precious!"

"Why is it so important that she meets me? What do I have to do with her?"

"As one of my closest friends, you're probably going to be seeing a lot of her over the years whether you like it or not. It's better to get acquainted with her now during her formative years."

Anon sighed.

"If you say so, Twi."

Thus, Anon was dragged to the Crystal Empire against his will. While Twilight and Spike were having a great time, Anon felt very out of place. Not only is he the only one present that isn't related to everyone else, he hasn't really spent all that much time around Shining Armor or Cadance to begin with. It's not like he's on bad terms with them or anything, he just... doesn't really know how to relate to them.

Thus, as he awkwardly holds the excited foal in his outstretched arms, he struggles to act like he is enjoying himself.

With stiff movements that highlight his lack of confidence, Anon begins to gently play with Flurry Heart. Despite being used to much more intensive play, Flurry looks like she's having the time of her life.

"Haha! She must really like you if she's not pouting yet."

"...What a blessing!" Anon speaks through gritted teeth, desperate for the foal to get bored so that he can hand her off to someone who actually cares.

Suddenly, Flurry Heart begins to flap her oversized wings as she closes her eyes and laughs at something only she can understand. To Anon's surprise, she lifts into the air with enough force to pull him with her, easily bringing both of them almost ten feet off of the ground.

"What do I do?!"

"J-Just hold on!"

Shining Armor, apparently having seen this before, begins to cast a telekinesis spell. Anon notices a sudden glow surrounding Flurry and himself as the pair stop ascending. Slowly, they're brought back towards the ground.

"Thanks."

"She's starting to get a bit wound up. I think it's time for her-"

Before Shining Armor can finish speaking, Flurry begins to laugh once again as her horn suddenly starts to glow. Cadance practically leaps towards her, but just before she can reach her daughter, there is a bright flash of light. The next thing anyone knows, Anon and Flurry Heart have completely vanished.

"Ohhhhhh dear."

Anon blinks.

"...Huh?"

Still holding Flurry at arm's length, Anon anxiously looks around. They appear to be standing on top of a large, grassy hill. In all directions, there are miles upon miles of trees. In the far distance, he can see a few scattered mountains reaching above the clouds. His jaw drops as he stands in awed silence for several seconds.

"Flurry? What did you do?"

"Hehehaha!"

"Flurry that isn't a real answer. Did you teleport us to the middle of nowhere?"

"Gmmmph."

Flurry sticks out her tongue and smiles.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Anon simply stands there, letting the gentle breeze wash over him. He takes a deep breath before looking back down at the foal in his hands. "Any chance you could teleport us back?"

"Guwah?" Flurry tilts her head, the innocent smile never leaving her face.

"Thought not." Anon lets out a long, drawn-out sigh before looking up to the sky. "I've been all over Equestria, and this doesn't look like anywhere I've ever seen. Judging by the fact that there are scattered clouds around here and the fact that this forest doesn't look all that tame, there are three possibilities. One, we're in the Everfree Forest. Two, we're in the Undiscovered West. Three, we aren't in Equestria at all. The Everfree doesn't have mountains so that rules out option one. Meanwhile, option three is probably worst-case scenario. So... I guess we're going to assume that we're in the Undiscovered West."

"Duwah?"

Anon carefully tucks Flurry under his arm.

"Yeah, I don't like it either. But, at least that means we know which direction to go. Might as well get moving now."

"Munna?"

"Look, if I had a choice, I'd probably just leave you here. You're lucky that your mom is more than capable of turning me inside out. So please please please try to behave until I get you home, okay?"

"Nundadah!"

Flurry struggles in Anon's grasp, but his tight grip prevents her from being able to unfurl her wings. Her horn begins to glow, but Anon quickly grabs a hold of it with his other hand.

"Ah ah ah. I just told you to behave." Flurry continues to struggle, fruitlessly flailing her stubby little legs. "Okay, we are not doing this all the way home."

With some difficulty, Anon removes his jacket without letting go of Flurry. Then, following a complex series of knots, folds, and do-overs, Anon has finally finished making... something. A large bundle hangs over Anon's chest, which is partially wrapped around his back in order to remain secured to his body. Holding his breath, he carefully places Flurry into the bundle, making sure that her wings are secure and her legs are in the teeny tiny holes he left so that they stick out a little bit. Finally, he lets go of her. Sure enough, his terrible homemade baby carrier works like a charm, and all it cost was his favorite jacket. Flurry turns to look at him, an amused smile on her face.

"Well at least you aren't crying. Now come on." Anon looks out into the distance, seeing no sign of civilization anywhere. "It looks like we have a long way to go."

Anon carefully steps over a large root while doing his best to part the branches blocking his path. The Undiscovered West has its name for a reason. Nopony comes this way, and as a result, it is as overgrown as can be. Of course, the whole reason why nopony comes this way in the first place is due to the difficult terrain and plethora of deadly creatures that make this area their home, but no pressure, right?

Anon lets go of a branch he was bending to make it through, only for the branch to come flying back and give Flurry Heart a light smack on the nose. Anon tenses up as he looks down at the foal. Sure enough, here come the sniffles.

"S-sorry, Flurry, please don't-"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Aaaaand there it is."

Anon, having no idea how to comfort a crying foal, simply continues to walk as Flurry wails. More branches appear in front of him, and he sighs as he makes a conscious effort to clear them entirely before letting go, doing everything in his power to prevent Flurry from taking another hit.

"You're really annoying, you know that?"

"Duweeeeeeh!"

"Please stop, your wails are like sandpaper on my brain."

"Guugaaaaaaaa!"

Anon stops and looks down at the foal once more. Her eyes are closed and filled with tears. Taking a quick glance at her little snoot, he sees that it's completely unharmed. He really, really doesn't get kids. Looking down at her disproportionately large head, he gets an idea.

"Well, this works with Twilight, so... here goes nothing I guess."

Anon carefully lowers a hand onto Flurry's head and begins to lightly scritch behind her floppy ears. They twitch as expected, and as he continues, Flurry's cries become quieter and quieter, eventually stopping entirely. Leaning forward a bit, he sees that her eyes are closed completely and a smile has returned to her face. For some reason, Anon finds himself smiling a bit as well.

"There. All better?"

Anon continues to walk, finding out very quickly that he needs to part some branches once more. However, as soon as he removes his hand from Flurry's head, she begins to sob again.

"Uggggggh."

As the pair continue to squeeze between the multitude of trees, their ears begin to perk up. The sound of running water is coming from somewhere ahead of them. Sure enough, a few minutes of travel later, the trees give way to a stream. The water is surprisingly clear, and as Anon dips a hand into it, he finds that it's extremely cold. Glancing up, he estimates that the stream is about two-hundred feet long. Furrowing his brow, he tosses a nearby pebble into the water, watching it as it sinks beneath the surface.

"It looks like it's a little over six feet deep in the deepest part." Anon sighs. "At least it's clear enough to where I can tell that there aren't any Cragadiles. Let's just hope there's nothing else in there, either."

Anon scans the area for anything that might be of use. Any convenient shallow spots? Any flotation devices to get them across?

Of course not.

Anon glances down at Flurry, who looks back up at him with big, bright eyes.

"...Alright, fine. But you'd better not struggle, got that?!"

"Hunyuh!"

"I'll take that as a yes."

Anon slowly and carefully removes Flurry from her makeshift carrier and grasps her tightly in his hands, making extra sure to keep her wings secured.

"Here goes nothing."

Anon holds Flurry high above his head as he wades into the water. It's downright freezing, and he realizes that he's going to need to cross it quickly to avoid any potential health risks. He wades further and further in, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into the water. Eventually, he is forced to take a deep breath as his head is completely submerged. He can't swim in the relatively strong current while also carrying Flurry, so he has to make it quick.

Five seconds pass.

Fifteen seconds pass.

Almost thirty seconds after being submerged, Anon's head rises out of the water near the other side of the stream. He gasps for air as his mouth breaches the water. He coughs violently the rest of the way, but a few moments later, he does indeed make it to the bank on the far side of the stream.

His arms ache. His clothes are wet. His body is freezing. And most of all, he is exhausted. Finding a dry spot beneath a nearby tree, he collapses to the ground. Unable to hold Flurry in the air any longer, his arms give out, and he does his best to place her in his lap while conceding that he is simply too tired to secure her wings. To his surprise, she doesn't immediately take off. Instead, she turns around and looks up at him with a bright grin.

"Gongaga!"

"Hm?"

"Gongaga!"

Anon looks around and points at himself.

"Me?"

"Gongaga!"

"Sure, Flurry. 'Gongaga.'"

To Anon's surprise, Flurry flies upwards just a bit and clings onto his head like she had done earlier in the day. While previously he had thought that it was annoying, right now he can't help but feel relieved. If she's clinging to him, she's not flying off to somewhere she might get hurt. Anon smiles a tired smile as he slowly rises back up to his feet. It's a good thing she's doing that, because the bundle he has been carrying her in is sopping wet.

Taking a moment to glance at the sky, he notices that the sun is beginning to set.

"Ah, shoot. Have we really been walking all day?"

"Donda!"

"...We'll go just a bit farther, but we won't be able to make much progress in the dark. Hopefully we'll find a place we can make camp. You ever been camping, Flurry?"

"Cronta?"

"Well, there's a first for everything."

Anon sits next to a decently sized fire. It's crude, as is the makeshift tent he made out of sticks and leaves, but it's better than nothing. Flurry Heart sits in his lap, staring into the fire until her eyes go dry, then blinking furiously and doing so again.

Anon is about to pass out. It has been a long, strenuous day for him, and he's just ready to get this little girl home. However, as his eyelids begin to droop, he hears something. A growling noise. And it's coming from Flurry Heart.

She turns to look up at him, clearly expecting something.

"O-oh. Oh dear."

Flurry tilts her head a bit. She looks confused at first, but her expression quickly starts to grow sour.

"Come on now Flurry, please don't."

But of course, Anon's pleas are in vain. Flurry begins to sob as she clings to his now-dry shirt. Anon sighs. He seems to be doing that a lot today.

"I suppose I can't expect a baby to temper her hunger until we get home. But... what the heck do I feed a baby in the wilderness?"

Anon looks around. Most of the flora he has seen around here is completely foreign to him. He knows he shouldn't let Flurry go hungry, but if the alternative is giving her something that could be toxic, that might be the better idea.

His thought process is interrupted by a tingle on the back of his neck. Right alongside him, Flurry suddenly stops crying. All of a sudden, the dark forest surrounding them feels really, really quiet.

Very slowly, Anon rises to his feet, Flurry tucked safely under his arm. He moves a bit closer to the fire, desperate to have as much vision over the area as possible.

Then, he sees it.

From underneath a nearby bush, he sees two glowing green eyes in the darkness. He knows what those eyes mean. He holds his free hand out in front of him as he does his best to make himself look large and intimidating. Suddenly, another pair of eyes appears. Then another. Then another.

Emerging from the foliage are four timberwolves, each much more massive than any Anon has ever seen in the Everfree Forest. They look a bit different, too. While Everfree timberwolves are made up entirely of logs and sticks, these have much more green on them. There seem to be vines growing along their bodies and small fruit trees growing on their backs. He's never heard of timberwolves like these, but then again, he is in the Undiscovered West.

Anon knows he can't take these things in a fight. He has no magic, nor is he all that strong. He feels his heart pounding in his chest. He glances down at Flurry, who looks as terrified as can be. She buries her face into his chest, and Anon twists a bit to keep her as far from the timberwolves as possible.

The biggest of the timberwolves takes a couple of steps forward. It slowly lowers itself, obviously about to pounce. Anon freezes, his mind moving a million miles a second. What the heck is he supposed to do here?!

The timberwolf leaps. With incredible reflexes, Anon ducks just in time to avoid getting torn to shreds. As his form is lowered towards the ground, he sees the fire burning right next to him while the second, third, and fourth timberwolves prepare to pounce as well.

Just before they leave the ground, Anon grabs a still-burning stick from the fire. Unfortunately, it isn't a torch. The whole stick is burning, and Anon's hand is in excruciating pain. However, he waves the stick in the air towards the timberwolves regardless. Sure enough, they begin to back away. Anon quickly turns around to face the first timberwolf, and it begins to do the same.

This continues for several minutes. Anon fights through the pain of his burning hand as he wards off the timberwolves, who continue to circle him the entire time. Eventually, the biggest of the wolves backs off and disappears into the foliage once more, closely followed by the other three. Anon stays right next to the fire for a few more moments before dropping the stick and wincing at the pain in that arm.

...Yeah, that's going to leave a mark.

Anon looks down at Flurry, who is still hiding in his grasp. He gently peels her away from his chest, only for him to notice that in her terror, she has fallen asleep. For some reason, he finds himself chuckling at the sight.

"At least you're okay."

Glancing around, Anon finds a particularly tall tree with just enough branches reaching the ground.

"I guess up there would be the safest place to sleep tonight. It won't be comfortable, but..." He glances at Flurry once more. "At least you'll be safe." He then lets out an unexpected sneeze. "Ugh. I really hope I haven't caught a cold."

Anon awakens to Flurry Heart no longer in his grasp. He immediately begins to panic, looking around at the limbs close to the one they fell asleep on.

"Flurry?! Where did you go?!"

"Unda!"

Anon looks down at the ground near where the fire was the night before. To his surprise, he sees something that wasn't there the day before. In a weird pattern, several small trees have grown in the clearing. On these trees, perfectly ripe apples are hanging from small branches, and Flurry is helping herself to one of said apples.

At least, she's trying to. She's having a hard time biting through the skin.

Anon quickly scrambles down to the ground and scoops Flurry up into his arms, pulling her into a hug.

"Ohhhhhhhhh don't scare me like that again, Flurry."

Flurry hugs him back with a squeal. As he pulls back, she holds out her apple to him. With his free hand, he takes the apple and looks it over.

Yeah, that looks like a regular apple. He glances at the trees nearby. Where did they come from? As he walks around them, he comes to a realization: These trees are growing where the timberwolves had walked the night before. Weird.

After looking at Flurry again, her stomach growls once more. With yet another sigh, Anon takes a bite out of the apple.

...Yup, it tastes normal, alright.

Screw it. They're not going to get very far if Flurry is starving the entire time. Anon spends the next few minutes gathering and cutting up some apples into slices, then handing them to Flurry. Is she supposed to be having these? He doesn't know, but she's eating them either way and that's better than nothing.

Once she finally has her fill, Anon awkwardly stuffs a couple more into his pockets before finally placing Flurry back into her makeshift carrier.

"Ready to go?"

"Yetti!"

"Alrighty then, let's go."

After a second full day of traveling, Anon finally sees another hill. Taking a deep breath, he climbs it, eager to see what the vantage point offers. When he reaches the top, he breathes a sigh of relief.

There, in the distance, is the unmistakable landscape of Equestria's rolling hills and plains. They're almost home.

"There it is, Flurry. We're gonna get you home."

"Teeyah!"

"Your parents owe me the mother of all solids after this."

"Gumbla?"

"Let's keep moving. We might be able to make it out of the forest before the sun sets."

And with that, the pair set off once again with a renewed sense of hope. They're going to make it.

With Flurry still in his arms, Anon hobbles out of the train. He had found a small town out in the country that he had never heard of. Thankfully, it had a post office. He sent word that he and Flurry were safe, and that they were going to board the nearest train and get her back to the Crystal Empire. Now, one walk to the neighboring town and a train ride later, the burned, bruised, scarred, sick, exhausted Anon nearly falls on his face as he finally reaches the Empire.

Cadance, Shining Armor, Twilight, and Spike were all eagerly waiting at the station. As soon as Anon makes it off of the train, Flurry's parents scoop her up out of his arms, noticeably disinterested in Anon who, after having the foal taken from him, does fall on his face. Twilight and Spike help him up, taking notice of his condition in the meantime.

"Sweet Celestia, Anon! What happened to you?!"

"Haaah... funny story..."

Anon, through his barely conscious state, tells the whole tale of how he and Flurry ended up deep within the Undiscovered West and how they made their way back to Equestria. He tells of the branches that scratched him up, and of the river that nearly froze him and got him sick, and of the timberwolves that ended up causing his entire forearm to be covered in fairly serious burns, and he explains how the pair subsisted on nothing but apple slices grown from what may or may not have been timberwolf droppings the whole time. At the end of his story, he glances down at the makeshift carrier he made for Flurry, only for it to conveniently fall apart at that very moment. With one final sigh, he leans against Twilight, now completely out of energy.

"Anon, we cannot thank you enough," Cadance says wholeheartedly. "You saved Flurry Heart's life."

"If there is EVER anything we can do for you, just let us know. You've earned that much," Shining Armor adds.

A million different thoughts race through Anon's mind, most of them mockery or insults for making him take care of a foal he wants nothing to do with. However, before he can say any of it, Flurry Heart turns around and looks at him one last time with those big bright eyes and that unabashedly happy smile.

"Anon!"

"...Heh."

That single chuckle is all he can say before he finally passes out, the smile never leaving his face.

Maybe she isn't so bad after all.

Author's Note

Did... did I do it? Twilight, Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Nightmare Moon, Daybreaker, Flurry Heart, Sunny, Opaline. I think I've finally written at least one fic where Anon interacts with every alicorn from the show!

And no, Cozy Glow and Big Mac do not count. Those were one-time things and they were temporary. Harrumph.

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!