Two Ancient Nutjobs: The Tea-room Debacle

by LunarReaper

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Sex, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Dark, Death, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bat Pony, Comedy
Length: 13192

Two Immortal idiots attempt to fix a problem while resisting the urge to kill eachother. .

The Equestrian Royal Family always enjoys one Tea Break a day, where all members are in attendance. And today would have been no different if something else hadn't occurred. Luckily its something Celestia and Luna have dealt with before, though the fact that they are both extremely out of practice is something they should have taken into account before starting this venture.

The fact that the other two Princesses have never seen something like this before is perhaps another niggle in their little plan... if they had a plan to begin with.

Notes.

This started off as a dark comedy, 2000 words of just back and forth insults (before I added any meat to it). What it is now, I'm not exactly sure but lets just say it is firmly in the category of AU. Details of the AU are below the warning.

Warnings. (Celestia Chapter)
Sex - Mentions of acts, no smut held within.
Gore - Vague (for the moment)
Profanity - They swear like sailors.

Warnings. (Luna Chapter)
Sex - Mention of acts and conquests, no great detail given.
Gore - Rather prevalent in this one but nothing too gruesome... Though it depends on your imagination.
Profanity - They still swear like sailors.
Non-Con - Mentioned at a couple points.

Warnings (Epilogue)
Sex - Joked about and alluded to.
Profanity - Yes
Violence - Briefly

AU - Two Ancient Nutjobs.

Celestia - A far more vain and self conscious individual. Her mane colour is dependant on the season. Some minor mentioned changes to her wings but nothing massive.

Luna - A thestral alicorn with a slight scottish accent and an even more brusque nature. A head shorter than Celestia. Mane colour dependant on the phases of the moon.

General - Both can confidently measure their ages... In literal age's and their past both together and apart is not exactly all sunshine and rainbows. They are still sisters by blood, though the nation they were born in is naught but ash. Sort of a crack AU in a way.

Published 2023-08-27 23:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-30 19:45:27 UTC

Celestia Attempts Diplomacy.

(Celestia Attempts Diplomacy)

Tea time among the four Princesses of Canterlot Castle was usually a more lively activity. It was here in this very tearoom that goddesses dropped their facades as rulers and became living breathing ponies. It was here in this very room that they shared the most lurid gossip and chortle-worthy tales.

But today was different and the reason for such a difference... was something held firmly in the magical grip of the room's largest inhabitant. Celestial Sol Radiance gives the item in her grasp a tentative sniff as she ponders it next to another. The Unconquered Sun, Sol Invictus turns to the other item before slowly and surely exposing her small pink tongue to the slightly stilled air of the room. The small muscle pokes daintily out of her golden-coloured lips (a new lipstick from her niece) similar to a vole poking its head out of the ground... and there it stays.

Ever so slowly the second item floats closer until it almost reaches that pursed set of lips holding back a muscle far stronger than one would expect. Celestia gives the item a quick jab with her tongue before allowing the muscle to retreat into her maw. She swirls the taste around in her mouth and lets the tiny fleck of liquid she had caught roll lazily down towards the back of her throat before pausing. Her ears flick back as she catches a sound, she rolls her bright pink eyes before turning her attention back to the puzzle before her. The first item floats closer as her tongue pokes out yet again.

An aggravated snarl stops her tasteful investigation as the Sun Goddess turns her gaze to the bedraggled and bed-headed form of her sister. Lunaria (or Luna as she prefers) is a head shorter and her form is less plush than Celestia but even in her sleep-deprived state, her sister recognises the sheer concentration in her catlike eyes as she too examines the quarry before them. Several bits and pieces float in her teal aura. She shuffles a few towards her and examines them closely before speaking in an accent that never seems to go away (in Celestia's opinion, she finds it rather barbaric).

"We agreed that the taste test does not work sister." She grumbles as she grits her fangs swaps a few pieces and compares them to the rest. Celestia rolls her eyes as she grabs another puzzle piece and floats it up to examine it closely. The Sun Goddess beams as if she had just won the lottery and holds a piece that looks identical to the others in her grasp towards her tired sister. Luna grunts as she stares bleary-eyed at said piece before nodding and continuing with her work.

The piece floats forward, something unknown drips off of it with a plop and then it stops. "I will admit it's been a while since we have done this, do you remember the proper order of things Luna?" The white mare queries, her voice is smooth and cultured. If one was to compare the sound to her sister's meandering lilt one would find themselves at a crossroads as to which was better. It is a common argument amongst the houseguards of the castle. Celestia thought she sounded better but then again she was slightly biased.

Luna the bedraggled stops her examination for a moment and lets a few pieces thump to the soft if slightly stained rug beneath the two. "It was Strengthen, Clean, Enforce, Clean, Glue, Glue Place was it not?" She responds with a yawn revealing a full mouth of dangerous-looking fangs, some of which are over an inch long. Celestia's brow furrows as she holds back a gag upon spotting a particularly rotten tooth in her sister's mouth (she should make dentist visits a family thing, it would stop Luna from intimidating the poor little itty-bitty dentist). She shakes her head as something in her mind clocks that statement as wrong. Her slightly aged mind creaks and sputters before offering...something useful (It's a matter of luck on particularly bad or boring days).

She goes through the process in her mind, looks at the pieces before her and compares them to the unfinished product. She grimaces. "Surely it was; Clean, Clean, Strengthen, Enforce, Glue, Glue, Place" She turns to her sister who stares back with a near deadpan gaze.

"Nay Enforce cannot come after Glue and the protections of Glue fade if you do so" She states with a frustrated scowl growing. Her lips are pursed in concentration as she too goes over the process in her head. A single pearly white fang rests lightly on her bottom lip, making it look more like she's pouting (though it would be a foolish thing to ever mention, folks have died for less). Celestia personally thinks that's about as cute as the little harlot gets but even she wasn't dumb enough to mention that.

"Your previous instructions contradict that L-" Celestia begins as the statement rattles around in her head. She sees the contradiction and given the interruption so too does Luna. Celestia should have expected such an occurrence, she had poked enough bears on her various benders to know what happens (and a sleep-deprived Lunar Princess is about the same manner of beast).

"Aye, I ken that now!" The Lunar Alicorn interrupts with an agitated fang-filled snarl in her sister's direction. Leathery wings remain clasped at her side, a signal that she is not as agitated as she seems (though it could also be from the previously mentioned sleep deprivation). That fact does not stop the excess of spittle expelled from her sister's maw, it lands on the Solar Matriarch's neatly combed chest and stains the cute little scarf she had picked out at the start of the day. Celestia braces herself and calms the rage in that moment as with a quick burst of magic she sends the scarf to a nearby laundry basket. She was a master diplomat and with that in mind, she ponders a response that won't piss off her sister more.

And then she notices the flemmy looking stain tarnishing her white coat and that unique electrical connection between brain and mouth suddenly fails. "Bloody hell Luna, say it don't spray it." The childish mantra of their younger years leaves her lips as she gags and attempts to magic the stain away. "Did you even brush your teeth this morning this is fucking rancid?" She scrubs the stain with a nearby tea cosy, it smudges... into her coat and the tea cosy turns to ash in an instant. In a slight panic, her levitation lowers the pieces of their puzzle to the ground as she snaps up the neat kirin teapot in her levitation and promptly dumps the broiling contents down her front (trust me for a mare that can swim in lava, that is nothing), staining her pristine coat further but it does manage to dislodge the staining lump of flem and snot knotted in her coat. "We all forget things Luna, but that doesn't mean you can hock a bloody loogie on other people, this will take ages to get out prope-"

"Wheesht for a moment, I'm thinking." The triad stops with the forceful shutting of the sun goddesses' mouth. The large mare's pink eyes flash yellow for the barest of seconds as they narrow to pinpricks, while she isn't enraged... she's getting there. Luna for her part doesn't seem to even notice, she simply continues muttering to herself (she does that a lot) as she examines all the bits and pieces before them. Eventually when the struggling stops the pressure relents and Celestia deigns to speak.

"I swear I can already hear the creaking in that brain of yours." She starts her voice coated venomously in sarcasm. "My, my those gears need a little bit of oil don't they?" The goading goes unanswered until a pair of confused teal pupils focus on her, with a single brow raised. Celestia realises that her insult had gone straight over her sister's head (mention any technology and you immediately lose her) and for a moment she is relieved. There was no need to set her off further, such goading was childish and she should know better. Besides Celestia knows that Luna needs to be focussed or the two of them won't get this done before dark (something that has happened before sadly).

"I don't rightly ken what you mean by that?" The accent returns with a vengeance, the only thing it's missing is the thee's and thou's when she gets properly angry. Celestia finds those moments funny at first, a confusing mess of verbiage all enhanced by her sister's freckled face scrunching up until she blows (it's less funny after that point).

"It's nothing just a playful jibe" Celestia responds only the slightest bit miffed that the bait had not been taken even if she recognises the foolishness of such an action. It wasn't that wanted to get in a brawl or anything. It was just that at these hours of the day, her little sister could prove troublesome... more like an unruly teen than a princess. It was a grating experience to be sure.

"We don't have time for jibes, do you remember the process or not?" The dark freckled alicorn grumbles as she sips her coffee. She wasn't even going to pretend that she was trying to remember at this point. Celestia did the thinking part well enough for the two of them, Luna did the doing bit. That was how it worked in the past and with a winning formula like that why would they ever change it? Celestia feels the start of a headache building upon the realisation that the thinky bit was once again in her corner. But then again it was a working formula...

"I'm trying to do that now, just give me a second yeah." However, the formula most likely would have changed if certain events didn't happen and if one of the key components in said formula wasn't just a little bit older. On a bad day, it merely comes down to luck if she remembers what she's trying to remember and today had turned from boring to bad in a matter of minutes. Celestia's mind was drawing a blank and just when the cognitive part of her brain latched onto something possibly useful another interruption reared its head.

"That's yer second." Her inpatient and often unruly sister remarks bluntly as she attempts to mash two pieces together (with minimal success). She shoots the person sitting next to her a confused look and then remembers that it is Luna, a mare infamous for being as blunt as a rounded-off sledgehammer.

Celestia's mind grinds to a halt as that little snippet of information is lost. "You know what I mean!" She whispers/yells to the grown-ass mare next to her before groaning and staring ceilingward as she taps a shorn hoof against her head. The slight percussive maintenance does nothing for the Celestia Not Filthy Thot Factory(TM), the thingme she had pulled from the depths is still gone. "Damnit I've lost my train of thought now." She groans as she examines the puzzle yet again.

"Oh poor Celestia, is yer auld mare brain catching up tae yah?" Luna remarks with an even thicker accent and an utterly deadpan disposition. Celestia wants to slap her in that moment but she resists as she catches the thought again. Sometimes it's like corralling cats up there but that just makes her glad that she groomed so many competent advisors, even if some of them barely have more free thought than a pigeon (but pigeons are funny little things so Celestia can forgive such massive deficits of character).

"Enough of your cheek Luna, let me think" She chides her little sister, ignoring the puffing up of freckled cheeks and rising withers. In times past she had openly laughed at her for doing that before battle but reality had quickly reminded her why one does not laugh at such things (even if they look adorable) "I did this a few years back... maybe a hundred or so." Muttering to herself more than anyone else but her sister hears it as her fluffy ears perk up and point dead in the eldest's direction.

"So what did you do then?" She prods and pesters as Celestia wrestles with millennia of memory and attempts to pinpoint a process they had done a hundred times before. She follows an ardent thought and finds herself lost in a miasma of violence and peace. The continuous rampant torrent of friends lost and found is nothing more than agonising. Normally she could remember better but at this moment in such a familiar and yet uniquely unfamiliar situation, how could she?

"I can't remember." She stares dead ahead, past the puzzle and into the unknown... its easy to remind oneself how fragile life is when you measure your life in ages instead of years. Celestia nearly finds herself taking an unwanted trip down memory lane until Luna decides to chip in her own two cents.

"Well, that's a whole lot of use then isn't it?" Celestia can hear the rolling of her sister's eyes in her ears, she doesn't need to even look at her. Maybe it's the remnants of the grog still stuck to her coat or perhaps it's a result of their current situation that causes the cognitive disconnect once again between mouth and brain. Celestia snorts, turns and bares her teeth, several gold teeth gleam from tasteful positions in the back. The brilliant summer-coloured mane of hers smokes at its ends as she does so.

"If you're not going to say or do anything useful I can summon your guards, maybe you'll be more use with a cock in your mouth, harlot." She snaps far quicker than she ever thought possible. Celestia had been told of the sister's use of her authority and found herself disapproving, while she could accept taking one to bed she couldn't accept the hallway antics her sister had been up to recently. It would be humiliating for the two of them if it ever got out (and it would have if she didn't have a well-groomed army of fanatics). Celestia watches her little sister's eyes widen in shock for a second (that she savours) before they narrow and she too bares her teeth in a challenging way.

"At least I'm getting some." She hisses as the pieces she had been meandering about with find their place.

Celestia recoils slightly before rounding on the smaller alicorn "And whose to say I'm not?" She strains behind gritted teeth as she holds her wings back from springing up in challenge. Pieces find their place as a process unremembered happens automatically. Luna laughs in response, it's a cruel cackle that one would expect more from Chrysalis than her sister (though given her history it shouldn't be a surprise).

"Please you're probably drier than the Sahara with how prim and proper you come across" A scathing retort that strikes harder than even Luna knows. Celestia had tried to make herself seem approachable but her subjects would rather see a goddess than a mare. A goddess that was kind, compassionate and beautiful, not Celestia the pony. Who in her own opinion was far too tall, just a touch too pudgy and more than a little erratic in reality. And yet still she cannot let such an insult go without retaliation.

"You take that back, you no good strumpet" Her wings flare slightly as she stands and leers over her little sister. A sister who seems unworried by such a turn of events as she stands with a whoosh of displaced air and glowers.

"Oh I'm sorry, it's just ghosties and dust isn't it?" She tilts her head and tutters mockingly at her elder. The insult does nothing for Celestia has already forgotten it, she tuts in disappointment whilst still refusing to look at the mare she had grown up with. Her mind calms somewhat in that second as basic cognition returns and reminds her of the situation before them.

"You're bringing us off topic, not that my sex life is any of your concern." She turns up her nose, her eyes still shut and her wings properly placed at her side. A dismissive comment, a basic statement that screams 'this conversation is over'. And it would do exactly that... if she was talking to a little pony but this is Luna and Celestia often forgets one small thing about her sister. She likes to have the last laugh.

"Don't think it's been your concern either for the past millennia ." A failure to read the room, something Luna is well known for. Another masterful cognition failure of the royal sisters that the younger of the two catches almost immediately as it leaves her lips. Her eyes widen and her mouth flaps open like a fish for the barest of seconds before she finds herself stumbling over her hooves and falling. A common thing to do when your normally calm sister flares the full length of her rainbow-tipped wings and rounds on you with a single solitary snort of fire out of both nostrils.

"Ohh I wonder why that would be?" Celestia seethes as she stands above her sister's now prone form, the heat of her breath is similar to being close to a fire (uncomfortably so), Luna refuses to meet her gaze, her panic has clouded her thoughts if only momentarily. "Maybe ruling alone wasn't all it was chalked up to be" She continues with a sneer as her eyes once again flicker yellow "Maybe I could take a consort in between bouts of crushing paranoia and depression" It's a snarl this time, one that leaves a small amount of napalm-like spittle on her sisters cheek, Luna hisses in pain as the spittle frosts over by sheer force of will and magic. "Maybe if Little Luna spent time back then sucking off her guards like a common whorse she wouldn't have felt so fucking lonely?" That one strikes at Luna's heart it's easy enough to tell from her position, the crushing miasma of self-doubt and flagrant hatred that her sister fights so hard to keep back comes to the forefront as her face twists into something ugly. The Queen of the Sun finds that in the moment she doesn't care all that much about that little insight.

If Luna wanted to sit on the floor and get her face painted that was up to her but she needed to understand when to shut that mouth of her's. Celestia spent enough of her day with a polite smile navigating through honeyed words and insults of the court. She didn't come here to be berated by a mare who spent most of her night doing paperwork and fucking about. She draws her head closer to the gasping and sobbing mare before her and finds that she feels little pity. Something like disgust is a more accurate feeling and she embraces it with a sneer as she rests her muzzle directly next to her sister's left ear.

"Does having sperm in your gullet make you happy Luna?" This barb is quiet to the point that even Luna takes a second longer to absorb it and when she does she sniffles. Celestia feels disappointed at that reaction so she primes another one "When it trickles down your face do you feel prettier?" Her tongue feels odd saying something like that to someone given her own struggles but Luna doesn't know that and Celestia finds her sneer morphing into a smile as she watches the first tears fall but that doesn't stop her. "How about when you swallow does that thick salty sploodge fill the hole in your heart that you so desperately want filled?" She nearly doesn't say it, something niggles in her brain. A warning that she does not heed she simply continues to look down at the openly sobbing mare.

"I...I...I...I..." The Guardian of the Night struggles as Celestia watches on in keen interest. A reflection of cold flaring yellow looks back at her in Luna's eyes. She watches the mare crumple from a few choice words and sees nothing new. Nothing, an apt description for the worm below her but Celestia has never known a worm to cry so this creature must be something else. Some tears reach the floor and some freeze on the mare's cheeks (frost was something she did have a particular talent in). Celestia looks on with a neutral face as the mare stares back at her.

"You're pathetic." She intones to the crying Princess. The small form before her gets smaller still as the normally proud Luna curls up and rolls to face away from her, her wings curled around her front in a flimsy form of protection. And with that Celestia turns away, briefly scans the room and approaches the serving cart that had been brought in earlier. A pre-poured cup of tea finds itself floating towards the Solar Monarch who takes the smallest of sips before examining the rest of the cart. Only to find herself confused as she spots several white and grey pieces lodged in the various confections.

It's familiar, a reminder of something and she wracks her brain to remember that detail but today had been a bad day. Herding cats would be easier at this moment but that doesn't stop the stubborn old mare. Celestia picks up a grey piece from atop the Black Forest Gateau, it jiggles in her magic as she brings it closer. She doesn't know how long she stares at it but it was long enough for Luna to run out of tears as the only sound in the room is faint gasps and nearly inaudible squeaks. She pokes her pink tongue out between her flat teeth and gives it a tentative lick... and gags with tears in her eyes as she remembers something important.

Celestia slumps onto the slightly bloodstained carpet with a thump as reality yet again takes hold. She sniffles as the past fifteen/twenty minutes replay on repeat in her head in perfect detail. She feels sick, even more than she did when she put the grey thingme in her mouth. Celestia hacks and coughs onto the varnished wood floor but nothing comes, so she changes tactics. Shuts her eyes and takes several stuttering deep breaths, one of the many coping mechanisms she had taught her various students through her long life. It is better for anxiety but it does the trick for nausea in a pinch if you have the right magic in you (Earth Pony if you're wondering), "Oh gods that was too far I...I... I-" She sputters out uselessly.

"It was well deserved." The morose voice of Luna whimpers from across the way and for a moment Celestia swears her heart stops. Her sister always had disparaging thoughts in her head now since she came back and who could blame her in that instance, a thousand years on the moon is no joke but she could manage them. Was managing them just fine with a whole heap of support and as always that fat lanky goon Celestia had to make her feel worthless. So what if she liked getting her face done every now and then, Celestia would be a hypocrite- was a hypocrite for pretending she hadn't done the same in that long stint of them being apart. If that was how she wanted to relieve a little stress then who was she to berate her for doing so, her verifiable army of fanatical teachers pets was more than up to the task of stopping all the bad press. It was what she had selectively bred and purged them for anyway.

Her sister gasps behind her and Celestia turns in time to watch her push herself up into the sitting position. "It wasn't deserved by the gods, I'm sorry." Celestia scootches closer and slowly offers a wing over her sister's back. She nearly recoils when she feels her flinch beneath it but finds herself too distracted by the slightly weeping gouge in Luna's shoulder to properly react. "You're bleeding Lu" an obvious statement but it is all her dumbstruck mouth can fumble out and all her sister offers in response is a snort as she pulls her wings closer. Luna lights her horn and returns to picking up pieces and comparing them.

"We too art sorry sister, It seems we still have much to get used to." Celestia doesn't like that response and ever so gently tightens her wing around the mare as her horn lights anew and gets back to work. Eventually, the silence becomes damn near suffocating between the two of them and Celestia finds that she can't let that last statement stand, Luna always wanted to blame herself and that wasn't happening today.

"You have nothing to apologise for, I was unfair and cruel for no reason" She starts drawing her sister's gaze. Luna's tear-streaked face is caked in a mix of damp blue fur and silver makeup. She doesn't look her in the eye but Celestia can tell she's trying her damnedest (stubborn and too brave to quit). The slightly warped reflection in the serving cart she catches out of the corner of her eye is damn near identical if you replace the silver with gold. Celestia's tangled locks are equally unkempt and only a smidge burnt and her pink eyes are bloodshot. Looking at her sister is like looking in a mirror and that only makes the growing guilt worse. "I... I love you, sister." She gets no response as the two return to their time-sensitive task.

The process that had started this argument is seemingly unneeded as they continue onwards in a heavy silence. Celestia mentally berates herself as they work, examining, matching and fixing all the pieces in place. The memories of those lonely millennia seem so much clearer in her mind now, the lovers, the fighters and everything in between. She remembers the last time she did this and remembers that it was done poorly. Luna meanwhile is focusing on the work as a distraction from what her sister can tell. She doesn't like thinking of the few years before her banishment, a period in time her brain likes to go back to time and time again. Celestia knows that she preferred the world before the unification when compared to this one, as savage and messy as the world before was. She knows this is all confusing and hard but Celestia can't let her fall too far behind.

If that happened she would lose her sister again and most likely never get her back. There were times when she missed that world as well. The strange and often wonderful people they ran across (and sometimes away from) were new and wonderful to them as they travelled far and wide. Celestia gains a somewhat melancholy look mixed with a slight sneer as she remembers people like Grogar. Sure Luna liked him (and bedded him) but that snivelling little weasel tried to kill the pair and then created an apocalypse to get out of marrying her sister. Celestia regrets not taking him seriously (or at least not bedding him when her sister offered it up), but surely they can't be blamed for only catching up with him after he had already reached the Wendigo Graveyard? A shiver runs down her spine as she remembers that particular kerfuffle.

There was a song that damnedable goat used to sing as well wasn't there? He had serenaded her sister with it from outside an inn in Rom (The Ancient Ram Capital) and the two had laughed when Celestia threw the contents of the chamber pot at him (she missed of course, she was drunk). For a dread necromancer, he was an awful songful goat, he would sing that song under his breath while working, he would serenade her sister with different songs as they went about their business even though he knew it annoyed her (and when times would allow Discord). She can't remember what the words are or even its name but as her mind wanders she remembers the melody clear as day (her day, of course, not that prick Ra).

Without a thought, Celestia begins to hum that old song forgotten by her and by most in the world as she does her work. If only just to fill the crushing silence that had taken hold of the room. It's a slow process that the two of them do but with her humming it doesn't seem so grim. She nearly chokes on her saliva when Luna joins in. She is quiet. Damn near inaudible when she first starts and Celestia barely hears her but after some time she seems to gain some confidence. Celestia can't remember the words but from her low rumbling lilt of an island long sunken beneath the waves, she knows that Luna indeed does. They repeat the song once, twice and on the third way round Celestia finds herself belting out the tune along with her sister. She doesn't sound royal at that moment, Baahtin isn't a language spoken with an Equestrian accent and her accent is bloody rusty, along with her singing voice. Eventually, the two of them put the last piece in place.

"I could recommend a few whom dream of thee if you would like?" Luna is the first to break the silence. It's the only olive branch that Celestia didn't expect and the implication causes her to blush as she responds with a thoughtful hum. Luna takes a long sip of her most likely cold coffee as Celestia snatches a biscuit from a nearby tray and gobbles it down as she thinks of a proper response. She barely even notices the tiniest piece of grey mixed in and doesn't react to it anyway.

"Thanks, I suppose. I'll think on it if nothing else pans out." Celestia responds with a slight jitter in her voice. It's barely noticeable, something not even Luna recognises. A nervous tic... perhaps or maybe it's just a feeling of excitement from the very idea that someone could find this pudgy, gangly form of hers realistically pretty. She crushes those thoughts as soon as they come, contenting herself with just enjoying the quiet moment with her sister. Even if the guilt of being the cause of said silence will keep her up tonight. But that's nothing a few glasses of wine won't sort.

Nothing is said between the sisters as the slightly blood-splattered clock ticks to a quarter past the hour. And then there is a loud thump that causes the two to jump and swear obscenities. The project it seems had fallen over. Celestia grimaces at that and winces at the uncanny sight before them as she looks closer still. It's a good reminder that she needs to talk to Luna later about her rather eccentric behaviour in that moment but as she looks at her sister's soft smile she believes that can come later. Perhaps a fair bit later. She adjusts the project and turns to her sister. "We can finish up properl-".

The two squeal as the corpse tumbles yet again with a loud thump. Celestia holds a hoof over her heart, as Luna simply tilts her head.

Luna Chooses Violence.

Author's Note

Warnings are in the description. You have been warned (mostly).

Luna Chooses Violence.

"Somethin is aff about eit n aye dunnae ken wit?." Lunaria Stellaris Moonglow starts with her eyes narrowed and fangs grinding uselessly together, as she untilts her head. It was always an odd sight taking in the shape of a recently rebuilt corpse, Luna likened it to seeing those strange and morbid-looking wax museums of this new age (She found them to be odd but delightful, unlike her sister). Something uncanny that she can't describe niggles at her brain as she looks on for faults in a practised fashion (they had done this before if that wasn't already obvious).

It's obvious that her sister sees it too, given her narrowed gaze and the sight of her pink tongue poking out of her muzzle. Luna could almost forget that not even fifteen minutes ago that same mare was frothing at the mouth and saying the cruellest things she could think of (the vast majority of which Luna would agree with). It would be so easy to let moments like that colour their relationship but they were old (older than any still alive, other than perhaps Discord) and they both understood their real enemy.

Loneliness is the crushing weight on the back of all immortals and from her own experiences and the few things her sister deigns to share she knows that understanding is shared by her kin. That doesn't mean she isn't rightfully pissed off at the mare for causing her to spiral... again.

She turns to her sister and takes in her pink eyes, eyes no longer tainted by yellow and jumps as Celestia decides to finally speak. "Yeah, I think I see it too" Her brow creases and Luna watches on as the similarly ancient being beside her raises her hoof shakily before meandering over to the side Luna had been working on. "That bit there me thinks" She speaks with a note of unsureity as she points vaguely to the stallion's left cheek. Luna narrows her gaze and looks closer, there's something wrong with the way the fur sits- nay the cheekbone is at the wrong angle.

Luna stifles a groan of annoyance successfully as she realises what will need to be done to fix it. Celestia for her part still seems unsure, from what her sister can gather even as her eyes make a concentrated effort to avoid her own side.

Luna takes a gander at her sister's work and nearly recoils in shock. She knew her sister hadn't done this in such a long time but that... that was just ridiculous. Luna swallows that spike of anger that boils inside and points to the right-hand side of the face, she then makes a show of running her hoof down the corpse's temple.

A temple that is far more squint than it should be.

"Nay that bit seems a toaty bit maere pressin." Luna taps the temple and feels it shift slightly and swallows her disgust before turning to her sister. "Luk at that bloody angle, av yah gone dolahlee sister?" Celestia just shakes her head slightly in response before tilting it for a better look. Her swan-white features pale for the barest of a second as she spots it.

Turning an accusing gaze towards her sister, Luna can't help but feel slightly vindicated by the failing of the normally prim and proper princess and then her sister raises her hoof. Luna watches as Celestia guides her now unshaking hoof to Luna's side of the head and flicks the ear. Something crackles and that vindication dies in Luna's heart as the two of them wince.

"That bit too, I suppose" Her sister mumbles under her breath at a volume Luna easily catches before turning to face her. She meets Luna's steely gaze with a slightly embarrassed expression. The Mare that was once on the Moon feels her lip tremble, whether it be from rage or despair she does not know.

"Ahh thought yah said yah did this recently?" The Conqueror of the Stars spits out with barely concealed contempt (not at her sister but at the thought of doing this all again). She watches as her sister's gaze gains an almost glassy tint as she ponders something. It's fairly easy to guess what she's thinking, the last time she did this. For Luna that was easy given her mastery of the magic of the mind (Celestia is familiar enough with it but finds it unseemly, in the privacy of her mind Luna agrees), It was a warlord from after the Crystal Empire's fall. A soldier who once served Equestria but abandoned his post. Celestia bludgeoned him to death with her hooves after a particularly raunchy comment... while Luna was still in the process of trawling the poor fucker's memories. So they rebuilt him and... wait was that the last person she worked on (there had been so many that it was easy to get the dates mixed up)?

Suddenly her sister's eyes gain some sort of concentration as she squares her jaw. "It was a hundred years ago, forgive me If I am not exactly a professional at this anymore." She grumbles and she glares at the body. Luna swears she hears her mumble something about the last one being 'smaller' and from her barely coherent nattering Luna is fairly sure that it was either something with scales or a beak but like her sister the Matron of Memories isn't so sure. Celestia shakes her head and shrugs before giving her an apologetic (if slightly confused) look.

"Oh Gods we're gonnae av tae start again aren't we?" Luna wails ceilingward before burying her head in her hooves and staring forlornly at the corpse. Her eyes wander across the stallion's face only to find the most horrific error her sister had made, It's hard to tear her gaze away but she manages it and instead finds her gaze drawn elsewhere. The Mare who basically invented the Escorting profession looks away from that bit as well (Luna can't help but feel proud of the stallion but that is all she will say on the matter). Her mind wanders and she titters in frustration before a click, crackle and pop draw her gaze back to her sister.

"Ok let us fix our handiwork then." Her sister speaks firmly but with a slight smile, Luna wants to hit her but remains silent. "Just a matter of trial and error now." She continues before meeting the unamused gaze of the Lunar Princess. 'Fix out handiwork the phrase repeats in her head as she stares at the sister who had shared more than a millennium with her. It's as if she doesn't realise that most of the mistakes are her's, sure Luna could see that she had some too but Celestia's were far worse. Luna's were a matter of cosmetics, Celestia's were a matter of structural integrity. And from the looks of it, her sister's side of the head had the integrity of a chocolate fire guard.

Luna steels her previously frayed nerves and speaks with clear agitation "Oor 'andywerk!" The Lady of the Isles accent thickens as she speaks. "Most av that side tis yer 'andywerk sister." Luna points to her sister's side, to the clearly too large eye socket... in which the eye sits on a knife edge between tumbling out. The Forever Queen of the Thestral's can feel herself growing more upset just by looking at the sight before her but stops herself before she becomes truly unintelligible.

She knows that if she gets too upset she starts to mix tongues (Celestia does the same) and while she enjoyed speaking in Old Everfree/Equish she knows that eventually she'll end up speaking Kriffe (the Thestral tongue) and understands just how much confusion that usually brings.

"Your side doesn't look any better." Celestia snaps back without much fervour. Luna baulks as she finds her hackles raising slightly, she mutters a few swears in kriffe under her breath before stopping and staring at her sister with a near-blank expression. By the lack of snarling response, the Princess of the Night can tell that her sister couldn't understand what she just called her but by the slightly stoney face, Luna understands that she may get the gist of what she may have just called her. That is both good and bad. Celestia had not learned Kriffe (either the modern or ancient version) in Luna's time away and from the way her face changed slightly, she still remembers Luna's time as the Queen of the Clans and the savage horde she had led across the Isles (Celestia didn't have as much fun as she did back then).

"Tis noticeably neater," Luna states blankly as Celestia grunts in vague acknowledgement before lighting her horn and bringing forth the lightest cutting spell she knows before beginning the process of removing the skin. It was a task that Luna had never been enthused with and could tell her sister took some sort of strange pride in just how neatly she could remove a face. And while she would never admit it to her face Luna understood that her sister was the best in the world at this sort of thing.

In the past, the Princess of the Sun had taken the Lady of the Night on hunts for serial killers and those nights were still some of the strangest in her memories to this day. Nothing is more strange than watching a full-grown mare (one covered in gore or skin) cry her eyes out after being berated for a solid hour on proper skin removal (Celestia wrote down those lectures and had them published anonymously, there still exists a little leather-bound book on her bookshelf to this day)(Luna can never bring herself to ask if the leather is pony skin).

"Oh yes, Luna the Neat, truly the greatest addition to all your titles." Luna watches as a slow continuous cut lets her take the hair off in one clean go, It could almost be a wig if not for the skin... muscle... and slight gristle. A small victorious smile appears on her sister's face as... she pulls off a face. It lasts a second before it leaves her as she seems to notice a slightly ragged end.

"Thine sarcasm is noted but that doesnae change the fact that yer side is in poorer shape than mine" Luna snarks back with her usual enthusiasm as she examines the now skinless skull of a butler. "Ah mean luk aht that bit, dae yah need glasses or somethin'?" She points to the too-large eye hole as she slowly fishes out both eyes from their stems with magic and places them gently to the side. Her sister snorts behind her as Luna gets to work splitting the skull again.

"My spectacles are for reading I'll have you know." The tiny injections of force Luna applies to crack the skull slowly but the rate she goes makes the process quick (Luna prides herself on her ability to quickly split a skull). Luna pries the first piece loose in a minute. "You spend enough time writing laws and your eyes fail a little bit" Celestia grumbles from beside her having moved as Luna pulls the first piece of pony skull away and floats it to her. Celestia starts splitting it further (the skull pieces that is), cracking the bone and reshaping it. Fixing her mistakes.

"Yah av servants fer that?" Luna queries as she floats the next piece over.

"They don't do things as well as I" Celestia replies as she dislodges a small piece of skull and turns it so that the brainy bit goes inwards before re-attaching it, Luna watches from the corner of her eye. "Goodness I love them dearly but my little ponies aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed," Luna grunts in agreement at that statement as she passes another skull piece to her sister which is quickly plucked in a golden aura. Celestia starts to hum a jaunty jig soon after and Luna holds back a sight (she had forgotten that Tia liked to do that).

"Clearly they are following yer example" It's a small jab, said with a nervous uncomfortable grin. Luna finds herself berating herself mentally as she realises what just left her mouth but finds herself relieved at the response she gets.

An exaggerated haughty voice and a question follow. "Do I need to mention Yharnam sister?" Oh gods of course she would mention Yharnam. Of all her many failures this one was the one that stuck with her, she had found her race in that city (lost her virginity as well). Luna takes in her sister's expression and realises what this is. It's bait and she couldn't help but take it (it's a matter of pride really, it wasn't her fault).

"That wasnae ma fault" Luna defends as she catches Celestia's derisive snort with her acute hearing. It was quiet enough that she barely even caught it but that's still enough to shoot her sister a look. A look that morphs into confusion as she sees the tooth floating in front of her face. She takes it in her magic with a sigh (she was better with teeth) and adds it to the pile before continuing with her work.

"You got drunk and sad after getting rejected and released a nightmare on the city but sure you tell yourself the collapse of that civilisation wasn't your fault." Her sister's voice starts out sweet and only gets sweeter. "Whatever helps you sleep at night sister." She says as if speaking to a newborn babe. Luna tuts and as memories swarm her a single tear falls, Yarnham wouldn't be the last time she was hung out to dry by a lover. The Moon Presence holds back a beastly snarl as she pulls the final piece of the skull away and sets to work fixing the stallion's jaw with a grimace.

"Well, I suppose I must mention the Sun Kingdom" Luna offers with a laugh as she remembers that part of their life. She enjoyed being sacrificed to and having an organised train run (on her) every evening was too good to pass up. She glances at her sister and watches as her jaw clenches and unclenches, obviously burying an age-old rage in a matter of seconds.

"There is no way in hell I can be blamed for that one," Celestia grumbles with a pout on her golden lips as she pulls another tooth from the skull top and adds it to the pile (how the hell did she mistake teeth for skull fragment, this is just sloppy). Luna watches as her sister seems to ponder old memories, she can only imagine what unhinged rants are being directed at the denizens of Griffonia (even if the culture they are talking about is completely different). Many rants that Luna would agree with (but they were in polite company so it was better unsaid) those greedy feathered halfbreed menaces brought it on themselves in most cases and Luna was glad that they now lived in abject poverty (because fuck those damned gods forsaken mutants). And yet still even if she agreed Luna couldn't help but prod her sister.

"You traded gold for beads, pissed off an advanced empire, made up a language to avoid talking to them and faked your death when it all got too hard." Celestia blinks hard in response to that, her work stops as her eye goes glassy yet again, most likely reviewing memories. She seems to find what Luna mentioned rather quickly and she has the decency to blush before putting the now fixed skull top to the side and moving on to the next large piece. Luna chokes back a laugh from the sidelines at that.

"That was the gryphons' fault Luna, if they hadn't been gold-hungry savages then the Sun Kingdom would have been fine." She reasons with a hint of a smile, revelling in a victory not yet achieved. Luna doesn't take the bait this time. She sees what her sister is trying to do, she wants her to lose her train of thought. To rant and rave about those insufferable ingrates and their feckless little gods... oh gods she's doing it anyway. Luna shakes those thoughts out of her head. She has better things than ramble about poverty-stricken peons on the edge of Equestria.

"You taunted them and seduced the leader of the expedition by force" Celestia goes googly-eyed at that little fact most likely having forgotten that bit. Luna couldn't remember the bird's name, all she could remember about them was they changed languages and traditions after an unfortunate run-in with Discord. Celestia extracts another tooth from the piece of skull she is working on, Luna grabs it wordlessly.

"He was asking for it in our tongue." She reasons with a smile before grimacing as she seems to remember the rest of that particular moment in the Sun Kingdom's brief history. Luna can see the faint hope in her eyes, the faint hope that she wouldn't remember the damn near criminal acts that happened after. Celestia would find herself disappointed on that front, Luna remembered that particular conundrum.

"A tongue you invented to confuse them, they needed two translators to talk to you properly." Celestia's grin becomes a petulant pout as she realises that Luna indeed does remember those events clearly. The Grand Overlady of the now-dead Sun Kingdom seems to be trying to remember those other languages they were translating from but can't find the energy to keep looking. Luna can't remember either but that wasn't the point.

The Grand Overlady of the Marian Moon Monarchy watches as her sister stares off into space. Watches as her sister licks her lip salaciously before mumbling to herself not nearly quiet enough. "If he didn't want to die choking on pussy then he shouldn't have had such a fuckable beak" Luna openly guwaffs as she snaps a piece of bone in place and begins to check her sister's work.

"A beak which you kept..." She reminds her through laughter as the two swap and Celestia begins inspecting the butler's exposed brain. Luna watches silently as her sister's eyes go glassy yet again before she shakes her head and focuses on their task. For the sake of her sanity, Luna ignores the small bit of drool that falls silently from her sister's muzzle.

"What of the Underdark?" Celestia ponders aloud and grins with full teeth when Luna unconsciously releases the faintest squeak of embarrassment. Luna remembered that one perfectly the now Eternal Queen of Thestrals swallows the guilt she feels and watches her sister poke and prod at an exposed brain. Cernunnos didn't deserve the fate she had given him and if she could take it back she would but Celestia hadn't been to the Underdark, so this was a simple matter of misdirection.

"It is alive and well, the king sends me letters still." Celestia nearly stops her work and turns back to her. Luna swallows nervously as she recognises the look she is getting, she can only hope that her sister's poor memory rears its ugly head again (an unkind thought for sure but it would be better than being reminded).

"Please the king has been dead for over a millennia." Her sister rolls her eyes and sloshes and swaps some of the brain held tightly in her shield spell. She examines the neural pathway and nods after sending a small pulse of electricity down it (a skill her sister learned from a changeling doctor if you can believe it).

"Lies and slander" It's the only thing she can think to say and she already feels dumber for it. The deadpan she gives the brain as she tests more pathways would have stopped most folks from speaking but Luna as always wasn't most folks. "It is still as vibrant as when we last visited" Celestia cringes as she seems to remember something but Luna can't fathom what it possibly was. She simply continues observing as her sister's face twists into something like pain or regret but the expression is gone so quickly that she suspects that she was just seeing things. There was something more to this but from that look, she doubted she would get anything from Celestia, she would have to do some research later when the more pressing matter was dealt with.

Celestia swallows noticeably before her as her face twists again, this time irritation shows through the mask. "They have a name for you down there you know?", Celestia snorts, Luna can't help but feel the dread pool in her gut. She was fucked, Celestia had been down there since her banishment (to what end she did not know) and if she didn't know the whole story by now then Luna certainly wasn't telling her.

"I have names everywhere" the Once Queen of Cariche states dismissively in a way that she hopes signals to her sister that this conversation is over. Celestia sighs and cracks her neck slightly before turning back to her with a slightly victorious grin. For it was a victory in this game of failures if Celestia knew this one outright.

"They call you the Rape Queen of Cariche" There are no words to describe the well of despair that had opened up in her at that moment but she cannot show it. Cannot give her sister the satisfaction of knowing just how deeply that title cuts her. She had never heard that one and it cut all the deeper for that.

"That is absurd, who calls me such things I will have their head." She responds listlessly and utterly without the accent that is in all their conversations. A fact Celestia seems to notice as she shoots her a wry grin, Luna can't help the squeak that leaves her throat at that moment. The laughter from her sister that follows is more of a bark than anything else.

"Many I spoke to claim that you tied their king up and used his seed to create an army and then took his cock as a grisly little prize." The delivery is deadpan as the Solar Goddess turns her head and meets her sister's eyes with a raised brow, begging for her to lie to her now. Luna is almost tempted to lie, it's on the tip of her tongue but she can't do it. She can't avoid proving her right and the fact that her sister would insult that stallion's virility seems to grate on the youngest nerves far more than she thought possible. She birthed an entire race (above ground) because of that stallion and she would not have him insulted. She braces herself and readies a barb on her tongue.

Only to flounder as she always does when forced into a social situation she can't extract herself from with her swords. "Twas not that wee- Ugh Bastard!" She screeches instead with a slight sob mixed in. She hated that memory more than anything, she was a cruel worthless tart back then and some would argue she was the same now but she and her sister knew the truth of the matter. Twilight Sparkle would never see that degree of savagery as the world currently stands, they had seen to that long ago. Either her sister doesn't see her despair (given what she's doing it is most likely) or simply doesn't care (incorrect) and whatever it is her next sentence cuts deeper than she could fathom.

"Ha I knew it, you gormless degenerate." Celestia mocks with a laugh before stepping back as Luna takes her place again. She starts to recreate the muscle structure from scratch again even as she sputters and squeaks in horror and humiliation (though she would argue that she deserves it). This game of theirs was over and Luna couldn't help but feel the yoke of despair wrap around her neck again. Celestia had won with Luna's greatest failure and nothing that she could think of seemed to distract her from it. Still, she trawls her memories in search of something to make her sister feel an ounce of the horror, regret or humiliation that she currently feels.

Finally, her age-old brain seems to settle on something "Marejypt and Rom, you got both of them by being a decadent eastern slut" She offers up almost lamely as if not thinking much of this one. She knew how history portrayed her sister (under a different name of course) in that particular event and knew that she hated it something fierce.

"I followed the plan, not my fault Antonious wasn't quick enough" Celestia damn near roars causing Luna to blink, turn and stare at her sister. A slow blink from both parties is all the time it takes for the two to get over the little outburst and continue with... whatever the fuck they were doing.

But from that small outburst, Luna had learned something fascinating, something she had never known before. She knew her sister hated that moment but she didn't realise just how much she hated that moment. The Princess of the Moon decides to press and see where it gets her, surely this can't be worse than her folly?

"You fucked the two generals that killed him?" Luna half goads, half questions with an unsure tone as she watches her sister come undone by something that really shouldn't have any effect anymore but given that reaction, one could say she was curious.

"They were strong goats of Rom, how could I resist?" The elder spits with venom as she forgets about the pieces of skull, the pile of teeth and the neatly folded skin and proceeds to stomp around the room(narrowly avoiding those various piles due to Luna's quick use of teleportation). She begins to ramble as the youngest watches, most of which goes straight over the Lady of Dreams head as her sister immediately changes languages.

Some sound new, some sound old and some cause the blue alicorn's muzzle to crinkle in disgust. She hated the sound of that dumb picture language her sister invented. Though eventually, the rambling rant ends with, "And can you blame me I was supposed to save my burgeoning nation somehow."

Luna continues with her work whilst trying to simultaneously unknot the dreaded loops of her sister's one-sided view of history. "They took you as a prize and then what did you do, Wouldst thou like to regale us of the tale sister?" She makes it sound like she already knows the answer, Luna understands that sometimes with her sister the best thing to do is just let her talk. This was old and interesting territory that her sister refused to speak of (normally). Even when they eventually reunited in the land Luna had once made her own (before some other more awkward things happened).

Celestia stamps over, again narrowly missing the pile of loose... things? "I burned that pathetic little city of theirs to the ground but you must understand that they banned the use of perfume." She rambles as her eyes spark madness and fire causing the glamour she holds up constantly to sputter and partially fail, revealing the various tattoos and scars beneath. One of which is that of a rather handsome goat in centurion armour. "Those fucking filth could have smelled gorgeous but no!" Her sister snorts fire and the carpet sets alight but she doesn't seem to notice, "It wasn't what a proper goat did, for all they climbed mountains they could not see the glory and elegance it would have brought them!" The carpet fire has grown, Celestia has stepped in it twice and spread the blaze and she still hasn't noticed. "Sure they didn't smell like your lot did beyond that little wall Rom built but it's the principle of the matter."

Her sister is crying now, the ugly snottery kind that makes Luna stop and sit down. She watches in silence before recognising this for what it was, absolute gold and the High Witch of the Thestrals was the only proper witness to this complete meltdown. The body is forgotten in favour of the theatrics before her. The streaking and bubbling golden eyeliner hisses violently as it is simultaneously switched between a liquid and a gas... repeatedly. The goop that was once her sister's regalia scorches the floor and seeps beneath in a burning trickle.

Luna nearly laughs in those scant few moments before a whimper stops that reaction "I'm sorry Antonious" Her sister has rolled up into a ball, similar to what she had done earlier. The tears that streak down her cheeks to the floor are lava and the flooring reacts accordingly, The room is now more than a little on fire, "I didn't mean to, I would have come back." She bawls and Luna almost moves to comfort her.

Almost. She didn't cry that much for her now, did she? The absolute cunt.

But still, they were sisters and someone had to stop the building from burning down. Luna stands and breathes in deeply before exhaling. A heavy stream of frost pours from her maw for a second before she coughs and splutters, she glares down at her sister and gives her a kick to which she doesn't react. "You think you can hide a fart like that behind tears" She snarls after giving her another kick for good measure. The stream of frost renews with a severe amount of mouth breathing to keep it going. The fires go out and the Lunar Princess takes the moment before the lava ignites the floor again to scan the room.

The drapes are fine, the floor can be scrubbed clean in most places and other than a bit of ash and blood the furniture seems fine. A dead-eyed, mouth-agape Twilight Sparkle holds her teacup in a purple aura, it has long gone cold. Mi Amore Cadenza looks almost peaceful after having fainted on the couch, the thin layer of drool beneath her will stain the couch for sure. A fact the head maid will be less than enthused by. The mare once called Selene by a warlord who couldn't pronounce her name (but fucked like a champ) watches the two for a brief moment longer before turning back to her still sobbing sister. She reaches deep inside herself, reminds herself of the history the two of them share and holds back tears as she decides what to do next. The Thestral Alicorn sits on the ground and scootches closer to the sister. Her face briefly shows discomfort causing her freckled cheeks to scrunch up as she shuffles through the molten metal of destroyed regalia.

The Celestial Sisters eyes meet and the sobbing slows as her sister seems to come back to reality. Luna lowers her head towards the mare who she has lived the majority of her life with, just enough so that she can whisper in her ear. She wears the softest smile she can, one normally saved for foals. Her words flow like a gentle river when she finally speaks with her hoof resting reassuringly on her sister's tattooed shoulder. "I know this is hard and it must pain thee verily but I must say this again, if only to remind thee of our glorious past."

Luna's smile seems to become even softer, a voice only ever used during dreams of death comes forth. Celestia hazards a faint smile right back as her sister draws even closer.

"Decadent"

"Eastern"

"Slut"

Twilight Wants to Go Home.

Relief turns to confusion. Happiness to sadness until finally realisation dawns in Celestia's eyes. Luna doesn't have time to dodge the rapturous headbutt that follows, a headbutt that rattles her skull as her sister flares her wings and stands. She does manage to avoid the thrown hoof, which rockets into the remade skull and once again gallaghers it across the room.

"Worthless savage northerner heathen dog!" Her sister snarls as she advances on the shorter mare, "You even still have that filthy accent" Luna hops over a poorly thrown leg sweep and thanks the gods that her sister is too enraged to remember her magical might (a might that exceeds her own).

"That's because what I built still exists..." That is a lie and Luna knows it. The two of them had sunk the isles (if only by accident) and the only thing that survived beyond the couple hundred the two could teleport out was a culture that saw her as a goddess (a goddess that she is, even if her sister likes to pretend they are not).

The striking and dodging continue's without any real major blows being landed. Sure there are a few deflections but Luna always was the better physical fighter when it comes to matters of dodging and technique. Celestia was always the better one at stoving in heads and smashing in walls. She would often use a mixture of brute force and magic, wanting to get the task over with as quickly as possible. In the past, it was because she was lazy but in this new world it is simply a matter of fatigue. The mare that once was hailed as a God of War didn't have the fight or the endurance in her at the moment. It would be a sad sight to see if Luna wasn't currently dodging blows that could take a mortal head clean off still (and to her chagrin had already reduced their project to mush).

Calling it a fight would be an insult to both of them. This was merely a minor scuffle, a disagreement if you would believe it. And it comes to an end with neither party achieving their goal. That being that Celestia hadn't collapsed from over-exertion and that Luna wasn't lying spark out on the floor with a hoof print on her face. The fall of the two godlings comes down to an entirely mundane (if slightly morbid) thing. The mixture of a varnished wood floor, a pool of stale blood and a small globule of brain matter.

Luna can barely comprehend the moment she ends up on her back only that Celestia seemed to roar in triumph before meeting a similar fate. The two stare at one another from their positions on the floor before taking in the mess around them. "Truce?" They grumble in unison before rolling their eyes and snorting. Also in unison.

"That got heated rather quickly." Celestia huffs as she wiggles her horn out from the side of the couch (It would get patched quickly, she had enough minorly competent peons that she could put on the job).

"Yes it did but would thou permit me one more?" Luna queries as she tries her best to untangle herself from the body of a once upstanding gentleman.

"Fine" Celestia sighs as her horn comes free with a puff of cotton (or at least she thinks it's cotton), The hole in the leather couch is wide and slightly scorched but the Princess is vaguely sure that the couch won't catch fire. So she leaves it, something like that was work for the castle staff anyway.

"Holy Kirin Empire" With a grunt Luna frees herself and scoots away from the body. She doesn't remember his name but given he was one of Celestia's that isn't a massive surprise. Luna didn't know the long list of fanatics her sister had garnered and groomed over the past millennia (She only knew that her list was significantly smaller).

"Fuck those savages, those islands were a death sentence" Celestia growls with a savage smile. She didn't like Kirens all that much and the pair's brief time trawling those islands in a hopeful conquest meant that they didn't like her all that much either. The Lady of Glass could at least respect an equal (well as close as a mortal race can get) in the field of battle, It was just a shame that they didn't submit to her rule.

"On that, we are agreed" An equally savage smile greets the sun goddess and in that moment an understanding is yet again reached. The smiles fall quickly as the yet again headless body becomes the centre of attention for one of the sisters. Luna grimaces and holds back a frustrated screech before turning to Celestia "Sister I believe it has gotten worse".

"It can't have" The now calm Princess turns before freezing "Oh Gods, not again" She glances at her hoof and flicks a spot of greymatter and hair from it before wiping said hoof on one of the drapes.

"Perhaps we can fetch Discord?" Luna suggests as she levitates the corpse away from the centre of the room.

"I really don't want to." An aggravated groan from the eldest "You know how he gets." Followed by a long-suffering sigh. It wasn't that the two of them didn't like Discord but if there was one thing they both agree on it was that the Lord of Change was a mouthy cunt (and only sometimes in a good way). Personally, Celestia thought he was funny but that wasn't something she would ever say aloud.

"Mayhaps we can quieten his tongue the old-fashioned way?" The almost coy suggestion leaves Princess Luna's mouth but is quickly smothered to death by the endless lilt. She wasn't yet at an intelligible level but the Lunar Princess was quickly approaching what her sister called 'Oh Gods, the Horde is Back'. Which was the point where her accent overwhelmed her words and every word from that point onward sounded made up.

"Well he does have two cocks and I am feeling rather stressed at the moment." Celestia ponders breathlessly as her imagination runs amok. She had met very few in her lifetime who had an endowment as adaptable as Discord but that wasn't the poi- Celestia's brow furrows as she watches her previous student stand and walk silently towards the two of them. Luna for her part doesn't notice Twilight's approach.

The smaller Princess taps her hoofs together in an excited clap before speaking "Verily I too am stressed, mayhaps we coul-" The Lunar Princess stops as a still dead-eyed Twilight Sparkle brushes past her, heading towards the corpse "Umm Twilight wit are yah dooin?"

"I..." The Lady in Lavender starts and stops with a heavy heaving breath. "I.." She seems lost for words and this seems to build upon Celestia's concern for the poor thing. In that moment lost in the past it was easy to forget the purple bibliophile, a fact that shrouds the sun in guilt and shame.

"Now Twi-" Celestia starts before stopping as the young mares eye's flash white before her gaze yet again turns to the body of Steady Service. Celestia attempts to speak but a raised hoof stops her.

"Not another word." Twilight Eventide Sparkle intones to the room as her horn glows brightly with arcane might. Soon after the mumbling starts and the guilt in Celestia's heart all but disappears and in its place a strange sense of pride blooms along with another large dosage of concern. "This piece goes there, that piece goes the other way, this one isn't for this..." The Princess of Friendship begins to rebuild the skull of the stallion Luna had accidentally murdered and all the Celestial Sisters can do is watch as their experiences from hundreds of rebuilds suddenly pales in comparison to the smallest mare in the room. Twilight always was a quick study and watching this only continues to show just how quick-witted the mare was. "Clean, Glue, Place, Harden and Heartstart" And like that she is finished to the absolute shock of everyone currently awake in the room.

"Oh a thousand apologies Princess, I seem to have slipped" Steady Service holds his head and smiles up at Princess Twilight, who offers him a hoof and a smile that seems just a little bit stiff. Because inside her head Twilight Eventide Sparkle, Spark of Magic is screaming, bawling and laughing at the same time. And that makes what she does next even more surprising given that it isn't a full-blown panic attack.

"Never mind that you hit your head and gave us all the fright of our lives. Celestia was so shocked she was nearly inconsolable." The Lavender Legend gestures to the melted peytral and the various burns on the floor but she doesn't stop there. "In fact she thinks you've earned a well-deserved break after a little bout in the infirmary" She rests a hoof on the woozy stallion's shoulder and pulls him into a hug giving her just enough time to give Luna a rather unfriendly look (one that promised pain) "She's arranged tour around the world out of her own pocket as both an apology and thanks for all the hard work you do" Twilight Sparkle releases the once dead man and helps him to his four hooves before cleaning and straightening his suit with a few simple spells.

Mr. Service for his part seems more embarrassed than he realistically should be "Really I'm fine ma'am there is no nee-"
"She insists." Twilight interrupts as she turns the stallion around and begins to guide him out of the room with a wing upon his back. "In fact she wants you to bring your whole family along as well, isn't that right Celestia?" The little purple menace turns to Celestia with a smile that is utterly strained and when the tall mare doesn't immediately respond her eyes flash white.

"Uhm... yes?" The Ruler of the Sovereign Principality of Equestria intones dumbly. She feels dumb at that moment, why hadn't she just asked Twilight to begin with? It was what she did every other time one of them cocked up. Like that time Luna invited Chrysallis to a wedding, lost her and later found her... after she had already been launched from the city with a love blast.

"Forgive her she is still rather stunned, as is Cadance." Twilight opens the door to the immaculate hallway outside as her magic picks the still unconscious Mi Amore and rests her on her back.

"Well if she insists I suppose" Steady Service mumbles as he stumbles on his way out "By the Stars I have a rather bad headache m'lady" He turns to Twilight who offers him a supportive smile as her wing curls around him tighter.

Celestia knows her student well enough to spot the slightest twitch in her right eye, a sign of stress and as much as the Old Celestia wants to call her weak. The Modern Celestia can't help but applaud her strength of will, it was one of the most valuable lessons she taught her... if she did teach her that, she can't rightly remember.

"It's perfectly natural to have such a thing after what you have been through" She reassures the recently dead man as Cadance sputters awake on her back, drawing all the eyes in the room. She looks pale. "Though I must insist on joining you as it looks like Cadance is rather sickly at the moment as well" Twilight's voice cracks just slightly as the bleary-eyed gaze of her once foalsitter scans the room before shaking her head.

"Did you say my name, I had a funny dream I think?" Mi Amore Cadenza (You can call her Cadance, everyone else does) slurs from the smaller mares back before slumping back down into a mess of mauve mane.

"We'll talk about that later, We're off to the infirmary" An increasingly hysterical laugh leaves Twilight's muzzle as she steps out of the room and jostles the mare on her back again. Cadance stares lazily off to the side and grunts an affirmative before shutting her eyes again. A sparkling purple eye turns back towards the sisters sitting frozen in a slightly damaged tea room and for a moment Luna swears she sees something malevolent in the small mares eye.

"We'll talk later." She states firmly before stepping out of the room and shutting the door. The Bearers of the Sun and Moon both shiver before breathing a sigh of relief.

"Yer students a wee bit of a nutjob ain't she?" Princess Luna mutters to her sister beside her as she tips the last of her cold coffee down her throat. Celestia just shrugs in response, part of her wants to defend Twilight but the other part doesn't exactly disagree.

"Sparkles have their own breed of madness from what I've seen." Luna nods curtly as if understanding completely. She lets her mug drop from her magical grip and lets it shatter on the floor with an amused titter. Luna was many things and utterly petty was one of the traits that the two of them share.

"So... about that Discord idea..." She lets the thought sit in the open air and Celestia finds herself properly pondering it again as she wraps a wing around her smaller sister. She pulls her close as memories and experiences shared fill her head, now Discord... that wasn't an all-around bad idea. Celestia liked his jokes more than she let on and Luna had a uniquely similar experience that they had already bonded over (Banishment).

"Yes, I believe he could help with the effects of this stressful situation" He was an old friend, even if the three of them had been at odds more than once. They could rely on him even though he pretended to be a fool most days.

"That's a long-winded way of saying you want to fuck him." Her sister chortles and Celestia laughs boisterously before turning to her sister with a smile.

"Luna," She says with a growing smile and a snicker. "Shut your filthy fanged mouth you northener thestral cunt".

Luna cackles, "Flat-toothed fat eastern trolop."

"Witch" Luna wiggles the claws of her wings mysteriously.

"Tyrant" Celestia rolls her eyes bares her teeth and winks.

"Whore" Luna opens her maw and wiggles her pierced-forked tongue.

"Tart" Celestia flutters her eyelashes and gives her best salacious smirk.

"Hornhead" Luna levitates a piece of cake over and gasps in mock surprise.

"Mudpony" Celestia laughs uproariously and taps both front hooves together, a near thunderclap makes her sister wince.

"Really?" Both question in unison before laughing.

"What shape do you think they'll be this time" Celestia ponders to a near-empty room as she munches a piece of cake.

"I was quite partial to the dragon last time." Luna fans herself with a wing as a small trail of drool leaves her lips.

"I think he'll surprise us." Celestia gives Luna a nod, one that she returns with a small smile.

"I certainly hope I can," A familiar voice says from between the two as a tiny Discord reveals himself before snapping a clawed finger. A larger Discord slivers out of a crack in reality and pokes the smaller one, the little Discord pops and the sisters find a draconaques between the two of them. They both gasp as something firmly grips each of their flanks. The chimeric god between the two of them winks "I am Lord of Chaos, my dears" His voice becomes slow and sultry "Surprises are my specialty."

With a snap, they all disappear, off to do things in places. Most likely repeatedly and vigorously. All that is left in this small room is the remnants of a crime reversed and a tea break utterly ruined.

Oh wait that couch did set on fire... bollocks.