Butt of the Joke

by DHeroRedMagma

Rating: mature
Tags: Anthro, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Porn, Comedy, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Sex
Length: 3009

A plucky changeling out on a milk delivery gets more then he bargained for with the help of a wise cracking plant

While on a delivery for Hollow and Magma's Milk Mine, Nux finds himself stumbling balls deep in an odd sexual misadventure with his client but seems the joke is on her in a way. How will this plucky wanna be detective handle it?

Commissioned by Yakopak

The following fic contains: penis growth, hyper endowments, cumflation and plenty of cum for this joke. Reader discretion is advised.

Wanna help support and suggest ideas for fics? Join my Patreon Here

Published 2023-08-20 01:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-20 01:40:01 UTC

Joke goes here

It was a sunny day over Canterlot with all the dwellers of the city bustling about doing they’re various jobs. Rolling into the city is a changeling detective, one of the fruits of the loins of the two founders of the famous and popular Milk Mine he works for.

“Glad mom and dad trusted me with this big shipment to Princess Celestia,” he says, taking off his cap and wiping his brow as he continues to pull his cart full of milk in. “Maybe I can solve a mystery or two while I’m here,” he wonders to himself, clearly reading too much Ponesona.

Having been inspired by her favorite character after having Nux, one of the newest additions of the two lustful encounters this time with an interrogation. Nux followed his mother’s affinity for Ponesona’s ‘Detective Prince’ character but this time wanting to investigate any case and not ones of lewd and debaucherous nature unlike his aforementioned mother.

“Maybe I’ll uncover a secret cult with a plot to kidnap the princess and take over all of Equestria or an illegal substance smuggling ring or a…” his overactive imagination gets going before a large cluster of flowers blows directly into his face causing him to jump a bit as they fly past him with a few surrounding his vision with blueness.

“Bleagh what the heck were those weird blue flowers?” he complains to himself continuing down the road to the castle.

“Shoot you let those flowers get blown away!?” A nearby alchemist pony exclaims.

“It was an accident, the wind just whisked them away,” the lackadaisical delivery pony responded.

“Those were poison joke!” the alchemist screeches. “They could cause problems should anypony come into contact with them without the proper safeguards!” he explains. “And on top of that they were specially modified poison joke that serve a specific purpose!” he ends on.

“Oh… that sounds bad,” the delivery pony responds. “By the way the shipping fee was seven bits,” he adds, making the alchemist facepalm.

“I suppose I’ll have to make a cure then…” the alchemist grumbles. “In case anypony comes in contact,” he finishes stomping off into his lab. “Although it’s said that it wears off after the afflicted finishes…” he mutters about.

Meanwhile at the castle…

Sitting in her chambers in the nude eating cake, bored out of her gourd and surprisingly extremely horny. Being princess does have its downsides with all the social activity she is forced to do and Celestia does like to be a tad bit mischievous at times but alas Luna is usually sleeping and her guards are so stoic they hardly respond to her advances. So tending to her personal needs can be rather complex especially since the chambermaid ponies are very thorough in they’re cleaning and are known to gossip, the last thing Celestia needs is the rumor of her having all sorts of floppy sex toys hidden in her chambers. It’d be almost as bad as Luna being caught moonlighting at gloryholes again, but that establishment's business is still booming with customers hoping to get a royal treatment despite Luna not having been there for months.

Thankfully Celestia has thought of a foolproof plan to get herself some adult entertainment with little to no consequence. She had heard the rumors and some tales from Twilight about the famous milk mine and its various services and lewd shenanigans that go on there. So she placed a special express order for a large amount of milk in hopes she might have a fancy sexual misadventure. However unbeknownst to her it was Nux coming and not either Hollow or Magma but that won’t stop Celestia.

“I wonder when that delivery will make it here?” Celestia wonders to herself taking another bite out of her slice of cake. “But I'd be lying if I wasn’t excited myself,” she mutters while taking a sip of tea. “I suppose I should get dressed if I am technically having to conduct myself with a bit of a normal manner.

She soon finishes her tea and cake and gets up and goes to her walk-in closet looking for the perfect dress that conveys royalty and slutty princess. Shifting through the vast collection of designer dresses that Rarity sends her every now and then, looking through them before finding the perfect one, with gold sequins and rather revealing in the right areas especially her dump truck of a butt.

She smirks and grabs it off the hangar beginning to put it on and slightly struggling due to so much cake she has been eating lately. After an intense session of pulling and grunting she finally gets it on, giving a sigh of relief at the struggle.

She looks over to her full body length mirror and strikes a few sexy poses just to make sure she looks super bangable even checking to make sure her EE cup funbags are nice and firm looking.

She soon strolls out of the closet and out of her chambers heading to the dining hall.

Inside the dining hall was a tired looking Luna who was busy eating her brunch. She reacts to the sound of the doors opening and glances over at her older sister still chewing.

“Morning Luna, how's breakfast?” Celestia cheerily asks, Luna doesn’t respond, looking her up and down before swallowing her food.

“So you’re getting some form of dick today?” Luna flatly states while taking a swig of juice and making Celestia turn crimson with embarrassment.

“L-luna!” Celestia scolds her exhausted sister.

“Spare me the scolding,” Luna begins. “You’re dressed in an outfit that screams ‘fuck me please!’ and I saw your dreams recently,” Luna points out before taking a bite out of her toast.

“You shouldn’t be looking at obscenities like that,” Celestia protests “Especially in mine!” she adds.

“Do you know how many ponies have wet dreams on a nightly basis?” Luna mentions pointing her spoon at Celestia. “And I have to pass by your dreams before heading back,” Luna finishes as she finishes her cereal.

“S-still…” Celestia waivers knowing her lewd fantasies are exposed to her younger sister no less.

“Anyway I’m gonna head to bed, try not to be too loud cause judging from your dreams you're a moaner,” Luna tells her sister as she gets up and takes her leave.

“Stop looking in my dreams!” Celestia retorts.

“Stop dreaming of taking an entire hoofball team at the same time!” Luna fires back as she walks down the hall.

Celestia huffs in annoyance by her sister before planting her fat plot down on a chair and beginning to have her own breakfast. Enjoying some bananas and fruit not wanting to fill up on heavy fatty foods for her encounter she plans on having.

Outside of castle Nux is being held up about the delivery with the guards inspecting the wagon's load to ensure there are no illicit goods or ponies aboard, with the lead guard going over the invoice of the goods in the wagon. Nux is off to the side reading his Ponesona book as the guards do their thing before they all nod and step off.

“All good,” the captain states, catching Nux’s attention.

Nux perks up, closing the book and walking over.

“You are free to enter, Princess Celestia will want to meet with you personally to discuss payment for your delivery,” the captain adds.

“Alright then, thank you,” Nux says, flashing a smile before once again pulling the wagon unaware of his balls swelling in his pants.

He parks his wagon at the drop off zone and is soon escorted into the castle.

Nux looks around in awe of how nice the castle looks, rarely seeing anything of the sort in the ritzy looking castle.

Soon he is led to Celestia’s chambers with the guard gesturing to Nux to enter which he quickly follows the advice and enters to see Celestia sitting by a table eating cake and drinking tea.

“Ah you must be from the milk farm!” Celestia chimes seeing Nux.

“Uhm yes h-hi I am Nux from Hollow and Magma’s milk mine,” Nux nervously greets the rather large voluptuous princess.

“The pleasure is all mine,” Celestia responds in a sultry voice before giving him bedroom eyes. “I do hope this sudden delivery was too much to handle at the last minute,” Celestia apologizes.

“Well…” Nux trails off remembering what happened.

Late last night at the milk mine in the barn…

In one of the stalls a lot of moaning and meaty wet slaps were occurring with Magma and Hollow deep in the throes of passion, Hollow having milkers attached to her massive mammaries and being milked while Magma gave her the business from behind.

“Why the hell are we working this hard? I thought tonight was roleplay night?” Magma complains as he continues to pound his wife.

“We had a massive rush order come in,” Hollow explains. “And I need some of your cum to help me produce more milk,” She finishes with a loud moan.

“Fuck fine and don’t forget to moo, it’s roleplay night and it turns me on,” Magma requests as he continues his plapping.

“Sorry moo~” Hollow apologizes, trying to help her husband get off faster to help with filling this order. “Just give it to me hard sweetie moo~” she encourages, which is enthusiastically accepted by him smacking her butt as hard as he can.

“Don’t worry just let me ravage your cunny and will have this order done in no time,” he whispers into her ear as he relentlessly plows her with reckless abandon.

“Moo!~” she moans out in pleasure.

Back in the present…

“It was certainly an ordeal but we were able to deliver,” Nux admits, knowing full well his mom is currently been fucked into a minor coma and his dad’s balls are basically raisins.

“That’s good, I feel however I should offer a bit of a bonus for all your hard work,” Celestia hints at standing up and purposely letting her cleavage hang loose for him to gaze upon the vast valley.

“It was no trouble at all Princess Celestia and I don’t think it would be fair for me to take a bonus that wasn’t discussed without prior discussion,” Nux honorably mentions which makes Celestia’s face droop realizing he isn’t taking the hints she is dropping.

“What I meant to say was I am interested in some of the other services your family's business is known for,” she asks in a sultry voice as she touches his shoulder.

“Oh you should have mentioned that sadly we don’t have any more of that milk in stock. It kinda got used up filling this order,” Nux explains, seeing as how he knows his father used up all his seed to fill his mothers holes to produce as much milk as needed.

“Okay this is going to go around in circles at this point,” groans in frustration before pushing him against the wall and grabbing his pants. “What I want is for you to fuck me in my massive shitter!” she growls, lowering his trousers and letting his snake spring free.

“Oh…oh!” Nux exclaims now realizing what she was hinting at and noticing his nut sack looking far more larger than usual.

“Woah!” she lets out a low whistle of approval noticing his swollen cum tanks. “Those are some prize winning nuts you got there,” she compliments him. “Oh my what a strapping piece of meat you got here!” Celestia cheers as she hikes up her dress a bit and turns around before pressing her massive rear into his crotch rubbing against his slowly rising member leaving him stuck between her butt and the wall.

“P-princess Celestia, this is a bit too much!” Nux stammers out before feeling her magic guide his eager donger into her tailhole.

“Ahhhhhhh!” she lets out in pleasure as she slides her way down his meat pole. She eventually reaches the base with a wet smack causing her booty cheeks to ripple like a stone being thrown into water.

“Ooooooh!” Nux let out in surprise not at the sensation he was feeling from the tightness of Celestia’s shitter. But at the weird tingling vibration he was feeling inside his member.

Celestia then began rising and falling on his meaty lance leaving him pinned against the wall and forced to ride the wave of pleasure of being balls deep in her asshole. Her cunny drips fluids all over his hefty sack coating in a sleek sheen making it shine, as they churn with a vast amount of seed to be deposited.

Nux feels his head slowly lean back and his tongue fall out of his maw as his brain turns to mush from the pleasure his peen is receiving in the royal anal cavity he is buried in, his pelvis constantly taking the brunt of Celestia’s double wide surprise bouncing off of him each time she she takes his sausage whole.

“My my what a big piece you got it’s just perfect it really hits deep,” Celestia compliments him which he simply nods.

However both fail to realize two things as they are utterly lost in they’re happy humping. Nux had at first noticed it with his dynamic duo being swollen to the size of watermelons but had forgotten about that due to the wonderful anal sex he is currently in the midst of. His hard working soldier of a dong had slowly begun growing in her bottom slowly inch by inch jutting out of his sheath but due to Celestia’s constant riding she hadn’t noticed it due to the subtleness of the growth. But while close to her own peak and biting her bottom lip in pleasure it all happened so suddenly, Nux’s blue member started vibrating rapidly which ironically led to more pleasure for Celestia but suddenly about twenty inches burst forth deep in her shitter.

“Aggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” she let out in surprise as she climaxes squirting her juices all over Nux’s cum factories and coating much of the floor with her unused cunny’s juices, the reverb was so powerful the windows barely hung on for dear life as to not shatter.

While that was going on, meanwhile in Luna’s room…

Luna was casually eating chips and doing a bit of manga reading but then heard the loud scream echo into her own chambers.

“I’ll go check in fifteen,” she mutters before taking another chip.

Back to the plot…

“So you stopped moving,” Nux points out, kind of annoyed he is no longer being pleased.

“What the fuck happened with your dick!?” Celestia blurts out. “It grew twice its size!” she escalates.

“I dunno?” Nux shrugs smacking her ass before grasping her hips.

“Ahhhh! Wha-what are you doing?” she questions.

“Finishing my job,” Nux points out before pulling out before slamming himself back home causing Celestia’s eyes to wide as her insides are rearranged. “Cause at Hollow and Magma’s Milk Mine customer satisfaction is guaranteed!” Nux announces with a series of grunts as he begins pistoning his hips in and out of the sun princess whose belly keeps distorting due to the new found girth he has suddenly acquired. Oddly enough as he does so he is giving himself quite the workout slinging his now thirty seven inches in and out of her tailhole as she has gone cross eyed from the mix of pain and pleasure and orgasmed once again.

Thankfully it doesn’t take long with his gut rearranging cock twitching rapidly giving off the warning signs to his newfound onahole he’s going to blow soon and pack her fudge maker with his thick icing.

“Gonna nut!” Nux announces, to which Celestia opens her mouth to say something but is cut off by the sudden burden of high volume spooge flooding her cavities. Her belly soon takes on the extra weight causing her dress to stretch and even tear a bit as Nux continues to unleash torrent after torrent of fresh nut butter, her swollen form soon touches the floor with herself being beached by her cum tummy as he finishes letting all he had out.

With a deep sigh he pulls out only to discover his dick and balls had returned to their normal respective size, he looks up and marvels at his handiwork seeing a river of his spunk drool down her asshole.

“Phew, thank you for choosing our milk service Princess Celestia!” he informs her by giving her a commemorative spank on her tush. “We hope you will order from us again sometime,” Nux adds before lifting his pants up and grabbing his payment off the table and tipping his cap farewell.

As he scampers down the halls he passes Princess Luna who makes a beeline for where Nux just came from peering into the room and giving a slow clap of mockingness.

“Gotta admit, I never saw this in any of your dreams,” Luna jokes laughing.

“Bite me Luna,” the beached sun butt says.

“Gonna regret that,” Luna warns before taking a deep breath.

“Attention all guard ponies!” Luna bellows in her royal Equestrian voice, one she hadn’t used in quite some time. “As a reward for your service and to strengthen unity, Princess Celestia would like to offer all of you right now a round of anal coitus!” she announces making Celestia turn red and try and stammer out an apology. “Any of you bearing male genitalia are welcome to partake in her royal derriere and only once may you cum and then return to your duties to let the next take part in the plunder, Thank you all!” Luna finishes turning around to Celestia. “You can thank me later,” she states, giving her a wink before heading off.

“N-no Luna please!” Celestia starts but Luna is long gone and the sound of many hooves rushing towards her bed chambers can be heard. And due to her beached form and exposed rear all she can do is gulp and shutter at what her shitter is about to endure.