Children of Celestia
Reverend Douglas S. Martin had been with the church for twenty-six years, as of next Thursday. He was very proud of his achievements; he had preached the Lord’s word to many people. He had exorcised exactly fifty two demons, and he had exercised twenty-four fat guys who had fallen under the spell of the sin of gluttony. He had crucified many homosexuals, because, of course, it is wrong to feel love for a member of the same sex, and that justifies a Christian’s right to hate someone who does that. Reverend Martin was so straight, he didn’t even love his son! In fact, he didn’t even love his wife, because he believed that when he married her, they became family, and you can’t love family members. That’s incest. He had also crucified many Jews, because it is wrong to crucify Jesus, and also to not believe in the same god as Rev. Martin did. Rev. Martin was a master in the art of hypocrisy; he taught the word of love but practiced the word of hate, which is what a good Christian does. As a pastor in the Lord’s flock, Douglas Martin had done many things for Jesus, but above everything else, his specialty was ruining children’s entertainment for everyone.
At the moment, Martin was shuffling through a folder of letters he had received from parents concerning a certain family program entitled My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Reverend Martin was familiar with the My Little Pony franchise, and he had always known they were up to some Satanic work. But this was obviously much worse. It seemed that a Satanic, evil, Devil-worshipping woman named Lauren Faust had gotten ahold of the franchise and made a new cartoon of it to send evil messages to the brains of children. Martin had dealt with similar situations before this; he knew that Satan liked to make cartoons for children. And books, too....let’s not forget that horrible Harry Potter garbage. At the moment, Reverend Martin was unfolding yet another letter from another concerned parent; he was beginning to grow very disturbed indeed at the growing evidence of Satanic influence in this cartoon. He looked at the next letter, from a father who attended his service:
Dear Rev. Martin,
I caught my daughter watching a cartoon today, and I was very shocked. I’ve told her time and time again not to watch cartoons, because most of them are evil except for the boring Bible stories on the Christian public access channel, but...this was just too much. It was called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and, Reverend, it was horrible....the horses.... they...they were FLYING!!! And, and TALKING!!! THE BLASPHEMY!!! PLEASE PROTECT MY CHILDREN, PLEASE!!!!
Martin nodded. It was true that this was blasphemy. Talking, flying horses? If horses were meant to talk OR fly, God would have made them that way. I mean, DUH. He was pretty sure it said in Matthew 5:26 that it was sinful for horses to fly and talk. It didn’t use that exact wording, of course, but the message was basically the same. He picked up another letter and read it.
Dear Reverend,
Lately my husband has been watching a childrens’ cartoon show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The show is clearly intended for little girls, yet my husband has been taking an unnatural liking to it. He has been watching it with my daughter and son, and it has caused a lot of bonding between them---I suspect they are bonding through Satanic propaganda! This cartoon is destroying my family, Reverend! HELP!!!
Martin frowned at this one. A lot of the letters seemed to be addressing the fact that grown men were coming to enjoy this cartoon. Clearly, this was not natural. There is obviously some Satanic hypnotism going on here. He looked at another one:
Dear Reverend,
My teenage son won’t stop masturbating to cartoon horses from a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! It just seems so...unnatural! I’ve warned him that he will go to Hell, but I still catch him jacking off to the show on Netflix every day. I think that Satan is making him do this!!! What should I do, Reverend?!
Reverend Martin sighed. He could not take any of these letters!! When was the last time over hundreds of grown men decided to jack off to cartoon animals?! This kind of thing does not just happen by coincidence. It could not be that whatever makes men jack off to cartoon horses is in the minds of the people doing it, because people do not have free will. They did not choose to masturbate to these horses, the people who made the cartoon obviously intended for them to do that so they used evil subliminal messages BECAUSE SATAN DID IT!!! Duh. So Reverend Martin turned on his computer. He wanted to check a few e-mails, and see if anyone had been e-mailing him about this sinful cartoon. As soon as he checked his e-mail, he found that his inbox was practically overflowing with more complaints about the cartoon! He sighed and clicked on the first one.
Dear Reverend,
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is very evil and Satanic and stuff and you can tell because if you backmask the opening theme this happens.
There was a video link included, which Martin clicked on. It played the opening theme from the cartoon, which contained innocent enough lyrics except that Rev. Martin could tell it was evil because there were unicorns and the rainbow one was obviously a lesbian. After the song was over, the backmasked version played. Reverend Martin could not understand what the lyrics were saying, but then, it began to show the backmasked lyrics, which didn’t seem to make much sense, and THEN, a scary face popped up and screamed.
“Heavens to Betsy!” Martin exclaimed, jumping in his seat and pissing his pants. “It MUST be Satanic if THAT happens!”
It was settled. Reverend Douglas S. Martin had to address this problem. He hurriedly grabbed his phone and began to make some calls.
****************************************************************
Reverend Martin and his film crew drove as fast as they could on the busy highway. They wanted to get to the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic studios as fast as possible.
“What are we doing here again?” asked Jake, Martin’s camera guy.
“We have to go to the studios of this blasphemous cartoon and make a documentary exposing the show for what it really is,” Martin explained impatiently.
“Oh, yeah,” Jake said.
“Where are we, anyway?” asked Iris, Martin’s producer/director.
“We’re in the city where the studio is where they work on Friendship is Magic,” Martin replied. “I think it’s Los Angeles or something.”
“Oh, yeah,” Iris said.
“There it is!” Jake exclaimed, pointing his camera at a large building. There was a large sign that read ‘Studio Where They Work on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.’ Under that was a smaller sign reading, ‘No Clopping, Please.’
Reverend Martin turned the steering wheel, which caused the SUV he was driving to turn as well. He pulled into the large parking lot of the studio, and they all got out.
“Are there any signs that say ‘No Cameras?’” Martin asked.
“I don’t see any,” Jake replied.
“Good, then you don’t have to hide it,” Martin said. “Let’s go.”
They went inside, and saw a large lobby, with a short, plump old woman sitting at a desk.
“Hello,” said the woman with a kind smile. “Can I help you?”
“SINNER!!” Martin shouted, causing the short woman to be startled and fall backwards in her seat. “We are here to expose you for doing the work of Satan!!!!”
“Do you have an appointment?” the old receptionist asked weakly. Just then, a woman with red hair walked into the lobby.
“What’s going on here?” she asked, with a dumbfounded expression on her face.
“WHO ARE YOU?!?!” Reverend Martin yelled. “THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!”
“Um....” the red-haired woman said, confused. “I’m gonna ignore that last part and just answer your question....I’m Lauren Faust, the creator of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! I don’t really work on the show anymore, but I still live here. Can I help you fine people?”
“Sinful woman from Hell!” Reverend Martin snapped rudely. “We are here to expose your evil Satanic cartooning for what it really is!!!”
“Excuse me?” Lauren Faust asked, puzzled.
“You heard me!” Martin replied. “We know all about your little Devil-worshipping tomfoolery, and we are here to put an end to it.”
“You’re kidding,” Lauren Faust said. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I am not!” Reverend Martin yelled. “Your cartoon is evil!!! I know that for a fact!!”
“Hmmmm,” Lauren Faust replied. “Why don’t you come into my office and we can all discuss this like civilized people?”
“OKAY!!!” Reverend Martin shouted, and followed her angrily into her office.
*************************************************************************
“So you see, Friendship is Magic was meant to teach good values, and by no means was intended as evil propaganda,” Lauren Faust was explaining ten minutes later, as Reverend Martin, Jake, and Iris were sipping hot tea with honey in her office.
“Well, that doesn’t make sense,” Martin said finally. “If that’s true, then explain why there are so many unicorns in the show!!”
“Unicorns?” Lauren Faust repeated.
“Yes, unicorns!” Martin exclaimed, waving his hand impatiently. “Unicorns are an anti-Christ symbol in the Bible!”
“Huh,” Lauren Faust said. “Well, sorry about that. But you see, there are lots of movies, books, cartoons, etc. that have unicorns in them. They’re just mythical creatures. Many people view them as innocent, pure and majestic. And why not? They’re just horses with horns on their heads. That’s not evil.”
“Well...if God intended for horses to have horns on their heads, or, for that matter, to talk, or to fly, then He would have made them that way!” Martin said.
“But you see, those things aren’t real,” Lauren Faust explained. “It’s all a thing called ‘imagination’. Everyone has it, some just choose not to use it, which is really a shame. If God didn’t intend for us to use our imaginations, He wouldn’t have given them to us.”
“Well, I guess that makes sense,” Martin said. “But what about the fact that that Rainbow Dash horse is obviously a lesbian, which is sinful behavior?!”
“Well, for one thing, Rainbow Dash’s sexuality is never referenced on the show,” Lauren Faust said. “You shouldn’t assume that all tomboys are lesbians. That’s unfair to both straight and lesbian tomboys. Why do I have to keep telling everyone that? People over analyze things. And furthermore...why don’t you take a look at this.”
She clicked a button on a remote, and a TV monitor on the wall behind her came on. On it, there was a woman reading a bedtime story to a sick child at the hospital.
“Do you see that?” Lauren Faust asked. “That’s Shelley. She’s dealt with prejudice her whole life because of her homosexuality, but she has never let it bring her down. Full of love and kindness, she has continued to hold her head up high and give back to society. She spends most of her time doing volunteer work at the childrens’ hospital in the town where she lives.”
“Why do you have cameras spying on her?” Jake asked.
“That’s not important,” Lauren Faust said quickly. “The point is, you can’t judge someone based on their sexual orientation. Shelley didn’t choose to be gay. And what’s wrong with it, anyway? Nobody ever chooses who they fall in love with. And it’s not like it hurts anyone. Not everyone is gonna reproduce, whether they’re straight or not. That doesn’t make them immoral.”
“Well, fine,” Martin said. “But…then…how come so many grown men have been enjoying the show?!”
“Well, it’s just a cartoon,” Lauren Faust shrugged. “Anyone can enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with that. Just because it’s labeled as a ‘little girls’ show’ doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with it. All in all, I’d say it’s a family show, to be enjoyed by everyone. After all, what’s more innocent than enjoying a childrens’ show?”
“Well, whatever,” Martin said. “What about…uh….what about this?!?!?!”
He pulled his computer out of his pocket and clicked onto the video of the backmasked My Little Pony opening theme. Lauren Faust furrowed her brow as she watched the video, and looked mildly startled at the screaming face that popped up at the end. Reverend Martin pissed his pants again. When the video was finally over, Lauren Faust laughed.
“Oh, that’s not real!” she laughed. “Somebody just put a scary screaming face at the end to mess with you. It’s a joke.”
“Oh,” Martin said. “Oh, I get it now! They were trying to scare me!! To be funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Yeah!” Lauren Faust laughed.
“I still think it’s evil, though,” Martin said.
Lauren Faust sat for a moment, thinking.
“I think it’s time you take a tour of our studio,” she finally said.
And so she took them on the grand tour. It was very entertaining for all of them. First, she took them into the writing room.
“In here is where all our writers get together and write new episodes,” Lauren Faust told them. “Right now they’re working on new material for our third season. Say hi, gang!”
“Hi!” all the writers said happily, waving at Martin, Jake and Iris. They were all so nice…Martin couldn’t help but feel a tad bit of happiness in his heart.
“Hey, Lauren!” a voice said. They turned to see a woman standing in the doorway.
“Oh, hi, Ashleigh!” Lauren Faust said, smiling. “Guys, I’d like you to meet Ashleigh Ball. She does the voices of Applejack and Rainbow Dash on our show!”
“Hi!” Ashleigh Ball said nicely, shaking their hands.
“Why did you come in here, Ashleigh?” Lauren Faust asked.
“I don’t know,” Ashleigh Ball replied. She left.
“Wow, people are so nice here,” Iris said.
“Yes, we like to be as welcoming as possible to visitors,” Lauren Faust smiled. “And we like to treat everyone with kindness and respect. After all, we’re working on a show called ‘Friendship is Magic.’”
“That’s sweet,” Iris smiled.
“Well, let’s move on, shall we?” Lauren Faust smiled, clapping her hands together. They moved on, and walked to a hallway with lots of doors. She led the trio to a door on the right hand side. Martin couldn’t help but notice how neat the door at the very end of the hallway looked.
“What’s in there?” he asked innocently, pointing to the door.
“DON’T EVER GO IN THERE!!!” Lauren Faust shouted.
“Okay,” Martin agreed, and Lauren Faust led them through the door on the right hand side of the hallway.
“This is our drawing room,” she explained. “We draw ponies in here. For the show.”
“Oh,” Jake said.
“That’s neat,” Iris said, looking at a man who was drawing a Fluttershy. “You know, I was always really interested in drawing and animation when I was in college. I was really busy getting my degree, and for some reason I never got around to taking any classes on animation, but I took lots of art classes. Would it…would it be okay if I could see the studio where you animate the show?”
“Sure!” Lauren Faust said, smiling. “Richard?”
A man walked over to them, smiling.
“Yeah, Lauren?” the man said.
“Could you please lead this young lady to the animation studio?” Lauren Faust requested.
“Sure thing!” Richard smiled, and led Iris out of the room.
“Hey, we were making a documentary!” Martin protested.
“Well, we can do that after the tour,” Lauren Faust offered. “I’d like to show you all the final product of all our hard work here at the Studio Where They Make My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Maybe once you give the show a chance, you won’t think it’s evil anymore!”
“Well, okay, I guess….” Martin said, and him and Jake walked with Lauren Faust up to the top floor of the studio. She led them into a large theatre room, where My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was playing on a giant screen.
“Have a seat,” Lauren Faust offered with a smile, and the two of them did so.
After five episodes of Friendship is Magic, Reverend Martin was sitting on the edge of his seat. He had at first been analyzing the cartoon for evil Satanic messages, but after just one episode, he was hooked.
“Are you enjoying it?” Lauren Faust asked, after yet another episode ended, and the credits began to roll.
“Yes!” Martin exclaimed. “This…this is amazing!! It’s not evil at all! I’m going to watch ponies all the time from now on!!!!”
“Well, I’m very glad to hear that!” Lauren Faust smiled. “Do you have Netflix?”
“Well, no,” Martin said, dropping his eyes to the floor sadly. “I think Netflix is Satanic. So…I guess I can’t watch ponies….”
“The hay you can’t!” Lauren Faust exclaimed, and handed a DVD to him. “Here, take this! It’s the first season of the show on DVD! It’s not supposed to be out until December, but you took the time to visit us, and we all appreciate that very much!”
“Thank you!” Martin said, tears of joy forming in his eyes. “I’m…I’m gonna watch this all the time with my wife and kids! And, from now on, I’m going to start loving them, and putting them first before God! After all, God is just a guy on a cloud, and I’ve never really met him. I’m sure He’ll understand if I love my family!”
“Well, that’s great!” Lauren Faust laughed. “Spreading love and joy is my life’s work. Wanna watch more ponies before you leave?”
“You bet!” Martin exclaimed. “But, uh, actually…I kinda have to poop. Can I use the restroom first?”
“Sure!” Lauren Faust agreed. “It’s down on the second floor hallway, remember, the one with the writing room? Third door on the left.”
“Thanks!” Martin said, and he skipped out of the theatre, humming the Friendship is Magic theme song to himself.
Once he was down in the second floor hallway, he stepped over to the third door on the left, which said GENTLEMEN on it. He reached over to open the door—but then he stopped. He looked back at the strange door that sat alone and neglected, at the end of the hallway. What was in there? He had to know. Something about that door….something about that door drew him in, as if it was putting him in a trance. It was probably the way Lauren Faust had flipped out on him when he wanted to know what was in there. It must be something real neat.... He wondered what it was.
Reverend Martin looked around, making sure no one was watching, and reached to the doorknob. He was just going to take a quick peek and he’d go..that’s all, a quick peek…
He turned the doorknob slowly, and pushed it open. It creaked on its hinges, and Martin stopped, listening for any sounds that someone had heard him. He heard talking in the writers’ room—they seemed to be too caught up in their conversation to have heard him. He pushed the door open the rest of the way, taking care not to make too much noise, and looked inside. It was pitch black. He stepped into the room, feeling for a light switch, and the door closed behind him. He let out a startled cry, and turned around. His eyes were adjusting to the dark a little bit…he looked for a light switch but did not find one.
He felt along the wall for a moment, but stopped when he heard a strange sound behind him. He turned around. He heard the sound again….it seemed to be coming from something at the end of the room. His blood ran cold. It was an awful sound, like some kind of screechy mewling noise. It was clearly coming from some kind of animal, but…what was it? It didn’t sound like anything Martin had heard in his life. It scared him, but…he had to know what it was.
Reverend Martin stepped forward cautiously, wondering if the thing was going to hurt him. He began to be able to make out a large figure towards the back of the room, and he stepped towards it. On closer examination, it looked like some sort of horse…or maybe a goat, or something….he stepped closer…
When Douglas Martin saw what was sitting in the corner of the dark room, he screamed louder than he had in his life.
It was Princess Celestia. At least, it looked somewhat like Princess Celestia. It had her horse body, and her same white coat, and her blue hair, and her crown and her horn. But…it was real. Her white coat was stained pink, matted with blood. Its neck was abnormally long, and its teeth were freakishly large, stained with blood and what appeared to be shreds of human flesh. Its eyes were freakish slits in its sunken, hollow sockets. Its face did not look like anything of this world.
So anyway….Martin screamed. At the feet of the horrible thing was the skeleton of what appeared to be a small child. It seemed that the Princess Celestia-monster had torn its flesh off, and was eating a bit of it right now. The thing looked at Martin, and he felt his bowels release in his pants.
“N-no,” he whimpered, and backed away. He was stopped by what felt like a solid body behind him, and he screamed and turned around. Lauren Faust was standing there, her good-natured smile now replaced by a dark expression.
“I told you not to go in here,” she whispered, a hint of pity in her voice. “I warned you. But you….you didn’t listen. Now you will never leave this place.”
“That—that’s some sort of monster!!!” Martin screamed. “YOU LIED TO ME!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WEREN’T SATANIC, BUT YOU ARE!!! YOU LIED TO ME!!”
“I did not lie to you, fool,” Lauren Faust snarled. “In case you haven’t noticed, that is not Satan. That’s Princess Celestia, you silly filly.”
Lauren Faust walked over to the Princess Celestia thing and knelt before it.
“All hail Princess Celestia, the Dark Princess of Harmony,” Lauren Faust said. “Her kingdom shall rise, and all that are loyal will bathe in the blood of the innocent.”
“This…this IS Satanic!!” Martin gasped. “This…this isn’t natural…”
Lauren Faust glanced at him darkly.
“Leave it to you Christians to think that the Devil is behind everything,” Lauren Faust said. “You idiots were on the right track, you just didn’t have a reason to suspect us. You think that My Little Pony is evil because there are unicorns, and, and lesbianism?! FOOL! It was the very hatred you Christians displayed for the world that helped aid in Celestia’s rise to power. See, you religious types failed to take one small little fact into account; Satan isn’t real. Neither is God. There is only Celestia, the Dark Princess of Harmony.”
“H-how can she be evil if she’s the princess of Harmony?” Martin stammered. Lauren Faust smiled evilly.
“We Celestians have worked very hard ever since our cult began in the 1800s to make sure things went our way,” she said. “Did you know that once, there was a time where the word harmony meant the exact opposite of what all you idiots think it means? War, hatred, chaos…this is what the word truly means. We wanted everyone’s support on Princess Celestia, so in the 1800s, one of the very first Celestians, a man by the name of Noah Webster, took on the task of defining words for everyone…but his sole purpose was to change the meaning of the word ‘harmony’, so that everyone thought it meant the exact opposite of what it really is. We always had most people on our side, they just didn’t know what they were supporting.”
“Well, that doesn’t make much sense since people usually use the word ‘peace’, not ‘harmony’, and anyway it means whatever people say it means, but whatever you told me the show wasn’t evil!! You…you helped me realize that the backmasked version of the opening theme is just babbling nonsense!!!”
“You people overthink things,” Faust said. “Who says that subliminal messages need to be backmasked? Look at this.”
She took out a tape and put it into a VCR that was connected to a TV in there. It began to play the first episode of My Little Pony, and when it got to the opening theme, Faust pressed a button on a remote control, and the theme began to play in slow motion. Over the slow music, Martin could hear many horrible voices singing different lyrics, which said
Friends are gay, so kill all your friends
They’re all against you, so eat their flesh,
And then jack off to cartoon horses,
And come to the studio where they make this show and give yourself to Princess Celestia because she’s hungry.
None of it really rhymed, but it had a pretty catchy tune.
“B-b—“ Martin stammered.
“That’s right,” Lauren Faust said. “The real message is sung so fast in the background that human ears are not able to consciously interpret it. It goes straight to the subconscious of the viewer. Did you know that 67% of all murders since 2010 have been committed by bronies and small children who watch the show, Reverend? No, of course you didn’t. We like to make sure things get covered up. Like the man who took off all his clothes in the streets of Miami and ate some guy’s face? We used our connections in the media to convince everyone that he was on bath salts, but really, he was a brony who had just been jacking off naked to cartoon ponies, and that guy was his best friend.”
“No…it’s not true…”
“It is true,” Faust said coldly, and Martin heard another awful mewling sound from the Princess Celestia thing. “We often use musical numbers to hide our messages. Of course, the real messages are hidden in the plots, and the behavior of the beloved characters---subliminal messages that spread the word of the Elements of Harmony.”
She motioned an arm over to the wall on the left, and Martin saw that there were engravings on it. The Cutie Marks of the six main characters were on it, and under each one was the Element that corresponded with that character, along with a picture of that character—but they were not the Elements shown on the cartoon. There was GLUTTONY, with a depiction of Applejack stuffing her face with apples—VANITY, complete with a picture of Rarity decorating herself with diamonds and jewels—WRATH, with a picture of Fluttershy screaming at a bunch of little animals because they wouldn’t love her—ENVY, with a picture of Rainbow Dash eyeing another Pegasus with jealous hatred, a knife clenched between her teeth—and LUST, along with a picture of Pinkie Pie partying with an excessive amount of drugs and sex.
“Yes,” Faust said, observing the horrified expression on Martin’s face with what appeared to be cruel amusement. “It was spoken of in the Dark Prophecy that the Alicorn Princess would be born under a blood moon by a virgin raped by a dying horse, and the prophecy was true. We Celestians have kept her since the mid-1800s, worshipping her, for some day she would rise to power and fill the world with her glorious hatred and darkness. She bore the five Elements of Harmony, as was foretold, and with each spawn she bears, the power of her rising kingdom grows. These...are the Children of Celestia.”
Martin heard a sound before him, and he spun around. Horror filled him as he saw five horrible creatures crawl out of the shadows. They were Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie...but they were horrible, grotesquely deformed versions, much like the horrible Princess Celestia creature. Some appeared to be horribly mutated---Fluttershy had a fifth hoof growing out of her crooked back, and one of Applejack’s eyes was hanging out of its socket on a single red tendon.
“I can’t believe you idiots never figured it out,” Faust mused. “You spend so much time trying to prove that things are evil, I’d’ve thought you would have done the world some good by now. But, no matter. Your biggest mistake was accusing Harry Potter of being Satanic. J.K. Rowling was one of the few people who knew of Celestianism, and she tried to warn you all through symbolism in her books. Imagine her distress when Christians decided to start labelling her work as the very evil that she was attempting to prevent. And all because she wrote about a bunch of prepubescent wizards...”
Lauren Faust laughed coldly.
“You’re not gonna get away with this,” Martin said. “Jake...Jake will go get help. He has footage of our visit....he’ll tell people I’m here....they’ll come looking for me...”
“Oh, we’ll have him taken care of,” Faust said simply. “If you had a phone you could try and call him, or call 911, but you probably think cell phones are Satanic...”
“Yeah,” Martin admitted. “It’s just not natural, how someone’s voice can come out of such a little device..”
“Well, looks like you’re screwed, then,” Faust smiled. “You can’t stop this now, anyway, Reverend. Not even your god can save you now. My Little Pony was always run by Celestians, but it was not until I was appointed High Priestess of Celestia in 2010 that the phenomenon would spread to the entire world, just like I intended. Nobody can really pinpoint exactly why they like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, it just happens. That’s because we use subliminal messages and mind-controlling signals sent to the brain to manipulate their minds. Some are more immune to the signals than others, but luckily, enough are susceptible to it for us to be able to create an entire army of fans for Celestia to gain power. The message that was taught the most in our show, as you may remember, is complete allegiance to Princess Celestia.”
Rev Martin realized with growing terror that this was true...all the time, when the main characters would bow to Princess Celestia, worship her...in their world, she was God.
“When she gained the support of enough mortals, they would obediently come to this studio and sacrifice themselves to her,” Faust explained. “She needs food in order to gain power. It was spoken in the Prophecy that when all the Children of Celestia have been born, she will gain more power, and an evil spark will cause her to bear the sixth Element of Harmony---Witchcraft.”
She motioned her hand to the lower part of the wall that had the Elements engraven on it, and Martin saw the Element of Witchcraft, complete with a horrible picture of Twilight Sparkle---more horrible, perhaps, then the Princess Celestia thing itself. Just to gaze upon the picture, with its black, empty eye sockets and its eerily intelligent smile was to know true evil.
Martin was startled to hear a woman screaming in pain, and he looked around. With dawning horror he realized that he recognized that voice--it was Iris. Martin looked in the direction of her voice and saw that she was blocked from his view by two people he had not noticed there before. They turned around to face Lauren Faust, and Martin recognized them--it was Richard, the man who had taken Iris out of the drawing room, and Ashleigh Ball, the voice actress.
“Lauren,” Ashleigh Ball said, excitement in her voice. “It’s worked! The vessel has given birth to the sixth Element!”
“YES!!” Lauren Faust exclaimed. “JUST AS IT WAS FORETOLD, PRINCESS CELESTIA’S EVIL LESBIAN HORSE SEX HAS GIVEN BIRTH TO THE FINAL CHILD OF CELESTIA!!!”
The man, Richard, reached down and picked something up. He turned around, and Martin was horrified to see the evil Twilight Sparkle from the picture on the wall in his arms. He was holding it like some sort of sick, twisted parody of a pet cat. He set it down on its hooves, and it stood there, the evil intelligent smile on its face. It looked up at Richard, and he smiled down at it fondly. Its horn began to glow, and Richard suddenly began to scream as his skin started to peel away from his face. His head began to bulge to an abnormally large size until it finally burst, covering everyone in a shower of blood and brains and stuff. Lauren Faust and Ashleigh Ball laughed, as if they had been watching the Three Stooges or some crap like that.
“Yes...with the final Element of Harmony, Princess Celestia will rise!!!! THE ENTIRE WORLD IS DOOMED TO HER REIGN!!!!” Lauren Faust laughed evilly, and Martin knew he had to get out of here. He had to go tell someone...he had to warn Jake....his head was swimming, teetering on the very edge of his sanity as he turned around and bolted for the door. He still heard Faust’s evil laughter as he tripped and fell to the floor. He felt a presence towering over him, and when he turned over he saw the Princess Celestia-thing standing over him. It howled in horrible triumph, and Martin began to laugh. He cackled insanely, with Pinkie Pie’s song about laughing at your fears running distortedly through his broken mind. He laughed as Princess Celestia brought her forked hoof down onto his stomach, ripping him open. He laughed as he watched his own blood and guts spill out of his stomach. The monster lowered its head and closed its large jaws around his throat. The last thing Martin felt was intense pain as his neck was ripped from its socket, and he was no more.
Giggle at the ghosties...
Snortle at the spooky....
THE END!!!! :)
And that’s why My Little Pony isn’t evil.