Equestrian Paradox: "Worlds at war"

Shining armor was a brave colt, a fighter who led entire Equestrian regiments in several campaigns, having his own fair share of encounters with Criminals both ponies and Changellings, while he lamented that he couldn't face enemies like the ones his mother fought in the past, he is, proud of his archievements, a proud son of Twilight Velvet, who quickly rose ranks from a mere grunt to the Captain of the royal guard and then Prince of the Crystal empire...

And yet, he was now on the floor, face down in the mud, as some sort of shaved ape wearing frilly clothing that Rarity made for him, stood with a ho....feet? over his back.

Everything was simply too fast, he was told to go all out and use magic too, and yet, this strange ape simply walked to him and in less than a blink now he was under him, completely neutralized and unable to fight back...

"You want me to do what?" Shining armor asked as he was sitting next to his wife, clearly surprised at the request that came from the mouth of his sister. "What you heard brother, we found him in the ship and he clearly was a powerful fighter, currently he has refused to partake in any coltish activity and keeps doing manual labour despite his injuries, he wants to feel useful, so... I think he could use your help a little bit.

"Twilight, think about it for a minute... the colt is wounded, and despite his strenght we don't know if he is a soldier, a guard, a mercenary or if his whole race is just that big and strong, don't you think that someone like a Psychologist would be a better pony to talk with him?" Shining armor asked, confused, and worried, at least with the little context he had, he was doubting if his sister judgement was right. "Well, we tried, but he simply won't talk back, the last psychologist Princess Celestia called, was seriously wondering if he was mute or something, because he simply refused to talk or to use any type of body language."

"If neither a psychologist nor you, the princess of Friendship could get him to talk, do you really think I could do it?" Shining questioned, not in a rude manner but in a doubtful one, he knew his sister had became better at making friends that him, but he was still confused and... a bit scared of failing if he accepted this task. "That... is the reason I'm asking for your help Shiny, as Cadence here knows, there is a certain compatibility bewteen ponies for certain things, Rainbow Dash and Applejack would be a perfect guardsmare duo, while being extremely bad bookeepers, while Rarity and Fluttershy would be unable to endure guardsmare training and yet would be a perfect Bookeeper duo, our guest keeps silent in presence of mares, and while I can get him to talk with me he usually speaks mere words rather than sentences. On the other hand, he seems quite interested in martial affairs, and while I know about certain things, the one who knows best about martial arts and sciences... is you.

"Twilight, while I am aware that compatibility is indeed a must when it comes to both, Friends and lovers, the truth is... we don't know anything about the creature you saved, it could very well be an spy who seeks to get us to tell him about Equestria's army... or well, lack of. or merely being Whimsy and seeking attention by pretending to not be interested". Both Shining and Twilight had to give Cadence a point, she had a really valid point on the whole spy theory, the creature was hostile with the pirates and apparently their goverments, but... what made it friendly to Equestrians? it could simply be waiting for its time to strike.

"Well, the thing is, he hasn't told a single lie, he doesn't talks much but when he does he is completely honest, and a bit cruel despite clearly being innocent" Twilight shuddered as Cadence tilted her head curiously. "I think I shouldn't ask..."

"Yes... Rainbow Dash is still recovering from what he said, then again she asked a question no one would have asked, and got an honest answer" Twilight scratched the back of her head using the border of her hoof, before looking down at the table and taking a hayburguer. "That aside, our guest is a rather nice pony, or well, ape, he is extremely gentle despite his strenght, and seems interested in magic, however he keeps silent most of the time".

"So you want me to talk with him about my life as a guardspony, Am I right?" Shining armor asked and Twilight nodded, Cadence seemed to ponder the idea for a while before smiling "Well... I don't see any reason to object, and you hubby?"

"Me neither, in fact, I think I've got a nice idea to talk with him withouth risking any of Equestria royal guard secrets" Shining armor smiled as his horn shone bright and he quickly dissapeared before reappering again this time with a magazine so bright and well taken care that the only reason it was clear it wasn't new was the date. "I think that I can talk with him about this beautiful series, Twilight did you read the book I told you?"

"Battlemace fourth key?" Twilight asked as Shining armor looked at her straight in the eye with blank eyes, before standing up and leaving withouth a word. "Twilight..."

Cadence looked at her and slapped her in the face with her hoof.

"How many times do I have to tell you Twilight? Shining armor hates fourth key, he prefers age of Faust" Cadence said clearly annoyed while Twilight smiled widely. "I know Cadence, I just wanted to tease Shiny a little bit, he owed me that after he left me all alone with Blueblood last year Gala"

"I heard that Blueblood was quite annoying, is it true that he mocked your friend Rarity?" Asked Cadence while Twilight nodded. "He kept pestering me about her, asking questions non-stop while saying some strange and weird things, a colt's rage is scary... I just hope rarity is smart enough to avoid him, he really hates her it seems"

Cadence shuddered as shining armor came back holding a gigantic cardboard box over his head, it was so big it was a wonder how something like that even could enter trought the door.

"Here, I have just enough pieces for a little skirmish game, I've got enough miniatures from all factions to pick from!" Shining armor spoke in a loud and proud voice before suddenly a door sprung open with a loud thud, as an sweat covered Applejack entered the room. "TWILIGHT WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"

Applejack stood tall but apparently tired, covered in mud and with a rather big bump on her head, it was honestly kind of funny.

"Wh...what happened?!" Twilight asked as she drew nearer to applejack inspecting her apparently hurt friend, however Applejack quickly went out of the room and came back dragging a clearly embarassed Rainbow Dash from the tail. "Tell 'em about what you did Dash"

"Ummm, Can't we just solve this?" Dash meekly asked while Applejack narrowed her eyes. "Dash..."

"Ummm, Well, Why am I here in first place? This isn't my problem!" Dash tried to fly away but fell face down in the floor before looking at her wing... she swallowed hard and bit her lip in an attempt to hold back the pain while applejack scowled. "This hay brain tought it was a good idea to mess with the alien colt while it was in Therapy, and it snapped back! despite his size that darn colt packed quite the kick and sent Dash flying face down in the mud, ruining my perfect apple pie when she splashed around all that darn mud!"

Dash smiled sheepishly while Twilight eyes widened.

"It... sna...snapped?" Twilight asked slowly before drawing nearer... looking down while gritting her teeth. "Why you..."

"H...hey... it...it wasn't my intention... I just wanted to help him! he had a rather nasty bruise on his back and I was told to deliver him some Ice, so i went and laid the bag on his back while he was doing an excercise... How was I supposed to know he would react with a claw hit?" Dash tried to defend herself while Twilight took a deep breath. "You are lucky he didn't broke your wings dash, he only snapped with a claw hit?"

"Yeah, but it scared everypony, a pair of guardsmares came to stop him but one idiot tought it would be funny to send one of the hippogriff volunteers" Applejack said while Twilight facehoofed. "I'm not the one to swear but... I think I should speak with whatever captain was in charge of the guards during the colt rehab..."

"Well..." Shining armor interjected as he walked near, Rainbow Dash took a few steps back, while Applejack bowed down, Cadence tilted her head and stood up walking to the side of her husband. "If you are afraid of hurting the Colt... do you think I could stop him?"

Shining armor asked, in a polite voice with just the tiniest of excitement behind, to be honest, this whole alien colt thing was something out of one of his favorite neighponese comics.

"Doki Doki, Super Taisen!"

An illogical title in both its original language and in translation, it was a classic shoujou neighponese comic with elements of fantasy, sci-fi and romance, it featured the tale of a hardworking colt who managed to rise to the top of his country army, marry into royalty and be overall the most respected male to have ever lived in his country.

That all changed with the arrival of an strange dragon from outer space, fell down during a battle bewteen the Colt sister and a band of evildoers, the strange dragon was powerful and mighty, and despite being a male, acted as rough as any mare would be, the dragon slowly became the colt best friend and helped him overcome several challenges, a conspiracy was discovered and a civil war started bewteen two factions, one of them led by an overspoiled cliché sexy prince and his right hand janefilly rich duke, and the other one led by the hero and his best friend.

But with this event... Shining armor finally remembered something, life isn't a neighponese comic, the fact that some alien colt was found and saved by Twilight, didn't meant it was friendly, for all they knew he could be a thraumatized male warrior, or merely be an idiot who kicks first and asks second.

"Emmm, B.B.B.F.F are you thinking what I think you are thinking...?" Twiligh tasked with a hint of worry while Shining armor smiled widely "Yeah..."

Shining armor left the room before standing silent for a few moments and turning to see his sister and her friends.

"If that colt wants a fight... I'll give him a fight!" He said as he stood tall and proud, before Cadence interjected. "And if he is just scared?"

"Then I'll help him understand that we mean him no harm" Shining answered with a pretty sheepish voice before teleporting out of sight. "By Celestia, I knew my B.B.B.F.F was a Janefilly but I really didn't expect him to be so eager to fight someone."

"Trust me Twilight, he has been pretty down due to his losing streak, first against Sombra, then Against Tirek, he has been itching for the chance to win in a fight against another Stallion, for a long.... looooooong while" Cadence said with a big smile before walking outside the room. "Are you coming too? I'm sure your alien friend won't hurt shiny, but I have to make sure he doesn't hurts him"

"A real Dogfight..." Rainbow Dash said before Applejack slapped her hoof annoyed. "Dash! Manners please!"

"Sorry, I have been spending too much time with Ponyville weather patrol" Dash said scratching the back of her head while Applejack scowled "Then I'll have a talk with those mares later... come on, let's make sure no stupid guardsmare ruins this"

"Great, I'll teleport us" Twilight said with a big smile as her horn began to glow.

Ah yes... that was the reason why he was under that alien feet by now... when he arrived he startled him and it didn't help that he arrived just in time for another hippogriff volunteer to arrive too... that ape really was scared of hippogriffs it seemed.

Despite clearly being a male, this ape was at the very least as heavy as a full grown minotauress, despite being a lot slimmer, and it clearly was smart enough to understand that allowing a magical user the time to cast any spell no matter how fast it was was a mistake.

Rather than "walk" the creature just leaped using his long legs like a pair of springs to propel itself like a pegasus, its bipedal figure being tricky, one would expect it to be slower or to switch to a more stable all fours to move as fast as it did, the again Shining armor was used to fighting mares, not colts.

This ape was a colt, maybe that is the reason why he didn't even felt any adrenaline pumping, no adrenaline means that your body takes more time to react, couple this with the ape wounds and that frilly dress and it is quite clear why no one would have expected it to leap in such a quick and agile manner.

"Please big brother, take him seriously! He fought off several pirates and hipogriff sailors, don't hold back!"

Twilight cheered, she was a nice mare, Shining armor was sure of that, always so eager to please and help her friends and loved ones, and right now she was in fact right...

Sub-optimal... Shining armor really came here with a rather sub-optimal mindset, thinking he would merely fight a wannabe guardsmare, not expecting to meet another colt who actually packed a kick or two, he was pleased with the pain in his back as the ape kept him under his... hoof? feet? foot?... under his boot.

This would be so much fun...

"I yield" Shining armor said, calmly and gentle, as always, and yet his stern and commanding voice conveyed a slight hint of severity, wich the ape seemed to acknowledge despite clearly having sub-par Equish speaking skills, rather resorting to a mere nod than answering in Equish.

With a grunt, the ape took a few steps back and stood on his original position, holding the umbrella and struggling to keep in balance with the giant frilly dress covering him, it was such a funny sight, a perfect mix of a colt and a mare look, with clearly irritated but small eyes, a slim but muscular frame and a gigantic set of clothes with an umbrella as the cherry on top, to be surprised, Shining didn't expect the ape to actually set him free, let alone do so in such a gentle and elegant manner"

Shining armor took a few steps back to his position, the original one, just as Cadence cheered on him, the ape noticed this as Shining smiled, telling him he yielded only a "round" not the whole fight...

The ape jumped again, this time with a shorter leap, landing just on the right of Shining and lifting its umbrella to use it like a club, Shining horn quickly lit and he quickly dissapeared in a flash of light avoiding an strike and appearing behind the other male, quickly giving him a really hard buck on the flank sending it to the ground with a loud and deep grunt.

Shining horn flashed again as he dissapeared and reappeared again, this time at a distance safe from the ape gigantic leaps, feeling his legs a bit sore, not the unpleasant one of a long day of training, but the pleasant one of a feat of strenght.

"By Celestia, are you made of steel or something?" Shining teased as he looked at how the ape stood up, and looked back at him, his size allowed him to just need to turn a bit to find him, honestly Shining would have been more intimidated were it not for the ridiculous frill all over his oponent. "Are you perhaps familiar with the name Tirek?"

"..." The ape shook his head as he lifted his umbrella, closing it before holding it like a baseball, bat, smirking in a rather predatory way, Shining armor fell the playful energy and answered with a little whinny, an invitation to play, wich the ape didn't hesitate to take. "My turn!"

Shining armor reared before dissapearing in a flash, however this time the ape quickly turned back and opened the umbrella, hitting the unicorn in the face with the soft fabric, before closing it and slamming the lenght against Shining front legs, getting him out of balance, despite this Shining managed to quickly leap outside of reach as the ape stomped the floor letting out a loud thud despite clearly lacking hooves.

Shining ducked away from another slam of the umbrella before jumping in the air, getting in an almost bipedal position while in the air, lifting his back legs and getting them as close to his chest as he could, before then letting out a powerful double leg kick against the ape, striking straight into his soft belly.

Shining hooves sank into the soft flesh as the ape had to take a few steps back, coughing as he lacked air, and yet, it managed to keep standing... when he was about to fall down it quickly slammed his claw against the floor using it like a third leg before springing back to two legs.

With an smile, Shining saw the ape smirk back as it lifted his right upper limb to the air, his fat claw pointed at the floor, a gesture wich apparently meant something negative, but in this case...

"One to one, you are doing wonderful Shiny!" Cadence cheered on him as he couldn't avoid blushing a little, as much of a hardened warrior as he liked to be, the truth is, he always held a soft spot for his wife cheers. "Ex...excuse..."

"Hmmm?" Shining tilted his head as the ape looked at him. "I... I was told I should be careful... because I would get tested if I could defend myself"

Shining eyes widened, and so did the eyes of everypony else, someone told the ape he should be ready to fight?, who did that?

"Did I pass the test? Did I hurt someone by mistake?" He asked tilting his head while Shining armor looked back at Twilight, who seemed as surprised as he was. "I...I..."

"He passed, in fact with flying colours" Everypony let out an startled cry as Luna appeared out of thin air sitting on a chair in the bewteen Cadence and Twilight, eating some popcorn with a big smile. "What? he asked for help to make sure that he could fight back if he was under danger, and I brought some volunteers to help him, he asked for help to make sure he could defend himself after all."

"When did you plan on telling me about your little... "test"?" Now it was the turn of Luna to turn pale as Celestia appeared just behind her, narrowing her eyes. "I tought I told you not to test the colt no matter how many times he asked that..."

"W...well... I .... jus....just wanted to make sure he would be comfortable... I mean, he really seemed scared during his rehab period, he wanted to make sure he was ready to defend himself and I merely helped him to make sure" Luna said while everyone tried to scrap any tiny bit of context out of her words... failing in the process. "And yet... I told you two that it was an stupid idea, just let the adrenaline come down a bit and you will find out why"

Just in time for that, the ape fell down holding his leg with an pained face, while Celestia facehoofed.

"I swear I don't know how you two became so close so fast... but if you told me it was to annoy me I would honestly believe it" Celestia said as she beckoned with her hoof allowing a pair of nurses to arrive with a rather huge stretcher. "You... don't think that just because you're a colt I won't scold you..." Celestia said as she made way towards the two fighters, not being clear about wich one she was talking to, but both felt a colt shudder as the Princess watched the nurses help the ape to rest over the stretcher.

"Playtime is over everypony, let's go for lunch!" Celestia spoke to everypony else returning to her usual gentle demeanor, leaving a few confused looks in the faces of Twilight and her friends. "Luna, come with us, you have a lot to explain"

"Y...yes..."