Blueblooded Torture

by Cytotoxin

Rating: teen
Tags: Prince Blueblood, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance
Length: 20202

Prince Blueblood. What`s his day is made from?

Prince Blueblood. What`s his day is made from?
Snarking and sniping, mostly. With a bit of longing thrown in for good measure

What happens when he gets an opportunity to act out on his longing?.

Published 2012-09-30 23:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-27 04:57:44 UTC

Rupture of Opportunity

...Strange. Something about this morning seemed strange. Blueblood wasnt feeling so hot. His belly hurt, his head swam and he was definitely not feeling alright. Come to think of it, maybe thats why he was in the castle lasaret. He lifted his head, or at least tried to. Sudden move had caught somepony`s attention, apparently, as the nurse appeared in his field of view a second later. At least, he thought it was a nurse.

"Hush, dont move so much." - she muttered, adjusting his pillow and covers, - "Everythings OK now." Blueblood blinked. He recognised the voice. That was Fluffy Pillow - a head nurse of castle lasaret. What happened? He attempted to talk. KHAAAA! Oh Celestia, how much that hurt. He tilted over the edge of bed, spitting out the foul fluids filling his mouth down on the floor. Well, actually into the basin that Fluffy Pillow managed to stick under his face. Bile, blood and something else he didn`t even want to recognise. A hoof appeared in front of his snout when he stopped blaring, dabbing the bitterness off his lips. "There, there..." - she muttered, laying him back on the bed.

"Whu append?" - he finally managed, curling up a little as the pain in his belly intensified. Nurse sighed softly - "Youve just been in surgery, your highness. Apparently, you had an ulcer... Which perforated yesterday. Youve collapsed in the middle of evening court hearing, with obvious sighs of abdominal pains. Thankfully, doctors Silk Loop and Sharp Cut managed to find and suture the ulcer rather quickly. How are you feeling, by the way? Does it hurt anywhere?"

"Awuul." - he replied, - "By stobach uwts." Nurse nodded, as she adjusted the pillow - "Well, that is to be expected. Try not to move so much. You will be feeling very tender for a few days. Now, please, try to get some rest." He glared at the nurse sullenly. "I houbt I can oblige." - he offered at last, relieved that he could at least regain his capacity to speak clearly, - "Can I get some water?" Fluffy Pillow nodded, gingerly lifting the beaked cup to his mouth. First gulp of water brought great pain. It was also the foulest gulp of water he ever swallowed - and yet, Blueblood could not recall a time when he desired anything more.

Panting, he leaned back on the pillow. "How long I was out of it?" - he demanded, looking around for a clock. Nurse shook her head - "Dont worry about that for now. Just relax. You need to get better." His temper flared. "I said, HOW LONG I WAS OUT OF IT?" - he snapped off, glaring at the nurse. With a soft sigh, nurse conceded - "Over a day. Youve been brought in two hours before midnight, lost consciousness half an hour later during examination and havent regained it when you were taken to surgery three hours later. It lasted just over two hours. Anaesthesia had been wearing off all day and the following night since then until just now. Its half to eight in the morning, currently."

He nodded. "How long until Ill be able to move?" - he inquired dully, looking around the chamber listlessly. Fluffy Pillow vanished from his field of view briefly, returning with thermometer - "Please, open mouth.... As for moving, I cant imagine you being able to move without significant discomfort until two weeks later." He allowed the tool to be placed into his mouth, begrudgingly - "...So, a week, then." Nurse snorted - "Your highness, I believe I said two weeks. Do heed my words, please. I am well aware you have little patience for idleness, but attempting to rush your recuperation will reopen the stitches. Which, if youve very lucky, will put you back on square one with the whole surgery. And if youre not very lucky, it will leave you bed-bound for months, maybe even permanently. Please, do allow yourself to rest. I assure you, we will do all that is scientifically and magically possible to expedite your recuperation in safe manner."

"I have state businesses to attend to." - he retorted irritably, - "If I cant move, then my office will have to come to me." The door opened, letting in a smooth - "That wont be necessary, my dear nephew." Celestia herself. Nurse immediately backed out of the room, bowing all the way as Celestia trotted over to Blueblood, and sat down by his bedside. "Im very very sorry, Blueblood." - she offered quietly, her face serious and a touch sad - "Youve been pushing yourself way too hard for the benefit of Equestria. I should have recognised the signs earlier... It was rather obvious you were having health problems, in hindsight."

He snorted. "What, how? Its not like I was aware something was that wrong. Howd I expect somepony else to notice, if I couldnt see it myself?" - he offered dubiously. Celestia leaned closer, nuzzling his cheek briefly - "No pony expected you to have an ulcer, Blueblood. Ive been talking with our royal doctors, and they are certain its been caused by stress you put yourself through each day. And Im afraid I havent made things easier by relying on your help so much." He sighed - "Someponys gotta do it, auntie. Might as well be me, seeing as Im the only one who isnt torn up about saying no."

Celestia shook her head - "Im afraid that Im really overdue for saying NO myself, dear nephew. As we can easily see, you did get torn up about saying no, in the end." She sighed, and placed her hoof on Bluebloods belly - "I never wanted that to happen. If only I could see it sooner, Id put a stop to it. As is... Please, Blueblood. I know you wanted to get out of palace for a while. I know you miss Twilight too. Take a vacation at the very least. Recuperate. Go visit her in Ponyville. Take a trip to Hoofwaii or something. Id never forgive myself if youd work yourself into early grave for my convenience."

"What about my duties?" - Blueblood knew when he was defeated, but he just couldn`t let go of the issue without doublechecking things. Celestia chuckled softly, and kissed his forehead - "Between me and Luna, I think we have the big decisions covered, and Brass Tack will handle the routine." Prince frowned. His secretary was good when it came to organising efficiency, but lacked the insight to make calls on the matters where facts were not on hoof. But then again, Celestia said she and Luna would handle the big issues.

Blueblood leaned back, pondering. Celestia had her hoof on the pulse, that much he knew. Still, if he was to go suddenly absent, her workload would be quite gruesome. Luna... That was the big question. He knew that Luna was working on reintegrating herself into Equestria, and that included taking on her share of statescraft as well, but... Was she ready, yet? "I`m not sure about it, Auntie." - he mused - "Brass Tack does not handle calling the shots well and aunt Luna might not want to make any important calls just yet..."

Celestia snorted. "Nephew, I somehow managed to handle things before you were born, didnt I?" - she offered, tussling his hair - "Youre a big help, Blueblood, and I really don`t want you to burn out that soon. This is a warning bell for you - and for me. You need to take it easy for a while, and I need to pick up the slack and stop shuffling all the unpleasant tasks to you." Prince sighed. "Very well." - he offered - "I will take a sabbatical for, hm... a month? Yes, I believe that would be quite enough to recuperate."

His aunt shook head slowly. "No, I find that suggestion sorely lacking." - she responded sternly - "And I insist that you take off a year, at the very least." Blueblood recoiled as much as his pose allowed - "A year? Auntie, surely you jest. Id climb the walls! Please. Three months is as much as I am ready to offer." Celestia wasnt budging though - "Half a year, and not a day shorter, Blueblood. You need that rest, even if you don`t want to admit it."

"...Mm. Ill agree to that... but with understanding that I can cut the vacation short if I deem it necessary." - offered Blueblood after a moment of consideration. Celestia snorted - "Most certainly not. Youll cut it short as soon as youll be able to get out of bed... Hm... Tell you what, nephew. If you will deem it necessary, youll present your reasons for cutting your vacation short to me - and if I deem them sufficient, you may do as you see fit. However, if presented argument fails to convince me, you will not be allowed to make another such petition until the next month." Prince heaved another sigh - "I suppose thats as good an offer as Ill be able to wring out of you, auntie. Very well, I agree to your terms."

Celestia nodded, and raised her hoof - "One more thing, Blueblood. I want you to move out of palace for the duration of your vacation." Blueblood rolled his eyes - "Because every Tap, Buck and Berry would go to me even when Im publicly on sabbatical... Youll get no argument from me here. Maybe Ill go on a tour around Equestria. See the sights, annoy the dukes, pick the fillies... yknow, the whole vacation experience."

"Thats the spirit, nephew." - Celestia offered with a laugh, standing up - "Now, get well. Luna wanted to come visit you as well, so expect her to be here in the evening." She trotted out, leaving Blueblood alone. Prince sighed. It seems that only a few days ago, he was musing idly about leaving the palace behind. Now, when he was committed to doing so, Blueblood found the notion suddenly disturbing. Still... Twilight. It should not be problematic to erect a summer house in Ponyville... And truth to tell, he did plan on building himself a summer residency for a good long while now. Why not in Ponyville? 'I guess Ill see you soon, Twilight.' - he thought, falling asleep again.

Acts of Civility

Prince let out a soft sigh. Figures the darn contractors forgot something. In his case, something was a lunch in the icebox. He assumed it was lunch at some point of the past, at least. Right now, the horrific mess of green, yellow and brown looked like it was pondering the merits of declaring its sentience. Gripping the whole box with his magic, Blueblood trotted out briskly, plopping the box down next to the trash bins. Considering the awful stench, he was more inclined to buy a new icebox then bother with decontamination of this one.

Faint buzzing reached his ears just as he turned around to go back into his villa. He had arrived quietly, without showing his face in the town just yet. Peace and quiet were necessary parts of settling down, after all. Still, some passerbys already discovered the new resident of Ponyville. Like those three fillies buzzing past. Correction, buzzing into. An experience of thousands of ballroom dances with clumsy mares came in handy again, as he nimbly spun out of the trajectory, letting fillies crash into the icebox he just dumped out.

"Oh hello there, mister!" - quipped the white one. Well, at least the unicorn of the group knew how to be polite. Blueblood deigned them with a benevolent nod. He rather liked children - their naive honesty was a rare treat for a stallion of a court. "Oh, uh, whoa. What did we crash into?" - groused the orange one, trying in vain to tug the helmet off her head. Yellow filly came to the rescue, yanking the helmet off the pegasus, letting her see at last. She immediately blustered - "Oh wow, an icebox. Are you seriously throwing this away, mister?"

"Why yes, I most certainly do. What of it?" - offered Blueblood imperiously, as he turned around and began the languid trot back to the front door. "That so?... Mistah, would ya mind if we take it, then?" - proffered yellow filly uncertainly. She had rather oversized bow on her head, Blueblood noted with detachment. "I suppose." - he offered lazily, - "I would be remiss not to warn you its absolutely rancid inside. Some inconsiderate slob left a food there for over a week, it seems. Still, if you want it, its all yours." And with that, he trotted into the house, followed by triple - "Thanks, mister!"

Well, now the malodorous object was out of his house. Which meant he needed to purchase a new icebox post-haste. Giving his possessions a quick once-over, Blueblood considered his options. Obviously, using his real name would be just a magnet for trouble - and so, his house was registered in the name of Civil Act, a tort law expert. It was not the first time Blueblood used this particular name - it was his nom de plume for most of tort law contributions on his part, and as far as most ponies were concerned, Civil Act was a distant relative of Bluebloods and an honest civil servant. Official story fed to the newspapers about Blueblood claimed him to be travelling in exotic countries, recovering from his malaise, leaving him reasonably free to live in Ponyville freely as Civil Act.

Blueblood adjusted the medallion habitually. It was the most crucial part of Civil Act persona - a magical trinket that maintained an illusion of opened book image superimposed over his own cutie mark. He checked himself in the mirror and smirked - "Looking good, Civil." To put some finishing touches on, Blueblood put on a trilby hat and slipped his old tweed jacket on, completing the appearance of a well-off bourgeois. Appraising his looks one last time in the mirror, stallion nodded, and trotted out, locking the door behind him. Time to get reacquainted with Twilight.

___

'Why do I feel so nervous?' - Blueblood simply couldn`t fathom the answer to his question. Yet, there he stood, with hoof raised to knock on the library doors... and yet, he hesitated. Yet, he knew, lingering on the porch any longer would attract attention to him. And so, he steeled himself and knocked on the door twice - firmly, but without excessive clamor. After a few more tense seconds, the door opened. "...Hello?" - Blueblood looked left and right. Then he realised the obvious alternative and looked down, - "...Oh. Hello, Spike."

Dragons face went through a quick sequence of expressions, finally settling on guarded surprise - "...Do I know you?" Blueblood facehoofed. "Oh, sorry. Ive read in newspaper about you. Its somewhat unreal, meeting you in person. My names Civil Act. Can I come in? I need to check out some referential literature." - he offered, glancing into the library. Spike`s presence confirmed he was at the right library, but he could not spy Twilight anywhere. Dragon shrugged. "Oh, yeah, alright. Come on in." - he offered, stepping back from the door. Blueblood wasted no time in stepping through.

"Twilight will be with you shortly." - Spike offered, as he waddled up the stairs - "Twi! Theres a new customer." Although he was most definitely prepared, prince still felt his breath seizing when the familiar voice from upstairs replied - "Coming!" 'Blueblood, old buddy, old pal. You might be in love with this mare.' - his subconsciousness offered helpfully, - 'And by golly, you know you wont find anypony better in your whole life. Gonna go for it?' Honestly, Blueblood had no answer to this question.

Twilight Sparkle appeared at the top of the stairs exactly at this moment, casting down a quick smile as she descended. "Hello there. Im Twilight Sparkle. Whats your name?" - she offered amiably. Blueblood opened his mouth to answer... And suddenly found himself staring at the inner surface of protective shield. "...Wha?!" - he exclaimed, too flabbergasted to offer something more coherent. Twilights expression changed - now she looked troubled and suspicious. "I dont rightly know who you are, but I can sense you have an active illusion amulet on your persona." - she offered, - "And Id like to know whom Im dealing with. I apologise in advance if you have a legitimate reason to be in disguise, but with the recent changeling scare, I can`t be too careful, you understand."

Blueblood snickered - "Still sharp as a tack, Twi." He pulled the medallion off, dropping his trilby in process. "Recognise me now?" - he offered with a wink and a grin. Forcefield shattered. "...Blueblood?! How, why... Oh, for... I havent seen you for years!" - apparently, she was glad enough to see him to bestow him with a hug. Which, Blueblood noted with a measure of detachment, felt better then any physical interaction with a mare he had a chance to experience up to date. "Hello, Twilight. Can you spare some privacy and a bit of time?" - he offered casually, - "Weve got a lot of catching up to do."

___

"...Thats awful." - offered Twilight thoughtfully, as she stirred some sugar into her third cup of tea. Blueblood snorted dismissively - "Im getting better, I assure you. Still, auntie insisted on extended vacation. Im beginning to think she is onto something, too." Twilights expression changed slightly as she made a valiant effort to suppress a smile - "I quite agree with her assessment of situation, BB. You`ve been terribly overworked even when I was leaving for Ponyville. You even missed gala, remember?"

"What?... Oh. Oh, for..." - Blueblood facehoofed - "I was at the gala, Twi. Was really looking forward to catching up with you, too. But I was beset by that psychotic mare, and then everything went nuclear." Twilights brow creased - "Psychotic mare? Come on, what happened?" Sighing, prince looked upwards on the ceiling, as he collected his thoughts. "Remember the last gala we attended when you lived in palace? When that self-obsessed emptyheaded floozy dumped a glass of wine on you? Well, it was worse then that." - he offered, shuddering involuntarily - "Ive pulled out all stops, descended to the depths of smarmy prickitude that nearly made me retch with self-revulsion... And she still wouldn`t get the hint. And then columns went toppling, animals went rampaged, cake became ballistic... It literally took no less then complete destruction of gala to get her to leave me alone. Oh, and I may have run away like a coward and hid under the table in all that confusion."

Twilight snickered. "Oh yeah, I remember that. We had an afterparty at Donut Joes." - she offered, - "Pretty much every one came to gala expecting some kind of personal dream to happen and not a single one got it right. I got no time at all to catch up neither with Celestia nor with you, Rainbow Dash couldnt get to Wonderbolts, Applejack didnt sell a thing, Pinkie Pie found out that gala party is the most boring thing ever, Fluttershy caused the animal stampede, and Rarity met some kind of "uncouth beast in stallions clothes", as she puts it..." Twilight trailed off, as the conclusion hit her and Blueblood in just about the same time.

Twilight regained her focus first - "Rarity was the psychotic mare that got you running?" Blueblood closed his mouth with audible snap. "...Youre actually friends with all of them!?" - he exclaimed, - "...I... Twilight, I dont know what to tell you. I mean, it was actually hilarious to see the gala bombed like this, but... Rarity. How do you even..." Twilight groaned - "I guess you owe her an apology then."

"I think not. Ive suffered enough at her hooves at the gala. If anyone could expect an apology, it would be me." - he retorted, shivering again involuntarily. Twilight put her hoof down on the table firmly - "Shame on you, BB. Raritys one of my best friends, and I absolutely can`t tolerate the fact you treated her like a dish rag. All that she wanted was to... meet a prince at the gala...." Her voice wavered a little, as the implications began to sink in. Stallion groaned - "There, see? She went to gala to hook up with a prince. Not THE prince, but A prince. I think you can see how that is... a little bit denigrating for me."

"OK, I can see that what she did wasnt exactly well thought out, but its still not a reason to mistreat her that badly, BB." - offered Twilight after a moment of thought, - "Ive known Rarity for a while now, and shes never been anything less then a lady to everyone around her." Blueblood snorted again, taking a long sip from his cup afterwards. He needed to collect his thoughts a bit. "...Look. I know your friends must mean for you a lot." - he offered finally, - "But I cant and wont overlook the fact she had mistreated me in the worst way possible. She refused me the right to be a person. I do NOT want to be anywhere near the mare who wants me because Im prince. If she can realise this? If she can figure out why I bent over backwards to get rid of her? Id apologise gladly."

"She can." - answered Twilight with conviction - "She can be a bit vain at times, but her heart is in the right place." Blueblood gave her a tired smile. "I adore your faith in your fellow ponies, Twilight. I really do." - he offered glumly - "But I have plenty of reason to doubt the merits of such conviction... Though, I have to admit, it warms my jaded heart each time your faith is vindicated. So be it."

Rare Conversation

Well, that was it. Blueblood looked over the table. A nice spread of exotic treats and a bit of homecooking. Well, dragonhomecooking, actually. He expected Twilight to pitch in a little, given it was her idea to begin with, but he was not expecting Spike to take over his kitchen. Admittedly, it was a good thing - Blueblood himself tended to view kitchen as an arcane place of eldritch alchemy. Still, a baby dragon cooking? Surreal, no question about it. Given the history of dragons and ponies, that counted as exotic treat as well - dragons rarely cooked anything a pony could stomach and even more rarely invited ponies to dinner as guests rather then a part of meal.

Thankfully, the event was supposed to happen at his house, so he was not in need of disguise. Though... No, that`s just silly. Pretending to be Civil Act would not help to resolve this situation. Blueblood sighed. He had little desire to actually face Rarity again, but he was well aware it had to be done, lest his relationship with Twilight Sparkle suffer grievously. And Twilight herself was most definitely worth the effort. How bad it could be, anyways? He faced down irate nobles by the dozens back in the court. Well, but the stakes were a bit less intimate back then... Oh well.

Speaking of Twilight, where is she? Its been almost half an hour since she had departed to fetch Rarity - they should be here any second now. Well, everythings ready. He sat down on the sofa and stretched his legs, reviewing his newly updated mental dossier on Rarity. According to what Twilight explained, Rarity was known for her generosity. That didn`t mesh well with the fact she plied her trade in the most vain, snobbish and superficial business known to ponies - fashion. But it also gave Blueblood some interesting clues on what had prompted the Gala fiasco.

Could it be that Rarity was simply naive and vain enough to assume the court to operate at face values? Possibly. In retrospect, she was acting like it, preposterous as it sounded. Annual attendance of Gala numbered close to thousand, more then a half of it - mares. Equestria had four princes. Prince Blueblood, prince Charming, prince Valiant, and recently, prince Stalwart. Out of those, only Blueblood had any sort of eligibility - Prince Valiant was happily married for a over a decade now, Prince Stalwart was his son and only four years old and Prince Charming was openly gay. Well, right now, Shining Armor was also a prince by the virtue of his marriage, but during the gala, he was simply a knight.

Simple math suggested that Rarity`s chances of snagging a prince at the gala were negligibly small. So either she came to gala so starry-eyed that she neglected to do the math, or she was really a golddigger Blueblood pegged her for. Either was unpleasant, but he almost wished for second case. Letting aside the fact it would justify his deplorable attitude, he had a good idea how to deal with golddigging mares. He knew what kind of reason they do listen to, and he had bargaining chips to offer, if things got serious. Naive idealists? Those ponies tended to be most difficult to deal with - not just because of their idealistic convictions, but also due to the fact that discouraging them required to crush their ideals, forcibly cramming them face-first into ugly realities of life. Still, he was ready for that as well.

Knocking brought him out of his reverie. "Come on in, it`s unlocked." - he responded, fully expecting Twilight to come in. Instead, he beheld a grey pegasus. Whom promptly tripped over his umbrella stand and sprawled on the floor. "Oh, whoops... Sorry about that." - she sounded off after a second of silence, sitting up. By now, Blueblood was paying very close attention at what happened at the door - and very promptly donned his disguise amulet on. "Huh. Alright, who are you, and what can I help you with?" - he offered in guarded tone. Mare stood up awkwardly, and smiled at him.

Blueblood blinked. That kind of smile? He only ever seen children sporting that kind of smile. Seeing an adult mare smiling at him like that made him vaguely uneasy. "Ah. I have a parcel for mr. Civil Act?" - she offered, reaching into her saddlebag. He relaxed. "Ah, youre the mailmare, then. Im Civil Act." - he proffered, standing up and trotting closer. Mare flashed another smile at him. Now, he could clearly see misaligned eyes as well. "Im Derpy Hooves!" - she exclaimed cheerfully, - "I mean, Im actually Ditzy Doo, but everyone calls me Derpy. Sign here, please!" Briefly scanning the paper proffered, he assured that it was indeed a receipt for a parcel, and signed it promptly.

Huh. Well, that mare was certainly not... normal. Still, for all her outward simplicity and clumsiness, she carried out her actual postal duties with passable competence. So, what`s in the parcel? He ripped the brown paper open impatiently. From Canterlot, huh. Who could have possibly sent that? Inside, amidst the abundant padding, he found a calabash bottle, corked with a carved figurine of a zebra. "...Charming, you suave bastard." - he muttered, smirking. Truth to tell, Blueblood was quite fond of his younger half-brother, despite the undying yearning for flamboyancy Charming exuded with every breath he took. As he expected, calabash was full of zebrican ogororo.

Setting the calabash aside, Blueblood sorted out the padding. As he expected, among the packing paper, he found a scroll case. Normally, he would be very interested in what his brother had to say, but right now, he had expected .... guests? Blueblood whirred around sharply, suddenly aware of the presence behind his back. Now that... That was Twilight. And Rarity. He had to admit, fashionista looked much better without the cumbersome gala dress.

"...Civil Act?" - Twilight ventured, uncomfortably, - "Did something happen?" He chuckled. "Ah, no, no. Nothing alarming, Im glad to say. Just a parcel from my half-brother." - he offered, setting the scroll case on the table, - "I believe Im quite ready for you, ladies." He could see Rarity scoffing silently, while Twilights expression remained somewhat uneasy. "Werent we supposed to meet...?" - lavender unicorn ventured softly. Wrinkling his nose, Blueblood pulled the medallion off, sighing softly - "It`s alright, Twilight."

"...You!?" - apparently, Rarity recognised him, now, - "What is the meaning of this? Twilight, whats going on? Why am I meeting this.. this uncouth ruffian?!" Twilight flinched. "Well, I think there was a misunderstanding, and I hoped..." - she offered softly, shying back from her friend. "Misunderstanding? I think not! He had treated me like... like a whorse!" - Rarity was not skimping on indignant outrage today, it seemed. Blueblood snorted. If it were his show, hed cut the wannabe to pieces right there and then... But Twilight was the one in charge today.

"Rarity, please." - offered lavender mare, looking at her friend with pleading eyes - "Lets talk about this. I used to know Blueblood before I moved to Ponyville, and theres more to what happened during the Gala then what you think." "More? MORE!? Was it too much to ask to be treated like a lady!?" - screeched the other mare in retort - "What did I ever do to him to embarrass me in front of whole beau monde SO!?" Blueblood heaved a sigh. OK. Time to step up. Twilight backed further away. She was well aware of what that sigh meant. She saw it in action before. That particular weary sigh, issued as a final warning right before Blueblood would verbally decimate somepony into blubbering wreck.

"O Sol omnipotens! Do you really have to ask!?" - he offered in a cold, clipped tone - "You have presented yourself to the whole court as golddigging whorse! Snubbing you was the most merciful thing I could think of." "...What?" - apparently, blunt was the way to go with this, judging by Raritys shocked expression. "That. What could be expected of me would be to take you back to my chambers, use you as I see fit and then have you chucked out of the castle gates in the morning. Youre not the first and not the last mare who would wheedle and beg her way into Gala in hopes of seducing somepony important." - he proffered, taking a seat on the sofa again, - "And if, heavens forefend, youve tried to approach one of the younger dukes, thats exactly what would have happened. Lucky for you, I quite prefer professional whorses when it comes to.. favors."

OOkay, time to soften the blows a little. Apparently, his admissions had profound impact - its been a while since he saw anypony bit on their hoof with such a horrified expression. Twilight was staring at him with disappointment, as well. "So... I did what I did. Put on the airs of smarmy prick with overinflated sense of entitlement." - he offered quietly - "I do realise it was unpleasant for you, but you hardly left me any other choice." With a visible effort, Rarity got her emotions under control. "I see." - she offered in equally clipped cold tone - "I suppose it wouldve been too much to ask of noble prince to feign romance for one evening?"

Blueblood sighed. This sigh was wistful and longing, quite unlike the irritated sound he made before. "Yes, it would be." - he offered flatly - "You see, I`ve been selecting a rose to present to another mare when you approached. Feigning romance for you would have shattered any chances I had at courting the one I desire. Alas, your stubborn persistence denied me the chance to approach her at the Gala. So do forgive me if I feel less then magnanimous for your plight."

"Why didnt you just tell me youre in love with another?" - demanded Rarity hotly, her mood unraveling at the seams. "Because we were at the Gala. As in, the biggest public gathering of gossips, busybodies and bigots in whole of Equestria." - he offered, - "Why don`t you two take a seat? A dinner is quite scrumptious, and I do believe the conversation will go over better with something tangible to soothe the bitterness of words."

As the mares obliged, one eagerly and other begrudgingly, he continued - "Now, please do understand. Im not a malicious pony. Brash, rude, crass and cynical on occasion, Ill admit that freely. But never malicious. Still, expecting me to surrender the desires so close to heart for your passing convenience? That is, indeed, way too much to ask of me. Youre not my friend, nor even an acquaintance. Ive never met you before Gala, and youve never known a thing about me, aside from what could be read in media. So what, pray tell, would have served as a basis for the feigned romance? It could be either lust or love from first sight. First weve discussed already, and second... Second happens only in fairy tales."

Twilight offered quietly - "I dont really agree with your methods, Blueblood, but I cant argue the intention. Still... I wish youve elected a less public way to deal with the situation." Suddenly, Rarity spoke up - "...He tried, Twilight. He tried. As angry as I am about that fiasco, I have to admit that he did try to scare me off in private first." She turned and fixed Blueblood with a stare - "Dont take it for an admission of guilt, though. You, sir, are a cad. But it would be quite unbecoming of me to ignore my own regretful contributions to the whole catastrophe that followed."

Blueblood chuckled easily - "I can live with that. Now, would you two care for some ogororo? Courtesy of my half-brother Charming." It didn`t take much of cajoling to talk them into it - both mares relished to partake in exotic treats, though, as Blueblood suspected, their reasons differed quite a bit.

Furtive Plans

Well, that went about as well as he could expect. Blueblood sighed and stretched, rubbing his hooves over the cheeks. Even his princely upbringing and court duties had not prepared him for the amount of talking he had to do just now. Two days after their initial meeting at the behest of Twilight, Rarity came back. This time, she was alone, and toting a thick notebook. Given shes been one of Twilights closest friends, prince did his best to indulge her. As it turned out, Rarity kept a detailed log on everypony popular. And she wanted the skinny on all of them.

He did his best not to daemonise anypony, even if some of them deserved so quite richly. Still, he had a niggling feeling Rarity would have a freakout fit once she got back to that boutique of hers. Frankly, Blueblood couldnt blame her for being royally disturbed. He himself was rather unsettled by the fact he could be indifferent about such depravities. Apparently, he was numb to all that from exposure. Rapes, embezzling, blackmail, incest, bastard foals and ruined marriages - she wanted the dirty inside of the courts glamour. She got more then she ever wanted to know.

What really got to him, prince thought with detachment, was the fact that Twilight was exposed to all of that too - and yet, came through with her naivete and innocence intact. While he? He sullied himself with every single... wait, no. No rapes and no illicit children. He was about to cross the incest from his personal rap sheet too, when his memory served him a memory of a tryst he had with his half-brother. "Charming..." - he muttered, moving over to the table. It was high time to write his sibling a letter.

Charming, itd been a while. Hows Zarhyme had been treating you? Aside from the shenanigans youve already written about, of course. Im more interested in political climate then in your sexual misadventures... and yes, its a hint about what exactly Id like to hear.

As for me, you need not to worry so. Yes, I have been sick last month, but you greatly exaggerate the dangers this particular malady poised. While yes, it was quite unpleasant ordeal, required surgery and had me laid out for two weeks, it`s not the horror you make it out to be. In fact, doctors assure me that keeping a diligent eye on my diet and temper is all that is required of me to forget about that kind of thing ever happening again.

Lastly, while you are indeed one of the very few ponies I dared to confide my honesty to, that does not entitle you to prying. Seriously, Charming, why would you write that? Yes, I am in Ponyville currently, and yes, I am getting reacquainted with one Twilight Sparkle. However, and I would like to stress that however, it does not mean you should jest about "arranging marriage". Especially considering I`ve yet to broach the topic of dating, let alone engagement.

Nonetheless, Im looking forward to meeting you. I believe I can visit Canterlot discreetly next Monday - and, of course, should you prefer to visit the rural tranquility of Ponyville, youll be always welcome at my villa. Its at the end of Rose Street. Mailbox says Civil Act - I would think its high time my nom de plume garnered some kind of material possession to his name... Not to mention the freedom from press it affords me.

Affably yours, Blueblood.

He put the quill aside and rolled up the scroll, slipping it into the scroll case. Tilting the candle over the case ties, he waited a few seconds, while wax dripped over the threads, then pressed his signet against the wax, sealing it up. Done with the correspondence, Blueblood left his table. Time for a meal. He briefly toyed with the idea of using his kitchen, but ultimately, rejected it as inane ramblings of starving aristocrat. And so, he donned his disguise medallion, tweed jacket and trilby, and walked out of his house confidently. There was this little cafe that served delicious croutons. Well, to be honest, the tomato soup croutons were served with was nothing to sneeze at, either. And what`s best of all, that meal was completely in line with recommended diet, while being quite quite palatable.

Of course, it`s been purely coincident his stroll passed by the library. No doubt about it. Still, he felt a pang of discomfort when he spied "closed" sign on the door. But then again, it was time for dinner, so... Hardly a surprise there. Given the evident skill Spike exhibited in kitchen, Blueblood wholly expected the mare of his dreams to dine inside. Much to his surprise, when he finally deigned to look forward, he found himself mere inches from nuzzling a lavender rump.

"Oh dear. Good day, Twilight Sparkle. My apologies, I was lost in thought." - he offered hastily, moving to keep more respectable distance. No answer. Was Twilight angry with him? Maybe she didnt like him telling Rarity things as they are? Maybe...oh. Maybe the mare was lost in book so deeply she didnt pay attention. Blueblood chuckled and tapped Twilight`s shoulder, - "Twilight? Do you hear me?"

"What... Oh. Hello there, bl... Civil Act, I mean." - she blurted, finally tearing her attention from the book, - "Im sorry, did I run into you?" Blueblood had to hold back another chuckle. "No, no, quite the contrary. I almost run into you." - he offered amiably, - "How are you?" Twilight pulled a bookmark out of her mane and slipped it into the book, closing it and hiding it into her saddlebag. "Quite fine, thank you. I was about to go get some food... I cant believe I forgot to have lunch." - she responded sheepishly, as her stomach gurgled.

"Really? How serendipitous. I was about to dine myself. Would you care to dine with me? Ive found a nice little place just around the corner... Mm. They serve soups to rival the finest restaurants in Canterlot." - he proffered with a smile. Twilight nodded eagerly - "Soup? Yes, that sounds... yummy. Lets go." And so, they went.

"...Mm." - opined Twilight, as she pulled back from the bowl. She was hungry, indeed, but even so, two bowls of soup left her warm, full and pleasantly sluggish. "As I said, the soups are to die for." - offered Blueblood from across the table. He had finished his meal a while earlier, taking the chance to just watch Twilight inconspicuously. "Yes, I do concur. How did I ever manage to overlook this place?" - she offered languidly, dabbing her lips with napkin.

"To be honest, I found this place purely by accident." - he proffered with an easy smile - "Its been my second day in Ponyville, and I got turned around a little. Still, its quite a find." Purple mare chuckled back, folding the napkin absentmindedly - "You know, it seems like there is some kind of natural law. The places that serve the best food are also the hardest to find. I wonder why." Blueblood tilted his head - "Well... If I were to hazard a guess, places with fine cuisine get their profit not from random passer-bys, but from regular customers. It stands to reason that ponies who could be satisfied with hayburger would not delve so deep into city labyrinth in search of finest foods - their needs are served at the door, so to speak."

Twilight quirked her brow - "Come now, surely being more accessible would help the business." Stallion shook his head slowly - "Not quite. This is the classic quality versus quantity situation. If this restaurant were on one of the busier streets, they would get more random customers - but they would be forced to offer lower quality product to keep up with quantity of the demand. On the flip side, being placed further away like this, their primary clientele would consist of gourmets - and gourmets have a habit of coming back for seconds, if they are satisfied. Take me for example - Ive only been in town for five days, yet its the fourth time I dine here. Why? Because the place appeals to me. Its quiet, its cozy and the food is scrumptious. Obviously, I would not mind paying the proper price for the meals... and just as obviously, I wouldn`t be asking for a toy in my meal or a balloon to go."

Twilight tapped the glass with hoof, watching the bubbles rise through cider. "I think I get what youre saying..." - she offered slowly - "The target group for this particular establishment is ponies like you, who would afford the price and time to get things done just right." Prince nodded at that, taking a sip of his airish coffee - "Bingo. The lack of advertisement is intentional, I would think. Its supposed to be a place for the inner circle, so to speak. For ponies who would look for and afford the quality."

"Dont you think its a bit elitist, though?" - proffered the mare thoughtfully, as she sipped her cider. Blueblood nodded again - "Of course it is. It should be." Twilight straightened up slightly, startled by this suggestion - "Oh, come on. What makes anypony better then others?" He took a pause, swirling his coffee in the mug, watching it form a little whirlpool. "What sets us apart..." - he muttered softly, - "Look at yourself, Twilight. Youre not the average pony. Try as you might, you could never be average. You are the hero of Equestria. You hold one of the elements of Harmony. You are the most powerful unicorn among currently living. You can be as modest as you care to be, but that does not change the cold hard facts. Youre above them. When you walk down the street, ponies look up to you. You are the elite. One that sets the example."

She blushed. "Please. Im just an ordinary pony. Anypony couldve been in my place." - she rebuffed feebly. Prince shook his head - "Maybe. But what couldve been does not change what is. And right now, you are in your place. History is full of couldve beens, Twilight. Everypony is one, potentially. But that means nothing. What makes you an elite? Realising your potential. Putting it to work. Making things better for all Equestria. Like it or not, you`ve earned your right to be apart."

She sighed and nodded. "Im not exactly fond of it, but you have a point." - mare offered after a brief pause - "Ive... noticed some things to that effect. But back to our topic... Why its alright for a place to be elitist?" Blueblood blinked - "Why, to cater to elite. You just admitted it yourself - your actions had set you above the average. If you give above the expected, should you not receive above the needed as well? Being elite does come at a price, Twilight. Ive worked myself sick. And you... Had you ever cured your insomnia?"

She sighed, leaning head on her hoof... "No. I suspect I never will." - she admitted quietly, - "So youre saying its... a restitution of sorts?" He sighed back - "That`s one way of looking at it, I suppose. Me? I prefer to think of it as a reward for diligence and effort. For doing your best to do better." He paused for a moment, then chuckled - "Listen to us, all gloom and doom and fates of equinity... Just like old times, eh?"

Twlight frowned, opened her mouth to object... paused, and then closed it. "Youre right." - she offered with a little smile - "I missed our little talks." He set the cup down. "Would you like to share a dinner tomorrow, then? Ive missed our little conversations just as well." - he offered. Mare shrugged and nodded, her smile widening a little - "...Sure. I`d like that. Same time, same place, eh?" Blueblood smirked. Things were looking up.

Smooth Sailing

Day twelve. So far, so good. Blueblood adjusted his coat and smirked at his reflection in the mirror. "Getting lucky for a change, eh, old boy? Shh, dont jinx it." - he muttered merrily, running a comb through his mane again, just for good measure. Things were indeed quite good. Its been a week since his first dinner with Twilight Sparkle, and he had been meeting with her for dinner every day ever since. Much to his surprise, he found that reconnecting with Twilight Sparkle was nowhere nearly as hard as he had expected.

Doffing his hat, Blueblood offered his disguised self in the mirror another wink. He was ready. Truth to tell, he was more then ready. He was eager, for today, Blueblood considered the possibility to make a step forward. To move beyond the previously trodden territory. To brave the unknown. In short, he was about to ask Twilight to consider the option of officially calling their relationship dating.

Turning away from the mirror, Blueblood allowed himself a small sigh. He was worried, of course. After all, his reputation of marechaser was not entirely undeserved. Thankfully, the topic had came up during one of their dinner conversations - and prince had a good reason to believe Twilight wouldn`t be holding that particular tidbit against him. At least, he believed he had a good reason, based on what he heard and inferred. Nonetheless, Blueblood was quite optimistic for a change.

It was high time to leave, if he were to make their usual time. Thankfully, the trek to the library was neither long, nor rife with obstacles, so Blueblood was quite certain he could reach the library on time. "Allons-y!" Silly, he knew, but that was one of the silly words he picked from somepony and just could not shake out of his mind. Oh well, it was a fancy word, so what`s the harm?

___

Something was off. Usually, Twilight would meet him here at the steps of the library. Blueblood surreptitiously consulted his pocketwatch. Exactly on time.... Strange. Well, maybe Twilight just got caught up in the book again. He stepped forward to the door of the library and knocked. Well, attempted to knock - the door was not locked and swung open from the first touch. Blueblood walked inside cautiously. On one hand, it was weird, on other... well, it was public library and it was clearly business hours. Not like his entrance was illegal.

Apparently, Twilight was simply busy. He could hear the voices from the back of the library. Twilights voice he recognised off the bat, other was new to him. Still he had some vague memory of that twang. Probably one of Twilights friends... Right. Of course. The apple farmer. He had briefly met Applejack several times before, though always under the guise of Civil Act. All the better, though - even though he had squared things with Rarity, Blueblood was not looking to reveal himself to Applejack - chances are her own grudge from Gala, unimportant as it may be, would not be easily resolved.

Apparently, the farmer was in a need of advice. Legal advice, by the sound of things. Prince smirked. As a premiere legislator, he was fairly confident in his qualifications to dispense the advice. Twilight could use a hoof with this - as informed as the mare was on the theory of the law, she never bothered with practical side of it seriously enough to be admitted to the bar. With that thought in mind, he had trotted in, closing the door behind himself firmly. Doing some pro bono work would add some credence to his alter ego, and helping his aunt`s favorites would not be overlooked by aforementioned aunt either - not to mention that one Twilight Sparkle would be grateful.

"Good day... Oh, pardon me. I was not aware youre busy." - he offered to Twilight, doffing his hat courteously, - "Should I come back later?" Twilights face lit up. "Civil Act! No, no, actually I was hoping you can advice us on this matter. Applejack, tell him about your problem." Orange pony squirmed in place, glancing on Twilight nervously - "Are yah sure, sugarcube? Ahm not keen on makin this public, yanno."

Blueblood eyerolled internally. "Miss... Applejack, yes?" - he offered, adopting the affably cordial tone he used when he tried to be nice - "From what little I overheard, it seems to me like you are in a need of legal advice, and as an honest lawyer and a good friend of miss Sparkle, I would be quite remiss not to offer assistance and confidentiality on the matter. Whatever you may say will not leave those walls without you explicitly permitting it, you have my word." Apparently, his words set Applejack at ease - at least partially.

"Yah, alright." - she proffered, nibbling her lip - "Ysee, its them varmints Flim and Flam. A while ago, they done rolled into town sellincider. Now, Apples had been makin cider ever since we founded Ponyville, ysee, and ahve not taken kindly to them greenhorns peddlintheir swill. Aint helped the matters none they went and done challenged me ta the contest. Ahve nearly lost me farm to them, too, if not for Twailight here an all the rest of mah friends." She took a breath and continued - "So, anyways... The thing is, ahve had ta provide them apples fer the contest - both fer me and fer them miscreants. So now theyre fixinto sue me cuz thems sayin theyve been makin cider fer me and ah owe`em fer the work done."

Blueblood nibbled his lip thoughtfully. "I see." - he offered after a moment of consideration - "Did you happen to sign any papers for them, perchance?" Farmer snorted and stomped her hoof, shaking her head no firmly, - "Now ahve got none of that fancy educating, but Ah do know not to sigh anythang Ah aint read or understood. Ahve not signed not a single darn paper for them varmints, and none of my folks did either. Ahve already asked them bout that." Princes brow quirked. "Well, then what exactly is their claim?" - he inquired dubiously - "If you`ve signed no contract with them, what grounds to they have for their demands?"

Orange pony slumped, heaving a sigh. "Ah donno." - she offered, - "Ah woulda laugh it off, except them their lawyer already sent me this letter heah anthis there summons to tha court. Now, Ah cant make heads nor tails of it, so Ah thought maybe Twailight coulda set me straight." Twilight levitated over a scroll, her expression inscrutable as she offered - "Ive looked over it already and I cant help but think it was intentionally written in such a way as to confuse Applejack. It`s grotesquely overwrought with legalese."

Nodding, the prince unrolled the scroll and skimmed through it quickly. It was obvious Twilight was right - he had no doubt whoever wrote this had been trying their best to sound official, ominous and confusing without saying anything decisive. Still, disregarding the copious obfuscation, the message had to have some message in the core. "Apparently...." - he offered, considering the document for the second time, - "Their argument is that the contest held was a promotion of Sweet Apple Acres and they contend that Applejack entered an oral contract with FlimFlam brothers and then reneged to deliver agreed upon monetary compensation for their work producing cider out of provided apples."

Applejack snorted and stomped her hoof angrily - "WHAT!? Ahve done nothing of a sort! What in tarnation are they talkin about? Ahm not a darn cocksucker, thank ye kindly." Blueblood and Twilight exchanged glances, both visibly fighting the smirk. Twilight recovered first. "Oral contract, Applejack. Not oral... intercourse. Oral contract means you promised them something. As in, said your promise." - she explained patiently. Farmer facehooved. "Darn fancy ten-bit words." - she muttered, dragging her hat over her face - "Can we pretend Ahve nevah said that?"

"I think I can grant this concession, yes. What about you, miss Sparkle?" - offered Blueblood jovially. Twilight shook her head bemusedly and nodded, sporting a faint blush - "Anyway, yes... The basis of their argument seems that they were making cider for you and that you promised them something, Applejack. Since we have witnesses that can confirm theyve been trying to actively compete with you, I believe they dont have much of a case." Stallion shook his head suddenly - "...Maybe not quite so easy. See this bit about promotion? Also, take note of the lawyers name. Class Action is... well. Known in lawyer circles as rather proficient, if unscrupulous barrister. Given her involvement, I quite doubt her case would be something so easily refuted." He heaved a little sigh and shrugged - "Id like to offer my services as a solicitor, miss Applejack. Obviously enough, I`m willing to take this case pro bono, given that you are a good friend of miss Sparkle here."

Author's Note

Everyone, Im sorry for taking so long with updates. Things were rather hectic here, and Ive been in no mood to write something worth the effort of reading. Hopefully, I`ll get into the groove soon enough.

Brewing Legal Trouble

He had to admit - Class Action surely had the nerve. Sometimes, the nerve was all it took to succeed in court. Blueblood had no doubt that if not for his intervention, Applejacks confrontation with Class Action wouldve ended up in... miscarriage of justice, lets say. The summons had been sent with every intention to deny Applejack as much time as possible. Mailed on Friday evening with the court date set for Monday - De jure it allowed the two days. De facto, the letter was likely to languish at the post office until Monday morning. It was pure luck Applejack was passing by the post office and decided to come in to procure some post stamps on Sunday. If not for that, farmer wouldve probably gotten the news in the morning mail - leaving her scant hour to make herself presentable and make an appearance in town hall.

Prince looked over the itinerary hastily provided by Mayor Mare. He felt slightly bad about dragging the mare into the office on her day off, but he needed to hedge the bets. "Book Thrower, eh..." - he muttered. Ponyville had no permanent judge in residence - normally, Mayor Mare served as Justice of the Peace for the town. In this particular issue, however, Class Action had arranged for a visiting judge. On base level, Blueblood understood the reasoning for this action quite fine - visiting judge would both deprive Applejack of an advantage of a familiar (and thus sympathetic) judge and scare everypony involved even further. As far as prince could make it, the last time the town saw a visiting judge was a murder back when Mayor Mare was but a foal without a mark.

"I daresay, this is highly irregular." - opined the aforementioned mare, adjusting her pince-nez, - "I would even go as far as to say underhanded. Its as if all those papers were intentionally sent to arrive on the weekend to catch us on the back, as it were." Twilight nodded from the other corner of the office, where she was scanning through the thick binder. "Im afraid it is exactly as you say." - she offered in a clipped tone, pulling another paper out of the binder - "If I were to hazard a guess, the intention was to catch us all literally in our beds and slap poor Applejack with court order before we could get our hooves on the ground."

"Speak of the..." - began Blueblood as the door swung open. Applejack walked in, holding a scrapbook in her mouth. "Now, Ah donno if that there things gonna be useful or not, but..." - she began, spitting out scrapbook on the table, - "Granny Smith gone and done found all them photos we made of that confound contest." Twilights horn lit up, several photos floating out of the scrapbook and joining the papers she plucked from the binder. "Perfect." - she exclaimed, stacking them neatly into a separate folder, - "Civil Act, I think this is it. Big Macintosh rather diligently noted down the amount of apples "wasted" on the contest. Between that, the photos and the testimony of the witnesses, we can explain the real sequence of events in enough detail to satisfy any reasonable inquiry."

Mayor Mare and Blueblood simultaneously heaved a little sigh. "What?" - Twilight was perplexed by the reaction. Mayor Mare responded first - "Ah, the idealism of youth... Miss Sparkle. As much as I would love to live in the world where only reason and common sense decide what happens in court, we have to make do with reality." Blueblood took over - "Unfortunately, having the evidence is only half of a job. Their claim is that Applejack had an oral contract with Flim and Flam. As in, gave her word. And none of the proofs you have can be used to demonstrate that Applejack said nothing of a sort. No, this is certainly helpful for the case, but it`s not a legal cure-all you think it is."

"Ah getcha." - offered Applejack suddenly, - "But how do we nail them varmints, then?" Prince shrugged slightly - "The exact process remains to be seen. I can tell you something off the bat first, though. This Book Thrower character? I know him, a little. He has rather short patience for a judge and he tends to "throw a book" at those who in his eyes are trying to confuse or filibuster the court. So, if you have to testify... And its a certain thing that you, miss Applejack, will have to, mind... Well, when you are testifying, do your best to keep your answers short and clear. If at all possible, do try to behave like your brother - the less you say without prompting, the less of a chance Class Action will twist something you say to her own advantage." Orange mare nodded resolutely - "Ahm not gonna give them miscreants the time of a day, Ah swear."

Blueblood nibbled his lip thoughtfully. "While this is a commendable sentiment, I think I need to warn you further." - he offered, setting the itinerary aside, - "You did not sign any papers, and I doubt Class Action would be brazen enough to show up with obvious forgery. No, she will arrive expecting you to be rushed to the court, and she will badger you with questions and insinuations. Theres a good chance she will do her best to get you as angry as she can - angry ponies tend to say things they dont mean and dont want to utter. No matter what she may be implying or insinuating, do not rise to her challenge. Ideally you should only glare at her unless me or the judge will ask you to tell the court something. We will rehearse the questions I may be asking later and Ill coach you and the rest of our witnesses on what they should say and how. If the judge asks you something, answer honestly, but give him only bare bones answer, no more then that."

Mayor Mare shook her head slightly, proffering - "I do believe your attorney has things well in hoof here, miss Sparkle, miss Applejack. Unless theres something else I may help you with, Im going to bid you good day and see about getting the town hall ready for the court session tomorrow." Blueblood simply nodded to her. Twilight copied the motion, adding - "Thank you for helping us out. We`ll have this sorted out, I promise."

___

Alarm clock jumped in place... and was immediately stopped by the hoof. Prince had been awake for a good hour now, enjoying his breakfast. Today, it was an apple pie. For a food so pedestrian, it was inexplicably tender, with just a hint of piquant tartness behind the sugary tang. Apparently, there were hidden depths even to simple apples. Try as he might, Blueblood couldnt help but compare the taste of pie to his previous experience with Applejacks cuisine. The treats at the Gala tasted awful. Though, maybe he just wanted them to taste awful to begin with. Everything`s so subjective...

Blueblood stretched and doffed his trilby, assuming the Civil Act persona. Two minutes ahead of schedule, perfect. He saluted his mirror image sardonically and walked out. Twilight was already waiting for him, apparently, if the sound of pacing behind the door was of any indication. Normally, Twilight, Applejack and the rest of their friends would be at the town hall early... but stallion insisted they should not be there rather emphatically. "No need to show our hand prematurely." - he proffered, - "Let Class Action think she caught us belly-up. The jokes going to be on her once were done."

As he predicted, Class Action, Book Thrower, Flim and Flam disembarked from the morning train and made a beeline to the town hall. Mayor Mare was already there, and her part would be to keep everypony inside the town hall. Any minute now... Aha! The door opened slightly and a pinto colt slipped out, trotting towards the library jauntily. Stallion stepped aside and pushed the door ajar slightly, letting Pipsqueak into the library. "Missus Applejack, Mayor Mare asked me to tell yew to come to the Town Hall." - little colt reported, beaming as Pinkie Pie offered him a lollipop for a job well done.

"Lets go, everypony." - the prince proffered, smirking, - "Lets show the guests how the laws work in Equestria."

Crumbs And Nitpicks

In the little lull that followed, Book Thrower had managed to gather his wits enough to resume his duties. "Ahem... While I still dont see the relevance of inquiry, it would indeed behoove us to do everything by the book in such a high-profile case." - he announced uneasily, - "With that in mind, Im overruling the objection. Plaintiffs are to testify about the initial agreement with defendant."

Class Action fumed. "And Id like to state for the record that this is an outrage." - she pronounced - "And since it came to that, mr. Act, Id like you to know that I will personally drag you through the ethical conduct inquiry at the merest provocation." Blueblood merely mimed tipping his hat at her, infuriating the opposing lawyer even further. "Oh, there will be no need for that." - he opined gayly - "As I will now show, my inquiry is a very important part of the case. Speaking of which, will the plaintiffs please explain the circumstances of the initial meeting with the defendant?"

Er...

Quite...

Well...

You see...

It happened just before the contest!

Yes, indeed, we did not have time to put everything down on paper.

Frankly speaking, your honor, we did not expect it to be necessary at the point...

After all, if you can`t trust the Element of Honesty, then whom can you trust at all?

Blueblood grinned. It was not a nice grin. It was a grin that would make a shark envious, in fact. "So... let me get this straight. You did not have the time to write down an agreement, but you did have the time to build a machine?" - he asked. "I object, your honor!" - Class Action intervened - "My clients had clearly stated they had no reason to go beyond oral agreement. One that defendant later reneged on, despite her social stature which defence so readily flaunted, no less!"

Blueblood coughed and tapped the table before the judge could - "Actually, Im pointing out the contradiction in the statements given by plaintiffs. In their initial statement, they claimed they were contacted to construct the cider machine. Now, theyre claiming the initial meeting was just before the contest. Am I to assume that plaintiffs constructed a machine on a moment`s notice?"

Class Action scoffed. "There is no contradiction here, your honor." - she proffered, - "The request to construct the machine have had been made by the letter, so the first time my clients met the defendant was, indeed, just prior to the contest. Given the reputation defendant has, they saw no need to commit the arrangement to paper, which enabled the breach of trust we`re suing for now to occur unimpeded."

"Can you present the letter in question, perchance?" - inquired the prince with a lazy smile. Lawyer mare shook her head with a sigh - "Unfortunately, said latter have had been used for kindling shortly after being received. My clients have to live quite frugally, your honor." Nodding, Blueblood pressed on - "In short, there is no evidence of this letter`s existence, aside from plaintiff testimony, correct?"

Class Action frowned, as she offered cautiously - "Not the letter itself, no. However, I`d like to point out to the court that my clients are not the residents of Ponyville. Yet, they arrived to the town along with already built cider machine. I can hardly see why they would arrive to the town with such a specialised equipment without a preexisting reason to think there would be a market for it."

Blueblood scoffed. "Oh, yes indeed. Arriving to the town founded by apple farmers in the middle of cider season... Hardly a reason to expect that local populace would be interested in cider machine, no?" - he retorted, shaking his head - "As it so happens, we have had inquired the mayors of nearby towns about possible sightings of the plaintiffs. Here, I`d like to present affidavits by the mayor of Appleloosa and Cherry Junction. Both confirm the plaintiffs had passed through their towns aboard a "self-propelling cider-making contraption", according to mayor of Appleloosa. Note the dates - a week, and three days prior to visit to Ponyville, respectively."

He levitated the affidavits to the judge, proffering - "Your honor, it is the opinion of defence that there was no preexisting agreement between my client and plaintiffs. Rather, plaintiffs were travelling from town to town, seeking the market for their cider machine. Furthermore, according to both affidavits, corroborated by several witnesses each, in both towns the machine had suffered numerous malfunctions during the demonstration of thereof, turning away the potential buyers due to inordinate amount of maintenance it required. Defence further posits that the contest has had been staged on the challenge of the plaintiffs, and was a last ditch effort to recoup the costs of constructing the machine."

"What does it have to do with the case in question, Mr. Act?" - inquired judge acerbically - "As I noted before, I can not see the point of this line of questioning. I strongly suggest you give an explanation as to how all this is relevant to the case, seeing as you went to great lengths to make these inquiries." Blueblood shrugged a little, giving judge a little bow - "Very well, your honor. This line of questioning, along with the affidavits I just presented to the court is meant to showcase the glaring contradiction in the testimony given by plaintiffs. According to them, they built machine on the order of my client - however, as we just established, there is no direct evidence suggesting such an order was indeed given. Instead, as the affidavits show, there is a strong circumstantial evidence that suggests otherwise. I have had just given our version of events, which insofar is not contradicted by anything aside from contested testimony by the plaintiffs."

Book Thrower harumphed. "Are there any objections or explanations of this discrepancy from plaintiffs?" - he inquired irritably. Flim and Flam exchanged worried glances. Then, they both tried to speak up in the same time.

There is...

That`s no...

Er...

Um...

One more exchange of glances, and Flim began again, clearing his throat to start off anew.

We do apologise for the misunderstanding, your honor.

The truth of the matter is, the letter in question have had been damaged by the rain.

Which is a reason why we used it for kindling to begin with.

While most of the message was legible, we could not make out the exact name of the town we were invited to.

So, we rushed the order to accrue some spare time...

During which we methodically checked the towns one by one to determine which one extended the invitation.

Obviously enough, when we were given the offer to do the promotion...

We assumed we arrived to the town we were originally meant to visit.

On the way, we constantly refined and finetuned our machine...

To ameliorate the problems that would be otherwise present due to rush job.

Which is why our tests in Appleloosa and Cherry Junction, that were mistakingly assumed by the locals as the sale pitches, were so subpar.

We were still ironing out the kinks in the machine.

We do apologise for not telling the whole story from the beginning...

But those minutae details just didn`t seem to be of any importance to the case in question.

"There. Are you satisfied now, mr. Act?" - inquired Book Thrower tartly, as he slammed the gavel again, for no particular reason other then to make his mounting irritation show - "I don`t see any problems with that explanation."

Blueblood quirked his brow. "Really, your honor?" - he asked, his voice with obviously dubious - "Well, I just have one last question for the plaintiffs, then. Let us assume that letter existed for the sake of the argument. If the letter was damaged to the point where you could not be certain which town it was sent from, what exactly reason do you have to ascribe it to my client?"

"Obviously enough, the name on the letter was legible." - interrupted Class Action before anypony else could say anything. Blueblood shook his head slowly. "If that were the case, then plaintiffs would not have a need to visit each town. It would be quicker and cheaper to simply write to each towns mayor and inquire if they have a resident by that name in the town." - he retorted - "Even in case of abundantly popular or partially legible name, that would have had narrowed the scope of search drastically. Or perhaps youd like to claim your clients have had failed to think about such an obvious solution?"

After a brief discussion with her clients, Class Action proposed - "According to my clients, the name was only partially legible, and since the first part of the name is word 'apple', they could not be certain if it was indeed a name or an indication of sender`s profession." Blueblood nodded - "In short, plaintiffs had no demonstrable reason to believe this supposed letter was in fact written by my client and nopony else."

Class Action raised her hoof to object, paused, then slowly lowered it. "I concede that point." - she finally offered, - "My clients were not certain whom their business partner was until the meeting in Ponyville. However, I would also like to point out that we`re not discussing the rights, nor obligation to buy the cider machine in question. We are discussing the promotional act that my clients were contracted to carry out after they arrived to Ponyville."

Blueblood nodded, - "Yes, indeed. The point of my cross-examination was to demonstrate there is no tangible reason to believe my client had any business relationship with plaintiffs whatsoever prior to their arrival to Ponyville." Class Action immediately jumped up with indignant - "I OBJECT! My clients have had just testified about that pre-existing business relationship!"

The prince in disguise allowed her to finish, then retorted calmly - "I do believe youve just conceded there is no tangible way to prove if your clients have received a letter specifically from my client, even if we assume said letter existed at all. As of now, I have no further question for plaintiffs and instead would like to have my own client testify to the events in case. Preemptively, Id like to state that I have no objection to cross-examination by my opponent, but I will object to pointless badgering of my client."

He turned around, making a grand gesture with his hoof, - "Miss Applejack. Please, tell the court about the arrival of plaintiffs to Ponyville."

Mayor Witness

Applejack stepped up, glaring at the Class Action balefully. Attorney harrumphed at the glare and returned with her own. Which had no effect on Applejack in the slightest. Disregarding the glaring contest, Blueblood announced - "Specifically, miss Applejack, I`d like to hear about your first meeting with them."

"Yup." - she proffered grimly - "As a matter of fact, Ah met them two at the gates of mah farm. They rode up on that thar contraption of theirs an` went into sale pitch right off the bat."

Of course, Class Action could not miss such an opportunity. "Sales pitch? Really?" - she inquired acerbically - "I can hardly think theyd expect to advertise a machine to a pony who asked them to build it in the first place. Perhaps youd like to word it better?"

Applejack shrugged, offering simple - "Nope." She shrugged off the intensifying glare of opposing lawyer nonchalantly, and continued - "As a matter ofact, them fancy-pants inventors done knocked over mah fence post an broke into a song, as if this here were a vaudeville or summat like. Ah can hardly call it anything other then sales pitch. Hey, iffen yer think ahm embellishin, why doncha ask other ponies? Half a town saw em doin their little number, or prit`near so."

Book Thrower harumphed. "I get the picture." - he quipped tersely, his irate composure leaving no room for further stalling - "What happened after that?"

Applejack shrugged slightly. "Ahm sorry, yer honor, but you aint gettinit yet. Yah see, them, whatchacallem.... plaintiffs, right? Well, they werent tryinta sell me that there machine, nope. Thems been tryinta sell cider ta the town. Except theyve had no apples anwere lookin ta use mine." - she proffered, and shook her head, as if in disbelief somepony would actually do all that.

Of course, Class Action could not let this go unchallenged. "I OBJECT!" - she screeched, her hooves slamming into the table as she leaned over it, - "My clients have had just testified they were in the town for the express purpose of selling the machine, NOT the cider."

Blueblood snorted. "You are quite a maverick, miss Action. One more cautious would think long and hard before dismissing a testimony of the Element of Honesty." - he quipped - "As it so happened, Ive asked around the town to verify. Cider season is an important time in Ponyville - most adults that were not engaged otherwise were present for the event and could corroborate the testimony if necessary." He lifted both of his hooves in a bemused shrug and gestured around vaguely - "Be my guest, your honor. Pull in any adult from the street and ask them to testify." He paused to smile at Class Action - "Yes, Im actually that confident in my position, miss Action. Want to try me?"

"This is an outrage! Youre treating this hearing like a... like a stand-up comedy! Your honor, this is entirely unacceptable. Am I to understand that defence based their strategy on publicity stunts in its entirety?" - she screeched indignantly, - "Should we invite the rest of town to witness the preceedings while at it?"

Blueblood shrugged. "I have no objection to that." - he proffered nonchalantly, flashing his best "Im so gonna screw you over and theres nothing you can do about it" smile. Book Thrower gave him the gimlet eye, but then snorted. "Very well. On the authority of the court, I summon mayor Mayor Mare to testify about the event in question."

It took a few minutes to fetch Mayor Mare and have her sworn in as a witness - a process that didn`t fill Class Action with confidence, given that neither the darn hick nor her blasted attorney shown any worry at the fact. Actually, the only thing they shown were seething disdain and bored condescension, respectively. Still... She cleared her throat.

"Would you please state your name and occupation for the court, please?" - Class Action inquired, taking charge quickly to head this testimony in the right direction. Worryingly, this Civil Act pony made no attempt to stop her. Which meant that he was confident mayor could not possibly say anything damaging to his position. At least, as far as he could tell, obviously. Class Action did have a trick or three in her sleeve, still.

"Ah, yes. I am the mayor of this fine town, and my name is Mayor Mare." - the witness in question offered, adjusting her glasses with a hoof - "So, what exactly do you need my testimony on?"

Miss Mare, where exactly were you during the opening of cider season in Ponyville last year?

Oh? That`s easy. I was queuing at the gates of Sweet Apple Acres to get some fresh cider.

Queuing, is that it? Strange, I would have thought the owner of the farm would have good graces not to make a mayor wait in line.

Ah. You see, miss Action, I also pride myself on having good graces, in particular as it pertains to not misusing my civic position. If everypony else had to queue, then it was good enough for me as well.

How... commendable. Regardless of that, how far were you from the gates?

At which hour?

Excuse me?

The queue, it moves, miss Action. When the sun rose, I was twenty fifth in line. When the plaintiffs arrived, I was thirteenth, which puts me about five yards from the gate, give or take.

Which means you saw the arrival of my clients well, haven`t you? Please describe what happened.

Ah. Well, your clients have had arrived on some kind of motorized chariot. It didnt function particularly well, I would say, as they plowed into the fence before coming to stop. I was about to leave the line to inquire about their health, when the both of them broke into a song about the benefits of automated cider production. Ive made an educated guess that neither of the two was particularly in need of help after seeing them dance around and sing about their cider-making contraption.

What happened after that?

Your clients had a brief discussion with members of Apple family, then returned to their device and drove away on it. I couldn`t hear the whole discussion, but I distinctly remember Big Macnitosh saying "No deal." just before the discussion ended.

How convenient. You couldn`t hear the discussion except for this one line? Any particular reason why?

Big Macintosh havent said anything else, and the rest of ponies spoke too quietly to overhear. Big Mac is, well... named big for a reason, and hes got a voice to match.

"Ayup." made everypony`s teeth reverberate for a moment, causing all of them to turn and stare at the stallion, who merely shrugged and gave a sheepish smile in return. Class Action seethed quietly. That, again, was bringing undesirable comedy into preceedings, and trying to go after stallion would lose whatever tenuous support she still had from Book Thrower. She was well aware that Big Macintosh was not prone to talking, and for that reason resolved not to summon him as witness if at all possible, lest he irritate Book Thrower into throwing the case out with his monosyllabillic answers.

Going back to the event in question, when did the promotion start?

...What promotion?

Miss Mare, must I remind you that lying to court is a serious offense? Surely, as a mayor, you should be well aware of that.

Miss Action, the song was the entirety of promotion your clients had given. After the unsuccessful discussion with Apples, they left the farm entirely.

And when did they produce the cider, then?

That would be the next day. They arrived roughly at the same time, just as Apples run out of cider for the day, and attempted to sell their own...

OBJECTION! My clients had no intention of selling cider!

Would you like to interview the entirety of my town to verify my version of events? I can arrange an interview with every person. By the last census, Ponyville counted two thousand thirty seven adult ponies. I`m confident that if we start right now, we will be able to finish by the next Sunday. By Friday, even, if we agree to ten-hour workdays and skip dinner breaks.

Class Action slammed her hoof down on the table angrily. "Miss Mare!" - she screeched - "We are discussing the promotion given by my clients to Sweet Apple Acres! Nothing more. Now, please, testify about the promotion and nothing else!" Grey mare simply shrugged.

Im afraid I dont understand what do you expect to hear, then. To give you a synopsis of what I know about the events... Your clients arrived to the farm with the tall tales about the quality of their cider. After apparently failing to arrive to any agreement with Apples, they came back next day and attempted to sell their own cider, which they made on the spot with the help of their cider machine. Applejack questioned the quality of their cider, to which they responded with the challenge for the ownership of the farm. The ones producing the most cider would win. The contest itself have had been judged by me, and all requisite paperwork filled in at the town hall. It`s worth to mention that contest was not billed as promotional, and I have had inquired both participating sides about their goal. So any promotion to take place have had to happen before the contest.

Please testify about the contest then. What happened, who won and why?

The rules of contest have had been simple. Whoever produced more cider during the day would receive the ownership of Sweet Apple Acres...

And the cider machine, right?

...No, the stakes were solely the farm ownership. Machine was cited only as a preferred mean of production on Flim-Flam side. There was no arrangement to transfer the ownership of machine in any way, shape or form.

Very well. What happened during the contest?

Well, at first, your clients have had a definite lead. Apples have had inquired about being allowed to bring in honorary family members, to which your clients agreed, citing the confidence in their machine. By the end of the contest, your clients have had outproduced Apples by a tangible margin and would have received the ownership of the farm, if the taste test hadn`t revealed that majority of the produced cider have had been contaminated with dirt and splinters to the point of being entirely unsuitable for drinking. After removing the contaminated barrels from the count and confirming every single remaining barrel on both sides was drinkable, the victory have had been awarded to Apples due to having thrice the number of barrels produced. At this point your clients left, since their lackluster performance had soured the whole town on machine-made cider.

Soured, eh? And why is that?

Well, cider is a rare treat, you see. It can only be made during cider season, and the supply of apples at the farm is not unlimited. Given that their machine outright uprooted several trees during contest only to produce something entirely undrinkable, ponies have had been understandably disappointed at the wasting of so much apples that could`ve been made into cider otherwise.

Which surely promoted the product made by defendant, no?

As much as your current performance is promoting mister Act as a master attorney, I suppose.

Class Action snorted furiously, as the line was met with stifled giggles from the assorted hicks in the hall. And, what`s much worse, a snicker from judge. Which was not good for her at all. "I have no further questions." - she gritted out angrily - "Defence may cross-examine the witness."

Blueblood shrugged dismissively. "I`m entirely satisfied with testimony as is. Defence has no further questions, your honor." - he proffered - "Instead, I would like to resume the testimony of defendant as it pertains to agreements brokered or not brokered with plaintiffs."

Author's Note

Yes, yes. I know. Havent been updated in forever. No explanations, sorry. Just... didnt feel like writing until just now. The muses are fickle.

The End Of Farce

Blueblood straightened his tweed jacket, brushed the nonexistent lint off his cuff and with a smile that would make sharks proud, jealous and fearful, inquired - "My question is simple, miss Applejack. Now that we have an idea of how things transpired, I want to ask you directly. Have you ever asked plaintiffs to promote your farm in any shape or form?"

Applejack shrugged dismissively. "Nope." - she offered resolutely - "Ahve never asked them plaintiffs fer any promoshuns or ad-ver-tease-mant. Ahm content with mah farm an` see no reason ta drum up extra attenshon - everypony in Ponyville knows Sweet Apple Acres as is." She snorted at the very idea of somepony NOT being aware of Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville.

The opposing lawyer frowned. Opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. "...I find it rather curious you`re making such an emphasis on yourself." - she ventured finally - "How about the rest of your family? Had any of them made any requests for advertisement on your behalf? Your grandmother, perhaps? I seem to recall she did issue a challenge to my clients."

Applejack snorted. "Yall need ta have yer facts checked, then." - she replied confidently - "Granny made no challenge. Your clients did, an granny wasnt takin it till they done said shes too chicken ta stand by our cider. And thems fightinwords, ahll have ya know."

Class Action brightened. "There, your honor! The truth, finally! My clients were challenged to compete against the farm-made cider to promote it!" - she exclaimed triumphantly. Blueblood cleared his throat immediately. "I object." - he said in a tone that brooked no disagreement - "As we just heard, your clients were the issuers of challenge. If anything, the challenge was a promotional event for the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy six thousand."

Book Thrower frowned and slammed his gavel. "Objection sustained." - he offered tiredly, rubbing his nose with the hoof - "Miss Action, I fail to see any wrongdoing on the part of defendant. I can accept that plaintiffs were misled by circumstances into believing defendant requested them to build a cider machine, but I fail to see how the defendant can possibly be held accountable for a mistake like that. Furthermore, testimonies have had ensured that defendant had no reason to arrange promotions, given the small size of Ponyville and popularity of Sweet Apple Acres. So, unless you have any more evidence or testimony to present, I have to rule in favor of defendant."

"What?! Thats blatant pandering, your honor! You can not just dismiss the case because its against the Element of Harmony!" - screeched Class Action, her hooves slamming on the table forcefully - "This is an outrage! A perversion of justice!"

Book Thrower sighed. Looked at Class Action. Sighed again. "Neither can I do the opposite, in fact." - he finally proffered - "Regardless of defendant`s social standing, I can not justify any preferential treatment pro or contra. Being an Element of Harmony is not an aggravating fact. And so far, I fail to see any wrongdoing on her part. On the other hoof, miss Applejack has ample reasons to countersue you for malicious litigation right now."

Blueblood shook his head, seeing his opponent perk up at the notion of countersuing. He leaned towards Applejack and exchanged a few whispered words with her. "Actually, your honor?" - he ventured - "After discussing it with my client, we do not want to countersue. As the proceedings demonstrated, the whole case is a farce, and my client sees no reason to deign it with further attention. We move to have the case dismissed due to lack of any wrongdoing on the part of my client."

"WHAT?!" It was obvious for everypony present at this point that Class Action had lost. Even to plaintiffs, who were inching away from their lawyer for the last five minutes. Twins ducked as the hoof swing sent the binder of documents off the deck in general direction of Applejack, missing her by about a foot only to slam against the wall and burst apart. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DISMISS ME, YOU HICK!?"

Applejack snorted. "A bigger mare." - she offered simply, turning away from the fuming lawyer. Blueblood added aloofly from his vantage point - "We know what youre trying to do, miss Action. There will be no publicity for you. We do not want to sue you, we do not want to negotiate with you, we do not want to settle out of court with you. What we want is for you to go. Youve done what you could and came up short. Time to pack it up and go home. Better luck elsewhere."

Book Thrower raised his gavel to strike again, but his swing was stopped mid-air by the words of no one else but Flim. "Miss Action." - he offered glibly - "Me and my brother had came to decision we do not require your services anymore. It was clearly a mistake and we no longer seek any legal recompense from miss Applejack." Stocky mare nearly choked at this proclamation, turning to face her former clients with murderous expression on her face. Brothers merely exchanged sleazy grins.

Now, if memory serves me right, you have had agreed to forty percents of any monetary awards...

Indeed, my brother dearest, miss Action stipulated that much and that`s what we shook upon when we signed the contract...

As of now, our monetary awards are a big fat zero, and since we no longer require your services...

We are presenting you this cheque for exactly zero bits, which constitutes for exactly forty percents of zero bits we were awarded.

And furthermore, we will not be seeking your counsel again. Ever.

On that heartrending note, we do believe that we are done here and we do bid you an adieu.

Cheers!

Bon jour!

Buenos dias!

Arrivederci!

And with that, brothers exchanged a hoof bump and waltzed out of the hall amongst flabbergasted looks, leaving the check behind. Judge gathered his wits first, for a change. "Well, that`s it. I, Book Thrower, the magistrate judge of Canterlot District, am declaring this case dismissed due to lack of wrongdoing on the part of the defendant. Furthermore, I acknowledge the lack of intent to countersue on the part of defendant. Let the record show that the case is closed without precedent, so mote it be. Court is dismissed." - he delivered with finality, underscoring the decision with a gavel bang.

___

"What I really dont understand is why she lost it so badly when you told her there will be no countersuit." - offered Twilight pensively, as she sipped her soup - "Wouldnt it be worse for her if you took her to the court?"

Blueblood chuckled amiably. He was appreciating stewed eggplant in parmesan sauce, and good food put him in indulging mood. "Yes, and no." - he finally offered - "You see, I do not really have all that much to take her to task with. What was said today is sufficient to start the lawsuit, but she`d wiggle out of it using exactly the same tactics we used - showing that there is no evidence she intentionally lied to the court. Her defense would be simple - her clients presented her with information she had no reason to doubt, and the proceedings showed it was but a misunderstanding. While I do know she knew exactly how much bullmanure she slung, proving she did know it was bullmanure is nigh impossible, given the whole case was a big mess of 'he said she said'."

He paused and sighed, continuing - "That being said, she would have had achieved a good deal of publicity from that. And, whats even worse, she would have came out of it looking like she was deceived by untrustworthy clients. Instead, by denying further litigation, we leave her holding the bag, so to speak. She lost a case, and without even louder case proclaiming her 'innocence', shes merely known as 'the mare who lost the case'. Class Action was in this for the publicity to begin with. Leading a case against an Element of Harmony is a big boost, regardless of if she won or lost. I have to admit, Flim and Flam played right in my hooves in the end. By firing her, they pretty much cut her out of the case entirely, which is an absolute worst outcome for her. The case wasn`t won or lost, it was flatly dismissed. That does not garner any respect for a lawyer who issued the lawsuit."

Twilight chuckled weakly, her spoon swishing through the soup as she picked at it. "Im... displeased." - she offered finally - "Ive spent so much time studying friendship that I was unprepared to be confronted with such a crass and conniving pony. Im sorely tempted to, uh.. whats the word?... To, uh... smite her with elements, I suppose. Then I remind myself that she`s actually doing exactly what her job calls for, just in an unpleasant way."

Stallion smiled. "Well, if its of any consolation, I find it admirable." - he proffered gently - "Unlike me, you do retain your faith in ponies. And given what youve already seen and done, that`s quite a tall order." He considered the demolished remains of his eggplant dish critically, then pushed it away in favor of mushroom salad.

"Thats just it, BB. Those threats I deal with are no regular ponies. Theyre either outright inequine or seriously misguided and need adjustment. Class Action, on the other hoof, is simply an example of unpleasant pony, and, well... I suppose living in Ponyville made me spoiled, as theres little in the way of such ponies here. Not to say everyone smiles non-stop, of course, but no one is that thoroughly antagonistic... Oh well, dont mind me. Im just ranting." - she replied, dipping a piece of toast into her soup, - "Change of topic! Hows your belly doing, BB? No stomachaches or heartburn, I hope?"

"All is well, Im happy to report." - he returned cheerfully - "Medics were right, it was really stress-induced. And before you say something, no, this debacle wasnt stressful. If anything, it was pathetically laughable. So don`t worry about me."

Author's Note

Yeah, well. At least the court thing is wrapped up. Didn`t mean to stretch it so much, to be honest. In my mind it was to be just a chapter or so. And then it got away from me. Meh.

The Prince who says No

...Bored. So very very bored. Crooked Bill kept on droning, sleazy words rolling off in waves, assaulting his ears. What a load of tripe. Normally, the likes of that seedy peddler would not be even allowed into the palace, much less granted an audience, but... His eyes shifted at the other pony present. Oak Staff, the count of Trottingham. Old buzzard kept silent, letting his protege fill the air with filthy sound. No doubt, he was well aware what Blueblood thought on the matter. If it were a private audience, Blueblood would`ve ordered Crooked Bill out a while ago. But this was public hearing.

"...And so, with regard to pricing and mining expense, I propose arenite as a..." - Blueblood yawned. To an unfamiliar observer, like Crooked Bill, it was just a sigh of polite boredom. No doubt that he expected a lukewarm "Yeah, yeah, wonderful presentation, send the papers to my secretary." kind of response. For those few ponies that knew him well, this yawn was an alert of highest urgency. He shuddered, curling tongue involuntarily as he let that humongous yawn out. Time to get nasty.

"...Are the state matters too boring for the honorable prince?" - inquired Oak Staff in that annoying squeaky voice of his. Its been a long while since Blueblood heard that voice last. Old fool could not be bothered to visit Canterlot in dogs age, since before princes cutie mark appeared. Bluebloods jaw snapped shut. That... was a BIG mistake. No pony dared to snob the prince without repercussions.

"Frankly? I was thinking of something else." - prince replied offhoofedly, stretching out and sitting straighter, - "I was thinking about the mare that came to my chambers last week. Lascivious lass, if a bit uncouth." Judging by the scandalised face of count and filth-filled approving grin of Crooked Bill, he hit the spot just right. Time to rip the flesh off the old fool and the sleaze.

"Prince Blueblood, this is an outrage, I..." - Blueblood was waiting for those words, and he brought his hoof down on the table with a loud bang, silencing the count with unexpected clamor. "Outrage, my good sir, is that you dared to show up with this ludicrous proposition." - he offered, smiling thinly, - "The Long Road is the most used and lucrative landbound trading route in Equestria, and your proposition is to pave it with sandstone? And you expect the court to compensate you for this sabotage? Really, Oak Staff? Do you take me for a foal?"

If counts face held scandalised expression before, right now his grimace was flat-out shocked, as he turned to face his compatriot. "...What is the meaning of this, Crooked Bill? You said your stone is..." - Blueblood stood up, pushing the chair back with a loud scraping sound. Everypony turned to face him again. "Im done with this circus." - he announced tersely, - "Count, your proposition had been rejected. My suggestion is not to request our most enlightened council on the matters that could be resolved by a town librarian. As for you..." Blueblood paused, making it rather obvious he forgot the name of businesspony before him - "...don`t show your face here again."

With that, he turned around and walked out of the council hall, ignoring the buzz of erupting conversation behind his back. Oak Staff deserved the humiliation. Old nobles sometimes happened to forget that they were just as fallible as other ponies. Just as prone to be duped by con artists. Of course, he could show some respect to the old stallion, resolve the matter candidly... but buck that. Showing respect to those old farts just reinforced their belief that they could do no wrong. No, the cure was the humble pie. Large, crumbly slices of humble pie dripping with rancid thick humiliation. Now, Oak Staff would take his duties as a count literally for a couple years. Granted, the old timer would not forgive such a public slap, but that didn`t bother Blueblood. He long ago stopped being bothered by the fact ponies hated him.

He trotted down the corridor briskly, ripping his collar open with magic. The button popped off, zinging against the armor of some unlucky guard, who did his best to pretend nothing happened. Good. Blueblood walked into his chambers, tossing the ripped shirt on the futon. He needed a drink. All that nonsense left a bitter taste on his tongue. Grabbing a bottle of wine off the rack, he took a long sip right out of the bottle. "INPENEM! Idiotae et meretrices!" - he growled, corking the bottle and setting it down. No doubt, Crooked Bill will be around for round two now. Blueblood knew the sort.

He allowed himself a smug grin as he heard the knocking on his door. "Come in!" - he hollered, throwing his ripped shirt back on. Better be... "presentable". He knew what to expect. From the viewpoint of Crooked Bill, Blueblood was simply cutting out the middlepony. Prince had no doubt that sleazy businesspony interpreted the opening mare remark as "send me a whorse and then we`ll talk". Distasteful to the extreme, but those were the ways of nouveau rich.

...Oh yeah. A whorse, alright. A knockout pegasus, if Blueblood ever saw one. Obviously, quite aware of her own sex appeal and wielding it as a weapon. "What do you want, mare?" - he grumbled, snapping the door behind her shut. Judging by the little smirk the floozy allowed herself, she took it as a good sign. Think again, doxy.

...OOkay, professional whorse, even. He was slightly impressed how nonchalantly and casually she directed the initially awkward "what do you want" into an impending sex. He looked at the pony kneeling in front of him, ready to lean between his legs. "...Youre a good whorse. Now get the buck out." - he suggested flatly, giving her a light shove on the nose. Shock and surprise on her face pleased Blueblood more then orgasm would. "What, you seriously thought you had it bagged?" - he quipped mockingly - "Get the buck out and tell Crooked Bill I was not kidding. His business is not welcome in Canterlot. It may come as a shock to you, but Im not interested in the bits he`s trying to bilk out of court via yours truly."

She recoiled, her lips pursed. "Really... Maybe I should go to newspapers instead. Tell them how our beloved prince bangs whorses." - she offered. No, really? Blackmail? Hah. Blueblood winced. "Seriously?" - he quipped, levitating the newspaper off the table and tossing it into her face. The photo on front page looked as if if was taken just five minutes ago - except the mare in picture was unicorn. "Last Tuesday issue. Its old news, babycakes. I love to buck mares. Thats a fact. Yellow rags are running me and a fresh floozy article once a week. Hey, if you want your shot in the spotlight, come back on Friday. Its been a while since I had a pegasus on the yellow rag. Wouldnt want anypony think I`ve gone tribalist, you know?" - he sneered.

"And what if I scream rape right bucking now?" - she spat out, glaring at the prince with open hatred now. Blueblood grinned - "Go ahead, slut. Make my day." Slowly, and deliberately, he glanced to the corner. She traced his gaze and cringed. A camera, with rather obvious microphone. "Welcome to the palace. Where every second of your life is on the record." - he offered, his smile thin and tight - "But hey, maybe you like that too, who knows. I just might make a job of royal fluffer official again. Interested?" With a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush, mare run out of his chambers.

Blueblood sighed. He never changed the tape in the camera. Not that anypony knew that. Not that anypony cared to verify his claims, either. But hey, the rumors, the rumors. If Prince Blueblood himself would tell everypony he bangs a new mare every night, what other proof do we need? He pulled off the ripped shirt once again and tossed it in the trash bucket. A second later, deadbolt slid in, locking his door securely. With a weary sigh, Blueblood walked over to his table. An inconspicuous photo smiled at him from under the glass. A young unicorn mare with lavender coat and striped mane.

"I miss you, Twilight." - he whispered in the empty room. Its been over two years since Celestia sent the only mare he could get along with out to Ponyville. He hoped she would come back, but.. shed have to be insane to come back to this asp nest. He hoped he could leave. But not right now, his aunt said. Equestria needs you, Blueblood. Equestria needs somepony who can keep it on the right direction. What about his own directions, though? His aunt promised him to let him go soon enough. He hoped it was not merely a comforting lie.

One day.... One day, he would be granted the divine clemency to leave the palace behind him. One day.

Court Fizzle

Author's Note

Yes, this thing is still alive. I have quite a lot of my plate, as far as life is concerned, so writing fanfiction have had fallen to the wayside lately. Still... Sometimes, I can manage a little update or two. Circumstances permitting.

Court Fizzle

It was a bit chilly in the Town Hall, Blueblood noticed with some detachment. Then again, maybe it was just him. Ever since his brush with surgery, Blueblood have had been quite sensitive to the temperature, particularly so to one lower then he expected. In any case, he had no business to be shivering right now.

The impromptu court room did not impress him much. The plaintiffs, even less so. Book Thrower had been seated behind Mayor Mare`s lectern, which was cleaned out for the occasion. Class Action was standing off to the side, her expression inscrutable as she eyed her opponents. An earth pony of stocky build, she had a reputation in legal circles for being efficient but unscrupulous, commonly resorting to publicity stunts and shuffling of the facts in her favor.

"And who might you all be?" - she inquired after a second or two of disdainful inspection. As instructed, Applejack took the point, giving the lawyer, the judge and the inventor brothers a curt nod. "Ahm Applejack. Yew send me that there summons." - she rasped, brandishing the letter - "Lets git this farce over with."

If Class Action was phased by farmer`s disdain, she did not show it. "Fascinating. And you all...?" - she drawled, gesturing at the small crowd of ponies behind Applejack. Blueblood took a step forward and bowed - "Good day. My name is Civil Act, attorney at law, and I will be representing miss Applejack. The ponies behind me are immediate family and friends of miss Applejack and I may be calling upon them to witness about the events of the case in question."

While he spoke, the rest of ponies quietly dispersed over the hall, taking seats in no particular order. He walked over to the judge, standing at the opposite side from Class Action, and gestured Applejack to take her place at the defendant`s table. "Just a moment, mister Act..." - Blueblood expected the lawyer to try and raise objection, of course, so when she began, he was already passing the binder to the judge.

"Those are my credentials, documents confirming my legal right and engagement to represent miss Applejack and my opening statement." - he proffered, smiling thinly at Class Action. The primary point of this little performance was to psyche out the mare by letting her know the defendant had the time to prepare.

Book Thrower opened the binder and skimmed through it briefly, issuing then - "Everything is in order, yes. Very well, mister Act. You are hereby formally recognised as miss Applejack`s solicitor by the court." Class Action glared on both of them, obviously less then pleased with the situation.

"I`m going to state for the record that this is highly irregular." - she proffered tersely - "This is merely a civil dispute, not a criminal case. Is there some reason why you are keeping a solicitor on such a short call, miss Applejack?" Orange mere merely stared at her impassively, before offering "Nope." flatly.

"Ahem. Class Action, your opening statement, please." - ordered the judge, slamming the gavel down, - "The court is now open to hear the case of FlimFlam brothers vs. Applejack." Bowing slightly, lawyer mare stepped forward.

"I will be brief, your honor." - she began smoothly, casting a venomous glance on Blueblood, - "Two months ago, my clients, the esteemed inventors Flim and Flam have been visiting this town on a business venture. While in Ponyville, theyve been contacted by the defendant with the intention to solicit their services in promoting Sweet Apple Acres cider. Unfortunately, the proprietor of the aforementioned farm refused to deliver their payment upon the successful completion of the promotion act. Therefore, we seek to be reimbursed for the profits lost and the court expenses, plus a fee for damaging my clients good reputation and undermining their business."

Blueblood could have sworn he heard Applejack choke on air soon after Class Action started talking. By the end of the speech, apple farmer was visibly fuming. Obviously enough, if not for Blueblood`s tutoring the day before, she would be yelling at the "dirty liars" by now. And likely, ending up slapped with contempt of court even before the debate began. Thankfully, that much was already accounted for and prevented. Now to deliver a counterattack.

Clearing his throat, Blueblood began - "From our side, we do posit that no promotion was sought from plaintiffs, nor any promises of payment given - written or oral. Furthermore, we do posit that the lawsuit directed at my client is a malicious slander and we do seek fees for damaging my client`s reputation."

Class Action immediately jumped into action, interjecting crisply - "I object! The extent of this case is solely to determine the payment owed by defendant to plaintiffs, nothing more." Blueblood expected this much and parried with a smile - "Im afraid its not quite as simple, as we do question the veracity of the case to begin with. Insofar, our assertion is that there was no contract between plaintiffs and defendant to conduct any kind of promotion and we do expect the plaintiffs to provide the proof of such arrangement existing if we are to discuss any kind of fees and reimbursements attached to aforementioned arrangement."

Book Thrower harrumphed from his lectern. "Perhaps the defence could get to the point?" - he offered irritably. Prince tilted his head to look him straight in the eye. "Is there a case to speak of, your honor?" - he proffered nonchalantly - "Or is it just a fabrication of plaintiffs from the start to the end?" That, apparently, managed to shock the dismissive judge into rapt attention.

"Let me get this straight." - he offered slowly - "Defence insists that there was no contract? Do you have any proof of this?" Blueblood scoffed. "Your honor, the burden of proof lies with the plaintiff." - he reminded patiently, - "Semper necessitas probandi incumbit ei qui agit. If they failed to present any, may I suggest throwing this case out and calling it a day?"

He could see Book Thrower being torn between two opposites. On one hoof, its highly likely Class Action have had the time to give her version of events to the judge convincingly enough to make him think its merely a formality. On other hoof, when presented with opportunity like this, he was obviously sorely tempted to take Blueblood`s advice literally. "...Very well." - judge offered finally - "Plaintiff is to present the evidence towards the existence of business relationship between the plaintiff and defendant."

Class Action visibly choked back some kind of retort. Blueblood strongly suspected it began with 'I object!' and ended with case being thrown out. She turned around, gesturing at the inventor brothers irritably. "To begin with, I`d like to present the testimony of my clients." - she proffered tersely, nodding to Flim and Flam, - "Please, describe the events that lead up to the promotion, if you will. Briefly." An extra emphasis she put on the word 'briefly' amply suggested she was well aware how wordy her clients can get, and couched them on what to say and how.

"If your honor permits...." - began Flim, -"We are inventors of some renown. Maybe you have had heard of Flim and Flam before." Flam continued - "We travel across the country, proffering our technical expertise in less populated areas."

Are your honor can imagine, rural burgs rarely have a surfeit of technology...

So we had a semi-regular income making our rounds fixing and building all kinds of agricultural machinery.

As it happened in Ponyville, where we were asked by the proprietors of local orchard to build...

A cider-making machine.

Initially, we did not expect much more then a simple exchange of currency for machinery...

But as it turned out, the orchard made it an advertisement point that all of the cider was hoof-made, and...

Wanted to underline that by staging a contest between pony and machine.

Obviously, we`ve been told to make sure the machine did not win...

Which we achieved by staging a malfunction that dropped the quality of machine-made cider sharply...

Thus promoting the hoof-made cider`s superior quality.

However, the proprietor of the farm here...

Used the substandard quality of machine-made cider to...

Incite the crowd against us, thus...

Tarnishing our reputation and...

Leaving us without promised pay.

As the unicorns finished their tale, Blueblood heard a faint choking sound from Applejacks general direction. Her face, normally as orange as the rest of her, had turned curiously maroon. He couldve sworn he can see steam wafting out of her ears. It was highly likely the whole tale was one big lie from top to bottom. Still, she kept her composure, even if it was patently obvious to everyone present that she was forcibly restraining her anger. Obviously, Class Action tried to needle her further with - "Somethings the matter, miss Applejack? You look like youre about to have a stroke."

Blueblood moved to intervene quickly. It was not in his best interests to allow Class Action needle Applejack with impunity - while farmer could be surprisingly resilient to barbs and jests, if given the reason to be stalwart, even she had her limits, and Class Action would be sure to try and surpass those limits, if left to her devices unchecked. "An interesting testimony." - he proffered glibly, smiling at the lawyer mare - "I assume defence has no objection to me cross-examining it, no?"

"As a matter of fact, I do object." - Class Action stated forcibly, - "There is no reason to treat my clients as if they are the ones on trial." Prince`s smile turned decisively shark-like as he addressed the judge - "I would like to remind the court that defense's assertion was that the case was fabricated by the plaintiffs from stem to stern. With that in mind, defence does posit that cross-examining this testimony is of paramount importance." With a heavy sign, Book Thrower slammed his gavel again. "Objection overruled." - he stated tersely - "Defence does have a need to cross-examine the testimony in question. Keep it brief, however. Tangential and unrelated questions will not be tolerated."

"Very well." - proffered Blueblood, his smile unchanging - "According to the testimony given by the plaintiffs, they were asked to build a cider-making machine. I`d like to ask some clarification on this, as this event, according to the testimony, is the factual beginning of presumed business relationship. Who had asked you to construct the cider-making machine? Where and when did that happen? Would you happen to have some documentation or other evidence of this event?"

Class Action slammed her own hoof on the table, grinding out forcefully - "I object! This question is clearly unrelated to the case in question!" Blueblood merely shrugged. "Defence objects to this objection, your honor. We maintain that this event, according to the plaintiffs, is the factual start of asserted business relationship. As such, it`s a vital part of the case in question." - he offered calmly.

Book Thrower proffered tersely - "Objection sustained. I do not see the point of this inquiry." Blueblood nipped his lip. That was unusually flippant by the judge. He had a clearly established reason to inquire. Time to get nasty. "According to the civil court codex, any question pertaining to the contested business relationship is considered important, unless it infringes on trade secret or somehow involves a third party unrelated to case in question." - he retorted, regarding the judge coolly - "Your honor has a reason to risk a possible investigation on ethical conduct, perchance?"

"Are you threatening me, mr. Act?" - inquired judge, his voice dangerously low. Blueblood snorted - "Do I have the need to? Youre presiding over the case against the bearer of an Element of Honesty. Given the importance of Elements to Equestria, you can be certain the details of this case will be graced by the attention of princess Celestia herself by tomorrow, at the very longest. To put it bluntly, your honor, youre already under close scrutiny. If I were you, I`d do every little thing by the book."

Given the shocked face of Book Thrower, he was quite unaware of the identity of defendant beyond her name and profession. "...A bearer?" - he quipped faintly, taking a sip from his glass of water, - "...I see." His posture had abruptly changed at the news. Class Action, on the other hoof, was obviously privvy to the actual identity of the defendant, and she did not miss the dirty look the judge shot her either. "I OBJECT!" - she shouted loudly - "This is not the Dark Ages, mr. Act! Social stature of the defendant has no bearing on the case."

Blueblood smirked - "You are quite right, indeed. It does, however, have an impact on the social visibility of this case. Surely, everyone involved would want to give their one hundred and ten percent effort to the case thats likely to be heard about throughout Equestria, no? Off the record, Im quite aware that courts sometimes tend to cut the corners where appropriate... However, on a case with such a high visibility, it would be inadvisable to stray from the protocol, even with the best intentions at heart." He heard a little gasp from behind himself. Twilight Sparkle? Well, she would be just a little bit miffed about his assertion of courts not doing it by the book, indeed.