Nopony SAW That Coming

by ArcadePonyFubuki

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Profanity
Length: 1594

Twilight and Pinkie wake up in a mysterious bathroom. Only one of them seems bothered by this.

Twilight and Pinkie wake up in an unfamiliar bathroom with no idea of how they got there. Can they solve this mystery before they go insane?! Or rather, before Pinkie makes Twilight go insane. Whichever comes first.

Published 2023-10-08 13:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-08 13:10:01 UTC

Games? I love playing games!

“Ugh.. Spike.. I thought I told you to stop taking my pillow in the middle of the night… Spike? Spike get u-“ Twilight Sparkle’s eyes finally fully opened from their harsh slumber. She found herself in a pitch black room with no discernible details visible.

“W-where am I? What’s going on?! Spike! Owlowiscious?” Twilight attempted to use a teleportation spell when a sudden shock ran through her neck.

“Ow! Please! I can’t see anything! Is anypony out there?!”

“I am!”

“WHO SAID THAT!?”

“Me you silly filly!” A familiarly cheery voice echoed out from the other side of the room.

“Pinkie Pie?! Is that you?”

“Uhh, I think so.”

Suddenly, the fluorescent overhead lights beamed awake, making the mysterious room visible. Twilight and Pinkie took in there surroundings, an unfamiliar bathroom of sorts, the walls and floors covered in grime with nothing but a broken toilet and a bathtub filling space. Both of them were fitted into their gowns for the grand galloping gala and had a chain around their back hoof connected to a pipe on the wall, while only Twilight was fixed with a strange collar around her neck.

“P-Pinkie! Where are we?!”

“I dunno! Last I remember we went to the gala and now we’re here and I’ve got this nifty anklet! It’s a little big for my size though.. Oh! Oh! Do you think we’re having the same dream and our dream bubbles connected again?”

“I wish, but I don’t remember going to bed..” Twilight sat with her back to the wall, trying to theorize and rationalize on the situation. “Let me think, I made it home after the gala.. and then… and then it’s gets fuzzy..”

“Yeah, now that you mention it, I can’t really remember any of yesterday. I’m pretty sure we all went to the gala, but I don’t remember anything we actually did there!” Pinkie corroborated.

Twilight scanned the room closer and took notice of a clock above a mirror.

“Wait, Pinkie look! That clock is in pristine condition, so it must’ve been recently put there. Maybe whoever brought us here wants us to keep track of the time!”

“That was your first guess?”

“But why? Do you think we’re under a time limit? If so, what goal are we expected to reach before then? Certainly it’s not just escaping, we must be expected to accomplish something in order to escape. If only we had a-“

“Hey look what I found!” Pinkie called as she held up a small tape recorder.

“What the- where’d you get that?!”

“It was in my dress pocket! Boy, this kidnapper is kinda dumb, huh?”

Twilight frantically searched for the pockets on her own dress, and sure enough quickly located a small tape labeled ‘play me’.

“Pinkie! Here, play this!” Twilight tossed her tape over to Pinkie who quickly inserted it into the recorder and hit play.

Hello there, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Welcome to your intervention. Everyday, you tell ponies how to fix their friendship. But today, you must fix yours. You have until four on the clock, or else the bonds broken may never be repaired. Let the game begin.

The tape finished playing.

“That was it?!” Twilight yelled. “That didn’t tell me anything! Who is this guy? How’d he get me here? How do you fit into this Pinkie? Where in Equestria do we even have bathrooms this big?!” She ranted on in a full on rage.

“I think you’re thinking about this too hard. He did say this is just a game.”

“Wh- H- You- WHAT?! I’m thinking about this as much as anypony would! If anything you’re thinking about this too soft!”

“I can’t help how soft my brain is!”

“What does he mean I have to fix my friendship? I can’t think of anyone I’m not friendly with..”

“Well who was the last person you had a fight with?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, I fight with Spike almost everyday, but I doubt he has the ingenuity for all this. Rainbow was arguing with me about which Daring Do actress played her the best, but she probably doesn’t have the patience to set this all up..”

Twilight’s eyes slowly widened as realization introduced itself.

“Oh no… oh no no no no no no.. P-Pinkie, I think I know who brought us here. Do you remember all those ponies that would go missing for a day or two and come back.. strange?”

“I think so.. you mean like Lily Blossom and Cloud Kicker?”

“Yes! People said they were fighting the day before they went missing, and when they popped back up they seemed almost.. scarred. Like they were on the verge of death. But they were just the first ones, soon after more and more pairs of ponies would disappear and reappear almost completely different. And they all said their friendship was ‘saved’ by.. the man in the box..” Twilight slowly set her eyes upon the tape recorder.

“So, y-you think we were ponynapped by..”

Twilight sighed. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.. but I still don’t know why us. All the other ponies he took were on bad terms or drifting apart. Me and you couldn’t be closer!”

“I know right? We play together, we sing together, we plan galas together… I think.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure about that last one. No offense but it is a princess’ sole duty to host the royal get togethers.”

“I know, but why can’t that princess ask her party planning pony pal for some advice every once in a while?” Pinkie winked.

“Trust me Pinkie I’d love to, but if I’m gonna be a true princess I’m gonna need to work like a true princess, so no friendship shortcuts for me.”

“Being a princess sounds lonely, and so not fun.” Pinkie harrumphed.

“I’ll have you know there’s no greater privilege in all of Equestria than being a princess!”

“Well your ‘privilege’ sounds more like… whatever the opposite of a privilege is! I don’t like saying this but you’ve been like, super stressed lately, and super busy! This is the first time we’ve been out together in weeks! …I think.”

“Pinkie this isn’t ‘being out together’ this is a kidnapping! We’re victims Pinkie! If you wanted to go out together you could’ve just asked!”

“I did! But it was always ‘I need to plan the gala’ and ‘I have a meeting with Celestia’ but it was never just ok!”

“Well my bad! Y’know, I didn’t exactly ask for these wings or that stupid crown, I was fine just being the Ponyville librarian! But fine, whatever, you wanted to hang out? Well here we are, Pinkie. Hanging out, until death do us part.”

Twilight sighed and fell against the wall, a dull expression stuck on her face. Pinkie looked sorrowfully upon her friend and then glanced at the clock.

“Hey, Twilight, I don’t know if you.. want, to hear this but uh, there’s only ten minutes until four..”

“What difference does it make, he didn’t even say what would happen at four. ‘The bonds broken may never be repaired’… the hell does he know? I can’t imagine that a pony that traps others in these sadistic ‘games’ would know anything about friendship. If that clock reaches four we’ll magically just stop being friends? Is that what he’s getting at?” Twilight sighed. “Y’know, we may have just bickered and argued like never before, but if I wake up tomorrow, I know the first thing I’ll be thinking is ‘I hope my friends have the best day of their lives’ and that’ll include you Pinkie.”

“I-It will?”

“Of course it will, friendship isn’t just about loving everypony at every second, it’s about continuing to love through the hardships.”

“Th-thanks Twilight..” Pinkie smiled as a single tear of joy went down her cheek and fell to the floor. She reached behind herself and pressed a small button inserted into the wall. Suddenly, the chains around the ponies ankles and the collar around Twilight unlocked as a sliding metal door to Twilight’s left slowly opened.

“What’s going on?! D-did we.. win??”

“Uh-huh! You did it Twilight! We’re friends again!”

“Pinkie what are you talking about?! Don’t.. don’t tell me YOU did this!”

“Yep! I was scared about us getting distant, so I thought a fun game for two would help!”

“Pinkie I just.. I.. just please, PLEASE, tell me you didn’t do this to all those other ponies.”

“Twilight you know I hate lying!”

“Oh fuck me.”

“I noticed all these friendship problems happening all over the place that I knew you didn’t have time for so I thought I’d solve them on my own!”

“Pinkie some of those ponies came back scarred! Physically!”

“Yeah, some ponies are really bad at party games.”

“What the hell did you have them do?!”

“Just some simple friendship games! Y’know like ‘oh no your friend is covered in barb wire and you need to get it off with your own hoofs’ and ‘would you swim through needles for me’, that one is Gummy’s favorite.”

“Pinkie, you’re a psychopath. I’m gonna leave, and lock the door behind me. I’ll come get you in the morning. Think about what you did.”

“But it’s Applejack’s cousin’s grandma’s niece’s dog’s birthday and I promised them a party!”

“Party’s cancelled.” Twilight shut the lights and slammed the door, leaving Pinkie in the darkness of her sins.

“…I’m starting to think she didn’t appreciate this bonding experience.”

Author's Note

There weren’t even any saws in this story.