Twilight's Hornussy

by oblivion2k

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 1091

Rainbow Dash starts an argument when her marefriend butchers the Equuish language during a bout of passionate lovemaking.

Rainbow Dash starts an argument when her marefriend butchers the Equuish language during a bout of passionate lovemaking.

A shitpost written in 30 minutes for Shake's Birthday Not-A-Contest. (Which I won! :rainbowkiss:) Seriously, blame him, not me.

Thanks to Perfectly Insane for finding this cover art.

Published 2023-08-25 03:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-25 03:10:00 UTC

Twilight's Hornussy

Twilight’s crystal castle was quiet, save for soft sounds emanating from a bedroom upstairs. Inside, two ponies engaged in ponykind’s oldest pastime. The smell of sex was heavy in the air, and sensual moans, soft kisses, and a creaking bed frame could be heard, were there anypony besides the participating mares around to hear.

Rainbow Dash gave the quivering clit in front of her one last kiss before she crawled up to lay next to her marefriend. Twilight Sparkle panted, trying and eventually succeeding in catching her breath before she too joined Rainbow in an embrace.

“Rainbow, that was incredible.” A droplet of sweat rolled down the matted fur on her neck. Rainbow Dash took the opportunity presented and licked it away. “Ahh, Dashie, I’m still sensitive!”

Rainbow gave the purple alicorn princess a daring smirk. “Hey now, the way you’re talking makes it sound like you’re finished for the night. Trust me, we’re just getting started…” Rainbow scooted up to the headboard and leaned her mouth towards Twilight’s horn. I’ve always wanted to try this. Let’s see if the rumors are true… Rainbow Dash opened her mouth just wide enough to fit the horn into her mouth, then dipped her head down.

“AH!” Twilight’s limbs went stiff, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Rainbow traced her tongue all along the grooves of her horn, and the latent leylines sprung into action, giving off a soft glow and adding to the experience of both ponies. Tastes like…raspberry? Huh, wouldn’t have guessed that. Rainbow hummed into Twilight’s horn, sending Twilight to the precipice of yet another orgasm.

“Oh f-f-fuck, Rainbow, keep doing that, please! Fuck m-my…my hornussy!”

Rainbow Dash froze, her eyes wide, not believing the words that just left her marefriend’s mouth. The vulgarity was one thing; when Twilight was properly revved up, so to speak, she could unleash swears that would make even Berry Punch blush. It was the words that came after that Rainbow was having trouble processing.

Rainbow slowly removed the purple horn from her mouth, much to the chagrin of her twitching partner.

Twilight whined. “Rainbow, keep going, why did you stop? She moved her head upward, attempting to reconnect with the warm, wet mouth still fresh in her memory, but Rainbow pulled back, scooting down the bed to look Twilight in the eyes.

“Twilight, what was that word that you just said?”

Twilight took a moment to comprehend the words, her mind still futilely clinging to the swiftly retreating orgasm that Rainbow had denied her. “Huh? I said why did you stop!”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, threads of her sweat-matted mane nearly hitting Twilight’s snout. “No no, before that…something about your horn?”

Twilight sighed, feeling slightly annoyed. Rainbow Dash looked serious. Twilight assumed she must have committed some sort of sexual faux pas she could attribute to her sexual inexperience, but nothing immediately came to mind. “Um…my hornussy?” Rainbow cringed. “Rainbow, what’s wrong? It’s just dirty talk, you do it all the time!”

Rainbow Dash shook her head violently. “Twilight, no. Just no. Don’t compare my pillow talk to that…butchery of the Equuish language. C’mon! Aren’t you, like, the princess of books? I thought you were better than that!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, you know I’m the Princess of Friendship, not books. And besides, language evolves all the time! Just because hornussy-” Rainbow visibly cringed again. “-Stop that! Just because it isn’t in the Equuish dictionary yet doesn’t mean that it’s not a real word. Ussification is a fascinating trend researchers first noticed on social-”

Rainbow cut her off. “Hold on, hold on. ‘Ussification’? You cannot be serious right now.”

Twilight nodded. “I’m completely serious. Everything can be an ussy if you think about it. It’s fascinating from an etymological point of view. For instance,” Twilight grabbed one of Rainbow’s wings in her magic, spreading it out in front of them. “You have some nice wingussies, Dashie.” Twilight grinned and waggled her eyebrows at the groaning pegasus.

‘Dashie’ was livid. “Don’t call them that!” She pulled her wing tightly back to her side.

Twilight rolled her eyes at her marefriend’s antics. “Rainbow, lighten up. Look, you don’t have a problem with the word pussy, right?”

Rainbow cocked her head. “No? It’s pretty hot when you say it actually. But what does that have to do with anything?”

Twilight resisted the urge to roll her eyes again. “It means that when you add -ussy to the end of any word, it makes the word 75% more sexually exciting. Seriously. I measured it.”

“What in tartarus do you mean you ‘measured it’? How would you even measure something like that? What, did you just go around yelling wingussy at random ponies on the street?”

“Of course not, Rainbow, that would be silly, and it wouldn’t prove anything.”

Rainbow sighed in relief, before Twilight spoke again.

“I paid Pinkie to talk to random ponies, and didn’t tell her why. It was a double-blind testussy.”

“Nope!” Rainbow stood and hopped off the bed, trotting to the door into the hallway. “Nope, nope nope. Not doing this. I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Twilight reached out a hoof toward the retreating pegasus. “Rainbow, wait! It’s not that big of a deal!” The door slammed shut, leaving her to ponder her next move alone.

***

Minutes later, Rainbow curled up on the couch and pulled a blanket over her head. Her ears perked and swiveled toward the stairway as she heard hooves descending to the bottom. Moments later, a hoof poked her snout through the blanket still tightly wrapped around her. “Leave me alone, Twilight.”

Rainbow heard a soft whine, before her marefriend spoke gently. “Rainbow, I’m sorry if I upset you, I really am. It’s just…funny to me, I guess, how language can evolve in so many different ways. I thought you might like it too.”

Rainbow grunted, thoroughly unamused.

Another poke. “Come on, Rainbow. I’ll let you do that thing you like. You know, with my ponussy?”

Rainbow’s wings started to rise against her will, propping up the blanket like the mast of a ship.

Twilight smirked. “Remember how you said you have a thing for Princess Luna? How about I use my magic to change my coat color, and you can call me your little Lunussy while you lick out my ponussy?”

The blankets trembled momentarily, before the multicolored pegasus rocketed out, tackling the alicorn to the ground with a kiss, and resuming their lovemaking with a passionate fervor.