“Looks like the tip we bought was good,” remarked the motorcycle helmeted mare. “You got some real antiques with ya, and that cyberware should go for a decent amount. Once we pry it out of that pretty little skull of yours.”

The dozen ponies snickered as they fanned out, nearly surrounding the sisters.

“Oh I’m going to enjoy killing you,” Luna remarked while pulling out a pair of short daggers.

“No killing,” Celestia harshly retorted. “They may be morons but they don't deserve to die.”

“I’m going to skull fuck you until your brain is mush!” yelled a rather unhinged stallion wielding a jagged knife.

“Can I at least kill him?” Luna asked.

Celestia sighed. “Fine, but make it quick.”

“I don't think you two seem to understand the situation you’re in,” declared the helmeted mare. “Let's change that!”

The pony charged forward, swinging her baseball bat at Celestia’s head with all the strength she could muster. This move was telegraphed so hard and so early that Celestia was able to duck, before lining up a buck to the mare’s midsection before it even had a chance to connect. The pony stumbled back, wheezing as the breath was forced from their lungs and their legs began to tremble.

The rest of the thugs attacked a moment later, hoping to take Celestia and Luna off guard by hitting them all at once. Celestia stepped to the right, forcing the group to rearrange themselves lest they run into one another. Without the flanking support he had been anticipating, the lead attacker found that the tall mare was impossible to pin down.

The towering golden armored pony ducked or sidestepped his flurry of swings before striking him with the butt of her spear. The blow to the head was enough to send him sprawling to the ground, his eyes rolling around in their sockets like loose marbles. This further entangled those following in his footsteps, though not a taller mare wielding a rusty nine-millimeter pistol who emptied the magazine in Celestia’s direction.

As a glimmering golden shield held back the barrage of bullets, Luna was running circles around her own opponents. Though easily the second largest pony present the former princess of the night was the most dexterous, easily weaving around her foe’s swipes. After a particularly strong overhand smash of a sledgehammer missed, Luna brought the pommel of her dagger down on the back of the mare’s neck.

The moment she hit the ground unconscious her friends trampled over her to try and reach Luna. the lone gunmen used this moment to unleash every bullet his pistol could hold at the decker, hitting one of his companions in the process. Luna was completely unharmed, the mare having rolled to the side the moment the weapon was leveled in her direction.

The inexperienced shooter didn't seem to know how to compensate for the muzzle climb, as only the first two shots were anywhere close to the target. After that, it downed the previously mentioned ally, a dumpster, the road, and a distant street sign, producing a loud twang noise. He didn't get a chance to reload as before he could even begin fumbling with the magazine release, a pair of floating daggers bludgeoned him on either side of the head.

Celestia wasn't quite so lucky, as her gun-wielding pony was at least able to keep his target center. He did not, however, have much more sense when it came to conserving ammo as he simply dumped every bullet into Celestia’s shield. When that didn't work he seemed too confused and surprised to do anything, allowing the alicorn to slam the butt of her spear between his eyes.

Before she could retract the weapon, two more of the thugs were upon her, each attacking from a different side. The one to her right wielded a claw hammer while the other had a much more dangerous pick, both probably stolen from the same construction site. Knowing one was far more dangerous than the other, Celestia turned to her left only to immediately sidestep a surprisingly fast strike aimed at her head.

While the simple claw hammer banged uselessly off her armor, Celestia reached up and grabbed the pick axe mid-swing. The stallion tried to overpower his foe but was surprised to find that she was far stronger than him. Overpowering the male, Celestia pulled him forward, her forehead meeting him halfway there and striking him with enough strength to leave him writhing on the floor.

The claw hammer mare lurched forward, attempting to strike Celestia’s face but was intercepted by a flying spear. Wielded by Celestia’s magic, the weapon’s butt struck the mare in the side of the face with enough force to send her to the ground. As she joined her fellow, Celestia turned to the pistol-packing thug who had finally figured out how to reload his weapon.

Luna chuckled as she danced out of the way of the knife-wielding stallion’s range.

“That's the best move you got? Swing wildly while your eyes try to bulge their way out of your skull?” Luna mocked.

“No I also have this!” he screeched.

The stallion drew a second knife before leaping at Luna, forehooves over his head. The move was desperate, and slow, giving Luna more than enough time to deliver an attack of her own. Stepping forward, Luna caught the male mid-fall with her head before flicking him backward with enough force to send him flying.

The earth pony’s flight ended abruptly when his head collided with a cement wall, leaving behind a red smear as he sunk to the ground. While he fell, the final two of Luna’s attackers pressed forward, one with magic and the other with the advantage of height. The pegasus stallion struck downward with a knife taped to a stick, while the unicorn charged their horn for some manner of attack.

Luna easily sidestepped the pegasus’ flurry of jabs before cutting the broom handle that served as the spear’s haft in half. Looking down in confusion, the pegasus wondered briefly what happened to his weapon before he wondered something new. Namely how the unicorn he was fighting had leaped ten feet into the air and struck him in the jaw with enough force to make him bite the tip of his tongue off.

Celestia didn't give the pistol thug a moment to aim his gun, however, and with a blast of magic, superheated the metal weapon. He clung onto it for only a second before screaming and throwing it away, the antique service weapon exploding as its ammo detonated all at once. He was about to get a spear to the dome when a mare with a nail-filled bat came from behind, striking Celestia on the back.

The alicorn released a grunt before incinerating the upper half of the former sports equipment with another quick spell. She then reared back and launched a powerful buck at the helmeted mare’s midsection. The attack struck true, but the unicorn was able to erect a small barrier, though it did little to actually help her.

Steel shod hooves crushed through the magical wall, and then her chest with enough force to leave her ribs cracked. There were other injuries, but none were more pressing than getting the wind knocked out of her for a second time. As she lay there wheezing, and trying to refill her lungs, Celestia held the final gunman against the ground while casting a more complicated spell. His struggles were in vain as well as brief, the alicorn’s magic putting him straight to sleep.

Luna disrupted the spell that was about to be fired at her by using her telekinetic field to throw the busted broom handle at the caster. The miscast caused a twisting ball of energy to explode out of the tip of their horn, the multihued spray of strange colors undulating in the air for a moment before dissipating. While the attacking unicorn struggled with a now-splitting migraine, Luna closed the distance, and grabbed them by the throat, quickly choking them out.

As the last of her thugs hit the ground, the motorcycle-helmeted mare managed to breathe once more.

“Die, you freak!” she shouted while reaching into her jacket.

Withdrawing an old policeman’s revolver, she squeezed off all six of the shots at Celestia. Each one was carefully knocked aside with a small shield that existed just long enough to send the bullet off course. While deflecting the rounds, Celestia strode up to the downed mare until she loomed over the fallen pony.

“Are you ready to give up?” Celestia asked.

“How the hell did you do that? Shields can't deflect bullets of this caliber,” the mare muttered.

“They can if you aren't weak,” Luna retorted.

“Yes though that hardly matters at the moment,” Celestia paused, and grabbed the mare by the collar, hefting her up to eye level with the alicorn. “Tell me who you bought this tip from, now.”

“I-I don't know his n-name,” she stuttered. “I just saw what he looked like when he called my boss.”

“Well, what did he look like?” Celestia demanded, giving the mare a shake.

“He was a really shady-looking guy. Reflective glasses, a bunch of gold chains,” she professed.

“Smug grin, white suit, black vest with a popped collar?” Celestia inquired.

“Yeah that's him, how did you know?” murmured the thug.

“Call it a good guess,” Celestia dropped the pony to the ground with a thump. “Gather up your peons and get out of here before the cops come.”

“You're not going to kill us?” muttered the thug.

“That would be pointless, you are already beaten,” Celestia retorted.

“But leave your wallets, credit chits, and any expensive jewelry you may have on you!” Luna interjected.

“We are not robbing them,” Celestia shot back.

“At least make them leave their weapons behind,” Luna whined.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Just leave any guns, knives, ammo, or whatever you may have on you in a heap. Then get out of here.”

“Y-yeah sure,” murmured the mare before hastily scampering away.

The rest of the bruised and bloody ponies emptied their pockets onto the street. Switchblades, stolen police batons, spare ammo, and other random weapons or bullets were chucked haphazardly into a pile. Which Luna kept a close eye on before scooping it all up and tucking the mass into a bag.

“Well then, besides that little speed bump I’d say we did a bang-up job,” Celestia proclaimed.

“Not quite,” Luna retorted, gesturing back to the government building nearby.

Celestia followed her sister’s hoof to where alarms flashed in the windows, and shapes hastily moved about the interior.

“What? We didn't trigger any alarms,” Celestia muttered.

“Third window from the right,” Luna replied.

Celestia looked back, this time following her sister’s instructions, to find that one of the windows on the second floor was shattered.

“How-” Celestia began.

“When you were deflecting her bullets,” Luna answered.

Celestia cursed under her breath. “Maybe if we transmit the data fast enough we’ll still get the full amount.”

“You better hope so because otherwise, it's coming out of your half of the pay,” Luna declared, already pulling the deck, and splitting her hooves into a bunch of smaller digits.

Celestia peered over her sister’s shoulder, watching as the other mare sent the data off to a secure server through a flimsy connection. It was nearly halfway through completion when a new icon popped up, one that resembled an antique phone. Beneath this symbol was the name Fixer, with a slash next to it followed by Rare Find.

“Is that him? Ask him why he was trying to kill us,” Celestia whispered.

“Of course, I’m going to ask that now would you be quiet?” Luna hissed back. “And stop breathing in my ear, at least go to the other side.”

Celestia huffed but did as she was asked, recoiling enough that she wasn't breathing on the back of her sister’s head. Once she did this, Luna straightened out, and hit the icon, allowing a small digital copy of the rather flamboyant stallion to appear above the deck’s surface.

“Hey sugarflanks,” he opened with a grin. “Looks like you got my-”

“Save it, you prick,” Luna interrupted. “Why did you tell some punks that we were good loot pinatas?”

“I didn't say that,” Rare Find replied, still smiling. “I just knew they were desperate for a few bits, and that you were likely to fuck up and make my info basically worthless so I hedged my bets.”

“But we’re working for you!” Celestia hissed.

“And look what that’s got me. Half of whatever measly police force calls that hole home is likely on its way to your position by now,” Rare Find replied, gesturing to the building behind Luna.

“That's not an alarm, it's just uh… a passing car,” Celestia replied, stepping in the way of Rare Find’s view.

“Besides, we got you everything you wanted quick, and relatively clean that's gotta be worth something,” Luna offered.

“Despite what you may think I am an honorable stallion, and will hold up my end of the bargain,” he held up a forehoof. “If, sugar lips here apologizes for calling me a prick.”

“Just give me the money already so we can leave,” Luna muttered.

“Nope. I need that apology first. My feelings are hurt, wounded even,” Rare Find declared, placing a hand over his heart and grimacing in an exaggerated fashion.

“I… I’m-” Luna began.

“You're a repugnant piece of slime who isn't worth our time,” Celestia interrupted. “Furthermore you compensate for your tiny penis by wearing a gaudy amount of gold. In addition you pay large zebra stallions to hang around you because you have the self-esteem of a thirteen-year-old filly.”

“Wha-what?” Rare Find muttered, his glasses falling down his face.

“Your a shrimp dick coward who knows everyone hates him but you trick yourself into believing that it's jealousy we all feel towards you when it's really pity,” Celestia continued. “You're a child pretending to be a crime lord, and your cardboard mask slips the moment anyone ever tells you what you really are.”

“You, you take that back!” Rare Find shouted.

“I will not, and furthermore you like to think you have a nose for opportunity but the truth of the matter is your greatest skill is knowing which bums to roll. At best you'll spend the rest of your life on the bottom of another organization’s totem pole, and at worst one of your pay-for-play friends will curb-stomp you in an alley because you think using slurs makes you look cool!” Celestia yelled. “So take your money, and shove it where your personality should be!”

The former princess then mashed her hoof against the board, hitting the end call button out of sheer luck. As Celestia got her breath, Luna picked herself up off the ground and threw the deck on her back once more. Celestia wasn't quite sure what her sister was feeling, but it looked like a mixture of appreciation and irritation.

“You know that's coming out of your cut of all this junk,” Luna remarked, hefting the bag of weapons they had acquired.

“That's fine,” Celestia replied with a shrug. “I couldn't watch as my sister apologized to that slime-sucking puddle of sapient piss.”

Luna smiled. “You have been watching those movies I got you.”

“I may have watched a few of them in order to keep up with modern vernacular,” Celestia admitted while blushing slightly.

“Well we better start hoofing it back home, or else the next movie we’ll be seeing is in prison,” Luna replied.

Celestia shrugged. “That's fine. It's a beautiful night.”

Author's Note

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