Chapter 1: The Dream-shattering Phone Call
6 AM.
Twilight had yet to raise the Sun. All were asleep this Saturday morning besides the early birds, of whom included a filly: a psycho, a scoundrel responsible for the darkest days of Equestria’s history.
She had awoken an hour ago and wandered her shared den of iniquity—what was once a cave, now a lair—past the doors of her accomplices: one ajar and one closed. Her body dwarfed the height of the telephone table—stolen, one spoil of her crimes—so she ascended into a mode of hovering. One by one, she twisted the rotary dial to call the number of a slumbering Princess.
Two idle beeps played on repeat, until she picked up.
“Cozy Glow…” Princess Flurry Heart said. “Why are you calling me so early… The Sun’s not even up.”
“Jeez, aren’t I allowed to remind my fifth-least-hated Princess about our hangout in three hours?” Cozy asked. “Or did Twilight take that freedom away too?”
Flurry yawned. “Oh yeah.”
Since the trailers dropped over six months ago, to the conversation being had now, Cozy Glow and Flurry Heart had suffered the agony of anticipation. Her Majesty had failed to sway over a seat for the world premiere because, apparently, she ignored the last hundred-something invites. Meanwhile, Cozy had to add a new glittery sticker to the map of places she was banned from after she broke into the studio’s warehouse; then out of jail, because she refused to call her best friend for bail bits.
None of that matters now though. The moment was upon them. Soon they’ll walk or hover into the dirtier-than-red carpeted theatre towards the seats and express the culmination of common excitement as the adverts end and the projectors start to roll the opening sequence of:
“Oponeheimer!” “Baleie!” Cozy and Flury respectively shouted in unison.
Perhaps they should’ve called it by its proper title instead of ‘that upcoming movie’ for the better half of a year. Fragile silence followed, only to be broken by Cozy—not by a soft query, but by a shout. “What?!”
Flurry dropped her cell phone as the houseline distorted Cozy’s loudness into prickly static. Before it hit the floor, she encased it inside of a yellow sound-proof bubble. Flicking her horn took less effort for the Princess than plugging her ears, but she did that also. The force of Cozy’s voice made Flurry stagger to her flank, but at least now she could rest protected under her spell.
The bubble rippled once. Strange, Flurry thought. But it’s a bubble, and a bit of jiggle every once in a while should be—
The bubble rippled again as a muffled voice could be heard saying, “Flurry?”
There’s no way she could possibly—
“Flurry?!” Cozy yelled. The bubble popped. It released a shockwave of energy that shot Flurry to the other side of her bedroom. That took a while since her parents gave her one of the best rooms in the castle. She had a personal bathroom, a balcony, a Princess-sized bed, and whatever else Cozy refused to admit she was jealous of, but who wouldn’t be?
Flurry made a note to self: current muffling spell only works for Cozy’s snoring. Once she slid down from the crack that she (really Cozy) made against the wall, onto her desk, she levitated over the phone from the other side of the room and, in a mentally tired voice, uttered, “Yes?”
“You’re seeing Oponeheimer? Are you kidding me? Aren’t you supposed to be, I dunno, a Princess? With a crown and magic and loving parents? Why would watch something like that?”
Flurry hated those expectations. “Well, you’re a supervillain! I thought you love dark, gritter, sophisticated—”
Snoring from across the line interrupted her. “Boring,” Cozy said. “Do I have to remind everypony that I’m also, y’know, a filly! I’m not literally the primordial reincarnation of manipulative tendencies, but they all look at me as if I’ve grown a horn. I wish… Also, you’re not even old enough to see that movie. It’s for grown-ups only!”
“Oh yeah…” Flurry hadn’t thought of that. “Can I borrow your ID?”
“What? No! Aren’t Alicorns one of the highest-level beings?”
“Maybe?”
“The answer’s yes. Just go play with an age spell, after you ditch your snooze fest and join me instead in experiencing this masterpiece, monument of cinema, absolute… what are those made-up words that Luster uses?”
“Peak, kin-something, I think,” Flurry recalled. “Aren’t the tickets sold out anyways? When we shared a seat last time on the carriage you called me names.”
“Because your—”
Flurry sniffled.
“…I got you a ticket,” Cozy said.
“R-really? I actually got you one too.”
Cozy paused. “Wait, did you think for a moment that I would’ve forgotten? It made total sense for me to buy you one, but for you to buy one for me?”
Flurry rolled her eyes. “I bought five, actually. There’s one for me, you, Mom, Dad, and Luster.”
“Huh. I bought one for me, you, Tirek, Chryssie, and a guest of your choice.”
“Guess we’ll be seeing different movies…”
“Orrrr you could help me use up my tickets? Y’know, not everypony is swimming in bits, Princess,” Cozy hissed. “Why don’t you consider my poor wallet for a change?” She started to fake sob.
“Cozy, your whole ‘household’ lives off a welfare cheque cut from my allowance, on my own unprompted goodwill to see you three reformed, because I had sympathy for when nocreature else did, and now you’re telling me that you can’t even sacrifice a few hours of your weekend to watch a movie together?” It was Flurry’s turn for crocodile tears.
Cozy hovered speechless. “You send us money?”
“Ugh!” Flurry’s golden aura jolted out of the telephone and latched around Cozy’s chest and stomach. The phone now held in midair by a tight chain of the Princess’ magic, she yelled, “How did you not know that?!”
One similarity between Cozy and Flurry: both had short fuses. Test either one of filly’s patience and they say you’ll hear a snap before they turn from cherub to Ruler of Tartarus. Cozy might’ve held longer grudges, but you had less of a chance of surviving Flurry’s tantrums. It became publicly known that all the damage she causes comes directly out of her allowance.
After the incident that revealed that tidbit, most who cross her would rather pay out of pocket the hospital or collateral damage bills, or both, than ask the Crystal Government for help.
Now Cozy found herself in one of those, again, for the umpteenth time this week. At least she doesn’t steal your cutie mark and pretends to forget where she hid it. The empathetic part of Cozy’s brain hadn’t fully atrophied yet, and she had many actions to be ashamed of. The day she pissed off Luster (as in, really pissed off) was the day she discovered what ‘losing your mind’ meant, more than what a near decade being an unageing, conscious, paralyzed park ornament could’ve ever taught her.
Flurry’s aura left no wiggle room; her tenacity could replace a wave detector’s suspension. Cozy’s hind legs failed to reach the cord, but if she managed to unplug the telephone, she thought, it wouldn’t be impossible that Flurry would act petty and teleport all the hundreds of miles from her Crystal Castle to her humble abode. As Flurry whipped her up and down, Cozy’s mind raced to concoct a solution.
“Gee—Flurry—calm down,” Cozy said in sliced sentences. “Let’s ask—Luster!”
The inferno-eyed Princess stopped. “What do you mean?”
Cozy needed a moment to swallow back her stomach. “Why don’t you ask Luster?” she suggested through clamped lung. “As in, which movie we should watch.”
The gears inside of the Princess’ head started to turn. “I guess that could work… Yeah! Let’s do that! See you in a couple of—” The line hung up.
With the very tip of her hoof, Cozy managed to step on the button to end their call. Once Flurry’s aura was severed and she fell to the floor, she took a revitalizing deep breath. Her once perfectly preened fleet of feathers was now ruffled, and mane in dire need of a comb. The curls Cozy wore took love, time, effort, artistry, electricity, and product to get right; otherwise, she’d look unpresentable.
As part of a cruel injustice, Twilight had given Luster relic pictures of her in Tartarus, and the scornful filly would pretend she couldn’t tell a difference between her mane then and now—well, ‘now’ in the general sense. Luster was also, technically, as a result of a whole slew of messes and complications, a pinch of nepotism, and because Twilight asked everyone else and got no other offers—as in, she sent a letter to every Equestrian citizen, excluding a Princess whose parents disapproved and supervillains—Cozy’s conservator.
The fervent student of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns held the legal right to veto any decision Cozy makes under the same protections and limits as any other guardian, despite being roughly the same age, and Cozy’s history of deceiving creatures far more powerful. It baffled the young supervillain how Luster’s parents could have ever approved, especially since her mom hides herself wherever she visits her house.
But now wasn’t the time to mope over life’s misfortunes. There were only a hundred and seventy minutes until the advertisements would roll, and they were a vital part of the movie-going experience. She dragged herself across the floor towards the breakfast table—hosting Lord Tirek.
He sat in front of a quarter-eaten slice of buttered toast. A gift from Cozy stood next to the plate: a mug with his grumpy face on two ends perpendicular to the handle and on the base. He held a travel book of crossword puzzles in one hand, whilst the other clicked a pen against his chin. Through a pair of reading glasses, he murmured, “What word, and word?”
The thumps of the filly’s hooves inching closer prompted Tirek’s eyes upwards whilst his head remained in place. As she ascended up to her seat, he marveled for the hundredth time at how Cozy’s nubs for wings managed to get her body off the ground. Were they supposed to be watching her diet? Isn’t that the other brat’s job?
Chrysalis entered the room. The Bug(-once) Queen wore a light robe and held in her hue a mug that was similar to Tirek’s but personalized with her vicious face. At least she didn’t buy the ones at the Bit Store with her petrified expression, though there at least her pose didn’t look as pathetic as the other two’s. She yawned.
Not before she could stop Cozy from saying, “Good morning,” Chrysalis laid out the heartbreaking news.
“We ran out of milk.” She swiped her milkstache off her muzzle and placed her mug of black coffee onto a coaster that Tirek slid over.
“Cozy, do you know a five-letter word that can mean, ‘pardon’ or ‘apologies’?” Tirek asked.
“Sorry, what?!” Cozy slammed the table; Tirek and Chrysalis preemptively lifted their mugs. She dropped her head on the table, her cheeks smushed into large wheels. “What am I supposed to eat?”
Chrysalis took a sip of her coffee. “How about anything else other than that luridly packaged, vile sugary poison?” Another sip. Her eyes dilated in the delight of morning coffee. She swallowed and noticed Cozy's eyes. “I am not turning into a cow! Again… Who am I, your… well…” She stood on the table, pressed her hoof against Cozy’s muzzle, and declared, “I refuse!”
As Chrysalis got back down, Cozy sighed. “Guess we’ll have to get breakfast on the way to the cinema.” She started to smile.
Tirek stopped clicking his pen and looked up at the filly.
Chrysalis chuckled. “Cozy, rest assured that as we speak the brat who pays for our lights is indulging herself on the most exotic and delectable dishes in all of Eque—no, the world, whilst you pretend to fast over milk for you and wittle pwincess’ playdate.”
“Now, Chrysalis,” Tirek said, “Cozy’s obviously referring to that daughter of—”
“Starlight Glimmer,” Chrysalis said between her teeth. She squeezed her mug until it shattered out of anger. Before Cozy could whine, she mended it under a swirl of green flames. After a sip she added, “Even I wouldn’t name my most cowardice embarrassment of an offspring ‘Luster’. I’d rather go back and pay Pharynx to bully that drone. Maybe he would’ve cried his way into a hostile civilization, then I’d love to see where Friendship gets him when he’s starving and strapped under a scalpel!”
“Starlight can get really involved when other creatures upset her daughter,” Cozy said, head now upright.
“That’s why of the third musketeer’s only two friends, one is legally bound to her. The other’s more interested in you.” Chrysalis sipped.
“She has at least four other friends.”
“Only so she’ll look good in front of her idol. I pray that she fails to indoctrinate another creature into her cult. Equestria doesn’t need another sextet. Plus, she only has that Earth pony around because she can’t cook.”
Tirek said, “That foal’s more hopeless than her mother when it comes to living life without a spell. I’d eat whatever deep-fried sludge they serve up at those establishments if it otherwise meant I had to endure their homemade slop.”
Tirek and Chrysalis laughed.
“I actually meant you two!” Cozy revealed in her ‘innocent’ look: forehooves pressed together, head nudged forwards, eyes bulging upwards, topped by a grin; and if she could cast spells, she’d have a halo over her head.
Her eyes went completely ignored, even after she shouted, “Hey!” She flew in front of Chrysalis’ face directly, and commanded, “We will watch Baleie, and we will all be at the door in thirty minutes or less! I had to hunt a scalper to get these tickets!”
Chrysalis grabbed Cozy’s face in a green gleam and pushed her to the side. “Baleie? Oh, I thought you wanted us to go to that other film.”
“So you’ll go?” Cozy asked, flying back into her face.
Chrysalis shoved the bumblebee away again, onto the table. “Of course not! I only said that to highlight how even after these painful, longest months of my life, you still continue to disappoint me with your act. I wouldn’t be caught petrified watching that filth. Wouldn’t you agree, Lord Tirek?”
“Definitely—I mean, why would anycreature pay money to watch an advertisement for toys?” Tirek attempted to look away, but he became Cozy’s new target as she made a beeline towards the centaur. As he turned his head, Cozy would fly around to face him, until she smacked into Chrysalis; she hissed in defense of her coffee.
Cozy sulked and looked down at her crossing her forehooves. “Well alrighty then. I guess I’ll just have to go all by myself. I went through all the trouble of getting five tickets, but nocreature wants to hang out with me…”
As she sniffled her way to the door, Tirek and Chrysalis exchanged looks.
“I mean,” Tirek said, “this ‘Baleie’ movie is far too pink for a centaur of my tastes, but if I had to go for your sake, I assume I could treat it as a sort of… endurance test?”
Chrysalis drank until her mug flipped upside down, tapped the base, and licked her lips. “I don’t know what sort of pitiful creature would entertain a franchise designed for little fillies—it’s absurd—but if I had to go, perhaps I could find a morsel of enjoyment feasting on the love of others.”
“So you’ll both go?”
Tirek’s faint nob was punished by a Cozy hug; both her back and front legs wrapped around his chest. He pulled away by a roll of skin behind her neck as if she were a kitten. “Oh golly, yes!” she said. “Thank you two so much! No taksies backsies!” She pecked the centaur on the forehead and went over to deal Chrysalis the same fate but received an empty mug before she could respond.
“We should hurry up and get ready,” Chrysalis said. “I already despise this movie, but I won’t humiliate myself more by being late.”
Cozy placed the mug on the kitchen counter and thought she’d try once again to hug Chrysalis, but with her back turned, she teleported right before Cozy’s coat could brush her exoskeleton. She never even unlocked her door, and Tirek went into his room, so that meant Cozy could only get ready.
The filly’s bedroom had pink walls of wallpaper below a white painted ceiling, a made double bed covered in a duvet outlined by a golden lace, four pillows, a separate pink blanket nest, and a bunch of other stuff also stolen from Flurry’s wardrobe.
She also had an extra cushion made in the shape and design of her rook. They used to be very popular, alongside masks for Nightmare Night, though at least the latter wasn’t out of admiration, as made obvious by the egging, TP-ing, and graffiti her (their) statue endured; they nearly managed to topple her over a few times. After her release and word got around that she remembered those events, stores and factories pushed the button to destroy all the products.
Petrification makes you miss the simple pleasures of life: forest walks, sky strolls, and watching a fun movie not with the only okayish Princess. This would be Cozy’s first cinema experience in ten years, and she had to be presentable. For this special occasion, she flew above her dresser and pulled out from the back of the top: a box. Inside lay a spectrum of bows, each tied around a foam cushion like watches. Each color evoked a different emotion, and for today’s outing, she went with a classic: a bright red, not dissimilar to what Apple Bloom wears.
Golly, it’s been a long time since I talked to those three, Cozy thought. They probably still hate me… oh well!
She shrugged and replaced her cream-colored bunny ears with a set more vivid, perfumed her shoulders, powered her cheeks, and preened her feathers. Around her neck, she wore a light broad necklace similar to what Alicorn magic would conjure around her neck but made of beads to look more opulent and less militant. For a dress, she went puffy and sky-blue with a white underneath and edges, and of course slots on the back for her wings. Now all she had left was her curls.
What was meant by ‘electricity’ earlier was that she would clamp ginormous alligator clips onto her hair and let the high voltages zap her ringlets into place. It was a very big and loud showcase, but her curls didn’t get where they were today by being brushed around.
Again, Luster couldn’t tell the difference between Cozy's mane in Tartarus versus after several doses of shock that made the lights in the laid flicker, but Cozy could, and she actually believed in her own opinions.
She looked at herself in the mirror. Perfect.
Tirek knocked on her door with a knuckle. “Ready, Cozy Glow?”
Cozy flew out of her room and—“Oh golly! You both dressed up too?” She had to rub her eyes to make sure she saw correctly.
Tirek had a tuxedo, gelled-up hair, and a red tie like Cozy’s except darker and around his neck. His piquant cologne drowned out Cozy’s fragrances. He used his hand wearing a golden wristwatch to pull out a golden pocket watch from under his suit.
Chrysalis had a dark emerald dress with matching horseshoes and hair tied up in a bun. Her crown had been twisted into a flowery shape, one that had orbs for pedals. A navy-colored flower rested over her right ear, and Cozy could’ve sworn she noticed a smile.
“Enough admiration,” Chrysalis said. “Seems we’re all set to supervise Cozy’s date.” Tirek nodded and the two went towards the door.
“Hey!” Cozy said, hooves on her hips.
Chrysalis opened the front door and specified, “Playdate, you twerp.”
Cozy rolled her eyes but her smile quickly returned.
As they caught the sunrise on the way out, Tirek shoved a long list into the chests of two invisible royal guards. Any other creature wouldn’t have been able to spot them, but the Legion of Doom’s could; even Cozy noticed. Seems Twilight’s spy watches aren’t as effective as she thought.
Both deluded themselves in the idea that perhaps Tirek did that motion randomly and those eyes weren’t concrete confirmation of their discovery, and that they should keep quiet. That was until they read the list they were given, which to an outsider looked as if it was hovering.
“A carton of milk, or two but only if there’s an offer.’ ‘Polish the brat’s relic collection—hey! We’re not your—”
Cozy looked back at the two as the Tirek and Chrysalis walked along. Even she sends chills down the spines of guards—and also couples contemplating parenthood. Once she realized her success, she went to join Tirek and Chrysalis at the end of a cliff.
The centaur had his left hand behind his back and his right in the shape of an ‘L’ that he slid downward diagonally across the air. The motion ripped a portal wide enough for all three to walk in all at once; but Cozy flew in first.
“Don’t you dare get yourself lost!” shouted Chrysalis.
On the other side in Ponyville, creatures had already started to flee, screaming. Vendors abandoned their stalls or hid under the counter. Cozy used to try and lecture the creatures, then she thought she’d play along by peeking through their windows or hiding places. But that didn’t make her feel better, unless she recognized one of their faces from her school or statues days. Often, she picked up on at least a few facial characteristics which indicated they had a bad apple in their family. She eventually stopped trying to explain how her conquests for power were justified beyond the need of an apology.
But that all failed to get her down today.
“Off we go!” Cozy declared. “This way to the nearest Hayburger!”
Author's Note
What a strange not family.
Chapter 2: Luster's Uber-messy Room
Flurry Heart’s carriage arrived at Ponyville carrying only her. It landed in front of the Castle of Friendship. Cadance and Shining were busy this morning; and though he denies fearing a filly, Sunburst wouldn’t dare be in the same room as Cozy.
Wait, did Twilight even ask Luster’s parents about that whole conservatorship thing? Neither would touch Cozy even with a ten-foot pole being controlled telekinetically from the other side of Equestria.
Surely, somepony must’ve approved, Flurry thought as she knocked on the doors of the castle, Luster’s house. There was only one other incentive besides seeing Cozy smile: a thousand bits of monthly allowance from Canterlot. But who would let a supervillain filly stay out of her restraints and hoof the responsibility of her reformation over to a foal just for a moderate sum of bits?
“Trixie, is that you?” Starlight asked. She used a spell to peek through the wall and noticed the young Alicorn dressed in her standard silver horseshoes and solid tiara. After she twisted her stained apron around, wearing it on her back like a saddle or quarter sheet, she magicked open the doors and greeted, “Oh, good morning, Flurry! Sorry, Trixie didn’t come home last night. Or actually I haven’t seen her for the past week. Her wagon’s empty…”
Flurry walked inside whilst Starlight continued, “If you’re looking for Lustie she’s just in her room. I’ve barely seen her in a week too. I don’t even know if she open her doors to go to the bathroom or at least grab her kitchen.”
“Aren’t you supposed to check up on her?” Flurry asked.
“Phff!” Starlight waved away the notion. “She’s entitled to a bit of space and privacy. My dad was out and about all the time when I was a filly, and I turned out… Well… I did start a… Oh.”
As Starlight contemplated her parenting methods, Flurry went further up the hallway. After a trek, she stood in front of her friend’s bedroom doors and knocked. No response. With her horn, she shined a spotlight underneath the doors. There weren’t even any hooves standing on the other side.
“Luster?” Flurry called.
Nothing.
Flurry was outside of the Crystal Empire’s jurisdiction. She had no legal right to plow through her friend’s doors, especially when even her mother didn’t seem to be all that concerned.
But I mean, a Princess is a Princess no matter where she goes, and really, I’m just concerned about my friend, Flurry thought. This isn’t Manehattan. I’m allowed to care about ponies.
Her horn produced a laser beam, as wide as the average pointer, but powerful enough to cut through thick walls of magical crystal. She rotated head and flew around to slice out a jagged circle around Luster’s doors.
“Can’t you just teleport?” Starlight asked, appearing behind her.
Flurry turned around, and Starlight had to drop to the ground holding her mane as the young Alicorn forgot to stop casting her beam. The mare nearly got decapitated, a horn-otomy, or worst of all: a magically incurable bad haircut.
“Sorry,” Flurry said as the cutout of the wall fell on top of her. But it failed to even lower her hover even by an inch. Instead, the young Alicorn’s body shattered a filly-sized hole into the broken off slab of wall.
Starlight was nowhere to be seen—she’d rather not be cut in half—so Flurry shrugged and went into Luster’s room. Her laser didn’t only cut out the unicorn’s doors; it also made a new balcony further up on the wall ahead. That piece fell backwards, outside, and made a loud thud.
Ideally, it wouldn't have had to come to this, but Luster had no excuse for not answering the Princess’ calls. Cozy used an antique rotary telephone—somehow her cave had a landline—but Luster had her own cellphone. You used to be able to message her at 3 AM and she’d answer within a second; she should’ve gotten a cutie mark for stenography, not whatever cryptic symbol she had instead.
Both holes Flurry made only lit up half of Luster’s room. The rest stayed shrouded under a thick shadow. Flurry hovered, Cozy style. After she noticed the filth, she wouldn’t dare to tap Luster’s floor. She turned on her horn’s torchlight again.
Luster’s room had stacks of empty noodle cups, ten or so mugs of coffee on her bedside table; a knocked-over few dripped their contents onto the floor, and a few were shattered because of the beam earlier.
Luster had two pillows on her bed—or beds, now sliced in two. One was placed normally on the top; the other, vertically under her sheets. Cozy had accused Luster before of hugging her pillow when she slept; she wasn’t such a loudmouth after her cutie mark disappeared.
There were bottles filled with who-knows-what rolling back and forth under the breeze from the wall holes. One had glowing mushrooms poking out of the cap and sat upon a graveyard of ants and a rat skeleton.
Piles of clothes and papers turned the filly’s room into a maze, pathed by a path of empty wrappers and used tissues. Flurry sniffed the air; somecreature must’ve died in here. She’d throw up but Luster’s bin was overflowing.
It wasn’t usually this bad.
Luster’s organization skills rivaled Twilight’s and caused many arguments with Cozy, usually because a vote of two to one meant the supervillain got tasked with carrying them out. If she didn’t want to be chosen, she shouldn’t be so competent.
Flurry covered her nostrils and crept deeper into the hoarder’s den. There had to be laws forbidding this level of—
“Augh!” Flurry felt something tap the back of her ear. She tilted her head back, and spun between twenty different spells, casting each one aimlessly. Each spell had a different color. Some traveled in straight lines, some curved, a few of them twisted, or zigzagged, or had no visible aura at all.
One of them was supposed to home towards its target. It made a U-turn and nearly hit Flurry; instead, it struck a pile of clothes behind her, which the spell turned into green jelly.
Flurry felt around her ears. When she looked back at her hooves saw a long-legged spider. That must’ve been what startled her. Just a little spider. Her horn glowed; the spider exploded into flames. She scraped her hoof excessively.
On the other side, a familiar head fell into the semisolid mountain. Luster’s fiery ponytail became soaked in jelly, yet she didn’t seem to be bothered. The unicorn always managed to cast the perfect spell during dire situations. Cozy had remarked that her magic was more impressive when she wasn’t thinking properly. An example of this was now.
Luster had instinctively cast a bubble around her head to breathe, a pocket of air large enough to include her shimmering horn.
“Luster,” Flurry said. “There you are! I nearly thought you died in here.”
Luster didn’t respond.
“Hello? Equestria to Luster? Why’s your room such a mess? If Cozy had come here instead of me, she would’ve killed you!” A ceiling light fell on Flurry’s head; she didn’t notice because it bounced off her unbreakable skull and onto the floor. “Also about the holes in your wall, you have to clean up your room anyways. I’m sure you have a spell for that.”
No response.
“I have a spell for that,” Flurry added.
Luster said nothing.
“I can teach it to you if you want.”
Flurry noticed a rectangular light inside of Luster’s bubble. Luster had her eyes glued on something. The Princess telekinetically grabbed onto her friend’s mane and pulled her through the jelly pile to the other side. And after all that, Luster finally—blinked.
“Ugh!” Flurry groaned. Then she noticed the problem.
Luster was on her Neighntendo Switch. She had it levitating in front of her face as she controlled the buttons and joysticks through magic.
“Luster, get off of that thing right now!” Flurry scolded, but the unicorn didn’t listen. “I’m serious! You need to get out of your cave and go outside—into the movie theatre so that you can decide whether me or Cozy must see the other’s movie!”
Still nothing. The Princess’ eyebrows furrowed downwards, her face boiled red, and her horn started to ignite. She made a very pony-ish sigh through her nose and tried to grab onto Luster’s Switch, but Luster resisted and held on tighter. That was it. Flurry flew back, squinted her eyes, and shot an energy beam at the hoofheld. The castle shook under her might. Smoke filled the room. But the Switch remained intact. Luster had placed an energy shield around herself without looking.
Oh no, Flurry thought. Luster’s horn is acting completely autonomous from her actual conscious self! Seems she isn’t very interested in coming with me to the movies.
Guess there’s not much else I can do but…
“You are going to love this movie!” Flurry said, dragging Luster across her stomach by her tail. “And you’re going to shove that love right into Cozy’s fat face! I will not let you get away!”
As she used her wings to help drag Luster’s body past the castle’s front door and over the steps, the unicorn’s chin thumping on each one, Starlight waved. “Bye, you two. Have fun!”
The mother slowly closed the doors. Then she cast a protective bubble around the entire castle and teleported the Cutie Map to use as a barrier for the entrance. She triple-checked that the anti-teleportation charms were active, and that Flurry’s magical signature wasn’t part of the whitelist.
The young Princess didn’t notice. She was too busy stomping on a cloud a few meters above Luster. The filly’s bubble umbrellaed a torrential downpour of rain released from under the cloud, as well as ricocheted its lightning bolts. They bounced off and instead struck houses on the outskirts of Ponyville and parts of the School of Friendship. A few creatures had to evacuate the lake after one struck the water.
Oblivious Flurry bounced up and down on the cloud whilst shouting, “Open—your shield—Luster—Dawn! You can’t—be smelly—on this—very important—day!”
Flurry stopped and peeked over the edge of the cloud. Luster still had an amber bubble around her body.
The Princess had had it.
She kicked the bottles of coat wash and shampoo off the shriveled-up cloud and ascended into the atmosphere. With her eyes sharper than a Wonderbolt’s, she her sights locked against the laid-back filly, and tilted her horn upwards.
A sphere of energy formed near her horn’s tip. It grew larger. And larger. Parkgoers: couples, the elderly, families, critters, and loners all ran away screaming. Pegasi pushed hot air balloons out of the Alicorn’s way. Soon her ball of destruction extended to the diameter of her Crystal Castle. If nocreature stops her, all of Ponyville will be obliterated!
The Legion of Doom watched from a bench.
Who does Luster think she is? Flurry thought, breathing through her nostrils. I’m Princess Flurry Heart of the Crystal Empire! I’m an Alicorn. I’m a God of Harmony born to ensure peace across Equestria, and she thinks she can get in my way?! Let’s see her block this.
The ball of energy enlarged further.
In Canterlot, crowds of thousands gathered at the railings and watched as a second sun lit up the sky. Twilight’s Castle was quiet with panic. Rushed flaps grew louder; Gallus flung open the roof-reaching doors of the Throne Room.
“Twilight, Twilight,” Gallus said out of breath.
The Princess got up. Spike too. Celestia and Luna were also there for a visit. They all turned their heads.
“What is it?” Twilight asked with concern.
“There’s a massive ball of energy hovering above Ponyville,” Gallus said, “likely larger than the town itself at this point.”
The Sisters looked at each other; Celestia held a hoof over her mouth.
“And do you know who’s causing it?” Twilight asked. “Tirek? Chrysalis? Discord? Somb—”
“We believe it’s Flurry Heart!” Gallus answered.
The three Alicorns and Dragons paused, staring at Gallus.
“Oh.” Twilight rolled her eyes so hard that her whole head moved around in a circle. “Nevermind.”
Spike went back to this comic book, whilst the Sisters started at Twilight. A chessboard stood between Twilight and Luna, with Celestia sitting at the side.
“Uh, Twilight,” whispered Celestia, “shouldn’t you be doing something about that?” She pointed at a light piercing through the stained glass.
“I would agree,” Luna added. “I can sense here the energy myself. Your captain’s concerns seem to be legitimate.”
Twilight stared down at the board and sighed. “Spike—or somecreature else, please pen a letter to Shining.”
Luna voiced, “Surely you should perform an action a bit more… immediate.”
Twilight lifted one of her rook pieces from the board and twisted it around to inspect, saying, “Dear brother, ever since your daughter released Cozy Glow eight months ago, I’ve gotten new complaints everyday about how, ‘Oh no! Somepony has petrified our twin brother CEOs!’ ‘Please help! All the Hive’s stockpiles have been turned into jelly!’ ‘Twilight, won’t you please do something about these three fillies burning down all of Griffonstone?’ I’m sick of it!” She slammed her hooves, knocking over all the chess pieces on the board.
Twilight needed a moment to calm herself. She continued, “It’s not my job to control your daughter. Luster’s responsible for Cozy, and Starlight’s responsible for Luster. Since all my other methods of remedying the collective behavior of those three have failed, I’ve decided to try something new: doing absolutely nothing!”
After Twilight signed the letter written by the scribing guard, she hoofed it over to Spike and tried to recall the last positions of the chess pieces.
“I know it’s a difficult job to do alone,” Celestia said, “but the amount of energy Flurry is channeling into that attack is more than what I remembered Tirek used during his rampages.”
“This happens a lot more often than you think,” Spike said.
Twilight added, “You probably didn’t notice it before because these situations mostly resolve on their own, which is why I’m confident in my new approach!”
The Sisters still seemed unconvinced.
Luna said, “What I wish to know are the events that caused young Flurry to act this way.”
“Maybe somecreature didn’t want to see a movie with her?” Twilight joked.
“Hah, yeah,” Spike said. “Or maybe one of her friends smelt bad.”
“Regardless,” Twilight said, “I’m sure there’ll be at least one brave creature that’ll stand up to Flurry and whoever she’s with and bring an end to this whole situation!”
A mare walked opposite to the evacuating crowds. Her star-spangled cape waved through the winds. Flurry’s enormous spell had increased the temperature of the surroundings and caused cool air to rush in. Yet the mare continued. She wasn’t braving her fears because she had none. The Princess’ energy sphere had painted the area ten miles outwards in the color of her aura.
The mare stood next to the oblivious device-zombie, looked up at the sky, and shouted, “Will Princess Flurry Heart please cut that out! You have scared away Trixie’s crowd!”
Flurry looked down, eyes glowing. She shouted back, “But Luster’s keeps ignoring me. It’s like she doesn’t even wanna be my friend anymore…”
With the Princess still holding her attack, Trixie turned to Luster and slammed her hoof on the shield. “Luster Dawn!”
Trixie shouted loud enough that even though she stood on the outside, she managed to pop Luster’s bubble; the unicorn’s Switch fell on her face.
Trixie looked up at the petulant Princess and asked, “Happy?”
Flurry descended. The Princess’ horn funneled all of the sphere’s energy back inside of her. Ponyville was saved! Again.
But Flurry still had one more thing left to do. She grabbed a new cloud on her way down, levitated up the bottles of coat wash and shampoo she kicked off earlier, squeezed their contents into her new cloud, and shook it.
“Wait, so you weren’t out of town?” Luster asked.
“Trixie would never leave you and Starlight without a signed note,” Trixie said. “She had simply—”
Both of the ponies below got drenched in bubbly water as Flurry jumped up and down on the cloud.
“Now that you’re clean, we can finally go see Oponeheimer,” said Flurry as she landed in front of Luster.
“Hold on for one moment Princess,” Trixie said, wringing her pointy hat. “You mean to tell Trixie and the rest of Ponyville that all this drama happened over a shower?”
“…Umm,” Luster murmured. “I’m not really sure what’s happening, but Pikmare 4 is about to be available for download and I haven’t really slept for the past… what day is it today?”
“It’s premiere day! Now let’s go,” said Flurry before she dragged Luster by the hoof towards the cinema.
After the two fillies left, Trixie sighed. It would take at least a few hours for all the creatures to return after the evacuations. Until then, Ponyville will mostly be Pegasusville.
Her belly rumbled. “Well, Trixie did save all of Ponyville. She should be entitled to a Hero’s discount at the nearby Hayburger joint!”
But as the hero stepped into the air-conditioned fast-food restaurant, she gasped. Three supervillains blocked the counter; they had been there since Trixie peeked through the window seven whole minutes ago.
The cashier colt, a yellow earth pony known as Fry, one of Luster’s four other friends, stood on a stool and leaned against the register as the Legion took an eternity to order.
“I’ll have a…” Cozy rubbed her chin. “What’s in your Hayburgers again?”
“Hay,” Fry answered in a dead voice.
“What about the ‘burger’ part?” Cozy asked.
Trixie stomped her hoof and walked in between the Legion members. She pointed at hovering Cozy. “Trixie knows you know what goes inside of a Hayburger! You three are clogging up the line!”
Chrysalis looked around. “There isn’t a single other creature here.”
“Precisely!” Trixie said. “You three are ruining an otherwise perfect breakfast experience for the Brave and Heroic Trixie!” She kept pointing at Cozy and looked at Fry. “The supervillain filly will be having the Harmony meal.”
“D'aww, but I don’t want a foal’s meal,” Cozy whined. “Flurry never gets the foal’s meal. She gets to order from the grownup's menu.”
“Trixie did not save Ponyville to wait in lines!”
“Don’t rush her,” spat Chrysalis. She and Trixie glared at each other, an inch between their faces.
Tirek checked the time on a wall-mounted clock. “We only have an hour left before the movie starts.”
“Then both of you—” She looked at Tirek and Chrysalis. “—will order a double hayburger to go!” Trixie said.
Chrysalis angrily sighed. “Fine! But only because we’re short on time.”
The villains grabbed their takeout paper bags.
Before the trio left, Chrysalis said to Trixie, “When you get home, please tell your… whatever it is you are to each other with consideration of that useless specimen of a crystaller—Starlight, to stop rejecting our calls to your home telephone! That mare’s only purpose is to either facilitate Cozy’s communication with her loser of a daughter or face me in combat!”
Trixie turned away. “Whatever.”
Chrysalis growled as Cozy pulled her out of the Hayburger.
The Legion of Doom headed towards the Cinema with their takeouts. There was less than an hour left before they’ll start rolling the commercials.
