“Roight. Wud I miss?” I murmured, still groggy and rubbing my aching head.

“You- you’re alive!” Twilight exclaimed, voice shrill and unpleasant.

“Not so loud. It feels like a herd uv squigoth are danc'n on me noggin,” I retorted bitterly.

“Oop, sorry,” Twilight murmured, her voice falling to a whisper. “You must have quite a headache after all that time.”

“Tell me wot happened while I was out an do it all quiet like, right?” I half asked half ordered.

“Okay,” Twilight began, pausing to think things through and take a deep breath. “Its been about three months since we fought Furious Flare. Orks have overrun the Everfree, and there are signs that they’ve expanded all the way to the northern wastes and southern deserts.”

“Dat shouldn't have happened so quick. Whatever, probably some kind uv magic dingy at work," I murmured absently.

“What was that?” Twilight questioned.

“Nuffin, go on,” I muttered, rolling my shoulders and straightening my back.

“Right, so there are tons of orks out there fighting each other in the woods mainly. They sometimes attack towns or cities, but there haven't been any casualties so far,” Twilight explained. “The orks that do attack just kind of wander around looking for a fight and seem disappointed whenever a pony tries.”

I chuckled to myself.

“We aren't exactly the toughest so they just kind of look at us and then wander away. The worst thing they’ve done to Ponyville was raid Sugarcube Corner,” Twilight continued.

“Dat's a surprise. I'd have thought Rainbow Dash woulda put up a betta fight,” I pointed out.

“I’ve convinced her not to try anything. So far they don't view us as anything more than annoying neighbors that don't even have anything worth taking and I want to make them think that for as long as possible,” Twilight answered.

“Smart,” I muttered, scratching my chin. “If dey knew 'der was a decent fight ta be had ere dey'd swarm ‘da place 'n no time. Best leave em ta fight amongst demselves.”

Twilight stood a little straighter, and smiled a little wider, beaming with pride. “I knew you’d agree with me,” she declared. “I don't know why I knew that would work but for some reason, I just knew.”

“Probably on account uv how orky ya've got," I remarked, gesturing to her head. “Nice pair uv horns ya got 'der. Kan ya still use ya magic?"

“No,” Twilight muttered bitterly. “They are surprisingly powerful but they don't seem to do anything but occasionally spit green lightning and burn my cereal.”

“Gonna have ta learn how ta use magic all ova again I fink," I exclaimed. “Ork magic ain't quite so neat an’ orderly as unicorn magic dough.”

“So orks do have magic,” Twilight declared, her eyes wide with relief. “I had a feeling that was the case but after months of trying and failing I was starting to lose hope.”

“We'll figure 'dat out lata. Wot else ‘as happened?" I asked, rising from the slab and looking around. “An' where iz ma armor?”

“Destroyed I’m afraid,” Twilight replied. “There was barely anything left after the fight and what was there had to be peeled off of you.”

“Hmmm,” I rumbled. “Continue.”

“Okay um, what else?” Twilight murmured. “Oh yeah, Canterlot has been a been a bit worse off. The princesses have fought off a few probing attacks by uncoordinated raiders but last we spoke Celestia seemed convinced that a band of orks were attempting to dig under the city.”

“Do ya fink dat’s gonna happen?” I asked.

Twilight shrugged.

“Impossible to know for sure I’m afraid,” Twilight cautioned. “The tunnels under Canterlot go on for miles in all directions. Celestia doesn't have the pony power to search every inch, not with ork raiders on the city’s doorstep.”

“Dat’s weird. It ain't like an ork ta avoid fight'n'," I remarked.

“Luna seems to think it's just opportunistic diamond dogs taking the chance to plunder the caves, but I’m not so sure,” Twilight muttered. “I’ve seen the reports on those mines. There's nothing down there. Those ore veins are completely expended.”

“We’ll figure dat out later. Anyfing else?” I pressed.

“They want to evacuate Ponyville, oh and the others changed as well but not as much as Rainbow Dash and I,” Twilight announced.

“She got horns now too?” I asked, scratching my head.

“Ha, no,” Twilight dismissed. “She’s just kinda bigger.”

“Shame. Was hop'n she’d get some kinda krazy new wings,” I muttered.

“Me too, but nah she's just stronger and taller than everyone. More mature as well but I’m not sure if that was due to you bleeding all over us,” Twilight replied.

“Sorry about 'dat. Didn't have much uv a choice ‘n da matta,” I exclaimed, shrugging.

“It's fine honestly,” Twilight waved off. “I’m just glad that I’m alive and that eventually I’ll have magic. Even if it's not the same magic that I’m used to.”

“Dats gud ta hear," I proclaimed with a grin. “Keep yer chin up. I'z sure we'll get throo dis all togetha."

“I’m glad to hear that Ghuzrod. I’m glad you’re back,” Twilight added.

“I'z glad I ain't dead neitha,” I remarked, still grinning.

“Funny you should mention that. Apparently, there was a big argument over whether you were alive or dead what on account of you being a fungal life form,” Twilight exclaimed, smiling with me.

“Oh dat’s funny,” I declared. “What they come up wif?”

“I think I remember them being at a crossroads of some kind,” Twilight murmured thoughtfully. “Something about how you were never technically alive in the first place so you couldn't be dead. After that, I kinda tuned out.”

“Dat’s real funny,” I murmured.

I clapped my hands together suddenly and rose from the slab.

“Roight,” I began. “We kant spend all day sitt'n around. We got work ta do."

“Of course, boss. What do we do first?” Twilight eagerly exclaimed, the unicorn having produced a scroll and pen from somewhere.

“Furst we gotta gatha all ya girls up so I kan tell ya all more about orks. Ya should know wot ya are gett'n into," I pressed on, stepping out of what had been my tomb but was now just a pile of rocks.

“A good start,” Twilight agreed, starting a list that for the moment had only one item.

“Afta ‘dat we need ta some suppliez togetha an’ prepare ta make an 'cursion into ‘da Everfree,” I continued. “If we are real kareful about it we should be able ta gatha a WAAAGH! band large enough ta take ova da area for ourselves. From 'der we'll unite 'da rest uv 'da orks and-"

I paused and spun around just in time to catch a leaping rainbow Dash as she was mid-jump.

“You’re awake!” She proclaimed, throwing her forehooves into the air. “I knew you were up! I felt it in my bones!”

“I'z gud ta see ya. How's ma numba two doing?” I asked while holding her aloft like she was a particularly needy cat.

“Oh ya know, could be better but I’m dealing with it,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“Wait she's your number two?” Twilight muttered to herself.

“Ya're a tough git. Yer'll make it throo dis an end up stronga for it. It’s wot us orks do. We get stronger!" I proclaimed with a toothy grin.

“Ha, yeah!” Rainbow Dash halfheartedly agreed.

I placed her back down on her own four hooves and looked her over, noting that she was indeed bigger. She looked almost like a pony and an ork had a baby, with her being nearly as large as an ork boy. Regular ponies were about as tall as a gretchin so that was a fair jump in size and something told me she wasn't done growing. Just had to prompt a bit of ork adaptation in her and I was sure she’d be proper ork in no time.

“Roight,” I began. “Da furst meet'n uv da Ironjaw clan iz gonna start. Gatha 'da others, includ'n Spike an' Zecora den meet me at Fluttershy's.”

“I’ll find Pinkie Pie and Spike,” Twilight offered immediately.

“I’ll head back to the farm, then circle back through the forest and talk to Zecora,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I’ll see bout…” I began, only to trail off as I noticed a shadow pass overhead.

Looking up I saw a rather curious sight, one that I had not thought I’d see for at least another few days. It was a sky carriage, one pulled by royal guards and accompanied by even more of the golden armored soldiers flying alongside them. They were obviously here for me, given that they were all staring down at me, though I could sense that there was little in the way of malice in their hearts. Ponies were just easy to read, and they looked more nervous than hateful.

“Gud morn'n poniez. Wot kan I do fer you all?" I greeted, crossing my enormous arms over my chest.

A female guard landed directly in front of me, and stared up at me, utterly unafraid.

“Ghuzrod, the ork,” she began, her voice surprisingly deep. “You’re presence is demanded by Princess Celestia. We are here to take you to her.”

I looked around to find that right after the sky carriage had landed, the various guards had fanned out around us. Their encirclement was complete, though I was far from intimidated by the move. They were, after all, nothing more than regular, unaugmented ponies who at the most, might have enchanted equipment. Even then, I doubted they’d be able to do much against me given my increased stature.

“What happens if we don't let you take him?” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“Let's hear the princess out,” Twilight countered.

“But Twilight. She’s getting in the way of the bosses’ plan,” Rainbow Dash growled. “We can't afford to go to Canterlot. Not now.”

“Iz wit' spark head. We should chat wit' 'da princess," I declared. “We are gonna need ‘er help if we are gonna smash all dese Boyz.

“But boss-” Rainbow Dash whined.

“No buts,” I interrupted, holding up a finger. “Diplomacy is important.”

“Aww,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“I assume ma entourage may accompany me?” I asked, glancing down at the only guard to speak so far.

“The order was just for you,” she replied.

“But did she say we were not allowed to join him?” Twilight pressed.

“Well no,” the guard admitted.

“Den dey are kom'n wit' me,” I declared. “Les go gurls.”

I strode past the guards, and plunked down into the carriage, causing it to creak loudly but thankfully not break. It was surprisingly comfortable and done in the same kind of style that you may have seen walking about a fancy park in the greater London area. Without a top or any kind of covering, the two sets of facing seats were at the mercy of the wind, but at least they were comfortable. Though my bulk occupied the majority of the space I hoped there was enough room for the other two mares. And they proved this assumption correct a moment later when they piled in after me.

“Sweet. I call shotgun,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Hmm, maybe we should try to spread the weight out a little more,” Twilight thought aloud.

Soon we were all seated, and though cramped nothing had broken under the combined weight of all three of us.

“Well? Are we go'n or wot?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder at the baffled guards standing nearby. “Well?”

“Package secured. Let's go, everyone. You know what to do,” the head guard ordered.

I watched with some amusement as the same number of pegasus ponies strapped themselves up only to fail. Thankfully adding another five pegasi to the mix seemed to remedy things and after a bit of awkwardness we were airborne. Twilight seemed unbothered, as she’d probably done this a million times but Rainbow Dash looked a little nervous.

“Different fly'n unda 'da powa uv annuver, eh?" I asked her.

“Huh? Oh uh… yeah,” Rainbow Dash murmured. “I know we’ve done this before but this time feels different.”

I placed a hand on her shoulder and kept it there. This seemed to calm Rainbow Dash down a bit.

“Oh hey, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash suddenly announced, obviously attempting to switch the topic of conversation. “Did you mention how you managed to convince them not to burn the boss while he was asleep?”

“No. I did mention a bit of the debate that was had around his alive status though,” Twilight replied.

“Whuzzasis then?” I asked.

“They wanted to burn you. Funeral pyre has been the traditional method of burial for non-ponies in Equestria,” Twilight explained. “Stems from some ancient tradition that began near the last war with the gryphons. Regardless, I was able to use an obscure legal loophole and had you temporarily designated as a rare type of fungus.”

“They almost got you too,” Rainbow Dash added with a grin. “They had a bunch of wood all gathered up when a whole horde of conservation types showed up and protested the entire thing.”

“And that… worked?” I murmured.

“Obviously. You’re here aintcha?” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“I think the boss here is more curious about how that all worked and to answer that is to get a bit into the weeds on our definition of alive,” Twilight remarked. “Since mushrooms are neither plants nor animals their state of being can be a bit tricky to nail down.”

“Mushrooms are kinda weird. Did ya know dey have more 'n kommon wit' animals den plants? so at wun point yer an’ a mushroom shared a kommon ancestor," I added.

“That's so weird,” Rainbow Dash muttered, upper lip curled in disgust.

“That's nothing,” Twilight proclaimed. “Did you know that there are some mushrooms that turn their host creature into a sort of zombie? They are called-”

I kinda zoned out at this point as now that we were flying high above the Everfree, I was forced to reckon with how widespread the fighting had become during my absence. I could see that sections of the forest had been clear cut, while new mines had been dug, and primitive structures erected. I didn't spot very many craters, so I didn't think they had managed to master gunpowder but given how fast they were moving, that probably wasn't far away.

There sure are a lot of them. I thought to myself.

There definitely was some kind of magic fuckery going on as orks reproduced quickly but three months seemed like a little too fast. They were also weirdly accepting of ponies from what both Twilight mentioned and I could see. The paths of devastation these other orks carved through the landscape seemed to avoid most equine settlements.

I could only hope that me viewing ponies as little more than cuddly dogs got passed down to them. I wondered if any other things got passed down, only for my brain to realize that these orks were kinda like my kids. That little epiphany made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but it also made me contemplate if that's how the primarchs had felt.

I contemplated that possibility and others as we made our way across the sky to Canterlot. Resisting the urge to plan was difficult, but I reassured myself that I could begin constructing fail safes after our meeting. It was at this point, when we began to descend towards the city, that I realized that the metropolitan town was abuzz with activity.

Guards moved down the streets in large squads while pegasi flew this way and that. The various walls were well manned and I could tell that what defences I could see were being shored up considerably. They were preparing for a siege, I realized, one on a scale that Equestria hadn't seen in centuries, if at all.

I turned away from the grim sight and spotted a strange structure sitting not far from Canterlot Castle. Made up of a large central tower from which sprung five smaller towers arranged around it like the spokes on a wheel. Each tower was slightly different, though they all had domed ceilings, and were predominantly a single primary color.

“Dat yer magic skool?” I asked, pointing down at the odd structure.

“Oh yeah. That's where I went for a few years before Celestia took me in as her personal student,” Twilight answered. “Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is the official name though it does teach non-unicorn related classes.”

“Then why the name?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Paperwork, bureaucracy, and bullshit politics,” Twilight spat.

“Ha,” I exclaimed. “Sounds bout right.”

“Brace yourself for landing,” shouted one of the guards.

I did so, and half expected a rough impact given our weight but was surprised when it was as smooth as butter. Less than a minute later we had reached a full stop in the middle of a small courtyard near the back of the castle. Here we were slightly secluded, hidden away from the general public, and any would-be gawkers were replaced with numerous guards.

They were clearly waiting for our arrival, as a relief force of more than thirty ponies were waiting on us. And a good thing too, as every last pegasus that had been pulling us was completely exhausted, lying sprawled out on the grass, panting. It was amusing, and I gave the pack of pooped ponies a chuckle before approaching the leader I had spoken to not long ago.

“Lead 'da way,” I offered.

The mare nodded, and after having a brief, hushed conversation too quiet for me to hear, we headed out once more. With the lead guard out front, we made our way into a back entrance of the castle. Here the halls were wide, spartan, and devoid of any kind of decoration, much different from what I assumed the rest of the castle looked like.

“The emergency tunnels,” Twilight helpfully added. “I’ve only been down here once.”

“I don't get it. It's not a tunnel,” Rainbow Dash helpfully pointed out.

“It used to be underground and though that changed, the name remained,” Twilight answered.

“Kinda like 'da school,” I pointed out.

“Exactly. Names for stuff are kinda weird,” Twilight agreed.

“And dumb,” Rainbow Dash added.

I chuckled as we strode through the hall, only now aware of how just how naked I was. Everyone else had armor or clothes and though I had pants, that was about it. I flexed my legs and realized that they were actually surprisingly comfortable, with a fair amount of give while still feeling tough.

“Rarity make dese?” I asked, pointing to my legs.

“Oh uh yeah. She wasn't sure you would actually come back but she saw it as a challenge and well, Rarity never backs down from a challenge,” Twilight explained.

“It’s like, the one thing I appreciate about her,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I thought that was her ‘dreamy lips’,” Twilight chided, clearly quoting some past conversation I was not present for.

“Hey shut up. We agreed not to talk about that,” Rainbow Dash hissed.

“Silence,” Interrupted the guard captain. “We are here.”

I looked up to find that yes, we were indeed standing before the doors to something important but I didn't think it was the throne room. This assumption was proven correct when the doors opened and we were led into something more akin to a meeting room. Only the table was pushed to the side, and the only seat was the tall, leather-backed one that Celestia was sitting upon.

“I told you to acquire the ork. Not my student and one of her friends,” Celestia growled the moment her gaze fell upon us.

“Apologies your majesty. They insisted,” the guard captain replied, bowing low.

“Yeah. We weren't about to leave the big boss hanging,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I pressed the issue. Please do not punish the captain,” Twilight declared.

“I would not have regardless,” Celestia stated. “Guards, you may wait outside the room. For the moment your duty is done.”

“Yes, your majesty,” the guard captain replied.

The gold armored ponies scuttled out of the room, leaving me alone with Celestia, and my little entourage. The moment they departed, I ducked into a polite bow, crossing one arm over my chest.

“Gud afternoon, yer majesty. I hope dis day finds yer well," I greeted, channeling all the diplomatic energy I had in me.

“It does not,” Celestia stated.

“Someone’s testy,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“I will allow you two to remain here, but I do not permit you to speak,” Celestia exclaimed, upper lip curled into a snarl.

“Yeah nah. I don't respond well to threats,” Rainbow Dash growled back.

“No need ta get into a dick measur'n kontest ova someth'n so small. Best jus relax for a minute," I replied softly.

“Mmm fine,” Rainbow Dash spat.

Twilight gave me an apologetic and slightly appreciative smile.

“Please, go ahead yer majesty,” I offered politely.

“I will not mince words, while there is so much important work to be done so I will state it simply and concisely,” Celestia began, the alicorn rising to her full height, which was about at my chin. “Ghuzrod the ork. You are to be executed for crimes against Ponykind. You will be imprisoned in the deepest, darkest dungeons of the castle until tomorrow at noon when your sentence will be carried out.”

“What?”

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