Ghuzrod Sunrekka Becomes Da Biggest 'n Smartest!

by Jest

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Science Fiction, Violence, Dark, Death, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Warhammer
Length: 81806

Ghuzrod sunrekka goes from jus a wee itty bitty git ta a true orky warboss. While hes busy fight'n' an’ winning, da poniez try an’ figure out whats go'n on ‘n da Everfree.

Ghuzrod sunrekka goes from jus a wee itty bitty git ta a true orky warboss. While hes busy fight'n' an’ winning, da poniez try an’ figure out whats go'n on ‘n da Everfree.

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Though largely semi-serious, I don't think a story can be wholly serious when the main protagonist is an ork. Those green buggers are inherently funny so expect some comedy and an overall mostly lighter tone.

Published 2023-08-29 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-07 19:33:40 UTC

Landin' In Da Forest

I landed in the middle of the forest with nothing but a loincloth to hide my Ken doll-like crotch and a rock the size of my fist already clutched in my hand. I looked around to find that although it looked like I was somewhere civilization had yet to reach though that wasn't totally true. A fort, laid low by the passage of the endless centuries surrounded me of all sizes.

Built on the side of a cliff, it had several sections each with buildings and a tower. Furthest up was the only structure still standing, as nearly everything else was in ruin. There stood a tower tall, noble, and made entirely out of a dark grey stone that bordered on being black.

Though at one point it had likely been quite defendable it was now a ruin overrun with greenery. Trees burst through shattered rooves, vines covered sections of wall so thoroughly that the rock beneath was no longer visible. Even the ground was so covered in plants there barely existed a square foot that wasn't green.

“Green iz best, but kould use a lil bit uv fixin up,” I remarked aloud, only for my stomach to growl. “Right, let's get ta 'da fight'n' already. Iz hungry.”

Gripping my rock tight in my right hand, I picked a direction at random and headed off that way. As I moved I thought about the genetic memory orks supposedly had, but found myself a bit annoyed that I couldn't recall anything. Sure when I focused I could think of how to create a crude shoota, and fashioning a choppa would be easy enough but that was it.

Made sense though, I was but one little itty bitty gretchin all on his lonesome. I didn't need to know how to make anything other than something to shoot and something to stab. That being said I’d need metal first, and the only thing I had in abundance was wood and broken masonry.

I put that out of my mind and continued wandering around, keeping in mind what direction home was. This may have been difficult for the human I used to be, but now, now I could keep all that info in my mind relatively easily. Even when the normal arboreal forest suddenly gave way to a swamp, complete with fetid pools of bubbling muck.

The old me may have considered this gross, but gretchen me was completely unfazed by it all. Even the whiff of sulfur smelled oddly nice for some reason, and I inhaled deeply, savoring the aroma. It wasn't spent gunpowder, but it was close.

Slogging through the waist-high water, I searched for signs of life, and things to fight. Initially, I didn't find either, though there were plenty of critters, they were either the size of squirrels or flew overhead. I didn't have anything to shoot down birds, nor was there much sport in killing a squirrel, even if they were rather big for squirrels.

Then I saw them, three weird-looking rabbit things with horns on their head standing at the top of a nearby hill. Peeking out from above the swampy waters, I saw that the rise was covered with brambles, and other vegetation save for at the very top. Like a secret cabal of cultists, the three bunicorns whispered conspiratorily amongst themselves, occasionally glancing over their shoulders.

Though normally I wouldn't think that hunting a bunny was much sport, they were as big as I was and did have horns. Plus there were three of them, so at least there would be a challenge in killing them. I felt a brief pang from my conscience as they probably didn't deserve to get bludgeoned to death but they were probably edible, and I was very hungry.

With that thought firmly in mind, I ducked low enough so that the tip of my rather long, pointed green nose and beady red eyes were above the water. Then, silent as death, I waded over to them, breaching the water and dragging myself up the hill from the most vegetation-filled side. Though I ended up crawling over a bunch of thorns I didn't cry out, biting back that urge and focusing on my prey.

They hadn't noticed me yet, nor did they as I crept up until I was only a few short feet away from them. Then with rock in hand and hunger in my belly, I opened my mouth wide and screamed the loudest war cry I could muster. Yelling ‘waugh’ at the top of my lungs probably wasn't the best idea but it was an urge I couldn't resist so I just went with it.

Thankfully the surprise and shock of my sudden appearance and scream were enough to startle all three of them. So much so that they didn't even react until after I had smashed my fist-sized rock into one of the little bunicorn’s faces. With a wet crunch the creature toppled over, its limbs sprawling in all directions, body inert and unmoving.

That seemed to shock the remaining two bunicorns out of their stupor and cause them to cry out in rage. I expected them to run given the fact that they looked like cartoon rabbits, but apparently, a green half-starved gretchen wielding only a rock wasn't that intimidating. Either way they attacked by right back, with one producing claws from its paw while the other attempted to skewer me on its horn.

Or at least I assumed it was trying to skewer me, as the bony appendage was completely blunt and merely slammed into my chest. It still bruised my ribs mind you, but it didn't kill me, hurt like a mother, however.

Channeling that pain into anger, I brought my rock down on the side of the bunny’s face, knocking a bucktooth out of its mouth. I was about to go for another strike when his buddy struck first, slashing me across the midsection and leaving small, thin scratches. Though not the largest, their claws were evidently quite sharp, sharp enough to leave me bleeding pretty badly.

I stepped out of the way of the next swipe and smashed my rock down on his elbow, causing the bunny to recoil in pain. This gave me just enough time to avoid getting slammed in the chest again, which was good because I doubted my aching ribs could take another blow like that. While the skewer bunny ran off and got tangled in some thorns, I turned to his buddy and kicked him in the chest.

Though wheezing and out of air, the bunny still tried to attack me, namely by jabbing its claws into my face. I stayed one step ahead of him by moving my head to the side and then biting down on his arm with my tiny, razor-like teeth. He hadn't been expecting this and screeched in a weirdly high-pitched and also oddly adorable tone.

While biting down on the bunny’s limb as hard as I could, I grabbed a long fluffy ear in one hand and then bashed the rock into his face. This was a bit awkward, but with one arm busted and the other in my jaws, he couldn't seem to shake me off. After the third blow to the face, his features were no longer recognizable, and his struggles were starting to weaken.

A fourth caused him to go still, though a fifth never landed, as his final remaining companion had come up behind me and rammed me in the spine with his horn. Tossed forward down the hill we became a tangle of claws, teeth, and rage, landing in the knee-high water much worse for wear. I had the good fortune of coming out on top, however, and immediately tried to drown the stupid bugger.

He scratched and clawed but the desperation of the fight had given me the the boost of adrenaline I needed. Powering through all the numerous injuries I was wracking up, I held him down until the bubbles stopped. Then I kept him under for an extra thirty seconds, making sure that he wasn't faking and was really dead.

“'Dat was a really gud fight. I kommend ya, bunny,” I exclaimed.

I was about to stand up only to feel something bite down on my ass with enough force to take a chunk off. Which was not good at all as I was borderline cakeless to begin with so this left me with basically no butt to speak of. I rose quickly, and spun around, expecting to find another bunicorn but instead, there was a winged fish with giant teeth.

Smacking the bloody one with a piece of my butt meat in its mouth, my brief moment of victory vanished quickly. As there were more, a lot more, so many in fact that the water seemed alive with the angry little things. With a victorious and not at all terrified scream, I ran from the water, swatting the creatures aside as I did so. My sprint was more like an awkward wattle due to my diminutive size, but thankfully we weren't far from the hill.

I emerged from the water covered in these winged barracuda fish things and immediately began smashing them with my trusty rock. As I did so, I also climbed the hill, as even though I had left the water they continued to follow by using their wings to fly at me with jaws wide. Punching one out of the air, I fell to the ground and slowly crawled the last few feet.

“Ow ow ow,” I muttered.

Thankfully by then, I had gotten far enough that they couldn't reach me, the creatures hitting the ground a foot away. I took my time swatting what few were still chewing on me before hunting down any that had beached themselves in an attempt to reach me. All said and done I had nearly two dozen of the things, though my one bunicorn body had gotten away from me.

“I didn't really kare about ‘dat wun anyway, ya kan have it,” I told the fishes.

I then fell to the ground and lay there, sprawled out on the blood-soaked grass.

“I should probably eat, or bandage ma wounds but it hurts too much ta do anything,” I muttered to myself.

Looking over my injuries I noted that they weren't that bad, though I was bleeding a lot. Despite that fact, I felt good, strong even, the fight invigorating me to the point that I noticed some of my smaller cuts closing before my eyes. Evidently, the rush of combat was helping, though that definitely wasn't something a gretchen could normally do.

“Must be 'dat boon dingy ‘da god fing mentioned,” I whispered to myself. “whelp, betta drag dese kills back ta base, kook em up an’ have a feast. Kant let it go ta waste.”

I sat up, only to immediately regret it and fall right back down when a wave of vertigo hit me.

“On second thought I fink I'll jus lay ere for a bit,” I announced to no one in particular.

Forgin' Pig Sticka!

I ran the sharp stone across my blade and smiled as the metal weapon glinted in the low light. It wasn't much more than a bit of sharpened scrap with a bit of leather for a grip but it was effective. Crude but serviceable, truly the epitome of an Orkish weapon, and one that was almost too heavy for me to use.

“I fink I'll kall ya... Pig Sticka,” I announced to no one in particular. “Oop, missed a spot.”

As I continued to sharpen my weapon, I let my mind and gaze wander over my surroundings. I was sitting in the lone tower that was still standing in the small forest fort where I had first found myself. The structure lacked any internal parts, with the various floors having rotted to nothing and collapsing inward.

I would have assumed that would herald the entire thing falling due to the lack of structural support but that wasn't the case. It stood still, yet there was no way to reach the roof, and only a single floor, the bottom one, though it had a dirt floor and was full of debris. I had moved just barely enough of the stuff to clear a good ten-foot by ten-foot space for myself to serve as my quarters.

I didn't have a bed or a sleeping area as Orks didn't need to sleep. I apparently could if I wanted to, as I had napped for a few hours after returning with my kills but that was two days ago. Since then I spent my time moving rubble, cleaning the bodies, and stumbling upon a jagged hunk of metal that had likely been a sword at one point.

Now it was Pig Sticka, the knife, and this tower was slowly becoming my home. I’d need to become bigger or get some help before I could start clearing out the rest but for now, it was enough. I had room for a small meat cleaning station, a sharpening spot, and a thinking spot I made from a rock.

There I sat, sharpening away while thinking about the last two days.

The meat had been surprisingly good, even half burnt or completely raw. Apparently, the immune system of a gretchin was just as robust as my larger Orkish cousins as I didn't so much as get a stomach ache. The leftover bones of these killed were in a pile off to the side, waiting to be assembled into something useful.

“Right, let's get ta fight'n',” I declared, rising from my spot and leaving the sharpening rock on the half-rotten table.

Proceeding out into the fort, I gripped Pig Sticka tight and chose to head back to the swamp I had located before. I wasn't sure what kind of horrible creature I was going to find, but at the bare minimum, I could at least hunt more of those fish. They tasted pretty darn good though killing them and the bunicorns hadn't netted me much in the evolution department. Sure I had gotten a few inches taller, but I still had a long way to go before I could hit ork boy height, never mind Warboss size.

I needed bigger foes, better fights, and tougher enemies if I was going to trigger that kind of drastic evolution. Sure I didn't have any idea how this worked, or if I was spreading spores yet but the only surefire way to do that other than fight was to die and I wasn't keen on that. So I continued on, wading through the muck and the mud, moving ever deeper into the swamps of the Everfree.

Dry land was rare and coveted by the larger plantlife, with the majority of the area being filled with waterways and stagnant pools. For the first little while I didn't see much of anything save for the odd small mammal or winged creature. I briefly considered chasing down and eating a squirrel but decided it was unsportsmanlike, and more important, unorky.

I needed a proper fight, not some muskrats, an otter, or a turtle. Sure some of those things were pretty big but they probably wouldn't pose much of a challenge, though swans were pretty brutal if I remembered correctly. As I was considering if it would be worth picking a fight with one of those big fishing birds I stumbled through a brush and ended up face to face with a frog.

A big frog.

Now when I say big frog, I mean, something six times as tall as me, likely ten times as heavy, and oddly enough, possessing of three times as many eyeballs as I. The six large orbs peered down at me placidly, their orangey-red gaze fixed on me as I picked myself up out of the bush I had tripped through. The frog’s yellow chest, and green spotted back rose and fell as it breathed slowly, signaling to me at least that it wasn't hostile… yet.

“Gud giant frog fing. Don't eat ‘da itty bitty gretchin. I'll jus be on ma way an' let ya get back ta whateva ya were do'n,” I whispered placatingly in a low tone.

I wasn't sure what was going through the thing’s mind, but I hoped it was calm, zen-like thoughts. This assumption held until I had nearly slipped back through the bush, at which point the thing hopped at me as if attempting to crush me. Thankfully I rolled out of the way in time and was able to jump back up and survey the damage.

The frog had crushed the bush I had been in a moment later, its enormous body squishing it completely flat. Worse still, it was eying me hungrily, its yellowish-red orbs bearing down on me with obviously murderous intent.

“Screw be'n nice. Its time ta introduce mista frog ta lady Pig Sticka,” I muttered.

With my now quite inadequate feeling knife held up and ready, I waited for the frog to make a move. I didn't have to wait long, as the thing’s tongue shot out of its mouth with the force of a cannonball. Aimed squarely at my chest, I assumed it was best not to let it hit me, and jumped to the right.

I kept up the momentum by charging at him and slashing at his mucous-covered side with Pig Sticka. Though I drew blood it wasn't much, as the creature’s odd hide and slimy exterior took the majority of the blow. The frog barely even seemed to notice my attack and raised a mighty leg in order to try and squish me flat.

I was pretty quick though, so I continued to the right, avoiding the resounding stomp and slashing away. I left more injuries on him but none were very deep nor very damaging. During this flurry of attacks, it tried to stomp on me again, but I was able to weave out of the way, keeping its mouth off to one side.

Annoyed and growing desperate I grabbed Pig Sticka in both hands and brought it down as hard as I could on the creature’s side. The stab worked, and the blade sunk deep into its flesh, disappearing all the way up to the grip. This made the creature cry out in anger, or at least I assumed as much as its voice was so quiet I could only barely hear it.

“Yeah get some ya stupid jerk frog,” I spat.

I yanked the blade out and was about to stab him a second time when the frog’s chest expanded suddenly.

“Oh no,” was all I managed before his belly hit me with enough force to send me sprawling on the ground.

Despite the force of the blow, I kept a good grip on Pig Sticka. I then tried to stand back up, only to get to my knees and suddenly get slammed in the chest with something sticky and wet. I muttered a quick prayer to Gork and or Mork before I got pulled into the creature’s mouth, knife and all.

Everything went black, my body turned end over end, and all around me was a slimy unpleasant smelling mucous. After a brief tumble, and being squeezed through some kind of wet orifice, I landed in a pool of stinging, acidic liquid. This was probably his stomach acid, but I didn't exactly have the scientific equipment on hand to test this hypothesis.

Rather I resisted the urge to panic and grabbed hold of Pig Sticka with both hands for a second time. Bringing it down on the closest surface, I grinned as the beast howled in agony. I also held back on the desire to yell insults, as the skin was beginning to melt off my legs so I focused instead on stabbing.

Over and over I brought the knife down on the same spot, hacking apart the meaty barrier that lay directly before me. As I did so, the frog writhed and hopped about, though his frenzied state did nothing to stop me from my grim work. Hunks of frog flesh floated alongside me, and his blood poured into his own belly, diluting the stomach acid somewhat.

By then all the skin on my bottom half was gone, and my muscle was starting to go next. It was incredibly painful and I was starting to lose hope when I saw it, a glint of light visible through the hole I had carved. I was almost out, and with that thought in mind, I pushed forward with renewed vigor.

Snapping ribs, and ripping out organs, I tunneled through his flesh before finally emerging headfirst back into the swamp. After taking a deep breath, I grabbed the sides of the creature’s chest and heaved myself out like some macabre reverse birth. With that deeply unsettling thought in mind, I rolled over and raised Pig Sticka, expecting another attack from my foe.

He, however, wasn't interested in trying to eat me anymore, as he was too busy stuffing his insides back inside of him. He did this for a second or two before lurching forward and lying there twitching. I waited for a few more seconds before celebrating by lying on the ground and groaning in agony.

I could tell that from where my navel would be, to the tips of my toes, everything was raw, red, and bloody. A muscle twitched, the flesh exposed to the air for the first time since it had been knitted together. It was about that time when I started to wonder if I was going to die, but thankfully a warm sensation bloomed in my chest.

With it, my terror vanished and I felt the immense relief of my unlikely victory flood my body with chemicals.

“Waaaaaugh!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, the action instinctual rather than planned.

As I yelled, arms raised above me and knife flailing about, I felt that warmth intensify. I started to grow taller, and bigger but then it hit my legs and the growth stopped. Whatever energy filled me instead morphed, choosing instead to repair my damaged body of the wounds I had sustained.

Though thankful I was no longer without skin on nearly half my body, I was a bit pissed that I hadn't evolved yet. I was alive, had won, and still netted an extra two inches or so of height so I didn't complain too much. That was until my nose started working and for the first time since my rebirth smelled something incredibly foul.

“I smell like a sulfur wrapped korpse deep fried ‘n kat piss an’ rolled around ‘n a bed uv dog feces,” I muttered, rising back to my feet. “Best wash myself off, lest me prey smell me kom'n from a mile away.

So I trundled awkwardly over to the nearest cleanest pool of fetid swamp water and did the most unorky thing imaginable. I bathed myself. Or at least tried to, as I kept one hand on Pig Sticka the entire time, and I didn't have any kind of soap, nor even a loofah. I was about halfway through this strangely unpleasant ritual before I noticed that I was being watched.

From about halfway up a nearby tree, a small white bunny rabbit stood there, staring directly at me with its big eyes.

“Screw off ya kreep. Kant yer let a boy bathe himself ‘n peace!” I shouted, throwing a stick at him with what little strength I could muster.

Though my attack didn't land anywhere close to the target, it seemed to work as he scampered off, leaving me alone.

“Wait a second. Was ‘dat bunny blushing?” I muttered.

Angel Tells His Tale

“And that is when the strange green creature burst forth from that foul monster’s chest, half melted and covered in viscera,” Angel exclaimed, miming the motion of emerging from the body of a great frog.

“Um then he killed the bufogren, and crawled out of its belly,” Fluttershy interpreted.

“Why must you always put such a simplistic spin on my expansive vernacular?” Angel demanded, shooting a death glare at Fluttershy. “This purple swine will believe I am but a simple beast if you continue to water down my words.”

“What did he say?” Twilight asked.

Flutershy rolled her eyes. “Angel was a bit more… descriptive than me.”

“And a fair bit better spoken too, though I shan't hold it against you, mother,” Angel proclaimed before plopping down on his chair.

“Fascinating,” Twilight muttered, the unicorn pausing to write down a few notes.

As her friend wrote, Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. This was not due to the chair itself, which was rather pleasant if she was honest. Nor was it the atmosphere of the tea room that lay at the back of the local library that Twilight called home. The space was cool, with a gentle mid-summer breeze rolling in through the open window. No, this discomfort came from the continued glaring leveled Fluttershy’s way by her pet rabbit.

“Then what happened?” Twilight asked.

“Then the creature lay there, sprawled out on the ground, naked as the day it was probably born,” Angel began again. “I thought it had perhaps perished from its injuries but it started to glow suddenly. This irradecance seemed to heal its wounds, and made it grow a little taller and a little stockier.”

“It started glowing then healed itself somehow and got bigger and stronger,” Fluttershy added.

Angel scoffed. “If you continue to dampen my oratory skills, I shall no longer assist you in wrangling more of my wayward kin come the next winter wrap up.”

“But Angel they never listen to me,” Fluttershy whined.

“Then the next time I describe something I expect a word-by-word interpretation not the poor fascimile of a translation that you keep uttering,” Angel proclaimed.

Fluttershy sighed. “Fine, have it your way.”

“Um, Fluttershy?” Twilight inquired.

“It's nothing,” Fluttershy dismissed. “Just a disagreement on the description is all.”

“Philistine,” Angel muttered.

“So it glowed, got bigger, and healed… sounds like some kind of magic,” Twilight murmured to herself, the mare chewing on the end of her pen. “But without a horn or other focusing device this magic is likely to function much like an earth ponies, thus the glowing.”

“Angel thinks that fighting is making it get bigger,” Fluttershy exclaimed.

“That's not impossible, but would be very strange,” Twilight admitted. “Perhaps this is some kind of magical creature that has somehow managed to stay undocumented until now.”

“Regardless of their origin, they are intelligent, as they had a knife clearly not of pony design,” Angel pointed out.

“Oh um yeah what about the knife he made?” Fluttershy interpreted.

“That is perhaps the most interesting facet of this entire thing, and you said it spoke to you as well?” Twilight asked, staring intently at Angel.

The bunny nodded his head. “Though I’d hardly call that guttural cacophony speech, it was close enough that I could understand its rather base desire for privacy.”

“It wanted to be alone-” Fluttershy began, only to get a sharp jab to her side. “I mean, Angel said, and I quote; Though I’d hardly call that guttural cacophony speech, it was close enough that I could understand its rather base desire for privacy.”

“Thank you, mother,” Angel exclaimed.

“Fascinating,” Twilight exhaled. “We must launch an investigation, and quickly. If it is smart enough to speak and make tools it may very well need our help.”

“I don't know Twilight. It sounds kind of um… dangerous,” Fluttershy whispered.

Twilight waved a hoof at the other mare. “It's nothing to worry about. I’m sure we can reason with it and even if we can't I have magic and we won't be going out there unprepared.”

“I suppose,” Fluttershy muttered.

“Cheer up Fluttershy. This may be your chance to be the first to discover a previously uncontacted tribe of new creatures!” Twilight proclaimed.

“Oh um, yay,” Fluttershy cheered weakly.

“Really mother, where is your sense of adventure?” Angel chided.

Fluttershy frowned. “I think I left it at home.”

Stackin' Ma Skulls

I couldn't help but grin as I looked out over the growing wall of trophies I had accumulated from my fights. One bunnicorn skull was present and though there would have been a second one, its face was bashed in too much to be worth displaying. There was also a couple of fish skeletons, and the prize of my wall so far, the skull of the enormous frog that had so rudely attempted to eat me.

Pig Sticka had also received an upgrade, courtesy of the crude forge I had managed to get going out in the fort’s yard. It had likely been a proper forge with bellows and everything at one point but none of that extra stuff remained. Enough remained that I was able to extend my simple knife into a short sword complete with a studded handguard that would make punching extra good.

I had also managed to dry the frog’s hide and turn it into some rather crude leather pants. I didn't think its skin would be worth much, but it was actually surprisingly tough. As soon as the mucous was cleaned off, the flesh shriveled, becoming like tanned leather with minimal working necessary. The pants themselves were loose, with enough room to grow, while also being tough enough to take a grazing swipe from Pig Sticka.

After securing them with a belt I had made from some plant fiber, I nodded to no one in particular and stepped outside. Looking around I noticed that it was early evening, with the sun slowly setting in the distance. A part of me wanted to locate Ponyville and potentially hit up the main six but I brushed that aside for the moment.

I needed to get meaner, and greener, real quick. I also needed to get an army, but first thing was first, I had to become a full-blown ork boy, preferably the size of a nob, or else any potential spawn I may have wouldn't even listen to me in the first place.

“Right den, let's go kill us someth'n big an angry. I need me a fight, and I need one right quick like,” I declared.

Stomping off into the woods, I was about to head back to the swamp, only to think of that creepy bunny. Choosing instead another random direction, I found myself quickly becoming swallowed up by the deep, dark forest. Though the shadows closed in around me, I felt no fear, and crept along, knife in hand, back bent, and body low to the ground.

I was getting pretty big, but I was still sneaky, as evidenced by all the startled forest life I bumped into. From squirrels to a pair of lounging raccoons, no one seemed to see me coming until I was only a few feet away. Spooking the critters and making them sprint off into the bush was amusing, but didn't help me much so I restrained that urge from then on.

Almost an hour later I was ready to pick another direction when I stumbled into a small clearing. Though there were plenty of trees, they were all very tall, and lacking branches that weren't at least thirty feet off the ground. It was a forest of towering trunks, with almost no bushes present and only a short grass that came up to almost my chin.

I wasn't alone, however, and I ducked low when I spotted what looked to be a timberwolf standing only a few feet away. He wasn't moving, so I snuck up behind him, Pig Sticka raised high in the air, though I never ended up bringing the weapon back down. Instead, I walked up the rest of the way and did what any ork would do when they were confused, I poked something with my finger.

“It's a rock,” I muttered.

My eyes went wide and I fell into a low stance, gaze sweeping left and right.

“Cockatrice,” I murmured.

Sure enough, now that I knew what kind of situation I was in, I noticed that there were a bunch of other statues littered all over the place. Owls, snakes, a wolverine, a handful of birds near a porcupine, and even a young bear were all turned to stone. Though perhaps the most numerous were the many short rabbit-looking critters that sported antlers like that of a deer.

“Jackalopes?” I whispered aloud.

There was a whole bunch of the things and each one seemed to be either mid headbut or other attack. Clearly, these little buggers were territorial and held no fear about fighting a cockatrice which was kinda crazy. I brushed aside the strange critters and considered if I was really going to fight a magical creature so early on in my development.

“Uv kourse I am. I ain't no runt no more,” I declared to myself.

With my confidence buoyed by Orkish bravado, I looked around, attempting to locate the cockatrice in question. I found him chewing on a half-eaten statue of a petrified jackalope across the clearing. He hadn't noticed me yet, as he was idly pecking at the thing, taking breaks to chew loudly on the pieces of stone he managed to chip off.

Sneaking up behind him, I briefly considered backing out, going back to base, and painting my pants purple. Though it was the sneakiest color, I didn't have any paint, so I tossed that idea aside. With my body low, and my pace slow, I weaved around the various statues until I was directly behind the cocatrice.

There I sat quietly, waiting for him to lean down and pick another chunk of stone from the ground. A few seconds later he did just that, giving me the opening I needed to charge in, Pig Sticka raised high over my head. The surprise was complete, though I kinda wasted the advantage by screaming ‘Waaaaaugh’ at the top of my lungs.

Though I had ruined the element of surprise, I traded it for startlingly him enough that he was left open. However, rather than burying my knife in the back of his head, he moved just out of the way enough that I lopped off one of his wings. The scaly chicken with the a single leathery appendage cried out like a rooster, stumbling back and flapping its one remaining wing.

“Stupid bird. I'z gonna chop yer up gud,” I muttered to myself.

I was about to go in for another swipe when I made the mistake of looking the stupid thing in the eye. Though I swiftly looked away, the damage was done, and my knife arm was quickly turning to stone. The feeling left my fingers a moment later, and Pig Sticka fell from my grip, the petrification creeping up from my elbow all the way to my wrist.

Even as quick as it was, the petrification wasn't as fast as in the show, and the bird seemed to notice this as well as it let out an irritated snort. Despite that, I still had only a few seconds to kill the blasted thing before I was turned to stone, so I had to move with great haste. My first thought was to grab Pig Sticka with my free hand but I ignored that, and simply raised my now mostly stone limb.

My foe’s confused expression vanished the moment I used my numb limb like a club, bludgeoning it in the side of the head. It tried to look me in the eye, but a second smack sent its gaze downward, causing my left leg to start turning to stone as well. It tried again almost immediately but by then I had fallen into a rhythm of bashing my arm against its face.

Left, right, left right, the bird’s beak shattered, and one eyeball became a crushed mass of flesh, the damage quickly stacking up. It tried to use its tail in a desperate attempt to slam the appendage into my chest and stop my attacks, but I simply took it without flinching. It was battered, bruised, and damaged, but the petrification of my leg and arm was nearing my hip and shoulder.

Thankfully the tail swipe had left it open, and with a final strike, I brought my stone fist down on the top of its head, crushing its skull. Wet brains and fresh blood shot out of the mangled stump, the creature’s body wavering from side to side before falling to the ground. There it lay twitching for several seconds before finally falling still.

The moment this happened, the petrification reversed ten times as quickly as it had progressed, quickly receding into nothing.

“Stupid bird,” I muttered.

While I picked up Pig Sticka and wondered what I wanted to do with the cockatrice’s corpse, I noticed something strange. The other statues were beginning to come to life again, with the color slowly returning to their forms. The littlest creatures were first, the various snakes, small birds, or other tiny mammals taking off into the woods.

I grabbed the cockatrice’s corpse and ran over to a tree, avoiding the mad stampede of confused creatures as they took off in all directions. No one attacked one another, with even the wolves, timber or otherwise, simply too confused to do anything but run. Which was good because the feeling still hadn't returned to my arm or leg so I wasn't keen on another big fight so soon. Doubly so since there was a bear that was twice my size and the rest of the predators weren't too far behind him in the bulk department.

In only a few short seconds the clearing was well, almost clear though it was about then that I noticed that the jackalopes were starting to unfreeze. They must have been the last ones to get petrified because they were all slowly coming to at about the same time. Including the one missing most of its head and one leg, who immediately started gurgling and hopping at me.

“Ew, stay away from me ya gross fing,” I muttered.

I tried to use Pig Sticka to keep it at bay but my arm was still half numb so it stumbled past my reach and weakly slapped against my chest. It died immediately after but not before getting its weird bright blue blood all over my brand-new pants. As I was whining about this change of fortune, the rest of the jackalopes turned to me in near-perfect unison.

“Oh no,” I muttered.

The thirteen or so jackalopes came charging at me, the wee buggers lowering their horns in an attempt to gore me. Though they came up to just past my crotch, they were surprisingly sturdy-looking things that I didn't want to test. Unfortunately, they wanted to test me and charged at me despite my hasty cries of innocence.

“Ahh zogg it. I was look'n for a gud scrap anyway,” I announced before raising Pig Sticka high. “Waaaaaaaaaugh!”

Apparently, they were not prepared for me to meet their charge with one of my own, as the first jackalope had his brains spilled everywhere before he had a chance to blink. As his lifeless corpse hit the ground I spun on the closest critter and grabbed his horns with my free hand. I then brought Pig Sticka down on his neck with enough force to free his head from his shoulders and empty the contents of his heart onto the forest floor.

At that point, the melee became incredibly confusing, as I got slammed in the back by a jackalope. As he was getting back up for another slam attempt I turned and slashed his belly open only to get hit from the side. I tried to hit back, but they were pummelling me from all angles with a relentless barrage of blunt horns and bitter fury.

I lost myself to the chaos of the fight, swinging at anything that moved and wracking up more injuries than I could count. Bruises became so numerous that they covered me like a second skin, and about at the midway point one of the jackalopes managed to break my leg. I cut him from shoulder to crotch and was ready to attack another when a jackalope hit my free arm with enough force to knock it from its socket.

With Pig Sticka still held tight I hacked, whacked, and chopped until finally nothing was moving except for me. It was at this point that I realized just how close the fight was, as a pile of bodies surrounded me while everything from my neck down ached something fierce. I grabbed my arm and popped it back into place before raising my arms above my head and releasing a cry of victory.

“Waaaaaaaaaaugh!” I bellowed.

Banging the flat of my blade against my chest, I screamed until my lungs threatened to give out. Then I sat back and waited for the strange sensation to heal the rest of my injuries. Just after it had finished and I was ready to start dragging away my kills, I began to feel oddly heavy for some reason. Tiredness overcame me for the first time, though I fended it off long enough to gather up the majority of the bodies.

I then hauled the armload of mutilated corpses to a small out of the thicket of trees, dumping them in a bush so I could come back for them later. I only bothered bringing the cocatrice’s body back with me, as I was too exhausted to drag the rest at the moment. I wanted to cook him up but the tiredness was becoming overwhelming so I slunk back to my sitting spot. Plunking down, I closed my eyes, but couldn't get comfortable.

Following my urges, I began to dig down into the soft earth with just my fingers. I don't know why I was doing this but for some reason, I knew it was something I simply had to do. Even the earth collapsing above me and burying me completely didn't bother me and in fact, felt oddly pleasant.

After a bit of wiggling, I curled into a ball and for the first time fell completely and utterly to sleep.

The Ponies Venture Forth

“Fluttershy are you sure we are close?” whined Rainbow Dash. “We’ve been walking all day.”

“We’ve only been out for a couple of hours, miss impatient,” Applejack added.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Really Rainbow Dash, you act like you can't fly for very long before needing a break.”

“What? I could fly all day you just watch me!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

Spike peeked up from Twilight's back and waved around an aged piece of paper. “The map says we are getting close to an old fort built during Luna’s rebellion.”

“Hopefully we can find this dreadful beast soon. All of this roughing it is doing a number on my hooves,” whined Rarity.

“I’m sure it's not far. Mister Squirrel said that he saw the um… monster, going this way,” Fluttershy replied, pointing further into the shadow-filled forest.

“Ooh ooh! We should ask that bear over there! I bet he knows something!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“Wait, a bear? Where?” Twilight exclaimed.

The group turned to where a confused-looking bear was standing about twenty feet away. Though much larger than the ponies he was evidently still quite young, likely barely into adolescence.

“Everypony stand back. Let's not startle him,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.

“Wait, is that… Harry Junior?” Fluttershy exclaimed.

Before either party knew what was happening, the shy mare suddenly flew forward, slamming into the bear and squeezing him with a hug so tight he felt the air forcibly squeezed from his lungs. The bear himself seemed doubly confused by this and merely stood there for a few seconds before realizing who was hugging him. He then grew misty-eyed, hugging the pony back while sobbing almost as loudly as Fluttershy herself was.

“Wait, Harry Junior, didn't he disappear like last year or something?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“He did! But he's back! Oh where were you and why do you still look so young?” Fluttershy asked.

The bear groaned and growled, explaining in his own animalistic language what had happened to him.

“You crossed paths with a cockatrice? And it froze you? Oh no! How did you survive?” Fluttershy asked.

The bear grinned and began miming the action of a bipedal creature swinging around some kind of weapon. While he acted out the events, he narrated to the best of his ability, ending with Harry Junior pointing southward.

“What did he say, darling?” Rarity whispered.

Fluttershy blinked. “He says the creature saved him and was attacked by rabid jackalopes but he defeated them all as well.”

“Maybe this critter is good after all,” Applejack remarked.

“They sound pretty tough,” Spike added.

“He might be good but he still um.. Killed all the jackalopes and the cockatrice,” Fluttershy murmured.

“Well by the sounds of it, it was self defense, plus he saved Junior here,” Twilight pointed out.

“True,” Fluttershy admitted.

“Does Harry here know where he went? Is that why he was pointing?” Rainbow Dash inquired.

“Oh um yes. He said the green creature went this way, in the direction of the fort Spike mentioned,” Fluttershy answered.

“I knew it,” Spike muttered.

“Come on girls, and Spike, as well as Harry Junior, lets go!” Twilight proclaimed.

Together they all set off in the direction of the fort, stumbling upon it only twenty short minutes later. Though a ruin, they could see that a path had recently been beaten, the rubble had started to be cleared, and parts of the fort were being used.

“Stay quiet. We don't want to spook him,” Twilight whispered.

Pinkie Pie blew past the unicorn without a second thought. “Oh mister green guy, come out come out wherever you are!”

Twilight face hooved.

“We got you a present and some cake! I would have brought streamers and a game of pin the tail on the princess but someone wouldn't let me!” Pinkie Pie shouted.

“Come on girls, we best catch up with Pinkie before she gets in a whole heap of trouble,” Applejack exclaimed.

The rest of the main six all trotted after the fleeing pink pony, chasing her up to the tower where she stood waving her forelegs in the air.

“Yoohoo are you in there?” Pinkie Pie yelled.

“Pinkie Pie, you were supposed to be quiet,” Twilight whispered angrily.

“Why? There's nobody here,” Pinkie Pie replied.

Everyone peeked their head into the tower, even Harry Junior.

“Huh, would you look at that,” Applejack muttered.

“Could use a bit of sprucing up,” Rarity remarked, only to wince when her gaze settled on the skulls displayed on the walls. “As well as a less macabre theme.”

“Woah, that's metal,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“Are you sure it went this way?” Twilight asked the bear.

Harry Junior nodded confidently.

“Well he ain't here now,” Applejack concluded. “Now as fun as this has been I really do gotta get back to the farm.”

“And I must return to my boutique. I’m sure Sweetie Belle is worried sick by now,” Rarity added.

“Wait you guys are leaving already? But we might be on the verge of the biggest discovery in biology since the discovery of the Breezies!” Twilight declared.

“Yeah I hate to side with Rarity and AJ on this but I have to get back. Gotta hit the hay soon if wanna have a nap before work,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Perhaps we should return tomorrow. Harry Junior here would probably like to meet his dad,” Fluttershy added.

“But, but…” Twilight stuttered.

“We know where the creature lives. We can come back tomorrow,” Spike offered.

“I guess,” Twilight muttered bitterly, the mare kicking a bit of dirt in anger.

“Hey if it means that much to ya I’ll swing by and check on the place tomorrow when I’m on lunch,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Okay and then after we can meet back up and check it out together,” Twilight half asked half stated.

A chorus of agreement, mostly half-hearted, answered the eager unicorn mare.

“Okay then, well let's be off I guess,” Twilight exclaimed.

The six mares and one bear proceeded back the way they came, leaving Spike behind. The dragon didn't notice his friend’s departure, as he thought he saw a flicker of green light from the corner of his eye. It had been coming from a disturbed patch of dirt in the center of the tower, intriguing the dragon into lingering behind.

“I wonder what-”

“Spike! Hurry up we have to write a report to Princess Celestia!” Twilight shouted.

Spike rolled his eyes. “Alright alright, I’m coming.”

“What was that? I can't hear you!” Twilight yelled.

“I said I’m coming!” Spike shouted back. “Sheesh.”

Foightin Prickly Gitz

All at once I returned to consciousness and found myself being smothered on all sides by the earth. I pushed, and strained, flexing my newfound muscles and bursting forth from the dirt womb like the world’s strangest flower. Standing in my tower, I found that not only did everything look smaller, but I also felt way stronger.

Judging from my surroundings, I was at least twice as tall as I was when I was a gretchin. Which would make me a newly formed ork boy, though I was far from a veteran ork, usually called a skar boy, or a nob which were taller than even space marines outside of their armor anyway. So I still had far to go before I was big enough to push around regular orks, but it was a massive jump from a slightly taller than average gretchin.

I looked down and found that although my plant fiber belt was busted, my pants now fit perfectly. After congratulating myself for my smartness, I began my search for Pig Sticka and located it amongst the rubble where I had dropped it. Or at least I thought I put it over there, as the last few minutes before burying myself were more or less a blur.

With weapon in hand, I walked back over to the hole I had created and kicked the dirt back into it. After stomping atop the now filled-in hole, I nodded to myself and stepped outside, back into my fort. Only to be immediately met with a small swarm of spiky hedgehog-looking things that filled almost the entire courtyard.

They were roughly as big as I was when I had been a gretchin, so not very intimidating. At least not until one of them yawned and revealed a row of sharp teeth that would put a shark to shame. I glanced down at the now rather diminutive scrap metal sword, and then over to the distant forge.

Between there and where I stood were about thirty of the little buggers just laying around. So far none had seemingly noticed me, the things just wandering about, or sleeping on the ground. I glanced at the sun and estimated that it was probably about midday, which made little sense given my recent hibernation.

“How long wuz I…” I began, only for my brain to immediately tell me that it had been a week. “Huh. I guess Iz smarta den I thought.”

The ork brain really was like a computer, only with some kind of soccer hooligan operating system on it. I shook such notions aside and was about to start shooing the creatures off when I noticed something off. I looked down, and after a moment of confusion, tugged open my pants.

“I guess orks do have im. Eitha dat or I'z a special ork. I fink Iz gonna go wit' special,” I declared to myself. “Right, let's start shoo'n dese little buggaz outta ma base.”

Gripping Pig Sticka tight, I stepped out of the tower and made myself appear as big as possible.

“Oi yer filty gitz get outta me place or Iz gonna krump ya wun!” I shouted, waving around my blade.

The assembled horde turned to me in unison, their many eyes all peering up at me like an unblinking swarm. I suddenly felt quite small despite the fact that I was over twice as tall as them individually.

“Go on, get! I don't want ya prickly fings ‘n me house,” I yelled.

All at once their attitude shifted, their mouths opening wide in a sputtering hiss while their soft quills sat straight up. The snarling horde then began to advance on me like a lake of rainbow colors all moving as one. Any lingering thoughts I had of them making for cute pets were tossed out the metaphorical window and I immediately brought up Pig Sticka.

“Fine den. I'll give ya krumpin, ya asked for it,” I declared.

I took another step outside and was met by a bunch of them suddenly turning around and firing quills at me. The tiny spiny appendages struck me all over, with very few of the things actually managing to pierce my thick green hide. Though I was tough, the sheer volume of projectiles made me flinch back, ducking back into the tower in order to avoid the prickly hail.

“Ow ow ow ow,” I muttered, plucking the stinging things out of my flesh. “I gotta find some kind uv shield or someth'n or Iz gonna end up a pin kushion.”

I located a half-rotten table in a pile of debris and pulled it out of the detritus pile. I got lucky, as it was probably originally meant to be outside with an umbrella mounted in the middle. As such it was round, with a single leg to stand on in the center of its mass. A quick chop removed all but a few inches of the leg, giving me something to hold onto, though it was a bit awkward.

“Now let's give dose prickly gitz wot for,” I thought to myself.

Hoisting the shield up, I stepped back outside, table raised so it covered the bottom half of my face and the majority of my upper body. The swarm of critters had advanced in my absence, with a small group of them pushing ahead of the rest. These particularly rabid little buggers were almost all foaming at the mouth, their tiny eyes wide and filled with rage.

“Kome on den if yer fink yer ‘ard enough,” I bellowed, smacking the flat side of Pig Sticka against my shield.

My taunting worked, as the angry little buggers came on like a tide of quills and animalistic rage. I met them with a charge of my own, bellowing the signature ork war cry while raising Pig Sticka above my head. Seeing something almost three times as big as you charge at you may have been intimidating to most, but these fuzzy abominations didn't care. They simply leaped up at me, claws extended and jaws open wide, hungry for my flesh.

I chopped one in half, then bashed another with my shield before stabbing a third with Pig Sticka. While I swiped, cut, stabbed, and generally killed, the bastards swarmed all around me, biting, firing quills, and generally trying to kill me back. None had managed to get all the way around me, but there were a few clearly trying to flank me. Regardless, it hurt and hurt a lot, even though my pants, tough hide, and makeshift shield saved me from a lot of it.

Red orkish blood was beginning to trickle down my body, though I was barely aware of this fact. I had become a brutal whirlwind of death, my stance always shifting in order to ensure that I didn't get completely surrounded. This way and that I hacked, batting aside any that had latched onto me with their sharp, needle-like teeth.

Each attack I made killed or seriously wounded at least one of them, yet despite this, more came. Hopping over the bodies of their fallen comrades without a care, they threw themselves at Pig Sticka. Who was happy to cut into their flesh, slicing off limbs, and heads, or cleaving them clear in twain.

In no time their strangely sticky blue blood nearly covered me from head to toe. Their corpses piled up until they reached almost my knee. By then I noticed that the swarm had begun to thin, though there were still a few left.

Downward chop, shield thrust, stab, right to left cut, my attacks were weighty but without finesse or style. Not like it mattered, as the rage-filled animals made no attempt to dodge, or do anything but leap at me in an attempt to bite off some more of my flesh. Thankfully few managed to do so, but even then, the couple that did were able to leave with a hunk of ork flesh in their mouth.

I crushed one such hungry little bastard with the bottom of my shield and was about to kill the next one when I noticed there were none left. With a grin, I lowered my shield, and was about to release a victory waaaugh, but was cut off by a shower of quills raining from the heavens. I instinctively ducked under my shield, brain idly noting that the projectiles literally blotted out the sun for a moment.

“Ow ow ow ow ow,” I muttered as I was pelted by a hail of quills.

Thankfully it didn't last long, though their aggression was unending, the horde attacking me the moment the quills stopped. I peeked over my shield to spot that there were still tons of the little buggers, and worse still they were unfazed by the dead they had to leap over. Seeing that my position was untenable, I backed up into the doorway, so I could keep them from getting around me.

With my hold point established, I braced my shield and prepared for the onslaught.

I didn't have to wait long, as the first of the angry abominations was on me almost immediately. I skewered him on the end of Pig Sticka, and flung him back into the charging mass of bodies. The disruption it caused to their ranks was brief, but gave me at least a moment to react, and react I did, chopping another in half.

By then their main mass had reached me and were clustering around the entrance, eager to take a bite out of me. For once their numbers aided them very little, worse still they lacked the coordination necessary to attack efficiently. They toppled over one another in a rush to get me, causing pile-ups that I could exploit.

A vicious overhand chop cut a half dozen of the things into various-sized pieces, while my shield kept them at bay, shoving them back. From left to right I went, chopping, hacking and generally taking advantage of the confused melee. I cut down dozens in the first few seconds of the second wave, but my victory was short-lived however.

They had organized themselves somewhat, with critters at the back firing quills over their allies. Who in turn charged in dedicated waves so they didn't run into the backs of their fellows and cause even more issues. I wasn't sure if this was an accident, true intelligence or the smarts that came with a swarm but it hardly mattered in the long run.

They weren't able to take ground, but they were minimizing their losses and forcing me to keep my shield up. This seemed to be their plan as a few of them scurried around my feet, biting or shooting quills into my legs. My leather pants were surprisingly good at blocking these attempts but my feet were completely unprotected.

“Ow, 'dat was me toe ya little bastard,” I shouted.

I chopped the toe thief in half before he could flee with the appendage he had chewed off. My shift in attention backfired immediately, with a dozen or so quills hitting me in the face and putting me off balance. Stumbling back out of the doorway, the mass of territorial creatures pushed forward, threatening to overwhelm me.

I shoved them back before they could gain much ground, hacking, and whacking at whatever critter tried to get around me. Even though each one of these attacks was lethal, there were just too many and I was slowly getting pushed back into the tower. Quills covered nearly every inch of my exposed flesh, chunks of my body were missing, and worse I was starting to feel woozy.

“I fink i need more blood," I muttered to myself.

I glanced up to find that although the horde had shrunk to a large pack, and though their numbers were dwindling, I was losing. I was bigger, stronger and meaner but I was losing a lot of blood and with that loss came the loss of a fair bit of ground. With victory slipping between my fingers, I hefted Pig Sticka and my shield, a wild grin splitting my face down the middle.

Even if I was going to die, I had to admit, this was the most fun I’ve ever had in either this life or the last. If I was to perish, I would do so in an orky manner, with a smile on me face, and a choppa in my hand.

“Waaaaaaugh!” I bellowed, throwing myself back into the fray once more.

I met the rabid hedgehogs head-on, chopping and bashing, my brain already aware of the fact that this was not a fight I would win. But then something strange happened, a rock fell on the last bugger through the doorway, crushing him flat. The sudden death of the least blood thirsty critter heralded the arrival of a familiar rainbow-maned pony, who landed near the tower entrance

Author's Note

Congrats to Lacunae for winning the request thread and suggesting more of this story!

Rainbow Dash to the Rescue!

A few minutes earlier, not far from the site of the battle flew Rainbow Dash. The pony wore a bored expression, and only half-heartedly flew to her destination. The rush of flying over the Everfree had dulled, and even the constant threat of Pukwudgies was no longer a concern for her.

Her observation post at the top of a towering oak meant that she was out of their range and surprisingly comfortable. With the aforementioned spot coming into view, Rainbow Dash readied herself for another half-hour-long nap before having to head back to work. Nearly a week of observing the rabid horde of Pukwudgies had netted them nothing but it was a nice excuse to head somewhere quiet and catch a few zzz’s.

So the pegasus didn't complain, even as it seemed less and less likely that the monster they had been tracking would return. It was strange, in Rainbow Dash’s opinion, why would a pukwudgie herd choose such an odd nesting spot? They were supposedly afflicted with some kind of disease that made them become hyper-aggressive but they were still fairly smart, at least that's what Fluttershy said.

Yet they had settled in here of all places, far from their natural habitat, and most sources of food. It was as if they were an invading army dug in for a siege, yet they had no enemy to fight, or alpha to challenge. They didn't seem to mind the lack of conflict, as did Rainbow Dash, who by then had landed on her perch.

“Alright, let's see if I can't get some shut-eye,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

The glint of light hitting metal made her look up to find that the pukwudgies were moving. Not only that but they were attacking the green monster just outside the tower. Like a tidal wave of rage, they came at the towering biped, attempting to drown him in sheer numbers.

Already the lone creature sported dozens of injuries, his flesh nearly covered in tiny quills with blood running down his body. The pukwudgie horde had also suffered injuries, with dozens of the creatures lying dead or dying in the courtyard. Piled high around the creature’s ankles, the corpses were part obstacle, part cover, while also being a tripping hazard for the green monster.

And he was a monster, his height putting him taller than Celestia and the contest wasn't even a close one. His muscles were large, bulging, and clearly powerful enough to cleave a pukwudgie in half with little effort despite his blade being quite dull. This was despite the sword he was wielding having been made from scrap and seemingly held together hope alone.

“What in the hay?” Rainbow Dash murmured.

The intense display of violence shook her to her core, as did the sight of so many dead. Yet despite that, she couldn't look upon the lone creature with hatred or fear, only pity. Pitted against so many foes, he was clearly fighting on the defensive, backpedaling slowly but deliberately toward the tower.

“What should I do, what should I do?” Rainbow Dash asked no one in particular. “I could get Twilight, no Fluttershy would be better. But wait, she said these pukwudgies couldn't be reasoned with.”

Rainbow Dash flitted this way and that, unable to decide what she should do. Then she saw the creature fall back completely, preparing a last stand at the doorway. Though he grinned, it was a grim smile, one that declared that he was prepared to fight and die where he stood if necessary.

“I can't just leave him, can I?” Rainbow Dash whispered to herself.

Shaking her head, Rainbow Dash looked around for a weapon, or failing that at least a large rock she could drop on one of them. While she was searching the area, the creature was fighting and retreating once more, losing a toe or two in the process. By the time Rainbow Dash located a suitably big stone, he was no longer in view, having been forced further into the tower.

Hovering near the entrance, Rainbow Dash raised her rock but hesitated, stopping herself from dropping it on the unaware pukwudie below her. Though she wanted to help, she didn't know if she could bring herself to kill another creature, even in such an extreme situation. Then she heard it, an earth-shaking battle cry grim in its finality, but exuberant in its declaration.

Something in Rainbow Dash stirred, and before she knew it she was throwing the stone at the pukwudgie. The impact was brutal, with the critter being crushed flat, leaving behind nothing but a smear on the ground. Despite the revulsion she felt rising in the pit of her stomach, Rainbow Dash flew down and grabbed the bloody rock she had just used.

“Lets go you stupid spiky jerks!” she shouted.

She then took a step forward, and hefted the rock over her head, throwing it with just enough force to hit another of the pukwudgies. This impact was way less lethal, however, though it still knocked the angry little critter onto his back. That seemed to piss enough of the swarm off that a third of those that were left broke off and attacked her with volleys of quills.

“Yipe, ha can't catch me!” Rainbow Dash taunted, hopping left, then right.

She then jumped into the air, weaving through the bursts of projectiles aimed at her. Though very deadly, Rainbow Dash couldn't help but feel her confidence begin to climb as she avoided more and more of the attacks. Any wrong turn may mean death or at least injury, yet the pegasus felt oddly thrilled, the pony sticking her tongue out at the creatures.

Nearby, the green monster renewed its assault, the biped gaining ground due to the split focus of his foes. Up and down went his choppa, killing pukwudgie after pukwudgie until their numbers were quite noticeably starting to shrink. He was far from winning, but there was a chance at victory, a chance that was about to become far smaller.

“Haha, you can't hit me,” Rainbow Dash taunted.

As if incensed by her comments, a pukwudgie fired quills not where she was but where she was going. Unable to stop in place, Rainbow Dash veered hard to the right, only to run face-first into the wall of the tower. Her nose crunched, and she fell to the ground in a heap, where she was hit by more than a few of the spiky projectiles.

“Ow ow ow,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

In a panic she scrambled forward until she was able to hide behind a large rock. There she curled up into a tiny ball, her mind still trying to catch up with what had just happened. The quills hadn't hit anything important but she was bleeding, her nose was busted, and her wing hurt almost as bad as the time she broke it.

Faced with so much pain, she felt panic well inside of her, though she pushed it down through force of will. She then started to pluck the quills from her side, wincing each time another of the things were removed. Then when there were no more, she leaped from her hiding spot, hooves raised, ready to box any pukwudgie that crossed her path.

Only for there to be no more pukwudgies left. At least, none that were alive.

There was only the injured biped, who was busy yanking his crude sword from the face of his last victim. With the weapon free, he raised it above his head and released a victory bellow that made Rainbow Dash’s bones vibrate.

“Waaaaugh,” it cried.

Despite herself, Rainbow Dash joined, though she just kind of yelled incoherently.

“So does this mean we’re friends? Because I really don't want to fight you. Oh what am I saying, you probably don't even understand me,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Uv kourse we're mates. Anyone 'oo fights wit' me iz a pal uv mine,” he declared.

“Why do you talk like you got a mouth full of nails?” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“I got big teef, see?” he replied, pointing to the large tusks that poked out from the bottom of his jaw.

It was only then that Rainbow Dash realized just how enormous this creature was, and not only because of its big teef. It was huge, and though injured, those injuries were already closing right before her eyes. An inner green glow seemed to cause his flesh to regrow, and his wounds to stitch themselves shut, going straight to scar tissue.

“Oi ya look pretty smashed up. Yer gonna be able ta fly outta ere?” he asked.

Rainbow Dash extended her injured wing, only to wince. “I don't think so. But don't worry, my friends will know where I am and come looking,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“'Dat won't do, ere let me help ya,” he retorted.

“Hey what are you- woah!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

The ork picked her up off the ground in one of its enormous hands, carrying her along like she were little more than a football, tucked under his arm. Though sudden, he was surprisingly gentle, making sure not to squish her wing, or cause any additional injuries. Then before she knew it, the ork was striding back into the courtyard, his feet crunching over bodies, and piles of spent quills.

By the time Rainbow Dash had gathered herself, her midsection was completely covered in the ork’s blood. Trickling from what little wounds remained down his arm, and onto her, Rainbow Dash immediately felt a wave of revulsion overcome her.

“Dude just let me sit on your shoulder or something,” Rainbow Dash demanded. “Your bleeding all over me.”

“Sorry, ere ya go little pony,” he replied, dropping her on one of his enormous shoulders. “Comfy?”

Rainbow Dash shook herself like a cat, shedding the blood that had started to soak into her fur. After that she flopped down, letting her legs fall on either side of his right shoulder.

“Not bad,” Rainbow Dash answered. “Hey, do you know where you’re going?”

“Nope,” he stated. “But I'z pretty sure ya kame from 'dat way, right?”

The creature then pointed in the direction of Ponyville.

“Yeah, that's right. How'd did you know?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Deres smoke ova 'der,” replied the ork.

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash murmured. “So, uh I’m Rainbow Dash. Do you have a name?”

“I haven't really thought about it before, but no, I don't fink i have wun,” he answered with a shrug.

“Wait, you don't have a name? Did your parents not give you one?” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“Dats a long an komplicated story. Jus give me a second ta fink," he stated.

Rainbow Dash frowned but said nothing, the pony finding herself surprisingly relaxed. That was despite the fact that she was basically imitating a cat, while laying on the shoulder of a monster that made Celestia feel small. It was a weird set of circumstances, but it also put her at ease for a reason that Rainbow Dash couldn't quite put into words.

“Guzrod,” declared the ork. “Ma name iz Ghuzrod.”

“That uh, that suits you,” Rainbow Dash replied.

The rest of the trek was done in relative silence, with the towering green biped striding through the woods without a care in the world. The animals they crossed fled, with even a startled-looking wolf taking off the moment he saw the ork appear. Ghuzrod didn't seem to mind, and simply kept going, his long legs and quick pace delivering them to the edge of Ponyville in less than an hour.

Once they had cleared the forest edge, Rainbow Dash was gently placed on the ground.

“'Der ya go little wun. Kan yer make it from ere?” he asked.

“Of course I can, I’m not some kid you know!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed, puffing out her chest.

Ghuzrod chuckled and patted her gently atop the head. “Well, yer get betta soon an don't go fit'n no pokey krittaz.”

“Wait, uh, don't you want to meet the rest of my friends? I know Twilight is dying to talk to you and study you but mostly that first one,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Nah I got a bunch uv important stuff I gotta do. Ya be safe now,” he exclaimed.

And with that, he was gone, the green biped vanishing back into the woods and leaving behind a confused Rainbow Dash.

“That was…” she paused. “Weird.”

Stabbin' A Lion

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Stabbin' A Lion

I stomped back to the tower at a much slower pace, my mind distant, one hand absently gripping Pig Sticka. As usual, none of the wildlife dared bother me, nor did I give them much mind as they were both not a challenge, and I was tired. The fight had been more brutal than anticipated and returning Rainbow Dash back to Ponyville had sapped the last of my strength.

It had been worth it though, as my countenance was grim, and my demeanor likely off-putting to most. Getting in those positive diplomacy points early would only help me later, as it sure would be hard to protect a group of people who are actively trying to kill you. Plus winning over Loyalty of all ponies would help to ensure that I wouldn't get friendship lasered, though I doubted that would even harm me.

I may look evil to most casual observers but I harbored no ill will, quite the opposite. Nor had I done anything that would earn me some sort of karmic punishment like Discord or Nightmare Moon. Still, ensuring that getting blasted was off the table early helped my anxiety, almost as much as keeping a hand on Pig Sticka.

The little short blade had proved quite effective, though had taken almost as much of a beating as I had. Who would have known that chopping through bone and brain would take a toll on a blade? It would need sharpening and a bit of fixing up, but first things first I thought to myself, I needed to take a long rest.

Shortly after thinking as much, I was home, and face to face with a new issue. Namely that there was an absolute horde of parasprites feasting upon the remains of the creatures I had just butchered. Occasionally one would stop, and belch out a spawn before they both would go back to taking tiny bites out of quill-covered hide.

I thought about going in there swinging, or maybe starting a fire, but I was simply too tired to care about all that. Choosing instead the peaceful option, I awkwardly stepped into the courtyard and started to make my way back to the tower. Maneuvering around the piles of bodies, and bloated parasprites, I did my best not to step on any of the things.

“Sorry. Kom'n throo. Step lively now. Woops, hope yer only need wun uv dose,” I murmured.

Despite my clumsy ass lumbering through their number the parasprites made no effort to stop me. They didn't even seem to be aware of my presence either, and just drunkedly floating past me without a care in the world. I made a note of their appetite and the fact that they were most likely scavengers rather than true predators before stepping up to the tower.

Here the bodies were thick but the parasprites were few, with the swarm having not had the chance to move this far. A good thing too, as I didn't want to accidentally startle the horde and have to fight a few thousand of the things. At least not until I got a good nap and maybe some armor going but that would come later.

I chucked the corpses outside and shut the door, or at least I tried to anyway. The aged wood and rusted metal couldn't take the abuse I had put it through and the whole dang thing snapped off. With a frown, I placed the door back into its spot as best I could and piled some rocks around it in order to keep it mostly closed.

It wasn't a permanent solution, but it was all I was capable of given my current condition. With that grim thought in mind, I cleared away the quills as best as I could and lay down on the dirt floor. Sure the old me likely wouldn't have found it comfortable, but Orks had different standards for comfort, so I actually found this not half bad. A bit stiff, but still not the worst place I’d ever slept before, oddly enough.

Slumber found me quickly, ushering me into a dreamless void that existed both for far too long and no time at all. When I awoke I sensed that the majority of my injuries had healed up and a visual inspection confirmed this. Between the rather pleasant rest, and the post-fight boost I was back at pretty much a hundred percent. I still had some lingering aches and pains though, so ork healing evidently wasn't perfect though I never assumed it was.

Heck, I had assumed it was much worse than what it turned out to be, though that was likely due to my own accelerated development. Orks in Warhammer forty kay were tough and healed quickly but not as fast as I had just done, that was for sure. Still, I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth so I just took it in stride and focused elsewhere, namely on the grounds of my little fort.

Peeking out from behind the door, I found that the parasprites had moved on, or at least most had. A few clumps of the things remained atop the highest points of the ruined castle, content to simply watch me. I wasn't sure why those few had decided to stick around, but it's not like they could talk so I couldn't exactly ask them.

I just pushed the door fully out of the way and tromped over to the forge only to find out my next problem. There were a lot of bones around here, that and I had no metal left to work with, not even the really rusted variety. Glancing down at the discarded quills I started to wonder if they could be used in some way.

Though my more human sensibilities said that was stupid, my orky instinct was telling me to give it a shot. Listening to the more brutish voice in my mind, I gathered up a great armload of the things and started to prepare. The forge was lit and tended, a bucket of the pointy spikes was readied, and in time was placed into the white-hot flames.

For several minutes I did nothing but work the bellows, tend the coals, and wait. The ork part of my brain quickly got bored, but my older instincts were intrigued by what I saw in the pot. The quills hadn't burned, nor had they even darkened. Rather they seemed completely unaffected by the fire.

Then, just as even my endless curiosity was beginning to wane, the quills burst into flame and then melted. I withdrew the bucket and got to work reinforcing Pig Sticka and making it as long as a true Longsword. With that done, I began to wonder what else I could do with the quills.

The most obvious answer was either another weapon or some armor but instinct or not I wasn't skilled enough to do so. Or was I? For the moment my brain settled on armor, I could feel the blueprint of a cuirass pop into my mind. The end result would likely be a pain to put on, but it was thick and covered both my front and back so it was worth it in my mind.

I spent almost the entire rest of the day forging this thing, failing several times in the process. Though it would feel great to have some serious protection, I was starting to get antsy by the end of it. Sure making the armor was a struggle, but it wasn't the same as a fight, and by then I was raring for a good scrap.

Between my new cuirass being in need of a metaphorical live fire testing, I also felt bloody amazing. I had a big sword, and some better digs, and though it may have cost me all of the quills, I still felt as though I could take on the world. With that thought in mind, I nodded, and headed out of the fort in a random direction, choosing to let the forest take me where it willed.

I probably should have moved with more deliberate intent, but my wander aimlessly strategy had worked so far, so why change?

I laid Pig Sticka on my shoulder, cutting edge pointed away from me, and picked up the pace. The forest called to me, and I eagerly replied, stomping through the bush with little care as to what I may find. I could feel as though there was a fight in the deeper, darker area of the woods and so that was where I went, my passage startling creatures both big as well as small.

Such minor concerns barely even entered my mind, nor did anything else really, not until I had found the carcass of a large bear.

“Ya're a large wun, aintcha?” I muttered.

Looking around, there had clearly been a fight, one semi-recently too, given all the destroyed foliage and torn-up earth. The struggle had likely gone on for some time too, given the path of destruction I could see leading deeper into the woods. Saplings had been crushed, old oak trees battered, and in some places, the earth had been churned into a mass of bloody mud.

It was a grim sight, though not nearly as grim as the bear itself, which would have looked alive had it not been for the fact that its belly was currently spilled all over the forest floor. For its eyes were wide, and its body seemingly locked into position, as if it had been frozen like that due to poison or perhaps magic. It was nasty, but a poke to the head revealed that it was indeed dead, so I didn't feel too bad for the thing.

“‘Dat musta been quite 'da scrap. Gud on ya big git. Yer put up wun hell uv a fight,” I remarked. “Now it's time for yer ta rest, an' for me ta take up ‘da struggle.”

With that little promise made, I proceed off into the woods, following after the footsteps of the bear’s killer. I didn't know why, but it felt important that I begin tracking it immediately, not only so I didn't lose it but also because I felt strangely obligated. The bear hadn't been eaten, indicating to me that there was something wrong in the forest, and there was an odd compulsion that spurred me on.

Either a predator had gone mad, or some foreign creature had moved in and was attempting to set up shop, I reasoned. Either way, the natural order of the forest had been disturbed and I was going to set it all right again. That fact didn't actually have that much, I was just looking for the best fight I could find, and all that moral stuff was secondary. Not like it wasn't a concern at all mind you, but it was nice to know that I was picking a fight with something that deserved the krumpin that was coming for it.

As I stomped off after the critter, I felt myself occasionally getting turned around or lost only to stumble back onto the beast’s trail. It almost felt a bit like the forest itself was guiding me, which was a distinct possibility given the weirdness of this place. Either that or my orky instincts were pushing me towards where I could find the best possible fight.

The question of why, or how wasn't really a concern of mine, just the fight that I knew was coming. Soon too, as my pulse had started to quicken, and my body was growing hot, preparing itself for the scrap to come. The forest hadn't changed much and I didn't know why I felt so certain I was about to find the bear’s killer but I just did.

Sure enough, my wanderings soon ended, and I discovered what looked to be the creature’s lair. The cave entrance was fairly wide, with piles of half-eaten corpses piled on either side, their blood turning the exit into a muddy quagmire. Normally this wouldn't be the case, but around the rocky opening, there was no plant life to speak of, not even the hardy forest grasses that were ubiquitous everywhere else.

The cave itself was rather strange as well, as this was the only hill for miles in every direction. It reminded me of a burial mound or perhaps some kind of ancient Stone Age temple perhaps. This assumption was backed up by the two tall obelisks that stood about ten, or fifteen feet from the entrance, extending straight out from the opening.

Pitch black, and radiating an uncomfortable energy, they resembled necron monoliths, only in miniature. Though foreboding, and unpleasant to look at, they weren't powered, nor did I detect a field around them. I didn't have the time to inspect them more thoroughly so I just wrote them off as weird pony monuments and stepped between them.

This, I learned, was not a smart idea as I heard the distant sound of an alarm go off somewhere deeper in the cave. It was at about that point that I felt a bit stupid, as beast or not, the creatures of the Everfree were still smart. They may not understand how or why the odd klaxon sounded, but they could figure out what it meant.

An intruder was near.

Sure enough, something that sounded almost like an enormous lion roared from far deeper into the cave. A moment later large padded feet thundered toward me at a rapid pace, prompting me to think of some advantage I could gain on the monster. Glancing above the cave entrance, I decided exactly what that advantage was, and took off at a sprint.

My large frame, and long legs enabled me to climb the rubble-strewn hill relatively quickly. Allowing me to stand atop the cave entrance, Pig Stick in both hands, ready to stab whatever may emerge from underground. I didn't have to wait long though, as an enormous creature with the mane of a lion, the tail of a scorpion, and the wings of a bat appeared.

A manticore, only not like any I had ever seen from the show before, as it lacked the bright colors of its kin. It was covered in scars and injuries most of which were old, but some of which were new, signifying to me that it was an advanced age. It also favored its right leg, though there was no visible injury to indicate as to why that may be the case.

An old lion seeking its end was dangerous, and doubly so when it had paralytic venom and a pair of wings.

I didn't contemplate this fact for long though, and leaped from my position, a war cry already spilling from my lips. Again, I ruined any advantage I may have gained from stealth, though this time the creature I was stalking didn't panic. It didn't even look my way before acting, throwing its body to the side just before I was about to slam down atop it with Pig Sticka in hand.

My blade thumped into the mud, sending globs of bloody earth in all directions and inadvertently leaving it embedded in the ground. I tried to wrench it out quickly but felt something large slam into my back with the force of a cannonball. Sent flying to the ground, I scrambled into a stand quickly, a hand reaching around to the backside of my armor. The quill-forged cuirass had held up, validating my earlier desire to create something more protective then the front-facing breastplate.

I then turned to my foe, who was standing across from me, its eyes narrowed and its wings outstretched. It was studying me, likely trying to figure out what I was or what weaknesses I may possess. Though interesting, I was more concerned by how it was standing beside Pig Sticka, clearly aware of what the sword was.

“Yer've fought huntaz before,” I reasoned aloud. “Ya fink kus ya've turned away some silly poniez dat ya'll be able ta smash me. But 'dat kant be furtha from 'da truth, ya ugyl git!”

I started running at the thing, a hand going down and scooping up as much of the muddy goop as I could grab. As I ran I roared the orkish battle cry, while it simply roared back at me, matching my ferocity though not eclipsing it. My arm was cocked, and ready, the beast I was fighting doing the same with its tail, preparing to deliver a potent poisonous payload.

Before we met, I weaved to the right, drawing its eye, and giving me the first chance to throw the mud directly at its face. It was barely even able to register the goop flying at it before it was blinded, its eyes covered in the stuff. Instinctively it recoiled in order to protect itself, abandoning its attempt at stinging me and inadvertently opening itself up.

For instead of going after Pig Sticka I decided to lay into the monster with a punch to the face. Its nose crunched and I could feel blood paint my knuckles. The beast roared in pain and recoiled further, attempting to sting me before flying backward out of reach.

I didn't continue to press my advantage however, thus its stinger hit nothing but the empty air I had been standing in a second earlier. For I was already sprinting over to Pig Sticka, using the manticore’s pain and confusion to my advantage. The attack worked, though by the time I readied the weapon, my foe had cleared its face of mud and was flying above me.

Though I had my blade, it had gained an advantage that I had no hope of replicating, flight. It knew this and exploited the fact I had no wings to match it by whizzing past my head, its stinger lashing out as it passed. Its speed was incredible, and I only just barely managed to get Pig Sticka up in front of me before the stinger slammed home.

Though not as powerful as the previous attack, it was still enough to make my arms ache and my feet slide back a foot or so. While still reeling from this first attack, I saw the manticore turn once more, going around for another pass. I was faced with a conundrum, try and fight with it maintaining the high ground, or relocate in hopes of negating its advantageous position.

I chose the latter and sprinted towards the cave opening, the manticore quick on my heels. After a few long, loping steps I threw myself to the right, diving and rolling into the mud just before the stinger lashed out. I narrowly avoided the attack which whizzed over my head a millisecond before I hit the dirt. I scrambled back into a stand, and ran into the cave, going just fast enough that I was able to avoid the the next attempt to kill me.

Without the sound of wings flapping overhead, I turned around to face my foe but found that it was hovering just outside the cave, staring at me.

“What's da matta ya overgrown chicken? Kant fight on da ground like propa monsta. Ha!” I shouted at him, laughing loudly and pointedly at the creature.

That seemed to do the trick, as it dropped to the ground and began to walk toward me, its eyes glittering with murderous intent. I prepared for its charge by pulling my guard back until the handle to my weapon was close to my chest, its end pointing at my foe. Who in turn walked slowly, sizing me up as he moved to close the distance between us.

The coming struggle would be a tough one, as the cave wasn't large enough for me to really deliver any slashes with Pig Sticka. The walls were too close, the ceiling too low, but that kept my foe from being able to dodge either. There was only one major difference between us at this point, the fact that I had a thick layer of armor over my torso and it had no such protection.

The moment it got close enough, we both charged one another, my sword thrusting forward while it lashed out with its tail. I dodged under the attack and stabbed the monster in the left shoulder with all the strength I could muster. Though powerful, Pig Sticka’s end wasn't tapered like a professionally forged blade so it couldn't do nearly as much damage as a proper longsword.

That didn't matter though, as it stuck deep enough that I was able to push the creature back and up, onto two legs. Confused and in pain, the manticore roared and its tail slamming into the ceiling, unable to reach past its own bulk. Sensing this, it tried to scratch me with its claws, but between the damage I dealt to the left, and the old injury on its right they barely did anything to me. Sure they cut, and sure it hurt, but there was no true strength behind the attacks.

Unlike me, who was able to use one hand to keep the monster on its back legs, while the other struck hard. My fist slammed into its jaw once, twice then three times, breaking the bones beneath and turning its roar into an angry gurgle. By then it realized the position it was in and tried to back up out of the cave, using its wings as leverage. They were too big, however, and they hit either side of the cave wall when they were flapped.

Sensing its desire to flee, I wrenched Pig Sticka hard, severing enough muscle in its left foreleg to make it useless. A single punch to the knee joint on the right shattered the bone beneath and just like that it had to drag itself out of the cave by its back limbs alone. I was unable to stop from doing so in time, but I was able to follow it before it could take wing and run away.

It did manage a single flap before I cut off the left wing, severing it near the shoulder and causing the monster to crash to the ground. There it lay, jaw broken, forelegs shattered and one of its wings gone, bested but not completely. It felt a bit cruel what I had done to it, and that feeling of guilt came back to bite me when its stinger flung out and slammed into my shoulder.

“Gork damn ya, ya sneaky little git!” I shouted.

I then drove my sword into the creature’s spine, paralyzing it and dealing it a fatal blow. Unfortunately by then, the poison had begun to do its work, and I fell to the ground, barely able to move. Lying next to the dying creature, our eyes met, and the ghost of a smile came across its broken lips. I couldn't help but grin back and laugh at the creature.

“'Dat was a gud wun, I'll give ya 'dat. If yer wasn't quite so ol yer probably woulda torn me droat out,” I remarked. “Go wit' honor yer ol kodga. I'll rememba ya.”

I knew it didn't truly understand what I was saying, but the inflection behind my words seemed able to cross the species gap. For the manticore closed its eyes, and with a long, shuddering sigh, breathed its final breath. I watched it perish and continued to observe the manticore until long after it was gone.

“Whelp, I don't fink dis iz gonna kill me. Sure gonna stuck sitt'n ere dough,” I remarked aloud, to no one in particular.

Sure enough, the wave of healing that came with each victory ensured that the poison didn't in fact stop my heart. It still left me unable to move my arms and legs though, so that was unpleasant. I could still look around and more importantly, breathe, which was nice at least.

Looking around, I spied a group of pudgy parasprites that I recognized from the old fort that was my base. The sight of the colorful critters made me grin, and I was glad for a bit of company, even if we couldn't exactly chat.

“Kome ta check up on yer ol boss, huh? Well, don't botha. I'll be jus fine,” I exclaimed.

I’m not sure if it was my toxin-addled mind, but I could have sworn the parasprite relaxed a bit.

“Well, best settle in. Seems like I'm gonna be here a while. Wot ta do, wot ta do,” I muttered. “I know, a song.”

I cleared my throat. “Ninety-nine beaky gits on da wall. Ninety-nine beaky gits on 'da wall. Knock wun down, krump em real gud, ninety-eight beaky gits on da wall.”

The Royal Order Of Hunters

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

The Royal Order Of Hunters

Rainbow Dash’s eye twitched.

“Are you absolutely certain the nurse’s initial report was correct?” asked a nearby doctor, who was holding up several X-rays and looking from one to the other.

“I am absolutely certain because I was the one that admitted her!” retorted Nurse Redheart from the other side of Rainbow Dash’s bed.

“That's impossible,” declared the doctor, raising one of the X-rays in emphasis. “Because this indicates that not only is Miss Dash’s wing not broken but it's not even sprained.”

“I did all the tests that come with a twisted wing and they all came back positive. Maybe it's your precious machine that isn't working,” Redheart retorted.

“Impossible. It was maintained just last week!” the doctor shot back.

“Would you two cut it out!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “I feel like a kid stuck between two bickering parents, only I’m not related to either of you. And thank Celestia for that.”

“Apologies Miss Dash, but I’m having trouble understanding the exact method by which you were able to magically regenerate so much tissue,” offered the doctor.

Rainbow Dash turned to Nurse Redheart expectantly.

“Doctor Horse thinks you lied about the extent of your injuries,” explained the nurse.

“Hey! I didn't lie, Redheart saw how bad those pukwudgies had stuck me!” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Yet after only a single day here, you have recovered more than most ponies do in a month,” Doctor Horse retorted. “Your wing has apparently already healed, and the only reason I haven't given you a psych evaluation or checked for a concussion is due to the fact that the quill marks haven't fully closed yet. So obviously you did indeed run into something.”

“So I’m awesome, why is that a bad thing?” Rainbow Dash replied forelegs crossed over her chest.

“I think this goes a bit beyond being able to fly good, Miss Dash,” retorted the doctor. “If you really received the injuries you reported then you should be in bed for months, not days.”

“Again, so I’m awesome. What's the big deal?” Rainbow Dash repeated.

“Such rapid cellular division could be the sign that you were given a healing spell or perhaps were fed a potion that aided in your recovery. Are you sure you didn't receive either?” Nurse Redheart pressed.

“I woulda remembered that,” Rainbow Dash shot back. “All the big guy did was haul me back to town and pat me on the head. And bleed on me, I guess.”

“Perhaps this unknown creature has healing blood,” Nurse Redheart offered.

“Or Miss Dash stumbled into a pack of special mushrooms and hallucinated the entire event,” offered the doctor.

“Hey, I haven't encountered any mushrooms since that one time in college!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“Now now, don't get too excited. You still had to get stitches and you don't have to get those again,” offered the nurse.

Rainbow Dash muttered angrily, forehooves crossed over her chest.

“Regardless, I have other patients to attend to. I will see you again tomorrow. Nurse, prepare the discharge papers,” ordered the doctor.

“You do it, you arrogant dick waffle,” Nurse Redheart spat.

“Wait, you can't just go. I don't know where the forms are!” called the doctor.

Rainbow Dash snickered as she watched the nurse and doctor leave, one chasing after the other.

The pegasus wasn't alone for long, however, as two ponies entered a moment later. Though Rainbow Dash worried the quarrelsome hospital staff had returned, she quickly recognized one of the newcomers.

“Twilight! You’re here to get me out, right?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Uh no. I was actually here to introduce you to the leader of the hunter’s guild, Furious Flare,” Twilight replied, gesturing to the mare behind her.

Who was a tall unicorn with a long horn, red and orange hair, and a piercing gaze that unnerved Rainbow Dash. Tall, to the point that she was almost an equal to the princesses, the stranger had a short mane that billowed out behind her, moving slightly like the way Luna and Celestia’s did. Rainbow Dash didn't recognize her, and glancing at her cutie mark didn't help, though it did seem oddly impressive. For on her flanks was a small golden star surrounded on all sides by a billowing, raging fire that resembled a flower.

The hunter wore only a simple leather vest, and though in a hospital, she also had on her a long sword belted to her side. At first glance the blade looked like the kind used by the royal guard, only this one had a wider base and lacked a cross guard. The blade bore a strange inscription written in some unknown language in red letters upon a black background. In addition, it had a large hole in the metal near where the edge met the handle as if there should be a gem or something placed in the gap.

“I heard you actually met with and spoke to the creature firsthand,” Furious Flare stated.

“Yeah he was actually kind of nice… well okay not nice nice but polite I guess,” Rainbow Dash replied, scratching her head.

“And just to confirm you fought with him against a pack of mad pukwudgies?” Furious Flare pressed.

“Yup! He was totally about to get got by those little buggers so I helped ‘em out,” Rainbow Dash offered.

Furious Flare sighed. “How unfortunate. Had you not intervened this would all be much simpler.”

“What do you mean?” Rainbow Dash questioned.

“I believe you have run into a monster that my ancestors called an ork,” Furious Flare explained. “A horrifying beast that should it not be slain quickly, and its remains burned, will quickly begin multiplying.”

“Uh so? He didn't seem like that bad of a guy,” Rainbow Dash explained.

“I don't know why the creature didn't kill you when it had the chance, but the texts are clear. This is a threat that must be dealt with quickly and with extreme prejudice,” Furious Flare declared, turning around. “I will gather the rest of the guild, and form a hunting party immediately. You should remain indoors for the foreseeable future.”

“Wait, maybe we should listen to Rainbow Dash? She could… and she's gone,” Twilight muttered.

“Who was that nut job and why does she want to kill that green dude I helped?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Like I said, her name is Furious Flare, and she is from the Royal Order Of Hunters,” Twilight explained. “An ancient organization that can apparently trace its roots all the way back to before the time of the alicorns and the uniting of the three tribes.”

“Huh. But like, why all the murder though? He didn't seem half bad,” Rainbow Dash inquired.

Twilight shrugged. “I don't know, to be honest, but if what she said is true then apparently these ork things were here at one point and were quite the menace.”

“But doesn't that sound kinda racist? He's green so now we gotta kill him. Doesn't seem right to me,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“Yeah, that does seem kinda messed up,” Twilight admitted.

“So, are we going to stop her or what? Cus I’m outta here tomorrow,” Rainbow Dash urged.

“And in the meantime, I’ll check on these supposed texts of hers and find out if there is any truth in what she’s said,” Twilight added.

“Awesome! Don't worry Ghuzrod, your pal Rainbow Dash is gonna save your butt!” Rainbow Dash shouted, pumping a hoof in the air.

Krumpin' A Big Bug

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Krumpin' A Big Bug

I awoke once more on the cold hard floor, surprisingly well-rested and feeling rather spry. Clambering up into a stand, I found that my pants were a bit tight and that I had gained another few inches of height. Still a little groggy, I walked over to the doorway and put my back to the door frame before adding a notch with Pig Sticka directly over my head.

Taking a step back, I glanced at my impromptu height chart with a satisfied smirk. Sure enough, I was another few inches taller, making me about the height of a skarboy, or ‘ard boy depending on the edition. Regardless, I was bigger and tougher but not by a lot, which made sense as the fight was a good one but it wasn't that good.

Either way it was good to know that I was still progressing, albeit slowly.

As I scratched my ass and stumbled out into the courtyard, I felt a bit of vertigo overcome me. A headache nearly knocked my aforementioned ass, but thankfully I caught myself. I just stood there for nearly a minute, struggling with gravity itself until my sense of balance returned to me once more.

“‘Dat was weird,” I muttered to myself.

I was about to keep walking when the headache returned but thankfully only for a split second. When it left this time I felt knowledge float to the surface of my mind, teasing me with images of shootas, choppas, and even scrap armor. All of it was suitably orky and ramshackle but I believed it would work, therefor it would.

“Wait, duz it even work 'dat way? if I know it works on belief duz ‘da belief 'dat I know kount as ‘da belief ‘n it?” I babbled to myself. “Oi dis iz mak'n ma head hurt.

I shook my head and set course for the forge, grabbing Pig Sticka, and a rib bone to chew on as I thought about stuff.

“I'z jus gonna say it's gunna work until proven otherwise,” I declared halfheartedly.

With that in mind, I began to wonder just how I was going to find the necessary ingredients to make gunpowder. Scratch that idea, I barely even had enough metal to make a friend for Pig Sticka, so worrying about that was off the table. Still, it was a nice idea, some real armor, a proper shooter, both would help my chances of survival significantly.

But it also wouldn't give me as good of a fight, as there likely wasn't much in the Everfree that could survive getting sprayed with whatever ridiculous caliber ork guns used. Thus no matter how badly I wanted to get my grubby green hands on my very own shoota that would have to be put on the back burner. As would my lingering idea of constructing any kind of orkish building, as that info had yet to spring to mind.

“Probably don't have enought fighty energy for dat anyway,” I remarked idly, rolling the bone around my mouth like it was a cigar. “‘Da waugh field iz probably jus enough ta keep ma stuff from fall'n apart.”

I kicked a rock in bitter disappointment, my brain teasing me with thoughts of having a Pig Sticka in one hand and a shoota in the other. I didn't let my irritation get me down though, and with a grunt, I set out at random into the forest. Once more, I had no idea where I was going but I hoped that wherever I ended up had a decent amount of metal.

Trusting once more in the forest, I hefted Pig Stick over my shoulder, adjusted what armor I had on, and picked up the pace. My stomping feet scattered most critters, though I noticed the small ones didn't seem bothered by my presence. Birds, squirrels, and the like simply observed me like I was a passing curiosity rather than one of the largest and most dangerous predators in the entire forest.

Seeing one rather brave wolf peeking out from around a tree, I grabbed the rib I had chewed on and chucked it at the critter. Surprisingly he snagged it out of the air and wandered off at a slow, unconcerned pace. I wondered briefly if I could domesticate them, but chose to put that thought aside for the moment.

I needed more armor, a backup weapon, and to adjust this cuirass, as I had made it a little bigger than necessary but it was already getting snug. If I evolved into a Nob while I was wearing it I’d probably explode or something, either way, it wouldn't be good. I needed a backup weapon, and a scrap pile for when I could start making buildings and stuff but armor came first.

“Hold on jus a second. If ork armor works 'cos Ize believe it duz, would mak'n betta armor actually decrease 'da protective qualitiez or would dey only improve?” I asked no one in particular. “

“Bah. I kant answa dis stuff without Boyz, an' metal anyway,” I muttered, only to stop. “Dat betta happen soon. I'z start'n ta talk ta myself way too much.”

Now feeling rather self-conscious about the new tick I was developing, I decided to refocus on the path ahead. Only to find that in my rambling wander, I had stumbled upon a low, hilly area that was probably a fair distance from my fort. Here I paused, and scanned the area, my brain churning with all the information being fed into it.

Then at about halfway through my inspection, I felt something click, and I walked off to the right though I knew not why. It didn't take long for me to reach my unseen destination, as I stumbled, quite literally upon a section of hill that had likely been washed away in a flood. A small creek trickled nearby, and though interesting, it was the large exposed section of rock that caught my attention.

The dirt and gravel that had once topped it was gone, exposing the earth beneath, including a deposit of what I was looking for. Iron, recognizable due to the tightly layered sedimentary rock jutting out from the side of the hill. I broke off a small section and licked the rock, confirming my suspicions, but not helping my morning breathe.

“Yup, dats iron,” I muttered.

Intrigued, I walked over to the small creek and knelt down near the edge. There I was able to find a small pool full of deep orange water.

“Lotsa iron,” I exclaimed. “Probably 'n da ground wata too.”

“Now I jus need a few more fings ta make steel, an’ den... Wait, wot else do I need? bah, I'll figure it out lata,” I declared aloud.

I wanted to begin wandering once more but decided to pause there at the creekside for a moment. The untamed beauty of nature was a pleasant sight, with the frogs, turtles, and other critters moving about, seemingly unaware of my presence. Though a part of me wanted to grab one of the shelled animals and see what it tasted like, I wasn't actually that hungry.

I figured that my evolutions must be filling my belly, as I hadn't actually eaten a lot since my arrival. Sure I’d chomped down on a couple of things, and took a few gulps of water, but I hadn't really had a good meal. It made sense though, as orks could fight for days, months, and even years with barely anything in the way of rations.

“Best go find a gud fight. Clock's tick'n an’ I still need me Boyz,” I told a curious frog that had stopped to stare at me.

The frog ribbitted back, and I like to think he was agreeing with me. Either way, the truth of my statement remained, and thus I set off once more, heading back up the hill. From such a good vantage point I could see damn near half of the Everfree, or at least I assumed so. I couldn't know for certain but I was definitely looking out over a good chunk of land, so it was a fair assessment.

There were the odd mountains, a gorge, some more hills, a valley, some swamp lands, and even a big lake. The Everfree really was massive, and every inch of it was teeming with critters, as well as other obstacles. These barriers may block pony expansion and exploration, but orks were a bit tougher, and a bit meaner than those squishy four-legged critters.

As I was ruminating on the wealth of natural beauty laid before me, I noticed something odd. Movement, and a lot of it at that. It looked almost like a mini stampede, with wolves both wooden and otherwise fleeing alongside rabbits, birds, and the like.

Peering a little closer, I was able to make out an odd, winged shape chasing after them. It looked like a bear, only not quite, for it had four arms, a stinger, and insectoid wings. Its coloration was also completely off, being a mix of white and black with orange stripes.

“Bugbear,” I murmured. “Ya lot aren't supposed ta be from around ere.”

“An invasive speciez eh? Well, I guess I found ma next fight an’ it looks like it'll be a gud wun," I declared, a grin already on my lips.

With a fire now burning in my belly, and an itch in my sword hand, I set off at a loping pace. My long legs carried me a great distance in little time, my thumping feet once more alerting the various animals to my presence. This time rather than just watch me go they seemed to be cheering me on, their tiny paws pointing towards the bug bear.

“Maybe dis forest really iz alive. Or maybe whateva put me ere iz still help'n out. Whatever, let's go krump some ugly bear fings,” I remarked aloud.

Though my curiosity was once more tickled, I didn't entertain such thoughts for long, as I was rapidly closing in on my prey. The wave of fleeing animals stampeded toward me, and broke, splitting into two groups, one that went to my right, and the other to my left. Like a solitary stone dividing the course of a river, I charged through the surf until I emerged out the other side.

The moment I cleared the mass of terrified creatures, I found myself only a dozen or so meters from the bug bear. The space between us was little more than a turkey trail barely wide enough for either of us to use without clipping a bush or tree as we moved. I didn't mind and merely charged straight through whatever branch or piece of foliage that stood between me and it.

With Pig Sticka raised, and a mighty yell of waugh on my lips, I was apparently quite the intimidating sight. As the moment the Bug Bear laid eyes on me, it stopped dead in its tracks, its plan of terrorizing the forest critters temporarily forgotten. The deafening bellow of my war cry echoed for miles all around and was powerful enough to even make the Bug Bear think twice.

Though he still decided to attack me, it was clear to me that the monster had realized it was no longer the predator. Rather the massive, hulking green biped clad in leather pants, a metal cuirass, and waving a large sword was the hunter here. Still, it had enough fortitude to meet my charge, a rather sad roar of its own trying and failing to match my thunderous cry.

I used its hesitation to my advantage, and attacked first, bringing Pig Sticka down on the beast’s shoulder. There was just enough force behind the strike to sever one of the creature’s four arms, shocking the thing. Recoiling, it cried out in pain and grabbed at the bloody stump in what I assumed was a vain attempt to stop the bleeding.

I continued to push, but this time the bear used its wings to retreat out of my reach. I thought it would continue to flee, but was surprised and glad that it decided to attack me rather than run. It did so by swiping at me with its two arms, using its height advantage to swing at my face.

I brought Pig Sticka up to cut off more of the thing’s limbs, but the thing was already pulling back. A feint, the strike hadn't carried much weight behind it, for the true attack was aimed at my torso. The stinger had a wide head and resembled a spear tip, though like said weapon it had no chance of piercing my defences. I didn't even try to dodge, and just let the bug hit me, its point scraping against the armor, accomplishing nothing.

It seemed confused by this, giving me a chance to press my luck, which I did so immediately.

Grabbing its right leg, I pulled hard, dragging the beast down to my level while Pig Sticka went up to meet it. The scrap blade plunged deep into the monster’s midsection, burying itself nearly all the way to the hilt in the process. The torrent of blood that poured out of the bugbear’s midsection was accompanied by a horrendous, almost insectoid screech of pain.

The monster seemed to understand that I had landed a fatal blow, as it made no attempt to free itself. Instead, it grabbed me with its three remaining limbs and attempted to chew off my head using its teeth. My skull was harder still, and I just grinned as the thing found that although he could tear off a bit of flesh that was all he could do.

“Yer kall 'dat a bite? I'll showz ya git how it's done!” I shouted.

Though it likely had no idea what I said, it soon understood the meaning of those words. With a twist of my blade, I forced the creature to the right, exposing its neck. I then bit down on the creature with all the strength I could muster, crushing its windpipe and severing more than a few arteries in the process.

The creature flailed, and screamed, though its cries were little more than angry gurgles and its swipes halfhearted. Its death throws were brief, though, through it all, I held on, continuing to bite down until I had nearly severed the creature’s head entirely. My mouth filled with blood, and the red vitae poured down my body, creating a grim waterfall that terminated in a small puddle of crimson that gathered around my feet.

Once it had grown still, I released my hold on it and shoved the beast from Pig Sticka. It flopped to the ground, twitching a few more times before finally dying.

Raising my blade above my head, I bellowed a triumphant waaaagh for all the world to hear. Once more my war cry shook the trees and echoed for miles, though this time it was accompanied by a green glow. Unlike when I had seen it last, the light was weak and closed what little wounds I had gained before disappearing.

“‘Dat fight was fun, but it wasn't gud enough. I need someth'n stronger, an meaner,” I reasoned to myself.

Looking around, I was about to start trying to track the bear when a curious thing happened. A robin settled on a nearby branch and extended a wing in the direction the bug bear had come from.

“It looks like I got meself a guide. Kome on little wun, showz me 'da way," I encouraged.

The robin bobbed its tiny head and leaped into the air, flying slowly in the direction it had previously indicated. I headed that way a moment later, my long legs easily catching up to the winged creature. Once it was almost directly overhead, the bird started pouring on the speed, ensuring that it stayed slightly in front of me.

With the bright red creature serving as my own personal north star, I ran on, weaving through the forest. As I moved, I found that my footing was increasingly uncertain, with bits of shale, and fallen rocks getting in my way. I was one step away from becoming a nob though, so I was big enough that I could just step over them without breaking stride.

After a few minutes, I noticed I was now on an incline, and ahead of me, the trees were beginning to thin. The rocky terrain made larger groups of plant life difficult, allowing me to see that there was a small valley not far away. Surrounded on two sides by steep but not sheer cliffs, and backed with a white wall of stone that almost looked unnatural. Just from looking at it, I couldn't tell if it was truly built by intelligent hands, but given its enormity I assumed it was natural.

That particular riddle wasn't terribly important, though what was important was the buzz of activity in the valley. Bug bears flitted this way and that, pulling down rocks, digging trenches, and generally setting up shop. The bones of what had likely been a pack of wolves lay slowly bleaching in the sun nearby, serving as a warning to others.

To me, the remains were a useful signpost and that was it, as I could probably kill a wolf with a solid punch at this point. It also marked as far as my winged guide was willing to go as well, as he took off back the way he came. I gave him a nod of thanks, before shouldering Pig Sticka and walking up to the entrance of the valley.

As I strode confidently toward the gathering of winged bears, I realized something. Namely that I wasn't tired in the slightest despite having just sprinted several miles, on top of the fight and all the wandering I did earlier today. It made sense, as orks were hardy, and I was the hardiest of the hardy beaten only by true nobs, as well as a war boss, of course.

With my confidence still high, I walked right past the first of the bug bears and kept going. The creature seemed so shocked at my boldness that he didn't initially do anything. After I took a few more steps he moved to block my path, but I immediately sucker-punched him right in the bread basket.

The moment he hit the ground, gasping for air, I swung Pig Sticka like a baseball bat, and decapitated the monster. I plucked his confused head out of the air and kept going without missing a beat. Though I was tempted to stop and fanboy a bit at how cool that must have looked, I just kept on going and only internally squealed with delight.

None of the other bug bears moved to block my path, and upon reaching the center of the valley, I stopped. A few of the creatures were watching me from afar, but none seemed larger than the others. I considered changing tactics but decided to see my little plan clean through to the end.

To said end, I banged Pig Sticka against my chest and yelled a battle cry. As I did so, I slowly turned in a circle, making sure to stare each of the bug bears in the eye in the process. Only after I did a full circle did a larger, more important-looking creature appear from further up the mountain.

Having no doubt heard echoes of my challenge, I watched as an unusually large, six-armed bug bear flew down toward me. Though bigger than his fellows, he didn't look much different, having the same coloration, and overall appearance. The only other thing that was different were the extra pair of wings he had on his back and the small crown that rested on his brow. This outcropping of chitin looked natural, likely grown from the creature upon completing some kind of molt.

I tossed aside these considerations for the moment, choosing to satisfy my curiosity later after I had killed him. Before I could murder him, I needed to finish taunting him, and so I chucked the decapitated head of his subordinate toward him. I then stood there, watching as the creature seemed to contemplate his next action with a carefulness that betrayed a bit more intelligence.

He then flew over, grabbed the head, and after a moment to stare into its now lifeless eyes, ate it. With a few hard crunches, it destroyed the skull and made short work of the meat, swallowing it with a satisfied gulp. With its meal done, it looked back to me and unleashed a roar that shook the very walls of the valley.

It did not move me, however, and once it was done, I inhaled deep and bellowed the biggest ‘waugh!’ I could muster. Stones came loose and rattled down the cliffs, rocks shook, and nearby trees lost their leaves. Not only did I shake the ground, but I shook the morale of the other bug bears, who looked expectantly at their leader.

The larger critter let me spend the rest of my breath before motioning towards the closest bug bear. That seemed to be the start of some unseen signal, as they all fell back to a respectable distance. The leader then landed, and stood on his back legs, six arms spread wide in the sign of a challenge.

I mimicked it, spreading my arms, and waited, watching my foe closely.

The bear went into a sort of combat stance, hovering just above the ground with all six arms tensed. I hefted Pig Sticka up into a block, readying myself for what I assumed was going to be a lightning-fast attack. With that, the duel had officially begun, and I knew that win or lose, I’d have a good fight, one that would likely even trigger my next evolution.

"Come on den, if yer fink yer're ‘ard enough!" I shouted.

Observing The Struggle

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Observing The Struggle

Many minutes earlier, in Ponyville.

Rainbow Dash burst through the door to the library like an out-of-control wrecking ball, startling everyone inside.

“Where is that murderous git? I’ll give her what for!” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Are you speaking of me? Or perhaps your supposed friend here is the target of your fury,” Furious Flare offered, gesturing to Twilight.

“I’m talking about you, duh!” Rainbow Dash retorted, pointing at the hunter.

“Really? Because based on the damage you did to my door you’d think it was me you hated,” Twilight shot back.

“What, it's fine, see?” Rainbow Dash declared.

The pegasus pushed the door shut, or at least tried to, as one of the metal hinges was broken. Leaving the poor thing to dangle there, flapping absently in the light breeze of the early afternoon.

“Uh… I can fix that,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Like you said you’d fix my roof?” Twilight asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Augh quit trying to distract me! I’m here to stop a murder!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

Furious Flare snorted. “Why would I kill Twilight Sparkle? She is aiding me in my task of hunting the beast while the rest of my party arrives.”

“Not if I stop you first!” Rainbow Dash stated, rising up to her back hooves and raising her forelegs. “Now put ‘em up, you murderer!”

“Augh, I don't have time for this. Twilight, restrain your associate so we may continue with our reconnaissance,” Furious Flare demanded.

Twilight sighed and trotted over to her friend. “Look, we are just doing some recon on the creature and its habits.”

“What gives Twilight, yesterday you said it was weird how murder happy she is, and now you’re helping her?” Rainbow Dash demanded.

“I studied her texts, and asked Celestia for clarification,” Twilight began. “It's all true Rainbow. This creature really is one of the monsters of legend, and even the princesses are concerned.”

“Bwuh?” Rainbow Dash muttered, the mare falling back to all fours.

“Yes, it is like I said,” Furious Flare exclaimed. “Left to its own devices this creature will spawn innumerable others of his ilk. Once they reach critical mass they will flow across this land and world like a green tide of destruction. We have but this singular chance to destroy the creature before it is able to begin spreading.”

“Is this lady serious?” Rainbow Dash asked incredulously. “Have you never been given the birds and the bees talk before.”

“I assure you I know how-” Furious Flare began.

Rainbow Dash flew over and wrapped a hoof around the hunter’s shoulder.

“Well don't you worry, Auntie Rainbow Dash is here to teach you,” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “You see when two creatures love each other very much they do a special dance and soon one of them will be pregnant. After a few-”

“Rainbow Dash quit antagonizing her,” Twilight exclaimed.

The pegasus was shoved backward, forcing her to release the hold she had on Furious Flare’s shoulder.

“I would advise you to listen to your friend before I have to escort you from the premises,” Furious Flare growled.

“What? I’m just trying to help you understand how creatures reproduce. Since apparently that's not something you get,” Rainbow Dash mocked.

“Orks don't reproduce like that,” Twilight stated. “Though they look vaguely mammalian, they have more in common with mushrooms than us.”

“Bwuh?” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“It is how they are able to reproduce without the need for a companion,” Furious Flare picked up. “Their spores are numerous, with each ork able to make millions of the things over their lifetime.”

“Wait, really? How does that even work?” Rainbow Dash asked, the mare scratching her head with a wing.

“It's complicated but they essentially pop out of the ground fully formed. If the texts are to be believed, that is,” Twilight explained.

“They are correct,” Furious Flare declared. “My family has maintained them for generations. The information within is perfectly accurate.”

“Say,” Twilight began. “You wouldn't mind if I say… inspected those original tomes, would you? The copies are nice but to see such ancient texts would be a dream come true.”

“Don't do it, dude. She’s totally going to slobber all over them,” Rainbow Dash added.

“Hey that was only one time and I-”

“Silence!” Furious Flare interrupted. “Twilight, maintain the scrying spell. Rainbow Dash, either sit down and be quiet or leave. Your constant blathering is a determinant to my mission.”

Rainbow Dash pulled up a chair and sat down, her hooves crossed over her chest and a host of muttered insults upon her lips.

“Good, now continue,” Furious Flare stated.

“R-right,” Twilight murmured.

The unicorn lit her horn and focused her magic on the crystal orb resting on the table before them. After a few seconds of unbroken concentration, the sphere lit up, and the Everfree as seen through the eyes of a bird popped into view. After a moment to calibrate her spell, Twilight began to move the scrying spell around, seeking out a familiar landmark.

It didn't take long for the unicorn to locate the fort she and her friends had visited only a few days earlier. Looking around, they found that it was uninhabited save for a few fat parasprites and a couple of small forest creatures. With an extra spell, Twilight phased the scrying sheet through the wall of the tower, confirming that it was also empty.

“It hasn't been gone long,” Furious Flare remarked. “Go back to the eastern edge of the fort.”

Twilight complied, moving the spell back to a seemingly random break in the outer wall.

“There. Footprints, and fresh ones too,” Furious Flare exclaimed.

“What, I don't see anything. You should check out the west side,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Ignore her,” Furious Flare interrupted. “Head back to the eastern section and zoom in.”

“I don't think there is anything here. I don't see any… huh,” Twilight murmured. “Would you look at that.”

The scrying sheet displayed that something large and barefoot had come this way recently.

“Follow them, hurry,” Furious Flare pressed.

Twilight nodded and did just that, guiding her spell further into the woods. Beside her, Rainbow Dash silently fumed, though her anger soon melted into curiosity as the landscape started to change. Through the magic of the scrying sheet, the pegasus was able to see further into the Everee than she had ever beheld in person.

The majestic beauty of such untamed wilderness was off put by the sense of danger that leaped out at her everywhere she looked. Monsters and predators seen only in books or spoken of in hush whispers could occasionally be spotted amongst the foliage. Though her nerves were shaken, Rainbow Dash continued to follow along as Twilight moved deeper still.

“Stop,” Furious Flare ordered. “Focus on that hill.”

Twilight did just that, shifting the spell so that a sparsely treed lump of earth filled the scrying sheet. Furious Flare held up a hoof, prompting Twilight to stop there. With the magical eye unmoving, Furious Flare studied the image closer, though for what Rainbow Dash wasn't sure.

“Iron deposits,” Furious Flare offered. “It's starting to scope out natural resources.”

“Is that… bad?” Twilight asked.

“The chronicles speak of an ork infestation that began to metastasize once one of their number had reached the prerequisite size and had located a significant amount of metal,” Furious Flare answered.

“So they need metal to complete some part of their life cycle?” Twilight reasoned.

“It's not necessary, though it does seem to speed things up,” Furious Flare answered. “These creatures don't care if they wield only wooden weapons and wear leather armor. They will use whatever they can get their hands on.”

“Sounds kinda ingenious,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“In a way, yes. Tales are told of how these creatures could create sophisticated equipment from little more than pig iron and wood,” Furious Flare stated, only to frown. “A shame that these devices ceased functioning in the hooves of ponies.”

“Perhaps they have some sort of magic that ensures only they can use it,” Twilight offered.

“Sounds like a cop-out for not understanding how their stuff worked,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“Hush, follow that path,” Furious Flare urged. “And activate the audio now.”

Once more Twilight did as was asked of her, her horn glowing a bit brighter. When the light dimmed, sound came from the orb, though it was initially little more than the whistle of the wind. It was quickly replaced by what was likely fighting, though it was too distant to be sure at the moment. As the noise grew louder, Twilight's magical eye shifted until it fell upon the battle they had heard a second earlier.

“Woah, is that a Bug Bear king?” Twilight muttered.

“It seems so. Though what it is doing so far west is beyond me,” Furious Flare exclaimed.

“Six arms? Now that's just cheating,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“Hold on,” Twilight murmured, the pony zooming in on the fight. “Is the ork bigger than he was last time?”

“Ghuzrod. His name is Ghuzrod,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.

“Whatever, did he get taller?” Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash leaned in, eyes narrowing. “I don't know what you’re… huh. Would you look at that, he is taller. Got a bit more muscle on him too.”

“This is bad,” Furious Flare muttered absently. “This is very bad.”

“We still have time right?” Twilight asked.

Furious Flare frowned. “Most likely, but not very much. The chronicles said this process would take several years, but it's been only a few short weeks. Clearly, this creature is exceptional.”

“No kidding. Look how easy he dodging the bug bear king,” Rainbow Dash added, weaving her head as she spoke. “Up, down left oh and he even managed to cut off one of its hands. Go big guy go!”

“Rainbow Dash, don't cheer for it,” Twilight hissed.

Furious Flare ignored them both, her attention focused completely on the fight scene playing out before her. The ork she had chosen as her quarry was enormous, large enough to tower over Celestia, and most other creatures. The alien’s strength would be unrivaled, equalled only by adult dragons, or some of the more exotic creatures found across Equestria.

Worse yet, the ork was fighting intelligently, a quality that she knew was rare for the muscle-bound monsters. Where the chronicles told of an unflinching creature too stupid and stubborn to try anything other than the most obvious of tactics, this ork was different. He used feints, dodged, and even used distractions to get an upper hand on the bug bear king he was fighting.

And the ork was winning, not handily, but he was clearly in control of the situation.

Sure it was close, with both sides sustaining injuries, most notably a few missing limbs, but the ork was firmly leading the dance. He pushed the bug bear where he wanted, and punished the creature when he had the chance to do so. Already the king was missing three of its arms while the ork had only taken a few deep, but not life-threatening gouges or cuts.

“Duck, dodge, dip, and dice!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

Furious Flare blinked, only now aware of how long she had been staring off into space, too stunned to speak. In that time she had watched as the ork slowly but surely pressed its advantage wearing out the bug bear king and adding to the ever-expanding list of injuries the creature had sustained. Using a slow, methodical, and brutal form of fighting that was so outside what Furious Flare had been told of that she started to wonder.

What if this thing truly isn't like the others?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sharp jab of anger that rose from deep inside of her, banishing such speculation. This creature was her enemy, a monster decried by Celestia and Luna to be something that should exist only in myth. It was her mission to dispatch him, not only because she was a defender of Equestria but also due to her being the sole remaining heir to the Fairbrook family.

“Do you know of any magic that could distract the creature or something along those lines?” Furious Flare asked.

“Why are you asking Twilight? You’re a unicorn too ya know,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“My skills lie primarily in combat. Such long-distance spells are not known to me,” Furious Flare retorted.

“I don't have anything of that kind,” Twilight remarked, only to pause. “Though I suppose a sending spell tied to the scrying spell could serve as a distraction.”

“What? Don't do it Twilight he saved my life and is just fighting to save the Everfree from an invasive species!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Would you get out of the way? I haven't decided anything yet,” Twilight retorted.

“You have received confirmation from Celestia herself that this creature is to be struck down as soon as is feasible. You must not let this fool stop you from doing what needs to be done!” Furious Flare declared.

Rainbow Dash flew right up into the other mare’s face. “Oh yeah and who says he ain't different from those other jerky orks? You said he was smarter than them!”

“He may have indicated higher intelligence, but that only makes it more imperative that we slay him,” Furious Flare shot back.

“Pfft nuh uh!” Rainbow Dash mocked. “It actually means that we could talk with him, and maybe do one of those peace treaty things or whatever.”

“Girls,” Twilight attempted to interrupt.

“You do not sign peace treaties with world-consuming monsters!” Furious Flare shouted back, her eyes flashing with a dangerous, crimson glow.

“You’re wrong. He's not nearly big enough to eat a planet. Maybe a pony though,” Rainbow Dash admitted.

“Girls!” Twilight shouted.

“What?” Both Furious Flare and Rainbow Dash yelled back.

Twilight just pointed at the scrying orb.

Following her hoof, they stared down at the battle, only to find that it was over but a clear winner was not easily found. Though the bug bear king was now missing a whopping four limbs, and was impaled on the ork’s sword, said ork wasn't much better off. His cuirass had been torn off, and his stomach cut open, allowing his guts to spill out onto the dirty ground.

Ghuzrod shoved his foe from the end of his blade before dropping said weapon completely. The ork then fell to his knees, and knelt there, seemingly wounded fatally and on the verge of death. Then he reached down, grabbed as much of his guts as he could, and shoved the mass of entrails back into his midsection.

With his off hand, he held the mass inside his torso, while the other grabbed the handle of his sword. Somehow, he was able to stand, and even more surprisingly, raise his jagged scrap metal weapon above his head. A warcry spilled from his lips, one so primal and powerful that it shook the very earth.

So strong was this scream of victory that it cracked the orb, and made both Furious Flare and Twilight grab their ears. Rainbow Dash, however, had raised her forehooves over her head and was yelling along with the ork. Though where his cry was a distinct ‘Waagh’, the pegasus was screaming ‘Yeah’ at the top of her lungs.

“That's what I’m talking about, woo!” Rainbow Dash finished.

“Is it over?” Twilight asked, the mare still keeping her hooves placed firmly over her ears.

“It is, now focus. You are about to lose the- dammit,” Furious Flare cursed.

The orb flickered once more before the image within vanished, replaced by a ghostly white mist.

“Get it back, hurry!” Furious Flare shouted.

“It's broken, all that yelling must have overloaded the spell,” Twilight explained.

“Useless, you are all useless,” Furious Flare yelled.

The hunter turned around and stomped out of the library before anyone had a chance to utter a sound.

“Hot damn, what is her deal? That was one hype-as-hell fight,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“It was not ‘hype’,” Twilight corrected, adding air quotes to the word hype. “It was a struggle to the death. Such violence should not be glorified.”

“Pfft whatever. He fixed the invasive species issue didn't he?” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“I mean, with the king now slain they will likely scatter, so you’re not wrong per se,” Twilight murmured.

“See? Problem solved,” Rainbow Dash declared.

Twilight sighed and just watched as her friend walked over to the door.

“The next time we do this we should make popcorn and maybe invite the others,” Rainbow Dash offered, stopping at the library exit. “Except for Fluttershy, I don't think she’d be a fan.”

“Or Pinkie Pie either, she is surprisingly squeamish about…” Twilight shook her head. “We are not doing that. Also, where are you going? We should be talking about this. Coming up with a plan.”

“No can do Twilight. The weather team is preparing for a big storm rolling in. Boss lady wants us to divert it into the Everfree,” Rainbow Dash answered.

“But won't that delay Furious Flare’s expedition?” Twilight inquired.

“Oh, I didn't think of that. Yeah, it totally will!” Rainbow Dash replied. “Great point Twilight. Gotta go, duty calls or whatever!”

With that, the pegasus was gone, disappearing in a rainbow contrail and leaving behind a tiny cloud of dust.

“I didn't… augh,” Twilight muttered, hooves crossed over her chest. “I don't get paid enough to deal with all this craziness.”

Rainbow Dash and The Hunters

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Rainbow Dash and The Hunters

Rainbow Dash twisted this way and that, banking against the furious winds, and pouring rain. The sky above her was pitch black and completely covered in dark storm clouds that swirled constantly. Although it was technically only early evening, it looked like it was nearly midnight, with only the occasional lightning bolt illuminating the washed-out streets of Ponyville.

The pegasus leveled out just as she was about to hit the mud, gliding to a stop at the entrance of Sugarcube corner. Her muscles were tired, her injured wing ached, yet she was grinning from ear to ear as she strode her way inside.

There she saw that the usually crowded bakery was nearly empty. There were only a few old-timers having coffee and chatting in the corner, as well as a couple of rain coat-wearing kids present. Or at least that's what Rainbow Dash thought at first, for she quickly noticed that there were several newcomers there as well.

Hidden away off to one side in one of the few booths the bakery had, were nearly a half dozen hooded figures. Only one did not wear something that obscured their features, though even if she did Rainbow Dash would recognize her. Furious Flare wore a scowl, and her armor, her signature blade resting against the seat, its handle in easy reach.

“Hey Rainbow Dash, did you need something, heeeey can you hear me?” Pinkie Pie called.

Rainbow Dash blinked and turned back around. “Oh uh, just a coffee please.”

“Two creams, eight sugars, right?” Pinkie Pie replied.

“You know it, Pinks. Put it my tab, and toss me one of those bear claws while you’re at it,” Rainbow Dash added.

“You know you still haven't paid up from last time,” Pinkie Pie pointed out.

“Ahh you know I’m good for it. Besides, it's hard to carry bits when you’re flying around,” Rainbow Dash dismissed.

“Okay, but you gotta pay this Friday, or else Mrs. Cake says I have to cut you off,” Pinkie Pie replied.

“Yeah yeah, I’ll get you the money,” Rainbow Dash dismissed, the mare leaning against the counter.

“I’m going to ignore all of those red flags and get your order now!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

The pony retrieved her friend’s snack, hoofed it over, and then began brewing the coffee.

“Say,” Pinkie Pie whispered in a low tone. “You look like you know the new pony. What’s their deal?”

“I’m surprised you don't know a disturbing amount about her already,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

Pinkie Pie shivered. “No way. She's got some bad vibes coming off her. My Pinkie sense told me to steer clear.”

“Huh,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “And to answer your question, she's some psycho killer the princesses sent to execute Ghuzrod.”

“The ork?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Yeah! The one that saved my life!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“Ooooh. Twilight mentioned something about that when she came by to get her morning cup full of espresso with whipped cream and chocolate shavings on top,” Pinkie Pie murmured absently.

“That sounds awful,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Oh it's pretty nasty, but at least she's not drinking a cup full of boiled five-hour energy drinks anymore,” Pinkie Pie offered.

Rainbow Dash stuck her tongue out in disgust. “That's… yech.”

Pinkie Pie pushed a cup of coffee across the counter. “There ya are. Nice and sweet, just the way you like it.”

“Thanks Pinks. See ya round,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“See ya later dude. Make sure you be careful with that coffee, it's hot,” Pinkie Pie warned.

“Yeah, yeah. You tell me that every time,” Rainbow Dash dismissed.

The mare strode away, her beverage in one hoof, and her snack balanced on a wing tip. As she walked, she took a bite of her bear claw followed by a sip of her drink.

“Ooh that is hot,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

Rainbow Dash grabbed a chair and dragged it over to Furious Flare’s table, plunking down at the end.

“So,” Rainbow Dash began. “What is the League of Evil Jerks up to today? Kick any puppies recently?”

“Augh not you again,” Furious Flare muttered bitterly.

“Ma’am?” asked one of the hooded figures.

“This is Rainbow Dash. Element of loyalty, and current pain in my flank,” Furious Flare explained.

“I think murder is bad. Screw me, eh?” Rainbow Dash mocked.

“Yes. I want to kill a world-ending monster destined to genocide not only Ponykind but every thinking race in Equestria. If you have a problem with that you should get your head checked,” Furious Flare retorted.

“Woah, I’m not here to argue,” Rainbow Dash replied.

Furious Flare blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

Rainbow Dash took a bite, chewed slowly, and followed it up with a short sip of her coffee.

“Nope,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Then why are you here?” Furious Flare demanded.

“Just wanted to know how you were liking the weather,” Rainbow Dash offered before going back to her snack.

“The weather is rather foul. We weren't expecting such a storm and it's waylaid our party,” Furious Flare muttered.

“For probably two days,” Rainbow Dash added.

“Two days? How did you…” Furious Flare’s confused expression melted away, replaced by an angry glare. “What did you do?”

“Oh nothing illegal,” Rainbow Dash stated, kicking back in her chair and sipping her coffee. “I just convinced the boss lady that since we were due for a summer storm we could get that out of the way now.”

“You purposefully protected that thing?” Furious Flare shouted.

“Chill,” Rainbow Dash retorted, jabbing the last bit of her bear claw at the other mare. “I was just doing my job as head weather mare for Ponyville.”

Rainbow Dash then tossed back the last of her snack and chewed noisily while grinning.

“I… you…” Furious Flare stuttered, a vein in her neck bulging. “You may very well have doomed this world with your little stunt!”

“Nah I’m pretty sure the storm ain't that big,” Rainbow Dash teased.

The pegasus laughed and took another swig of her coffee.

“You have gotten in my way for the last time, Rainbow Dash!” Furious Flare shouted, pounding her hooves into the table. “Element of harmony or not you cannot be allowed to stand in the way of mission!”

Furious Flare all but leaped from her seat, her magic grabbing her sword while a hoof reached for Rainbow Dash’s neck.

“What are you-woah!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

An errant hoof clipped one of the two chair legs actually on the ground, knocking Rainbow Dash off balance. Already reclined nearly to the point of toppling over, Rainbow Dash fell backward, and instinctively pinwheeled her hooves in an effort to stabilize herself. This had the effect of launching her cup of coffee at the wall, unfortunately, Furious Flare’s face intercepted the throw.

“Ahhh it's so hot!” Furious Flare screamed.

While their boss lay on the floor clutching her face in agony, the rest of the hunter’s party was busy charging out of their seats. Every bit as angry as Furious Flare, they grabbed at weapons or ran at the element of loyalty with bare hooves raised.

“Get her!” Furious Flare yelled.

“Yeah nah I’m outta here. Y'all are crazy,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

The pegasus turned and flew toward the exit, but paused at the threshold.

“What did I tell you about the hot coffee?” Pinkie Pie shouted.

“Sorry Pinks, you were right!” Rainbow Dash yelled back.

The speedster then threw open the door and launched into the open air. Behind her, the royal hunters all tried to pile through the exit at the same time and ended up stuck. The comical traffic jam would have prompted a laugh from Rainbow Dash but she was already gone.

“I’ll show those jerks,” Rainbow Dash thought aloud as she made her way to the library. “I’ll get the girls together and in two days we’ll beat those murder hobos to the punch.”

Rainbow Dash banked around a cloud and leveled out, the living tree house coming into view.

“Wait,” She muttered. “Why am I talking to myself?”

Rainbow Dash frowned. “I’ve been hanging out with Twilight too much.”

Chimera Go Splat!

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Chimera Go Splat!

With a titanic heave, I was able to throw off the weight of the earth above me and emerge once more reborn. Standing upright, I immediately thanked my prior self for having cut and expanded my pants so that they could contain my new bulk. And there was a lot of it, as I had jumped weight classes once more, going from a skar boy, to what felt like a nob or maybe even a warboss.

“It's about damn time,” I muttered to myself.

Glancing around the increasingly claustrophobic tower, I noticed that nothing was out of the ordinary. Inspecting the area a little closer, I expected to find some of the pointy, black-capped mushrooms that signified a boy was growing nearby. Yet I found none, and worse yet I didn't notice any spores, though I couldn't be certain since I didn't know if they could be seen by the naked eye in the first place.

“How am I gunna fight 'da whole damn galaxy if I don't have me Boyz?” I demanded. “Zog it. I'll jus keep gett'n fightia. Maybe afta Iz as big as a warboss I'll have some Boyz uv me own.”

Still annoyed, but with a plan in mind, I turned to look outside only to just then realize that it was raining pretty hard. Not only that but the wind was loud, and lightning was constantly illuminating the night sky with jagged bolts.

“No rain iz gonna slow down Ghuzrod Sunrekka!” I proclaimed, only to pause. “Oi. I really need me Boyz. Start'n ta talk ta myself alot.”

Heading outside, I immediately stepped on something sharp and regretted not making myself a pair of boots. I picked up my foot and inspected the base, finding that there was a familiar quill stuck into my leathery flesh. Annoyed, but unharmed, I picked it out and looked down to see that there was a neat pile of the quills just lying there on the ground.

Confused and equally amused, I gathered them up and headed for the forge. The driving rain soaked me to the bone almost immediately, but I just shrugged it off and kept going. With the downpour no longer a concern I once more inspected my surroundings only to end up even more confused than before.

“Wot. Why iz 'der so many quills jus ly'n about?” I muttered.

Piles of the things were all over the place as if someone had gathered them up for me. I was about to brush it off as weird luck but was startled by a fat parasprite belching up a mass of the pointy spikes on the ground. The undigested remains of the spiky buggers were piled about as high as the rest, solving the mystery of why they were there.

“Aint yer a gud weird little bug fing,” I muttered. “Keep it up an I'll make sure yer're always fed right an propa like.”

I patted the bright red parasprite on the head affectionately. The little bugger made a happy chirping noise and buzzed its wings, making me grin.

“Right den. Let's make some propa boots. Fix ma kuirass an’ den see about kover'n me legs,” I declared.

I set to work and found that although I had a surprisingly large number of quills, they didn't go terribly far. My cuirass was repaired, and I was able to make some greaves, sabatons, the knee part of plate mail, and even the thigh coverings but that was it. That wasn't all, mind you, as I ran out of leather at about that point anyway, only having had enough to make some shoes, and the straps to keep all the armor together.

It was ramshackle, but the leather was thick, taken from the bugbear king I had slain and dragged back here. I would have had more, but the parasprites had eaten a good third of him by the time I woke up. It didn't matter in the end though, as I was at least armored from the waist down in thick, heavy plates.

“Now dis iz some propa armor. I'z a step away from look'n like a real knight. Or at least I would if dis wasn't a dull grey kolor,” I remarked. “Maybe I should snazz it up a little. Paint it blue for luck, or maybe black ta make it nice an’ tough.”

I shrugged. “Bah. I kan worry about 'dat lata once I work out ma clan kolors.”

That thought prompted me to consider what I’d call my clan. Sure I had given it and my color scheme some thought, but I still hadn't settled on anything. I had plenty of cool ideas, but nothing quite felt right so I decided not to linger on it for too long.

I just thanked Gork, or Mork for giving me enough brains to figure out basic armor smithing. Sure it was crude and far heavier than it needed to be, but I had little doubt it would get the job done.

“Too bad I don't have anyth'n ta kova me arms dough,” I exclaimed.

I shrugged and walked over to the edge of the forge area. There I stared out at the rain, half crouched in the mud and muck, my brain churning with ideas. I needed to keep fighting, that much was obvious, but what was there left to fight?

A cragadile maybe, but could I even kill one of those things without explosives or something? I brushed that thought aside, deciding that was a bridge I’d cross when I got there.

A chimera was the next most logical choice, as it was a bit bigger than a manticore, but also had three times as many heads. More than that it was intelligent, being near, or on par with, a pony. That fact alone would ensure a good fight, one that may even net my next evolution and finally get my body to release some spores.

“‘Dat sounded weird,” I muttered.

I shrugged to myself once more and was about to set out when I realized there was one creature I hadn't thought of. A hydra, though I was fairly certain even in my current state I would be no match for such a beast. It was enormous, shown in the show to easily dwarf an adult dragon by several orders of magnitude.

“Hopefully I don't run into wun uv dose. I'd need a whole pack uv Boyz ta deal wit' wun uv im,” I remarked aloud. “Whelp. No use stand'n around do'n noth'n. Let's go kill someth'n.”

With that thought in mind, I set out, tromping through the muddy earth in a random direction once more. I was trusting the forest again, but unlike the last few times, I didn't really mind it. The forest, or whatever force was guiding me had done a bang-up job so far, so I wasn't about to complain or think twice.

With my head down and Pig Sticka in my right hand, I stomped noisily into the woods without a clear destination. As I walked through the storm, I began to wonder if a chimera would even be a decent fight. They were only twice as tall as a pony in the show, and I was at least four or five ponies tall at this point.

Not only that but I was strong, like really strong. Each time I moved my arms I felt the chorded muscles beneath my flesh flex and contort. I felt as though I could tear a tank apart and if I remembered my lore correctly that was indeed a possibility.

An ork nob could pull the limbs off a space, even if they were in power armor, and survive some truly ridiculous punishment. Add to that my own crude, but battle-tested and effective armor and I was about a step away from being a walking tank. A chimera may be pretty smart, but I was bigger and meaner than a space marine, and few things could beat them.

I began to worry that there would be nothing capable of challenging me, but then I remembered this was my little pony. There were chaos gods, thousand-foot-tall dragons older than the hills, and hyper-competent magic users that could probably turn me into a tea cup before I could yell a war cry. Upon realizing there were still plenty of things capable of killing me, I relaxed, safe in the assumption that there were plenty of lethal foes left to fight.

It was at about this point that I noticed that the ground had begun to grow bumpier, and the landscape weirder for lack of a better word. The trees were twisted, and nearly everything was covered in thorns, even the flowers. My slowing feet picked up a moment later when I heard a scream somewhere nearby, the sound just barely piercing the veil of the thunderous downpour.

Picking up the pace, I sprinted in the direction of the noise, shoulder-checking through trees and stomping entire bushes flat in the process. My blitz through the woods worked, and only a few seconds later I emerged into a small clearing safe from the storm. There I noticed that several abnormally tall trees created a canopy so thick and so dense that it even muffled the sounds of the rain.

It was there, on what looked like an ill-used and clearly ancient road that I found the ponies that had been in trouble. A small caravan with several carts full of goods was arrayed in a circle, their former owners huddled at the center. They looked to be a mix of Zebra, and earth ponies, though one of their number stood out from the rest. I recognized Zecora, though she hadn't seen me, as the striped mare was busy fending off a large foe.

Standing as tall as me and looming over the ponies was an elder chimera, one scarred by battle and time. A mix of a tiger, a goat, and a snake, they were clearly a step above the one in the show. This was likely due to their advanced age which was made evident by their greying fur, and the fact that they were quite literally long in the tooth.

“Throw another of those potions and your end will be a slow one!” Bellowed the tiger head.

“Until you give up and shoo, I’ll keep throwing them at you!” Zecora retorted.

“Fat chance, morsel. You stepped on our territory and that makes you dinner,” exclaimed the goat head.

“Sssso be a good sssnack and ssstop fighting back!” snapped the viper head.

“I got a betta idea. Why don't ya try an pick on someone yer own size?” I countered, stomping into the clearing.

The chimera spun toward me, its eyes going wide and a look of confusion crossing all three of its faces.

“What in Tartarus are you supposed to? Some kind of ugly green ape?” remarked the goat head.

“Got more 'n kommon wit' mushrooms but 'dat's really neitha ere nor 'der really,” I replied with a shrug.

“Mushrooms? You make as much sense as you do proper words,” hissed the snake head.

“I don't need propa gramma ta give yer a propa krumpin,” I retorted, jabbing Pig Sticka at them.

“So the hideous beast wants to play the part of the knight. Fine, you shall serve as the main course,” the tiger head declared.

“Before we dig into these tasty little deserts on legs,” added the snake head.

“Perhaps we could even keep them for a while,” mused the goat head. “Cut off their legs and let them sit in our cave, like one of the ponies baked goods.”

“Oi would yer quit yer yammer'n an fight already? I'z gett'n bored ova ere," I exclaimed.

“Let us be rid of this beast, dear sisters,” declared the goat head.

“Yes, let's,” hissed the snake head.

I took that as the sign to start, and with Pig Sticka raised high over my head, I charged straight at them, screaming all the while. Once again the sheer strength of my war cry seemed to catch my foe off guard, as did the fury of my charge. As I was able to deliver the first strike, though they had enough time to dodge far enough out of the way that my attempted decapitation only removed one of the goat’s horns.

The chimera struck back, the tiger head clawing at my midsection while the snake attempted to bite me in the neck. I dodged out of the way of the snake, and just took the scratch on the chest, tanking the damage rather than wasting effort avoiding it. The strike was heavy, and their claws sharp, but between my tough-as-nails hide, and thick armor nothing got through to actually hurt me.

I followed it up with another swipe of my sword, my aim centered on their main bulk. Though lightning fast, they were able to hop out of the way in time. The goat head then breathed in and exhaled a gout of flame straight for my face.

Raising Pig Sticka, I blocked the torrent of fire, but not the bite aimed at my free arm. Temporarily blinded, I hadn't even noticed the tiger lurching forward until her jaws were already around my bicep. She tried to bite down, to sever the limb completely, but my skin was harder than most leather, and my bones thicker than most trees. Even still, I could feel something crack inside my arm, and I knew that if I didn't remove the creature it would eventually be able to bite through it completely.

“Get off, ya damn git!” I shouted.

Bringing down the butt of Pig Stick against the side of the tiger’s head, I knocked something loose, causing the head to recoil. That still left the other two open, however, and the snake head bit me in the shoulder before I had the chance to recoil. The venom it pumped into my veins was unpleasant, but I was tougher than most and shook off its effects.

“Thisss one is ssstrong,” exclaimed the snake head after pulling back out of range.

“Stop yapp'n ya ugly grot,” I spat.

I lurched forward, and slashed at the beast, my blade parting flesh and leaving a deep gouge in the tiger’s face. I pressed my advantage immediately, driving forward with swipe after swipe. Though I was able to score a few hits, the chimera was freakishly fast, and was able to dodge nearly everything.

It then leaped back, and inhaled once more, preparing to unleash another blast of fire at me. I matched its speed and attacked before it had a chance though, swiping at the goat head with my blade. The snake intercepted my attack by throwing itself in the way. Its scales were somehow able to take the brunt of the damage, losing a few of the flakey things in the process but saving the goat from losing its head.

I had been so confident in my attack that I hadn't really considered it not working, and thus could do little to stop the fire. I managed to partially block them with Pig Sticka but it didn't stop the flames from singing my face and heating up my cuirass. Pissed off, but relatively unharmed, I stumbled back, hoping to dodge the bite I felt was coming.

Sure enough, the tiger’s jaws snapped shut mere millimeters away, the beast attempting to strike a moment after the goat finished spitting fire at me. Their coordination was good, but they had been confident as I had been confident, giving me an opening like they just had. I slashed the beast across the shoulder before it had a chance to react, cutting deep enough to leave it with a limp.

I was about to go for a second one and hopefully remove the limb entirely but was cut off when the snake head lurched forward. Balling my fist, I struck it in the snout before it had a chance to inject any more venom into me, breaking one of its fangs. This small victory only lasted a moment, as the goat head lunged forward, and struck me square in the chest with its one remaining horn.

Though not enough to dent the cuirass, it still sent me flying and knocked Pig Sticka out of my hand. As I picked myself out of the mud, the chimera strode forward and plucked my blade from the ground. The goat head then began to squeeze down with its jaws, making the metal begin to squeal and buckle from the pressure.

“Letss see how ssstrong you are without your toy,” teased the snake head.

“Drop it, ya ugly bastard!” I shouted.

I lurched forward, intent on pulling the blade free, only to be beaten to the punch. The goat’s jaws closed, and Pig Sticka snapped in two. The shattered pieces were then spat onto the ground before being stomped on several times, just for spite.

“Not so tough now, are you?” Teased the tiger head.

My right eye twitched, and a vein in my neck bulged. “You, broke, me, sword!”

Mad beyond reason, I screamed an incoherent howl that landed somewhere between a war cry and an insult. I didn't care to be eloquent, however, nor did I give much thought to tactics or even my own well-being. I was pissed, and my only thought was of bashing the chimera’s heads in with my own two hands.

Shocked and confused, the chimera was taken aback just long enough for me to close the distance between us. Shoulder checking the tiger head, I pulled back my fist and slugged the goat square in the nose, flattening its face slightly. As it reeled, I pressed the attack, striking it repeatedly with a series of alternating left and right haymakers.

With each blow, a thunderous impact rang through the multiheaded creature’s body with enough force to temporarily lift it from its feet. My fists were as hard as stone and carried enough kinetic energy to overwhelm even the ancient monster’s thick natural armor. Its flesh was tough and rugged, and its muscles large but the raw strength of an angry nob was not something to be trifled with. Even still, whatever small, rational part of my brain that was still firing recognized that the chimera was probably about as tough as a space marine.

At about the fifth hit, I knocked one of its fangs loose, along with a handful of other smaller teeth. I was going to continue to vent my rage at it, but the snakehead struck, burying its fangs in my shoulder and pumping me full of venom. Turning my attention, I grabbed the thing at the base of its skull and pulled just enough that I could bite it right back.

Its scales were tough, but my jaw was strong, and I could feel that my strength would win out soon enough. While I bit it, it bit me, desperately trying to fell me with its foul toxins before I did it in. My orkoid physiology was likely helping me as I couldn't feel any effects yet, my strange blood and alien physiology fighting it off for the moment.

Though I could tank the foreign liquid burning its way through my veins, things grew a bit more difficult when the tiger head bit down on my arm. The limb, already slightly numbed from the toxin, didn't have enough power left in it to free itself no matter how hard I tugged. So I simply ignored it and decided to keep punching the goat with my free arm while biting down on the snake head.

The first strike split the goat’s lip, the second knocked loose an eyeball, the third destroyed its cheekbone. The fourth shattered its jaw, and the six sent it reeling with such force that its neck made a horrible snapping noise. Its death gave the other heads pause for a moment, perhaps out of shock, or some kind of physiological reaction.

Regardless of why, it allowed me enough time to bite the head off the snake and let it flop around in the mud. This time the death of one of its sisters didn't shock the tiger, rather it enraged it, and with newfound strength it bit down on my arm. Before I had a chance to turn my attention to it fully, the tiger’s enormous teeth pierced the limb completely and with a twist, it tore the limb free.

Down an arm, I stumbled back a step, now bleeding quite profusely and feeling the effect of the venom. Obviously paralytic, my body was growing heavy, my limbs unresponsive, but I was stronger still.

“You will pay for my sister’s deaths, monster!” spat the remaining head.

“Blah blah blah flight me already, ya git!” I mocked.

With a cry, the chimera threw itself at me with what I assumed was complete abandon. Uncaring as to whether it lived or died, the creature was determined to bring me down no matter the cost. Facing such aggression I sought to arm myself, only to chuckle when my gaze settled on the only available armament.

Meeting its charge, I sprinted forward and picked up my discarded arm as I went. Wielding the limb like a club, I bashed it against the tiger’s face, knocking it to the side. I stepped forward immediately, pressing it with another overhand swing of my arm-wielding arm.

It tried to turn and bite me but I kept it off balance by kicking out its already wounded leg. Always one step ahead of the creature, I slowly bludgeoned it to death with my own arm. Welts and bruises quickly covered its face and head while its movements grew clumsier.

“No, not like this,” it muttered.

I tossed my arm aside and stepped forward, the arm still attached to my body raised high over my head. The tiger looked up at me but could do nothing but watch as I brought my fist down on its skull. The force of the blow displaced the air beneath its head and made the beast’s chin bounce off the ground. Though barely moving, I struck the chimera a second time, and then a third time in the same manner, only stopping when its movements ceased.

Plunking down on the ground, I grabbed my discarded limb and lined it back up to the empty socket. Only to just then realize that I had no way to hold it there.

“Any uv yer stripey horses or ponys got any needle an' dread?” I asked.

The terrified critters looked to me, then the chimera, and finally to Zecora. For a moment I thought she was going to let me sit there, bleeding and dismembered in the mud. Then she retrieved something from a wagon and leaped over the wooden barrier they had erected.

“I have indeed what you asked, but if it is to be effective we must move fast,” Zecora exclaimed.

I grinned and watched as the zebra fearlessly ran over to me, and began to stitch my arm back against my shoulder. I couldn't do much to help her, other than sit there and hold the limb where it should be, but she didn't complain.

“Danks, pony. What's yer name? Iz Ghuzrod,” I offered.

“Zecora is the name I do use, and you have taken much abuse,” Zecora exclaimed. “My help I will not shirk, but I’m not sure if this will work.”

“Don't worry about it. Us orks are plenty tough. Jus sew up ‘dat arm an’ I'll be right as rain 'n no time," I offered.

Zecora paused. “What you say you are is rather bizarre. I heard your kind were dead, or at least so I’ve read.”

“Yer've had 'perience wit' us? Well, den sorry about dat. Not all us greenskins are decent folk but don't ya worry none, I'z not a bad slime-er ork," I offered.

I took a moment to look down at Zecora and note that her forelegs were completely covered in my blood. It was to be expected, as although my orkish resistance was beginning to work and had started to staunch the flow, I was still a bit of a mess. The zebra didn't seem to mind though, and diligently worked away at sewing my arm back in the right place.

“That is good to hear because the tomes were not kind, though perhaps it was my ancestors who were blind,” Zecora declared.

“Nah. Most uv us orks are dumb, blood dirsty morons," I dismissed. “Iz a special kase since well… It's a long story.”

“After we had a chance to be free of the grime, you could come down to chat sometime,” Zecora declared.

“Maybe 'n ‘da future we kould do 'dat but for now I still got plenty uv work ta do. Poniez ta protect, an fights ta be had," I replied.

“You can't seriously consider going out in your state, even someone as tough as you should wait,” Zecora added.

I added the last few stitches myself before biting off the thread. I then stood up and shook my arm until feeling suddenly returned to it. Once I could move my fingers, I balled my hand into a fist and struck my chest twice.

“Don't yer worry about me none. Ya jus get yer friends ta Ponyville an' right quick like," I retorted, gesturing to the still cowering but increasingly brave zebras and ponies hiding behind their wagons.

“Thank you again for the assistance you did grant. Though I’d like to thank you properly I’m afraid I can't,” Zecora exclaimed.

“Don’t worry about it,” I dismissed. “Now yer betta get outta ere. Dis storm looks like it's gonna last a while.”

“You are of course, right and we best move while we have some light,” Zecora remarked.

“Right den, Iz off," I proclaimed.

I then turned and began to walk away, pausing just long enough to scoop up the shattered remains of Pig Sticka. Looking down at the shattered pile of scrap, I couldn't help but frown and feel a little sad at the loss of my weapon. I was about to depart, intent on reforging the thing when I heard the soft splish splash of hooves approaching. Turning around, I found that one of the older zebras from the caravan was approaching with a large metal bar sitting on his back.

“Sir. I saw you lost your weapon,” offered the voice of the scared, but brave zebra. “I don't have something quite your size but perhaps this will help you purchase a new one, or forge your own.”

“Danks a lot little wun. Yer stay safe now," I exclaimed, plucking the metal bar from his back.

“I will, thank you again,” he hastily replied.

The zebra then all but sprinted away, leaving me to look down at the hunk of metal fondly.

“Ya'll do nicely," I muttered.

Rainbow Dash and Company

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Rainbow Dash and Company

“What is taking her so long?” Rainbow Dash muttered.

The pegasus paced slowly back and forth, pausing occasionally to glance back toward the town of Ponyville. Around her sat, or stood four other ponies, none of whom were thrilled to be out in the rain, even if it was only spitting at that point. The sun sat high and bright in the sky, though its rays scarcely reached the ground, intercepted by the many dark clouds driven by the cool breeze.

“Are you sure that we cannot reconvene another day?” Rarity complained. “My galoshes may be stylish but they are far from comfortable.”

“As loathe as I am to agree with Rarity on this, I gotta side with her there sugarcube,” Applejack added. “I don't really see why we can't head out after the storm’s finally passed.”

“You guys can't back out now!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, turning to her friends. “Those murderers saw the weather clearing and already left to kill Ghuzrod! If we don't leave soon then he’s going to be capital D, dead!”

“Are you suuure?” Pinkie Pie asked. “Cus they seemed mean but not that mean.”

“What, why don't you believe me? Pinkie you were there when they tried to fight me back at Sugarcube Corner!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

“Yeah but you sorta had it coming. You did give that one lady second-degree burns all over her face,” Pinkie Pie pointed out.

Everyone present winced, including Rainbow Dash.

“Okay, that wasn't my fault. She knocked my coffee out of my hoof,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“Please don't take this the wrong way Rainbow Dash but did you ever think that maybe they… might be right?” Fluttershy asked.

Rainbow Dash gasped. “Fluttershy! I can't believe you would be okay with murder!”

The shy mare grimaced. “I mean if he really is a part of some terrible invasive species then maybe it wouldn't be too bad if he um… went to sleep,” Fluttershy murmured.

“I can't believe you guys,” Rainbow Dash muttered, shaking her head. “You would not only let me go out there alone but you’d let the guy who saved my fricking life die.”

Rainbow Dash scowled. “You aren't the elements of harmony, you're the elements of… jerkness!”

“H-hey I know we don't quite agree but don't you think that's going a bit too far,” Applejack retorted.

“No. If anything I haven't gone far enough. Now if you’ll excuse me. Since I’m the only one with a spine, I’ll go in by myself,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

The pegasus turned and was about to fly away when a voice called out.

“Wait!” someone shouted.

Rainbow Dash paused and glanced over her shoulder to find that both Spike and Twilight had joined them.

“What, Twilight? What are you doing here? I didn't think you were going to join the expedition to save Ghuzrod,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“I wasn't going to at first but then I gave it some thought,” Twilight admitted.

Rainbow Dash turned back around and cocked her head. “And? Please tell me you aren't on the side of Furious Flare like everyone else is.”

“H-hey I didn't say I was with her!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“I’m not,” Twilight stated firmly. “Her texts may be genuine but there are too many things that don't add up. If nothing else I think we should give this Ghuzrod fellow a chance.”

“Ha! You hear that we should give him a chance!” Rainbow Dash mocked. “And you all were ready to condemn him just for being an ork.”

“Come now Darling, there is no reason to be quite so mean,” Rarity retorted. “We were never on the side of this Furious individual. We merely had reservations about your plan.”

“Yeah, you don't have to rub it in,” Pinkie Pie added.

Rainbow Dash sighed. “Sorry, it's just a loyalty thing you know?”

“I know you’re trying to defend your friend Rainbow, but we’re your friends too you know,” Fluttershy added in a low tone.

“Yeah yeah… So,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, glancing at Twilight. “What's the plan?”

“We gotta find Ghuzrod before Furious Flare does. Which is where Spike comes in,” Twilight declared.

Spike stepped forward. “Twilight enchanted my fire so it leads us towards him! See?”

The dragon inhaled deeply before breathing a plume of green flame. The fire seemed to freeze in mid-air before morphing into an arrow and pointing towards the Everfree. It lingered there for a moment longer before being carried away by the wind.

“It took a little longer to rework the scrying spell to function with Spike’s fire,” Twilight explained.

“Well, shoot. If we got a plan then let's see it through,” Applejack declared.

“And then we can throw Ghuzzy a welcome to Ponyville, and thanks for saving our friend party!’ Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“Oh I hope he's a good ork,” Fluttershy muttered. “From what I’ve heard it would be really really bad if he wasn't.”

“I’m sure the boss is a good guy,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed confidently. “He wouldn't have saved me otherwise.”

“Uh, what was that Rainbow Dash?” Applejack asked.

“He wouldn't have saved me otherwise?” Rainbow Dash replied.

“No, the first part,” Applejack retorted.

“I’m sure Ghuzrod is a good guy,” Rainbow Dash stated.

“That's not… whatever,” Applejack muttered.

“Right. So is everyone ready to head out? I see you all have rain gear on, except for Rainbow Dash,” Twilight exclaimed.

“All I need is my trusty machete!” Rainbow Dash declared.

The pegasus then pulled a sharpened shovel from her saddlebags and raised it over her head.

“Why in Equestria would you need something like that?” Rarity demanded to know.

“Is that a shovel?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“Yeah, I borrowed it from Applejack!” Rainbow Dash answered.

“Now just wait just a gosh darn minute,” Applejack interrupted.

“How did you sharpen it anyway? Last I checked you were still banned from buying sharp knives due to the uh… incident,” Twilight inquired.

“Oh, I made my own sharpener!” Rainbow Dash stated.

“You made one?” Fluttershy pressed.

“Out of a bunch of random stuff from around the house. It came to me in a dream I had during my mid-morning nap,” Rainbow Dash proudly proclaimed. “Worked really well too!”

Rainbow Dash swung the sharpened shovel for emphasis, the blade whizzing audibly through the air.

“Wowee that does look sharp!” Pinkie Pie remarked.

The dull boon of thunder could be heard in the distance, though only Spike turned to its source.

“Annnyway,” Twilight Sparkle declared. “I think we should go over the plan just so we’re all on the same page.”

“Yeah that does sound like a good idea,” Applejack agreed.

“So we’ll head into the forest, use Spike’s breath, find Ghuzrod, and hopefully get him to return to Ponyville with us so we can ask a few questions,” Twilight explained. “If all goes according to plan we won't have to fight anybody, and the princess can confirm that he is indeed a good ork.”

“He is,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“If anyone is a good judge of character it's the princesses. I’m sure they will be able to get to the bottom of this,” Rarity stated.

“So we’re all on the same page and in agreement then?” Twilight asked.

“Yupperdoodle!” Pinkie Pie declared.

“Uh, guys?” Spike muttered.

“What is it, Spike?” Twilight replied.

“I think something weird is going on over there,” Spike answered.

The dragon pointed in the direction of the Everfree to what looked like a seemingly random cloud hovering low over the forest.

“It's just a cloud dude,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

“But it's just sitting in one spot like it's unaffected by the wind or something,” Spike explained. “Plus it keeps shooting lightning bolts in the same spot.”

“That's hogwash. Everyone knows lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice,” Applejack dismissed.

“Actually that's not true, you see-” Twilight began.

The unicorn’s explanation was cut off by the boom of thunder and the bright flash of lightning. It wasn't just one bolt, however, as dozens of rapid-fire strikes occurred over the span of a single second. The pressure it produced was powerful enough to roll over the landscape like a shockwave, knocking everyone back.

The six ponies and one dragon stood there in shock for several seconds before one of their number broke the silence.

“I’m coming to save you, boss!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

The pegasus then took off like a cannon shot, flying into the forest with her homemade machete raised high over her head.

“We should probably go after her, huh?” Applejack asked.

“Uh yeah,” Twilight muttered. “We should probably do that.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? To adventure!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

Armorin' All Up!

Author's Note

This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!

Armorin' All Up!

When I awoke it was not with a titanic surge of strength, or an explosion of power, but rather a lethargic grapple with the ground. Clawing my way from the earth like a zombie who woke up on the wrong side of the tombstone, it took a few minutes for me to escape. Once I did, I sat there in the divot I had created in the center of the tower and scratched my head absently.

I yawned, and looked around, taking stock of my surroundings just like I always did. The rubble and detritus were long gone, and the door was secure once more. Despite me shoring up the tower, and patching a few holes to make it more homey, I could still hear the rain outside.

“Still raining, eh? How miserable,” I muttered to myself.

Rising to my full height, I released another long yawn and shook the dirt out of my pants. I then adjusted my armor, retied my boots, and trundled over to the door. Halfway over and I could already tell that I hadn't gained an inch of height despite just how good, and close that last fight had been.

“Zogg,” I spat bitterly.

Confirming my height, I took a few more measurements before finding that no, I had not grown at all. My arm felt better, and the stitches had fallen out so that was good but I had hoped I’d awaken to be the size of a warboss.

A little bitter, but still not feeling too bad, I opened the door and began walking down towards the forge. Along the way, I noticed that the small group of parasprites that seemed to follow me around had grown slightly. Adding a new member, the rather rotund and green-eyed bugs sat under a nearby overhang, watching me.

I gave them a wave, to which they bobbed up and down as if waving back to me. I’m fairly certain they made that weird chittering noise too, but I couldn't hear them over the sound of the rain. Thinking of the rain, I stopped at about the midway point between my tower and the forge and looked up.

Though it was still coming down pretty hard, the sun’s rays were creeping through gaps and openings amongst the cloud cover. It wouldn't be long before the storm finally dissipated, but from the look of it, I was still in for another half day or so of rain. Though a little on the cool side, the rain wasn't enough to make me so much as shiver, even with my rather minimal coverings.

I turned my gaze downward and made my way over to the forge, intent on using it. Once I got the thing hot, I gathered up the broken remains of Pig Sticka, and the iron ingot that I had been gifted. I was about to set to work reforging the blade when I realized something.

Did I really need to make a sword? I could make an axe, or a warhammer, or maybe…

I had to stop before my brain started going through every weapon in existence. Focusing on what would be most effective, I tried to imagine making a chain axe, or a chain sword, but the idea didn't coalesce in my mind. Writing that off for now, I decided to shift my focus and feed the parasprites while I thought of what I wanted to make.

As I walked over to the small outbuilding between the forge and my tower, the parasprites gathered, drawn by the promise of food. The little buggers were surprisingly easy to train, and already they had gotten used to being fed whenever I walked towards the shed. Popping inside I grabbed the carcass of a wolf that tried to jump me on my way back from the chimera fight.

I tore off its limbs with several short, sharp cracks. After that, I tore apart the rest of its body, until I had created enough individual pieces to feed all the parasprites a good-sized portion with a few extra bits. With that done, I turned back around to find that they were sitting on the dilapidated fence a few feet away, their big bug eyes staring at me.

“Whose hungry?” I asked, waving a chunk of meat.

The parasprites bobbed excitedly up and down while making chirping noises. I chucked a chunk at the first one, before going down the line, watching as each of the bugs swallowed the meat whole. They then flew back to their perch after a short waiting period where they presumably digested their food.

That was until about the halfway mark when a parasprite suddenly started making a weird gagging noise as if they were going to produce another of their kind. Then instead of horking out a copy of themselves, they spat out a hunk of metal nearly as big as my fist. Inside the twisted mass was a discarded fork, a broken shovel, bits of wire, and even what looked like a fire poker that one would use for a fireplace.

“Wot da hell?” I murmured.

Picking up the half-digested mass I turned it around in my hand, studying it closer. Somehow all these different kinds of metals were fused together, confusing me. They were also bigger than the entire parasprite was, which was also confusing but that was probably some kind of magic.

I glanced down at the parasprite in confusion and noticed that it was staring back with a nervous look on its face. Like a dog that had been caught peeing on the couch, it was wincing already, readying itself to be disciplined. That was not something I intended on doing, however, and instead of hitting it, I reached down and began to pet the thing.

“Whose a gud little bugaboo, yer are. Yes, ya are," I cooed.

The parasprite flinched and was tense for a second before chittering and pushing itself against my hand. After a few seconds of petting the creature, I reached back and produced another small section of meat. I then dropped the treat into the maw of the parasprite and watched as it gobbled it up excitedly.

“Keep it up,” I declared.

The rest of the parasprites looked from me to their companion, then to the mass of metal, and back to me. I could see the gears churning in their primitive little heads as they put two and two together. After a few seconds, they all took off in every direction, no doubt seeking out more metal to procure for me.

I chuckled as I watched them fly fearlessly into the wind and rain. With the block in hand, I set off back to the forge, intent on making something useful out of the scrap I had been given. I had decided to just let the idea of making a new weapon rest at the back of my mind while I made the rest of my armor.

I knew instinctively that I had enough metal for one arm, and enough leather for both arms, given my recent success hunting. To that end, I used all my metal, save for a sliver of the original Pig Sticka, and created enough armor to cover my right arm. Thick, heavy, and studded with intimidating spikes around the shoulder, it was the very picture of Orkish armor, minus the paint. The gauntlet also sported several large spikes, each big enough to be a weapon in its own right.

Looking at it, I felt immensely prideful, but also rather foolish as I was now completely out of metal. I still had the spiked gauntlet though so I wasn't completely unarmed, but I still felt a bit silly for having wasted all of my metal. I had been in the zone though, and for some reason, I couldn't help but burn through all of my supplies.

I was about to head out in search of prey or metal when a trio of parasprites returned. They then spat out three blobs of partially digested, fused-together scrap and sat there expectantly.

“Ya are gett'n more useful by ‘da day,” I exclaimed.

Retrieving a snack for each, I gave them a little pet before scooping up the metal they had left behind. That was enough for a dagger or short sword I realized, so I set about forging just that only to stop. The fluttering sound of tiny wings was nearly deafening, overpowering the dull boom of thunder and the constant pitter-patter of the rain on the hole-riddled roof.

More metal was deposited, more snacks were handed out, and more pets were given. At the end of it, I had a fair-sized mound of the stuff and a small pack of happy parasprites sitting back on their perch. A glance at all the scrap confirmed to me that they had likely found a stash of rust-covered arms and armor somewhere.

By the looks of it, they were a mix of blues and golds, meaning that my little bugs had stumbled upon the castle of the two sisters, or perhaps an old battlefield. Either way not only did I have enough for my other arm, but also a helmet, and even a weapon or two. It was quite the haul once they were all done puking on the forge floor, and I was thankful for their efforts.

Starting things off, I created the other arm and then got it all linked together to create a full, functioning suit of scrap plate armor. It was incredibly heavy, with some pieces likely weighing more than the average full-sized adult pony. They probably didn't need to be quite that thick, but I was strong, and I was going to be facing off against the worst the galaxy had to offer so the bigger the better in my opinion.

The helmet wasn't quite so easy, as orks had rather large, and prominent jaws that complicated matters. I also wanted to keep my jaw functional in case I wanted to bite something, so a helmet grille or bucket helm was out of the question. After a a bit of fumbling around I was able to create exactly what I was thinking of, a giant iron jaw heavy enough that even I felt the weight of it.

At the end of it all, I expected to have little to no metal left, but I actually had quite a bit of the stuff. The tiny sprite ingots as I was calling them, were dense, and after a bit of work provided me with quite a bit of material to work with. Leaving me with enough to create a long sword, and a short blade, or perhaps something different.

Swords, or really any bladed weapon would require frequent maintenance, and they wouldn't be the toughest things in the world. Orks were hard on their tools of war, plus slashing weapons historically sucked against armored targets. Sure a force sword, or something like that got around it, but in reality, a normal sword would kind of suck.

“Wot iz gud against armor?” I thought aloud.

Then it came to me, the medieval flanged mace was especially good at crushing armor, and killing the wearer. A mace would also require no maintenance, would be easy to make, and would be far more effective against a space marine than a choppa. A larger variant like a maul or great maul would be an effective crowd clearer, and it would be easy to make.

Setting to work, I made a large, heavy mace and a smaller short sword forged with a sliver of the original Pig Sticka. With those two weapons in hand, I felt almost complete, it just lacked one final thing to really tie it all together. Looking around, I tried to think of what that may be, only for my gaze to settle on the door to the tower.

“Aha,” I exclaimed.

I jogged over, grabbed the freshly reinstalled door, and tore it off its hinges. I then set to work adding a set of handles, and a bit of reinforcement. Once it was done I had a large wooden tower shield nearly as tall and as wide as I was.

“Oooh dis feels goood,” I muttered.

I swore I could feel Gork and Mork smiling down on me from whatever heavenly realm they inhabited. I felt ready, whole, and able to face off against just about anything with a good chance of beating it to a pulp. With my blood pumping, and my fighting urge piqued, I set off into the woods with my shield in one hand, mace in the other, and short sword strapped to my belt.

I let the forest take me once more, though this time I felt as though I was going nowhere slowly. Every other time it had been like there was a destination, only I didn't know exactly where it lay. During my time out I could sense that I had been getting closer until all of a sudden, I stumbled upon it.

Now, however, it felt like I was well and truly lost.

“Hmmm,” I muttered.

My booted feet splashed through a puddle, my enormous foot displacing its entire contents and leaving behind a small crater. After a few more steps, I slowed to a stop and began to look around in an attempt to find a target. I could feel a strange tug drawing me towards the swampier area of the wood, but that draw was not like the one I had felt before.

Where the forest simply moved the ground under my feet and drew me there by moving itself, this was like something calling out to me. Except the call was almost like a high-pitched whine like the kind you’d hear if you listened to really loud static. It wasn't a perfect metaphor, but it felt fitting, as the noise was like a call and yet not at the same time.

Disquieted, I continued on, tromping through the swampland in search of something that could challenge me. I walked for several more minutes before stumbling upon a cragadile half hidden in the muddy waters. It looked to be fairly big, especially when compared to the one seen in the show, but even then it couldn't hope to rival me in size.

Resembling an enormous alligator with a thick, rocky hide and tusks that pointed upward from its bottom jaw, it was intimidating. Or at least it would be if I wasn't bigger then it by a fair margin. Still, it was a tough critter, and would at least put up a fairly decent fight, I assumed.

I stopped myself before releasing a war cry and decided that I would use this creature to test my armor. If it could take the thunderous blow of an enormous lizard then I’d feel confident in its protective qualities. Unsure of if the fight would even be a good one, I decided to put off the decision to actually engage the thing in true combat.

For now, at least, I’d simply let it wail on me for a bit.

With that thought in mind, I stepped forward and banged my mace against my shield several times. The loud thunk noise woke the cragadile and prompted it to slowly turn towards me. Once its gaze settled on me, the thing flinched back, as if intimidated by me. Though unsurprising given my size, and the dull grey scrap armor I was covered with, that reaction finalized my decision to not actually fight it.

The critter would be my sparring partner and that was it.

“Come on then,” I mocked. “Let’s see how tough ya are.”

That seemed to egg the cragadile on, and with a bellow, it charged me. Out of the shallow water hole it had been wallowing in, the critter ran up onto dry land. Once it did I realized that it was indeed not nearly as large as I had hoped, though it was still bigger than the one in the show. Though not massive, it was still quite strong, and heavy, with each of its footsteps causing a small tremor.

I watched as it stopped suddenly and turned, using its tail like an enormous club aimed right at my raised shield. The impact was immense, and though it shook me to my core, I stayed standing. Even more impressively, the shield stayed together and didn't seem to be damaged by the attack.

After the hit, the creature took a step back, as if shocked by the fact that it had not been able to injure me. A little worried that it may just run away, I smacked it upside the head, enraging it and ensuring the fight would continue for a bit longer.

Sure enough, it charged a second time, this team rearing back onto its back legs and attempting to crush me with its bulk. The belly flop attack would likely crush flat most other foes, but I was not most, and I met it with shield raised once more. The thump of rock-hard flesh meeting wood was enough to rattle my bones and make my boots sink into the mud but that was all it accomplished.

I held it aloft for a second, testing my own strength before tossing it off.

The cragadile’s rage gave way to confusion, though it continued its attack without prompting this time. When it came at me with its claws, I opened my arms wide, allowing it to rake its sharp talons down my form. Though strong enough to annihilate a tree or probably soft stone, it did nothing to my armored carapace.

I gave it a slap in order to keep it fighting, as I could tell it was beginning to grow confused again. This pissed it off enough that it kept scratching biting and using its tail on me for a few minutes. Each strike and attack it launched was deflected, blocked, or simply absorbed by the armor, rattling me each time but doing no real damage.

By the end of it, the cragadile was exhausted and lay panting in the mud, its tongue sticking out of its mouth. Seeing this, I just chuckled and dropped my mace into a belt loop. Then, while it was too pooped to resist, I leaned down and pet the thing on its head.

It made a confused yelping noise before swiftly relaxing.

“'Oo iz a gud scaley boy? Ya iz!” I exclaimed.

The enormous lizard wiggled its body happily before rolling onto its back. I leaned forward and began to rub the soft scales around its midsection. It felt weirdly nice, almost like cool linoleum.

I was about to continue petting it and maybe give it some chin scritches when I heard a scream. Loud, high-pitched, and feminine it echoed from somewhere far in the distance. Piercing enough to even be audible for what was likely miles, the cry not only carried but was also familiar.

“Rarity?” I muttered.

Foightin Da Big Hydra

I ran through the underbrush at a breakneck speed, my stomping feet displacing puddles and crushing small trees. I normally would have made an effort not to end up covered in swamp water but desperate times and all that. I also usually made an effort not to destroy too many plants but I’m sure the forest would forgive me given my requirement for speed.

The terrain was difficult, as the water would have been fairly deep for most critters, but even at its worst, it didn't reach past my knees. The sucking mud also did its best to slow me down but I was strong enough to push through it, wrenching my feet out of the muk whenever they threatened to get stuck. In that moment I was thankful for my strength and size as even a pegasus likely would have struggled with this terrain given the sheer amount of jagged, claw-like branches that protruded up into the sky.

Seeing a wall of wood ahead of me, I raised my shield, lowered my shoulder, and really put the pedal to the medal. The resounding crack as I demolished the trees was loud, but not nearly as loud as the screaming and roaring coming from before me. Somehow the plant life had blocked out all the sound, but now that I was through it I could hear the complete pandemonium that was happening inside.

The space before me was dominated by a swampy, mud-covered hill at the top of which sat what appeared to be a busted-up necron monolith. Three out of four of the surrounding spires had been shattered, and the culprit who had likely done that was the seven-headed hydra attacking the mane six and Spike. The beast was enormous, easily multiple stories tall, and possessed by such a massive weight that each step it took shook the ground.

How did I not notice that? I thought to myself.

I brushed that thought aside, as I was more concerned with the fact the monster was attacking my charges. Spike was dragging a sobbing injured Rarity through the mud while the rest kept the monster busy. Pinkie Pie was making funny faces and hopping out of the way whenever one of the heads tried to attack her. Fluttershy was holding a pair of heads still with her stare but the poor thing looked like she was slowly going cross-eyed in the process. Applejack had somehow managed to get on top of one of the heads and was riding it like a bull. Twilight was faring the best, alternating between blasts of magic, and sturdy purple shields to protect her freinds. Rainbow Dash seemed to be the only one truly on the offensive as she was hacking away at the hydra with a sharpened shovel while yelling incoherently.

They grow up so fast. I idly thought.

“Hey ugly, ova ‘ere!” I shouted over the din of stomping and screaming.

No one seemed to hear me, however, and I was about to shout again when I heard something shifting behind me. Glancing back, I saw that the hole I had punched through the foliage wall was healing itself, the limbs of the various trees interlocking to create a wooden barrier. I ignored that for the moment however and faced the creature fully, taking a step up while filling my lungs with air.

Once I had sucked in as much as I could hold I reared back and released the most bone-shaking waaaugh I had ever uttered. It was so loud and so powerful that my armor rattled and the ground shook with my challenge. It held for a full eight seconds before finally dying, during this time the fighting stopped and all eyes turned to me.

“Oi!” I shouted, pointing to the ponies, after refilling my lungs. “You lot get behind me. I'll take kare uv 'da beasty!”

It didn't seem as though my order was going to be followed, likely on account of how intimidating I was. That was until Rainbow Dash piped up.

“Come on girls, the boss is here to save us!” Added the pegasus.

Just like that the ponies and one dragon all headed towards me, leaving a still slightly stunned hydra standing slack-jawed in one spot. I charged up the hill, meeting them halfway my hand going to my short sword.

“Ere, ya're gunna need a real knife if ya're gonna help,” I exclaimed, tossing the sword at Rainbow Dash.

The pegasus dropped her shovel and grabbed the blade I threw to her out of the air, taking a few test swings with it. It was heavy, likely too heavy for the mare to use with any amount of finesse but that didn't matter. It had the weight necessary to do some real damage, and the pony seemed surprisingly adept with it despite her lack of digits.

“Nice. Thanks, boss!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

I snorted, and reached down, plucking Rarity and Spike from the mud and placing them on a bit of dry land.

“Try not ta get stepped on. I don't want ta have ta scrape ya off ma boot,” I whispered before stepping past them.

The pair seemed equally as relieved as they were annoyed and I quickly put them from mind.

Ahead of me, Applejack slid down the hydra’s neck and was grabbed by Rainbow Dash, the pegasus flying her over and dropping her next to me. By then, the others had gathered around me, hiding between my legs, or flying on either side of me.

“How do you plan on pacifying the hydra?” Twilight asked.

“Iz gonna hit it,” I stated simply.

“And if that doesn't work?” Twilight replied.

“Iz gonna hit it again,” I declared with a chuckle.

“Pardon me mister Ghuzrod but that plan sounds quite frankly, terrible,” Rarity added.

“I don't like hitt'n forest krittaz but 'dat fing iz right ornery an' we ain't gonna get let out until I krump it good,” I declared.

“Try not to hurt him too badly,” Fluttershy whispered. “This strange lightning has done something terrible to the poor dear.”

“I'll do me best little wun but I kant promise noth'n,” I replied.

It was at this point that the hydra seemed to wake back up, its various heads shaking off the stunning effect of my bellow. I hadn't even expected it to last that long but evidently, the hydra wasn't used to being challenged, at least not since it was young probably.

“What do you want me to do boss?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Protect the lil ‘uns,” I proclaimed, puffing out my chest and drawing my mace. “I'll teach big green an’ scaley a lesson 'n mannaz”

“You heard the boss, stay back!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

I pushed the group out of my mind, and charged forward, keeping my shield raised and my mace low, ready to strike. I didn't have to wait long, as a head came in from the side, jaws open wide, ready to devour me whole. A shielded backhand knocked it aside, allowing me to charge closer only to get intercepted by another head.

Striking it square on the nose with as much force as I could muster did little damage, though it did recoil in pain. By then my momentum was already faltering, and before I could even close the distance to the creature’s body I felt the need to guard my back. I turned heel and raised my shield just in time for an enormous pair of jaws to clamp down on my repurposed door instead of me.

“Get off me shield, ya git!” I spat, yanking my shield to the side and striking the head in the cheek with my mace.

I tried to pivot back again and push towards the creature’s midsection as I knew that would be the only real way to end this fight. However, I was now completely halted and the heads were using their considerable reach to basically surround me. I’d backhand one, block another, kick a third, and by the time I brought my mace back around a fourth head would already be launching its own attack.

Worse yet, they had some kind of limited regeneration, as I watched a tooth I knocked out get replaced before my eyes. It was slow, but steady, and I was fairly certain the bruises I gave him were being healed, as the swelling around where I hit him was shrinking. Meanwhile, I was starting to take hits, a bump here, a scratch there, it wasn't much but I didn't have quite the healing factor my opponent did.

“Seven on wun iz cheat'n,” I angrily muttered.

Another head came down, its jaws wide, ready to take a bite out of me. This time I didn't dodge, or block but rather I charged into it, avoiding it only at the last second by ducking. Coming up under it, I sprinted towards the main body, hopeful that the heads wouldn't attack out of fear of hitting each other.

That assumption held up for only a second, as I got headbutted in the side with enough force to send me sprawling to the ground. My overconfidence had been my downfall it seemed. My mace fell from my grasp, and I tumbled end over end before finally coming to a stop on my back, limbs splayed in all directions.

“I'll get ya for 'dat ya git,” I spat.

Rising to a stand, I grabbed hold of a hunk of wet earth. Sure enough, another head came down, jaws open and teeth gleaming. It received a hunk of mud thrown directly into the back of its throat, confusing the creature and causing it to gag strangely enough. I didn't think such a creature would even have a reflex though that may have been the taste of mud. Regardless of the reasons it recoiled to retch, spitting the wad of dirt and grime back out while I grabbed my mace.

“Kome on den, if yer fink yer're hard enough,” I growled.

“Are you sure we shouldn't lend a hoof? The big guy seems like he needs it,” Applejack remarked.

“The boss can handle it. I mean look at the guy! He makes Tirek look like a total wimp!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

“That may be Rainbow Dash but I don't think even Ghuzrod can take on a hydra, at least not alone,” Twilight offered.

“As eager as I am to leave this horrid swamp I must agree with Applejack and Twilight on this one darling,” Rarity offered, pausing to kick mud off her hoof. “It would be a shame to see our hero defeated so soon after he saved us.”

“Pfft you girls aren't taking his armor into account,” Rainbow Dash dismissed. “Even if the hydra does bite him there is no way it's getting through that. I mean did you see how thick those plates were? The one on his chest is thicker than my hoof!”

In the distance a head bit down on Ghuzrod’s midsection and lifted him high in the air. A well-placed shield kept the creature’s jaw from closing fully while the ork’s other hand smashed the creature in the cheek. A few harsh strikes were enough to make the hydra spit the now slime-covered ork back out again.

“Is his arm supposed to bend that way?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“I err, don't think so,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“I don't want to hurt the hydra but maybe if we all work together we can knock him out before he gets seriously injured,” Fluttershy offered.

“Yeah! We can't let him have all the glory, right?” Spike added.

“I don't know, he did say too-” Rainbow Dash began, only for Ghuzrod to get sent flying again.

He landed with a titanic crash a few feet away, his body sliding across the wet mud until he lay directly in front of them. Though seemingly uninjured, the ork’s eyes rolled about in their head, and his armor had received a rather large new dent in the center.

“Where did ‘dat bus kome from?” He muttered absently.

“Come on girls, let's show them we aren't a bunch of damsels in distress!” Rarity proclaimed.

An adorable cheer went up, though I couldn't tell from where the sound was coming from. Immediately I felt a wave of panic overcome me as I realized that I had accidentally put the ponies, and Spike in danger. I tried to pull myself into a stand but that last head butt had knocked a screw loose and I didn't know which way was up.

Thankfully a pair of winged creatures grabbed my hands, and with a bit of help from what I assume was Applejack, they pushed me into a sitting position. Twilight's magic got me the rest of the way up, and Spike assisted by shoving my mace back into my hand, though it took all his strength just to lift the thing.

“Come on boss, let's kick some flank!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

I gave my head a shake, gathering myself just in time to see the hydra charging at us. Rather than push the ponies aside I just nodded, silently accepting that this was one foe I couldn't simply brute force.

“I knew I shoulda made a shoota,” I muttered to myself.

Meeting the charge alongside my seven diminutive allies, I strode ahead of the pack, bellowing a war cry and attracting the beast’s attention. My attempt to grab aggro worked, as two heads swung down, both attempting to head-butt me into next week. I rammed my lead foot into the mud, dropped my mace into a loop at my belt, and braced the shield with both hands.

The thunderous impact of the hydra’s heads rattled my bones and struck me with enough force to leave my arms partially numb. The effect was even worse for the hydra however, as it had just headbutted a wall, and the whiplash caused the rest of its heads to become briefly stunned. Seeing an opening, I shook off the effects of the blow and grabbed my mace, my allies getting into position while I moved in for an attack.

Rainbow Dash flew in overhead, screaming a war cry and swinging her borrowed blade with both hooves. The strike barely broke through the creature’s leathery hide but it was enough of a shock that it further confused the beast.

Rarity cast some kind of glittering mass of sparkles in front of another head, leaving it strangely captivated. Pinkie Pie vanished, only to reappear atop another of the hydra’s heads, her hooves covering his eyes.

“Guess who?” She teased.

Unorthodox, but effective. I noted.

A lasso thrown by, I presume Applejack, found its way around another hydra’s mouth, incapacitating it for the moment. The final head was struck by a powerful purple stun bolt shot from the horn of our resident princess.

“Hit it on the left side on the second belly scale!” Fluttershy called.

I trusted Fluttershy, and readjusted my aim, targeting the weak spot I had been informed of. With my mace raised, the heads distracted, and only a dozen feet between me and it, I was confident of my victory. That confidence was shattered when one of its trunk-like legs lifted suddenly only to slam back down with enough force to stop me in my tracks.

The ground heaved, and I had to pause to brace myself before I was knocked off my feet. The ponies, including poor Spike who had lagged behind a bit, were not so lucky and were tossed into the air. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were saved from the attack, but without the stunning effects, they were quickly being targeted by the hydra.

Rainbow Dash was fast, and was able to dodge the attempts to eat her while Pinkie Pie didn't even seem to know she was being attacked. The pink mare giggled like a kid on a rollercoaster, tugging on the hydra’s ear fins, steering her out of the way of the head attempting to bite her in half.

“Spark ‘ed. Keep 'da othaz safe, I'll distract it!” I ordered.

“Are you talking to me?” Twilight asked.

“Yes, Iz talk'n ta ya now do as I says!” I barked, causing the princess to reel back in surprise.

That seemed to get the point across as she shifted into casting barriers around the ponies who had fallen during the stomp attack. I trusted her to do her job and strode forward, my mace raised as if I was going to continue my attack. The bait was taken, but this time when the hydra attempted to bite me, it led with its two larger fangs.

When I raised my shield I assumed I’d be safe, only for a pair of gleaming white fangs to punch straight through the barrier I had raised. I had a split second to curse myself for not noticing how beat up my shield had gotten before they struck me. One missed me completely, but the other carried through with enough force to go right through my helmet and a good bit of meat over my left eye. The scar would look pretty damn cool in the future, but that was only if I survived, which considering I was half-blind, was not guaranteed.

“I've had jus about enough uv ya!” I shouted, heaving the shield to the side.

With a loud snap, I tore the fangs from the hydra’s face before bashing it in the side of the head with my mace. It was a good move, but it had taken a moment, which meant I had been open just long enough for another head to strike. Only for no attack to come, and a glance confirmed the ponies and even Spike were working together to keep the hydra occupied.

Spike put everything he had into shooting a great conflagration into the face of one of the hydra’s heads, singing its scaly exterior. The others utilized their unique talents to cover me and give me the time I needed to rip the helmet from my head and cast off the now-useless shield.

“Go! We got this!” Twilight yelled.

I put my head down and charged, barrelling towards the hydra with all the ferocity I could muster. Only a few steps into my attack and one of the heads broke away, shaking off the effects of Fluttershy’s stare before lurching down at me. I was about to leap out of the way when a prismatic blur slammed into the beast’s cheek, a sword stabbing into its face.

“That's for headbutting the boss!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

I chuckled as I passed her by, mace raising above my head. As my weapon descended, I wondered if this would work but decided to maintain my trust in the ponies. They hadn't done me wrong yet anyway.

My attack was powerful, and when mace met flesh, it crumpled the creature’s scaly chest, though it didn't seem like a lethal hit. That was until I heard the hydra groan and suddenly topple to the ground, its heads sprawled out in all directions. Like a puppet with its strings cut, it lay there inert, its eyes empty and its muscles still.

“Did I kill it?” I muttered, aware that my head was bleeding profusely, staining my armor, and dripping down onto my weapon.

“You stopped its heart, you have to hit it again!” Fluttershy called.

I briefly considered letting the thing die only to shrug and raise my mace, the head of which had been covered with a mixture of hydra and ork blood.

“'E did put up a propa fight,” I remarked before taking a swing.

Sure enough, the second I hit the creature, it suddenly lurched upward and looked around, confused. It then saw me standing before it, and panicked, its many eyes going wide. Like a whipped dog, it ran yelping from the area, barreling through the wall of trees, tail tucked firmly between its trunk like legs.

“And don't come back you big jerk!” Rainbow Dash yelled.

“We did it. We smashed ‘da ugly git up good ‘an proppa!” I bellowed, raising my fist above my head.

I then let out a victorious waugh and banged my fist against my chest. Rainbow Dash joined in immediately, yelling while waving around her borrowed weapon. Spike was next to add his voice to the victory cry though he was soon followed by Pinkie Pie and everyone else. No one quite matched my intensity save for Rainbow Dash, but that was fine, as I was too busy enjoying this victory.

Then it happened, a green light welled up from inside of me and all of a sudden I was taller than before. My muscles bulged, my frame grew wider still and I felt my mind expand, new information flowing into me from the genetic memory of my new species. Thankfully I had left just enough room for this last growth spurt, though my armor was a bit tight and would need adjustments later.

I was a warboss, now that much was obvious though why was another question entirely. Then I looked down on them and realized the difference between this fight, and the last one. A warboss needed boys, and now I had just that.

“What are we yelling about!” Rarity shouted.

“I don't know but it's fun, waaaaaaaa!” Pinkie Pie yelled, waving a stick around like it was a sword.

“It's a victory kry uv kourse!” I exclaimed.

“Your victory cry can wait, you’re bleeding,” Fluttershy interrupted, the pegasus taking wing and hovering near my head. “Oh my goodness this doesn't look good.”

The mare then produced some gauze from somewhere and began to mop up the thick orkish blood oozing from my still-open head wound.

“Don't worry, it's not 'dat bad. Head wounds jus bleed a lot," I remarked.

“It looks like your eye suffered some major damage as well. If we hurry back to Ponyville we may be able to save it,” Twilight added, the unicorn hovering near my head, a hoof touching my bloody scalp as she inspected my ruined eye.

“Excuse me but I’m not done here,” Fluttershy intruded, bumping Twilight out of the way. “Now just hold still mister Ghuzrod, I’ll fix you up in no time.”

“I err,” I muttered, ready to argue only to give up and sit down. “Okay dokie, yer the doc.”

“Rarity. Do you still have your emergency handkerchief? We need to stop the blood from flowing into his eye or else it will be ruined,” Fluttershy ordered.

“Err of course darling. Here you are,” Rarity added, producing a handkerchief from her mane and handing it over.

I noticed that the little slip of fabric was embroidered and even bore her name in gold filigree. It looked expensive, and she handed it over without a second thought. She really was the element of generosity, I thought to myself.

“Good going, boss,” Rainbow Dash added, the pegasus seating herself on my right shoulder. “I thought we were goners for a second there.”

“Oh I'd neva leave a freind hang'n,” I offered with a smirk.

“Ha, I knew you were a good guy,” Rainbow Dash replied.

I glanced down to find that Spike was slowly sinking into the mud, the poor guy struggling to not get stuck.

“Gud job wit' 'da fire back 'der,” I added, picking Spike up with a bloody hand and placing the little guy on my other shoulder. “Dat was a lot for such a little git.”

“I may be small but I am still a dragon you know,” Spike proclaimed, puffing out his chest.

I chuckled.

“Oh oh praise me next!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed while bouncing up and down.

“Yer a cleva git, I'll give yer dat,” I declared, roughling the pony’s mane with a bloody hand.

“I don't know what a git is but I like it!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“You did good back there big guy,” Applejack declared, giving me a nod. “I ain't so big a mare that I can't admit that I doubted you but I’m glad I was wrong.”

“Yes, well congratulations all around now can we please go home?” Rarity complained, raising a muddy hoof and shaking it in disgust. “It's going to take all night just to get the mud out of my fur.”

“We should probably check on ‘dat 'der necron dingy but we kan do ‘dat tomorrow," I exclaimed, gesturing to the monolith in the center of the clearing.

“I’m done here mister Ghuzrod,” Fluttershy stated, wiping the ork blood from her hooves.

“Already?” Twilight asked.

“We orks heal real quick like,” I declared.

“It looks like he may need to see a doctor for that eye, but I don't think mister Ghuzrod is in any real danger,” Fluttershy added.

“Great, then can we please leave already?” Rarity whined.

“Alright ya whiny git let's get go'n before wun ya ends up sick with da moan… ya min,” I murmured only to frown.

“Pneumonia?” Twilight offered.

“Ya, dat,” I offered.

“You're not going anywhere, monster!” Spat an angry voice I didn't recognize.

“Oh no, not these jerks again,” Rainbow Dash whined.

I looked over to find what looked like nine or so pony hunters, most of whom were unicorns. They looked like they had run into trouble lately as almost all of them sported some kind of injury. Cuts, bruises, scorch marks, and even what looked like a recently acquired burn scar over the leader’s eye.

“Alright,” I groaned. “Let’s find out 'oo pissed 'n his cereal.”

Author's Note

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The Hunters and The Hunted

Furious Flare huddled along with her fellow hunters beneath the overhang of a large evergreen tree. The plant was out of place amidst the rest of its more leafy fellows, but that was common for the Everfree. Either way, its cover was appreciated, though the pony didn't enjoy the poking her booted hooves were receiving from the pine needles that covered the ground in a thick mat.

“How goes the search?” Furious Flare asked, raising her voice to be heard over the sound of rain pouring all around them.

“Not well, I admit,” muttered the hunter, his gaze remaining fixed on the map he held. “I can't make heads or tails of where we ended up and there doesn't seem to be any notable landmarks nearby.”

“The rain certainly isn't helping,” added another.

“And the elements? What about them?” Furious Flare pressed.

“They’ve departed, and seem to have devised some manner of spell to help them find their way,” offered another of the hunters, this one holding aloft a crystal ball.

Furious Flare peered into the orb and noted that her underling seemed to be correct. Spike paused, took a breath, and exhaled a plume of smoke that turned into an arrow pointing further into the forest.

“Hmm, they are all present,” Furious Flare murmured. “This is most… vexing.”

“Are you sure about this boss?” Whispered a nervous hunter. “I signed up to fight monsters, not Equestrian heroes.”

“It won't come to that, and if it does, we will do what we can to restrain them,” Furious Flare exclaimed. “Though I had hoped it wouldn't come to this we must play the hand we are dealt.”

“But it's the elements of harmony,” murmured the same hunter. “Could we even win a fight with them?”

“Strong though they are, they are still just civilians,” Furious Flare declared confidently. “They don't have our training, nor our conviction.”

“But-”

“Silence,” Furious Flare interrupted. “I know you have your doubts but you must remember the foe we are truly fighting. Even if it meant slaying the elements-”

The few of the hunters gasped.

“We must still see our mission through to the end,” Furious Flare finished. “Need I remind you of the stakes of this hunt?”

There was a moment of indecision before the gathered hunters shook their heads or muttered some manner of no under their breath.

“Good, now give me a gear check. We move out in five,” Furious Flare ordered.

“Right.”

“On it boss.”

Furious Flare nodded and watched as her mixed-race cadre of trained monster hunters looked through their gear. Like her, they all wore enchanted leather armor with deep hoods, and capes to keep the rain from their back and bore no markings. Unlike her, they had both a longsword and a dagger, the weapon similarly bearing magical enhancements to aid in cutting.

Her own weapon hummed needfully upon her back, a warmth radiating from the ancient blade. Drawing the sword, Furious Flare glanced down at the runic inscription, her eye pulled unconsciously to its undecipherable text. In the distance, a bolt of lightning struck something while at the same time, the words on the flat of the blade twitched as if in eagerness.

“Is something wrong, huntmaster?” Inquired a young hunter.

“No, I was just… thinking,” Furious Flare murmured, biting down the urge to spit an angry insult at the male for having dared to interrupt her thoughts.

“About what?” pressed the young male.

Furious Flare glanced up at the stallion, meeting his bright blue eyes.

“I was thinking about how thankful I am to the princesses for this opportunity,” Furious Flare finally declared. “Not only did they believe my divination where all others doubted me, but they also gave me the honor of striking the beast down.”

“Still,” Furious Flare murmured, eying her blade for a second longer before slipping it back into its holder. “I wish this opportunity had never come, for I had hoped there were no more foes left to slay.”

“Don't say that. This is your chance to return your house to good standing! Maybe even have your noble status reinstated,” Pleaded the male.

“Silent Strike,” Furious Flare uttered, her gaze narrowing. “It is the joy of every warrior to find themself irrelevant in an age of peace. Though I relish the hunt, I do not relish the necessity of it.”

“Now come,” Furious Flare declared, leaving no chance of a response. “I believe our tracker has acquired the scent so to speak.”

“I have, huntmaster,” murmured another male, pausing to tuck his maps back into a waterproof pouch on his chest. “We were able to divine the beast’s location and have a bearing.”

“Then lead the way,” Furious Flare declared.

“Silent Strike, watch your right. Oaken Shield, hang back and tend to that wound,” Furious Flare barked.

The two other hunters did as they were ordered, with Silent Strike shifting suddenly and bringing up his sword just in time to swipe it across the face of a timber wolf. Oaken Shield turned and ran, ducking behind a tree, his half-stone leg leaving him with an awkward limp. The opening left behind by the hunter was filled immediately, with Furious Flare striding forward, her blade floating above her head.

“Squaak!” cried the cockatrice, its eyes glowing brightly.

Furious Flare was faster still, however, her weapon floating down before her and igniting with its own radiance. The animal expected its glare to turn the blade to stone but somehow, the magical steel was unfazed by the attack. Not only that but it radiated such an intense killer instinct that the creature was briefly stunned, stumbling back a step in shock.

The unicorn didn't know why the simple-minded beast had left itself exposed in such a fashion but she didn't care. A swift horizontal strike removed one of its wings, causing bright red blood to gush out onto the forest floor. In a confused panic, the thing ran squawking from the clearing, sprinting away as fast as its little legs could carry it.

The remaining foes, a pair of timberwolves larger than most of their kind, seemed to understand that the fight was lost. Moving faster than Furious Flare, the two wood monsters leaped back and followed after the cockatrice. Her hunters moved to pursue, but Furious Flare held up a hoof, stopping them dead in their tracks.

“Leave them,” she ordered through grit teeth. “We have wounded to tend to. We don't have time to chase them down.”

“Damn it all,” cursed one of the other hunters, throwing his weapon at the muddy ground. “We could have had them.”

“I will not accept unnecessary sacrifices,” Furious Flare stated, though even she struggled to resist the anger that burned hot in her breast. “Would you leave our injured without protection?”

The other hunter sighed and trotted over to his fallen weapon, plucking it from the cloying earth.

“No,” he muttered.

“Then let us return to the others,” Furious Flare half offered, half ordered.

The hunter hung his head in defeat, his steps heavy and plodding.

“Cheer up Silent Strike,” Furious Flare whispered. “We have fought more beasts today than most do in a year.”

“Yeah we’ve fought a ton but it's not like we’ve won any of these fights,” Silent muttered back.

“Survival is a victory. Don't forget that,” Furious Flare stated.

Striding ahead of the young male, Furious Flare couldn't see the wide, awe-filled expression on his face. All she cared about was checking on the small group of hunters huddled near the base of the tree. Unlike earlier today, now their weapons and armor were stained by their use. Blood, both pony and beast mingled on their forms, while their blades were chipped, their edges slowly dulling. Only Furious Flare did not suffer from this fate, her armor remaining unblemished, and her sword undamaged despite its frequent use.

“Status report,” she barked.

“It doesn't look good,” muttered a hunter leaning against the trunk of the tree. “Oak’s gonna lose the leg at this rate. Worse, I think the antidotes we brought with us won't be enough to save Dirk.”

Furious Flare glanced down at Oaken Shield, the stone-faced old stallion grimacing as he held aloft his rock like leg. The injury was a painful one, but the older hunter remained resolute, patiently holding out the limb while a healer looked it over. Dirk was in much worse shape, as the female lay in the mud, twisting in agony and thrashing against some unseen foe. Her armor had been stripped down to the midway point of her barrel, revealing a nasty greenish puncture wound on her shoulder.

“That manticore had a strangely powerful venom,” Furious Flare remarked.

“It wouldn't have been a problem had those timberwolves not shown up,” murmured the hooded hunter.

“Any theories on why this is happening?” Furious Flare offered.

“No idea,” murmured the other hunter. “Timberwolves are fiercely territorial and certainly wouldn't come to the aid of an encroaching predator.”

“Perhaps they see us as some greater threat,” Furious Flare posited.

“Frankly huntmaster, you give them too much credit,” the hunter offered grimly. “I think our worst fears have been realized and that whatever corrupted sentience that this forest has birthed sees us as enemies.”

“Why hasn't it seen the ork as a foe then?” Furious Flare pressed.

“No idea,” the hunter muttered bitterly. “The Everfree is as inscrutable as ever I’m afraid.”

“Hmmm,” Furious Flare murmured.

The mare looked over her rag-tag group, noting that they were now being weighed down by a third of their number being injured. A sudden burst of rage erupted within her, and a thought popped into the huntmaster’s mind. They were weak, imperfect, and worst of all their inadequacies threatened her mission. It took several deep breaths of cool moist air to stem the tide of these bitter thoughts but when finally they were banished, her mind was empty once more.

“Gather the wounded,” Furious Flare declared suddenly. “Willow, Tusker, and Pommel will transport them back to Ponyville.”

“But that will halve our numbers,” Silent Strike offered.

“It doesn't matter,” Furious Flare retorted. “I will not accept unnecessary casualties, even if it endangers the mission. A bloody victory would be far worse than a bloodless defeat.”

“What about the return array?” someone asked. “We could use that to return the wounded.”

“The array will return all who wear the armor of the hunters back to base, meaning the hunt would be a failure,” Furious Flare replied. “How long does Dirk have?”

“If I strapped her to my back, I could fly her back to town in time to save her,” declared a pegasus mare.

“Then see to it,” Furious Flare declared.

“Hold on, do you really think we can take the ork with so few of us?” someone asked.

“I believe we can,” Furious Flare declared, her confidence buoying the spirits of those around her. “We are a team. We have trained together for some time, and I believe it is these bonds that will carry us through.”

“Now go and worry not,” Furious Flare exclaimed. “For although your mission is not to fight the ork, you still bear a great and terrible responsibility. That of ensuring that your comrades live to see tomorrow.”

“You heard the mare, let's go!” Someone shouted.

The small camp suddenly became a flurry of activity as the four guards began organizing themselves and gathering the wounded.

Furious Flare looked on, her features stony and unreadable while deep down an unpleasant rage simmered bitterly.

Furious Flare strode through the wind and the rain, her head held high and her horn blazing brightly. Her blade swung left and right, cleaving one timberwolf in half before smashing apart another’s foreleg. Before her, the horde of wooden creatures closed in, their numbers meaningless due to the high muddy walls of the ravine that rose on either side of her.

The creek was mostly dry, only coming up to the bottom of Furious Flare’s barrel at its deepest point. Still, it slowed her down, the mud and water clinging to her as if they were trying to drag her to her knees. Furious Flare wasn't about to let that happen, she knew that behind her, the other hunters were covering her rear as she did the same for them.

A broad swipe cleaved another timberwolf in half, the death of the creature giving her little joy. They seemed to be endless, and cared little for their losses, clambering over the inert forms of their now-dead comrades to get to their living prey. Even still, her strength held despite it all, the mare continuing to sweep aside resistance with powerful strikes of her ancient weapon.

Smashing apart another duo of timberwolves revealed a gap in the horde, giving Furious a moment to breathe. Taking that second to glance over her shoulder, the mare noted that her companions had managed to form up. Their tumble into the muddy ravine had not been planned, but they had reacted appropriately, ensuring that there were no injuries worse than the odd bump or scrape.

“Look out Furious!” Someone shouted, a blur zipping past her right side.

The mare spun back around, her blade angrily leaping out at the shape before her. Realization struck her a moment before her weapon thankfully did, as the foe she thought to slay was not an enemy at all. Silent Strike had saved her from a snake, his blade removing its head before it could sink its fangs into her exposed side. Still, it took all of her magical strength to divert the blade in its path, the thing burying itself in the muddy wall ravine wall to the hilt.

With a bitter, angry growl, Furious Flare wrenched the ancient sword from its impromptu scabbard and used it to smash apart a leaping timberwolf. She then blasted the next one in line with a magma bolt, disintegrating the front half of the beast and leaving only behind a charred back end. That seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, as the remaining forest creatures slunk back into the darkness.

Furious Flare turned and glanced back at her comrades to find that the foes pressing in from behind were also retreating. This time there were no calls to harass or hunt down the fleeing creatures, as the hunters immediately fell to their knees, or toppled to the side. Relief washed over them like a wave, though it broke upon Furious Flare, the mare unbothered by the constant strain.

“Get up!” she barked. “We’re not out of this yet!”

“We need a moment huntmaster! We’ve been fighting for hours without pause,” complained another hunter further in the back.

“They could return at any moment. We must ascend the bank and locate the trail before the forest has a chance to rally more beasts,” Furious Flare declared.

“Not all of us are blessed by such an incredible constitution as you. We need rest,” complained another hunter.

Furious Flare’s jaw tightened, and she felt her sword pulse angrily in her magical grasp. For a moment she felt tempted to strike down the speaker and demand they continue the march immediately. She refused to entertain the notion, however, and holstered the blade once more.

“We must at least get out of this ravine first,” Furious Flare stated, her voice softer this time. “Resting with boots full of water is not advisable. ”

“You heard the boss lady, let's get going!” Silent Strike proclaimed.

Furious Flare strode ahead of the pack, clambering up the muddy embankment in little time. Once she stood atop the side, she glanced down and extended a hoof. Which was readily taken by Silent Strike, the stallion panting heavily and struggling to find purchase amidst the slippery earth.

“Th-thanks,” he muttered.

“It is no trouble at all, hunter,” Furious Flare stated evenly.

“I gotta ask,” Silent Strike began, only to pause and catch his breath. “How are you still able to keep going? We’ve been fighting constantly and you seem even more well rested than when we left.”

“It is my sword,” Furious Flare replied, touching the hilt of her weapon in emphasis. “The enchantments placed upon it allow me to continue fighting so long as I maintain my winning streak.”

“I heard about them. That one is part of a set called the Blades of Blood right?” Silent Strike asked.

“This is the master weapon, which served as the template for the other, lesser blades,” Furious Flare replied. “The others are powerful, yes but this weapon is in a league of its own. For this is the flayer blade, a weapon rumored to be older than Equestria itself if you believe the texts.”

“Wow. Can I hold it?” Silent Strike whispered, shaky hoof extended.

“No!” Furious Flare shouted, only to recoil and cough into her hoof. “No. Though sealed, there is a curse on this weapon which makes it difficult to wield by the uninitiated.”

“Right, sorry,” Silent Strike murmured.

Furious Flare sighed and watched as the rest of the beleaguered, waterlogged group of hunters clambered up the bank. As they did so, the rain finally began to peter out, with even the ever-present clouds starting to break apart. For the first time in what felt like forever, pure unfiltered sunlight beamed down on them, warming the hunt’s tired bones.

“While we rest, I’d like to go over a few things,” Furious Flare began, pacing back and forth in front of the other hunters. “First off, I’m assuming you all remember the plan.”

“We are the daggers in the dark,” Silent Strike proclaimed.

“Exactly,” Furious Flare stated. “I will duel the creature to the best of my abilities while you all do your best to support me. Flank the creature, strike from the shadows while I maintain its focus.”

“What about the elements of harmony? They might try to help the beast,” Silent Strike offered.

“Ignore them unless they get in the way, then… Deal with them as best you can,” Furious Flare exclaimed. “If you must attack them try not to use lethal force and if necessary, activate the return array.”

Furious Flare produced a hoof-sized flat stone covered in numerous faintly glowing runic arrays and offered it to the other hunter.

“You want me to be in charge of it?” Whispered the hooded stallion.

“Yes,” Furious Flare replied confidently. “If the situation becomes too dire, we will all be transported back to Ponyville.”

“I won't let you down,” Silent Strike proclaimed, stuffing the small cube into a chest pocket.

“I know you won't,” Furious Flare replied with a soft smile.

“Ma’am,” interrupted another hunter, waving the other mare over. “I think I’ve got a read on the target and it doesn't seem to be too far away either.”

“Show me,” Furious Flare ordered.

The hunter nodded, and lit their horn, causing the small orb held in their hooves to glow a bit brighter. Within the sphere was a strange clearing walled on all sides by a dense barrier of vegetation. There were odder sights still, such as oddly colored pyramid and several other small pillars or monoliths but Furious Flare didn't care. For her target had been sighted, and not only that but it seemed to be fighting a titanic hydra with the help of the elements of harmony.

“Get up, stow your gear, and prepare your weapons!” Furious Flare shouted. “Divineer, how far away is that clearing?”

“About half a mile I think,” murmured the other hunter.

“Good. Get a solid read on the location and then move out,” Furious Flare ordered. “We have an ork to slay.”

Author's Note

This was a request from... me! I wanted to see more and since its my birthday month, I'm giving myself a present and finishing arc 1 of this fic. Expect 3 more chapters soon!

Also, there are only 2 more chapters left in this arc. (I know I said that before but these godamn chapters keep getting bigger for some reason.)

Splitt'n Da Sky Asunda

“Hmmm, 'oo are dese little ones?” I asked, jerking a thumb to the approaching group.

“Watch out boss, that's the psycho killer I mentioned!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

I scratched my head in confusion, as this was the first time I was hearing about some kind of psycho killer. Rainbow Dash was on guard though, and I could tell that the rest of the elements were forming up around me, or in Fluttershy’s case, behind me. Not only that, but the ponies approaching us certainly looked like they meant business, what with their leather armor and professionally made weapons. They also carried themselves with a certain amount of confidence, though all of them save their leader flinched the moment they laid eyes on me.

Speaking of the leader, she was a real piece of work.

Standing a head taller than most ponies, she was the only one who was uninjured and didn't look like she was on the verge of exhaustion. Not only did she seem a bit more well-trained, but her weapon was impressive, bigger than any pony-made blade by a country mile. It wasn't nice to look at either too, with my eyes itching after only a brief visual inspection.

It was also at about this point when I realized my initial somewhat rushed inspection had been slightly wrong. They weren't all unicorns, and there were eight of them total including the leader. Three earth ponies, two pegasi, and finally three unicorns wrapped up their motley little group.

“I am not a psycho- augh,” The leader murmured, a hoof going to a recently healed burn injury present over one eye. “I am here to put down a threat to Equestria and the world.”

“No need for all that nasty talk,” Applejack exclaimed, stepping ahead of our small group. “We’ve done some investigatin’ of our own and we can say for certain that this fella’s one of the good ones.”

“He saved our lives and nearly sacrificed his own in the process,” Rarity confidently added. “Though the poor dear has a fashion sense that can be described as villianesque I can indeed confirm that he is quite the night in shining armor.”

“Danks, I fink,” I murmured, scratching my head.

“I’m afraid your input in the matter is irrelevant,” the leader declared. “The princesses have named you an enemy of the world and I will bring them your head.”

“‘Dat sounds like dey know about da orks,” I muttered to myself. “I wonda if dey have any personal 'perience wit' us green skins.”

“You really shouldn't attack us mister-” Fluttershy began.

“Miss,” corrected the leader, her eyes flashing a dangerous red. “It's Miss Furious Flare, huntmaster of a now nameless house and soon-to-be hero of Equestria.”

“Hey, that’s not very nice! You shouldn't interrupt ponies!” Pinkie Pie shouted, shaking a hoof at the other mare.

“Yeah, hurting ponies feelings isn't good,” Spike added.

“Shut up!” Furious Flare shouted, stomping a hoof. “I don't know why you are siding with the monster who will doom our whole world but it won't matter.”

“Are you sure about this, huntmaster? They are the elements of harmony,” whispered a nervous-looking hunter.

“Yer should listen ta ya Boyz. I ain't done noth'n ta prompt dis kind uv aggression from yer poniez,” I declared, jerking a thumb over my shoulder to the pyrmid behind me. “'N fact ya should probably head back ta yer princess an tell im about 'da necron konstruct present ere. Dose guys are zoggin’ bad news.”

“Ghuzrod, what is a necron?” Twilight asked innocently.

“'Da tin Boyz used ta have a huge empire bout sixty five million years ago but den 'da WAAAGH! ‘n heaven happened and-" I began, only to be interrupted.

“Enough of your talk and enough of your excuses,” Furious Flare proclaimed. “In the name of Celestia, the sun, and Luna the moon I condemn you to death. Hunters! Secure the elements, and dispatch the ork!”

“Please if you will all just relax I’m sure we can talk this out- woah!” Twilight exclaimed, ducking to avoid a spell launched at her head.

“I don't think they wanna talk anymore Twilight,” Rainbow Dash warned.

“Oh ya shouldn't have done ‘dat," I murmured in a low tone, hefting my mace.

“Don't kill them, please,” Fluttershy whispered.

“Don't worry. I'll be gentle wit' dese gits,” I exclaimed with a chuckle. “Kant promise dey'll have da same numba uv bones as dey do now dough.”

With that, the battle, such as it was, was joined.

The hunter underlings fanned out in an attempt to surround me, only for the elements to match them. I didn't really need the help mind you and their presence also made me worry about stepping on them so I planted my feet securely, making a note not to move too much. My firm, unmoving stance may limit me, but I really didn't want to crush poor Spike or any of the others.

Thankfully that wasn't much of a concern, as with a cry, Furious Flare charged me, her horn alight and her sword floating menacingly at me. The huntmaster as she called herself, delivered a furious overhand chop, which I batted aside with a swipe of my own weapon. Somehow the force of my block was almost completely absorbed, with the floating blade recoiling only a few feet before coming back at me.

“I fink deres someth'n wrong wit' yer sword, lady,” I exclaimed. “Its giv'n off some really bad vibes.”

“Shut up and die!” Furious Flare shouted before blasting me with some kind of spell.

The moment the thing struck me in the chest, my breastplate heated up significantly, though not to the point of injury.

“Danks. I was gett'n a little chilly,” I muttered, rubbing a hand over the small scorch mark.

“You should have been cooked alive in your armor, brute,” Furious Flare muttered. “No matter. I will just have to remove that ugly head from your shoulders.”

“You really shouldn't call people names you know,” chided Fluttershy, the mare hugging the inside of one of my legs and hiding behind me. “That's not very nice.”

“I don't think these fellas are really concerned about being nice!” Applejack exclaimed, the mare ducking under a swing of a sword, and bucking her attacker in the face.

“I must agree with you, darling. These ponies are absolute ruffians,” Rarity added.

“Hey, we are not!” Retorted the fashionista's attacker.

“Then stop trying to kill us!” Rarity yelled back.

“Hey I’m not trying to kill you, I’m using the dull side, see?” Declared the hunter attacking Rarity, pointing down to her weapon.

“Ahh yes, thank you,” Rarity replied, using her magic to pluck the sword from the grip of the hunter and then bashing the flat of the blade against the other mare’s head. “That makes me feel much better about this.”

A few hits was all it took to knock the poor pony unconscious, her limp form falling into the muddy swamp water that pooled about my feet. I wanted to lift her out of the muck and make sure the poor hunter didn't drown, but Furious Flare was pressing in on me.

“Don't you dare underestimate me,” she growled, her horn flashing bright as her blade came spinning from the side.

“Oh, I ain't underestimat'n ya. Yer jus a pony,” I exclaimed. “A tough wun but a pony all 'da same.”

This time I batted aside the blade with enough force to nearly knock it from Furious’ magical grasp before taking a spell square in the face. The firebolt may have been enough to injure a pony, or most other creatures but it didn't even leave a mark on me. The attack was annoying, but that was about it, blinding me for barely more than a second before I was back to one hundred percent.

A shake of my head dismissed the effects, and I brought my mace up to block the next attack. Sure enough, she made another wide swing with her weapon, aiming the blade at my head as she had the last time. And just like the previous attempt, she tried to use another spell, but I interrupted her by heaving the foot not serving as Fluttershy’s cover at her and throwing enough water on the mare that she fell over, sputtering and angry.

“Now, how are ‘da rest uv ya's do'n,” I muttered to myself, glancing about the area.

Though I had been swiftly surrounded, my tiny allies had tied up the hunters. Mostly in a metaphorical sense, but not so in Applejack’s case as she had managed to lasso a poor earth pony.

“Now you just sit right there and think about what you’ve done,” Applejack declared, tying the last knot and placing her captive on a spot of dry land.

“Augh whatever,” he murmured, only to glance down at the rope. “Hmmm, this better not awaken anything in me.”

Twilight was faring perhaps just as well as Applejack.

“Your waveform is sloppy,” Twilight exclaimed, counter spelling the enemy unicorn’s magic before she could even finish casting. “You need to tighten your outermost mana ring or else I’m just going to keep picking them apart.”

“Would you stop trying to teach me magic lessons? I’m trying to fight you!” Mutterd the angry hunter.

“Oh right, I should probably do that,” Twilight murmured, powering up her horn. “Sorry in advance by the way.”

“What do you-oof,” The enemy unicorn was blasted back and slammed into a tree, where he slumped into a heap, snoring loudly.

The rest were faring similarly well, with Rainbow Dash fighting both of the pegasi with relative ease. Though she still wasn't quite used to the heft of her new weapon, it was clear that her opponents also weren't prepared for it. The heavy blade sent her opponents reeling whenever they blocked, and where Rainbow Dash was fast enough to compensate for this, they were not.

“Ha, you guys are way too slow to fight me!” Rainbow Dash taunted. “Maybe ditch that ugly armor and you might have a chance of hitting me.”

“Just sit still so we can bash your head in,” growled one of the hunters.

“Woah, not cool man. We were just supposed to subdue them,” retorted his companion.

“Whatever just keep fighting,” spat the first.

Rarity was busy stealing one of the subdued hunter’s boots, trading them out for her thoroughly destroyed galoshes. Spike was helping by watching Rarity’s back as the mare complained about the rigidity of her new hoofwear. Fluttershy was about as useful, the shy pony remaining firmly plastered behind my left leg, her hooves wrapped about as far around my ankle as she could reach.

“Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, sticking out her hoof and turning it up. “Aha, I win!”

“Best seven out of ten?” Asked her hunter adversary, who had evidently lost, having pointed his hoof downward.

That was an interesting way of getting around the fact that they don't have fingers. Each direction their hoof pointed probably meant either rock, paper, or scissors, though I didn't care to figure out the details at the moment. As although laughable, the attempt on my life was still ongoing.

“Nope, you said best out of three,” Pinkie Pie retorted.

“Damn. Fine. You win,” murmured the hunter.

Then the pony just walked over to a small rise at the base of a tree a dozen feet away and plunked down on her butt, sitting out the fight.

I was about to compliment Pinkie Pie on her excellent non-violent solution when Furious Flare began attacking me. Flying sputtering from the dark puddle, she blasted me with a stream of magical fire. A gauntleted hand kept the attack at bay, though it did heat the metal to the point that it was unpleasantly warm.

“Would yer kut ‘dat out?” I muttered bitterly.

“Die, die, die!” Furious Flare shouted, her voice tinged with a strange tremor.

While she continued to pour on more fire, the mare swung down and to the side, attempting yet another decapitation move. When I raised my weapon to block, she moved around it, or at least tried to anyway. Though no doubt an expert fighter as far as ponies went, I was a bloody warboss at this point. My senses and my reaction time were on par or even exceeded that of the average space marine. Thus I had more than enough time to re-adjust, and bat aside the blade that was so rudely attempting to remove my head.

“Give it a rest would ya? I'z try'n ta go easy on ya n' yer not mak'n it easy on me.," I murmured.

“Silence, beast!” Furious Flare declared, spittle flying from her mouth.

It would have been intimidating, had I not been about five or six times as tall as her, and about a dozen weight classes greater than her.

I batted aside the blade, once, twice, and then before it had a chance to adjust and attack again, I grabbed the weapon out of the air.

“Let's see how much trouble ya kan do without dis ere... wot?” I murmured.

Though I held fast to the blade, I could feel it resisting me, and not just due to Furious Flare’s magic. The metal itself writhed beneath my touch, spasming as if my mere grasp was enough to cause the weapon physical pain. Not only that but I could also feel some manner of influence reach out and attempt to take hold of my mind. I was an ork though, so whatever entity lived in the blade found a smooth mass of brain matter devoid of things to hold on to.

“Abhorance,” hissed an angry, sourceless female voice. “Release us.”

“I fink deres a deamon 'n dis fing,” I muttered, waving around the angrily twitching weapon. “Sounds weak dough. Probably doesn't like all da friendship an' harmony around ere.”

“Give me back my ancestral blade you vile cur,” snarled Furious Flare.

“Ha, not so intimidating without your huge sword, are ya?” Rainbow Dash mocked, only to get kicked in the gut by a hunter and sent reeling.

“Neva take yer eyes off yer enemy.,” I remarked.

“Yes boss,” Rainbow wheezed.

A blast of magic knocked the final pegasus from the sky, with Twilight carefully depositing his snoozing form amidst a small pile of defeated foes at the base of an increasingly crowded tree.

“Looks like yer all by yer lonesome. Shame, friends really do make ‘da difference," I remarked.

“You know nothing of friendship, monster!” Furious Flare spat.

“I think Ghuzrod here knows a bit more about friendship than you do Miss Flare,” Twilight added, stepping forward. “Seeing as how he has done a better job exemplifying the aspects of friendship than you have.”

“Yeah, you big meanie!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed, blowing a raspberry at the still-sputtering huntmaster.

“How can you say that? This thing is anathema to harmony itself! You cannot let it live,” Furious Flare declared while gesturing angrily at me.

“Hey Iz not ana... ana... da emporera,” I murmured, holding fast as the sword flung this way and that, attempting to flee my grip and failing every time.

“Maybe you’re wrong,” Twilight exclaimed. “Maybe the doom you foresaw did not come from Ghuzrod. What if you’re attempting to slay an innocent when they weren't the cause of this disaster you mentioned when I reviewed your literature.”

“He must be. What else could cause the death and destruction that my seers foresaw?” Furious Flare retorted.

“Well for wun da tin Boyz 'dat are probably stirr'n unda our feet right now," I replied, thumping my free foot against the watery ground in emphasis. “Probably a whole army uv genocidal flesh hatin’ nut jobs wak'n up as we speak.”

“Wait, what was that about genocidal flesh-hating nut jobs?” whispered Twilight.

“Preposterous, there is no such thing as people made out of tin. You are clearly the cause of everything that will come to pass and I will defeat you!” Furious Flare shouted.

“Oi, don't stra'n yourself. Yer gonna hurt yer horn or something,” I muttered.

My grip held firm for a few seconds before all of a sudden a bolt of lightning struck the lone remaining monolith that stood only a dozen or so meters behind me. This somehow seemed to cause the blade to become far stronger than it had a moment ago as it ripped itself free of my hold in a burst of strength. Furious Flare caught the weapon in her hoof, the mare growing an inch or two taller the moment she did so.

“You better pray to your foul gods while you can because this is where you die, abhorrence!” shouted Furious Flare, her voice rising to very inequine levels.

“Something’s wrong. I can feel it. Watch out Ghuzrod!” Fluttershy whispered as loudly as she could.

As usual, Fluttershy’s assessment was pretty darn spot on. Furious Flare was radiating an intense blood lust, and her sword was trailing a reddish mist that clung to her body like a cloak. The runes along her blade pulsed angrily, their words distorting and stretching as if something were attempting to break free of them from within.

“Die, abbhorance!” Furious Flare shouted in a strangely twinned voice, the other half of which carried with it an almost demonic edge.

I was about to raise my mace to block, only for Furious Flare to suddenly throw her blade with all the force she could muster. The weapon, now tumbling end over end directly at me, was a blur, requiring a split-second decision from me. Though I trusted my armor, I didn't want to get hit by a daemon blade, and I doubted I could block, so I sidestepped at the last second, avoiding the attack entirely.

I was about to start patting myself on the back, and perhaps commenting on how she shouldn't throw her weapon like that. Only to notice that a manic, almost insane grin had split Furious Flare’s face, making me realize that my action had been a part of her plan.

The tip of the strange weapon plunged into the exposed section of the monolith, cutting deep into the structure. Disappearing all the way to the hilt, it managed to pierce through the necron construct and poke out the other side. That seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back, as the entire thing tumbled to the side, shooting green sparks into the air before falling inert.

"Maybe noth'n will happen," I murmured.

Another lightning bolt, this one manifesting not from a cloud but from what seemed like the clear night sky above struck the top of the pyramid. Power radiated outward from the tip of the structure, causing various lights to flicker and die deactivating the thing completely. I didn't need to wonder what the purpose of the Necron pyramid was for long as the moment it turned off the sky began to peel back.

Like some invisible filament burning away, the cartoonish stars I had seen above before were gone, replaced by something else entirely. Motes of light far more numerous than before lit up the sky, creating a vast tapestry split by strange stellar phenomena. Most notable of these unknowable lights was the distant void that I knew instinctively to be the beating heart of the cicatrix maledictum.

Splitting the sky in twain, the great cancerous growth didn't look like much to most, but I had meta-knowledge of the setting and the instinctive knowledge of the orks. Glancing up at the bleeding tear in reality I felt something in my blood revolt, warning me against going there. While at the same time, another part of me wondered if there’d be a good fight there, though I ignored that particular voice.

“Well now. ‘Dat sucks," I murmured.

“What happened to the sky?” Whispered one of the still conscience and now awestruck hunters.

“Why are there so many stars?” Asked Spike in confusion.

“Something’s wrong,” Twilight whispered, clutching her head. “My magic, it's like it's fighting me for some reason.”

“Ow ow ow ow,” Rarity whined. “It's like a thousand tiny needles poking me in the scalp.”

“I fink we're on 'da eastern fringe. Near 'da why em some’tin monothingy," I murmured. “Zogging hell dat’s weird dat I know dat.”

Author's Note

This was a request from... me! I wanted to see more and since its my birthday month, I'm giving myself a present and finishing arc 1 of this fic. Expect 3 more chapters soon!

Also, there are only ONE more chapter left in this arc. (I know I said that before but these godamn chapters keep getting bigger for some reason.)

The End and The Death

My amazement over our location in the universe aside, I too could sense that something was happening all around us. The bubble, or shield that protected this world was now gone, and not only could we see the wider galaxy but it could see us.

All at once it made sense why magic had worked just fine, and psychic powers didn't seem to exist. Equestria had been cut off from the warp, and its presence somehow purified into a force devoid of the cruelty inherent to that hellish place. Now that protection was gone and the warp was crashing down on Equestria, but none felt its bite more acutely than unicorns. Worse still, with us standing at the epicenter of this opening, me, and more importantly, Twilight were being hit hard.

“There's so much mana,” Twilight muttered through grit teeth. “It's all trying to force its way into my horn at once.”

“How kan we help?” I asked, kneeling down next to the unicorn.

“I don't know. I can barely think,” Twilight murmured.

I glanced over to find that Furious Flare was also writhing on the ground, her horn shooting off bright red sparks. Her cries of agony grated on me, but I couldn't worry about her, not while the elements of harmony were in trouble.

“Wowee zowee. I’ve never had a headache this bad before,” Pinkie Pie murmured. “Feels like I got a whole brass band playing between my ears!”

“I don't feel anything,” Rainbow Dash remarked with a shrug.

“My eyes,” Fluttershy whispered, clutching her face in both hooves. “It feels like there's a hundred tiny needles in my eyes.”

“The stare,” I whispered.

I glanced around the area and confirmed that most ponies seemed to be affected, including the hunters. The only ones who seemed unaffected were Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Spike, though the dragon seemed queasy.

“I don't feel so good,” Spike murmured, clutching his stomach in both hands.

The dragon burped, and then suddenly vomited a mass of flaming green magic into the water at his feet.

“Eww gross dude,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed in disgust.

“You sure you’re good there sugarcube? Your wings look like they are on fire,” Applejack pointed out.

“Huh, would you look at that,” Rainbow Dash remarked, flapping her wings and fanning the multi-hued fire that burned on her feathers. “Oh hey, your hooves are on fire too.”

“What the hay does that mean?” Applejack murmured.

“Augh!” Twilight cried, contorting in pain. “It's not slowing down. Why isn't it stopping?”

I noticed that while the effects on the non-unicorns were already begging to fade, with the fire flickering and dying, those with horns were not so lucky.

“Make it stop, make it stop!” Shrieked Rarity, the pony rolling around on a bit of dry ground. “For the love of Celestia, make it stop!”

“What do I do? We used all the medicine we brought and my bags got lost in that bog,” Fluttershy murmured in a frightened, panicked tone.

“I’ll try to expel the magic with a thaumatic purge. Stand back,” Twilight exclaimed.

“I'z not sure if dat’s a smart idea,” I remarked, but unfortunately Twilight had already begun.

For a moment her magic built like normal, but then its color shifted, and the spell mutated into something unintended. The perfectly arranged little magical rune sitting above Twilight's horn became a writhing mass of pulsing, angry energy.

“It's not working. I can't control it,” Twilight muttered through grit teeth. “I have to try and release it before it explodes!”

Before anyone could offer their assistance or do much of anything, the light around Twilight's horn grew blindingly bright. With a cry of shock, the various ponies fell back, with only my orkish endurance keeping me from suffering the same fate. With stars in my eyes, I watched in confused horror as the magical mass started to… coagulate, becoming something close to a flesh-and-blood creature. The thing resembled an imp, only with far too many limbs and way too many eyes.

“Finish it, hurry!” I shouted.

Twilight grunted, and with a cry, expelled the malignant magic in a titanic explosion of sound and light. The half-formed warp entity was sent screaming back into the warp, its body erupting into a multicolored mass of smoky entrails. A small shockwave knocked back the others and even made me stumble for a moment before I was able to recover.

In its wake, I saw that something terrible had happened. Twilight's horn was broken, split straight down the middle into two jagged masses and revealing a strange purple stone in the center. A titanic scream split the air, and Twilight grabbed at her skull only to collapse, falling backward and slipping into merciful unconsciousness.

I swiftly picked her up, dimly aware of the fact that parts of her horn had turned to shrapnel and stuck into my fingers. It was just a little blood, so I ignored it and rolled the pony onto her side so she lay flat on my palm. She looked so incredibly tiny like that, and I couldn't help but feel a protective urge stir within me.

“Jus relax little wun. Yer got a bright future komin,” I whispered.

“Don't use any magic Rarity!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“Then what am I supposed to do? It won't stop!” Rarity shouted, bloody tears pouring down her face.

I placed Twilight next to Fluttershy, gently laying the injured mare on what little bit of dry land we had available.

“Keep an eye on 'er,” I ordered.

Fluttershy gulped and nodded dutifully, valiantly holding off her urge to panic.

“Hold still. Dis may be a little weird,” I remarked, wrapping my hands around Rarity’s head.

“I trust you darling. Just hurry,” Rarity whined, horn shooting blood red sparks.

I had no idea if this was going to work, but I continued anyway. The warp just kinda slid off an ork like oil on water, so I figured a bubble of oil may be enough. Closing my fingers around the mare’s skull, I created an ork flesh helmet for the mare, and no doubt accidentally bled all over her. She could complain about her ruined mane later, for now, I was just hoping against hope that this silly idea helped.

Thankfully it did, as I could feel Rarity slowly begin to calm down. Her breathing steadied, her sobs ceased and after a long moment of quiet, she reached up and tapped my wrist. I released her immediately and noted that Rarity’s horn was no longer shooting unfocused magic from its tip.

“I’m good now darling,” Rarity whispered. “Though you really must wash your hands after this.”

“If we make it out, I'll even use 'da fancy smelly soap,” I offered, which Rarity smiled at.

“Okay. Let's see if we kant help Furious Flare an 'da otha hunters," I muttered.

Rising back to a stand, I glanced over to find that the hunters were okay. Luckily the opposing unicorns were unconscious at the time of the warp returning, which I assumed helped them. It certainly wasn't a painless experience, as they twitched and groaned, but no warp creatures were trying to use their horns as portals so that was a plus.

I then looked over at the elements and found that they were also doing alright. They weren't exactly back to a hundred percent, and lingering headaches were shared by most but all were up. All save for Twilight that was, with the unicorn remaining inert on the cold, wet ground, her eyes open and rolling absently in their sockets.

“She gonna be alright?” I asked.

“She’s not in any immediate danger,” Fluttershy whispered. “But I don't know if she will be able to use her magic ever again.”

“What if we rush her back to Ponyville? Surely them folk at the hospital could help,” Applejack offered.

“Her horn split clean in half. I don't think that's something they can stitch back up,” Rainbow Dash added grimly.

“Hold on. I think I got some glue around here somewhere,” Pinkie Pie murmured, a hoof stuck deep into her mane.

“Gatha up everyone yer kan. I'll karry ya back ta Ponyville,” I ordered.

I was about to start scooping up as many ponies as I could carry when all of a sudden I heard a whizzing sound. Reacting on instinct, I dodged to the side, narrowly avoiding Furious Flare’s weapon. Somehow, the blade had flown overhead as if of its own volition and was now hovering over the downed Huntmaster’s body.

“What. What's going on,” Furious Flare murmured, blearily rising into a sitting position. “Did I win?”

Her hoof suddenly lurched upward towards the floating blade though Furious Flare stopped herself before she could grab the weapon. And a good instinct too, as the ancestral blade had gone from looking like a rather strange, but ultimately normal weapon into something truly demonic.

The hole in the pummel was now occupied by an angry red eye that bore in its center a black-slitted pupil. From the fanged crossguard spouted the blade itself which looked to be made of calcified souls that were reaching upward in a vain attempt at salvation. Its sleek edge was replaced by a jagged mass of reddish spikes that made it more closely resemble a hacksaw than a sword. And finally, the handle was a bleached mass of bone that sprouted a three-fingered hand holding tight a red orb which served as the weapon’s pommel.

“Whose doing this? What happened to my family’s sword?” Furious Flare asked, her voice quaking and her eyes wide with terror.

“Zogg'n hell. Don't touch 'dat fing. Hold on a tick, I'll help ya," I muttered.

“Oh thank goodness you are still willing to help. Something is terribly wrong and I-” Furious Flare’s relief was cut short when the blade lurched into her hoof, the weapon moving on its own.

The moment it touched the mare’s hoof a red wave of energy flooded out of the blade and cascaded over the entire clearing. Once more the ponies and Spike were knocked flat by a blast, while I remained standing, my large booted feet keeping my body anchored and unmoving. Though I was able to stay upright, I could not move forward, leaving me unable to do anything but watch.

Watch as Furious Flare became horrifically mutated by what imagined was a daemon of Khorne. Whatever entity previously trapped in the blade had entered her body, reshaping it to better suit its desires. Bones cracked, skin stretched and muscles contorted, all while Furious Flare was horribly aware of her situation. Screaming in agony, she tried to throw the weapon away, to run, to do anything but the daemon held her firmly.

Her body lengthened, her limbs extended, growing larger while at the same time losing every single bit of hair. From head to hoof, every last follicle fell from her form, blasted away by the pulsing crimson energy still emanating from the blade. Not only did it remove her hair, but it burnt her armor to nothing, leaving her nude while her form began to undergo even more unpleasant changes.

The mare’s torso shifted and extended, her stance becoming bipedal, while her forehooves erupted to reveal clawed hands. Her hooves remained, though her ligaments snapped and shifted, allowing the former pony to stand upright comfortably. She still had a tail, though it had become a fleshy scale-covered length like that of a great lizard, growing until it was nearly as long as she was tall.

And she was tall, with the former pony rising until she was nearly the same height as me, though stopping just short. At this point her skin started to become charred by the energy, losing all color and turning to an ashy grey that became black at the end of her hands and hooves.

It was at this point that the pulsing magical force suddenly grew more powerful and Furious Flare’s struggles intensified, her unchanged eyes tinged with manic desperation.

I tried to push forward, my hand extended in an offer of help but even my titanic strength could do nothing against the tidal wave of force. It was like I was trying to push against the crashing of a waterfall, and though I struggled valiantly I gained mere inches. Cursing my inability to help, I gripped my mace and waited, knowing full well that soon I would have to fight the daemon that had taken over Furious Flare’s body.

The last of Furious Flare’s equine features were soon burned away while her skull cracked and reformed. Her skin melted, and her cheek muscles were incinerated, leaving her now flat, almost human face little more than bleached bone. Sharp teeth burst from her maw, and her large eyes shrunk until they more easily fit her newly changed features.

Her scalp soon darkened, and a scaly ridge soon grew over her head, two large horns sprouting from her brow. These pointed growths curved backward, creating an almost helmet-like mass of bone before twisting back around like that of a bull’s. At this point only her unicorn horn remained unchanged, the pillar still standing proud at the point above and between her eyes.

The creature formerly known as Furious Flare straightened itself suddenly and gripped its weapon tightly. The blade grew until it fit its new wielder, becoming a large two-handed sword that was probably about six or even seven feet long. It then turned to me, revealing that its large expressive orbs were little more than twin pits of angry crimson that glared at me hatefully.

“Prepare to die, abhorance!” It shouted in a foul, corrupted voice that shook the very earth.

“Zogging ‘ell. Dat’s not good,” I muttered to myself.

“What happened, where am I?” gasped Silent Strike, lurching upward.

“You got knocked out by the elements, remember?” Urged the stallion that had struck him across the face.

“I remember, and I remember-” Silent Strike was cut off by a battle cry and the pounding hooved feet.

The male looked up in horror to find the pony he idolized had been transformed into a monster of truly horrific proportions. The beast lurched across the battlefield, meeting the ork at the midway point in a clash of metal on metal. The two creatures seemed at least evenly matched, though the towering greenskin still held the height and weight advantage.

“We need to run. Someone cut these bindings!” exclaimed a terrified female hunter.

“No! We have to save the huntmaster, she needs us,” Silent Strike proclaimed.

“Help her? Look at her Silent? She's a demon!” Retorted another hunter.

“I…” Silent Strike fell silent, only to gasp. “Wait, the return array!”

Producing the small magical object from his pocket, he held it up.

“If we use this maybe… maybe we can save Flare,” Silent Strike murmured.

“How would that do anything?” Spat another.

“It's this place, that pyramid, it's corrupting her. If we get her away surely it will save her,” Silent Stirke declared, his voice wavering as he struggled to believe his own words.

“Well what are you waiting for, do it,” exclaimed another of the hunters.

With a nod, Silent Strike activated the array. After a moment spent waiting for the small artifact to activate, a bright light flashed from the top of the magical device, and after a tense moment, the small group of hunters disappeared. A strange weightless second later, the uncomfortable feeling followed immediately by the uncomfortable impact of their injured forms against the cold wooden floor of their lodgings in Ponyville.

Silent Strike immediately stood up and looked around, counting out the various other hunters he spotted. All were present, all save for the one pony he had been hoping to find.

“No, it didn't work,” Silent Strike muttered. “Something must have gone wrong.”

“Nothing’s wrong,” whispered a voice, hoof touching his shoulder. “There just ain't nothing left of the huntmaster anymore.”

“I refuse to believe it, I refuse to give up on her!” Silent Strike shouted, throwing the spent artifact across the room. “We need to go back to save her.”

“How?” asked a soft voice.

“I…” Silent Strike fell to his haunches after a moment of confusion. “I don't know.”

“Zogging ‘el. How iz yer breathe worse den mine?” I muttered. “I've been eat'n noth'n but raw meat for weeks.”

“Stop talking and die!” Shrieked the daemon before shoving me away.

My boots slid across the slick ground, and for a moment I almost fell, only to catch myself at the last second. As I got back into a defensive stance I noticed that the hunters had vanished without a trace. A glance back confirmed that although horrified, the ponies (and don't forget Spike) were safe a good distance away on a small hill. Their terrified expressions were difficult to look away from, but I managed to force myself to turn my attention back to the daemon.

“Ya know ya don't look af bad for a daemon. Whose yer patron, slaanesh?" I taunted, grinning widely at the now fuming, and baffled daemon.

“How do you know those names, filth?” growled the creature. “Your kind barely comprehend the true face of your own parasitic god thing.”

“I know lots uv fings, ya angry git,” I began, my mace raised and my stance loose. “Like how such a forceful union ain't komplete an ‘dat ya kould be banished back ta da warp wit' ‘da right spell.”

The volume of my voice was enough to carry to the ponies, who began hastily trying to wake up Twilight.

“You have a mage amongst you,” growled the daemon. “No matter, I will finish them, and then, you.”

The creature became a blur of motion, attempting to sprint past me using its daemonic speed. I, however, was one fast ork, red paint or no, and I met them at the midway point, my right shoulder leading the way. With a crunch, I slammed into their side and sent them tumbling end over end, splashing through the various puddles.

“Yer wanna get ta im? yer gotta get throo me furst," I spat, thumping a fist against my armored chest in challenge.

The daemon sprung back into a stand and glared at me.

“Why do you defend those wretched creatures?” Demanded the daemon, readjusting its grip and stalking toward me. “Your kind barely make an effort to defend their own life.”

“Kus dey kute, fluffy an' 'da pink wun makes me laugh,” I retorted with a healthy chortle.

“You are mad, creature. Be thankful that I will put an end to your insanity,” the daemon spat back.

“Gud luck wit' ‘dat, ya shouty git,” I taunted.

With a wordless growl of rage, the daemonic creature lunged at me, swiping down at my head in a mighty chop. I met it with the haft of my mace and was surprised to see that the demon’s blade eagerly bit into the metal of my weapon. Though my mace was far from destroyed, I knew then and there that I wouldn't be able to stall for long before I was defenseless.

The daemon seemed to know this too, and she grinned at me before wrenching her blade back. The saw-like teeth attempted to cut my weapon in two, but I withdrew before any more damage could be done.

“You see now? You're going to die, abhorrent filth!” shouted the daemon.

“Didn't we jus do dis? Get on wit' it already,” I retorted.

Another scream of wordless anger spilled from the monster’s lips and with a lunge, it threw itself at me. Another overhand swipe was delivered though this time I met it head-on with the mace, bashing the blade aside. Such a maneuver would have normally damaged my weapon but the heavy mass of roughly forged steel was too dense to be bothered by the loud impact.

I could tell that deafening clang bothered the ponies, but I ignored them for the moment. As my foe was already throwing another powerful attack my way, this time sweeping up from the bottom right. Dodging aside, I swiftly shifted my weight just in time to deflect another decapitation strike from the daemon.

Our back and forth continued like that for several minutes after this point.

Whenever I judged I could bat aside the blade effectively, I did so. Whenever I couldn't, I dodged out of the way.

To the eyes of the ponies and Spike, we must have been a blur of constant, shifting violence. The clang of metal on metal was so fast that it nearly became constant, creating a droning noise punctuated by grunts of exertion and the splashing of water.

Her supernaturally enhanced daemonic muscles were matched against the massive bulging masses of a true warboss. Thunderous impacts jarred our bodies, though I took the worst of it given that I was staying purely on the defensive. My arm ached a little from the repeated blocks but it was barely even noticeable and I knew I would be able to continue this pretty much indefinitely.

Together we churned the muddy water into a sludge-like substance that soon coated our lower halves. We were both beyond such minor concerns however, she a daemon of Khorne and me an ork warboss, we were both in our element. The fight would likely be almost unfollowable to my allies but to me, it was a beautiful tableau of feints and swipes.

A thrill rose in my chest and I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear as we battled, me blocking and dodging, she always pressing on. I didn't want it to end, I felt a kind of exhilaration that I had never felt before and a joy that I struggled to put into words. This was the worthiest foe I had faced yet, and I was relishing every second, even while a part of me screamed to fight back.

Things likely would have remained that way had something not abruptly changed.

Twilight awoke suddenly as if the pony had heard the brutal part of me that demanded I bash the daemon’s head in. I saw the unicorn sit up, clearing her eyes and receiving a report from Rainbow Dash on what had happened. It was at this point that I realized why the daemon was grinning, and where I had screwed up.

I should not be able to see my charges directly, I should be standing between the daemon and them but in my battle lust, I had dropped my guard. With each dodge, she had moved me ever so slightly from my original point, corralling me until I was out of her way. Now, with realization dawning, the daemon cackled in triumphant and thrust her blade forward, putting everything she had into the attack.

My brain, now at war with itself, couldn't muster a proper response and I was forced into a hasty decision. Bringing the haft of my mace down in front of me, I used it to block the blow, only for the daemonic blade to cut straight through it and into me. My heavy armor did much to block the attack, but against a chaos-infused blade of such strength, it was like so much tissue paper.

I was knocked back, my body recoiling before the chaotic blade could dig too deep into my flesh. Already it felt like barbed wire was snaking its way through my midsection, ripping apart my insides. With the blade’s removal, the wires recoiled and I sat bleeding in the muddy water, weaponless and stunned.

The creature smirked at me before turning tail and sprinting towards my charges. I tried to get up but stumbled the moment I put weight on my leg, muscles twitching violently. My orkish endurance was kicking in but I knew it would struggle to deal with something warp-born like the effect of the blade.

Thus there was little I could do but struggle. Struggle, and watch.

Rainbow Dash, ever loyal and ever dutiful, saw the daemon coming and though terrified, attacked. Pumping her wings as hard as she could, Rainbow Dash launched herself at the oncoming warp creature, a war cry on her lips.

“Waaaaaaaaaagh!” she shouted.

Though fast, Rainbow Dash was no match for a daemon of Khorne. The mare’s blade was slapped away, and Rainbow Dash, being the stubborn pony she was, held onto the weapon for dear life. Leaving her defenseless as the daemon plucked her from the air, freehand wrapped around Rainbow Dash’s midsection.

“Valiant, but foolish,” it spat. “I will teach you your place.”

“Let me go, you big ugly goat!” Rainbow Dash retorted.

The daemon raised its blade and in a single motion, cut Rainbow Dash’s wings from her back. The pony barely had a moment to scream before she was thrown aside, thankfully being caught by Spike. With her last obstacle removed, the daemon moved to slay Twilight and end the only true threat to its existence.

Or so it thought, as by then my orkish endurance had overpowered her warp-based nonsense. Leading with my shoulder, I bodychecked her away from the ponies, heaving her as far as I could muster. I spared Rainbow Dash a pitying look before stomping past the downed pony, following the daemon as it tumbled into a tree.

“Abhorrent filth. You should have run while you had the chance,” the daemon spat, turning on me and raising its blade.

“Yer really shouldn't have done ‘dat,” I muttered in a low tone.

Before it had a chance to speak I charged it, a warcry on my lips, and rage burning in my heart. Anger as hot as the sun coursed through me, giving my already powerful muscles even more strength to call upon. In a blur, I crossed the distance, sending muddy water flying with every thunderous step.

The possessed former pony raised its blade and aimed it at the open wound on my stomach. I, however, didn't stop my charge and willingly impaled myself upon the daemonic weapon without so much as a second thought. I was probably experiencing pain the likes of which few mortals ever have but I was beyond such concerns at that particular moment.

The look of triumph on the possessed creature’s face quickly morphed into one of confusion. Then, as my hands grabbed her shoulders, she looked on in horror as I lifted her completely off the ground.

“For Rainbow Dash,” I declared before starting to pull.

The daemon screeched and pulled the blade from my gut but it was far too late for that to matter. There were two loud popping sounds followed by the horrific ripping noise of muscles, ligaments, and flesh being torn apart. With a titanic heave, I pulled the creature’s arms from its body and tossed them aside.

As I stumbled to the ground I watched as the connection between daemon and pony was severed. The khornite warrior, weakened from its defeat was pulled back into the blade, leaving the pony to gape in horror at its now warped form. Furious Flare’s terror ended abruptly as blood spouted from her twin stumps and she fell into unconsciousness from the immense shock of it all.

“Ha! Dat’ll learn ya,” I spat.

I tried to stand back up only to fall backwards the moment I got my feet under me. Hitting the water with a loud splash, I stared up in confusion, wondering why I couldn't move. It was at this point that I glanced down and realized that my spine was severed, and my heart was punctured.

“'Dat doesn't look gud," I murmured weakly.

I glanced over at the ponies to find that Rainbow Dash had been stabilized. The brave pegasus was suspended in some kind of stasis field and was being placed on the back of Applejack. Proud that I had at least managed to save them, I looked up, intent on enjoying the view of the stars in my final moment.

Only to be surprised when I saw that a cloud of green spores now blanketed the area, creating a thick haze that obscured the sky from view.

“All it took was me dy'n. Lame," I murmured bitterly before passing out.

“Quick, help Ghuzrod,” Fluttershy urged.

“How? Rarity can't use her stasis spell on both him and Rainbow Dash,” Twilight retorted.

“I don't know. But you have to do something! He saved all our lives,” Fluttershy urged.

“Yeah, there gotta be some kind of spell or something you can do even with your horn like that!” Spike added.

“I can't cast any magic. Heck, I’m lucky to be alive. Like, weirdly lucky,” Twilight exclaimed.

“There has to be something. We’re the elements of harmony. No problem is impossible for us!” Pinkie Pie declared, her voice hovering at the very edge of panic.

“I… I can try,” Twilight murmured.

Walking through the bloody water, Twilight, and her friends made their way over to the downed ork. Standing around the massive body of the unmoving warrior, Twilight was immediately struck by how massive the injury was. The ork had been disemboweled in a brutal fashion, with almost his entire torso being a mass of exposed organs and freshly spilled blood.

Twilight knew that she would never again be able to call upon her magic, yet she reached out with her unicorn senses regardless. Her initial findings were unpleasant, with her body completely unable to feel the ambient mana of the world around her now that she had lost her horn. She was about to give up and declare the ork dead when she felt a wave of… something rise from under her.

It wasn't magic, but it felt similar somehow.

However, where mana was predictable, stable, and quite malleable, this chaotic force felt both incredibly powerful but also stubborn. Touching it with her unique senses, Twilight knew that this force whatever it was, would not be bent nor shaped. Rather it could be pointed, and intention could be placed upon it, as any more than that was completely impossible.

She had no idea how to handle this strange, almost violent energy but she need not be an expert. It needed no mage to form it, nor any scholar to study it, it needed only for someone to serve as its conduit. Giving into the flow of power, Twilight pointed it at Ghuzrod and hoped against hope to save the dying ork.

As bright green crackling energy shot from her horn and slammed into Ghuzrod’s unmoving body, Twilight thought to herself.

Please let this work.

Author's Note

This is the end of book one, but don't worry, book 2 is right around the corner.

Da Green Tide Rises

I awoke with a start and immediately realized that I was standing upright in a vast, dark void. Tapping my foot, I was able to confirm that despite its quite voidlike in appearance, I was actually standing on wood. Polished wood, like the type one may see on an old-timey dance floor, or perhaps more likely, a theatre.

As if reacting to my thoughts, I heard a clunk from somewhere above me, and then a light came on. Beaming straight down, it illuminated my form and a small area around me but no more than that.

Standing in the spotlight, I glanced down at myself and found I was wearing most of my armor. I had the gloves, greaves, pants, and whatnot, though my breastplate had been removed. I half expected to see a shredded mass of gore in my midsection but was relieved to find that I was fine. I had a whole ton of really weird, snake-like scars crisscrossing everywhere from my neck to my crotch but that was still a relief to see.

“Kinda look cool too,” I muttered, only to grab at my mouth. “Huh, my orky accent is gone.”

“Of course,” exclaimed a booming, distant voice. “While here, you speak not with your lips, but with your mind.”

They sounded distant, and like they were speaking through a megaphone from someplace high above me. Both masculine and feminine, they immediately reminded me of someone that I had nearly forgotten about.

“God thing?” I asked curiously.

“Not the worst name I’ve ever received,” murmured the voice with a hint of mirth. “But yes, I spoke to you briefly when I first brought you here.”

“Ahh that makes sense,” I muttered, glancing down at my form. “Though if I’m not actually speaking with my lips, then why am I still an ork?”

“Perhaps you see yourself more as an ork then a human, or perhaps you have forgotten what you used to look like. Who’s to know?” They offered.

“Fair. Guess it doesn't really matter,” I replied.

“Now then, we should get down to business,” they exclaimed, the source of their voice drawing closer to me. “I must thank you for your efforts so far. You have carried yourself with the honor and bravery that I had hoped.”

“Well, thanks. I tried my best. Too bad I died though, that kinda sucked,” I muttered somewhat bitterly.

“Oh I wouldn't be worrying too much about your lack of last will and testament quite yet,” the god thing offered. “It seems as though you have managed to instill a sense of loyalty in at least a few of my creations.”

“Yeah, that's right. Poor Rainbow Dash,” I whispered, wincing at the thought of the now flightless pegasus. “Hopefully they can help her out.”

“She will be healed, with time. For now, we must hurry along this conversation. My power fades with each passing moment and I doubt I have the strength to reach into the cosmos for another champion,” the god thing remarked in a somewhat pained tone. “But my faith has brought us this far, and it will take us further still.”

I remained silent, merely staring at the spot I assumed the voice was coming from.

“I cannot lend you much in the way of aid, but I can tell you this,” exclaimed my benefactor. “Call my hot-headed daughter by the name Little Light, and ask her if she still dreams of sunflowers.”

“What does that all mean?” I asked.

“That is the groundwork from which trust may be built,” they replied. “Now, you must return, return, and continue your quest.”

Something massive leaned forward, and from the edge of the light, I could see what looked like an enormous alicorn. Then my eyes adjusted and I could tell that it was far stranger than its silhouette may have led me to believe. Although it was indeed shaped like an alicorn, it more closely resembled several thousand ponies mashed together.

Its foreleg had dozens perhaps hundreds of smaller hooved appendages sprouting from it, each twitching and reaching towards me. Its myriad of differently-sized eyes all stared down at me, some hatefully, others in confusion, and a few with love. Their dozens of mouths opened, and from them sprang a choir of voices that blended to become a great, singular speaker.

“It is time to reap what you’ve sown, my champion,” they exclaimed, reaching towards me.

Though more than a little startled, I kept my feet rooted firmly, staring up at the largest pair of eyes on the creature’s face. Within those teal orbs, I witnessed a great sadness, and I could not help but feel a little bad for them despite their appearance. Then their towering white horn lit up with a faint blue light, their hoof touched my forehead, and in a flash, I was gone.

Twilight trotted down the road leading to Fluttershy’s cabin, and the edge of the Everfree. The mare’s steps were long, plodding, and unhurried, her pace slow so she could enjoy the cool evening air. That, and the fall colors that had come along with the cool northern breeze.

The trees had begun to shed their brightly colored leaves, with a few early birds having already become completely bare. Their skeletal arms stretched up towards the darkening sky, embracing the streaky alto stratus clouds above. The wind, ever-present, ran its cool fingers through Twilight's fur, though the mare barely noticed.

For along with her now bright green eyes, she stood a head taller than most ponies, had thicker, coarser fur, and a pair of sharp tusk-like teeth that poked up from her bottom lip. She was also more well-muscled than Big Macintosh, though such strength was belied by a still slim physique. The most startling change was perhaps her horn, or more accurately, her horns, plural.

Healed from the sudden shock that had split the delicate organ intwain, the twin appendages had grown along with the mare. Their exposed interiors had filled with a greenish crystal that replaced the damaged sections. To most, it appeared as though she had two horns one directly behind the other, both of which were half made of emerald.

A green bolt of energy sparked from the tip of one horn to the other, before leaping off and exploding into a miniature firework. Twilight barely noticed, glancing only briefly at the explosion before redirecting her attention forward once more.

There she saw that Fluttershy’s cabin was as busy as ever, with hordes of creatures bustling about. Looking closer, Twilight noted that the animals taking refuge there were even more numerous than last time. The pony made a mental note to assist her shy friend again soon, as she’d likely need some assistance, even if she now lacked the need for sleep like the rest of them.

The Everfree itself seemed normal at first glance but in the distance, an explosion could be heard. Birds flew from the site in a panic, and a trickle of smoke rose into the air. Twilight barely gave it a second glance, focusing herself on the small, squat stone structure sitting at the edge of Fluttershy’s property.

Most called it the green tomb, given the nature of its occupant, but Twilight knew the title given to it was not wholly appropriate. Inside lay Ghuzrod, the ork remaining as he had for the last few weeks, on the verge of death though not truly dead. Stepping inside the simple structure, Twilight noted that the ork lay in the same spot where she had laid him. Inert, he was stripped to his waist, revealing that his mangled torso had mostly recovered, becoming a tangled mass of dark scar tissue.

“Hey Twi,” Rainbow Dash muttered. “They still fighting out there?”

“Hmm?” Twilight murmured, glancing up at the changed mare standing before her.

Rainbow Dash had perhaps undergone an even more dramatic apotheosis than Twilight had after their fight with Furious. Where Twilight was just a little larger, a little more muscular, and with little tusks that were barely visible, Rainbow Dash was in a league of her own. Now larger than Big Macintosh and nearly as tall as a princess, with muscles nearly on par with bulk biceps, and tusks large enough to stick out above her lip, she bore the influence of her green friend a bit more obviously.

“Twi? You there? Equestria to Twilight,” Rainbow Dash pressed her bright green eyes only a few short inches from Twilight's face.

“Ahh yeah, I was just... What did you say?” Twilight asked.

“I asked if they were still going at it out there,” Rainbow Dash replied, gesturing towards the Everfree.

“Oh yeah. More explosions than normal today,” Twilight answered.

“Too bad the boss ain't up yet. I’m sure he’d beat those losers in no time,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed, her voice tinged with worry.

Twilight couldn't help but look to Rainbow Dash’s back, to where the mare’s wings should be. Though she looked away quickly, Rainbow Dash noticed, she always seemed to notice.

“Would you cut it out?” Rainbow Dash spat. “I don't want your pity.”

“S-sorry,” Twilight murmured.

“Let's just, hope the big guy gets up soon. Three months of his kind running amok out there is three months too many. They need the boss man to make them understand that we're on the same team,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Yeah. Let's hope,” Twilight added.

“Right. I’m gonna get back home,” Rainbow Dash declared. “If I don't claim that stall soon, one of Applejack’s cows always takes it.”

“You don't have to stay in her barn you know. I’ve got a room at the library,” Twilight offered.

“It's fine. I don't want to be a bother,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“Oh… okay,” Twilight murmured.

Rainbow Dash gave her friend a nod before walking away, her heavy hoof steps quickly disappearing into the distance.

Alone, Twilight sat down next to the large stone slab which served as Ghuzrod’s resting place. The unadorned flat of rock was massive but thankfully a few strangely helpful forest critters of significant size had helped drag it here. They had also assisted with the walls and roof, with an ursa major even showing up to briefly lower in the massive piece of shale that protected the ork from the rain.

“I really wish you were here,” Twilight murmured, glancing down at the ork’s remarkably serene face. “The nobles squabble over what to do. The princesses are able to rebuff some of the advances but things don't look good.”

Twilight frowned and looked out through the opening which served as the small tomb’s only entrance.

“They want to evacuate Ponyville,” Twilight added. “Rainbow Dash won't leave. Neither will Fluttershy or Applejack.”

Twilight sighed.

“I don't know what to do anymore,” she admitted. “I thought I had it all figured out but these guys, these other orks aren't as smart as you and they don't seem to listen to anything but violence.”

Twilight stood up and was about to go visit Fluttershy when her horns sparked. Then they sparked a second time, bright green lightning arcing between the two appendages. A bolt lurched suddenly from both horns and struck the ork in the chest, making his muscles spasm suddenly.

“Darn it. Why do they keep doing… huh,” Twilight murmured.

Ghuzrod was already sitting upright, the ork flexing his hands before turning to Twilight.

“Roight. Wud I miss?”

Author's Note

I couldn't help but pen one last chapter, just so I didn't stop updates on such a cliff hanger.

Groggy and Grumblin'

“Roight. Wud I miss?” I murmured, still groggy and rubbing my aching head.

“You- you’re alive!” Twilight exclaimed, voice shrill and unpleasant.

“Not so loud. It feels like a herd uv squigoth are danc'n on me noggin,” I retorted bitterly.

“Oop, sorry,” Twilight murmured, her voice falling to a whisper. “You must have quite a headache after all that time.”

“Tell me wot happened while I was out an do it all quiet like, right?” I half asked half ordered.

“Okay,” Twilight began, pausing to think things through and take a deep breath. “Its been about three months since we fought Furious Flare. Orks have overrun the Everfree, and there are signs that they’ve expanded all the way to the northern wastes and southern deserts.”

“Dat shouldn't have happened so quick. Whatever, probably some kind uv magic dingy at work," I murmured absently.

“What was that?” Twilight questioned.

“Nuffin, go on,” I muttered, rolling my shoulders and straightening my back.

“Right, so there are tons of orks out there fighting each other in the woods mainly. They sometimes attack towns or cities, but there haven't been any casualties so far,” Twilight explained. “The orks that do attack just kind of wander around looking for a fight and seem disappointed whenever a pony tries.”

I chuckled to myself.

“We aren't exactly the toughest so they just kind of look at us and then wander away. The worst thing they’ve done to Ponyville was raid Sugarcube Corner,” Twilight continued.

“Dat's a surprise. I'd have thought Rainbow Dash woulda put up a betta fight,” I pointed out.

“I’ve convinced her not to try anything. So far they don't view us as anything more than annoying neighbors that don't even have anything worth taking and I want to make them think that for as long as possible,” Twilight answered.

“Smart,” I muttered, scratching my chin. “If dey knew 'der was a decent fight ta be had ere dey'd swarm ‘da place 'n no time. Best leave em ta fight amongst demselves.”

Twilight stood a little straighter, and smiled a little wider, beaming with pride. “I knew you’d agree with me,” she declared. “I don't know why I knew that would work but for some reason, I just knew.”

“Probably on account uv how orky ya've got," I remarked, gesturing to her head. “Nice pair uv horns ya got 'der. Kan ya still use ya magic?"

“No,” Twilight muttered bitterly. “They are surprisingly powerful but they don't seem to do anything but occasionally spit green lightning and burn my cereal.”

“Gonna have ta learn how ta use magic all ova again I fink," I exclaimed. “Ork magic ain't quite so neat an’ orderly as unicorn magic dough.”

“So orks do have magic,” Twilight declared, her eyes wide with relief. “I had a feeling that was the case but after months of trying and failing I was starting to lose hope.”

“We'll figure 'dat out lata. Wot else ‘as happened?" I asked, rising from the slab and looking around. “An' where iz ma armor?”

“Destroyed I’m afraid,” Twilight replied. “There was barely anything left after the fight and what was there had to be peeled off of you.”

“Hmmm,” I rumbled. “Continue.”

“Okay um, what else?” Twilight murmured. “Oh yeah, Canterlot has been a been a bit worse off. The princesses have fought off a few probing attacks by uncoordinated raiders but last we spoke Celestia seemed convinced that a band of orks were attempting to dig under the city.”

“Do ya fink dat’s gonna happen?” I asked.

Twilight shrugged.

“Impossible to know for sure I’m afraid,” Twilight cautioned. “The tunnels under Canterlot go on for miles in all directions. Celestia doesn't have the pony power to search every inch, not with ork raiders on the city’s doorstep.”

“Dat’s weird. It ain't like an ork ta avoid fight'n'," I remarked.

“Luna seems to think it's just opportunistic diamond dogs taking the chance to plunder the caves, but I’m not so sure,” Twilight muttered. “I’ve seen the reports on those mines. There's nothing down there. Those ore veins are completely expended.”

“We’ll figure dat out later. Anyfing else?” I pressed.

“They want to evacuate Ponyville, oh and the others changed as well but not as much as Rainbow Dash and I,” Twilight announced.

“She got horns now too?” I asked, scratching my head.

“Ha, no,” Twilight dismissed. “She’s just kinda bigger.”

“Shame. Was hop'n she’d get some kinda krazy new wings,” I muttered.

“Me too, but nah she's just stronger and taller than everyone. More mature as well but I’m not sure if that was due to you bleeding all over us,” Twilight replied.

“Sorry about 'dat. Didn't have much uv a choice ‘n da matta,” I exclaimed, shrugging.

“It's fine honestly,” Twilight waved off. “I’m just glad that I’m alive and that eventually I’ll have magic. Even if it's not the same magic that I’m used to.”

“Dats gud ta hear," I proclaimed with a grin. “Keep yer chin up. I'z sure we'll get throo dis all togetha."

“I’m glad to hear that Ghuzrod. I’m glad you’re back,” Twilight added.

“I'z glad I ain't dead neitha,” I remarked, still grinning.

“Funny you should mention that. Apparently, there was a big argument over whether you were alive or dead what on account of you being a fungal life form,” Twilight exclaimed, smiling with me.

“Oh dat’s funny,” I declared. “What they come up wif?”

“I think I remember them being at a crossroads of some kind,” Twilight murmured thoughtfully. “Something about how you were never technically alive in the first place so you couldn't be dead. After that, I kinda tuned out.”

“Dat’s real funny,” I murmured.

I clapped my hands together suddenly and rose from the slab.

“Roight,” I began. “We kant spend all day sitt'n around. We got work ta do."

“Of course, boss. What do we do first?” Twilight eagerly exclaimed, the unicorn having produced a scroll and pen from somewhere.

“Furst we gotta gatha all ya girls up so I kan tell ya all more about orks. Ya should know wot ya are gett'n into," I pressed on, stepping out of what had been my tomb but was now just a pile of rocks.

“A good start,” Twilight agreed, starting a list that for the moment had only one item.

“Afta ‘dat we need ta some suppliez togetha an’ prepare ta make an 'cursion into ‘da Everfree,” I continued. “If we are real kareful about it we should be able ta gatha a WAAAGH! band large enough ta take ova da area for ourselves. From 'der we'll unite 'da rest uv 'da orks and-"

I paused and spun around just in time to catch a leaping rainbow Dash as she was mid-jump.

“You’re awake!” She proclaimed, throwing her forehooves into the air. “I knew you were up! I felt it in my bones!”

“I'z gud ta see ya. How's ma numba two doing?” I asked while holding her aloft like she was a particularly needy cat.

“Oh ya know, could be better but I’m dealing with it,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“Wait she's your number two?” Twilight muttered to herself.

“Ya're a tough git. Yer'll make it throo dis an end up stronga for it. It’s wot us orks do. We get stronger!" I proclaimed with a toothy grin.

“Ha, yeah!” Rainbow Dash halfheartedly agreed.

I placed her back down on her own four hooves and looked her over, noting that she was indeed bigger. She looked almost like a pony and an ork had a baby, with her being nearly as large as an ork boy. Regular ponies were about as tall as a gretchin so that was a fair jump in size and something told me she wasn't done growing. Just had to prompt a bit of ork adaptation in her and I was sure she’d be proper ork in no time.

“Roight,” I began. “Da furst meet'n uv da Ironjaw clan iz gonna start. Gatha 'da others, includ'n Spike an' Zecora den meet me at Fluttershy's.”

“I’ll find Pinkie Pie and Spike,” Twilight offered immediately.

“I’ll head back to the farm, then circle back through the forest and talk to Zecora,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I’ll see bout…” I began, only to trail off as I noticed a shadow pass overhead.

Looking up I saw a rather curious sight, one that I had not thought I’d see for at least another few days. It was a sky carriage, one pulled by royal guards and accompanied by even more of the golden armored soldiers flying alongside them. They were obviously here for me, given that they were all staring down at me, though I could sense that there was little in the way of malice in their hearts. Ponies were just easy to read, and they looked more nervous than hateful.

“Gud morn'n poniez. Wot kan I do fer you all?" I greeted, crossing my enormous arms over my chest.

A female guard landed directly in front of me, and stared up at me, utterly unafraid.

“Ghuzrod, the ork,” she began, her voice surprisingly deep. “You’re presence is demanded by Princess Celestia. We are here to take you to her.”

I looked around to find that right after the sky carriage had landed, the various guards had fanned out around us. Their encirclement was complete, though I was far from intimidated by the move. They were, after all, nothing more than regular, unaugmented ponies who at the most, might have enchanted equipment. Even then, I doubted they’d be able to do much against me given my increased stature.

“What happens if we don't let you take him?” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“Let's hear the princess out,” Twilight countered.

“But Twilight. She’s getting in the way of the bosses’ plan,” Rainbow Dash growled. “We can't afford to go to Canterlot. Not now.”

“Iz wit' spark head. We should chat wit' 'da princess," I declared. “We are gonna need ‘er help if we are gonna smash all dese Boyz.

“But boss-” Rainbow Dash whined.

“No buts,” I interrupted, holding up a finger. “Diplomacy is important.”

“Aww,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“I assume ma entourage may accompany me?” I asked, glancing down at the only guard to speak so far.

“The order was just for you,” she replied.

“But did she say we were not allowed to join him?” Twilight pressed.

“Well no,” the guard admitted.

“Den dey are kom'n wit' me,” I declared. “Les go gurls.”

I strode past the guards, and plunked down into the carriage, causing it to creak loudly but thankfully not break. It was surprisingly comfortable and done in the same kind of style that you may have seen walking about a fancy park in the greater London area. Without a top or any kind of covering, the two sets of facing seats were at the mercy of the wind, but at least they were comfortable. Though my bulk occupied the majority of the space I hoped there was enough room for the other two mares. And they proved this assumption correct a moment later when they piled in after me.

“Sweet. I call shotgun,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Hmm, maybe we should try to spread the weight out a little more,” Twilight thought aloud.

Soon we were all seated, and though cramped nothing had broken under the combined weight of all three of us.

“Well? Are we go'n or wot?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder at the baffled guards standing nearby. “Well?”

“Package secured. Let's go, everyone. You know what to do,” the head guard ordered.

I watched with some amusement as the same number of pegasus ponies strapped themselves up only to fail. Thankfully adding another five pegasi to the mix seemed to remedy things and after a bit of awkwardness we were airborne. Twilight seemed unbothered, as she’d probably done this a million times but Rainbow Dash looked a little nervous.

“Different fly'n unda 'da powa uv annuver, eh?" I asked her.

“Huh? Oh uh… yeah,” Rainbow Dash murmured. “I know we’ve done this before but this time feels different.”

I placed a hand on her shoulder and kept it there. This seemed to calm Rainbow Dash down a bit.

“Oh hey, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash suddenly announced, obviously attempting to switch the topic of conversation. “Did you mention how you managed to convince them not to burn the boss while he was asleep?”

“No. I did mention a bit of the debate that was had around his alive status though,” Twilight replied.

“Whuzzasis then?” I asked.

“They wanted to burn you. Funeral pyre has been the traditional method of burial for non-ponies in Equestria,” Twilight explained. “Stems from some ancient tradition that began near the last war with the gryphons. Regardless, I was able to use an obscure legal loophole and had you temporarily designated as a rare type of fungus.”

“They almost got you too,” Rainbow Dash added with a grin. “They had a bunch of wood all gathered up when a whole horde of conservation types showed up and protested the entire thing.”

“And that… worked?” I murmured.

“Obviously. You’re here aintcha?” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“I think the boss here is more curious about how that all worked and to answer that is to get a bit into the weeds on our definition of alive,” Twilight remarked. “Since mushrooms are neither plants nor animals their state of being can be a bit tricky to nail down.”

“Mushrooms are kinda weird. Did ya know dey have more 'n kommon wit' animals den plants? so at wun point yer an’ a mushroom shared a kommon ancestor," I added.

“That's so weird,” Rainbow Dash muttered, upper lip curled in disgust.

“That's nothing,” Twilight proclaimed. “Did you know that there are some mushrooms that turn their host creature into a sort of zombie? They are called-”

I kinda zoned out at this point as now that we were flying high above the Everfree, I was forced to reckon with how widespread the fighting had become during my absence. I could see that sections of the forest had been clear cut, while new mines had been dug, and primitive structures erected. I didn't spot very many craters, so I didn't think they had managed to master gunpowder but given how fast they were moving, that probably wasn't far away.

There sure are a lot of them. I thought to myself.

There definitely was some kind of magic fuckery going on as orks reproduced quickly but three months seemed like a little too fast. They were also weirdly accepting of ponies from what both Twilight mentioned and I could see. The paths of devastation these other orks carved through the landscape seemed to avoid most equine settlements.

I could only hope that me viewing ponies as little more than cuddly dogs got passed down to them. I wondered if any other things got passed down, only for my brain to realize that these orks were kinda like my kids. That little epiphany made me feel a bit uncomfortable, but it also made me contemplate if that's how the primarchs had felt.

I contemplated that possibility and others as we made our way across the sky to Canterlot. Resisting the urge to plan was difficult, but I reassured myself that I could begin constructing fail safes after our meeting. It was at this point, when we began to descend towards the city, that I realized that the metropolitan town was abuzz with activity.

Guards moved down the streets in large squads while pegasi flew this way and that. The various walls were well manned and I could tell that what defences I could see were being shored up considerably. They were preparing for a siege, I realized, one on a scale that Equestria hadn't seen in centuries, if at all.

I turned away from the grim sight and spotted a strange structure sitting not far from Canterlot Castle. Made up of a large central tower from which sprung five smaller towers arranged around it like the spokes on a wheel. Each tower was slightly different, though they all had domed ceilings, and were predominantly a single primary color.

“Dat yer magic skool?” I asked, pointing down at the odd structure.

“Oh yeah. That's where I went for a few years before Celestia took me in as her personal student,” Twilight answered. “Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is the official name though it does teach non-unicorn related classes.”

“Then why the name?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Paperwork, bureaucracy, and bullshit politics,” Twilight spat.

“Ha,” I exclaimed. “Sounds bout right.”

“Brace yourself for landing,” shouted one of the guards.

I did so, and half expected a rough impact given our weight but was surprised when it was as smooth as butter. Less than a minute later we had reached a full stop in the middle of a small courtyard near the back of the castle. Here we were slightly secluded, hidden away from the general public, and any would-be gawkers were replaced with numerous guards.

They were clearly waiting for our arrival, as a relief force of more than thirty ponies were waiting on us. And a good thing too, as every last pegasus that had been pulling us was completely exhausted, lying sprawled out on the grass, panting. It was amusing, and I gave the pack of pooped ponies a chuckle before approaching the leader I had spoken to not long ago.

“Lead 'da way,” I offered.

The mare nodded, and after having a brief, hushed conversation too quiet for me to hear, we headed out once more. With the lead guard out front, we made our way into a back entrance of the castle. Here the halls were wide, spartan, and devoid of any kind of decoration, much different from what I assumed the rest of the castle looked like.

“The emergency tunnels,” Twilight helpfully added. “I’ve only been down here once.”

“I don't get it. It's not a tunnel,” Rainbow Dash helpfully pointed out.

“It used to be underground and though that changed, the name remained,” Twilight answered.

“Kinda like 'da school,” I pointed out.

“Exactly. Names for stuff are kinda weird,” Twilight agreed.

“And dumb,” Rainbow Dash added.

I chuckled as we strode through the hall, only now aware of how just how naked I was. Everyone else had armor or clothes and though I had pants, that was about it. I flexed my legs and realized that they were actually surprisingly comfortable, with a fair amount of give while still feeling tough.

“Rarity make dese?” I asked, pointing to my legs.

“Oh uh yeah. She wasn't sure you would actually come back but she saw it as a challenge and well, Rarity never backs down from a challenge,” Twilight explained.

“It’s like, the one thing I appreciate about her,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I thought that was her ‘dreamy lips’,” Twilight chided, clearly quoting some past conversation I was not present for.

“Hey shut up. We agreed not to talk about that,” Rainbow Dash hissed.

“Silence,” Interrupted the guard captain. “We are here.”

I looked up to find that yes, we were indeed standing before the doors to something important but I didn't think it was the throne room. This assumption was proven correct when the doors opened and we were led into something more akin to a meeting room. Only the table was pushed to the side, and the only seat was the tall, leather-backed one that Celestia was sitting upon.

“I told you to acquire the ork. Not my student and one of her friends,” Celestia growled the moment her gaze fell upon us.

“Apologies your majesty. They insisted,” the guard captain replied, bowing low.

“Yeah. We weren't about to leave the big boss hanging,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I pressed the issue. Please do not punish the captain,” Twilight declared.

“I would not have regardless,” Celestia stated. “Guards, you may wait outside the room. For the moment your duty is done.”

“Yes, your majesty,” the guard captain replied.

The gold armored ponies scuttled out of the room, leaving me alone with Celestia, and my little entourage. The moment they departed, I ducked into a polite bow, crossing one arm over my chest.

“Gud afternoon, yer majesty. I hope dis day finds yer well," I greeted, channeling all the diplomatic energy I had in me.

“It does not,” Celestia stated.

“Someone’s testy,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“I will allow you two to remain here, but I do not permit you to speak,” Celestia exclaimed, upper lip curled into a snarl.

“Yeah nah. I don't respond well to threats,” Rainbow Dash growled back.

“No need ta get into a dick measur'n kontest ova someth'n so small. Best jus relax for a minute," I replied softly.

“Mmm fine,” Rainbow Dash spat.

Twilight gave me an apologetic and slightly appreciative smile.

“Please, go ahead yer majesty,” I offered politely.

“I will not mince words, while there is so much important work to be done so I will state it simply and concisely,” Celestia began, the alicorn rising to her full height, which was about at my chin. “Ghuzrod the ork. You are to be executed for crimes against Ponykind. You will be imprisoned in the deepest, darkest dungeons of the castle until tomorrow at noon when your sentence will be carried out.”

“What?”

Author's Note

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More Den A Pretty Face

“What,” I muttered, in utter and complete confusion.

“He didn't even do anything! Heck, the only creatures he killed were animals,” Twilight exclaimed.

“That's bullshit!” Rainbow Dash shouted, the pegasus actually going so far as to stomp up to Celestia and glare at her with wide, hate-filled eyes. “The boss nearly gave his life to protect us and if he hadn't been there Furious Flare would still be out there, eating babies or whatever.”

“He put you all in harm’s way, and with his near-death has caused our planet to be irrevocably damned,” Celestia growled back. “Even now his horrid green kin run roughshod over our nation! Entire forests are being felled. Towns menaced, and ponies displaced.”

“How in Equestria can Ghuzrod be found guilty of their crimes? That's not how the law works, I should know! I studied it!” Twilight interrupted.

I frowned, and stood back, stroking my chin and attempting to think of some diplomatic way out of this. While I tried to come up with a plan of some kind, both Twilight and Rainbow Dash crowded around Celestia and argued with her.

“He spawned them! He is why they are here,” Celestia retorted. “I am not arguing that he bears the weight of all the laws they broke, but actions have consequences, his more than most.”

“Dat is fair,” I rumbled.

“What? Boss, you can't say that!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“I knew dis was a possibility but ta 'ecute me so quickly iz foolish," I retorted. “Ya poniez aren't tough enough ta handle dis. Best ta let me reign im 'n an' get im on yer side. Specially since 'der's worse den orks kom'n.”

“Lies,” Celestia dismissed. “And even if they weren't I would be a fool to release you just so you can gather an army large enough to conquer the planet.”

“I don't know about da whole planet. But given time, probably," I muttered absently.

“Uh, boss. I don't think you are helping your case much,” Twilight added.

“Look, Celestia. I understand why ya feel 'da way ya do. If yer let me go I kould gatha an army large enough ta wipe every single nation off da map. I have da strength ta krush a pony wit' two fingaz an' I kould probably fight yer entire guard an' win," I began.

“Maybe let Twilight do the talking,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“I’m goin somewhere wit dis,” I retorted, stepping forward and looking down at Celestia. “I kould do all dose fings but it's not enough 'dat I kould do dose fings. Look at ma actions until now. I kould have left yer poniez ta die. I kould have refused ta save Rainbow Dash. I kould have ignored da dreats loom'n ova yer planet but dat ain't 'oo I am.”

“Ghuzrod is a hero, Celestia,” Twilight pressed. “He saved all of our lives. Multiple times even.”

“Yeah, don't you pin medals on heroes and not kill them?” Rainbow Dash added.

“He is no hero, he is an ork,” Celestia growled. “My mother warned me that should the veil be lifted we would be beset on all sides by enemies great and terrible. She told me that some would come with honeyed words while others wouldn't even bother to speak. Either way, it would be my duty to defend my ponies from all outsiders no matter what they may or may not say and I intend on doing my duty no matter the cost.”

“Know'n wot all iz out 'der I kant say I blame ya but please jus listen ta dis wun last fing," I offered.

“I will grant you that much but make it quick. I have a war council to attend,” Celestia countered.

“Roight, time to come all clean-like,” I began, clearing my throat. “I used ta be a 'umie from a different reality. A god fing 'dat made dis place, Equestria, grabbed me. 'e charged me wit' protect'n you lot from whats kom'n. An’ trust me, 'der iz a lot kom'n. Necrons at least, an if I had ta guess jus about every otha major galactic faction iz gonna showz up at wun point or annuver.”

“Yer need me. An' if yer toss me aside den yer'll be go'n up against da worst da galaxy ‘as ta offa all on yer lonesome,” I declared, leaning in close and jabbing a finger into my chest.

There was a pause where me, Twilight and Rainbow Dash all stared at the silent Celestia sitting before us. Then, she spoke.

“That is a chance I must take,” Celestia stated solemnly.

“What!”

“That's ridiculous!”

“Hol on,” I interrupted. “'n ‘dat kase I got wun last fing ta say ta ya."

“I have heard enough, guards!” Celestia shouted.

I growled, and lurched forward, grabbing Celestia by the throat, and the horn, cutting off her magic as well as her oxygen.

“I swore ta protect ya. Even if it means I have ta protect ya from yourself," I spat. “Now tell ‘im ta wait outside so we kan have a chat jus ya an’ me."

Celestia’s wide eyes flicked back to the open doors where her baffled guards stood there, too confused to move. I could tell she was weighing her odds, and trying to figure out how best to escape this situation while regaining the upper hand. I tightened my grip ever so slightly, reassuring her that if she so much as thought about attacking me I’d snap her neck like a twig.

“Go,” Celestia ordered, pointing back the way the guards came.

“Go wif ‘em,” I added, jerking my head towards Twilight and Rainbow Dash.

“Are you sure boss?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I’m sure,” I replied.

The two mares exchanged a glance before leaving me alone with Celestia. The doors closed with a dull boom, ushering in a quiet so complete I could hear Celestia’s breathing.

“So,” I began. “Do ya still dream uv sunflowers, little light?"

“What… what did you just say?”

“Do you still dream of sunflowers, Little Light?” I stated, painstakingly enunciating each and every word to ensure I didn't get misunderstood.

There was a long moment of quiet, where Celestia stared off into space. Then her eyes snapped back to me and she touched my arm.

“You can let go of me,” she whispered.

I gently placed her back down before releasing my hold on both her throat, as well as her horn. Contrary to my most paranoid of thoughts, she did not in fact, blast me with magic or order her guards back in.

“Then you met her?” Celestia whispered. “You met my mother.”

“I met someth'n. I don't know how I'd even describe it. But I met something," I murmured with a shrug.

“Did… did she say anything else?” Celestia pressed.

“Dey said someth'n about how dere powa iz fad'n an’ dat I was 'da last champion dey kould summon," I answered. “I talked ta im only breifly before kom'n ere an' den for a bit longa when I died.”

“That's… interesting,” Celestia muttered. “This changes things.”

“I assume ya aren't gunna try an kill me?" I asked.

“No, we are past that,” Celestia dismissed, waving a hoof in the air.

“Gud. Oh an sorry about da whole grabb'n ya fing. If it makes ya feel any betta I wasn't plann'n on actually hurt'n ya," I offered.

“I apologize as well,” Celestia replied, releasing a long sigh. “I will have to discuss things with my ministers, as well as my sister but once I do we will have to speak again.”

“Ya gotta let me go out 'der, an' gatha ‘da Boyz. A strong warboss will keep im from runn'n rampant an’ yer are gunna need all ‘da muscle yer kan get for whats koming," I stated in as firmly a tone as I could muster.

“I understand,” Celestia stated, her voice heavy and sad.

Her tone carried a firmness to it, and though she didn't say it out loud I knew she was telling me to leave her. Which I did, walking over to the door, and pulling it open to find a horde of eager ponies staring up at me. Like a pack of children that had been caught trying to eavesdrop, they stumbled back, nearly tripping over one another.

“Ghuzrod and his companions may stay in Twilight's old room. See to it that they are fed, watered, and have whatever they need,” Celestia ordered, her voice carrying easily across the large room.

“Y-yes your majesty!” The nervous guard captain declared.

In no time we were walking the halls of Canterlot Castle proper, having entered the main area through a side entrance. The small army of royal guards had broken into two groups, one that walked in front of me while the other followed close behind. In the center, me, Rainbow Dash and Twilight strode, the two mares slightly nervous while I was more bored than anything.

Normally I’d be fangirling over all the cool little details like old paintings, busts of creatures long dead, and other such small things. I didn't have the headspace to make note of any such thing, however, as my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't help but mull over Celestia and I’s little interaction and consider if I had been in the wrong. My thoughts were interrupted by Rainbow Dash bumping into my side, and shooting me a wide grin.

“Hey boss,” she remarked, still smiling. “I guess the other half of your name makes sense now.”

“Sunrekka? Oh, ha! Das funny,” I murmured.

“I still think we could have avoided this entire debacle but I’m glad to see you didn't kill one another,” Twilight added, frowning.

“I’ll tell ya all about it once we get ta yer place,” I offered.

“Oh, that’s right we're going to… oh no,” Twilight murmured.

“What? You leave you’re underwear out or something?” Rainbow Dash offered.

“No I-”

“We're here,” interrupted the guard captain, throwing open the door.

I looked in to find that Twilight's old room resembled a typical teenage girl’s circa late nineties. The walls were covered with pictures of ponies, most of whom seemed to be part of a group called InSink. They even had frosted tips, overly bright clothes, and kinda looked like N Sync, only for some reason there was also a nautical theme to the group though which was-

“Weird,” I murmured.

“Wait, you liked these weirdos! Stars and sun Twilight I knew you were cringe but this is on a whole nother level!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“I haven't been back here in years. I didn't think Celestia kept everything,” Twilight hissed.

I noted that the guard captain had left after we entered, the door being closed firmly behind us. I brushed aside her sudden disappearance and plunked down in a bean bag chair that would have been enormous for a pony but was perfectly sized for me. Once seated, I looked out the nearby window, and let my mind wander while behind me Rainbow Dash continued to tease poor Twilight.

“Wait you even have every single one of their records and the pogs! The pogs Twilight!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“I am aware!” Twilight yelled back, her horns sparking angrily.

“I bet you were the president of their fan club,” Rainbow Dash pressed.

“N-no!”

“You totally were!” Rainbow Dash retorted, erupting in a fit of giggles.

“I wasn't allowed to listen to anything else,” Twilight hissed. “My mother even went so far as to throw out the family radio after they started playing rock and roll.”

I ignored them and continued to peer out the window, noting that I could see the school from up here. Though we weren't quite at the highest point of the tower, we were a fair few flights of stairs up from the ground floor. The view was beautiful, though for some reason my gaze kept getting pulled down to Celestia’s little training ground for gifted youngsters. I couldn't help but notice that the area was unusually absent of activity and that nearly every shade had been drawn in the facility’s many windows.

“Odd,” I muttered.

“Ghuzrod!” Twilight whined. “Make Rainbow Dash stop.”

“Oi,” I bellowed. “Quit bother'n da poor git. It aint ‘er fault she liked hunky stallions. Not everyone likes girls 'da way ya do.”

“I do not!” Rainbow Dash shouted, her face turning bright red.

“Now's not 'da time ta whine. Sit down, an’ let me tell ya wot happened," I ordered. “An while we're at it we best discuss what's gonna happen next 'cos we got a lot ta do."

“Right, good thinking boss,” Twilight offered.

“What she said,” Rainbow Dash added.

I cleared my throat and launched into a lengthy repetition of the events that occurred while they were in the other room. I then answered their questions, and together we started to plan out our next moves. Somewhere along the lines, a rather terrified staff member delivered us some food. It was mostly washed and sliced fruit and some side salads, but there was also a fish fillet which I devoured with gusto.

“Oh wow, that is so cool,” Rainbow Dash gushed. “I wanna get one of my legs replaced by a giant claw.”

“But you have a perfectly functional limb right now,” Twilight retorted.

“Yeah but think about it Twi. I could have a giant claw right now,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Tell her boss. Tell her that klaws are cool!”

“They are,” I admitted. “But I fink I'd ratha have a regular ol metal hand. I'd hate ta go ta scratch ma butt an' forget ta use ma otha hand.”

“Oh yeah. I didn't even think about that,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“This is the dumbest conversation I’ve had in a long time,” Twilight added quite dryly.

“H-hey!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

I was about to interrupt when Twilight's horns sparked a little brighter than usual. A moment later the door to her room opened to reveal the same guard captain as before. She seemed a bit more frazzled than earlier, and it was obvious even at a glance that she had yet to go on a break despite it having been hours since we last saw her.

“The princess is ready for you,” she proclaimed.

“Roight, les’ go,” I rumbled.

I stood up and after giving the school in the distance one final glance, followed after the royal guard. This time we didn't have an enormous cadre of soldiers serving as our entourage, rather there were only a select few of them. They looked the same as the rest but I could tell that these lot were more powerful than the rank and file we had been exposed to so far.

Celestia’s trust only went so far it seemed.

This time we were guided not down to the secret back entrance and instead were allowed entrance into a proper meeting hall. Here there were no thrones, only a dozen or so chairs most of whom were unoccupied. Luna and Celestia were at the moment, the only ones seated, though I spotted the royal secretary standing in the shadows, eying me carefully.

“Take a seat Ghuzrod, Twilight, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia offered, gesturing to the open seats across from her and Luna.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

I was about to pull out one of the chairs when I noticed that one of them was a bit more well-reinforced than the others. Sure it was still kinda short, but it didn't seem like it would fall apart under my weight so I chose that one. Sure enough, I was basically kissing my knees, but the chair didn't even groan when I sat down.

“We’re gonna need to find a bigger chair next time,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

“I have one on order,” the secretary remarked, tapping her clipboard in emphasis.

“Thanks,” I muttered.

“Now then. Let us get right down to it then,” Celestia began, nodding to the guard captain.

The doors behind us closed with a resounding thud, and just like that, we were alone once more with the princess. I took a moment to inspect the two mares seated across from us, seeing what, if anything I could gather from their attitudes.

Celestia was clearly still deep in thought. Sure she was present, and had on her face a stern expression, but her gaze was slightly distant. Luna, on the other hand, appeared as though she was trying to strangle me with her eyes and was barely resisting the urge to do so with her hooves. Her shoulders were tense, she stared a constant stream of daggers at me, and every once and a while I could see a small spark shoot from the tip of her horn.

“Though resources are limited at the moment my sister and I are fully in support of your plan,” Celestia declared.

“Jus like dat?” I asked, slightly baffled by the sudden about-face.

“After much soul searching I’ve chosen to believe your tale,” Celestia declared, her tone making it clear that she wasn't altogether happy with this decision even though she had been the one to make it. “It is rather fantastical, but it is the only explanation given what you knew.”

Luna snorted irritably, clearly unconvinced.

“Dat’s good,” I remarked.

“Again, there is little in the way of aid we can offer you though you need only ask and we will give what we can,” Celestia concluded.

“You made the right decision Celestia,” Twilight announced.

“Yeah. I would have hated to have to fight you but I totally woulda,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed in a flippant manner.

“Then you would have lost and you would have died like a dog,” Luna retorted.

“Pfft nah. I could take like, eight, maybe nine royal guards,” Rainbow Dash dismissed.

“I don't think this is a competition, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight interrupted.

“‘Dat doesn't matta anymore," I declared. “We gotta focus on mov'n forward. Togetha."

“Well said fair Ghuzrod,” Celestia agreed.

“Hardly. The dullard barely managed to spit it out,” Luna countered.

“Luna,” Celestia began, her tone rising as if she were disciplining a child who had begun to test her patience. “We talked about this. I know you may not like it but Ghuzrod here is an ally. An important one.”

“He is a fool, and a charlatan,” Luna spat. “Nothing more.”

“We really can't afford to be squabbling like this. There are much greater foes out there, waiting for us,” Twilight exclaimed.

“What you wanna fight too? After you heard what happened last time?” Rainbow Dash challenged.

“Luna,” Celestia hissed. “This is no time to butt heads. You are still weakened from the loss of the stars. If you were to fight-”

“I would win,” Luna finished, standing up from her chair and stalking around the table. “Just because the creature has fought a demon-possessed pony does not mean he is up to the task at hand.”

“I'z not gunna fight ya," I retorted. “We got bigga fish ta fry."

“I would not sully my hands with your brutish blood anyway,” Luna shot back. “No, what I intend to do is to watch you, to observe you, and when you reveal your true colors, to end you.”

“What, so like you’re just gonna hang around and watch us save the world?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“No. I will aid you should the need arise but for the most part, I will simply observe you and wait until the mask drops,” Luna proclaimed.

“and how 'actly do ya intend on watch'n me, hmmm?” I pressed. “Aren't ya a princess wit' fings ta do."

“Simple,” Luna began. “I will plant a tantabus within your mind. Allowing me to see all you do.”

“Luna,” Celestia hissed. “We talked about this. That is a gross overreach of your power and a terrible invasion of his privacy.”

“That does seem a bit extreme,” Twilight added.

“Just admit you're a voyuer so we can move on to more important matters,” Rainbow Dash chided.

“I am no freak, and I care not for this creature’s lack of privacy. If it truly has nothing to fear then it will-”

“I accept,” I interrupted.

“Huh?” Twilight spat, blinking in confusion.

“Good,” Luna began, the alicorn quickly recovering from the shock that came with my agreement. “Lower your head and close your eyes.”

I did as she requested, kneeling down before the alicorn. I could tell from just a glance that Celestia was both annoyed as well as relieved that I had assented to Luna’s demand. The princess had probably hoped this would happen but didn't wish to be the one to make such a brash ultimatum. She likely opposed this on moral grounds but regardless of the why, here we were.

“Empty your mind, and think of nothing save for the vast empty blackness of the void between stars,” Luna ordered.

I did as she was asked, waiting with my head bowed and my mind empty as Luna used her magic. Just as I was about to ask what the hold-up was, I felt it. A presence crawling behind my eyes and wriggling its way deep into my grey matter. Before I knew it there was something else hiding in the depths of my mind, looking out my eyes, and hearing through my ears.

“Dat’s weird,” I muttered.

“It is not a pleasant experience for us either,” Luna added.

“Right, so is dat it?” I asked, rising back to my full height and staring down at Luna.

“That is all from myself. Celestia?” Luna offered.

Celestia was about to open her mouth, likely to make some half-hearted apology given the look on her face when the door burst open.

“Orks have invaded Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns!” Proclaimed the now visibly frazzled guard captain. “They’ve taken captives but have yet to make any demands.”

“So that's what I was feeling,” whispered Twilight.

“Well, creature. It seems as though your first mission has presented itself,” Luna exclaimed. “Go out there and prove me right. Show everyone what a mindless beast you are.”

“Watch your mouth. Princess or not I will not hesitate to smack that smug look right off your face,” Rainbow Dash spat back.

“Rainbow Dash, contain yourself,” Twilight whispered.

“Kome on girls. Yer heard 'da princess," I began, rising from my seat. “Let's go prove ‘dat we're more den jus a pretty face."

Author's Note

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Schoolin Da Gits

“Right. How 'actly did dey manage ta break into ‘da school without anyone noticing?" I asked, glancing down at the guard captain scurrying alongside me, the young mare barely able to keep up with my long, powerful strides.

“We, don't… we don't know,” she replied.

“Probably came up through underground,” Twilight reasoned. “That would explain the shock of it all and the rumbling you guys noticed. The school also goes fairly deep underground as well.”

“‘dat 'plains ‘dat," I muttered.

“So what's the plan? We go in kick the butt of whoever’s in charge and take over ourselves?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Pretty much,” I answered.

Together we turned the corner, the now-occupied school rising up at the end of the street. Faces peered out at us from the houses lining either side, nervous expressions on their barely visible features. While the people of Canterlot cowered in terror, the royal guards patrolled up and down, intent on keeping any passerbies indoors.

I could also see a sizable and growing presence of guards surrounding the school on all sides. Pegasi flew overhead, earth ponies assembled in blocky formations while the unicorns present clustered in a small group. They seemed to be in a meeting of some kind, likely for the purpose of dealing with the large colorful magical barrier covering the school grounds.

“What's dat?” I asked, glancing down at Twilight.

“Defensive barrier,” muttered the unicorn, clearly confused. “But orks can't use unicorn magic. How could they have raised it, and so quickly too.”

“Only one way to find out,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed before taking off at a trot.

“Seems like we'll need ta get a closa look uv fings,” I added before walking after her.

Behind me, Twilight and the guard captain who had been assigned as my liaison slash observer trotted after me. The smaller of the two had to sprint in order to keep up while Twilight jogged to catch up with us. As we drew closer, I saw that the school appeared empty though the lights were on in many of the windows.

“H-halt!” Shouted a terrified stallion.

I slowed to a stop and looked down at the pony. Though he was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, he stood as tall as he could, blocking my path with an outstretched hoof.

“S-s-state your business!” He all but screamed, the male not able to control the volume of his voice.

“I’m a good ork,” I exclaimed.

“This is Ghuzrod Sunrekka, and he is under orders of the princess herself to resolve this matter,” a slightly out-of-breath guard captain declared.

“Oh thank all the stars in heaven,” murmured the stallion. “I really didn't want to have to fight you.”

“Fight would be a bit of a stretch to describe what woulda happened,” Rainbow Dash countered.

“Give me 'da skinny," I ordered, only to notice the complete lack of recognition in the stallion’s eyes. “Tell me wot happened."

“Oh uh well they broke in and threw out the squad that had been patrolling the grounds at the time. Then before they could even go for backup, the shield was up,” he replied, gesturing behind him.

“Wait, they threw them out?” Twilight questioned. “Where are these guards now?”

“Over there,” the stallion offered.

“‘Fanks,” I exclaimed before tromping off, my mares following close behind.

Upon approaching the small group of four, they released a collective gasp of shock. I was about to try and dismiss the tension but was beaten to the punch by the guard captain who had joined my retinue.

“This is Ghuzrod Sunrekka, he's here under orders by the princess herself to remedy this little situation,” she proclaimed, clearly growing tired of having to repeatedly introduce me.

“R-really?” Whispered one of them. “That's great to hear.”

“Time is short,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, stepping between us and glaring down at the still rather frightened group of guard ponies. “Tell us exactly what happened and don't leave out anything.”

“Please,” Twilight helpfully added.

I snorted in agreement.

“Well, it was a fairly normal night, all things considered,” an older, darker-furred guardsmare remarked. “We were about ready to head back to the barracks when we heard a crash coming from the sub-basement. We went to check on things, assuming it was just some randy teenagers or a clumsy janitor and then we saw them.”

“Orks,” I assumed.

“Yeah they were huge, and they had big nasty clubs!” Added another of the guards, mimicking the action of swinging a club. “It looked like they just ripped small trees straight outta the ground!”

“Most of em werent wearing anything other than loincloths or animal pelts and usually this wouldn't be weird but for some reason, it felt kinda wrong,” murmured another.

“They caught us pretty quick and though we put up a fight they beat us,” declared the first speaker in a sombre tone. “Our stun spells did nothing, they just ran at us while yelling some kind of warcry.”

“How are you even alive?” Twilight inquired, saying exactly what I was thinking.

“I don't know,” admitted the darker-furred mare. “I thought for sure they were about to kill us when someone yelled at them to stop and to just toss us out onto the street. The orks didn't seem to like that but they did so anyway, carrying us out and throwing us on the street.”

I hummed thoughtfully and scratched my chin. They had some bumps, bruises, and other minor injuries but that was it. Though it didn't make sense for an ork to just stop like that, it gave me hope that they could be trained, that their bloodlust could be quenched.

“Dats all I needed ta hear. Lets go girls," I proclaimed.

“Wait, theres one more thing!” The smallest of the guards offered.

“Ya?” I prompted.

“There was a pony with them. I didn't see them clearly but I definitely heard the sound of hooves and the voice that yelled at them was feminine. Not like an ork,” the guard continued.

“Dat is weird,” I muttered. “Fanks, bud.”

I then turned and tromped back over to the barrier, eying up the shimmering magical wall with a critical eye.

“Brute force won't get past it,” Twilight exclaimed.

“Pffft. No one’s as strong as the boss,” Rainbow Dash offered.

“It could theoretically protect the school even if the mountain fell on it,” Twilight retorted.

“Okay so maybe brute force won't get past it,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

I was about to ask the guard captain whose name I still hadn't gotten what we should do when I saw movement. The closest tower was only a dozen feet away, and near the top was a parapet wall not unlike the kind you would see around a castle. For a moment I saw the beady eyes of an ork peering out from between the crenelations but they quickly ducked out of sight.

“Oi!” I bellowed loud enough to startle the various guards. “I see yer ova 'der. Kome out!”

There was a brief moment of distant, hushed whispering and then an ork appeared on the wall.

“So ya got eyes. Am I supposed ta be impressed or something?" He retorted arms crossed over his bare chest.

“Open da barria. I need ta talk ta yer boss,” I shouted.

“I ain't lett'n nobody throo. Especially not wun uv blacktoof's nobs!" the other ork shot back.

“I guess yer don't have eyes kus if yer did you'd know I ain't some lowly nob! I'z warboss Ghuzrod Sunrekka! an I'z ere ta recruit yer sorry bunch ta me waaagh!" I bellowed.

“Yer iz big. I guess ya ain't wun uv blacktoof's nobs afta all. We already part uv a waaagh dough," he exclaimed.

“I don't kare 'oo yer boss iz. Dey ain't af as tough as me an' I'll prove it!” I retorted, slamming a fist against my chest in a challenge.

“I wasn't supposed ta let anyone throo but yer do look tough. If yer smash da big boss I bet da Boyz would join yer right quick," He remarked. “Hold on a tick. I'll open da way but only youse an ya boyz kan kome throo. No more ponies!"

“Yeah yeah,” I dismissed. “Jus open up already before I smash ma way ‘n an' krump ya for wast'n ma time."

The ork ducked down and returned a second later holding a terrified unicorn by the scruff of the neck.

“Open it up, but jus a little. I don't want none uv dose guard poniez kom'n 'n," he ordered, giving the horrified stallion a shake.

“Y-yes! Right away!” He shrieked.

“Poor guy,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

I snorted in agreement.

A few seconds later a small opening appeared in the barrier. I ushered Twilight and Rainbow Dash through first before stepping in after them. The moment I was passed, the magical field closed behind me, sealing us in.

“Here, follow me,” Twilight offered.

I allowed the unicorn to take the lead and fell in behind her. As we made our way down the well-manicured walkway, I noted how beautiful it all looked. The area around the school was like a well-manicured forest, though no trees were especially tall. It was pretty, but more importantly, there didn't seem to be any traps or ambushes waiting for us amidst the greenery.

“Odd,” I muttered to myself.

Orks weren't known for their subterfuge but I half expected there to be at least a bunch of my fellow green skins loitering around the entrance to the school. Yet as we drew close I could see that it was unguarded, with the doors closed but not barred. A push confirmed that they were unlocked, and after stepping inside I paused to look around once more.

Sure enough, there were no traps, and no orks waiting in ambush. In fact, there was no one, no one save for a nervous-looking pony sitting behind the visitor’s center.

“H-hello!” She announced. “How can I h-h-help you?”

“Don't worry,” Rainbow Dash began, leaning on the mare’s desk. “We aren't here with them.”

“Are you sure? You got some really big uh… teeth,” muttered the greying old mare.

“It's a long story,” Twilight dismissed. “Do you know where the boss of these orks is? Ghuzrod here challenged them.”

“Oh uh, the head honcho so to speak was down in the dueling pits. I believe she was attempting to teach her underlings how to use magic. Or showing off, not sure which if I’m being honest,” she muttered, shrugging.

“Fanks,” I offered. “Les go girls.”

“This is gonna be easy,” Rainbow Dash declared as we began to follow behind Twilight once more. “If it's just a pony leading them I could totally take them by myself.”

“I don't know. If they are as powerful as these orks seem to think she is then she might…” Twilight paused, standing stock still in the middle of the empty hallway.

“Wot is it?” I asked.

“I just had a terrible thought,” Twilight murmured, only to shake her head and keep walking. “Forget it. She can't be the person we’re seeking.”

Rainbow Dash shrugged and followed, so I did the same.

As we walked, I couldn't help but be a little curious. This was a magic school after all, and though it looked like one from the outside, once past those large doors, it seemed oddly normal. Most hallways had lockers on either side, while a glance into the empty classrooms revealed that they were mostly what I remembered from my own childhood. Desks both child-sized and one larger one, a chalkboard, a small library, and posters on the walls.

“Hey, look at this,” Twilight offered.

Wordlessly, Rainbow Dash and I followed after the mare, peering through the same window she was. On the other side was a seemingly normal classroom, and a teacher thought the students were all orks and the one presiding over them was a grizzled old stallion. The green skins were all seated at the desks, legs crammed under the tiny pieces of furniture like somehow had stuffed them into it.

“Good,” proclaimed the stallion, stalking up and down the front of the classroom. “Now who can tell me what the first law of magic is?”

There was a moment of quiet before one of the orks stood up and threw his book on the ground.

“'Oo kares about some dumb law? dat ain't gonna help us krump dese poniez,” he bellowed.

“You will sit down and be quiet in my class or so help me I will personally lock you in the deepest pits of Tartarus, do you understand me?” Shouted the stallion, vein bulging on his neck.

The ork fell back into his seat and grabbed his book.

“Y-yes boss,” he muttered.

“Good, now can you tell me the first law of magic or do we have to read that page again?” The stallion declared, subtly turning the anger of the classroom on the one ork who had dared speak up.

“Yes sah! ‘Da furst law uv magic iz ‘dat magic kannot be kreated or destroyed,” proclaimed the ork.

“So you can listen. Color my impressed,” spat the teacher, to the amusement of the class who chuckled at their comrade’s misfortune.

“At least we know the teachers are safe,” Twilight remarked.

“Hey, 'der ya are, I thought ya got lost.” declared a familiar voice. “Ere, I'll showz ya where ta go.”

We turned around to find that the ork from the battlements was approaching us, the robed unicorn tucked under his arm like an oversized cat. The greenskin was wearing a long, knee length skirt made up of animal fur stitched together with coarse black thread. He had no obvious weapon on him, nor any other items save for the pony he was carrying around.

“We don't need a guide, as I know my way around the school quite well,” Twilight dismissed.

“We kould use some 'oo kan answa a few questions dough," I offered.

“Sure, sure. I kan do 'dat," he offered, grinning excitedly. “Whatcha wanna know?”

I gestured for Twilight to continue, and once we were moving once more, I turned to my newest companion.

“Tell me how ya ended up ere. I didn't fink blacktoof was ready ta attack Kanterlot yet,” I pried.

“He ain't,” the ork declared. “We wuz supposed ta blow up dis place but 'e didn't give us enough boom powder, see?"

“Hmm, makes sense,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“So we went look'n for some an' found dis supa powerful wizard pony 'oo said she kould teach us all magic, but we'd need ta go ta school furst so ere we are!" He proclaimed, waving around the pony like he was little more then a prop. “Now we are gonna learn ta be great an’ powerful like 'er an’ den we are gonna go back ta blacktoof an’ smash ‘da tar outta ‘em. Den we'll be ‘da bosses! An we'll be able ta breaks, an eat more den stupid moss."

“Wait, the great and powerful? Oh no,” Twilight muttered.

“Watcha name?” I asked, ignoring the horrified look on Twilight's face.

“Shootin' Star!” He proclaimed proudly, sticking out his chest. “I didn't have a name before dis but 'da boss lady said ‘dat was stupid so she gave me 'da name uv a powerful wizard kus ‘dat's wot Iz gonna be!"

“Do you have any talent for magic?” Rainbow Dash prodded. “Cus you sure don't look like the spell-casting type.”

“I do! See!” He proclaimed.

He paused, and held out a hand, tensing his entire body. For a moment it looked like he was trying to push out a particularly stubborn turd to no avail. Then a spark of green lightning arced between his fingers, the effort nearly knocking the wind out of him.

“See? Magic!” He exclaimed with a grin.

“Ooh dat’s pretty gud,” I remarked.

“Pfft, amateur,” Twilight whispered.

“Yeah well we kant all have warp stone stick'n outta ‘er head like yer, ya ugly git!" Shooting Star retorted.

“Please put me down,” muttered the stallion. “Or at least stop waving me around. I think I may be getting sick.”

“Put da poor fella down. Don't worry, 'e aint go'n nowhere," I ordered.

“You got it, boss,” Shooting Star replied before placing the stallion down.

“Thank you sir,” murmured the stallion uneasily, a hoof going to his mouth.

“Kan all uv ya do magic?" I pressed.

“Most,” Shooting Star replied as we began to move once more. “Blacktoof said we were weak an’ stupid so 'e gathered us all up an’ made us start digg'n.”

“Interesting,” I muttered.

“We’re almost there, its just up ahead,” Twilight offered.

I looked up to find that we were nearing a pair of large double doors that led to what looked to be a gymnasium. As we drew closer I could tell that it had much in common with a gym, only with the addition of an upper floor filled with seats. The other difference was the obvious lack of any kind of basketball hoop, or other bit of equipment. There was only a large square painted on the ground, one split down the middle and divided into the red side and the blue side.

“No way, it's actually her,” Twilight muttered, staring in slack-jawed shock at the pony in the center of the room. “It’s actually-”

“The great, and powerful Trixie has revealed to you the secrets of the fireball!” Proclaimed the showmare. “Now, who wishes to be the first to attempt such a powerful spell?”

“Wait, really? Trixie is the big bad boss? Oh, this is too funny,” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

I glanced up and noticed that there were more orks than I had initially thought present. Staring excitedly down at the gymnasium, they clapped, took notes in stolen school supplies, or attempted to use their own magic to replicate Trixie’s display. Either that or they were trying to defecate on their seats, I honestly couldn't tell the difference.

“Ahh it seems as though we have some naysayers amongst the audience,” Trixie remarked, much to the amusement of the crowd, who booed us and threw pencils.

To her credit, the showmare only flinched a little when she saw me. In fact, she seemed more intimidated by Twilight than anyone, ignoring my presence entirely to glare at the double-horned unicorn.

“Give up Trixie. We’ve done this song and dance before. You know you can't beat us in a fair fight,” Rainbow Dash declared, stepping forward and puffing out her chest.

“Six against one was hardly fair,” Trixie scoffed, to the continued annoyance of the crowd, who booed us even more, an eraser striking Rainbow Dash in the side of the head.

“That's not how I remember it,” Twilight retorted.

“Hold on a second,” I interrupted, raising my hand. “I thought Trixie wasn't evil anymore. Why are ya do'n all dis?"

“The great and powerful Trixie was never evil,” stated the showmare, scoffing dramatically and raising her nose into the air. “The great and powerful Trixie was only trying to do her job and show the world some real magic!”

The crowd hooted and pounded their fists against the railing.

“But if you must know, Trixie has been humbled in the past,” Trixie muttered. “Now she is more of a rival. A friendly rival with witty banter, and sexual tension.”

“No, there is no sexual tension,” Twilight hastily retorted.

The orks all ooohed like a pack of teenage girls at the mention of sex, whispering amongst themselves and pointing down at Trixie and Twilight.

“Oh, but there is!” Trixie proclaimed. “Why it's so thick you could cut it with a knife. However, the great and powerful Trixie would not recommend that as you may get confused with Twilight's generous posterior. Being that it so thick!”

“That was so lame,” Rainbow Dash groaned.

“I am not thick!” Twilight shrieked, backing up until her butt was pressed against the wall.

“We kan worry about yer body dysmorphia later, Twilight,” I whispered, leaning down until I was at the mare’s level. “Right now we gotta focus an' get fings unda kontrol.”

“R-r-right,” Twilight murmured, clearing her throat and taking a bold step forward. “Trixie! We are here to challenge you for leadership of your little group.”

The orks in the stands went quiet and stared down expectantly at Trixie. The showmare didn't miss a beat, and chuckled to herself.

“The great and powerful Trixie accepts your challenge but she will not be fighting all three of you,” Trixie began.

“Well duh. You’ll just be facing off against the big boss,” Rainbow Dash declared, gesturing back at me.

“That is not fair either. The great and powerful Trixie is a mage, and thus she must fight another mage!” Trixie proclaimed.

I looked up to find that the various orks were all nodding eagerly.

“Now you’re not being fair!” Rainbow Dash accused. “Twilight lost her horn. She can't even use magic!”

“Strange,” Trixie exclaimed with a smirk. “The great and powerful Trixie sees not one but two horns atop that pretty mare’s head. She should be more than capable of using magic, don't you think?”

“Yeah.”

“Makes sense.”

“Seems logical.” Muttered a few of the orks that sat above us.

“I can't stand that smug look on her stupid face,” Rainbow Dash growled.

“Now Rainbow Dash. Let's not jump to any rash actions… even if I kinda want you to hit her,” Twilight warned.

“You should be a good doggie and listen to your mistress,” Trixie sneered.

“That's it! Twilight accepts your challenge!” Rainbow Dash shouted back, shoving Twilight forward. “Go get her Twilight!”.

“Wait, Rainbow Dash, I can't use any of my old spells, she’d mop the floor with me,” Twilight exclaimed in an angry whisper.

“Oh,” Rainbow Dash murmured. “I probably shoulda thought of that first… We’re boned aren't we?”

Author's Note

Join me over on patreon or Subscribestar and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

Below are a list of supporters some past, some present that have earned my eternal gratitude. Thank you All.

Jimmi Kristensen Demonxenomorph1987 Orivon Kloud Strahil Terziiski Jesse Goodnight Jessie Smith Kiddwizard Sebastian Molina Ozxecho Damien Scerri David Hedrick Owen Thomas Morr Szilard Afell Tale Weirdocat Dragonus85 Derpydude9001 Generic Pony Yaki Lolman3121 Elysia Joshua Crowell Little Insane Joshua Molina Boonman Lavamoon Big Corn Ewan Maclean OSK Mrburgerdon 2scoopsplz Lacunae Dale Thatguyplays32 Geraldo Plock ConfusAJ Verge T Pensive Random Videos Eclipse_Corp. Lotus Petals ChrisBarnes Mathew Whitney Trixie Lulamoon Matias Duran Aang Sylver SRGTartman Tacocat598 MestreJ Nightwing Dragon'ssheppard1995 Venerable Ro Lich Lord Krosis Canary In The Coal Mine Spacedude Ceepert Peter Coulthard Tom Facinus M VI Watch Starless Tiwake Tailsic Nightwing Sunset Flash.

You'ze My Gits Now!

“Not necessarily," I interrupted, kneeling down next to Twilight so that I could look her in the eye. “I fink ya've got ‘da talent, an' ‘da inguinety ta smash Trixie.”

“But I can't use my old magic and I haven't figured out ork spell casting,” Twilight retorted.

“'Der aint much ta it honestly," I remarked. “'Der are no formulas ta memorize, no underly'n deory ya need ta know. No koncrete basis at all ta be onest."

“That just makes it worse,” whined Twilight.

“Isn't that better? At least this way you don't have to worry about not having had studied, or practiced or whatever,” Rainbow Dash reasoned.

“But without any spell matrixes, how am I supposed to create the necessary structures upon which to construct a spell?” Twilight blurted out.

“Having trouble over there? It's not too late to give up you know. If you beg, Trixie may even spare you,” Trixie taunted, the unicorn laughing haughtily alongside her pack of giggling green-skin lackeys.

“Shut up already. We’re trying to have a team huddle over here!” Rainbow Dash bellowed.

“Yes 'der aint no fancy classes ta take but ‘dat yer have everyth'n yer need ta masta it right up ere," I began, tapping Twilight on the side of the head. “All you gotta do is gather fighting power from your allies, and then unleash it at your enemies.”

“That's it? It can't be that easy,” Twilight exclaimed.

“Iz sure 'der iz more ta it den dat but yer kan figure out dose details as yer go. Now go on out 'der an’ knock ‘er pompous socks right off," I proclaimed before roughly pushing Twilight toward the dueling pits.

The half-ork, half-unicorn stumbled into the ring. The moment all four of her hooves were inside her section, the area lit up, and a field surrounded the area. The magical barrier appeared quite strong and was likely there in order to keep out anyone who would dare interfere.

“Ahh good. Trixie’s opponent has finally managed to gather her courage,” announced Trixie, to the amusement of the crowd. “Now, would you tell the audience how this works or would you prefer that the great and powerful Trixie handle that for you?”

“There are five rounds, each lasting ten seconds with a twenty-second break between them,” Twilight began. “During these five seconds, both opponents will attempt to land as many hits as possible. With the field determining who took the most damage during this time and awarding the dealer of those injuries the point.”

“Points may win the day, but so too will a knockout,” Trixie added. “Though Trixie never needs to resort to such brutish tactics as she is far too skillful to need such a crutch.”

“Girl just admit you don't have the power for it and move on,” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“I’ll show you real power!” Trixie shouted. She stopped and cleared her throat before turning back to Twilight. “Right after the great and powerful Trixie beats Twilight and proves once and for all that she is the most powerful unicorn to ever live.”

“That she is,” Rainbow Dash prodded.

“Trixie will not fall for your petty jabs. She is much too focused on the mare before her,” Trixie exclaimed, snorting derisively and raising her nose into the air.

“Yer seem ta know quite a bit about dis whole fing," I have asked, half stated.

“It's a sport, of course, I know everything about dueling,” Rainbow Dash declared.

I blinked.

“Dat’s fair,” I muttered. “Would yer mind do'n a bit uv kommentary while dey fight? I don't know ‘da furst fing about whateva dis iz.”

“Heh, I can do that,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Just give it a sec. I think they are about to begin.”

I peered a little closer, watching as Twilight and Trixie loosened up.

“Ready Twilight?” Trixie asked, smirking cockily.

“As I’m going to get,” Twilight muttered in reply.

The moment consent was given, a five appeared in the air between them. The number soon vanished and was replaced by a four, starting the countdown to the start of the first round. As the seconds ticked by, Twilight only grew more nervous, while Trixie grinned wider still.

When the clock vanished, and the barrier between them parted, the duo launched into their attacks. In Twilight's case, this came in the form of a simple eruption of sparks that came from her horns, green embers scattering across the ground only to quickly vanish. While her spell did nothing more than light up the dueling grounds, Trixie’s pelted Twilight with a swarm of arcing, multicolored bolts of magic. Each impact knocked the tusk-mouthed mare around, the strikes leaving her winded, and lying on the ground, welts covering her torso.

No sooner had spells been exchanged that the field returned, blocking the contestants off from one another.

“Ow,” Twilight murmured.

“Ha! That was just sad. Perhaps you should give up while you still can, Sparkle,” Trixie spat.

“Yo Twi what happened!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“I tried to use a lightning bolt spell? What does it look like?” Twilight yelled back.

“Did ya rememba ta draw strength from us?" I asked.

“How do I even do that?” Twilight demanded.

I shrugged and made a non-committal noise. This only seemed to upset Twilight more as she groaned loudly as she rose to her hooves.

“That's one for Trixie. Twilight's gonna have to figure something out fast, cus an early lead would be disastrous,” Rainbow Dash whispered to me.

“Why’s dat?” I asked back.

“If she gets a commanding enough lead, Trixie could just bunker down with barriers and wards, drawing it out and winning on points,” Rainbow Dash replied, only to lean forward and shout the last few words. “But that would be lame!”

“Be quiet, peanut gallery, the next round is about to begin!” Trixie proclaimed.

In the few seconds left, I looked up at the gathered orks curiously, expecting them to be bordering on riotous at this point. Yet they were… studious, inspecting Trixie and Twilight with a careful eye. A few were even taking notes.

Sure there were a few that were up on their feet and cheering, waving hastily made banners with ‘Go Tricksee!’ Written on them. There was even a betting pool where orks were betting their teeth though the majority seemed genuinely interested in the fight. And not in the usual blood sports way, much to my growing surprise.

“Aaand here we go for round two,” Rainbow Dash declared.

I looked down just in time to see the barrier fall, and for the two mares to face off once more.

Twilight was faster again, with Trixie adding unnecessary flair to every move. While she was launching a stream of fireworks and grandstanding, Twilight was drawing some kind of energy out of me and Rainbow Dash. The drain was barely noticeable, though after it stopped I did feel oddly calmer and a bit cool, like someone had turned the air conditioner on without me knowing.

It seemed to work, as I could see her horns get wreathed in a miniature emerald green lightning storm. She turned and let loose this blast, though something went wrong. Unless she had been trying to send a scattering of electricity everywhere but at her opponent. Because that was exactly what happened.

Trixie merely smirked, and after throwing out her cape, and standing tall on her hind legs, she blasted Twilight with a bright teal beam of force. The blast struck Twilight straight in the chest, and sent her flying against the barrier, impacting the wall of magic with a thump. Followed by a slow wet sound as she slid slowly back to the ground, leaving behind a line of drool that hung in the air.

“Ooh that has got to hurt,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

The barrier closed once more, and the stage gave Trixie another point, signaling that the short break between rounds had begun.

“Oi Twilight, you should try to actually hit her this time!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

“Don't listen to that curr. If you don't wish to mar Trixie’s perfect fur then you need not do so,” Trixie shot back.

“Wot happened back 'der? It seemed like ya had it," I asked, crouching down low.

“I think I may have overthought things,” Twilight muttered while stumbling back to her hooves. “The moment I attempted to guide the energy to my target it slipped between my hooves.”

“Don’t kontrol it. Jus point it ‘n ‘da direction ya want it ta go an' trust ‘dat it will get 'der," I explained. “It will go 'da right way. Ya jus gotta believe dat it will."

“That doesn't make any sense!” Twilight exclaimed, throwing up her hooves in frustration.

“Life doesn't make sense. Jus go wit' 'da flow!" I yelled back.

“Only five seconds left. Best get your head in the game girl,” Rainbow Dash added.

Twilight turned back around and faced Trixie, glaring daggers at the smirking mare across from her.

“Three, two, one,” Rainbow Dash counted down.

The barrier lifted, and for a moment it seemed like things would happen the same way they had for the past two rounds. Only for Trixie to abandon her usual showboating, and launch an immediate, and explosive fireball directly at Twilight. Though the flaming orb was moving slow enough that it could be dodged, when it exploded, it still sent Twilight flying through the air.

Nearly missing out on her window of attack, Twilight drew the energy into her, and without thinking, unleashed it. This time the jagged bolt struck true, though for a moment it looked like it may miss. The emerald electricity veered off to one side, only to lurch back, hitting Trixie in the side and causing her to crumple to the ground.

For a moment, everyone watched as Trixie stood back up and cast off her smoking cape, revealing that she was barely injured. A moment later, the point was given to her, and just like that Trixie had a lead the likes of which Twilight could not touch. The crowd erupted with cheers, though the noise died off quickly, with cool quiet reigning over the dueling area.

“Oh, crud. This does not look good. We have to go for a knockout but Trixie is just going to bunker down,” Rainbow Dash remarked aloud.

“What the heck am I supposed to do now?” Shouted Twilight.

“You could give up, maybe grovel at Trixie’s hooves. Oh! You could also beg, that's another wonderful option,” Trixie offered.

“Don't give up. If ya run into a barrier, ya gotta smash throo it wit' all yer might!" I bellowed, shaking my fist in the air.

“That is not very good advice,” Twilight retorted.

“You can do it Twi! Smash right through it!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

Twilight growled and turned back to her opponent just before the barrier was about to lift. Once there was nothing between the two save for empty, open air, the two loosed their spells once more. Twilight's came in the form of another directed blast of bright green lightning while Trixie took a different direction.

A shimmering teal barrier appeared between them, though it wasn't nearly as strong as the one constructed by the dueling arena itself. This one lasted just long enough to absorb Twilight's attack before dissipating into a shimmering cascade of flickering energy. With neither of the two landings a hit, no point was given, but that didn't matter, as Trixie’s three-point lead remained.

“You know if you just gave up now the great and magnanimous Trixie may consider letting you and your brutish companions serve me,” Trixie exclaimed. “The large one would make for an excellent bodyguard, while the pegasus would be a perfect hoof rest.”

“Keep my friends out of this, Trixie. This fight is between me and you,” Twilight retorted.

“I know it sounds like bad advice but when faced wit' a wall yer only two options are around or throo. Eitha way yer gotta do something," I implored.

“I… I think I got this,” Twilight murmured.

“You better because you only got one shot at this!” Rainbow Dash added, quite unhelpfully I might add.

Twilight snorted, and lowered her head, focusing completely on Trixie and blocking everything else out. As the timer ticked down from five, the room fell silent, with Trixie even losing the cocky smile she had been wearing since before the fight began. I was starting to get nervous when I noticed a thin trickle of green energy coming out of not only Rainbow Dash and my chest but also every other ork present in the room. Each of these tiny creeks converged to create a river that led straight to Twilight's horns.

The moment the barrier lifted, and the round began, a bunch of things happened one after another. Trixie’s barrier was erected once more, thicker than last time, and filling the entire space, leaving no room for Twilight's bolt to sneak around. In a split second, a massive eruption of electricity leaped from Twilight's horns and flew across the room. Just before it was about to hit Trixie’s wall, a portal appeared before it. The bright green bolt emerged a split second later out of an identical portal on the other side of Trixie’s wall.

“Wha-” was all Trixie could utter before she was sent flying.

The mare audibly bounced off the back of the dueling barrier, then tumbled across the ground, coming to a stop in the middle of the space. Laying on her back with her legs splayed in all directions, the unicorn’s eyes rolled around in their sockets.

“Yes Mommy, I would like another lump,” muttered Trixie before going limp.

As the crowd went wild, Twilight hastily trotted over to Trixie, kneeling down next to the mare. I approached a second later and took a knee.

“She gonna be okay?” I asked.

“The barrier protects against the worst of the injuries but she’s still gonna have one heck of a headache whenever she wakes up,” Twilight replied.

“Good,” I stated before picking Twilight up and raising her high into the air. “Tree cheaz for da winner, Twilight Sparkle!”

The orks hooted, hollered, and showered us in discarded Trixie-themed merchandise. Though their cheers weren't exactly ordered, it was close enough to what I had in mind that I shrugged it off.

“H-hey! Put me down,” Twilight whined.

“Oh come on Twilight. Enjoy the cheers for once would ya?” Rainbow Dash retorted.

“I suppose it is kind of nice to be appreciated,” Twilight muttered.

“By yer ol boss's words, yer are now unda ma kommand!” I continued, the crowd going quiet. “But worry not Boyz. I know ya ain't diggaz. Yer ain't shooters, an yer ain't fly boyz."

I paused for dramatic effect, causing the various orks in attendance to lean forward, eager to hear what I had to say.

“Yar spell slingers, ya are magic castas an I ain't gonna take dat from ya,” I proclaimed. “Together, yer Twilight, an yes, Trixie. Will become a kore part uv da biggest, an bestest WAAAGH! Dis planet ‘as eva seen!"

“Wait, Trixie? Why is she coming with us?” Twilight asked, the unicorn half draped over one of my shoulders.

“Look,” I retorted.

Twilight followed my gaze down to the bloody hoof print on Trixie’s neck. The surprised unicorn, glanced down at her own foreleg to find the source of the crimson mark.

“Oops,” Twilight muttered.

“Don't worry about it Twi. Now you just got a minion of your own,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Oh,” Twilight murmured, her gaze falling on Trixie. “Joy.”

“Alright boyz,” I shouted, getting the orks attention. “I need yer ta gatha up 'da othaz an’ spread 'da news. Den I want each an' every last wun uv yer outside 'n ‘da front garden pronto! We've got a lot uv work ta do!”

Another round of cheers went up, but it was briefer than the others, with the orks hastily filing out of the exits.

“An don’t run 'n 'da halls!” I added.

“Wow,” Celestia mused, reclining in her easy chair. “I must admit I was every bit as incredulous as you, but here we are.”

Luna grumbled angrily, the alicorn pacing back and forth in the small, out-of-the-way smoke room. Hidden atop the highest tower in Canterlot Castle, this was a space no one knew of save for Luna and Celestia. It wasn't overly large, with there only being enough space for a small enchanted ice box, a couch, a pair of surprisingly luxurious recliners, and a record player.

The air was tinged by the smell of burning pipeweed, freshly brewed tea, and a lavender-scented candle meant to soothe Luna’s foul mood. The candle was at that moment, not doing its job, as, despite the fragrant aroma filling the room alongside the quiet, somber notes of Luna’s favorite waltz, the alicorn still muttered obscenities under her breath.

Celestia meanwhile, was utterly relaxed, the alicorn leaning back in her fluffy pink chair and taking turns sipping tea, and taking small, gentle pulls on a burning pipe.

“You really should sit down sister. You are going to wear a hole in the floor at this rate,” Celestia offered.

“How can I even enjoy this quiet moment when that foul creature is out there, corrupting our ponies and spreading misery wherever he goes!” Luna exclaimed, spinning around and glaring at Celestia.

“That seemed to be Twilight this time so I don't think that's really Ghuzrod’s fault,” Celestia pointed out.

“Don't use its name, it is not a he, it is an it!” Luna hissed.

“Now Luna. You saw exactly what happened. Can you say that was the action of an unthinking animal?” Celestia countered.

“Well, no but that does not rule out the type of animalistic cunning that wolves and other beasts possess,” Luna dismissed.

“Perhaps I am missing something then,” Celestia offered. “You told me everything until they left the school. Did he perhaps destroy any property?”

“Not directly, no,” Luna admitted. “There was about a hundred bits or so of stolen school supplies reported and some graffiti but I believe Miss Trixie is the one at fault for that last thing.”

“Oh, why do you think that?” Celestia countered.

“Because someone spray painted ‘Trixie wuz here’ on the back of the school and yes she spelled was, with a zed,” Luna muttered.

“Okay, so there wasn't any damage of note. Perhaps there were injuries?” Celestia exclaimed. “You mentioned that a few of the staff were shaken up.”

“Yes, but they are declining to press charges. Even mister Rogue Comet only demanded an apology from the ork who had been carrying him around like a handbag,” Luna continued, her scowl deepening with each sentence she uttered.

Celestia slowly exhaled, blowing smoke rings as she did so.

“So,” Celestia began again. “Did he get that apology?”

“What? Oh uh yeah,” Luna answered. “Ghuzrod had to explain why shaking a pony like that was rude by physically picking up and shaking the offending ork but in the end, he did get his apology.”

“So, no damage of note, no injuries to take care of… why are you upset again?” Celestia pressed, puffing languidly at her pipe.

“Because it has infiltrated our highest institutions, stolen away promising ponies of power, and undermined our authority!” Luna shouted, stomping her hoof in emphasis. “It even threatened you, placed its grubby hands around your neck, and made demands of the crown! You should be more angry than me!”

“I-”

“It even calls itself Sunrecker!” Luna yelled, louder still. “Sunrecker for crying out loud!”

“I mean, I did threaten to kill him,” Celestia muttered. “Sure I thought he was a harbinger of a scourge which would wipe out all life on this planet and yes, things probably could have been dealt with a little nicer but honestly I’m just glad we smoothed things over so quickly.”

“What?” Luna murmured.

“Plus there is this other side benefit. Wait, hold on,” Celestia took a puff and leaned forward. “I need to know. Have you ever lain with a minotaur or a creature with decent grip strength?”

“I mean, there was that one ambassador back in the day,” Luna whispered guiltily.

“Sadra!” Celestia exclaimed, clopping her hoof against the armrest of her chair. “I remember her! She was so cute and so… what is that word kids are using today? Ahh yes, demure.”

“She was divine,” Luna growled. “And what does that have to do with the ork nearly strangling you?”

“Well, his hands are really big,” Celestia remarked, a blush crossing her face.

“Wait his… Celestia!” Luna shouted. “Don't tell me you got turned on by nearly getting choked by that beast!”

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” Celestia replied, chuckling to herself.

Author's Note

Join me over on patreon or Subscribestar and get instant access to exclusive content and early looks at new stories, patreon only stories and other great stuff! Check it out!
Or just join the discord to ensure that you dont miss an update.

Below are a list of supporters some past, some present that have earned my eternal gratitude. Thank you All.

Jimmi Kristensen Demonxenomorph1987 Orivon Kloud Strahil Terziiski Jesse Goodnight Jessie Smith Kiddwizard Sebastian Molina Ozxecho Damien Scerri David Hedrick Owen Thomas Morr Szilard Afell Tale Weirdocat Dragonus85 Derpydude9001 Generic Pony Yaki Lolman3121 Elysia Joshua Crowell Little Insane Joshua Molina Boonman Lavamoon Big Corn Ewan Maclean OSK Mrburgerdon 2scoopsplz Lacunae Dale Thatguyplays32 Geraldo Plock ConfusAJ Verge T Pensive Random Videos Eclipse_Corp. Lotus Petals ChrisBarnes Mathew Whitney Trixie Lulamoon Matias Duran Aang Sylver SRGTartman Tacocat598 MestreJ Nightwing Dragon'ssheppard1995 Venerable Ro Lich Lord Krosis Canary In The Coal Mine Spacedude Ceepert Peter Coulthard Tom Facinus M VI Watch Starless Tiwake Tailsic Nightwing Sunset Flash.

Interlude One Part One

“Alright ya gitz, quit yer shovin’,” I bellowed, pulling a giggling ork out of the train car.

“But boss. Zippy turned himself inside out again,” complained the ork I was dragging by his ear.

“Twilight, can you turn Zippy right side in?” I shouted, resisting the urge to groan in annoyance.

“I'z fine. Da air jus stings a little, iz all," declared the skinless ork stepping out of the car. “And walkin'. That urts alot too.”

“On it boss,” Twilight interrupted.

I shook my head and walked over to the edge of the station to better observe the entire debacle from a better vantage. The orks were piling out of the cars in a semi-orderly fashion, acting more like unruly children out on a field trip than bloodthirsty alien killers. Naturally, they clustered around what few of their midst had achieved whatever small modicum of magical mastery possible.

Eventually, these groups would evolve into small mobs with a head mage serving as their leader but that would take time. For now, they were like annoying teenagers, bothering everyone they crossed paths with and generally having the attention span of a gnat. Twilight and Rainbow Dash were doing a good job of corralling them but Trixie was only making things worse.

Already the showboating mare was acting more orky than I had expected. Though subordinate to Twilight, Trixie eagerly gathered the majority of the magic-capable orks around her. There they acted like the toadies of a high school bully while at the same time, the mare herself was the biggest teacher's pet imaginable. The moment Twilight demanded something happen Trixie and her entourage were there to help. That all fell apart after they were left to their own devices for too long, however, as evidenced by the ork currently carving his name followed by ‘wuz here’ in one of the posts. This wouldn't be a problem but the dumbass was cutting so deep into the wood that the structural integrity of the entire structure was suffering.

“Oi, you lot! Quit bother'n da station managa an get yer butts 'n gear. We're headed into town," I shouted, shaking my fist at the pair of orks curiously inspecting the unflappable older stallion who was attempting to do his job.

“Its quite alright. I have four boys myself so I am quite used to it,” the orderly pony replied.

“I like his funny clicky fing. It's pretty," one ork muttered.

“Dats a watch ya idiot. It tells da time," the other ork retorted, slapping the first one upside the head.

“How duz it do ‘dat without a mouth?" Shot back the first speaker.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to a quickly approaching Twilight.

“Ya said ‘da town hall was empty right?” I half asked, half stated.

“Uh yes, that is the case,” Twilight replied. “Mayor Mare lost the majority of her staff after the first time a group of orks wandered through town looking for a fight. Since then she’s been operating out of her mayoral bunker.”

I blinked and raised an eyebrow.

“Hey, I didn't know we had a bunker either. I don't think anyone’s paid attention to the town budget in nearly three decades,” Twilight exclaimed.

“Dats concernin’, but not our problem,” I muttered. “We’ll move 'der for now. Go get permission while I get everyone settled ‘n."

“Is it still asking permission if you’ve already done it?” Twilight shot back, a small smirk on her face.

“Details, details,” I retorted, waving off her concern.

“I’ll meet you at the town hall then,” Twilight replied before trotting off.

“Roight. Now to gather up these gitz,” I murmured.

“Can I do it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Oh uh sure,” I murmured, having forgotten that the pony had been at my side almost the entire time. “If ya fink ya can.”

Rainbow Dash just chuckled. “I got this.”

“Alright, you lousy no good bunch of washouts!” Rainbow Dash shouted, immediately getting the attention of every ork present, as well as Trixie. “We’re moving out! Follow me, don't stray from the group, and don't embarrass the boss or so help me I’ll make you run so many laps you’ll puke blood!”

Any doubt I had that the small mob of unruly orks would be opposed to being ordered around by a pony vanished immediately. The motley crew of mostly morons assembled into something close to a column within a few short seconds, their meager belongings carried on their backs or tucked under one arm. Even Trixie was standing in line, her mouth finally closed, at least for the moment anyway.

“Foward, march!” Rainbow Dash bellowed.

Following Rainbow Dash’s lead, I strode ahead of the pack, the pony close to my right side. A glance over my shoulder confirmed that the orks were dutifully following along. Though their marching coordination could use a little work, they were at least not wandering off again.

“Nice job,” I whispered. “Where’d ya learn dat?”

“I took over for Spitfire for a summer,” Rainbow Dash answered, her tone hushed. “Even earned a spot as backup drill sergeant should that old bird finally take another vacation.”

“Like dat’s gunna happen," I remarked.

Rainbow Dash snorted in amusement.

I strode down the main thoroughfare of Ponyville, a smile on my face. My first mission was a complete success, and things were looking up. Adding to this soaring sense of hope was the presence of Ponyville’s residents.

Far from fleeing in terror like I had thought they’d do the majority of those we passed looked on at the passing posse of orks with something akin to amusement. Friendly waves were returned though I noted that no one was quite bold enough to approach or say hello. A few ponies were hiding behind locked doors or shade-drawn windows, but this was a big first step for the naturally skittish creatures.

Nearing the end of our walk, and with the town hall looming tall before us I made another realization.

The proportions of this place were ridiculous.

Why did such a tiny town need such a massive structure? The main floor had ten-foot-tall ceilings, a statement made stranger by the fact that ponies were like, two feet tall at most. The second and third stories were also just as big and had their own balconies. It was only the fourth, and I assumed the fifth floors that were smaller.

Located in the center of town and easily twice the size of the second largest building, this was the perfect temporary headquarters slash wizard tower.

“Makes for a good base, eh?” Rainbow Dash prompted.

“Mmhmm,” I rumbled, nodding.

“You can see almost the entire province from atop that tower,” Rainbow Dash noted. “If I moor my cloud home up there then we’ll really be able to use it as a good lookout.”

“Gud dink'n. But kan it be reinforced so we don't need cloud walk'n dingies?" I asked.

“Oh yeah. I’ll have to get another pegasus to help me but with a bit of extra cumulus clouds we could make it into a tiny floating fort,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“Hmmm,” I murmured. “You sure dat’s okay?”

Rainbow Dash stiffened for a moment before nodding.

“If it means Ponyville is safer, then that's a sacrifice I am happy to make. Besides, maybe now I’d be able to finally sleep in my old bed,” Rainbow Dash added.

I nodded slowly, leaving that particular conversation for another time. For now, I had to focus on my growing army as we were finally at our destination.

“Roight!” I bellowed, stopping abruptly and turning around on my heel. “Dis iz gonna be yer new home. I want yer lot ta get dis place reinforced an' remodeled ta serve as our new base uv operations.”

I snapped my fingers and pointed down at the lone unicorn in the crowd.

“Trixie,” I began. “Ya are 'n charge uv dis little operation. Don't mess it up now, got it?"

“Yes boss!” She shouted, only to blink in confusion. “Why did the great and powerful Trixie just say that?”

“Ya'll be work'n wit' Twilight on dis while also train'n ‘da rest uv ‘da orks ‘n magic. Twilight will also be 'n charge when Iz gone so do wot she says. An 'dat goes double for ya lot! I don't want ta hear any grumbl'n from ya," I snapped, turning my attention to the gathered orks and making sure to glare at them.

“You’ze got it, boss!” Declared another of the orks followed by a round of nodding or shouting in agreement.

“Good. Now get to it you lot,” I snapped, gesturing over my shoulder.

Trixie and the rest of the orks piled inside, rushing past me and immediately making a ruckus. I ignored the rowdy orks getting to work and looked out in the direction of where I assumed Sweet Apple Acres was located.

“Ya really think it's wise to leave Trixie in charge of that?” Rainbow Dash prodded.

“If she isn't ‘n charge uv anyth'n she’s gunna be ornery an' unruly. Best ta give ‘er small tasks ta keep ‘er busy. Besides, Twilight iz too responsible ta let Trixie do anyth'n too stupid," I dismissed with a wave of my hand.

“True. So what's next on the docket?” Rainbow Dash pressed, following my gaze.

“Provisions,” I declared. “Gonna need Applejack’s help.”

“Good thinking.”

The sound of approaching hooves drew my attention down to Twilight.

“The hall is ours,” declared the orkized unicorn. “After hearing about our plan Mayor Mare handed me the deed and closed the door on my face.”

“She had the deed? But isn't that town property?” Rainbow Dash muttered, scratching her head.

“Once this is all over and done with I am going to have to take a long look through the town’s books,” Twilight murmured bitterly.

“Fer now I got a job fer ya,” I exclaimed. “Ya'll be 'n charge uv fortify'n dis place, teach'n 'da orks magic, learn'n magic yourself an’ ta top it all off, start'n a research an’ development group.”

“That's quite the set of responsibilities,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

“Nothing I can't handle… provided I have Spike’s help that is,” Twilight murmured. “I really should get him from Rarity’s. I can feel a list coming on.”

“Dat can wait,” I interrupted. “I had some questions furst."

“Oh uh okay. Shoot,” Twilight offered.

“Do ya have some kind uv powda dat kan 'plode?” I asked. “Like fireworks. Wut’s in dat?”

“This is for that, gun project you talked about on the train, right?” Twilight offered, to which I nodded. “Right, no I don't think that's going to work.”

“But why though?” Rainbow Dash pressed. “From the sounds of things it's just a refined version of the stuff in fireworks.”

“It's called magepowder,” Twilight began, taking on a scholarly tone like she was teaching someone very young. “And if it's in that small a place the most it could do would be to make a bright flash. Provided you enchanted it with a light spell.”

“So you need lots?” I pressed.

“You would need a charge about the size of a bottle rocket,” Twilight declared. “But you can't go too big otherwise it becomes inert again.”

“How much kan yer get 'n wun kontaina before dis becomes an issue?" I continued, scratching my chin.

“About this much,” Twilight began, measuring a space between her hooves roughly about as tall as a regular pony. “At that size, it gets really heavy though and most propellants don't work.”

“You know a lot about this kinda thing,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

“I uh… may have read a considerable amount on pyrotechnics after being placed in charge of that first summer sun celebration,” Twilight admitted.

“Dats great,” I declared.

“It is?” Twilight murmured. “But I thought that wouldn't work for your gun thingies though?”

“It means we kan make artillery shells,” I proclaimed. “How did dey launch dese fings?"

“A pair of enchanted boards that had a directional force multiplier added to them,” Twilight answered. “Though it was only used once before Celestia asked them not to repeat the performance. At the time she said it was to make it more special but I asked her about it years later and she said that it had too many negative applications.”

“Makes sense,” I rumbled. “Kould yer replicate it?"

“Theoretically,” Twilight muttered, only to wince. “But are you sure that is wise? I’m not sure I follow Celestia’s reasoning but she is very wise.”

“Trust me, we are gunna need it,” I retorted sternly.

“We are going to be having some really big fights, aren't we?” Rainbow Dash inquired.

I nodded.

“Wow. Okay, I kind of assumed this was a possibility but I’m still a little sad that here we are,” Twilight exclaimed.

“It will get worse,” I continued. “Before all ‘da fight'n' iz throo, ya will see horrors ‘da likes uv which dis planet ‘as neva seen before."

“That's… grim,” Twilight muttered.

“Dark, too,” Rainbow Dash added.

I rolled my eyes and groaned.

“Wot about a mana gun? Someth'n 'dat fires a koncentrated beam uv powa at a foe?" I pressed, ignoring the slightly concerned expressions on the pony’s faces.

“We talked a bit about that on the train,” Twilight picked up. “I gave it a bit of thought since then and I think it's possible but I doubt the output would be quite on the scale that you were hoping for.”

“Oh, you are talking about the light staves right?” Rainbow Dash suddenly offered.

“Uh yes? How do you know about that?” Twilight asked.

“Pfft, military history is like the only cool part of history,” Rainbow Dash dismissed.

“Wot iz dis staff?” I pressed.

“It's this wicked cool staff the ancient unicorns made to fight pegasi raiders. It barely did anything to anyone with metal armor, but if you hit a wing you could burn off important feathers and knock the pegasus out of the sky,” Rainbow Dash excitedly answered.

“I saw a few in a museum and was even able to handle an original Celestia keeps in her study,” Twilight added.

“Make a bunch an’ see if yer kant make it more powerful," I ordered.

“I don't know,” Twilight murmured. “Apparently the design was iterated on plenty but no one was able to make it useful against anything other than bare skin.”

“Don't sell yourself short Twilight,” Rainbow Dash began. “You’re way smarter than all those walking antiques.”

“I appreciate that Rainbow Dash but I doubt that very much,” Twilight exclaimed tiredly.

“Do yer best,” I added.

“I can do that much,” Twilight admitted.

“Roight,” I began again, clapping my hands together. “Twilight, yer in charge. Rainbow, let's go chat wit’ Applejack.”

“Oh is that it?” Twilight pressed.

“Fer now,” I replied. “Dere will be more. But dat’s it fa now.”

“Well alright then. I’ll go get started. After I grab Spike, bring all my supplies to the hall and…” Twilight paused and tapped her chin. “I’ll also have to secure enough lab space but the basement of the hall should be enough.”

I watched as the unicorn trotted away muttering to herself, no doubt already coming up with a long list of things she’ll need to do.

“Okay, so Applejacks?” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Eeyup,” I declared.

I hummed softly to myself, enjoying the quiet moment and pleasant scenery. A voice in my head was eager to point out that this beautiful landscape I was enjoying would likely be irrevocably changed by the coming conflict. It was a dark thought, and one I quickly shoved away, focusing purely on relishing the relative silence of the ill-used dirt road.

The colors, the smells, the sound, I drank it all in, pressing these precious moments in time deep into my memories.

“Nice afternoon, hmm?” Rainbow Dash offered.

I grunted and bobbed my head in agreement.

“Shame it's probably gonna end up all messed up soon,” Rainbow Dash added.

“I was dinkin ‘da same fing," I remarked. “When it's done doe we'll put it all back. Every last bush, tree an squirrel.”

“And every last apple tree,” Rainbow Dash added.

“And every last…” I murmured, my gaze lingering on a rather large apple tree that stood out from the rest. “Were dey always dat big?"

“What are you- oh uh no,” Rainbow Dash replied. “I’d tell ya what I know but Applejack could probably explain it better.”

“Mmm, okay,” I rumbled.

My gaze lingered on the apple tree a little longer, my brain noting that it was twice as large as its nearest peers. It also had twice as many apples, and each of these apples were easily twice as large as a normal apple. They also had faint, glowing green veins running up from its base, the strange lines pulsing every few seconds like a slow, steady heartbeat.

“Weird,” I murmured before finally looking away.

Rainbow Dash and I passed between the gate a moment later before making our way up the main path leading to the Apple family home. As we walked I noticed that a fair few trees had been mutated like the one I had seen earlier. Some were slightly larger, while others were shorter but still clearly mutated, with there being no pattern to how this strange affliction spread.

“Get back here ya varmint!” Shouted a familiar if slightly altered voice. “That ain't for eating!”

“It's an apple, apples are for eating!” Yelled back the shrill voice of Apple Bloom.

Coming to a stop, we watched as the youngest Apple sibling sprinted out of the barn, with a large bright green, and slightly glowing, apple stuck into her bow. Close behind her was the middle apple sibling, Applejack, the mare slightly altered by her exposure to my mutating blood though she was still easily recognizable. She had larger teeth than Rainbow Dash, her already green eyes were greener still, and her hair had faint streaks of emerald. Other then that she was a bit taller, a bit stockier, and seemed more muscled than the last time I had seen her.

“Not them apples!” Applejack shouted. “We still don't know what them crazy things’ll do if ya eat them!”

“They’ll fill my belly is what they’ll do!” Apple Bloom shot back only to come to a screeching halt and stare up at me with wide, curious eyes. “Oh wow, mister. You sure are tall.”

“Strong too,” I added, flexing a bicep.

“Showing off? I think I might be rubbing off on you,” Rainbow Dash prodded, bumping my side.

“I’ll be taking that,” Applejack exclaimed, grabbing the apple from the distracted Apple Bloom. “Thanks for the hoof, er hand there Ghuzrod. This little critter was gettin' into the weird apples again.”

“I can't say I blame her. They taste amazing,” Rainbow Dash added.

“Even Rainbow Dash has tried one? Why can't I have just one little bite? That's no fair,” whined the pony child.

“Dats cus she ain't a normal pony and that was true before we all ended up a little orky,” Applejack exclaimed with a chuckle.

“True. I was like, in the tenth percentile of awesomeness,” Rainbow Dash declared.

“May I?” I asked, gesturing to the apple.

“Oh uh sure thing. Gotta warn ya though. We still haven't done much testing on em so I can't guarantee they taste any good. Or won't turn ya into a slug or something,” Applejack added.

“I’ll take ma chances,” I exclaimed.

Taking the offered apple, I bit into it and was immediately rewarded with a burst of flavor. It was good, really good but it was also very very strange. Though inititally sweet, and slightly tangy like an apple that was on the cusp of being ripe, it quickly gained an umami flavor not unlike heavily seasoned meat. Beef specifically, with the flavor being relatively close to a steak, albeit one basted in apple sauce or perhaps served with a side of applesauce.

It was a strange combination that worked far better then you may think.

“That good eh?” Applejack remarked. “Maybe I should try sellin’ these weird things.”

I ignored the comment and devoured the rest of the apple, stem and all. After swallowing the final shreds and sucking down the lingering juice, I looked down at a grinning Rainbow Dash.

“Told ya it was good,” pointed out the mare.

“I need as many uv dese as yer kan give me," I declared.

“Slow down there partner,” Applejack retorted, holding up a hoof. “I’m not even sure I wanna sell these things.”

“But Applejack, business is already down. What on account of everypony running for the hills after them orks showed up,” Apple Bloom replied.

“I have a garrison uv soldiaz ‘n need uv rations an’ dese... dese are perfect," I exclaimed wholeheartedly.

“Soldiers you say, eh?” Applejack muttered, rubbing her chin. “Having more guards around might make the other townsfolk come back.”

“Not guards, orks,” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “The boss here recruited a bunch of spell slingers and Trixie.”

“Can't say I’m too happy to hear that particular varmint is back in town but if she comes along with a bunch of friendly beefcakes that can use magic then it ain't all bad,” Applejack admitted. “Alright, you got a deal. I’ll give you all the weird apples you want. It ain't like there’s much demand for the regular kind what on account of all the hub bub in the Everfree.”

“And you can test what they do on a bunch of willing volunteers,” Rainbow Dash added.

“That too,” Applejack admitted.

“So does this mean I can try one?” Apple Bloom asked, the filly doing her best doe eyes.

“I fink us orks, an orky poniez should be ‘da only ones ta try it. For now," I offered.

“Aww dangit. And here I thought you were cool,” Apple Bloom muttered.

“All adults are lame. Get used ta it kiddo," I remarked.

“You go on inside now. The lame adults are talking,” Applejack added, shooing Apple Bloom back in the direction of their home.

“Fine,” murmured the foal.

“I’m assuming thats why y'all made the trip down here?” Applejack inquired now that Apple Bloom was out of earshot.

“Pretty much,” Rainbow Dash replied, while I just nodded.

“Well, I suppose it could be worse. At least they ain't going to waste,” Applejack murmured.

“Are the trees hurtin'?” I asked.

“Nah,” Applejack dismissed. “Whatever is makin' them do this it ain't hurtin' ‘em none. I ain't no tree talker like great aunt Matilda, but even I can tell that they are healthier than ever. Happy too. I swear I can almost hear ‘em singin' at night.”

“Are you sure that's not just Granny Smith singing in her sleep again?” Rainbow Dash prodded.

“Granny’s been sleeping so soundly she ain't even been talkin' no more. She don't even wander around either. It's kinda nice,” Applejack answered.

“Huh. Well that's good,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Whelp dat’s all I really wanted ta do ere. Rainbow dash, did ya have anyth'n ta add?" I prompted.

“I was just gonna say that I’ll be outta yer hair after tonight. Gonna be staying at the hall from now on,” Rainbow Dash stated.

“Well, that’s nice to hear. Bessy’s been missing her stall something fierce,” Applejack remarked.

“Need a hoof with bringing those apples to town? There were a lot of em. Last I saw.” Rainbow Dash added.

“Nah. I should be able to haul ‘em all by myself,” Applejack dismissed. “Can't say I like the tusks but I sure do enjoy being bigger and stronger then Mac.”

“How's he taking this development by the way? I haven't seen him much recently,” Rainbow Dash pressed.

“With quiet stoicism and plenty of bitter mumbling when no one else’s around,” Applejack replied.

Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”

“We should fink uv a different name for ‘em dough. Da apples not Big Mac. How about, green delicious?" I offered.

“Not a bad name. We already got red delicious and golden delicious,” Applejack added.

“That doesn't sound half bad,” Rainbow Dash agreed.

“I’ll think about it,” Applejack murmured, rubbing her chin. “I’ll have to see what Granny thinks. She knows the name of every last apple out there.”

“I'll leave it ‘n yer hooves den,” I exclaimed.

“Alrighty then. You guys have fun. I’ll see ya after supper sometime with the apples. Gonna take a bit to get 'em all loaded up,” Applejack explained.

“See ya then,” Rainbow Dash replied.

I gave the mare a wave before departing alongside Rainbow Dash. Together we walked out of the orchard, our heads held high. I was happy to have provisions for my soldiers and though the strange trees were worrying, it seemed to be purely beneficial.

However I still felt a little guilty about perverting the natural beauty of this place.

“I wonder how it would taste if we fried it in a pan with butter,” Rainbow Dash mused aloud.

“Now dat, iz a propa gud idea,” I declared.

Rainbow Dash grinned, raising her nose a little higher into the air.

As we walked back, we either basked in the light praise like in Rainbow Dash’s case or you were me and were working out all the ways these new apples could be used in baking.

“I wonder what would happen if we candied them,” I whispered to myself.

I had thought up the thirteenth thing I wanted to try with the new apples when I heard the rapid clopping of approaching hooves. Looking up, I saw Pinkie Pie and Rarity approaching, both were distraught but neither appeared to be on the brink of panic. They also looked the least changed of the mane six, with Rarity having downward pointed tusks that barely poked over her bottom lip while Pinkie Pie seemed completely unchanged save for a slight green glow to her eyes. Which was perhaps the weirdest shift out of all of them, now that I was thinking about it.

Rainbow Dash noticed the two points at about this point as well, and we both moved a little quicker, meeting them halfway.

“Oh thank goodness we’ve found you,” Rarity exclaimed. “We’ve received dreadful news.”

“We gotta go on a rescue mission!” Pinkie Pie blurted out.

“Your parents I presume?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I remember you girls talking about them earlier and that you were both waiting on a letter.”

“Yes, we received word from the guard that they’ve abandoned the town of Appaloosa. Which was where my mother and father were staying,” Rarity replied.

“And that means the rock farm too!” Pinkie Pie added. “We gotta go check on them!”

“Got a bad feeling?” I inquired.

Pinkie Pie eagerly bobbed her head. “Super bad!”

“I was hoping we’d have at least a day until we had to leave again but it looks like we won't get the chance,” Rainbow Dash murmured.

“We will,” I retorted. “If ‘da guard left, ‘da trains wont be runn'n which means we need alternate transport.”

“Oh yeah. I didn't even think about that,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

“Then what are we going to do?” Rarity exclaimed, voice tinged with barely contained panic.

“You are gunna sew me a few uniforms while Pinkie Pie ere makes us a trukk," I declared with a grin.

“Ooh, boy! I haven't made any new inventions in months! This is awesome!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“I am not opposed to doing some work for you. It seems only fair given what I’m asking you to do. However I must ask, why uniforms?” Rarity asked.

“'Cos furst impressions are important," I began, only to frown. “'Dat an’ I ripped dese pants like two hours ago an’ its start'n ta get drafty down 'der.”

Author's Note

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Interlude One Part Two

“My goodness! This travesty must not stand. Come now, darling. We shall mend your pants immediately,” Rarity exclaimed, using her magic to tug me along.

She wasn't particularly strong, but I allowed her to drag me anyway.

“Oh and make us someth'n big. It dont have ta be fast. Its jus gotta be able ta karry all uv us at once while also be'n at least relatively komfortable,” I called out to Pinkie Pie.

“You got it, boss! I’ll make the baddest truck you've ever seen!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“She might need a hand. Go wit' 'er, RD,” I added.

“Aye boss,” Rainbow Dash dutifully replied.

I gave her an appreciative nod, before catching up to Rarity in two long strides. Behind me, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash diverted down a side road, no doubt heading to wherever it was that Pinkie Pie assembled her larger inventions. I was curious as to where that may be, but I had more pressing concerns, so I put those thoughts out of my mind.

“I gotta warn ya Rarity. Dis ain't gonna be like yer usual jobs," I offered.

“I know darling,” Rarity exclaimed somewhat tiredly. “It will be far too utilitarian and it will no doubt be about as rough and brutish as you are. No offense.”

“None taken,” I rumbled.

“I also have a feeling you will require me to restrict my color palate considerably,” Rarity continued.

“Probably. I was dink'n uv black an' white,” I replied. “Black for toughness, an white for deth.”

“How… grim,” Rarity muttered.

“Still fink yer up ta ‘da challenge?" I pressed.

“Well, it's not like I have anything better to do,” Rarity dismissed. With business being what it is, I have plenty of time—time I would have otherwise spent worrying endlessly.”

“Fink uv dis like a challenge den," I offered. “An' if we kome up wit' someth'n great den I'll be order'n at least fifty uv ‘da fings. An’ ‘dat's jus ta start."

“I’m going to need to find some additional help,” Rarity muttered. “I don't suppose you have any bits, do you?”

“I ain't got noth'n ta teef, and nuttin to pay ya wit' save for ma own blood," I answered.

“I’m afraid the exchange rate of cloth to blood isn't terribly good at the moment,” Rarity remarked with a chuckle. “Though I’m sure we can figure something out.”

“‘N da meantime let’s jus focus on da design'n someth'n propa orky," I declared.

“But also something with a little style to it,” Rarity added. “Contrary to popular opinion you need not choose between utility and style.”

“Mmm, fair.”

“Are you absolutely certain you are married to the idea of using only black and white?” Rarity pressed, her lips pulled into a thin red line.

I took a long moment to breathe in and out, cooling my fraying nerves. Around me, various swatches of color were tacked to a board alongside a dozen or so designs for what was supposed to be my military uniform. Only they were all clearly equestrian inspired as they had tall hats, were studded with gems, and had a half dozen bright colors, or all three of said things at once.

“Rarity,” I began again, my voice low and tired. “Kolors... dey have meaning, an' powa ta us orks."

“Yes yes,” Rarity dismissed. “There is great power in proper color coordination.”

“No, not like dat," I retorted. "I mean real powa. 'der iz magic ‘n kolor, Rarity."

“You… you’re serious,” Rarity muttered.

“Deadly so,” I declared.

“Hmm alright then. I’ll hear you out. I owe you that much,” Rarity acquiesced.

"Us orks, were like... earth ponies," I muttered, struggling to find the words. "Kolors karry great powa. Red makes fings go fasta. Blue iz lucky. Black iz tough. White iz deadly. Purple iz sneaky. Yellow iz proppa flash an green iz best kus orks iz green."

“And no. You can't simply paint everything rainbow. That's not how it works,” I hastily added.

“A shame. I have been so tempted to get into dyeing,” Rarity murmured.

“Dats why it ‘as ta be black an' white. 'cos I want ma orks ta be tough, an’ deadly while being proppa spooky. Every intimidated enemy iz a foe we need not fight, afta all," I concluded, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I suppose when you put it that way there is something noble to it all,” Rarity mused.

“Do dis well enough an’ ya'll be sav'n lives," I added.

“That does make me feel better,” Rarity admitted. The mare turned around and looked up at her board of ideas and color swatches. “I suppose we must start from the beginning once more, hmm?”

“I fink dat would be fer da best,” I agreed.

“Fair enough. Back to the drawing board!” Rarity declared.

In a flash of magic, she cleared away all the various concepts and colors save for black and white. She then grabbed a new sheet of paper, and sketched a surprisingly good recreation of my fearsome visage, proper proportions and all. In the drawing I was nude save for a pair of shorts she added, protecting the dignity of my black and white doppelganger.

“Right, so I assume you want the blackest of blacks and the whitest of whites. No eggshell, or off grey?” Rarity began.

“Roight.”

“Going off that…” Rarity paused and turned to me, the pen sitting atop her offered hoof. “Perhaps it is best if you got us started.”

“I ain't much uv an artist but I kan at least get a rough outline," I murmured somewhat awkwardly.

I accepted the pen and stood up from the ruined that had once been one of Rarity’s chairs. Kneeling down in front of the board, I studied the image for several long seconds before nodding to myself.

“Roight. I fink I got somefing.”

It had taken us a day and a half but it was done and I was standing in a freshly modified changing room. The dozen or so pony-sized mirrors taped together were enough to allow me a full three hundred and sixty degrees of vision. Twisting my head this way and that, I was able to inspect my new outfit, a small smile coming to my face as I did so.

The clearest inspiration was the soviet era military uniforms worn mostly by conscripts. I hadn't intended this to happen but as we were coming into winter we would need proper protection. With that in mind, it was made primarily from wool and went almost all the way down to my ankles.

I had ended up using up Rarity’s entire stock but it was done and she had put an order in for more.

The collar was wide, allowing it to be turned up to protect the face from the wind. An epaulet was present on each shoulder, though they bore no rankings or insignia at the moment. Those are those flappy things on the shoulder of military jackets which I didn't know had a name until Rarity informed me of this fact.

The features didn't stop there, however, as two sets of buttons ensured that it would stay secure even in the worst of blizzards. Cuff straps, large pockets, and some belt loops though no belt at the moment, rounded out the rest of the additions. It was warm, had plenty of utility to it, and not only that but it was also intimidating as heck. It was almost completely black with the exceptions being a pair of white stripes that ran up either side of the jacket, ending just under my armpits.

Opening the jacket revealed that there was a stark white vest, and an undershirt the same shade as pitch beneath that. Rarity had almost talked me into adding a tie to the entire thing as she had a great pattern all picked out but that was too businessy in my opinion. That and I hated the feeling of something around my neck, it made me feel uncomfortable for some reason.

A pair of brand new, black leather steel-toed boots completely the outfit. Suitably orky, they each had a large plate bolted roughly to the front, making it that much more intimidating. Sure it might sound a bit silly but trust me, I pulled off the look flawlessly.

“Almost forgot ma hat,” I muttered.

Dropping the soft top military-style hat on my head, I gave it a few twists before finally letting it sit in place. Though it was the same black as most of my outfit, it also had three bright, pearly stars emblazoned on the front. It was one of several concessions I made to Rarity and the only time I allowed her to bedazzle the uniform in any way.

“How is it darling? Everything fitting okay?” Rarity called from just beyond the door to the small changing room.

“Nope,” I declared, stepping out, and flashing her a smile. “I fink it's perfect.”

“Oh my, that is quite intimidating,” Rarity muttered. “But still refined. Why with a bit of alteration it would be perfect for even a casual event.”

“We kan work on a dress uniform annuver time," I dismissed.

“Right, of course,” Rarity acquiesced. “What else did you have in mind?”

“One sec. I jus realized its miss'n someth'n,” I declared.

Stepping past the mare, I grabbed the white dying bucket and dunked my right hand into it. I then brought it up and slapped it firmly against my left side, right over my heart.

“Must you?” Rarity exclaimed tiredly. “I could have added a handprint if that was what you wanted.”

“It would have looked too clean if ya had done it," I retorted.

I held it there for another minute before finally taking my hand away and turning back towards the closest mirror. Sure enough, it looked great and since the ponies didn't have an equivalent of lord of the rings, no one knew I was just ripping it from the writings of Tolkien. As I washed my hand in a bucket of water, Rarity applied some magic to the hand mark, drying it instantly.

“Fanks,” I declared.

“Okay now if you are quite done making a mess of my studio I believe we have another design to work on,” Rarity interrupted.

“I'll trust dat wun wholly ta ya. Jus know ‘dat it ‘as ta look as close ta dis wun as possible," I replied, waving a dismissive hand.

“Oh? I appreciate the trust,” Rarity replied.

“Ya know pony anatomy far betta den I do anyhow," I exclaimed. “Now we jus gotta work on da symbol."

“Ahh yes, the death shield insignia,” Rarity muttered ruefully. “Are you sure you are going with that name darling? I wasn't a fan of the Ironjaws per se but it feels better than death shields.”

“'Der iz powa ‘n names jus like 'der iz powa ‘n kolor," I declared. “We are defendaz an' I want dat fact as ingrained as iz possible."

“A noble goal.”

I nodded mutely in agreement.

“Okay, so the insignia. What were you thinking?” Rarity pressed.

“A black kite shield wit' a bleached hydra skull fac'n down overtop uv it," I answered. “Fink you can do dat?”

“Again, a bit grim but fitting I suppose,” Rarity admitted. “I’ll have enough patches made for when we leave. When will that be, do you think?”

“Dunno,” I admitted. “We were so focused 'n kreation 'dat I haven't checked 'n on Pinkie Pie. I should go do 'dat."

“It hasn't even been a day yet so I can't imagine they’ve gotten far,” Rarity dismissed.

“Uh, Rarity. It's been almost two days since we started,” I pointed out.

“Really? Oh,” Rarity paused and blinked. “No wonder I’m so exhausted and hungry.”

“Take a nap, grab a bite an take kare uv yourself. ‘da rest uv ‘da designs kan wait," I ordered.

“Yes, darling. That sounds like a frightfully good idea,” Rarity muttered.

“Before ya go. I was wonder'n if ya'd be able ta make some armor for me. Not now obviously but later," I pressed.

“I would say no but the moment you mentioned the word armor, images of designs, and plans popped into my mind as if they’ve been there all along,” Rarity exclaimed giving her head a shake. “It is the strangest thing but I’m absolutely certain I could forge you a fairly protective suit given the time and the resources.”

“Dat’s how orks work,” I declared with a grin.

“It's useful. Odd and slightly uncomfortable at times, but quite useful,” Rarity muttered.

“Dat will be our next project. Fa now, get some rest,” I dismissed.

“See you soon darling,” Rarity waved off.

I walked away from the workshop, heading to the exit while Rarity stumbled in the direction of the kitchen. I almost made it to the exit when I noticed Sweetie Belle enter, the filly lighting up the moment she saw me.

“Mister Ghuzrod! Are you and Rarity finally done?” She eagerly asked.

“Mmhmm,” I rumbled. “Rarity an I got a little kaught up 'n our work. Would yer do me a favor an' make sure she eats an' gets some rest? An' maybe a shower too.”

“You got it mister Ghuz!” Sweetie Belle declared, giving me a somewhat lopsided salute.

“Good girl,” I replied, giving the filly’s mane a tussle before stepping outside.

“Right. Where to next?” I murmured.

No sooner had the words left my mouth than I heard the sound of a distant engine starting up. It was loud, like the roar of a diesel on a cold winter’s night. For a moment I just stood there, listening as the vehicle rumbled, the clatter of its inner workings dying down to a distant putter.

“That ain't far,” I murmured.

Heading in the direction of the noise, I made my way out of town before taking a side road that extended from the one that passed by Sweet Apple Acres. After a bit more walking I entered into what was once a thriving farm though now was just an old house, a yard overgrown with weeds and a large workshop, its door hanging open. Inside I could see a few ponies milling about as well as a handful of orks, their faces stained with soot and what looked like oil.

As I approached, I passed by a confused, elderly-looking stallion with a broken chariot wheel for a cutie mark.

“Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle,” he muttered under his breath. “That blasted thing works.”

“Looks like yer outta job,” I remarked.

“You could say that…” he turned and looked up, up, up at me. “Damn yer a big bastard, aintcha?”

“I’m da boss,” I declared.

“Well then you must be mighty proud,” he replied, gesturing towards the workshop. “I ain't never seen that mare work that hard or that fast in all my years.”

“Hmm,” I muttered.

“Now would ya mind telling that silly girl to go to sleep? She’s been out here for nearly two days without rest,” he half asked, half demanded.

“Can do,” I replied, inwardly rather amused by the parallel between the two mares. “And fanks for da space.”

“No trouble at all,” he exclaimed before trotting off back in the direction of his house.

Approaching the workshop, I inspected the vehicle and found that it was surprisingly simple in its design. It was a truck, a military one but besides that, it was rather plain for lack of a better word. It had an open cab, a large bed in the back, and a pair of bucket seats up front, neither of which were ork-sized. The back was large enough to contain nearly a dozen boys but the cabin was fit for ponies only.

“Well look at dat,” I declared, stopping at the entrance and placing my hands on my hips. “Ya done did da impossible.”

“Oh hey, boss. Great timing,” Twilight remarked, trotting up to me. “We just managed to get it to start.”

“So I ‘erd,” I replied.

“Can we drive it now?” Rainbow Daash asked eagerly. “The boss is here and the truck is purring like a kitten.”

“It still needs some tuning but I-” Pinkie Pie began only to suddenly yawn. “I can do that tomorrow.”

You and Rarity have more in common than you may think. I mused to myself.

“Get some rest little mek. We kan do ‘da rest uv ‘da tuning," one of the ork assistants offered.

“Are you sure? You guys already helped so much,” Pinkie Pie murmured.

“Nuffin we can't handle,” proclaimed another of the orks, puffing out his chest.

“Oh, thats great. I really need a little nappy poo. Bye guys, bye boss man,” Pinkie Pie murmured, stumbling past me and out the door.

“You, carry her home,” I ordered, pointing to one of the orks at random.

“Yes, boss!”

The ork dutifully jogged out of the room, and a few seconds later I heard an excited. “Weeee!” So I assumed he had done as was asked of him.

“Now den,” I began. “Tell me about dis trukk.”

“Explanations later. Driving time now!” Rainbow Dash impatiently interrupted.

“'Plain while on a drive den,” I declared, clambering into the back.

“Oh uh, okay,” Twilight replied, piling in beside me.

“You lot wait here. Don't wanna overload it,” I exclaimed.

The orks that were about to clamber in as well all took a step back, grumbling under their breath.

“If it works gud den ya kan all take a break an go for a spin afta,” I added, to the hearty yells of the excited orks.

“Hold onto something. Pinkie Pie didn't explain much about this thing,” Rainbow Dash warned.

“I really should have insisted that Pinkie Pie install safety belts back here,” Twilight muttered, glancing around nervously.

“I gotcha,” I offered, wrapping a hand around her side and pulling her close.

“Thanks, boss,” Twilight remarked while blushing slightly.

“So, howsit work?” I asked.

“It uses mana crystals for-”

The engine suddenly roared and we lurched out of the workshop only to shudder to a stop right outside.

“Whoops. Forgot about the gear thingy,” Rainbow Dash muttered.

A few award seconds of grinding gears later and we were moving again, this time at a gentler more steady pace.

“Alright, I think I got it!” Rainbow Dash shouted.

Twilight and I waited as Rainbow Dash took a sharp turn at the farm’s edge, heading away from town. We waited to see how fast Rainbow Dash would go, but it seemed like the trukk topped out at maybe twenty miles an hour. Quick when compared to a carriage but not a match for a train. Not by a long shot.

“Damn. That’s as fast as this thing can go?” Rainbow Dash muttered. “Whatever at least it works.”

“You wuz sayin?” I offered.

“Oh uh yeah,” Twilight pipped up, wiggling a few inches away from me. “So it runs on mana crystals. I had a bunch of old test ones kicking around so when Pinkie Pie was trying to figure out a power supply, I offered them.”

“If magic makes it go, why iz it so loud?" I asked, noting that although it was slightly quieter than a normal combustion engine it still sounded like it ran on petrol of some kind.

“The boys said it needed to be louder. Something about that making it better,” Twilight exclaimed, clearly irritated. “For whatever reason, Pinkie Pie agreed and wired a second contraption under the motor just to make the noises.”

“Dat’s funny,” I exclaimed with a chuckle.

“It was a waste of three hours,” Twilight retorted.

“It's important ta dem,” I replied.

“I suppose,” Twilight admitted.

“Where'd ya get da metal?” I asked.

“Pinkie Pie had a lot of it already but we also bought every bit of steel the shops had and that just barely got us over the finish line,” Twilight answered. “It's enough for this but we’re gonna need access to a mine, or something if we wanna make more trucks.”

“Hmmm,” I murmured. “Sometin ta fink about.”

“It should also go about twice as fast but we wanted to get it running before we worked out all the kinks,” Twilight added.

“Makes sense,” I muttered. “Oh an’ have da Boyz make a ton more uv dose mana krystal dingiez. I got a feel'n we are gonna need a lot uv ‘im.”

“That's good to hear as it's the best way to train your magic so I’ve been thinking about buying a bunch of empty crystals for just such a reason,” Twilight replied.

“Dey spensive?” I pressed.

“Nah. Before they are charged they are just useless quartz,” Twilight dismissed. “My mom used to buy them by the ton and just throw them out after I was done with them.”

“Sounds wasteful,” I remarked.

“They haven't really been used for anything major until now,” Twilight pointed out.

I hummed thoughtfully to myself, letting my gaze grow distant once more.

As we trundled out of town I noted that the flat land and many trees were slowly being replaced by rolling hills and sparse scrubland. It was nice to see but nicer still was the look I noticed on Rainbow Dash’s face. When the mare shoulder checked before taking a turn I saw that she was grinning from ear to ear.

No doubt she was relishing the feeling immensely and I made a note to get her a car that was fast. Real fast.

Hopefully, that would hold her over until I got Pinkie Pie to build her a jetpack. Rainbow Dash has a need for speed and was no doubt hankering to go fast.

Author's Note

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Gett'n Green An’ Mean.

I rememba be'n a 'umie a lifetime ago, dough now i’m bigger, meaner, an’ greana. But I kept 'dat part uv me 'dat kares yer know? I may be an ork now, but I still rememba dy'n ta defend ma family, I rememba 'dat bloody home invada shoot'n me, an' I rememba bleed'n out wit' ma loved ones around me.

For hav'n taken a literal bullet ‘n defense uv ma family I was rewarded, apparently. See 'der was dis little ol planet kalled Adar 'dat dis god fing really didn't want ta get krumped. So, see'n as I was destined ta end up as nuffin but dust 'e offered me a deal. Protect 'is favorite planet, an’ not only would I get ta live again but I’d get ta choose wot race I’d end up be'n.

Now ma furst thought was an ol wun, or perhaps some kinda terrify'n thing like a slaugth, or maybe even a c’tan but 'e shut ‘dat down right quick. See apparently his, or 'er now 'dat i’m dink'n about it maybe ‘er, kan't rightly rememba much about the god fing. Maybe ‘da god fing was male, or maybe female, eitha way it doesnt matta ta ‘da story. Anyway, deys didn't have da strength ta make me into someth'n krazy like ‘dat so’s I had ta choose someth'n a bit more standard.

Now I know wot you’s are probably dink'n. Hey, mista forma humie, why ‘n da heck did yer pick someth'n dumb an’ brutal like an ork, especially konsider'n yer sposed ta be protect'n tiny horse people, well ta ‘dat i’d say… shut up, I’m gett'n 'der, don't rush me.

See’s apparently nearly every faction ‘n da galaxy was gonna take a bite outta dis planet, an’ dey were gonna do it real quick like. So 'dat mean I needed an army, an' I needed wun right quick, see?

Aeldari breed like pandas 'n kaptivity, an' I had a few short years, not a few short millennia so dey wuz right out. 'Da tau, dere brotha races, an’ 'da humiez were better, but not fast enough. Unless I was willin ta deal wit' an army uv literal children I’d need ta step fings up a bit.

Which left two options, the tyranids, and the orks. Though I spose I coulda been a demon but they were a bit too flighty and I didn't end up feeling like losing me brain.

So’s tyranids, right? Wrong! I was gonna end up just some wee baby spore that could grow big, but even real big I’d still be a slave of that big brainy thing that controls all the bugs. And I tell you what, reader. I wuzznt gonna end up a slave to nobody, got it?

Which meant ‘da orks were ‘da only real option.

Sure dey enjoyed krump'n each otha jus as much as 'da enemy, an' thought defensive tactics were unorky, but I figured if I was 'da biggest an' 'da meanest, I kould smash 'dat right outta im. Dey were shown ta be kapable uv be'n pretty smart, afta all, im blood axe Boyz sure made a stomp'n' back before da big party krumped em down a peg or tree.

So’s i figured wot ‘da heck, dey’s pretty much biologicly immortal, put rabbits ta shame, an I didn't need a partna ta start mak'n more uv em. Not like I’m opposed ta the hanky panky or noth'n but 'dat might slow fings down if I gotta spend da next ten years between da sheets. Dough now 'dat I’m dink'n about it, 'dat mighta been nice.

Anyways, so I chose ‘da orks. Which seemed ta surprise ‘da god fing as 'e was pretty certain I’d pick someth'n dumb like a beaky git. I told em 'dat was stupid 'cos I’d need like five hundred years ta make even a single minor chapter, nevermind all ‘da teknologee stuff I’d need. 'E liked ma reasoning, an' since orks are apparently da easiest fing ta make since pop tarts he’d even give me a boon. Said me an ma future Boyz would work real well wit' ‘da ponies, an all ‘da otha races uv ‘da world.

I didn't rightly know wot 'dat meant, an’ ‘da god fing was be'n kagey about answaz so I gave up 'dat line uv question'n an’ moved on. Ta where I was landing, an' wot ma strategy was gunna be. I asked ‘em if I was gonna end up a snotl'n or someth'n furst, but 'e said he’d at least bump me up ta a gretchin. 'E wanted ta make me at least a nob ta start, but said his time was runn'n out an’ I needed ta move.

So I chose ‘da most dangerous part uv ‘da whole planet, ‘da everfree forest. See’s I gotta make lots uv spores, an I needed ta get bigga which meant fight'n' an winnin. Wit' dat all said, 'e nodded, gave me his seal uv approval, an told me ta tell 'da princesses dat dey wuz proud uv im, whateva dat meant.

Now wit' all 'dat outta da way, we get ta da gud part, da fight'n'!
Waaaugh!

Dat feels real gud, let me tell you lot.

Author's Note

Supported by... noone! I just wrote this because it was fun. Enjoy!

Angel Bears Bad News

Angel Bunny hopped morosely into Fluttershy’s cabin, his features heavy with the weight of the news he bore. He glanced over to find that a raven had taken up position in his favorite chair, an offense that would usually earn the poor bird a verbal thrashing. Now, however, Angel simply hopped on, disturbing the winged creature more than if it had gotten yelled at by the ornery bunny.

Around the corner and into the kitchen Angel went, there Fluttershy was humming softly to herself, a knife in her hoof. Over and over she brought the weapon down, shredding some lettuce before depositing it into a bowl with a few other ingredients. The salad joined a dozen different meals all waiting to be delivered to the animals of Fluttershy’s sanctuary some of whom were looking on hungrily through the nearby window.

“Oh hello Angel I didn't hear you come in,” Fluttershy remarked.

“I bear grim tidings, mother,” remarked the bunny.

Now he didn't speak this in perfect equish mind you, but rather the squeaky high pitch chittering of all rabbits. Despite the fact he spoke his own animal language Fluttershy required no translator.

“Yes I know Mr. Raven is sitting on your spot but he hurt his little footy today so I told him he could rest there until it felt better,” Fluttershy replied without missing a beat.

“No, I am afraid my news is far more dour than the foul sins of a one mister raven,” Angel retorted tersely.

Fluttershy stopped and put down the knife. “Just how dour exactly is this news?” she asked.

“I’m afraid there has been a triumvirate of murders deep within the dark heart of the Everfree forest,” Angel exclaimed, his hands clasped around his back. “Though the method is obvious, the culprit is not quite so readily apparent as is a motive as to why someone would off the Wyld brothers in such a brutal and blunt manner.”

“Wait, the Wyld brothers were the ones who um… died?” Whispered Fluttershy.

“That is indeed what I have said,” Angel replied.

Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh okay. You had me worried for a second there.”

“I am appalled at you mother!” Angel exclaimed. “Though the nature of their character was despicable, I had assumed you of all ponies would be kind to them in death.”

Fluttershy winced and rubbed the back of her neck. “I mean yeah it's sad but those guys picked fights with Manticores, and Chimera. Something like this happening was really only a matter of time. It's a way of nature thing you know.”

“I suppose it was only natural that they would annoy a less-than-stable individual during their many escapades but it is not just their demise that worries me,” Angel paused, and hopped up onto the counter. “You see the one brother I did find, though half eaten by biteacudas had visible bruising around his neck. This would imply that his foul attacker had attempted to strangle them while also drowning the miscreant.”

“That does sound rather violent,” Fluttershy admitted. “Do you think a pony did this?”

“Doubtful,” Angel muttered, the bunny beginning to pace back and forth. “The marks present upon the corpse would indicate the individual had fingers, appendages you ponies lack.”

“So it wasn't magic then either,” Fluttershy murmured.

“If I may borrow a phrase from you ponies, neigh,” Angel exclaimed.

“This is serious,” Fluttershy muttered. “What do we do?”

“Worry not mother dearest for I shall use all my faculties to locate this scourge and discover the nature of their cruelty,” Angel proclaimed. “Though the body is two days old, I suspect the culprit has not gotten far.”

He then hopped off the table.

“Oh okay. Would you like your lunch first?” Fluttershy asked.

Angel paused. “Did you ready my special high chair and my sippy cup?”

“Of course,” Fluttershy replied.

“Then I shall dine first, before venturing out into the wilds in search of a killer,” Angel proclaimed. “When I return, however, mister Raven shall receive the earful of a lifetime I tell you, a lifetime!”

Fluttershy smiled faintly. “Would you like your bib today?”

“Please mother, I am not some sniveling knave. You may stand ready with a cloth however for I am possessed of a mighty hunger and no desire to demonstrate the proper restraint when one eats amongst comapny,” Angel declared, hopping up into his high chair. “Let the consumption, commence!”

Rainbow Dash (and Co) Charge Forward!

“Hiiya!” Rainbow Dash cried, bringing her sharpened shovel down on a vine that was grabbing Rarity’s leg.

The spiny length of plant now no longer attached to the rest of itself spasmed and flailed before falling still. With the loss of another limb, the other tentacles that had been reaching out and attempting to grapple the fashionista recoiled. Free of the plant’s grasp, Rarity sprinted away, all but throwing herself into Applejack’s hooves in a dramatic fashion.

“Oh my goodness I thought I was a goner!” Rarity exclaimed.

“Another win for Rainbow Dash and her awesome sword… thing,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

“Is the leg still there? I feel blood!” Rarity shrieked, the mare unable to look at her own leg out of fear.

“It's barely bleeding. Relax,” Applejack replied tiredly.

“Here,” Fluttershy offered, applying a small bandage to Rarity’s leg. “That should help ensure it doesn't get infected.”

“Oh thank you, darling,” Rarity exclaimed.

The fashionista wrapped Fluttershy in a tight hug. Fluttershy smiled faintly and patted the frazzled mare’s back a few times before gently ending the embrace.

“And you said I shouldn't bring a sword, ha!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed.

“You can only say I told you so once. After the tenth time, it's just annoying,” Twilight retorted.

“Whatever. Where are we anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“The Everfree forest ya silly goose,” Pinkie Pie shot back.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “I knew that but where exactly in the Everfree are we? Spike’s little fire thing keeps pointing in weird directions,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“I think we got a bit turned around crossing that last creek,” Spike murmured. “Or it could have been that sudden surge of rain that sent us in the wrong direction.”

“Feels a bit like this durn storm’s got a mind of its own,” Applejack remarked, glancing up at the swirling, mass of black clouds occasionally broken up by spots of clear blue sky. “One minute it its trying to pelt us with hail, the next it's a clear summer day.”

“And I’ve felt spatial anomalies sending us wildly off course a few times now,” Twilight murmured, her horn glowing faintly. “Normally I’d say it's just the Everfree being the Everfree but this is different.”

“No kidding,” Pinkie Pie agreed, pausing briefly to shiver. “My Pinkie sense keeps giving me weird signals. I don't even know what a hoof shake, plus body quiver on top of a hot hoof even means and I thought I’ve felt them all!”

“That is strangely terrifying,” Rarity murmured.

“No kiddin’,” Applejack agreed.

“I’m not the only one that hears that weird thrumming by the way right?” Spike asked. “I didn't wanna mention it earlier.”

“You mean that itch that's kind of behind your ear and you can't seem to scratch? I thought that was just me!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“I can feel it too, only it’s a bit like a horn tingle, almost like I’ve miscast a spell and received an unpleasant bit of backlash,” Twilight murmured.

“It feels like something is calling us,” Fluttershy muttered, her eyes closed. “I can sense some kind of energy rippling over my feathers like there’s been a distant explosion. It's scary.”

“I kinda feel it too. Maybe that's where the boss is. We should head that way!” Rainbow Dash offered.

“Why do you keep calling this ork fellow your boss?” Rarity asked.

“Here we go again,” Spike murmured.

“I told you before. I said Ghuzrod, I don't know why you think I said, boss. You should really get your hearing checked Rarity,” Rainbow Dash shot back, flying up into the other mare’s face.

“And you should get that tongue checked,” Rarity exclaimed. “While you're at it you could get your complexion checked as well. I swear you are getting greener with each passing hour.”

“That's just plant blood,” Rainbow Dash declared, wiping her face free of a splatter of dark green ichor.

“Um, plants don't have blood,” Fluttershy pointed out.

“Whatever,” Rainbow Dash dismissed.

“Spike, would you please send up another signal? Maybe that will help,” Twilight offered.

“Okay, but I can't do this much longer. We’ve been at it all day and I’m running on steam at this point,” Spike exclaimed.

“Just a few more times. I’m sure we’re close at this point,” Twilight assured him.

“We better be. This wild goose chase has cost me a whole productive day and if I come out of it empty hooved I’m gonna be madder than a three-legged dog trying to bury a turd on an icy pond,” Applejack declared grumpily.

“What does that even mean?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

“It means I’ll be angry, you dunderhead,” Applejack retorted.

“Girls, focus,” Twilight interrupted.

All eyes turned to Spike, who was doing a quick neck stretch while taking a series of increasingly deep breaths. Once limber enough, the dragon breathed a hot blast of bright green fire. The moment it passed his lips, the flames leaped into the air and turned into an arrow that pointed in a southward direction.

“South, again?” Applejack murmured.

“At this point, we must be close to the border of Zebrica,” Rarity remarked.

“Ooh, boy. I’ve always wanted to go there,” Pinkie Pie offered.

“I don't think we’re actually that far south,” Twilight shot back.

“Either way we got a direction, so let's get moving,” Applejack stated.

“Right. You heard her girls. Let's go,” Twilight proclaimed.

The group picked themselves up and, though still slightly damp and disheartened, set out again. Tromping through the deep, wooded area, the six mares and one dragon, did their best to avoid the clawing grasp of the many trees and bushes. Forced to walk two at a time in a short line, they eyed their surroundings with fearful eyes, at least most did.

Rainbow Dash kept her head held high, and her neck perpetually swiveling one way or the other. In her hoof was the makeshift machete she had wielded all day, its sharpened edge covered in the viscera of various plants. Though unbothered by the storm, and the woods themselves, Rainbow Dash was still slightly unnerved. Her fear stemmed from a deep worry centered around the friend who had saved her life not long ago. Concern for his safety urged her forward, and she flew slightly ahead of the group, eager to spot any sign of the green giant they were all searching for.

“Look like we’re comin' up on a swamp,” Applejack remarked.

The group all glanced ahead and down to where the flat, uneven ground gave way to shallow, muddy water. The thick, many-limbed trees they had seen until then vanished, and were replaced by wiry, towering plants dripping with moss and vines. The ever-present underbrush was gone, replaced by the occasional small grass-covered hill or burm that rose above the water line.

“Augh, how unpleasant,” Rarity murmured. “Thank goodness I packed my galoshes.”

“What a fun word, galoshes,” Pinkie Pie added, repeating the word over and over in a sing-songy voice.

“I know it won't be pleasant but we have to keep moving,” Twilight encouraged, stepping out from the group and splashing into the swamp. “Besides, at this point can we really get any wetter?”

“I suppose not,” Fluttershy murmured, following after Twilight.

“Hey uh, A.J. You mind if I catch a ride? That water looks like it comes up to my chin,” Spike whispered.

“Sure, hop on pardner,” Applejack offered, extending a hoof.

Grabbing the limb, Spike found himself all but tossed onto the mare’s sturdy back. Perched high above the water, the dragon breathed a sigh of relief, glad to finally have a chance to relax, if only for a moment.

Though Rarity held a disgusted expression on her face, she followed as well, but only after everyone else had already stepped into the swamp. Splashing up to the rest of the group, Rarity glanced around nervously.

“You don't suppose we’ll run across any beasties do you?” Rarity asked hesitantly.

“I don't think so,” Fluttershy replied after a pause. “We haven't seen many for some reason and those I have spotted seem to avoid us.”

“Wait, you saw monsters checking us out and didn't say anything?” Rarity gasped.

Fluttershy winced. “I didn't want to alarm you and most critters know better than to attack ponies for no reason,” Fluttershy answered. “Though it is still strange that they wouldn't at least try to scare us off.”

“Seems like some bigger critter is keepin' em in check,” Applejack pointed out.

“That's the boss for ya. I bet he’s got the whole forest respecting his authority by now,” Rainbow Dash proudly proclaimed.

“Rainbow you did-” Rarity began.

“Don't bother sugar cube,” Applejack interrupted.

Rarity sighed dramatically and put her head down.

Together they continued to make their way through the swamp, swatting the occasional bug as they did so. Though careful to avoid any nasty beasties who may cross their path, the adventurers saw none.

They did, however, feel the odd thrumming increase in its intensity. The pegasi of the group could feel their feathers twitch, while the unicorns felt an increasing pressure on their horns. Pinkie Pie and Applejack both felt as though the ground was pulsing every few seconds as if there was a distant sound system playing something with a lot of bass.

Despite the strangeness of it all, they pushed on, gritting their teeth and bearing it. That was until Twilight suddenly cried out and fell to her knees, a hoof going to her sparking horn. Rainbow Dash was the quickest to react, flying down to her friend and holding her up so she didn't fall completely into the tepid water.

“You alright Twi?” Rainbow Dash asked hesitantly.

“It's nothing I just…” Twilight winced and shook her head. “Just saw something strange for a second there.”

“What did you see?” Rarity inquired.

“A flash of what looked like a skeletal creature only it was made out of metal,” Twilight muttered.

“But you’re alright now,” Rainbow Dash declared.

Twilight nodded slowly. “It's passed. I’m fine,” Twilight assured her friends.

“Alright but don't you go fainting on us again,” Applejack remarked.

“I’ll try not to,” Twilight replied with a chuckle.

With that, the group set off once more, though they barely made it more than a few minutes before Rarity cried out. Falling to her knees much like Twilight had not long ago, she was caught by the deft hoof of Rainbow Dash, who kept the unicorn from falling completely. Like Twilight, Rarity’s horn sparked a few times before seemingly passing, leaving a dazed fashionista to rise back to her hooves.

“Let me guess, more metal skely boys?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“No,” Rarity replied, her face scrunching up in confusion. “This time there were monsters. Horrible creatures with too many mouths and far, far too many limbs.”

“That sounds terrible. We can go home now right?” Fluttershy half stated half asked. “I’m pretty sure that means we should leave.”

“Well hold on. Clearly, this means that this Ghuzrod fella is in trouble,” Applejack interrupted.

“I don't know. I think I’m on Fluttershy’s side for this one,” Spike intruded. “Such heavy-handed foreshadowing surely means we are going to have to fight those things you guys saw.”

“And you know this, how?” Twilight asked.

“Well from playing O and O with the guys of course,” Spike replied.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Thamauturgical feedback like the kind we received could be the cause of a dozen different things,” Twilight began, gesturing above them. “Like that cloud for example. It's clearly picked up some sort of mana-dense water.”

“How would you know that just from looking at it?” Applejack asked. “Looks a bit like a regular storm cloud to me.”

“I think Twilight's onto something,” Rainbow Dash murmured. “That cloud hasn't moved one inch the whole time and doesn't seem affected by the wind. In fact it seems almost like it was creating this weird breeze we’ve been feeling.”

The group paused and looked around to find that Rainbow Dash’s assessment was true. Branches swayed in the breeze, and small waves lapped all around them, all seemingly originating from a point not far in front of them.

“That's no natural wind…” Fluttershy muttered nervously. “Look at the waves, they are all going away from that cloud.”

“M-maybe we should turn around,” Pinkie Pie murmured. “I’m no scaredy cat but this has spooky written all over it in big red letters.”

“I thought you liked spooky,” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“This isn't a kind of ghostly I can giggle at,” Pinkie Pie replied.

“Look. We’ll just check it out, and see what's going on up ahead. If Ghuzrod isn't there, then we’ll just go home, okay?” Twilight offered. “Does that sound fair?”

“I would hate to go home empty hooved after all this time,” Applejack rumbled.

“Then it's decided,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed. “Onwards!”

“That wasn't a complete vote! Come back so we can- and she's gone,” Fluttershy muttered with a sigh. “She really should learn to slow down some time.”

“No use worrying about it now darling. Onwards and upwards as they say,” Rarity remarked rather halfheartedly.

“If it helps you can hold my hoof,” Pinkie Pie offered.

“Yes please,” Fluttershy replied.

The two mares locked hooves and trotted forward, joining the rest of their friends as they approached what looked like a wall of trees. The thick, wide-trunked trees with the towering canopies grew strangely close together, creating an almost impenetrable wall of wood. Upon getting closer it was discovered that it was more of a labyrinth with the various ponies needing to maneuver around the natural blockade to peer within.

It took a few tense moments of sloshing through the almost chest-high water before suddenly emerging onto dry land. Glancing upward, the group found themselves on the edge of a clearing, in the middle of which was a hill. At the very top of this rise lay what appeared to be a black, metallic pyramid still half-buried in the earth.

Around it were four monoliths, three of which had recently been knocked over, revealing a sparking mass of wires and strange gears. Green flickering lights adorned the odd structures, while unrecognizable symbols flashed as if in warning. The most common of these symbols was a circle with a line through it which supported a half circle at the top and four rays coming off it, two on either side. It looked almost like a sun to the ponies, but unlike Sol above, the light of these symbols was sickly and unnatural.

The group only had a few short seconds to look up at the cyclopean monolith before a bright flash of light lit up the space. The bolt of lightning bent towards the cap of the pyramid as if drawn in through some alien means. The moment it struck the metal surface, a resounding roar was heard and the form of a great, many-headed hydra appeared.

The creature was enormous, easily eclipsing nearly every monster the small group had ever fought before. Sporting numerous electrical burns over its body, the beast had clearly been injured by the unnatural storm overhead and was venting those frustrations on the last remaining monolith still standing. Its enormous heads swung down and forward, battering the metal construct with earth-shaking blows. Each impact was like a thunderclap, yet despite that, the structure stood, somehow withstanding the strikes with little apparent damage.

“What the hay is going on here?” Applejack exclaimed.

“Nothing good, that's what,” Twilight replied.

“No kidding. We need to get the H E double hockey sticks outta here!” Pinkie Pie proclaimed.

“For once I agree with you guys. The boss ain't here anyway,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

“Yes, I agreeeee!” Rarity screamed in terror shaking her leg vigorously. “Get it off get it off get it off!”

“Hold still, and be quiet, you shrieking banshee. It's just a leach” Applejack muttered.

“It's biting me! It's biting me!” Rarity screamed.

“Shh, Rarity you’ll alert the hydra!” Fluttershy hissed.

“Oh, it's sucking my blood I can feel it!” Rarity cried.

Twilight lit her horn and held Rarity in place, allowing Applejack to reach over and pluck the leach from the fashionista's leg. Once gone, Twilight released her hold on the mare.

“Honestly, you act like you’ve never had a leach before,” Applejack remarked.

“Well unlike some people. I don't go swimming in leach-infested waters,” Rarity shot back.

“Um, girls. Maybe you should look at this,” Fluttershy whispered.

All eyes turned to the hydra, which had stopped its attempt at destroying the monolith and was staring at the small group with hateful eyes.

“Maybe it didn't see us,” Rainbow Dash remarked.

The creature roared suddenly and started to sprint directly at them.

“You just had to jinx it!” Twilight complained.

“I didn't jinx it. But if anyone did it was Rarity!” Rainbow Dash shot back.

“That's enough out of y'all. We got bigger fish to fry!” Applejack interrupted.

“Actually the hydra is an amphibian and not a fish,” Fluttershy murmured.

“This ain't the time Fluttershy!” Applejack shouted back.

“Right, everyone, retreat!” Twilight exclaimed.

Author's Note

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