What Really Happened at the Royal Canterlot Wedding

by Jdgpanzer

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Adventure, Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Princess Cadance
Length: 1034

First pony account of Royal Wedding

You thought bridezillas were bad, try Pinkzilla with a fashionistein monster and "Hurricane" Fluttershy all at a Canterlot wedding.

Published 2012-10-01 02:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-01 02:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

What you have all been told about Princess Cadance and Shining Armor saving Equestria from the changeling queen with the power of their love is a lie. I was there and as the Bearer of the Element of Honesty I cannot let this propaganda go on any longer.

It is just Princess Celestia trolling again. How could any pony that had been locked in a dungeon for days with nothing to eat but lichen and licking rocks to get water, be in any shape to power some other pony that had been turned into a zombiepony.

You should have seen Cadance when she crashed her wedding. Barely able to stand next to Twilight, her mane and tail was a mess from lack of grooming, she was limping as nopony had been looking after her hooves properly. (Remember ponies that the day spa is not just for prissy ponies, we all need daily hoofcare.)

After Celestia took a dive against Queen Chrysalis and got her to monologue my friends and I were upset not knowing what her plan was. When she said for us to get the Elements of Harmony to defeat her I just thought it was an excuse for us to get away from her, get the elements and fight the changeling horde.

I mean why were they holding the wedding ceremony halfway across Canterlot from the Royal Palace where the Elements were kept.

The less said about the streetfighting the better, it was not a happy time unless you ask the Element of Laughter. My herding skills were really taxed that day with a scared Fluttershy, complaining Rarity, and a neurotic Twilight I was surprised we got as far as we did. You do not want to ever challenge a crazy pony. When we were surrounded in the square Twilight went berserk killing I don't know how many drones. I almost felt sorry for those changelings, but there was just too many of them. I wore out Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee and went down under a pile of changelings shaped like my friends.

I woke up as the changelings dragged us into the chapel, at least me, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash her drones just tossed us sprawling out on the floor. Fluttershy and Rarity just had escorts and Pinkie Pie was in a cart laughing at a changeling that was stuck in a form; Twilight Sparkles head, my body with Fluttershy's wings. I thought not another alicorn.

When Queen Chrysalis said "You do realize the reception has been canceled. Don't you?"

That was the turning point. The look in Pinkie Pie's eye said it all. It took me back to Dodge Junction when I had ran away that morning after promising to her the day before to explain myself. I never want to be the subject of her anger ever again.

"NO PONY CANCELS A PINKIE PARTY!" Pinkie roared like a manticore.

Queen Chrysalis was so startled that she backed away stepping on the bridlemaids gowns that were left on the floor. A smile came across my muzzle as I thought 'Now you've done it.'

"How dare you destroy my dresses", said Rarity with such quiet fury, even I was scared.

"Go my minions feed on their love," countered the Queen.

Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and I too exhausted to do anything looked on in horror as the changelings around us morphed into copies of Spike, Scootaloo, Applebloom and Angel when suddenly Fluttershy screamed "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FEED ON MY LOVE!"

Pinkie Pie charged the queen and performed a flying mare on her as Rarity levaded to mizair the changelings around her and Fluttershy leaped into the air and caprioled one of the changelings as it was morphing. All I had the energy left to do was give out a small "Yeah." That was when I saw the Princess in that cocoon munching on popcorn and I thought 'what a lousy gray mare you are.'

The changelings never had a chance against those three wild horses running around the chapel bucking and kicking. Pinkie was like some kinda zoo, mule kicking and doing diving diamond dogs on targets all through the chapel. I do have to say I did help a little as one changeling ran past me I tripped him up.

Twilight did mange to crawl over to her brother and Cadance to perform a healing spell but, by then it was over except for the guards to haul away the unconscious changelings.

Rainbow Dash was able to get back on her hooves before getting knocked back down by a Scootaloo changeling. I wisely stayed on the floor until the Royal Guard showed up. That was when Princess Celestia finally 'escaped' from the cocoon she had been in winking at me.

As a couple of burly unicorn guards were escorting Queen Chrysalis to the dungeon, Princess Celestia leaned toward her and said, "Gotcha."

That whole afternoon we were all busy trying to get the real wedding on track so had no knowledge of the stories that Celestia had spread about what had happened. The first time I heard the Cadance/Shining Armor love saves Equestria was after I had returned to Sweet Apple Acres from Granny Smith quoting a story in the Ponyvillian Prancing Post. By then it was too late to try to correct the facts as everypony loves a story about love.

All of the other changelings surrendered to be with their queen. The only thing the story you know got right is that Princess Luna had slept through the whole crisis. Later I asked her if she was upset about missing the fracas/ruckus all she said was "And miss out on a dream with a red and black alicorn stallion, you've got to be kidding."

So now you know the truth, if you are willing to believe it, but like all ponies who like a good conspiracy this is just another falsehood. You all want to believe that love and friendship will conquer all, banish wendigoes, shame dragons, and defeat chaos.

When the world is truly saved by neurotic, stubborn, obsessive ponies who are 20% cooler with pinkie sense, sonic rainbooms and the stare