Wings, Plains, and Annoying Tales.

by Undisturbed Grave

Rating: teen
Tags: Cozy Glow, Adventure, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 9530

For the Cozy Glow short story contest, an adventure between an new villain and a old one gets wild!

After the teleportation spell fails for some reason, Luna is force to take it's newest villain to Tartartus by herself. Should be a simple mission... If she doesn't snapped due insane biker ponies, broken tracks and a large amount of strange ponies in this crazy land. And Cozy Glow was not helping with her when she keeps trying to escape. Can they get to Tartartus in one piece... or will the two end up in the worst place possible?

Published 2023-09-25 05:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-25 05:30:00 UTC

A long trip

"It's not working." Luna said with an annoyed tone.

"What do you mean its not working?" Celestia asked. They had just finished sentencing Cozy Glow to Tartartus and Luna was going to take her there personally. But for some reason, the teleportation spell wasn't working. Luna had tried casting five different time but each time, the spell sputter out. "Have you tried the Starswirl's version?"

"That's the only version I use anymore." Luna said. "I don't like Twilight's version. Make's me sick to my stomach."

"Well, I guess I won't be going to Tartartus," Cozy Glow, making a sad frown. "Which I was looking forward to making friends there."

"You are going to Tartartus." Luna said quickly. "Even if we have to have you dragged there."

"Well..." Celestia said, rubbing the back of her neck. "We can't both leave Cantorlot because that leaves the castle defenseless. So only one of us will be dragging you to Tartartus. The question is which one of us." She looked over at Luna, who realize where this was heading.

"Are you serious?" Luna said.

"Well, you did said you would take the prisoner. With the royal voice and all."

"That was when I thought I could teleport her there!" Luna counter. "This is going to take at least three days. No, we know how this needs to be decided."

Celestia looked shocked and a couple of guards gasped in surprised.

"Dear sister, you don't mean?"

"Oh I do."

"All aboard for the Western Badlands!" A conductor shouted as Luna sat down with a huff.

"Should of said heads. I should have said heads." Luna muttered as she floated the now chained Cozy to the seat next to her.

"Don't worry, Miss Luna." Cozy said with a sickly sweet smile. "I'm sure this trip is going to fly by. Also, why aren't we flying there?"

"Because I'm not going to fly for three days straight." Luna said as she grabbed a treat from the courtesies cart. "This will get us to a point where it will be five hour trip. So sit still and enjoy a cupcake. It's the last treat you will every get."

"Aww, can't we just talk a bit?" Cozy said with wide eyes. "After all, it's going to be a awfully looong trip to be all quite."

"What can we talk about?" Luna said as she peeled off the paper off her cupcake. "We don't have a lot in common and I doubt we have any interested we shared."

"Ohh I don't know about that." Cozy said with a grin. "I mean, we both tried to beat Twilight and lost."

Luna started coughing hard as she accidentally inhale her cupcake. A couple of the passages looked over in concern. She quickly recover and gave Cozy a death glare.

"I didn't tried to beat Twilight." Luna growled. "Nightmare Moon tried to beat her. That was completely different from what you were doing. Mine was created by the rage and jealousy cause by feelings of neglect. You thought that you could make ponies be your personal army by removing magic in a world that depends on it. What was your plan when neither me nor my sister could do our job!?!"

"We would've been fine." Cozy said with an eye roll. "I read in a book that you two don't actually control the sun and moon. It's just a story to keep us Pegasi down."

"Oh by the stars." Luna moaned. "You believe in conspiracy theories?"

"You mean I believe the truth?" Cozy said with a hit of smugness. "I mean, think about it. How could we be able to live on this planet if we need the sun and moon to be moved by ponies? Did you two just magically came to being just for this?"

"YES!!!" Luna shouted, causing more passengers to look over in concern. "Do you know how draining it is to move a object so large and so far away? And I have to do that plus be the guardian of dreams!"

"Pleease, I'm not a naive foal." Cozy said, seeing an opportunity. "Every pony knows that alicorns can handle that easily. Next, you're going to claim that you were actually sent to the moon."

"OH COME ON!" Luna slammed the table that separated the two, shattering it in half. "Ponies can't be that gullible! I was on the moon for a thousand years!!!"

"With no oxygen. Sounds kinda silly." Cozy said with a small smile. "And how did you survive the radiation that's up there? Was that magic too? And how come the elements didn't turn you to stone like Discord? Sound like to me there are too many holes in the stories."

Luna's face got beat red and her horn was producing a dark green magic.

"I'll show you holes in the story!" Luna roared as she charged up her spell.

"Umm, excuse me." A small voice said from Luna's side. She quickly turn to see a terrified conductor, causing Luna's spell to be dispel.

"What?" Luna growled, trying to calm down. The conductor shifted nervously and pulled his hat off in respect.

"I'm terrible sorry, princess, but several passengers have complain about you yelling and threatening a small foal. I'm going to have to ask you to leave the train." He said, clearly terrified.

"I'm sorry?" Luna said, a little shocked. "I'm need to take a prisoner to Tartartus and due to her actions, the magic is still not working. This is the quickest route at the moment and need to get her there as soon as possible."

"I... I understand, princess." He said with a shaky voice. "But the rules are clear and we can't make exceptions, even for royals."

"And you can't make exception because?" Luna asked, leaning closer to him. He gulped and pointed to the side of the train cart. Luna turn to see a poster of none other then Celestia with a stern look. In bold letter underneath there was: Behave on the train or lose your seat. Enforce by Celestia's Force. Luna took in a deep breath and breath out through her teeth.

"Of course."

"So we have to take some carts." Cozy said, now in a full straight jacket. "Look at the bright side. Now we get to spend more time to become friends."

"We are not going to become friends, Cozy." Luna said, watching as the land pass by as the earth ponies pulled the large cart across the fields. "You tried to remove magic from the world for the dumbest reason ever."

"Hey now." Cozy said with a pout. "Ponies in glass stables shouldn't buck stones. You planned on putting us in enteral darkness. How would we survived without plants that needed sunlight to survived?"

"Okay, you want to play that game?" Luna said with a smirk. "What was your plan?"

"I was going to make friends with all the ponies of earth and air. Thus, I will be so powerful and become the ruler of Equestria." She ended this with a evil cackle.

"And then what?"

"What?" Cozy stop in mid-cackled.

"Then what?" Luna said with a smug smile. "You just took over a country that depended mostly on magic and basically caused one third of it's citizen to not be able to defend themselves. And let's not forget, taken out a third of your military. Also, I heard that you locked the children of several leaders during your take over. So, now you have made all surrounding creatures angry at us after making us weaker. So... what... do... you... do... next?"

There was a paused as the gears turn in Cozy's head as she thought about the question.

"GOLLY DARN IT!!!" Cozy shouted and kick the side of the cart. Luna lean backed as Cozy kept ranting as she realized the folly in her plan. This lasted for about twenty minutes before she tired herself out. Then it took about another twenty minutes before she spoke up again. It was caused by her spotting a crude sign on the side of the road that was printed in bold: F iend s ip Museum

"Oh look, a Friendship Museum." Cozy said with some excitement. "Why don't we take a tiny stop and look at it? Might be fun."

"We are not stopping at some run down shack in the middle of nowhere." Luna said annoyed. "This isn't a field trip. We keep going until..."

A loud crashed cut her off as they suddenly lurch to the left. Luna was able to stand stable but Cozy flopped over with a comedic splat. Luna rushed to the side and poke her head out the window. She groan as she saw one of the cart wheels had snapped completely off and was shatter in pieces. Luna looked over to one of the earth stallions that she hired to drive the cart.

"Please tell me we have a spare." Luna asked, trying not to revealed how frustrated she was feeling.

"Of course, my princess." One of them said with a nod. "Give us twenty minutes and we will be back on the road."

Luna let out a sigh of relief and fell backed into the cart with a huff. She look over to see the pleading eyes of Cozy Glow as she had rolled herself over.

"It sure be a waste to not look at that museum now when we are stuck here for a bit." Cozy said, blinking rapidly. "It could be the fun and teach me the error of my ways."

Luna took a deep breath and breathe through her nose.

"If I take you into there, will you be quiet for at least five hours?" Luna asked. Cozy nodded her head quickly and Luna got back up and started to float the little foal to the small building in the distance. What can go wrong at a museum?

"Fiend Snip. The Conquer of Crystal Palace." An unicorn with their mane completely shaved off said in front of a painting of a stern looking unicorn with snare that stare down at the small group of unicorn with similar looks. Except for Luna, who had used a spell to disguise herself. And thank the stars she did because she could not begin to explain how she got here. She should have realize something was off when they trotting into the museum when all around them was just unicorns with buzz haircuts and marks of King Sombra on their necks. "Let the crystal ponies talk about their "enslavement" and the "Terror of King Sombra". Here at the Fiend Snip's Museum, we talk about the one they don't acknowledge. Wine collector, oil baron, father, and three time winner of snow castle building."

The group slowly move forward but Luna started to pull Cozy back a bit. She looked just as confused about this as Luna was horrified and Luna was getting the feeling that Twilight's School didn't get to the Crystal Wars yet. She was dressed in a clock to hid the shackles but came in handle to hide that she was a Pegasus. They were near the back of the group when they stop again in front of another portrait of the same pony pulling a chariot that hold King Sombra as he pointed a sword forward.

"While being the right hoof pony to King Sombra, his greatest honor was to help drive the king's personal chariot. We actually have the chariot outside of the museum." Luna knew she recognize that cart and cursed herself for not turning around then. She started to lead Cozy out the way they came when a voice called out.

"Leaving already?" The second tour guide asked, causing all of them to look at the two.

"Yes, we are a bit behind on a bit of business." Luna said hurriedly, basically dragging Cozy at this point. "We need to get going now to a unicorn birthday party."

Luna quickly swung the doors open and saw that the earth ponies were still fixing the cart. Luna noticed that a group of strong looking unicorns were glaring at the cart while smoking some clovers. She knew something bad could happen if they didn't get moving now. She could handle herself but if one of the earth ponies got hurt, she would never forgive herself. She rushed over to them, keeping her disguise up.

"How much longer until we can depart?" Luna asked in a hush tone, noticing the buff unicorns were starting to start to approach them.

"We came across a problem." The stallion said as he wipe his brow, not noticing the approaching danger. "It wasn't just the wheel that broke but the entire hub shatter. It's going to take another two hours to replace the parts."

"We don't have the..."

"HEY!" One of the Sombra fans shouted. "WE don't take kindly to some mud ponies showing up to our parts."

"And we are done." Luna said a bit of annoyance and turn dramatically to the unicorns. "Listen, I'm already in a bad mood and the fact that I just found out that unicorns like you exist has filled me with a combination of rage and disappointment that you couldn't possible understand. So, if you do not turn away and continue your completely useless life that are most likely a disappointment to your ancestors, I will be unleashing a fury on all of you that will haunt you until you well into your graves. It that understood?"

The group looked stunned for a second until the biggest one step forward and puff out his chest.

"And what fury is..." He started but in the middle of his threat, Luna dismissed her illusion to reveal herself in all her glory. "that?"

Before any pony could react, Luna shot a blasted of force into his chest. He flew across the parking lot and smashed into the wall of the museum. The other three looked shocked before they turn back to Luna. Two of them let out a growl and with a shout of rage, they fired off several magic bolts at her. But they bounce off harmlessly of her chest, only leaving a few burnt spots on her coat. This didn't stop Luna looking up in rage at the audacity of them.

"BY THE STARS!" She shouted in her Canterlot voice. "ARE YOU OUT OF CELESTIA'S BLESSED MINDS!?!"

The two let out shrike of panic and rushed towards the museum in fear. They were at the front doors when those swing open violently, knocking them out as the tour guide and the group tried to rushed out. Luna turn to the last one of the original buff unicorn and just raised an eye brow. He just bowed and backed away slowly.

"I'm out." He said, throwing away a King Sombra patch. "I'm going to regrow my mane and go back to dentist school." He quickly fled as confusion at the front door was increasing because the two other unicorn were making it impossible for them to get out. Luna turn back to the earth ponies to see them completely stunned with Cozy Glow was wide eye in amazement.

"We need to leave." She told the earth pony stallion. "Now."

"We will need a new cart." He said, shaking out of his stunned state. "Sooo..."

Luna turn around and groan.

"I can't believe you stole Sombra's cart." Cozy said in shocked as they rode away, the stallions running like they were on fire. Cozy was still in a straight jacket but now attach to a moving dolly to prevent her from moving.

"He had it coming." Luna said with a scoff. "Did you know he acted like he was a king but his family was just unicorns that mine rocks? I hate when ponies who hate their lot in life decide to make every pony life a pain."

"Well, that seem ironic." Cozy muttered. "Your plan was going to leave us in eternal darkness because you got moody a thousand years ago."

"How do you know about my plan so well but didn't know about Sombra? He was so much more evil then me!" Luna shouted as the earth ponies stallion pull a hard left.

"Rainbow Dash was our history teacher for a bit. She really only talk about moments where she was awesome." Cozy said defensively.

"And on that point, I regretted my actions and worked to become a better pony." Luna said. "The only reason you are going to Tartartus is because you seem to be ignoring the lesson."

"To be related to Celestia?" Cozy said with a mocking grin. Luna rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"WE don't work like that!" Luna shouted. "WE are not a bunch of rich snobs who just give out favors on a dumb golf course because we can't do anything useful in life!"

Cozy giggled a bit at this last part, causing Luna to grind her teeth in rage.

"What is so funny!?!" Luna growled. Cozy pointed behind Luna, causing her to swirl around to see a bunch of earth ponies in kilts that were running right beside them and had apparently heard Luna's insult about golf because they looked angry. Luna also noticed that they had a flag that said: Annual Equestrian Golf Championship. Luna looked behind to see a whole herd of golf fans behind them. She slink back down and turn to the glaring stallion beside them.

"What are the chances you won't tell the group I just insulted your sport?" Luna asked with a small wince.

"Don't forget she implied that corruption happens there and that you all have useless lives!!!" Cozy shouted with a smile. Luna turn back with such fury, Cozy though she might just toss her out of the chariot. The Scottish stallion gasped in angry and started falling back to the group.

"Why would you say that!?!" Luna screamed.

"Relax." Cozy said with a smug smile. "No pony is going to believe them. And what's the worst they can..."

She was cut off when she felt something smack her in the back of her head.

"OWWWWW!" She yelp before a loud screech of a bag pipe filled the air. Luna turn back to see the herd had turn violent surprisingly fast. Several of them had put on war paint while other were... arming themselves with flaming golf clubs! The one that heard Luna's insult had climb on top of a cart filled with clubs and golf balls. He suddenly lifted a large flag that show two golf clubs cross liked a x that had blood dripping from the blunt ends.

"My fellow golf ponies!" He shouted with a thick accent. "Our honor has been besmirch by a tiny foul and her oddly looking mother who dare pretends to be our beloved princess of the moon! As it is said in the tomes of golf decreed, we must coat our clubs with their BLOOD!" The group let out whoops and cheers as they started aiming at the two.

"Who knew golf was such a violent sport?" Cozy muttered out loud as she tried and failed to rubbed where the golf ball hit. Luna turn back and cast a voice amplifying spell.

"I AM PRINCESS LUNA!" She called back, hoping to talk them down.

"LIES." The leader of this mad herd shouted. "Every pony knows that Luna loves golf because that was the first sport played on the moon."

"Why do you think I hate it." Luna muttered as she turn back around. She lean forward to the stallions that were driving and tapped one on the back. "How much faster can you all go?"

"Don't worry about it, princess." He said with a proud voice. "We are the fastest four stallions across the land. Nothing can stop us."

A loud ping went off and Luna had to duck as several golf balls came raining down on them. One bounce off one of the hoof rest and bounce around the inside until it hit the pin that held the cart with the stallions. It fell off but neither Luna or the drivers notice as they were still able to pull the cart. Luna summon a shield to stop some of the damage when a wide eyed pony jumped onto the back of the chariot. He pulled out a golf club and started swinging wildly.

"It's a good day!" He shouted with a manic laugh. "It's a good day to use a driver!!!"

"No, it's not!" Luna shouted blasting a magic bolt, causing the golf club to go flying into the air. The pony shouted in shock and dived after it like it was his child. He tucked and rolled but it cause some of the golf herd to swerve out of the way . But two other group threw long ropes with golf tees attach at the end of them at the carts. One hit its mark and dug into the metal of chariot. The other one missed wildly, giving Luna a few second to prepared. A couple of ponies started crawling across the rope with golf clubs in their mouths.

"Do you need help?" Cozy Glow asked. "All you need to get me out of this jacket!"

"I got this!" Luna said as she summon a pair of scissor and cut the rope. The three ponies on it cry out as the fell and tumble away. Luna smirked until she heard a loud bang and had to duck as a comically large golf club smash into the back of the chariot, leaving a large dent in the back. She looked at the damage and then looked up to see they were loading more giant golf clubs. "Are you all insane!?! This is Sombra's cart!!!"

They fired another giant club and this one missed but crashed a few feet in front of them. The stallions did a hard right, causing the joint that conneted the car to them to snap. This send the cart flying forward without a driver as the stallions were left running away. Luna was still fighting off the hoard and didn't notice the disaster. But Cozy noticed...

"Luna..." She said as the cart was picking up speed. She realized they were starting to go downhill and she had no way to grab the brakes.

"Quite!" Luna shouted. "They are starting to back off."

"I think I know why!" Cozy shouted backed. Luna turn to see that she was not only missing her drivers but that the cart was picking up speed at alarming speed. She quickly grabbed the brakes and pulled as hard as possible. There was a crunch and she pulled out the handle from the floor.

"Stupid crystal pony engineering!" She shouted as she toss it to the side. "Can this get any worst?"

"How about a cliff?" Cozy answered.

"That would be cliche."

"True, so I guess the brick wall will work." Cozy said a little scared. Luna looked to see they were racing to a brick wall. Luna reacted by jumping out as quickly as possible and crashed onto the ground. She heard a loud crash and turn to see the cart explode into pieces. Cozy Glow, who was still in a straight jacket and tied up in a dolly, got launch into the air. Luna watched as she swore through the air over to the other side off the brick wall. Luna scramble back up and flew up to see that on the side was Appleoosa. She also saw that the dolly was abandon with a straight jacket flapping in the wind.

"Son of Cerberus!" Luna shouted as she landed. She now had to look for the little twerp in this dust bowl. She notice a crowd gathering by a street and head there in hopes that she could see her charge. It didn't take long to see Cozy crossing the street away from the crowd. Luna tried to push through the crowd but they seem determined to keep their spot. She finally got close enough to the street that she was near the front row.

"COZY!" Luna shouted. "Get out of the street and come here right now!"

Cozy turn around and gave a mocking smile as she laid down on the ground.

"Why?" She said started to drawl lazily on the ground. "Surely there is nothing wrong with me just laying here, now is there?"

Before Luna could respond, loud band music started playing. They both turn to see that Cozy had decided to lay down right in front of a marching parade. Cozy started to scramble back up but moved too slowly as the leader step on her either not caring or noticing they were walking on a pony. Luna watched as the parade march on, each member stepping on Cozy. Eventually, She bought a bag of popcorn from a seller and just sat as the parade continue. Cozy, meanwhile, was shouting in pain and trying to get back up. She thought she would able to roll out of the path until she heard loud stomping from the back of the parade. She looked up and saw what was coming with shear terror.

"NOT THE BULLS!!!" She shouted as a line of bulls stomp in time with the music. Each of them were carrying a sign that spelled out a sentence which read: Appleoosa is. Proud to thank. The. Cutie Mark Crusaders. And. All their hard work. Luna watch as the parade finish with a blast of confetti from two party cannons, covering the now injury Cozy in a blanket of scraps of colorful paper. Luna trot over to her while munching on her popcorn and with a simple twirl of her horn, remove the confetti off her.

"Soooo... Are you going to try to run away again?" Luna asked as she toss another piece of popcorn into her mouth.

"no." A small voice moan. Luna nodded and floated the broken Cozy on to her back. Luna looked around to make sure that no other pony was around and quickly looked for a mode of transportation.

"I don't know, Trixie." Starlight commented as they trot away from the parade. "Isn't it weird that they made a parade just because they help one pony with their cutie mark?"

"I guessing these cowponies don't have a lot to do." Trixie said with a shrug before taking a bite out of her cotton candy. "And it was a nice stop before going to my next show in Vanhoofer. We should make sure that we have enough sup..."

Trixie drop her cotton candy in shock when she noticed that her wagon wasn't were she parked it. She rushed over to the spot and started to make small noises of distress as she was seemly trying to bring back her missing wagon. Starlight watch as Trixie ran back and forth until she notice a piece of paper on the ground. She scooped up it up as Trixie seem to be trying to rebuild her wagon out of the dirt.

"Dear Citizen of Equestria," Starlight read out loud from the note "Due to circumcises out of my control, I was force to take your wagon to transport a prisoner to Tartarus. Do not worry, for I shall return it in a day at the most. Peace and Love, Your Princess of Dreams and Moon, Luna."

"LUNA STOLE MY WAGON!?!" Trixie shouted, steam shooting out of her nose.

"Technically, she didn't steal it." Starlight pointed out. "They pass a law twenty years ago that in case of emergency, our wagons can be taken to help with any quest. They installed that after Celestia needed to "borrow" one of the chariots after some pony tried to kidnap a student of her's."

"Well, this is great." Trixie growled, kicking some of the dirt. "How am I supposed to get to my next show?"

"Trot?" Starlight suggested. Trixie sighed and started heading in that direction. Starlight quickly followed behind and started to hum a bit. "🎵One hundred pints of cider on the wall, One hundred pints of cinder!🎵"

Luna hated to use the spell but she needed to get through the night and it was her only choice. So now she was having the wagon dragged by her summon skeleton horse. They didn't need sleep, food, or water but they were a bit unsettling. Since she wasn't at the castle, she couldn't perform her nightly duty of protecting the dreams but she could try to get sleep. She look over to Cozy, who was still a bit injury by the parade, was fast asleep. Luna lean back and after a few moments, fell asleep. But as soon as her eyes were close, Cozy's eyes shot open. She slowly inch away from the sleeping princess and looked inside the wagon they had "acquired".

"There has to be something to get out of here." She muttered. She looked to see a cuff on her front leg with a chain attach to Luna's left hoof. "Let's see. This drawer has playing cards, wands, some trick flowers and a top hat. What loser owns this cart?"

She open another drawer and didn't notice a tiny wire being pulled in the back of it. While she look at the random fake flowers and other props, a small match got lit unnoticed by her. It lit a slow burning wick that was behind the wall and started to slowly crawled to it's final designation. It made a slight hissing but went unnoticed by Cozy as she pull out a saw from another drawer. She started to saw against the chain for it to only break instantly as it was a prop. Cozy growled in frustration and threw it to the side in angry. It hit the opposite wall, seemingly not doing any damage. But she didn't know, nor Luna, that Trixie was extremely paranoid about her wagon being stolen. So she put some precaution in place.

Inside of the wagon's walls were several fireworks, mostly smoke bombs, pounds of black powder and sparklers. Except there was one exception to this, the Big Stable Buster. This one wasn't suppose to alert Trixie to thieves, in fact, it was never supposed to apart the alarm system but for a show she was just going to. But because of Cozy throwing the broken saw, it knocked the secret compartment that held the fireworks. Now, if Trixie was any sort of carpenter, this would not be a problem. She was not. So the hit send the BSB rolling in the walls until it stopped in under the floor boards. As it lay on several smoke sticks, the wick was getting dangerous close to lighting it.

Cozy, at this moment, had found a couple of throwing daggers in a small cupboard. She checked to see they were sharped, which they were, before turning toward the sleeping Luna.

"If I can't break this chain, then I can cut off the other hoof." She mutter before raising the dagger in the air. She gave a manic grin as she stabbed forward and almost giggle in glee when the knife hit the mark. That grin quickly fade when she notice the dagger shatter instantly. "How? How is this even possible?"

She looked for another blade that could properly stab Luna, the wick finally hit it's mark. Several smoke bombs went off as flares shoot into the air. Luna shoot up in shock, causing Cozy to be jerk backwards to the front.

"What did you do!?!" Luna demanded.

"I didn't do any...!" Cozy started before a loud screech cut her off as the BSB was lit. In a strange twist of fate, it landed in a way that it was stuck and pointing forward. When it fired, it basically acted as a rocket booster for the wagon. The two were throw into the wagon by the force of it's suddenly blasted forward. The four skeleton horses were not so lucky, as the wagon basically smash them into bits instantly. The skulls flew backwards and started raining onto of the two.

"Sadie!" Luna cried out as the first skull landed on her, as she was pin to the back wall due to the force of the rocket. A second skull bounce in front of her, followed by a third skull. "Howard! Captain Shakes!"

"You named the skeletons that were driving the cart!?!" Cozy shouted over the roar of the rocket.

"Every good summoner names their creation!" Luna shouted before the fourth skull landed on top of her. She picked it up and her eyes widen. "CELESTIA JR! NOOOOOOO!!!"

"WE ARE GOING TO DIE!" Cozy shouted, trying to move and failing horrible. "AND YOU ARE CRYING ABOUT SKELETONS!?!"

"THEY HAD DREAMS!!!" Luna snapped back. "AND I"M PERFECTLY FINE! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KEEP YOUR HOOVES TO YOURSELF!!!"

"HOW WAS SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE IDIOT WHO BUILT THIS ADDED A ROCKET!?!" Cozy shot back as the wagon started shaking violently. "AND IF I DIE, CELESTIA IS GOING TO BE MAD!!!"

Luna grit her teeth in frustration and looked for a way to stop the rocket. She started the long processes of crawling back to the front as she was still having to fight the force. She manage to get to the driver seat in time to see stone wall closing in on them.

"Why are there so many walls out here!?!" Luna growled to herself. She charged a basic blast spell and destroy the wall in a flash. Only to see another wall, made of brick, almost right behind it. Luna quickly blasted a hole into that one to see one made of steel right behind that one. This lead Luna to rapid fire her pulse spell to keep them from smashing in these multiple walls. "What is going on here?"

Inside

"And that the last wall, Sir Calvary." A construction earth pony said as he smooth out the marble. "I don't understand why you to wanted a ten layer of walls surrounding your house."

"It's a long story." Heavy Calvary, a famous actor who was between roles at the moment, said with a sigh. " Basically every since I left the monster hunting performance, I've been hounded by this crazed pony who is convenience I can help their business. They want me to help them sell picture of earth ponies. It make's no senses but nothing seems to stop them. But this should keep any unwanted visitors for at least a..."

A loud bang filled the area as the marble wall a few yards away exploded and a wagon shot past the two with the sound of screaming ponies before a beam cut into another wall on the other side. The wagon disappeared with a flash, leaving a burn hole behind. There was a moment of silent as the two looked in shocked at the destruction left behind. It was broken when Bon Bon poked her head into the burn hole.

"Mr. Calvary, so good to see you." She said as she walked in, ignoring the destruction around her. "Now, if you would just allow me to explain why you will be the perfect spoke horse for Earth Pony pic."

"How do you keep finding me!?!" Calvary shouted.

Back at the wagon

The wagon was rocketed out of the wall and back onto the desert floor. Luna looked down under the wagon and saw that it was a BSB rocket underneath.

"What was this pony thinking!?!" Luna shouted as she saw it was going to explode in about ten seconds. Luna pulled the chain that attach her to Cozy and jumped out of the wagon. She open her wings to glide them slowly to the ground and watch the wagon speed down the desert. Cozy dusted off some sand and watch the wagon becoming a dot in the distance.

"You think we are at a safe distance?" Cozy asked.

"It just a firework. How powerful can it be?" Luna said with a shrugged.

"Yeah but there was some awful big bags of something called black powder?" Cozy asked innocently. "That's not going to do anything?"

"Nah, it will ... wait, did you say black powder?" Luna asked with concern. Before Cozy could respond, a bright flash blinded them for a second, followed by a deafening boom. When their eyesight return, they saw a large fire ball in the distance with the words: "TRIXIE RULES" over it. Luna just sat down on the desert floor and groan in defeat.

"WHY!?!" Luna shouted. "Why is this so difficult? All I want to do is get rid of one annoying foal!!! Why couldn't I just teleport you to Tartarus!?! Why didn't I choose head!?!"

Cozy watch as Luna continue to rant and thought she might tried to sneak away but Luna started storming away, dragging her along, preventing her from trying to get the chain off.

A few mile away

"89 bottle of cider on the wall, 89 bottle of cider!" Starlight sang, much to Trixie annoyance.

"Why couldn't we teleport again?" She asked, hoping to stop the song.

"Teleport spells aren't working properly right now." Starlight said. "So, until it dose, it's physical trotting." A flash of light in the distance caught their eyes. "What was that?"

"Just some backwoods ponies blowing up some trash." Trixie muttered, not really caring. Starlight looked closer when she noticed some words.

"It said, "Trixie Rules."

Trixie panic and started running toward the explosion, screaming about her wagon. Starlight sighed and started to follow while resuming the song.

As the sun slowly rise in the east, it's first rays hit Luna as she dragged Cozy across the desert as she was still ranting about the situation.

"I could be asleep right now, after enjoying a nice breakfast. But noooo... you had get idea to take away magic, acting all big and important. Now I have to drag your flank across this desert because you mess up the magic. I would like to fly there but I have to have the idea to make it easier and now I'm too worn out to fly. AND WHY ISN'T THERE ANY TOWNS NEAR BY!?!" Luna shouted before in rage, shot a blot of magic at a cactus. It shot into the air and flew over the horizon. She cried out to the air before kicking at the sand. "I could of have been at a massage!"

"You know, if you just let me go, you could just head home." Cozy said, allowing herself to just be dragged. "Who would ever know?"

"Celestia would know." Luna muttered as she trudge forward. "And why would you want me to let you go here? You would die out."

"Not if I make friends with some pony here." Cozy said with a smirk.

"WHAT PONY?" Luna shouted, pointing around. "This is a desert. No pony lives in the desert because nothing grows here. So, who are you going to make friends with?"

"How about them?" Cozy pointed behind Luna. She looked around and saw a couple of figures, dress in some sand camouflage, slowly approaching the two. Luna sighed and cracked her neck.

"Alright, listen to me citizens." Luna said. "I am neither in the mood or have the patient to be challenge. So take me to your village leader or..." A loud poof filled the air and a tiny pin poke out of Luna's chest. She plucked it out and looked at it with annoyed face. "Did you just try to poison me? It's going to take more then one dart to..."

The air suddenly filled with multiple poofs as a swarm of darts hit Luna, covering her. Luna sighed and started to pick them out one at a time.

"My hide is too thick to be pierce by simple weapons." She said as she continue to take out the darts. "You are going to need something else to..."

There was a loud ping and Luna looked up just in time for a large sheep to come flying out of no where and bounce off her head. Luna's eyes went wide for a bit and she started to sway a bit.

"How did you knooooooooow?" she asked before falling forward, asleep. Cozy looked over in shocked.

"That's it!?!" She shouted as she poked the unconscious Luna. "She can be taken out by sheep!?! I can't believe..."

She stopped short when she heard a poof and something stung her on her neck. She looked down to see a dart sticking out of her.

"Oh come oooonnnnnnnn."

The first thing Cozy saw when she woke up was a large fire pit that was upside down. It took Cozy a moment to realize she was the one upside down, hog tied and hanging on a stick. She looked to the left and saw that Luna was in a similar situation. Similar as she was tied up but not swinging like Cozy as she was too heavy and the stick was almost breaking as it was bending to the point that Luna was on the ground. Cozy started to struggle against her binds but there was no give.

"I wouldn't bother." Luna said, almost bored. "These are expert hunters and they know how to tie their prey."

"Can't you get us out of here?" Cozy said, a little panic seeping into her voice.

"Oh, easily." Luna responded, watching a group of them tend to the fire. "But I kind of want to see what they are planning to do next."

"They are going to eat us!!!" Cozy hissed as she kept twirling in the air. "They are going to barbecue us!"

"Oh please," Luna said, her eyes could be heard rolling. "Pegasus taste terrible barbecue. They go great with a side of lemon." Cozy looked horrified at Luna 's response. "Besides, you are clearly the dessert. If they can somehow eat me, then they deserve to win."

"Or I could be the appetizer!" Cozy shot back, swinging harder. "They will put me on a stick and cook me like I'm some kind of chicken!"

Before Luna could respond, their captives approached them with long spear. They poked at them a couple time before removing their hoods and revealing it was earth ponies, all looking haunted and hungry.

"I told you all the world would provide." A voice cried from the the back of the group. They turn back to see a pony with torn clothes who clearly the leader. "We were given the darts and one sheep. Instead of eating the sheep, it gave us a meal that will last for days. It also gave us a new pony to join our ways."

"Yes!!! Take that, Luna. I'm free!" Cozy cheered.

"To be our enteral servant!" He finish with a cheer.

"I take it back. Luna, get me out of here!" Cozy started to struggle again. But at this point, the group had picked up Luna and started dragging her to the fire. They lifted her onto a large table and drop her with a thud. The leader grabbed a crooked dagger and raised it into the air. The group started chanted in a weird language as the leader started to go into a monologue.

"By this sacred blade, I shall bring flesh to my followers. We don't worship the moon or sun but the blood that flows. We don't toll for our bread but we take from our enemy their lives to fuel our breath." The leader chanted as the voices rose in volume. "We our the next moment in history, the beginning of a new age. We will not be bound to the earth, the sky or it's magic. We will be shed our weakness as we shed our prey flesh. As I drain the blood from this false deity, I shall begin our evolution!!!"

He grabbed Luna by her horn, who looked bored the entire speech, and put the blade to her neck. With a crazed look, he pulled the blade across her throat in a quick action, waiting for the blood to spill. Nothing happen. The entire group stop chatting and looked expecting at the leader. He made a little chuckle and put the blade to her neck again.

"Our evolution!" He shouted again. He tried again to cut her throat but didn't cause any damage. He started sawing against the neck rapidly.

"It's not a sawing blade!" A voice called from the back. "Try poking her in the eye!"

"We can't begin our revolution with an eye poking."

Another one called out. "Have you sharpen it recently!?!"

"Yes, I sharpen it!" The leader shouted. "I don't get it! We have the knife, the fire, and the virgin all in one place. This should work! Unless..."

The entire group looked at Luna, who finally stop looking bored but now looked enraged.

"What, in the name of the moon, made you think I was a virgin?" Luna said, a slow growl in the back of her throat. The group started to back away but the leader, either misreading or being purposeful stupid, was still standing there.

"The whole story is you were jealous of the attention of your sister." The leader said, not noticing the hum of energy building. "All history ponies knows this is code that you didn't get..."

He didn't finish as he felt something grabbed his tongue and lifted him into the air. He started screaming as Luna removed her bonds and was pulling him higher into the air with her magic. Her eyes were burning coal and her voice seem to boom across the area.

"I was trapped on the moon for a thousand years, battling a demon that had twisted my emotion into a monster and you think I betrayed my sister, my citizens! Because I didn't get laid!?!" He made a whimper noise that sounded like a yes and Luna had a moment of complete silent. She dropped the cult leader and at first, Cozy thought she was going to be calm again. Then she heard Luna started to giggle. It wasn't long before it broke into a full on laughing, almost manic laughter. The cult leader had moved back to his herd and they were all starting to move back slowly.

"Ah, Dawner. Quick question." One of the members asked the leader as they backed away. "Who told you the story about that knife?"

"It was those two nice sale ponies with the stripe vest." Dawner said in defense. "They sang a song and everything!!!"

"We came out to the desert to starved to death because a couple of con ponies sang you a song!?!" One of the members shouted out. "WE HAVE BEEN EATING CACTUS FOR A WEEK!"

"Oh, don't worry." Luna chucked as she had stop laughing and was approaching the group. "You're not going to starve to death now."

"Dawner, where the sheep!?!" A member shouted. "It knocked her out before!"

A member raced to a small pen and pulled out the small sheep, that looked confuse and scared. He lifted it over his head and shot putted the sheep at Luna. It let out a baa the entire time as it flew towards her until Luna caught it with her magic. She set in on the ground and it bounce away from the scene as quickly as possible.

"Come back, you coward!" Dawner shouted as it disappeared over a sand dune.

"Do you know why the sheep worked?" Luna asked as her eyes turn into burning blue lights. The group shook their heads in union. "When I was imprison on the moon, a sheep shepherd fell in love with me from afar. Nightmare Moon was going to make him commit crimes in my name and in order to protect them, Celestia cast a spell that if either of us saw each other, we fell asleep. Unfortunately, it seem to affect me still. So, thank you for reminding me to get that fix. Now, who wants to experience the worst nightmares I can think of?"

The entire group turn to Dawner and in a mad scene of betray, threw him in front of Luna. He looked up at Luna and seem to shrink in front of her. Luna lean forward and seem to almost look demonic as a grin filled with sharp teeth grew on her face. He threw the dagger at her and watch as it shattered into pieces before it got close to Luna 's hide. He made a whimpering noise and tried to crawl away. He is blocked by his ex followers and looked to see Luna approaching, starting panicking. Luna started to summon a spell, dark and green magic glowing brightly, and lift her head as she was about to cast her spell.

"Hey dudes!" A voice called out from behind every pony. They all turn to see an earth pony with a bleach blonde mane and tan fur, coming from the sand dune the sheep leaped over. "Did any pony lose, like, a sheep or something? We're cool about support pets here in the resort but you need to keep it on the leash."

"A....resort?" Cozy asked as she twirl around from her rope.

"Yeah, we been here for at least five months." The pony said with nod. "It's right over here."

The enter ex cult except their leader race over to the top of the dune to see a large resort, with a huge pool and a giant restaurant, just past the sand dune. The name: The Hills Have Waves Water Resort was on a sigh with flashing neon. They all stood there, mouths agape, as they watch a couple of fouls treading water in the little wave pool. The sheep was asleep on a floating pool couch with a cocktail. They slowly turn to the ex leader, who seem to just noticed the crowd had left, still looking shocked. Luna seem to had stop functioning, either because her spell was taking too much energy or the the shock of discovery. Dawner took his chance and raced to the top of the dune to escape her wrath. This shook her out of her stunned state, causing her spell to be dismissed.

"Hey, can I get cut down?" Cozy asked. Luna simply slash the rope, dropping Cozy unceremoniously. She hit the sand and after wiggling a bit, got out of the ropes. She thought for a second to run but seeing how Luna almost destroy the mind of one pony, decided to not push it at the moment. She trot over to Luna, who had moved to top of the dune. The rest of the ponies had raced to the resort to eat food and possible forget they almost committed cannibalize. She looked over to Luna, who seem to be a bit stoic. "Soooo, are you going to haunt that pony's dreams or something?"

"Don't need to." Luna said with little emotion. "He is going to fear going to sleep from just seeming me at half my power."

"That was half!?!" Cozy asked shocked. Luna just shrugged and sighed.

"I still don't know why you don't seek forgiveness." Luna said. "How can one want to be a villain? To have ponies make stories about you and treat you with distaste."

"Being a little dramatic, are we?" Cozy said, rolling her eyes. "Why would I care what they think? To become one of the most powerful ponies, I had to accept that some were going be upset or not accept my rule. I was going to bring peace at some point, so those who resist would eventual bow to my vision. My rule."

"Your dream." Luna finished. "It's funny, Cozy. I once thought the same way. Sure some ponies would hate my rule but they would grow to love the moonlight. It was my greatest vision, to make them love me and follow me. That's the funny thing about dreams. Ponies think that if they got there dream to come true, every other pony would be happy and at peace. But our dreams are not their dreams. When I came back as the protector of dreams, I realize my greatest failing wasn't that I fought my sister or tried to keep the moon in the sky. It was denying the dreams of other ponies."

"It's the true crime that any enemy of Equestria. From Queen Chrysalis using her changelings to fed on our love, Terak stealing our magic, to you trying to remove magic all together. All of it deny the dreams and hopes of other ponies. You can pursuit your dreams, but not at the cost of others. When you realize this, you can reach forgiveness and be release from Tartarus."

There was a pause as Cozy seem to absorb the information. After a few minutes, she looked at Luna and started to smile.

"You think that's the lesson?" Cozy said. "What I learn is that Twilight and all her friends are the problem because you all seem to missing what is in front of you. You want to protect ponies dreams? Why? What dreams can they have that is anything of importance? So many waste their power and talent because they don't realize that they could take what they want. Magic is a weakness and friends are only useful to reach your true goal. You think I'm going to reform because of that speech? No. I'm going to make friends with ponies or other that agree that Twilight and ponies like you are the true weakness to this world. You could of been a Queen but instead you will be defeated. And I will be smiling over you."

Luna chuckled as she summon a chain and wrapped it around Cozy before she could move.

"If you knew how many ponies, monsters and demons have made that same promised; you would know how hollow they were." Luna said as she threw Cozy on her back. She then started trotting away from the resort, whistling a small tune about an unnamed pony.

The doors to Tartarus always gave Luna the creeps but today, it was a sight for sore eyes. She almost broke down when she saw the black slabs reaching up into sky. When they swung open, Luna almost ignore the sulfur smell that this place reek of. As she past the cages for the creatures and headed to Tirek's cage, she started to have second thoughts. She was about to lock a foal inside a cage for the foreseeable future. Should they think someway to reform some pony so young?

"Hey, what did that pony mean by saying you were a virgin?" Cozy asked. Luna quickly threw her into the cage and threw a lock on it.

"Food comes every day, pick a corner to be your restroom, byyyyyye!" Luna shouted as she shot out of there like she was on fire. A sonic boom shook the area as she seem to shot across the sky. She was going so fast, that as soon as she hit the desert, the force of wind was causing a dust storm behind her.

(Meanwhile)

"Brother, I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are a genus!" Flim said as the two sat back in first class seat on a blimp taking them to tropical island. "Telling that group of ponies that the butter knife we found was a ancient blade that would give them the power of whatever creature they eat. Pure genus!"

"And all it cost them was all their gold and five sheep." Flam said, raising a glass to toast. "We paint those sheep with gold paint and those island pony will think we got magic sheep."

The two laugh until the the blip lunge a bit, causing them to almost spill their drinks.

"Apologies, passengers." A voice said over the P.A. "A dust storm has suddenly appeared and will be forcing us to make a small stop at The Hill's Have Waves Resort."

"Huh." Flam said as he sip of his drink. "Haven't we heard about this resort before?"

"You know, your right. We stop there after we..."

They both shot out of their chairs as the memory hit them like a ton of bricks.

"OH NO!" They both shouted at the same time.

Outside the blimp, a crowd of very angry ponies holding pool skimmers and pool noodles watch as the blimp started to land.

Luna landed in Cantorlot with a screech and looked around to see it was about noon. She sighed and started to heading to her room for a much needed nap. But as she reach her room, the doors burst open and Celestia came barreling out.

"What did you do!?!" Celestia asked in a panic. "I've got a reports from the train station, the earth pony carriage travel taxi and a golf society. Did you steal a cart!?!"

Luna sighed and move past Celestia before grabbing the door.

"Next time, I'm choosing heads." Luna said before slamming the door shut.