Mayonnaise: Its Causes and Effects
Princess Luna snorted softly as she looked around the kitchen. There were no cooks around, and the princess of the night was hungry after a long night. She prowled around, eventually sneaking into the cooler to look for something.
Luna's eyes lit up as she saw a large, white bucket, sitting on a low shelf. She noted its weight as she magicked it off the shelf, pulling the lid off with some difficulty.
Inside was a thick, white substance. Luna sniffed it, but it didn't have a strong smell. She thought for a long moment, before dipping one of her hooves in it, licking the residue that stuck to her. Luna's pupils contracted slightly, and she quickly licked her hoof clean. The sauce was thick and rich, but tangy as well.
"This will do," Luna thought to herself, "This will do nicely."
She leaned down, stretching her tongue, and lapping up a large mouthful. She felt the sauce melt in her mouth. It coated her mouth with a soft, oily feeling, and that sensation spread to her throat as she swallowed. She coughed slightly, getting used to the feeling. She licked the bits of sauce that had stuck to her lips, as she sat down before the bucket.
Luna began taking large bites of the viscous sauce, feeling the thick mass slide into her belly. The sensation of hunger being quenched was a carnal pleasure like no other.
She briefly looked up, darting her eyes around as she thought she heard the sound of footsteps outside the cooler. Once she was confident she was alone, she looked back to her inanimate prey.
The princess lifted the bucket slightly with her magic, continuing to lick at and slurp down the sauce with reckless abandon. She felt a small pang of pain from her stomach; it was full. Luna didn't care; she was enraptured with the sauce, lost in it, even. She took larger bites, as if spiting her body's feeble attempts to discourage her from finishing her meal. The sauce now coated her snout, she had to huff to blow it out of her nose.
After some more large, scooping bites, Luna sat back, panting heavily. She had forgotten to breathe. That wasn't good. She needed to breathe so she could eat more.
Luna's stomach gurgled softly, and she glared at it discontentedly, "We are feeding. Be quiet," She hissed, as if she were scolding a child.
Her grin returned as she looked back to the bucket, which was already a quarter eaten. She licked her snout so it was clean…ish, and tipped the bucket up some, beginning to lap at the sauce that slowly oozed towards her hungering maw.
She closed her eyes, and ate more. Her stomach bulged from her midsection; she paid it no mind. Her body worked to try and store all the rich, fatty sauce somewhere, but she was eating faster than it could work.
When Luna next opened her eyes, the bucket was just over half-full. Her stomach, however, whined and groaned in distress. Admittedly, Luna was starting to feel full; maybe she should stop.
She then realized that she needed to finish the bucket. How else would she hide the evidence?
Luna looked at the tasty treat before her. What had once been a simple, hunger-induced panic meal had become a monumental task, rivaling that of her most challenging royal duties. She scowled slightly, "It will not beat me," She thought to herself, lifting the bucket again, now using her magic to funnel a steady flow of the sauce into her mouth.
Her stomach disapproved of this action; it cramped, causing Luna to gag and whimper. She gently rubbed her stomach, groaning softly in relief as it slowly relaxed, once again accepting the meal.
Luna eventually had to take another breath, looking at the bucket. Just a quarter or so left. Her emotions had shifted again; she almost felt bad for eating it so fast. It was quite tasty, and filled her just so; was it wrong to try and rush through such a task? It wasn't the sauce's fault it had become the target of an ill-advised, hungry rampage.
Luna's eyes struggled to stay open. She had heard tales of ponies falling asleep after heavy meals; she thought herself, the princess of the moon and dreams, immune to this sensation. She was very, very wrong.
Luna sighed softly. "I'm sorry, little one," She whispered to the bucket of sauce, tipping it back up, using her magic to desperately scoop the last of the mayonnaise into her gullet.
Luna gagged again. It was as if her whole body was crying, "That's enough! It was enough twelve gulps ago!"
But Luna couldn't stop. The bucket was almost finished. She shoveled the last of the thick sauce into her mouth, and whined softly in satisfaction as her horn fizzled out, dropping the now scraped-clean bucket on the cooler floor. Luna collapsed to the ground, whining as her poor, overfilled belly was pressed against the cold metal floor. Some drops of sauce that had fallen on her chest during her feeding were pressed into smears as she rolled onto her side, all of her guts churning and growling in unison.
"Okay," Luna figured silently, "Maybe I… Overdid it a bit."
Her eyes tried to close. Luna fought them back. She needed to dispose of the bucket, and get back to her room.
Slowly, and with the strength of a crippled foal, she rolled onto her aching stomach, and managed to bring herself to her feet. She felt heavy. It was exhausting.
She lifted the bucket with her magic once again, creeping forth from the cooler and closing the door behind her. Her eyes found their way to the clock… It had taken her nearly an hour to eat the bucket's contents. An hour of blissful, blissful gluttony; a sin to surpass the jealousy that had her banished to the moon aeons ago. She put the bucket in a large trash can, murmuring a soft, "Thank you," as she slowly slunk through the kitchen, groaning gently with every step.
Luna crept forth through the castle, ignoring the concerned looks of the guards. Her head hung low; she had no energy to hold it up. She figured she looked like a hungry creature, stalking its next meal; perhaps ironic, considering the truth.
Finally, she made it to her room. She'd close the door, locking it tightly, and crept to her bed. She whined softly. It was a cruel pain; it had felt so good while she was eating, even when her stomach began to wretch and gag. Now, the rich, tangy flavour had melted from her mouth, there was only a cruel, phlegmy, achy feeling, as if she were sick. She slowly drew back the blankets, and settled in, tucking the covers over her. The softness was some comfort on her wailing guts, but the bloat still hurt her so. Her eyes closed; they refused to open again, sealed shut by fatigue. Every bit of energy in her body had gone to digesting the onslaught of salt and fat inside of it.
Luna whimpered in her sleep. She was too tired to move, to think, and even to rest soundly. Her energy all went to her stomach, which worked overtime.
"...Luna…" Called a soft voice, "...Luna, are you okay?"
Luna groaned as she stirred awake. She looked around, and regretted doing so immediately. She felt a headache come on, and she whined. She felt like she'd slept for all of 15 minutes; not the hours needed to rest her poor, aching body.
As Luna's eyes slowly focused, she saw her elder sister come into view, and winced. Luna knew her sister well; this was the kind of thing either of them would wave over the other's head for a thousand years, if not longer!
"...Good morning, sister," Luna grunts, shuffling under the covers. Her stomach wobbled, groaning and gurgling discontentedly. Luna winced.
"Are you feeling okay? You've slept in 2 hours past dinner; it's unlike you to be late," Celestia says, her voice warm, but laced with concern.
"I am fine, sister; more than fine. The finest, in fact," Luna attempted to retort, pushing herself up, only to find the weight of 10 gallons of tangy, fatty sauce pulling her right back down. Her stomach wailed in displeasure, and she grimaced at the sudden, cramping feeling, as she used her magic to suppress the sauce trying to fight its way back up her throat.
Celestia gently brushed a hand over Luna's forehead, pulling it back and making a soft, disgusted noise, "Oh, Luna, you're sweating like a bear in a heat wave!" She exclaims.
Luna looked down at her pillow. Wetness had crept across its surface, darkening where her head had lain. "Ah… So I am," She said, only half-conscious. Her body wanted nothing more than further rest; more time to deal with the mess she had gotten it into.
"Luna, please, if you are feeling unwell, tell me. You are of utmost importance to Equestria; if something were to happen to you, I-" Celestia begins.
"Sister. I am just tired. It was a long night last night," Luna interrupts, "Please, let me sleep," She said, waving her sister away with a shaky hoof.
Celestia sighed softly at her younger sister's stubbornness, but stroked her mane gently. "Well… Alright, get some rest. Please, tell someone if something is wrong," She expresses gently.
Luna simply nodded slowly, her eyes closing again as her guts gurgle.
Celestia slowly walked away. She thought she heard something as she left, but decided not to press her sister further.
Luna whimpered softly, giving her belly a gentle rub. "We need to co-operate; we can't have sister finding us out," She whispers to it, "So you need to be quiet!"
Her stomach gurgled and cramped slightly.
Luna winced. "I… I understand," She chokes, once again forcibly gulping a gush of her stomach contents back down.
She nuzzled back into her pillow, trying to calm herself down.
Luna quickly fell back to sleep. Once again, she had no dreams; all of her energy went to her overfilled guts, which were finally getting a handle on the situation.
When Luna awoke, her belly gurgled at her, but not as loudly as it had beforehand. She didn't feel as full; still horribly bloated, but at least it wasn't threatening to spill out of her anymore. Luna slowly rolled onto her stomach. She grimaced a bit, but stood up slowly. Her belly sagged as she lifted up, nearly taking her back with her. This was thoroughly unflattering. She was just glad that no one was here to see her bloated like a-
"Your highness?" A guard said meekly from behind her, "Night court begins in an hour."
Luna slowly turned to face the guard. "V-..." She nearly threw up as she tried to speak, gulping loudly for good measure, "Very well. I will - urgh - need a bath before I arrive. Apologize for me if I am late," She says, toddling over to her bathroom.
The guard nodded, tearing their eyes away from the overencumbered princess to report to the court.
Luna turned on her bath, and looked at herself in the mirror. She had gained a noticeable amount of weight across most of her body, but her poor stomach bore the brunt of her gluttonous escapades from the night prior.
Luna turned on the bath, sighing softly as she watched the tub fill up.
Once it was full, she attempted to fly into the bathtub. It didn't go very well. Her wings flapped, and force was generated, but all she did was help her back straighten.
She sighed, getting a stool and climbing into the bathtub. The hot water felt good. She settled in, and let her eyes close as she laid her head on the lip of the tub, sighing gently in content. The heat helped; the gentle pressure of the water relaxed her stomach muscles some. It was even more comfortable than her bed. Luna yawned.
"Does that feel better…?" Luna asked her stomach. She smiled a bit as she heard no gurgling in reply.
"That's right… I still know how to take care of you," She affirms, sighing softly in content.
The long, hot bath made her feel better. She'd manage to crawl out of the tub sometime later, huffing gently. She slowly toweled herself off, taking care not to aggravate her finally somewhat settled stomach.
Luna would then waddle to night court, sighing gently as she did so. Maybe her stomach would finally leave her be.
Night court started fine. Everything seemed alright.
Then, her stomach decided it had had enough of being quiet. Luna felt her stomach begin to churn again.
She looked at the clock. Another hour, at least. She wasn't going to make it.
Luna lurched upwards, and darted to the door. Half the court gasped in shock. Luna slammed the bathroom door shut and locked it as much as she could. She wheezed and panted, tearing up from the stomach cramps spurred by her sudden mad dash. She crawled to the toilet, and hoped it would all be over soon.
Luna felt much better afterwards. In fact, she was actually starting to get hungry again.
She crawled back to the night court, thankful it was still in session. She retook her seat, ignoring the looks she was getting.
After a long session of night court, a now hungry Luna looked towards the kitchen. Her mouth watered and she licked her lips. She crept to the kitchen, making sure no one was around, before she looked at the cooler with excited eyes.
Author's Note
The mayo bucket pissed me off at work today, inspiration struck, and I wrote this. I really love random/crackfics.
