1. No *WHAT* November?

“Cheese, I’m worried about Cheese,” Pinkie Pie stated sadly. She stood upon a ladder and picked down the streamers from last night’s Nightmare Night party, as her faithful (and sometimes excitingly unfaithful!) husband swept the floor beneath her. “He’s been 18 for a whole week, and he’s never even been on a date! Last night I kept encouraging him to talk to that nice mare, Orchard Blossom, but he wouldn’t budge!”

Cheese Sandwich rolled his eyes as he pushed the broom forward with his mouth, cleaning up cupcake crumbs and condom wrappers. “Pinkie, Orchard Blossom is Big Mac’s drag persona. He’s our age, and he’s married.”

“Huh?” Pinkie blushed as she thought back to what she’d done with “Orchard Blossom” the previous night. “Ooops! Wow, I thought her pussy tasted weird. It would be a cool ship name, though... Mac and Cheese!”

“Don’t rush him, please,” Cheese Sandwich urged his wife. “Lil’ Cheese has grown up into a fine stallion, and he’ll make somepony very happy one day. He’s just a bit shy. You were shy, once.”

“Yeah, when I was a little filly!” Pinkie stomped her hoof at the top of her ladder, which creaked and swayed beneath her large and ever jiggling plot. “I lost my virginity ten minutes after midnight on my 18th birthday!” Despite the night of utter costumed depravity she’d just been through, the heavyset earth pony let out a loud wink at the thought of her even wilder younger days. “It’s been a week, and Lil’ Cheese hasn’t even been part of a bukkake yet! Our son is way behind!”

Cheese Sandwich set down his broom, lovingly pressed his tongue into his wife’s bare and quivering pussy and began to tenderly eat her out as she stood on the shaking ladder. “Pinkie, give him time,” he urged between licks. “Let him find the right mare or stallion for him. I was a virgin when I met you, and I wouldn’t have wanted anything else.”

“Huh? A virgin?” Pinkie’s cunt seized around her husband’s talented tongue, bringing back the memory of the day they’d first met. Her two sore and gaping lower holes, her throat clogged with yummy Cheese-y semen, that perfect dick dominating every one of her senses... “You sure didn’t fuck like a virgin!”

“You hatefucked me because you thought I was stealing your business, remember?”

“Oh yeah, I did most of the actual fucking!” Pinkie put a thoughtful hoof to her chin as she casually squirted marecum all over her husband’s muzzle. “Say, honey bun, do you remember when Princess Cadance visited us in the hospital, the day Lil’ Cheese was born?”

Cheese Sandwich licked up the juices of his wife’s quicky orgasm and hugged her around her voluptuous plot. “Of course, Pinkie. That was the happiest day of my life — even more wonderful than our wedding day, or the time we had a threeway with Princess Twilight.”

“Those were the same day, silly! Geeze, who knew Twilight took prima nocta so seriously?” Pinkie frowned as she remembered Equestria’s ruler crying out with pleasure as Cheese Sandwich mounted her. She didn’t mind sharing her cutie stud with her bestest friend, but couldn’t it have waited until after the ceremony? Even her parents were cheering him on! So embarrassing!

“Anyways,” Pinkie continued, stepping down from the ladder, “just after Lil’ Cheese popped out of Mama Pinkie’s foal funnel, Cadance gave me a magical jewel that would protect him and keep him safe. All these years, I’ve locked it away in my pastry safe, next to my top secret cupcake recipe.”

“You mean the recipe you have a whole song about, which you sing constantly?” Cheese Sandwich muttered.

“B-but I’m not sure if I did the right thing, keeping it locked up for so long.” Pinkie began to sniffle. “I only wanted to protect the innocence of our precious foal, but, now that he’s grown up... m-maybe it’s too good at protecting his innocence! Maybe that’s why he’s not a stud like his daddy! Maybe it’s my fault!”

Cheese Sandwich hugged Pinkie, from the front this time, allowing his sensitive wife’s tears to fall on his comforting wither. “There there, Pinkie, there’s no need to cry. Go get the jewel out of your safe. We’ll go back to Cadance and see if she can adjust the magic.” The no longer youthful, yet still handsome stallion smiled proudly at the thought of his grown up son. “We still want to protect Lil’ Cheese from foalnappers and evil changelings and all that... but protecting him from sex? Not so much!”

“Oh, Cheese, you know just what to say... and where to lick...” Pinkie shoved her well endowed plot in her husband’s face again, hoping he would take the hint. Her cunny had just enjoyed a splenderifous orgasm under Cheese’s tongue, but a girl’s butt hole needed love, too!

“Sorry, Pinkie, I’d love to munch that ponut, but I have to head out,” Cheese Sandwich stated reluctantly. “Filthy Rich and Spoiled Milk’s divorceaversary party is today.” Cheese shook his head as he visualized the lavish orgy ahead of him. “Ever since they split up, they just can’t keep their hooves off each other...”

“Maybe we should get divorced, just so we can get married again!” Pinkie cheered. “Then we can have a divorceaversay party every year, and two anniversary parties!”

Cheese smiled even as he shook his head. “Never, Pinkie. Every day with you is a party. I wouldn’t want our marriage to end, even for a moment.”

“Aww, you’re sweet! I’ve got a fun idea — let’s bang!” Pinkie presented her ever ready and winking rear holes yet again to her husband.

Cheese bit his lip, so sorely tempted to throw away all of his plans and boink his wife all day long... “I’m afraid I really must go, honey bun,” he stated reluctantly. “Will you be OK without me? It’s the start of November, after all.”

“I’m fine, baby, duh!” What was up with Cheese? November was her 9th favourite month! “You can plow me when you get back! Have a blast at the party!”

“I’m hosting the party, Pinkie, I’m not a guest.”

“Yeah, I know! Have fun!”

As she waved goodbye to her one and only sweetheart, Pinkie gulped down a mouthful of cum from the Chalice of Life, a magical artifact she’d gotten from Twilight many years ago, when she was having trouble with a low-pastry diet. [As seen in Pinketosis, true believers! —Pillowfight] This super duper amazing cup gathered the cum from masturbating stallions all over Equestria, turning all that once wasted seed into an endless, protein filled energy drink that kept Pinkie’s body trim and slim... well, pleasingly plump... well, at least it tasted great! Yum yum!

Her hunger for semen temporarily sated, the thiccest and thirstiest mare in Ponyville pressed a special place on her shelf of cookbooks and trotted into her secret baking lair as the hidden door opened. She dialed the combination to her top secret pastry safe: 6 for the Elements of Harmony, 9 for the size of Cheese Sandwich’s cock, 69 for their favourite activity, 7017 for how many times they’d performed that activity... geeze, only 7017? She really needed to update this combination!

As the safe swung open, Pinkie found the tears returning at the thought of Lil’ Cheese finally becoming a stallion. Sure, she wanted her son to be happy, but oh, how she hated to picture him shoving his weenie into some unworthy mare’s party place!

Finally Pinkie understood why Cheese Sandwich’s mother had been so angry that Hearth’s Warming morning when she’d caught Pinkie hiding beneath her son’s cozy blankets, giving Cheese the early morning gift of her wet, slick throat. In Pickle Sandwich’s eyes, even the Element of Laughter was a lowdown son-stealer. At last, Pinkie now saw her mother-in-law’s perspective on things. There wasn’t a mare or stallion in Equestria good enough for her precious little baby!

Yet with a sigh, Pinkie knew that a mother’s love could only take Li’l Cheese so far in life. “He has to grow up sometime...” she admitted. “He’s 18 now, he ought to be out there slaying hoes... even if it breaks poor Mama Pinkie’s heart.”

Pinkie took Princess Cadance’s jewel out of the safe, discovering that it smelled sweet and was sticky to her hoof. Casting her eyes about just in case Cadance was somehow watching her, Pinkie Pie did what Pinkie Pie always did with magical artifacts: she stuck her tongue out and licked it. The taste was familiar... yet utterly confusing!

“Huh? This is made out of candy!” Pinkie burst out. A second lick at the “jewel” only confirmed the sticky, sweet taste. “Hrm... was it always candy?” Pinkie tried to think back 18 years, to the aftermath of Cheese’s birth, recalling a conversation she’d barely overheard between Princess Cadance and Twilight’s yummy DILF of a brother...

“Just do something to stop that crying, Cady. She just gave birth! She’s over-emotional!”

“What are you implying, Shiny?”

“N-Nothing! Here, give her this piece of Crystal Empire rock candy. I brought it for Maud, but... tell her it’s magic and it’ll protect her baby.”

“You want me to lie to Pinkie Pie?”

“It’ll be fine. I promise you, she’ll stop crying, get distracted, eat the candy and forget all about it.”

“You do know Twilight’s friends better than I do, so I suppose it’s worth a try...”

Hmph! Shining Armour had underestimated how much Pinkie cared about protecting Lil’ Cheese! She’d held on to this magical piece of candy for 18 whole years, even in those dark days of the vanilla shortage when there hadn’t been a single cupcake in the house! But now things were different... Pinkie had to eat this candy! She had to set her precious son free, so he could become a big, strong stud like his daddy!

Pinkie Pie absent mindedly popped the candy into her mouth and began to ponder as she slurped on the sweet, yet slightly stale taste. Now that she could admit that her son needed to get laid, maybe she could give him a little extra help. It wouldn’t be so bad to have her pride and joy stuffing pony pussies all over town... especially if she got to watch! Maybe Lil’ Cheese could even get some quality bonding time with his Dad, as they spitroasted some slut together! Oooh, that’s so damn hot...

Pinkie excitedly trotted back into the oversized party room of her custom built home. Hanging on one wall was the family’s new “telephone,” one of many amazing inventions introduced to Equestria under Twilight Sparkle’s reign. There was no limit to the silly pranks you could play over the telephone, but it had lots of useful purposes, like inviting ponies to parties, and talking dirty with hubby when he was out of town, and... probably other stuff too!

Pinkie picked up the receiver with one hoof and held the plastic cup to her perky ear. “Thanks for using Ponyville Telecom, how can I direct your call?” she heard the tinny voice at the other end of the line.

“Oh, hi, Lyra.” Pinkie loudly slurped on the rock candy as she tried to think of who to call for sexy aid.

“Pinkie, are you eating lunch?”

“Nah, just sucking on something tasty! Hey, have ya heard any new dirt around town?”

“Ooh, yeah, I just found out! Vinyl got a piercing, and you’ll never guess where?”

Pinkie loved a challenge. She thought so hard, smoke came out of her ears, and finally she had the answer. “Is it in her clit, like the other piercing?”

“Wow, good guess!”

“Nice, that’ll be fun ta lick!”

“It sure is! Anyways, who did you want to call?”

With a flash of insight, Pinkie realized exactly who she could recruit as her partner in getting Lil’ Cheese laid — Lyra herself! The fun loving unicorn might be a lesbian, but she was also the biggest gossip in Ponyville. That’s why she’d taken the job as telephone operator, after all — so she could learn, and share, everypony’s secrets!

“Actually, Lyra, I wanted to tell you something really important. My son has a real big dick!” Pinkie practically snickered as her foolproof plan swung into action. Mares liked big dicks, right? The bigger the better! Pinkie loved ’em all, big and small, but not everypony could be as accepting as the Element of Laughter!

“Interesting.” Pinkie heard the gasp from the other end of the line. There was a sharpness to Lyra’s breath that she hadn’t expected from the devoted clam slammer. “How big?”

“Erm...” Pinkie hadn’t actually seen her son’s ding-dong for many years. But Cheese Sandwich sported 9 thick inches that popped out of his sheath several times a day to provide the most perfect of Pinkie pleasures, and Lil’ Cheese took after his father in so many ways, so 9 inches was probably—

“Because speaking personally, I only go for for the really big ones.”

Pinkie gulped. “Y-you mean, you’re a hot bi babe too?” From all those romantic picnics and public makeouts, she’d always thought Lyra and Bon Bon were the lezziest of lesbians! But she’d assumed the same about Applejack and Rainbow Dash, until she’d learned about Sweet Apple Acres’ secret stable of perpetually exhausted boy toys. Was no sapphic couple in Ponyville free from the temptations of fat, pussy pleasing stallion schlong?

“I’m n-not bi!” Lyra’s voice became sloppy as though her mouth was full of unexpected drool. “Stallions do nothing for me! But stallion cocks? Ooh, that’s a different story. I see a big slab of meat and I just have to drop to my knees. But he’s got to be HUGE, Pinkie. I have my pride. Bon Bon and I won’t blow anything less than 12 inches.”

“12 inches!” Pinkie lied. “That’s exactly his size! How did you guess?” Nopony would check, right? Mares didn’t keep rulers around to measure awesome dongs, they just dipped their heads and started sucking! At least, that’s what Pinkie did...

“Oh, fuuuck...” A loud squelching sound came over the wires, like a mare furiously clopping. Nah, that couldn’t be it. Lyra was probably just walking through a mud puddle! “Your cute little son is packing a footlong?”

“Yep!” Pinkie stated cheerfully. “Big and stiff, and ready to party with any and all ponies who like extra large dongers!” She slurped on the candy that had been “protecting” Lil’ Cheese from getting out there and finding true love. It was licked down to a speck, just about small enough to swallow. “I’ve been sucking on his rock candy the whole time I’ve been on the phone with you, and it’s almost ready to slide down my throat!”

“Whoa! I didn’t need to hear that, Pinkie. Seriously TMI. No judgement, though! I’ll talk to you later, OK?” Lyra hurriedly hung up the phone.

Pinkie smiled as she swallowed the tiny sliver of candy that was all that remained of Cadance’s protective jewel. Lucky she remembered about this tasty magic nugget before Lil’ Cheese became an old and bitter virgin. Now his future was bright! Lyra would spread the word along, and soon her son would have all the pretty mares and cute stallions he could handle, all looking to sproing into bed with him!

Eeyup, Pinkie Pie was the best mommy ever! It was time to reward herself with another yummy mouthful of spunk, courtesy of the Chalice of Life! Pinkie reached for the familiar cup and put the stained rim to her hungry lips, a suggestive slurping sound coming from her lips as she gulped away at... nothing!

“That’s super weird!” Pinkie observed, peering into the empty Chalice. Usually the magical cup filled up right away with fresh goo whenever she gulped its contents down, but today... what was wrong? The most dependable thing in Equestria was a stallion’s need to clop off regularly! With so many horny guys constantly whacking it to the countless gorgeous mares of Equestria, why would that river of seed ever stop flowing?

“Aww, why’d Cheese have to plan a party today?” Pinkie grumbled as a single pang of hunger began to echo in her prodigious tummy. “I should have drained his balls before he left, just in case something went wrong with this dumb Chalice!” Magic items could sometimes break down, but Cheese Sandwich’s erection never failed — not with his wife ever ready to gluck out a polka medley with the fast paced bobbing of her head on his dick!

“When’s my honey stud coming back, anyways?” Pinkie gave the Chalice a good whack and let it sit to refill as she trotted over to the party calendar she shared with Cheese. This handy tool was essential to the workings of the family’s busy business, yet it was still stuck on October, with a smiling pumpkin sticker marking the date of the just completed Nightmare Night party. Pinkie lifted up the page and gasped as she saw her husband’s hoofwriting in vivid red atop today’s date, November 1.

DANGER! BE CAREFUL, PINKIE!
NO NUT NOVEMBER BEGINS!

“Hrm, that’s weird,” Pinkie mused. “I always keep plenty of nuts around for baking. What the heck is my cutie pie so worried about?”

As she so often did, Pinkie automatically reached for the Chalice of Life once again... only to find that there still wasn’t a drop of sperm inside! The Chalice was dry! Utterly dry! It wasn’t filling back up, like it should! Something was wrong!

Pinkie’s eyes began to water with tears, and even worse, her tummy rumbled with a hunger she hadn’t felt for a long, long time. A hunger for hot, fresh stallion seed in unbelievable quantities. A horrible hunger she knew she would do anything to satisfy, even if it meant... cheating on her husband!

“Uh-oh...” Pinkie moaned to herself, the hunger growing by leaps and bounds even as she spoke. Then she casually shrugged. “Welp, he knew what he was getting when he married me!”

Princess Cadenza Mi Amore of the Crystal Empire trotted happily from the small washroom attached to her private office, rubbing her mane with a towel. “Wow, Shiny, I don’t know what just happened, but I feel great!” she smiled. “It’s like I’d been casting a spell for years without even knowing it, and then the magic suddenly returned to me! I feel a good 18 years younger!”

“T-that’s nice, honey,” her husband murmured. “Good for you!” His hindquarters moved ferociously as he drove his dick into the clasping cunt of Ruby Glitter, Cadance’s personal secretary. His front hooves shook his wife’s royal desk, pushing papers and quill pens onto the floor. His dick was clearly visible inside the petite crystal pony, rearranging her guts with a brutal yet loving power.

Cadance felt her perpetually wet pussy throb and wink at the sight of Ruby’s pulsating cervix, sucking on the tip of her husband’s mighty shaft like a lover’s kiss. She’d always loved to watch Shiny with other mares, but the Crystal Empire and its transparent citizens were a positive voyeur’s delight!

“Having a little trouble with the medial ring, eh, Ruby? I know just the thing.” Cadance got behind her husband and planted her lips on his plothole, sucking fiercely and lashing the sweaty donut with her tongue. Shining Armour yelped with surprise and his hips plunged forward, plowing the thickest part of his cock deep into Ruby’s transparent guts and sending his flare deep into her eagerly opening womb.

“I see that Ruby has explained the situation to you,” Cadance continued. “Thanks for helping out, Shiny. Her coltfriend is doing that dumb No Nut November thing, and you know that a girl needs regular relief.”

“I’m happy to help, b-but it’s only the first of the month!” Even as he protested, the middle aged stud drew back his hips and pumped another powerful thrust into the moaning crystal pony beneath him, making her pussy squirt a crystal clear juice onto the floor of Cadance’s private office.

“So it is, Shiny,” Cadance agreed. “You’d best pace yourself. I read a report saying that 73% of our stallion subjects are doing No Nut this year. I need you in top form, or we’re going to have a revolt on our hooves.” Cadance refastened her mouth on her husband’s butt hole, tickling his P-spot with a plunging tongue while carefully caressing his balls in her glowing magical aura. “Fortunately, with all this new energy I seem to have, I can keep you going all month if I have to.”

“Thank you, Princess!” Ruby Glitter bit her lip as the orgasm she’d been denied for hours hit her like a gingerbread train. “I needed this, so bad!”

“Oh, of course, Ruby,” Cadance smiled cheerfully. “My husband is happy to serve — especially when it means he gets to fuck a young, tight mare like yourself.”

“C-Cadance, I’m cumming, too!” Shining cried out.

“Fill her to the brim, Shiny,” Cadance murmured, smooching bright pink lipstick kisses onto her beloved’s asshole. “Give her a royal bastard for me, let it all out.” Shiny’s tail twitched most violently as he groaned and unloaded litres of royal sperm into the neglected mare.

“Oh, baby, oh, Cadance!” he groaned with every massive pulse of seed up the fat pipe of mighty horsecock he wielded. What a sweet and understanding wife! She provided him with an endless supply of young holes to plow... and the experienced warmth of true love’s cunt to wring the very last drops from his balls each night!

“Mmm...” Cadance licked at the gushing river of sperm that overflowed Ruby Glitter’s tiny confines. Ruby’s womb now sloshed with the life giving liquid, so full up that the crystal pony’s body now resembled a glass bottle full of milk. “Feeling better, Ruby?”

“So much better, your highness,” Ruby gasped, panting for breath. “Thank you for showing me such generosity with your stud.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all.” Cadance dismissed her servant with a wave of her hoof. “And Ruby, please send in Admiral Sweetcheeks on your way out. I hear her husband wouldn’t gape her ponut this morning — for shame!”

“Yes, Princess.” Ruby Glitter bowed and limped out of the throne room, leaking seed from her opened and well satisfied snatch.

“But first, a little aftercare for my handsome, obedient hubby.” The dominant cuckquean climbed onto her desk, tenderly embraced her exhausted husband and kissed him deeply. “Mmm, so gentle, yet so powerful... now, sweetheart, I believe you came into my office to ask me something?”

“Oh... y-yeah... have you seen Flurry Heart recently?” asked Shining Armour, as Cadance’s tongue pressed gently into his mouth.

“Of course, dear, just this morning! She said she was off to Canterlot to consult with Twilight.” Cadance slowly worked her way down her husband’s barrel, kissing his firm and sweaty body until her mouth found itself worshipping the slick, cummy shaft that had just satisfied her secretary. “Mmm, you’re still my favourite flavour, Shiny, even after all these years...”

Shining tried to focus on the issue at hoof. “We need to have a talk with Flurry,” he insisted. “I found one of her concubines tied up in her bedroom after she left. I had to undo the knots and give her some water.” He shook his head even as his wife cleaned another mare’s tangy cum from his unremitting royal sceptre. “21 years old, and she still won’t put away her toys...”