I'm Gonna Put Some Cake In Your Eye

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy, Romance
Length: 3263

You accidentally broke a Pinkie promise. Now, you must learn what the consequences for doing so truly are. Wait, why are you making another one?

You and Pinkie have been going out for a few years. It's... hectic, to say the least. But, you still love it. You love all of the wacky antics you get up to. You love the way that she lights up everypony's day, your own included. You love... her. And through it all, the two of you have never had a real fight. Is it because you do everything in your power to avoid upsetting her? Is it because she just doesn't get upset easily? Perhaps it's a bit of both? Regardless, you now realize that it's a blessing you've been taking for granted, because today...

You broke a Pinkie Promise.

Published 2023-09-04 07:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-04 07:30:00 UTC

I'm Gonna Put Some Cake In Your Eye

You calmly sit in a comfortable recliner in your living room. You gently flip the page of a book you're reading through, a tale about three lawyers who accidentally overthrow a corrupt foreign monarchy. The room is mostly silent, save for the fire gently cracking in the fireplace and the quiet ticking of a nearby clock. Although the peace isn't necessarily disturbed, the clock suddenly makes a dinging sound, indicating that it's the top of the hour. You glance up at it. Midnight.

...

All at once, your eyes go wide. In an instant, your perfectly calm breathing becomes ragged and frantic. Your heartbeat speeds up, and a cold sweat drips down your forehead. You shoot to your feet as a feeling of intense dread overtakes you. For a moment, you don't even know why this is happening. You scan the environment looking for something, anything, that might be out of place. However, everything seems fine. You try to dig through your own memories. Is there something you forgot to do? What has you so extremely terrified without even knowing what it is? Is it your instincts kicking in or-

Oh.

Oh no.

You quickly jog into your dining room, your attention fixed squarely on the calendar. Sure enough, as the clock struck midnight, the month changed. The day is now December 1st. You clutch at your chest as it begins to tighten. With your free hand, you grab onto the wall to keep yourself steady, and it's taking everything in your power to hold in your dinner. November has ended, and with it, so too has your chance to keep your promise.

Your PINKIE promise.

On shaky legs, you carry yourself to the nearby dining room table and take a seat, resting your head in your hands as you do so. You close your eyes tight as your nerves continue to set off every red flag in your body. You want nothing more than for all of this to mean nothing, but you know your marefriend well. When that clock struck midnight, Pinkie felt it. She knows. And she's coming for you.

With a deep sigh, you sit perfectly still as you await the oncoming storm. This isn't going to be pretty.

There is a slamming sound on your front door. Seems you didn't have to wait long.

Another slam. You wince as you await the inevitable.

A third slam. Well, here it comes...

...

"Nonny? Are you gonna open the door? I can see you through the window."

Oh. Right. You, uh, kind of just assumed she was going to break it down.

You rush over to the door and quickly open it, stepping to the side to let your beloved pink bundle of energy into your home. While this probably isn't the time, you can't help but think about how cute her little blue scarf and hat are. After all, it IS super cold outside. As you're thinking that, she turns to look at you with a snarl on her face.

"Alright, mister! I'm on to you!"

"B-before that, can I take your hat and scarf?"

"Oh! Thank you!"

Pinkie tilts her head back and smiles as you remove her winter gear. Even when you're getting chewed out, she's still Pinkie Pie. You take them off of her and hang them both on the small coat rack you have hanging from the wall next to the door. You let out a deep breath.

"W-well, would you care to take a seat?"

Pinkie narrows her eyes at you.

"Sure, but only so we can discuss the PINKIE PROMISE YOU BROKE!"

You fearfully raise your hands in front of your face.

"I-I swear I have an explanation! Just p-please hear me out!"

"Yoooooouuuuuud better."

Pinkie does a motion with her hoof as if to say "I've got my eye on you" before prancing into your living room and taking a seat on your sofa. She pats the spot next to her, a strange mixture of a genuine invitation and a threat.

"B-before we do that, would you at least allow me to run to the restroom? Y-you kind of got here faster than I was expecting."

"Ah-HA! You were expecting me!"

"I-I said I have an explanation!"

Pinkie narrows her eyes even more. If they were any more narrowed, her eyes would be closed. However, she doesn't object as you escape into a nearby hallway and book it into the bathroom. You let out a tiny sigh of relief as you close the door behind you.

Dear, sweet Pinkie Pie. What is there to say about her that you haven't said already? Well, for starters, she's your marefriend. The two of you started dating a few years ago. It has been a wild ride with that girl. Pinkie is pretty much known for never sitting still and being quite the socialite, so she can be hard to track down. You, on the other hand, while not necessarily an introvert, couldn't possibly hope to keep up with her. You work a quiet job as an accountant for Mayor Mare. While there are some ponies like Twilight who have no issues taking care of "boring" work like that, most (Pinkie especially) couldn't possibly be expected to enjoy it. You, however, find it quite fulfilling. You're good at it, and you feel like you're really doing something important. It pays the bills, and it's probably the closest you're going to get to your computer science degree from your old world actually doing something for you.

And yet, this dichotomy between the two of you is surprisingly effective in keeping you together as a couple. For you, Pinkie Pie is a ray of sunshine and enthusiasm in what would otherwise be a fairly quiet and uneventful life. For her, you're a solid rock that she can use to ground herself, a confidant that she knows she can trust with whatever might be on her mind. To others, Pinkie Pie has to be the "super duper party pony," the mare that can bring a smile to anyone she meets. To you, she can rest easy knowing that she makes you happy just by being there.

And sure, she drags you along on wild antics and adventures pretty much every week. Yes, her frequent, often nonsensical parties can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. And fine, maybe her propensity for the unexpected and outlandish catches you off guard more often than it doesn't. But you know what? Your life is all the better for it.

It also might help that she's just... so darn pretty.

You splash some cold water on your face. It's time to head out there and face the music. Knowing Pinkie, you might even mean that literally.

Before heading back into the living room, you quickly slide into your bedroom and grab a small box off of your dresser, shoving it into your back pocket as you do so. Pinkie is staring daggers at you at this point... or maybe her eyes are finally closed. Without a word, you drag yourself over to the sofa and plop down next to her. As she stares into your soul, you just look at the freshly cleaned carpet.

"First of all, hi Nonny, it's good to see you!"

That catches you off guard, and you look up to see Pinkie now beaming at you.

"Uhh, yeah. I-it's nice to see you too, Pinkie."

"Heehee! And with that out of the way~" Pinkie immediately shoots on top of you, (gently) pinning you beneath her. She looks at you with focused, angry eyes. "TALK! What did you Pinkie promise? Who did you promise it to? And WHY DID YOU BREAK IT?!"

You gulp. Here goes nothing.

"Well, it happened exactly one month ago..."

"Nonny! Here, try this! It's a new recipe I've been working on!"

Without any sort of hesitation, Pinkie shoves what looks to be an entire cookie into your mouth. Caught by surprise, you instinctively begin to chew. Sure enough, that's a cookie. However, it's extremely thick. It's stuffed with...

"Is this brownie?" You ask through a stuffed mouth.

"Heehee! Sure is! It's actually pretty difficult to get a perfect cookie to bake AROUND a brownie, but it was totally worth it just to see your face right now!"

Sure enough, you're grinning from ear to ear. It tastes delicious, and seeing Pinkie's excitement at your enjoyment is half the fun.

"You didn't make these for my sake, did you?"

"Whaaaaaat? Coming up with a new recipe because I know brownies are my favorite guy's favorite dessert? Psssssh, nooooooooooooo!"

Pinkie is making a point to move around in a shifty manner, not to hide the fact that she's being playfully sarcastic, but to make it even more obvious that she is. She's always been a bit afraid of somepony actually believing her when she's sarcastic, hence why she doesn't do it too often. Except around you, of course. You're fluent in sarcasm.

"Well, thank you anyway, Pinkie. It's incredible!"

Pinkie gives you a massive grin before leaping into the air and gasping as she looks past you.

"That colt is in DESPERATE need of a balloon animal!"

Without another word, Pinkie darts off towards a small colt nearby. You just chuckle as she does so before taking another sip from from the little red cup you've been holding. However, your attention is quickly pulled to your side, as you sense somepony walking up from behind you. Sure enough, Rarity is now standing next to you, a cup of her own in her hoof. She doesn't look at you, as her attention is instead directed towards Pinkie.

"She seems happy."

"Well, she is in her element."

"Hmhm. True, she does get quite excitable at these parties of hers. But that's not what I'm talking about."

"Oh?"

You glance down at Rarity, who finally looks up at you and gives you a knowing look.

"Darling, what do you think makes Pinkie Pie happier than anything else in the world?"

"I'm gonna take a guess and say that you DON'T want me to answer with 'parties.'"

"Ooo, look at Anon, able to read the room," she says sarcastically.

"Hmm..."

You think for a moment. There are a lot of things that make Pinkie happy. We've got parties, her sisters, Gummy, Sugarcube Corner, sweets in general, other ponies, a good game, a good book, talking about silly things, talking about non-silly things, laughter, her friends, her friends-to-be (because there is no such thing as an enemy in her world), Equestria, not Equestria-

"It's you, Anon."

Rarity gives you the answer before you can produce one yourself. Apparently you spent too long thinking of what to say.

"Me?"

"She loves you. Deeply."

"Er, well..." You feel yourself beginning to blush as you rub your left arm with with your right, a nervous habit. "I should hope so. I love her too. We've been going out for quite a while, a-and she makes me happy, too."

"But do you understand the depth of that love?"

"I'm sorry?"

Rarity chuckles and looks back to Pinkie, who has just finished making a balloon chimera for the young colt that seems very confused at what he's looking at.

"I've known her for much longer than you, darling. Pinkie is a lot more complicated than she looks, something I'm sure you're well aware of by now. Despite that, her joy is as genuine as it is contagious. I've seen her get ecstatic over the simplest things, and I've seen her celebrate some of Equestria's grandest victories. And yet, I've never seen her as happy as she is when she's with you."

"Wait, really?"

Rarity nods.

"Really. The two of you have something special, Anon. If I were you, I'd let her know that."

"I try to."

"Do you?"

"What?"

You look back down at Rarity, who stares at you with a cocky grin.

"You two have been dating for, what, four years now? When are you going to step things up?"

You feel your cheeks begin to redden once more. Of course this is what Rarity wanted to talk about. She lives for this kind of discussion.

"N-now hold on-!"

"I'd say she deserves it, don't you? To be made 'the happiest mare in the world?'"

"I-I don't think that's any of your-"

"Come now darling, who do you think you're talking to? You know I'm right."

You stare at Rarity, and she has the biggest, most confident smirk you've ever seen on her face.

...Yeah, she is right. Pinkie Pie is an excitable, confident mare. She never looks back, and she takes major life changes in stride. Nothing can slow her down. The same is not true for you. You've always been a bit of an anxious mess. Yes, Pinkie has helped with that quite a bit, but self-doubt isn't easy to overcome. And the fact of the matter is, when it comes to your relationship with your beloved party pony, you've been dragging your feet quite a bit.

"..."

"Well?"

"Yeah. You're right."

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. Now, having established that, when do you plan to do it?"

"I don't know."

"The longer you wait, the angrier you're going to make Rarity." Great, she's speaking in the third person now. Wonderful. "So why don't we make a plan, right here, right now?"

You think to yourself for a moment. You don't want Rarity getting involved in this. You have to say something to get her off your back while also buying yourself some time. What to say, what to say?!

"...Give me until the end of this month."

"Oh?"

"I'll ask her before the end of the month. I promise."

"..." Rarity glares at you for a second before her mouth contorts into a straight-up ominous smile. "Pinkie promise."

"W-what?"

"I said. Pinkie. Promise."

You look Rarity dead in the eyes. You both understand the gravity of a Pinkie promise. You feel yourself beginning to hesitate, but to break eye contact now would mean certain doom. With a deep breath, you go through the familiar motions.

"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

"Good. I look forward to seeing your results!"

With a satisfied nod, Rarity trots away to elsewhere in the party, leaving your poor, sweaty form all alone once more.

"Wait, so, you broke a Pinkie promise you made to Rarity because you didn't ask me something before the end of the month?"

"...Yeah."

Pinkie's face is suddenly filled with anger. It's an emotion Pinkie doesn't show frequently, and it's one she's NEVER shown to you. In the years that the two of you have been dating, not once have you had a fight. Why would you have? There hasn't been anything to fight over. And yet, as she glares at you with (an almost literal) fire in her eyes, you feel as though you could just shrivel up and die.

"Why?! Nonny, we've discussed this! You know you can tell me anything! There is NOTHING you could tell me that I would judge you for! Well, except maybe breaking a Pinkie promise!"

"I'm sorry."

"I KNOW YOU ARE!"

Pinkie suddenly throws her arms around you in a bear hug, squeezing you tightly as she lies on your chest. Your eyes widen at the sudden, unexpected display of affection.

"P-Pinkie?"

When she speaks up, her voice is muffled due to her face being buried in your chest.

"And I know you didn't want to break that promise. That's why I want to know what the question is." She picks her head up to look at you, her eyes starting to grow a bit misty. "This isn't like you, Nonny. What could scare you so much that you couldn't tell me about it? That you would break a Pinkie promise to not tell me about it?!"

"P-Pinkie..."

"Are you okay?"

You feel a single tear land on your face. Then, a second. She's doing her best to hold it in, but there's only so much she can do. Pinkie Pie, your incredible, beloved marefriend, is crying. And it's your fault.

...

You grab Pinkie by the shoulders and begin to gently sit up, sliding her off of you as you do so. You place her right in front of you and look her dead in the eyes, your expression now serious.

"Pinkie, I... I was dumb. The question is important, but I don't know why I got so worked up over it. Of course I trust you. I know better than anyone the kind of pony you are, and... I should have known that I would have been better off just asking you as soon as possible. It's... it's better than upsetting you. Like I'm doing now."

"Nonny?"

Finding your resolve, you stand from the sofa. This isn't quite where you planned to ask this question, but it's do or die right now. Pinkie's eyes follow you as you stand, and they fall once more as you take a knee right in front of her.

"Pinkie Pie, you've made my life so, so much better in every conceivable way. You're what makes me happy to have ended up in Equestria in the first place. You're my favorite reason to get up in the morning, and having to part ways with you is the worst part of every day. You make me the happiest man alive. And... I was wondering if you would do me the honor of allowing you to be the happiest mare alive, too?"

You reach into your back pocket, producing a small, black box. You flip the box open, revealing the insanely shiny ring within.

"Will you-"

You don't even get a chance to finish before you're tackled to the ground. If Pinkie was holding you tight before, she may as well be crushing you now. Her face is buried in your neck, and you're pretty sure you dropped the ring on your way to the floor. After a couple of seconds, Pinkie lifts her head to look at you. Her eyes are still filled with tears, but the smile on her face makes it clear that these are a different kind of tear. Without saying a word, she presses her lips to your own, and the two of you share a passionate, relief-filled kiss.

A few moments later, she pulls back again, the teary eyed smile never having left her face.

"Of course I'll marry you, Nonny! That's the greatest question I've ever been asked before in my entire life!"

She once again buries her face in your neck. Her soft, poofy mane squishes against your face, and the overwhelming emotions that you feel in this moment force you to do nothing but hold Pinkie close and laugh in disbelief.

"I WILL make you the happiest mare in the world, Pinkie." You sit upright, but she never lets go of you. She pulls her head back just a bit to look at you again, a warm, loving smile on her face. "I Pinkie promise. And I'll actually keep this one, too."

"Hmhm." You squeeze Pinkie right back, leaving the two of you as an inseparable, blushing pair of lovestruck fools on your living room floor. "I know you will."

Author's Note

I know I don't write her much, but I really do love Pinkie. I just wanna give her a hug.

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!