Author's Note
sowwy :<<
the G5 thing came out after i had already written this. i was going through my unpublished stories and rediscovered this one, so i just revised it and published it.
silly me. now i'm gonna get haters.
That's How It Hurts
Every breath comes hard on her. It's as if she's gasping for air after almost drowning. She tries hard not to breathe.
But she does. She can't end her life.
That was the curse of immortality.
Long ago—maybe too long ago—getting into Celestia's school was a happy time. Something she thought would never have been possible. Being selected as a protégé? Even more exciting.
But now, it's a curse. She was chosen to save Equestria. It was in her future.
Why did the world curse her?
She curses the curse, the tears never stopping. In public, well, she doesn't go out in public. Not anymore. She's depressed. And ponies are understanding about it, of all things. If they weren't so understanding, maybe she would go out more often. Maybe she would meet new ponies and creatures and forget about the past.
But she can't. She can't forget what she loves.
That was the curse of immortality.
No one understood the pain. No one understood how it felt to say goodbye so many times. No one knew how it felt to outlive a creature like a dragon.
No one had ever lived through the loss of such a loyal friend as Spike. He lived for, heck, what, a bit over a thousand seven hundred eighty-five years, and she'd been here before him, too.
All those years of experience, and she still isn't as strong as she wants to be. She's lived through so many deaths.
One of them came first. She doesn't know whom.
Maybe it was the pegasus. Spike remembered her name. Spike kept everything in line for her. He tried, at least. Every day, he would say their names. It went like, um, something. She can barely remember.
She can barely remember, and it's only been a day. She curses herself. She writes it down quickly before she forgets everything:
Fluttershy, kind, but shy.
Rainbow Dash, amazing flight.
Rarity, giving things in style.
Applejack, strong enough to run a mile.
Pinkie Pie, happy 'till the end.
Starlight, a magical friend.
But there was no line for Spike. Spike, who had to live his last few days shut out because she'd thought it would be better if it were easier to say goodbye.
But it was worse, not even saying goodbye. It was, and still is, a curse that her last words to him were, "I'm sorry."
That was the curse of immortality.
You never got enough of the mortals.
All her old friends, who could barely keep up at age a hundred or so. Her old friends, who were never replaced. All of her old friends, who had a normal lifespan, who showed off that they didn't live forever, and that they didn't have to live through the curse of immortality.
She never got enough of them.
They're always on her mind, nagging her about how she doesn't have a normal life. They're in pictures, pictures that don't have as much of a meaning as she hoped they would.
She doesn't care. She hasn't cared about anything in so many years but Spike. And now he's gone. Maybe it's time to stop caring for life, if that's what the curse of life had in store for her.
She's just sad.
Is she okay? She doesn't know.
She's just sad.
Sadness drives her, every day, to do things. She once tried jumping from the castle. She ended up peaceful for a few days, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't forever.
She once tried hating everypony she loved. That was actually just Spike, because she'd lived too long by the time she first tried. She knew it was easier to forget about those you dislike. So she tried disliking her one last friend. And by the time she decided it sucked being isolated, he was gone. And she was isolated, with no way out.
Now she sits in her room every day, crying because her life sucked and still does and alway will. She stays in there so much that she's beginning to consider making her guards the rulers of Equestria because she doesn't do much ruling. She doesn't go to many meetings, doesn't really do anything.
She does nothing but live in a state of depression that she will never let go of.
Who were the last rulers? C- something. S- something, maybe. Sunshine? C-, Cell. Cell, a prison cell. Like the one "Cell" had put onto her by giving her the curse of immortality. Oh, that was it. Celestia. And her sister. Luna.
Celestia got her sister. Luna got her sister. They ruled, side by side. And she thought she got Spike. She always dreamed they would rule forever, side by side.
But Spike wasn't immortal, he just had a longer life than an average pony.
That was the pain of immortality.
Is that why Celestia and Luna gave her the position? The rare "opportunity" to be a princess? To live in their shoes?
Forever?
They made it hard on her. They made her jealous. They still do. Because they had each other. They each had a sister. She does not have a sister. But she did have a brother, who she does not care to remember anymore.
He was not immortal. Unlike...
Did she have a sister?
She does not know. But she feels like she does. If she does have one, why have they not been in touch? Why hasn't she remembered her? What's wrong with her?
But wait, she knows what's wrong: she's immortal, and it's been a bad thing for so long.
That was the curse of immortality.
You mourn over so many ponies, you forget who existed in the first place.
But she never gets to be the one others mourn over. She's never the one laying peacefully in a wooden bed, tucked away from the sadness of the outside world. She's always the one alive.
That was the curse of immortality.
A knock on the door, and she doesn't even bother to tell them they can come in. She opens the doors to face two surprised guards. They're surprised— oh, wait, she's already made that clear. But it's true. They really are surprised to see her. Maybe it's not her they're surprised at, but her state.
Laying on her bed, tears on the pillow. Mouth open, not a sound coming out.
They turn away.
She buries her face into the pillow even further and begs to the guards.
No, no, no, no, nonono, no, nono, please, please, please don't go, please—
They leave her be.
If only she could do the same for her whole life.
Everypony is too understanding. Yet they understand nothing of her.
She hates when ponies are understanding. Because it's a mask they wear. Because they are never understanding. They always act, always say "sorry for your loss."
But they're liars, just like the whole world is. Everyone is sympathetic, everyone is sorry.
But they aren't as sorry as they need to be. They cannot, can never understand her as much as she wants them to.
That is the painful curse of immortality.
