My Marefriend is a Gamer (And She Really Needs a Bath)

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Princess Luna, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy, Romance
Length: 2728

As much as you love Luna and try to respect her hobbies, her habits as of late have been... less than healthy. It's time to drag her back to reality, whether she likes it or not.

You and Princess Luna have been dating for quite some time. However, lately she's been really caught up in this whole "Starfield" thing. As much as you can appreciate a pony with hobbies, this is starting to affect her health. It's time to tear her away from the screen, even if she's going to be kicking and screaming all the while.

Published 2023-09-06 19:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-06 19:10:01 UTC

My Marefriend is a Gamer (And She Really Needs a Bath)

You walk with trepidation as you approach Canterlot Castle. It's still early in the morning, but you awoke today with cause for concern. See, ever since you started dating Princess Luna, your sleep schedule has been all out of wack. This is understandable, as Luna is mostly nocturnal. However, you originally didn't have any plans to visit Luna today, so you slept through the night like almost everypony else. And yet, when you awoke, the moon was still hanging high in the sky. It did eventually set and was replaced by the rising sun, but Luna was definitely late when it came to her most important duty this morning.

You cross the small drawbridge leading to the castle gates. Two members of the Royal Guard block the path, but they step aside to let you in. They know who you are, after all, and they don't dare upset the consort of one of the princesses. You take advantage of this and poke one of the guards in the cheek as you walk by. You succeed in breaking his stoicism, though he still says nothing. You chuckle to yourself as you enter the castle.

You immediately begin the familiar trek through the large marble hallways towards Luna's quarters. Luna is a strong gal (well, obviously, she's one of the most powerful creatures alive), and she isn't the type to be late when it comes to lowering the moon. ESPECIALLY after all that Nightmare Moon business a few years ago.

To your surprise, as you turn a corner to enter the wing that houses the princesses, you run head-first into Princess Celestia herself. She almost doesn't react at all until you sheepishly back away and begin apologizing. You've always been afraid of Celestia. You have no reason to believe that she disapproves of your relationship with her sister, but she's also just... really, really intimidating.

Celestia finally makes eye contact with you. Her eyes seem tired and distant. She clears her throat before beginning to speak, and when she does, her voice sounds somewhat annoyed.

"Good morning, Anon. I was hoping you would show up at some point today."

"G-good morning, princess. I... wait, you were?"

Celestia nods.

"I assume you're here for my sister. Please, could you talk some sense into her for me?"

"Why? What's going on?"

"She's hooked on another one of those video games of hers. So much so, in fact, that she refused to lower the moon this morning."

"Wait, she REFUSED?! I thought she just... forgot, or something!"

Celestia lets out an exhausted sigh.

"As did I. And yet, she was awfully nippy with me when I knocked on her door and approached her about it. I do not have the time today to deal with her nonsense. If you would, could you please make sure she's taking care of herself? I'm worried about her... and I'd really appreciate not having to do her job again. I already had to raise both the sun and the moon myself for 1,000 years straight. I'd like it if she would actually do her duty instead of focusing on whatever game has her attention this week."

"I'll... I'll do my best, princess."

"Thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have nobles to humor and taxes to not pay."

With that, Celestia walks away as gracefully as ever. Once she's finally out of sight, you let out a deep breath that you didn't realize you were holding. Taking a moment to recompose yourself, you set off towards the last door on the left of the hallway, emblazoned with a small crescent moon. You ball your hand into a fist and gently knock on the door.

"..."

"Lulu? You in there?"

"...Mm."

"Can you let me in?"

"Mm."

"...Is that a yes or a no?"

"Mm."

You look at the door with a blank expression. With a shrug, you try at the handle. Lo and behold, it's locked.

"It's locked."

"..."

"Soooo, are you gonna let me in?"

"..."

"...Alright. You asked for it." You wind yourself up to the best of your ability and slam your heel into the door right next to the handle. Unfortunately, you're not that cool, and now you're on the ground clutching your leg in pain. "...Ow."

After an embarrassingly long time spent on the floor, you finally stand up again. Well, let's try that again. With a second kick, you successfully get the door open, finally revealing what's going on in Luna's bedroom.

The room is almost pitch-black, save for the light now pouring in through the freshly opened doorway. The only other source of light appears to be coming from Luna's computer monitor, which displays some sort of sci-fi game. Luna herself sits in front of the computer, her eyes glued to the screen.

"Lulu? What are you doing in here?"

"Mmm. COUGH. COUGH. COUGH. Close the door, you're letting light in."

With a look of disbelief on your face, you do close the door behind you, if only so that the guards and servants in the hall outside don't have to see their princess like this. You approach your marefriend from the side, doing your best to get a good look at her. However, her focus never leaves the screen.

Now, there can be no mistake: Luna is a BEAUTIFUL mare. Often considered one of the most beautiful creatures alive, in fact. Frankly, you consider yourself extremely lucky to have been able to get into a relationship with her in the first place. However, right now, she... doesn't really look the part. Her eyes are half-closed and bloodshot, with heavy bags hanging beneath them. Her usually graceful, flowing mane hangs heavy towards the floor, apparently drenched in sweat and lacking any sort of sparkle it had before. Her tail is no better, and her typically smooth and well-groomed coat is messy, sticky, and matted in some places. Her regalia is nowhere to be seen. But most of all...

She stinks.

"Ugh! Lulu, what are you DOING?"

"Playing Starfield."

"Starfield?"

"New Bethesda game."

"Bethesda?"

"It just works."

"...Right. Well, that's all well and good, but aren't you forgetting something?"

"Mmm?"

"Oh, I don't know... your royal duties?"

"..."

"Lowering the moon?"

"..."

"Sleep?"

"..."

"Basic hygiene?"

"..."

You give your marefriend a frustrated look. She doesn't notice, as she never takes her eyes off of the screen. With a sigh, you slowly walk over to a nearby curtain. You throw the curtain to the side, revealing the large glass window behind it. Light pours into the room and onto Luna, who hisses and falls to the floor as if in pain.

"Stop being so dramatic, Lulu."

"Close those darn curtains!"

"That's not happening. It's time for you to step away from the computer, one way or another."

"That is not for you to decide!"

Before she gets a chance to stop you, you take a quick step towards her desk, reach for the nearby outlet, and unplug her computer entirely.

"N-NO!"

Luna leaps for you, but it's too late. The PC loses its power supply, and the screen goes dark. After being frozen for a few moments in shock, Luna finally looks at you, her stare cold and full of a quiet rage.

"Don't worry, most games worth their salt have autosave features nowadays."

In a blind rage, Luna leaps towards you. Unfortunately for her, you don't even have to move. She misses you by a mile, slamming her face into the wall next to you before falling to the ground in a pathetic heap.

"...Ow."

"Lulu, you're so tired you can't even see straight."

"...Ugh. FINE. I guess I can take a quick nap." Luna gets back on her hooves and slowly begins to walk towards her bed. "You're going to join me, Nonny."

"Oh, I don't think so." As Luna begins to walk by you, you grab her by the tail. You are immediately grossed out by how damp it is, but you don't release your grip. This catches her by surprise, and she trips thanks to the unexpected resistance from her tail. As she falls to the ground, you grab her and hold her under one arm. This is a bit difficult to do considering she's larger than most ponies, but it's not impossible. Besides, you've done it before. ...Although, she's never been this greasy and disgusting before. With her in your grasp, you begin to carry her to the far side of the room, only to nearly trip on a stray soda can. As you scan the floor, you realize that there are dozens of cans just like it all over the place, not to mention countless other haphazardly discarded bags and wrappers of who-knows-what. "Lulu, this is disgusting."

"Pft. That's not your problem. Also, where are we going? You already turned my computer off, and I was about to get that sleep you said I needed."

"You're taking a bath, darn it. You're filthy, and you smell awful."

"Rude."

"Have you LOOKED at yourself?"

"I look fine!"

Luna starts to struggle in your grasp, and it takes all of your power to get her to stop. As you reach for the bathroom door, she breaks free and tries to scurry away like a gremlin or something, but you grab her by the tail once more, causing her to hiss at you yet again. With one hand wrapped around her gross tail, you open the bathroom door and turn on the light before dragging Luna across the floor and towards the bath. With your free hand you turn some hot water on and wait for the tub to fill up. Luna continues trying to crawl away from you, but the fact that she clearly hasn't slept in days makes it pretty easy to overpower her. If she wasn't so sleep deprived, she could probably escape via magic, but her fatigue is preventing her from doing so. Once there is finally enough water, you turn around to look at the sad heap of a princess lying on the floor.

"Are you gonna keep making this hard for me?"

"Yes."

...

Luna shrieks and cries like a toddler as you struggle to keep her in the water. You're pretty sure you're getting more soaked than she is, but you digress. As the over-a-thousand-year-old princess fights you, you struggle to rub shampoo into her mane and get it in the darn water. It's bad enough that long-maned, fur-covered ponies are already difficult to get completely clean. The fact that she's making this hard on you means that this is probably the best workout you've gotten in a long time.

Eventually deciding that you've probably washed her mane and tail as best as you're going to get, you begin to rub in the coat wash. It seems that her fatigue is finally causing her to settle down, though she still glares at you with a death stare. You just chuckle and grab a nearby brush before getting to work.

"Brushie brushie brushie~!"

"Do not treat me like a foal."

"Then stop acting like one."

"Anon, I swear, I WILL get you back for this."

"Yeah, yeah."

Luna sighs.

"You DID plug my computer back in before dragging me in here, right? There's supposed to be a hotfix coming-"

"NO!" Luna recoils at you suddenly raising your voice. "As soon as we're done here, you're going to bed! And then, you're going to go eat a PROPER MEAL and GO OUTSIDE!"

"...Y-you're really mad about this, huh?"

"You need to take better care of yourself!"

You continue brushing the princess of the night as the conversation continues.

"Yeah, yeah, my 'royal duties' or whatever."

You sigh.

"Yes, you DO need to actually do your job. But more than that, as your consort, I'm concerned for your health for your sake. This isn't good for you, Lulu. You know that."

"...I don't need you to mother me."

"Apparently you do, considering you don't want to take a freaking bath."

"..."

She sighs and looks as though she's about to say something, but ultimately stops herself and says nothing. After a few more moments of silent brushing, you finally put the brush down.

"Alright, that's as good as I think we're gonna get." You reach over to the drain and allow the water to begin subsiding. Meanwhile, Luna doesn't move. Taking advantage of that, you reach behind yourself for a towel and start the long, arduous task of drying off a wet alicorn. "I really don't know how you ponies do this."

"Usually magic. Or a very large blow dryer."

"Well, right now I've got neither, so we're gonna use a towel."

You slowly wipe off the exhausted princess, who has completely stopped struggling at this point. The result is a mare whose coat is poofy in all the wrong places and whose mane is a complete mess. You laugh at the sight before helping her out of the now-empty tub and grabbing a hairbrush. You straighten out her mane and tail for a few moments, and the next thing you know, they're back to their typical wavy, sparkly selves. You breathe a sigh of relief at the sight. She's looking a lot less gross now, and best of all, she doesn't stink!

"...Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, I'd really rather not have to brush your teeth for you, too. You can be a big girl and do that yourself, can't you?" You ask sarcastically.

"Ugh. Shut up and get out of here."

Luna shoves you out of the bathroom and closes the door. You chuckle to yourself as you turn around and look at her disgusting room. Hoo boy, you have your work cut out for you.

When Luna finally leaves the bathroom, she's greeted by you sitting at the foot of her bed. She looks around the room with her tired eyes, which widen ever-so-slightly.

"Did... did you clean my room for me?"

"It was filthy in here. That's no way to live."

"...Ugh." Luna slowly walks over to the bed and removes the covers before throwing herself onto it. She looks up at you expectantly. "Well? You forcefully opened my window, turned my computer off, dragged me into the bathroom, forced me to bathe, washed me, and then cleaned my room for me. Are you happy?"

"Yes, actually. Someone needs to hold you accountable."

"I can make my own decisions, you know."

"Look, Lulu. I appreciate that you have hobbies. Really, I do. But you need to understand that you have to have a balance. You can't live life cooped up in here all day. There are consequences, not just for those that rely on you out there, but for yourself as well."

"..." Luna looks away from you. "Fine. I'll try to cut back a little on the gaming in the future, okay?"

"That's all I'm asking for."

Luna finally looks back at you, then at the spot next to her in bed. She still hasn't pulled the covers over herself.

"Well? Are you going to lie down or what?"

You smile.

"Sure, Lulu."

You make your way to the other side of the bed and lie down next to your marefriend. She quickly throws the covers over the two of you and immediately pulls you into a tight embrace. She always has enjoyed doing that with you. You do note that she's still a little bit damp in places, but you're not going to say anything. Instead, you simply hug her right back, relishing in the fact that she doesn't smell like actual sewage anymore. The two of you lie there in silence for quite some time before Luna mumbles something into the darkness.

"Nonny?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for looking out for me. I'm... not really used to it."

You give Luna a quick smooch on her forehead.

"That's what I'm here for."

"...Then could you plug my computer back in and make sure that hotfix installs?"

You stare blankly into the darkness for just a moment before chuckling.

"Sure, Lulu. Sure."

Author's Note

And before someone says something, no, she does not "stink good," she needs to put some darn deodorant on. Ya nasties. :trixieshiftright:

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!