Peacemaker In... Equestria?!

by JoynoBoy

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Death, Alternate Universe, Human, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Profanity
Length: 4390

Long Description short, a madman who claims to be a hero is in Ponyland

Who is Peacemaker? Is he a mascot? Is he someone who loves eagles? Or is he someone willing to kill people and claim he's a superhero at the same time?

Hmm... Wait that sounds about right.

Well, this Peacemaker has ended up in a land filled with ponies, dragons, and talking bugs... Yuck. After a botched mission on an island known as Corta Maltese. Now he's here, and he's gonna have to deal with the bull that this world throws at him, while also trying to find a way back home. However, he would soon find that the occupants in this world would find him and his skills useful, and would try to use and exploit him. They will do everything in their power to either coarse him into joining them or just destroy him entirely...

Whatever, he can just shoot those guys too.

Like it or not, Peacemaker is here to save the day!

Probably...

Published 2023-10-06 21:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-06 21:50:00 UTC

Operation 1: Barking Wood

"Peacemaker... What a joke."

Those were the final words of U.S. Colonel Rick Flags gave. He gave those final words to the man lying under him, to the man who stabbed him in the heart with a piece of glass.

Peacemaker could only stare at the Colonel for but a brief second before they both tumbled onto the floor. Peacemaker sat up, while Rick fell onto the ground, cold and motionless. Peacemaker took a moment to contemplate what just happened, before looking up to see someone.

It was Cleo Cazo. Also known as the goddamn Ratcatcher 2. They both locked eyes on each other for what felt like a long time before Cleo looked down at what their whole mission was about. The hard drive. Their entire mission was based on that one little disk, what Peacemaker's main objective was, and what Rick Flags had to die for. Cleo picked up the hard drive and went back to staring at The disheveled man.

"Cleo." He spoke in a low and dangerous tone. "Give me back the drive."

Cleo answered that threat by simply getting up and running away. Peacemaker picked up his deagle and quickly followed her up the staircase she went to.

Cleo ran upstairs and came across a door on one of the floors. Instinctively, she opened the door and found herself on what appeared to be a ruin. There was a lot of debris on the ground, the ceiling was slowly yet surely collapsing in on itself, and there were open holes in the walls that helped shimmer the light in the room on the other side of the floor.

She ran up to a couple of pieces of debris and tried to pull out the rat communicator in time before the boogeyman with the gun showed up. After a couple of seconds, she pulled it out and turned around-

Only for Peacemaker to be behind her. He grabbed her arm just as the communicator was turning on and threw her on the ground, knocking the communicator and the hard drive onto the ground. She stared up, terrified as the gun was pointed directly at her face.

"I told you that information can't get out, FUCK!" It was clear to nobody but her and the rat beside her that the killer superhero was pissed. She had no choice but to reason with him. "So, okay, okay, destroy the hard drive. Why kill me?"

Peacemaker just looked at her. True, he could just destroy the hard drive, therefore eliminating any chance of that information getting to the public. He wouldn't have to kill his teammates all for the sake of this drive.

But no, that was not part of the mission.

"Because I'm thorough." And with that answer given, he clocked back his pistol. Cleo was now begging for her life after she failed to reason with him. "Oh, my..."

"Sorry kid."

"No, no!" She raised her arms up in a brace for impact.

But before the bullet was shot, Peacemaker looked up to see tons of brick floors crashing down across him. After a loud crash and a grunt heard, he saw him. The dust settled and all Peacemaker could see standing across him was... Bloodsport. It was Peacemaker's main rival and his inferior opposite. Bloodsport was covered in dust and had a couple of splats of blood across his uniform.

He looked across in confusion as to what he was seeing. First, he saw Peacemaker staring at him, then he saw his gun, and then he saw who the gun was pointing towards. Cleo looked at him, her face practically saying 'Save me, please.'

Bloodsport looked up at Peacemaker in anger, the nerve of him trying to kill this innocent girl! Peacemaker only just stared back with his own look of determination, thus beginning a stare-off.

There was nothing between them but open ground, dust settling in as the two stared at each other, wondering who would make the first shot. A couple of seconds later, Peacemaker raises his gun, which makes Bloodsport pull out his own gun and they both fire simultaneously.

The two bullets left their respective guns and soared across the long room. One of the bullets was 9mm, while the other was a bit small and more pointy. The bullets were sailing in the exact same direction, towards their opponent's neck. Once the bullets came into contact with each other, the smaller bullet that Bloodsport fired penetrated Peacemaker's bullet, breaking it into minuscule pieces of metal. The bullet then soared across to the unsuspecting killer, breaking his gun and then going across his neck.

He grabbed his neck in shock as he gurgled out some of his blood from his mouth. He went on his knees and then on all fours as the victor got down from the debris and went up to help Cleo.

Peacemaker looked up and muttered his last words. "H-How...?" Which prompted a sharp-edged response from his murderer. "Smaller bullets."

And with that end, he gurgled and groaned until he hit the floor.

The Peacemaker had now died in action.

A bird was flying across the forest, going wherever he wanted to go. He was finally free from his nagging parents, telling him to go find a wife and make a life for himself. Well forget them, this is his life! He soared across trees, narrowly missing a branch for each tree he passed through.

After flying for a while, his eye spotted something on the ground, there was a red spot somewhere within the forest he was flying above. The bird, being the kind of sparrow who loves adventure, dived down to see what lay below. Once he latched onto one of the branches, he scanned the clearing to see what he saw from above. And there, he saw it.

It was huge, almost as tall as a tree, and had a bulky upper body. It almost looked like one of those bipedal dogs he saw one time, though he wouldn't tell that story to his family otherwise he'd get in a lot of trouble. He also noticed what he had beside him, which was what looked like two pieces of metal. The bigger one had a shine on it when the sun shimmered on it, and it had a huge metal curve on the top going around the sides of the thing. He didn't know what that thing was, and he wasn't bothered to keep looking at it. So he turned to the next piece of metal. It was small and had a curve at the top and it had a hole at the end of the big barrel.

Ok, he didn't know what that was either. What he did know was that there was something mysterious happening here, and he had to find out! So very carefully, he flew downwards and went to the right side of the biped. It was lying on the front side and it appeared to be... Snoring?

Apparently this... Whatever this is, was sleeping. Was it some sort of traveler trying to take a nap? He'd seen tons of travelers make camp somewhere in the forest, but never one where they didn't have anything but two pieces of metal and no cloth or meal. What is this thing living off of?!

The sparrow approached the snoring head, it had its eyes closed and he could swear he could hear it mutter something. "No, it's not a toilet bowl Mom, it's a beacon of free-" It went back to snoring.

Sparrow was confused as to what it just said. Toilet bowl? Beacon? He understood it was talking to its mom in its dream, but what in the world was it talking about? He decided it would be best to figure it out when it woke up. And now was the time to wake it up.

He approached its face with caution and then pecked it a few times. The beast before him only made a face of mild annoyance and produced a grunt. Sparrow just made a pout and then did something nobody should ever do.

He threw a lot of pecking at the beast's face. The beast was now making a face of both pain and agony, as it tried to roll over to avoid getting pecked a lot. It was all for naught, as Sparrow just flew above and around him and continued to pummel its face.

Now the beast woke up enraged, "GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!" It got up and started flailing its arms around to get the little shit away from it, hopefully, it can grab the bird and choke out what little life it has left.

After a few minutes of endless flailing and dodging, the sparrow had decided enough was enough and got the heck out of there. Screw this, he's going back home! No more adventures for him!

Peacemaker watched as the bird disappeared into the trees above him. Hitting every branch as it tries to ascend away from him. He sighed as he placed his hands on his face. Never before would he be awoken to a damn bird pecking him, until today.

Wait a minute? Today? He let go of his face and took a good look at his two hands. Wait a minute, he's alive? He started patting himself down for confirmation. He is alive! "Holy shit!" He couldn't believe his luck! And he was unharmed too! But how the hell did he survive? He touched his neck and felt undamaged as if it hadn't been shot through by a small bullet.

He wanted to question how in the world this was possible before he started noticing his surroundings. Trees surrounded him from every corner, colorful flowers and weeds sprouted all around him, and the occasional sunlight shone down on his face.

It looked almost... Peaceful.

He looked around to see if he could be wrong about that, TV shows like to give the protagonist wrong ideas about the place before they start looking around. And there was no way in HELL could there be a peaceful place in a goddamn dark forest such as the one he was in.

But there was nothing. Besides the chirping from one of the trees up top, it was almost silent, too silent. Yeah, he wasn't liking this one bit. He suddenly noticed something from the corner of his eye, distracting him from the weirdness of the forest. It was none other than his helmet and his pistol.

Wait, didn't his pistol break in the fight against... Him? He didn't want to say the name of who killed him, lest he would admit the fact that the man who killed him was better than him. He picked up his pistol and pulled out the clip. He checked the amount of bullets he had which was seven, meaning it was locked and loaded. Satisfied, he placed the clip back into the gun and put it back in its holster.

He then picked up his helmet and took a good look at it. Not a scratch on it, which was now the fourth, possibly fifth? Mystery he had encountered so far. Shrugging off the questionable cleanliness of his helmet (and him), he placed his helmet back onto his head.

"Oooh yeah, now this feels right." He'd forgotten how comfortable his helmet was. "Now, where the hell do I go?" He thought. He now had to find his way back to Corta Maltese. He scanned around and saw an opening just behind him. "I spy with my little eye, something that is... This way!"

And on that note, he headed off in the direction of where the sun was headed. This time, he was filled with energy and was ready to take down whatever stood in his way! He also went there with two objectives in his mind now.

Find the Hard drive, and kill Bloodsport.

"Damn it I said his name!"

Angry with himself, he continued down the path.

"Why the fuck is this forest so dense?"

Because it's a forest, genius.

Peacemaker was walking for about an hour or so before he noticed something odd about the forest. In fact, he had been noticing it for a while now but hadn't really cared about it until he started hearing noises around him. It wasn't far, but he could faintly hear it drawing closer and closer as he moved on.

Sensing danger couldn't be far, he pulled out his pistol and started pointing in different directions. He glanced back at the path he went through to see if there was anybody following him. No dice.

"Fuck, if only I had my damn X-ray vision..." He muttered under his breath. His X-ray vision would've saved him the time of finding the hiding bastards and going straight to shooty time.

*Ruffle Ruffle*

He suddenly heard something beyond the bushes on the left side of the path. He tensed up and pointed his gun in that direction. The bushes started to move violently and also made a low growl. Peacemaker started to slightly shake as he kept its gun trained on the green. His breathing slowly went to a short and rapid pace.

What the hell was he freaking out about? He thought. He dealt with shit like this before; mercenaries, criminals, and even stalkers for some reason. Whatever they threw at him, he could end it with a bullet. And if the bullet doesn't work, then they get taken to Fistville.

So why was a part of his brain telling him to run? He shunned the thought of being a coward. His father didn't raise any PUSSY! Gun still trained on the bush, he shouted. "Hey! Come out and fight me like a man!" There was still a hint of fear in his voice.

A couple of seconds later, the bushes stopped ruffling. The silence was deafening, to say the least, but after a while, it happened. The beast came out, and boy did it look angry.

Peacemaker stared in utter shock at what he was seeing. The beast was almost as tall going up to his thighs and it also was wide as a motherfucker. But the most noticeable and easily terrifying thing about the beast was that it had green eyes and was made entirely out of wood. Yea, the fucking beast was wooden for some goddamn reason!

"What the fu-"

Before the bad word was said, the beast growled and jumped on Peacemaker, attempting to gnaw and eat him alive. Peacemaker yelped as he felt the full weight of the wooden wolf. He then held the beast's muzzle to prevent it from chewing off his neck.

The struggle for one's survival and one's food lasted for 15 seconds before Peacemaker decided to end this little scuffle with a fist to its face. The Wolf felt the hard blow as meat meets wood. It reeled back in pain as Peacemaker shouted out, "Take that bitch!"

That only made the wolf more angrier than it needed to be. It backed off and went for the arm. However, it didn't go unnoticed as Peacemaker backed up and threw another haymaker at the wolf.

This is pointless, thought Peacemaker. He knew at this point it was gonna turn into a battle of attrition, something which the literal wooden wolf could probably beat him in. He had to end this once and for all.

As the wolf's muzzle was still being held by his left arm, he pulled his other arm out and reached for the gun that was lying beside him. His face was showing a sign of struggle as he didn't know how long his left arm could hold back the damn wolf.

"C'mon, C'mon..." His index finger was now touching the gun. "Just a little... More..." With one swift motion, he knocked the gun close for him to grab with his full hand. The minute he picked it up, he aimed directly at the Wolf's head and-

*POW*

The wolf howled in agony and jumped off of him. Peacemaker got up in time and saw how the wolf took the hit. He assumed it didn't take it very well, considering he shot it in the fucking skull.

But no, the wolf seemed to just have... Shrugged it off. It was now staring at Peacemaker, staring at him with its one eye and open left eye socket. Something seemed off about shot eye, and upon closer inspection, Peacemaker knew why.

The eye itself was slowly being covered up with branches from the inside of the head. the branches moved slowly to each other, connecting and creating a tiny wall to cover up the damage. The damn thing has regenerative abilities, Peacemaker thought. Not only that, it was also completely capable of overpowering him, so basically meaning strength plus healing equals he's fucked.

As Peacemaker could do nothing but be terrified at the mystical creature, he watched slowly as he let his opponent heal up. After its eye was healed, the next thing it did brought him to a fight or flight mode like no other. It raised its head upwards and howled as loud as it could. And no sooner than five seconds, more howls were heard from the distance.

Once that happened, Peacemaker ran into the forest in the opposite direction of the howls. The wolf watched as its prey left its sight. A couple of minutes later, a pack of Timberwolves came out of the bushes and ran toward the fleeing human scent.

The game of cat and mouse had begun. But instead of the cat, there was the wolf.

Out in the distance in the forest, A young yellow pegasus stallion was rummaging through some bushes. Butter Cheese was his name, and he was looking for something. "C'mon, where is it?"

He went to the next bush and saw it.

"Finally!" He picked up some purple flowers. "Lavender! These will be perfect for Merrily!" He opened the basket that was conveniently next to him and placed them in.

Once he completed doing that, he headed further into the forest to find the next batch of flowers for this Merrily. He trudged past the bunch of bushes and saw what a beautiful bunch of flowers just waiting to be picked.

"Well, gosh darn," He said in a poor Western accent. "These might be one of the prettiest things this side of the village!" He lowered his head and began picking them one by one.

Peacemaker didn't stop running, nor did he plan to. The damn wolves were still on his ass. Far away, but still on him.

He kept looking back once in a while to check, but he could still hear their howling. The sign of them awaiting blood and flesh.

He didn't know how far civilization would be. He expected it to be somewhere in this damn area, but there was nothing. Not even any cottages or villages in sight! Was he lost? Was he trapped in some damn deserted island that Task Force X threw him in for these possibly experimented wooden wolves to feed upon?

Honestly, that last suggestion wouldn't be out of the equation for him, he thought. Amanda Waller wasn't known otherwise as someone who wouldn't deal with anything threatening her organization.

He twisted his head back to see if they caught up with him, it was only then he realized that doing that was a mistake. He spun back around to see something yellow and four-legged hunched in front of him. He was still running so he knew what was about to happen.

*THUMP*

"OOF!"

"AH, FUCK!"

they both were on the ground wincing at their pain. One was hunched over, grabbing their leg while slightly rolling over, while the other was also hunched over taking slow breaths to counteract the damage he had gotten from the kick to his abdomen. They both fail to notice each other during this process.

After the pain in his leg stopped, Peacemaker stood up and stopped midway to see what the next wild thing was. There was a pony. A yellow, winged pony.

Did his brain go haywire?

"NO! THAT CAN'T BE POSSIBLE!" He screamed in his head. The idea of wooden wolves was certainly well within the reality of science. But yellow ponies..? That just seemed so... Unethical.

He began to brainstorm different ways to make sense of this madness. Maybe he was dreaming? That could certainly be it. Maybe this is all a bad dream he got from being drugged up by morphine in the hospital he's potentially in.

As he pinched himself to check if he was dreaming, the pony across from him got out of his dazed state and shook his head like a dog getting out of the water.

"Ugh... What happened-" His question was stopped as he eyed the human across from him, who was pinching himself to get out of his undesired dreamscape.

"Woah woah," Butter Cheese scampered backward to a nearby bush. "What in the hay are you?!"

Peacemaker stopped pinching himself and looked up to the pony. "I feel like I should be asking the same question, dipshit."

"Wha- Puh-" He stuttered over his words after what he just heard. "Who are you calling- How dare you!" The pony got up from his position and stared directly at Peacemaker.

Peacemaker also got up from his position. "Look, I don't have time to deal with this bullshit, so you can point me towards the nearest city, uh, pony-thing?"

Butter blinked at him and looked down in thought. "Well uh-"

*AWOOO*

They both turned toward the sound of the noise and Peacemaker quickly made the realization. "Shit!" He quickly ran in the other direction.

Butter looked at Peacemaker from a distance and stared back at the direction of the noise before the cogs also started turning in his brain. His eyes widened and galloped towards Peacemaker's direction, "H-Hey! Wait for me!"

Peacemaker certainly didn't want to wait for someone; especially if they were being chased by monsters from a Scooby-Doo episode. He turned to his left and saw two pairs of green eyes staring at him, keeping at the same pace he was going in. Behind him, he heard his dashing new pony friend struggling to catch up with him. Why he decided to follow him was beyond his understanding.

Butter, being a pegasus, jumped up and used his wings to propel him off the ground and chased after the human. He then managed to catch up to him and shouted, "Where are you going?!"

Peacemaker stared at him like he was a pegasus with a second head. "Where do you think I'm going? Away from those things!" He pointed backward to the distant wolves chasing him.

Butter scoffed. "I know that! But this isn't the way to town!"

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE!?"

"I COULDN'T BECAUSE THERE ARE WOLVES CHASING US NOW! WOLVES THAT ARE AFTER YOU, I MIGHT ADD!"

"OH SURE, BLAME IT ON THE HUMAN, YOU RACIST!"

"WHA-"

As Butter was about to form a counter remark, Peacemaker looked forward and saw something that made him stop. Butter stopped at just the same time and looked at him confusingly. "Hey! What's wrong-" He then looked at what Peacemaker was staring at and could see why.

Just a few feet away from them lies a dead-end. They were looking at the distant sight of the mountains, along with rivers going across it. But it wasn't the sight that bothered them, it was more so the fact that there was no path to go towards it. They both now realized that they standing at the each of a cliff, and from beyond the edge, it looked like a good ol' ticket to hell.

They both looked at each other and turned around to go back.

Only to be stopped by a pack of wild Timberwolves.

The human and pony started backing up as the wolves closed in on their prey. Peacemaker had his hands up as a form of defense, while Butter could only look terrified as his hunters growled at him.

It was just then Butter Cheese had realized something. He was a pegasus! He could go and fly across the cliff with no sweat! He raised his head slightly up and whispered to Peacemaker. "I got a plan..." He then lifted into the air and went just beyond the cliff's edge.

He raised both of his hooves in the air and stared at him. "You can jump, right? Then use those claws of yours and grab on!"

Peacemaker looked at him and then at the edge. This is suicide, he thought. There was no possible way his body and size could hold onto someone like him. But then he turned to the Pack of wild, hungry beasts waiting to feast on his flesh; probably while he was still alive.

He had to quickly think: Die at the hands of the wild beasts' hungry jaws, or die at the hands of a pegasus's impulsive stupidity?

"Welp", he thought. "Better stupidity than jaws!"

He turned around with a frightful look on his face and started sprinting. The wolves quickly caught on to what they were trying to do and sprinted towards them. The wolves were now inches away from him and started attempting to bite at his posterior.

As the last few steps were closing in, Peacemaker had two things to say.

"OHHHHHH SHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTTT"

And with that, He leaped into the air.

Author's Note

HELLO, HELLO!

First of all, I'd like to thank the readers who took their time to read this mess.

Second of all, I'd like to also point out that this is a work in progress (as most stories are) in terms of finding what kind of opponents I could find for Peacemaker. This is something I've been wanting to make and now that I'm ahead, I'm honestly excited as to what's to come.

And finally, I'd appreciate any form of comments and feedback from all of you! This is my first story and I genuinely want to see who I impressed! (or who I failed... Sorry)

Thank you, and see you later, alligator!