Doubt Itself

by Casketbase77

Rating: teen
Tags: Cozy Glow, Pinkie Pie, Sunset Shimmer, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Drama, Equestria Girls
Length: 14998

They're supposed to be inspiring, Sunset's stories of ponies with familiar names and faces. But to Cozy Glow, her other self is a warning she's grimly taken to heart. Too bad about the whispers still in her head. And the urges.

Sunset Shimmer knows the risks of blabbing about Equestria. Especially to people whose counterparts are... unsavory. The human counterpart of Cozy Glow was a gamble, but so far she's paid off. A troubled girl struggling to stay good. All Sunset has to do is keep her trust.

Something very hard to do after a nosy native Equestrian shows up.

:pinkiegasp: First Place Winner :pinkiegasp:

of the 4th Annual Cozy Glow Story Contest, using the prompt "Cozy's got a secret!"

Published 2023-09-22 01:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-24 23:27:29 UTC

Countdown to Meltdown

Cozy Glow's dream journal scared her.

She finished her entry for the previous night, then set down her gel pen and exhaled. If anyone read this most recent scrawl (or the dozens of other dreams she’d documented over the years), Cozy would have nothing to say in her defense.

“I’m taking meds for it,” wouldn't help her case. If anything, it'd be a terrible admission that her thoughts were still this bad under treatment.

Cozy shivered. Despite the heat of the late August morning, despite the tightness of her footie pajamas, she could still feel icy tingles in her fingers and toes. Cozy knew what these tingles were, of course: Phantom remnants of her dream, still juiced up by the adrenaline high that had shocked her awake. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t actually wrapped her hands around Sunset Shimmer’s throat. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t actually squeezed and squeezed and squeezed so much that she’d jolted upright in bed, delirious and gasping.

What mattered was she had enjoyed it. Just like all the other dreams she had when she was hurting people. Usually it was just random faceless targets, though. Not her only friend.

Cozy wrapped her arms around her flat, heaving chest while she rocked back and forth in her bedroom's desk chair. Back and forth, back and forth. She kept rocking until the icy tingles were gone, melted by the hot pit in her stomach that Cozy understood to be guilt.

Her dream journal was running out of pages.

If Cozy Glow’s luck continued to fail her, she’d have enough bad nights to fill the book up before the end of the month. What would she do then? Buy another so she could fill that one up too? Keep going until she had so many piled in her room she couldn’t keep them all hidden from the world anymore?

Compelled by loneliness, Cozy plucked a stuffed animal up off her bed and shut her eyes. She pretended the plush goat was alive, holding it tight and trying her best to wring some companionship out of the empty toy. Then, when her fingers began to hurt, she looked down and saw her thumbs gouging into its button eyes.

“I strongly advise against getting any family pets,” Cozy’s therapist had urged after the first session with her parents. “Under no circumstances should any animals be left alone with her.”

Cozy Glow bit her lip, tears blurring her vision.

“This is probably obvious, but the same caution extends to babies. It’s a relief to hear that she doesn’t have any siblings.”

The 7:00 AM alarm sounded on Cozy Glow’s phone, prompting her to drop the goat, slam the dream journal shut, and push her chair back. The self-shaming session would have to be done for the morning; she had twenty minutes til her school bus arrived.

After locking away the dream journal and all its damning indictments in her desk drawer, Cozy made her bed. Then trudged towards the bathroom, yanking curlers from her hair with every step.

She‘d been up for awhile but still hadn’t peed. Documenting her nightmare had been more important. No big deal; Cozy was training her bladder to be stronger anyway. She'd once read that sociopaths had a high risk of becoming chronic bedwetters later in life, and her terrible self-esteem didn’t need something like that compounding everything else. Cozy sat, relieved herself, then left the bathroom as quickly as possible. The toilet faced the mirror, and Cozy didn’t like looking at her reflection any longer than she had to. Soft, babyfaced features weren't comely for an unclean soul. Even after 14 white-knuckled years of life, the cognitive dissonance still upset her.

Cozy dressed, pulling a blouse over her head and feeling it catch on a stray curler she’d missed earlier. Cozy Glow was new to curling her hair, having worn it in a bun all her life. Right up until last week. She’d only begun trying the Shirley Temple look after… after...

Cozy glanced at her clock, saw she had time, and sat down on the edge of her bed. She pulled out her phone and scrolled past a dozen screenshots of recently revisited WebMD Psychology articles. Thereafter her thumb settled on a unique picture in her camera roll. A photo of a photo, one that Sunset Shimmer showed her in the apparently magical “Friendship Journal.”

Specifically, a picture of the pegasus who shared Cozy's name.

Cozy Glow had spent more time staring at the image of her horsey counterpart than she liked to admit. This other Cozy was adorable, even more undeservedly than she herself was. Same fake smile. Same hollow eyes. Their only difference (other than their species, obviously) was the way they wore their hair. Up until last week, anyway. Cozy Glow extracted the last curler and ran her fingers through her locks. As the tresses settled, so did her nerves.

Cozy knew it was childish, mimicking her counterpart in an attempt to redeem that part of their identity. Still, the need to change one’s hairstyle was fairly innocuous compared to many more long-running and violent urges she dealt with daily. Really, it was nice to finally have a compulsion she could give into without feeling worried or guilty about it. She’d even slept fairly well the first night she‘d gone to bed wearing curlers. Instead of another murder dream, she’d had a repeat from awhile back where a rainbow-colored beam arced from the sky and washed over her, slowly turning her body to stone. Cozy’d jolted awake in terror of course, but at least it was her being victimized for once, not some innocent placeholder person. She vastly preferred traditional nightmares to the sick fantasies she usually had.

With some finality, she pulled on her favorite skirt, sliding her phone into its inseam pocket and hearing the rattle of her lithium tablet bottle already in there. Impulse told her to pop a pair of pills into her mouth immediately, but she first needed breakfast to ensure they’d dissolve properly. A few extra minutes of being sick in the head was fair trade for not being sick to her stomach, right?

Depends on what level of sick.

Cozy Glow flinched. The auditory hallucinations were starting to come back. She headed downstairs, knowing the sooner she could medicate, the better.

“Oh for Faust’s sake!” Cozy Glow shouted at the open the cereal pantry. “That's what I get for putting an empty box back on the shelf. Now I can have a big bowl of disappointment for breakfast!”

No one was around to hear her zealous griping, of course. Both parents were at work, as usual. Still, yelling meant filling the room with real noise. Hopefully enough to smother any fake noise her traitorous brain might conjure again.

“Bagel,” Cozy decided, tossing the empty cereal box in the trash and rooting around in the bread drawer. “Bagel, bagel, bagel, bagel…” her chanting had a tenor fit for a padded cell.

“Bagel!” she exalted, holding up her prize.

Cozy Glow glanced at her phone again, confirming she had four minutes til the bus was due. Plenty of time to heat her food and eat it. She fired up the toaster and used her momentary break to retrieve the cereal box from the trash. “This actually goes in the recycling bin,” Cozy Glow declared aloud to no one. “I’m a good, responsible girl. I don’t throw away cardboard. No siree.” She was honestly just talking to talk at this point.

Cozy Glow laid the cereal box in the proper receptacle before pulling on her penny loafers and backpack. Still waiting on the toaster, she slid open the silverware drawer to extract a bread knife.

Bad move.

As her fingers wrapped around a knife’s handle, Cozy’s heart rate shot up and a piercing, high-pitched ringing stabbed her ears.

A weapon.

In her grasp.

While she was unsupervised.

Cozy Glow yelped and dropped the knife onto the linoleum, She felt dizzy from the headrush, panicked from the adrenaline kick, nauseous from her flare of sadistic excitement.

Sloppy. Careless. Damaged goods. Always underestimating its own triggers.

Cozy Glow clasped her hands over her ears and shut her eyes.

“Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn’t there. He wasn’t there again today. Oh how I wish he’d go away.”

Her favorite nursery rhyme was her trump card. Her ace of hearts. Before she got pills to silence the spectral taunting, Cozy had relied on chanting as a sort of verbal panacea. Reciting esoteric lyrics didn’t have any power outside of her imagination of course, but then again neither did her demons. Cozy had been encouraged by her therapist to use the rhyme whenever she felt herself beset on all sides.

“Yesterday upon the stair, I met a man who wasn’t-“ Her bagel popped up, causing Cozy to exhale loudly and drop her arms back to her sides. The ringing in her ears wasn’t completely gone, but it had at least quieted. She was retrieving her food from the toaster when she saw, foggy through the kitchen window, her school bus approaching from down the street.

Cozy nearly cussed, but instead stuffed her mouth with dry, cream cheese-less pieces of bagel. She nearly choked from lack of chewing, bursting out the door and reaching the curb the same time the bus did with her phone in her fist and her pill bottle in her pocket bouncing the whole way. Cozy Glow swallowed the last of her sorry breakfast and smiled sweetly at the driver while she boarded. He responded with an indifferent grunt and closed the doors behind her. Secure seated with fellow students in front and behind, Cozy dropped her backpack and took stock of herself.

There was a knot behind her sternum. No doubt a chunk of bagel she hadn’t chewed properly. It ached, but a quick swig from a school drinking fountain would remedy that. Cozy could suffer in silence for the half hour it'd take to arrive. What she could not keep waiting on was taking her meds. Two pills would be enough. She was small for her age, after all.

Her surreptitious hand slipped into her skirt pocket. Cozy's eyes bulged when it found nothing but lint.

She frantically turned the pocket inside out. Empty. Cozy tossed her backpack aside, scrabbling her hands on the dirty bus seat. When the search turned up nothing, she sat rigidly with her spine flush against the backrest, gaze empty and head pounding.

In her ailing mind’s eye, Cozy Glow saw the orange of her precious pill bottle lying stark against the green of her front lawn. All while the bus carried its recipient further and further away by the second.

Cozy Glow’s breathing was getting fast and shallow. Some silver-haired girl across the aisle eyed her with concern, and Cozy wanted nothing more than to sink a hatchet between those pitying, bespectacled purple eyes. Naturally appalled by her own thoughts, Cozy Glow dug five trimmed fingernails into her thigh and mewled helplessly.

This was bad. Very bad.

Cozetta Glasgow, certified underage violent schizophrenic, was on her way and off her meds.

Author's Note

Shoutout to Unnamed Girl #1, an EqG backgrounder who inspired my design for EqG Cozy.

In the prequel fic, Cozy's hair was in a bun to match the only art assets available. But in this one, she finally has her canon hairstyle! Hopefully it won't lead to a symbolic late chapter payoff.

4hr 15m

Sunset Shimmer missed her motorcycle. Or rather, she missed what it allowed her to do.

She'd stopped counting the years since she'd settled into humanity, since only four of them mattered: the three she'd spent so far at Canterlot High, and this last one she had left before heading off to art school. She already had a scholarship locked in, thanks to the Rainbooms. Sunset had grown a lot since joining Rainbow Dash's band, though she still made occasional mistakes. Most recently, she'd made the mistake of becoming the first member of her friend group to get a car.

Parked where she was now, on the curb outside Pinkie's house, Sunset Shimmer wondered if she shouldn't trade her biker jacket for a taxi cap. Actually, scratch that. Taxi drivers weren't late for school due to unpunctual carpool passengers.

"Come on!" Sunset grumbled as she hovered her hand over the horn. Yes, her human experience told her this was a residential neighborhood. Yes, it also was aware this was early morning on a Monday. Yes, respecting noise ordinances were important. But not more important than staying on schedule. Sunset had promised to meet and touch base with Cozy Glow before class. If Sunset failed to show up, if the most fragile person she knew suspected some sort of abandonment....

Sunset swore on her invisible Cutie Mark that her fist would pound the horn if Pinkie wasn't outside in the next ten seconds.

Nine seconds.

Eight seconds.

Sunset's free hand swept her passenger seat free of junk. Just to have a clear spot to point at indignantly after blaring her summons.

Seven seconds.

Part of the swept junk had been Sunset's unzipped backpack, and its insides spilled out. She frowned at the mess, since her Friendship Journal, her lifeline to Equestria, didn't belong on the dirty floor. Not even when that line sent data only one way these days. Sunset bent far to reach it, twisting and straining against her still-fastened seatbelt. As she did, her elbow hit the steering wheel.

"Hiya, Shimsham! Could you unlock your doo-"

HONK!

"Ouch. That's a loud unlock."

Sunset sighed and squeezed her key fob, unlocking the door for real. Pinkie Pie smiled in though the window, then grimaced down at the handle.

"Could you um... also push it open for me?"

"Please just get in!" Sunset leaned again, this time managing a quick unlatch.

"Thanks a billion! And sorry for the fumbles. Still getting used to flexing these wigglers, ya know?"

Sunset did not know. About wigglers, about flexing, or really most anything that Pinkie said to her on a day-to-day basis. But she did know the door had swung shut with her only passenger for the day safe inside. And so Sunset floored the gas pedal, burning rubber towards Canterlot High.

Pinkie, thrown back in her chair by momentum, drummed her knuckles on her stomach.

"So... whatcha have for breakfast, Sunset?"

"Huh?"

"You look grumpier than a wet diamond dog. And whenever I'm grumpy in the morning, it's usually cuz I skipped breakfast. I didn't today, though! I had oatmeal."

Sunset chuffed as she took a hard left out of the neighborhood.

"I can tell. You've still got some on your chin."

Pinkie laughed and rubbed her face. Curiously, her hands were still balled into fists.

"I had oatmeal too," Sunset reported while making another turn. "Equestrian breakfast staple. Old favorite from my pony days."

"Hey then, that's a good reason to smile!" Pinkie's face fell. "But you're not smiling..."

"Truth be told, Pinkie, I'm under the gun right now."

Pinkie Pie's knuckles stayed drumming. "I dunno what that means. You wanna talk about it anyway?"

Sunset palmed the steering wheel, turning at last on the main road to school. Right behind a very slow school bus.

"Celestia's love handles!" Sunset cursed. The school bus slowed to a stop, and consequently so did Sunset's sedan. Slow-moving students trudged aboard their ride. Sunset stewed with her face in her hands.

"Hm," Pinkie observed. "Well, we got time now. Enough for you to explain why you don't have enough of it."

"What's there to explain?" Sunset groused. "Over the summer, I took a leap of faith with an incoming freshman Twilight tipped me off about. She's named Cozy Glow."

Pinkie's knuckle-drumming stopped. She eyed Sunset warily, not that Sunset noticed.

"She... needs help. I'm not sure what kind, so we started small. A letter sent through the Friendship Journal. But Twilight hasn't answered it, or anything else I've sent since then, and I don't know what to do! Every other Friendship Problem we've seen in this world, they were able to be fixed by either smashing some artifact or Ponying Up with everyone else in the band." Her pitch was climbing. "But whatever's got ahold of Cozy is different. I feel like I'm always a tail-hair away from losing her, and I'm going to college soon, so I can't keep a permanent eye on her. I need Twilight to answer me, but she won't answer me, and we're stuck in traffic when I need to meet Cozy, and I really need Twilight to answer me!!!"

The bus ahead belched fumes and lurched forward. Sunset's sedan crept pitifully behind.

"Wow. Okay then." Pinkie Pie was sitting up now. "If this helps at all, Twilight's been super duper busy since her coronation. Like, there was fighting and lasers and an army running down a hill the day before she got her crown. I picked up Grogar's Bewitching Bell at the end. Grew real big for a bit. Everypony was shocked."

It was fortunate the sedan was puttering slowly, because Sunset Shimmer slammed the brakes. Pinkie's balled fists that failed to open the car door. The oatmeal on her chin left from eating with just her face. That casual use just now of "everypony."

"Pinkie?", Sunset rasped.

The disguised Equestrian giggled and clapped her clumsy hands. "I'd say 'the one and only,' but that's not really true, is it? Oh whatevs. Super nice to finally meetcha, Sunset! I've heard lots about you."

Sunset Shimmer babbled several overlapping interrogative questions. They were drowned out by the caravan of cars behind hers honking impatiently. Traffic was dense this close to Canterlot High. Dutifully, like a true human driver, Sunset chugged along to catch up to the bus.

"W-what are you doing on this side of reality, Pinkie Pie?"

"Heading to the first day of school! The Last first day, since I guess this is the year you all graduate. Me and other me, we were gabbing like we do every thirty moons when the Mirror Portal is open. She was down in the dumps over catching some human disease called Senioritis. I was down in deeper dumps cuz I wanted to see Canterlot High before you all left it. So a switcheroo for the day solved both our problems! I even made my bed with pillows before I left, so other me would have max comfort sleeping off any symptoms she had from Senioritis."

"Umm.... okay. So did she leave any prep for you? I don't see you carrying her purse or lunchbox or anyth-"

"Of course she did! She set you up as my carpool because I don't know how to drive."

Sunset's tired hands gripped tighter on the sedan's wheel. "How very considerate of her."

"No need for any more prep than that! I got Pinkie Sense to help me through all of the day."

The bus ahead stopped again, so Sunset did too. Her chatty passenger did not.

"Ya know, Twilight once tried to figure out how Pinkie Sense worked. She gave up quick, but to be fair this was back before either of us knew we had parallel selves having their own parallel fun. Because us two Pinkies, we... find it real easy to share the other's vibes, fill each other's shoes. Even when the portal's closed, It's like we have this one shared Pinkie Pie soul, stretching far and strong enough to fill us both up. Make our senses both sharp. Makes both our moods match. It's pretty neat! I don't know anyone else who gets so much shared mojo from across the divide."

Sunset Shimmer eyed her dormant Friendship Journal. "I do. And I don't think 'neat' is the word she'd use for it."

Pinkie Pie rubbed her knees together, pensive. Then she perked up.

"Hey, maybe I could take a crack at reforming Cozy!"

"Reforming?" Sunset wasn't sure she liked that word. It felt... impersonal. But she had no more attention to spare for Pinkie's giddy grinning. The bus ahead was full, so their caravan was at last accelerating towards Canterlot High.

"Yeah! Like how Fluttershy reformed Discord and Twilight reformed Starlight. Ooh! I bet the fact I'm here today is all part of Harmony's cosmic plan. Come for the tourism, stay for the Friendship Mission!"

Sunset's hands were sweating as she steadied the wheel. "Humans are... more complicated than ponies," she ventured. "Not to squash your enthusiasm, but I earned Cozy's trust on complete accident. I don't think you can really replicate-"

"Aw come on, Sunset. Pleeeeease? Just a hot minute ago you were simmering at Twilight giving you the cold shoulder. You wanted help from Equestria, and now you've got it! What's Twi got in her bag of Friendship tricks that I don't?"

Sunset mulled over her response. "Magic?"

"Ha! As if the only thing prepped by Other Me was a ride in your squealy wheely automobile-y." For the first time since getting in the car, Pinkie Pie extended her fingers. She fished them into her blouse pocket like a toy claw machine, then drew them up pinching her prize: a dusty piece of glowing rose quartz.

"Pinkie left you her enchanted geode!?"

"Yes ma'am. She... actually, your own glowy rock lets you touch memories, right?"

"Hey, don't- Not now, I'm driving!" Sunset's protests were ignored as Pinkie playfully flicked her shoulder.

Mirror Portal. Hand-turned-hoof presenting the trinket. Hoof-turned-hand accepting. Interspersed were unorganized flashes of light. Somewhere in the montage, Sunset saw her sedan parked expectantly in Pinkie's driveway. Inside, the geode's new wielder had conjured a bowl of oatmeal to sloppily eat it with no hands.

HONK!

Sunset snapped to the present, righting her swerving car. Canterlot High was in sight up ahead.

"...gotta say," Pinkie's voice faded in, "that this thing is easy peasy compared to the Bewitching Bell. It's got one trick, but it's a good one: junk food out of thin air!"

"Yes, I know," Sunset shifted, the heat from her necklace's own geode fading. "I've been around it longer than you have."

"Great! Then we're on the same page."

"We... we are?"

"Yep! I'm seasoned, spiced, and ready to work Friendship magic on Cozy Glow."

Sunset could not think of a less qualified person to attempt to work friendship magic on Cozy Glow. Other than herself, of course. Her options were to appeal to Pinkie Pie's maturity and sense of reason, or state factually obvious flaws with the plan.

For sanity's sake, she chose the latter.

"School starts in ten minutes, and we're only now rolling up. Cozy's probably in class already."

"Nuh-uh, she's on the bus in front of us. I'd recognize those cotton-candy blue curls anywhere."

Sunset nearly broke her neck craning to follow the bus. "Curls..?" she fretted. The huge vehicle swung wide toward the school lot's student dropoff. Through a side window, Cozy's hair was visible, out of its bun and loose in locks that hid the wearer's face. Or perhaps the hiding was just being done by Cozy's posture. Stiff but hunched, her shoulder blades jutted behind like small wings on a pegasus. Sunset's stomach turned at the silhouette's resonance, but she choked it down while pulling into a parking spot. Human Cozy was not pony Cozy. Besides, Pinkie's remark had reminded Sunset of something very encouraging.

"Hey Pinkie, you've tangled Cozy before, right? Equestrian Cozy, I mean."

"Hm? Oh! I sure have, yes-siree." Pinkie Pie prodded cluelessly at her seatbelt, and Sunset undid it for her.

"That's good to hear. So what'd you guys do to help her?"

Pinkie Pie flinched.

"Well?" Sunset prodded eagerly. "What was Twilight's soluti-?"

"Maybe we hold off on the Twilight solution and first try the Pinkie solution." She ducked out with a haste that looked almost like fear, slamming the car door with her freshly clenched fists.

Author's Note

Hey lookit, actual show material that supports the Pinkie swap plot.

(Fimfiction embeds don't recogonize timestamps. :fluttercry: Skip to 2:08 for the relevant skit.)

3hr 42m

Don't fight. Don't flight. Move like a good girl and stay smiling.

Was that her inner monologue, or The Voices? Cozy didn't know. She couldn't know, not in her current state. But the advice was better than her other urge, the one wanting to curl up on the bus floor and cry. Upright like a marionette, marching like a wind-up toy, she joined the mass of students flowing off the bus. They all spilled out together in a herd, uniform and safe. Cozy willed that the crowd stay together, that it keep her in the middle of its guiding, agreeable mass. But pesky friend groups and individuals were splitting off. Cliques of schoolgirls gossiped and giggled, sure-footed and surging ahead. Dour delinquents straggled at the back. A huge group of seniors in varsity jackets broke off to saunter towards the gym.

Cozy seethed at the injustice. How dare they all abandon her like that. If she were in charge, she'd keep the crowd clumped. One faceless, formless mob with her at the front and no one else. That was the ticket. That was correct. No chats or jokes that excluded her. No friends who had preferences beyond hers. Whoever objected, whoever dared to dissent any edicts from Cozy Glow, would be seized by those nearby and torn to silent, compliant pieces.

Cozy gasped with horror at the daydream, so loud that it earned a few looks from those nearby.

"Don't be bad," she whispered. "Find Sunset."

All of Cozy's instincts said keep moving, keep smiling. All of Cozy's instincts were poisonous and untrustworthy. She broke from the crowd, exposed like a nerve. The mass moved on as her tiny fingers clung to a curbside Stop Sign. There she stayed anchored. There she waited for her ears to stop pounding.

"Don't be bad," she repeated emptily.

"Hey! Cozy Glow! Hey, hiya!"

Cozy's hand went defensively to her skirt pocket, but of course there was no pill bottle there. Some frizzy, pink-headed smear jogged towards her from across the student lot. A real person who knew her, or a hallucination? Cozy didn't know which was safer right now.

"Wow," the frizz panted when it finally reached her. "Half the legs, half the running energy. That's math for ya."

"Golly, I guess it is." Cozy didn't know what she was agreeing with. Only that agreeing was usually safe.

"First day at Canterlot High, right? What a co-winky-dink, it's my first day too!"

Cozy dropped her hand from her woefully empty skirt pocket, baby teeth grinding as she stared down the possible hallucination.

"Is it? I coulda sworn you played drums in Rainbow Dash's band. Real good drums too."

"Oooh, I do? Cool."

The pink girl's hands were fists. Why were they fists? Cozy seriously considered running inside. That was where the crowd had gone, after all. That was were good students went. But wait, wasn't she supposed to be waiting for someone? Cozy's thoughts were fraying.

They strained back into relative place however, when the last bus in line pulled loudly away. Behind the bus was the student lot, and trudging across its blacktop was Sunset Shimmer. Cozy's lifeline and confidante. And she owned a car! Big and fast and full of fuel. Enough to take Cozy home to her dropped pill bottle.

Ditching class isn't good girl behavior.

Wrong, whispers. Ditching class was bad, but lying was worse. Cozy shook the distraction away, her backpack's keychains jingling.

"Hey," pink frizz observed, "is a full body shake a type of greeting on this side of the mirror?" She copied Cozy's jittering, giggles distracting her from Cozy's renewed panic.

"This side of the mirror portal..?"

"Ugh," Sunset Shimmer grumbled as she finally limped to the curb. "All that pumping on the brake pedal made my foot fall asleep."

"Ah, so that's what these are called." Frizz clicked her boots together. "Foot. Shares half the letters with hoof, so its easy to remember."

"You're one of Sunset's pony people," Cozy despaired.

"Pinkie Pie, temporary foot owner." She bowed clumsily. "And you gotta be Cozy Glow! I was just telling Sunset that I recognized your hair."

"Hair that used to be styled differently," Sunset chimed in. Her tone wasn't an approving one.

Cozy's heartbeat had doubled in speed, but she fought to keep her breathing unchanged. She was frantically lightheaded, and not just from lack of air. Her nightmares from the past week. The rainbow wave sealing her in stone. That one hadn't been just a dream, had it? The ponies gave up on her counterpart. And Sunset had given up on her. Even called in pink reinforcements, probably on the orders from that purple princess pen pal. And the absolute worst of it was... Cozy didn't blame her. Even now, while her ailing brain churned through dozens of clinically paranoid thoughts, the urges and the whispers were still there, under everything else. And for once, they were just as scared as she was.

"Ooh, you know, I changed my hair once too." Pinkie tousled her mane of frizz. "Back when I was small like you, actually. Makeovers are fun, yeah? Change your head's outside, change your mood's inside too. Go Cozy!"

"Go... me?" Cozy murmured. No one, not even extra-dimensional horses, gave encouragement to a lost cause. Cozy looked submissively towards Sunset. Maybe judgment wasn't finalized?

"Ah... sorry for the snipe, kiddo. Been a long morning. Oh, and before you ask, Twilight still hasn't answered us."

Judgment wasn't finalized!

"She hasn't? Well... that makes me awfully sad."

Liar.

"S-so Miss Pie," Cozy stayed steady. "If Twilight didn't send you, how come you're here?"

"Mmph." Pinkie wrinkled her nose. "That formal, fancy-prance title of "Miss Pie." Only the School of Friendship students call me that. Which, hmm.... I guess your other self was one of those, so it makes sense you'd talk the same, but even so its not fair to slap the same frosting on two different cupcakes just because they're cooked with the exact same ingredients."

Cozy stared at her blankly.

"I'm sorry, Cozy, what was the question again?"

"She's just here to do some tourism," Sunset cut in. "And if that mangled cupcake metaphor is the best you've got Pinkie, then maybe tourism is the only thing you should try to accomplish today."

Pinkie looked discouraged. Cozy seized upon it.

"Hey now, Sunset! That's not how a good person talks to their friends. I personally think Pinkie is great at pretending to be human!"

A smile. Cozy's compliment earned a smile from the pony here to judge her. Desperate to be liked (well, more desperate than usual), Cozy circled Pinkie Pie, pouring on the praise.

"Your bipedal balance is great. And your skirt is nice and pressed. Ooh, is that makeup on your cheeks?"

"It is!" Pinkie exclaimed, proud that someone noticed she'd figured out her counterpart's bedside beauty station. Sunset rolled her eyes, spurring Pinkie to think hard for a morally informative follow-up. "But uh... you know Cozy, all the blush and foundation in the universe doesn't do a lick of good if... if... Aha! If the smile they're boosting up isn't sincere. You know how important it is to be sincere, right Cozy Glow?"

The habitually insincere girl faltered for a moment. Only a moment. "Well... of course I do. Sunset keeps it real, and I follow her example. All her good examples. I can even be critical. Look! Your lapel pocket's undone. That's something I'd ignore if I didn't care about you. But I do! Honest!" Cozy reached up and buttoned the flap on Pinkie's blouse. "See? I'm a helpful friend!"

The school bell rang, making Cozy jump and Pinkie peer around.

"Aw, Sunset, does that noise mean we're we late to class now?"

"Amazing detective skills," Sunset sighed. "Yeah, we're all late for the first day. Can't say this meetup was quite as... productive as somepony promised it would be..." She took Pinkie by hand, as if the Equestrian might get lost on the straight sidewalk. "... but at least we gave it the old Canterlot try."

Pinkie's lower lip stuck out in a silent pout. Sunset braced to drag her off, but first the Bearer of Empathy's eyes softened.

"I uh... I know I should have asked first off, but... you steady today, Cozy?"

Cozy Glow's stomach seized, both from undigested bagel and from shame. Every cell in her body cried out for her pill bottle. Every bit of common sense begged to be driven home by Sunset. But there was a looming pink reason she kept her mouth shut. She couldn't admit weakness in front of the pony. She couldn't confess her faults. Couldn't confirm she belonged with her counterpart.

"I'm fine," Cozy lied. "All medicated up," she lied again. "No sweat. Best behavior. Feeling peachy keen today." She lied and lied and lied. Each of them broke her heart a little more, but also kept the rest of her safe. Just minutes ago, Cozy had been resigned to her fate. But now, when put on the spot, she desperately wanted to keep living. It was just the cowardice in her, she supposed.

"Toodles," Cozy chirped soullessly. Then she trudged towards the freshman hall, a crowd of one.

Cozy didn't glance behind. Her eyes and ears weren't reliable, but her sense of touch was. And what it felt was eyes on her back. Eyes from Sunset, eyes from Pinkie. And she felt them right until she turned a corner, out of sight. Only then in the empty hallway did she drop to her knees and retch. Her mess of mental issues had never made her nauseous before. But she'd also never been in such dangerous crosshairs. Pinkie's laughter, either real or imagined, echoed through the distant hall and made Cozy stand up straight again.

Going home was no longer an option. Neither was cracking under pressure. Cozy Glow wiped her eyes, smoothed her skirt, and gritted her tiny pearly teeth. She would not be outplayed. She would not be exposed. She would outlast the grinning predatory pink stalker from another world. Oh, how Cozy savored the image of Pinkie skulking home, defeated and dejected. The princess would be so mad, she'd order Pinkie's head on a platter. One of those polished shiny types, with fancy smelted trim and one of those mouth apple garnishes! All to serve as an example to any lowly pony who thought they could outwit Cozy Glow.

"No! Bad!" Cozy slapped herself in the face. It stung, but not as much as the fantasy. She had to get to first period. To a room with a crowd. There she could fade into conformity. Maybe. By Faust, today was going to be long and fearful.

Cozy marched ahead. And she continued marching until her hand pushed open the door to her first class.

" -hosting board game club during homeroom today." A silver-haired girl with bespectacled purple eyes was standing. A few dozen peers remained seated, listening to her speak. Some heads turned toward Cozy in the doorway. One of the heads belonged to a very bored teacher.

"Tardy," he grunted. But that was the end of his investment. He didn't ask her name or move to mark her on a sheet or anything. He couldn't even be bothered to tell Purple Eyes to continue. Only a sluggish, permissive nod.

Fine by Cozy.

She divested her shoulders of backpack straps, then planted her butt in a front row desk. That was where good students sat, after all.

"That's all my... I mean, all my..." Purple Eyes was clearly not a public speaker. "Those are my two truths and a lie. Who wants to guess now?"

Hands went up. None belonged to Cozy. She had her fingers threaded, propping up her weary chin. Outwardly, the perfect teacher's pet. Inwardly, tense.

Social icebreakers were expected on a first day of school. Cozy had practiced plenty with her therapist. Never "Two Truths And A Lie" though.

Because two truths are two more than you're capable of telling.

Cozy Glow's hand did raise now. She'd snuff out those naysaying Voices. She'd snuff out anyone who challenged her.

Purple Eyes pointed at a boy in the back row.

"Is it..." he pondered for a moment. "Is your lie about hosting a club in homeroom?"

"Happy to say that it's not. Anyone else?"

The teacher was so passive at his large distant desk, someone else took control. A sour-faced diva rising from a desk near Purple Eyes. Cozy observed a yellow blazer and a diamond tiara.

"Boooring," Yellow Blazer declared. "Your lie was that you took cooking lessons this summer. The only thing you did was hang around my place. As always. Now, sit."

Purple Eyes meekly obeyed, and as she dropped down, so did all the raised hands. All except Cozy's.

"Yes?" Purple Eyes ventured.

"Um..." Cozy improvised a passably friendly comment. "Golly, I feel plum embarrassed, but I showed up late and didn't get your name."

Purple Eyes looked slightly encouraged. Slightly.

"I'm-"

"Done. That's what you are. My turn now." Yellow Blazer rolled her shoulders. "I'm Diamond Tiara, though you all ought to know me if you're not ignorant."

Cozy glanced sideways at the teacher. He was sipping a mug of coffee, uncaring. Or possibly dully pleased the class was governing itself.

"The first of my three statements," Diamond Tiara was drawling, "is... Oh! On my private chauffeur ride here this morning, some nitwit in a sedan honked up the neighborhood for no reason. Then puttered and braked around in front of us for the rest of the commute."

Cozy deemed it okay to tune out this one. Other students had binders and writing utensils on their desks, so Cozy moved to match the masses. She opened her backpack, finding neatly sharpened pencils, crisply folded notebooks, and a pink highlighter. She fought off a shiver, opting only to pull out a notebook. The pinkness was a reminder she had no margin for error today. Cozy understood little of magical pony surveillance hooey, but Pinkie could be spying on her even right now. Maybe paying attention again was safer.

"...and my third is that my family leases land to the local apple farm. That's right; those bumpkins are only open because we're so generous. Or whatever. So who's up for guessing?"

The local farm. Cozy Glow peered hopefully around to see if Apple Bloom was in this class. It was hard to see through the raised hands all around, but it looked like she wasn't. Nor were those other two girls always with her. The ones constantly posting candid vids, trying to go viral. Skate tricks, makeup tutorials, anything. Cozy had spent so much of her free time following the trio's social media, re-watching uploads, aching to be part of their group. She'd even tried approaching them once, a week or two ago. She'd been... interrupted. Cozy itched to try again. To get in good and make them her loyal orbiters.

No! Not orbitors. She just wanted friends, like any well-behaved girl!

"Don't be bad," Cozy rasped. Not very quietly, but if Diamond Tiara had one redeeming trait, it was hogging the room's attention. Cozy flipped open her notebook and pretended to be busy doodling. She kept that up until Diamond sat down, ostensibly satisfied.

The clueless boy from earlier went next. Then a redhead with braces. And on and on.

Across the room, Purple Eyes yawned. Cozy reciprocated, since yawns were contagious. Only sociopaths didn't yawn back at others.

More students stood, spoke and sat again. Cozy did her best to stay dimly invested.

Was it fair to still call that girl Purple Eyes? Even in a town like this one, where names were more like quirky labels, they still had weight. Cozy's name had been what first put her on Sunset Shimmer's radar. Wasn't a good self image the first step towards a good self, period?

The apathetic teacher's name was stamped into his desk plaque. Mister Cranky Doodle. Cozy didn't know if that helped her theory or countered it.

The student to Cozy's left poked her politely.

"You're up."

Every nerve in Cozy's body seized. How long had she sat and dissociated?

"S-sure," she bubbled, standing for the class.

She had nothing prepared. Only windswept echoes of wants and wishes.

"I'm Cozett- I mean Cozy Glow."

Think, you dumb basket case. Think!

Cozy's stomach gurgled.

"My favorite snack is marshmallows!"

Her feet felt hot.

"I wear penny loafers cuz they're comfortable."

Two statements were all she had. Her mind roiled with anger at that fact. Damn this terrible icebreaker. Damn her own weakness. Damn her complacency in choosing the desk by the door. She was last to be sharing, last to be scrutinized, and still she'd failed to be ready. Her hands had balled into fists, tighter and fiercer than those of Pinkie Pie. That pony had ruined everything. Ruined Cozy's chance to go home. Cozy seethed with hate, her empty skirt pocket pressed against her thigh. Was her lunacy going critical, or did it not feel empty after all?

"And my best friend is a horse," Cozy blurted. She clasped her hands together and held steady like a statue. "Those are my two truths and a lie. Marshmallows. Shoes. Horse."

Her ears were red. And pounding. Between pulses, she listened for feedback from her peers.

What she heard was scattered snickering. Diamond Tiara didn't miss the chance to chide. "Your lie is supposed to be less obvious."

"Golly, you're right. Sorry about that, everyone."

Cozy ducked back into her seat, penny loafers creasing. While they were indeed comfortable, that wasn't why she wore them. Shoelaces were best avoided when you had strangulation fantasies.

"Syllabus time," Mister Cranky rumbled. It was the first thing he'd said in ages. Between clicks of the classroom projector screen, there were notebooks opening and pencils moving. The class of individuals was fading into a new mass. Cozy Glow was one of them, safe from attention in the lowered lights.

As the teacher droned and her pencil glided, Cozy felt... drained. Willpower was a weak replacement for meds. And yet, it had served her so far, hadn't it? She'd fooled Pinkie Pie and then gotten through her first class. Of course she had; she was Cozy Glow. Brilliant, scheming, and better than her lessers, which was everyone. She'd even filled a whole page with notes already. And okay, they weren't really words but instead violent wordless scribbles. But that didn't matter. The pages in her notebook could be marked up however she pleased. If the cover stayed neat, the only part seen by others, who cared about the vandalized inside? Not Cozy. She flipped to the next page, scribbling to fill it too. Then to the next. A manic rictus grin was forming on her face. Nothing could stop her. Nothing could defeat her. She flipped to the next page.

A drawing. An old one from a week ago, done by the same pencil that was in her hand.

"What I looked like as a pony?" The question had caught Sunset Shimmer off guard. "Well, first off I had a horn. And a tail. Honestly, I'm not so good with descriptions. You have something I can sketch on?"

Art credit to Marenlicious

The dim lighting and bright projector cast shadows over Cozy Glow's eyes. Which was good, because who wanted to see fresh tears welling up?

Sunset Shimmer. A horse who was her best friend, no matter how laughed off her confession had been to the class. And best friends were honest when they needed help. When they were hurt. When they were unwell.

Cozy was absolutely unwell. It was a miracle she could even still acknowledge that. So far, she'd been good. But the day had just started. How long until she snapped for real? Did something tangibly bad? She needed Sunset's help, she needed her pills.

And yet... Pinkie Pie. Cozy quaked to think of what could happen with her. What unknown wrath a confession could summon through the mirror portal.

The bell rang, the lights brightened, and Cozy Glow's world grew even more chaotic.

Were Cozy's fears all just irrational? How could an irrational mind judge itself? Cozy ached to stay good, but no longer was sure how. She doubted her trust and trusted her doubts. How long until Doubt Itself was all she had left?

The hallway. The stairwall. The route to the next class. Cozy's reality blurred. Pausing as the crowd flowed past, Cozy rested her burning forehead against a cool row of lockers. She slipped her hand into her skirt pocket. Yes, she knew it'd be empty. But the ritual of reaching, the memory of her pills, maybe through them the echoes of sanity would come back to her.

Except Cozy's pocket wasn't empty.

It contained a dusty piece of glowing rose quartz.

Author's Note

Toasty, tasty marshmallows. The most important takeaway from this chapter.

That, and the fact Cranky Doodle is a real EqG character. Sorry if I'm the first to burden you with this knowledge.

25m

"A weirdo kid who smiles too much?" Rainbow Dash put her elbows on the lunch table. "That's the new threat you're stressing about? Sunset, you've been in the trenches too long. Eat your lunch before homeroom starts."

Confident in her assessment, Dash followed her own advice by biting into a school cafeteria dog. Sunset scowled across the table. Her lunchbox stayed unopened and her voice stayed quiet to not be overheard.

"I'm serious, Rainbow. Checking in with Cozy this morning was supposed to ease my suspicions, not give me new ones."

"Sounds like a personal decision. Your worries are only as high as you want 'em to be. Chill out and eat like the rest of us."

There was in fact no "rest of us," since no other friends had arrived yet. The two of them were seated alone for now. Unless, Sunset realized, Dash had meant the entire lunchroom. All around was idle chatter, broken up by chewing and crinkling of wrappers. Sunset sighed and pulled out her sandwich. But she didn't bite into it yet.

"You know, I almost used Empathy Touch on her. At the curb, at the stop sign."

Dash politely swallowed. "Yeah? So why didn't you?"

"Shows of trust are a big deal," Sunset stated firmly. "Remember when none of you trusted me back when I was trying to change?"

Dash squirmed. "Erm... hey, on the topic of trust, you said you've been on Cozy's case for what, a couple weeks now?"

Sunset nodded.

"How come you didn't clue me in earlier? What made you decide to start spilling her secrets?"

"Hey girls!" Pinkie Pie plopped down a tray and slid in next to Sunset. "You talkin' about Cozy Glow?"

"The cat's kind of already out the bag."

"You were right about this swipey-swipe, Sunset! Waaaay more convenient than hoofing over a stack of Bits." Pinkie presented Sunset's borrowed credit card. "And lookit, I'm getting the hang of these finger things." To demonstrate, she picked up an apple and bit into it. Her tray had six more, all stacked in a clumsy pile.

"Oh wow," Dash observed. "Sunset, you didn't mention that... um... that another pony wandered out of the zoo."

"I know I didn't. She begged to do introductions herself."

"Ahm Puhinkie Pfie!" the doppelgänger announced through a mouthful of apple. "Frohm Equvesthria!"

Rainbow Dash laughed and offered a fist bump. Pinkie accepted.

"Nice to meet ya formally, horse girl. I'm guessing my band's drummer is out galloping around some magic pasture?"

"Nah, she's sick with Senioritis."

"Pff. Aren't we all?"

Testily, laboriously, Sunset inhaled and exhaled through her nose. "I'd appreciate you taking something seriously today, Rainbow."

"Hey now," Rainbow Dash leaned forward, obviously hurt. "This is me taking stuff seriously. We've been dealing with wild magic mishaps for what, three school years now?"

"Longer," Sunset corrected.

"Ah, right. There were the summers in between. Point is, we're seniors now. Seasoned veterans. Way past having freakouts when horse people visit. As Rarity would say, a lady's gotta learn composure."

Pinkie had finished her first apple and moved on to her cookie. "Dashie makes a persuasive point, Shimsham."

Sunset glowered at the laxness of her friends.

"Speakin' of Rarity, is she gonna be along soon? I grabbed one of these for each of us." Pinkie rolled two of her remaining apples at Sunset and Dash. Consequently, she had four left on her tray, ready and waiting for the absent members of their group.

"Rarity..?" Dash palmed her apple dismissively. "She's off at technical school this year. For fashion design."

Pinkie looked like she'd been slapped in the face. "No Rarity?? Is... is anyone else not gonna show up?"

"AJ got lumped in the lunch period before ours," Dash groused. "Real gyp. She always brought baked goods to share."

Pinkie looked down at her plain offering of humble fruit. For the first time since sampling humanity, she felt out of place and small.

"Oh!" Dash snapped her fingers. "Fluttershy is in trades just like Rarity. But for animal care. Not dresses."

The blows just kept coming.

"And Sci-Twi..?"

Sunset Shimmer put her hand on Pinkie's. "That Twilight doesn't go here. She's enrolled at Crystal Prep."

Pinkie sniffled. She wasn't naive. She understood friends moving away. After all, Twilight Sparkle was back in Canterlot, fresh off coronation. But that was just one pony. Here, half the friend group was missing. Four ownerless apples sat on Pinkie's tray, and ownerless was how they'd stay. Their shiny skins reflected her, showing tearful eyes and a trembling lip. Was this what Sunset meant? That humans led tougher lives than ponies? Pinkie's eyes widened.

Was this the incompleteness Cozy Glow felt?

"Pinkie? Earth to Pinkamena?" Rainbow Dash nervously scooped up some remaining apples. "Y-you didn't buy too many if that's what you're fretting over there. I burn plenty of energy at soccer practice. I can eat two apples for lunch." She looked at the pile in her arms. "Uh... four is a tall order, though. Might need to run some laps to work those off."

Sunset picked up the last apple. "If you're sad about the friend group, Pinkie, remember that we still all practice as a band together."

"Ohmigosh, that's such a relief!" Pinkie's spark was back, and her squeal of delight turned several heads from adjacent tables. Sunset's arm was on her shoulders, both to reassure and to quiet her down.

"Extracurriculars," Pinkie babbled in a whisper. "That's how humans find and keep friends. Sports, fashion, animals, and rock bands. That's how we help!"

Rainbow Dash leaned into the impromptu huddle. "Help?"

"Cozy Glow needs an extracurricular like you guys! That'll be what keeps her from turning evil!"

Dash groaned and slumped back from the huddle. "Sometimes," she announced, "I wonder what the girls at other lunch tables talk about. Maybe boys or clothes or other normal high school things."

"Shame on you, Dash." Sunset scolded. "Cozy is a student at Canterlot High. And until the school year ends, we are too. So it's our job to help her."

Rainbow Dash tapped her half-eaten hot dog. It was tepid and unappetizing, much like the prospect of bothering some freshman who'd done nothing wrong yet. Lunch period was nearly over, and all around them, other students were dumping trash and heading to homeroom.

Dash rubbed her nose in resignation. Then made one last appeal to the ponies.

"Sunset... do you remember being a demon?"

"Ouch. I know I was the school's top Mean Girl, but calling that demonic is overselling it."

"I meant literally. When you put on Twilight's crown."

Sunset flinched and Pinkie tilted her head quizzically. Like most ponies, she knew Sunset Shimmer, ex-student of Princess Celestia, once stole the Element Of Magic. And also like most ponies, she didn't know what happened between then and Twilight getting it back. Wearing a taken crown, feeling the corruption from the delicious wrongness... this was news to Pinkie, but it wasn't an alien concept. She thought back to the time she held the Bewitching Bell. How... proudly dangerous she'd felt. Maybe the problems of this world were familiar after all.

"I was in a funk for a long time," Sunset mused. "Shaken up, scared to relapse."

Rainbow Dash stood up. "And did you?"

Sunset slowly grinned. "No... I didn't."

"How 'bout Twilight after the Midnight Sparkle incident?"

Sunset was chuckling with relief. "Huh-uh. She didn't either. And she was way more paranoid than I'd been."

"Exactly." Rainbow Dash sat down again, satisfied. "In both cases, the problem was 1% magic, 99% self doubt. And Cozy Glow doesn't have magic. Things worked out for you, things worked out for Twilight, and things'll work out with Cozy. We just gotta sit tight and stop with the doubt."

Sunset nodded enthusiastically. Pinkie's arm dropped away, and the weight off her shoulders was mental just as much as literal. Maybe she had been in the trenches too long. Maybe she was overestimating the threat. Cozy knew of her counterpart, and because of that, didn't want to lie and thieve. Perhaps Sunset's job truly was done.

Sunset picked up her sandwich and bit it at last. The lunch meat tasted like relief. How savory it truly was, to be an unburdened senior. To be someone whose problems were just in her head.

Pinkie however, stayed quiet. She wasn't good at critical thinking. Wasn't good at holding onto bad feelings like doubt and fear. They were spiky and slippery, like a rainy harvest of shale at her family's farm. And yet, the Pinkie Sense told her to not let go. To not lose track of some missing rocky puzzle piece.

Her hand snaked towards her blouse pocket.

"And on the off chance something does happen to Cozy..." Dash's voice had renewed cockiness. "We have our geodes to fall back on."

Sunset nodded and touched her necklace. Rainbow grinned and brandished her jeweled fitbit. Pinkie's empty fingers dropped from her blouse pocket. She sprang to her feet, paler than used bubble gum.

"Pinkie, what is it?"

The powerless pony slapped her hand onto Sunset's. Memories poured between them, replaying the curbside encounter.

"Guys?" Rainbow Dash's wrist was clasped by Sunset's free hand. She didn't see the full scene, only Cozy Glow reaching at a shirt button.

"Spread out and find her," Sunset rasped. "Now!"

The trio ran off through the exit of the nearly empty cafeteria. The bell for homeroom rang, but none of them heeded it. Nor did they note the silver-haired girl with bespectacled purple eyes. The last one left in the lunchroom, seated alone at a corner table.

The girl stared after them, expressionless.

Then she got up and followed.

Author's Note

I know, I know; Sci-Twi staying at Crystal Prep only happens in a deleted ending that never aired. But hey, if EqG Cozy can struggle against the confines of canon, so can the author penning her.

:twilightsheepish: Youtube clip of the deleted ending in question.

59s

Cozy wasn't going to make it.

There was no longer any difference between her inner monologue or The Voices. And no barrier between those and the harsh, grinding tinnitus that reddened her ears, whitened her knuckles, greyed her vision. She wasn't even sure if that was the homeroom bell just now. Cozy had the features of a cherub but the posture of a gargoyle, bent over a sink in the second floor girls bathroom.

"Don't be bad," she slurred, splashing her face with water. The cold was numbing. "Don't crack, don't give in..."

The words meant nothing to her anymore. Just hollow noises that stopped existing as soon as they were said. Not like the rock in her skirt pocket. It was oh so real, oh so magic, oh so shamefully stolen. But there was one thing it wasn't: her pill bottle.

No, Cozy wasn't going to make it. It was only the end of lunch period. She'd spent it here, cowering, as far from people as possible. The end of the day, the return home to her pill bottle, they were farther out of reach than that magical land of unicorns and pegasi.

There was a door behind Cozy, visible in her miserable reflection. It was suddenly kicked open.

"Big ups to everyone tuned into the livestream!" Three energetic sophomores shuffled in, two behind a lofted cell phone and the last mugging to the camera. "You know who it is, Scootaloo Shutter-Allgood, bringing you candid comedy content that make you shudder from jokes that are all good."

"Freaking cringe, Scoots," Sweetie remarked as she held her camera steady. "That's what you came up with for the channel's new catchphrase?"

"Ha! Smiles help hide hurt feelings. 'Sides, everyone knows that a good persona is more important than a good actual personality."

Apple Bloom, the only one with no job of her own, stood by with her hands buried in her jean pockets. Consequently, she was first to notice Cozy Glow.

"H-howdy there."

The camera swung Cozy's way. What it recorded was a shuddering little girl, rictus grin pulling at her rosy cheeks and babydoll fingers threaded together in a vise. Scootaloo's arm draped obliviously over Cozy's shoulders.

"Hey now! It's everyone's favorite guest star of our streams... uh... The Gal That Sweetie And I Remember From The Park A Few Weeks Ago!"

Cozy fantasized about melting them all with her new magic. Her lower lip split from her grin's desperate tightness. "Golly, you remember me? That's so fuzz- I mean, I'm all fuz- I mean that makes me feel all warm and fuz-"

"Hey," Sweetie cut in, "hey yeah, I do remember you. The crying girl! You changed your hair. Hope you're doing better now than when you were bawling in that sandbox."

Cozy's split lip was bleeding. Apple Bloom noticed.

"Umm... are you doin' better? You look fit to cry, sugarcube."

The three of them clustered around. Cozy felt them near, but her watering eyes saw only the phone. Recording her. Hearing her. Ready to broadcast what she said next. Cozy dug deep for the last wisps of self she still had. And finally told the truth.

"No. I'm not okay."

Her perfect little voice was cracking.

"I need help. Someone... please help..."

Cozy's eyes scrunched shut, not knowing what to expect next. What she got were hugs pushed in on all sides. But why? She barely knew these girls. And they only knew fake things about her. But being here, being held, even by strangers, that was enough to keep Cozy from collapsing. Had Sunset been right about trust? Had Pinkie been right about honesty? They must have been. They'd both been right and Cozy'd been wrong. Her darkest thoughts were still with her of course, still yearning for a crowd of sycophants, minions, and bootlickers. But that wasn't what she had right now. Instead she had friends. Embracing and encouraging. The tender touch of others filled her with soft, marshmallowy relief.

"Hey," the hallucination of Scootaloo whispered. "You know what'd make you feel strong again? If you fired up that geode in your pocket."

Cozy's eyes snapped open. She tried to flee, but couldn't. Her feet were turning stone, same as the geode.

"It's you who deserves magic. You and only you." The Voices were slurring closer and clearer then ever before. What once looked like Sweetie Belle pulsed and flexed, becoming almost like a looming red centaur.

Cozy whimpered. The petrification had passed her knees.

"Become the one in charge. Isn't that all you've ever wanted? For someone to leave you in charge?"

A hoop of green fire erased Apple Bloom. The monster remaining was full of holes, insectoid and hideous.

Petrification crossed Cozy's waist. More statue than girl now, she clasped her hands to her darkening cheeks. Cozy was sweating, shaking.

Sobbing.

"Y-y-yesterday upon the stair..."

"Drop the silly rhyme and find a Better Way To Be Bad."

The Voice that wasn't and never had been Scootaloo leered in Cozy's face. It had no disguise anymore. In a way, it never did to begin with. It flittered in front of her with electric blue locks bouncing on its head and tail. The delirious girl realized, through tears and terror and despair, that those curls couldn't be hers after all. They were Cozy's, not Cozy's. They had always been Cozy's and not Cozy's.

"Sad that you can't control yourself? Just control those around you instead. That's what I did!"

Petrification passed her neck. Cozy could no longer drop the geode. No longer look away. No longer be anyone but this, now and forever. Her hand was a balled fist, bruised around the activating rock. Spittle foamed on Cozy's tongue and her eyes rolled back in her skull.

The bathroom door swung open. For real this time, not in an illusory movement conjured by the Equestrian specters reaching into Cozy's collapsing mind.

A pink pony-turned-human panted in the doorway. She was alone, but not for long thanks to frantic running that sounded behind her.

"Cozy, did you take something from my pocket you really shouldn't have?"

Cozetta Glasgow screeched like a girl possessed, blasting a bolt of pure magic at Pinkie Pie's heart.

0

The Geode Of Laughter's mana strings convalesced in midair. They bent space and time, matter and energy, all things fantasy and all things real. The gem cast the singular cantrip it was capable of spewing...

...and conjured its user's favorite snack. A toasted marshmallow that plopped to the tiling at Pinkie's boots.

"Umm..." Pinkie Pie scratched her head. "If you wanted sweets that badly, you could have just asked."

Cozy Glow dropped the geode and ran.

She somehow broke out from her body of stone, somehow shoved Pinkie Pie aside, somehow barreled down the twisting morphing hallway without stumbling and collapsing to the ground. Cozy didn't know where she was going. Cozy didn't even know what was real. The fluorescent lights above? The expanse of sculpture gardens all around her? The shocked shape of Sunset Shimmer ascending the stairs ahead?

Cozy's penny loafers dug into the carpet, twisting her in a new contorted direction and down another hallway. Or maybe it wasn't a hallway, but a tunnel of reddish rock lined with caged monsters. Ones that looked a little like manticores, a little like hydras, and a little like oblivious students having homeroom.

Cozy was a prey animal pursued, a herd animal alone. A liar whose voice had abandoned her. In her ears, a new bell tolled. Not from the school, but across the void. Bewitching and booming, it heralded of a Legion Of Doom. Or possibly the rainbow-haired blur that caught up and grasped at her backpack. Cozy twisted and contorted, free of the weight and the stunned rainbow pursuer.

Cozy kept running. From memories that weren't hers and hadn't happened. Except they were someone's, and they had happened. Somewhere far away, but not far enough. She ran from what it meant to be Cozy Glow, she ran with her arms outstretched, she ran not towards nothing and away from everything, especially the three pursuers. If they caught her, they would do it. They would turn her to stone, for real and forever.

"Cozy!" Sunset's distant voice warbled. "Calm the hell down and get back here!"

Cozy Glow slammed a door shut that she didn't remember opening. Palms against the wood, she slid down to the carpet and dry-heaved. She retched, guttural and hard, but not enough to purge the icy tingles in her hands and feet. Cozy wrapped her arms around her flat, heaving chest while she rocked back and forth on the empty classroom's cold floor. Back and forth, back and forth. Just like in her desk chair this morning. Except this time, she didn't get up when the tingles stopped. She stayed where she was and waited for the end. For the three pursuers to come take her. Even now, she could hear them outside. Talking. Debating. Keeping her waiting. She stayed still for minutes and minutes, woozy and spent. And she might just have stayed there forever, turning to stone for real, if a gentle knock didn't finally sound on the door.

"Hello?" A girl Cozy's age poked her silver-haired head inside. She had soft, bespectacled purple eyes and a satchel hugged to her stomach. "Is... is this classroom available?"

Cozy was standing up (how had that happened?) and adjusting her skirt to appear casual. She only knew her movements by sight, since her sense of touch had seemingly left her. Cozy was an observer of herself, a flittering lost soul on tiny beating wings. And what she witnessed was a grubby lolita with runny eyes, horrible in appearance. It was smiling soullessly at another, more normal girl.

"Hi, new friend," the hollow doll thing chirped. "I'm Cozy Glow. So very nice to meet you."

Don't hurt her the lost soul begged, no better than any of The Voices. Don't be bad...

"Uh... hi. I think this room's open, so that's good. It'll be fine to set up the club. Do you... do you want to help me with it? Would that make you happy?"

The hollow doll helped scooch desks together. "Oh, I'm always happy to help friends. What're we doing?"

Purple Eyes sat down and emptied her satchel. "Board game club. I want to start hosting one during homeroom. I made a big deal of announcing it in each class today, but... it looks like nobody showed up. Except you."

The hollow doll giggled in pretend flattery, elbows on the desk, chin in its hands. Outwardly, the perfect teacher's pet, Inwardly, vacuous as outer space.

Purple Eyes looked back with what the lost soul recognized as sympathy. That made the lost soul worry. Sympathy could be exploited. Tugged on like a puppet string. And the hollow doll knew that. Please someone, anyone, burst in and stop all this. Where were the pursuers from earlier? Still in the hall? What were they all waiting for?

Purple Eyes sifted through the scattered board game boxes for something. When she didn't find it, she reopened her satchel. "I'm Silver S-Spoon. We had first period together, even though you showed up a tad late. Which, like, is pretty weird, huh? Seeing as we also rode in on the same bus."

Did we? The lost soul's day was a feverish, muddled smear.

Purple Eyes, or Silver Spoon, as she apparently was called, reached into her satchel one last time.

"You got off the bus real fast," she said, "and I lost track of you. Then in class I didn't want to embarrass you, then at lunch I couldn't even find... oh, I really do ramble without Diamond Tiara to shut me down. Look, you're Cozetta Glasgow, right?"

She produced an orange bottle of pills, still grimy from the bus floor where she'd found it.

"The name on this bottle is yours."

Cozy Glow gasped and snatched the pills, holding them close to her heaving breast. She was herself, herself was her. The hollow doll had its soul again.

"Th-th-thank you," Cozy whimpered. It was the sincerest thing she'd said all day.

Silver Spoon fidgeted. "I... got curious and looked up some words on the label. These are heavy-duty stuff, huh?"

Cozy trembled in shame as she twisted the cap off. Silver Spoon noticed.

"I think you're very brave, Cozy. Powering through like you did without them. Even if you clearly didn't make it."

"Golly, what a neg." Despite the dig, Cozy was smiling. So was Silver Spoon.

"I mean really Cozy, going to school off your meds? Are you crazy?"

"Is that a trick question, or..?"

Silver snorted when she laughed. The sound was sweet.

As for Cozy's pills, they tasted bitter as ever. Chalky. Like tiny salt licks. Especially when swallowed dry.

"Oh, I got something to wash that down," Silver offered. She dug a thermos out of her satchel. "I was saving this to share with the board game club, but... I guess that's what I'm technically doing. Hope you like cocoa."

Cozy balked. "In the middle of summer? Eghhhh.... oh, what the hay."

Silver Spoon sat back, relieved. "See, Diamond Tiara hates cocoa, so I had to pack something she wouldn't mooch at lunch. Then we got assigned different lunch periods anyway. Sorry, do I talk about Diamond Tiara a lot? Been trying to escape her shadow lately. Since board games are another thing she hates, I kinda... latched onto them as an idea. Pretty sad way to shake up your own self-image, huh?"

Cozy finished her drink and ran some fingers through her hair. Her drooping, unraveling, failure of a curly new style. "I've tried sadder," she confessed.

"So... if you're feeling better, homeroom still isn't over. Did you wanna play something? Yahtzee? Bananagrams?" Silver Spoon was trying not to beg. She wasn't doing a very good job.

"Look, you've been real good to me," Cozy was shambling to her feet, pills back in her skirt pocket. "But I got confessions to make and punishments to face. It was nice to meet you, but for your sake you should probably forget we ever even met each othe-"

"How 'bout chess?"

Cozy stopped mid-rise. "Chess?"

"Yeah! They said to ask you abou- I mean... uh... I dunno, you just strike me as chess player."

Silver hastily dug out the game board, pieces scattering around the makeshift gaming table. One stayed in place, its sculpt too bulky to roll. Cozy picked it up, but not like she had a certain geode. She didn't steal it. She didn't even pocket it. She simply held it, lost in thought.

"I like this one."

Silver Spoon perked up triumphantly. "Of course! That castle piece is called a- !" The word died in her confused mouth.

"Silver? What is it? What'd I do wrong?"

Silver Spoon scratched her head. "Weird. Pinkie said for sure you would pick up a rook. Not a knight."

There was a white horse toy in Cozy's grip, and a pink horse girl at the classroom window. In another life, Cozy wouldn't have waved her in. But this was a new life, different from the one lived by somepony else. Her choice of game piece was proof of that.

The door unlatched and Pinkie shuffled bashfully in. Sunset followed, Cozy's backpack in her hand. The last entrant was a rainbow girl Cozy knew from Sunset's band. None of them seemed angry. In fact, Pinkie looked downright serene.

"Told ya, girls: Extracurriculars." Her voice was soft and triumphant.

"Golly, so you all put Silver up to this?"

"Actually," Sunset confessed, "she came to us. Right after you ran."

"But why? You didn't even know me."

Sunset put a hand on Silver Spoon's shoulder. "That's right. I knew your past, Pinkie knew your counterpart, and Rainbow knew your doubts. But then Silver showed up, and she didn't have any junk like that clogging her judgment."

"I just knew you needed help. But I'd like to know more. If... if you want to share, that is. Would that help you?" she planted a finger on the chessboard. "Would you like to start back at square one, Cozy Glow? With me and everyone else?"

Contemplation. That was what moved the counterpart of Equestria's foulest filly.

She picked up a second chess piece, another knight just as white as the first. They looked the same. Their rules were the same. But they weren't the same. They started on different spaces, and their movements could be in any dissimilar directions. Even if their quirky movements drew the same patterns, the second piece didn't have to make the first's fatal mistakes. In fact, didn't chess have a rule where one piece could be revive another?

"Square one," Cozy whispered. "Yes. I want to go there."

"Alright!" Rainbow Dash pumped her fist. "No doubts this time, yeah?"

"I want to go to square one," Cozy repeated. She set the chess pieces down, then grasped Silver Spoon's sleeve. "But to do that, I need to first... please Silver, will you wait for me?"

"Board game club can wait plenty. We have four years left of homeroom, after all."

Cozy nodded, grateful and determined to not be gone that long. "Sunset, do you trust me?"

Sunset Shimmer spoke with conviction. "I do."

Rainbow Dash started to say something snide, but Sunset growled and shut her down. Then the Bearer of Empathy returned Cozy's backpack.

"Whaddya need, kiddo? Other than your face wiped clean before going back to class?"

Cozy giggled as she slipped on her backpack. Her nose was red from crying and her ruined curls were plastered with sweat. But her mind was back together and the school day wasn't over. A good girl stays attentive to the very last bell.

And then afterwards...

"Are you gonna ask for candy, Cozy? I know you skipped lunch." Pinkie Pie flourished her geode, sparking and ready to deliver.

"Huh-uh. Just the chance to go somewhere."

Cozy's backpack held a notebook. The notebook held a drawing. And the drawing held a statement of intent.

"The other piece. She's still at square one. So... Pinkie," Cozy requested, "I want you to take me to her."

Author's Note

Turns out there's no art of EqG Cozy hugging Silver Spoon. Big Disappoint.

Found a nice one with Diamond Tiara though. Captures the spirit of this fic, if not the actual content.

Image Source

- 24hr 00m

Over the centuries, many sounds had echoed off the Grand Hall of Canterlot Castle. Cheers at the coronation of Celestia and Luna. Gasps at the unveiling of a changeling queen during a fraudulent wedding. Scant moons ago, bolts of magic and whinnies of war had cracked the very walls of the castle during the Battle of the Bewitching Bell.

At present, it echoed with what followed every hard won castle siege: construction.

"The tile designs look good there," Twilight shouted over the racket of hammers and drills. A unicorn worker nodded in agreement, directing his horn's beam at a still unetched portion of the floor. Twilight stepped around him, ducking a rolled rug touted by two earth ponies. "That goes in the foyer," she called after them. Four pegasi swooped overhead, one for each corner of the tapestry they carried. Twilight watched them affix it to the far wall, then gave them a brisk nod to confirm the result wasn't crooked. Three flew off to find some other task to do, but the fourth flittered in place, smoothing out a single scorched patch with his hooves. Despite the surrounding din, Twilight watched ponderously. She'd bet every Bit in her treasury that ancient weaving was older than everyone in the room combined. Shoot, the Grand Hall itself was probably older than them all and the tapestry combined.

And only a few moons ago, Twilight witnessed that scorch mark get made. Cozy Glow had been such a small pony. Her stint wielding alicorn magic, even smaller. And yet she'd caused so much damage. Twilight wished things had turned out different with her.

Glass shattered, louder than all other sounds. The crowned Princess of Friendship snapped to attention, as did several perturbed workers. No windows in the Grand Hall looked damaged. Had that come from an adjoining room?

"Phooey to the max!"

"Twiliiiiiiiiiight!"

It had. The memorial wing, if the direction of Spike and Pinkie's voices could be trusted.

"Coming," she wearily hollered. Twilight beat her wings towards whatever mess awaited, drills and sanders fading in volume behind her. Only in the moments between tasks did she feel the exhaustion of the past few weeks. For better or for worse, she was rarely between tasks.

"I'm here, you two. What's the matt- oh. Well, that's a pity."

Bits of broken stained glass littered the carpet. Possibly the same rolled carpet Twilight ducked earlier. Spike was picking through debris with his dragon claws, pinching pieces to drop in a nearby trash can.

Twilight watched the scene mournfully, but not as mournfully as Pinkie Pie. For the whole day, Pinkie had seemed... distracted. Moreso than usual. In a different way than yesterday. Bipedal walking, ten hour napping... whatever. Twilight learned long ago to not question her friend's quirks. Trust was easier. Sure, that meant there were fumbles sometimes, but broken windows could be fixed.

"I dropped it, Twi! We were picking up the frame and I forgot I was back to not having fingers, so-"

"Breathe, Pinkie. One thought per sentence." Twilight offered a forgiving pat, then re-assumed her superviser mindset. "Spike, can you take a letter?"

"One replacement window order, comin' right up." He paused his glass handling to produce a quill and parchment. A quick scrawl, a huff of fire, and it was gone. Smooth and efficient, just like all of the cleanup projects around the castle. The fact things were still ongoing was a testament to the huge mess. And to Twilight's waning stamina.

"Hey Twi?" Pinkie was looking out of the empty window, oddly somber. "You checked your schedule yet? For this afternoon?"

Twilight followed her gaze, but saw nothing unusual. Just the courtyard sculpture gardens.

"I... haven't, no."

"You should check it."

Spike shrugged and coughed up an itinerary he'd been keeping in the back of his throat. "Lemme see... would you believe me if I said you had the evening off, Twilight?"

"I wouldn't. I'd appreciate the kindly lie, though."

Spike snorted and scanned the list. "Looks like..." He frowned. "You need to do a basement inventory inspection."

Twilight frowned. That item hadn't been on the list this morning. "Does it say when?"

"ASAP."

Twilight flicked her ears, confused but resolute.

"Well... I guess we should get going."

"Gonna keep busy here," Pinkie announced. "Think I'll haul some carts. Or graze on the lawn to trim it. Ya know, grass roots Equestrian do-gooding." She had a faint smile. Her first Twilight had seen today. "Feels nice to do jobs you're built for. And leave tougher cookies for the professionals to bite."

"Um... okay. Spike?"

The dragon looked up, his claws freshly full of glass pieces.

"Never mind. Keep up the cleanup." Twilight trotted off.

The castle cellar was roomy. Or would have been, if it wasn't loaded with boxes from a life on hold. Twilight's old belongings from the School of Friendship. Her heirlooms and artifacts she'd inherited from the previous Royal Sisters. Her coronation presents from friends and family. All still sealed, all piled thick and tight enough to practically be a secondary foundation for the building above. And from somewhere deep in the stacks, there were voices.

"Okay, could it maybe be in this one?"

Tape tore and cardboard rustled.

"Nope. No books in this one, kiddo. Just more cursed artifacts. Oh hey, I recognize this amulet. A stage magician used it to take over an entire town. Wild story. I'll read you the letter about it sometime."

"A whole town? Golly. Knowing me, I really shouldn't touch it. Thanks for the warning."

Twilight Sparkle lit her horn, alert. "Who's already down here?"

She was answered by startled whinnies and a box tipping over. Light magic was an easy spell, so Twilight's eyes didn't need to adjust. Seeing however, was different from comprehending.

"Sunset??"

"The uh... one and only. Nice to finally touch base again."

Twilight's pen pal wriggled out from a spilled pile of books. She looked around for someone other than Twilight, but Twilight was all she got. Wrapping her tight in a bearhug, mostly.

"So you're the surprise Pinkie was keeping quiet about!"

"I mean... kinda? More like half it. Hang on. Where did-?"

"I knew it was strange when she sent me to do inventory with no checklist. I mean, I can categorize all my stuff mentally, no sweat, but I've never told that to anyone. Except now for you, huh? Ha!"

The pile of books, the only nearby landmark, shifted from someone buried beneath. Twilight didn't notice, since her babbling, manic excitement was far stronger than her built-up malaise from the past few weeks.

"How many hours have you been waiting down here to surprise me? You really should have written ahead. Or no, wait. I wouldn't have gotten your letters, since my stuff is all packed up. Even the mirror portal, which explains why you got lost down here."

"I'm not... I mean, we didn't get lost. We were actually just searching..."

The pile of books shifted again. Harder.

"Oh what does it matter, since you're here now! We should head upstairs. The castle is still under construction, but as ruler I can give myself the day off. You and Pinkie coordinated this to remind of that, didn't you? Wanna go get carrot dogs for lunch with Starlight? Or no, we should visit the dowager Royal Sisters at the beach!"

"Twilight, I know you're amped up in a good way right now, but you're gonna get amped in a bad way if I don't prep you for who is about to-"

Two small, salmon-colored hooves burst from the book pile. They held aloft Twilight's Friendship Journal, and the filly attached to them followed triumphantly.

"I found it!" trilled a young voice clearly not used to speaking through a snout. "Go run and get it to the Princess, and I'll practice my speech for when... we... meet." The filly's eyes locked with Twilight's. It was hard to say which of them was more shocked.

"Cozy," Sunset cautioned gravely. "Remember, if you feel a fit coming on, I'm right here to-"

"N-no! I'm good! I just need-" Cozy Glow fumbled with pages of the magic diary, fingerless but determined to find the right page. "I can do this... it's nice to meet you Princess Sparkle! I've heard a lot about you, and I... hang, on I'm almost here!"

The Friendship Journal lit up with a gentle purple aura. It levitated towards Twilight, whose expression had hardened.

"Oh, y-you want to read it now? Okay. As, um, as you wish Princess. You're in charge, after all."

Sunset Shimmer opened her mouth, but a pleading look from Cozy made her close it. Twilight still hadn't said anything. She had however, opened the Friendship Journal. A few deft flicks from her magic found a page. The page. The one containing Sunset's most recent, unread letter.

"I... I don't need to rehearse like I said earlier," Cozy insisted to the speed-reading princess. "I just... um... okay." She drew herself up and affected confidence. "In my time with Sunset Shimmer, I've learned doubt is like a campfire and trust is like a marshmallow. You need to get the closeness just righ-"

Twilight's Friendship Journal clapped shut. For a moment, it was the only noise echoing through the castle cellar. Even the rumbles from construction above were distant. Sunset Shimmer swished her tail, looking uneasily between the others.

Twilight Sparkle spoke.

"I like your hair."

Cozy Glow's hoof shot to her mane. For a terrifying moment, she feared the mirror portal had restored the cursed curls. But her tight bun was still there. The one she'd styled that morning, in preparation for this big day.

"Th-thank you, Princess."

"You can call me Twilight, if it makes you more comfortable."

"It... doesn't really, Princess."

Twilight cocked her head, quizzical but not hostile. "No? Did Sunset tell you what I'm the Princess of?"

Cozy looked around the cellar. "Boxes?" she guessed.

Sunset Shimmer facehoofed, but Twilight Sparkle smiled mirthfully.

"I'm the Princess of Friendship. But that doesn't tell you much, does it?"

"I... I guess not."

"What if you read all of my books you're standing on, do you think they'd tell you much more than my title does?"

Cozy shifted uneasily atop the pile. Twilight's written notes were all cleanly labeled, from meticulous lab documents to amateur poetry and even a few dream journals. Cozy wondered if Twilight Sparkle ever had bad dreams.

"I guess they would."

"Sure, but they wouldn't tell you everything about me. You know what I am, but don't see what I do."

Sunset Shimmer was trying and failing to keep a relieved grin off her muzzle. She'd known Twilight long enough to pick up on Friendship Lessons in progress.

"It's the same for me, reading your letters. They tell who you are, but don't show what you do. So let me introduce myself openly. My name is Twilight Sparkle. The Princess of Friendship is what I am. What I do though... is trust people. Don't have any doubts about that."

Cozy Glow pouted playfully. "Hey, no fair. You poached my trust and doubt line but made it sound better."

"She has the crown for a reason," Sunset admitted.

"So who are you?" Twilight invited.

"I'm... Cozy Glow."

"And what do you do?"

Cozy's legs trembled. All four of them.

"I try to not be bad."

Sunset bowed her head. While she wanted to speak on Cozy's behalf, she knew it wasn't her place. This was Twilight's realm, both the castle and the conversation. And from Twilight came the most important question.

"And what does that mean to you?"

Feathers flared on Cozetta Glasgow's wings. The effect of a pegasus reflex that happened when the pony was mentally primed to fly. Cozy of course was no flier. Natural born pegasi needed years of practice before takeoff, and Cozy wasn't a natural born pegasus. But the first step towards flight was believing you were capable of liftoff. Thanks to Sunset, thanks to Pinkie, and especially thanks to Silver Spoon, Cozy believed. She had the flared feathers to prove it.

"I want to have good dreams. I want to ride the bus to school happy and be truthful to Sunset when I hop off and she asks me how I'm doing. I want to tell two truths when I want to, and only lie only when I try. I want to be friends with the other girls, and play board games with them in home room." Cozy's eyes had tears. They were not sad tears.

"I don't want to just not be bad. I want to be good. With trust, I can get there."

Twilight Sparkle was satisfied. "I don't doubt it," she decreed.

Cozy's withers trembled, as if a heavy harness had just been dropped from them. She swayed atop the pile of books, legs shaky but spirit firm.

It was Sunset who politely picked things up again. "That trust goes to the tools we have too," she expounded. "Like your pills."

"Pills?" Twilight inquired. That word had been in Cozy's letter, but for all of Twilight's bookwormy vocabulary, she didn't recognize it.

"Yeah!" Cozy gracelessly slid down the book pile, her hair bun rattling from the bottle tucked within. "See, my side of the mirror portal has some stuff your side doesn't. But... Sunset says you do magic science."

Twilight Sparkle bowed modestly, but her chest fur was fluffed with pride. "I... dabble," she admitted.

"That's so cool! Maybe you can do some then. Break down a pill or two, put them back together your own way..." Pony eyes were bright to begin with, but Cozy's were positively shining. "Maybe give some to my counterpart to quiet down our shared soul. Make our mojo nice and level so her and the other two's Voices stop spilling downhill to me, or whatever Pinkie Pie's working theory is."

Twilight rubbed her neck. "I don't know if we'll do all that in one day, but... I'll still have a look at what you've brought. Your counterpart isn't going anywhere, at the very least. And this castle has an alchemy lab upstairs. Are you confident enough to trot on those four legs?"

Cozy's feathers flared again. "I'm up for trying!" Then her ears drooped. "But... I have the name and face of a villain. Will ponies be okay when they see me?"

Sunset Shimmer draped her hoof over Cozy's withers. "Did you forget that you're talking to the ruler of Equestria? Twilight's word is law 'round here. If you're okay in her book, you're okay in everypony's. Besides," she tapped Cozy's bun, amused at its bounce. "No one is gonna mistake you for your counterpart."

"That's a promise you can trust," Twilight concurred.

Cozy smiled warmly, then followed both ponies up the cellar stairs. While her manestyle was her own, so was something else. To Twilight, the term "pill" was still alien and eager to be given meaning. To Cozy, the same applied to "Cutie Mark." Stepping into the sun, she did not see, let alone understand, the decal of the chess piece on her temporary form's thigh. Nor did she grasp the gravity of it being a piece other than a Red Rook.

No longer a pawn of her illness, Cozy's quest towards contentment marked her as her very own White Knight.

Author's Note

We were the King and Queens of promise,

We were the face of Doubt Itself...

At last, it is complete! Eclectic, indulgent, and named after some song lyrics I misheard in seventh grade, this is my least fettered fic since Her Bitter Half. And yet, it all feels fitting for the story that was told. Most of my popular fics deal with mentally ill characters refusing to be defined by their afflictions. Its a noble struggle, and I do my best give equal weight to the "noble" and "struggle" qualifiers.

Be good to yourselves and each other. Don't be bad.