Princess Celestia Learns to Shoot a Firearm

by Zoura3025

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Violence, Princess Celestia, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 2663

Princess Celestia decides to try out some new age entertainment.

What happens when you mix the monarch-goddess of the sun and firearms? Safety violations, that's what.

This story is a spiritual successor to my smash hit: "Princess Luna Eats a 10-Gallon Bucket of Mayonnaise".

Content Warnings: Firearm Operation, Description, and Use; Mild Description of Injury, some Lewd Imagery. Nothing horrible, but if you don't like gun-related content you probably won't like this.

Published 2023-09-10 08:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-10 08:40:01 UTC

Nyet Comrade, Use the (Sun)Butt of Your Rifle!

Princess Celestia sighed softly. She had an entire day to herself; the first in a month, no less. However, she had nothing to do with the time! Luna was busy with those video games of hers, and a day didn't exactly give her time to travel anywhere exotic.

Celestia alerted her guards to the fact she was leaving the castle, walking out into Canterlot to find something interesting to do. Even if she found nothing particularly exciting, a walk to clear her head would do her some good.

She stopped before a building that she had never seen before. "Opal Hewn Range…" Celestia read softly to herself. She had never heard of a 'range' before, save for overhearing the chef calling cleaning instructions at his staff, and she assumed this was not the same thing. With some trepidation, she stepped inside the building, looking around.

She was surprised to see a large number of crystal ponies working inside, managing a rack of implements that she had never seen before. She tilted her head and walked to the counter.

Several of the ponies bowed, one of them meekly offering a, "Welcome, your highness!"
Celestia smiled gently, "Ah, hello… Please, you don't need to bow; I'm just here to inquire about your business," She explains.
The pony behind the counter blinks as they return to their standing posture, "Oh, well… We're a gun range. During Sombra's rule, we were forced to develop weapons to fight with; these guns were a result," The pony explains.
Celestia blinked. "They're weapons? And you just leave them out for anyone to observe?" She asked.

The pony shakes their head, "We only rent the guns, ma'am; instead of fighting, we let ponies shoot targets in the range. It's good fun for everyone, so long as it's done safely," They explained.
Celestia paused for a moment, "For anyone?" She asked, thinking, "Would I be permitted to try?"
The pony nearly jumps, but nods fervently, "O-of course, your highness!" They replied, "We can get you set up with one of our safety officers; I promise, you won't regret your decision," The pony says, tapping a button on their desk.

Celestia blinked, watching the pony at the counter hit the button. Not too long after, she heard a cheerful stallion's voice from her side.
"Well, hi princess! You're the last person I expected to see in our establishment here," The stallion says.
The stallion was a crystal unicorn, a bit larger than average, with a bright orange coat and silvery mane. His cutie mark was that of a pair of thick safety glasses, similar to the ones he was wearing.
Celestia smiled awkwardly, "Well, a princess must see all her kingdom has to offer, doesn't she?" She asked.
The stallion chuckles, "Of course, of course," He replies, offering a hoof, "I'm Range Officer, but you can just call me Range; it's a great honor to make your acquaintance," He introduces.
Celestia shook Range's hand and smiled, "It's nice to meet you, Range," She says gently.

Range would magic a binder over from the counter, opening it for the princess to leaf through. "We have a wide variety of firearms available to try," He explains with a calm smile, "Feel free to look through and pick one that tickles your fancy."
Celestia nodded, flicking through the pages of the binder. There were quite a number of options; both smaller hoofguns and larger rifles. She eventually settled her hoof on an interesting-looking long gun with an oddly shaped grip. "This one looks interesting," She says simply.

Range briefly turned the binder to himself, and his expression turned slightly worried. The princess had picked a pump-action shotgun.
"Er… I wouldn't exactly recommend a shotgun for a first time shooter, your highness," He explains, ears flattening, "They tend to beat ponies around a bit."
Celestia smiled reassuringly at Range, "That's alright," She promises, "I'd like the full experience; besides, I'm sure you'll make certain that I do things safely."
Range nodded a little, "Well, if you're sure, your highness," He says, nodding to the pegasus behind the counter.

The pegasus briefly turned around, settling the shotgun in the case, along with a couple of boxes, settling the case and hoofing it over to Range.
Range smiled, grabbing a set of ear plugs and hoofing them over to Princess Celestia. "I can't let you further into the range without ears and eyes, ma'am," He explains, grabbing a thick set of safety glasses as well.
Celestia tilted her head. "Ears and eyes?" She asked, looking at the plugs.
Range nodded, "Sensory protection; the guns are loud, and occasionally they kick their brass at odd angles. It's better safe than sorry, princess," He explains.
Celestia nodded, "Oh, okay," She replies, taking and applying the plugs and glasses, "What else should I know?" She asked.
Range smiled, "Alright, three core rules: One, the gun's barrel always goes down-range; two, hoof off the trigger until you're ready to shoot; three, don't point the gun at anything you're not willing to destroy," He explains, "Come with me, and I'll get you set up."

Celestia followed Range as he took her down a hall, walking through a set of doors. There wasn't anyone else in the room through the two doors; instead, stalls, about 2 ponies wide, with broad counters and assorted targets hung up. Most of them were simple ring targets, but one appeared to be a pony on "full-spread", with the rings of the target centered around where the target's tailhole would be. The princess grimaced slightly, "How vulgar," She thought to herself.
Range set the case on the counter and opened it, setting the shotgun and boxes out.

"Alright," He begins, "The shotgun here is a pump action; it'll only fire when the pump is locked forward, like this," He explains, pushing the pump against the front of the gun, "To reload after you shoot, you pull back until the click, then push forward until it clicks again; nice and simple," He says.
Celestia nodded, observing the stallion as he went over the controls of the gun. He pointed out the safety, then the trigger, and the other aspects of running the gun.
"Now, the fun part: Loading. You push the pump forward, then take one of the shells, and push it in 'till the gun catches it. Then, on your first shot," He points the gun forward and pumps the action, making an audible pair of clicks, "Forward and back, nice and easy. Now, the gun is loaded," He explains, offering it to Celestia, "We'll start you on a single round first."

Celestia nodded, taking the gun and attempting to hold it like he had shown her.
…And immediately pointing it at him.
"Woah, okay princess," Range gasps, shoving the barrel of the weapon so it was pointed down-range, "The gun's loaded now; it's just target load, but it can still seriously injure someone," He explains.
Celestia gasps, "Oh, goodness, I'm sorry," She says, "I… Think you'd better walk me through the posturing," She admits.
Range nodded, walking to her side. "Alright, make sure your weight's on your back legs… Stock seated on your shoulder; nice and snug…" He smiled as she got herself into position.

"Those irons are real simple; you want the front post to be in the back notch there," He explains.
Celestia nodded, nestling her muzzle low and squeezing her one eye shut so her focus was wholly down the gun's iron sights.
She clicked the safety onto live and took a breath in.
"That's it… Fire when ready. There's no rush," Range says calmly.
Celestia gave a shallow nod, attempting to line her irons up with the middle ring of the target.
She rested her hoof on the trigger, and slowly pulled back.

BANG!

Celestia yelped in surprise at the sudden sound and flash of the gun, nearly throwing the thing as it kicked up and out of her grasp.
Range jumped, his horn igniting to capture the rogue firearm, sighing softly, "That's… Why I suggested something lighter," He expresses.
Celestia squinted to look at the target. There was a large hole up and to the right of the center of the target. "I hit it!" She says excitedly, clapping her hooves together as if she'd just watched a play, ignorant to Range's slowly building exasperation.

Range nodded a bit, setting the shotgun back on the counter, "Y-yes, you did," He replies, "But you need to, er… Keep a better hold on the gun, your highness."
Celestia blinked. "Oh, dear… I suppose I lost my composure a bit," She admits.
Range nods slowly, "It's not abnormal for a first time shooter. Trust me, you'll learn to like it," He offers with a soft chuckle, "You've still got 23 more shots," He explains.

Celestia nodded a bit, tipping up the back end of the gun to load another shell in.
Range winced slightly in anticipation, as if he expected her to spin around and jam the gun's barrel into his chest. However, the alicorn simply loaded a single shell, and fanagled it onto the target.
"Alright, breathe in, shoot, breathe out. Remember, hold it tight," He instructed.
Celestia settled her muzzle so she was looking down the sight, and took a breath in.

The second shot went much, much smoother. It still kicked, and the princess jumped, but she managed to keep the gun steady until she brought it down to the counter.
"I did it!" She exclaimed excitedly, wincing a bit as she shot up her hooves in celebration, her stock-shoulder aching a bit. She let out a small grunt of pain, rubbing it.
Range chuckled a bit, "Yeah, the shotgun'll tenderize your shoulder some," He remarks.
Celestia chuckles softly, "It's very exhilirating," She expresses, "I can see how someone would enjoy doing this recreationally."

Celestia would take a few more single shots, getting further used to the punch of the weapon. On her fifth shot, however, hell broke loose. As she pumped, the shotgun case decided to kick up, bounce off the wall with a soft thunk, and land metal-side-down on her shoulder.
She almost set the gun down, but then freaked out as the searing hot metal finally got through her fur, swaying the weapon as she loosed her front hoof to try and kick the hot case off of her.
The shotgun would be quickly arrested from her grip by a sudden magical jerk.
"Your highness," Range says, somewhat forcefully, catching the alicorn's attention, "Next time that happens, please set the gun down first. You could've blown out a wall were the gun not empty and unchambered," He expresses.
Celestia shrank slightly, rubbing her lightly seared shoulder. "A-ah, I'm sorry, Range…" She stammers.

Range sighed a bit, "It's alright; I just want you to be safe. My middle name is Safety, it'd look real bad if the princess of Equestria shot herself on my watch," He admits.
Celestia blinked once. "Your middle name is 'Safety'? So you're-" She was cut off by a nodding stallion.
"Range Safety Officer, yes. It's quite the coincidence, I know," He remarks.
Celestia nodded a bit, "Well, I'll try to be more careful… I'd like to try more than one shot at once," She expresses.
The stallion nods, "By all means," He says, gesturing to the gun, already set down on the table.

Celestia carefully loaded two shells into the gun and readied herself, finally getting the hang of it. Two shots rang out, perhaps a little faster than they should've given it was Celestia's first time shooting, but she grinned as she settled the gun back on the bench.
"Well, you've got the pump action down; you should try to aim, though. Don't wanna blow through all your rounds too fast now," Range advises.
Celestia smiled and chuckled a little, getting brave. She loaded a full 4 rounds into the tube, readying herself.

Four bangs, interceded by the heavy clicks of the pump action. Celestia grinned.
"Well, when everything goes right, it's quite good fun," She expresses with a gentle giggle.
Range nodded, "They might be weapons deserving of respect, but when used safely, they can be just as fun as any foal's toy," He replies with a smile.
Celestia giggled a bit and loaded another full tube, starting to have fun with it now. Her shoulder wasn't exactly happy with being tenderized by the repeated jerks of the weapon's recoil, but Celestia was having too much fun to care at that particular moment.

The princess looked at the empty boxes as she finished off her last tube. "Oops… I might've gotten carried away," She says with a soft giggle.
Range shakes his head, "No such thing, your highness," He says, "Didja have fun?" He asked, reeling in the paper target with a pulley on the wall.
Celestia nodded. "Oh, yes, very much; I'll have to bring Luna along next time I have a spare day. She's always playing her shooter games; I'd love to see how she handles the real thing," She explains.
Range forced a smile, thinking to himself, "Oh, those above, help me."

He did, however, speak up, beginning to pack up the gun into the case for carrying. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, your highness; you can take the target home, if you want," He offers.
Celestia's horn ignited as she magicked the target over to her. Her accuracy wasn't great, but she'd managed to get most of her two dozen shots on paper. The princess rolled the target up, tucking it under her wing.

"Ah, how could I forget…?" She murmured to herself, horn illuminating as she magics a large sum of bits tucked away in her chestpiece, "Hopefully this covers it; I assume rentals are paid," She supposes.
Range paused, briefly counting up the stack. "That's plenty, your highness; a few bits too many, actually," He says.
Celestia smiled a little, "Well, keep the change, as thanks for your patience…" She briefly pauses, "...And pittance for almost shooting you," She whispered softly.
Range gave an awkward smile at the latter remark, "You're… Hardly the first, your highness. Thank you for your business."

Celestia smiled and turned to leave, standing up. She nearly collapsed as her shoulder flared up in pain; all of those beatings from the recoil of the gun had decided to come back right now. Celestia let out a pained "GRK!"
She slowly limped out of the range, trying to favour her one shoulder. "Okay, that did it," She whispered to herself, seething lightly each time she put weight on her shoulder.
As she got to the castle, she gave a gentle smile to her guards, walking her way inside. Her limp returned as she got deeper into the castle, and she ran into her sister.

Luna quickly approached her as she noticed Celestia's off-kilter posture. "Sister!" She exclaims, "What is the meaning of your limp? Were you attacked!?" She asked, voice frantic.
Celestia huffed gently, "I'm fine, Luna. Just a bit sore after my day out," She explains.
Luna frowned a bit. "Your day out?" She asked.
Celestia smiled a bit, and began to limp to her room, telling Luna about her day at the gun range.
Luna would listen with intrigue. She had forgotten Celestia was the outgoing one between them; but even then, such a loud, and seemingly brutal hobby, seemed unlike her sister.

Celestia collapsed into her bed with a huff, sighing. "I will say, my shoulder did not have as much fine as I did," She admits.
Luna nods slowly, "I see… If you are sure you are alright, sister, I will leave you be. Get a good rest," She insists.
Celestia smiled a little, "I'll get a good rest…" She says, "Though, would you care to join me next time? I think you'd have fun," She offers, a small smile on her face.