One Night (a.k.a A taste of an Apple)

Dash headed downstairs to the library floor, her steps quiet and her head tired and stressed. She knew she shouldn't outstay her presence and it was best to head back home but Twilight stopped her at the stairs.

"Rainbow Dash… I don't think you should go back straight away."

"What do you mean?" she asked confused and slightly worried. Twilight sighed, she wasn't any expert on relationships but she felt something was being hidden in this one.

"I just think, maybe you two need some space from one another… to get a different perspective."

"I don't know if that'll do-"

"Please Dash," Twilight said weakly, looking at the exhausted Pegasus with eyes of concern, "Do you think going back today will make Applejack change her mind? She probably needs space just like you."

Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight slowly… she wanted to go back… but she didn't want the anger, the tension and she sighed, nodding her head.

"Why don't you have breakfast and read something," Twilight suggested and Dash went quietly to the kitchen, Twilight looking at her silently before heading to the exit, "I'm just going to head out for a little bit…"

Dash looked at her slightly confused as the door closed behind the unicorn and looked down to the ground… feeling like the world was too hard to handle sometimes.

XXXX

There was a hard knock on the Apple house door. Twilight waited outside of it a little on edge but the door was opened eventually by Granny Smith and she smiled politely at the elderly mare, saying strongly,

"Is Applejack around?"

"Oh yes, she's just in the lounge room," Granny Smith said with a big smile, Twilight felt a little awkward, she hadn't been to this house in ages. She looked at the green pony quietly and added,

"Is it okay if I talk to her?"

"Be my guest," Granny said and led Twilight in. The purple unicorn headed to the sitting room and closed the door, Applejack looking up from her book a little wary… Twilight hadn't visited her in nearly a year.

"Howdy Twilight," she said weakly, and Twilight didn't respond straight away, standing in the centre of the room and just staring at Applejack… the orange pony feeling like she had come for more than just a visit.

"Tell me," Twilight said, AJ becoming nervous "why did you say no?"

Applejack realized then and there what she was here for and took a weak breath out, replying,

"I didn't…" Twilight still stared daggers at her and she continued in barely a voice, "I just didn't want her to make a mistake."

"Maybe you're the one making the mistake?" Twilight countered and AJ shut her eyes… she didn't want to have to explain this… explain her reasoning and only heard Twilight continue, "Well?"

"She just… does so much and gets so little of what she wants. I just want her to see everythin' she's missin' if we do this."

"You know she isn't missing anything." Twilight said a little startled at this answer… and when she looked at Applejack, she felt there was more to this then just Rainbow Dash's feelings "What else is it?"

"That's it." Applejack replied barely "I want her to be free."

"But what about you?" Twilight asked "Do you not want marriage?"

"I…" AJ said weakly… her voice becoming short "I don't…"

Twilight blinked her eyes surprised by the answer, what?

"Why?"

"You wouldn't understand…" Applejack said, and looked away to the ground… she hated how a reason she had never admitted was still only her secret. She looked back up at Twilight and took a weak breath out.

"I'd lose it…"

Twilight didn't understand.

"My last bit of independence… when she already does everythin' for me… I'm not even a pony anymore… I'm just," her eyes watered as a tear slipped down, "a rock, that she has to carry around. Look after… and if I say 'yes' than I'll never be me… I'll never be able to heal… because she won't be able to let me."

"You really think she's holding you back?" Twilight asked flabbergasted.

"When I'm with her… I can't do anythin' for myself… she does it all for me. I feel useless, like I'm not even me… just a part of her and marriage would only make it more so."

"Applejack? She only wants to help you, to love you?"

Applejack knew what she was saying sounded so selfish… but it was how she felt, she was holding Rainbow Dash back from her dreams… but when Applejack was with her herself, all she was was nothing, a foal to be taken care of and she was so much more than that.

"Dash is at my house,"

Applejack looked up when she heard that being said, looking at Twilight confused,

"Why didn't she come with you?"

"I told her you two needed space." Twilight said barely and looked back at the door… feeling there was nothing more to stay for before turning her head back to Applejack,

"Think about her, Applejack… don't go ruin everything because of your own insecurities."

Applejack only opened her mouth in disbelief of what was said, before Twilight left the room and then the house… AJ's eyes only streaming down tears… no one understood how she felt, how much this fact was tearing her apart.

But if she told Rainbow Dash she didn't want her help… she didn't need her as a carer… it would just hurt that Pegasus all the more… it seemed all she was doing was hurting her and she just couldn't seem to make this feeling go away.

She looked up slowly as she heard the door open and Granny Smith come in, the green old mare looking at her Granddaughter as if ashamed of her and AJ knew she had heard the conversation.

"Granny,"

"I don't think ya realize," her grandma only muttered, "how much that Pegasus loves you… or else," she said and shook her head weakly, "I don't think you love her as much as she does you."

"You don't know how much we feel for each other." Applejack said only angry, what gave Granny Smith the right to tell her how much she loved Rainbow Dash or not.

"I think, you don't know how much you feel… and until you decide what she means ta ya… I'm afraid this will only get worse."

"Why are you saying this, Grandma?" Applejack asked only angry and confused… didn't Granny Smith already see how much pain she was going through, "Why are you blaming this all on me?"

"Because, if you don't open your eyes it might be too late… and someone has to tell ya this."

Applejack shut her eyes in anger and pain… tears balling up in them and she just said so coldly.

"Just go away."

"I love ya, Applejack." Granny said tiredly and left the room, Applejack just grabbed her book and threw it hard to the ground… they all said they loved her… yet they all told her how she should act, how she should feel when none of them knew what it was like to be her… useless… and that was what killed her the most.

The house was quiet that day between her and Granny Smith… even her own family turning against her and she went to bed that night… dead inside… angry… useless… a nobody… not herself anymore, just a shadow of the real Applejack.

When she woke that morning it was because Applebloom was shaking her with tears in her hazel eyes, and she sat up seeing Big Mac across the room, as quiet as a mouse.

She looked at the two confused and asked,

"What is it?"

"Granny Smith is d-dead,"

Applejack froze… as if her mind went empty… her face blank and she only asked, her voice shaky.

"…how?"

"She died in her sleep, last night," Big Mac replied with a quaky voice, his eyes red from tears and Applebloom only fell into Applejack's hoofs, crying hard into her shoulder.

Applejack just sat there… this wasn't a dream… this was real… and she felt teardrops trickle down her cheeks as she only asked,

"Why?"

"She was old…" Big Mac only replied… the only answer that made sense "The doctor's comin' to take her away for an autopsy… I'll arrange the funeral… ya don't have to w-worry."

"No." Applejack only cried, feeling helpless in all of this, "I want to h-help!"

"Okay…" Big Mac said in a stutter and Applejack just held her sister… hearing the weeping of the small family… a member leaving them and never coming back.

Rainbow Dash lay dead in her bed that morning but everything stopped when Twilight came in with the news… everything being awoken and she left the library that instant.

How could this happen at such a bad time… she didn't even knock on the farm house door, coming in quickly and seeing relatives of the Apple's all around the house, looking quickly for Applejack and soon found her…

Crying on a cousin's shoulder.

She came over to her… not afraid… forgetting everything that had happened in the last couple of days and when Applejack saw her she only stuttered,

"R-rainbow,"

Dash hugging her as Applejack only weeped in her hoofs… the house full of so much sorrow… for now and until the body could be laid to rest.

It seemed to happen all so fast… one second Granny Smith was here, the next she was gone… and soon Applejack felt no more tears… tired from it… her eyes hurting… her head hurting… her body full of the same pain like always but now it felt like she deserved it…

For how she treated her Grandma the night before she left for good… Applejack just couldn't understand.

Why she was this way? This pointless way.

It seemed time just went so slow the next two days… before they stood inside the temple and speeches were said… Applejack only mumbling her words… feeling such guilt before whispering,

"I'm sorry…"

"She was the best granny ever," Applebloom only said in tears and Big Mac muttered,

"Eeeyup,"

Dash stood by Applejack's side, trying to be there for her… as they watched the coffin lower into the earth and soon the grounds were left, one pony at a time until it was only the three Apples and the Pegasus.

When they arrived back home, food was given out and talk was small, Applejack hugging her friends as the mane six united for this period of loss, the girls giving words of sympathy but no one… no one knew the talk AJ had had with Granny Smith the night before she died.

"We'll see you soon," Fluttershy said meekly as she and Rarity hugged Applejack and the weak orange pony just nodded her head… watching as her friends departed with everyone else, Twilight giving her a look of concern… but Applejack didn't care…

She just felt like nothing.

She watched as the house emptied of family and friends… staying up until it was only her and Rainbow Dash left in the room and she only muttered.

"I guess… that's it."

"Are you okay, AJ?" Dash asked afraid… Applejack had barely spoken… only cried the last few days and the orange mare just shut her eyes, nodding her head.

"I'm fine…" she said and began to leave but tripped, hitting the ground hard and Rainbow Dash stiffened, running over to help her up but Applejack just said,

"No… I can do it…"

Dash just watched as Applejack tried to get back on her legs… but only screamed in pain… tears streaming down her cheeks and Dash only begged,

"Please, Applejack,"

"I can do it myself!" Applejack only yelled, trying to get up but her legs only quaked beneath her. She wasn't this useless pony! She wasn't just someone that had to have everything done for her.

"Applejack, s-stop it" Dash cried, she couldn't watch her in pain- not when she could do something, "PLEASE!"

"You want me to run again…?" AJ only asked in tears, as she fell to the ground for the third time in pain and just cried, "Then let me try!"

And that's when the Pegasus broke.

"STOP IT!"

Applejack stopped her struggling as she heard that scream of anger.

Of pure fury and she just lay there on the ground confused… not understanding what she had done.

Dash helped her up then and there… Applejack not knowing what to say as the Pegasus took her to her room, the orange pony keeping quiet.

When AJ was in her bed… she just stared at Dash confused… why did she even come back to her? All AJ did was cause her suffering… all she did was make her partner cry and she only heard the blue pony say,

"I can't see you like t-that."

She looked at the Pegasus as Dash said those words to the wall… not able to face her… her voice angry.

"Not like that… not in pain…" she whispered, her heart hurting her so much from the sight of Applejack helpless… "Not since that day when I could do nothing."

Applejack remained silent, just listening.

"Yet all you are are in pain, and you won't let me do anything to help you. WHY?" Dash asked, looking at her in tears, "Do you think you don't deserve it? I CAN'T SEE YOU LIKE THAT… don't you understand?"

"I'm…" Applejack said, not sure what she could say… not knowing Dash felt this way, "I'm sorry…"

"Do you think my life would be better off without you?"

Applejack sat on her bed in silence… feeling so bad that the truth was…

"Yes."

Dash just looked at her in disbelief… she truly believed this.

She had to say it; she had to finally tell her.

"The day I thought you were gone forever… I" she took a breath "… I,"

Applejack didn't want to see those pained eyes but couldn't look away… and all she heard was,

"I tried to kill myself."

"…what?"

Dash looked to the bed… she didn't like remembering that day… the day when everything felt like it was lost but she had been given back hope, as if by a miracle.

"I was stopped by Pinkie… and when I saw you alive… I couldn't believe it… but yet… you wish you were dead? You want to leave me…" she cried

"Applejack." Dash said in tears and Applejack just looked at her loved one in so much pain, "I can't live without you, don't you understand?"

AJ looked at Dash silently… seeing everything for what it finally was… seeing what she had done… what she had continually done… pushing her away… rejecting her help… lying to herself when she said that Dash would be better off without her,

When she wouldn't…

And Rainbow Dash just lay on the bed… crying weakly to herself… Applejack knowing there was nothing she could do,

…but be there for her, for the first time in so long and she only held Dash in her hoofs as she said… the only thing she could,

"I'm sorry… Rainbow… I'm so sorry,"

Repeating those words into the night… until there was nothing more to say just,

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"