Life's Fantastic, Even With A Body In Plastic

by Rewan Demontay

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Drama, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle (EqG)
Length: 2228

What do you do when a body bag from Equestria pops up at your statue portal? Call your girlfriend, of course!

It was a normal evening jog for Sunset. Until a suspicious, big black bag from Equestria flung out of the portal, that is. What does she do? Call in the experts, aka her girlfriend, to help dispose of it!

Written for (and in the nick of time, too) Bike's Personal Contests: SciSet Contest .

Published 2023-09-18 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-18 00:00:00 UTC

Wild Ride

As the daytime slid away, Sunset Shimmer huffed. Evening jogging always took the wind out of her, as intended. Chilly fall winds rustled the leaves. Her signature black leather jacket, padded for cold resistance, glossed against the reflecting light. A gray sweater complimented underneath. She could taste the crispy air. Blue jeans stretched with each stride; white sneakers pounded on the pavement. Waves of refreshment riddled her. It’d been a good, average day.

Soon enough, the sidewalk diverged. Sunset decided to do a round at the school. Foot muscles heaved with strain. She arced to the left. Canterlot High’s glittering appearance met the glistening dusk. It felt strange to have graduated here only a few months ago. Her lungs burned. Dipping into the longer, scenic route, Sunset turned to run past a stone horse. Another strange, and nostalgic, reminder. She half-smiled as she neared.

Her heels screamed as she finally approached it. Scruffy, red-yellow hair flapped as she briefly glanced at the base of the statue. As she momentarily glanced at it in reminiscence, a strange glint caught her eye. Sunset halted her jog. Squinting closer, a faint blue spark flew off the mirror. She walked closer. The portal was supposed to be closer at the moment. It shouldn’t be active for another moon–then a rippling blast of blue light burst from it.

Something black and heavy thudded into Sunset. The light dissipated as soon as it’d come. Luckily, she fell sideways and caught herself from falling hard onto the cement. Albeit, in an awkward position. Odd smells emanated in the air. Standing up, Sunset brushed debris off. Everything hurt. Wondering what had just happened, focus affixed itself. She took a hard look at what’d just hit her through the portal. Fear shot straight to her heart.

Lying in front of the statue was a vaguely human-shaped black bag. The mass and size seemed to confirm as such. A zipper ran from top to bottom. It smelled rotten. Slowly, her eyes traced a trail of red from it to her now-stained pants and shoes. A scream escaped as Sunset whipped out her phone on instinct. There was only one person who could possibly get her out of this. She’d worked so hard to redeem herself. No way some random person in Equestria would frame her by accident!

“Crap, crap, crap!” Sunset frantically dialed as she ducked behind the statue to hide from street view. “Pick up, pick up, pick up, please, please, please!”

To her anxious giddiness, it only took a few agonizing seconds. Very slow seconds.

“Heyyy, Shimmy!” replied a cheerful voice on the other side.

“Twilight, thank Celestia!” Sunset exhaled with shivers.

“You know I’m on shift-” Her girlfriend’s panicked sounds processed in her mind. “Oh Celestia, what how? What magical mayhem is happening? Agh!”

Sunset wasted no time. “Statue, Code Alicorn! Now!”

“Give me five minutes!” Twilight’s breathing also turned panicked. “I’ll need my lists-”

“Make it three! Forget lists, bring cleaning supplies!”

“On it on it on it!” Twilight squealed. “Oh, and loveeeee you!”

“Love you too, Twily! Just hurry, please!”

Sunset swore that her girlfriend saluted her, blew a kiss, and haggled past customers in the doorway of her gas station at the same time.

A few dreary minutes passed. In the meantime, Sunset dragged the body bag closer to the statue to avoid detection. Streetlights lit up as the sun finally set. Breathing deeply only helped so much as she sat there, exposed. It’d only been a few months since her last visit to Equestria. Who in the world could she have figured out the portal? Nobody knew except the princesses and select guards. Fewer could force it open for a brief moment.

Screeching tires caught Sunset’s attention. For a jiffy, she hallucinated sirens. That somehow a lone observer had called the cops. Then a white, unmarked van exploded into view. Sunset sighed in relief. Seconds later, it pulled into the school grounds. Sunset waved as it drove onto the sidewalk. The brakes engaged feet from the statue. Popping the door open, Twilight dove out and assessed the situation. Her eyes grew wide behind a pair of glasses as she raced over in heavy boots and an entirely black, concealing outfit.

“Right, first we observe the scene!” she called out. “Then we-”

Sunset planted a quick kiss to shut her girlfriend up. She’d have listened any other time. “Twily, act now, talk later! Got that!"

Twilight raised a finger to object. “But-”

“Love you, but we have a body to get rid of!” Sunset flailed her arms, pointing like a balloon man.

“But-” Twilight tried to stutter.

“You get to put all those hours of making me watch crime shows go to use!” Sunset loved Twilight, but sometimes things got too sciency for an emergency. The stranger, the harder. Luckily, it could also solve most situations.

“Fine, fine! We’ll do it quickly!” Twilight walked over and pulled the car door open. “But only because it’ll be hard to cuddle in jail!”

“Then let’s gooo! Operation Phoenix, I dub it.” Sunset paced over to one end of the bag.

“Heyyy, I was about to claim naming rights!” The purple panderer slightly complained.

Shaking her head, Sunset lifted one end with a semi-morbid smile. Twilight returned it. Though, it was more of a look of curiosity. Despite the covering cheerfulness, Sunset internally fought the urge to run in circles. With a few hefty steps, they tossed the surprisingly somewhat squishy bag into the side of the van. Next, Twilight tossed out containers of gasoline and bleach. Sunset caught them, as her girlfriend brought over rags and matches.

Though confused, Sunset followed instructions to pour them over every last square inch possible. And this was why she’d called her girlfriend and not all the girls. The fewer people, the better chances of getting caught. Plus, only she would know how to destroy the evidence. It brought a weird flutter to her heart. Though, admittedly, it partnered with trying to continuously swallow bile. Vomiting would not help. Plenty of DNA evidence already contaminated the scene.

Twilight, through the whole process, mumbled fact after fact. How dousing the entire area as heavily as possible was the best chance they had. Again, Sunset was torn. Between admiring her girlfriend's knowledge. Being scared at the ruthlessness of its execution in concealing a crime. And the gushy feeling of loving her all the same for it. Sweat poured in tandem, quick paced action. Within a minute, everywhere from the portal to the van door was covered.

Sunset followed Twilight’s prodding to get in the van. She tried not to cringe as she stood hunched next to the body. Twilight bit her tongue as she fumbled the match in her hand. Swiftly, however, she got it lit. Her boots thudded as she thudded to the driver’s side door. Their doors both slammed shut as walls of flame burst. Something about the alcohol soaked into the bleach did that. Another pulsating feeling of admiration swept for her girlfriend. As she waited, she duct taped bricks into the body.

The tires smoked as Twilight pushed the engine to max. Thrusting the shift stick into reverse, then drive, the van sped out the way it’d entered, followed by a rampage into the street. Speed limits hardly existed. Sunset clung on for dear life. Whoever taught Twilight to drive–Sunset suspected Pinkie–clearly cheated her licensing test somehow. Still, they’d have to be lucky not to be pulled over. At least the cover of night provided a bit of reassurance.

“You’re going to have to change your clothes!” Twilight swerved around a corner.

“Wha-what?” Sunset said.

“There’s a spare set of 'em I nabbed from my work on the way out!”

“Really, right now?”

“You want to get rid of the evidence, don’t you?”

Twilight's question had no holes in its logic.

“Fineeeee! Just keep your eyes on the road!”

“Like I haven’t seen you before, anyway.” Twilight smirked in the mirror, briefly glancing.

“Shut up and drive!”

“Love you too, Shimmy!”

The van rumbled like thunder around another intersection. It felt like a ride on lightning. Sunset couldn’t worry about where they were going–Twilight surely had a plan in mind. All she had to do was not freak out. Not at all. No question who did it, or why or how or what came next or–Sunset punched herself. She was not going to prison for killing somebody she didn’t kill! And it would all be in the name of love! For Twilight!

Sunset kept low beneath the windows. She didn’t care they were all tinted. It just felt right. Finding Twilight’s spare set in a case under the passenger side, she cracked it open. Once more, she glanced at the big plastic bag behind the driver’s seat. Her throat threatened to belch. Nope, she would not do that. She wouldn’t disrespect the dead with a projectile vomiting onto them. Yet she did strip everything off next to them. Her cheeks flushed red-pink for the entire ordeal as she stuffed her precious coat into a bag; Twilight’s purple-pink backup skirt slipped on.

Worry ate at her mind all the way through. What if someone spotted them? A random cop might pull them over on suspicion. Or a coincidence or one-off accident could strangle their chances. So many ways for this to go wrong. All they had to do was dispose of the proof; it’d be dandy then! Princess Celestia could bail them, but that would be either awkward or violent. Fierce determination filled Twilight’s eyes as they sped onward out of the neighborhood. And here she was, cleaning the back of the van of all hair and stains with bleach and wipesm

The inner city whizzed by at a dangerous pace. Sunset wished she could be half as brave as her girlfriend at times like these. A morbid chuckle escaped. This felt like a date in a super odd way. With work all the time, it felt like they hadn’t done one in a while. Love and fear collided in her heart at the same time. In due time, the sounds of the river rumbled into earshot. Sunset snapped back. She stood up, ready to spring back into action.

Twilight gushed a little as she opted to fling open the rear doors instead. “Hmmm, you look sexy in my clothes.”

“Not relevant Twilight!” Sunset half-shouted while trying to grip her end of the bag–the head, unfortunately.

“Fine, fine!” She struggled to get a good grip on the feet but succeeded.

“On three-”

“Three!”

Twilight pulled forth with surprising strength. Sunset barely stumbled out. They made it a few steps. Just as soon as she was going to chastise her girlfriend for being reckless, sirens sounded in the distance.

“No no nonononononono!” Sunset shouted

Twilight picked up speed in sync. Fear gripped in like the red and blue flashes incoming. They raced to dump the now-loaded body in. Thirty feet. The sounds grew louder. Twenty feet. A black and white car on the bridge. Ten feet. Tires on the gravel leading down. Five feet. Onto the short riverside fishing dock. A car rumbling ever closer. Hoping they weren’t seen, they quickly heaved the black bag into the depths of the cold water. It compliantly sank.

The two rushed back to the van, Twilight stopping midway. Sunset gathered the bag of cleaning supplies and used containers and clothes. She tossed it to Twilight, who then threw it too into the river. By Celestia’s grace, it grazed over the sandy bank with a low arc. It plopped into the river all the same. Only a closer inspection of the van could reveal them now. Yet, Sunset still ran frantic thoughts on how to explain this to the officer.

However, all these thoughts melted as Twilight rebounded back to the open doors of the back of the van. She tossed herself onto Sunset, pressing her lips with passion. Sunset ceased all thoughts as they fell into an embrace. Lips met. Warmth exploded as they wrapped arms around one another. The world melted away for a brief split in time. Everything revolved around her and her girlfriend. Her precious Twilight. Her savior. Her love.

It was only as the police car rounded into view that worry returned. Rushes of blood pounded her brain. This was everything she feared. Culmination of their escapade to escape possible discovery. Sunset’s gaze flickered between Twilight and the officer glaring at them–of course, it was Shining Armor who’d catch them. He rolled his eyes, alongside a mandatory smile, then tapped the brake. Dust settled as Twilight’s brother revved off.

Sunset breathed, for once that night, staring at the van’s roof. She lay there, collapsed, Twilight on top of her.

“Ya know, we ought to do this more often,” Twilight giggled.

Sunset lightly punched her, welcoming the embrace.

“Yeah, we should.”

“Spike!” a purple alicorn demanded, “Where the hay did you stash my massive bag of backup spaghetti? Sure, it’s rather solid, but it doesn’t taste ALL that bad!”

Author's Note

I accidentally omitted a portion of the ending when copy pasting to publish this just in time. Sorry to anyone that effected for the minute that was up.

And yes, the title is a loose parody devised from the Barbie song.