Final Test

by The Iguana Man

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Romance, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Twilight Sparkle (EqG)
Length: 4519

Sunset's in a race against a far superior bike, with a date with a creep looming if she loses. Her girlfriend seems happy about this for some reason.

It's the night after the end of the school year, so it should be a time of celebration for the Rainbooms. However, thanks to an unpleasant encounter and a questionable bet, Sunset finds herself in a street race. If she loses, she'll be obliged to go on a date with the slimy creep she's racing. She needs to win, but with her weathered old bike, that seems unlikely.

So then, why does Twilight, her girlfriend, seem so happy about all this?

A story about clubbing, street racing and sexuality from an author who knows absolutely nothing about any of those things. Embrace the cringe!

A story for Bicyclette's SciSet Contest, posted unwillingly to support and fill out the contest rather than due to any hope of winning. Please check out the other, better entries.

Published 2023-09-17 22:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-17 22:30:00 UTC

MSG and MEG

It started, as so many things have, with an unsolicited catcall.

It was a balmy summer evening and a time for celebration for the Rainbooms. Not only had they finished the school year the day before, but they had just finished up their first true gig. Well, that is if you could call an unpaid two hours performing at Sugarcube Corner “a true gig”, which they mostly did. As such, they were having a night out to commemorate the milestone in their lives.

Of course, much as the girls loved each other, they all had very different ideas about what constituted a good night out. As such, finding a place that they could all enjoy was tricky – it had to be loud enough for Dash, quiet enough for Fluttershy, not too squalid for Rarity, not too fancy for Applejack and with enough bright and pretty colours for Pinkie. Of the group, Sunset and Twilight were the only ones without stringent criteria for a destination – as long as they were together and with their friends, they were largely satisfied.

Fortunately, there was one place they knew that they could always count on to fit them all. They had discovered it thanks to their mutual friend and one-time saviour (even if the score for that was still very much in their favour), Vinyl Scratch. She had pointed them to a place where she had done a number of gigs – Club Pon-3. The coincidence of the name was not lost on the group.

It helped that it was one of the few nightclubs in the city that allowed in people under 18, hence why Vinyl was able to do gigs there in the first place. One obviously had to agree to a few ground rules to get in at such an age and it might have been difficult to gain admittance had Vinyl not vouched for them, but now that she had, it was always a possible venue for a night out. This was most fortuitous as, while Rarity was confident she could learn forgery if she needed to, she had her doubts she could whip up seven fake IDs without a lot of practice.

Furthermore, it was, as an establishment, determined to avoid any reputation for unfriendliness or sleaze, so it managed to fit all the Rainbooms' requirements. It had bright lights and loud music, so Rainbow and Pinkie were satisfied. It was always kept clean enough for Rarity, but lacked any of the gaudy ornamentation that annoyed Applejack. Also helping those two was the fact that they served both expensive wine and cheap, strong cider; not that either of them could legally order any, but it was the principle of the thing that counted.

Finally, there was a feature in the place that Fluttershy wished was in far more places – a large area designed to be quieter, so people could take a break from the noise. It wasn't completely cut off, of course – it had enough soundproofing that one could still hear the music, but could also make oneself heard to one's friends without the use of a megaphone.

So, overall, for a nightclub, it was a very pleasant, civilized place – a place where a group of seven teenage girls could go for a fun night out without having to worry about any danger or nasty encounters.

Unfortunately, it seemed that one group of boys had not gotten that memo.

A short while into the night, the group began hearing whistling and some rather crass remarks from a group of boys who had entered around the same time they had. They didn't recognise any of them from Canterlot High and Twilight was pretty sure they weren't from Crystal Prep either, so it was unlikely that they'd recognized the Rainbooms. They, presumably, just liked the look of some or all of them.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how one looked at it, they weren't being disruptive enough that the club's bouncers had felt the need to step in. They were simply leering at them and making the odd comment loud enough for them to hear. The only thing that might have been worrying was when one of them apparently tried to buy a drink for some or all of them, only to have their supposed ID laughed at and tossed into the trash by the bartender.

Still, while they weren't actively intimidating, they were singularly unpleasant to be around, to the point that even Fluttershy had left the quiet area for a while to get away from them.

It was when she was returning that things escalated.

She was just coming over to where Rarity, Twilight and Sunset were sitting when one of them – the ring leader, it looked like – moved to intercept her. He had a leather jacket, a build that suggested a place on the school football team and an expression that spoke very poorly of his intentions.

He strode out in front of Fluttershy and gave her what he probably thought was a charming look.

“Hey, babe, how ya doin'?”

“Oh, um, I'm just fine, erm, thank you!” Fluttershy mumbled, trying to back away from him.

However, upon hearing seeing soft-spoken and timid she appeared, the boy's face lit up and he followed her back, moving to the side so as to corral her into his group.

“So, I've been lookin' at you and your hot friends all night and I just gotta say you are the hottest of 'em all.”

“Oh, well, that's very nice of you to say, but I should really...” Fluttershy stammered out before her back bumped against the boys' table. She looked to the side, only to realize that she was effectively trapped by the boy and his entourage.

Fortunately, by this time, the three in the area were already on their feet and hurrying over. Furthermore, when Sunset looked through the transparent partition between that area and the dance floor, she could see that Rainbow, Applejack and Pinkie had caught sight of what was happening and were also coming over with thunder in their eyes. However, as much as she wanted and intended to protect Fluttershy, she held a hand out to them, signalling the three to keep calm and refrain from rocket-punching the boy, slamming him through a wall or making him explode, respectively.

Admittedly, that last one was unlikely, but after Pinkie had innocently asked how much sugar there was in the human body, Sunset didn't want to take any chances.

She got there just as the boy started asking, “So, how'd you like to come with me and my crew and...”

“Hey, I remember you!” Sunset interrupted from behind him. Just before he turned around, she looked over to the bouncer, who was beginning to make her way over to the area. Sunset waved her hand and threw the bouncer a wink, making her slow down and stop just on the periphery of the scene – ready to step in if needed, but willing to see where Sunset was going with this.

As the boy turned to regard her with a lascivious grin, Sunset continued. “Yeah, you're the one who came in riding that Cantersaki Ninja, right?”

The boy's smile grew. “The second hottest one and she knows her bikes. Guys, I think I might be in love!” He said to the side, getting a laugh from his friends before turning back to Sunset. “Yeah, that was me. Guess you just couldn't keep your eyes off me, huh?”

“Are you kidding?” Sunset said, the question sounding sincerely impressed before her tone and expression suddenly became more disdainful. “How could I forget anyone who came here riding that piece of junk?”

The boy's expression fell and a silence descended over his group. “What the hell are you talkin' about?”

Sunset shrugged, making sure to sound like she was stating the obvious. “The Ninja! Let me guess, you bought the thing cause you liked the idea of racing, right?” She paused as the boy's expression confirmed her assertion – not that she was unsure, she figured that had to be the case. “Boy, did you get taken for a ride, and not by the bike, either.”

The boy sneered. “You're crazy – the Ninja's one o' the fastest bikes around. Don't you know...?”

“Oh, please!” Sunset interrupted him. “I could outrace that thing dragging a piano with me!”

The boy sniggered and, after a signalling glance, his gang joined in. “You know, babe, that sounds like a challenge to me.”

Sunset smirked. “That's cause it was, brainiac! Both ways down Croup Street?”

The boy's smile turned nasty once again. “Okay, but let's make it interestin'. I win – and I mean when I win – you and me go out and you let me show you a good time. And I'm not talkin' yer little, friendly kinda date either – I'm talkin' full makeouts and everythin', plus as further as you wanna go… and you will wanna go there.”

Sunset raised an eyebrow, a touch exasperated but not surprised. She caught Twilight's eye and tilted her head, silently asking to make sure that was alright.

To the boys, it no doubt seemed like simply a reassuring look from one of Sunset's friends. The girls, however, knew of the relationship between the two and fully expected Sunset's girlfriend to put a stop to that.

So it was immensely surprising when Twilight nodded and Sunset replied. “Alright, you're on! And if I win, you stay away from this club and all of us. Forever. Deal?”

The boy scoffed when Sunset mentioned the idea of her winning, but nodded. “Deal! Let's go, guys! We've got a girl to show what a real racer looks like. Then I can show her what a real racer's d-”

“Save it for the race, asshole!” Rainbow cut him off, shoving past him as she led the girls outside.

As the two groups began making their way out of the club, Rarity walked alongside Sunset. “Are you sure about this, Darling? I may not know much about motorcycles, but his doesn't sound like a slow model and, as great as your skills are, well... Are you really sure about this?” She asked, both because she was genuinely worried about this whole deal and because she needed to distract the boys. Thanks to her, they didn't notice Applejack breaking off from the group to inform the club's management what had happened – whatever the results of this race, it was unlikely that this group of boys would be let back in.

“Yeah, no worries!” Sunset assured Rarity. “I wasn't kidding back there – this'll be a breeze.”

“Er, well, not that I don't believe you, Darling, but your bike is... well it doesn't exactly seem...” Rarity trailed off, trying to come up with a diplomatic way of phrasing what she wanted to say. After a few seconds, she gave up and turned to Twilight, appealing to her for sanity. “Are you sure about this, Twilight?”

“Of course I am!” Twilight replied, beaming to a frankly unnerving degree. “This'll be perfect!”

“But... but if Sunset loses...”

“She won't!” Twilight assured her. “Even if things go a bit wrong, I know for a fact she won't!”

Rarity grimaced – much as she admired Twilight having so much faith in her girlfriend, she wasn't sure that she was being entirely realistic.

Fortunately, Rainbow put a hand on Rarity's shoulder and whispered in her ear. “Don't worry – when Sunset loses, we're not letting that creep lay a finger on her. Screw this bet – he tries to show it to Sunset, he better be prepared to lose it!” Looking over her shoulder, Rarity saw Pinkie and a just-caught-up Applejack nod in stern agreement.

A little reassured, Rarity turned to face forward again just as the two groups exited the front door. Once outside, Sunset walked over to her bike.

The laughs this got from the boys did not bode well for this enterprise.

“That's your bike?!”

It would be somewhat charitable to say that Sunset's motorcycle had seen better days. It would also be arguably inaccurate or, at least, misleading – while there was almost certainly a time when it was new and impressive, that time was long before it became Sunset's.

This was hardly surprising – when Sunset first came through the portal, she was hardly flush with cash. This had since been rectified once she had made peace with Princess Twilight – a small box of gold bits went a long way in the human world – but that didn't happen until long after she had settled in.

As such, she had first found her bike sitting outside a suburban house, looking in an even worse state than it was in now. Largely unfamiliar with her new homeworld's technology, she was fascinated by the strange device and, after overhearing from inside the house that it was due to be sent to the scrapheap, she decided to save the old owners the trouble and take it away.

Of course, having it was one thing; getting it to work was another. Still, Sunset wasn't Celestia's student for nothing and, after getting a few books on the subject, she quickly picked up the knowledge and skills needed to return it to proper working order. So, while it looked undeniably shabby, with scratches, dents and lost paintwork all over, it was entirely functional.

Still, it was an old model and did look rather haggard, so the idea of it beating a newer racing bike seemed a touch far-fetched. This wasn’t helped by the large metal boxes on either side of the rear wheels, which looked heavy enough to slow the whole thing down even more.

“Hey, you sure about this?” One of the boys asked Sunset. “I mean, it don't look like...”

“Dude, shut up!” The leader hissed, elbowing him in the ribs before turning back to Sunset. “Okay, Babe, we'll meet up at Croup Street in ten and we can have our,” a snorting laugh escaped him briefly, “race. And remember – full make-outs, you got that?”

Sunset gave him a mocking salute. “Loud and clear, chief!”

And with that, everyone went to their vehicles – the boys all had their own motorcycles, though none as sleek as the leader's, and the girls separated into groups. Fluttershy and Pinkie piled into Applejack's pickup truck, Rainbow rode shotgun in Rarity's hatchback and Twilight rode behind Sunset on her bike, holding her close and looking disturbingly happy at the situation.

Croup Street was only a short distance away. A popular street racing spot thanks to the long, straight road and the lack of residential homes nearby, it seemed the perfect spot for this contest.

Once they arrived, the two bikes quickly took their positions while the rest of the two groups stood behind the starting line.

“Go, Sunset!” Twilight cheered. “Knock him dead! But not literally because that'd be illegal and would probably disqualify you from the race, though he also wouldn't be able to win so it'd technically be a draw probably!”

There was a pause as everyone but Sunset looked at Twilight, a touch unnerved.

Twilight giggled nervously. “Erm, so yeah, I believe in you.”

After another second of awkward staring, they mostly shrugged and turned back to the starting line. Rarity, however, put a hand on Twilight's shoulder and whispered to her. “Are you... okay, Darling?”

“Of course, Rarity, why wouldn't I be?” Twilight asked without a hint of irony.

“Er, well,” Rarity stammered, a little unsure how to bring up the obvious, “Sunset – that is, your girlfriend, the love of your life... is in a race against what appears to be a far superior vehicle.”

“Uh huh!” Twilight nodded, not taking her eyes off Sunset. “Isn't it great? I couldn't have asked for anything better!”

Rarity's head jerked back as she tried to figure out what Twilight was talking about. “Asked for…? Twilight, if she loses...”

“Don't sweat it, Twi!” Applejack said in hushed tones over her shoulder. “She ain't goin' on a date with that sleazebag, you got my word on that.”

“Of course she won't!” Twilight agreed.

“Yeah,” Pinkie chirped, “Skeevy McCreep'll have to get through us and our super-duper-powers first!” She said, not bothering to lower her voice. Fortunately, it seemed that, even in the short time since they'd first encountered her, the boys had decided to ignore Pinkie.

Twilight creased her brow in confusion. “Huh? No, he won't. I mean, yeah, he'd have to if he won, but he's not going to. We've know the whole thing won't fail that badly.”

“Twilight, dear,” Rarity said, grimacing, “What do you expect...?”

“Look, they're starting!” Twilight said, pointing at the two bikes.

Sure enough, after a countdown from one of the boy's flunkies, the two sped off down the street.

Now, while Sunset's bike was indeed far older than her opponent's, it was far from slow. Even after fixing it up, Sunset had spent hours upon hours tinkering with it, tuning it up and generally improving its performance. As a result, it was doing surprisingly well, relatively speaking.

Unfortunately, the Cantersaki Ninja was still in a very different class and was pulling ahead quite handily. As it came to the end of the street and skidded into a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn, Sunset was still only four-fifths of the way along the road.

“This doesn't look good!” Rarity said, not taking her eyes away from the opera glasses she was using to watch the race.

“So, what, Rares,” Rainbow asked, “you just always carry around a pair of binocul-”

“Not relevant right now, dear, the point is that Sunset's behind!”

“Well, of course she is.” Twilight assured her. “She can't activate it until she's got a straight line to the finish. Ooh, this is such a good final trial!”

Rarity turned away from the spectacle to regard Twilight curiously. “Activate what? What could possibly... Does anyone else hear that humming?”

Sure enough, a low droning sound was washing over the group. After taking a moment to listen, the group turned back to the race, as it seemed to be coming from all the way over at the end of the course. However, since the boy was already a quarter of the way back, it sounded like Sunset's bike was the source. After a moment, it became evident why.

From out of the boxes on the side of her bike came two large, curved cylinders, made of a shiny, dark metal and with wires coming out of them, leading back into the box. For a moment, it wasn't clear what their function was.

Then, once she finished turning around, a massive flare of light burst from them and a rocket-stream of bright white energy shot behind them, pushing the bike forward at at least double its previous speed and still accelerating.

To her opponent's credit, he didn't turn around and take his eyes off the course when he heard the burst of sound behind him. That said, to Sunset's credit, he didn't really have time to before she rocketed past him. He swerved slightly to the side - the torrent of unknown energies blasting out behind her wasn't touching him, but he wanted to make sure he was safe.

“Yes!” Twilight cried, leaping into the air in joy. “It's working exactly as we hoped!”

Rainbow turned to Twilight, her face paralysed in disbelief. “You... you made that?!”

Twilight frowned and turned her head towards Rainbow. “We made it!” She corrected forcefully. “I just had the idea – it wouldn't have got beyond a theory without Sunset's genius for application and mechanics. Not to mention moral support and social help - after the Mark Three disaster, she was the only reason the cops let us off with a warning. I love that woman,” she finished with a dreamy sigh.

Rainbow's mouth flopped open and closed like a fish as she turned back to the race.

By this time, Sunset was rapidly closing in on the finish line. Catching Twilight's eye, she gave a grin through her helmet's visor and pumped the brakes.

Unfortunately, it seemed that the brakes on the bike were not designed to deal with the speeds Sunset had achieved, so she rocketed past the finish line and back down the street. By the time she'd slowed down enough that she could theoretically bring herself to a stop, it was too late; she ended up crashing into a massive pile of cardboard boxes in front of a building at the end of the street.

Twilight's face plummeted as she darted forward, sprinting over to Sunset, panic-stricken. “Oh! Oh, goddess! I'm so sorry, Sunny, please be alright!”

As she reached Sunset's box-engulfed from, she pulled off the helmet, tossed it to the side and held her by the shoulder. “Oh my goodness, Sunset, speak to me! Tell me you're alri-”

Without warning, Sunset's head darted up and interrupted Twilight with a brief kiss. “Hey, Twi!” She said with a smirk. “I think the engine works pretty well. Though we might need to work on improving the brakes next. Got any ideas about that?”

“Seven, but that's not important right now!” Twilight insisted, just on the edge of crying. She clasped one of Sunset's hands with both of hers. “Are you alright, I'm so sorry, I should have, I mean I-”

“I'm fine, Twi!” Sunset assured her, reaching up to wipe away Twilight's still-forming tears. “There's a reason these boxes are here – racers aren't stupid, they set up these makeshift crash barriers so that this can happen without too much pain.”

As she got up, Twilight insisted on supporting Sunset despite her seemingly lacking injury and having the bike to lean on. Also of note was the fact that, had she actually needed to hold her girlfriend up fully, Twilight would have quickly collapsed under the strain and subsequently needed even more support to walk.

“Hey, you!” The two looked up to see the group of boys marching up to them. “What the hell was that?!”

“Magitech power!” Sunset replied, a little smugly.

“The hell is...?” The leader began before being interrupted by Sunset.

“Well, I'd love to tell you, but... well, what do you think, Twi? Can we explain how it works using only monosyllables?”

“Not a chance.” Twilight answered instantly.

“Didn't think so.” Sunset said as they walked back toward the girls. “Only important thing for you to know is that we beat you,” she turned to give Twilight a lengthy kiss before turning back and finishing, “together!”

The boy's jaw dropped as he saw this. “You... you hustled me!”

Sunset frowned questioningly. “Because of the engine, because I'm already taken or because I'm gay?”

The boy's jaw worked noiselessly for a few seconds before he found the composure to speak again. “You triple-hustled me!”

Sunset thought for a moment. “Pretty much, yeah!”

She and Twilight continued past them, barely giving them a look as they stood aside silently.

After a few more moments, Sunset and Twilight had rejoined their friends, who were almost all looking at the pair in astonishment.

For a few seconds, none of them said anything. The Rainbooms all had various things they wanted to ask, but had no idea which of them should be asked first. Even if they decided, they didn't know how to bring up a subject that would allow them to ask their questions without seeming abrupt, let alone actually ask them. Had one of them spoken, it would have no doubt broken the dam and caused a flash flood of questions that could very well have swept the two away. However, each was waiting for someone else to start, so the silence persisted.

As for Sunset and Twilight, they were still basking in the glow of both competitive victory and successful experimentation, so it took a while to even notice the girls' expressions. Once they did, though, they remained silent a couple of seconds longer, unsure what to say themselves.

“I...,” Sunset began. She paused, thinking for a moment before simply shrugging.

“I really cannot overemphasize just how wonderful it is to have a mad scientist girlfriend!”

Twilight gave Sunset a playful shove. “A mad engineer girlfriend's pretty great, too.”

Sunset smiled and gave Twilight one more kiss before turning back to the girls. “Anyway, let's get outta here guys, we can... Hey, Rainbow, you okay?”

Rainbow hadn't taken her eyes away from the finish line since the race had ended and, now that no one else was talking, she could be heard muttering:

“Egghead... made... but... awesome... can't... how...”

“Oh, she'll be fine!” Rarity assured her as she led the group away. “She just needs to reconcile a few things – she'll catch up. Now, I saw this wonderful looking restaurant just two streets over. I haven't had a good...”

The sounds trailed off as the girls left, leaving only a small group of boys trying desperately to think of a way to recover their pride.

One of them turned to their leader. “You okay, Skeevy?”

Skeevy shook his head. “To think I'd see the day when a McCreep lost to a girl. Looks like I ain't gettin' any tonight.” He looked up at Rainbow's paralysed form. “Then again... not the hottest, but not bad.”

He swaggered over, trying desperately not to look like someone whose self-image had just been obliterated by an impossible force. “Hey there, babe!” He leaned against the wall, trying his hardest to seem casual, and flicked Rainbow's hair up. “Love the colours! You gay, too?”

Rainbow didn't respond, her eyes remaining fixed ahead.

“Quiet type, huh? Well, suits me just fine! And don't worry if you are gay, I'm happy to prove you wrong about...”

Without otherwise moving, Rainbow whipped a hand out, grabbed the boy's arm and snapped it like a glowstick.

Author's Note

Why, yes, that was the whitest thing you have ever read, well spotted!

Sooo, here's the thing: I wrote this a few years ago because I had the idea and it wouldn't leave me alone, but I told myself I'd never actually publish it. And, while I was worried that this contest would compel me to do so to support it, I actually had another idea for a story that I thought was much better and would be a far better showing for the contest. And I resolved to write it as soon as my main computer got back from being repaired.

Unfortunately, unlike all previous instances of repair, it was away for well over a month before being written off completely. So that wasn't happening.

As a result, having already resolved to enter the contest, I... really didn't have much of a choice in what I published. So, here we are.

Also, fun fact, there's actually very little sugar in the human body (Pinkie's notwithstanding) but, well, having any amount of explosions, no matter how small, going on inside you probably wouldn't be very healthy.