Living the Nightmare
A Shades of Grey afterthought, by Scott ‘Inquisitor’ Mence
“Understand this, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna said. “It is a common misconception that unicorns can use magic because they have horns. This is a classic error that I intend to have purged.”
Atop a disused and crumbling guard tower in the shadow of Canterlot, Twilight was already panting heavily. Re-enacting the simple experiment with Luna’s otherwise-forbidden nullification matrix, she continuously poured vast amounts of magic into a simple light spell. Balancing the spell against such a drain was a test far greater than any of the simple control drills she had practiced as a filly.
“Princess,” she said, gasping, “I’m not sure… how long I can… keep going.”
“Good. You will not touch the ether until you have no other alternative. Still, do not be discouraged if you do not manage it at all. Nopony taught me how to do it, and it has never felt like anything other than instinct. I’m not sure I even remember not being able to do it.”
The multi-hued flicker of the unstable spell was dwarfed by the intense aura around Twilight’s horn, spitting and frothing with raw magic that lit up the night. Luna sat comfortably on a small cloud, dangling her hooves off one side as was her wont.
“Now, what was I saying? Ahh, yes. The opposite is true, I have found. Unicorns have horns because we can do magic, but a unicorn’s magic is but one aspect of real magic. Many other creatures dabble in their own aspects, and none of them are whole. You, dearest Twilight have gotten closer to real magic than any of your peers. Of course, that also means that those peers cannot teach you of it. You must feel it for yourself.”
“I can do it!” Twilight shouted, eyes closed and body tensed with the strain.
“Unlikely. I expect it will take months to willingly channel your full potential, decades to control it. You must not think lightly of it. I mean you no disrespect when I say that I am surprised Celestia even allowed you to train; you are still very young to be harnessing such power. Perhaps she is concerned that, since you are already aware of your potential, reaching it is inevitable.”
The flashes of colour all died at once as Twilight crashed to the floor. “Can’t go on…” she said, rolling onto her side as her chest rose and fell sharply. Luna remained silent while the unicorn’s heavy breathing started to abate. “What happens… if I can’t control it?”
Luna frowned and chewed the inside of her lip. “Do you really wish to know what I think?”
“Yeah. Especially now… you made it cryptic.”
Luna giggled. “Indeed! You turned your parents into potted plants as a pre-school filly, Twilight. Your experience of magic is one shared by few unicorns, and it gives you instincts for magic unparalleled by even my sister. But, touching the ether is like being struck by lightning. You must use all of its power, or learn how to channel it safely; you cannot simply take what you need.
“Someday, you will require your abilities to save somepony very special to you. Perhaps you succeed, but perhaps you cannot reach that power when you need it, and spend the rest of your life knowing you could have saved them. Or, you could be unable to control the power you summon do untold harm to the very ponies you try to save. I dare not consider how you would live with such a thing.”
Twilight rolled onto her back and groaned. “Yeah. That definitely sounds like me. I guess I should try again.”
“Huzzah! Your fortitude is commendable, Twilight Sparkle. Let us begin!”
“Us?” Twilight asked, smirking at the lounging princess.
“Excuses! Begin, or I shall find you a more taxing task to practice with.”
Twilight rolled to her hooves and braced herself for a second round. Her horn flared to life, its aura quickly growing to the level it had sustained before. “I. Can. Do. This!” she cried, already straining with the effort, but immediately she fell to the floor again.
She slammed a hoof into the stone roof of the tower. “No! I am not going to turn any more ponies into potted plants!”
“Perhaps that is enough for the first attempt,” Luna said, but the unicorn was already back on her feet.
“No! I will be able to protect my friends,” she said, horn flaring again. The light spell inside the nullification zone flared to life, and Twilight’s hind legs buckled. She recovered in time to stay on her hooves, stumbling backwards a few steps. Suddenly, she bellowed at the floor beneath her and both the spell and her horn blazed with bright purple magic. Lifting her head, her eyes opened, burning with white-hot magic for just a few seconds before she collapsed again.
Luna leapt from her cloud, grinning fiercely and blinking to recover from the sudden brightness. “HA! I would not have believed it if I had not seen it for myself! How did it feel, Twilight Sparkle?”
Rubbing her eyes, she looked down at the vaguely purple splodge that was Twilight. The vaguely purple splodge didn’t answer. “Twilight? Are you all right?” She bent down to get a closer look.
Twilight wasn’t moving.
“Twilight!” she cried, pressing her muzzle against the unciorn’s mouth and being rewarded with the feeling of warm breath against her face. “Twilight! Answer me!” Moving her head, she pressed her ear to the unicorn’s barrel and heard a strong heartbeat.
“TWILIGHT!” She gave her one, solid shake, but there was nothing. “NO!”
Lighting her own horn, she dispersed into a fine purple mist that enveloped Twilight before surging into the sky, whisking the stricken unicorn towards Canterlot with all possible speed.
~~~~~
Luna peered through the observation window, her face already sodden and puffy with tears. Inside the room, two nurses were dismantling or removing the emergency equipment that had been set up around Twilight’s bed during the night. The unicorn looked peaceful in her sleep, having been carefully attended to by Rarity before she left Applejack and Pinkie Pie to wait out the night.
“You know,” Vanilla said, pushing through the doors at the end of the corridor. “I think I’d like to find the pony that invented vending machines and strangle him. I mean, they call it chocolate, and it looks like chocolate, but I’m pretty sure I’d get more enjoyment from licking a sugar cane.”
"I won’t even pretend to understand that,” said Silverlight, narrowly avoiding the door that swung back at him. “Is licking a sugar cane bad? I’m assuming it’s sugary?”
“You– you don’t know what a sugar cane is, do you Silver?”
“Vanilla, I don’t even know what the point of this conversation is.”
The two ex-guard unicorns pulled up alongside Luna and peered through the glass.
“Chocolate, Luna?”
“No thank you, Vanilla.” Luna’s voice was hollow, but a thin smile crept onto her gaunt face.
“I don’t blame you, this stuff is rank. Anyway, Silver, how does a smart pony like you go through Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and end up such a philistine?”
“Not everyone is, or wants to be, an encyclopaedia of food and nutrition, Vanilla.”
“Exactly! Phillistine.” The smaller guard examined the dark brown chocolately substance that hovered in front of him. “You want some, Silver?”
Luna snorted as she tried to suppress a chuckle. “Please stop. I feel terrible even thinking about laughing right now.”
Vanilla launched his confectionery at the nearest bin. “Well, somepony has to. Hospitals are full of sick ponies. It’s depressing.”
Silverlight rolled his eyes. “Seriously. Do you even listen to yourself at all?”
“It’s hard not to when you talk as much as I do. Oh, morning Princess.”
Walking in from the other end of the corridor, having somehow navigated the double doors silently, Princess Celestia wore a warm smile. “Good morning, everypony,” she said, her soft, melodic voice untarnished by the presence of the comatose pony behind the observation window.
“You’re going to want some alone time, right?” Vanilla said. “It’s fine. I have a pony to go and strangle anyway. Come on, Silver.”
Silverlight started to move off behind his comrade, but quickly turned back to address Celestia. “I– he doesn’t mean that.”
“I know,” Celestia whispered, and the unicorn finally disappeared through the double doors after his companion. Moving next to her sister, she spread a wing across the smaller princess’s back. “How are you, sister?”
Luna was already crying again as she looked up. “I don’t know what happened. She succeeded on the first try and then just… stopped. I feel so stupid! I can find nothing wrong with her, and the doctors can find nothing physically wrong with her.” She nuzzled her sister under the chin and sobbed quietly. “Oh Celestia, I think I may have said something terribly foolish.”
Pulling her sister in with her wing, Celestia kissed Luna gently behind an ear. “Tell me everything, Luna. From the beginning.”
~~~~~
Applejack sat up the moment Celestia walked into the room. Sleeping hadn’t been easy, and the noise of the recent nurses had her wide awake already. “Princess? Ah can’t tell ya how glad Ah am that you’re here.”
Beside her, Pinkie slept soundly on the long couch, snoring quietly. “We kinda knew you’d come, but it’s still a big relief to see ya. Rarity an’ Fluttershy took Spike to stay with mah Aunt Orange, since they live nearby. They’ll be along later to trade places, since we were warned that we could be here a long while. Rainbow Dash was away in Cloudsdale when we got the message. Won’t take her long to get here when she hears.”
The princess listened silently, and Applejack pulled herself stiffly from the couch. “Docs said she’s just sleepin’, but they can’t say why. Luna came by an hour ago, just as worried as the rest of us. Ah know Twilight was with her when something went wrong. Ah guess she must be feeling mighty horrible right now.”
“She is,” Celestia said, “but you need not worry about her. I’m going to speak with Twilight for a while. I don’t want to ask you to leave, but I do request you to remain quiet while I do so.”
“Sure thing, Princess, but Ah don’t know if she can hear you.”
“There is no harm in trying.”
Applejack stretched her legs and took a long look at her unconscious friend as Celestia paced gracefully up alongside the bed.
“Good morning, my faithful student. I hear you have been having quite the adventure. I am sure you already know that there is nothing physically wrong with you, and as far as Luna can tell, nothing magically wrong with you either. Yet here you are, sleeping, waiting. I have a few things I would like you to think about while you are deciding.”
Edging closer to Twilight’s head, Celestia sat on her haunches, lifting a hoof and brushing some of her student’s fringe from her face.
“I think I know what it is you need to decide, Twilight, but I’m not sure the details matter. I just want you to know that if you worry about coming back because of me, please don’t. If your reason for coming back is because you’re afraid of disappointing me, then please just let go.”
Applejack sat up rigidly, tipped her hat back, and stared wide-eyed at the princess.
“I’m not saying I won’t be sad if you leave us—I assure you there will be tears—but I will get over it. If coming back is too painful for you, then go, drift off to sleep eternal. You have earned the bliss of rest many times over.”
“Princess!” Applejack said, mouth hanging open for a few more seconds before she found the words to follow it.. “Ah… Ah’m not sure Ah understand. How can ya say that? Don’t ya want Twilight to wake up?”
“Applejack. I understand your concerns, but please let me finish.”
“Ah…” The ranch-mare closed her mouth again, grinding her teeth as she stared at the princess.
Celestia rested her hoof across Twilight’s warm, but lifeless, legs. “I mean it, Twilight. I know it’s a hard thing to understand, but I’ve let more ponies go than I presently even know. I remember many of them, mourned a few, and wept many tears for the special ones that touched my life in profound ways. I owe you so much, as does Luna, but you cannot hold on for my sake. If you’re worried that about causing me pain by your passing, then let go, Twilight Sparkle. Let the dream carry you away where you can never be hurt again.”
Applejack growled, but held her tongue.
“I am sure you have heard as many rumours as I have about our relationship. It’s nothing new for ponies to gossip, of course, but it must be hard on you. Where your friends see only Twilight Sparkle, some see a grand and conniving plan to defeat, sometimes even to resurrect, Nightmare Moon. I am not sure what I can say that would lay those rumours to rest for all time, but if there is some great plan at work, then I do not know of it. Yet, I would be thankful for it. You owe me nothing, Twilight Sparkle, and I owe you everything.
“I know you feel the burden of responsibility greatly. I know that the pride with which you wear the Element of Magic is matched by the fear of what it means to you. It is true that you share some of Luna’s more unique qualities, but that does not make you beholden to them. If you are holding on because you think Equestria needs you, because it is your duty to be there to protect others, then let go, Twilight Sparkle, and embrace the peace that you so rightly deserve.
“You cannot hold on because of your friends, either. I know you have started to think about what it would mean to lose one of them. You didn’t say as much in your letters, but I knew. If you are holding on because you understand the pain they will suffer, then let go, Twilight Sparkle. I promise you I will do everything in my power to help your friends recover; and they will recover; I promise you that, too. If that is what pains you, Twilight, let–”
“That’s ENOUGH!” Applejack screamed. Behind her, a drowsy Pinkie Pie lifted her head and yawned. “Is this some kind a sick joke? Or a test? Am I s’posed to start shoutin’ an’ hollerin’ like this to let Twi know how much we want her back? Ah won’t let her go! Ah can’t let her go… Ah…”
Her voice broke, her eyes began to water, and her lip trembled. She sniffed loudly and forced herself to slow her breathing as Pinkie sidled up alongside her. “It ain’t right, Princess. It just ain’t. Friends don’t let go, not ever. We’ll wait. As long as it takes. We’ll never stop waitin’, Twi! Ah need you. We all need you. We all want ya to come back to us Twi! Please don’t leave us!”
Celestia said nothing. She observed both Applejack and Pinkie, one enraged and desperate, the other crestfallen and dispirited.
“Doesn’t Twilight want to wake up?” Pinkie asked quietly.
“I do not know,” Celestia said. “Nopony does. But we cannot ask her to wake up simply because we are afraid.”
Pinkie plodded slowly up alongside the bed, her movements small and muted. She put her hooves on the mattress and pulled herself up to look down on the sleeping unicorn.
“If… if you didn’t want to come to a party… I don’t know why you wouldn’t, Twilight, but if didn’t want to come…” She dropped down to rest her legs flat on the bed, then nuzzled the side of Twilight’s face is slow, gentle movements. “If you don’t wanna come to my party… I– I won’t make you.”
“Pinkie! Has everypony gone darn crazy? Ah gotta get out of here… Twi! I ain’t lettin’ go, Twi! Ah gotta go before Ah– before Ah buck somepony Ah’m gonna regret!” She stormed towards the door and looked back sharply as she opened it. “Ah ain’t lettin’ go!”
The door slammed behind the mare, and she disappeared behind the one-way observation window.
“Pinkie, dear,” Celestia said softly. “Why don’t you come around here?” The pink mare backed off the bed and slowly made her way around to stand next to the princess. A great, white wing enveloped her in a warm embrace, and Pinkie rested her head against Celestia’s shoulder.
“I know it’s hard, my little pony, but we should let Twilight decide for herself.”
“I know, Princess. If I made Twilight come to my party, that’d be mean… that’d be…”
~~~~~
“Tyranny,” said Luna.
Applejack stumbled backwards. “What?”
“It’s tyranny,” she repeated.
“What’s so darn wrong with bein’ afraid of losing ma best friend?”
Luna finally turned away from the window, but her eyes, still framed in red, could not look at the earth pony. “Nothing. You are courageous to wear your heart so openly, but where would it end?”
Staring through the window as Pinkie and Celestia watched over Twilight in a shared embrace, Applejack’s mouth twisted up until her frustration exploded again. “Why won’t anypony start talkin’ some darned sense?”
“Dear Applejack, how far would you go to keep her? Must she remain here to ease your harrowed soul? What would happen if your friendship dulled with time? Would you force her masquerade as your friend to dull your pain in turn? What if Twilight wanted to move away forever? Must she stay because you will not live without her?”
“That ain’t fair! That ain’t what I’m sayin’!”
“Oh, but it is!” Luna said, her voice rising as she straightened herself up. “You cannot accept that she has the right to choose because you are afraid! Do you know what happens next?” The light in the corridor dimmed, and Luna’s whole body glowed white and grew larger. When the glow faded, two imperious black wings spread from the pony indelibly etched in Applejack’s mind.
“I was afraid!” cried Nightmare Moon. Applejack’s legs buckled, and she cowered before the looming back figure. “I was afraid and I held all of Equestria to ransom for it! I’ll tell you where it stops, dear Applejack. It stops only at the limits of your power…” Luna shrank back to her normal self in the space of a heartbeat, but maintained her powerful stance. “Or it stops when you no longer surrender to fear.”
The door to the observation room swung open and Celestia walked out. “Applejack? Luna? What’s going on?”
“Ah can’t do it, Princess!” Applejack cried out. “Ah jus’ can’t let go! Ah don’t…” Finally, her resolve broke and tears began to flow. “Ah don’t understand why y’all are talkin’ like this…”
“Sister,” Luna said quietly. When Celestia looked up, the smaller princess stared back from a cowed stature. “I may have done something terribly foolish.”
Celestia let out a heavy sigh. “I think we could all do with some rest. Are your friends due to arrive soon, Applejack?”
“Yes, Princess,” she replied, pushing herself properly up to her hooves again and wiping the tears from her eyes. “Ah’m gonna stay here with Twilight some more. Ah just don’t know what to think right now.”
From inside the room, Pinkie’s muffled voice screamed something. A moment later, the door opened from top to bottom, rather than by its hinges. A beaming and energetic Pinkie came to rest on top of the flattened door shouting, “SHE TWITCHED! TWILIGHT TWITCHED!”
“I saw nothing,” Luna said, staring through the window.
Undeterred, pinkie bounced back into the room, chanting, “She twitched! She twitched! She twitched! She twitched! She twitched!”
Celestia gave Applejack a warm smile, then moved over to her sister. “Even if she did, it could be nothing.”
“I know you better than that, sister.”
“What?” Applejack said. “What did ya do, Princess? What did ya say?”
The marble-white princess stared into the room, her face unmoving save for the mouth that spoke. “After I told her all of the reasons why she should let go, all of the reasons that she did not have to hold on… I told her that if, in spite of everything I had said, even one small piece of her remained that wanted to come back, I would shed many tears of joy to see her smile one more time.”
In the moments that followed, Pinkie’s chants were drowned out by the sound of doctors and nurses who began to swarm over the stricken unicorn. Still confused, Applejack studied Princess Celestia intently as ponies wheeled machines and trolleys past her and into the room. She studied Celestia’s face as the princess began to smile and blink more frequently. Soon, a tear formed, and ran down her slender muzzle. Another joined it, and they surged down the jaw together, clinging to pristine white hair. A third, and the mingled tears fell.
As Princess Celestia stared through the observation room window, the tears, born of joy, fell silently to the ground.
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