It was the day of the Grand Galloping Gala, and for the first time, Celestia didn’t have to go.
She went, of course. She could hardly ask Twilight to host it for the first time by herself.
“You know,” Celestia commented, “I may miss many parts of my time as Princess, but this isn’t one of them.”
Twilight snorted. “Tell me about it. The first time I came was a disaster, but at least it was interesting. This… I don’t know how you stood this for so long. I see why you took to spicing it up.” There was a pause. “Why did you do it, by the way?”
“Why did I spice it up?”
“No, why did you step down?”
Celestia smiled down at Twilight. "Because I knew you could handle it.”
Twilight smiled back up at her, before frowning. “No, that’s a reason why you could, not a reason why you did. I know it wasn’t the most exciting job in Equestria, but you were happy, I remember that.”
Celestia sighed. “I… I was. But sometimes our happiness can’t come first. It was over a thousand years on the throne, and it was time for Equestria to have a new princess in charge.”
“But it had been a thousand years! I don’t… what was the urgency? And you were a good ruler, why couldn’t Equestria keep you?”
Celestia looked down at the ground and briefly closed her eyes. “I… there was urgency. You are right about that. And you deserve to know the truth.” An ironic smile touched her lips. “Celestia knows I’ve asked so much of you. You deserve to know why. But… please, give me some time to collect my thoughts. May we speak- in private- after the Gala?”
Twilight looked at Celestia, concerned. “Of course! But if something’s wrong-!”
Celestia shook her head. “No, no, nothing’s wrong. Actually, everything is just right.”
The Grand Galloping Gala, at long last, was over. The last of the guests had filed out, the last of the cake taken home by any staff who wanted it, and the last of Fluttershy’s bird choir brought back to the train. Twilight and Celestia sat down at a now-empty table, Twilight using her magic to quickly clean it off.
After a few minutes of just leaning back and resting, Twilight looked over at Celestia. “Are you ready to talk about it?”
Celestia made an inscrutable facial expression. “I am, but are you? You look quite tired. Maybe it would be better to do this on another night.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, I- Well, I am tired, but I know you well enough to know when you’re putting it off. If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to, but if you do then I’m here.”
Celestia shifted. “No, you’re right. I should tell you.” She took a deep breath. “A thousand years ago, I lost my sister. I spent a thousand years waiting for her to come back, but even though I knew she’d come back, I could never be sure if she’d ever return to me as Luna- as herself- or if she’d be the Nightmare forever. And during that time… I ruled alone.” She gave Twilight a wistful smile. “You brought her back to me. And I can’t thank you enough for that. It is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.”
Twilight smiled.
“When she came back, I swore to myself that I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes of a thousand years ago. I had made the necessary arrangements within the government so that upon her return, she could step in as a second princess with as much ease as possible. And so she did, and I tried. But as time went on…” Celestia lifted her head up to look out the window at the moon. “The cracks began to show.
“Many of the problems in Luna that had led to her becoming the Nightmare were still present. And a thousand years of ruling had seen me slip into habits, doing things my own way, and far too often I found myself doing that over what she wanted. She felt like she wasn’t being given equal treatment as a princess, and honestly, I wasn’t giving it to her. My controlling nature was in constant conflict with her independence, and we began having little fights almost every month, then almost every week.
“We tried to ignore these problems, at first, which was perhaps the worst thing we could have done. But they kept coming. Until one day, an unexpected visitor showed up in the palace.”
“Who?” Twilight asked.
“Starlight Glimmer. That was the day the map sent her out to fix a friendship problem. I’m sure you remember it?”
Twilight shuddered. “Vividly.”
Celestia laughed. “She handled it as only she could. And it’s a good thing she did. But there’s a part of the story which I don’t know if you know. At one point, while trying to ward the nightmares away, I saw a nightmare from Starlight herself. It was a nightmare that she failed her friendship problem. Luna had become Nightmare Moon, and I… I had become Daybreaker.”
“Daybreaker?” Twilight asked in a whispered voice.
“Daybreaker. She had a mane of pure fire and a voice like thunder. She wasn’t real, of course. I’ve never been Daybreaker and Starlight hadn’t seen anything like that- unless she saw something in one of those parallel timelines which you hadn’t mentioned?”
Twilight thought back to a world of dust under a hot sun.
“No, nothing,” she said.
“Well, in any case, there she was. And I wasn’t her, but… Starlight’s dream was closer to the truth than she knew. Luna had been getting increasingly angry about all the public-facing work I did, my constant smile, feeling like I was trying to steal the stage again. And I’d gotten used to ruling without her, and while I’d never want it to be true, on an emotional level I was feeling very much like she was trying to take control away from me, trying to do things the wrong way, even though she was doing exactly what I’d said she could. Like I had any right to be the one who said what she “could” do at all. If Starlight hadn’t interfered, I believe that either the Nightmare would have returned or Daybreaker born within the year.” Twilight gasped.
“Seeing the problems that the other one faced each day did a lot to help, I think. Still, emotions aren’t always rational. And neither were we. I'm... I’m used to a thousand years of wearing a smile; it can be hard to open up. Neither of us were willing to admit our problems, so neither of us could face them.”
“But you’re admitting them now!” Twilight said, anxiety having fully replaced the sleepiness on her face.
“Yes, but only because I’d been forced to face it. Do you remember that day when you held the play for my ‘onesversary’? In particular, what the big special effect wound up being?”
“Yeah, you raised the sun.” Twilight answered.
“Yeah.” Celestia repeated bitterly. “I raised the sun. My sister had become the Nightmare and I’d been forced to banish her for a thousand years, because she believed ponies cared about my day more than about her night. We had been fighting because she believed that my publicity tours were doing much to enhance my image and that she was being left in the shadows again. And what did I do? In the night, in her night, I raised the sun, to gather applause.”
“Oh.” Twilight softly stated.
“She was furious. Rightfully so. After the play, we fought, and it was the closest I’ve come to seeing the Nightmare return. Seeing that, seeing her anger, seeing her like that… it was something I couldn’t refute. Until that very moment, I couldn’t even see that what I was doing was wrong. And once that happened… we knew the situation was untenable. Staying on the throne, staying in power, would keep leading to more and more anger, and eventually, one of us would snap. We couldn’t take that risk. So we decided to step down. We wanted to leave it to you, but we were nervous. We weren’t sure what you’d do if something like our situation happened to you, and we couldn’t risk putting even more of a bomb on the throne. Because with your control over magic, and your intelligence? Even together, I don’t know if we’d have been able to stop you.”
“I’d never hurt you!” Twilight said. “Never!”
“I know you wouldn’t. Not while you were in your right mind. But we didn’t know if something would be likely to break you just as it did Luna. And then Cozy Glow did what she did.”
“Cozy Glow?” asked Twilight. “What did she have to do with anything?”
Celestia looked off into the distance.
“I had a student once, before you. She was brilliant, kind, empathetic, gifted… strong in so many ways. I loved her. But I didn’t do a good enough job of showing it. I had gotten used to being in control of things by then, and I was trying to control her. Control her life. Every day, everything we did, every lesson, all planned out long in advance. And she began to realize it. It made her resentful, made her feel like I didn’t trust her… and I suppose I didn’t. In ways, I didn’t trust anyone.
“Eventually, things… came to a head. We had a confrontation, and she wanted to rebel. She wound up doing things she’d regret, things I’d regret having ever happened. And then she was gone, having left Equestria entirely. Gone forever, I thought, lost to herself, lost to her resentment of me. But years later… She got better. She grew into a kinder person, like she had been long ago. She came to regret all that she’d done, and made amends. But I didn’t get better. I kept up my anger, kept wanting to control, kept wanting to make decisions that I thought were the best for her. And I thought it was best to- stay away.
“She thought I hated her. She was scared to come back. And when she finally did, when circumstances forced her to… Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, what expression was on my face when Sunset Shimmer first returned to me?” Twilight opened her mouth- “No. Not like that. Don’t give me the answer you think I want to hear. Tell me honestly. Do not spare my feelings.”
Twilight grimaced. “You looked… stern. Not quite angry, not quite disappointed, but… quite nearly both,” she said, reluctantly.
Celestia nodded. “That sounds about right. Even then, I still hadn’t gotten over my emotions at the betrayal. I did forgive her soon after, of course, but it was too late. She’d built a new life for herself. In many ways, she was already lost to me forever. And we forgave each other, but I don’t know if either of us have truly forgiven ourselves.”
Twilight thought back to some of Sunset’s most recent journal messages. “I think she has.”
Celestia gave a small laugh. “Sounds about right. She should have. Being able to forgive herself… That’s something that she’s better at than I might ever be.”
“But you, Twilight. When Cozy Glow betrayed you- I know you weren’t as close as myself and Sunset were, but it was still a betrayal. And you… you didn’t blame yourself. That’s a good thing, to be clear. You shouldn’t. You did everything you could, and it’s good not to dwell on it. And it was seeing that, seeing you staying true to yourself throughout the whole ordeal, which gave us the confidence that you would truly be able to handle the throne and anything which was thrown at you. And knowing what you’ve done since…”
Celestia and Twilight looked out the window into the castle gardens, where two stone statues stood on a pedestal together. Not three, two- and soon to be one.
“I feel more sure of that than ever. You are a Princess, Twilight, and that is more true than ever. You’ve done so much, and I am so proud of you.”
Twilight looked away. “I don’t… Not like you, Princess. I haven’t even ruled for a full year. It’s too early.”
Celestia smiled. “Maybe. But I trust you.”
The two sat together, under the moonlight, for a few minutes.
“So… how are you and Luna doing now?” Twilight tentatively asked, breaking the silence.
“Wonderfully. We’ve never had a better relationship. Stepping out of the limelight, and going into a position where we could more easily take breaks from each other if necessary… it’s made a world of difference. We’re truly happy together. Whatever I’ve said tonight, I want you to know that- that now, we truly are happy.”
Twilight beamed. “I’m so happy to hear that it's- that you're better now!”
Celestia looked up at the moon again, pale white, looking exactly as it had over a thousand years ago, before the first thoughts of Nightmare had been born.
“So are we.”
Author's Note
This is my first story, written in about an hour. It could probably use a bit more editing, but if I don't post it now I don't know if I'll ever get around to posting it, and hopefully this is the kick I need to start writing more frequently. I could probably have done a better job marking dialogue tags and having Twilight chime in, but this fic isn't really about her. She's there to listen. Please feel free to let me know about any typos or grammar issues, and I'll correct them! Hope you enjoyed!
