Artemis Fowl: The Equine Dominion

by jasontaylorblogs

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Other, Comedy, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 52582

Artemis finds himself searching for wealth in a rather interesting land.

We all know the story of Artemis Fowl II. A genius teenager with all the ambition of an entrepreneur, he sought to reclaim his family's lost wealth through impossible means. But what if he had never contacted the People? What if, instead of finding an advanced subterranian society, he instead devised a way to traverse a whole other world in search of riches?

Original Story by Prothean.

Published 2012-10-03 05:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-26 20:19:18 UTC

The Genius's Ambitions

Artemis Fowl II:  a twelve-year-old genius and criminal mastermind.  I would say he had the class of a remarkable billionaire, but he no longer held that fortune.  For nearly a year ago, the gaunt preteen's father decided to take advantage of the growing post-Soviet Russia economy.  The head of the family took a bodyguard and a quarter-million cans of cola into the Bay of Kola, intent on selling it to the average post-Soviet citizen.  What happened, however, wasn't exactly as planned.

The Russian Mafia didn't take kindly to a foreigner edging in on their business, and the bombing of the Fowl Star solved that particular issue.  The supposed death of Artemis Fowl I sent his wife Angeline into spiraling insanity and his son into denial.  By splurging hundreds of millions of Irish pounds on expeditions to the Arctic in search of the head of the family, on top of the loss of millions of dollars of cola, the Fowls found themselves stripped of their honor and, more importantly, billionaire status.

Artemis II was not pleased with his dwindling resources, having been forced to halt the Arctic expeditions.  Taking a break from his usual criminal enterprises, the boy began to search for much grander sources of income.  He had a stroke of genius:  why not search for fortune with something completely untapped, never before touched by man?

He began investigating the histories of dozens of cultures, searching for lost treasures through myths of grandeur and luxury waiting to be claimed.  Eventually the boy found a common trend:  every civilization he examined had some link to things described as 'Fairies' or simply the 'People'.  With those mythologies in mind, he sought to find real evidence of the beings of lore.  Finding lead after lead, he was brought time and time again to dead ends and humans attempting to cash in on superstition.  So, realizing that his goal was one of impossible optimism, he gave up his hunt for 'Fairies.'

Artemis returned to researching cultural histories, eventually finding a hidden message in a Nordic tome that left a vague hint towards some kind of Equine creature, a diminutive pastel-colored conglomeration of sentient horses with pure, untapped magical energy inside of them.  In the tome it spoke of a parallel world, a plane of existence so closely lined up with our own that it would only take a careful push to reach it.  According to the message, the ancient Nordic peoples held rituals to summon certain elements of the other plane to them for varying reasons.

After months of research, Artemis had found a way to retrieve it.  After throwing nearly half of his family's remaining fortune to research, he had created a watch-like device capable of rending and altering reality itself.  The plane of existence just beyond the reach of mankind would soon be his to harvest.

The device used the basic principal of David Harvey’s space-time compression theory.  The genius put together a volatile mass of radioactive isotopes, coated them in lead, and attached a battery of plutonium-224.  He wired the battery to multiple electrical currents and coated the creation in a denser form of lead.  The radiation was safely contained by the coating.

He attached the wired currents to a single button and then placed the entire creation into a casing that resembled a digital watch.  At the push of a button, the plutonium ‘battery’ would react with the mass of isotopes to create a violent compression of time and space within a spherical radius of the device.

If the Nordic tome was correct, and the world it spoke of was just a push away, compressing space and time would be the only way to reach it.  Artemis couldn’t be certain his machine would work, nor could he be certain the world in the tome actually existed, but he had to try.

Using the laboratory as a safe zone, the boy ran test after test, watching the device vanish and reappear in a burst of light time and time again.  Each time, it rematerialized with something new on it.  Nothing organic, but some sign of another world on the other side of the compression.  When the sample he received didn’t resemble that of the world mentioned in the tome, he altered the amount of electricity that connected to the nuclear battery.

Finally, after removing several of the circuits, the device rematerialized with some sort of brightly-colored rock beside it.  The rock looked as if it had been painted with pastels, and the image evoked by the Nordic passage immediately sprang to mind.  After countless tests, he decided it was time to try sending an organic creature into the compression.

Artemis affixed the device to a lab rat and reset the timer on the electrical current to the battery, a short minute-long test.  He knew the watch would return by itself without question, hopefully in his desired world, but he was unsure of the results of sending a living creature with it.  He prepared the sterile test chamber in his laboratory, and engaged the device remotely.  The rat was gone in a blast of golden light: a wormhole compressing time and space.  Just as instantaneously as it appeared, the light faded.  Artemis glared down at his Rolex and began counting off a minute.

…

Unbeknownst to the preteen genius, in a world far different from his own, the sun shined brightly down on the residents of a peaceful and unsuspecting world.  On the far edge of a little town close to the capitol of this new world, a small home was carved out of a tree.  This tree was the home of one particular resident of the new world, who happened to own several creatures of varying size.  The door to the home was left wide open for the creatures to have easy access to their owner.

A powder-white rabbit bounded through the open door, nearly colliding with his caretaker.  He tugged on her coat repeatedly, an embodiment of the definition of urgency.

"Not now, Angel, I almost have your salad.  You can stop fussing, okay?"  The long pink mane and pale yellow coat of the Pegasus shined in the sunlight as she turned to face the hyperactive bunny.  She carefully balanced a plump cherry on the mound of various greens in the ceramic bowl she currently held.

The rabbit continued tugging furiously with one paw, pointing outside with his free one.  His owner carefully placed the bowl on the floor, cocking an eyebrow at her pet.

"What is it?" she asked with a slightly annoyed tone.  The bunny grabbed her mane and led her through the door, staring out toward the edge of the forest.  "What's the matter?" The caretaker asked as the rabbit continued frantically guiding her outside.

The duo descended the path from her house to a nearby stream, Angel scurrying along with a look of anxiety.  He stopped near a ruffled bush, and hid behind a nearby rock.  "Is there something in here?" the pony asked.  Angel nodded furiously, and pointed at a small figure resting inside the bush.  "Oh, is it hurt?  Should I go help it?" Angel shook his head and continued cowering.

"It’s okay; I’ll take a look at it." She tittered at the frightened bunny.  She leaned down, peering at the figure.  She whispered, "Hello?  Are you okay?"  The response received was a weak squeak.  The Pegasus gently lifted the figure from the ground with her mouth and placed it in the light.  The grotesque sight appalled her, causing her to leap back behind a nearby large rock.  Angel’s fear suddenly seemed justified to the pony.

What had once been a small white mouse was in front of her, shivering on the ground with a dark metal ring wrapped around it.  Small black and gold pulsing muscles spread under its fur from where the object touched it, glowing faintly with their respective colors.  The pony leaned out from behind the rock and cautiously approached the mouse.  She slowly reached her hoof towards it and made contact with the black device attached to the mouse.

A burst of golden light engulfed her, and she felt it peeling away at her in a metaphysical tug of war, fighting to fling her through the dimensional void.  She had no way to fight it, and helplessly watched as her surroundings faded, black nothingness replacing them.  She felt like she was watching herself, a spectator to the events unfolding before her.  Just as she began to calm, a burst of golden light started to spread through the void.  A metallic surface began extending from her hooves, curling up to form walls and a ceiling, which were adorned with various gauges and pipes, strange glowing walls of text accompanying them.

…

Artemis watched in awe as not only the lab rat returned, but an ominous pastel-colored organic being.  A long candy-pink mane swept over half of the being's snout, which in turn was coated in pale yellow fur.  The rat seemed to be fused to the device, but that was no matter as of now.  The tag-along had provided all the convincing he needed that the device reached its destination.

But to use the device himself would require the examination of test subject, not to mention the recovery and examination of the device proper.  Its interaction with the mouse was disturbing, yet the fact that the pale yellow quadruped was unharmed by it generated numerous questions.  Artemis would most definitely need more time to examine all of the variables before using the device himself.

...

The pony began backing into a corner, her mane dangling limply over her face, hoping that the gaunt figure in the opposite corner of the room would ignore her.  To her relief, the figure approached the center of the farthest wall and gently pressed a button protruding it.  The biped never took his eyes off of her, which was slightly unnerving.

The mysterious biped was clad in a sleek sports jacket and a ruffled white-cotton collared shirt.  Its dark brown mane was cut relatively short, a few strands of hair jutting in random directions.  It had a tired-yet-confident mask on its face.  The metal section of wall behind it slid open, revealing a closet-sized room.  The two-legged creature stepped into it, the wall sliding shut again.  A whirring sound accompanied the closure of the metal panel.

The equine emerged from her corner and examined the mouse.  The device was still bound to it, and it let out a pitiful squeal as she approached, almost as if begging for death.  It was immobilized by the ring, and even with the health of a creature at stake, the pony’s fear and disorientation prevented her from assisting it.  She was transfixed to the gruesome sight, the horror of the mouse's impending doom paralyzing her.  She stared as the rodent stopped attempting to squirm or scurry; it had accepted its fate.  She shed a silent tear.

…

Artemis emerged from the elevator and strolled at a brisk pace towards the security room, where his single-most-valued employee was monitoring the chamber.  Artemis passed through the doorway, and peered over the large brute’s shoulder.  The experiment was a success…and a failure.  His destination's authenticity was confirmed, but there seemed to be a few kinks in the device.  The elegant employee rose from his chair and turned towards his charge.

The hulk of a man, towering over the twelve year-old mastermind before him, a seven foot tall brute, spoke.  "What do we do with it, sir?"

"What we would do with any miraculous discovery, my friend," Artemis replied, and beckoned for the man to follow.

"Sir, what do I need to do?" the man inquired as he walked beside his employer, maintaining a brisk pace.

Artemis replied after a brief moment of reflection, "Restrain it.  If it is necessary, you may harm it."   The duo arrived at the elevator, and the larger man began shifting his suit slightly, scratching his leg, and generally appearing to be lost in thought.

To the above-average mercenary, assassin, or soldier, the slight clangs of steel that accompanied the man’s shifting would've alerted them to the mobile armory he carried.  The Sig Sauer P226 in a belt holster, a plethora of throwing knives in his boots, a garrote in his watch, the stun grenades stuffed in his various pockets, and a good old ball-bearing cosh stuffed in his shirt all provided ample security for his charge.  But on this occasion, he had a weapon he rarely used on his person.  It was a specialized tranquilizer dart rifle, fully automatic and extremely accurate.  He planned to please his charge.

The door slid open with a metallic hiss, and the brute stepped inside.  Artemis grinned smugly and sighed, "I wish you luck, Butler."   The elegant thug nodded and held the tranquilizer rifle in the air reassuringly.

…

The Pegasus continued to wallow in the laboratory, even with the absence of the observing monster.  She was immobilized by the mouse writhing in pain on the floor in front of her, the animal's midsection pulsating ever more violently.  It was like watching somepony having a seizure, completely aware of its suffering.  The pony's connection with animals was intensifying the misery she felt at her cowardice.  It continued convulsing, vaguely aware of its horrible situation.  The pony had felt this way only once before, when she thought she had killed her kingdom’s leader’s beloved pet.

She could almost just...explode...a horrible burst of years of pent up rage, suffering, and mistreatment all directed at whoever was unfortunate enough to trigger it.

…

Butler absentmindedly tapped his heel against the ground as the elevator made its gradual descent.  He ran a hand over his suit, seemingly tidying it.  To the trained eye, however, he was taking account of each potentially lethal weapon shoved in every nook of his outfit.  The elevator doors slid open, revealing the creature in the exact same position as before, seemingly frozen by terror.  Its eyes were glued to the lab rat, which was convulsing on the ground.  Butler approached the equine creature, stopping just in front of the dying rat.

Almost as if waiting for someone to come along to take responsibility for its death, the rat’s body exploded as the brute stopped his advance, splattering a mixture of blood and bile over his shoes and the cowering pony’s muzzle.  The equine’s mind latched on to the only sensible explanation it could find:  the biped had just murdered the rat.  A swell of rage knotted in her gut, and she acted on it.

She leaped at the towering beast before her as she screamed, "You do not hurt helpless animals!"  The pale-yellow creature before Butler exploded with sound as it darted toward the closing elevator to make some form of escape.

It took the brute a few seconds to register everything that had just happened.  In those few seconds, the foreign creature reached the lift.  The bodyguard couldn't let it get upstairs; that was a potentially dangerous situation.  He burst into a sudden sprint after it, but the pony had unfurled a pair of seemingly weak-looking wings, flying into the elevator at a speed it shouldn't have been able to attain.  In a single fluid motion, Butler rolled forward, aimed the dart gun at the flying horse, and fired a single dart directly at it.

The dart shot through the air, closing on its target.  Just as it was closing in on the target, the doors of the elevator miraculously closed around it, wedging it in place.  The lift began its ascent, the dart creating a flurry of sparks as it was pushed from the breach.

…

Artemis absentmindedly tapped his foot as the elevator ascended, expecting a triumphant Butler carrying the creature’s body over his shoulder.  What emerged was not what he expected; the winged equine flew out of the elevator and crashed right into him, sending him to the ground.  Without wasting time, and in a fit of confusion, it dashed up the stairs, unwittingly entering the manor attic.  The boy picked himself up off the ground and took account of what had happened.

The one perk of being hit head-on by the creature was that he had gotten a slightly more detailed view of it.  It was horse-like in appearance, perhaps one meter tall at the shoulders.  It was pale-yellow with a light pink mane.  Artemis decided to think of it as a pony, given its size and general body structure.  He shifted his attention to himself, bringing a hand to his chest to examine the point of impact; it was definitely sore but nothing serious.  At worst he had a few bruises.

He then realized a far more important fact:  the creature had retreated into his currently-psychotic mother's bedroom.  He immediately darted up the stairs, his arms extended in hopes of catching the stray alien.  Yanking the oak double doors of the attic open, he found the creature once again shivering in a corner, along with a very surprised young girl.

"Arty, would you mind closing the door behind you?" Angeline Fowl asked her son from the comfort of her bed, currently unaware of the foreign being in her bedroom corner.  She probably simply thought it was a hallucination of some sort.  The girl, however, approached Artemis.

"What is that, Artemis?"  She pointed at the creature and asked, a tray of cucumber slices resting elegantly on her other palm.

"It’s a trans-dimensional visitor.  I'll explain everything later, Juliet, but I first need to subdue it.  It could be hazardous to our health, as I am unaware of what it did to your brother, seeing as how it escaped him in the lab."  He stretched his arm forward awkwardly as he spoke, slowly approaching the creature.

He was entirely prepared to pin it into unconsciousness, considering what threat it posed.  The boy began his forward dash toward the corner, and would've contacted the cowardly creature before him had Juliet not grabbed the collar of his suit and dragged him backwards.

"Juliet, unhand me!  What are you doing!?" he shouted as he struggled to escape her considerably strong grip.

"Look at it; it’s harmless!  I don't know what it did to Butler, but it isn't even standing!  It's just curled up in a corner!"  She scoffed at him with empathy toward the creature, holding Artemis from continuing his assault.

"Unhand my son, please.  I won't hesitate to hire a new maid…"  His mother blankly commanded, still oblivious of the situation at hand.

Butler suddenly dashed into the room, the dart gun drawn.  When he noticed his sister’s grip on the boy, he sighed, "What are you doing, Juliet?  You're interfering with the young master’s experiment."

"I'm trying to stop him from murdering a defenseless creature!  Look at it!"  She positioned herself in front of the creature, ensuring Artemis could no longer approach it.  While the two siblings bickered uncharacteristically, the tiny equine decided it was time to take action.

While the three coherent bipeds were occupied with their opposing moral, the pony slowly tiptoed toward the door.

"Butler, it's escaping!"  Artemis snapped his attention from the arguing duo back to the equine.  The pair continued their dispute, completely unaware of the events unfurling around them.

Irritated by the odd lack of attention, the boy recovered quickly and darted back down the stairs after the pony.  Its next destination had been the manor kitchen.  The creature seemed to be madly searching for an exit as he approached it.  He held his hands up beside him, walking slowly, as if to show he meant it no harm.

Just as he began to advance on the pony, he heard the faint words, "Please don't hurt me..."  Where had they come from?  The meek, almost inaudible voice sounded extremely close.  Had the creature just spoken?

"Can you talk?" Artemis asked, still approaching at a slightly slower pace.

"Y-yes…" The creature mumbled as it turned to face him.

He approached it, his pace slowing ever more, and lowered both arms entirely.  "What's your name?" he gently inquired.

"F-F-Flu-" It responded extremely quietly, so quietly that the genius could only catch the first syllable.

"Excuse me?" Artemis asked with a slight hint of annoyance in his tone.

"F-Fluttershy."  It forced out at an audible volume.

The boy grinned innocently and whispered, "My name is Artemis.  I won't hurt you, I promise.  I just want to talk to you, and considering your quiet nature, that task would be much simpler at a closer proximity."

Fluttershy cautiously approached the boy with her head bowed low.  The time was right.  Artemis lunged forward in an attempt to grab the pony-like creature, and it spread its wings and launched backwards, barely avoiding the boy's fingers.  Its wings hit a cutting board, knocking it into the air, a mess of cucumbers and a sharp knife hurtling through the air.  Artemis's eyes followed the knife as it sailed directly towards him.  He put up his forearm, and the knife sliced into it, a bit of blood flowing from the wound.

A sudden burst of rage escaped the usually-collected boy, "Gah, damn you!"  He kicked the knife away from him on the ground as the pony fearfully galloped from the room.  Artemis stomped to a nearby first-aid cabinet and reluctantly cut his sleeve off from the elbow, revealing an incision that just deep enough to draw blood.

He grunted in pain as he applied a cleansing agent to the wound.  The burning from the antibiotic was a sign it was working, and he tightly wove a bandage around his forearm.  He flexed his fingers and rotated his wrist, relieved a nerve hadn't been severed.  He turned and started marching towards the elevator when he slipped on a puddle of juice left by the cucumbers.  To add insult to injury, his suit was now thoroughly ruined.

He cursed the fruit and scrambled to his feet when a realization hit him like an anvil.  He had a solution to the single complication from the first live test.  The metallic casing of the device had bonded to the rat’s flesh during the space-time compression.  Being a basic material, cucumbers and the juice they produce would easily prevent the metal from reacting to a person’s flesh.

Or at least, that’s the idea that came to mind.  Just like the initial tests, the boy couldn’t be certain his theories would work, but he had a feeling in his gut.

So, with nothing but a hunch to go on, he gathered the intact slices of cucumber and mashed them together in his right hand, smothering it in the meat and juice.  He then hurried after the pony, hoping he wouldn’t regret his idea.

...

Fluttershy was nearly petrified, pure adrenaline propelling her to the basement.  She darted into the fake wall again and randomly hit one of the glowing sections of it.  The front slid shut, and a peaceful hum filled the chamber.  The door again opened, and she darted out into the basement.  She turned to run back into the chamber, but it had already closed.

She approached the horrendous device from before, splattered with gore, and stared at it, examining its function, and how it had tormented the cute little mouse.

She was shaken from her trance by a ding, and the door again slid open, Artemis emerging from it.  One of his arms appeared to be smothered in some sort of greenish glop that dropped from his hand, which was open as if ready to grab something.  A spot of blood bled through the bandage on the other arm.  Fluttershy knew she had to escape, and the only thing she could think of was the device.  She reluctantly reached for it, hoping it wouldn't affect her like it had the mouse.

Artemis immediately sprang to life when the foreign being began reaching for the device.  He dove forward in an attempt to intercept her, and succeeded, his arm blocking her foreleg as it touched the device.  A veil of golden light engulfed the pair, and was quickly replaced with a black void.  A wooden floor etched out below them, eventually bending upwards to form walls and a ceiling.  As the scenery came into view, Artemis was overjoyed.

The device worked.  His theory had worked as well, for the device remained on the floor, not attached to either being's flesh as they stood and moved away from one another.  He looked around, noticing a large amount of small creatures peering at him from various nooks, a small kitchen, and a cutting board with a partially eaten cucumber on it.  That explained why Fluttershy hadn't been affected by the device earlier.

Then something hit him.  Literally.  A mug shattered over his head, revealing a particularly peeved white bunny standing in the cabinet beside him.

The Next Step

Artemis stared at the small creature as he pondered his twist of fate.  It was painfully obvious that he had succeeded in creating his inter-dimensional portal to this world that was assumedly brimming with magical energy he could harvest and use to reclaim his family’s lost fortune.  However, beyond getting into the magical realm, he had not quite planned anything out for how he would go about gathering the energy.

The small rabbit tapped its foot angrily at the intruder in his home, and the pony from before was curled up in the corner of the main room of her small domicile, afraid of what the boy might do now that there were no kind humans to stop his advances.  Artemis simply grinned victoriously at the equine creature as he let his mind roam to many different plans of action.  Before he could savor the victory he had claimed over the laws of time and space, a moderately disturbing fact probed the back of his mind.

He had never reset the minute-long timer on the device.  His stay in this new world would be certainly short lived as the clock ticked on his Rolex.  Another thought immediately prevailed after his time-constrained ultimatum became obvious:  the last thing he needed was to bring another foreigner into his world under the current circumstances.  Given how troublesome the pony had been originally, Artemis didn’t think it wise to risk bringing another through the portal.

Not wanting to risk the timer ticking out and carrying several other creatures through the void, he decided it best to distance himself from the residence of the critters and pony.  Without hesitation, he took off at a jogging pace out the open door and into the nearby tree-line.  He stopped for nearly a second to catch his breath when the device activated once more.  Again he was swallowed by a golden light that quickly faded into blackness, which in turn shifted back into the stony décor of his laboratory.

Waiting for him on his side of the dimensional barrier were his two loyal employees.  The larger of the two took a small bow to his employer.  The younger stared on in disbelief at what she had just witnessed.  Fitting really, considering it’s not often one sees a black hole open right in front of them and drop a person out.  Artemis let a wide grin grace his features as he silently passed between the two Butler siblings.

Juliet stammered, “W-well, are you gonna explain what crazy crud you’ve been up to this time?”  She looked back and forth between the boy and his entry point.

“I too am quite curious, Artemis.  Did you manage to reach the other side unharmed?”  Butler had seen firsthand that the device could reach its destination, but he was unaware of any possible side-effects that the travel may have had.

Artemis lifted his cucumber-smothered hand high in the air, the transport device held firmly in his grip.  He let out a light chuckle, “Indeed I did, Butler.  The world on the other side is quite colorful, for a lack of better terms.  I believe it may just have everything I need to make up for Father’s idiotic mistake.”  The grin on his face sent a shiver down Juliet’s spine.

Her older brother popped the joints in his neck and asked, “How are we going to go about doing that?”

The gaunt genius placed his off hand to his chin and stroked it gently.  After a moment of silence he sighed, “I haven’t exactly planned that far ahead.  I’ve been too occupied trying to build the way into the world that I haven’t really had time to figure that out.”  A glint of annoyance replaced the boy’s grin.

Juliet shook her head disappointedly and started walking toward the open elevator.  She sighed, “It’s a sad day when even the great Artemis Fowl is caught unprepared.”  The trio entered the elevator and began their ascent.

To Artemis Fowl II, the ride in the elevator felt like an eternity.  His mind swirled with all the possible outcomes of his debut into the mysterious world beyond the wormhole.  There were too many variables for his liking, and he conjured up every bit of mental power he had in an attempt to find a logical course of action for obtaining his goal.

He was so lost in thought that when Juliet gave him a gentle shove out of the elevator he nearly let out a shriek of fear.  Both Butler and she found his expression hilarious, but neither had the gall to express it directly.  Instead, Juliet decided to play out one of the oldest clichés in the book, “What’s the matter, Arty?  You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”  The last word was filled with open amusement.

The boy didn’t respond immediately.  Instead, an idea quickly filled his head and allowed him to be lost in its images.  For a few moments, the two siblings stared on in confusion as their employer remained dead to the world.

Artemis jolted out of his thoughts and gasped, “Eureka!  The answer is so simple!”  He darted back into the elevator before either sibling could question his ‘answer.’

The boy had several problems to work out with his device and wealth-claiming plans.  The most obvious and easily corrected of these problems was the fact that in order to safely use the device, an anti-bonding agent was required.  The problem arose when the device’s unstable field of gravity supercharged the electrons within the particles in the air and device, causing them to bond to the user’s flesh as a means of reducing the energy they held.  However, certain insulating materials halted or limited the transfer of electrons.  In order to safely use the device without an anti-bonding agent, the user would have to wear one of those insulating materials.

In Artemis’s case, he chose a pair of rubber gloves, as rubber hardly conducts electricity or electrons.

While the device-fusion problem was simple to handle with a little thought, the other was not so simply solved.  It would require much consideration and planning.  Artemis still needed a course of action to follow that would eventually lead him back to his reclamation of the Fowl Family Fortune.

Artemis contemplated simply trusting his calculations and using his new solution to safely travel back to the other world.  However, it quickly became obvious to the genius that there were too many variables floating around in the equation, and decided it best to avoid any careless—and potentially fatal—mistakes.  He turned to the corner of the dull room and locked his gaze on a large lab rat sitting clueless in a cage.  A slight grin graced his features.

Though one could hardly tell by looking at him directly, Artemis’s mind swirled with thoughts of grandeur on the other side of the portal.  From what he had seen, it had appeared to be a medieval village, which only gave him hope for his ability to claim riches.  With Butler’s help, it shouldn’t be too difficult to convince the residents of the new world to do what he wanted.  Not to mention that he would also be able to study the physiology and genetic structure of the abnormal creatures on the other side.

…

“I’m telling you they were walking on two legs!  Two legs!  And…and one was huge and threw a knife right at me!”  The yellow Pegasus waved her hooves frantically in the air as she recounted the tale of her experience earlier that morning.  Five other ponies were gathered around her in a small outdoor café at the center of their hometown.

Another Pegasus, cyan in color with a prismatic mane, rolled her eyes and scoffed, “You probably just had a bad dream.  You gotta stop listening to Lyra’s stories, Fluttershy.”  She took a sip of the drink in front of her and placed a somewhat-comforting hoof on her friend’s back.

“Yeah, Rainbow Dash is right.  Everypony knows that humans aren’t real.”  A violet unicorn with an equally-violet mane tapped her hoof on the table, trying to stress how absurd the idea was.

Fluttershy shook her head and groaned, “But I’m telling you I saw them with my own two eyes Twilight!  One of them tried to tackle me!  I’m not making this up, girls…”  She slumped down in her chair, realizing that she was probably wasting her breath.

“But how’d ya even get there?  An’ how’d ya get back here?”  An orange pony wearing a Stetson scratched her blond mane in confusion, wanting to believe her friend’s tale.

The white unicorn at the table giggled, “Applejack has a good point, darling.  How would you even get to that ‘other world’?”  She took a small bite from her sandwich and wiped her muzzle elegantly with a napkin.

Fluttershy placed a hoof to her muzzle and pondered the question for a second.  She stammered, “W-well…I don’t know.  B-but I know it was real!  You believe me, don’t you Pinkie Pie?”  She locked her eyes on the pink pony of the group, who was pigging out on a plate of pastries.

The pony lifted her head from the plate and giggled, “Silly-willy-filly, humans aren’t real!  Maybe you just ate too much before bedtime?”  As soon as the words left her mouth, she buried her face back in the destroyed sweets.

The yellow Pegasus took a deep breath and sighed, “Maybe you’re all right.  I should control my imagination…”  She got up from her chair and turned in the direction of her house.  She mumbled, “I think I’ll go take a nap…”

“Try and take it easy, okay?”  Twilight called after her friend as she began to trot back home.

Fluttershy didn’t make it very far from the café, however.  A large flash of golden light burst from the center of the town square, engulfing the unsuspecting pony and blinding all of the residents within range.  The light quickly faded into a black ball, which then gave way to reveal two taller figures, both wearing suits, the tallest holding a suitcase in one hand.  Fluttershy was nowhere to be seen, which sent Rainbow Dash into a sort-of panic.

She didn’t hesitate to spread her wings and launch toward the foreigners at full speed.

…

Butler and Juliet stood stock still as their employer suddenly rushed back the way they had come.  For several minutes the two Butler siblings stood in silence, dumbfounded by their employer’s sudden burst of speed.

“I hate it when he does that…”  Juliet looked up to her brother, who looked just as confused as she did.

The larger sibling leaned back against the wall and groaned, “You know how the young master is, Juliet.  He can be quite eccentric at times.”  He pulled a throwing knife from his boot and began twirling it in his hand nonchalantly.

Juliet plopped down on the ground against the opposite wall.  She whistled a short tune before a thought etched its way into her head.  She asked, “Did that thing really send him to another world?”

Her brother raised a quizzical eyebrow and scoffed, “I believe it did.  That horse was definitely not from Earth.”  He flashed-back to how easily the creature evaded his knife with its ability to fly.

“What does Artemis plan on doing to the people in that world?”

“I can’t say for certain.  Knowing the young master and his father, it could be any range of criminal acts.  He said something about ‘harnessing their magic’ to make back his family’s fortune, but there’s no telling what he meant.”  Butler shoved the throwing knife back into his boot and replaced it with a small book he held in the pocket of his coat.

Juliet watched as he eagerly flipped from page to page, apparently looking for a specific passage.  She opened her mouth to question him when he lowered the book down to her.  She immediately began reading the unusual writing on the pages.

Butler sighed, “Artemis found an old Nordic book in the local museum.  The curator explained that the book had never been translated.  Artemis offered to translate it.  This is the translation.”

Juliet cocked an eyebrow and scoffed, “It’s talking about a bunch of talking ponies.  Did he really think this place existed?”  She slammed the book shut and placed it on the floor beside her.

“I would assume so.  He’s spent the last month trying to find a way to get there.  Based on that animal from earlier, I would say he was right in his beliefs.”  The older sibling stuffed the book back in his coat and turned toward the elevator.  “I only hope he doesn’t decide to travel there alone again.  There’s no telling what’s waiting.”

The younger sibling hopped to her feet and cheered, “You know Artemis!  He’d never go anywhere without you by his side!  You’re the one who does all the dirty work, after all.”  She started walking to the elevator.  “You coming?”

With a silent nod, the pair called the elevator and began their descent into the laboratory.

…

Artemis smiled widely as the golden light once again filled his eyes.  Once it faded, the boy was happy to see the large rat scurrying frantically on the ground, trying to squirm its way out of the device’s grip.  The glove used as a buffer between it and the device was completely intact with no sign of distortion.  Artemis approached the horrified rodent with the intention of freeing it from its bondage, but the opening of the elevator doors drew his attention away immediately.

He was greeted by his bodyguard and maid, both of whom carrying concerned looks.  “I’m glad to see you haven’t gone back yet.” Butler said with a tone of indifference, pulling the Nordic book from his coat again.  He handed it to the boy and asked, “Are you sure the world you found was the same as the one in the book, Artemis?”

Artemis chuckled, “I’m positive.  I’ve even found a way to safely use the device without worry.”  He waved a hand at the new lab rat, wrapped in a rubber glove with the device used as a type of belt.  “All we have to do is research the nature of the other side.”

“I’m guessing you want me to do reconnaissance.”  Butler stood stock-still, his expression serious.

Juliet giggled, “Oh yeah, because you’ll definitely fit in with a bunch of ponies!”

“Perhaps we won’t, but there’s no guarantee that the other side is controlled by ponies.  All the book tells us is that the ponies are magical; it doesn’t say anything about them being the only creatures there.”  Artemis grinned slyly as he removed the device from the mouse.  He immediately placed gloves on both of his hands, worried that the device might accidentally activate while he was holding it.

The mouse scurried into its cage in the far corner of the lab, knowing it was at least safe in there.  The Butler siblings shared uncertain looks.  Juliet asked, “When do you plan on sending him over there?”  The concern was obvious in her voice.

“We’re going over as soon as all necessary preparations have been made.”  Artemis closed the gate on the cage and locked it.  He fiddled with the device for a moment, pressing a series of buttons.  He sighed, “We’ll be able to return at any moment with the push of a button.  There’s virtually no risk so long as we keep the device in our possession.”

Butler rubbed his chin thoughtfully before scoffing, “I can’t allow you to put yourself in danger like this, sir.  No matter how safe you believe it to be, we can’t be sure of what the residents on the other side are capable of.”  He approached his charge with a look of concern on his features.

The genius chuckled, “I assure you, there’s no risk.  If things get serious, all I have to do is push a button.  That’s not to say we should go through completely unprepared, however.  We should pack a few essentials; I don’t want to senselessly travel back and forth.”  Artemis wrapped the watch-device around his wrist and headed toward the elevator.  He turned back to his two employees with a wide grin on his face.

Juliet objected, “But what if those ponies have more ‘magic’ than you think they do?  Or what if the device breaks while you’re over there?”  She followed him into the elevator, trying to convince him to do a bit more planning before going across.

Butler joined the two as they ascended to the main floor of the Fowl mansion.  The bodyguard asked, “Do you have any backup plans, Artemis?  Juliet makes a valid argument.”

The boy simply replied, “The device will not break.  It’s crafted from sturdy-enough metal that not even a drop from the Empire State Building would leave a dent in it.  We have nothing to fear in that case.”  As soon as the elevator doors opened, the boy stormed up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving the Butler siblings to question his confidence.

The younger sibling ran a hand through her slightly-frizzy blond hair and sighed, “I worry about him sometimes.  Ever think he’s too ambitious?”

Butler chuckled, “When have you known the young master to act without first over-thinking the situation?  If he believes it’s a safe journey, we have no reason to doubt him.”  He started climbing the stairs with an air of confidence.

“I bet he wouldn’t be so confident if you weren’t there to back him up…” Juliet mumbled under her breath, rolling her eyes at her brother.

The large brute proceeded up the stairs to his own bedroom, while his sister returned to the master bedroom to tend to Angeline.  He quickly packed what few possessions he deemed necessary into a small suitcase and returned downstairs, ready to leave whenever his charge decided it was time.  Once Artemis arrived back in the foyer of the mansion, he took the book back and tucked it safely in his coat, following his charge back into the elevator once more.

Artemis was silent during the short descent into the lab.  His mind was flooded with all the possible twists of fate that the other side would bring.  He checked the device on one wrist and the Rolex on the other every few seconds, impatience racking every nerve in his body.  As soon as he could, he stomped from the elevator into the stone chamber of the test center, where he and Butler would make their inter-dimensional leap.

“Are you ready, old friend?”  Artemis looked up to his bodyguard, who held their small suitcases in one hand and had the other resting on the holster of a concealed pistol.

Butler chuckled, “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?  You can’t go alone, after all.”  The brute grinned, which Artemis took as a ‘yes.’

Artemis raised his device-locked hand high in the air, a wide smile plastered on his face.  He counted down from three and pushed the button.  The pair was engulfed by the golden light that symbolized the appearance of the black-hole, which then dissipated into a pastel-like background of multiple colors.  It took several seconds for the area to fully reveal itself to the humans, but their eyes quickly adjusted to the brightness of the world.

Upon surveying their immediate surroundings, Artemis found that several of the pastel colors were charging right at them.

Contact

So there it was.  They hadn’t even been in this new world for five seconds, and already a Technicolor bullet was hurtling straight toward them.  Artemis wasn’t certain about how to handle the situation.  He knew that in a matter of seconds, the object would collide directly into him for whatever reason, which would be a painfully fatal blow.  He considered how ironic it would be to meet his demise so soon after crossing the bridge, but he was virtually powerless to do anything.

Butler’s training kicked into overdrive as his eyes locked onto the rainbow blur closing the proximity between them and it.  Without thinking about it, he dropped the suitcases and released his grip on the pistol’s holster.  With his left arm, he shoved Artemis to the side out of the way of the incoming object.  With his right hand extended straight upwards, he stepped to the side and awaited the bullet.  Everything slowed down for the bodyguard-assassin, allowing him to measure the projectile shooting at them.

It appeared to be a pony, similar to the yellow one from earlier.  Only this one seemed stronger, and had considerably more speed.  Butler grinned as he considered the likelihood of this pony simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  It could be coincidence that the cyan creature was hurtling toward them at full speed.  Perhaps they had just arrived in the wrong spot.

At any rate, Butler waited for the creature to close in as far as possible.  In a blur, the brute sent his hand on a downward arc just as the pony reached his general area.  In what most physicists would consider an absolute impossibility, Butler’s strike to the back of the Pegasus sent it directly to the ground, stopping all of its forward momentum and leaving a decent-sized crater in the ground where she hit.

Artemis stared on in confusion as the bullet suddenly stopped, breaking Newton’s third law of motion, and plummeted into a small crater on the ground beside his bodyguard.  The genius couldn’t figure out how all of the momentum the creature held could so suddenly be directed downward.  Even Butler’s strike to it wouldn’t possibly be enough to completely redirect its forward movement.  Artemis pondered the potential physics of the new world for a few moments.

He was shaken from his thoughts by a roar of voices coming from across the plaza.  Dozens of ponies similar to Fluttershy were rushing toward them at not-so-fast speeds, obviously concerned for the creature that Butler had so easily swatted away.  He and the bodyguard shared concerned looks as the residents of the area slowly closed in on them.

Butler casually lifted their suitcases from the ground and stepped over to his master’s side, wondering just what the ponies may do in retaliation to his attack…and just how violent things might need to get.  Artemis sent him a disapproving frown at the thought of having killed one of the residents of the world.  After all, there was no possible way that force heavy enough to leave a crater could have not crushed the equine animal.

The genius’s jaw dropped as he watched the cyan horse scramble to its hooves, slightly disoriented but overall healthy.  Its right wing appeared to be bent in an unnatural manner, but it was still able to stand and speak.

Speak.

Artemis pondered this for a second.  Fluttershy had spoken to him back in the Fowl Manor kitchen, but he had cast it off as his excitement playing tricks on him.  It became painfully obvious to the preteen that these horses were sentient.  All of the fairytales of magical unicorns and winged horses were suddenly true.  The boy was dumbfounded at the realization that the stories he once thought were for little babies were suddenly true.

Butler didn’t seem bothered by this.  He thought about the Pegasus’s ability to speak, and it didn’t surprise him.  Any creature of that size capable of reaching that speed had to have some sort of supernatural force propelling it.  Although the speaking of the creatures didn’t bother him, the prismatic pony’s sturdiness did.  He had put all of the force he had into that karate chop, and yet she didn’t seem even remotely harmed aside from her broken wing.

Both humans were snapped out of their thoughts by the injured Pegasus.  She stomped in their direction, an angry glare plastered on her face.  She screamed, “What’d you do with Fluttershy, you freaks?!”

The two humans shared confused looks.  Artemis cleared his throat and stepped forward.  He casually said, “I do not know what you are talking about.  We’ve done nothing to this ‘Fluttershy’ creature.”

The pony stepped a little closer, causing Butler to reach for his pistol in defense.  Artemis waved his hand dismissively at the bodyguard, who relaxed slightly in obedience.  The brute’s eyes were glued to the speedy equine.

She scoffed, “Don’t play dumb!  We just saw her disappear in that thing of yours!”  She planted her hooves on the ground, as if readying for a tackle.

Artemis considered her meaning for a few seconds before asking, “That thing of ours, you say?  Was it golden?”

A normal-looking orange pony stomped up beside the Pegasus and scoffed, “Sure was.  Ya know what we’re talking about, so ya know where she is!”  Three other ponies followed behind the orange one, each equally angry in appearance.

Butler sighed, “Perhaps she got caught in the crossfire, Artemis.”

“What do you mean?” the boy snapped impatiently.  Several problems had arisen in the short time they’d been in this world, and he didn’t like the outstanding number of complications he would be required to fix.

The large brute approached his employer, a look of concern on his face.  He groaned, “Did you check to see if the portal was a two-way trip?  If the void opened here where we’re standing, could it not have plucked any unfortunate residents into our world?”

Stupidity fell over Artemis’s features.  He had most definitely not checked for a two-way trip.  He’d never even considered the possibility.  He turned toward the growing group of concerned ponies and chuckled nervously, “I assure you, whatever happened to your friend was a complete accident.  I can promise that she is perfectly safe and will be returned to you posthaste.  All I must do is return to my world and bring her back.”  Artemis raised his arm in front of him and reached for the device strapped to it.

The cyan Pegasus stomped a few steps closer and scoffed, “How can we trust you’ll come back?  We don’t even know you!”  A chatter of agreement spread through the crowd of creatures.

Artemis looked at Butler, who sent him a discreet nod.  The genius chuckled, “Why, I’ll leave Butler here with you as collateral.  I promise I’ll return as soon as I can.”

The large bodyguard grinned and said, “The young master requires my assistance in all of his exploits.  Leaving me here is a guarantee that he’ll return immediately.”  Butler was perfectly okay with being left behind in the strange world.  His martial arts training almost guaranteed his safety among its relatively small inhabitants.

The pink pony directly beside the gutsy cyan one seemingly teleported to the brute’s side, her eyes glued to his face.  Against his better judgment, he simply stood motionless as the foreign creature examined him intently.  Artemis had to hold back a cough of disbelief at his friend’s lack of action.  For almost a minute the pony continued staring directly into his eyes, as if trying to read the brute like a book.

Finally the pony leaped back a few steps and gave her friends a large toothy smile.  She cheered, “He looks okay to me, fellas!”  She raised a single hoof into the air in a gesture Butler assumed was relative to a thumbs-up.

Artemis scoffed, “As I said before, I mean you no harm.  I can return with your friend in mere moments.”  The boy raised his arm in front of him, showing the device to the gathered ponies in front of him.  He chuckled, “With this ingenious contraption, I can return to my world, find Fluttershy, and be back before you even notice I’m gone.”

The purple unicorn beside the other three outstanding ponies raised a curious eyebrow.  She asked skeptically, “So what exactly is that thing?”

The genius shook his head and sighed, “To explain it to you would take much longer than I believe we are willing to waste.  It is a device capable of sending me to and from my own world into this one, put simply.  Now, if you would like me to bring back your friend, I suggest you all distance yourselves from me.”  He placed his free hand on top of the device and prepared to push the button.

Butler waved the crowd of ponies away as he followed Artemis’s suggestion.  The bodyguard towered over every pony by at least two feet, casting them away in fear of his hulking figure.  Just as soon as the brute was out of the device’s range, the boy activated it and was once more swallowed in a large burst of golden light.  Every pony in the vicinity cringed at the brightness of the aura as the foreigner disappeared right before their eyes.  A chatter of disbelief spread throughout the crowd.

…

A few minutes passed as the ponies shared their absurd theories on the nature of the foreigners in their home.  Twilight Sparkle laughed internally as the more extreme explanations graced her ears.  She switched her attention from her group of friends to the large bipedal creature a few feet away.  She would ponder the true origin of the alien every few moments before turning back to listen to a few more pony philosophies.

Although most of the citizens of Ponyville had their own stories, they all reached a general consensus:  the foreigners were what one particular unicorn liked to call ‘humans.’  Yes, the mint-green unicorn bounced wildly as each of her once-skeptical brethren admitted that she had been right in her belief in the existence of the bipedal creatures.  Despite their lack of factual knowledge, there was no doubt that the aliens were humans, based on the lore that Lyra had been shoving down everypony’s throat for years.

But once the identity of the creatures had been confirmed, another issue arose among the crowd.  If they were humans from another world, what would they possibly want with the land of ponies?

A somewhat-heated debate broke out among the crowd, while Twilight continued to ponder the one particular human that had stayed behind.  The way he had so easily stopped her now-injured friend in mid-air disturbed her.  She hesitated to think that the humans might be planning to take over their world, and that the large brute were just a scout.  She wanted to believe that it was just an experiment gone awry, and that Equestria hadn’t been the humans’ desired target.

The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous those motives sounded.  How could two humans hope to conquer a whole world full of magical ponies?  How likely would it be that someone would arrive unintentionally in their world?  No, Twilight considered all of the possible motives that the aliens could’ve had, but none of them felt quite believable—even based on the current situation.

A few more minutes passed without the return of her friend.  Twilight was beginning to worry about Fluttershy.  The large human had already disabled—albeit temporarily—one of her friends, so the idea that the most timid pony in Equestria could be in danger wasn’t too absurd.  She thought about how the brute’s single karate chop had apparently shattered one of Rainbow Dash’s wings, and how by the time the small human had left the cyan daredevil needed to be escorted to the Ponyville hospital.

Twilight decided to stop playing the guessing game and began to approach the large human.  Butler sat in an uncomfortably small chair on the other side of the plaza, away from the ponies, his eyes locked on the crowd of equine creatures.  He analyzed the purple unicorn’s demeanor as she approached.  It took him but a few seconds to size up the approaching mare; he decided she was no threat at the moment.

The closer she got to the oversized brute the more she hesitated, as well as the more he straightened his posture in the chair.  Neither one knew exactly what to expect from the other alien.  The unicorn, unnoticed by the rest of the ponies, finally reached the table where Butler sat silently.  She invited herself to a seat across from him, and placed both of her front hooves visibly on the table.  The last thing she wanted was to appear suspicious to the watchful human.

She sat awkwardly for a few moments before working up the courage to speak.  “My name is Twilight Sparkle.  And you are?”  She smiled sheepishly as the clichéd greeting escaped her lips.

Butler looked at her for another moment before grunting, “Butler.”

Twilight was slightly disturbed by such an abrupt introduction.  He hadn’t hesitated to speak his mind to the little human, so why was he now so quiet?  She chuckled, “It’s nice to meet you Butler.  Let me be the first to formally welcome you to Equestria!”  She extended a hoof toward the human in friendly greeting.

The large brute scoffed, “You’re quick to trust me, aren’t you?”

The unicorn pulled her hoof back.  “What do you mean?” she blankly asked.

“I injured your friend in less than a second without hesitation, and here you are offering your hoof.  How could you be sure I wouldn’t just break it?”  Butler shook his head in disappointment at the pony’s naivety.

She sighed, “You’re right.  But I try not to look at the shallow end of things, Butler.”

The bodyguard raised a curious eyebrow.  He chuckled, “Oh really?  How do you mean?”

“In all fairness, Rainbow Dash was attacking you…even though it was for Fluttershy’s sake.  And besides, everypony deserves a chance, don’t they?”  She smiled innocently at the human, her optimism showing bluntly from her expression.

Butler couldn’t help but laugh at such a naïve outlook on life.  He’d learned a long time ago, even before his training, not to trust anyone without first examining them.  He scoffed, “This place must be pretty peaceful if you’re still alive with that philosophy.”

“Not much happens.  We have the occasional jerk, but nothing too extreme.”

Butler grinned.  “Be that as it may, you shouldn’t simply trust a stranger, especially one of an entirely different species.”  He looked up at the sun for a few moments before letting out a deep sigh.  He grunted, “Artemis has been gone for almost an hour.  I fear something bad may have happened.”

Twilight’s eyes opened wide at the thought of some sort of complication in the little human’s promise.  She gasped, “Like what?”

The bodyguard shook his head and said, “It could be any number of things.  Perhaps the device broke on his return.  Or perhaps your flying friend has a more devilish side to her and decided to incapacitate the young master.”  The brute spoke calmly, but his mind was locked in a battle of emotions.

If something bad had happened to his charge, he would’ve failed horribly at his job, costing him his honor.  At the same time, not only would he have failed his job, but he would also be trapped in this strange new world with a bunch of optimistic talking animals.  He couldn’t quite decide which of the two punishments was worse.

“Are you saying Fluttershy may be trapped on the other side forever?!”  Twilight leaped out of the chair and slammed her front hooves on the table.  The fear flooded from her eyes like sunlight.

“It’s only a possibility, Twilight.  No matter, there’s no sense in getting upset.  What’s done is done.”  The large human placed a single hand on the table, hoping that he was completely wrong in his suspicions.

The purple unicorn stammered, “But-but…she’s my friend!  And she’s so shy; she’ll never make it in your world!”  She stopped to collect her thoughts for a moment.  She continued, “Plus there’s no way she would hurt your friend; she’d never hurt a fly!”

Butler burst into laughter, “Her attitude back at Fowl Manor begs to differ, my friend!”

“What do you mean?”  Twilight’s expression dropped suddenly, knowing that her friend would never intentionally inconvenience another living creature.

“She seemed to have an anger problem, on top of tackling Artemis to the ground in cold blood.”  Butler tapped on his arm where his charge's knife wound had been.

Twilight’s jaw dropped comically for a moment before she shook her head in utter disbelief.  She placed a hoof to her face and groaned, “Look, I don’t know what went on in your world, but I know Fluttershy.  She would never hurt anything on purpose…” She hesitated to continue, letting her mind drift off to a few rare instances of Flutter-Rage, “…unless there are innocent creatures involved.”

Butler froze in place, completely dumbfounded.  He had towered over the device-plagued lab rat when he entered the laboratory.  Even worse, it had exploded coincidentally when he walked in.  To make matters even worse, the rat bile splattered on her face.  He hadn’t even realized what had happened until she was flying away.  At the same time, apologizing never even crossed his mind.  How could he have known at the time that the winged equine was a sentient creature?  And besides, the mouse was due to die anyway...

The bodyguard cleared his throat and rested a hand on his chin.  He sighed, “Well, that certainly explains a few things.”

“Does it?”  Twilight cocked an eyebrow, now curious as to what the humans did to provoke Fluttershy.

Butler bowed his head and considered his words carefully.  “Yes, more than you can imagine.  This is a bit of interesting information.  I suppose your friend isn’t quite the demon I believed her to be.”  He looked back up at the sky, noticing the sun start its downward arc.

It was roughly two in the evening.  The humans’ first contact with the world of Equestria began at noon.  Butler was starting to worry about his master.

Just as the large brute took a breath and began to speak, a loud roar rang out from above the town’s plaza, startling every creature within a mile or two and temporarily disabling most of their senses.  Twilight regained her sight just in time to see three blurry figures crash through a cart of carrots and collide with the solid ground of the Ponyville plaza.

Fowl Manor Follies

Artemis let out a deep sigh as the stony interior of his laboratory formed around him.  He was still mildly upset by his lack of foresight and the fact that he needed to return so soon because of it.  He examined the lab carefully for the pastel-colored pony that would be his ticket to a much more efficient diplomatic relationship with the other world.  To the boy’s disdain, however, the Pegasus was nowhere in sight.

Annoyance began to boil in the boy’s brain as he considered all the problems that had arisen in such a short time frame.  His annoyance increased when he realized that there were even more variables to account for now that he had returned.  The most deterring variable was the fate of the equine creature he’d returned to collect.  It was possible that she had been caught in the device once again and sent straight back to her world, making this entire trip completely pointless on the boy’s part.

That possibility quickly faded as the genius noticed the current condition of the elevator.  According to the panel above it, it was waiting on the first floor of the manor.  He and Butler had left the world with the elevator resting on the basement floor.  He considered carefully that Juliet had no obvious reason to use the elevator herself, leaving only one possibility.

“So she managed to work the lift, eh?  Impressive.” Artemis muttered under his breath as he approached the call button for the machine.  He tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for the elevator to descend to his level, all the while wondering just what wing of the mansion the pony may have found refuge in.

The ride to the foyer was a long and boring one in Artemis’s eyes.  His mind continued to shift from Butler in the other world to the pony in his.  As the doors slid open, the boy caught the butt end of a fit of laughter.  Two voices, both feminine, rang out from the kitchen on the other side of the foyer.  The genius assumed they had to be Juliet and Fluttershy.

He took long swift strides toward the kitchen door, wondering just why the two seemed to be having such fun after only just meeting one another.  Shoving it open without hesitation, the boy was greeted by the two girls sitting at the counter, each with a sandwich in hand.  Or in the pony’s case, in hoof.

Yet another logical fallacy that would need an explanation…

The sight of the two different species side by side brought Artemis a momentary lapse of thought, and his expression fell blank.  Fluttershy immediately let out a squeak of fear, dropping to the floor as if to hide.  Juliet, on the other hand, greeted her employer with a small frown of confusion.

The latter of the two giggled, “What brings you back so soon, Arty?  Leave something behind?”  She waved a hand to her pony companion, at which point she realized the equine was cowering in fear.

“You could say that, Juliet.  Miss Fluttershy, your friends are worried about you.”  The boy didn’t feel like wasting much time with useless bits of dialogue, and as such jumped straight to the point.

The top of the pony’s head peaked out over the edge of the counter.  She stammered weakly, “They are?”

The boy nodded affirmatively and sighed, “Yes, in fact one of them thought it necessary to attack Butler and me upon our arrival…”  He held back a grin at the thought of the rainbow blur and its lack of physics.  “A blue Pegasus, if memory serves correctly.”

Fluttershy leaped from the ground into Artemis’s line of sight.  She gasped, “Oh no!  I hope Rainbow’s okay!”  Her eyes widened at the thought of her friend being injured by his large bodyguard.

Juliet scoffed, “Not even there ten minutes and you start a fight?  Typical.”

“Not quite, Juliet.  You see, Fluttershy just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The device landed us on top of her, sending her back here while we carried on over there.”  The boy shook his head in disappointment, wondering just what else could go wrong with his plans.

Juliet took a bite from her sandwich and rolled her eyes at the boy’s explanation.  Something then dawned on her.  “Wait, so you left my brother over there all alone with them?!”

“Oh please, Juliet,” Artemis scoffed, “Butler is much more capable of handling himself than you give him credit for.”  The boy turned his attention to the pony at the table.  He sighed, “At any rate, we need to return immediately so your friends don’t get the wrong idea.”

“O-okay!”  Fluttershy nodded and approached the boy.  In most cases, she would’ve hesitated to get within reaching distance of the human, but with Juliet monitoring his actions she felt safe.

Juliet sighed, “I guess things aren’t going right to plan, Arty?”

The boy grimaced at the use of her pet name.  He groaned, “You could say that.  Now, we must return to the lab where it’s safe to use the device.  God forbid we bring a few centuries advanced technology to their world.”  Without waiting another moment, the boy turned on his heel and left the kitchen.  The two girls followed him back.

Juliet and Fluttershy shared small talk as they descended into the laboratory, while Artemis pondered something in silence.  As soon as the doors opened, the three advanced into the room, Juliet stopping half way.  She gave the other two a farewell wave and turned to re-enter the elevator.  Artemis lifted his arm and pushed the button on the device, prepared to get back to the other world and prove Fluttershy’s good health.

It took a few seconds for the genius to realize that the device hadn’t done its job.  Thinking he might have pushed the button too lightly, he tried again.  Nothing happened.  There was no golden light or reaction.  Absolutely nothing happened.  Artemis’s face dropped into an expression of disbelieving anger.  He let out an annoyed grunt and stomped over to a table set up on the far end of the lab.  He examined the device intently for any sign of damage, but found none.

Juliet asked, “What’s wrong Artemis?”  The only reply she received was an angry groan as he continued to fiddle with the device.

After a few seconds of messing with it, the genius shouted, “This doesn’t make sense!  The device worked perfectly fine not half an hour ago!  I haven’t dropped it, nor have I let it off of my person since its initial test!”  He placed it on the table with restrained rage and turned back toward the pony.

Fluttershy stammered, “S-so…we can’t get back?”  Noting the expression on Artemis’s face, she ducked down and plopped her hooves over her own.

The boy sighed, “No worries, Miss Fluttershy.  I assure you, I’ll figure out the problem in no time.”  He shook his head and turned toward his human companion.  “Juliet, go to the surveillance room and check to see if anything in the mansion may be interfering with the device’s functionality.”

With a nod, the girl followed her employer’s instructions.  As soon as she disappeared into the elevator, the pony’s body tensed up.  Artemis noticed his companion’s sudden change of demeanor and tittered, “You needn’t be afraid of me.  My actions earlier were only caused by my lack of knowledge on your species.  Had I known you to be intelligent, I would have behaved much more civil.”

It took Fluttershy a moment to understand what the human said.  Once she understood him, she relaxed her muscles slightly.  A few minutes passed in silence as they waited for Juliet to return with news on the device’s situation.

A voice rang out from a small speaker in the corner of the lab, “There’s a satellite in orbit above the mansion, Artemis.  Could that be messing with your thing?”  The sudden sound startled the pony, while the intended receiver simply pinched the bridge of his nose in anger.

“I suppose it could be.  After all, the device was made from the use of a satellite…” he turned to the pony, “Very well Miss Fluttershy, we’ll have to wait for the satellite to pass before attempting to get you home.  Juliet, how long must we wait?”

Her voice called back, “The radar says it should be another hour or so.”

“That’s fine.  Go ahead and return to the lab.”  The boy glared at his inter-dimensional device, disturbed by all of the problems he hadn’t accounted for.

Fluttershy relaxed completely, aware that she would be stuck in the lab with the humans for over an hour.  She squeaked, “E-excuse me, can I ask you something?”  The boy placed a hand to his chin and nodded, not saying a word.  She continued, “When your mouse showed up in my world, it was on the edge of the woods.  When we got back, we were in my house.  You showed up in the Ponyville Market…”

Not certain where she was going with this, the boy asked, “Yes, and what’s your point?”

Fluttershy tapped a hoof on the ground shyly and continued, “But every time we come here, we’re in this room.  Why don’t we end up in the same place in my world?”  She flinched as Artemis slapped a hand to forehead.

The irritated boy slumped over the table and let out an extended sigh.  He clenched his teeth and groaned, “You raise a valid point, Miss Fluttershy.  I’m not certain why that is…”  He picked up the device and gripped it tightly, almost tempted to just forego his original plan and stash it someplace in the manor and forget about it.

He let his mind swim through all the problems he’d run into so far.  He was astounded that he hadn’t noticed the difference in locations between his first and second visit.  Above everything, he couldn’t believe he never accounted for a two-way-portal.  The genius relaxed his body and placed the device gently on the table, a wave of calm falling over him.  The ding of the elevator only assisted in bringing that calm.

Juliet re-entered the lab with a smile on her face, confident that the satellite was the problem, and that everything would be fine in the end.  She giggled, “Things could get worse, Arty!

“Sarcasm is surprisingly fitting for you, Juliet.  I’m more concerned for Fluttershy than I am myself or your brother, however.”  He opened a drawer on the counter and pulled out several unusual tools, laying them on the table beside the device.

The pony mumbled, “Why is that?”

Artemis began to fiddle with the device using the strange tools.  He chuckled, “Butler is a very versatile man, my dear.  He’ll be fine in almost any situation.  You, however, seem to be fickle.  I’m afraid that almost anything in our world will do you harm.”  He continued to mess with his somewhat-functional machine, much to the two girls’ amusement.

Juliet sat down against the far wall, Fluttershy joining her.  The human asked, “So what are you doing, Arty?”

Stopping temporarily to answer her question in full, Artemis held the device in her direction.  He groaned, “I’m attempting to fix a disturbing flaw with the device’s portal generation.  Considering no portal will open for a while, I see this as the perfect time to do maintenance.”

He immediately resumed work, while his companions shared small talk for the remainder of the time he did so.  It felt as if an eternity had passed when the genius finally dropped his tools on the table haphazardly, adopting a wide grin of success.  Though he wasn’t certain he had actually accomplished his goal, he had done everything he could think of.  Success or fail, he’d done what he could.

Noticing his sudden shift from determined to happy, Juliet cheered, “Did you do it?”

“Possibly.” Artemis replied bluntly.  “All I did was twist a few…”  His voice trailed off in mid-sentence.

A peculiar whirring sound rang out in the lab.  The three residents searched around in a confused manner, the pony adopting an expression of pure fear.  Artemis turned to grab his device, wanting it on his person in case of a necessary emergency evacuation.  As his hand met the device, the sound of a loud explosion filled the room and deafened the trio.

Golden light erupted from his hand and swallowed the group.  Suddenly, a force began dragging them down as the light shifted to the other world.  All of the organic residents of the room, excluding the lab rat in the far corner, were suddenly jerked out of stationary position.  As the light faded, the three found themselves high up in the sky, the creatures on the ground just small specks in their vision.

Juliet and Fluttershy immediately let out shrieks of fright, while Artemis simply stared at the impending death below him.  As he fell, he began to consider the physics of the world, and how the impact might not actually kill them.  In fact, he noticed a cart of carrots waiting to cushion their fall.  He chuckled internally as he decided the g-forces were making him temporarily insane.

Taking a hard gulp, Fluttershy stopped screaming, clenched her hooves, and threw open her wings, the air resistance almost stopping her fall entirely.  She leaned forward into a somewhat-nosedive and grabbed Juliet’s collar with one hoof.  The genius grimaced as he realized that even that force should’ve snapped his employee’s neck.  He watched as the pony dove in his direction, attempting to catch him.

The boy closed his eyes in anticipation of the inevitable pain that would follow his contact with the pony.  To his amazement, he landed considerably softly on the Pegasus’s back.  His comfort was short lived as the pony lost her balance, her wings buckling under the forces acting upon them.  Roughly twenty feet off of the ground, the three continued their plummet to the ground.

They resumed their initial reactions, except Artemis joined his cries of fear in with his companions’.  In almost the blink of an eye, they destroyed the cart of carrots and audibly collided with the solid ground.  A series of shocked gasps and screams followed their collision.

Greetings...from Planet Dementia

Several minutes passed as the ponies gathered around the crater.  Concerned gasps continued to erupt from their mouths periodically, while Butler slowly approached the impact site with a severe sense of dread growing in his gut.  The large brute made it to the edge of the pit just in time for a large chunk of the ground to give way, nearly causing him to slide in and join its residents at the bottom.

A loud, annoyed groan roared from the crater as a single hand gripped a section of solid ground.  Its owner began to pull himself from the hole; fatigue obvious by the arm’s trembling.  Butler lunged downward and gripped the hand, immediately assisting in the boy’s climb from the pit.  A mix of relief and confusion simultaneously flooded the bodyguard’s mind as he assisted his charge in regain his footing.

A large group of the ponies cheered, excited to see that at least one victim had survived.  The survivor, however, was not as happy about it.  He shook his head vigorously and slapped himself multiple times, eventually deciding that he wasn’t dreaming this bizarre series of events.  He sighed, “I simply can’t catch a break today, old friend…”

Butler chuckled, “What do you mean, Artemis?  You’re alive, aren’t you?”  He gently slapped a large hand on his friend’s back, grinning happily that his employer was still breathing.

The genius groaned, “That’s the problem…”  He turned back toward the crater and addressed the purple unicorn on the edge of it, “I highly doubt your friend survived the impact, though considering I’m still living, it is possible.  As for Juliet, she’s too stubborn to be killed by such a trivial fate.”

“Juliet?” his companion asked bluntly.  “She came back with you?!”  His eyes adopted the shine of a deathly-concerned sibling.

A feminine voice coughed from the edge of the impact site, “It wasn’t on purpose, bro…  It just kinda…happened.”  Juliet’s hair shined a comforting golden color in the midday sun of the foreign world.  Butler’s mind was set at ease by her appearance from the hole.

Twilight addressed Artemis, “You said something about our friend?  You mean Fluttershy, right?”  She had a look of concern on her face, a common characteristic nowadays.

“Of course.  She’s the whole reason I returned, was she not?”  Artemis dusted his ruined jacket off as he slowly recovered from the impact’s effects.  He scowled as his eyes caught the ripped sleeve, where the bandage remained intact after all the chaos.

His bodyguard’s eyes caught the bandage as well.  Without missing a beat, the brute mumbled, “What is the bandage for; have you been injured?”  He leaned down to examine the wrappings more intensely.

The boy scoffed, “It’s nothing worth concern.  Miss Fluttershy and I had a slight confrontation in the manor earlier today, resulting in a kitchen knife accidentally grazing my arm.  It was all in unfortunate placement of utensils.”  He took a quick glance back down at the bandage.  Something about it seemed off to him, but he couldn’t quite grip the cause of unease.

A quiet voice squeaked from the hole as a few bits of rubble shifted under the source’s weight, “Are you okay, Juliet?”  The yellow Pegasus was met with loud cheer by her friends and fellow ponies.  The three humans let out relieved sighs at seeing her healthy while Twilight greeted her with a tight hug.

Artemis, whose eyes were still glued to his bandage, chuckled, “I must thank you Miss Fluttershy for your assistance in keeping Juliet and me alive.”

The pony grinned sheepishly and mumbled, “No problem…”  She followed the boy’s eyes to the bandage, immediately recalling the knife she had inadvertently stabbed him with.  She darted to his side and asked, “Is your arm all better now?”  The gathering ponies were taken aback by their friend’s lack of concern for her own health.

The boy cocked an eyebrow and groaned, “I’m not certain.  Why do you ask?”

“Well, there’s no blood on the bandage, and it was a deep cut…”  Fluttershy gently poked the general area of the wound with the tip of her hoof.

Artemis, feeling no pain, suddenly realized that she was right.  The knife pierced deep enough that it immediately drew blood, and the wrappings had been soaked a few hours prior.  On top of that, he felt no pain from the irritation of the wounded area.  He hastily unwrapped the medical binding, wondering just why there were no signs of a wound.

Both he and the concerned Pegasus let out confused grunts once the dressing had been removed.  Right where Fluttershy’s hoof had touched—where the knife had unmistakably pierced the flesh—was nothing but smooth skin.  There were no gashes or scars.  Not even a single drop of blood, dried or fresh, rested near where the wound once was.

Fluttershy cheered, “Well, it’s good to see you healed up so quickly!”  It became painfully obvious to Butler at that moment that what Twilight had told him before was absolutely true.  Even though Artemis had practically kidnapped her, she still only concerned herself with the wound she had accidentally inflicted.  The large brute shook his head in silence.

Juliet smiled warmly at the sensitive nature of the yellow pony.  Artemis remained completely dumbfounded, his eyes locked on the missing incision.  His mind began to stir as everything he’d been through suddenly exploded in his brain.

After a few seconds of silence, Twilight cheered, “Well, it’s good to know everyone’s still alive!  That impact looked painful; are you sure you’re okay Fluttershy?”  The purple unicorn cocked her head to the side, remembering how Rainbow Dash had been injured easily from a moderately short fall.

“Of course!” the shy pony giggled.  She glanced toward Juliet and whispered, “She’s a really nice person, Twilight.  I think she saved me earlier this morning.”

The subject of the discreet exchange perked up, catching a small bit of what the pony said.  She giggled, “I do what I can to keep these two guys in check!”  She waved a teasing hand toward her brother, who was still pondering the kindness of the world’s residents.

The brute groaned, “She likes to think she can stop us, but when the young master sets his mind on something, I fear that’s impossible.”  Butler turned his attention to his charge, which was still locked in place by thought.

His sister continued, “They wouldn’t make it far without me by their side!  I’m Juliet, by the way.”  She reached out toward Twilight, feeling like it was only the polite thing to do, despite their lack of actual hands.

The unicorn happily gripped the human’s hand with the cleft of her hoof, a sensation that the former found to be both uncomfortable and surreal.  The latter giggled, “I’m Twilight Sparkle, and it’s a pleasure to meet you Juliet!”

As soon as the exchange was finished, the youngest of the humans burst out with an angry grunt.  He immediately caught the attention of everyone in the area, especially startling his bodyguard out of concern and the shy pony out of surprise.  His face flushed a bright red as his eyes shined with a certain sign of intense frustration.

Artemis roared, “Nothing about this makes even the tiniest sliver of sense!  Everything in this damn world is broken and backwards!”  He thrashed an arm around, beginning a brisk pace to and fro.  Fluttershy began to back up slowly, merging with the crowd inconspicuously.

Juliet reached out for the boy and sighed, “Calm down, Arty!”

“Don’t tell me to calm down!” he rebutted.  “I was fine when I opened a door between the worlds.  I was fine when a flying horse came back to our world.  I was fine when I learned that the device was a two-way gate.  But this—this is just inane garbage!”  He pointed his dominant hand at the missing wound.

Butler groaned, “This world is filled with magic, Artemis.  Perhaps that energy healed your wound when we first arrived…”

The angry genius roared, “No, no, no!  I don’t care what kind of ‘magic’ this world has, physics are laws!  The way you swatted aside that blue pest was simply impossible, and surviving that fall was even more so.  On top of all that, I am a human; I possess no magic!  There’s no way that some random energy would heal me without attracting my attention!”  He stopped pacing and stood stock-still in front of Twilight.

The somewhat-uneasy unicorn stammered, “W-well, it is possible for some loose magic to find you while you’re here.  I don’t see why it can’t, anyway.”  She smiled sheepishly at the still-raging human.

Artemis stomped a foot and groaned, “Fine, your silly magic healed me.  But how do you explain all of the science behind her ability to fly and that apparently non-lethal fall?”  He crossed his arms and focused intensely on the frightened pony.

Twilight tried to think of something to say.  She finally choked out, “I guess magic would answer all of—”

“Magic can’t be the answer to everything!  What kind of world are you imbeciles living in?!  There has to be some way to logically explain all of this rubbish!  Nothing about ‘magic’ makes and sense!  I can’t believe that you—!”  The angry genius suddenly fell silent, his breathing suddenly stopping along with his movement.

The boy fell limp on the ground, everyone in the crowd surrounding him.  Both Butler and Juliet attempted to lift him to his feet, all the while shouting something inaudible to him.  Everything around him fell silent.  He heard a faint breeze blow around him, though he noted that there were no leaves in the vicinity rustling.  Following the breeze, and just as faint, a voice called out to him.  It sounded slightly demented, almost cynical.

"You want to make sense of things?  Aw, but what fun is there in making sense?"

In an instant, Artemis regained his sense of hearing, and could tell almost immediately that Butler was panicked beyond his wits.  When the boy shifted his eyes to look at the bodyguard, he noticed that there was a small pool of blood right by where his head lay.  The sight of the crimson liquid in such a large quantity sent the genius’s mind spinning.  His vision started to fade, and the sounds around him fell mute once more.

He muttered something he couldn’t hear to his human companions as his vision faded.  The cynical voice’s words continued to echo as he faded from consciousness.

Recovering Ambitions

“I’m sorry sir, but you can’t go in there.”

“Excuse me?  I am the young master’s bodyguard, and I don’t intend to leave him in there alone.”

“If your friend is sick, we don’t need him spreading his illness.  I can’t let you in.”

“If he’s sick, he needs proper human medical attention.  We need to return to our world immediately.”

“Just calm down, bro.  There’s no sense in getting upset.”

“Your companion is right.  Now if you would please step away from the door, I have a few more tests to run.”

Artemis listened in at the exchange between his friend and the annoyed nurse right outside his door.  He looked all around, noting the similarities between pony and human medical equipment.  His senses slowly returned to him over the few minutes that the opposing parties were conversing, hearing being the first to recover fully.

The young genius examined himself thoroughly, testing all of his limbs for mobility.  He tried to remember how he ended up in the uncomfortably-small hospital bed, but nothing prior to repairing his device came to mind.  He noticed that the weight of the device was missing, but he deemed it a necessary part of any medical procedure, and that it would be returned to him upon discharge from the facility.

He heard a loud thump outside the room, followed by a pained groan from his bodyguard.  The door flew open; a white blur entered the room and immediately sealed the door behind it.  The nurse that had somehow evaded the large brute of a human was startled to see her patient conscious when she entered.

She sighed, “Good to see you’re finally awake.  I’m sure your friend will be glad to hear it too.”  She quickly walked up to a large medical machine and examined the readings on it.  Occasionally she turned her attention to the patient, as if his presence didn’t make a difference.

After a few minutes of silence, Artemis was beginning to get impatient.  He scoffed, “You’re a nurse, aren’t you?  Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”  He crossed his arms in indignant annoyance.

The nurse mumbled, “I’ve been dealing with that brute of yours since you got here.  I don’t know what’s wrong because I can’t run my tests!”  Her eyes exploded with anger at the thought of the large human outside.

“He has a point, you know.  If I am sick, I need to be examined by professionals experienced with the human anatomy.  As far as I’m concerned, this is the equivalent of seeing a veterinarian for a human illness…”  Artemis looked back down at his arm where the device once lay.

The nurse, noticing his expression, sighed, “Your friends are holding all of your belongings.”  She paused for a moment before adding, “My name is Nurse Redheart, in case you cared.”

Finally, a name.  Artemis smirked at the identification of the nurse.  He chuckled, “How did a creature of your stature manage to subdue Butler long enough to get in here?”

“It was simple.  His sister was more than happy to remove him from the building for me.”  She smiled at the thought of the previous encounter’s conclusion.  “Now that you’re awake, would you like to tell me anything about what happened to you in the plaza?”

Artemis adopted a blank expression.  He had no idea what she was talking about.  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, “I’m afraid I remember nothing.  I went back to my world to retrieve Fluttershy, and I made some changes to my device.  After that, my memory’s blank…”  He sat back in his bed and closed his eyes, trying to conjure up any scrap of memory from his time incapacitated.

“You don’t recall anything?  Do you remember coming back to town with Fluttershy?”  Nurse Redheart adjusted the bed with a small remote to make the genius more comfortable.

He shook his head and groaned, “Nothing whatsoever.  Except…”  A slight thought was nagging at the back of his mind as he tried to bring back his memories of the last few hours.  “…there was a voice.  I heard a voice, and everything went black.”

The nurse raised an eyebrow and asked, “What kind of voice?  Was it somepony in the crowd?”  She took a small machine off of a shelf and began to wrap it around her patient’s arm.

Artemis tried to relax as she started to take his blood pressure.  He was amazed by this world’s level of technology and medicine, despite its superficial medieval look.  He sighed, “No.  It didn’t sound like a pony.  Nor did it sound like a human.  It sounded crazy and excited, almost as if it were happy to be speaking to me…”  The boy considered how insane his description must have sounded to the pony.

Nurse Redheart considered this for a few seconds before remarking, “Your blood-pressure is fine, and so is your temperature.  You don’t seem to be sick at all…”

“You think I may have simply blacked out?”  The boy had an indignant tone, as if insulted by the idea.

His nurse shrugged her shoulders and scoffed, “It’s possible, Artemis.  As far as I can see, you’re perfectly healthy.  You could just be reacting to being in a ‘different world’.”  She made air quotations with her hooves, as if mocking the humans’ explanation of the device and Earth.  Something about her attitude annoyed the genius.

Artemis groaned, “So am I free to go?  Or do you wish to run any more useless tests on me?”

“You can leave anytime you want.  I would suggest taking things easy, just in case.”  She waved a hoof and left the room hurriedly.

Artemis began to collect his possessions that were left in the room.  He was just beginning to place his shoes on when both of his employees came darting into the room.  They let out relieved sighs at seeing their friend conscious.

Butler was the first to ask, “Are you feeling well, Artemis?”  The brute began digging in his pockets for the single most important item they had carried into the world.

The genius sighed, “As well as should be expected.  Care to explain exactly how I managed to end up back in this world?”  He was met with disbelieving and confused expressions.

Juliet scoffed, “You gotta be joking, Arty.  We nearly got killed on our way back in.”  The thought of the crash sent a twinge of pain up her spine.

“Did we?  I’m afraid I can’t recall.”  The boy placed a hand to his chin in thought, but soon decided he absolutely had no clue what she was talking about.

The large bodyguard began to explain the whole story to his charge, the parts he was absent for being filled in by Juliet.  He explained of the crash, the reunion, the sudden burst of rage, and finally the unresponsive black out.  The boy listened closely, hoping that some of the story would jog his memory.  After the tale was finished, he let out a disappointed sigh.

“That’s that, I suppose.  I’ll take your word for it all.  However, I believe we ought to return to our world.  I think I might need to rest before I attempt to establish any sort of diplomatic relationship with this world.”  Artemis got off of his bed and retrieved his device from Butler.  Retying his tie properly, the boy headed for the door to the room.

Juliet butted in, “Before we go back home, Twilight wanted to talk to you.”

The genius cocked an eyebrow in curiosity.  “I suppose we can spare the time, can’t we?  After all, she seems to be the intellectual of the residents.  Considering how much I wish to know about this world, she should be the pony to start with…”  Just from their simple exchange earlier in the day, Twilight Sparkle had come off as a very smart creature to the boy.

With that final statement, the trio was off.  They left the hospital to find the sun beginning to set on the horizon, bringing to mind just how long the day had been to them.  Especially to Artemis, who found himself tired and fatigued.  Despite the weariness in each of the humans, they still managed to find awe in the beauty of this strange world’s sunset.  It was a thing of Renaissance artwork quality, if not better.

Juliet guided her companions to a large building carved out of the center of an even larger tree.  She explained that the tree was where Twilight made her home, and that this is where she wanted to speak.  To Artemis it was understandable.  In the security and privacy of one’s home, anything can be discussed and kept to those directly involved.  The genius managed to give himself a reassuring smirk, certain that he had been right about the purple unicorn.

Before even entering the building, the boy assessed its foundations.  Based solely upon the outside appearance, he assumed it was an artificial tree-based design.  If Twilight’s home was truly carved from the center of the tree, it would only take mere months to rot and shrivel, and yet its leaves were a very bright shade of green, with bark of a natural brown sheen.  No, a tree like this would be impossible to hollow out without destroying the outer shell.

Then again, his logic had been proven wrong multiple times during the course of the day, so he didn’t immediately cast out that possibility of this world’s logic being just as flawed on this account.

He approached the door and knocked very lightly, to which the door responded by swinging wide open.  The doorknob became enveloped in a purple glow, as if some gel had been smothered over it.  On the far end of the room, Twilight stood facing a shelf of books, her horn alight with the same glow as the doorknob.

She lifted her head from a book and cheered, “Come on in, Artemis!”  As soon as the three humans were in, the door swung closed again, and the unicorn’s horn lost its glow with the knob.

Magic.  Plain and simple.  Artemis realized all too suddenly that the Nordic texts hadn’t been lying about this place being composed of magic.  With a firsthand witness of the essence’s practical power, most everything made sense to him in the instant.  Magic allowed for the Pegasi’s wings to lift their weight; magic allowed for the ponies’ ability to speak; and magic allowed for his survival of the supposed drop from the sky.

Artemis muttered, “This is…unbelievable…”

Twilight put her book back in its place on the shelf and sighed, “Good to see you’re okay.  You gave us all a scare back there.”  She trotted over to a small table in the center of the room and took a seat, waving for the humans to join her.

Butler, not wanting to break anything, simply sat on the ground beside his charge.  He said, “This is a fine collection of literature you have, Ms. Sparkle.”

“Thank you!  It’s mostly historical texts and research reports, but there are a few stray fantasy novels here and there.”  Her horn lit up once more, and a book went flying from the shelf into her hooves.  She smiled sheepishly as she showed the brute the cover of the tome.  An Abridged History of Equestria.

Artemis found it funny, considering how thick the ‘abridged’ book was.  He chuckled, “Historical texts, you say?  Sounds intriguing.  Would you mind my borrowing a few for research?”  He let a smirk grace his features, attempting to look innocent for the pony.

Twilight cheered, “Of course not!  I’m always glad to see a curious mind.  As you can probably guess, they don’t come around too often.”

“Yes, based on the few ponies I’ve met, none of them seem quite…intellectually advanced…as you or I.  I suppose we all have our interests, though.”  What he didn’t tell her was that his interests involved manipulating all of ponykind to regain his family’s lost fortune.  But that was a fact to be discussed at a later date.  For now, he needed to be diplomatic and stealthy in his approach.

Juliet scoffed, “Oh yeah, because three out of a million is such an accurate statistic.”

Her brother couldn’t hold back a chuckle, “At any rate, these books will help teach us about the Equestrian culture.”  He plucked the book from the air, Twilight releasing her magical grip on it.

Artemis sighed, “Yes, among other things…”  He bowed his head for a moment before returning his attention toward the unicorn across from him.  He chuckled, “I would love to stay and chat, Twilight, but I’m still fairly weak from the events of earlier.  Perhaps we can do a little Q&A at a later time?”

Twilight looked slightly disappointed at this.  She moaned, “I suppose so.  How about tomorrow?”

The three humans exchanged expressions of debate and concern.  After a moment of silence, Artemis laughed, “It’s a date then, dear Twilight.  I will return to this world in the morning, and we can talk extensively at that time.”  He immediately jumped up from his seat, wasting no time in leaving.

Before either party present could object, the genius was out the door with the book, having taken it from Butler on his way out.  The two older humans said their farewells and hurried out of the library to catch up to their employer.  The latter of the three had made quick progress toward the outskirts of town, away from any unsuspecting ponies that would be caught in the crossfire of the device.

Juliet objected, “You shouldn’t have just left like that!  That’s so rude Arty!”  Her annoyance was obvious in her eyes and tone.

Butler simply groaned, “What exactly do you hope to find in that tome?  Do you expect there to be a secret passage of the nature of this ‘magic’ the ponies use?”

As Artemis lifted his arm in the air to activate the device, he began a light laugh.  The golden light surrounded them in an instant.  It was much less violent than the last time it had swallowed them.  The boy simply locked his eyes to the bodyguard’s.  With a laugh, the trio vanished from Equestria.

“All in due time, old friend.  All in due time…”

Alterations

The trio was met by the comfort of Fowl Manor.  Almost like magic, the day’s exhaustion hit the humans at full force, nearly knocking them out right there in the laboratory.  They each proceeded to their rooms, ready to rest and shake away the unfortunate circumstances of their arrival in the alternate world.

And so they did.  With the exception of Angeline Fowl, the residents of the manor slept like logs, almost without any worries whatsoever.  Artemis was comforted by his possession of a book that would reveal to him all he wished to know about the world.  Butler seemed at peace knowing his charge was on the road to meeting his goal.  Juliet, having shared the fall from a fatal height, was simply too exhausted to resist sleep.

But the morning arrived quickly, and the humans were up and continuing with their routines before the sun has fully risen.  Angeline required her servant’s assistance in continuing her comfort.  As such, Juliet was given her usual task of making breakfast for the residents of the abode.

The indifferent chef was preparing a tray of the day’s sustenance to deliver to the head of the house when her employer stumbled into the kitchen in a hurry.

Juliet greeted Artemis with a simple, “Good morning Arty!”

“A good morning it shall be, Juliet.”  The boy responded bluntly, filling a small bowl with the contents of the breakfast dishes.

Juliet placed Angeline’s tray on a counter and asked, “What do you mean by that?  Are you planning something crazy?”  She placed her hands on her hips in a mock-scolding style.

The genius pulled a small fork from a drawer beside the stove and chuckled, “I intend on making progress with the other world today.  Between the book I’ve been lent and the interrogation later on, I should learn quite a bit about how to begin building my fortune.”  He had a smug, sly glint in his eye, which unsettled the chef.

She groaned, “Just what are you planning, Artemis?”

“I won’t be certain until my meeting with Ms. Sparkle.  After the questions have been asked, I should be able to devise a flexible course of action.  Of course, I doubt if you would want any part of that.”  His lips curled into a devious smile as he carried his bowl from the kitchen.

Juliet scoffed, “Aren’t you gonna eat at the table like a civilized psychopath?”  She picked up Angeline’s tray again, and started her way out of the kitchen.

Artemis laughed, “I have research to do, Juliet.  I’ll be in the lab if you find it necessary to contact me.”  He stopped by the elevator door and took a bite out of the scrambled eggs he had scooped into the bowl.

Without replying, Juliet carried the tray right up the stairs to its intended recipient.  Upon seeing the contents of the tray, Angeline scoffed, “You call this a meal?  Honestly, you would think a chef could actually cook.”  She turned her head away from the tray and crossed her arms.

The chef couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Artemis’s mother and a little child.  Trying to be kind, she sighed, “Mrs. Fowl, you must eat something.  It might not be the best, but it’s better than nothing, right?”

Almost as if she’d just noticed the guest in the room, Angeline cheered, “Oh Juliet, it’s good to see you!  How’ve you and your brother been lately?”  The target of the question winced in pain from the sudden shift of attitude.

Ever since hearing of Artemis I’s supposed death in the Kola Bay, Angeline had descended into insanity.  Depression, schizophrenia, hallucinations, and bi-polarity were just a few of the side-effects her husband’s death brought to her.  She was completely incapable of extended rational thought, and her mind shifted very dangerously in its thought processes.  She had developed a strong hatred of light, and very often turned hostile when Juliet entered the scene.

This being the case, the trigger of hostility took a small bow and said, “We’re fine, Mrs. Fowl.  Enjoy your breakfast.”  She turned to leave before her companion’s attitude shifted again.

As she approached the door, Angeline interjected, “How’s my little Arty doing?”

Juliet’s first thought was that the question was a time-bomb waiting to explode…

…

Butler awoke at the sound of his sister’s rapping on the door to Angeline’s chambers.  He was wide awake in an instant, certain that it would only be a matter of time before Artemis would require his service in the other world.  He wasted no time in getting dressed in his signature suit, taking time to equip his weapons as he did so.  Once everything was in order, the bodyguard decided he would fix something to act as a basic form of sustenance.

He hurried down the stairs and entered the kitchen, entirely prepared to begin cooking breakfast for the residents of the manor.  He noticed, to his delight, that his sister had beaten him to it.  Without a second’s hesitation, he scooped up the contents of each dish onto a plate and sat at the counter in the center of the room, happy that he hadn’t been the unfortunate soul to cook.

Just as he downed the final bits of his food, Juliet stomped into the kitchen, apparently upset by something.  She mumbled, “This is insane.  How can you put up with that woman?”

Butler downed a glass of orange juice before answering, “I don’t know what you mean.  Her condition isn’t that bad, is it?”  His sister’s glare told him otherwise.

“She’s horrible!  Her attitude changes every minute.  One second she’s insulting the cooking, and then she’s all kind and loving!”  Juliet angrily piled a plate with the remaining food, taking a seat by her brother.

Butler sighed, “You can’t blame her, can you?  The loss of a loved one can have devastating consequences.”  He glanced at a clock hanging on the wall, noting the exact time down to the second.

His sister groaned, “Do you think there’s a chance he’s still alive?”

“None at all.” he replied.  “It’s a shame that the young master believes there is a chance of rescue.”

“That’s what all this is for, isn’t it?  Everything he’s trying to do to get the family fortune back…”

“It’s all for a fruitless expedition into the Arctic to find his father.”

“Sad, isn’t it?”

“Very.  But who are we to stop him from having hope.”

“But do you really think he cares?  About Mr. Fowl, I mean.”

Butler poured another glass of orange juice and sighed, “Who knows?  We can only be certain that he has faith in this other world to get his fortune.”  He downed the glass again, a look of worry filling his features.

Juliet took a large bite from a biscuit before asking, “How far do you think he’ll go?  We can’t let him hurt the ponies.”

“We’re talking about the same young master, right?  I doubt we can stop him, whatever he decides.”  The brute dropped his dishes onto the counter and headed toward the door.  He groaned, “All we can do is wait and watch.”

“Right.  Try not to let him go too crazy while you’re over there.”

“No promises, Juliet.”

…

It was a nice, cool morning in the town of Ponyville.  The sun was still below the horizon, leaving a nice shade of pink in the sky.  Twilight Sparkle was sound asleep in her library-home, enjoying the dreams of a young magic enthusiast and the idea of meeting people from an entirely new world.  She dreamed about what amazing advances could be made with the knowledge the humans could provide.  She also dreamed of how nice it would be to open some sort of relationship between the worlds.

Her dreams were cut short by a loud explosion just outside of the tree-based home.  In a terrifying panic, the unicorn leapt from the bed and darted outside to find the source of the disturbance.  In the darkness of the late-night, early-morning sun, she had trouble finding any disturbance in the vicinity.

Using her magic to illuminate the area better, she found a round metallic object about a yard away from her door.  Sleepiness impairing her sense of caution, she reached a hoof out to examine the object.  Wrapped around the foreign entity was a bright yellow sheet of paper.  Her curiosity caused her to immediately rip the parchment away and read whatever was scrawled across it.

“If you receive this, attach a reply.  Be quick, you have five minutes.

Signed, Artemis”

Twilight immediately hurried up the stairs inside to retrieve a small piece of paper and her quill pen, hastily etching a small message into its boundaries.  She wrapped the parchment around the object just as she had found it, keeping her received message in her hoof.  She stood a decent distance away from the device, waiting for the five minute timer to tick out.  After just a minute of waiting idly, a bright flash of golden light blinded her.

Once the light faded and her eyesight returned, she was excited to see that the device had completely disappeared.  Her heart began to race at the thought of such advanced technology, and was determined to ask its owner how it worked.

A voice called to her lazily from upstairs, “Keep it down Twi!  …trying to sleep…”

She whispered back, “Sorry Spike…”  She lightly stepped over to the far bookshelf and began to search the spines of each book.  Her eyes were filled with unquenchable thirst of knowledge.

…

Artemis turned toward the elevator as its doors slid open.  As they parted, Butler began to stomp toward his charge, a serious look plastered on his face.  The boy continued to eat at his eggs while the bodyguard approached.  Just as the latter reached the former, a blast of golden light blinded them both.  Artemis immediately placed his bowl down and left his chair, heading toward the obvious source of the light.

After several seconds of lasting light, the pair regained their sight.  In his right hand Artemis held the device.  In his left rested the paper that had previously been wrapped around it.  Before Butler could say anything, the genius began to read the scribble on the sheet.

“Delivered without a problem.  See you after a while!

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle”

The brute simply raised an eyebrow and asked, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Artemis chuckled, “I’ve fixed a very critical problem with my device.”

“What problem would that be?”  The bodyguard’s voice was filled with genuine curiosity.  He noticed several issues with the device, but Artemis had seemed to focus on a single one.

The boy smiled and began, “The device has been sporadic with the locations in which it connects to Equestria.  Upon the initial successful test, the rat arrived in the woods outside of Fluttershy’s home.  When I first arrived, I ended up inside her house's kitchen.  When we travelled together to the other world, we appeared in the town plaza.  According to stories, the next entrance was made high in the sky above the plaza.

“To remedy this problem, I’ve programmed a very specific set of graphs and coordinates into the device, pinpointing exactly where I wish it to take us when we return.  Based on the message it returned with, my intended recipient did, in fact, find it like I planned.”

Butler listened intently to his charge’s explanation of the solution.  He then inquired, “Where did you program the device to enter the world?”

Artemis chuckled, “Just outside of Twilight’s home.  If the library sees very little action, then the building proper is the most sensible option.”  He took another bite of scrambled eggs and grinned slyly.

“When will we be returning to the other world?”

“Who is this ‘we’ you speak of?  Twilight asked to speak with me, and that is who she shall see.  You shall remain here to ensure no stray creatures get caught in the crossfire.”  Artemis used hand signals to compliment his words, stressing the importance of his going solo.

Butler shook his head and groaned, “I’m afraid I cannot do that, Artemis.  I can’t allow you to return alone with all the risk the device allows for.”

Artemis scoffed, “Sorry, old friend.  You will not be going across this time.  I don’t think brute force will be necessary for me to manipulate the unicorn into telling me what I wish to know.  Your presence may intimidate her into keeping a few more secrets than I’m willing to miss out on.  I can’t risk that sort of inconvenience.”  The boy noticed a slight shift in Butler’s demeanor, but chose to ignore it for the purpose of stressing his point.

The bodyguard sighed, “It seems you can’t be enticed to change your mind.  I’ll leave you be, then.”  He turned back toward the elevator, ready to leave.  “Inform me when you’re ready to leave, and I’ll return to the security room to monitor the lab.”

“Thank you, Butler.  I trust you understand my reasoning behind going alone.”

“Of course, Artemis.  Some things must be handled mano-a-mano.”

With a slight bow, the brute exited the room through the elevator.  Artemis let out a deep sigh, slightly bothered by his use of an angry tone to the one man who attempted to humor his plights.  Taking one final bite of food from his bowl, he put his rubber gloves back on and re-equipped both his watch and device.  Taking a deep breath, the genius pushed the button and hoped his calculations had been correct.

With a bright flash, the boy left Earth for a fourth time.

Question for Question, Answer for Answer

Artemis Fowl II was a devious and scheming boy.  He’d barely been in contact with the pony world for twenty-four hours when his mind started to churn out ideas and formulate courses of action to follow.  In the short time he’d been removed from his world in the current session alone, he’d learned essentially everything he needed in order to earn back his family’s lost wealth and acquire a little extra gift in the process.  All he needed to do now was figure out how to put his knowledge to practical use.

However, those burdens could wait until he actually met with the immortal ruler of the land of ponies.  Until then, he had no reason to fret over action, as no amount of it would benefit him to his knowledge.

So instead, he listened to Twilight Sparkle go into detail about the contents of each individual book on the pile, some of which actually appealing to the young genius.  For each of these cases, the eager unicorn placed the tome in question aside for later viewing.  By the time the entire pile had been scanned, four or five large books rested neatly on the small table to the side of the room.

Once the remaining books were sorted correctly onto the bookshelf, the host of the humble abode hurried upstairs and returned within moments, carrying several blank scrolls and vials of ink for a quill pen that was held firmly in her teeth.  The young genius found himself amused by the unicorn’s consideration for efficiency.  The two individuals sat opposite one another at a small round table in the center of the room.  The more eager of the two was obviously the host, while the guest had a look of utter boredom plastered on his face.

Twilight didn’t even attempt to hide her excitement as she asked, “Before we begin, would you like something to drink, or maybe something to snack on while we’re talking?”  Her eyes almost seemed to overflow with eagerness.

Artemis began to wave a dismissive hand at the question, before realizing he might be doing an extraordinarily large amount of talking.  Taking a light breath he sighed, “Do you have any tea?”  He shifted slightly as if he felt dumb for asking.

“Sure do!  One thing you can count on with Equestria is our wide range of herbs and spices.  What kind were you hoping for?”  The unicorn swiftly trotted into a small room beside the main lobby, which served as her kitchen.  Opening a small cupboard, she said, “I have black, green, white, yellow, earl grey, oolong, jasmine, spearmint, peppermint, and lemon tea.”

It took the boy a few moments to register just what he’d heard.  After a second of processing his host’s string of words, he sighed, “Peppermint if you would.”

“Right away!” the pony cheered back, immediately starting to brew the herb.

Artemis sat in semi-silence for several moments as Twilight made up the tea.  He considered the possibility of the questions he would soon be asked getting personal, and promptly developed a reasonable response to each of them.  At the same time, he also considered the few questions he wouldn’t be at liberty to discuss, and eventually got caught on one particular query he couldn’t seem to work his way around.  Of course, the odds of his pony inquisitor asking that one question were trivial at best.

Just as the genius finished his musings, his host returned to the table with two cups of peppermint tea, fresh off of the stove and still steaming.  She cheered, “You might want to let it cool for a bit.”  She placed hers aside and picked up her quill, ready to begin the questioning.

“Duly noted…” the boy remarked as he took a small sip, the liquid quickly scalding his tongue.  Wincing slightly as he placed the cup aside, he adjusted his position in the chair to achieve a higher level of comfort.

“Where do I even begin?  It’s not like creatures from other worlds show up every day…”  It was obvious to Artemis that his host hadn’t really given thought to what she wanted to ask.

“It would be quite a unique experience, questioning an intelligent being from another world.”  He didn’t mind her hesitation, as it gave him more time to think.

After a few moments, Twilight’s face lit up with excitement and she gasped, “How long do humans live?”  She quickly dipped her quill pen in a vial of ink and held it over the parchment.

The boy found himself wondering where such a question had come from.  With a grin he started, “That’s not an easy question to answer, Ms. Twilight.  Really, there are too many variables to give a definite age.  However, the average age for a healthy human is within the range of eighty-five and ninety-five years.”  He took another sip of his tea, feeling relieved to know what kind of questions his host would be asking.

Twilight’s jaw dropped.  She muttered, “That’s a long time…  So you humans can get really old…”

Artemis cocked an eyebrow in curiosity and asked, “How long is a pony’s life?”

“With the exception of alicorns, most ponies don’t live more than thirty or forty years…”  Her ears drooped back at the thought of how comparatively little her race lived.

The genius pondered her response for a moment before commenting, “That makes sense, actually.  You have the same life expectancy as most breeds of horses back home.”  He noticed his host’s expression shift from awe to curiosity.

The unicorn quickly jotted down his answer to her previous question before continuing, “You said you have horses back home.  What other kinds of animals are there in your world?”

The trivial nature of the question disappointed the young boy.  He had pegged Twilight to be one of the most intelligent citizens of the new world, and yet she couldn’t seem to conduct even an interesting interview.  He answered indifferently, “We have the average variety of animals.  Dogs, bears, elephants, whales.  None of them are extraordinary and certainly none can speak.”

Jotting down his answer, the unicorn continued, “You know that there are four varieties of ponies.  How many different varieties do humans come in?”

Artemis was lost.  The pony’s mindset shifted from trivial to complex in the blink of an eye.  He failed to see how the two questions linked to one another, but held his tongue against his curiosity.  Shifting his head to the side to consider the enquiry, he sighed, “There is no definite number of human species.  Many researchers argue that there is only one, though there are different branches of that one species.”

It was obvious to the boy that the answer hadn’t clarified anything, but the unicorn continued on with the interview.  She giggled, “How does your day and night system work?”

Ah, a simple question for the boy to answer.  It was one that didn’t require much thought, yet one that wasn’t as trivial as some others she could’ve asked.  As he began to answer, a sudden realization dawned on him.  “One of the many books you discussed earlier stated that your princess controls the celestial bodies.  Is this correct?”

Twilight, a little thrown off by the question, answered, “That’s right.  Princess Celestia is responsible for raising and setting the sun.  Her little sister Luna works with the moon.”  Noticing the boy’s blank stare, she asked, “Is something wrong?”

Magic.  Plain and simple.  The boy dismissed the idea and answered, “Our sun and moon do not ‘rise’ and ‘set’.  Our world sits on a revolutionary axis around the sun, held in place by its gravitational pull.  Earth is tilted 23.4° on its axis, causing certain parts to be closer to the governing star at certain points during the revolution.”  Artemis paused suddenly as he realized that he had been subconsciously drawing a diagram on his host’s piece of parchment.

He would have to scold himself later.  “As our world spins on its axis, certain parts face away from the sun.  This phenomenon is what you call night time.  The part facing the sun experiences day time.”  The boy felt extremely satisfied by his knowledge.  It wasn’t often another person would willingly listen to a child that knew more about science than they did.

Twilight appeared to be fascinated.  Her eyes shined with skeptical curiosity.  “And what about your moon?” she insisted.

Clearing his throat, the genius continued, “Our moon uses the Earth’s gravity to revolve around it, similar to how we revolve around the sun.  While the moon is generally always visible in certain locations, the sunlight overpowers it, and it isn’t visible during the day.  At night, it reflects the sun’s light, causing it to supply an ample amount of light for moonlit tasks.”  He took another sip of tea before leaning back in the small chair.  For once in a long time, he was able to share his wealth of knowledge with another creature other than Butler.

Twilight sighed with a tone of awe, “So rather than your world functioning on magic, there are basic rules that nature follows?  That’s sounds fascinating to study!”  She jotted down a few more notes before rolling the parchment up, taking care not to smear her guest’s diagram.

Artemis, disappointed in the abrupt ending to the meeting, asked, “Is that all you had to ask, Ms. Sparkle?  It seems as if you’d have a bit more to talk about.”  He finished the last few sips of his tea, almost prepared for his enthusiastic guest to pull out an entirely new paper and continue the questioning.

But she didn’t.  Instead, the unicorn simply tucked the parchment into a nook in the bookshelf.  “That’s really all I have time for today.” she giggled.  “I promised a friend I’d meet her for lunch.”

Something pricked Artemis in the back of his mind.  What kind of host makes plans that could interfere with an important meeting?  Oh well, it was her loss.  The genius had all he needed to start his planning for the eventual manipulation of the Equestrian public.  Honestly, the interview couldn’t have ended at a better time.  At the very moment Twilight’s hoof touched the knob on the library’s front door a beeping rang out from the boy’s coat pocket.

It was uncanny, really.  Almost unbelievable.  He was receiving a phone call.  A call across dimensions, it seemed.  Only one person in existence knew the genius’s personal cell number.  As he let the revelations sink in, he answered, “Is something the matter, Butler?”

Crackly though it may have been, the signal was considerably good in the hollowed-out trunk of an otherworldly library.  Butler’s voice broke through the static, “We have a problem in the lab, Artemis.”

“Problem?” the boy cocked an eyebrow in curiosity.  Before entering Equestria this had been a rare show of emotion for the boy, and now it seemed to be a natural occurrence.  “What kind of problem?”

The bodyguard’s voice poured back, “I’m not certain what it is, but it isn’t human.  And it isn’t…” the word caught in the brute’s throat, “…pony.  It seems to be searching for something.  Perhaps it’s a thief.”

Non-human, non-pony thief?  Interesting.  “I’m on my way.  Don’t let the creature out of your sight.”  Artemis started to hang up the call when another thought came to him.  “And monitor Mother’s room.”

“Yes, sir.”

And that was that.  It took the genius all of ten seconds to hang up the phone, nod good-bye to Twilight, and push the button on the inter-dimensional device.  With a more controlled flash of golden light, he was gone again.  This time, he had business to attend to at home before he could concern himself with the pony world any further.

Fairy Complicated Matters

Allow me to digress here for a while.

As I explained earlier on, Artemis Jr. hadn’t always intended on using the world of ponies to reclaim his family’s fortune.  No, his first few attempts had been rooted in much more substantial evidence.  I daresay that his previous plans had been more on the line of hopeful possibility, rather than utter impossibility.

The genius had sought every possible method under the sun to find one of the world’s most valuable resources:  gold.  He figured that, rather than dealing with the hassle of paper currency’s flawed conversion system, he would simply gather money at its raw source, and use it as he saw fit.  Getting the gold would have been the hardest part of any plan he could scrape together.

In his research on gold collecting, the boy stumbled upon a very interesting fact.  Out of all the many cultures in the world, they all had one common link:  fairytales of mystical creatures that could grant wishes or bless the humans that found them.  And if every culture shared these myths in common, why couldn’t it be that they were derived from fact?  That was Artemis’s justification for his research into the many mythological entities he read about in tomes and tales.

Granted, through all his work, he’d never once found a single fairy or leprechaun.  Time after time he’d gotten a lead, only to find it was some hoax by an over-enthusiastic human looking to scrounge up some dough in exchange for ‘miracles’.  After countless failures in locating the mystical beings of lore, the genius decided to give up those particular ambitions.

As you know, he didn’t give up searching altogether; he simply turned his attention away from fairies.  Which he would eventually learn was a big mistake.  Because if he’d persisted only a short time longer, gone just a little further, and followed the one last lead he’d received from a contact of Butler’s, he would have stumbled upon a secret that would change his life forever, and reveal to him a world he’d never have imagined right beneath his own two feet.

But he didn’t.  Rather than meeting the contact in Ho Chi Minh City and discovering the secrets of the fairy people, he turned his attention to even crazier possibilities.  And what would you know; the impossible attempts were the ones that paid off.

Even though he didn’t intend on intentionally influencing their lives, the fairy people continued to carry on deep under the world.  And despite his ignorance of their existence, fate has a way of ensuring certain things will always play out.

Now let’s get back to business, shall we?

…

Commander Root sat hunched over in his chair, head pounding and face flushed a beet red color.  A toxic fungus cigar was pursed between his lips, clouds of smoke streaming from his mouth.  He cradled his head in the palms of his hands, rubbing his temples soothingly.  For the first time in a while, he’d been forced into field duty, to retrieve a troll, no less.  Though the damages were minimal and the humans were mind-wiped, it had been a tough job convincing the Council not to fire his captain on the spot.

Mere hours ago he had led a team of LEPretrieval officers to the scene of a troll attack in the small town of Martina Franca.  By the time they arrived, the troll had already been subdued by LEPrecon Captain Holly Short, who had acted with the purpose of saving the lives of over a dozen humans.  That didn’t stop the Council from wanting her booted from the force.  That had been her second major slip up, all because of her refusal to perform the Ritual.

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself.  Allow me to explain.  Many centuries ago, fairies and humans lived in harmony on the surface.  But after so much time, the humans began to get greedy, and eventually drove the mystical creatures below ground to live in peace.  Deep below the earth’s crust existed an entire world of magical beings.  Fairies, pixies, elves, goblins, and the like all coexisted deep in the tunnels they had crafted to escape the Mud Men, as they were known.

Within this underground haven there was a central law-enforcement agency, devoted to both protecting the People from each other and from the Mud Men.  They did all they could to keep the secrets of the People safe from anyone who would try to abuse them.  And for many centuries, the Lower Elements Police had succeeded.  Though at times they’ve had to use serious magic to maintain the peace, they’ve kept everything in order for long enough.

The People were led by a group of powerful leaders known as the Council.  They made all the final say-sos before any action could be taken in any scenario.  If a time stop needed to be done, the Council had to approve it.  If a troll needed to be hunted, the Council would have to give word to let an LEPretrieval team go to the surface and catch it.  And above the Council’s word rested something of even greater importance:  The Book.

Essentially the fairy Bible, The Book gives a specific set of instructions and rules that all fairies must follow in order to survive.  Though there are many rules, only one of them is important to the current situation.  You see, all fairies draw their power from the Earth.  Mother Nature blesses them with the magical abilities they possessed.  But though they draw power from the earth, they still only have a limited amount of magic to use.

And that’s where the Ritual comes into play.  Every once in a while a fairy must perform the Ritual to refill their magic stock.  An excerpt from The Book states, roughly translated, “From the earth thine power flows, given through courtesy, so thanks are owed.  Pluck thou the magick seed, where full moon, ancient oak and twisted water meet.  And bury it far from where it was found, so return your gift into the ground.”

Simply put each fairy much take an acorn from an ancient oak tree during the full moon and bury it in the ground a nice ways away from where it was taken.  And that was exactly what Captain Short had been instructed to do after the whole troll fiasco had been settled.

Commander Root had saved her job twice now.  Once after the Hamburg incident, and now with the troll trouble.  As soon as the LEPretrieval team had the troll safely bound and on its way back to Chute E7, he’d commanded his best captain—and only female fairy to ever make it on the force—to perform the ritual posthaste.  He couldn’t risk having her lack of magic bite them in the backside again.

Just as his headache was starting to fade away, some thanks owed to the cigar, a call came in for him on his desk intercom.  Hesitantly, almost dreading what he would hear, the Commander punched the speaker button on the intercom.

What came out was a gruff voice, one that teemed with arrogance and paranoia.  An odd combination, to be sure.  It explained, “I’m picking up some weird signals on my scanners, Commander.  You might want to take a look at this yourself.”

Root responded with a grunt, “Bring it up on the view screen, Foaly.”

“Yeah, I think it’d be best for you to come down to Ops, sir.”  Hesitation.  Concern.  Those weren’t tones you normally hear from the technological centaur.

Root’s heart-rate skyrocketed, as did his blood pressure.  He muttered through a puff of his cigar, “I’ll be right down.  This better be good!”  He punched the end call button and started his trek down to the Operations Booth.

The commander decided to cut through the police station lobby, which actually turned out to be a bad idea.  Dozens of goblins crowded the station, protesting the ‘unwarranted arrest’ of their family members.  In recent months, the dwarves and goblins had been feuding, and the crime rate within Haven had skyrocketed as fights broke out amongst the two races.  Not in the mood for mindless jargon, Root placed his LEP helmet over his head and turned on all the appropriate filters, muting the world around him as he shouldered through the crowds.

His gaze landed on the back of a newspaper of one particular LEP janitor as he passed.  The article was titled ‘Mud Man Claims Leprechaun Capture’.  The commander scoffed as he trekked on.  Mud Men didn’t even know what real leprechauns were anymore.

The human word ‘leprechaun’ was actually derived from the Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance force’s nickname, LEPrecon.  Back in the day, all recon officers were equipped with specialized versions of the traditional leprechaun get up, and carried shillelaghs into combat.  Nowadays they were outfitted with high-tech body suits and helmets, along with stun batons and nuclear-powered laser rifles.  Much more effective.

Just as he finished his musings, the commander found himself in a room full of computers and other scientific equipment, topped with a whole bunch of egg-heads and geeks.  The more politically-correct term was ‘techies’.  At the center of the large room sat a large booth with solid, sturdy, tinted windows.  You couldn’t see in, but the resident inside could see everything you did.  Then again, he could do that even if you weren’t by the booth.

The magnetic door opened as a large centaur trotted out, a makeshift hat of tinfoil wrapped around his head.  You see, the head geek in charge of all LEP communications and technology was none other than an overly-paranoid half-man, half-horse who was convinced that every Mud Man secret intelligence agency was out to read his mind.  Thus the hat.

“Glad you could make it Commander, and in record time!”  The beast plopped a hand on his superior’s shoulder and essentially dragged him into the safety of his personalized booth.

Root grunted, “Now’s not the time, Foaly.  You said you had something important to show me?”  He had never been one to beat around the bush.  He’d worked for the LEP for far too long to do that.

The centaur shut the door behind them and pushed a button on a small remote he was holding.  A large view screen flickered to life at the other end of the booth, displaying a map of Ireland.  More specifically, a locale just outside of Dublin.  A small blotch on the map was flashing red.

Foaly sat in his specially-designed chair a pointed a front hoof at the map.  “Do you see that red mark?”  The superior officer didn’t acknowledge the question, so he just continued on.  “Well, my sensors have been picking up some unusual activity in that area.”

“And?” spat Root.  “What kind of unusual activity.”

“Temporary time lapses, sir.  Sort of like really short time stops.”  The centaur clacked away at his keyboard, bringing up a bunch of statistics on the specified location.

The commander groaned, “So what does this have to do with anything?”

“Well sir,” the techy began, “There are only three reasons I can think of these anomalies occurring.”

“And they are?” Root’s patience was growing thin.  His headache was starting to come back.

Foaly started hesitantly, “Scenario one:  the Mud Men have mastered time travel.”  No response, “Scenario two:  the Mud Men have gotten their hands on fairy tech.”  The commander shifted slightly at the thought of that happening.  “And scenario three:  my—”

“Let me guess, your equipment has been malfunctioning?”  Root pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers.  He knew exactly what was coming next.  It had happened so many times before.

The centaur laughed, “Right you are, Julius!  But we both know how impossible that is!”

Julius.  First name.  Insubordinate.  Disrespectful.  The commander groaned, “Don’t call me Julius!  It’s Commander Root, to you.”  He looked up at the blotch of red.  “So what do you propose we do about it, Foaly?”

The centaur waved at the column of statistics that rested beside the map on the screen.  At the top of the column it displayed the name and several photos of the residence:  Fowl Manor.  Just below it was a list of the residents, a detailed history of the building, the current pollutant count in the general area, and a small Russian news clip explaining the destruction of the Fowl Star, Artemis Senior’s personal vessel.

“I plan on monitoring the building for a little while longer to see if the anomalies persist.  Like I said, they’ve only been temporary so far, but I expect that to change before long.  Either that or I’m just being paranoid.”  Foaly adjusted his foil hat, grinning happily at the commander.

Root sighed, “You do that.  If you find anything else out, let me know.”

Just as the superior’s hand touched the door, a green dot beeped onto the view screen.  The beep drew both residents’ attentions, the sterner of the two growing undoubtedly angry.  You could tell because his face flushed to a beet-red hue.

As the dot flickered into range, so did a window of information over the original window on Fowl Manor.  This one displayed information on a particular person, travelling pretty quickly toward the red blotch.  Foaly chuckled, “Looks like it’s your old pal, Commander!”  When he turned around, Root was already gone.

…

Captain Holly Short felt amazing.  It had been quite a few moons since she’d last performed the Ritual, and she’d almost forgotten what it felt like to be running hot.  Well, technically she was flying, though she would’ve preferred a newer model of wings to the bulky gas-powered engines of yesteryear.  But still, it was nice to be shielded, safe from the eyes of any spying Mud Men.  She also enjoyed being able to feel the wind in her hair.  Against regulations, she’d removed her helmet, hoping that Root wouldn’t scold her too hard for such a harmless action.

The bright moonlight shined down on her, bringing out the nut-brown tone of her skin and adding an appealing shine to her hazel hair.  She hurried toward Chute E7, ready to get back to Haven and relax.  There was no way she’d be assigned another mission for the night, considering her first had been an encounter with a rampant troll.  Of course, she wasn’t in too big of a hurry to return.  After all, it wasn’t often an LEP officer got to spend time alone above ground.  And now that she was shielded, she was at no risk of harm.

Okay, ‘shielded’ is a pretty inaccurate word.  It’s not as if she could be shot and not get hurt.  No, fairies used the term ‘shield’ to refer to a phenomenon where their bodies vibrate at such high speeds that no ordinary eye can interpret the movement.  To any normal human or surveillance device, a shielded fairy simply appears as a haze in the air.  Most humans attribute the haze to heat or evaporation.

Silly Mud Men, giving complicated explanations to simple events.

At any rate, Holly enjoyed her time flying over the Italian countryside, slowly winding her way back to her shuttle in Chute E7, where she would make her descent back to haven.  Of course, she barely made it back to Martina Franca when a call came in over her helmet’s headset.  The voice that came out was so loud that she could hear it despite not having the earpiece equipped.  Stopping in mid-flight, she placed the officer’s gear on her head and listened to the angry voice spouting commands.

“…regulations to remove your helmet, Captain Short!  I should have your badge for this!”  Commander Root essentially roared into his own mike, causing Holly to turn her speakers down for fear of going deaf.

She sighed, “Is there a problem, Commander?”  She liked to maintain a professional attitude at all times.  As if she really had a choice, considering how hard Root was on her.

The superior officer growled, “Yes, there is, in fact, a problem, Captain!  Our old friend Diggums is on the loose again!”

“Mulch?” Holly blurted.  She couldn’t really help it.  That dwarf had been arrested and sentenced over twenty times, and at least half of those times he’d managed to escape.  She almost believed he deserved to be free after all the times he’d outsmarted the commander.  She would never say that to anyone, though.  You know, except for maybe Foaly.

Right on cue, the centaur neighed into their conversation, “That’s right, Holly.  Mulch is headed for a large mansion just outside of Dublin.  I’ll bring up a map on your visor.”

“You want me to arrest him?”  She thought about it for a moment and cheered, “It would be my pleasure, sir!”

Root coughed, probably puffing on a cigar, “That’s a negative, Captain.  The residence he’s approaching has been home to some strange happenings lately.”  After several silent seconds, he continued, “I only want you to keep an eye on him.  Don’t let him sneak off our radar.  I’m taking the Tara chute and meeting up with you outside the manor.”

Captain Short sighed, “Yes sir.  I’ll keep my visor on him.”

Foaly whinnied, “Just stay away from the building, no matter what.  I’m not so sure that the anomalies are entirely harmless.”

“Roger that, Foaly.”  With that, the three-way call ended, and the separate parties went on their ways.

Holly reached a hand to her belt to ensure that her weapon was still there.  After all the trouble, she wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d dropped it in the fray with the troll.  She turned her shield back on and took off as fast as she could toward the destination on her visor map.

…

Ah, dirt.  Irish dirt, no less.  It had been a while since the kleptomaniac dwarf had eaten anything so pure and mineral-dense.  The best part was that he’d just escaped from an LEP prison in the nick of time to catch the last tourist shuttle to Tara.  On a full moon like tonight, it was a cinch to sneak into the tourist crowds and head up to the beautiful landscapes of the surface.  That’s just what Mulch had done.  Slipped right under Captain Short’s nose, too, back at Police Plaza.  She’d been too occupied with her thoughts to notice him stealing a pixie’s passport.

He tunneled along through the ground, his fingers already twitching for something new to steal.  He’d caught wind during a brief burrow through Dublin about a super-rich family living in the outskirts, so of course that’s where he was headed.  The Fowls, if memory served correctly.  And since he was travelling by dirt, nothing aside from really powerful thermal sensors would be able to detect him.

Dwarves loved dirt.  They were miners by nature.  They were physically and biologically designed to burrow.  They could unhinge their jaws and consume tons of dirt and rocks in the span of seconds.  The materials they consume are metabolized at impossible speeds, and are excreted at almost the same instant they are taken in, with the exception of a few instances.  Essentially, as dwarves excrete as they ingest, their tunnels are mostly self-sealing, stopping any predators in their tracks.  Mostly.

Dwarves also had advanced senses of feeling.  They were in tune with the earth that they burrowed in.  Just as Mulch passed under a small lake outside of Dublin, he felt the rumble of a family of rabbits hopping along in a grotto a few miles north.  He could also feel the vibration of a plumbing system at work just west of his location.  On a dime, he turned and shot through the dirt toward what he knew had to be his target residence.

As he approached the target of his ambitions, the soil slowly began to change in taste.  It wasn’t an unpleasant taste, but it most definitely was not to the kleptomaniac’s delight.  Less pure and more…intoxicating.  Red wine.  Gustafson 1808, if memory served him right.  It had been a long time since he consumed any human alcohols, but this wasn’t a taste you simply forgot.  Wherever he was headed, it definitely had class.  And that was good enough for him.

He followed the taste of wine all the way to a weak point in the building’s foundations.  In the spot where the most wine had seeped into the soil, the dwarf shot upward, stopping just short of the floorboards of what he could only assume was a wine cellar.  He placed an ear to the boards, listening for any type of movement in the house above him.  If there was a Mud Man awake in the building, it had to have been paralyzed, because it sure wasn’t moving an inch.

Feeling that it was safe, Mulch gently cut the boards with his bottom teeth, making little to no noise and opening a path to exit out of.  He shook the rest of the dirt from his hind quarters, and leaped into the cellar.  He saved a little bit of gas in case he needed an extra boost to escape from potential pursuers, and then started toward a nearby staircase.

There was a single light hanging from the ceiling of the room, apparently always on in case one needed to enter the room.  The thief chuckled at the unintentional consideration his victims had for him.  He started up the steps, taking care to walk lightly.  Such an old set of stairs could easily give you away with an unnaturally loud creak or groan.  That’s how he’d been caught once before, and he didn’t plan on doing it again.

After several minutes of tense tiptoeing, he was free from the stairs and faced with an old locked wooden door.  A simple keyhole, nothing too spectacular.

Mulch reached into his beard, plucking out a sturdy hair.  Dwarf hair is radically different from the human variety.  A dwarf’s beard and head hairs were actually a matrix of antennae that helped them to navigate and avoid danger below ground.  Once removed from its pore, the hair immediately stiffens in rapid rigor mortis.  Mulch twisted the end of his hair in the seconds before it became completely rigid; it was a perfect lock-picking utensil.

After two tumblers he was in.  Simple Mud Man locks were no match for an expert thief such as himself.  He traversed down the hall beyond the threshold, taking note of the single camera that made its sweep back and forth.  It held a thirty second rotation with a single blind spot.  It was simple enough for even an amateur to avoid.  At the other end of the hall up a set of more modern stairs rested a much classier room.

It looked quite a bit like a study, with bookshelves lining the walls and a fireplace at the back.  A large portrait of a middle-aged gentleman hung above the fireplace.  The grin on the man’s face was unnerving, even for the magical being.

Or should I say ex-magical being?  You see another rule that the fairy people must abide by is a simple one.  No fairy can enter a human’s home without some sort of permission.  If they do, their magic will be drained…quite hastily and gruesomely, might I add.  Projectile vomiting, stomach and muscle cramps, migraines, the whole nine yards.  A normal human would be convinced he was dying if they had to suffer such a pain.

But Mulch had sacrificed his magic long ago.  He felt that magic was useless for a dwarf that spent his days mining under the earth.  There was nothing magical about eating and digesting dirt, in all honesty.  He found the thrill of thievery to be more magical than any real magic could ever be.  And so, although he was still of the People, he was not magical in most regards.  He was simply biologically superior.

The dwarf examined the walls of the room carefully, certain that it would be more secure than the other ones.  And he was right.  There were six cameras along the walls, three of which moving in semi-circular patterns monitoring the floor, while the other three were stationary, pointing in the general area of the portrait.  Mulch cursed his luck at not being able to access the portrait, and he was far too wise to attempt it at all.  Instead he simply snuck past the floor cameras and mounted the staircase beyond the following door.

Such a missed opportunity sent a surge of anger up his spine, but he knew there was nothing he could do.  He heard a small squeak ring out from a room at the end of an adjacent staircase, and decided to check it out.  In the room he found much more than he bargained for.  Cages of rats and other rodents lined one wall, while multiple types of advanced human technology were scattered about the place.  On a table at the side of the room sat a stale piece of toast and half a bowl of spoiled scrambled eggs.

To the side he noticed a moderate-sized chamber with clear plexi-glass windows, obviously some sort of test center.  Looking in, he saw a small pool of bile and the broken remains of an unfortunate rat.  On the other side of the laboratory, opposite both the chamber and the door he’d come in from, was a nice, sleek elevator.  Except for a small wedge between the doors, they looked almost high-class.  They reminded him of a hotel in New York he’d robbed a couple decades back.

And then the alarms started to blare.  The animals went wild.  The elevator sealed with some sort of iron bars.  The door he’d come in from slammed shut, the same bars covering it.  He was locked within the room as a gruff voice called through the intercom above him, “If you know what’s good for you, you won’t move an inch.”

The voice was genuine, real.  It wasn’t a recording.  No recording could ever sound that sinister or threatening.  Mulch swallowed hard, thinking to himself that an LEP prison cell would probably be more comfortable than what the Mud Man that had just spoken to him would do.

...

Captain Short hovered roughly three-hundred feet in the air, waiting for Commander Root to arrive.  She was staring down on a very unique, medieval castle-style mansion.  Through her visor’s infrared filter she could see four humanoid sources of heat.  One was large, kicking back beside multiple other sources, presumably monitors or computers.  She swallowed when she saw the figure shift.  It was massive.  She would almost compare it to a full grown black bear or a baby troll.

Another was slightly smaller, lying down away from any source of heat.  Its heat signature was faint, so it must have been sleeping.  The same for the third, except it was only slightly bigger and had a stronger signature.  But the last one was what caught her attention more so than the rest.

It was moving.  Through a series of rooms below the surface.  It was small, about the average size of a fairy.  And wouldn’t you know it, that’s just what she was looking for.  With a triumphant tone, she cheered, “Gotcha, Mulch!”

Through her headset came the commander’s voice, “I’m on my way, Captain.  Hold your position.  Don’t let the bandit out of your visor.”  He chuckled, a very unusual expression from the leader of the LEP.

“Roger that, sir.”  Holly responded, excitement in her voice.  She’d captured Mulch once before, and so had Root, but they’d never worked together on this particular fairy.

A gruff voice called through the speaker, “Watch yourself, Holly.  The anomalies are starting to bug me more and more.  I can’t figure out what caused them, and I have no way of knowing when the next one will happen.”  Foaly summoned a list of statistics about the manor onto the captain’s visor screen, finally explaining what the ‘anomalies’ he kept talking about were.

Captain Short rolled her eyes and scoffed, “I’ll be fine, Foaly.  As long as they stay within the manor, I don’t see the prob—” Her vocal cords locked up as she looked back down at the spot where Mulch had been standing.  Suddenly, out of literally nowhere, a fifth humanoid heat signature appeared behind the dwarf’s own.  She stammered, “C-Commander…we have a problem…”  Pushing a few buttons on the side of her helmet, she sent images of the infrared scan to both connected parties.

Root whistled, “So the Mud Men caught Mulch.  Big deal.  If they finish him now, we won’t have to put up with these impromptu missions anymore.”  He then groaned, “But how’d that small one get behind him?”

Foaly coughed, having been in the middle of a sip of water, “Commander, according to my sensors, an anomaly just happened!  Right before Captain Short sent the image!”  The two field officers could hear the clacking of keys in their ears, the centaur getting right to work.

Captain Short moaned, “The small Mud Man, behind Mulch, just appeared out of nowhere.”  She shook her head disbelievingly.  “What could that possibly mean?!”  A hand clasped her shoulder firmly, sending her into a short jolt of panic.  She instinctively drew her weapon and aimed it at the figure before realizing who it was.

The commander chuckled, “Don’t be so jumpy, Captain.  What do you got, Foaly?”

A loud banging caused some harsh feedback in the speakers before Foaly groaned, “Whatever’s letting my sensors pick up the anomaly is focused around the small Mud Man’s wrist.  He must have some device distorting time.”  He continued, “And if humans can manifest that kind of power, just imagine how long it’ll be before they reach us…”

“Don’t be so ignorant, you mule.  Even if they can time travel or whatever, how’s that gonna help them get miles below the earth’s crust without dying?”  Commander Root stared down at the five heat signatures, four of which getting closer to one another in rapid succession.  The small Mud Man and Mulch stood in place, with the other Mud Men closing in without delay.

Captain Holly sighed, “What if they kill him, Commander?”

“That’ll be one less thorn in my side.  It’s his own stupidity.”

Foaly groaned, “And the distortion?  What will we do about that?”

“As long as we aren’t invited in, there’s nothing we can do.”  Root shrugged.  Facts were facts, after all.

Holly looked down.  She shouldn’t have.  It would’ve been less painful.  The entire mansion’s heat signature skyrocketed into solid white before the visor simply shut itself off.  In fact, her wings shut off as well.  Followed by her headset.  She looked to her side to see the commander suffer the same series of events.  And then, suddenly, gravity kicked in.  But it wasn’t normal gravity.  No, this gravity pulled them directly toward the manor, rather than straight down to earth.

Earless, voiceless, and flightless, the two plummeted at an 80 degree angle toward the last seen location of the Mud Men and dwarf.

…

Mulch didn’t move an inch.  He was afraid to.  The walls and floor were all solid metal.  Sure, his teeth could bite right through, but it would screw his digestive track up something fierce.  Metal alloys were almost as bad as asphalt for dwarf biology.  The doors were all sealed, and there wasn’t a single opening in any of the walls.  He was, quite impressively, trapped.  The Mud Man from earlier didn’t bother to speak to him again.  He was probably descending into the lab to kill the trespasser anyway.

The weirdest thing happened.  While Mulch was occupied by the sound of the alarm and thoughts of being murdered because of his lack of magic, a bright golden light flashed behind him.  When he finally turned to examine it, he found a rather young human standing there, a curious expression on his face and a dapper suit on his body.  One wrist had a fancy machine attached to it, while the other housed an expensive-looking Rolex.

The alarms suddenly stopped, and Mulch’s nerves grew even shakier.  He knew that any minute now the large Mud Man would show up with some type of firearm, and he wouldn’t have a chance of escaping.

Artemis chuckled, “My, my, aren’t you an odd-looking creature?  What sort of beast are you?  An imp?  Perhaps you’re a leprechaun.  No, your hair isn’t near red enough.”  The boy continued his musings for several moments before the creature interjected.

“Doesn’t matter what I am, Mud Boy.  When that beast of yours shows up, I’m toast.”  He spat on the floor of the lab, utter disappointment on his face.

The genius tittered, “If that were the case, you unusual humanoid, then you would be dead right now.”  He waved a calm hand toward the door Mulch had entered from.

The dwarf flinched toward the entrance, and sure enough, there stood a massive human roughly the size of a bear, a primitive gun aimed right for his head.  Mulch swallowed hard, unsure of how to react.  He chuckled nervously, “N-no need to get violent, fellas.  Let’s work this out like civilized men.”

“But you aren’t a man, are you?  You look more like a monster.  No matter.  If you are but a petty thief, I haven’t time for you.  The world of ponies is calling me.”  He looked down at his Rolex, noticing how it had stopped ticking.  “Butler, incarcerate this thief.  I’ll be going back now.”

“Very well, Artemis.”  He nodded at his charge, then directed the following toward Mulch, “Put your hands up and your head down!”

And then something inconceivable happened.  The gas Mulch had kept stored actually found a time to shine.  In one swift motion, the dwarf undid the pouch on his back—used to allow waste an exit point—and let the fumes shoot forth with bullet-force wind.  The impact not only nauseated the bodyguard, but sent him flying backward into his sister.  The Sig Sauer P226 he had wielded went flying across the room, right toward the uninvolved boy.

Just as Artemis pushed the button to activate his portal, the gun made contact to its hard surface and fired off a bullet into the wall of the room.  The sudden burst of heat and force of the gun’s impact sent sparks flying from the genius’s wrist.  Those sparks reacted with the portal that was in the process of opening, and with a deafening boom, the solid gold light spread through the walls and holes of the manor.  Everything heated up intensely, and the two creatures not in the room at the current time were pulled toward the device.

The walls and materials of the mansion disappeared in the golden light, and Artemis watched three other figures—Butler, Juliet, and the dwarf—slowly get pulled closer to him.  Two other figures entered the field of light at tremendous speeds, almost crashing into him thanks to the pull of the source of light.  Oddly enough, he couldn’t see the figure of his mother, who should have been in range of the golden light in her attic bedchambers.

And suddenly, almost as suddenly as it began, the light faded and the booming noise ceased.  The six victims of the device’s reaction were left in the middle of an empty meadow, a cool breeze gracing them as the sun blanketed them with comforting rays.  The genius felt a sudden wave of fatigue consume his mind and body.  Everyone else had already collapsed in unconscious heaps.  The last thing the boy noticed before blacking out was that the two new creatures’ ears were pointed unnaturally.

Stranded

There was a tense silence that seemed to creep throughout the small medical room the entire entourage of foreign creatures found themselves in.  With the scheming genius and the magical captain incapacitated, the remaining members of the group shared a hostile truce for the sake of civility.  The only creature that wasn’t present was the very creature Butler couldn’t wait to get his giant hands on.  Even after bathing and having his clothes cleaned, the brute still smelled of defecation.

It had been several hours since the intervention of the orange pony by the apple orchards of her family’s farm, and still the urge to finish their fight all but consumed Juliet and Root.  While their respective companions both seemed to be stable, the two factions couldn’t help but worry as they sat within arm’s reach.

It didn’t help the situation any that the room had been designed to hold ponies and not humanoids.  Butler alone occupied most of the non-medical space in the room.  Despite having witnessed their fight in the fields, Applejack had insisted that they all stay in the same room until some sort of agreement could be reached between them.

With the ‘leader’ of the Mud Men out cold thanks to Mulch Diggums’s sly trick, negotiation was virtually impossible.  So, rather than make conversation or apologize for any transgressions brought on through their employer’s orders, the two humans simply sat in stale silence to await a time where they could act.

After roughly three hours of awkward and cramped silence with the equivalent of a pony arbiter monitoring them, Commander Root had reached the pinnacle of his patience.  With a calm tone, he asked, “Why do you two listen to that kid?  He could’ve gotten you both killed.”

Still angry that their battle had been cut short, Juliet simply snorted in refusal to acknowledge the fairy’s remark.  Butler took the higher ground and sighed, “The Butlers have served the Fowls for generations.  It’s simply tradition.”  He took only a moment to consider everything that had happened in the last few days.  “Master Artemis is a genius, and his schemes are always carefully planned to the minutest details.  We’ve never been in any real danger before…”

Julius responded with a cold groan, “He didn’t plan our surrender very well, did he?”

Before either Butler sibling could reply, a drowsy voice called out through the room.  “You have to remember that one can’t plan for something he doesn’t know exists, Commander.”  Artemis slowly, lazily stirred awake, sitting upright with a hand pressed against his head.  Bandages were wrapped all around the crown of his skull where the LEPrecon helmet had zapped him.

The fairy officer growled, “But even as we slept, you tried to make a plan that would turn everything on its head…”  Taking a calming breath, he sighed, “And now, because of you foolish Mud Men, one of the single most annoying criminals in the history of the fairy people is loose in a whole other world!”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be too sure of that one, Julius.”

A mocking, almost-gruff voice rang out in the room as the door burst open.  Standing in perfect sight, clean and groomed, stood the dwarf that had single-hindedly incapacitated the largest human they’d ever met.  In one hand he was holding the only functioning LEPrecon helmet that had been spared his dirty trick during the conflict near the orchards.  In the other hand he held a large book with what appeared to be a picture of the sun and moon on the front.

Root half-snarled, “You’ve got some guts showing your face around me, Diggums!”  At first it looked as if the officer were going to leap from his chair and bludgeon the dwarf, until the purple unicorn in the room used her magic to suspend him in midair.

“The whole point of me being here is to prevent violence.  You really should learn to control your anger, sir.”  Twilight Sparkle almost seemed to be enjoying her task as she scolded the now-beet-red fairy.

“Besides,” Mulch laughed, “I’m the one that gave you two a chance to get your stuff back.  It’s not my fault you wasted it fighting a rather impressive Mud Girl!”  The mocking man stopped to wink at the girl in question, who let out a choking noise in disgust.

Artemis chimed in with an impressed chuckle, “Yes, that stunt you pulled with mistranslating your people’s alphabet proved rather effective.  I should have expected something of the sort from a known malcontent.”  He rubbed the side of his head that looked to have taken the most damage from the electrical discharge.

Even Root had to concede, “You did well, Mulch.  That doesn’t change the fact that you’re a criminal and I’m an officer.”  Seeing he had settled down, Twilight released her magical grip on the fairy.

The dwarf snorted, “Whatever.  This is for you.”  He passed the LEP helmet to his acquaintance as if it were a basketball.  He held the rather large book out as he turned toward the present pony.  “Oh yeah, some little purple lizard asked me to bring this to you.”

“Spike?  Why would he ask you to do that?”  Despite her confusion, Twilight wrapped the book in her magic and set it on the human boy’s bedside table, right next to his suit.  Smiling warmly, she added, “Thanks.”

“So what, did you just come here to be a pest?  I figured you’d be out robbing everyone blind!”  Root began to fiddle with the helmet, adjusting the casing so it would fit his head.  It had been rigged for a comparatively small fairy—Captain Short—and therefore needed to be tweaked to work efficiently.

The dwarf, taking only a little offense to the commander’s suspicions, sheepishly cheered, “I already checked out a few houses!  There’s nothing in this town worth stealing, honestly.  Y’know, unless you really like dessert.”  Right on cue, he reached into a small pocket on his shirt and pulled out a chocolate cookie wrapped in wax paper.  With one fluid motion the cookie was gone, practically inhaled.  With a wide grin he chuckled, “That one was on the house, though.  I didn’t steal it.”

“Naturally…” the officer groaned, still fumbling around with his subordinate’s helmet.

Butler growled, “You were lucky to get away, dwarf.  Had I not hesitated to wait for an answer, you would be taking a permanent dirt nap…”  After he expressed his distaste for having allowed his humanity to shine through, the man relaxed.

“Yep, but you waited.  Holly even told you not to let me open my mouth!”  Letting another smug grin stretch across his face, he added, “Oh, sorry about the gas.  Nothing personal, just doing what comes natural to us dwarves.”

Remembering the rancid scent of the gust of air that sent him flying several meters from the escapee’s escape route, the bodyguard was forced to swallow a gag.  He halfheartedly offered, “No hard feelings, Mr. Diggums.”

“I’m afraid he doesn’t speak for the both of us, however.”  Artemis, whose head was still throbbing, carried a sour expression.  Though he was obviously going to hold a grudge, he chuckled, “Your swift thinking in dire situations could be very useful.  Perhaps we could work out a deal?”

Commander Root hopped to his feet, the helmet held firmly in his grasp.  He roared, “Not on any of our lives, Mud Boy!  This dirt-munching crook is going back to the Lower Elements Prison where he belongs!”  Not wasting any time for responses, he forced the slightly-adjusted helmet over his head and pushed the button on the earpiece just as Artemis had on the other one.

Except this time, he found the actual sequence of glyphs that really spelled out ‘Messages.’  Flower-squiggle, pinwheel, pinwheel, fish-squiggle, pinwheel.  Selecting it from the series of menus he sifted through, a familiar voice filled his ears.

The familiar gruffness of the voice that usually teemed with arrogance was instead filled with desperation.  “Communications lost.  Manor now under self-generated time stop.  Holly, Julius, if you get this, report back ASAP.”  The message ended with a sharp burst of static, causing the commander to rip the helmet away in an instinctual reaction.

The other residents of the room had covered their ears, pained expressions on their faces.  Mulch was the first to recover his senses, seemingly prepared for the sudden explosion of sound.  He chuckled, “Sounds like the horsey misses you, Root.”

“This is no time for jokes, Diggums!”  The officer reequipped the helmet after a short pause, shuffling through the many words scribbled out in gnomish glyphs.  Finding the right one, he let out a desperate sigh.  After a loud beep, he spoke, “This is Commander Root of the LEP.  If you’re hearing this, respond immediately.”

Artemis examined the commander’s demeanor, sensing fear in his body language.  The tone of his voice—while official and commanding—was filled with desperation and fatigue.  “Is something the matter, Commander?  Trouble in paradise, perhaps?  Would you care to explain who the hoarse voice belongs to?”  The boy adopted a tone of smug satisfaction, though even he had no idea why.

“Would someone care to explain what’s going on here?  Where did that voice come from?”  Twilight Sparkle, coming from a world like Equestria, couldn’t hope to understand the science behind a long-distance communication device like the LEP helmet.  Even the boy genius was having trouble figuring out just how the helmet had been programmed with so much memory.

A memory of the sea of gnomish glyphs that had filled his vision just before his shock came back to him.  Shuddering in residual pain, the boy explained, “One of the Commander’s colleagues sent him a message, which he received on the helmet.  Think of it as a vocalized letter that can travel almost instantly in space…and time apparently.”

The still-energetic dwarf chuckled, “Whaddya mean ‘time,’ kid?  Looks to me like we’re just a long way from home.”  He pulled another cookie from a pocket on the opposite side of his shirt.  This time there was no wax paper, and crumbs fell as the fairy inhaled the second confection just like the first.  A guilty grin stretched across his face.

Before any of the present company could comment explanations or questions, the familiar voice whinnied, “Julius, is that you?!  Thank God!  We’ve got a situation on our hands, sir!”  Unlike the prior message that cut out with an ear-wrenching burst of static, the line simply fell quiet.

Root looked around to finally notice that everyone else in the room could hear his helmet’s receiver.  He grumbled angrily at the damage he seemed to have done to the device during his earlier tampering.  He called back into the broadcaster by his mouth, “Don’t call me Julius, Foaly!  What kind of situation are you talking about?”

Without hesitation, the centaur called back, “The entire area around Fowl Manor has been swallowed by a time stop being actively generated from the basement where Mulch and the Mud Boy were.  Normally a time stop has a limited amount of energy and breaks down after so long, but this one just seems to keep producing more.”  The voice crackled out with a heavy neigh.

The humans shot to attention, understanding enough of what had just been said to know that Fowl Manor was in trouble.  Even Artemis adopted a look of fear, the fact that his mother hadn’t travelled with them opening a pit in his gut.

“That doesn’t sound like too much of a problem, Foaly.  Can’t you just shut down whatever’s charging it?”  The commander, for once, seemed to be one of the few relaxed members of the group.

“That’s a negative, sir.  We sent a team into the time stop field to scout it out, and they reported that while the field was being projected from the manor basement, the power source kept fluctuating from spot to spot.”  The clacking of keys filled the room as the centaur hastily did some digging in his computer.  “It doesn’t seem that the generator is even within the manor.  Our sensors can’t get a clear lock on any one spot stronger than the others.”

“D’Arvit!” Root kicked the chair he’d been sitting in.  He clenched his fists and growled, “So if it’s not in the manor, where is it?”

More key-clacking ensued.  After several voiceless moments, the techy finally whinnied, “I don’t know, sir.  If we knew what the source of the original anomalies was, I would imagine it’d be the same thing.”  Taking a second to think back to Holly’s readings from just before the energy surge Foaly gasped, “Is the Mud Boy with you, Commander?”

Root’s and Artemis’s eyes met, the latter silently willing the commander to respond.  The former stood in silence, trying to decide if the human would be willing to cooperate for everyone’s sake.  The silence felt like an eternity.

Artemis broke the silence with a simple, “Yes, I’m here with your commander.”

“…The helmet’s on Speaker isn’t it?” the centaur took a second to laugh at his superior officer’s lack of technical know-how.  Suddenly falling serious again, he sighed, “Over the course of the last few days, our sensors picked up time-based anomalies originating from the lower levels of Fowl Manor.  Can you explain what caused those anomalies?”

The boy raised his wrist in the air to show the room’s residents the small watch-like object he’d been wearing.  He explained, “Through a complicated process that most anyone would find impossible, I created a device that’s able to open a hole in space.  The hole acts as a portal between our world, Earth, and the one we are currently in—Equestria.  It is the only thing I can imagine that would cause you to pick up abnormal readings from our manor.”  He removed the device and placed it in front of him on the bed, examining it for anything unusual.

The speaker crackled in and out of life as if the sender of the message were trying to say something.  Finally, the gruff centaur chuckled, “I’m speaking with Artemis Fowl II, correct?  The twelve-year-old Mud Boy?  You expect me to believe you opened a portal to another world?”  The condescending tone of the voice was not lost on Artemis, who had to swallow the urge to retaliate.

As much as it pained him to do it, Commander Root confirmed the boy’s achievements.  “Wherever we are certainly isn’t Earth, Foaly.  You said yourself that there was an energy fluctuation when Artemis appeared on Holly’s radar.  It’s safe to assume that everything is related, and the boy’s device is the best bet we have to go on.”  He continued to stare at the human in question; absolutely dumbfounded by the sheer intelligence the Mud Boy had to hold to create such a powerful device.

The technical centaur whinnied, “If that’s all we have to work with, then so be it.”  After a period of keyboard clacking, a data file arrived on the commander’s helmet with a soft ‘ping.’  “Things are pretty crazy in Haven, sir.  The Council wants answers, and news of the time stop has gotten most of the citizens in a tizzy.”

“Whaddya want me to do about it?  I’m…wherever this is…”  Root’s voice lost its angry flare, the fairy slowly losing his spirit.

“The file I sent you explains the situation in full, sir.  The Council wants to send in a team to investigate the focal point of the time stop…”  Foaly slowly faded out, certain the commander understood where the explanation was going.

“But they can’t because of the Rule of Dwelling…” Root sighed half-heartedly.  Then, with a burst of understanding, he turned back toward Artemis with a fire in his eyes.  Adopting a tone fitting of the title of Commander, Root ordered, “Fowl, give your permission for our LEP teams to enter your home!”

Taken aback by the sudden command, the boy simply stared blankly at the now-respectable commander.  Mulch burst into laughter, “You sure have a way with words, Julius!”  The superior fairy sent daggers at the dwarf with his eyes.

The centaur on the other end of the com-link chuckled, “You could use a lesson in ‘tact,’ Commander.  Mr. Fowl, it would help us figure out how to fix the situation at hand if you would let us in your house.”  The voice crackled out, the centaur returning to work on his computer.

The genius didn’t even try to hide his confusion as he groaned, “You certainly are polite considering there’s nothing I can do to stop you from entering.  Why are you wasting time asking for permission?”  The two conscious fairies sent him disbelieving looks, almost as if they pitied his ignorance.

The dwarf spoke slowly, as if to mock the boy, “We fairies have a code of conduct written by one of our old kings and enforced by magic curses.  Those little books you stole from these two elves hold our rules.  One rule is called the Rule of Dwelling.”  He waved a hand at the commander, ushering him to continue the explanation.

More than happy to oblige that particular request, Root explained, “The Rule of Dwelling states that no fairy may enter a human building without an invitation by the owner.  Because of that, we need you to give our officers permission so they can study the inside of the time stop thoroughly.”  A bit of life started to return to the commander, things not looking as train-wrecked as they did before.

The boy looked to his bodyguard for advice on this matter.  The brute, half concerned for the nature of the ‘time stop’ and half concerned for their ability to return home, decided to follow the logical path on this matter.  “We should allow them access to the labs, Artemis.  Perhaps they can find a way to fix whatever has gone wrong.”

“Don’t forget about your mother, Artemis!” Juliet gasped, suddenly realizing that Angeline had most definitely not come with them to the new world.

The gruff centaur neighed, “We’re only going in to investigate the point of origin.  We won’t disturb anything else; you have my word.”  They could hear shouting in the background of that particular transmission.

All eyes, even those that weren’t certain what was going on, turned toward Artemis, the final say so being his.  After a few tense seconds of contemplation, he sighed, “You and your officers may enter the building for research purposes only.  Just make certain that my mother is safe while you work.”  The mood of the room immediately lightened up, most of the present company sighing in relief.

Foaly cheered through the crackling com-link, “You won’t regret it, Mr. Fowl!  The sooner we can get this figured out, the sooner with can----!”

The voice suddenly fizzled out, a loud screeching sound flooding the room.  For the second time that day, the present company slapped hands to their ears in overwhelming pain as Root slammed the helmet to the ground.  A few pain-filled seconds later, the LEP helmet fizzled out with a quiet crack of static.

Butler held a small pistol up, the sights locked onto where the earpiece of the now-silent machine had been.  He’d been almost too prepared to destroy their only means of communicating with the outside world.  Not missing a beat, he holstered the gun before even the military-trained officer could react.  It took several moments for everything that had just happened to sink in.

Mulch groaned, “There goes the horseman…”

“And,” Root started with a growl, “our only outside contact!  The blasted thing’s dead!”  Seeing the smile on the dwarf’s face he roared, “And it’s mostly your fault!”

“Me?!” the accused fairy gasped.  “What else did you want me to do?  Had to get the Mud Boy out of the picture somehow, didn’t I?  I was just trying to help!”

A quiet, barely audible voice scoffed, “Yeah right, Diggums…”  Captain Short struggled to sit upright; her body was still limp from whatever had incapacitated her earlier.  She yawned, “You took off before you even knew we were safe—which we weren’t.”

“Good to have you back, Captain,” the commander sighed, another burden being lifted from his shoulders.

Mulch laughed, “It just wasn’t the same without you snapping at me every few seconds!”

“Not gonna lie,” Juliet chimed in, “a couple more seconds and you would’ve had me down.”

The memory of Holly’s last few seconds of consciousness came flooding back.  She gasped, “Where’s our stuff, Commander?!”  She remembered holding the Neutrino 2000 in her hands when the orange pony’s lasso brought her to the ground.

Twilight cleared her throat and explained, “After seeing how you fought, Applejack insisted your machines be confiscated and taken someplace they can’t be used to hurt anypony.  So that’s what we did.”  What she had just said washed over the purple unicorn.  She snapped at the dwarf, “So how’d you get that helmet back?!”

Another guilty grin stretched across Mulch’s face.  He turned his back and shrugged, “What can I say?  I see something shiny and I take it!  I told you I went looking through some houses, didn’t I?”  Thinking back to the moment he had found the LEP equipment, he chuckled, “That’s also when the purple lizard gave me the book.”

Commander Root groaned, “So you take a helmet but just ignore the dangerous guns?  How does that make any sense?”  The officer’s attention returned to the silent and dim mess of a helmet.

“Darn!” the dwarf cried out, snapping his fingers, “You totally figured me out, Julius!”  With a smile, he reached into a pocket on the rear of his pants—thankfully not the waste-disposal flap—and pulled out both of the LEP firearms, in almost perfect condition despite everything that had happened.

“You aren’t supposed to have those!” the unicorn snapped, annoyance filling her features.

The still-waking Captain Short tittered, “Diggums isn’t supposed to have half the things you’ll see him with…”  Letting out another yawn, the fairy tried to get out of bed.  Despite her determination to stand, her legs gave out under her weight and she fell right back to sitting on the mattress.  With an annoyed groan she asked, “What did that friend of yours hit me with?”

“Some kind of sedative…” Twilight responded bluntly.

Commander Root couldn’t help but chuckle, “You’ve done well, Mulch.  I might even be willing to get your sentence cut short when we get back to the Lower Elements!”  He reached out a hand as if asking for one of the Neutrinos.

The dwarf laughed in response, “You think I’m gonna give you the guns?  You’ll probably just shoot me with ‘em!”  He skipped over to the genius’s bedside and placed both guns at his feet.  “No, I think this kid will be a little kinder!”

“You forget you almost fried his brain.”  Butler slowly, ominously spoke, no anger in his voice at all.  The dwarf couldn’t hold back a frightened shiver.

“Y-yeah, but Artemis ain’t the type to hold a grudge!” he cheered.  Then, turning to see the look on the boy’s face, he asked, “Right, buddy?”

Staring off into space, the boy barely heard the question.  In fact, he’d been zoned out for quite some time, considering everything that had happened since his creation of the device at the foot of his bed.  Without even thinking about it, he picked up one of the Neutrinos and pointed it directly at the dwarf’s head.

The entire party of creatures let out shocked gasps, even Butler unprepared for his charge to act so rash.  For some unexplainable reason, it never occurred to Twilight to take the gun with her magic.

“Bang,” Artemis chuckled, smugness in his tone.  He rocked the gun as if he had fired it, and watched as the color slowly returned to the fairy criminal.  “I don’t hold grudges, Mr. Diggums.  Quite the contrary actually; I’m still willing to enter into a business agreement with you.”

“I’ll…think about it…?” the dwarf slowly stepped away, still shaken by the thought of being blasted point-blank by one of the LEP-standard weapons.

Without waiting for anyone else to begin a pointless conversation, the genius spoke, “While this is more fun than I can bear to stomach, I’m afraid that there is business to attend to.”  With looks of utter uncertainty, the entire room locked their sights on the boy.  “While we may be stuck in this world for some time—the battery of my inter-dimensional device seems to have ticked out, you see—I fully intend to follow through with my original plan.”  He looked the unicorn directly in the eyes and sighed, “Despite the trauma of the last few hours, I do still wish to meet with your Princess Celestia.”

“Well, I’m sure that can be--”

Juliet cried out, “Wait, wait, wait!  Rewind!  What did you just say?!”

Root growled, “Are you telling us we’re stuck here because your machine died?!  Why would you even use a battery for something like that?”  The officer’s face was once again a deep shade of red, an angry scowl plastered on his face at this point.

Even Butler opposed the notion of ignoring the situation.  He sighed, “Don’t you think it’s more important to be able to get home than it is to be diplomatic?”  It wasn’t often Butler questioned Artemis’s ideas or ambitions.  Even when travelling throughout the world looking for clues on the fairy people, Butler never once questioned his charge.  Until now, he never felt the need to.

Holly scoffed, “I knew Mud Men were stupid, but I had no clue it went this far.”

“I’m afraid there isn’t much I can do to help,” the boy sighed.  He lifted his device into the air to shine some light on it.  “Unless one of you has a fragment of refined plutonium-244 the exact shape and size of an American penny, there’s nothing I can do.”

“Plutonium?  That thing’s radioactive?!” Julius fell back against the wall of the room, a sudden fear consuming him.  Though unable to move from her bed, Holly’s face filled with a sad horror at the boy’s comment.

Even Mulch had to swallow the lump in his throat.  He chuckled sheepishly, “I guess that explains why you two couldn’t shield, eh?”  Even his face began to pale, despite his less-than-concerned tone.

“What’s wrong with that?  It doesn’t give off enough radiation to affect anyone on such a short term.”  He admired his handiwork for a short moment before adding, “On top of that, it’s encased in lead.  The radiation hasn’t been leaking out at all.”

Commander Root kept his distance as he growled, “Unlike you Mud Men who’ve been wallowing in your own filth for centuries, we Fairies have stayed clean and pure!  Even the slightest bit of radiation can throw us for a loop!”

Holly stammered, “P-Plus it basically drains our magic…  Even a little radiation can damage our skin, and our magic automatically heals our wounds…”  She trailed off, urging her legs to move through the numbness.

“So radiation can cause you to use your magic too quickly…” Butler mused, understanding the fairies’ predicaments.

Artemis reiterated with an annoyed tone, “I told you already:  not a single bit of radiation has escaped this device since its manufacture.  Not even the wormholes it opened have given signs of radiation.”  He set the device back down on the bed, wondering just why it had died so quickly.

“But doesn’t plutonium-244 have a half-life of like eighty-million years?  How’d it die so quickly?” Captain Short asked, remembering her lessons on radioactive elements before joining the force.  After all, it pays to know your weaknesses extensively.

The boy sighed in confusion, “That’s where the problem comes in.  I can’t begin to understand why it would deplete so quickly.  Even if the wormholes did release radiation, which they don’t, there’s no reason for the battery to have decayed so exponentially.”  He pushed the activation button on the device only to receive a simple clicking noise that faded after a few seconds.

Mulch laughed, “Look at us getting all worked up!  If the thing’s dead, it can’t hurt us anyway!”  He looked back down at the dead helmet, wondering just what Foaly would say at a time like this.  “So even if they fix the mess with the time stop, we still can’t get home.  Can’t say I’m excited to be in a cell, but at least there’s stuff to steal back home,” the dwarf sighed.

“Don’t forget we’re only in this because of you, Diggums!” the commander growled.

Flinching at the sight of the still-angry officer, the dwarf gasped, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that one, Julius!  What made you decide to come after me?  Couldn’t leave it to Captain Short?”

The superior officer scoffed, “Don’t call me Julius, convict!  And besides, didn’t you get arrested just a few hours before?  If my officers can’t handle you, of course I’m gonna step in.”  Taking a second to think back to what went through his head when he stormed out of Foaly’s box, he chuckled, “Besides, I wanted some fresh air.  Stuck on a shuttle with a troll and then cramped up in the office, I needed to clean my lungs.”

“Didn’t you say the last time you arrested me you were gonna retire from active duty?  What happened to that?”  Mulch carried a big grin as he thought back to the last time he’d seen Root in person.  There was a lot of money involved.

The commander barked, “You’re insane!  Why would I do that?”

“This is all wonderful fun, really,” the genius with the dead inter-dimensional portal interjected into the two enemies’ reminiscing, “but I truly must get back to work.  I have a princess to meet with.”

Captain Short finally managed to stand up from her bed.  She groaned, “Hold on just a second, Mud Boy.  You built a machine that opens holes in space, right?  You think you could fix this hunk o’ junk?”  She tapped the dead helmet with a foot.  “If anyone can help us fix your mess, it’s Foaly.”

Getting up from his bed and removing his suit from the bedside table where it was folded, the boy shrugged.  “I can attempt it.  I’ll make no promises, considering how advanced the technology is.  If it simply shorted out like the overload on the other one, it shouldn’t be too terribly difficult to fix,” he spoke calmly, as if his sudden urgency had passed mysteriously.

Twilight finally decided to speak up.  She cheered, “So you’re all okay now?  No more fighting?  That’s great!”  She headed for the door to the room and giggled, “I’ll go tell Nurse Redheart that her patients have recovered!”

The second she was out the door, Root closed it carefully and growled quietly, “Make no mistakes, Mud Boy, we aren’t friends by any means…”

“I agree Commander.  So long as we are in the presence of such powerful creatures, we have nothing to gain from hostile interaction; they can disable us with a thought.  Besides, how am I to be diplomatic if I try to harm another creature in their eyes?”  The boy proceeded into the small bathroom on the far side of the medical room and began to change back to his usual attire.

Captain Short placed a hand on her head and scoffed, “I don’t know what you’re trying to do in this world, Mud Men, but I’m certain it’s no good.  Don’t think you can just drain this place like you did your world.”  She examined the two supporting humans extensively, wondering just why they would follow such a dangerous idea to the finish.

Butler stood from his seat for the first time since arriving in the room and advanced toward the door.  The comparatively-tiny fairies all moved to the side to allow him unhindered passage, certain he wouldn’t hesitate to remove them himself.

As he passed he whispered, “His methods are despicable, but at its roots, it’s for a noble cause.”  Before the magic creatures could respond, the brute was out the door and walking the halls of the seemingly-cramped hospital.  Juliet followed him out the door, not stopping to say a word.

Artemis exited the bathroom with his stylistic suit on and tossed his patient gown on his bed.  As he stepped from the room, the genius picked up the LEPrecon helmet and nodded affirmatively at the two officers.  The officers reacquired their weapons as the dwarf took off.  By the time Nurse Redheart and Twilight Sparkle had returned to the room, all six foreigners were gone, exploring their surroundings at their own leisure.

The two patient gowns were left hanging on a hook on the back of the door.

Absurdity Brews

The sun was shining exceptionally bright as it began its downward arc toward the horizon.  Ponies were rushing back and forth through the surprisingly crowded Ponyville marketplace, running their individual evening errands before settling back in their homes.  No matter their rush, however, they took extra care to avoid passing within arm’s reach of the gargantuan foreigner that sat on a relatively tiny bench just outside of the delicatessen Sugarcube Corner.

Adopting looks of either fear or disgust, they each hurried on their ways past in one direction or the other.  The bodyguard couldn’t help but let out a disappointed sigh, not a single citizen of the town having the courage to engage him in friendly banter.

Odd, he thought, normally I wouldn’t even think twice about being feared.  Perhaps it has something to do with how trusting these equines have been so far.

He was pulled from his thoughts by his sister’s giggle, “Have some ice cream!”  The girl appeared around the corner with surprising speed, two cones stacked four scoops high with different flavors of ice cream in her hands.  She offered one to the quiet brute, already biting into her own.

“How’d you get this?”  Butler, despite his intimidating appearance, was all for enjoying the little things.  He took his cone with what may have been a genuine smile.

“I helped the owners move some stuff.  They gave me some dessert as payment,” Juliet explained happily.  Her smile quickly faded as she asked, “Do you think we’ll be able to go home, Butler?”  She took a seat beside him on the cramped bench.

The older sibling took a ridiculously large bite from his cone and grunted in response.  Seeing his sister’s annoyed expression, he elaborated, “I’m certain Artemis will think of some way to fix his device.  We simply must wait…”

Although, if things keep going the way they are… he mused, reflecting on his charge’s recent string of odd behavior.  This world is doing things to us.  I can feel it.

“Yeah, you’re right!” Juliet cheered, a warm smile stretching back across her face.

Butler considered how quickly her attitude had changed in the matter of minutes.  He asked, “What do you think of the fairies?”  He looked down at his side where his Sig Sauer was usually holstered.  The gun had been cast away from him after his encounter with a dwarf’s means of passing gas, and he felt oddly naked without it.

His sister took another bite of ice cream.  “I like them.  They might hate humans, but they seem like lawful people to me.  …Except for the ugly one, of course.”  The girl thought back to her short-lived battle against the two fairy officers.  It was obvious they’d been going easy on her the entire fight; they could’ve taken her down at almost any time if they’d been willing to hurt her in the process.

“Yes, Mr. Diggums seems like just the type of creature that Artemis Sr. would have employed.”

“Do you think Artemis has said anything to Twilight about why he came here?”

“The young master is also chess master, Juliet.  He thrives on knowing more than his opponents.  I doubt any of these ponies will know what he wants until he’s already obtained it.”  As he said those very words, sadness filled his gut.  He knew it was true, but he wanted to believe that maybe this adventure could be diplomatic and trusting.

Juliet stopped to think about that for a moment.  She knew it was true just as much as the next person, though she wouldn’t enjoy admitting it.  “And the fairies?  What do you think they’ll do when they find out?”  A certain phrase Captain Short had used earlier echoed in her ears.

“It’s obvious from the way they speak that they care about the earth—or lack thereof, it seems—enough to hate humans for trashing it.  Captain Short said herself that she doesn’t trust us and that she doesn’t want us to ‘drain this world’ like we did ours.”

So what will the fairies do if they learn Artemis is trying to manipulate this world’s residents?  Will they stop him at any cost to keep it untainted?  The bodyguard’s mind began to swim wildly.  Countless scenarios played out in his head, either ending in the death of his charge or the corruption of the pony world.  He imagined the pastel colors of the world around him fading into a depressing grayscale scheme.  Can I sit back and watch as he ruins a world?  I could never hurt Artemis, but could I let him destroy this Eden?

“There’s something wrong here, Juliet!”  Butler snapped, his hand reaching for the spot where his pistol was usually holstered.  His sister shot to attention as he explained, “Not only is Artemis acting odd, but I’m beginning to question my loyalty to him.  I’ve never done that.”

His sister relaxed with a scoff, “You’re just being smart, bro.  You have every right to question his schemes.”  Dismissing the sudden burst of urgency, she resumed eating her ice cream.

“I woul’n’t casht t’e man off sho quick’y, Mud Gir’.”

A knot tightened in Butler’s stomach, the voice all-too-familiar by this point even through the muffling.  Almost like a mole, the dwarf burst from the ground, practically rocketing from the hole he’d opened.  A foul smell filled the air for a few moments before returning to normal.  The few ponies unlucky enough to be passing by at the time were either sent to the ground by the force of the earth opening or the scent disabling them.

“Mr. Diggums?” Butler half-choked at his own memory of the first time he truly encountered dwarf powers.

Mulch quickly re-hinged his jaw and cheered, “Yep!”  Without wasting a second, he pulled several objects from his shirt pockets, one of them igniting a fire in the brute’s gut.

Juliet’s eyes opened wide with surprise.  “Is that…?”

“One SIG 226, straight from the home of the purple pony!”  Without even considering that Butler might be a little sour from their meeting despite his words otherwise, the dwarf handed the signature pistol back to its rightful owner.  “I also snagged the fried LEP helmet and most of the concealed weapons they managed to find on your person.”  Right on cue, he pulled the headgear and a few of the larger weapons from the hole he emerged from.

As he went through the list of the things he’d taken on his second trip into Twilight Sparkle’s library home, he surrendered all of the bodyguard’s equipment in exchange for a promise of peace.  It wasn’t until he pulled out the two golden cubes that the humans intervened.

“What are those objects, exactly?” asked Butler, still confused from their speculation earlier that day.

Mulch held them both up and sighed, “This is the Book of the People, the fairy bible, or simply the Book.  In this is written all of the People’s secrets and laws.  In most cases, they’re supposed to disintegrate if someone other than the owner touches them without the owner’s express permission.”  He looked at Butler expectantly.

He wasn’t disappointed as the brute inquired, “So why didn’t they?”

“I dunno,” the dwarf replied bluntly.  He scowled at the golden objects and sighed, “I can tell you one thing, though:  this isn’t what the Book’s supposed to look like.”  Upon noticing the humans’ confusion, he explained, “It’s usually hexagonal with a couple hinges and a red gem on the front.  These things won’t even open!”

“Whaddya think it means?” Juliet asked, biting into her ice cream once more.  One scoop down, three to go.

The thief shrugged and chuckled, “I dunno, but I’m sure Julius and Holly will wanna know more.”  He handed off the very last of Butler’s concealed weaponry, put the helmet on, and stuffed the Books in his pocket.  He laughed, “Y’think your Mud Boy can fix this thing without flinching?”  With that, his jaw unhinged and he was back in the dirt, headed God knows where.

“He sure is generous for a thief, don’t you think?” the younger sibling mused.

Yes.  A little too generous, I’m afraid.  Even the fairies are changing, aren’t they?  Why wouldn’t the commander attempt to arrest a wanted criminal, even if he wouldn’t be able to jail him?  Why wouldn’t the captain do the same?  Why am I questioning Artemis, and why is Juliet acting more like a normal child?  Butler’s mind raced back and forth through the past few hours, noting every single difference between their first encounter with the fairies and the time spent in the hospital.  Why are a thief and genius being generous and irrational?

“Juliet, I want you to stay here.”

In mid-bite, the girl moaned, “What’s that supposed to mean?  Where else would I go?”

“When Artemis and I go to meet this Princess Celestia, I want you to stay here,” Butler explained, his tone serious and commanding.

The younger sibling scoffed, “You know I can’t do that.  If something happens to you, it’s my job to--”

The elder brother roared, “If something happens to me, then you can’t hope to handle it!”  He took a deep breath and sighed, “I’m asking you not as a Butler, but as a brother, to please stay here.”  He looked her square in the eyes, driving his seriousness home.

Juliet smiled an empty smile and whispered, “Okay, bro.  I’ll stay here.  Just promise you’ll bring Artemis back when you come.”

There was an unspoken understanding that washed over both of them.  Juliet understood her brother’s concerns, and Butler understood his sister’s worries.  Things were happening to them.  Something about the world of ponies was changing the way they thought and acted.  Anyone, even a Butler, would have every right to be concerned.

…

The smell of metal filled the air of the surprisingly-well-stocked hardware store just on the outskirts of the Ponyville marketplace.  Sitting at a workbench with a plethora of tools by his side, Artemis was busy disassembling and repairing the shorted-out LEPrecon helmet that had been entrusted to his care.  Had he so chosen, he could have rigged it to explode upon its next activation and simply eliminated the fairies from the equation.  As it were, however, he had found a way to manipulate the fairies into his wealth-acquiring schemes.

In all the legends of fairies and magic that he’d researched, they all made mention of a wealth of gold at the fairies’ disposal.  If the Equestrian adventure didn’t pan out as he hoped it would, perhaps he could make a quick fortune by holding the officers and dwarf for ransom.  And even if their ‘Council’ wouldn’t pay a ransom fee, he could always patent the technology in the guns and helmets and outshine any other tech company on Earth.

Or maybe the fairies would even help him acquire the gold in exchange for a portion of it, although that seemed highly unlikely.

‘Don’t think you can just drain this place like you did your world,’ she’d said.  I was in the restroom, but I still heard her.  They would never stand aside and let me get away with what I have planned.  If diplomacy with the princess fails, I’ll have no choice but to take action.  I will restore my family’s fortune, and then I can resume my—!

The boy’s thoughts were cut off by a quick zap to his palm.  The current from a particularly pesky circuit danced up the length of the screwdriver he’d been holding and left a nice scorch mark as a sign of its rebellion.  It was almost as if the helmet didn’t want to be fixed, with as much trouble as it was giving him.

It shocked me.  Normally I would be angry, but that means I’m doing something right!  There’s a new current running through it, but the blasted machine still doesn’t have power.  I have to find the spot where the circuit breaks and fix it, he stared at his hand before continuing, no matter the cost.  I must know what the state of Fowl Manor is and whether Mother is well.

“Excuse me sir,” the boy called to the muscular stallion behind the nearby counter, “but do you happen to have any spare copper wire lying about?”

The buck grunted, “Whatcha see is whatcha get, fella,” as he waved a hoof around the tiny shop.

It’s surprisingly well-stocked for such a minuscule building.  It has everything I could ever hope for in the way of tools, it seems.  It’s quite a shame it only has tools and none of the miscellaneous junk that accompanies most repair jobs.  I suppose a monopoly on the demand would be too much to handle for a tiny shack like this.

“Very well then,” the boy’s eyes scanned the shop over at least three times before he finally decided that they most definitely did not offer what he needed.  “Do you know of any place in town where I can find some?”

Placing a hoof to his muzzle, the stallion said, “You could probably try Mr. Breezy’s Fan Shop.  It’s just a few doors down before you get to Sugarcube Corner.”  With a smile contradictory to his prior bluntness, he returned to his work.

“Thank you.  Would you be bothered if I left my machine here for the time being?”

“Not at all, fella.  Be my guest.”

’Fella,’ ‘whatcha,’ was this man raised in a barn? Artemis’s expression fell blank as he considered what he was referring to.  On second thought, never mind.  A fan shop, he said.  Certainly a pony that manufactures fans will own quite a length of copper wire.  He might even be willing to part with some for free.

Stepping out of the small tool shop and into the afternoon air of Ponyville, the boy couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the world drenched in a descending sunlight.  It was almost like a work of art, only it was real.  Despite being perpetually serious and cold, even he could appreciate a work of art.

It took roughly a minute for him to reach his destination.  The second the door opened, a gust of chilled air poured from the store.  A loud whirring immediately filled his ears, followed by a very cheery, “Hello!  Welcome to Mr. Breezy’s Fan Shop!  I’m Mr. Breezy!”

I’ll never begin to understand how someone that simply stands behind a counter all day listening to the incessant roar of machines could possibly enjoy their job so much.  No matter.

“My name is Artemis Fowl, and I’m here to ask if you have any copper wire you’d be willing to part with.”  The boy wasted no time in getting to the point.  After all, he was more than interested in getting communications with Earth back up and running.

The stallion with an oddly-Irish accent chuckled, “Some copper wire, huh?  I’m sure I can scrounge some up from somewhere.  About how much are you looking for, Mr. Fowl?”  The green vest and beret mixed with his orange mane and tail only drove home the Irish feel.  Even his customer had to admit how uncanny it was.

Artemis answered, “Somewhere in the range of two feet would be acceptable.”

“Coming right up!”  In the blink of an eye, the stallion vanished to a room at the rear of the building.

Between the fact that fairies exist and the fact that I’m certain he just teleported, I can’t decide which I find less believable.  Still more things make no sense in this world.  Why did we survive our fall the other day?  Why did Butler so suddenly question my decision to meet with Celestia?  Why are my emotions beginning to overpower logical reasoning?

“Perhaps it’s because logic has no place in this world of ponies.  I simply must thank you, Mr. Fowl.  You’re doing more for me than you can possibly imagine, and we haven’t even met yet!”

Get out of my head!  A sharp pain drilled through the boy’s temples, sending him to his knees in pain.  He clutched at the bandages wrapped around the crown of his skull, silently begging the pain to go away.  As suddenly as it began, the sensation vanished, along with any memory of the ominous voice that had called to him.

All that remained as a sign of the exchange was the sweat drenching his brow.

He wiped away the out-of-place perspiration with a coat sleeve so as not to arouse the store owner’s suspicion.  Taking a calming breath, he whispered to the air, “Get a grip, Artemis.  You’re just stressed about your machine’s battery ticking out…”

The shop owner blinked into existence with the required length of wire sealed in a plastic bag held firmly in his muzzle.  Setting it gently on the counter next to his register, he chuckled, “That’ll be fifty bits!”

Artemis’s expression fell, unprepared to actually pay the man for his services.  He sighed, “I’m afraid I don’t have any money at the moment, sir.  Perhaps you can open a tab for me?”  Without waiting for a hopeful response, the boy reached for the wire.

Mr. Breezy’s hoof landed on the bag first.  He barked, “Sorry kid, no dough, no go.”

“Surely we can work out some sort of arrangement?”

“Nuh-uh.  I’ve already been scammed once today by those fellas in the jumpsuits, it ain’t happening again.”  A stern expression washed over the stallion’s face as if to say ‘give up or get out.’

Lowering his hand and forgetting the wire, the boy locked onto the thought of ‘those fellas’ scamming the store owner.  “What do you mean by ‘scammed,’ Mr. Breezy?” Artemis asked, almost too curious for his own good.

“The gruff fella walked in, grabbed something from one of my shelves, and walked right out!  When I tried to say something, the lady sang a little song and followed him!”  A scowl covered the pony’s face at the thought of being robbed right under his nose.  “The weird thing is I didn’t even feel like going after them…”

The fairies stole something?  Why didn’t they just ask Mr. Diggums to do it?  Why would they dirty their hands with such an impure act?  I wonder what they’re planning to do with—what else does this store sell?—a fan.

“Are you certain you can’t simply loan me the wire?  I assure you on my family’s name that I shall repay you as soon as possible.”  Swearing on the family name was a big deal for the Fowl family, considering their extensive history in the criminal business.

A smile slowly stretched across the stallion’s face as he removed his hoof from the bag of wire.  As the potential customer reached for it with a shocked expression, Mr. Breezy cheered, “Nope!” and snatched it up in his muzzle once more.

The boy was almost literally speechless.  He couldn’t begin to imagine what had possessed a member of such a peaceful race of creatures to pull a dirty trick like that.  Just as he finally found the words to call the shop owner out with, another voice cut him off.

Familiar and cocky, the voice laughed, “Mulch Diggums to the rescue!”  Turning the corner and entering the building in one swift step, the dwarf held up a small satchel of jingling items.  “Fifty bits, you say?”  Opening the first pouch and pulling out a smaller one, he tossed it right at the stallion, who swiftly let go of the wire and caught the bits.

“You’re quite generous this evening, Mr. Diggums.  Had a change of heart, have we?”  Artemis gratefully picked up the bag of wire as Mr. Breezy nodded in confirmation of the transaction’s closure.  Not wasting another moment in the business-minded pony’s shop, the pair of humanoids exited into the red-orange light of the Equestrian evening.

The dwarf simply chuckled, “What can I say; this place is rubbing off on me!  First your troll’s weapons and now those bits, I’m just a modern Robin Hood!”  He pulled the overloaded LEP helmet from his head and sighed, “I know you’re working on the other one, but four ears are better than two.”

“Ah, so that’s your game.  Buy my materials and I’ll fix the item you could have killed me with.  Very well, Mr. Diggums, I’ll do it.  Or I’ll try, at least.”  Artemis hesitantly took the equipment in his hands, wary of any sort of trap set by the fairy convict.

“Appreciate it, Mud Boy!” Mulch laughed.  “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go see my nemesis now!”

With that, the dirt-burrowing creature was doing just that, swallowed by the soft earth.  Artemis couldn’t help but admire how high-spirited the creature was despite being trapped in an entirely foreign world.  In fact, the dwarf was even in the presence of two officers that would most certainly not hesitate to incapacitate him.  Yet, despite the high-spirits, Artemis couldn’t help but hear a thin layer of sadness in the fairy’s voice.

Does it really matter, though?  Why should I care?  The boy began the short walk back to the hardware store where his workbench was hopefully still intact.  I’ll admit it is my fault we’re in this mess, but look around!  This world is perfect!  Ignoring the shop owner that raised my hopes and slashed them expertly, everything here seems to be in perfect peace and harmony…

“Perfect peace and harmony?” Artemis muttered under his breath.

But that’s not possible, is it?  How can there not be conflict?  How can these ponies not fight for everything like humans do?  What holds this place together?  There’s always balance to the scale, and it seems this world is tipped in favor of peace!  How does that cancel out?  Where’s the sense in a world being so consumed by love and friendship that there are hardly any quarrels?

“Sense?” he mumbled, his steps getting smaller and slower.

The voice had told me ‘Where’s the fun in making sense?’  So…where is the fun?  If anything can be said about this place, it’s that there is never a dull moment.  Even the colors pop with life when you look at them.  Compare that to the world of humans, and what do you have?

“I see you’re starting to understand!”

Stop! Artemis’s head began to throb, his vision blurring.  Sweat began to pour down his face.  What are you?  Who are you?

“Oh, you wish to know more about me?  All in due time, Mr. Fowl.  I’m certain dear Celly will be more than honored to explain things to you…”

The voice faded away, and once more the boy was left drenched in sweat without a single memory of what had just happened.  When he regained his sense, he found himself leaning against the doorframe of the hardware store’s entrance.  Not certain how he arrived there, he wiped the sweat away and returned to his workbench.

I must meet Princess Celestia.  But…we need to leave this place as soon as possible!

A knot of dread filled the boy’s gut for some reason he couldn’t begin to imagine.  As he continued pulling apart and prodding the two helmets, he couldn’t help but wonder just what the state of Fowl Manor was.  As he worked, a nagging voice in the back of his head urged him to hurry and set things right.

So he worked in silence, never once looking up from the bench.  He had to get this done.  The sake of every humanoid in the town rested on this one simple repair job; he could just feel it.

…

The birds sang out happily as they darted from tree to tree, resting in the shade of the apple orchards on the outskirts of southern Ponyville.  The way the light of sunset reflected off of each individual apple added a sense of peace to the atmosphere of the unbelievable world.  As the two LEP officers relaxed in the shade of a particularly sweet-smelling apple tree, the many animals native to the area sang out in perfect harmony with their individual calls.

Commander Root was sitting upright against the base of the tree while staring off toward the horizon on the other side of town.  A massive mountain stretched upward, a pristine town resting just on the side of it.  A seemingly endless waterfall poured down the cliff face around the city.  Even the world-weary officer couldn’t help but wonder just how such a beautiful creation of nature was possible.

While her superior officer stared off at the scenery, Captain Short kept her eyes trained on the small town they’d just left.  The sheer vibrancy of the colors of the buildings and landmarks sent a shiver down her spine.  The world of ponies was so beautiful and untainted that she couldn’t begin to understand how it had remained so peaceful.

The two kept to themselves, simply admiring the world around them.  It wasn’t until the animals began to settle in for the evening that either dared to disturb the peace.

“Are you certain,” Julius began with a sigh, “that you performed the Ritual?”

Holly groaned, “For the tenth time, Commander, yes!  It was the first thing I did after the cleanup crew left town.”  All evening she’d been hounded by her superior officer’s nagging and questioning of her honesty.  “What’s your excuse?” she finished with a scoff.

Root chuckled emptily, “If we were back in Haven, I’d have your badge for that comment.”  The commander pulled his Neutrino 2000 from its holster, a copper wire wrapped all around the battery pack.  “If it wasn’t the Mud Boy’s device keeping us from shielding then what was it?”

“I don’t know, sir.  A better question I’d like to ask is how Diggums isn’t completely toasted right now.”  The female officer pulled her own gun out, admiring her handiwork in patching it neatly with copper wire.  “Do you think that pony minds how we stole his fan?”

“You used the Mesmer, right?”

“Yeah, but it didn’t work on Artemis, so there’s no guarantee.”

“There haven’t been any officers on our case so far, so I’ll say we’re okay.”

Holly struggled to her feet, having been comfortable against the raw earth, and sighed, “Mulch should be completely fried by now.  We were in the open for God knows how long before we woke up, after all.”  She began to stretch, almost expecting trouble after such a relaxing evening.

“That’s true.  Maybe we used all of our magic repairing any sun damage while we were asleep,” the commander offered his opinion as he stood to join Holly.

The captain mumbled, “So why aren’t we burnt now?”

“Good point.”

“Isn’t it though?”

“Wow!” a mocking voice rang out, sending a family of squirrels darting from the officers’ tree to any number of adjacent ones.  “You guys sure know how to party!”

Commander Root gripped his gun, placing a finger gently on the trigger.  He groaned, “What do you want, Diggums?  Can’t you see we don’t care what you’ve stolen this time?”  He turned and aimed, his sights locked on to the approaching dwarf’s head.

Instinctively, having gotten used to being arrested, the thief lifted his hands up by his head, palms facing forward.  “No need to shoot, Commander!  I bring gifts!” Mulch chuckled nervously.  Slowly reaching one hand into a front pocket, he pulled out the two glowing golden cubes.  The gun aimed at him lowered almost immediately.

Holly gasped, “Are those the Books?  What happened to them?”

“The Book?  That’s the Book?” the commander asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

Mulch relaxed his body, the gun no longer an immediate threat to him.  With a deep sigh he explained, “These are the Books that Artemis pilfered from your pockets while we were out.  Notice how they aren’t dust on the ground.”  He handed the cubes to Julius, who passed one to Holly and immediately pocketed the other one.

“So why aren’t they?” asked Captain Short as she followed her superior’s lead.

“You two went into that fan shop, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, so what,” Root spat, thinking they were getting off topic.

“Think it’s weird you didn’t feel the effects of the Rule of Dwelling for the few seconds you were in there?”  The dwarf grinned, obviously starting to understand things better than the other foreigners.

Holly placed a hand to her chin in contemplation.  After a moment she sighed, “Now that you mention it, yeah.  What’s that about?”  Her tone carried worry and confusion, just as her expression showed fear.

Diggums tittered, “The Book ain’t got power in this place.  Simple as that.”  With a laugh, he turned back to the other side of the officers’ tree and hoisted a decent-sized bag from his tunnel.

“What do you mean it doesn’t have power?  The Book always has power!”  Commander Root, having devoted his life to upholding the laws of the People, felt almost disgusted at the thought of their law book being void.

The female officer’s eyes opened wide as she began to understand what Mulch was saying.  She gasped, “Because we aren’t on Earth, the laws of nature don’t apply here!  Without the laws of nature, the laws of the People are pretty much meaningless!”  Taking a second to collect her thoughts, she added, “And with the People’s laws goes our powers!”

“Correctamundo!” Mulch laughed.  He explained, “I did a little reading—unbelievable, I’m sure—and found that this world is built on peace and love.  So not all of our powers are gone, just the ones that can be used to disrupt the harmony of the world.”

“Shielding and Mesmer?” the captain spat, not entirely sure she understood what was so dangerous about the two most basic powers.

Commander Root actually laughed, “It’s not nice to be sneaky or to trick people, Holly!”

Holly nodded in understanding, seeing where the logic was coming from.  In a world where they haven’t been witness to a single non-Earthling argument and everything seems perfectly calm, such trivial ‘pranks’ would be considered evil.  She didn’t like the idea of her powers being called bad, but she could at least understand why they were so.

Mulch’s laughter slowly died, devolving into a sigh.  “Most of King Frond’s rules are null and void, along with the curses they cause.  In theory, if the world only disabled the curses, I’d get my magic back.”  He added with a huff, “Stupid pony world...”

“So we’re basically humans that can heal people now?”  Holly grimaced at the comparison, but she saw it as disturbingly accurate.

“Pretty much,” the dwarf replied with a shrug.

Root growled, “Mud Men…”  Taking the time to check the immediate area for any present humans, he chuckled, “You forget we actually care for the world’s resources, be it Earth or here.”

“Which reminds me,” Mulch’s expression fell into a sorrowful frown, “there’s the matter of Mr. Fowl to deal with.”

Captain Short shouted, “We’ve got to stop him from ruining this world!”  A determined glint in her eyes added a sense of urgency to her words.

“That’s not what I meant, but sure,” the dwarf chuckled.  “No, he collapsed in the fan shop and started clawing at his head, then recovered like nothing even happened.   I was about to walk in and give him the other LEP helmet when he screamed and fell.”

The two officers shared uncertain looks before the superior asked, “Do you have any idea what happened?”

“No.  But I felt something…weird…coming from him when I handed him the helmet.  It almost felt…evil.  But it wasn’t a ‘manipulate and corrupt everything’ evil, more like an ‘insane’ evil.”  Mulch shuddered, the residual feeling of his exchange with the boy making his skin crawl.

Commander Root grunted dismissively, “It’s not our problem.  He gets the helmets working and we get Foaly to help us power his machine.  We’re good to go.”

“Except we’re not,” Captain Short snapped.  “Not only do the Mud Boy and his servants know about the People, but they more than likely plan on sucking this world dry of its purity!  We can’t let that--!”

The captain was cut off in mid-sentence by a burst of sound from somewhere toward the center of the nearby town.  The voice of the genius in question echoed from wall to wall, reaching even into the apple orchards.  The sudden burst of noise sent birds flying from their nests and other critters scurrying in dismay.

“Eureka!”

Artemis’s voice boomed over the immediate area, a victorious and somewhat-relieved tone layering the meaning.  Despite its sheer randomness, the fairies knew exactly why the boy was so happy.  With that in mind, all three of them took off toward the source of the voice, excited by the potential the cheer contained.

…

Despite the sudden burst of sound, not many residents of the small town actually bothered to investigate.  In fact, it seemed the only creatures that cared were the foreigners.  While a random outburst of noise may have been uncommon on Earth, there never really was a quiet day in Equestria.  To further dilute any pony’s curiosity, the cheer had originated from the hardware store, where anyone would be able to put together an ingenious contraption and summon a proud roar.

But, despite the lack of curiosity from most of the town, one pony in particular was interested in learning what had been so exciting.  With pen and paper in tow, Twilight Sparkle hurried from her library home over to where the human genius waited with a buzzing helmet in his hands.

Even though she had one of the shortest trips, she was the last one to arrive to the party.  All six humanoids stood together in a small group within the crowded store, noises calling from the mechanical marvel.  The purple unicorn hastily scribbled down the basic gist of everything she heard during the entire exchange.

Between bursts of static, a gruff voice could be heard coming from the machine.  “Com…Cap…read…This…gency…picking up…eign readings…magical radia…”

“That’s Foaly alright!” Commander Root cheered, the voice lifting yet another burden from his shoulders.  “Good work, Mud Boy!”

Ignoring the apparently-derogatory term for ‘human,’ Artemis simply agreed, “It is fine work.  Considering my lack of knowledge on the specifics of fairy technology, I was able to—”

The helmet burst to life with sound.  The centaur whinnied, “You guys…hear me?!  Why didn’t you say…thing earlier?!”  While the static still interfered with a word or two, the majority of the message could be understood.

The commander took action immediately with an annoyed groan.  “This is some quality equipment we’ve got, Foaly!  It can’t even handle being blasted to a whole new world!”  He added quickly, “And no, I’m not raising your budget!”

Captain Short laughed, “It’s so good to hear your voice again!”

“I wish I could say the same, Holly…” the techy’s voice adopted a somber, almost hopeless tone.  “I’m getting mixed readings from my com…  One minute I’m receiving…feed from Fowl Manor, and the next I’m in some weird castle town.”  The static interfered less and less as time passed.

Root couldn’t miss his chance, “Are you telling me you’re getting interference?  Your machines are getting interference?”  For once, his friend couldn’t give some smug response.

Foaly growled, “This isn’t a time for jokes, Commander!  The more time that passes, the less…my readings change.  I’m stopping more and more on the castle town, and each time there’s more horse-like creatures staring up…at my cameras.”

Artemis’s eyes opened wide.  He snapped, “Mr. Foaly, can you describe what the horses look like?”  For some weird reason, a knot of dread tightened in his gut.

The horseman whinnied, “They’re comparatively tiny, roughly a meter tall.  Instead of normal coat shades, they look almost like crayon drawings…”  The clacking of his keyboard filled the store before he sighed, “They have huge eyes and somewhat-humanlike faces.  They aren’t normal horses.”

A sudden understanding fell over the group of foreigners like a waterfall.  Foaly the centaur, the technological genius working for the LEP, was somehow in the middle of a crowd of ponies.

Artemis’s head began to throb, his vision blurring once more. “The games are about to begin, Mr. Fowl.  You might want to see this.”

He couldn’t stop himself from stumbling toward the door of the store.  He released his grip on the helmet, it being caught by the now-alert commander.  As the boy slowly advanced toward the door, a sharp pain ran through his body.  Clutching his head, he picked up the pace until he was running.

“The real question is not what happened to the horseman, but what will happen to you foreigners.  Someone so rooted in logic can’t hope to understand the intricacies of what I have in store!”

He burst from the store, his head burning almost unbearably.  Almost instinctively, his eyes locked on to the mountainside town in the distance.  A bright ball of golden light flashed in and out of existence.

Butler and Juliet were the first ones to follow the obviously-plagued boy, their eyes automatically drawn to the same exact spot.  Following close behind with the helmet in tow, the fairies joined them in awe, staring at the distortion in space.  Even Twilight couldn’t hold back her awe at seeing the bright glow of inter-dimensional travel from so far away.

“Foaly the centaur meets Celly the alicorn.  I wonder who’ll make the first move.”

The golden glow exploded with a shockwave of sound, sending the earth itself trembling.  Where it had been flashing in and out of existence appeared a large, solid cube of black, wires running in and out of it from all sides.  Sparks flew to and fro as the box plummeted toward the city below it, landing right in the dead center.  The impact could be heard almost as if the onlookers were just beside it.

The box’s crash, however, didn’t seem to have any sort of impact zone accompanying it.

“He’ll have to come out eventually.  Just like you, eh, Arty?  Can I call you Arty?”

Holly and Julius shared looks of utter fear, while Butler and Juliet each placed calming hands on the still-sickly genius.  Mulch couldn’t help but smile at the unsettling circumstances brought on by the sudden happening.

“Arrivederci, Arty!”

The pain suddenly melted away, Artemis regaining control of his body.  He had just enough time to mumble a single word before he was on the ground in a sweat-soaked heap.

“…Help…”

Blueprints

Beyond all uncertainty and confusion, one thing could be said with the utmost confidence:  Artemis’s plans had not gone how he wanted.  If anything, things had gone as horrible as possible.  To the young genius, the addition of the intelligent centaur to the world of ponies could only mean more confusion, which would in turn hinder his ability to reach to his goal.

Of all the sudden turns of events that had taken place in the last few days, the fairies posed the single greatest problem.  And yet, as he mulled each of the fairies’ attributes over in his head, plans began to form that could just as easily lead to success as death.

As he continued to feign his unconsciousness, he listened in as Commander Root and Captain Short tried to reach their technologically-versed friend.  Each failed attempt to open a communication link elicited a curse from the commander, while the captain focused more or less on the seemingly-unconscious boy.

Artemis felt a slight tingle run through his body, comfortable warmth spreading from where Holly had placed her hand on his chest.  Though he despised the direct physical contact from a creature that could kill him at any second, he decided it in his best interest to play along with her assumptions.  He needed to get to work, but the knowledge he could gain from simply acting unhealthy could be potentially more valuable than any he could ascertain through thoughts.

The commander clicked a button on the earpiece of his helmet and called for the umpteenth time, “Foaly, do you read me?”

This time, with little hesitation, the centaur’s voice broke through the silence with a slight crackle, “O’ course I do, Commander.  Just had a little fall is all.”  The fairies let out sighs of relief, if only for a split second.

“Yeah, we noticed.  Made quite a noise.  So how’s your little box still working?” the commander retorted, adopting an unenthused tone.

I would think it obvious, Julius:  residual energy.  Whatever brought his box to us didn’t completely disconnect it from our world…  Perhaps…

“Not sure, but I’m glad it is.  It looks like they’re sending in the cavalry, if you’ll forgive the horse pun.”  The metallic banging in the background became obvious, justifying the use of the pun.

Holly called louder than necessary, “Are you able to contact the officers back home?”  Her breath was shallow, assumedly from having unnecessarily attempted to heal the human.

The centaur sighed almost expectantly, “Haven’t tried, honestly.  I’m a bit more curious about these little pony things.”  What followed was only too predictable.

“Get to work, Foaly!  That’s an order!” Julius’s voice exploded into the mike, causing a decent bit of feedback to ring out in the small building they were in.  His face adopted a deep red color, the commander being overly serious.

From the other end of the link, Foaly chuckled, “I’ll get right on it, sir.”  Silence with the exception of keyboard clacking and metallic banging followed, the techy getting to work immediately despite his humorous attitude.

Good, Foaly.  Work as fast as you can.  I’m certain your efforts are in vain, but there is always the slight chance I might be wrong.  If your workstation still has power, then that surely means you are still connected to our world.  In fact, that black box may be our only chance for returning…

While the boy’s brain ran through countless possibilities, the centaur ran test after test attempting to connect to the LEP officers still on Earth.  When at last he realized that his attempts were wasted, Foaly groaned, “No go, Commander.  We’re deaf and blind.”

“D’Arvit!” came the expected response.  It seemed to be the commander’s favorite word as of late.  “We can’t contact Haven, the Mud Boy’s out cold, and his device is dead!”

Wrong on all accounts, I’m afraid.

With a tone resembling that of dread, Foaly responded, “Dead?  You mean like a battery?”

Holly groaned, “Yeah, a plutonium battery.  Unless they have that stuff here, we’re pretty much chucked.”  Artemis could almost feel the angry glare being carved into his entire being.

“Well, that sucks.  What about the other Mud Men?  You said there were four in the manor, right?”

The commander scoffed, “Yeah, except only three of ‘em flew in with us.  The fourth’s safe and sound in that time stop.”  He turned his head to face the unconscious human.  “Artemis collapsed just after your crash, and the other two are out doing gods know what.”

I would hardly declare my mother ‘safe,’ Commander.  I still haven’t been able to work out why she wasn’t pulled in with us, but I’m certain that it is the secret to getting us home.  But could Mother truly hold the key in her delirious state?

Artemis felt the same tingling warmth from earlier before Holly sighed, “It’s no use; I can’t heal him.”  It almost sounded like genuine regret, had her annoyance not surfaced at the last second.

I would certainly hope not, Captain Short.  It is quite difficult to heal a healthy human.  Though, depending upon one’s point of view, ‘healthy’ is a very subjective term at this time.  I wonder if Butler has done what I requested yet…

…

An hour prior, in the aftermath of the centaur’s arrival to Equestria, Artemis had collapsed.  The voice that had been surging through his head finally faded, and with it went his consciousness.  Twilight wasted no time in taking him to bed in her library home, leaving Butler and the others to discuss their following actions.

“I’m telling you we can probably help the Mud Boy, though it’s not on the top of my to-do list…”  Captain Short seemed determined to at least attempt to heal the human, considering he most likely held their only chance of returning home.

“Do you honestly expect me to trust you with the young Master’s wellbeing?”  Butler was adamant about being the only one to go back inside and look after his charge, naturally.

“Let’s not forget that both helmets are still inside!”  Even Mulch was more than a little concerned about the boy’s wellbeing, considering everything that was riding on his device’s repair.

Their pony host was busy scribbling on a large piece of parchment, absorbed in whatever was being written more so than the argument erupting around her.  A small group of citizens had gathered to stare awkwardly at the weird bipedal creatures and their outbursts.

“The helmets, Mud Man, we need the helmets!” Commander Root all but growled; his face flushed red with a vein pulsing on his forehead.

The large human sent a daring glare toward the desperate fairy and muttered, “I’ll bring them to you, then.  No one else is entering this house.”

“I’d listen to him if I were you!” Juliet chimed in, not even considering questioning her brother’s orders.  “It’s probably the best deal you’ll get.”

Captain Short scoffed, “We could knock you both out in an instant, you know.”

“Yeah, if you had weapons!” Mulch laughed, enjoying himself almost too much.  Was he concerned about Artemis?  Sure.  Was he about to say it flat out?  Nah.

“Not helping, Diggums!” Root growled, getting even angrier.

The dwarf opened his mouth to give an insubordinate retort, but his chance was stolen by a pained shout from within the tree house.  Instinctively, without concern of being followed, the bodyguard threw open the door.  There on the small bed Twilight had made for him on the lower floor, Artemis writhed in pain, sweat pouring from his head.

When Holly attempted to walk closer to him, he roared, “No!  Not you!  Butler!”  He pressed a hand hard against his temple, the pain apparently growing more intense.

The fairy and the human locked eyes for a moment, distrust shining from the former.  The collapse had been real, though this delirium seemed almost too convenient for the guard’s sake.  Captain Short thought long and hard before surrendering to the ill boy’s request.  Leaving without a word, the door closed hard behind her.  Butler and Artemis were alone in the building, a guard and his charge.

Almost instantly, the boy’s muscles relaxed, as did his breathing.  Taking only a moment to admire his suddenly-developed acting skills, he chuckled, “That should do for now, my friend.”

Releasing a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding, Butler groaned, “I should have guessed you were faking it.  The real Artemis wouldn’t dare act so human.”  A slight grin graced his features, until he remembered that the collapsing had been real.

Before he could voice his concerns, Artemis explained, “I did indeed collapse, and for what reasons I do not know.  That isn’t important at the moment, however.  No, we have bigger fish to fry, if you’ll forgive my metaphor.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?” the charge cocked an eyebrow, disbelief and confusion taking over.  He’d never been so adamantly opposed by his bodyguard before.

“I said no, Artemis.  Not this time.  You passed out, and I’m afraid we won’t be doing much of anything until I know why.”

Artemis sighed, “Don’t be ridiculous, Butler!  My health is hardly anything to be concerned about, not when my device is out of control.  No, I’m afraid that the entrance of the centaur is probably just what we needed…”

“Stop.  Slow down and explain yourself for once.  This isn’t the time for games.  Whether you choose to admit it, you are playing a losing game of chance.”

Scanning his bodyguard’s features and seeing the genuine concern sent a shiver down the boy’s spine.  For the first time in most likely forever, he’d actually been brought to a point in which an explanation was more than due.

“Very well, my friend, an explanation you shall have.”  Sitting up slowly and taking a drink from a small cup of water Twilight had left for him, he began.  “I am sick, of that there can be no doubt.  My head has been twisted the last few days, culminating in my collapse earlier.  Though I fear for my health, it is the least of my concerns.”

Butler took an extraordinarily small seat at his charge’s side, struggling to keep it from breaking under his weight.  “I’ve noticed changes in your personality and overall attitude.  You haven’t been yourself…  But, then again, none of us have.”

With a smug smile, Artemis replied, “You are correct.”  After another gulp, he continued, “I would argue that even the fairies are different, and that they’ve noticed the changes.  I can even assume that it’s this world’s radiance that’s clouding our normal behaviors.  After all, it all began with Fluttershy’s arrival to our manor…”

“You were abnormally violent during that exchange, and I was most unprofessional, bickering with Juliet and all.”

“Yes, so it would seem.  But, despite how quickly we broke from our normal demeanors, Mother remained unaffected.  Granted her mind was already warped from whatever illness had grasped her, it still doesn’t sit right with me.”

“There’s still the case of Miss Angeline not being pulled to Equestria with us.”

“Again, you are right.  However, I do have a theory.  In one of the tomes Twilight allowed me to borrow, there were several references to a chaotic demon named Discord.  According to the passages, he reveled in the mental manipulation and torture of the citizens of Equestria, but was put to rest by the Elements of Harmony.  Do you follow me so far?”

It was at this point the boy threw the covers off and rummaged through a small bag of books he’d left in the library the prior evening—before his device’s malfunction.  From it he pulled the worn-out An Abridged History of Equestria and carelessly threw it open to the pages in question.  A fresh sheet of notebook paper, covered from top to bottom with handwritten notes, fell onto the small bedside table.

Scanning it over for keywords, Butler sighed, “You truly believe in this ‘God of Chaos?’”

“If I am to accept that this world’s magic is real, and that I have found a way to cross dimensions, then why shouldn’t I believe in this Discord creature?”  Taking the notes from his guard and setting them back in the book, he explained, “It wasn’t my first train of thought, naturally.  When I first read about it, I simply ignored it.  But then my thoughts began to nag me, telling me something was amiss.  If this Discord enjoyed playing with peoples’ minds, then what was to stop him from doing so to us?”

“Except that, according to the book, he was sealed in stone by the Elements.”

“Exactly!” Artemis cheered, a sudden excitement filling his nerves.  “But sealed away doesn’t necessarily equate to death.  If he is sealed, then his magic surely still exists, somewhere, even if only in residual pockets.  And, if that is the case, then perhaps his magic is what’s been twisting our thoughts.”

Butler frowned, “It truly isn’t like you to speculate…”

Artemis chuckled, “It isn’t just speculation, my friend.”  Pulling a small leaf of paper from his pocket, he placed it directly into his guard’s hand.

“Arrivederci?” the bodyguard read with uncertainty.

“Arrivederci indeed.  That’s my handwriting, the very pen I took those notes with.  Now, answer me this, Butler:  why would I write that if it was never meant for someone else’s eyes?”

Pondering this for a moment, Butler grunted, “I don’t know.”

“Neither do I, unless, of course, it was meant for me to see it.  If, at the moment, I hadn’t been in control, then I wouldn’t know what it was meant to be.  Get it?”

“Are you telling me that Discord’s magic caused you to write this?”

“No.  I’m telling you that Discord himself made me write it.  Even while on the other side, in my lab, he influenced me.  It’s the only explanation.”  With a smug grin, he retrieved the paper and placed it back in his pocket.

Butler openly scoffed at his charge, “You truly have gone crazy!  This is impossible, even by our standards.  Perhaps you need some more rest…”

The boy tittered, “I thought you would say something like that.  So, as we speak, Twilight Sparkle is writing to her dear sweet Princess Celestia about my theories.  It should only be another day before I know for certain whether I’m insane.”  Climbing back in bed and wrapping up with covers, he explained, “The fairies cannot know I’m healthy.  Neither can Juliet.  While we wait for confirmation, I need you to do some research.”

“Research?  For what, this ridiculous theory of yours?”

“Not quite.  I need you to research the fields where we woke up, tell me if you feel anything out of the ordinary.  My device landed us there, so perhaps there is residual energy.”

“And what of the fairies?  What if they follow me?”

“They won’t.  They’ll be in here, attempting to heal me and fix their other helmet.”

Butler groaned, “You sound confident.”

“And you,” Artemis chuckled, “seem talkative.”

Butler suddenly realized that, just as Artemis had been irrational and Juliet had been ditzy, he had himself become more open to questioning his charge.  Because he was normally closed off and obedient except in select situations, the brute shuttered at the thought of having changed so severely.

“I’ll do as you ask, Artemis.  I’ll examine the field, and I’ll wait for your unlikely confirmation.  I’ll even let the fairies do as they desire.  But, if you are right, and this demon is the root of our complications, what will we do then?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead, old friend.  In fact, I’m placing my eggs in one basket as it is.  Any further assumptions would simply be imbecilic.”

Butler stood up, careful not to knock anything over.  He sighed disappointedly, “I hope that, as bizarre as this situation has become, you can find a way to fix this.  Was your gold worth this trouble?”  For the first time, true disapproval broke through his tone.

And that disapproval stung its recipient harder than he expected.  It stung hard enough that the genius with enough smugness to fill up an ocean couldn’t even reply.  So, in silence, the boy adopted his ill demeanor and curled up in the bed, readying for the fairies’ arrivals.  Butler’s step was heavy and hard, and his exit was even more so…

…

Communications with Foaly had been reestablished, and a disappointing conversation had ensued, involving broken communications and the awakening of the human genius.  Logical deductions had been made leading to the conclusion that Equestria’s magic was a form of radioactivity, thus explaining indefinitely the dampening of the fairies’ magic powers.  And, to top it all off, everyone had gotten a taste of Princess Celestia’s voice before being so rudely disconnected from the call.

“He cut us off!”  Commander Root roared at no one in particular.  “How dare he cut his superior officer off!”

“Calm down, Commander…” Captain Short mumbled, equally confused.

Artemis chuckled, “It only makes sense, really.  A potentially seven-way conversation would be confusing by any standards, let alone through radio communications that this world doesn’t even have.”  Picking up the still-busted LEPrecon helmet from the far table and examining it, he added, “I certainly wish I was in his position…”

The commander growled, “And what exactly does that mean, Mud Boy?”

“At least he mustn’t put up with your incessant shouting or Mr. Diggums’ pungent odor.  Not to mention he is meeting with the ruler of Equestria personally.”  He opened a small hatch on the back of the fried helmet and glanced toward Twilight.  “I trust you told her everything I instructed?”

“Mh-hmm!” the unicorn nodded enthusiastically, stepping slowly toward the human.  “I told her to keep an eye on his statue, and that your friend would be visiting her.”

Holly snapped to attention, distrusting of such a cryptic exchange.  “Excuse me?  Did I miss something?”

“Good.”  Artemis handed the helmet to the pony, allowing her to wrap it in her telekinetic magic.  “I hope for Foaly’s sake that she trusts you as much as you think she does.”

“Of course she does!  I’m her star pupil!”  A burst of purple energy shot directly into the open hatch, the piece of equipment coming to life with an electric hum.

Leaping to his feet in shock, Julius roared, “What did she just do?!  Is it working again?!”

“Never mind that!  What do you mean ‘for Foaly’s sake’?” Holly interjected, suddenly even more concerned.

Artemis chuckled, “I regret to inform you that your technological companion will be serving as a guinea pig in a theory that I have.  I also regret to inform you that your equipment runs off the so-called harmful radiation that you were so concerned about, and that a dose of magical radiation got the juices flowing again.”  Taking a second to jot his thoughts onto a piece of parchment, he added, “The fact that it works again confirms Foaly’s hypothesis about the radiation.”

“Hah!  Only here for a fraction of the time you were, and he’s figuring things out faster than you could dream about!”  With only a little bit of petty ego, the commander cheered for the centaur’s prowess.

“Keep in mind he did have tools, commander.”

“Enough about the magic!  What do you mean he’s a guinea pig?”  Holly was quickly growing hostile, advancing toward the human with fire in her eyes.

Mulch chimed in, “So that’s why I didn’t get sunburnt?  It’s magical instead of UV radiation?”

“Exactly, Mr. Diggums,” Artemis nodded.  “You needn’t worry about him, Captain Short.  The worst case scenario is that he gets possessed by a demon.”  The nonchalance in his voice only fueled the rage in the fairy’s gut.

“And what’s the best case, death?”

“The best case, if you choose to believe me, is that we get to go home.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, her anger slowly draining in favor of curiosity.  Even Root took a step back to clear his head.  “Do go on,” he snapped.

The boy chuckled, “It’s quite simple, commander.  If Foaly gets possessed, then my theories will prove correct, and all of our problems will be solved by the Elements of Harmony.  If he doesn’t, then his black box is our key to reactivating my device and returning us home.  Unless, heaven forbid, I’m entirely wrong in my assumptions.”  With a smug grin, he plucked his device from his pocket and pushed the activation button.

Everyone flinched instantly, the effects of the busted machine being almost limitless.  All they received for their reactions was a small golden spark that shattered a mirror on the far side of the room.  The mirror in turn sent a wave of golden energy back at its attacker, which consumed it similarly to a black hole.  The device shut down immediately after, its internal workings falling silent.

“Fascinating…” Artemis mused, considering the impossibility of what he’d just witnessed.

Twilight was the first to regain her composure, asking, “What’s fascinating?  The broken mirror?  The spark?”

The boy scoffed, “It’s not quite so simple, dear Twilight.  No, it seems that whatever has been warping our minds is doing much more than that…”  Placing the device safely back into his pocket, he examined his face in the now-shattered mirror.

“Well?  Are you going to explain?” Holly snapped.

“My device shouldn’t have done this.  It isn’t meant to release energy, except in concentrated areas.  That bolt was foreign in origin…”  Noticing the bags under his eyes and the paleness of his skin, he added, “Perhaps whatever is warping our minds is warping my device.”

Mulch chuckled, “Warping our minds, huh?  Sounds about right!  No wonder Julius hasn’t popped a vein yet!”

“You’ve felt it,” Artemis snapped.  “Your generosity in returning Butler’s weapons and the officers’ equipment is a sign of that.  You’ve been very vicious, Captain, more so than any trained officer should be.  And you, Commander,” he retrieved the helmet from Twilight and tossed it to the officer, “are significantly less wrapped up in protocol than an officer of your rank should be…”

Captain Short had no intention of just letting the Mud Boy pass judgment.  “How could you possibly know that?  You didn’t even know we existed before today!  Who are you to say how we normally act?”

“A man of observational skills, Captain.  Even in this bizarre situation, I rely on my ability to think critically.  My entire plan for getting my gold and us going home relies on my accuracy.”

It hit everyone like a ton of bricks.  It hit him the hardest.  He’d said it, and he couldn’t un-say it.  The cards were on the table, if the players could read their values, and there was nothing he could do.  His poker face cracked a smile, and he’d counted the cards wrong.

“What gold?” Mulch asked, almost as excited as he was curious.

Twilight trotted forward, looking the human right in the eyes.  “Yeah, what gold?  I thought this was a diplomatic accident?”

Artemis was spared the discomfort of answering by a loud banging on the door to the house.  Without waiting for a response, Juliet burst through the door gasping for breath, her face flushed red.  Her eyes reflected pure horror, a small cut across her cheek signaling danger.  One of her eyes looked pale, a faint golden color crowning the iris.

“I-It’s Butler!  Something just shot him!  He’s gone nuts!”

Echoes of Chaos

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Foaly's Enlightenment

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Working with Nonsense

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Hummingbirds

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Distractions

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Dancing in the Shadows of Chaos

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"Novissima hora est"

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Finale: Harmony from Disharmony

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Epilogue: The Boy Who Would Find Magic

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The Nature of Magic? Intriguing.

The Nature of Magic? Intriguing.

Artemis Fowl II arrived in the exact location he had hoped to be.  The world came into focus barely a yard in front of the library-home of Twilight Sparkle, a grin of perpetual success gracing his features.  Finally, something was going right for him after all the failures of the previous day.  He noticed something slightly off about his current position—it was still barely sunrise.

The genius noted under his breath, “It seems our worlds sit on different time axes.  This is a very interesting detail, one that I’m glad to have discovered.  I suppose if my plights ever came to brute force, it would be wise to know when all the ponies are asleep…”  As he finished his musings, the door of the tree-based house swung open hurriedly, and a little purple creature stumbled through the threshold and into the early-morning air.

The creature didn’t seem to notice Artemis’s presence, which was fine by him.  No, instead the creature continued its lazy walk off into town, assumedly on a fetch quest for the owner of the home.  With that thought, the boy approached the threshold, knocked loudly on the open door, and let himself in.  Twilight stood by the far bookshelf, picking out books with her telekinesis-like magic, and placing them on the floor beside her.

The genius caught a glimpse of the spine of one single book.  The title sent his heart aflutter for several moments, before regaining his senses.  After a few seconds of this pattern somewhat-repeating, he decided that his host was fully unaware of his presence, despite the loud series of knocks from before.

Artemis cleared his throat and announced, “My dear Twilight is this any way to treat a guest?”  The book currently in the air fell with a thud as the unicorn jerked her attention to the human.

She placed a hoof on her head and gasped, “I didn’t expect to see you so soon, Artemis!  You should’ve said you were coming!”  She scrambled around the bookcases for a few moments before groaning, “I don’t even have my supplies ready!”

The word echoed in the boy’s mind for several seconds.  What on earth would she need in order to give him a little interview?  He cast away the thought and chuckled, “No need to be so flustered, Twilight.  You asked for a Q&A session, and here I am.  Although I must admit that it is quite early in your world.”  Her expression shifted from panic to curiosity as he finished his comment.

“What do you mean ‘early in my world’?  Is it later where you’re from?”  She lifted the fallen book onto the pile at her side and pulled a sheet of paper from the nearby end table.

“Back in my world, it is at least midday.  However, here it barely seems to be dawn.  It’s an interesting bit of trivia, but nothing too substantial.  That being the case, I can only assume my message from earlier woke you up.”  He looked down at his device, then to his jacket pocket where he’d placed Twilight’s message.

The unicorn giggled, “Yeah, it sure did.  But that’s fine, since I had a lot of preparing to do for our meeting.”  She waved a hoof at the stack of books she’d been picking out all morning.

Artemis took a moment to ponder the pile.  Based solely on the dimensions of the books, he estimated that altogether, they had to weigh at least one-hundred kilos.  He scoffed, “I appreciate your time and effort, Ms. Sparkle, but I don’t see how I can carry all of them back with me.”

Twilight giggled, “Actually, I was going to let you look through them and discuss some things, then pick whichever ones you wanted to take.  I mean, if you want to take them all, go right ahead!”  She lifted one book with magic and sent it floating toward her guest.

The genius cracked a smile when he saw which book it was.  The very same he had spotted on his arrival to the library—Manifesting Magic:  Princess Celestia’s Guide to Controlling Your Power.  The second it reached his hands, he cracked it open to the author’s notes.  The print was faded, and in the current level of illumination it was unreadable.  The bottom of the page was fully printed with the publication date and the author’s biography.

“What year is this Ms. Sparkle?” he asked, attempting to piece together the age of the tome he currently held.

Twilight placed a hoof to her muzzle and sighed, “The year is 1472 A.C.”  She noticed his lack of understanding of the initials and explained, “A.C. stand for ‘after the rise of Celestia’.”

Artemis let out a loud laugh, “So this book was written over 1200 years ago by the ruler of the kingdom?  She must have been a very wise leader.”  He closed the tome, deciding he would need better lighting to even begin reading.  The very person whom the time was named after was the very being to write the book.  That seemed almost too convenient.

“What do you mean?  She still is a wonderful ruler!”  Twilight snapped, adopting a tone of indignation.

He silenced his laugh immediately.  He scoffed, “What do you mean?  You mean this ‘Celestia’ person is still in power today?  That’s absolutely ludicrous!  Perhaps her descendants adopted her namesake, but there’s no chance of it--!”

“It’s the exact same alicorn, Artemis.”  Twilight Sparkle looked angrily serious, and her glare sent a shiver down the boy’s spine.  “She’s the same princess that sealed away Discord 1472 years ago, the same princess who banished her sister to the moon over 1000 years ago, and the same princess that protects her subjects today.”

“Are you bloody serious?  How can that be?”  Artemis could tell she wasn’t lying, and yet his knowledge of the mortal nature of all living creatures refused to let him believe her.

Twilight sent him another tome with her magic.  This one read The Nature of Magic:  Immortal and Limitless.  There were bits of information scattered on the first few pages, talking about how the Princesses of Sun and Moon were immortal with their deep inner-silos of magical energy.  The notes discussed how magic could bring about the life and death of a creature if focused in enough quantity.

One short comment stood out to Artemis more than any other.

“Long ago, the denizens of our world would focus their magical powers together to create special minerals and objects like gold and diamonds to offer to the demon Discord.  This practice was once known as Alchemy.  When our Goddesses came to power, that art was abandoned for simpler uses.”

The wheels in his head kicked into overdrive.  “So if I understand this correctly, concentrating enough magic into one spot can be used to create genuine gold?”

Twilight nodded and said, “Most ponies don’t do that anymore.  We usually just use our magic for everyday tasks.  Even though unicorns and alicorns are the only ones that can manifest magic physically, the other races still use it.”  She sent him another tome.  “Turn to page 342.”

Artemis examined the title closely.  “Everything to Know about Ponies:  A Report on the Nature of the Races.  Sounds very…deep.”  He then turned to the instructed page, several highlighted passages immediately catching his attention.

“Despite what most might believe, each of the four races does, in fact, manifest magic in their everyday lives.  Earth ponies, the bland, ordinary creatures without wings or horns, use the magic they manifest to give them greater physical attributes.  Bulky builds, resistance to pain, and superior strength can all be attributed to magic.

“Likewise, a Pegasus, the winged creature that controls weather patterns, uses its magic to keep its wings from giving out under intense g-forces.  Based on its stature, a Pegasus’s wings would not normally be able to lift it even a foot from the ground.  Their flight is all thanks to the presence of magic in their bodies, focused primarily in their wings.

“Unlike the other races, unicorns manifest their magic more obviously.  The horns on their heads concentrate the magic within to give it physical form, allowing for multiple productive and visible uses.  Being able to lift objects from afar, change the properties of an item, or just send messages from long distances are all abilities presented through the use of a unicorn’s magic.

“Alicorns, the creatures that possess both wings and horns—our dear Princess Celestia being a prime example—manifest magic in a combination of ways.  Essentially, an alicorn uses its magic in the same way as all the other races, in that it manifests the energy in all three manners.  Alicorns tend to excel in all areas of magical prowess, because their inner tanks can hold more at a time than any other race.  This being the case, alicorns that do not use their magic in vast quantities can turn that extra energy into pure life force.  Thus the reason why alicorns tend to live for ages longer than others.”

Artemis beamed a sly grin at the book he held in his hands.  He chuckled, “You mean to tell me that magic can both create rare minerals and bestow immortality upon someone?”  The gears in his mind turned faster and faster as he interpreted the information he’d been given.  It was at this point that he began to develop his overall grand scheme.  If the art of Alchemy worked as the book described, then his chances of regaining his family’s lost fortune were steadily increasing.

Twilight giggled, “I’m glad to see you take such an interest in our culture and world.”

“Oh yes, I am quite intrigued by all this information.  Tell me, your Princess Celestia is an immortal creature, correct?”  He placed a hand on his chin, pondering what course of action to take directly to lead him to his desired conclusion.

“Of course.  So is her sister.” she confirmed.

“She rules over the entire kingdom of Equestria, correct?”

“That’s right.”

“I originally came to this world to establish diplomatic relationships with the lands therein.  I suppose your princess is the pony to speak to on that accord?”  The genius had decided to resume his diplomatic approach to meeting his goal.

“That makes sense to me.”  Twilight cheered.

“Then, you being so devoted to her honor, might you be able to set up an audience with her on my behalf?”  A sly grin graced his features once again.

“I can try.  I’m sure she’d love to meet you, since you’re from another world and all.”  The unicorn adopted a happy grin and took her books back from the boy.

“Excellent…”

Fairy Feud

“I have never considered myself a failure before today, Butler.”

The three humans sat together, staring at the assortment of humanoids in front of them.  It hadn’t taken long for Artemis to recover his senses, with the Butler siblings following suit immediately after.  The young boy was amazed by the presence of the two creatures that hadn’t even been in his line of sight at the time of the accident.  He could understand the hairy animal’s arrival with them in the land of ponies, yet the other two seemingly fell from nowhere.

“That’s because you haven’t failed before, Artemis!” Juliet attempted to be uplifting, though the sentiment was lost on the boy's self-loathing.

Butler shifted uncomfortably as he holstered his Sig Sauer before commenting, “Perhaps you were unsuccessful in finding these creatures, but you opened a portal to whole other world.”  After a short moment of silence he added, “That must count for something, right?”

The boy’s eyes burned with fury at the three uncertain beings before him.  Maintaining a composed tone he groaned, “I spent three months and countless resources attempting to find a society identical to these two officers.  I failed, and turned my eyes toward a goal much less scientifically secure.  How is it that I found my otherworldly goal before finding the one right under my nose?”  He attempted to justify his failure in stating that they were, in fact, magical creatures that had remained undiscovered for thousands of years.

The large bodyguard sighed, “We can’t even be sure they’re fairies, Artemis.”

“Unless you count the body composition, the advanced technology, and the obvious magical energy radiating around them, no we can’t,” his young charge retorted.

Jolts of blue electricity danced around the two officers, the scrapes and bruises that had remained after their arrival sealing and vanishing before the humans’ eyes.  There could be no other explanation than magic.  Yet, despite his similarities to the other two, the dwarf’s wounds didn’t seem to be healing at all.  If anything, he simply looked to be getting worse, if only by comparison.

“They are pale, which serves as signs of a lack of sunlight.  It was night when the accident occurred.  Therefore we can determine that fairies are nocturnal creatures.”  Artemis began piecing a puzzle of his own creation together, trying to distract himself from the fact that he had failed by adding a success in its place.  “The musky vulgar one is coated with dirt.  It is obvious he is capable of burrowing underground; there is no other way into the mansion without the security systems activating.  We really must fix that, Butler.”

“Yes, of course, sir.”

“The vulgar one also does not seem to be healing himself, so it shows that not all fairies are magical.  He has a different build from the other two, so there must be different races of fairies.”  Artemis’s voice was starting to waver.  Whether it was from anger over his failure or disbelief that he had discovered two brand new sources of magic, it was uncertain.  He continued, “Those two are dressed in identical suits with almost identical builds, ignoring the fact one is female and the other male.  They are officers of some sort of government; they have the same symbols sewn into their shoulders.  Their size indicates that fairies do not get large like humans.  To them, Butler must look like a proverbial troll.”

It became obvious to his companions that he wasn’t talking to them anymore.  He was off in his own mind again, covering his inner plotting with outer action.  It was something he hadn’t done since before the creation of his device.  The two humans remained silent, the younger continuing to stare at the row of fairies.

“The officers both carry the same tiny golden book.  It can be inferred that it is either a bible for the fairy people or a manual for military officers.  If I could read their glyphs it would be a simple task to figure out which.”  As if actually meaning for his companions to listen, he held up one of the golden squares they had found in the pocket of the female officer’s battle suit.

Butler chimed in, “It wouldn’t be a military manual.  Officers wouldn’t carry such vital information on them during a reconnaissance mission.”  His years of serving in battle had given him a degree of knowledge a civilian couldn’t hope to question.  Despite the fact that these officers weren’t human, it was safe to assume they would follow the same safety protocols.

“But why would they carry bibles around?” Juliet seemed to chime out of nowhere, the question as valid as any other about the fairy folk.

Artemis analyzed the difference between the two officers and the out of place vulgar creature.  After minutes of study he concluded, “Perhaps it isn’t a bible of religion, but simple social standards.  A fairy that obeys the rules is given full range of its powers, while those that do not are stripped of what makes them magical and exiled.”  He began to rummage through Mulch’s person with an unspecified purpose.

Butler suppressed a groan as he commented, “Keep in mind you’re basing all of this on assumptions.  That isn’t like you, Artemis.”  Something about his charge’s behavior was bothering him.

“No old friend, they are not simple assumptions.  They are logical deductions that anyone could make with enough of an incentive given our clues.  When these fairies wake up, perhaps we can put our deductions to the test.”  Artemis backed away from the dwarf, placed both copies of the golden book into his coat pocket and waited for the blue sparks to finally finish their dances across the fairy bodies.  Almost instantly, the female creature began to stir awake.

With barely a second of hesitation, Butler drew his Sig Sauer and aimed it for the fairy’s head.  Holding back an objecting scoff, Juliet focused on the creature’s waking movements.  Artemis simply waited to see how things would play out, not having a way to plan for a specific scenario.  He would, as much as it pained him to think it, ‘wing it’ as he went.

With almost no consideration for her surroundings, Captain Short pushed herself into an upright position and reached a hand for her face.  She let out a confused grunt as her fingers made contact to her skin and not the helmet she had been wearing before the blinding golden light sucked her in.  In an instant she became disconnected from her one source of guidance.  Panic started to flood her body, only barely concealed in her slow movements.

Opening her eyes, the captain was quickly able to register her situation.  Hulking above her, nearly the size of the troll she’d incapacitated earlier in her mission stood a human that resembled more of a bear than a man.  In his hand rested a primitive pistol that was most likely fully loaded and ready to end her life.  Even with magic, it was hard to heal a splattered brain.  Off to the side she noticed a much smaller, frailer boy in a dapper suit with a smug grin on his face.  Behind the two men sat a girl, probably barely older than the boy, sitting with a regretful frown on her face.

Mud People.

The next thing she decided to examine was the surrounding area.  Beside her lay a hopefully-unconscious Commander Root and a disgusting-looking Mulch Diggums.  All around them stretched a grassy field with trees in the distance in one direction and a large garden in the other.  The scent of apples filled her nose periodically when Mulch’s musk wasn’t drowning her.  She could see the world through unfiltered sunlight, which only made her heart rate increase greatly.  Though the light didn’t feel scorching, she was certain it was the panic keeping her from feeling the effects.

She spoke in a tongue foreign to the humans.

Artemis replied with a blunt, “Of course they have their own language; they aren’t human.”

Butler grimaced.  “This could get difficult.”

Recognizing the humans’ language as a variation of English, Captain Short attempted to communicate again.  This time she snapped, “Where are we, Mud Men?”

The three humans were taken aback by her sudden shift in language.  The young boy answered with a smug, “We are not in Ireland, nor are we on Earth.”  He took pleasure in the confusion that filled Holly’s features.

The fairy pressed on, “So then where are we, Mud Boy?”

“Equestria,” he replied bluntly.

“Where is that?” she scoffed, annoyance starting to overtake the panic.

With a smile the genius took an uncharacteristic opportunity to give a cliché joke.  “It is a long way from Kansas, my dear.  And I’m afraid there are no ruby slippers to send us home with a wish.”  Perhaps the joke hadn’t been executed properly, but he still found humor in the situation.

Juliet flinched at the failed attempt at humor.  She sighed, “Artemis here found a way to a whole other world.  You fairies should be jealous of his work.”

“How’d you know we’re fairies?!” Holly snapped with her panic resurfacing in her features.

“You obviously aren’t humans, my dear.  Your ears are malformed, your bodies are too small, and the miniscule blue sparks that dressed your wounds are not found in human biology.  What else could you be?”  Artemis stood proud, most of his assumptions having been proven correct up until that point.

Taking a moment to consider her essentially-stranded position, Holly looked around for signs of her equipment.  With no luck she moaned, “What’d you do with my helmet?”

“The equipment is safe.  I would never harm such advanced machinery.”  Artemis turned away from the fairy, his bodyguard’s firearm pointed safely at her.  He slowly stepped over to a pile of non-human-manufactured machines and gadgets hidden safely underneath Butler’s large sports coat, the two officer helmets at the very top of the stack.  He chuckled, “At least not until I get the chance to dissect it.”

“You have no clue what you’re getting into, Mud Boy!” the fairy snapped, her face flushing red in anger.

The boy lifted up one of the helmets to examine it in the light.  He sighed, “Whatever it may be, I’m certain we can handle it.”  Placing the armor safely back on the pile, he casually strode to the side of the dwarf-like creature.  “My true concern is regarding the nature of your people.”

“If you expect me to talk, you’re wasting your time.”

“It matters not,” the genius dismissed her resolve, staring down at the still-unconscious kleptomaniac.  “Everything has its price.”  With a cold expression that showed nothing but ambition, Artemis’s eyes met Holly’s.

The fairy had to struggle to hold back a shudder, easily disturbed by the icy deviousness in the boy’s eyes.  It only took her a moment to recover and realize that she had been given the perfect opportunity to use one of the most useful fairy abilities:  the Mesmer.  Holding back the sudden excitement in her gut, Captain Short poured every bit of focus she could into her following statements.

“You’re pretty smart for a human.  But don’t you think you should let us go?  I mean, we can’t really be much use to you.”

To Artemis, the fairy’s voice rang out like a chorus of angels.  Her eyes gave off a faint, comforting glow, and the boy couldn’t help but crack a smile at the peaceful feeling that washed over him.  As the fairy spoke, the boy’s eyes slowly began to change colors, becoming a light shade of pink.  Butler slowly approached his charge, sensing a sudden change in demeanor and focus.

Artemis, his focus returning the moment the fairy’s speech ended, turned toward Butler with a much peppier tone in his voice.  He chuckled, “I believe the fairy is right, Butler.  We should let them go.”  Turning back and smiling at the suddenly-relieved LEPrecon officer, he added, “It’s not like there’s an infinite wealth of knowledge to be gained from their society.”

Captain Short’s victorious grin was short-lived, realizing that, for whatever reason, her Mesmer had failed her.  Taking time to look into her captor’s eyes, she noticed that the bloodshot color that usually symbolized a Mesmered creature was nowhere to be seen.

“How foolish do you think I am?  You’ll have to do much better if you expect to manipulate a genius of my standing.”  The boy returned to the dwarf’s side, intent on continuing his previous train of thought.  He sighed, “This creature managed to break into my manor, most likely with the intention of robbing me blind.  If it’s wealth he wants, perhaps I can give it to him…for a price.”

The captain shot to her feet, disregarding the gun perpetually pointed at her head.  She objected, “You wouldn’t dare!  Why do you even care what we are Mud Boy?”  As if instinctual, she reached toward her belt for her gun, only to remember it was with the rest of the confiscated technology.

The genius, his patience growing thin, tittered, “It’s not so much what you are that intrigues me.  I would dare to say it’s the sheer value of the machines you possess that makes me want to know more.”  The grin on his face faded as he continued staring down at the grubbiest of the three fairies.  Each second that passed where he didn’t wake up only annoyed the boy more.

“What would a Mud Boy like you do with our tech, anyway?  Play cops n’ robbers?”  A gruff voice snarled, sending a slight burst of hope through Holly’s mind.  The second fairy, wearing a similar jumpsuit to the captain, burst to life with surprising agility.  Despite appearing old, the commander was on his feet and ready to attack his captors in a matter of seconds.

Of course, seconds were all Butler needed to switch his aim from one head to the other.  Upon seeing that he was the new target for the troll-esque human with a gun and that he had been relieved of his own equipment, Commander Root stood down.  Instead, he simply relaxed his body, knowing that fighting at that moment would get him nowhere.  Seeing her commander suddenly stop resisting, Captain Short followed suit.

Artemis resisted the urge to smile triumphantly as his captives ended their resistance.  Looking the older fairy square in the eyes, he asked, “Would you like to be a bit more cooperative than your companion, sir?”  Although he had no genuine respect for the fairy, he felt that the honorific would help encourage a diplomatic relationship.

The commander resisted the instinctual urge to use his Mesmer, deciding that his officer would have already tried.  Instead, he simply grumbled, “Keep your ‘sir’ to yourself, Mud Boy.  You won’t get anything out of me that you didn’t from Captain Short.”

“So you’re a captain, then?  Captain Short,” Artemis mused, “has a nice ring to it.  Wouldn’t you agree, Butler?”

The fairy in question adopted a look of utter disgust at hearing her name come from a Mud Man, especially one so vile.  Keeping a tone somewhat fitting for a military officer, she scoffed, “You act like ‘Butler’ is a much more respectable name.”  The large brute of a man simply grunted in retaliation, hardly bothered by the snide remark.

The genius shook his head in disappointment before sighing, “Maybe this uncivilized crook will be willing to tell me what I want.”  Placing his hands into the pockets of his pants, he asked, “May I at least get your name, sir?  It’s hardly fair I know your subordinate’s and not yours.”

Commander Root asked calmly, “What makes you so certain she’s my subordinate?”

“She was banking on you being the one to get her out of this bizarre mess.  When you surrendered, so did she.”  Artemis couldn’t hold back a cocky grin at the sight of Holly’s expression.

The fairy in charge conceded, “My name is Commander Julius Root of the Lower Elements Police.  And how should we address you, Mud Boy?”  His professionalism in the face of such uncertain circumstances was admirable.

“I can’t help but sense hostility in your voice, Commander.  It’s in your best interest to remember which end of the barrel you’re on.”  The boy waved dramatically at his bodyguard, who stood unwavering with his eyes down the sights of the Sig Sauer.  Taking a slight bow, he explained, “My name is Artemis Fowl II.  The man with the weapon is named Butler.  You may address us as such.”

Root glanced off to the side where a Mud Girl was sitting on a large rock simply watching their interaction.  He scoffed, nodding her way, “So who’s the girl?”

Juliet hopped to her feet and cheered, “My name is Juliet!  And, if it’s any consolation, it’s my pleasure to meet the both of you!”  Artemis was almost tempted to let out an exasperated sigh at the happy-go-lucky attitude of the younger Butler sibling.

Captain Short took a second to analyze the Mud Girl, almost positive that she was the black sheep of the trio.  Unable to figure out what tied her kind-looking-nature to the selfish and brutish behavior of the other two, she simply asked, “So how’d you end up with these two fiends?”

The girl’s expression quickly soured, sending a shiver down Holly’s spine.  Juliet scoffed, “He’s not the kindest guy in the world, but don’t you ever insult my brother like that!”  A scowl covered her face as she spoke, stressing her point.

Butler grumbled, “Our family is under the employment of Master Artemis’s.  It’s a mutually benefitting relationship.”  All the while he spoke the gun never strayed from its target.

Artemis continued monitoring the third fairy, who seemed entirely at ease in his unconscious stupor.  “So you two are what most people call ‘elves’, correct?  You have similar characteristics common among most mythologies, such as the pointed ears.”  As he mused over the specifics of the fairy classification, he began noting every tiny difference between the two officers and their grimy brother.

Commander Root decided to ignore the boy in favor of examining their surroundings.  They stood, practically defenseless, in the middle of a wide green field.  In the distance stood a line of apple trees, while in the opposite direction stretched a wide field of crops.  Up above, the sun was mercilessly beaming down on them.  In most cases, direct sunlight would be an issue for the fairy people.

Under that premise, the commander asked, “Would it be possible for us to move to the shade of the apple trees?”  He looked back at Holly, who sent him an agreeing nod.

Artemis took time to consider the request before replying with a smug, “It’s perfectly fine right where we are.  I don’t think it’s too warm.  Do you, Butler?”  Without waiting for a response from the bodyguard, he continued, “Or do you simply expect us to take you someplace you can take cover and retaliate against us?”

“Are you always this distrusting, Mud B…Artemis?”  The commander swallowed his words half way through, deciding civility would be their only chance for the one mercy they were requesting.  It would be any minute now…

The boy chuckled, “Only when magical non-humans who hold limitless potential are trying to trick me, I’m afraid.  Are you always so concerned about a little sunlight?  I mean, you aren’t exactly pale, Commander.”  Again he turned his attention to the still-sleeping fairy, losing patience at an increasing rate.

Noticing her commander start to get annoyed, Captain Short decided to take the tension away with a little subject change.  With urgency in her voice she explained, “You’re right; we’re a species of fairy called elves.  The fairy on the ground there—Mulch Diggums—is a dwarf.  Dwarves are natural-born miners, so direct sunlight in concentrated amounts is very toxic to them!”  Ignoring the sour look her superior was drilling into her, she continued, “If you want to use him as some sort of information tool, you might want to get him out of the sun.”

Artemis shot his attention toward the informative fairy, wondering just how much of the story was true.  He looked back and forth from the dwarf to the apple trees for quite some time before finally conceding.  With a deep, uncertain sigh, he ordered, “Juliet, this dwarf should be no problem for you.  Take him to cover.”

“You really wanna let him outta your sight?  We all might as well go.”  Commander Root decided to cash in on his subordinate’s idea.

Butler offered his advice on the matter, “We should take them all to cover.  Who’s to say that the dwarves are the only UV-sensitive race of fairies?”  Again, despite his split focus, the brute’s gun never once strayed from its target.

“Very well then, the fairies can go first, with Butler’s gun just behind them.  Juliet will carry the dwarf, and I will monitor him from behind.”  The boy had given his orders, and there was almost no way to change his mind once it was made up.

The large bodyguard took over with the orders, accustomed to this type of escort job.  With an ominous growl, he commanded, “Hands on your head and don’t try anything funny.  One sudden movement and the commander’s head goes all over the place.”  With the barrel of the gun mere inches from its intended target’s head, Butler pushed the pair forward toward the trees.

“You didn’t have to put it so bluntly, bro…”  Juliet almost sounded a little guilty as she hefted the dirt-coated dwarf over her shoulder.

With a sudden fit of coughs, the final fairy burst to life, writhing in all directions in an attempt to break free from the girl’s grip.  He choked out, “I’m perfectly capable of walking, thank you very much!”

The two LEP officers turned on a dime, horror filling their features.  The commander growled, “Don’t let that bastard down!  He’ll be gone before you can even blink!”  The barrel of Butler’s gun pressed hard against his skull as a warning not to continue his outburst.

Captain Short groaned, “Mulch is one of the slyest, dirtiest criminals in all of the Lower Elements.  He’s been arrested countless times and managed to escape most of them.  If you want any info from him, you won’t let him open his mouth until we’re someplace he can’t get away.”  As much as she hated to be giving the Mud Men tips, it was the outlaw’s fault that she and Root were even wrapped up in the whole mess.  The last thing she wanted was for him to be free in a whole other world.

Mulch burst into laughter, “That’s right; you’re those Mud Men from the lab!  How’d you manage to get your grubby hands on the commander of the LEP?”  Taking a second to crane his neck and examine the two LEP officers in front of them, his smile stretched even wider.

“If you don’t quit squirming, you’re gonna end up taking a nice long dirt nap!”  Juliet tightened her grip around the struggling fairy, fed up with the dirt he was flinging all over her.

Artemis chuckled, “The timing couldn’t be more perfect.  So, Mr. Diggums, how toxic does this sunlight feel to you?”  Holly’s face grew pale as she realized that the humans’ belief in her story rested upon whatever garbage Mulch decided to spew.

“Whuzzat?” the dwarf snorted, digging in his ear with a pinkie finger.

Holding back his disgust, the boy elaborated, “Captain Short explained to us that sunlight is toxic to dwarves.  Is that true?”

Mulch chuckled, “Toxic, not so much.  We burn like toast, though!”  He took a moment to look back at the giant human holding a gun, noticing the disgruntled expression on Root’s face.  Lowering his voice, he explained, “But fairies’ magic powers get weaker in sunlight.  Give us some moon, and you don’t stand a chance.”

Finally, something to work with!  Just as the genius had expected, the dwarf was actually willing to surrender information!  With a victorious grin, he whispered, “Is that so?  So that’s why they want to be in the shade…”

“Right.  Most fairies have this power that makes ‘em invisible.  With the sun in the way, those two can’t get away.”  Taking a moment to let the new knowledge sink in, Mulch scratched aimlessly at his beard.  Then, louder than before, he cheered, “The first bit’s on the house, kid!  Next time it’ll cost ya.”

Artemis sighed happily, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Mr. Diggums.”  His expression falling a few shades darker, the boy turned to Butler and barked, “Change of plans, old friend.  What do you say we keep these two as far away from the shade as possible?”

“D’Arvit (a gnomish curse that doesn’t take much to decipher)!  You had to go and sell us out, didn’t you?!”  Commander Root was absolutely furious, his face flushing its more-common-than-it-should-be beet red color.  The barrel of the gun against his head was the only thing keeping him from taking action.

Captain Short growled through gritted teeth, “I promise you’ll pay for this, Diggums!”

The dwarf opened his mouth to send them some snide remark, but his words were cut off by an abnormally loud static sound ringing out from the pile of LEP equipment.  All six of the present beings turned toward it with sudden curiosity, each for their own reasons.  The officers looked almost desperate to retrieve one of the helmets, but that would be a dangerous move with the humans on watch.

Even Mulch was curious just what kind of message had been relayed through the earpiece of the machine.  He could barely make out the faint voice of a certain centaur, but he wasn’t going to tell them that.

The fact that the devices functioned even in a whole other world is what intrigued Artemis and, to a lesser extent, Butler.  The bodyguard was interested due to the apparent warranty of a communication device that worked inter-dimensionally.  The boy, however, was simply interested in harvesting the technology to make a profit in the human world.

Juliet, although surprised by the sudden noise, didn’t seem too interested in the tech.  Instead, she continued her struggle to keep the dwarf under control as he squirmed to face the pile of confiscated machinery.

Praying that the brute beside her couldn’t hear, Holly whispered as quietly as she could, “That must have been Foaly.  Sir, we need that message…”  The only response she got was a guttural grunt from the still-flustered commander.

The dwarf never seemed to miss a beat.  He groaned, squirming even worse in Juliet’s grasp, “Would ya mind lettin’ me down, Mud Girl?  I’m more than a little curious what that horseman just said!”  There was a glint of mockery in his eyes as he turned back toward the fairy officers.

“Did you say horseman?  Do tell, what does that mean?”  Artemis was suddenly intrigued, the dwarf actually starting to fight back for the first time since his initial waking.

Root growled, “Don’t you dare, Diggums!”

“Shut up, Julius!  I mean…You know what, forget it…”  Mulch noticed an overwhelming anger flooding the commander’s expression and didn’t dare test him any further.  Instead, he turned back toward his captor and sighed, “If you take one of those little helmets and push the button on the earpiece, it’ll bring up a nifty menu you can use to play that message the centaur just sent.”

Taking only a second to consider whether the information was a distraction or another freebie, the boy began to walk toward the pile of equipment.  He examined the helmet for any sort of touch-based traps before lifting the one taken from Commander Root into the air.  “Butler, would you care to do the honors?” he offered the machine to the gun-wielding brute.

Glancing away for only a moment to examine the headpiece, Butler chuckled, “Sorry, Artemis, but there’s no chance of my head fitting in that thing.  Besides, I have to watch these fairies.”  He swayed the gun only slightly, never moving the barrel from its target, to signify what he meant.

The genius sighed, “Yes, that makes sense.  How foolish of me.  Very well then.”  He placed the helmet on over his head and pushed the indicated button.  The visor of the machine fell down over his eyes and filled his sight with readings of different qualities.  The entire screen opened up into a menu written in the same glyphs as the little golden books he’d confiscated.

“Now, look for this series of symbols.”  The dwarf craned his neck to face the LEP officers, who were sending him almost-pleading glares.  “A triangular figure, an infinity with a squiggle under it, a raindrop, a double-helix, the same triangular figure, a dragonfly, and a leaf.  That specific series of glyphs spells out ‘Messages.’”

The two fairy officers looked at one another with confusion and disbelief.  Then, in an instant, a wave of understanding washed over them.  The dwarf had actually just done them a favor!  Holding back their excitement, they watched the boy as he sorted through the many words scribbled out on the visor before him.  Any second now he would find the symbols he was told to look for.

With a loud crackling sound, the helmet short-circuited and its wearer was sent to the ground.  For the first time since drawing it, Butler lowered his pistol and dove to his charge’s side.  Juliet dropped her prisoner, more concerned with her employer’s health than the creature that had caused it.  In a matter of seconds, all three fairies were free from their immediate captors.

The bodyguard roared, “What did you tell Artemis to do?!”  His attention refocused on what he’d been instructed to do, and the gun was immediately aimed for the disoriented dwarf’s head.  An index finger hugged the trigger, ready to fire with a hair’s width.

Captain Short finally took action.  While the brute was busy with Mulch, she put some of her military training to work, swiftly approaching the pile of fairy tech.  Juliet awaited her at her destination, dismissing the boy’s health in favor of payback.

Commander Root was completely thrown off guard by the sudden change of pace.  He thought for a moment that he should save the criminal scum, but decided the dwarf was only getting what was coming to him.  So, knowing he wouldn’t have much more of an opportunity, he joined Holly by their equipment.

Butler asked again, “What did you do to the young master?”

Mulch burst into laughter, rolling around to his stomach, “He overloaded the helmet, the stupid Mud Boy.  Don’t worry; he’ll be back on his feet in a few hours!”  It only took him a second to unhinge his jaw and consume a large enough portion of dirt to completely cover him from the bullet’s range.

Not sure what to make of such a sudden escape, the brute tried to follow after his new target.  At the hole in the ground where the dwarf had vanished, the man was met with a wide cocky grin.  With a slight wave of his hand, Diggums rolled in the dirt with his hind facing upward.  Before the trained guardian could even bring his gun back to aim, a loud explosion rang out, sending him flying several feet into the air in a burst of rancid air.  An expulsion of the air in the dirt the dwarf had just eaten, as it was.

Landing with a loud thud, Butler’s gun went flying several meters away, and he was out like a light.  Juliet, seeing her brother so disgustingly incapacitated, charged toward the two officers before her.  A two-on-one battle was never kind odds for the outnumbered party, let alone when the greater party consisted of two highly-trained magical soldiers.

And even with the odds stacked against her, Juliet put up one crazy fight!  She was a Butler, after all.  Though the extent of her training was the few sparring practices with her older brother on off days and only a few classes of formal martial arts, her ability to fight against the LEP officers was to be applauded.

Juliet charged at them, Holly being the first target.  The fairy easily sidestepped the garish assault, but was immediately taken down by a leg sweep from the now-focused girl.  Root took the chance to attempt to subdue their opponent with a choke hold, which only ended in his being thrown over her shoulder to land hard against the ground.  The captain recovered with remarkable speed, tackling the Butler sibling to ground and pinning her with a spread-eagle form.

The hold lasted barely long enough for the commander to recover before Juliet broke out, sending the smaller fairy into her superior.  Leaping to her feet from flat on the ground, she darted over to the still-recovering fairies and delivered a corkscrew elbow drop to the commander, leaving him stunned and unable to recover.  Holly pulled the Mud Girl to the ground by her leg, her head landing with a loud thud on the soft earth.

Taking advantage of her stunned opponent, Captain Short threw herself to her feet and darted for the pile of fairy tech, rummaging for a specialized weapon that could end the battle without issue.

A wide smile stretched across her face as she drew from the pile her trusty Neutrino 2000, a Lower Elements Police standard issue firearm.  Running on a nuclear battery, it had limited shots, but plenty of them.  With four settings to choose from—ranging from stun to close-to-dead—the weapon was perfect for any field officer looking to incapacitate or otherwise harm a perp.  Though not given express permission to use it, Captain Short believed her superior officer would make an exception just this once.

Seeing that Commander Root had recovered and moved from the line of fire, Holly took a deep breath.  She checked to make sure the battery was installed, aimed directly at the still-downed human, and reached for the trigger.

Her aim was pulled away from its mark by a weird force wrapping itself around her body, and she fell to the ground with her arms bound to her side.  As she fell, Juliet recovered and charged toward the superior officer once more.  A pair of ropes went flying from the distance, wrapping the two combatants and pulling them to the ground just as one had her.

A short orange horse wearing a brown Stetson with a beautiful blond mane and tale walked into her line of sight.  Raising a hoof to tip the hat, the horse sighed, “Y’all varmints really are a buncha trouble, ain’t ya?  Don’t ya got any sense not to be fightin’ on somepony else’s property?”  Sending a glare directly at the fallen captain, the horse shook its head and stomped off.

All Captain Short could do was sit in silent awe at what she’d just seen.  Centaurs were fairly common in the Lower Elements, as were talking animal-like creatures.  But, in all her days both on and off the force, she had never once met an actual talking animal!  Her awe was short lived as she suddenly felt the urge to take a nap.  Feeling suddenly at peace, Holly closed her eyes and drifted away from conscious thought.

As she faded from the waking world, she heard the orange horse shout at some unidentifiable target.

“Now what’d ya go an’ do that for, Nurse Redheart?!”

Behind Some Nonsense

Falling.  The centaur was falling at increasingly high speeds, gravity suddenly ripping his cubicle from the air where it floated.  Almost immediately after Commander Root’s end of the com-link fell silent, the entire chamber began to rumble violently as it fell toward the ground.  The unbelievably sturdy speakers and cameras that dotted the outer walls of the centaur’s workstation captured every last millisecond of the descent.

A loud explosion filled the half-horse’s ears as he was thrown to the ground by inertia, the box landing in the dead center of the town.  All the eyes that had been looking up into his cameras were sent flying every which way by the force of the impact.  It didn’t seem anyone had been killed, but without careful examination that was just a hopeful assumption.

Despite being disconnected from the Police Plaza power grid, Foaly’s machines continued to work, electrical currents flowing just as normally as ever.  The soft hum of the power confused the disoriented techy as it continued to ring out.  The monitors around the cubicle continued to show him the feed from the outer cameras, statistics and readings constantly popping to life as more and more ponies approached.

The sound of metallic banging coming from outside the box is what brought the horseman back to his senses, hearing an urgency and fear in the rhythm of the beat.  The cameras only supported that observation, as several dozen armored ponies circled the meteor-like object with spears either carried in their muzzles or in mid-air beside them.  One of the larger ponies, wearing armor of a somewhat brighter shade of gold, was directing a floating spear at the door of the cubicle, apparently trying to force it open.

Armor based on Roman centurions, eh?  That’s cute, Foaly thought smugly, counting all the ways he could incapacitate the entire crowd of ponies from within the safe box.  A simple electrical discharge routed through the wires outside would handle this neatly.

The speakers on the far wall by the main monitor burst to life, “Foaly, do you read me?”

The centaur quickly scoffed, “O’ course I do, Commander.  Just had a little fall is all.”  One of the monitors switched from a view of a particularly frightened guard to that of the fairy commander, staring right into his helmet’s camera.

“Yeah, we noticed.  Made quite a noise.  So how’s your little box still working?”

“Not sure,” he shrugged, “but I’m glad it is.  It looks like they’re sending in the cavalry, if you’ll forgive the horse pun.”

Holly’s voice called from somewhere off screen, “Are you able to contact the officers back home?”  She was breathing heavily almost like she’d just done some physical work.

The horseman sighed, “Haven’t tried, honestly.  I’m a bit more curious about these little pony things.”

“Get to work, Foaly!  That’s an order!” Julius’s voice exploded through the speakers, causing a decent bit of feedback.  The face on the monitor adopted a deep red color, the commander being entirely serious.

Beetroot, the techy laughed internally.  He sighed, “I’ll get right on it, sir.”

He quickly trotted to the main monitor in the cubicle and began clacking away at his keyboard, scrolling through windows of gnomish text.  One by one, the monitors blinked out, their feeds being linked to LEP helmets of different serial numbers. The only two that blinked back to life were the two issued to Commander Root and Captain Short, the two in the same world as the workstation.

All that returned from any other serial number was static, each monitor scrolling through any unchecked pieces of equipment.  The communication feeds were no different.  They were stranded in the pony world with no way of communicating with reality.

Foaly quickly reset the monitors to his outer cameras, curious how the citizens of the mountainside town he landed in were handling the situation.  He groaned, “No go, Commander.  We’re deaf and blind.”

“D’Arvit!” Julius responded as expected.  “We can’t contact Haven, the Mud Boy’s out cold, and his device is dead!”

The centaur’s expression fell blank as he asked, “Dead?  You mean like a battery?”

Holly groaned, “Yeah, a plutonium battery.  Unless they have that stuff here, we’re pretty much chucked.”  He could imagine how angrily she was glaring at the apparently unconscious human right now.

“Well, that sucks.  What about the other Mud Men?  You said there were four in the manor, right?”

The commander scoffed, “Yeah, except only three of ‘em flew in with us.  The fourth’s safe and sound in that time stop.”  The camera turned to face Holly, who was sitting beside the Mud Boy asleep in what appeared to be a hollowed-out tree.  “Artemis collapsed just after your crash, and the other two are out doing gods know what.”

Blue sparks ran down the captain’s arm, jumping from her fingertips to the human they were touching.  She sighed, “It’s no use; I can’t heal him.”

“We’ll have to wait it out, then,” Root growled, placing the helmet down on a table with a view of the bed.

The metallic banging from earlier began again, this time louder with more urgency.  There were several spears assaulting the box this time.  It took everything in his power to keep from activating that electrical discharge and silencing the distraction.  Before he could say anything about it, a familiar voice came through the speakers, only barely audible above the noise.

“Sounds like you’re having a party, Foaly!” Mulch laughed, enjoying the sheer insanity of everything that was happening around him.

With a whinny he replied, “Tons of fun!  About to be shocking, I’m sure!”  The emphasis on the word almost made it sound sinister had it not been coming from the pacifistic half-horse.

Commander Root groaned, “What’s that noise, Foaly?  Can’t you shut it up?”

“Of course I can.  A couple of volts of electricity will handle the situation swimmingly.  But it’s not polite to zap the neighbors, you know.”

“Great,” the officer scoffed, “sounds to me like they wanna shake your hand…”

“I’m playing it safe in here until they put the weapons down,” the centaur neighed, trying to more than mask what appeared to be paranoia.

“Mr. Foaly,” an indifferent voice called out through whatever room the fairies were in, “if you’re half as smart as I’ve been led to think, then you most likely have video and audio bugs connected to the outside of your big box.  Use them.”  The seemingly-unconscious Mud Boy sat upright without warning, scaring Holly out of her seat.  He looked directly at the camera as if trying to drive his point home.

Foaly slapped a palm to his head, understanding what the human meant.  How had he not thought of it before?  I can communicate with them, try to calm them down.  Maybe I can even explain why my box came crashing from the sky…  Except he didn’t know why.  He had no clue what had brought him where he was or how he could get back.

“Try not to upset the ponies, Mr. Foaly.  You are currently in the same town as their leader, a supposedly-immortal magical ‘goddess.’  I daresay it would be a mistake to upset her.”  Artemis gave a warning, not only on the fairy’s behalf, but for his sake.  If a foreigner were to disturb the peace and create a threat, the odds of another one being allowed within the city would be slim.

The centaur sighed, “Right, goddess, got it.”  A large gnomish message flashed up on the main monitor, graphs and numbers accompanying it.  “Hey Commander, I think you might want to see this.  Put the helmet on…”

Slowly, almost cautiously, he typed in a series of coordinates and sent the on-screen readings to both of the functional LEP helmets.  The camera shifted violently as Root put the helmet on and studied the stats in front of his face.

“What’s all this hoopla?  Am I supposed to be amazed?”

Right, not good with figures, I forgot.  “My workstation is constantly monitoring the atmosphere outside of it, even hooked up in Police Placa.  But now that it’s out in the open, I’m picking up readings almost identical to certain types of…well…radiation.”

Holly joined the frame as she shouted, “Radiation?  What exactly does that mean, Foaly?”

“Well…” keyboard clacking ensued, more detailed figures appearing on both the monitor and the visor, “it’s a different form of radiation.  It won’t kill you, but it’ll definitely limit your magic.”

Commander Root growled, “So is that why we can’t shield?”

“I thought it was because the Book doesn’t have power here…” Holly moaned, a thick blanket of confusion swallowing her.  Three theories as to why their magic didn’t work and either one could be true.

Foaly chuckled, “Silly Holly, the Book always has power!”  Suddenly, the helmet camera was occupied by a small golden cube in center frame, all attention focused on it.  “What’s that supposed to be, some new mineral?” the centaur whinnied.

Mulch explained, “That’s the Book, Foaly.  That’s what it looks like in this world.  It won’t even open.”  The com-link fell silent; none of the fairies wanted to add to the situation.  Even Foaly was speechless, unable to comprehend what he was seeing.

“So let me get this right; the Book won’t open, you guys can’t shield, and this world is apparently swallowed in radiation.”  The centaur continued clacking at his keyboard, attempting to gather more details on the radiation in question.  After several voiceless moments, he neighed, “Whatever the source is it’s big enough to put off steady levels of radiation.  My computer can’t identify the type, except that it isn’t deadly.”

“Oh yeah, that’s comforting!” Root growled; the new figures from his scientist’s monitor appeared on his visor.

A sudden spike in one of the bars of information sent a warning tone through both the cubicle and the small building the fairies were in.  Immediately turning his attention from the conversation to the outer cameras, Foaly began to notice something odd.

“It seems the levels of radiation around my workstation are steadily increasing, Commander.  I’m thinking that they may be deadly at a certain concentration, otherwise there was no need for an alert.”  The camera monitors began to blink out, static or blackness taking the place of the images of armored ponies with spears.  The loud metallic clanging steadily grew louder and more rapid.

On one particular monitor, a horned soldier shoved a normal-looking pony out of the way before lifting a spear from his back with an eerie glow.  The exact moment the aura swallowed the spear, the reading from Foaly’s computer increased ever so slightly.  The monitor blinked out as the weapon reached the camera.

“And still you haven’t tried to speak with them, Mr. Foaly,” Artemis’s voice broke through the banging sounds, cold and somewhat foreboding.

It’s called observing, Mud Boy, the centaur thought, a frown covering his face.  Taking a deep breath, he sighed, “I have to ask, can these ponies carry things without actually touching them?”

“You mean like telekinesis?” Holly replied immediately, thinking back to the exchange in the hospital.  “Yes, they can.  One of them even suspended the commander in midair!”

“However,” the young human added, “it is not a mental telekinesis, but that of the manifestation of magic around an object.”  With a smug grin he chuckled, “At least, that’s what I gathered from listening to Twilight Sparkle during our ‘interview.’”

Foaly clacked away at his keyboard, focusing his readings on a two yard radius around his cubicle.  He whinnied excitedly, “So they carry stuff with magic, not mind?  Right.  And this ‘goddess’ of a leader, what did she do to reach that status?”  Ideas were beginning to connect in the half-horse’s head; small islands of information were steadily growing larger, threatening to meld into one massive one.

The boy spoke objectively, expressing neither belief nor disbelief of what he was about to say, “According to the information I received from Twilight, Equestria’s ruler—Princess Celestia—is capable of raising and setting the sun each day.  That is her duty as an ‘alicorn,’ as they are called.”  He was met by silence in the com-link and confused looks from his companions.

“She has to control day and night?  That doesn’t just happen?” Holly asked, disbelief in light of everything she’d seen flooding her voice.

Even Root couldn’t hold back a grunt, “That’s absurd.  This world has to have its own laws of nature.  Not everything can be explained by ‘magic.’”

“Shush!” Foaly snapped from his end of the link as he clacked away at his keyboard.  He ran test after test, the metallic banging only giving him more reason to work faster.  The readings continued to increase as the banging grew louder, and wide-area-scans signaled the spread of the radiation more or less evenly around the entire radius of the scan, excluding directly outside the workspace.

“She raises the sun using her magic, doesn’t she?  She certainly doesn’t use her hooves,” the centaur mused, a wide smile stretching across his features.  “So what if,” he continued, “the sun itself was made of magical energy?”

Artemis visibly cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, stepping into the frame of the commander’s camera.  “Just what are you getting at, Mr. Foaly?”

“What do you think, Mud Boy?  The readings around my workstation are higher than yours, and the only differences I can see are that the ponies around me are using their magic to bombard me with spears and it’s almost nighttime on your end.”  With the usual smugness returning to his voice, he laughed, “The area outside spikes when another pony shows up with a spear.  However, the readings from the internal structure of the building are steadily climbing.  Now think, what would be capable of dousing an entire area more or less evenly with energy?”

“I would have to say either heat or light…” the boy trailed off, beginning to see where the centaur was going.

Foaly looked around him, eyes scanning every nook and cranny of the box.  He chuckled, “My safe room is composed of super dense, dark metals.  Dark colors tend to absorb heat and light, don’t they?”  He paused for just a second to let the train of thought sink in, “If the ‘goddess’ uses magic to raise and set the sun each day—”

“The sun would be made of magical energy, which would then release magical energy in the form of light and heat!  So the radiation you’re picking up is the sunlight?”  Artemis’s mind finally caught hold of Foaly’s train of thought, finishing the observation with obvious excitement.  Despite everything in the world that simply didn’t make sense, they had actually reasoned a logical observation out of the nonsense.

The centaur whinnied happily, “Correct!  It explains quite a bit with regards to the fairies!”  He took some time to type out his exact hypothesis, sending it to Root’s helmet, before continuing.  “The Book might not open because this isn’t Earth, as I’m sure you’ve guessed.  But, with regards to your magical powers, the energy produced by the sun is just at the right level to negate your basic abilities—shielding and Mesmer—but not strong enough to cancel out the more advanced ones like healing!”

The captain couldn’t hold back her confusion.  “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?  The Mesmer takes almost no magic to use, so why would we lose it first?”

“No; unlike normal radiation, this magical energy doesn’t drain your magic, only negates it.  The stronger the power, the harder it is to overwhelm,” the horseman explained with almost too much confidence.

It was an overconfidence which, to no surprise, Artemis was quick to point out.  “These are all assumptions.  While they do fit the given evidence, they are not factual.  A footprint does not look like a boot, after all.”  He stepped in front of the helmet camera with a smug grin on his face, “I must congratulate you Foaly, for you are most definitely intelligent to have pieced such tiny pigments into a work of art.”

“As are you, Artemis, to have opened a hole in space.”  A slight hint of contempt carried the centaur’s praise, both genuinely awestruck and annoyed.  “I suppose now would be a good time to try and settle these ponies down, eh?”

Commander Root barked, “Please!  That noise is giving me a migr—!”

A sharp screech cut off the commander’s voice as the video feed dissolved into static.  After just a few moments, all of the monitors faded to black.  The lights dimmed, and the hum of electricity all but silenced.  The banging slowly faded away, replaced with an eerie emptiness.  Through the speakers, a majestic and regal voice called out.

I lost everything but the mikes.  Of course.  No video, no readings, nothing but sound.  Foaly slapped a hand to his tinfoil-wrapped head, disappointment spreading through him.  He had just figured out a likely answer to most of his questions, and then the computer went caput.

The voice sounded warm and kind, almost hypnotically alluring.  If he hadn’t known better, he would’ve sworn the owner was using the fairy Mesmer.

“Please pardon the aggressive behavior of my Royal Guard.  It’s not often a large structure falls on the center of our humble home.  I am Princess Celestia.  And who might you be?”  As the voice spoke, the monitors of the room popped back to life, displaying the soldier ponies as they all stepped back from the cubicle.  As the magical radiation retreated further and further, more and more power returned to the workstation.

Despite the steadily-recharging computers, communications with Commander Root remained dead.  Scratching his chin in thought, he sighed, “The name’s Foaly, Your Highness.  Might I ask your soldiers to extinguish their magic?”

“Of course, Foaly.  Stand down everypony.”  As if she could see it there, she looked directly into the lens of the camera just above the door, a warm smile appearing on one of the reactivated monitors.  As the soldiers onscreen systematically lowered their weapons, more power returned to the workstation.

The horseman scoffed, “Well that was simple…”  One of the monitors burst to life with the image of the human genius back in that hollowed out tree.  He appeared to be tinkering with the helmet camera.

“It seems to be back online, Commander,” he sighed, half disappointed and half smug.

Root turned the camera toward him and growled, “What on earth is happening on your end, Foaly?”

The centaur opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by the regal voice from before, “Are there others in there with you?  Friends of yours, I presume?”

From somewhere off screen, a voice Foaly didn’t recognize called out from the fairy side of the com-link.  It sounded excited and confused at the same time, an amusing combination of tones coming from the owner.  “Princess Celestia?!”

“Celestia?” the four non-pony creatures in the building echoed in unison, curiosity taking over.

Before any of the present company could further complicate things, Foaly explained, “I’m talking to Princess Celestia through the mikes and speakers of the workspace, which means she can hear what you say through the speakers near the main computer.  Are we all clear now?”

“So whoever you are, you’re acquainted with Twilight Sparkle?” Celestia’s voice asked calmly, almost knowingly.

Twilight cheered, “The creature you’re talking to, Foaly, is a friend of the creatures I wrote to you about!”  Out of everyone present, she sounded the most confident in her speech.  Confusion and doubt all but flooded everyone else’s tones.

“A friend of the humans, hmm?  Interesting.”  The princess’s voice remained light and soft, while still carrying a tone of suspicion and curiosity.

I’d hardly say ‘friend,’ but it works for now.  “That’s right, I guess.  If you would like to talk more personally, I’d be glad to come out now that your soldiers’ weapons are put away.”

It hit him like a ton of bricks before it even hit the princess.

“How can you be so certain our weapons are lowered?”

Captain Short began a chuckle, “Well, he can kind of s—”

The screen blinked off, all audio channels dying with it.  Only this time, thankfully, it had been entirely on purpose.  Having a potentially seven-way conversation could only end in utter confusion, so Foaly quickly narrowed it down to two.

“I…just don’t think you’re the lying type, Princess,” he chuckled sheepishly.

“Indeed I’m not,” the princess responded light-heartedly.  “That doesn’t mean my subjects aren’t, however.”

Am I really about to do this? he thought, taking the tinfoil hat in his hand.   I’m about to step into a world flooded with radiation, probably be arrested, and end up interrogated by horses with radioactive magic…

Glancing back once more at the camera feeds to ensure that the ponies were standing down, Foaly sighed, “You might want to step away from the box, Princess.”

“Very well then.”

Princess Celestia stepped back slowly, the crowd of ponies behind her parting to give her room.  Once she was an assumedly safe distance from the workstation, Foaly entered a combination of buttons on a small keypad by the door.  It slid open with a pressurizing hiss, and he threw a hand over his eyes, the light from outside temporarily blinding him.  He heard a few ponies let out astonished gasps as he slowly trotted from the building.  A few even let their jaws drop comically to the ground.

Among the short golden-armored soldiers stood the taller pony, a horn on her head and wings at her side.  Her long flowing mane consisted of several different colors, each as beautiful as the others.  The picture of a cartoonish sun rested on her flank, almost supporting the claims that she controlled the sun.  Even Celestia couldn’t hold back her amusement at seeing such an odd creature.

The princess took a deep bow, raising one of her front hooves to her chest.  She spoke formally, “Welcome to Canterlot, visitor.  I am Princess Celestia, the ruler of this kingdom of Equestria.  Where do you hail from?”

Hail, hmm?  It’s been a while since I’ve heard someone say it like that. “You’ve probably never heard of it, Your Highness; it’s quite a long way away.”

“Ah yes, you must come from Earth, then?”  A knowing smile complimented her features as she rose from her bow.

The centaur couldn’t help but be impressed, “That’s right.  Just how much did you learn from Twilight Sparkle?”  Whoever she is…

“She was very thorough in her interview with the one named Artemis Fowl.  A world where magic doesn’t exist is hard to wrap my mind around,” the princess took a few steps closer to the foreigner, more curious about the contents of the box than about the actual creature.  “How were we talking to Twilight just a moment ago?”

“Oh, that.  It’s a long story that probably wouldn’t make any sense.”

“Try me,” Celestia snapped, somewhat annoyed and otherwise impatient.  “There have been quite a few odd goings-on in my kingdom over the last few days, all following that human’s appearance.”

Foaly snapped to attention, certain that the ‘weird goings-on’ had to be related either to Artemis’s device or to what had brought him here.  He adopted a serious expression as he asked, “What’s been happening?”

The princess stepped back from her visitor, rejoining the crowd of soldiers.  “I’d much prefer not to discuss it within earshot of the general public.  I wouldn’t want to panic my subjects,” she sighed, turning toward the large castle gates in the distance.

Taking the time to re-enter his password in the outer keypad, sealing the workstation from any prying eyes, the horseman cautiously trotted behind Celestia.  The soldiers—horned, winged, or otherwise—began to disperse away from the scene, returning to their posts.  The two larger horse-like creatures exchanged useless small talk as they approached the massive castle.

Foaly finally had the chance to actually take in the sights of the town.  The unusually curved architecture of the buildings and castle towers added a sense of creativity to the town.  The color scheme of gold, white, and purple made the buildings pop to life, with small patches of other colors seemingly reaching out toward the viewer’s eyes.  The setting sun reflecting from the golden patches of buildings was comforting to the centaur visitor.

But as he approached the castle gates with the princess at his side, everything stopped.  The gentle breeze vanished, the sounds muted, and every single muscle froze in place.  Looking around in confusion and dread, Foaly noticed that even the birds in the sky had stopped.

An odd voice called out through the still air, “Welcome to Canterlot, horsey!  I guess this means the games will start soon.”  It sounded cocky, excited, and more than a little demented.

Dear gods, I think I’ve finally lost it…

“Oh no, you aren’t insane…yet!  I haven’t even done anything!”

Of course.  You can read my thoughts.  I always knew this day would come!  Shoulda kept my hat…

“Don’t be daft, Foaly! That silly thing wouldn’t help you any!”

Not sure why, but this doesn’t surprise me; this place is already weird enough.  So, dare I ask, who are you?

“I’d be more than happy to tell you my name, but that would spoil the surprise!  Just think of me as that brainwashing/mindreading sattelite you’ve always been afraid of.”

Right…

The centaur waited for a response, but all that followed was silence.  A faint golden glow beamed from someplace in the distance, slightly off to the side of the castle walls.  The source was hidden behind a series of hedges, adding an extra sense of mystery to the whole prior exchange.  Foaly shuddered in place as a chill ran up his spine.

“Are you coming, Foaly?”  Princess Celestia’s voice ripped through the silence, the entire world resuming around her.  The sounds of the city burst to life as did the movements of every living creature.

The horseman took a moment to gain his bearings, confusion washing over him.  “Did you hear any of that?” he asked, scratching his head.

“Any of what, exactly?  Perhaps that fall did more to you than you’re aware.”

“Yeah, must just be my imagination…”

With a warm smile on her face, Celestia tittered, “You’ll be able to rest after a while, but I have a few questions to ask before then.  If you’ll follow me now.”

“Of course, Your Highness!”

Something just isn’t right here.  Why would a princess come out to greet the alien?  As his thoughts continued to swim, Foaly followed close behind his guide, a mixture of confusion and worry knotting in his gut.  That voice…and that glow…Were they related?  How did I end up here, and how am I going to get back?

Of all the questions that swam around in his head, he could only find the answer to a single one.  Despite all of the uncertainty and logical fallacies, one thing was all but certain.

Something really bad is about to happen…