Perfect Storm: Fall of Rainbow Dash

Rumble was having a sleepover with a friend which meant it was date night in Cloudsdale.

Rainbow's ball roared down the lane, chipping off another couple of pins to score a seven for the frame. She was embarrassingly mediocre at bowling but had become better since dating Thunderlane which was when her experience began.

“Uh-oh,” mocked Thunderlane as he picked up his ball. “You're catching up with me.”

Rainbow glanced at the board before sitting back down on the bench. It read two-hundred-and-two to sixty-seven.

“Maybe I could be more competitive on illegal substances,” she muttered spitefully.

He shot a glare back at her before starting his motion.

She bowed her head, upset with herself for saying that out loud. Her eyes suddenly focused on her own undercarriage. Shit. Was it getting bigger already? No. It was just the way she was sitting. She placed a hoof on her stomach, trying to feel if there was something different about it, if there was really something in there. A fresh wave of urgency washed over her. She needed to do something immediately.

“Rainbow, it's your turn.”

She whipped her hoof away and looked up at the board. He'd gotten a strike followed by a 7-10 split.

“Yeah,” she sighed. - - -

Rainbow nervously tapped her spoon on the table, the end flipping up like a seesaw.

Thunderlane perused the drink menu as he prattled on about holiday plans she had little control over.

“My parents want to do Hearth's Warming on the thirteenth so we're locked into that but let's go somewhere, just us. Can you get Hearth's Warming Eve and Day off?”

The new words kept coming at her but they just piled up like dirty dishes discarded in a sink she'd never touch again. She could only think one single thought now over and over again, the drum beat becoming so loud that it drowned out all else and could not be denied any longer.

“I think we should break up.”

The words fell out of her mouth without care, without presentation. They simply were.

His eyes flicked up from the menu. “What?” he asked in a tone somewhere between not paying attention and daring her to say it again.

She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to relieve the stiffness that had built up. “I don't… think we're good for each other.”

It wasn't a lie but she was making a big enough omision in her reasoning that it felt like one. Even here, at the end of the line, she still couldn't tell him. All her pretending and hiding just to delay the inevitable and end up right here anyway.

It had to end because she cheated on him with his little brother and couldn't in good conscience continue in their relationship any longer. That was the deluded moral win she wished to claim but in order to do that she had to come clean… a month ago. Instead she found herself pivoting to the valid but still disingenuous facts that the only thing keeping them tethered to each other was their chemistry in the bedroom and her toxic attraction to ponies with bad attitudes.

In the realm of comforting rationales and morality mind games, Zero points were awarded for having to be dragged kicking and screaming to finally do the right thing.

For a brief moment she thought maybe she shouldn't be doing this while they were supposed to be on a fun date but why not? An ordinary date wasn't any more sacred than any other time, especially if there was no spark left. Why put it off so that they could crawl onward together a tiny bit further and end on an unremarkable note, maybe on the bleachers after practice or at the store while arguing about ice cream? But wasn't that how she'd been operating for most of their relationship to begin with? With the exception of the thrill of the first month and what they did in the sheets, there was only a profound emptiness and an agonizing animosity. She'd been forced to look into the future and admit that she couldn't find the two of them anywhere.

“Ugh, you always talk shit like this when you're in a mood,” he growled dismissively. “See? I knew something happened.”

“I mean it this time.”

“Bullshit.”

“No it's not,” she bristled, trying to resist the urge to start kicking back and have the moment dissolve into meaningless bickering.

She'd hoped he'd already seen the signs and would take the comforting exit of a mutual break up. She didn't want to draw it out. She didn't want another fight and a bitter airing of grievances. He wasn't bad enough to hate. Rainbow just wanted it to end, to switch it off like a light but that's not how things ever worked.

Thunderlane’s face dropped as her words finally penetrated.

“Is this about the stuff?” he whispered, trying not to attract eavesdroppers on the patio. “I already quit.”

“No,” she sighed. “Well, that's part of it and you've said that to me before and it meant nothing then.”

“For real this time,” he argued emphatically.

“That’s great but it doesn't matter right now. We're just not compatible. Haven’t you noticed?”

“No,” he grunted in frustration. “What is the actual problem?”

“We don't have a meaningful connection. If there's nothing happening to distract us then we're just a couple of assholes trapped in a jar someone shook up.”

“I don't see it that way. What else do you want? We still have fun together.”

“But the fun we have feels like a consolation prize.”

He glared back at her. “You found someone else, didn't you? That's what this is. Who is it? Are they on the team?”

“No, there's no one else. I'm just exhausted and sad all the time and I can be that without trying to put work into a relationship on top of it.”

He pointed at her, still trying to temper his voice. “This is garbage; you can't break up with me.”

Rainbow covered her face with her hooves. “Please don't do this.”

“You don't know what you're fucking doing,” he hissed. “You think you're going to find someone better than me? You can't. You have no one else and no one you meet is going to stick around past a month.”

Rainbow stood up and slammed her hooves on the table with authority, rattling the dinnerware and drawing a few glances from other tables.

“Thunderlane, it's over, okay? I'm sorry.” Her face felt like it was on fire. A knot had grown in her throat. She turned around and bolted into the air, wings unfurling and then she was gone. - - -

Rainbow laid alone on her bed watching the ceiling fan whirl as her weather shift inched closer. Right now they'd be fucking with wild abandon at his place if she'd just continued to drift with the tide. That was too bad but she could no longer tread the path of least resistance. That time was over.

She didn't feel sad or angry. Instead she felt numb and empty, like all the feelings had already been felt to their fullest and there was just nothing left inside to conjure. Somewhere in that dark void flickered a spark of resolution.

Wind slapped raindrops across the big windows of the night diner but the sound went unnoticed by Rainbow as she traipsed across the desert with Rock Slide and company on her way to some ancient ruins she couldn't pronounce.

If there was a way to do nothing but read for the rest of her life, she'd want to do that now more than ever.

“Can we talk?” came a voice that wasn't in her head.

She looked up with a start to see Thunderlane standing at her booth with a defeated sag and damp fur.

She felt cornered by his intrusion into what was technically her work and also an exciting bandit ambush but she supposed more could be said as long as their heads were in the right place.

“We can talk as friends or… whatever we are now.”

He sat down across from her, looking drained with a shell shocked expression. His eyes were bloodshot. It looked like he'd been crying, something she'd never seen him do.

“How did you know I'd be here?”

“Where else is there to be in Ponyville at this hour? I checked the bar first,” he admitted.

“I don't drink on the job.”

She didn't drink at all anymore. Somehow he hadn't noticed that shift in her lifestyle. She always has some kind of excuse or distraction whenever the opportunity for drinking arose.

Rainbow fished a few bits out of her satchel and pushed them toward her ex over the table. “Sorry I stiffed you with a bill for uneaten food.”

“No, it's fine,” he whispered listlessly, pushing the money back to her.

Rainbow reluctantly took it. She didn't want to owe him anything. She didn't want it to hang over their already frayed separation.

“I um… got you this.” He pushed a little open top box with a pair of onyx earring studs.

Against her instincts, Rainbow held up her hoof to block the gift.

“Are you giving this to me as a make up and get back together present?”

He said nothing, just looked at her like she was about to read him his biopsy results. This part always felt somewhat transactional but she'd never made any sort of gesture like this herself, even in instances where the fight was entirely her fault. It seemed juvenile but at least it was effort. How could she critique it? It didn't matter anymore though. They just needed to stop trying to cultivate a romantic relationship.

He shook his head weakly. “What am I supposed to do with them?”

“Can you return them?”

They shared an awkward pause before Thunderlane finally withdrew the gift and made it vanish beneath the edge of the table. “So, you really are serious about this then?”

“Yeah.”

This would be so much easier if she truly hated him. If she didn't care how he felt. If she didn't have to see him again. If she didn't care about his brother. If she didn't have to lie.

He opened his mouth and closed it again as if restarting his thought. “Seems like a pretty sweet deal,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Your job. Push clouds around and then go sit in the diner reading.”

“I'd still rather be an Element of Harmony.”

“Element, Wonderbolt, me… You don't have anything now and you're just digging yourself deeper.”

“No, Thunderlane, it's the opposite. This is the first step toward climbing out of the pit. You just can't see that yet.”

“Ugh, you’re hiding from me behind this vague pseudo philosophical crap.”

As thick as he was sometimes, even he could tell something was off about the way she was handling the situation.

“There has to be something I can say or do.” He was suddenly so conciliatory now that he was losing her. “What do you want?”

Rainbow swallowed. “I need… to be alone in my life right now. Do you understand? Please don't try to get me back. Please don't make this any harder than it already is.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he scoffed. “I'm not gonna stalk you; I'm not a psycho... So that's it then?” He stood up shaking his head. “I never thought I'd see you give up so hard on something,” he breathed before turning away. Thunderlane left the table with his head hung low. Without looking back he pushed open the door and walked into the rain.

If Rainbow had to guess, he was heading to the bar across town. - - -

Rainbow didn't go to the next Wonderbolts practice. Anyone inquiring about her absence thought she was benched for anxiety. That was what she told Spitfire to tell them. There was no longer any reason to be there and seeing Thunderlane would just invite more emotional turmoil. Staying away was the easiest way to keep herself from saying or doing anything stupid like fighting or rethinking her decision.

With the loss of her coltfriend and the last social obligation in her life she was poised to become a weird recluse. Less than two months ago that would have been unthinkable. Hanging out with friends and boasting at parties was her favorite pastime until an overwhelming sense of shame and failure chipped her ego away. Without these things, who was she?

It was overcast in Ponyville but dry for the moment. Storms were usually scheduled on off hours for convenience. Rainbow put on a hoodie and went to the free clinic near the train tracks. She didn't talk to anyone but simply popped in and picked over the brochure rack, snatching up more literature on pregnancy as she tried to deliberate on her next course of action.

She went grocery shopping, not with any particular course but a slow wandering past every shelf and display. She even drifted down the alcohol aisle, lusting after the dark tinted bottles, corked and sealed with red wax or shiny gold foil.

“Could really use some of that right now,” she grumbled, passing them by.

At the end of the aisle, another cart appeared, pushed magically by a familiar pink unicorn. She stopped when their eyes met.

“Oh, uh, hey, Rainbow,” greeted Starlight awkwardly. “Haven't seen you in a while… How's the Wonderbolts?”

I want to be you, Rainbow imagined herself saying, tired of the lies. “Fine,” is what she actually said. Even without any salacious details, she has no recent developments that she could just casually unload on someone in aisle three of the grocery store. “How's being an Element of Harmony?”

Starlight frowned. “It's hard,” she admitted with a sigh. “I've only been on one mission so far and it was pretty difficult. I still don't know what to think. I never asked for this but I'm going to keep doing my best.”

“The first one always feels like being thrown into a board game you've never heard of before. You'll get better at it.”

“Thanks… I think everyone misses you at the huddles.”

Rainbow looked down at the floor. “Yeah. I'd just be taking up space.”

“Not any more than Spike,” shrugged Starlight.

She put on a weak smile. “That’s true. Well, they know where I live if they ever need non elemental backup for the next existential threat to Equestria.”

“Yeah… Oh, we're blocking the way,” she giggled as a third cart appeared. “See you later.”

“Yeah.”

Rainbow pushed her cart around the end and into the next aisle. The encounter was unexpectedly pleasant. - - -

Rainbow set down at the edge of the schoolyard a little before dismissal. She hadn't seen Scootaloo in a while and missed her. Maybe she could see Rumble too. He could be a safe way to ask about Thunderlane.

She waited on a bench along a sandy path until she saw foals begin to scatter from the doorway of the schoolhouse. A few students walked past, some went the other way and a couple took to the sky but none of them were the ponies she was waiting for. Visoring her eyes Rainbow could see what looked like Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle milling around just outside the door like they were waiting around for something. She screwed up her face in confusion. Were they in trouble or something?

They loitered there for several more moments. Then suddenly she saw the lithe, orange blob, that could only be Scootaloo, burst from the door. She raced up the path at top speed, her friends breaking into a gallop behind her shouting indistinctly.

As she neared, Rainbow could see she had a pained grimace on her face and tears in her eyes.

“Scootaloo?”

The filly bowed her head as she sped by without acknowledgement.

Rainbow hopped from the bench and looked to Sweetie and Apple Bloom as they slowed to a stop. “What happened?”

“Rumble broke up with her,” replied Sweetie Belle. “We heard.”

Rainbow felt an awful pang in her heart. She spun around and took flight to catch up to Scootaloo. In the air she was on top of her in no time.

“Scootaloo, wait,” she shouted, slowing to a glide.

The filly kept running down the path as fast as she could as if maybe, if she tried hard enough, she could outrun her reality. Suddenly her forehooves crumpled under her stride. Her legs tangled as she landed on her chin and slid to a stop. A puff of dust floated away, carried by the wake of her wind.

Rainbow landed carefully next to her and bowed her head to look her over with worry.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Only on the inside,” she whimpered with eyes clenched shut, cheek resting on the dirt.

“You're pretty tough, Scootaloo. C'mon.” Rainbow helped her to her haunches where she immediately began to bawl into the mare's chest. Rainbow put her forelegs around her as the other two caught up with them.

“I can't be a Wonderbolt. I can't even fly.”

Tears began to well in Rainbow's eyes. It was impossible not to notice the proximity to her and Thunderlane's breakup. Was that what had triggered it? Maybe it gave Rumble the epiphany he needed about his own relationship.

“You don't need those things,” sniffed Rainbow. “Just be who you are. He's just a boy.”

“But it still hurts,” she sobbed. “I've never felt so bad in my entire life! I just want to hide in a hole forever.”

Looking in from the outside through the eyes of an adult, it was easy to have a grounded perspective on what, to Scootaloo, felt like an insurmountable devastation. She was going to live a long time and this unpleasantness was ultimately inconsequential in the big picture but at her age everything was always a lot more important and feelings were always cranked to eleven.

Chances were statistically sound that their relationship would have ended naturally anyway but she still couldn't help but feel like she had muffed the whole thing for them. She'd robbed them of a genuine life experience, whatever that would have been.

“Do you know how many ponies stay together when they start dating at your age?” asked Rainbow shakily.

“Like half?” guessed the filly.

“No, like none. I know that doesn't make it hurt less but it's not the end of the world.”

Scootaloo looked up at her just as a teardrop that wasn't hers landed on her cheek. “Why are you crying too?”

“Because it's sad.” Rainbow swallowed. “What did he say to you?”

Scootaloo's voice hitched. “He- he wasn't mean. He was sad too. I wanted him to walk with us but then he said he had something to tell me alone. He said he was sorry and that he just wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now but we can still be friends. We always used to be happy together. I don't understand. I think he just doesn't like me and he's trying to be nice.”

It wasn't too dissimilar from the unsatisfying narrative she'd provided Thunderlane, the only ground they had to stand on.

Rainbow shook her head. “I don't think that's it. Everypony has something different going on inside them and sometimes it's hard to explain. I just broke up with Thunderlane and he didn't quite understand either.”

“You broke up with him?”

“Yeah and it wasn't because I didn't like him.” She squeezed her again. “I'm so sorry.”

If this ending was the right decision, where was the sense of relief?