Perfect Storm: Fall of Rainbow Dash

by False Door

Rating: mature
Tags: Drama, Profanity, Scootaloo, Rumble, Sex, Thunderlane, Narcotics, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Sad
Length: 28409

One Autumn night, Rainbow Dash makes a mistake she can't atone for.

Rainbow's world has more complexity than she'd like. It's also a house of cards with a fragility she has yet to comprehend. When she crosses a red line in her relationships, her mistake echoes across every corner of her life with dire consequences. As she tries to sort things out in the aftermath, she's faced with a stark dilemma: try to live in the wreckage or burn what's left to the ground and pray she can rebuild.

If you happen to be a fan of the darkly dysfunctional world I painted in Creep, this is its cousin with less horror and more sex and drama. (Or it's the atmosphere of America Beauty and The Royal Tenenbaums if that's easier to envision.)

Here's the Spotify playlist for the story.

The essential ten...

When Bad News Gets Worse - Lucky Boys Confusion
Out of My League - Fitz and that Tantrums
Jane Says - Jane's Addiction
Ready to Fall - Rise Against
Clear the Area - Imogen Heap
Monsters - All Time Low
Tonight, Tonight, Tonight - Genesis
Don't You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia
Running up that Hill - Placebo
Drive - Incubus

Published 2023-10-02 22:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-06-04 05:52:52 UTC

Every Rainbow

It was like a trail of ants in the sky. They crawled between the naked fingers of the trees. The long dotted line morphed slowly into a checkmark against a field of patchy blue and gray and suddenly she could hear the faintest sound of honking. Why did they do that? She understood the need to migrate, weird as it was. One day they just wake up and decide that it's time to leave and they fly away… But why did they honk like that? Maybe it was a call to the rest of their kind to tell them it was time to get up and fly before it's too late… Or maybe they were just saying ‘Goodbye, see you next year.’

"Are you watching, Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow's eyes returned to earth, resting on Scootaloo who stood expectantly in a helmet and kneepads at the end of the boardwalk ramp.

"Yeah, I'm watching."

"I'm gonna do it this time," she boasted, lunging back and forth on her little stick-like legs.

"Okay, let's see it," laughed Rainbow.

"Yeah, just go," added Apple Bloom impatiently.

Scootaloo looked down the runway to where her skateboard waited and steeled her nerves. She broke into a gallop, thundering down the planks. When she reached her staged skateboard, she hopped up, planting her hind hooves on the grip tape. Her momentum whisked her into the quarter pipe ramp and she crouched to coil up. The roar of wheels on wood was suddenly silent. Scootaloo threw her weight backward and grabbed the board with one hoof. The world became a vertical carousel. Land and sky inverted in a dizzying sequence before she saw Rainbow and Sweetie Belle and Applebloom and then the sky again.

Autumn leaves exploded around her with a soft rustle. She landed on her back and raised her forelegs in triumph.

"You did it," marveled Sweetie Belle. "That was more than a complete backflip."

"That was awesome," agreed Rainbow.

"Tucking in the air made the difference I think," panted Scootaloo euphorically. She rolled out of the makeshift crash pad and then began digging for her lost skateboard in the golden leaves.

"You gotta show that to Rumble," Rainbow smirked knowingly. "He'll be super impressed."

"I'm gonna get my timing down until I can do it at the skatepark," boasted Scootaloo, getting her saddlebag on. She slipped her board into the strap on her back. "I'm gonna get so good at vert. Shrimpy wings are perfect for it, all of the extra mobility without the awkwardness." She tapped a hoof proudly on her chest. "Eventually I'll be doing expos and competitions in Manehattan."

"Well, ya got yer whole life planned out, doncha," teased Apple Bloom.

"You'll see; I'll be one of those niche freaks, the ones that didn't feel like they belonged anywhere till they found their true calling."

"I believe you," laughed Rainbow. "Make me your plus one when you get to Manehattan."

Scootaloo smiled at the ground as she thought about that day. "Yeah," she breathed.

The four of them made for the edge of the woods and got back on the cracked asphalt of the old fairgrounds where workers were setting up for the Nightmare Fair. Most of the stalls and rides stayed up year round but were only opened and operated for specific events.

"What is everyone gonna be for Nightmare Night?" Rainbow asked the group as they traipsed down a row of game booths in limbo.

"I'm Super Scootaloo," answered Scootaloo quickly even though she'd already told her. It was a costume of her own invention consisting mostly of a cape and her skateboard.

"Detective," added Sweetie Belle.

"Ah's gonna be somepony who got murdered with a scythe," explained Apple Bloom, matter-of-factly. "One a the little ones. It was already broken. Mah brother's gonna dull the blade and connect the two pieces with wire so Ah can wear it on mah head like it went through mah skull. Then Ah'm just gonna have fake blood."

Rainbow looked back at her with a crooked smile. "That's cool." She always liked scary. costumes over professions and cute animals; that was one thing she shared with Apple Bloom over Scootaloo. "Did you think about being undead too?"

"Ya mean like a zombie? Don't zombies die when ya stab 'em in the brain?"

Rainbow scratched her chin in wonder. "Yeah I guess you're right… But don't ponies die when you stab them in the brain? You're already going as a walking corpse, right?"

"Hmm… Ya make a good point; Ah should be a zombie too."

Rainbow's eyes followed the profile of the in progress fair. "Hey, that rollercoaster's new," she gasped, pointing at the incomplete scaffolding. "It looks big too."

Over her time living in Ponyville, she'd watched as her favorite holiday celebration had exploded in scale. The Nightmare Fair was now the single biggest annual event in the county and it only got bigger and better every year.

"Ah can't believe they're settin' all this up just ta put it all away after a week," marveled Apple Bloom.

"Yeah but then it all comes back in a different form for Hearth's Warming or Summer vacation. They'll close the rollercoaster but they're not going to take it down."

"Looks scary," groaned Sweetie Belle.

"You can go on that," argued Scootaloo. "I don't think it'll have loops. Uh…" She quickened her pace to catch up with Rainbow. "Speaking of the fair, I was gonna go with Rumble on opening night but he said Thunderlane was busy in Cloudsdale that night and we can't do a… double date."

"Yeah, don't worry about it," grumbled Rainbow dismissively. "I can still go alone as your chaperone or whatever."

"Oh, thanks," she replied tepidly.

Rumble and Scootaloo weren't allowed to go on a date night unsupervised and Scootaloo really wanted their supervision to be in the form of a double date rather than the clunky third wheel of a lone chaperone. It would have lent their relationship an air of legitimacy and made them equals with Rainbow and Thunderlane. At least that's how she envisioned it feeling. Two couples doing something together instead of two kids being watched. This wasn't optimal but at least they could still go. Rainbow would be an okay third wheel.

"So is he a good kisser like his brother?" asked Rainbow, abruptly derailing her train of thought.

Sweetie and Apple Bloom sniggered behind their hooves.

"Rainbow," gasped Scootaloo, her face solid red.

"Sorry," she laughed. "None of my business. Don't worry; it'll be fun. I'm the coolest chaperone." - - -

Rainbow's tail swished as she stood, busying herself between Thunderlane's legs. The stallion sat on the edge of his bed with her muzzle clamped tight all the way down on his base of his stallionhood. He was as far down her throat as he could get.

Rainbow pulled back until just his flare was in her mouth, lodged snugly behind her pursed lips. He shivered as she caressed the tip with her tongue while sucking on his end like a straw. Then she slid all the way back to the base where she bobbed her head aggressively in a push to finish him off.

Thunderlane let out a guttural sigh and placed a hoof on Rainbow's head.

She felt a big rolling throb from his length on her tongue, a dry run for his fast approaching climax.

His breaths became shallow and shaky. "Ugh, shit," he panted as his ecstasy reached new heights. Suddenly there came the click of the lock on the front door down the hall. Thunderlane's eyes shot open. "Oh, shit. He's already back," he whispered.

Rainbow pulled off of him at once with an obscenely loud slurp and wiped the drool from her mouth. "Told you we shoulda gone to my place."

Thunderlane scrambled off of the bed and quickly made for the bathroom, his needy erection still aching at full mast beneath him. "You should have just been faster," he grumbled.

"No, you should have just been faster," Rainbow retorted indignantly, before he closed the door behind him.

She suspected he probably preferred rutting or whatever in the academy locker room to her grody apartment down near the train tracks with its thin walls and weird smells.

Thunderlane went to great lengths to hide all evidence, or even implications, of their adult time activities from his little brother, now even going so far as forgoing an orgasm in his fillyfriend's mouth that was surely just seconds away. They could have locked the door and carried on quietly for a few moments more till she swallowed the glut of his anxious tension but Rumble would suspect they were doing something and Thunderlane would rather he learn how to behave from what he said and not what he did. Rainbow didn't even sleep over at their house; their relationship around the kid was more or less a wholesome PG.

Rainbow licked the salty meat flavor from her lips as she walked to the door. She exited the bedroom nonchalantly to see Rumble turned around and tossing his saddlebag on the kitchen table.

"Thunderlane," he called.

Rainbow smirked and fluttered up silently behind him. "BOO!"

Rumble winced, nearly knocking his bag to the floor. He whirled around. "Oh, hey, Rainbow," A smile quickly spread across his face.

"Hey, squirt." She reached out a forehoof and tousled his mane into a mess.

"Ugh. Where's Thunderlane?" he asked, trying to smooth his hair back into the cool position.

"Bathroom." Rainbow crossed her forelegs in the air. "So, you think you're good enough to take my Scootaloo on a date?" she prodded in mock haughtiness.

"What?"

She landed and pointed a hoof at him. "I'm gonna be watching you… literally."

Rumble blinked. "Oh, you're going to the fair with us?"

"Yeah… is that okay?" she asked slowly, trying to decipher his surprised reaction.

He scratched his head "Ye- yeah. Why wouldn't it be okay?"

She leaned in uncomfortably close to him and squinted into him. "I don't know."

Rumble's face began to heat up and he looked at the floor. "Well, great. Should be fun."

Rainbow laughed weakly and gave him back his space. He was like his brother but without the drama and overconfidence. The best thing was how flustered he got when she teased him.

"So, did you come over to help me with my math homework?" he quipped.

Rainbow blew a raspberry and they shared a good-natured laugh at the absurd notion.

Just then, Thunderlane appeared at the bedroom door.

"Hey, Thunderlane. We have to go to the school thing."

"Oh yeah," he sighed, joining them in the kitchen.

Rainbow surreptitiously glanced under him to find that his erection had vanished as expected. She wondered if he'd taken care of it himself in the bathroom or if it simply died of natural causes.

"Uh, you can come too, if you want," posed Rumble.

Rainbow paused awkwardly before pointing quizzically at herself. Her heart fluttered at the gesture of him wanting to include her. It almost felt like she'd graduated to a new status in their family.

"Aw, I'm sorry. I really want to but I have to be at the Castle of Friendship pretty soon. Next time though."

"Oh, okay," he sighed. "Don't worry about it."

"Should probably eat something before I go," she muttered. Didn't get my protein shake today." She bumped flanks with her coltfriend.

Thunderlane rolled his eyes. - - -

A cold, damp blanket ruffled over Rainbow's fur as she coasted out of the patchy clouds and into view of the castle. The ground below was checkered with rugs and booths and piles of donated books. She spotted an important looking purple blob and launched into a divebomb, splaying her wings at the last moment to come to a perfect four point stop on the surface.

"Alright, let's get this over with," she grumbled.

Twilight looked up at the pegasus with a smirk. "Good news, Rainbow. You're off the hook. Pinkie got off early so she's able to show the diplomat around town."

Rainbow screwed her eyes shut and gave a triumphant pump of her foreleg. "Yesssss…"

That was always Pinkie Pie's thing. Rainbow should never have been on the short list. She only agreed to do a tour for some important Saddle Arabian pony because Twilight had delegated to her. She'd been dreading this moment for a week.

The alicorn scratched her cheek absently, checking her floating clipboard. "Since you're here though, can you help Applejack and I sort for the literacy fair?"

"Yeah," she sighed, still regretting missing Rumble's thing.

Having predicted this turn of events, Applejack beckoned her over to the big donation pile where sat boxes and stacks of unsorted books on a tarp. The literature had been generously given by the citizens of Ponyville but half of the books were probably from Twilight's personal library. It was all her program and no one was more excited about it than her.

Applejack swept a hoof across the in progress fair layout. "Ah got 'bout a dozen different genres, each one at a different table. Just put 'em at the right tables fer now and then we'll sort 'em into subgenres after."

Rainbow sighed and popped open a cardboard box. This was only marginally more enjoyable than her previously assigned job and that was mostly due to her interest in reading, at least reading some things. Scanning over the titles, she picked out the obvious books on academia which had drab looking spines. Those were the kinds of books she wouldn't be caught dead with. She cradled them between her wings on her back and dumped them off at the designated boring table.

"What are you even doing here, AJ? I thought you really needed to do farm stuff."

Applejack dropped the book from her mouth. "Ah do. That's why I gotta duck out soon. Twilight roped me into this when Ah made the mistake a sayin' hi on the way back from town. But yer here now so we're good."

Rainbow grumbled indignantly.

Applejack took the opportunity to remind her that she'd promised to help on the farm too but had yet to give her the time of day. "With everyone sick on the farm, we're still late on the harvest and settin' up the pumpkin patch. Yer the only one with time; ya gonna help us with that?"

Rainbow rolled her eyes as she ripped open another box. "Yeah, I got time… eventually. My schedule's not just immediately clear."

"I saw ya sleepin' on a cloud yesterday afternoon," she chided.

"Ugh," I finally get thirty minutes to myself and it's a felony," Rainbow glowered angrily.

Wonderbolt duties, element duties, being on call for the Princess of Friendship, maintaining her rickety relationship with Thunderlane and trying to inspire and nurture her adopted little sister. Life had never been so hard to juggle and she was not naturally motivated by many things.

Applejack's face fell, sensing her words were hitting personally. "Ah'm just raggin' on ya," she murmured. "Ah'm sorry… Ya don't have ta come if it's too hard."

"I can be there this evening," sighed Rainbow, walking away with another stack of books. It would be disloyal to flake out on her after promising.

Applejack couldn't tell her that evenings didn't work great with their schedule. Rainbow felt she just needed to make good and squeeze it in ASAP. They'd just concede to the mutually inconvenient and guilt-ridden engagement without further discourse.

Rainbow opened another box. Her eyes fell on a row of half a dozen pulpy looking adventure novels. Judging by the art direction, they were from a previous generation of literature. The covers were adorned with flames, untamed jungles, demonic looking idols and an overpowering sense of doom and danger. It looked like the precursor to the Daring Doo novels but she'd never heard of them.

"Rock Slide," she mumbled, noticing the name appearing standardized on every spine, likely the hero that the series was named after. She pulled out one book with a sultry looking femme fatale earth pony looming over a treacherous snow capped mountain range. She was wind whipped, dressed in arctic gear and had a knife in her teeth.

"Rock Slide and the Peak of Terror… These are amazing," she smirked to herself. She put the hooful of books in a smaller empty box and scrawled her name on the top. It was always a nice surprise when good deeds didn't completely blow up her face. - - -

Rainbow kept the weak bedside lamp on later than she should have. She had practice in the morning. She was so tired from farmwork on top of everything else. But night was an oasis of time that no one could take from her and she had to drink from it or die.

She couldn't figure out what order the Rock Slide books went in, so she simply picked one at random and dove in. Despite its age, it was so far as relevant as any Daring Doo title and just as effective as an escapism drug. Again, Rainbow was amazed that she'd never even heard the name of these books. Maybe Twilight knew about them.

A ghostly train wail emanated from somewhere and suddenly she was back in her dingy apartment and she knew exactly what time it was. Rainbow sighed, reached for her bookmark and clicked off the light.

Thunderlane adjusted the last sleeve of his flight suit and checked alertly over his shoulder to make sure the locker room was empty. He looked back and teased his locker open with a wingtip and slid the capped needle into his grip.

"BOO!"

Thunderlane flinched and fumbled the little auto injector to the floor. He looked to see Rainbow in her flight suit grinning stupidity back at him. Her face fell when she realized what he'd dropped.

"Rainbow, seriously?" he growled.

"Thunderlane, Crash," came a stern voice.

Thunderlane winced again and spun around to face Captain Spitfire, trying to block her view of the dose he'd abandoned on the floor behind him.

Rainbow reflexively kicked the needle under the lockers where it would likely be lost forever and bit her lip in fear that he'd already been busted and she'd just made herself culpable. They'd both be tested immediately. He'd get kicked out for sure. She'd pass but it was uncertain what would happen to her if they suspected she knew anything about Thunderlane's juicing or that she was covering for him.

"Grabass on your own time," lambasted Spitfire. "Get on the tarmac."

"Ma'am," they replied attentively.

Without even making eye contact, she marched past the two of them and headed out the door.

Thunderlane exhaled in relief and looked to the floor to secure his contraband.

"What are you doing still taking that shit?" Rainbow hissed angrily. "You won't pass your physical. It's gonna show up in your labs and you'll be out the door before you can say protein shake."

"Calm down," he grunted in annoyance, bending down to peer under the lockers. "I have time to do the next show and then get clean before physicals; I have it all figured out. It's fine." The little syringe was back there nestled amongst little piles of accumulated filth. He laid down on the floor to slip his wingtip into the gap in hopes of flicking it out.

Rainbow cocked a skeptical eye at him. "And then you're done taking it?"

"Ehh, well…" He mumbled an unintelligible non answer."

"Thunderlane?" she demanded impatiently.

He shot to his hooves to snarl at her. "I'm not a little kid, Rainbow! Let me make my own fucking decisions."

Despite how often it happened and her tough facade, it always felt like getting kicked in the heart when he blew up at her. She scoffed in disappointed disgust and turned away to leave. "Well, pardon me for giving a shit," she muttered.

Thunderlane spared a desperate glance back at the gap under the lockers. It was too late now; he'd have to get it later somehow.

"Okay, fine, Rainbow-" He looked back to his fillyfriend but she'd already stormed out into the hall.

Inside Joke

The faintest of hopes that what had transpired the previous night might have all been just a nightmare was the only thing pulling Rainbow out of bed. Her restless night, the weight on her conscience, it was because of a dream. It was just her anxiety and discontent acting on a stage in her head.

Groggy and clumsy, she reached for the satchel on her dresser. It tumbled to the floor, spilling its contents. Lip balm, gum, bits, a lost emergency condom that predated Thunderlane, keys, the ticket stub from the Nightmare Fair.

"Fuck," she breathed, feeling her heart drop with sickening finality. She closed her eyes and squeezed her head between her hooves. It wasn't a dream.

She imagined Rumble waking up in his own room, stumbling through the same thought process. Was he confused? Was he disturbed? Could he be… happy that this happened? He didn't seem happy, not at any point after that ride ended. She recalled his paralyzed expression when saying goodbye to Scootaloo after what had otherwise been an amazing time. In the heat of the moment though, he seemed unabashedly receptive to her advances but, like her, he wasn't thinking either. He might not have been entirely absolved of wrongdoing in the situation but… she was supposed to be the adult. She was supposed to protect them. He was just a dumb, hormonal kid and she'd goaded him into cheating on his first fillyfriend.

In her brain, since dating Thunderlane at least, Rainbow had adopted Rumble as a little sibling, kind of like Scootaloo. She was willing to admit to herself that she found him cute. That was a normal thing, she told herself. But where was the line between thinking he was cute and wanting to give him a crash course in anatomy? She was drunk; she wasn't thinking clearly. But what a horrific mistake to make with somepony she cared about. How could something like that just come out of thin air? If a drunk mare's words were a sober mare's thoughts, could the same be said of a drunk mare's actions?

She wanted to just stop thinking about it because she didn't like where the questions were taking her… but it was the only thing she could think about. What was she supposed to do today? Oh… it was… a day off… sort of.

Rainbow slowly ate a cold bowl of oats in the dark and then took a shower. She forgot to wash at all and just stood in the tub staring into the black drain hole as water spiraled down it. Under the white noise, she muttered inaudible apologies that she wanted to give to Rumble. She needed to see him and make sure that he was okay. If he wasn't okay then… how could she live with herself?

She got out and dried off. Then she paced around in a daze, head aching from her damp mane in the cool air.

There came a knock at the door that finally forced her out of her own mind. She saw Thunderlane and a demure looking Rumble hanging back behind him.

"Hey," said Thunderlane. He leaned forward with presumptuous claim to a kiss. She made sure not to hesitate to catch his lips with her own. Giving him a normal kiss was easy; the real problem was that what she had done still sat in the back of her mind like a tar stain... and there was Rumble. Rumble averted his eyes; he always did that when she kissed his brother in front of him, but this time it hit differently. They seemed to share a pang of shame with the act. What was it called when an inside joke lacked levity? That was what they had.

Her secret seemed safe for now. But what colt could resist telling this kind of story to his friends? One who wanted to keep his girlfriend. One who would rather die than let his brother know or get his co-conspirator friend get in trouble, however many flavors it came in. It wasn't worth the social points; his peers would never believe him anyway. She was there and it still sounded like a bizarre dream to her.

"Ready to go?" asked Thunderlane from the hall.

"Yeah." Rainbow cleared her throat. She'd almost forgotten about this. They were going to his parent's house in Cloudsdale for a final cookout before the weather turned. It was the last thing she wanted to do at this moment but she wouldn't back out, especially not without a good excuse.

"We just gotta hit the grocery store on the way," he added, turning away. "I said I'd bring drinks."

The three of them took off for their shared hometown in the sky. Rumble, though smaller than them, made good time. He had the genes to become a Wonderbolt like them someday, hopefully one with less image and self esteem issues than his brother, thought Rainbow.

Once in the city, Thunderlane led them to the store and they touched down on the sidewalk outside.

"You can stay here if you want," grunted Thunderlane. "I'll be quick."

For a moment it looked like she'd get an opportunity to talk to Rumble alone but Just then, Rainbow felt a strange pulse on her flank. She looked back to see her cutie mark glowing. "Aw, jeez, seriously?" she sighed. Her immediate reaction was frustration but she quickly realized that this was actually the convenient out she wanted from the gathering. She turned to the brothers. "I'm sorry, I'm getting paged for element stuff. I have to go. See you."

She turned away, then remembered they usually kissed goodbye. She spun back around and planted a more passionate, somewhat desperate kiss on Thunderlane's lips. Then she turned to Rumble and hazarded tousling his hair goodbye. To her relief, he didn't shrink from her touch. "Tell your parents I said hi and I'm sorry." - - -

"What if I miss Nightmare Night?" whined Pinkie in despair.

Rainbow fluttered into the crowded map room of the Castle of Friendship to see hers and Pinkie Pie's cutie marks spinning over an apparent friendship mission in a far off land.

"Sorry, I'm a little late." She set down and slid into her designated seat. Suddenly a jolt of electricity shot through her body causing her to yelp in pain. She recoiled from the Throne of Loyalty and thudded on the floor amid surprised stares from the other Elements of Harmony. She shook it off as quickly as she could and scrambled back to her hooves, mortified from all the eyes on her.

"Are you okay?" asked Fluttershy worriedly.

Rainbow swallowed. "Ye- yeah. Fine. I just-" She placed an unsure hoof on the foreleg rest and received another smarting shock. She yanked her hoof away and shook it, swearing in her head.

Rarity and Applejack exchanged knowing glances.

With the edge of her throbbing hoof in her mouth, Rainbow glanced back at the map in time to see her cutie mark vanish and get replaced by Starlight Glimmer's. The group gasped and turned to look at Starlight who always just lurked meekly in the corner for map meetings, her and Spike being the only ones without seats at the table.

"Me?" she gasped in bemusement.

Rainbow's face wilted like paper in a furnace. It felt like she'd just had the air knocked out of her lungs.

Twilight turned to Rainbow with gritted teeth. "Uh, I'll just get you a folding chair." - - -

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. No one's perfect."

"Are you serious right now? Because it was pretty fucking embarrassing," began Rainbow. She quickly lowered her voice knowing that everyone probably had their ears to the other side of the door. "I was right in the spotlight."

"Look, it happens," shrugged Twilight. Remember Fluttershy and Applejack?"

"No one has ever gotten scrubbed from a mission right there in front of everyone," Rainbow retorted indignantly.

"Well… yeah," she conceded sheepishly. But my point is that this sort of thing has happened before. All we need to do is reconcile the issue, make amends or whatever and then you move on as the Element of Loyalty.

"There's no issue to reconcile," snapped Rainbow.

"Then why did the element reject you?"

The pegasus swallowed. There was no way she could fake her way out of this one. No way to lie back into that chair.

She shrugged disingenuously. "I don't know, maybe it's having a bad day."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "You don't have to tell me what the problem is. You just have to fix it. But if you want to rap about it, you know I'm here."

If she told her the whole story in confidence, Rainbow was fairly certain that she wouldn't rat her out to the general public, law enforcement or even Celestia even though she was duty-bound to do just that. If Rainbow told her, she'd just be spreading her own dirt around and making Twilight complicit in her actions; she could drag down the other elements and even Celestia if word got out and they were discovered to have known the whole time. Worst of all, even if she told her, it would help nothing. The safest bet right now was to just play dumb and keep her mouth shut.

"I seriously have no idea why this is happening," she reasserted stubbornly.

The alicorn scowled from behind her desk. "I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, you think I'm lying to you?"

"I think you're lying to yourself. Rainbow, this is bigger than you or I. Everything we do here is based on teamwork but I shouldn’t need to tell you that because you're the first pony I think of when I think teamwork. Take a break, go for a fly and think about it and we'll get through this when you're ready."

Rainbow crossed her forelegs. "This is such bullshit," her voice cracked. "This kind of thing can't even happen to you or Pinkie. You don't have some vague real virtue you have to live up to at all times or else."

Her eyes stung. She had a lump in her throat. Completely helpless, she needed to leave before she had a breakdown in front of her friends.

Twilight's face softened with pity. "You know, the Elements of Harmony are mysterious and we still don't completely understand how they work. Maybe it would be good to refresh your memory on the definition of loyalty."

"Fuck you," sniffed Rainbow. She tried to surreptitiously wipe her eyes with her fetlock. "I'm sorry," she gasped before turning tail. "I- I have to go." She galloped away, bolting through the door and surprising her friends on the other side.

"Wait," called Applejack.

But the pegasus had already unfurled her wings and taken to the air. She shot through the open window up high like thread through a needle and didn't stop beating her wings until she was sobbing on her bed.

Party of One

Rainbow watched the vile amber liquid race down her kitchen sink. This was against her true interests. She wanted to get plastered so badly, to get so slobbering wasted that she couldn't feel the world, nor could it feel her. But mentally she couldn't even get past the sickening irresponsibility of ever drinking alcohol again. One too many. That was all it took to upend everything, to hurt everyone.

The empty liquor bottle slipped from her hooves, rattling angrily in the rusty sink and threatening to burst like its sibling which she'd rashly hurled at the wall and cut herself on. She reached in to fish it out and felt the sting of another errant glass shard upon her foreleg.

"Fuck," she cried out, recoiling her limb. She looked at the counter and saw red before wrapping her lips over the oozing wound. Two bloody legs and a head full of horror and chaos that was only growing exponentially. Frustration… Stupidness… She couldn't stop spiraling.

"Are you sure you're okay?" came Fluttershy's muffled voice through the front door.

"I'm fine, Fluttershy," she shouted in dismay, the taste of metal on her tongue. Fresh tears began to well in the corners of her eyes. "I just need to be alone right now. Please."

"Okay… I'll just… leave the cookies by the door… We can talk more later. Good- goodbye."

Rainbow abandoned the mess she’d made and limped to the first aid kit which still laid open in the bathroom. She was flailing so desperately and couldn't find a thing to grab hold of. She wanted to be drunk but she didn't want to drink. She wanted support from her friends but she was too ashamed to see them. She wanted to atone for her transgressions and fix this but no matter how hard she stared at it, she could find no path back to the way things were yesterday morning.

Her time to get out of this with a happy ending was past. Her options now seemed to be either keep things how they were or make them even worse. She couldn't explain this to Thunderlane or her parents. Scootaloo would be devastated. She'd hate her and Rumble and possibly never trust anyone again. It was a tossup how Thunderlane might take it. Of course it would be bad but would he go full soap opera and then go out binge drinking or would he snap and do something to her? She hated that she had to ask that question but especially with his recent drug usage, she didn't know. She betrayed him but also corrupted his brother who he guarded so dearly. That was infinitely worse and likely unforgivable. What would knowing this do to their relationship as siblings? Could they ever get past such a thing?

If she told any of them, it would come with a certain understanding that they would be hurt badly and she'd lose them as friends forever. She wouldn't be able to work professionally with Thunderlane in the Wonderbolts. If she never saw him, she wouldn’t be seeing Rumble either. There’d be no more foalish adventures with Scootaloo.

This was to say nothing of her potential legal peril which was a veritable minefield for everything and everyone she was associated with. There would be no recovering from going to court for what she'd done. The sheer magnitude and irrevocable nature of it all felt like a snake coiling around her stomach.

Rainbow ripped the medical tape with her teeth and draped the last strip on her gaus dressing that was already showing red blotches. She crawled into the cold, empty bathtub and curled into a sorrowful ball. - - -

She could have gone outside and flown around to clear her mind like Twilight had suggested. She would have done that in most other situations but this time she wanted to stay alone in her horrible apartment. Rainbow started on a new Rockslide book. What else could she do? The whole day had been torpedoed and she just wanted to escape the wreckage even if it was only with a temporary distraction.

She should have been on a train with Pinkie right now, exchanging prank ideas for Nightmare Night and worrying if they could wrap up their friendship mission quick enough to make it back in time. It felt like she'd fallen off a cruise ship in the dark and the only thing there was left to do was watch the lights fade over the horizon.

Rainbow needed to take action in some way, to regain control of her life but she was at a complete loss. Crawling back out of the world of dark jungles, hooffights on burning ships and supernatural treasures just to be paralyzed with indecision on her bed seemed like a torturous waste of time.

To her chagrin, her reading stamina was less than ideal. Though she wanted to just read the whole story in one sitting, her eyes hurt and her brain was weary from sustained mental focus. She slipped a feather into the book and tossed it on her pillow.

Rainbow rubbed her aching eyes as the unwanted thoughts began to bleed through once more. She paced and fretted silently around the apartment, pausing in front of her dresser to look at the framed photo of her two biggest fans, mom and dad. They were always so proud of her. This would have to be the biggest test of that pride.

"Uh, mom? Can I talk to you about something?” she began, looking with downcast expression at Windy’s unflappably smiling face. “I did something really bad and you're the only one I feel safe talking about it with."

She paused as if listening to her mother's typical worried but comforting preamble. "Yeah, it's why I stopped getting called for friendship missions. You know Rumble, Thunderlane's brother? Well, he's actually also dating Scootaloo which is why this is so… exponentially horrible… I…”

The words got stuck in her throat, even just monologuing to a damn photograph. How was it that she'd been so drunk but still able to remember all of this? She swallowed and tried again. “I had sex with him.”

It's statutory, her brain rudely reminded her. It's kind of dishonest to phrase it like that.

“Now before you say anything,” she continued defensively. “I was drunk and you had to be there. We were out in public and he had the saddest little hardon and he was embarrassed and in my mind at the time I was just doing him a favor by getting rid of it for him. That's… that's it.”

Her frown deepened. “No. When I say 'in public,' I mean we were alone… on a ride at the Nightmare Fair.”

Rainbow blinked aghast. "What do you mean HOW? Mom, that's inappropriate." She knocked the photo face down on the dresser to snap out of the undesirable mental scenario she'd put herself in. "Yeah, this conversation is not happening,” she groaned.

She stayed holed up for the rest of the day. At night she finally went out, late, when she thought most would be home or asleep. That was how she found the basket of Fluttershy’s cookies she'd forgotten about.

The Definition of Loyalty

A week went by. Rainbow's relationship with Thunderlane floundered on as normal. She went to Wonderbolt practice as normal but was never once summoned by the tree for any official Element duties. In conversations with friends, she stubbornly insisted that she didn't know how to appease the Tree of Harmony and eventually everyone just stopped asking. She said she was fine but it ate away at her from the inside like nothing she'd ever felt. It wasn't just the weight of her transgression but also her lost status and identity as a guardian of Equestria.

Rainbow was there physically but it felt like the world around her had the volume turned down like she was experiencing everything through a pane of fogged up glass.

Pinkie and Starlight were still gone. That was to be expected. Twilight still tried to include Rainbow in a couple of official proceedings to keep her in the loop and help her not feel like an outsider. It was, after all, a temporary situation.

The pegasus preferred idling in the air to sitting in that degrading folding chair. She lingered in the room after the map’s enchanted light fizzled out and her friends had left.

Being an element bearer was such an obtuse burden to cary; there was no manual with a clearly defined set of rules and even if there was, they'd be different from element to element. The idea that they all subscribed to was that it was each pony’s duty to embody the textbook values of their element as best they could and as long as they did that, things would probably continue rolling along without a hitch.

There had been a few lapses in the past but they'd been resolved in a couple of days at most. They were pioneers in the practice and there really wasn't much knowledge on exactly how to stay on good terms with the Tree of Harmony. It didn't speak to them with words which meant that there was no way to know if you were worthy without checking yourself.

Just because Rainbow couldn't sit in the big chair last week, didn't necessarily mean she couldn't sit in it now. What if it wasn’t something you needed to fix? What if it was more like a timeout to let you think about what you did? If regret and self flagellation could get her back in that chair, it probably would have worked by now. It was worth a try.

The pegasus slunk warily over to her old seat at the table and stretched out a foreleg. The moment her hoof touched the foreleg rest, a snap and horrible jolt shot through her, same as before.

“Shit,” she gasped after leaping back. She shook her still buzzing hoof. “C’mon, I don't know what to do. Please?” she cried to the cold, indifferent throne. “I can still do this, just let me back in. I swear I'll be better.”

Silence.

Frustrated, she covered her tightening face with one hoof, and waited to calm down.

“Rainbow?” called Twilight softly from the doorway.

“What?” she groaned without looking.

“Do you need help?” She walked up to join her at the edge of the map table.

“Nothing is going to help,” she glowered, finally meeting her gaze with just enough confidence that she wouldn't have another emotional breakdown in front of her.

Twilight’s expression darkened with despair but she put a hoof on her friend’s withers. “I’m worried because no one's ever been benched for this long. I can't pretend to fully understand the machinations of the tree but do you think you'll be back in the chair soon?”

Rainbow internally bristled at the seemingly callous nature of the question but kept the venom out of her voice. “I don't need the chair to be able to do what I do,” she quipped.

“I know… but you know it's not actually about the chair. We need six ponies to wield the six elements. If we don't have that, we're all more vulnerable to existential threats.”

“I'm doing my best here,” she grumbled.

“I know. I'm not trying to accuse you of purposefully dragging this out. I think that's the last thing you'd ever want but… what's really going on here? You can tell me.”

“I already told you, Twilight; I don't know. We're just talking in circles about this now.”

Twilight sighed. “If you don't really know, then how do you expect this issue to get resolved? It might sound harsh but everything can't be in limbo forever just waiting for you. The eventuality here is that you'll have to be replaced and you'll lose your stipend.”

Rainbow scoffed at the absurdity of the last part. Her stipend. She hadn't even thought about the money yet but it was cause for concern. She still had some cash flowing in from the Wonderbolts at least. She was still useful there. She was still a hero there.

“I don't want to lose you but I have very little say in the matter. Please just let me help you. You can tell me anything. And if you really have no idea…” She floated an open book down upon the table in front of her with her magic. “This is our best clue about what to do.”

Rainbow looked down at Twilight's pointing hoof and sighed. “Loyalty,” she mumbled. “The quality or state of being loyal. Possessing a continued faithfulness to an obligation, duty, idea or pony when faced with temptation or adversity.” Her eyes darted back up to meet the alicorn's.

“Think about it,” she murmured somberly.

Rainbow seemed to deflate as her gaze fell to the floor. “I have to go…’ - - -

Foals shrieked in suprise and scampered through the hay bale maze as Big Macintosh popped his head over the wall with a feral snarl.

Rainbow swooped down from the bitter gray sky, landing at the edge of the Sweet Apple Acres pumpkin patch where a familiar tan hat was bobbing around in the ravaged plot.

Applejack's eyebrows shot up when she saw the ousted pegasus traipsing toward her. “Well, look who it is. Ya come ta help with the patch?”

“Yeah…” she breathed in a subdued, thought-laden voice that was entirely unlike her.

“Pumpkins are gettin' sparse. Just tryna round up some of the good ones and get ‘em nearer the front.” She cocked her head toward the nearby wagon that she'd just started loading. “Them townies are lazy; they buy more when the huntin's easy.”

“Alright,” she agreed affably, nudging a nearby pumpkin with her forehooves. She dribbled it carefully to the back of the open wagon before lifting it up and in.

“So why'd ya really come?” grunted Applejack.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yep.”

Rainbow sighed. “I wanted help with a problem but I don't want to talk to Twilight about it.”

Applejack paused. “Is it about yer seat at the table?”

“Yeah, but you have to make a promise not to tell any creature what I'm about to tell you.” She scanned the field warily, seeing only a few ponies milling about out of earshot as they searched the naked vines for good pumpkins. Her eyes landed back on Applejack expectantly. “You have to promise,” she reiterated.

Applejack shrugged compliantly. “Okay, Ah promise Ah won't tell anyone.”

Rainbow pointed a hoof at her with dire seriousness. "You're sworn to secrecy now. You can't tell anyone. If I hear that you can't sit in your chair tomorrow, I'm coming after you."

"Okay, Ah get it. Just tell me."

“I cheated on Thunderlane,” Rainbow whispered. “With his brother.”

Her eyes widened. “His little brother, Rumble?”

“I was drunk,” added Rainbow emphatically, wanting to have even just the smallest alibi for her actions.

Applejack covered her mouth as she reached inside for an appropriately shocked and horrified response. The problem was that the more she thought about it, the more shocking and horrifying the revelation became, outpacing her ability to grasp just how dire the situation was. Finally she just shook her head in defeat, "Ya done fucked up big."

"I know that already. What I don't know is how to fix it."

"Well, unfortunately, ya gotta start by tellin' the truth."

"Of course you'd say that," groaned Rainbow, hoisting in another pumpkin with a thud.

“Ya know what they say ‘bout honesty: it's the best policy.”

“Look, I know you're all about honesty but you can't seriously believe that. There are always things you just don't admit ever.”

“Sure there are. There's inside thoughts and outside thoughts and then there's right and wrong. When ya wrong someone, Ah mean real wrong, and ya wanna fix it, ya gotta start by tellin' ‘em what ya did. Then apologize. Then make a genuine effort ta do better.”

“Or so the old mare's tale goes,” scoffed Rainbow. “You make it sound so… easy.”

Applejack snapped a vine by stamping on it with one hoof. “Rainbow, ya know how hard it is ta be honest all the time?"

Rainbow shook her head. "No. Not being honest is something I enjoy on a regular basis."

"Then ya do know. Every day's a challenge. Least with somethin’ like loyalty, ya get ta pick yer battles and name yer terms."

Rainbow idly rolled a pumpkin around as she gestated on the strangely contractual nature of loyalty. It always began with a choice and a promise. When she thought about the ponies she'd betrayed, she'd never explicitly made any such promises to them; it simply went without saying that when you became someone's fillyfriend or sister, you didn't do things like that. The relationship itself was the promise.

She screwed up her face. “But if I told Scootaloo, it would crush her to know that her idol stabbed her in the back like that.”

“True,” nodded Applejack. “But do ya think Scootaloo should still idolize you?”

Rainbow's mouth hung open like she'd just been run through with an iron poker. The question struck at the already cracked foundation of her identity. She jawed for a retort. “It- it’s not about whether she should idolize me; it's about protecting her.”

“It might seem like what they don't know won't hurt them but lies fester, Rainbow. Then they explode like a bloated dead body fulla gas.” Applejack stomped her hoof right through a slouching, rotten pumpkin.

Rainbow grimaced at her macabre analogy. “I’m not saying you're wrong about needing to tell the truth to rebuild after being disloyal or that it's risky to not just come clean on my own terms; I'm saying that this is more complicated than you're making it seem. Like, did it occur to you that I could go to prison for this? Can you see why this is so difficult for me?”

“Ya think Thunderlane would tell their parents?”

“I'd say the chances definitely aren't zero. And if he did then I don't know what would happen but I don't think it would be good.”

Applejack stroked her chin. “Hmm… Ah have a question: ya wanna make things right ta heal or ta just get yer seat back?”

Rainbow hesitated, suddenly noticing the weird beetles that seemed to be all over the plants. “I feel awful about all of this,” she began. “And I wish every single minute that I could just undo it, but I'll level with you, if it weren't for the whole team element thing, this would probably be a no-brainer keep my mouth shut kind of situation. I don't think a clear conscience would be worth the damage. I don't have the guts to take a flamethrower to my life just to chase a moral win.”

Applejack scratched under her hat. “Well, that's… honest at least. How does Rumble feel about all this?”

“I- I don't know. I’m rarely ever able to have conversations with him completely alone.”

“Maybe you should try ta ally with him. If yer serious ‘bout fixin’ things, try ta get him on board with yer agenda and even go with you ta confess. He likes you, doesn't he? And Thunderlane loves him unconditionally and will have to think twice about what he says and does if he's part of the conversation.”

Rainbow swallowed. “That plan makes me feel sick but at the same time it's probably the best I can do and I don't think I could have come up with it on my own… Is that what you’d do in my situation?”

“Ah dunno…” she shrugged earnestly. “Ah think Ah'd try ta make peace with the idea of never bein’ an element again.”

“You wouldn't tell?” gasped Rainbow in abject disbelief.

“Well, Ah didn't say that. Ah think that's how Ah'd wanna handle it but in the end, the guilt might just eat me alive. But that's me; you gotta make that decision fer yerself.” - - -

Rainbow lay awake in bed, unable to hear anything in her brain but Applejack's question replaying over and over like a broken record: ‘Do ya think Scootaloo should still idolize you?’ There were so many other serious things to consider but somehow those words now sat upon the throne of her whole empire. The worst part about it was that she had a clear answer for that question.

In the still of the night, a whistle cried out and Rainbow imagined herself waiting for that train, laying across the rails, eyes closed.

Candy

Rainbow’s tentatively adopted plan of conferencing with Rumble wasn't going to happen naturally, neither was the courage she needed to follow through with what would amount to character suicide, possibly on a national scale. She used to pride herself on being brave. Only now looking back did she realize just how cartoonishly simple her notion of bravery was. She did not feel brave, not anymore. Every time she felt like she could do it, she thought a little bit more and decided that she couldn't.

Nightmare Night was coming fast and for the first time the holiday was all but locked away in the dark closet of Rainbow's gloomy brain. She went with Thunderlane to the annual Wonderbolt Academy costume party, trying to outwardly return to form. This was after all a place that her problems in Ponyville were largely unknown and didn't have to loom over her in every conversation if she didn't let them.

Rainbow went wrapped like a cursed mummy as illustrated on the cover of her favorite Daring Doo novel. Thunderlane dressed as a timberwolf.

“Hey,” greeted Fleetfoot with a smile. “I was wondering where you two were.”

“We're not that late,” shrugged Rainbow.

“C'mon, drinks are over here.”

The gymnasium strobed with colored lights as dance music pounded over a pop-up dance floor where dozens of animals and monsters were already tearing it up.

Fleetfoot passed two hard ciders to the pair from the beverage table.

Rainbow reluctantly received the bottle. Drinking was what was normal, or rather, it was what was expected of her. She didn't like it anymore but she'd do it for the purpose of keeping up appearances.

Thunderlane took a swig immediately while Rainbow just clutched hers for the moment.

“Hey, Thunderlane, what's your costume?” asked Soarin, appearing at their side with a cup of pretzels.

“I'm a timberwolf.”

“What's a timberwolf?” he shrugged quizzically.

“It's a big apex predator that lives in the forest; see, you'd probably know this shit if you got off the cloud once in a while.”

“Well, can you blame me for not visiting if there are timberwolves down there?”

Everyone laughed. Even Rainbow smiled.

“Did Thunderlane help wrap you?” asked Soarin, pointing at Rainbow’s gauze bandages.

“Oh, yeah.”

“It took like half an hour,” he added. “But I made it worth the trouble.”

“Oh, so that's why you were late,” smirked Fleetfoot.

“Hey, Thunderlane, congrats on breaking the 5k slalom,” yelled Firebolt as she walked by.

“Thanks,” he replied, raising his drink in recognition.

Rainbow scoffed but it was lost under the loud music. He got a record with performance enhancing drugs; what a load of shit. Half of her almost wanted him to get caught if only to preserve the integrity of Wonderbolt history.

“What are you doing for Nightmare Night?” Fleetfoot asked Rainbow.

“Uh… I dunno. Probably terrorize the town. You know me.”

She eyed the still full bottle in Rainbow's wingtip. “Are you gonna drink that or do you want a to-go box?” she quipped.

“Yeah, C’mon, Rainbow,” added Thunderlane impatiently. “Drink it or put it down so we can dance.”

Rainbow glanced at her drink. “Oh yeah,” she laughed awkwardly. “Just forgot, I guess. She brought the opening to her lips.

The cider washed over her tongue with sickeningly sweet recollection and suddenly she was back on that ride, tasting the apples on her own hot breath as she rubbed herself on Rumble's lap. Her stomach revolted.

Rainbow turned away, retching and coughing. Her favorite drink had been ruined.

“Are you okay?” asked Thunderlane.

“Go down the wrong pipe?” added Soarin.

Rainbow spat on the floor, then swallowed with a grimace. “I guess I’m not feeling well.” - - -

Nightmare Night Day arrived seemingly from out of the mist and Rainbow didn't know what to do with it.

“Seriously?” scoffed Thunderlane in annoyance, slamming his locker.

“I got nothing,” she breathed listlessly. Nothing sounded thrilling and she was at a loss coming up with alternative activities that didn't feel like they were squandering the occasion.

“You're always on cloud nine for this. You've been acting so weird.” He almost sounded accusatory.

Rainbow shrugged weakly, trying to think of some way to change the subject.

“Whatever,” grumbled the stallion. ‘We can just walk behind the kids while they trick or treat. Wanna do that?”

His suggestion had a sarcastic edge but to her it sounded at least mildly interesting. “Yeah,” Rainbow nodded, following him out to the hall. “Can we?” It was an easy, lowkey solution for how to spend the evening, nothing like what she was used to doing but it still felt appropriate in the spirit. She’d lost her appetite for mischief the same way she'd lost her appetite for cider. But at least she could still enjoy looking at decorations and watching ponies in costumes.

As night was falling and ponies lit up their houses with ghoulish decor, Rainbow settled into something resembling enjoyment. It was the most comfortable with the two brothers she'd been since going to the Nightmare Fair. They met up with Scootaloo and the Cutie Mark Crusaders and started through a bustling neighborhood of streets blanketed with red and yellow leaves.

Everything glowed with a dreamlike moodiness and it was nice seeing the foals frolic excitedly from house to house, living for the next big score.

“You're not walking all the way back home in the dark tonight, are you?” Rainbow asked Apple Bloom as they returned to the sidewalk with a bounty of two full sized candy bars each.

“Nope, we're havin’ a sleepover at Sweetie Belle's after this.” The filly had made the modifications to her costume that Rainbow had suggested weeks ago, opting to be a non-traditional zombie with a bloody sickle through her brain.

The kids galloped onward to the next house, candy buckets bobbling from around their necks and saddle bags shifting on their back. Thunderlane and Rainbow walked slowly together, hanging back behind the group, content to just watch and absorb the ambiance while wet leaves hitched rides on their fetlocks.

Scootaloo stayed at Rumble’s side, the adults’ little analogue relationship, like looking into a mirror… not really. The biggest thing their relationships had in common was the untold truth rotting under the foundation. Everyone could smell it but only Rainbow and Rumble knew what it was.

Rainbow frowned as she watched the uncomfortable dynamic play out from door to door. Scootaloo was head over hooves all over him while he seemed more aloof, reciprocating with noticeably less vigor. Maybe she was reading too much into it and it was just their different personalities more than the stench. It could be a lot of things for that matter, the large audience or the cumberness of their candy burden. It didn't have to be standoffishness derived from guilt but that was exactly what she was thinking about when she felt Thunderlane's hoof caressing her flank.

The excursion only stopped when the foals’ packs were bulging and their buckets overflowing.

Rumble and Scootaloo nuzzled awkwardly to the sounds of Sweetie and Apple Bloom's irreverent hooting.

“Shut up,” hissed Scootaloo indignantly as she joined them. The Cutie Mark Crusaders headed for Carousel Boutique, plotting to take stock of their haul and get sick before sunrise.

Rumble removed his ninja headband. He rejoined the adults and they continued on toward his and Thunderlane's house.

“I've never gotten this much candy before,” mused Rumble, sifting through his bucket. “You can have my licorice if you want.” He looked at Rainbow and held out a stem of red licorice in his wing tip as they walked. “It's your favorite, right? Well, you at least like it more than I do.”

Rainbow felt an unexpected fluttering in her chest at the thoughtful gesture. “Thanks,” she murmured, receiving the treat.

“There's probably more; I'll save it for you for later.”

Rainbow bit off a chunk of the soft cherry candy she’d liked ever since she could remember.

The house was in sight now, prompting Thunderlane to turn to his brother.

“I'm gonna walk Rainbow home. I'll be back soon. Don't eat too much candy.”

“Okay.” Rumble's eyes flicked over to hers with a strange sadness in them, the kind ponies get when they stop telling a story because no one was listening.

Rainbow messed up his mane as tradition dictated. “See ya,” she breathed. - - -

Rainbow muffled her impassioned screams into her pillow as Thunderlane's thighs clapped rapidly into her hindquarters. Her front end laid on the mattress as her back end stood on the floor under her coltfriend’s weight. She cried out in pain, her head jerking back as he yanked her mane roughly with his teeth. The sharp sting in her scalp with the pleasure in her loins was what finally pushed her over the edge. Her thoughts melted in her head and for a few glorious moments, even standing right at the crossroads of malignant cowardice and moral failure, she was free.

Eyes closed, mouth open, Rainbow's body shook in ecstasy. Her brain flickered back on about the time Thunderlane was on his final thrusts. He drove home deep inside her with a growl of finality. He squeezed tightly around her barrel until the trembling in his hips subsided and his tense body relaxed atop hers.

“Happy Nightmare Night,” he grunted, pulling out of her. He exhaled in satisfaction and then flopped on her bed with a creak.

Rainbow held her position, waiting for her post orgasmic daze to ebb away before joining him on the mattress. That was borderline too rough… or was it? She came hard enough that it seemed more a feature than a flaw and thus it wasn't even worth mentioning the discomfort. In itself, that was more evidence that sex was the thickest link in the chain that kept them tethered.

She had a theory that the drugs made him more aggressive in bed. Then again, he was also more aggressive if it had been more than a few days.

His foreleg wrapped around her in what they knew would be a short lived embrace.

“Are you clean now?” she mumbled.

“Yeah. Have to be,” he sighed into her twitching ear.

“For good?”

Thunderlane was silent.

“Thunderlane?”

“What? Why do you care?” he grumbled.

“It’s dishonest and it makes your body more fragile and eventually it's going to catch up with you,” she scoffed.

“They make me a better flier and even got me in the record book.”

"Okay, well I'm gonna make a point to knock down every record you set while on PEDs."

“Ugh.” He yanked his foreleg from her with livid indignation. "What the fuck, Rainbow?"

She rolled over to face him defiantly. "If you don't like it, then stop using and go legit."

"Easy for you to say. You don't even have to be at the top of your game to stay in. You'll still be on the team when you're fifty."

"You're not in danger of being cut,” she retorted. “That's bullshit. You're just looking for some kind of cheap notoriety."

"Well excuse me for wanting to leave a mark at the academy."

"Your records don't mean shit if you're juicing and you know it. What's it gonna get you that's so great? A legacy built on a lie just for attention? That's pathetic and you don't need it."

Thunderlane rolled off of the bed with a huff and stormed for the door.

“Well, you know what? Some of us don't have parents that worship the cloud we walk on just for using up oxygen,” he spat.

The door slammed behind him and Rainbow was left alone with the soft buzzing between her legs and an upset heart. Yeah, well I fucked your brother, she imagined herself saying. That would shut him up. She grinded her teeth and pummeled her pillow in angry frustration.

Asshole. Am I the only one you're not trying to impress?

This fight was long overdue and would have happened inevitably but couldn't she have just shut the fuck this time just to have one nice moment together? Even while every act of affection now had a tinge of cynical phoniness to it? The results would have been different if she'd been less combative about it, if she had any interpersonal tools in her box other than dynamite and a sledgehammer. It was impossible to deny that their shortcomings had a certain synergy that brought out their worst.

Rainbow snuffed out the candle and laid in the dark, replaying all the needlessly incendiary things she'd said, convinced she had a compulsion to sabotage her relationship and that her pattern of efforts was also nothing new.

A whiff of smoke filled her nostrils and she rolled over, seething at Thunderlane but also herself.

Hoops and Exits

There was something magically healing about going to bed angry. The problems were still there when she woke up but the emotions were always put back in their boxes.

The visibility was good outside so Rainbow went for an early morning fly. It came to an early pause however. Three columns of gray smoke at the fairgrounds caught her eye and curiosity got the better of her. She touched down on the cracked asphalt to see the Nightmare Fair in late stages of teardown.

The stalls were stripped, the temporary ones disassembled entirely. Banners, lights and decorations were packed away in crates. Workers were up on scaffolding, taking down all the thematic elements for the roller coaster. It must have taken a team of ponies working through the night because there was nary a clue left of Nightmare Night.

Just like that, it was gone. It really underscored the fleeting nature of holidays that she’d always hated. The big holidays were so much fun but always seemed to leave a hole inside once they left. Everyone spent a month hyping them up, decorating and preparing for that one day and then it came and it was over in just a few hours.

Once winter came, the fairgrounds would be a Hearth's Warming village but until then, it was nothing.

Rainbow walked somberly toward a bonfire where trash and leftover materials lay burning in a heap. Through the smoke she recognized the naked building where the funhouse ride was, the place where she'd forced herself on Rumble and screwed up everything. She felt a chill, and a belated shot of adrenaline like her body was telling her that she needed to do something, change something, just one thing. Say you can't go. Stop at two drinks. Don't get on the ride. The thoughts were as worthless now as they were tormenting.

Her hoof slipped on something glossy and paper thin. When she looked down she saw dozens of ride photos that had spilled on the ground before making it to the fire. They were all from the rollercoaster, Dark Flight. Her eyes bounced between groups of strangers caught on camera, screaming in fear and delight on the big drop. The images were a modest 5x7 in size, each car of riders framed by a cheesy bat border graphic with the ride’s name at the top.

Rainbow's eyes landed on a picture of herself sitting behind Rumble and Scootaloo who had her eyes clenched shut. Her mouth dropped open. It was the photo that they never claimed. She picked up the image with her wing and looked closer. This was the last documentation of a happy, normal life, not ideal but not an alien abyss.

She closed her eyes, trying to wish herself back into that moment, back into that life. If things had gone differently, she would have been excited to keep this momento but as it was, all it did was remind her of how she failed Scootaloo and everyone else. She opened her eyes and flicked the photo into the fire. If the fair had to leave, it should at least take that memory with it.

Rainbow bathed in the warmth of the flames as she watched her own face turn to ash. - - -

Rainbow felt the G’s in her stomach as she hit the hairpin and made a tight u-turn through the hoop gate. She poured on the speed in the straightaway, making the most conservative s-turns she could get away with to clear the remaining gates. She made a wide, lazy turn after the finish and touched down on the tarmac near her instructor. She stretched her wings as she waited to keep them from cramping.

“Twenty-eight twenty-two,” barked Spitfire. “You shaved three quarters of a second off your best time. If you tighten your form on turns six and seven, you could be in record territory.”

Hearing this sent a much needed jolt of egotism through her brain and she glanced around with smug validation, wishing Thunderlane was in earshot. They hadn't spoken today even though they'd seen each other before practice. She was still angry and embarrassed about the way they'd ended their night together but didn't know how to reconcile their differences in a healthy way, neither of them did.

Rainbow had more speed than anyone. The whole academy knew that. Control and accuracy were the areas she was always practicing in. Glory for her was only a matter of muscle memory and execution. It was nice to have something working out. Despite her issues in Ponyville, she still had things going for her in Cloudsdale. She still had prestige, an identity and a future. That wasn't to say that she didn't care about being the Element of Loyalty and was ready to let go.

After a battery of drills with no chatter and only exchanging a few neutral glances with her coltfriend, Rainbow went to the locker room alone and slipped out of her uniform.

It seemed Thunderlane had been waiting for this moment to approach her.

“Rainbow, you did good in practice today,” he began awkwardly. “I um, found something for you at the store this morning.”

Rainbow turned from her locker to see him, still in his suit and humbly holding out a Daring Doo novel. It was a rare sight to see and predictably She ate it up every time. But even though she appreciated the offering it somehow didn't feel as nice as getting that licorice from Rumble.

She already had this title but her copy was admittedly much more beat up. Did he know that? Did it matter? She accepted the book with one hoof and looked back up at him. “Thanks,” she mumbled.

Thunderlane paused for a moment and then leaned in tentatively. Rainbow closed her eyes, conceding on the matter over a desire for stability and simplicity, even if this ritual was just toxic and immature. Their lips met with expectedly more passion than a typical greeting or goodbye, excited by renewed acceptance.

As usual they changed nothing. He didn't acknowledge being out of line or her valid concerns and she let him get away with it, opting instead to just sweep it back under the rug, have mind-blowing make-up sex and then fight about the same thing again next week. - - -

It just so happened that Pinkie Pie and Starlight Glimmer's journey back from their weeks-long friendship mission ended that day. Knowing this, Rainbow returned to Ponyville for the welcome back and subsequent map room meeting.

“I can't believe I missed Nightmare Night,” moaned Pinkie as the group walked into the castle. “I was on a stupid train and they didn't have nearly enough candy for a mobile celebration.”

“Yeah, that must suck,” scoffed Rainbow, bitterly wallowing in her own desire to just not be a tagalong fixture at another gathering. It was always embarrassing and no one really knew what to do about it. She wasn't sure how long she could keep doing it.

“Didn't really matter to me,” she heard Starlight mutter candidly to Twilight.

The group filed into the map room on autopilot and took their places for the semi-formal debriefing.

Twilight let the girls chatter happily for a while until Pinkie Pie interrupted.

“Look,” she exclaimed, her eyes getting huge.

“What is it?” asked Rarity, her eyes darting about in confusion.

Pinkie pointed at the Throne of Loyalty and the whole room gasped.

There on the top of the backrest, Rainbow's cutie mark had vanished, replaced with Starlight Glimmer's.

“How strange.”

“Does that mean what I think it means?” whispered Spike.

“Try to sit in it,” prodded Pinkie breathlessly.

Starlight gritted her teeth and shot a wary glance at Rainbow who looked like she'd just been bucked in the stomach. “Ugh, well do- do I have to right now?”

“Well, hold on,” cautioned Twilight, wanting to diffuse the difficult situation. “This isn't really what we're doing right-”

“It's fine, Twilight,” Rainbow interrupted, grim heaviness in her voice. Her eyes fell to the floor. “Might as well. The sooner we figure this out, the better.”

Twilight shrugged at Starlight who turned to the now infamous chair. She approached it hesitantly and placed a hoof on the seat without incident. The girls exchanged shocked expressions. Then she slid woodenly into the chair and looked back at everyone, laughing nervously.

The girls murmured in amazement, never having witnessed such a mysterious phenomenon.

Rainbow bowed her head dejectedly. It was official. It wasn't hers anymore and she wasn't part of this group. It felt like she was losing her place all over again but this time it was for good. Just when she thought she was all done crying over this. It was hard not to see the chair as a gauge for how well she was doing, how worthy she was, how good of a pony she was and she'd finally washed out and been replaced.

The group gave a mortified Starlight tepid congratulations, trying to walk a tightrope between loss and happiness but there was no salvaging the moment for anyone.

Rainbow swallowed before giving a pained smile to the room. “Well, guess there's no reason for me to be here anymore. See ya… everyone.” She waved, turned around and fluttered out the door.

“Rainbow,” called Twilight.

“I'll- I'll talk to you later,” Replied Rainbow shakily as she hurried for the exit. - - -

It was a detail that went strangely unnoticed by her but most of the time Rainbow only walked when she was sad. She always flew and even when it would be appropriate to simply stand, she stayed in the air and idled in place. Ponies who knew her for a long time could easily recognize her gloomy mood even if they weren't quite sure why.

She left the Castle of Friendship and loped along toward the edge of town, watching the ground beneath her hooves as it became cracked and unkempt with weeds. She stopped abruptly as a pair of smooth metal rails scrolled into view and her hoof bumped an array of old wooden planks.

Her eyes fixated on a railroad spike that was sticking high out of its hole like it had been shaken loose from heavy vibration. A strange, almost imperceptible metallic ringing tickled her ears. Then a whistle sounded from far away and she looked to see the mirage of a train engine in the distance. For a time she forgot what she was doing and just stood upon the tracks, watching it crawl closer, a column of smoke towering higher and higher with each spin of the wheels.

Rainbow was frozen with apathy at the sight as she tried to get her thoughts straight. She turned away and saw the little ramshackle office building nestled in the heart of the bad part of town. That was what she was looking for. Slowly she moved along and left the tracks behind.

A help wanted sign graced the grimy window but it had never once moved from that spot as far back as she could remember. Rainbow pushed the door open with a squeak.

An older bespectacled pegasus stallion looked up from a collection of charts and blinked in surprise. “Well, look who it is,” he chuckled. “Come by to say hi?”

She smiled weakly. “Not exactly,” she mumbled. “I wanted to know if you had a job for me.”

Weathervane frowned with concern, showing his age in forehead wrinkles. “Something happen?”

Rainbow sighed as she came to the desk. “You can say that, I guess. Let's just say I have some free time.”

His eyebrows suddenly went up. “You didn't leave the Wonderbolts did you?”

“No.”

Confounded by her ambiguity, he paused for a moment as if trying to figure it out himself before shrugging in defeat. “Well, we got an opening but only one available shift, four to midnight. It's late, it's lonely, it's boring but at least it's not graveyard so you don't have to sleep like a bat pony.”

“I'll take it,” she answered without any thought.

“Alright,” he nodded. “Can you start tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” she breathed.

“Great to have you back, Rainbow. Need all the help we can get for storm season and no one could make a storm like you.”

The Forecast Calls for Rain

Rainbow sat alone in a booth at the all night diner. A cup of coffee steamed on the table as she whittled away the last of her latest Rock Slide book. A light rain pattered on the cobblestone outside just as prescribed by the office.

The nice thing about working on the weather team was that it afforded a lot of on-the-clock free time if you got an easy schedule or were just good at it. If Rainbow set up the conditions right, it took minimal maintenance to keep the forecast on track through her entire shift. The rest of the time she could just read in the diner or color.

She closed her book and sipped her coffee. That was a pretty good one, she thought. Rainbow's evaluation of books in recent weeks was less about quality and more about how well they made her forget. These stories always had a bad guy who foiled the protagonist's plans and made their lives hell. Sometimes the hero had bad luck but most misfortune came from a nasty plot. Rainbow's life was in ruins but there was no antagonist in her story.

Rainbow closed her eyes and sniffed the edge of the book, gestating morbidly on the staleness of the old pages. She didn't like the smell but she always inexplicably did it with books she thought would smell old.

She looked out the window into the darkness and rain and saw a blurry reflection of herself sitting in an identical booth in an identical diner.

"I'm the bad guy in my own story,” she whispered to herself.

Rainbow smoothed out the collar of her Wonderbolts uniform and then slammed her locker shut.

“Crash,” called Spitfire from the open door. “Doc wants to see you about your physical results.”

Rainbow looked back and blinked in surprise. “She does?”

“Yeah, go get it straightened out before practice.”

“What's it about?”

Spitfire shrugged. “I dunno. Confidential. At least for now.” The captain disappeared from the doorway to go join the rest of the team at practice.

Rainbow frowned but nodded compliantly before leaving the locker room.

This was weird and a bit ominous, she thought. She couldn't remember ever having a follow-up for a routine physical. Typically they just passed you and no one gave it another thought. Unless she didn't pass… But that didn't make sense. She was perfectly healthy. Why wouldn't she pass? She wasn't on any banned substances either; Thunderlane was though. Her brain began to churn with far reaching theories. Was there such a thing as cross contamination with PEDs or could it be sexually transmitted? She was going to get kicked out of the Wonderbolts because of her stupid coltfriend. No. Stop. Stop, she told herself. You're just spiraling again and jumping to conclusions. It's going to be a big nothing.

If Thunderlane beat the tests, she certainly would too if it was even possible to get in your system without using. Maybe they just have to redo something or need an information update. That was a lot more likely. Rainbow tried to dwell on that positive thought as she pushed the door open to medical.

The nurse had her in an exam room immediately but still no hint of an explanation. She sat in the regular chair in the corner, doubtful that there would be another examination. Rainbow practically jumped as the door latch clicked.

“Hello, Rainbow,” greeted the doctor with a cordial but indecipherable demeanor. She stepped in with a clipboard tucked under her wing and closed the door. “Are you wondering why you're here right now?” she asked, sitting down in the other chair

“Yeah, I am actually,” she nodded slowly.

“Okay, well you’re healthy, you passed the screens but the reason we called you back is that you had a positive pregnancy test.”

Rainbow froze solid with abject terror.

The doctor’s lips continued to move as the explained but no sound was coming out.

Rainbow jawed back at her, trying to object to her claim but it felt like her throat had been paved over with cement. “I'm sorry, what?”

The doctor adjusted her glasses as if it were her natural reset button. “Because of insurance purposes, pregnant mares can not be active on the Wonderbolts team. In accordance with academy policies you have to be benched until your pregnancy ends and you can clear a new physical.”

“I'm not pregnant,” she squeaked weakly. “I- I can't be.”

“Well… your test said otherwise. If you truly think there's been a mistake, I can order your new physical right now.”

Rainbow was at a loss for words, her brain utterly paralyzed, shut down, overwhelmed like a rat buried under an avalanche buried under another avalanche. She'd lost control of everything.

The sound had evaporated again as the doctor hoofed Rainbow a brochure. Her eyes rested on it but nothing about it registered in her brain except a few arbitrary words. Crisis. Food bank. Wellness.

Unable to articulate any questions, she left the exam room with no clue what to do except prove that this was all just a horrifying mistake. She didn't show up for practice, even to spin an explanation to Thunderlane or the captain. She didn't even speak with anyone else either, simply stuffed her uniform back in the locker and fled the scene.

The part of the day between when she left the academy and found herself staring at a positive home pregnancy test simply didn't exist.

Rainbow flipped back the wall calendar on her kitchen table, doing the math in her head and trying to remember as best she could. She'd only had sex without birth control once in recent memory but that didn't mean necessarily that that was the time, she told herself. Nothing she used was a hundred percent effective after all. As she zeroed in on what had to be the week of conception, her worst fears cratered her resolve. The only below the belt action she had that week was on Rumble and Scootaloo’s date night at the Nightmare Fair.

A now too familiar sensation of falling and being swallowed up by the earth assailed her. She closed her eyes and pounded her head softly on the table. It was Rumble's. It had to be. What the hell was she supposed to do now? She was still reeling from the first round of fallout and now she was staring down the bore of a worst case scenario.

This couldn't happen. How could she even begin to explain this to anyone? Not even Rumble could know about this. She couldn't tell him he was going to have a kid. He was still just a kid himself. But what if… The foal could likely easily pass for Thunderlane's but then she'd have to tell Thunderlane that he knocked her up and then what? He'd either ditch her immediately or agree to help raise a foal that he wrongfully thought was his.

She waded into the dismal quagmire that was imagining unplanned parenthood with her coltfriend. She'd move into their house probably. Cohabitating with a new baby, their fighting would magnify three fold. She'd be a stay at home mom, out of the Wonderbolts for two or three years starting now, or maybe she'd never come back. Rumble could babysit sometimes.

She shook her head. That whole scenario seemed so wrong, to lie to him and Rumble and the foal and everyone else forever. Not only that, it was another secret that she'd have to swallow completely alone for the rest of her life.

No, none of that, none of that was an option. She couldn't be a mother, at least not now… like this.

Rainbow slid the brochure to herself. It appeared to be as general as it could get, covering all the bases from wanted pregnancies to unwanted pregnancies and all the resources in between them. Clinics, shelters, food programs, safe surrender locations and even termination.

She suddenly recalled the ambiguous language the doctor had used, ‘benched until your pregnancy ends.’

Rainbow flinched at a loud knock at the door. Only one pony knocks that unapologetically, she thought. She quickly swept the brochure under a stack of books and tossed the positive test and its packaging in the trash, shoving them deep down to the bottom.

She pulled open the door to find Thunderlane radiating heat and worry.

“Hey, why'd you ditch practice? You didn't even say bye to me.”

She looked down at his forehooves with listless shame. “I… don't feel good. You were in the middle of drills so I just went home. Sorry.”

Thunderlane walked in, allowing her to shut the door. “Drink too much last night?” he posed.

“No,” she swallowed.

He sat down on the couch with a creak. “You catch something?”

“I… I don't know. Maybe.”

Her jaw set uncomfortably. He always did this anytime anything went amiss. His natural paranoia and neediness meant he was always looking for something to be upset over.

“Did something happen?”

Those were the pointed words she didn't want to hear but knew were coming. They made her feel exposed and panicky like watching someone poke around on the spot where you hid the body.

“No,” she grunted, becoming agitated but making a point to look him in the eyes this time.

“You're acting kind of weird.”

“I told you, I don't feel good. I'm just trying to take it easy before work tonight.”

This didn't feel so much like a concerned welfare check as it did a galling interrogation.

“Okay,” he finally relented. “How is your new old job anyway?”

Rainbow shrugged “The hours are weird and it's not glamorous but I can practically do it in my sleep so I guess I can't complain too much.”

Her immediate instinct was to bring up the physical and ask him if he was finished or if he was already thoughtlessly slamming juice again but that was probably a no win scenario. She should probably give up on that; she should probably give up on a lot of things. - - -

Rainbow pushed clouds together that night to make a rainstorm on a cold front. It was bigger than the last one. As the downpour reached its peak she landed on the outskirts of town to assess her work from the ground. She looked forlornly into the darkened sky, the hush of water drops drowning out everything and sending her into a trance.

The rain was piercing cold on her skin. It felt like little needles but it did nothing to move her. It wasn't until she felt the tickle of water going from her chin to her neck that she came back out of her mind and realized how heavy her mane had become. The weather was adequate. It was to rain all night.

She flew into town, landing under the eve of the night diner where she shook like a dog and wrung out her soaked mane. Nothing to do now but sit around for another four hours with a slow coffee IV and an old adventure book to escape reality with.

She sat in the corner booth and opened her damp satchel to retrieve her reading material. She fished out the book and then noticed the brochure underneath it. Escapism first or responsibility? She needed to make a decision and have a cohesive plan and she needed to have it soon.

She was about to pull out the brochure too but instead reflexively flipped her satchel shut when she felt the waitress looming over her.

“What are you having?”

“Uh, just… coffee for now. Thanks.” - - -

Rainbow went to practice the next day but of course didn't participate. She went for Thundelane’s moral support, hoping not to have to interact with any of the rest of the Wonderbolts. She sat in the bleachers while her coltfriend and teammates did their warm up routine.

Captain Spitfire started them out but soon left the team to their own devices and flew over to Rainbow instead. She sat on the same bench only one seat apart from her.

“So… I saw your physical,” she began in a low voice, eyes still on the team.

Rainbow sighed with an exhausted sort of dread.

“Look, I know it’s none of my business but I was just wondering when I might expect you back in the lineup.”

“Wow,” Rainbow droned in annoyance. “You came over here just to ask me what my reproductive plans are?”

Spitfire rubbed her face in frustration. “No. I just… don't know how to start this conversation.”

“We don't need to have a conversation,” scoffed Rainbow, her hind leg twitching anxiously.

“Have you told the father yet?”

Rainbow glared back at her.

"I know, I know. Listen. I just thought if I knew a little about your situation, I could help you."

"Why do you think you can help me?"

Spitfire bowed her head and ran a hoof over the grooves in the aluminum bench in front of them. “Because… once upon a time, I was a newbie on the Wonderbolts in the same situation.”

The captain's words felt like a gut punch. She'd never heard anything about this before.

“Did you tell the father?” countered Rainbow, not sure if she was trying to be snarky or desperately fishing for guidance.

“I didn’t tell a soul and I regret nothing… But I’m not you and for once I'm not going to tell you what to do. You need to make the best decision for you. You don’t have to tell me shit about anything but I just thought I could make things easier."

The Wonderbolts were flying laps now. After reaching out to her with a big secret like that, Rainbow felt like she owed her an explanation but she just couldn't.

"Are you scared?”

“Yep,” she swallowed. That was one admission she felt comfortable making.

“I could be wrong here but I don’t think there’s a guy on this team that would turn tail and run, if that’s something that's worrying you.”

This was a weird conversation. Spitfire knew she was with Thunderlane but she was still making noncommittal comments about the bio dad's identity in a kind of offensive but completely correct implication that things were more complicated than they looked. But the captain's meddlesome probing also showed a tenderness that she'd never seen in her before.

“I really appreciate your concern. I just… need time to think about all this first.”

“You can’t take too long,” cautioned Spitfire. “Everyone’s going to wonder why it looks like you’re benched and you can tell them whatever you want for a while; I'll even back up your story and say you have a doctor's note if you want but obviously we have to be on the same page for that to work.”

Again, she was stricken with paralysis. There were two starkly divergent paths here: Never have to tell anyone ever and be back on the track within one to two weeks or just let it all collapse and field the balls as they came. That didn't sound like a viable option at all but… could absolute devastation maybe be liberating?

“Thanks, captain,” she whispered absently.

Author's Note

Been a while since I updated this story but I made myself some time and now I'm finally going to sit down and finish it before my next commission. There are probably about three chapters left to write.

All the Little Pieces

Rumble was having a sleepover with a friend which meant it was date night in Cloudsdale.

Rainbow's ball roared down the lane, chipping off another couple of pins to score a seven for the frame. She was embarrassingly mediocre at bowling but had become better since dating Thunderlane which was when her experience began.

“Uh-oh,” mocked Thunderlane as he picked up his ball. “You're catching up with me.”

Rainbow glanced at the board before sitting back down on the bench. It read two-hundred-and-two to sixty-seven.

“Maybe I could be more competitive on illegal substances,” she muttered spitefully.

He shot a glare back at her before starting his motion.

She bowed her head, upset with herself for saying that out loud. Her eyes suddenly focused on her own undercarriage. Shit. Was it getting bigger already? No. It was just the way she was sitting. She placed a hoof on her stomach, trying to feel if there was something different about it, if there was really something in there. A fresh wave of urgency washed over her. She needed to do something immediately.

“Rainbow, it's your turn.”

She whipped her hoof away and looked up at the board. He'd gotten a strike followed by a 7-10 split.

“Yeah,” she sighed. - - -

Rainbow nervously tapped her spoon on the table, the end flipping up like a seesaw.

Thunderlane perused the drink menu as he prattled on about holiday plans she had little control over.

“My parents want to do Hearth's Warming on the thirteenth so we're locked into that but let's go somewhere, just us. Can you get Hearth's Warming Eve and Day off?”

The new words kept coming at her but they just piled up like dirty dishes discarded in a sink she'd never touch again. She could only think one single thought now over and over again, the drum beat becoming so loud that it drowned out all else and could not be denied any longer.

“I think we should break up.”

The words fell out of her mouth without care, without presentation. They simply were.

His eyes flicked up from the menu. “What?” he asked in a tone somewhere between not paying attention and daring her to say it again.

She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to relieve the stiffness that had built up. “I don't… think we're good for each other.”

It wasn't a lie but she was making a big enough omision in her reasoning that it felt like one. Even here, at the end of the line, she still couldn't tell him. All her pretending and hiding just to delay the inevitable and end up right here anyway.

It had to end because she cheated on him with his little brother and couldn't in good conscience continue in their relationship any longer. That was the deluded moral win she wished to claim but in order to do that she had to come clean… a month ago. Instead she found herself pivoting to the valid but still disingenuous facts that the only thing keeping them tethered to each other was their chemistry in the bedroom and her toxic attraction to ponies with bad attitudes.

In the realm of comforting rationales and morality mind games, Zero points were awarded for having to be dragged kicking and screaming to finally do the right thing.

For a brief moment she thought maybe she shouldn't be doing this while they were supposed to be on a fun date but why not? An ordinary date wasn't any more sacred than any other time, especially if there was no spark left. Why put it off so that they could crawl onward together a tiny bit further and end on an unremarkable note, maybe on the bleachers after practice or at the store while arguing about ice cream? But wasn't that how she'd been operating for most of their relationship to begin with? With the exception of the thrill of the first month and what they did in the sheets, there was only a profound emptiness and an agonizing animosity. She'd been forced to look into the future and admit that she couldn't find the two of them anywhere.

“Ugh, you always talk shit like this when you're in a mood,” he growled dismissively. “See? I knew something happened.”

“I mean it this time.”

“Bullshit.”

“No it's not,” she bristled, trying to resist the urge to start kicking back and have the moment dissolve into meaningless bickering.

She'd hoped he'd already seen the signs and would take the comforting exit of a mutual break up. She didn't want to draw it out. She didn't want another fight and a bitter airing of grievances. He wasn't bad enough to hate. Rainbow just wanted it to end, to switch it off like a light but that's not how things ever worked.

Thunderlane’s face dropped as her words finally penetrated.

“Is this about the stuff?” he whispered, trying not to attract eavesdroppers on the patio. “I already quit.”

“No,” she sighed. “Well, that's part of it and you've said that to me before and it meant nothing then.”

“For real this time,” he argued emphatically.

“That’s great but it doesn't matter right now. We're just not compatible. Haven’t you noticed?”

“No,” he grunted in frustration. “What is the actual problem?”

“We don't have a meaningful connection. If there's nothing happening to distract us then we're just a couple of assholes trapped in a jar someone shook up.”

“I don't see it that way. What else do you want? We still have fun together.”

“But the fun we have feels like a consolation prize.”

He glared back at her. “You found someone else, didn't you? That's what this is. Who is it? Are they on the team?”

“No, there's no one else. I'm just exhausted and sad all the time and I can be that without trying to put work into a relationship on top of it.”

He pointed at her, still trying to temper his voice. “This is garbage; you can't break up with me.”

Rainbow covered her face with her hooves. “Please don't do this.”

“You don't know what you're fucking doing,” he hissed. “You think you're going to find someone better than me? You can't. You have no one else and no one you meet is going to stick around past a month.”

Rainbow stood up and slammed her hooves on the table with authority, rattling the dinnerware and drawing a few glances from other tables.

“Thunderlane, it's over, okay? I'm sorry.” Her face felt like it was on fire. A knot had grown in her throat. She turned around and bolted into the air, wings unfurling and then she was gone. - - -

Rainbow laid alone on her bed watching the ceiling fan whirl as her weather shift inched closer. Right now they'd be fucking with wild abandon at his place if she'd just continued to drift with the tide. That was too bad but she could no longer tread the path of least resistance. That time was over.

She didn't feel sad or angry. Instead she felt numb and empty, like all the feelings had already been felt to their fullest and there was just nothing left inside to conjure. Somewhere in that dark void flickered a spark of resolution.

Wind slapped raindrops across the big windows of the night diner but the sound went unnoticed by Rainbow as she traipsed across the desert with Rock Slide and company on her way to some ancient ruins she couldn't pronounce.

If there was a way to do nothing but read for the rest of her life, she'd want to do that now more than ever.

“Can we talk?” came a voice that wasn't in her head.

She looked up with a start to see Thunderlane standing at her booth with a defeated sag and damp fur.

She felt cornered by his intrusion into what was technically her work and also an exciting bandit ambush but she supposed more could be said as long as their heads were in the right place.

“We can talk as friends or… whatever we are now.”

He sat down across from her, looking drained with a shell shocked expression. His eyes were bloodshot. It looked like he'd been crying, something she'd never seen him do.

“How did you know I'd be here?”

“Where else is there to be in Ponyville at this hour? I checked the bar first,” he admitted.

“I don't drink on the job.”

She didn't drink at all anymore. Somehow he hadn't noticed that shift in her lifestyle. She always has some kind of excuse or distraction whenever the opportunity for drinking arose.

Rainbow fished a few bits out of her satchel and pushed them toward her ex over the table. “Sorry I stiffed you with a bill for uneaten food.”

“No, it's fine,” he whispered listlessly, pushing the money back to her.

Rainbow reluctantly took it. She didn't want to owe him anything. She didn't want it to hang over their already frayed separation.

“I um… got you this.” He pushed a little open top box with a pair of onyx earring studs.

Against her instincts, Rainbow held up her hoof to block the gift.

“Are you giving this to me as a make up and get back together present?”

He said nothing, just looked at her like she was about to read him his biopsy results. This part always felt somewhat transactional but she'd never made any sort of gesture like this herself, even in instances where the fight was entirely her fault. It seemed juvenile but at least it was effort. How could she critique it? It didn't matter anymore though. They just needed to stop trying to cultivate a romantic relationship.

He shook his head weakly. “What am I supposed to do with them?”

“Can you return them?”

They shared an awkward pause before Thunderlane finally withdrew the gift and made it vanish beneath the edge of the table. “So, you really are serious about this then?”

“Yeah.”

This would be so much easier if she truly hated him. If she didn't care how he felt. If she didn't have to see him again. If she didn't care about his brother. If she didn't have to lie.

He opened his mouth and closed it again as if restarting his thought. “Seems like a pretty sweet deal,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Your job. Push clouds around and then go sit in the diner reading.”

“I'd still rather be an Element of Harmony.”

“Element, Wonderbolt, me… You don't have anything now and you're just digging yourself deeper.”

“No, Thunderlane, it's the opposite. This is the first step toward climbing out of the pit. You just can't see that yet.”

“Ugh, you’re hiding from me behind this vague pseudo philosophical crap.”

As thick as he was sometimes, even he could tell something was off about the way she was handling the situation.

“There has to be something I can say or do.” He was suddenly so conciliatory now that he was losing her. “What do you want?”

Rainbow swallowed. “I need… to be alone in my life right now. Do you understand? Please don't try to get me back. Please don't make this any harder than it already is.”

“Yeah, I get it,” he scoffed. “I'm not gonna stalk you; I'm not a psycho... So that's it then?” He stood up shaking his head. “I never thought I'd see you give up so hard on something,” he breathed before turning away. Thunderlane left the table with his head hung low. Without looking back he pushed open the door and walked into the rain.

If Rainbow had to guess, he was heading to the bar across town. - - -

Rainbow didn't go to the next Wonderbolts practice. Anyone inquiring about her absence thought she was benched for anxiety. That was what she told Spitfire to tell them. There was no longer any reason to be there and seeing Thunderlane would just invite more emotional turmoil. Staying away was the easiest way to keep herself from saying or doing anything stupid like fighting or rethinking her decision.

With the loss of her coltfriend and the last social obligation in her life she was poised to become a weird recluse. Less than two months ago that would have been unthinkable. Hanging out with friends and boasting at parties was her favorite pastime until an overwhelming sense of shame and failure chipped her ego away. Without these things, who was she?

It was overcast in Ponyville but dry for the moment. Storms were usually scheduled on off hours for convenience. Rainbow put on a hoodie and went to the free clinic near the train tracks. She didn't talk to anyone but simply popped in and picked over the brochure rack, snatching up more literature on pregnancy as she tried to deliberate on her next course of action.

She went grocery shopping, not with any particular course but a slow wandering past every shelf and display. She even drifted down the alcohol aisle, lusting after the dark tinted bottles, corked and sealed with red wax or shiny gold foil.

“Could really use some of that right now,” she grumbled, passing them by.

At the end of the aisle, another cart appeared, pushed magically by a familiar pink unicorn. She stopped when their eyes met.

“Oh, uh, hey, Rainbow,” greeted Starlight awkwardly. “Haven't seen you in a while… How's the Wonderbolts?”

I want to be you, Rainbow imagined herself saying, tired of the lies. “Fine,” is what she actually said. Even without any salacious details, she has no recent developments that she could just casually unload on someone in aisle three of the grocery store. “How's being an Element of Harmony?”

Starlight frowned. “It's hard,” she admitted with a sigh. “I've only been on one mission so far and it was pretty difficult. I still don't know what to think. I never asked for this but I'm going to keep doing my best.”

“The first one always feels like being thrown into a board game you've never heard of before. You'll get better at it.”

“Thanks… I think everyone misses you at the huddles.”

Rainbow looked down at the floor. “Yeah. I'd just be taking up space.”

“Not any more than Spike,” shrugged Starlight.

She put on a weak smile. “That’s true. Well, they know where I live if they ever need non elemental backup for the next existential threat to Equestria.”

“Yeah… Oh, we're blocking the way,” she giggled as a third cart appeared. “See you later.”

“Yeah.”

Rainbow pushed her cart around the end and into the next aisle. The encounter was unexpectedly pleasant. - - -

Rainbow set down at the edge of the schoolyard a little before dismissal. She hadn't seen Scootaloo in a while and missed her. Maybe she could see Rumble too. He could be a safe way to ask about Thunderlane.

She waited on a bench along a sandy path until she saw foals begin to scatter from the doorway of the schoolhouse. A few students walked past, some went the other way and a couple took to the sky but none of them were the ponies she was waiting for. Visoring her eyes Rainbow could see what looked like Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle milling around just outside the door like they were waiting around for something. She screwed up her face in confusion. Were they in trouble or something?

They loitered there for several more moments. Then suddenly she saw the lithe, orange blob, that could only be Scootaloo, burst from the door. She raced up the path at top speed, her friends breaking into a gallop behind her shouting indistinctly.

As she neared, Rainbow could see she had a pained grimace on her face and tears in her eyes.

“Scootaloo?”

The filly bowed her head as she sped by without acknowledgement.

Rainbow hopped from the bench and looked to Sweetie and Apple Bloom as they slowed to a stop. “What happened?”

“Rumble broke up with her,” replied Sweetie Belle. “We heard.”

Rainbow felt an awful pang in her heart. She spun around and took flight to catch up to Scootaloo. In the air she was on top of her in no time.

“Scootaloo, wait,” she shouted, slowing to a glide.

The filly kept running down the path as fast as she could as if maybe, if she tried hard enough, she could outrun her reality. Suddenly her forehooves crumpled under her stride. Her legs tangled as she landed on her chin and slid to a stop. A puff of dust floated away, carried by the wake of her wind.

Rainbow landed carefully next to her and bowed her head to look her over with worry.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

“Are you hurt?”

“Only on the inside,” she whimpered with eyes clenched shut, cheek resting on the dirt.

“You're pretty tough, Scootaloo. C'mon.” Rainbow helped her to her haunches where she immediately began to bawl into the mare's chest. Rainbow put her forelegs around her as the other two caught up with them.

“I can't be a Wonderbolt. I can't even fly.”

Tears began to well in Rainbow's eyes. It was impossible not to notice the proximity to her and Thunderlane's breakup. Was that what had triggered it? Maybe it gave Rumble the epiphany he needed about his own relationship.

“You don't need those things,” sniffed Rainbow. “Just be who you are. He's just a boy.”

“But it still hurts,” she sobbed. “I've never felt so bad in my entire life! I just want to hide in a hole forever.”

Looking in from the outside through the eyes of an adult, it was easy to have a grounded perspective on what, to Scootaloo, felt like an insurmountable devastation. She was going to live a long time and this unpleasantness was ultimately inconsequential in the big picture but at her age everything was always a lot more important and feelings were always cranked to eleven.

Chances were statistically sound that their relationship would have ended naturally anyway but she still couldn't help but feel like she had muffed the whole thing for them. She'd robbed them of a genuine life experience, whatever that would have been.

“Do you know how many ponies stay together when they start dating at your age?” asked Rainbow shakily.

“Like half?” guessed the filly.

“No, like none. I know that doesn't make it hurt less but it's not the end of the world.”

Scootaloo looked up at her just as a teardrop that wasn't hers landed on her cheek. “Why are you crying too?”

“Because it's sad.” Rainbow swallowed. “What did he say to you?”

Scootaloo's voice hitched. “He- he wasn't mean. He was sad too. I wanted him to walk with us but then he said he had something to tell me alone. He said he was sorry and that he just wasn't ready to be in a relationship right now but we can still be friends. We always used to be happy together. I don't understand. I think he just doesn't like me and he's trying to be nice.”

It wasn't too dissimilar from the unsatisfying narrative she'd provided Thunderlane, the only ground they had to stand on.

Rainbow shook her head. “I don't think that's it. Everypony has something different going on inside them and sometimes it's hard to explain. I just broke up with Thunderlane and he didn't quite understand either.”

“You broke up with him?”

“Yeah and it wasn't because I didn't like him.” She squeezed her again. “I'm so sorry.”

If this ending was the right decision, where was the sense of relief?

Perfect Storm

Rainbow laid face down in the wet grass, rain pounding her from the dark sky. The violent wind ruffled her fur and feathers and whipped her soaked mane against her neck. She needed to get up… Her satchel… Her books… All the brochures.

She spent some time shaking the wet off of her outside of the diner in the light of the neon, trying to look like she didn't live on the streets or had just finished having a little mental breakdown where she stopped caring about everything.

Sitting in her usual spot with her coffee she read through her small collection of pregnancy crisis brochures. She hid them in a larger book to ward off nosey waitresses. The storm raged outside, sending creaks and and shudders through the building.

“I can't be a mom,” she whispered to herself. “Not right now, not like this.” That was a hurdle she just couldn't clear in her mind.

Rainbow picked at a hay burger and fries over the next couple of hours. Her appetite had been waning as of late but she wanted to remain on good terms with the diner staff since it was the only place in town she wanted to hang out at night besides her apartment.

The storm held solid and at one in the morning she left the diner and soldiered back to her apartment. She walked down the dim hall but as she got to her door she was surprised to find a pony waiting for her return. He looked like a derelict seeking shelter from the storm but not the one she feared.

“Rumble?”

The hagared gray Pegasus looked up from his spot sitting against the wall by her locked door.

“What are you doing here?”

He smiled weakly, still damp from the storm after waiting for however long.

“Um… Thunderlane went out drinking again,” he murmured. “Can I stay here just for tonight?”

Her forehead creased. “Why? You can't just run away. I'm probably the first pony he'll ask when he starts looking for you.”

“He won't look for me. I left him a note saying I went somewhere else but that friend is out of town. If he comes home at all tonight, he's just going to yell at me again for something till he passes out. I don't want to be there.”

It felt like every move she made was wrong because everything and everyone was all caught in the same spiderweb.

“He yells at you?” she asked.

“Only when he's drunk. But then he apologizes in the morning.

“He apologizes?” she blinked in disbelief.

“Well he… buys me ice cream or something.”

She felt bad for him, but was this really the best idea? But she couldn't just send him away to… wherever. He probably shouldn't even be outside in such weather.

“Please? I'd rather sleep under a bridge in the rain than go back tonight.”

“You don't have to beg,” she sighed. Rainbow got the key in her mouth and unlocked the door. The two entered her darkened apartment. Rainbow switched on the light and set down her satchel.

Rumble looked around curiously. He'd only been in her home once before. He stopped in front of the couch but before he could decide if he was dry enough to sit, a towel hit him in the face. He looked to rainbow who was already drying herself off.

“You like tea or cocoa better,” she asked, rubbing down her mane.

“Cocoa.”

“I thought so.”

She filled up a kettle and switched on the gas stove.

“So things haven't been going well at your place?”

Rumble threw his damp towel over the back of a kitchen chair and sat down. “Thunderlane is really sad. Like, I've never seen him so sad.”

This was a little surprising. He didn't seem like the type to drown in sorrow. He felt emotionally stunted to her. Maybe that was still true but there was more underneath and the only thing he felt comfortable showing was anger.

Rainbow sat down across from him. “You know what it looks like when we both leave relationships at basically the same time and then you show up at my door late at night?”

Rumble frowned. “Uh, well… when you put it that way-”

“Did you break up with Scootaloo because I broke up with your brother?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn't know what to do at first. I knew we couldn't say anything and I thought maybe we could just forget it happened and move on like normal but everything felt so fake and empty between me and Scootaloo after that. Keeping it a secret felt like it put us in two different relationships. When Thunderlane told me you broke up with him, that's when I finally knew what I had to do. It still doesn't feel right but it feels more right than what I was doing.”

“Yeah, that sounds familiar,” she nodded. “Did you ever think maybe we should tell everyone what happened?”

“Yeah… But I don't want to. It's scary. I don't know what would happen.”

“Welcome to the coward club,” sighed Rainbow. “It's just us.”

“I also feel like that's something we'd have to agree to do together. It's not like one of us can be out while the other stays in.”

“You're pretty smart for your age.” She suddenly felt like she needed to level with him, to tell him why she wasn't flying with the Wonderbolts anymore and why she'd finally dumped Thunderlane. He was safe to confide in and he could handle it, right?

Before she could apply any critical thought, the words were spilling out of her mouth. "You got me pregnant," she asserted flatly.

Rumble stared back at her as the moment coasted to a glacial standstill. "You're joking," he finally retorted.

Rainbow returned a deadpan stare as the conversation sputtered out again and she wished she could just evaporate from existence already. "Yeah," she backpedaled. "Did I get you?" The question came without any of the expected punchline mirth that accompanied most of her pranks and her delivery exemplified all the grace of dumping an old couch by the roadside in the night.

"Almost. A little bit," he admitted as he tried to smile.

The kettle whistled and Rainbow got up. She poured two mugs of hot water and scooped powdered cocoa mix into them. Then she added some cold water to cool them down before stirring.

“Thanks,” said Rumble, receiving his drink over the table. “I wasn't expecting to get cocoa tonight.”

Rainbow slipped her mug as she stared off into infinity.

“It's not okay what I did,” she began morosely. “Drunk as I was. I shouldn't have been drinking at all. I'm really sorry about all this. I hope it hasn't messed you up too much.”

“I could have said no,” he replied.

Rainbow swallowed. “I think legally you can't say yes so it doesn't matter if you don't say no.”

“Yeah, I get that but… I still could have said no. I could have made it impossible.”

Her jaw set with anxious tightness. “What are you saying?”

Rumble stared down at the steam wafting up from his hot cocoa, unable to look at her.

“I- I'm saying if I really didn't want it, I would have told you in some way. You make it sound like you took advantage of me or something but I screwed up too and I wasn't even drunk. I never thought you and me would be in a situation like that and when it just happened I couldn't let that moment get away. I forgot about Scootaloo and I regret that.

Rainbow shook her head in dismay. “I don't know what to say to that. Did you feel that way before you were with Scootaloo?”

Rumble scratched his hoof nervously on the table. "Yeah,” he admitted. “Even before you and Thunderlane were together. I knew it was always just a stupid little fantasy that would never mean anything and I'd never tell anyone. I know where my place is. That's why I was with Scootaloo but then I noticed how dating her actually got me more attention from you and… I liked that but kind of felt guilty about it."

Rainbow’s stomach dropped.

“And then… having things turn out like they did… I didn't want it to be like this. I feel like I ended up trying to use her as a stepping stone or something but that's not what I wanted at all. I really like her. Does that make me terrible?”

Rainbow tried to untangle her brain from his unexpected admission of having a crush on her for some time apparently.

“Rumble, you're brand new to this whole thing so you're going to make mistakes. That's just how life goes. The most important thing I think is that you recognize when you screwed up and you try to be a better coltfriend for the next girl. But if there's only one lesson you take away from all this it's something we didn't even talk about and that's never do a drunk girl you're not dating. That's super important. A drunk pony can't be trusted to make that decision, as you can see.”

“Okay.”

Rainbow scratched her head, wanting to find a distraction to keep them from getting into a discussion about what she thought about Rumble. The situation was already more than enough. “Well, it's late,” she blurted abruptly. We should go to bed.”

She chugged the rest of her drink to help facilitate the process.

“Uh… oh… yeah,” agreed Rumble as if in accord with her thought process. Then he finished his drink too.

Rainbow got up and went to switch the light on in her bedroom. “You can have the bedroom. I'll just-”

“You're letting me have your bed?” he asked, appearing in the doorway behind her.

“Yeah, I'll just sleep on the couch out there. It's fine.”

He looked to the bed with its rumpled, twisted comforter which rarely looked any other way.

“Yeah, sorry it's not made. I wasn't expecting company.”

“I don't mind,” he replied, crawling cautiously onto the bed.

“Goodnight.” Rainbow switched off the light abruptly but left the door open. She turned off the other light and flopped gracelessly on the couch before pulling a fleece blanket over herself and nestling into the seat.

Outside the storm still raged. Graveyard shift would probably let it peter out before morning. Rumble rolled his head onto the pillow and breathed in, almost startled by how much it smelled like Rainbow.

“I feel bad about taking your bed though,” he continued.

“You're the guest,” she grunted apathetically. “So you get the bed. I think that's how it works.”

“But then you don't have a bed. It's not fair.”

Rainbow sighed. She didn't want to make him sleep on the couch or the floor but she also didn't want him to keep fretting about it.

Rumble’s eyes popped open in surprise as the mattress creaked and sank with Rainbow's added weight. Their backs touched with a gentle spark of warmth.

“Does this make you feel any better?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

Rainbow's eyes opened to the soft, cool light of early morning. The clock said five-forty-eight. Outside it was quiet, quiet enough to hear Rumble breathing in his sleep. They'd migrated in their slumber and his face was now buried in her chest.

She was still tired and wished to go back to sleep but wondered if she should roll back over or just put a foreleg over him and let it be.

Life was now just a daisy chain of shocking events she didn't know how to respond to anymore. Her lament turned from this to that on a dime but at that moment she wished she could rewind so they could just be normal, wholesome friends again without the weight of their mistake. She could tousel his mane again without it meaning anything untoward.

Having a serious conversation with Thunderlane had been scary and emotionally draining but she did it. But talking to Rumble about his feelings for her was somehow even more daunting. She wished she could face her issues one at a time on her own terms. It would be nice if she could just write her thoughts down in a book beforehoof, edit out all her stupid extra stuff and then just read it to him.

Somewhere high in the misty skies above she could hear the distant honking of geese as they passed over Ponyville. They were kind of late to migrate, she thought. Winter was just a few weeks away. But they were going to make it and that was really all that mattered she supposed.

The frenetic sound echoed in her mind, jarring loose an idea. Rainbow’s eyes widened as clarity finally struck her like lightning. She didn't have all the answers but she has a direction and that was all she could ask for. She stole a somber hug from the still asleep Rumble and rolled quietly out of bed.

The Epistles

The alarm clock blared. Rumble cracked his eyes open, momentarily disoriented by the unfamiliar room he'd awakened in. Oh, yeah, he'd run away last night, just for the night, just to save himself a bit of emotional turmoil. He needed to make sure his brother never found out he went to Rainbow's instead of where he’d told him.

Rumble reached for the clock to find a folded piece of paper resting atop it with his name scrawled across it. He slid it off and swatted the button underneath, ending the assault on his ears.

“Rainbow?” he called with uncertainty. He rolled over to look for her amongst the tangled sheets but the bed was empty except for him. He felt the spot where she'd been last. It was cold now as if she'd been a strange dream. He turned his attention back to the oddly placed paper and teased it open to find a note.

Squirt,

I know I sound like a broken record but I can't stress enough how sorry I am about everything. I wish I could take it back but we just have to find a way to make the best of things now.

By the time you read this I will have already left Ponyville. I might be gone for a whole year or more. I'm sorry about that too. I just have a lot of things to sort out and I don't think I can do it there… you know… in the wreckage. I won't give you the burden of being the only pony who knows where I went but I will leave you with my permission to tell anyone you feel you need to about what really happened and why everything is such a mess. Seriously, I don't want you to feel trapped in a situation where you can't get that off your back just because you think you need to protect me or something. I'm an adult theoretically. I can sort through the consequences of my actions if I need to.

You have good taste in girls. I think it's totally normal for boys your age to like full grown mares… and not get them. But it's not supposed to go the other way around. I don't want to crush you but I don't want to lead you on either. I've been struggling to come up with an appropriate way to explain how I feel about what you said to me last night. I guess flattered for one. If I were Scootaloo or you were Thunderlane, things might have been a lot more different between us. I guess I'll leave it at that.

I set an alarm for you because I know it's a school day. (You're welcome.) Although you’re going through a breakup and had a late night last night so I won't tell anyone if you decide to ditch today. But you should definitely stay in school. Feel free to eat anything you want out of my fridge. (I won't be eating it.)

I'll try to find a way for you to write me. It would be nice to have a Ponyville contact for what's going on over there while I'm gone. Stay awesome and keep your brother out of trouble.

Rainbow

Rumble folded the letter closed again and clutched it to his chest for lack of another warm body to comfort him. He flopped back on the bed and sighed as an emotional maelstrom flared up inside of him. - - -

Thunderlane,

I hope you read this and don't just throw it in the trash. I know it probably doesn't feel that way but I don't hate you. If I hated you I would have gotten you kicked off of the Wonderbolts and I wouldn't be writing a letter to you right now still trying to explain myself.

Long story short, I have so many problems that I'm running away for a while. I won't be at the Wonderbolts, (on the bench or in the air,) and I won't be living in Ponyville anymore. No, I didn't run away with someone, I'm just trying to sort my shit out. I do plan to come back eventually.

I want you to know that I don't completely regret our relationship. We're flawed ponies but we're not unsalvageable. We are the type of ponies that drive each other up the wall. We never said ‘I’m sorry.’ We never said ‘I love you.’ I don't know. Maybe that sort of thing can work when it's equal but it really just feels like we need to find someone who defuses us and makes us want to be better.

I tried in my own way to help you but I don't think it worked. I can recognize now how stubborn we both are when at first I thought it was just you. But you're also tenacious, (I think that's the right word.) That's a good quality but Your best quality is how much you care about Rumble. I just wanted some of that to come my way. Hold him tight but not too tight. And put down the bottle before you do it.

It's up to you but I hope after everything I can pull off a future where I'm flying in a delta formation with you as a teammate and I still get invited to Rumble's graduation as a friend.

Rainbow - - -

Scootaloo,

I have some bad news. I'm going away for a while to live somewhere else, maybe for a year. I hate to leave right when you're so down and I haven't gotten to hang out with you much. You'll feel better in time and when you do I hope that you can still be friends with Rumble. I know he still wants to be friends with you.

A lot of bad things have happened to me in the past month and I've caused my fair share of damage as well.

I haven't been the best big sister to you. I didn't stop to say goodbye to you or anyone else before I left. I thought it would be too difficult. I want you to understand that going away was a tough decision and it doesn't mean that I don't want to be part of your life anymore. In fact if I had to choose what makes me the saddest, it's thinking about how I'll be missing what next year has in store for you.

I hope you don't forget about me because I'll be thinking about you every day and the mare you're growing into. I promise I'll come back and when I do I want to see you first so you can show me all the new stunts you learned.

Love, Rainbow - - -

Mom and Dad,

I love you. This is going to sound totally crazy and sad but due to personal reasons I'm leaving home to go live in isolation for a while. I've been going through a lot of things that I haven't even told you about and even though this sounds drastic, I really think it's what's best for me right now. Don't worry about me though and I promise I'll explain more later.

I will miss you and your guidance that I was unable to take advantage of throughout this tough time. You won't see me for a while but I'll stay in touch by mail and maybe I can get a PO box somewhere so you have somewhere to write back to. I hope to explain the full story to you in the coming weeks which is something I haven't done for anyone yet. (It's a long story.) I hope you can forgive me for what I did and what I'm getting ready to do.

One last thing: I know this is kind of a dirt bag move so I'm not going to actually ask you to do it but I'm not paying rent anymore so they're probably going to take back my apartment sometime next month. If you want to save or take any of my stuff, go ahead. I know you have a key.

Love, Rainbow - - -

Twilight floated the paper aloft over her edge of the map table and cleared her throat.

“Dear Twilight,

Please read this to everyone at the roundtable if you can.

Friends, you may have noticed or heard about the total collapse of my work, social and personal lives as I know them. Yeah, it's not exactly what I wanted but at least at the bottom of the barrel there's always freedom. For this reason I have decided to leave Ponyville to, I guess, reinvent myself. Not forever, (before you freak out.) I'll be back some day, maybe very soon if things don't work out but it's going good at the moment. I have a place to stay and I met some nice ponies and got a new job.

I've made peace with being an ex Element but I also still have a small hope that someday I'll at least get called for a mission again. I mean, we still don't really know how it all works. Anything's possible, right?

Thank you for always being there even when it felt like I was pushing you away. I'm sorry but at the time it was the only way I thought I could cope with things. I know it sounds opposite to the teachings of friendship but I just have to find my own way right now and it's about time you learned how to get along without me anyway… But in all seriousness I hope this doesn't burn more bridges than it fixes.

Best wishes,

Rainbow”

Twilight lowered the paper with a downcast expression that was mirrored unanimously by the rest of the table.

“That's it?” asked Pinkie Pie leaning forward in her chair. “She didn't even tell us where she was going.”

“I think that was the point, darling.”

“I got this in the mail today,” added Twilight. “And there's no return address. It may not feel right to us but I think we should respect her privacy.”

“I don't understand why she couldn't have just stayed,” moaned Fluttershy.

“I wager this is all tied to her washing out of the Elements,” continued Rarity. “That's when it all started unraveling.”

“That just sounds like hogwash gossip,” grumbled Applejack, pulling her hat brim low over her face. - - -

Dear Captain,

I’m sorry to say that I won't be back at the academy this year. Just between the two of us, I've decided to have the foal. I still haven't told anyone else about it yet. It's still very much a secret. That's why I’ll be disappearing for a while. I think if anyone can understand my decision making here it's you.

I know that just going AWOL like this is a bad look but, (assuming I can get back into form afterwards,) I hope there will still be a spot on the roster for me when I come back. If not, I understand. Thank you for caring and thank you for supporting me through the most difficult time in my life… so far.

Crash

Author's Note

Now it gets a little muddled how exactly I'll handle the rest of the story but we can't be more than 3k words from the end...

Time Capsule

It was early Autumn again. Despite the struggle, time had flown by. The sky reminded Rainbow of Ponyville and the last time that her life felt normal. There might even be geese up there in the gray but she’d never hear them over the seagulls and the waves.

She sat dazedly behind the counter at the Salt Point Cove General Store, going through receipts. This whole thing was exhausting and she could see why ponies didn't do it alone or even at all.

“You can go on break,” proclaimed Beach Glass, the older mare cracking open a box to restock the snack rack. “You look tired.”

“It’s okay,” murmured Rainbow absently. “He's sleeping nicely right now. I'll just go on break when he wakes up, which shouldn't be too much longer.”

“You won't get any rest though.”

“Yeah.” She glanced down at the floor where the little sleeping foal laid swaddled in a basket. He had a pastel blue coat and, for now, only a puff of a mane neatly segmented in a grayscale.

“I can rest later.”

Sea stowed the empty box behind the counter and opened the cash register. She doled out a collection of bits, stacking them off to Rainbow’s side.

“Your final paycheck I guess.”

“Yeah,” agreed Rainbow, scooping it up like poker winnings.

Now that the baby was born, her old life was calling to her again. She had to go back and reconnect with the friends and family she'd left behind. She missed them but also feared them growing cold and slipping away. There was a long road of explanations ahead of her.

“You're still gonna do it, aren't you?” asked Sea Glass, sidling over to look down at the foal.

“I have to. I can't make it work another way.”

Just then, Lightning stirred in his bundle and began to fuss.

“Oh no,” giggled Sea, setting a hoof on his stomach.

“Hungry again?” groaned Rainbow. “You were so much easier when you were on the inside.”

“He's not hungry. He sounds like he wants attention.”

Rainbow bent down and picked him up by the swaddle in her teeth. She set him down on the counter and unwrapped his blanket.

“Still looks dry,” said Sea Glass as he began to coo and flail his now free legs.

“I'll just take him to the beach for a while.”

“Have fun.” She waved bye to the foal.

Rainbow scooped him into her foreleg as she left the check out counter and made for the exit.

Outside it was mild except for the wind. The exterior of the store was once white but much of its paint had peeled away creating a mottled gray with the weathered wood beneath. The edge of the boardwalk creaked under her hooves as she stepped off into the empty street. A marina of bobbing boats was right across from there but the beach was just on the other side of the harbor wall. Lightning squealed and pawed at her chest as she descended the steps built into the retaining wall and trudged out onto the sand.

She sat down a little out of range of the lapping waves where the sand was dry and just barely warm enough to overcome the chill of the breeze and make it pleasant. She set him on his back between her legs, visoring him with her own shadow as she looked down at him.

He squinted up at her, probably unable to make out her face at least recognizing she was there.

“Well, little buddy, guess this is the last time we do this.”

“Gaaa!”

The last year equated collectively as the most difficult thing she'd done in her life so far. Uprooting and relocating and having a baby and doing it basically alone and in secret. She could have disappeared better in the city, just been another faceless nobody who drifted in to find work or maybe she'd always lived there. No one would notice her or ask questions the way they did in a small town but she was more accustomed to small town life since Ponyville.

Manehattan had more convenient access to the safety net program she was reliant upon but it wasn't that far of a flight to the city and the locals in Salt Point were genuinely helpful and sympathetic to her situation.

Through letters she'd stayed in regular contact with her parents and Rumble who still had no idea he had a son. He didn't have as much to say but he still wrote to her almost as much as mom and dad and gave status updates on those in their shared circle.

Rainbow was so tired but smiled weakly down at Lightning as she tried to capture his face in her mind like a photo. This was just one of only a hooful of fleeting moments she'd have. She shook her head at the surreal injustice of it all.

“Nothing feels real, so how can it still hurt?” - - -

Lightning mewled and squirmed in his wrap as Rainbow stepped out into the salty night air.

“This would be a lot easier if you were asleep,” she sighed. She had no doubt that he would be when she got there. He hadn't napped in a while and flying with him in a carrier, the few times she'd done it, had put him right to sleep.

She paused for a moment to watch the little lighthouse strobing on the jetty as the waves crashed. As far as places she'd lived, Rainbow hadn't been here that long but she still felt like she'd miss it. However, that feeling was just a pleasant distraction.

She broke into a gallop down the street and swooped into the air. In the moonlight the breaking waves made a shimmering trail up the coast leading her to the distant glowing beacon that was Manehattan. The trip was short for a pegasus on wing, only about ten minutes.

Trepidation welled within her despite trying to focus on the metropolis growing as it sped toward her. She touched down on the sidewalk of a relatively quiet street and began to trot slowly. She came upon a big brick building, the very fire station she was looking for. A pair of caged red lights illuminated huge metal roll-up doors but rainbow stopped before she could reach them. There in the wall was a little hatch that looked almost like a mailbox for delivering packages. Below the pull bar were the words ‘safe surrender.’ It wasn't too long ago that she'd never even heard of such a thing and even now, as she thought about it, the whole idea still seemed kind of shocking.

Rainbow looked up and down the street but saw no one coming. But it didn't matter anyway, right? She sat down on her haunches and undid the carrier on her barrel to lift the little one out. Just as she'd predicted, he'd fallen asleep. She bit her lip, trying to steel her resolve. She swaddled him quickly in a blanket and then nuzzled him.

The hatch gave a tiny squeak as she pulled it open with her wing and laid him down inside the compartment. Almost like his dresser drawer crib at the store. She placed an envelope containing a letter and a little basic information about the foal into the slot with him. Then a small sack of bits. All of the alternative options she'd mulled over a million times by now flashed through her mind one last time but she shook her head.

“Goodbye,” she whispered shakily, letting the door close slowly over his tiny resting body. She turned away, tears stinging her eyes, and launched into the air.

She went home…

To Ponyville…

To rebuild and redeem…

Rainbow reappeared just as suddenly as she’d vanished. She was humble and gracious and patient. She was dismissive of her friends wanting to throw a party for her return, insisting that she hadn't done anything to warrant such a gesture.

Although the Tree of Harmony had yet to summon her since her transgression, there had been plenty of instances where her presence was sorely missed.

Despite Rainbow's fears after losing every title to her name, Scootaloo did not lose interest in her. The filly was still dumbstruck when her adopted big sister just showed up after school one day to see her. With the help of her friends she'd built her own half pipe and expanded her vert skateboarding repertoire much to Rainbow’s delight.

Though the friendship between Rainbow and Rumble had flourished as penpals, it was unclear where it should stand now that she was back. Both were skeptical that it made sense for them to ever hang out in public without Thunderlane as a go-between.

She approached him with the idea that they should finally tell Scootaloo and his brother the truth, suggesting that they could both do it together at the same time like an intervention to make it easier. Rumble, while he had made personal progress, was still reticent particularly at the prospect of upsetting his brother but he assured her that some day, maybe not too far in the future, he'd be ready. She made herself the same prediction about telling Rumble the truth… some day.

As for Thunderlane, it had been long enough for him to forgive Rainbow, at least for the things he could see. He was still on the Wonderbolts and still supposedly clean. He'd since dated a mare from Cloudsdale but was now single again.

Rainbow had waited to heal physically and for her physique to stabilize before leaving Salt Point Cove but she was still out of practice in flying. Even so, it didn't take her long to reacquire her abilities and qualify for the Wonderbolts again.

Windy and Bow were devastated to have never had the chance to meet their first grandfoal but did their best to try and understand their daughters' reasoning.

Things moved on for the most part. Rainbow had regained much but she'd also lost something else along the way.

Epilogue

“Dear Lightning Dancer,

I hope you keep that name. I don't even know if this letter will stay with you. I am crying as I write this. You won't be able to understand these words for quite a while. I am the mare that would have been your mom but gave you up for adoption. It's not that I don't want you, it's that I'm just not ready for you and neither is your dad. I'm in a very com- com-”

The colt turned to his mother in befuddlement.

“Complicated situation,” she supplied.

“Oh,” he grunted, looking back at the paper to find his place again.

“I wish I could be your mom. Trusting in my parenting skills is one thing but I don't want to lie to you and I don't want to lie to everyone around you about who you are and where you come from. This dess- ishon- decision?”

Wind whistled through the gap of his missing tooth as he struggled with the word.

“Is going to affect your entire life and I don't even know if this is what's best. I hope you find parents who love you like I would have. I can't imagine I'll be able to go a single day without wondering where you are or what you're doing and who you're becoming. I still have hope that one day I can be truly honest with everyone.

If you'd like to know me some day, (and I really hope you do,) then bring the parents you found to the Hope Springs Station outside of Manehattan on the seventh day after your seventh birthday. I'll wait there for you all day. If you come, we'll do something fun and I'll explain everything the best that I can.

Love, R.D.

P.S. I left you two feathers. The blue one is mine and the gray one is your dad's.

The end,” he added himself as if it were a bedtime story.

“You're such a good reader,” chimed his mom, patting him on the head. She carefully folded up the letter with her magic and slipped it back in its protective envelope before storing it in her satchel.

Lightning Dancer reared up on the bench and put his forehooves on the window to watch the desert and its beautiful red rock formations scroll by.

“Is she really going to be there?” he murmured. He'd already asked that question twice today.

“It sounds like she will,” mused his mother hopefully but in truth she had no idea. Heeding the prophecy written on the mysterious letter that came with baby Lightning was an agreement on day one as long as the colt was game once he turned seven. They weren't sure he completely understood, but he'd expressed interest in the meeting when they first told him at the age of three. Before his seventh birthday he'd been talking about it for weeks and couldn't believe the trip was finally happening.

“What do you think she'll be like?” he asked, face still pressed to the glass.

“I don't know but maybe she'll be a lot like you.”

“I hope she likes the Wonderbolts.”

The cabin door slid open and Lightning's dad squeezed in.

“Got the snacks. Forgot how much they charge you on the express though, jeeze.” He tossed the bag of pretzels to his son with his right wing and passed the seltzer to his wife with the left.

“Let's just agree to starve the rest of the way,” he suggested, sitting down across from them with his already open chip bag.

“Hmm… I thought alcohol was supposed to stay in the dining car.”

“Shh. It's just seltzer, not alcohol,” he winked.

“Uh-huh,” she droned, popping the tab with her magic.

The desert melted into green countryside which gave way to suburban sprawl. Soon after that, the train coasted to a stop at Crystal Springs and let out a loud hiss.

Lightning bolted into the opposing empty cabin across the aisle to peer through the window which faced the station platform. She must have been out there somewhere in the crowd but he could see very little.

“C'mon Lightning,” called his father. “This is finally it.”

“Where are the feathers?” he begged, shooting back into the hall.

His mother paused to bring them out. He grabbed one in each wing tip.

“Be very careful with them, Lightning. And remember, no matter what happens today, we'll always love you.”

The colt swallowed nervously and squeezed in front of his parents. He hopped down the stairs at the exit and spun around in the sea of departing strangers. They were all in the way.

“Stay with us, Lightning.”

The trio drifted about, looking for loiterers but it was difficult. They stopped by a lamppost and waited till the crowd thinned out. Lightning held up the feathers in front of his face like they were a pair of dowsing rods. A blob appeared in the background of his vision.

He looked past the keepsakes to see a pair of ponies walking up the platform toward them, two meandering pegasi seemingly looking for someone. There was a mare with a short rainbow colored mane and a young gray stallion. They both wore Wonderbolt bomber jackets.

Lightning glanced at the feathers, then back at them, gasping as their eyes met.

Author's Note

That's it. I have mixed feelings about shortening the ending. On one hand it feels like her life in Salt Point Cove could have been a story in itself. On the other hand, I feel like I've already told her story and her struggle and any more is just belabouring the point.

It is left to the reader to decide if Rainbow and Rumble are actually together in the end or just friends.

Hope you enjoyed.

Here's the Spotify playlist for the story if you missed it.

If you want to support my work you can buy one of my novels.

Never Just One

Rainbow was a slow reader. Though sleeping and reading were her favorite pastimes, she'd only managed to finish one Rock Slide book before the Nightmare Fair.

There was a biting chill in the air on opening night and a wisp of old leaves rattled across the cobblestone of Rainbow and Scootaloo's path. A chorus of screams rose over the wind as the distant rollercoaster dipped over the big drop.

"Hey," laughed a familiar voice.

The two looked away from the towering ride to see a smug Rumble waving to them beneath a street lamp.

"Hey." Scootaloo sauntered excitedly up to him and they nuzzled briefly.

Rainbow covered her smile with one hoof. That was so cute. As she got closer, she could smell Thunderlane's cologne on him which only worsened her smirk. She walked behind them as they chattered on the way to the admissions counter. The three of them paid individually and they walked through the gaping mouth of a giant timber wolf head.

“This is even better than last year,” marveled Scootaloo, looking in every direction.

From the billowing dry ice fog in the drinks, to the sneering jack o'lanterns that lit their path, there wasn't a single facet in sight that didn't lend itself to the overwrought extravagance of the Nightmare Night atmosphere. Red-eyed bats hung from string across the walk lined with meticulously thematic stalls with names like 'poison,' 'rat race' and 'gravedigger.' It was kitschy, it was terrifying, it was everything any of them could have asked for.

“Games, food or rides?” asked Rumble, trembling with excitement.

Rainbow leaned in behind them. "I don't wanna tell you how to spend your night but that new coaster's gonna have a big line. If you wanna go on that, you should probably do it early."

"Yeah, let's do it now," gasped Rumble.

"Okay," agreed Scootaloo, breathlessly.

“And if we get some food now, we can eat it in line,” proposed Rainbow.

“Yeah,” the foals blurted in unison.

They went down a strip of stalls, grabbing whatever was quick and enticing before getting in the queue for the Dark Flight.

“This was a good idea.You’re like some kind of professional carnival patron,” laughed Rumble in between bites of his grilled corn cob.

“I have been to Las Pegasus a time or two,” replied Rainbow, casually sipping her hard cider with a wingtip. The Dark Flight line was long but it moved fast. It would be about thirty minutes by her guess.

Scootaloo and Rumble didn't stop talking till they were clattering up to the top of the big drop. Rainbow sat alone in the seat behind them with an ear to ear grin as the three of them raised their hooves in the air.

It would be more fun with Thunderlane cackling in her ear but she was by no means incapable of having fun without him.

"Wanna buy a photo?" asked Rumble at the exit for Dark Flight.

Scootaloo looked at the board of recent instant photos. "Yeah, but… six bits? I can't afford that. I'd rather save it for other stuff."

"Yeah , me too… Rainbow?"

She shrugged. "Would be cool but I don't wanna carry it all night. We can just dig through their trash at the end of the night when they throw them away," she quipped.

Rumble gave a sputtering laugh.

"Let's get candy," blurted Scootaloo.

The foals got cotton candy from a spiderweb festooned stall.

Rainbow got another cider.

They ventured down the row of spooky carnival games. Rumble won Scootaloo a spider charm after tossing a ball in a little coffin.

They went on a round of more rides and then stuffed their faces with more junk food.

“Let’s go on the haunted house ride,” suggested Scootaloo.

“Definitely gotta do that,” agreed Rainbow, starting her fourth cider.

"We already did that," said Rumble.

"The ride, not the walkthrough one," clarified Scootaloo.

"Oh, yeah. Let's go."

The haunted house was another long line, second only to the big rollercoaster. The cars were little benches nestled in semispheres. They ran along a track and appeared to only seat two.

Rainbow downed the last of her drink so she could toss the bottle in the nearby trashcan. “You guys go firs," she grunted. "I’ll go behine you."

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Scootaloo tried to tell her discreetly.

“Can you hold it?" asked Rainbow. "I thing we’re almoz there.”

“I’ve been holding it. I can’t anymore.”

Rainbow frowned. “We can ged oudda line iv you really-”

“No, I don’t want to lose our spot. I’ll just step out and come back really quick. If you get to the end of the line, just wait there for me, okay?”

“Yeah,” nodded Rumble.

Scootaloo backtracked through the line toward the nearest edge.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Scootaloo. I'll take good care of him," slurred Rainbow as the filly hopped the queue barrier to get out.

Rainbow draped a foreleg and then herself over Rumble's withers to whisper in his ear. "I won led anything bad happen to ya."

Rumble froze up at her unexpectedly intimate touch. Her hot breath in his ear sent shivers up his spine and stirred a reaction in his loins. A little unsteady on her hooves, she stayed there braced on him, forced to gestate on how he smelled just like her coltfriend. She hummed softly in his mane before standing on her own four legs again.

Rumble adopted a strange stance, slouching and shuffling as the line went forward. Rainbow was radiating a new sort of energy he'd never gotten from her or even Scootaloo for that matter. She had a sloppy silliness but also a provocative invasiveness that his body was enjoying despite it setting off alarm bells in his head. Every little brush against him, every breathy utterance, every little sound she made was like some kind of new and enticing candy he'd never tasted before. Accidental or on purpose, Rainbow had filled him with a maelstrom of indecipherable messages.

It wasn't long before they'd reached the head of the line where a carny held up a hoof to stop them.

"Ugh, where's Scootaloo," he groaned in desperation.

"Two?" asked the carny, addressing them directly.

Rainbow scratched her head, struggling to articulate her swirling thoughts into words. "Uh, hold on," she mumbled. "We're waiting for another pony."

The stallion shook his head. "You can't wait for them here; you have to get on now or exit the line."

"Shit," she breathed. Rainbow stroked the mane of Rumble's neck to get his attention, unable to see the right move. "Whaddya wanna do, Rumble?"

The snap decision and the ponies waiting behind them sent him into a panic. They'd waited this whole time and it was going to be for nothing. And Rainbow's drunken cuddliness felt nice. "Let's get on," he deliberated. "We can just go again when she gets back.

The operator directed them to an empty carriage. As soon as Rumble became acquainted with the logistics of the ride seating, he realized he'd made a terrible mistake. He hopped into the scoop and quickly sat on the bench, his hindleg shifted awkwardly and his hooves went in his lap. Hopefully the ride was dark.

Rainbow stumbled in next to him with a giggle, her head landing clumsily on his shoulder. She paused there inordinately long before straightening up on the bench.

The carny curtly flipped down their lap bar and moved onward to the next car behind them. Rainbow's eyes followed her companion's forelegs down to his lap. In the dim flickering light of enchanted candles, she could see him desperately trying to conceal his colthood which had come out to stand tall behind his hooves.

"Oh, Is that from me? Sorry, squirt," Rainbow groaned in a genuinely apologetic tone. She gently placed a comforting hoof flat on his exposed tip and twirled it around like a joystick, nudging his nervous hooves aside. He felt stiff as could be. Now with more room in his lap, she began a slow stroke up and down his length.

Rumble tensed, gasping in surprise from her exploratory caress but quickly relinquished control to her. She'd always teased him on the edge of flirting but she'd never done anything like this. Their car lurched into motion, plunging into a thick blanket of fog. The vapor filled their nostrils as the world went pitch black.

"That's a bad one. Don't worry, I can fix this," he heard her say as a ghostly wail assaulted their ears. Suddenly everything was bathed in red light.

In the strangely monochromatic environment he could see her now slouched down and straining to get her face in his lap with the clear intent of fellating him but the lap bar and the tight confines of the bench prevented her from reaching her goal, even with eager outstretched tongue. She chortled at her folly and sat back upright.

All around them were goulish cackles and visions from nightmares but neither of them could be less aware. The booming sound of a beating heart could have just as easily been Rumble's own. It was as though he were out of his body and watching himself, unable to believe this was happening to him.

Fog swirled around them again as their car climbed to the second floor. "Hang on, kid, I got this," boasted Rainbow, confidently. She spit liberally into her hoof and then rubbed the lump of saliva in between her legs. She stretched one hind leg across his lap and shimmied her rump into position above his bowing erection. There was a moment of clumsy fumbling and grinding.

"R- Rainbow…" he gasped. She felt his solid girth glide across the folds of her entrance. With one last rock of her hips, their parts aligned and he slid inside of her.

Rumble's body turned to jelly at the sensation of his saliva assisted dive into her warm embrace. She wiggled till he was snugly hilted inside her and then went to work, grinding and squeezing with every muscle in her taut flanks. Her motions were tiny but quite efficient. Mouth open wide, Rumble trembled, overwhelmed by the indescribable feeling of becoming one with her. He reflexively clamped both forehooves onto the thigh of her straddling leg. She sighed pleasurably at his apparent eagerness.

His instincts took over and she could feel him thrusting into her in a familiar rhythm but with so little room, he was mostly desperately squeezing his body against hers, craving more like a starving carnivore on cornered prey. Even with limited space, Rainbow’s drunken, yet masterful, hip gyrations needed nothing at all to work their magic. Everything below her waist flexed and fell in a heavenly synergy that kneaded his colthood quickly toward release.

She pulled his face into her chest to stabilize as screams rang out and strobe lights flashed around them. Were the moans his, hers or from the ride? Neither one knew but one thing that was certain was the fire growing inside them. Reaching climax was always easier for Rainbow when she was under the influence but she hadn’t even considered that until now. She was just helping out a friend. Her breath grew labored. She rubbed a hoof through Rumble’s mane as she bit onto the tip of his ear. Her other hoof wriggled down between her hind legs and began to rub. She moaned steaming wet breaths into his ear, keeping it pinched in her teeth.

Rumble shuddered violently with a groan before melting into a pony-shaped puddle on the bench beneath her.

Rainbow felt his whole body relax in finality and she knew that she'd completed her mission. Her success was enough excitement to push her over the edge of her own orgasm. She clenched her eyes shut and curled down into a ball. Her cry of unbridled pleasure was lost in a cacophony of torment the it went directly in Rumble's ear.

The quake in her body subsided. “There we go,” she sighed contentedly. She playfully tousled his mane like she always did, like she'd just helped him up after a fall. “That feel better?” she huffed.

“Y-yeah,” he panted in dazed euphoria. “Thanks.”

He popped out of her as she shifted back into a normal seated position. A little bit of seed spilled into his lap as his member retreated into its sheath. She really did take care of it. He was still hardly aware that he was on a ride at all as his lust-addled brain reeled in the afterglow of their bizarre carnal encounter, trying to process everything that had just happened. It was an unacknowledged fantasy come true but the relief that he felt that his erection was gone and no longer aching was suddenly eclipsed by the terrifying certainty that he'd just done something that he shouldn’t have.

Their car lurched to a stop at the platform and an oblivious operator unlocked their lap bar. They were both wobbly on their hooves as they exited their seat and made for the swinging exit gate.

Her head was still swimming but nothing had ever sobered Rainbow up quicker than seeing Scootaloo's disappointed face as they walked back into the crowd. Common sense hit her with all the power and stinging iciness of a surprise avalanche. There were so many things wrong with what she'd just done and they were all so incredibly wrong that the least wrong thing on the list was fucking in public on a carnival ride.

"You didn't wait for me," pouted Scootaloo.

Her displeased tone cut right through their composure and sent them into panic mode.

"We couldn't," explained Rainbow. "Our turn came and they wouldn't let us wait on the platform."

"Was it fun?" asked Scootaloo bitterly.

The question was biting, confrontational until she remembered its context. She was talking about the ride, not the sex and neither of them had a clue if it was fun or not.

"Yeah," Rumble replied dumbly. "Well, it- it would have been more fun with you there."

Rainbow closed her eyes and rubbed the back of her neck, trying to bare the overwhelming gross awkwardness of the moment and the lies and the uncomfortable reality that, placed in a vacuum, Rumble would probably never go on a better carnival ride than the one he'd just took.

"I'm sorry. You two can go get back in line," suggested Rainbow desperately.

"No, forget it," sighed Scootaloo glumly. "Let's go do something else. I should have just stayed in line."

Things would have gone a lot differently, lamented Rainbow. How could she do this to Scootaloo? On their date… on their fucking date?

Rainbow and Rumble went conspicuously silent after the haunted house, floating around on autopilot with Scootaloo trying to orchestrate a good finale for their date. They were no longer at the fair but instead locked away in their own frenzied minds and that was how it would stay the rest of the night. Shocking, amazing, awful and irrevocable. This was, without parallel, the worst thing she'd ever done.

"I want a caramel apple. Do you want anything?" asked Scootaloo.

Unaware of the question, Rumble rubbed his ear which he was fairly certain still had Rainbow's teeth marks in it.

"Rumble? You want any more food?" She asked again.

"Um, uh… No, I'm good."

"Okay," she shrugged.

They waited to the side while Scootaloo got in the short line.

"Rumble," swallowed Rainbow. "We can't tell anyone about this." The clumsy boisterous air she'd possessed just minutes ago had withered into grave fearfulness.

Rumble said nothing but simply nodded in solemn agreement.

She knew that sounded so cynical, like all she cared about was covering her own ass but that wasn't true. There was so much more to this than just her. They couldn't have a real conversation about it right now. She could only hope that her voice and expression were enough to say that she recognized this as a dire lapse of judgment.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, she screamed at him telepathically. Could they just somehow pretend that this never happened? She couldn't pick any one thing to be worried about. Her mind was a tumbling dryer full of terror. If the wrong pony knew about this, it wouldn't ruin one thing, it would ruin everything.

The night finished on a low note as the foals parted with inexplicably muted affection. Was Scootaloo still bitter from missing the ride? Was Rumble feeling guilty from going on the ride and… cheating on her?

Rainbow did not read that night, nor did she go to sleep early. She rolled over in bed for the three dozenth time as her thoughts spiraled endlessly through the now powder keg dynamic that was her, Scootaloo, Thunderlane and Rumble. She felt awful. It was a mistake. She should have been more responsible. Her first mistake was drinking at all when she'd been tasked with supervising. It was too late now but as long as they just didn't tell anyone, they could keep the damage to a minimum.

The night train wailed, echoing over the crater she'd made.