Wing Envy

by WispyFlare

Rating: everyone
Tags: Self Insert, Twilight Sparkle, Dark, Alternate Universe, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4428

A reincarnated self-insert into the MLP:FiM canon! Watch me struggle with who I am and my family, maybe become friends with Twilight too, who knows?

Born and raised in Canterlot, I'm a unicorn of high prestige. But, my mother shuns me despite not letting me go for the pegusi blood in my veins. She calls me the family embarrassment for my too fluffy fur, slightly unmatching colors, not long enough horn, and my ridiculous cutie mark. I try to escape, but it seems that she's everywhere, tightening the metaphorical leash on me. Can I make it out? Or am I doomed to have permanent wing envy?

Published 2023-10-05 04:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-05 04:00:01 UTC

Things are okay, and getting better, right?

Author's Note

I have not prewritten the entire plot yet, I'm mainly just writing this for funsies, so be prepared for long wait times in between chapters. ( I will continue working on this as much as I can.)

Things are okay, and getting better, right?

There's something peculiar about dying. You often hear about the 'bright lights at the end of the tunnel'. I'd heard that that's just the brain being spastic because it's literally dying. That's probably why, for so long, I found myself believing I was going through the tunnel of light. After all, things were bright and colorful. Many emotions and odd sensations. Too many words moving too fast for me to comprehend properly. I really did think that it was all part of the whole "brain death" process.

But... it just kept going. Going and going until my brain finally started to comprehend what I was experiencing. And even after that, I didn't believe what I was seeing. I thought that I was experiencing flashbacks of a certain pony show I only saw most of as a teenager and then quickly dropped once I was in my twenties. It didn't help that my memory was spacey and that everything blurred together.

Until, funnily enough, I was put in front of a mirror. The old gauge of testing if one is capable of self recognition. I hate to admit it, the first several times I failed. I saw what I thought was a very cute baby unicorn, all long legs, fluffy pastel fur, with a tuft of mane and tail. Those large golden eyes were always joyous, yet curious when I saw them. At least, until the... hm. Until either the twelfth or thirteenth time when I realized that the squirming baby blinked at the same time I blinked. And that me shifting to become more comfortable mimicked the baby's movements. I was very very confused. For, I was not only alive, but also not human anymore.

So naturally I burst into tears. She quickly removed me from the mirror and shushed my tears.

She. She was a red earth-colored unicorn with vivid green and brown eyes. She's the one I recognize most easily, despite not knowing her name. She was a kind, if stern, mother figure. She took care of me, made certain I didn't get into any trouble. She, as I realized later, gave these sorta daily reports to my real parents. Apparently I was a, 'slow' child mentally, physically, and magically. I, personally, don't blame myself for being in a dissociative fugue for the first two-ish years of my new life. Why would I believe once consciousness took hold of me that I'm a unicorn? It feels like a leap in logic.

...Granted, I feel like I should have noticed the signs sooner rather than that late.

But, whatever! I'm a pastel unicorn! What's it matter? Now that I know that, there's nothing stopping me from taking this life by the reigns and living my new life!

Except for her. "Wispy Flare! Quit putting your hooves on the books! You will turn the pages with magic and magic only!"

At... almost three? I have no clue when my birthday is, other than it being 'soon'. At almost three, my mouth is still a mess of trying to properly enunciate words. "Bu- rea'ing!"

My efforts to convince go down the drain as she magically lifts my forelegs and the children's book out from my grasp. "Not buts! Just because you like to read doesn't mean you have to crease the pages with your clumsy hooves." I pout. "And don't give me that look! Once you pick up magic, then you can read. Magic is of absolute importance, you know."

I let out a long whine and fall over to my side. Magic. I don't know how to use it. Everybody makes it look so easy, but despite overthinking, meditating, and focusing on magical thoughts, I lack any sort of talent in summoning it forward.

She tsks. "If you pick up magic once you find it as fast as you did walking and talking, then you won't have to wait long to read."

I groan and flop over to my other side. I just don't get it! The only differences I feel for this life is the body I have! Mentally... well, besides being almost three I'm very much feeling the same! There must be some secret third option I've yet to discover! Some sorta thing inside or outside myself, I'm not sure which one it is, or if it's both? Ugh. I flip back over onto my hooves to face Her. "Teach 'eee!"

For a moment, she looks uncertain. But her face hardens to my grief. "Your parents believe it's important for you to find your magic without guidance, as it's most likely tied with your cutie mark. You know this."

I blow my tongue. "Stupid!!"

She sighs, as she's done half a dozen times before. This time, however, she's tired of the same argument, and just takes the book and places it back up on the high shelf. "How do you even keep getting this down without magic anyway?"

I frown. "Sssecret."

She frowns back at me, book resecured up on the high shelf. "Fine, keep your secrets, brat."

I huff in frustration. I'm getting nowhere fast. The areas where the real books I want to read are locked to me, and the ones I can't reach without risking my life via climbing stacked objects keep getting taken away.

She turns to full face me. "Look on the bright side, you'll get to learn everything you want and more once you figure it out."

Yeah, no shit. I continue to frown at her.

"You'll figure it out, just keep working on it."

Placating words.

She looks mildly uncomfortable. Good. "You will! You'll... Look, I've been trying to convince your parents to let you at least read a beginner's magic book on your own, but they're being rather stubborn about it."

Information! I'm gonna milk this for what it's worth. I pull the puppy eyes. "Bu- but, can' you give 'e a hint?"

"I already-"

"Please! Where does the magi' exist?!"

She hesitates.

Ultimate kicked puppy mode: Activated!

She sighs in defeat. Yes! "If you're anything like your parents, the magic you'll find will be tied up with your cutie mark."

I bounce in place. "Yesss! Yea, tha's-" I stop bouncing. My brow furrows and I tap my chin with my hoof. "How am I suppos'ta fin' my cutie mar' if I don' know wha' I'm good at?"

"Well, I'd recommend experimenting."

I balance on my hind hooves while exaggerating with my forelegs around the (mostly) childproof room I've spent most of my time in. "Wit' what??" I set my forelegs back on the ground before I fall over. "No rea'ing magi' books, not allow' to explore by myself, no fwiends!!" I feel my eyes tear up. I rub them away. "S'not fair..."

It's quiet other than my sniffling.

"Tell you what." I look up to her face. She looks back and forth nervously, then beckons me over to her. I stand up and walk over, curiosity peaked. "If you promise not to tell your parents, I'll let you out into the garden from time to time for a few hours a few days a week." I open my mouth- "Alone." I close my mouth and blink in surprise. "You're a big girl, you can take care of yourself now. And... if you manage to find a way out while I'm not looking... it wasn't my fault. Got it?"

I stare, dumbfounded. But once it hits me, I'm nodding over and over again.

She stills my head with a hoof. "Good. Remember, this is a promise. Don't break it."

"I promise." I feel the appreciation swell inside of me.

One barrel plus a wheelbarrow moved later, the side garden gate actually swings open when I push it after unlocking the latch. I quickly hop down from my perch and dance a little in excitement. Out! Out of this place!! I'm free to do as I please!! Granted, only in limited quantities, but I could hardly care less!!

I take a quick glance at the barrel in the wheelbarrow. Do I put them back before it can be noticed? I hum a bit, but decide against it. It took me too long to move these in the first place! I'm going out exploring now!

I trot my way past the gate, and then stop as I finally see what the outside of the house looks like for the first time that's not outside a window or past the gate. The sidewalk is real under my hooves, and the street is busy with pulled carriages and other large adult ponies. I look up, and though the view is semi-familiar, it feels so different without bars or distance in the way of things. The buildings are very tall. I wonder what the name of the city is?

Shaking my head hard enough that my large ears flop back and forth, I decide to get a move on rather than pondering everything. I start up a light trot to find kids my age. Or maybe another unicorn who I can ask how magic works? If my magic is tied to my cutie mark like She thinks, then how should I spend my time? I briefly wonder where in the timeline of the show I exist in. Do the Cutie Mark Crusaders have their business set up yet? Are they even born yet?

I shake my head again to try and dislodge the thoughts. I need to pay attention to my surroundings. I'm gonna need to recall the path I take so I can take it back home before it gets too late. Hm, for now, let's get a feel for the block. I look this way and that, trying to soak in my surroundings enough to memorize them. There's decorative trees that offer shade every fifteen feet... at least, I think it's fifteen feet? Hard to tell when I'm so small. Down the ways, I see a patch of grass, and I speed up a bit to see if there's a park there.

Sure enough, there's a gorgeous expanse of grass, flowers patches, and large oak trees all combining together with paths and benches to make up a park! I gasp, and then walk into the grass, feeling myself smiling. The feel of the grass is so nice! The garden back home only has gravel pathways, making this the first time in this life I've experienced stepping on plant-life. I feel an urge to roll around in it, and I give in and do so. It's so soft, yet scratches and tickles in all the right places, making me giggle. I could almost swear I can feel the grass appreciate the appreciation.

Wait, is that what is connected with my magic?

I stop rolling, and I focus on the feeling of the grass, staring intensely. Was it a real thing I felt just now? Or is it me confusing my feelings for another thing? In a world of magic, everything must be considered, and-

"Hey, what are you doing here Little Missy?"

I let out a startled 'Eep!', then I look up to see a blue pegasus in what looks like a cop uniform, just barely flying above me with large wings, before settling down on his hooves. I quickly realize that I've never seen anypony with wings before. Heck, have I ever seen anypony other than the occasional glance of my parents and Her? His form is so different than the unicorns I've seen. Much more soft in shape, no hard corners.

He's also looks a touch annoyed. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

I blink in thought of that. I glance down at my body, then at him. Do I not look like an almost three-year-old? "Maybe?"

He snorts a humorless laugh. "C'mon, follow me Little Missy. You're too young to be playing hooky."

I blink with wide eyes. I guess I look older than I really am? Wait, this is the perfect opportunity to actually learn!! I hop to my feet and then salute. "Yes sir!"

He raises an eyebrow, but then shrugs a bit, and turns around to walk towards where I assume the school is. I quickly trot after him, struggling only a tiny bit to keep up with his adult legs.

I feel excited, thrilled, appreciation- wait, am I? It feels like how the grass felt, but much stronger this time. I glance up at the pegasus' face. He was looking at me out of the corner of his eye, but then looks forward again. "I appreciate you not putting up a fight on this. You have no idea how many youngin's I've caught who then tried to run away from me."

Appreciation, or care? Maybe both? I decide to push further. "I like you' wings, mis'er. How high can you fly?"

He glances down at me again, and smiles a bit at the compliment. It makes me smile back. "All pegusi can fly pretty high, up to the clouds." He points a hoof up at the various clouds. They're pretty. "What really matters to us pegusi though, is how fast one can go." His wings fluff out as I turn back to him in what feels like pride. "I'm one of the fastest in the Canterlot Police. Second fastest, to be precise."

My eyes widen at the information. "Cante'lot? We're in Cante'lot?"

He folds his wings up, looking a touch confused. "Er, yeah, didn't you know?"

I tilt my head in thought. "I've only heard the name, I didn't know we live' there!!" I hop a bit. "Wow, I wonder if I can ever see one of the P'incesses!" A brief feeling of confusion as I stop hopping. "But it's super cool you can fly so fas'! Do you think you could be a part of the Wonde'bolts?"

The confusion disappears as he laughs. "I wish! I did try out to be a part of them once."

"Woah! So you got to meet the Wonde'bolts?!"

He nods his head. "Sure did! They're a tough crew. Though I couldn't keep up, it felt like a good experience."

I hop a bit again. I can tell he's being honest about that. Surely whatever this feeling is must be tied up with my magic!! "Woah, do you like you' job? I bet it must be a huuuge help to be supe' fast to catch the bad guys!"

He chuckles. "It's satisfying, that's for sure. Even if 'the bad guys' I mostly face against are kids playing hooky or getting into trouble." He peers down at me with exasperated mirth in his eyes.

I giggle at the feeling. "You know, I betcha that I'm supe' close to figu'ing out my cutie mar'!"

"Really? What do you think it is?"

I trot repeatedly in place in excitement, then run a bit to catch up with him. "Emotions!! I ca' feel what you'e feeling! I got tol' that my cutie mar' would be connected with my magi'! And I'm so close to figu'ing it out!!"

He stumbles a bit, then keeps up with walking. "Really? You must have some pegusi blood in your veins, then! I have never heard of a unicorn having emotion based magic unless they have some pegusus in their bloodline."

I tilt my head at that. "Are pegusi really goo' at emotions?"

He nods. "Yeah. Pegusi are good with emotions, unicorns with mentality, and earth ponies with physicality. You can ask your teachers about it, cause we're here."

I look up from the pegusus to the building he stopped in front of. Sure enough, the colorful building reads out 'Canterlot Elementary School' in fancy typography on the upper sign above the front entrance. I start dance hopping. Yes, yes! Information galore!! "Thanks Miste' Police!"

He laughs. "Of course, Little Missy. C'mon, let's head inside to make certain that your teachers know where you were."

He opens the front door for me, and I walk in, vibrating in excitement. He walks in behind me, and then past me. "Now, keep following me, please. The front office is this way."

I nod my head a whole bunch, too excited. These halls contain greatness, I can tell!!

I follow, eyes gazing at the walls, which are painted in beautiful royal purples and sparse buttery creams, plus... is that Celestia's shimmery mane's color palette? If I look close enough, I can see various sparkles in the paint at appropriate moments. So cool. I wonder if there's any part of the school to match Princess Luna's color scheme?

The policepony opens another door. "Step through here, Little Missy."

I quickly trot my way through the passageway to see a surprised looking earth pony glance up from some paperwork at a desk, pausing from typing away at a typewriter. "Oh?"

I quickly introduce myself. "Hi!! My name is Wispy Flare and I wann' go to school here! Please teach 'e!"

Steps come up from just behind me as his blatant confusion bleeds through his words. "Erm, want to? Don't you already go to school here?"

Ah. It appears that critical thoughts have yet to fully form in my head yet, as I did not put two and two together. I do my best to ignore the fact I may be too young for school and also that this officer is about to have a heart attack at taking me from the park. "Please? I can read al'eady, and I wann' make friends!! I wann' learn magi'!" I plop my forehooves onto the desk to pull the puppy dog look at the receptionist. "I wann' learn everything..."

The receptionist blinks as she stares at me. She seems to be feeling suspicious as she glances at the officer behind me. "It's, uhm, I understand wanting to apply, but it is the middle of the school year, and you don't look familiar. Maybe you could come by next year? How old are you by the way, dear?"

The confusion behind me turns into a tense anticipation and I feel that I'm gonna fail this little mission of mine. I droop my ears and pull the biggest puppy dog look of my life. "I'm al'ost three. But I wann' go!! I wann' read books!"

The mare in front of me tenses, as does the colt behind as he stumbles out a blurt. "T-two?! You're two years old?"

I feel myself starting to tear up. "I wann' go to school... and meet new ponies!"

The receptionist snaps towards the policepony. "How could you have mistaken her for an elementary student??"

He sweats nervously. "She's exceptionally smart! And tall! I thought that with her vocabulary and her amount of knowledge that she'd be a first grader! I- I thought it was just a lisp she had!"

The receptionist facehooves. "Please tell me that you did not separate her from her parents."

The policepony audibly gulps, radiating nervous energy. "Oh sh-ed."

Tears are pouring down my face as I look her in the eye. "Please... I don' wanna be alone again."

They both turn to look at me, an aura of confusion and high nervousness doing nothing to help me calm down. The receptionist speaks like she's talking to a child. "Don't worry, Wispy, were you lost before the dumb policepony found you?"

I open my mouth just for a sob to come out. I put my forelegs back onto the floor and sit. It isn't working. I'm going to have to go back to that house! I sob louder. "It s'not fair! I don' wann' go back!"

"Don't worry! I'll take you back home, and you won't be alone anymore."

This does nothing to comfort me and I start crying uncontrollably. "Sn'ot fair, it s'not fairrrr!!" I can't tell what's heads or tails anymore as the overwhelming emotions make me lose my mind as I cry my heart out.

I wake up. I lay there groggily, trying to recall what happened and why I'm feeling so drained despite waking up. One thing I do know is I'm thirsty.

On slightly unsteady hooves, I stand up and get out of bed. I head for my bathroom and, after climbing up my stool at the sink, turn on the faucet. I quickly shove my mouth under the running tap and take long sips.

"Wispy."

I ignore Her voice and keep drinking.

A drained sigh. "I have a cup of not bathroom sink water for you, if you want it."

That gets me to stop and turn off the faucet. I glance at her, and see that she is jittery and nervous-

Ah, it all comes back in clarity.

I turn the faucet back on and splash the water on my face, washing away my grogginess. "Ughhh..."

She sets the water next to me on the counter of the sink basin. "Ugh is right."

I ignore the glass of water as I let the water run over my forehooves and stare at my reflection in the mirror. "...Whe' was the las' time I even crie' like 'at?"

"Probably around a month ago."

I pout. Ah yes, my realization. I turn off the faucet with a sigh. "How much trouble am I in?"

"...None."

I turn to look at Her, a questioning tilt to my head.

She still radiates uncomfortable energy. "We are so lucky that assumed a whole story to explain everything that happened with you. And also," She dips her head, "I'm sorry."

"Huh?"

Her head remains bowed. "I should have intervened sooner when the policepony had started talking with you, but... I let my emotions get in the way of things. Because you were talking and smiling so much, I kept putting off interrupting, until it felt too late to interrupt... if I had done the proper thing, you wouldn't have been reduced to such tears."

"You were watchin' me?"

She softly snorts. "Of course, Wispy. What pony in their right mind would let a literal two-year-old wander off by herself?

I huff. Of course. Makes sense. I then let out a groan. "I wish I wa'n't two." I'm suddenly impatient at my mouth not working properly. "Wa'n't. Wazzzn't. Wasn't." I nod to myself. I eye the water, and I think back to what I learned about myself. I stick out my tongue in concentration, and focus on my emotions and mentality. If the two are connected with my magic, then surely if I will and want at the same time... perhaps more of a wish for it to move? A prayer, maybe?

The glass remains unbudged.

I scrunch up my nose, trying to focus my emotions on the glass. I... would... appreciate if it moved.

The glass trembles a little, making me gasp and lose my concentration. The glass of water stills. I turn to Her, just to see her head still bowed. I'm too excited to think of why though. "Look! Look, watch me!!" I turn back to the cup and concentrating what I'd just figured out. I think to it, "Hi, I would appreciate if you came closer to me."

The glass trembles a little bit, just a little more..! "Please, move towards me, if you will?"

All at once, the glass comes over to my face quickly, and I wince and shut my eyes, expecting it to hit me. Instead of glass though, there's a splash of water the doses my entire face and part of my mane. I snort water that went up my nose and hear a crash of glass.

Blinking my eyes open, and then rubbing the water from my eyes, I look to see the glass in shards in the sink. "Oh." I look nervously to Her. "Sorry."

Her mouth is agape. As she looked at where the glass was. Then, she laughs brightly. "Oh, wow! Looks like the trip was well worth it, Wispy!!"

I... am confusion?

She quickly trots over and hugs me with single foreleg. "That was an excellent first use of magic, Wispy! You did excellently! I'm so proud, and your parents should see your progress and allow you actual studies now!"

It takes me a hot minute to figure out what I feel. She feels... so bright. I start crying. "You aren't mad?"

She pulls back a bit to look me in the face. "Of course not! Why, you should have seen my first use of magic. I had messed up an entire floor by accident by wanting to be buried alive cause I was so embarrassed. I had summoned a ton of dirt and was buried up to my chin, haha!" She's back to hugging me tightly. "A filly's first use of magic is always to be celebrated, no matter how much damage is caused."

I... hug her back, crying happily. "Thank you for not being mad or getting me in trouble."

She pats my mane. "Hey, it's okay. Everything will be okay."

I sniff, feeling that she truly believes that. I appreciate her being there for me. I think I love her, and am grateful... I think that's what it is. What my new life is about. Appreciating, gratitude, and love. The ability to feel such wonderful things is such a magical thing, I hope that I can share all my love with those that are important to me!

A light gasp. "Wispy, you got your cutie mark!"

My eyes snap open and I gasp, staring down at my flank. Sure enough, a brand new mark is there, and I love it immediately. I smile gleefully at the glittery heart with a pair of wings attached to it. "It's pe'fect."

My head is patted again, and I turn to see Her smiling at me softly. "Why don't we celebrate?"

I gasp at the thought of fresh baked cakes and cookies. "Can we have double frostin'?!"

She laughs loudly. "Weeell, that's a lot of sugar," I pull out the puppy eyes, and she rolls hers, "buuut, I think since you discovered both magic and your cutie mark today, why not double the celebration?"

I let out a small, "Yesss!" and start hopping in place.

She laughs. "C'mon, let's head for the kitchen. You get to help me cook everything."

I gasp, and am then immediately at her side and am following Her... "By the way, what's your name?"