The Drone Epidemic!

Thinking about her other friends, she went to find Applejack at the market. At the market, she found everypony selling about the same stuff, yellow produce. Yellow apples, yellow cabbages, yellow eggplants, yellow pumpkins, yellow oranges, yellow cucumbers, yellow tomatoes, everything was yellow. Yellow ponies selling yellow stuff.

Of course, that was not the only thing they were selling, as some of them were also selling their own bodies. They were horny and ready for pleasure play, horse play, pony play, ponydrone play. Twilight saw some yellow ponies approaching some store owners, also yellow ponies, and started to pleasure each other.

Twilight thought nothing of it, and went to examine the fruits. The fruits were rubbery and squishy, bouncy even. Looking at them, they looked so shiny and appetizing, or maybe she was just hungry. However, she dared not eat them. Instead, she went to Applejack’s stall, just to find Big McIntosh there. “Hey, Big Mac. Nice seeing you today.”

Big McIntosh did not reply, and only put a yellow apple on the table.

“A yellow apple?”

“No thank you, Big Mac.”

“Mmmmmffffff?”

“What do you mean? Why is everyone saying that word today? Can’t you say any other words?”

“Mmmmppppphhhh!” said Big McIntosh.

“And… that’s it? That’s all you can say? Mac, just open your mouth and speak!”

“Mmmmmppppphhh!”

As he said that, Twilight realized that he didn’t have a mouth. His mouth was sealed shut, and there was no line or mark that indicates that he had a mouth.

Twilight was once again taken aback, as she saw her friend to be of another species now, with no nose, no mouth, and only valves for breathing. Now, she had made up her mind to tell Princess Celestia about the changes in her friend, as she found it quite abnormal. So, she noted down all the weird things, and made them into a list.

Weird things about McIntosh

1. He's yellow
2. He's shiny
3. He has no nostrils
4. He has no mouth
5. He breathes using valves on the side of his cheeks.
6. His eyes are glossy.
7. His cutie mark is a weird sign.
8. His hooves are black boots with ridged-soles.
9. His tail is black.
10. His hair is black.

After listing those details down, Twilight headed to Canterlot to find Princess Celestia. Without wasting time, she immediately called for her flying chariot, but it did not come, even after waiting for nearly an hour. It seemed that there was something wrong with it, too, and so she went to board a train.

On the train, there were a mixture of normal ponies and ponydrones. Neither were all standing up, and neither were all sitting down. Some got off at some stations, and some others got on. The train took its time, and Twilight did too, finally finding edible food that she could eat. On the dining train, she ate alone at a table, until another pony came along, and sat in front of her.

“Hey, may I sit here?” the pony said, holding a plate full of food.

“Sure,” Twilight replied, and the pony then sat down to eat.

After a while, Twilight asked, “What has happened around here? Why is there Species X?”

“Species X?”

“I forgot to explain, but it’s what I call the yellow ponies. You know, the ones with-”

“Yeah, I know those. They’re… I’m not really sure, actually. I thought I knew, but I don’t.”

“Knew what?”

“Where they came from. What I know is that they started in Ponyville, where you live.”

“Where I live? How did you know where I live?”

“Come on, everyone knows you, your Highness.”

“No need for such formality. I’d like to know more about Species X.”

“Well, first, they seem to have very odd behaviors.”

“Such as?”

“Pleasing themselves. They seem to rub or do something with what we call ‘bulges’ on their crotches that make them go ‘Mmmmmpppppphhhh’ or ‘Mmmmmmfffffff’.”

“So they are horny?”

“Yes, very. And not only that, they also eject some kind of fluid when they get horny. Just look over there!” the pony pointed to a ponydrone, sitting on a chair. “It’s rubbing itself and making latex.”

“It?”

“Yes, it. As of now, we have no idea how to differentiate between the genders of ponies of Species X. We don’t even know if they have genders. All of them look the same.”

“True,” said Twilight. “I can’t even recognize them, even if I were to give them names. By the way, what is your name?”

“My name is Kurojyaku. And you are Twilight, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Alright,” continued Kurojyaku. “As I was saying, they look the same. Currently, however, we have noticed that not all of them are naked, so to speak, if they actually consider themselves naked or have a sense of embarrassment towards nakedness, which I guess they do not have.”

“But some of them do wear clothes, don’t they?”

“Yes, I’m getting to that. Some of them wear clothes, and some of them wear clothes that are eerily similar to the clothes of ponies. In fact, one might say that the clothes they wear are exactly the same. As a matter of fact, we’ve been theorizing that for every pony, there is a pony counterpart of Species X. An antipony, if you will, and that’s what we’ve been calling them.”

“Who’s we?” Twilight asked, curiously.

“We? Oh, ever since we noticed some antiponies at our town at Dodge Junction, we started to take note of them, and try to figure out who they were and where they came from. We call ourselves the Antipony Analysis Assembly, or the AAA for short, or Triple A, as we prefer to call it. So, we Triple A, we have initially tried to talk to the antiponies, but with no luck. Or should I say ‘no mouths’?” Kurojyaku chuckled, joking. “They can’t seem to talk, but can only produce some sort of muffled sound, along with some squeaks, pants and moans.”

“Yeah, I know that too,” said Twilight, showing her list to Kurojyaku. “Here’s my list of what I’ve observed.”

Kurojyaku took it and read it, saying, “Big MacIntosh? I thought you called the antiponies Species X?”

“Well, it is as you said, that I have a friend called Big MacIntosh, and I once saw an antipony that wore something that he always wore. So, without a name for that antipony, I just called it Big Macintosh.”

“Ah, I see. So you’re asserting that that antipony is your friend, is that correct?” Kurojyaku suddenly said loudly.

“No, uh, I just…”

“I’m just messing with ya! Around our place, any theory is just as good, as long as there’s enough evidence to support it.” As Kurojyaku said that, Twilight calmed down, and tried to think of another possible answer to the ponydrones’ origins, but little did Twilight know that her guess was actually correct, as Big Macintosh was actually the ponydrone himself.

“Hmm, I see,” Kurojyaku continued reading the list. “Well, these are about the same as what we have observed so far. These detail their general appearance.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that too.”

“But this list feels rather incomplete; it only describes their look. There’s a whole bunch of behaviors that have not been described yet.”

“Behaviors?”

“Yes, like eating, drinking, sleeping, defecating, et cetera.”

“But they don’t do that.”

“There!” Kurojyaku exclaimed, causing Twilight to turn her head around, “Where?”

“There, that’s the point! They don’t do any of that stuff that we ponies normally do. Which is weird in some sense but it might just be rooted in their culture.”

“Culture? If they had a culture they should have had it a long time ago, right? Meaning they have existed for a long time. If that’s the case, why appear now? When did the first antipony appear in your city?”

“Hmm, I’d say…” Kurojyaku was thinking hard about the time. “Noon of the day before yesterday.”

“That recent?” asked Twilight, surprised. “It happened while I was away, then.”

“Away? That should explain why you seem left behind.”

“Yes, I was away on a trip with Princess Celestia to deal with some things.”

“Oh, lucky you! We here, were busy investigating the antiponies while you were on your trip!”

“Well, a princess’s job is never easy.”

“I agree. Let’s get back to our discussion though. So, they came at noon, on the day before yesterday.”

“Yes.”

“So it’s been about two days now since the first antipony arrived. That’s quite recent, don’t you think? But given that they appeared in your area as well, they should have appeared elsewhere also. So, my estimate may only be accurate for Dodge Junction, but it’s a good enough estimation of when they first appeared, at least for now.”

“That leaves the question of where they came from unanswered.”

“Well, as Holmes always says, and I quote, ‘Eliminate the impossible, and what remains must be the truth!’ All we have to do is to eliminate the impossibilities, and I start with Dodge Junction.”

“Why?” asked Twilight.

“Well, we’ve never seen one at Dodge Junction until a few came down from the train.”

“Alright then. Well, Ponyville is not going to be inside because I don’t have any witnesses.”

“Muffins is!”

“Muffins?”

“Yes, Muffins!” Derpy said, then turning to me, saying, “Hey, narrator, don’t call me Derpy. I prefer Muffins!”

Well, okay, then.

“Muffins is one of the only survivors.”

“Survivors? And why are you talking like that?”

“Muffins wants to be narrated, as a protagonist from a third person view! Oh, and survivors? Well, the ponybees are reproducing!”

“Ponybees?”

“You mean Species X?” “You mean the antiponies?” asked Twilight and Kurojyaku at the same time.

“Uh, well, you know the yellow and black ponies? Those.”

“Oh, those. Wait, reproduce?” asked Twilight.

“Yes, reproduce.”

“Well, that sounds rather odd. I’ve observed them, and they do not seem to have any openings in their bodies that should be sufficiently large to eject an infant antipony. Furthermore, they don’t seem to have those parts needed for intercourse.”

“‘But oh yes, they do!’ Muffins said,” Muffins narrated.

“What?”

“Sorry, force of habit. I’ve really got to stop narrating. Anyway, they reproduce via their circular object down there.”

“That bulge?”

“Yeah, they rub it and they reproduce.”

“You sure? I thought a genie would come out.”

“Well, if by genie, you mean yellow liquid.”

“Yellow liquid?”

“Yes, yellow liquid. It is mostly yellow, with a tint of black. It is very bright and eye-catching, but it, like many colorful things, is poisonous.”

“Poisonous, you say? But I saw them put it on cakes! They even had a name for it. What was it… Ah! They called it ‘Mmmmmppppphhhh’!”

“Mmmmmppppphhhh?” asked Kurojyaku.

“Yes,” replied Twilight.

“Well, then it must be only poisonous to us, and not them. Added to that cakes fact, they are the one who produces the yellow liquid. They eject it out-”

“Hmm, if that’s the case, that would definitely explain the recent puddles of yellow around Dodge Junction. It’s all made of ‘Mmmmmppppphhhh’! Though, we need a better name for it.”

“Why don’t we call it Mph? You know, a short form of ‘Mmmmmppppphhhh’?” asked Twilight.

“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

“Can I continue?” asked Muffins. The two nodded their heads, and Muffins said, “Mph is produced by the ponybees, and ejects out their valves, and sometimes skin, though in minute amounts.”

“But how do they do that?”

“Good question. I… don’t exactly know. But, I have a theory. By rubbing their bulges, they produce eggs that form inside their bulges, and with every rub, it swells, until it is ejected from their bulges, to be placed somewhere else to wait. However, since there is no male counterpart for the egg, the egg eventually travels up their internal canals into their oral cavity, where it bursts after inactivity, leaking out its contents, Mph, out of the valves on their cheeks.”

“Well, for one, that would definitely solve why their bulge swells as they rub it, and why, according to you, that they leak Mph out of their cheeks. But it does not agree with my theory, or, rather, the Antipony Analysis Assembly, the Triple A’s theory, that they only reproduce asexually,” refuted Kurojyaku.

“You don’t get my point, do you?” asked Muffins. “They only reproduce asexually because they can’t reproduce sexually. All the ponybees are female, and there are only mothers, and daughters.”

“Works for me!” said Kurojyaku. “What do you think, Twilight?”

“Twilight?” Twilight had fallen asleep, from the lack of sleep from the night before, caused by all the high-pitched squeaking noises.

“You’ve bored her to sleep,” Kurojyaku said.

“And I haven’t even gotten to the important part yet.”

“Important part? What’s that?”

“Cake!”

“Cake?”

“Waiter, may we have some cake?”

“Huff…puff…” the waiter put two slices of cake directly on the table, without any plates, and walked off.

“An antipony! Why and how is he working here?”

“He? It’s a she! But I really don’t know, and I don’t care. Cake!” Muffins said as she took the fork and tried to cut the cake into smaller pieces.

The cake wobbled, causing Muffins to exclaim, “Mph cake!” Indeed, the cake was yellow, and it wobbled around.

“So this is the effect of Mph.”

“Yes.”

“Well, I won’t be eating this cake then.”

“And neither will I.”

“How about Twilight?”

“Let’s just let her sleep. So, what was that important stuff?”

“Their reproduction. As you have just observed, the addition of Mph to cakes can make them, well, rubbery. Imagine just what would happen if you added Mph to a pony.”

There was a sudden silence as Kurojyaku was left in thought.

“If I added Mph to a pony… They’d surely turn rubbery…” Kurojyaku thought to himself. “And a rubbery pony… The antiponies…”

“No, not Princess Celestia!” Twilight was sleep-talking.

“Having a bad dream?” asked Kurojyaku. “So, you’re implying that antiponies are created by adding Mph to normal ponies?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.”

“Hmm… I can’t rebut that, but what evidence do you have? The burden of proof lies on you.”

“Well, would you like to conduct an experiment? Turn Twilight into a ponybee?”

“No, of course not. I’ll just have to take your word for it.”

And so the two chatted as Twilight slept through their conversation, all on the train trip to Canterlot.

To be continued...