Equestria Is Not Enough

by CluelessDetective

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 6296

James Bond is K.I.A and now must stop a familliar villain in a new world.

"You only live twice Mr. Bond."
-Ernst Stavro Blofeld

James Bond is dead. Killed in action in order to stop Blofeld from unleashing a new weapon upon the world. Now in a new world with a new body and name, Bond must join forces with the Equestrian Secret Service to stop a mysterious new organization and a too familiar villain for Bond. With action, romance and intrigue, it seems like Equestria Is Not Enough!

Tags will be added on later when a chapter with that element arises.

Special Thanks:
Pre-read(Hell, might even go as far as saying co-written!) by TJBrena

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-27 02:40:01 UTC

Introduction

"Good morning 007," said a cheery voice from a desk, her aging but beautiful face giving James Bond his usual confidence when he was about to go into the belly of the beast.

"Good morning Moneypenny," replied James, leaning in closer to her, "After this meeting, let's say we go out for dinner. My treat."

Moneypenny let out a laugh, "Oh, James, that would be great, but you should know you never keep your promises."

"Hundred times a charm," Bond shot back, entering the room of his superior, M.

When he sat down, the cold, dead eyes of M stared into him. His emotionless face hit home to Bond that it wasn't a social visit. "I hope you know why you're here 007."

"I guess it's not for a social visit," he answered, reaching for the whiskey on the table and poured himself a drink.

"We have suspect to believe Ernst Stavro Blofeld is back," informed M.

"So he decided to crawl out of hell?" Asked Bond, taking a sip of his drink, the burning of his throat from the alcohol not even phasing him anymore.

"The CIA has agreed to help us with this operation, so you will be joining with Felix Leiter on this," explained M.

"I see," Bond narrowed his eyes, "Where’s Blofeld?"

"Blofeld's base has been sighted in Nigeria. Before meeting up with Felix at the airport, I recommend going to Q branch. They say they have some new toys you could use on this mission."

Bond stood up from his chair and made his way to the door, but before he could leave, M stopped him, "Oh, and 007?"

James turned to M, "Try not to turn this into a vendetta mission."

Bond smiled, "Understood."

What Bond had saw when he entered Q labs was strange to say the least, but not abnormal. Scientists running back and forth testing equipment and typing it down on their computers. He also could've sworn he had seen a tube if silly putty engulf a man.  When he saw an old man with aged white hair and a grey suit approach him, James began to walk towards him.

"I trust you had a good morning 007?" asked the old man.

"I did Q," responded James, following the man to a nearby white table, covered to the edge with gadgets of all kinds.

Q handed Bond a manilla folder, "This contains your passport to Nigeria. Now this," He handed James a miniature black box, "Is a computer decrypter. It will allow you to decrypt almost any computer in the world with a simple code."

"What's the code?" asked Bond, fiddling with the box, before being stopped by Q.

"A code that not even you can mess up!" answered Q with dignity, handing Bond another gadget, this time it taking the shape of a small circle, "These are Songbird Detonators. Much like the nerve gas I once gave you, they respond to a certain whistle that you make up. Give it a try."

Bond brought the Songbird Detonators up to his face and whistled. They blinked twice but then did nothing. "If you whistle what you whistled, the detonators should, well, detonate." Q explained, taking the explosives from James' childish hands and showed him some onyx black clothes, "This is the last gadget I'm letting you have. It's a new camo suit I have designed for you. It can blend into any environment you wish to hide in. The only draw back is that you can only use it in short intervals of ten minutes at a time. After ten minutes, your camo will disappear, leaving you with your black clothes along with a three minute cool down time. "

James grabbed the clothes and smiled, "Thanks, Q."

Q looked at Bond uneasily, "Now I must insist that you bring most of the equipment in one piece, 007."

Bond let out a laugh, "Don't worry Q, I will. Have I ever let you down?"

"Frequently," answered Q, shoving James off so he can make the flight on time.

"Do you see anyone?"

James Bond lowered his binoculars and turned to his friend Felix Leiter. "No. The coast is clear."

Bond dropped down a nearby ledge and Feilix followed suit, checking their weapons as they made their way toward the base. Bond pulled out his P99 pistol and slowly opened a nearby door into the base. Inside the room was a computer, it's password easily cracked with a few button presses from the decrypter, and across from it was a calender. Bond inspected the calender:

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday- Test fire at 6:00

Felix looked at the computer, and it too, said the same thing. A test fire in one hour. The weapon was ready and all it needed was a target. "James!" He called, "The computer says the test fire is being held in a hangar!"

"Then let's go!" Yelled Bond. This time he wasn't going to escape.

Inside the hangar, all was quiet. Not a single man or woman dared to make a noise, scared of the consequences that would surely follow. To say they were afraid of their boss was an understatement. Every soul in the base was terrified of No.1. His menacing expressions, his petrifying gestures, and his cruel laugh added on to their beliefs. Everyone would have called him insane if it was not for the death penalty keeping them from saying it.

The sound of feet on metal stairs echoed across the hangar, and then a man stood above everyone else on the catwalk. The man's long, white beard covered a bit of brown shirt and khaki pants. No one has ever seen his eyes, due to them being covered by shades. The man in question was No.1.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," No. 1 began, "We are gathered here to witness the launch and firing of my Devastating International Space Cannon Of Radical Destruction, or the DISCORD!"

Cheers of happiness began to escalate until No.1 resumed his speech, "We will be testing DISCORD on England for the hopes of..."

Bond turned from the speech and walked towards Felix, "We have about five, maybe six minutes to place the charges while he's doing his speech. If we succeed, DISCORD will be gone, along with that bastard Blofeld!"

"You place the charges, I'll distract Blofeld," Felix said, raising his M4A1.

Bond quietly moved past the crowd of cheering soldiers and Blofeld's cold gaze and made his way towards DISCORD. The weapon seemed to be made out of some heat resistant metal. It was also armed with four bombs and a cannon, Bond placing a Songbird Detonator on each of the bombs. The cannon seemed to be a microwave cannon, shooting out radiation on unexpected victims when it goes up in orbit. He place two of the detonators on the cannon and contacted Felix, "Felix, I have finished putting up the charges."

Silence was his answer. He tried again, "Felix, respond."

The radio crackled to life and soon a deep voice came out of it, "Hello, Mr. Bond."

"Blofeld," Bond growled.

"Approach the catwalk. Now!" Blofeld commanded. Bond gasped. Felix was on the catwalk next to Blofeld, a gun pointed at his head. "We found someone that belongs to you," Blofeld said, "Drop the detonator and he'll live."

Bond let out a cruel smile and a dark laugh, and within a minute he let out a whistle. Blofeld let out a cruel laugh matching Bond's, "Suit yourself."

Soon, the hangar began to rock, causing Blofeld to drop his pistol. That gave Felix enough time to jump down and for Bond to reach the catwalk. The rivals glared at each other before charging one another. Bond uppercutted Blofeld to the ground and held him up with his collar, his fist raised.

"Come on James! We need to go!" Felix yelled.

"Go on without me!" Bond called back, "I'll take care of Blofeld! He's not escaping this time!" Another punch to Blofeld's face and he fell to the catwalk's floor, almost coughing up blood by the force of the hit.

Blofeld, all bruised and bloodied up, stared at James, "Well Mr. Bond, this is it," he got up and balled his hands into fists. Around them the base was being torn apart by the flames that licked at everything they touched. Blofeld's underlings had no other choice but to flee from it, not wanting to become spit-roasted.

"This is the end of the line for the both of us," Bond replied, getting ready for another assault against Blofeld. James pulled out is P99 and fired as fast as he could, only one or two bullets actually hitting Blofeld in the arm. He fell back down on the catwalk in agony, clenching one of his arms with the other. Bond began to slow make his way to Blofeld, firing shots around him as he did. Blofeld started feeling around the metal walkway the two rivals were on, trying to find his weapon. When he did, he swung it over to Bond and fired, the bullet hitting him in the chest.

James screamed in pain but held his ground as he grabbed Blofeld once more by the collar, and dangled him below the catwalk. "Why are you doing this Bond? For queen and country? I can make you the new number two you know, and I could give you billions of dollars," Blofeld bartered.

"You think I'm doing this for my country?" Bond let out the darkest laugh he could muster, "No, Blofeld; this is for something far greater than that or anything else!"

He let go of Blofeld's collar and watched him fall into the flames below, accompanied by a long scream. He began to try to find any escape route, but came out empty handed. He figured that this place was going to blow any minute, and he was going down with it. James tilted his head up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. Don't worry Tracy. This time, we'll have all the time in the world.

Felix looked onward to the Nigerian base and saw it collapse on itself, taking Blofeld and his best friend with it. He brought up his radio, "Get me MI6. Tell them Bond has been killed in action."

Die Another Day

The bright light of Celestia's sun beamed through the windows of the Books and Branches Public Library and onto the wooden floors, welcoming a brand new day. Resident librarian Twilight Sparkle was already up bright and early even before the sun came up. After all, when you have re-alphabetize the library, you're going to need more than just a few measly hours of light to do it. Her Number One Assistant's Spike's clawed feet echoed down the wooden flight of stairs and stopped once he had reached Twilight who was levitating books to skyscraper shelves.

"Can we please take a break and go for some lunch?" asked Spike, the dragon's voice filled with fatigue.

Twilight smiled. They had been working on this for two or three hours, so a break would be good for the both of them, "Sure. Where do you want to go?"

Spike shrugged, "I haven't really put much thought into it."

"Well, we could go to the lake for a picnic," said Twilight, "Would you like to do that?"

"Sure thing," said Spike, "I'll go ahead and grab the basket." He bolted in to the kitchen with Twilight letting out a little laugh following him.

James Bond opened his eyes. He was staring at a blue backdrop peppered with white spots. He was looking at the sky and now it seemed to him that he was in free fall, at mercy to the sky above and the ground below. He wondered if he was in limbo for being not holy enough to ascend but not evil enough to fall into the fire. He couldn't blame God. After all, martinis, girls, and guns during all of your life and going on a revenge mission before dying couldn't help him gain any points with the Lord. Before having more time to think, his entire body got cold and his eyes shut once more.

Twilight and Spike quietly chewed on their homemade daisy sandwiches as they looked on the serene beauty of Lake Stardust. The oval shaped lake had a wonderful shimmer to it thanks to the sun peeking out of the clouds today. Although rain was forecast today, clouds weren't going to stop its brightness from making things even lovelier. Spike placed his sandwich on their polka-dotted mat and got up, "I'm going to go ahead and take a little swim in the lake."

"Watch out for the monster!" Twilight teased, taking a bite of her sandwich afterwards.

Spike rolled his eyes. He wasn't scared of a monster in the lake, he was just scared of a monster in a lake from a story Rainbow Dash told one time at Twilight's sleepover. Even if there was one in the lake, he could handle it. When he reached the shore, the cold and refreshing water touched his feet. Once his entire body was in the water, he was about to dive under but stopped. Something was in there. It was pure black with a few white spots showing, and it didn't look like a underwater plant what-so-ever. He screamed and ran towards Twilight, who wore a expression of worry.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"There's something in the lake!" he yelled, "I think it might be a monster!"

Twilight let out an exasperated sigh, "Spike, there is no such thing as a monster in the lake and I'll prove it." The clopping of her hooves became muffled as they hit the sand, but soon became nonexistent when she was in the water. She looked down and noticed the thing too. "Spike," she said, "I don't think that's a monster. It's a pony!"

"Don't worry, I'll help you! Just give me a moment!"

James Bond could hear a voice. He was pretty damn sure it wasn't God, for the voice was feminine. It also sounded distorted, as if they were cut from each other by water. Suddenly, he could hear birds chirping away and he could feel the sun's blazing heat. He could also feel pressure on his stomach, and suddenly he sprang up and began to cough up water. When he had looked up to see who is savior was, he couldn't believe what he saw. Two creatures, one what looked like a pony and one that looked like a lizard of some sort was staring at him. He looked at them with a dazed expression as they advanced on him.

"Are you okay?" The lavender pony asked, it being the owner of the feminine voice.

"Did you see a monster in there?" The lizard asked, this one baring a childlike voice, but got kicked by the pony, "What did I say Twilight?"

"Spike! It's not nice to ask a pony a silly question after they suffered what seems to be a near-death experience!" scolded "Twilight."

Isn't that the truth? Bond said to himself but shook his head, "Mind if I ask for your name miss-"

"Oh! Sorry, my name is Twilight Sparkle and this is my assistant Spike," she said showing a hoof to the purple lizard, "What's yours mister-"

"Bond. James Bond," he said reaching out a hand to shake her hoof, but then stopped and noticed something. It's not a hand he was bringing up. It was a hoof. James' scream cut through the thick forest like a bullet through paper.

Twilight Sparkle and Spike heaved and grunted with effort as they carried the pony back into the library. It was one of their safest bets to bring him there. She could ask him questions on why he was in the lake, or help the stallion recuperate. Once they entered the library, they plopped the unconscious pony's body on Twilight's bed and got a closer look at him. The stallion's frame was quite slim, and his coat was of a tan maybe apricot coloring. On him was a completely black suit, though his legs and face were visible.

Spike swiped the sweat off of his forehead with a claw, "That was one heck of a workout! Maybe Rarity will see how buff I became of this," Spike flexed his arms and Twilight started to giggle.

"Now we need to find out what to do with him next," she stated.

"When he wakes up, we could just get him to leave," Spike said honestly but earned a glare from Twilight in doing so, "What? Maybe his parents or wife or maybe even best friend are looking for him right now."

"I know Spike, but I think it'll be a good thing if we just let him gain his strength before letting him go," Twilight replied, "And we still don't know why he was in the lake in the first place."

The two moved their heads back to the bed when they heard the stallion groaning. Slowly and steadily, he began to open his eyes. They stared at each other for a good minute until Twilight coughed to break the tension and asked meekly, "So how are you doing?"

James blinked his eyes in rapid succession as he regained consciousness, "I'm doing quiet fine, Ms. Sparkle was it?" Twilight nodded her head. Bond smiled, "Excellent. I was wondering if you could please get me a mirror."

"Of course," replied Twilight, trotting over to the night stand and grabbing the miniature mirror that Rarity and given her on her birthday (and the birthday before that, and the Hearth's Warming Eve before that), and handed it to James who pulled it up to his face. Although his new look startled him, he soldiered through it and looked at his features. His face looked like his face when he was a human; clean shaven,  short black cropped hair(or mane in this case), but the only thing that startled him was the horn on his head. He had also noticed that Twilight had a horn as well. The only thing he could think of about this phenomenon was that other he and Twilight were unicorns from Greek mythology, something he would never use as some sort of conclusion until today. He scrunched up his face at the mirror, wondering how the hell all of this had happened. Was he in one of Q's inventions? That seemed unlikely to what he did before this, but seemed the opposite on how he got here.

"Is something the matter?" asked Twilight, noticing James' perplexed face.

Bond nodded, "Yes I'm quite alright. It seems to be my first time here in..." he stopped, not knowing how to continue.

"Ponyville," Twilight finished for him.

"Ah, yes Ponyville. I was wondering if you could maybe show me around."

Twilight smiled, "Sure thing."

As Twilight directed James Bond around the little village of Ponyville, he couldn't help but notice how old-timely it was. There didn't seem to be a lot of shops there(he had assumed they have a sort of bizarre here), but the house were many. All around the two countless ponies went about their important lives saying hello to one another and trotting down the nonexistent streets. When they had spotted a crossroad, Bond inspected the stealth clothes. Most of it was intact, but there was a few scratches and gashes here and there. He turned to Twilight and asked, "Is there a tailor around here in this town? I need to fix my clothes."

"I know the pony perfect for the job," answered Twilight and she lead Bond to where he need to go.

James decided hat one of the best things to do here to find out where he was to start a small conversation, "You wouldn't happen to know what kind of lizard your friend is do you?"

"You mean Spike?" Twilight asked, "He's not a lizard; he's a dragon."

"A dragon? You mean the things in fairy-tales and movies?" James asked, making sure what he had heard was true.

Twilight nodded once more, "Yes, but they are relatively real. Not in Equestria, but more prominently in Dragonia."

Now he had heard it all. Talking ponies and dragons. If he could tell Felix he would be calling him crazy. The two soon stopped in their tracks and looked at the structure before them. In terms of look, it was nothing special really, just a carousel with pony mannequins littered about adorned with dresses proclaiming the pony's expertise that was inside. When he had inspected the sign, it had said this place was called "Carousel Boutique." A fitting name knowing that the place their were in was called Ponyville of all things. Not original, but Bond didn't really mind. When you are in a land of ponies, you expect the cliche first thing.

Twilight knocked on the door and was answered with a feminine voice that rang, "Come in!" from the store. Bond opened the door and let Twilight go in first, and when they were both in there he was awe struck by the interior. The two were surrounded by mannequins, each one holding some of the most beautiful dresses he has ever laid eyes on. Yes, England and Russia had excellent dresses, but this tops them both. There was also only one other pony in the store with them and she was in the middle of the room. Beautifully colored and styled purple mane and tail and a pleasing white coat was some of her appearance, but one word could easily describe her; beautiful. When she had spotted them with her splendid azure eyes she trotted over to the to and spoke, "Oh Twilight it's good to see you!" the two entered a rather quick but meaningful hug but broke off and she pointed a well manicured hoof at Bond, "And who is that Twilight? Another spiffy date?"

Twilight shook her head and laughed, "No, Rarity, this is Mr. Bond. Mr. Bond this is the pony I told you about. Her name is Rarity."

James extended a hoof and Rarity graciously shook it, "Pleasure meeting you Ms. Rarity."

"Likewise," Rarity said passively, looking at Bond's greatly toned body. She shook her head and asked, "What can I do for you today?"

"I was wondering if you could fix Mr. Bond's clothes," Twilight said, "I could pay you for it."

"Nonsense Twilight," Rarity said, rejecting the offer, "I will do it for free. No buts!"

Bond looked at her and said, "Thank you Ms. Rarity."

Rarity waved a hoof, "Please, call me Rarity and it's my pleasure!"

"Then please call me James," he said back as he took off the clothes off of his back and handed it to Rarity.

She began to inspect it and brought it up to her sewing machine and bringing out a spool of black yarn, "This thing looks rather drab if you ask me James. Would you like me to make you something more magnificent?"

Bond shook his head, "No. This is rather fine really. I need it for work anyway."

"What do you do for work? It's rather a weird dress code to be in complete black."

"I work as a telemarketer. In that business, it's best if you could wish yourself to disappear," he lied. In the time span of five or so minutes, Rarity had returned the clothes back to Bond and he put them back on. When he and Twilight had said goodbye to one another, Rarity couldn't help but feel that her cheeks were rather warm.

Inside the shadows of an alleyway of Ponyville stood a stallion shrouded in darkness. He was waiting for somepony to show up. He was on the look out after he had gone missing a few days ago off the coast of Germaney on a cargo plane heading eastward. That was when both he and the Equestrian Secret Service lost tracking of Agent 007, Con Mane. The E.S.S had sent their other agents to span the globe on the lookout for one of their best operatives, and Agent 006, Enigma, was chosen to go to Ponyville. He looked on at the citizen's socializing in the plaza and noticed two ponies. One being a mare that had fifty shades of purple on her and the other being a stallion with short onyx hair and tan coat. He smiled. Bingo. He jumped in the crowd of ponies and began to walk towards the stallion. When he did, he whispered, "There's a phone call for you at the telephone," and he disappeared into the darkness once more.

James looked at the strange pony garbed in black clothing as it faded out into the crowd. It had said something about a telephone call. He turned to Twilight and asked, "Do you know where I could find the nearest telephone?"

"It's over there," she answered pointing to a toll phone not two feet away, "Why?"

"I apparently have a call I need to take," he answered and began walking, "I'll meet you back at the library." He didn't even give Twilight enough time to reply as he walked to the toll phone and closed the door behind him. He picked up the reviver and asked, "Hello? Anyone there?" The closest he got to an answer was the floor collapsing beneath him and taking him down into a deep, dark hole and the floor reappeared as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

James Bond went down at an alarming rate through a pitch black tube. When he had seen the light again, he landed face first on a white mat. The room he was in was desolate in color, and the only other company he had in here was just a coffee table with a beautiful vase and a even more so flower in it. Suddenly he heard a intercom crackle to life along with a rather masculine voice announcing, "Please, come in 007."

Bond's expression turned into one not unlike suspicion. How did they know his number? Did they have his name as well? All of these thoughts ran through his head as he approached the door at the far end of the monochrome room, twisted the door knob with his hoof (how the hell that was possible he would never know), and entered the room.

At the far side of the room was a mahogany desk with all the things somebody, or pony in this case, would need; nameplate which read "C", a manila folder with the words "For Your Eyes Only," and a middle aged, gray scaled pony with wastelandish eyes like the rest of him. In Bond's world, his age and his mane of a mixture of yellow and gray would indicate that he was quite the stallion during the Cold War but soon age assassinated him, leaving him capable in the hands of the bitch named Life.

"Glad to see you're alive Mane," the stallion said.

"Mane?" Bond asked.

"Yes, Mane. That's your name is it not 007?" the stallion asked impatiently.

Might as well roll with it, "Yes that is my name. Sorry, head trauma from being thrown out of a cargo plane into a rather shallow lake."

The stallion smiled; glad to see his sense of humor is back, "Good to hear you're mostly fine. We have a new mission for you 007," he slid the folder to Bond, "You see, we have spotted Diamond Dogs on the outskirts of Ponyville selling diamonds from Equestria all the way to Griffondore. Or at least that’s what they say they’re doing. While on a reconnaissance mission, 008 saw that the dogs are selling munitions to anyone that has a wallet, he saw them bring some sort of satellite into their den. If we know these types of crooks, they’re bound to sell it to somebody. You need to stop this operation and find out who they are selling that satellite to. "

James looked at the nameplate once again and said, "I understand C. I just need some new equipment and I'll be set."

"Good to see you're up for the job. Head down to the T branch, the eggheads probably have something you could use."

Diamonds Are Forever

James Bond walked through the sliding white double doors of T branch into the laboratory, seeing that this room was far more comforting and familiar than the last. It was quite like Q branch really, just with ponies. As he walked down the steps leading to the main floor he couldn't help but notice a lemon combusting into flames, turning a dummy into ash. A pony with a rather bushy black mane spotted Bond and trotted over to him and said, "Good to see you're still alive after that fiasco over at Germaney 007. Now if you follow me, we'll get you situated."

Those two sentences just nailed the coffin shut on this stallion's identity; it was a alternate version of Q. The only thing so far that made him uneasy was that he still had spots. It was like some sort of joke. "Now," T stopped at a table and pointed at a table with only one little thing on it, "Since we are at the Ponyville base, you don't need a passport, but you may need this," he handed 007 the gray box, "This little gizmo contains a grappling hook, tranquilizer darts, fingerprint scanner and a laser."

"So it's like a Swiss army knife," Bond muttered under his breath.

T saw Bond's expression and replied, "Quite. I still have one thing to give you, but it's still in the shop so it'll be a while. Now, in the mean time, I must insist you bring this back."

"Don't worry, T," said James, "I'll bring it back."

The quiet night in the rock query outside of Ponyville was interrupted as a rather noisy truck as it coughed up gasoline and stopped near one of the holes. The truck doors opened and two ponies stepped out, one holding a suitcase, the other armed with a USP and a MP5, both attached to the pegasus' back. The two were called here to do business with some dogs for a satellite of some sort for a large sum of money. Of course, their boss demanded they go there to get the satellite or else they would face a firing squad. They looked down the hole and back at each other. On the phone, the dogs have told them to ring a bell near one of the holes if they wished to enter. Now where was it...?

Before he could even spot it, the unicorn with the briefcase was pushed by an unseen force down into the hole, his bones making a grotesque snap when he hit the hard floor. The pegasus raised his MP5 and surveyed the surroundings, checking every nook and cranny possible. The air around him began to ripple and in front of him stood a unicorn with a pistol raised. The unicorn's pistol coughed up a few bullets, and the pegasus' cold body hit the soil.

The pony smiled and put away his pistol and made his way to the nearest hole and rang the bell next to it, and in an instant, an elevator with a rather bulky gray dog inside appeared and he got in, the elevator taking to the depths.

The dog looked at the stallion, "You don't look like the pony that was supposed to meet us here. Where is he?"

"He had to take a dive somewhere. He won't be back until next fall," the stallion said smiling.

"Well, I hope he didn't forget about this meeting."

"Don't worry, he had sent me to do the honors."

"I guess if the pony said so," the dog said. Once the elevator had touched the ground, the dog directed the pony to the door and told him to wait here. While waiting, the pony jogged over to a nearby unicorn corpse and picked up a black suitcase and trotted back to the door, waiting. The door opened ever so slightly and the bulky dog poked his head out and said, "The boss would like to see you."

The stallion smiled and followed through the door into what could only be described as a hostile negotiation.

The room James had entered was nothing too special. Simple paintings adorned the walls with a shelf or two filled with books. In the center was a white desk with another dog behind it. He looked rather similar to the one that led him here, just with a few differences like him being scrawny with a red jacket stuffed with assorted gems. He looked like a typical mobster, something that Bond had grown accustomed to killing as easily as reasoning with them. The only thing stopping him from doing so was the three guards stationed around him, all armed with P90s, and to top things off, there was a camera stationed above the dog, watching Bond. They didn't encourage him to attack them. Not yet, anyway.

"So Mr. Mane is it?" asked the diamond dog, "You're the one we need to talk to about the sale, yes?"

"I am," James said, "Now, about the satellite."

"It is ready to go," the dog responded truthfully, "All it will cost is a few million. A fair trade, yes?"

"That it is," he replied back, "Now Mr..."

"Rover," the dog said, letting out a smile that looked of venom.

"Rover. If you can hand me the satellite, I'll hand you the money and we can be on our separate ways."

"I'll need to bring it here," Rover said, "Please, feel free to look around in the meantime."

"That I will," Bond said, leaving the room.

Rover looked to his guards and said, "I want you guys to watch him. Something about him doesn’t seem right.”

The guards nodded and walked out of the hissing door.

Once the door shut, Bond was by himself. He had better find the satellite and fast, since he was sure the damn dog was catching on to him. James looked around him and noticed a few more doors. Upon further inspection of them, they were all locked save for one. He pressed his luck and opened the door and raised his Walther PPK with a fitted silencer that C had issued him for this mission.

The room was vacant, except for a few desks and computers. One of the computers was already logged on with its password cracked. Bond took no time to question it and began to look at the sales records. What C had said rang true with the kind of things on this; sales for missiles in Germaney, mortars in Moosecow, so on and so forth. Right when he was about to leave, something heavy and blunt like a rifle butt hit the back of his head and he collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

"Wake up Mane, or should I say Equestrian Secret Service agent 007."

Bond's eyes fluttered open and soon came face to face with Rover and his armed guards. He began to frantically look around and found himself tied up to a crane, almost dangling above a pit. He looked back to Rover and the dog let out a cackle, "Did you enjoy your rest?"

"I couldn't really sleep," he replied, "But with enough blunt force I was able to sleep like a baby."

"You see, I had my doubts about you, thought you were an assassin told to take me out. After checking around a few files one of my colleagues sent me after I sent a picture of you, I found that I was mostly right," Rover explained, "And now, you're going to have a nice flight down below."

The crane sprang to life and dangled Bond over the pit and released him. As he was falling, he pulled out his box T had gave him and activated the grappling hook and began to pray, hoping it would work. A hook flew out of the box and landed on the crane and began to pull Bond up. When he reached the elevated ground he discovered he was without his weapon. No matter, he could take them on.

One of the guards pulled out a USP and the others their P90s and began to fire, their shots digging tiny craters into the soft earth. James quickly began dancing around the flurry of bullets that barraged the ground and punched the dog with the pistol in the gut. When the guard and his pistol hit the ground, James grabbed the weapon and fired a few shots into one of the P90-wielding guards, the dog falling to the ground. The other one began to run, but was gunned down by Bond when he picked up the other dog's P90.

James looked to the side and saw that Rover was trying to make a run for it. He fired a round into one of the dog's legs and trotted up to him. He grabbed Rover by the neck and brought him up and bellowed "Who were you planning to sell that satellite to?"

"DART! We're selling it to DART!" the dog sobbed. Before Bond could put him down and incapacitate him, a shot rang out with something hitting the crane and Rover went limp. He placed the dog on the ground and went over to the crane to examine what had shot Rover. When he saw it, he gasped.

It was a golden bullet.