The Sordid Truth

by criticalmess

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Romance, Spike, Comedy, Princess Celestia
Length: 5404

Twilight Sparkle finds a book by Clover the Clever on Princess Celestia that changes her forever

Twilight Sparkle finds a book in the library.

Twilight Sparkle reads aforementioned book.

Twilight Sparkle's life is thrown upside down, her view of her teacher shattered, and her friends pitted against each other.

Everything will return to normal.

One of these statements is false.

Published 2012-10-03 02:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-03 02:30:01 UTC

Chapter One

As with most things Twilight Sparkle discovered, she found it in a book.

It was a peculiar book to be certain, a plain brown tome with no external markings as to its title or author. Twilight frowned when she came across the book one Reshelving Day in June. She levitated it in front of her, twisting it around to examine every surface.

"Where did you come from?" she muttered. "I don't remember you being here last Reshelving Day, and I certainly don't remember picking you up before. Curious."

She flipped through the pages, shocked to see the slightly faded but still legible quill-written words that filled the pages. The slanted cursive was indicative of some old letter or ancient record, like those Twilight had read in the Equestian Archives in Canterlot. However it was clearly organized like a book with defined chapters. She closely examined the pages; though she was no expert, she estimated that it was easily over a thousand years old, perhaps even two. The strangest thing was that the writing style seemed oddly familiar.

"What are you doing here?" Twilight flipped back to the front cover. Looking carefully, she found a title written in the upper corner of the inside cover:

Divinity Incarnate

A Study of the Divine Creature, our Princess by...

"Clover the Clever?" Twilight read out the author's name in shock. Works by the famous pony were next-to-impossible to find. The closest she had ever come was reading a letter from the ancient unicorn to Princess Platinum through an inch of glass in the Canterlot Museum of Magic, the only public display of Clover's original hornwriting. She had felt elated when she saw that simple letter, now she was stunned into silence to have a complete book by Clover the Clever, written in her own horn. Better yet, the title was completely foreign to her. Twilight, who had memorized every single work by the ancient pony, had found a book she had never heard of. Mouth agape, she stared at her finding and completely ignored the other books hanging in the air, waiting to be reshelved.

Spike walked into the library to find Twilight gaping at the text. He approached with a tray of tea-filled china in his claws. "Uh, Twilight?" He asked, waving a claw in front of her face.

Twilight was snapped out of her shock. Instantly, all books other than the mysterious work by Clover the Clever fell to the ground unceremoniously. Spike yelped and dodged out of the way as a copy of Perplexing Pony Plagues nearly fell on his head. Without taking her eyes off the book, Twilight spun around and ran up to her bedroom, leaving her assistant dazed and confused.

"Okay?" Spike called out to her, placing the tea set on the table in the library. "I'll just leave this down here for you then?"

Twilight didn't reply. Already she was beginning with chapter one of the ancient tome. Eagerly, she drank in every word and shut out all traces of the outside world. For now, this tome was her entire world, its words her sole companions.

As the title suggested, the book was a study of alicorns, though Clover the Clever only mentions her one subject: Princess Celestia. As she explained in the book, Princess Celestia arrived in Equestria shortly after its foundation, drawn by the Elements of Harmony. Twilight was not surprised by this passage; she had read many papers theorizing that the Elements of Harmony were forged out of the great flaming crystal that shielded Equestria from the chaotic frost that nearly claimed the lives of the original six ponies. She only smirked in delight at the thought of the papers she would be able to write now. Her mind faintly registered the absence of any mention of Princess Luna, but that thought only remained as a tiny nagging tic at the back of her mind.

The ponies were rightfully shocked and awed by Celestia when she arrived. As Twilight read in Clover's book:

The Princess is so unlike any pony that currently walks this earth. She seems to be the ideal, a physical manifestation of a goddess. She is made of the greatest attributes of all three races and none of their faults. She is wise beyond any pony living or dead, and I expect that she predates recorded pony history, if not the universe. It is little wonder why we immediately fell to the ground and bowed before her, proclaiming her to be our god and master.

Apparently this unquestioned godhood wasn't enough for Clover the Clever, who explained that her purpose of the book was to fully understand every aspect of the Princess. Twilight found herself becoming more and more engrossed in Clover the Clever's writings, quickly losing track of time as she read every word of her study.

Since the biggest obstacle for understanding was the Princess' unapproachable godhood, Clover applied for and easily became the Princess' Royal Advisor. This way she could assist the Princess in running the new land and observe her at the same time. Though Clover wrote that the title was misleading:

The Princess is so wise and knowledgeable, I feel that calling myself her Advisor would be overly presumptuous of myself. With all I am learning from her, I feel the title of Personal Student would be more appropriate.

Twilight smiled and shook her head. "She did tell me she had another student a while back. I wonder why she didn't tell me it was you?"

"Twilight, do you want me to bring up dinner?"

Twilight frowned slightly at Spike's intrusion, but kept her focus on the book as she replied, "Sure, whatever. I just need to read this."

Spike shrugged. "Okay Twilight."

Twilight found herself slightly disappointed by the Study, as even Clover complains that it is lacking in detail. Apparently Princess Celestia sent the pony across the land of Equestria to make a complete census of the creatures living there as well as a study of the land itself. This forced Clover to be away from Princess Celestia for extended periods of time. She mentioned vaguely her adventures in the distant provinces of Equestria, but Twilight had already read about them in more detail.

Perhaps, Clover writes, I have been too hasty in naming my book.

"So she's writing this as it's happening?" Twilight muttered as she flipped another page.

"Twilight, you haven't touched your food!"

Twilight grunted and pushed the plate of food Spike was offering her away, nudging a candle Spike had lit for her once the sun had set. The baby dragon sighed and went back downstairs. "You've been reading that book for hours Twi," Spike called over his shoulder. "Take a break, please?"

But Twilight didn't hear Spike's plea, as she had arrived at the chapter in which Clover the Clever finally returned from her many journeys, task complete, with a complete summary of Equestria. Twilight knew that this would serve as the basis for the Equestrian Encyclopedia, but was more focused now that Clover was writing about her primary topic again: the Princess.

Then she arrived at the second to last chapter entitled simply: Mystery.

I knew that being close to the Princess would not only expose me to deep insights but also acts beyond my own comprehension since the beginning. However I could not have ever foreseen what happened to me over the past few days. It began when Princess Celestia kissed me.

Twilight had already read to the next sentence by the time her brain caught up with what was written. "What?" She cried out in shock and focused on that one line. Sure enough her mind was not playing tricks with her, that was what was written on the page. Her shock continued as Clover listed many strange encounters with the Princess: being nuzzled suddenly and without comment, being referred to as, "sister," at times, and other instances of being kissed on the cheek, forehead, or even lips. Whenever these instances were brought up, Celestia merely smirked and trotted off, leaving a confused Clover in her wake.

I can only assume, Clover writes with an agitated scrawl, that Princess Celestia, the divine goddess the controls Equestria, is openly flirting with me. This is especially odd as I have seen no sign of these affections beforehand to anypony, let alone myself. It is as though a strange being has possessed our Princess and has driven her to these sudden acts.

I am cautiously intrigued, as I know nothing of the romantic habits of Princess Celestia. Her strange attraction towards me is also allowing me further insights into her character. For example, I can now tentatively state that our Princess is homosexual, or at least bisexual.

The Church of Celestia Dawnbringer will be furious.

"Good night, Twi."

Twilight ignored her assistant and instead turned to the next page and the final chapter. The writing made an abrupt change from Clover's agitated scrawl to a regal and sweeping cursive. It was as though a completely different pony had taken over writing Clover's account. And yet...

This shall be my last chapter, not only in this book as my study of Princess Celestia is now complete, but also in my literary career. I have been profoundly changed, and can no longer in good conscience continue living as I had before, for I am no longer the same pony. My entire being has been completely remade. Even writing this now feels alien, like I'm writing in the voice of a pony that lived long ago and no longer.

One week ago Princess Celestia invited me into her private quarters, a place no pony save herself had ever entered. I was nervous to discover what waited for me behind those doors, but I my curiosity and the desire to finish my book compelled me to obey her request.

I cannot adequately or safely write what happened to me in that room over the past week, other than that it was the most sublime expression of passion I had ever felt in my lifetime.

Twilight backed away from the book for the first time all day. The thought of her teacher... with Clover the Clever even... Twilight blushed brightly and leaned in, flipping the page and reading Clover's final message.

I hope my friends will accept this change as I have, and I pray that we can continue to be the best of friends despite this. It saddens me to know that soon they will be gone as will so many relics of my past. Still, I take solace in one fact that two things will definitely survive eternally: this work and myself. So here I write my name for the last time, for from now on I will take up the responsibility of the Lunar Princess. I have ascended.

Clover the Clever

Twilight sat frozen, staring at the page. She blinked. She blinked again. In her mind, thousands of little thoughts connected and started piling up. Her rational, organized mind began sifting through it but as the weight and speed of these realizations started sinking in, her mind began to break.

Princess Luna is Clover the Clever

She is not Princess Celestia's literal sister, but rather her lover

She gained her powers after she... with the Princess

Like Clover the Clever, I have been sent off to compile as much as I can on an unknown topic, in her case all of Equestria, while in mine the magic of friendship

Like Clover the Clever, I have faced many trials along the way

Like Clover the Clever, I am magically gifted and curious

Like Clover the Clever, I am helped by five friends, a unicorn, two earth ponies, and two pegasai, all of whom are well-known among their peers.

Like Clover the Clever, I learn from the Princess

I played Clover the Clever in the Canterlot Heart's Warming Eve Pageant

After sending her summary to the Princess, the mating ritual began between Clover the Clever and the Princess

Yesterday, I sent my complete summary of my findings to the Princess

Rationally... logically... in conclusion....

In order to prevent her mind from being overloaded by the sudden shocking logical conclusion, Twilight's conscious mind turned itself off. She was out before she even hit the ground.

"You what!?"

Princess Luna rose from her position next to Princess Celestia in shock and horror. The Solar Princess merely smiled and snuggled closer to her pillow. Standing on the bed, Princess Luna rose to her full height and stared at her.

"WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY DO THAT?!" She cried, slipping into the Royal Canterlot Voice without realizing it.

Celestia turned over and smiled. "I simply can't wait any longer, Luna. She has developed magnificently and she is more than ready for this. So I simply sent her your book so she would be better prepared. I know she would love to read about it before actually doing it."

"SHE IS PRACTICALLY A FILLY!" Luna screamed again

"She's a mature pony, who has done far more than you did by her age." Celestia grinned and kissed Luna on the cheek. "Not to belittle you, dear sister."

Luna sputtered and shook her head. "You know how I reacted when I found out. How do you think she will react when she reads it?"

Celestia turned over in bed again and closed her eyes, smiling mischievously. "I think she looks cute when she's flustered. Another thing she shares with you."

"Twilight?"

Groaning, Twilight opened her eyes only to clench them shut again in response to the sunlight blazing outside the window. She raised her hoof to her eyes and slowly regained consciousness. She stirred on the uncomfortable wooden floor, too tired to get up. Weakly, she resigned herself to reaching out blindly for Spike.

"Geez, Twilight, how late did you stay up?" Spike said, helping her back on all fours. "Whatever was in that book must have been something."

Then it all came flooding back.

And she broke.

Twilight's eyes snapped open as raw panic raced through her mind. Adrenaline pumping through her system, she wrenched her hoof out of Spike's hand and dashed over to the desk, praying that this book was just one big dream.

It wasn't.

"Twi-" But Spike was cut off as Twilight screamed in shock and ran down the stairs. Concerned for his friend, Spike ran down after her. There he found Twilight running around the room, pacing randomly and muttering to herself.

"Oh nonononononono, this can't be happening. I mean, we're close, really close, but not like that! She's my teacher and... and it's not right." Crying in anguish, she threw herself at a bookshelf, sending books tumbling. "I'm not ready for this! I can't do it! I mean, it's really an honor, really flattering, but I can't, I can't! Not now, not yet! Not ever!"

"Twilight!" Spike cried, jumping in front of the unicorn before she ran into a window. "Whatever's happening, you have to calm down."

"Calm down." Twilight repeated. Her eye twitched and she looked off into space. "That's right, think rationally."

"That's better Twi," Spike sighed. "Now, what's-"

Again he was cut off as twilight sped up the stairs. Running back up, Spike found Twilight throwing open drawers and pulling clothing, books, and other items out.

"I'll simply have to leave." she said madly. "That's it, leave and go somewhere she'll never be able to find me. She'll understand."

"Twilight, you're insane!" Spike said, grabbing a book out of the air. "Tell me what's going on!"

Twilight turned to her assistant with a tortured look on her face. And she explained.

Spike listened to Twilight's five-minute explanation. He blinked. "Wow." was his only comment.

Twilight turned back to the items she pulled out earlier and started levitating them into her saddlebags. "Now you see! She's doing the same thing now. And I can't possibly do this. Not for all the bits in the world. Not now. Not ever."

"Twilight!" Spike leapt in front of her again, chuckling. "You're still overreacting."

"AM I?!" Twilight shouted, her eye twitching uncontrollably.

"YES." Spike insisted. "Look, I'll admit this is... really weird. I mean, I never expected that Clover and Luna..." Spike shook his head. "The point is that whatever happened in the past is not necessarily happening to you. Not only that, but don't you think this could all be a big hoax? Some bad prank?"

"It's a little late for April Foals." Twilight replied, but Spike's argument was proving to be quite calming. Twilight settled down on the floor.

"Even so, that hasn't stopped ponies before. You have to stop worrying Twilight. It's not like the Princess is calling you to Canterlot or any-"

Spike was interrupted by an inopportune belch of green flame. Materializing from this flame was a letter, stamped with the royal seal of Celestia. For a long time, both pony and dragon stared at the letter, eyes wide. Finally Twilight, her curiosity getting the better of her, lifted the scroll and unfurled it. Spike leaned over and read with her.

To My Faithful Student,

I have read your summary report on the magic of friendship and was very pleased. You have clearly learned a great deal about friendship during your time in Ponyville and on your many adventures. However there is another matter that I wish to discuss personally. I would like you to return to Canterlot Castle so we can meet. This matter is of the utmost importance and cannot be delayed for anything. A carriage will be sent for you and will arrive just after lunchtime. I look forward to seeing you very soon Twilight.

Yours Truly, Princess Celestia

XOXO

P.S. There is a book that apparently was sent to your library for some reason. I was hoping you could find it for me. It's an original work by Clover the Clever and really deserves to be in the Archives.

Spike dropped the letter and looked up at Twilight, whose face was pale and drawn.

"Okay..." Spike rubbed his head, chuckling nervously. "You might not have been overreacting after all..."

Twilight screamed.

The residents of Ponyville cast anxious glances at the library as they passed the tree on their daily commute. First screams coming from the tree-house earlier that morning, and now a magical barrier barring entrance to anypony that tried to check on the librarian made the ponies uneasy. Certainly, they had endured Nightmare Moon, Discord, Cerberus, an Ursa Minor, Parasprites, that one thing Pinkie did that one time that nopony ever talks about any more, and countless other terrors within the past years, but this uncertainly drove them mad.

While most ponies stayed away from the library, five ponies stood outside the magical barrier and anxiously tried to peek in through drawn curtains.

"Do you think she's all right?" Fluttershy timidly asked.

"Of course she's all right!" Applejack replied reassuringly. "This is Twilight we're talking about here. There's nothing she can't handle."

"But you know how she has a habit of making a big deal out of things, right?" Rainbow Dash replied as she trotted around the edge of the barrier.

The ponies all jumped as from inside there came a loud crashing noise and a scream. "No time to worry about that!" A voice inside cried madly, "She's coming for me!"

After a pause, Fluttershy leaned over to Applejack and asked, "She's not all right, is she?"

"Probably not." Applejack replied anxiously.

"Blast!" Rarity cried and backed away from the barrier. Moments earlier, she had her horn placed against the barrier and was channeling magic into the barrier. Sighing, she rubbed her horn. "I gave it my best, but this is Twilight's magic we're dealing with."

"Well how are we supposed to get in then?" Rainbow Dash asked. "It's not like Twilight's listened to us for the last hundred times we tried to call her."

"Well we'll have to find another way!" Pinkie Pie cried out triumphantly. "I know just the thing! Applejack, go down to the farm and bring up three barrels and ten feet of rope. Fluttershy, I need you to go down to Quill and Sofa and get the largest sofa you can get."

"Pinkie Pie?" Applejack asked uncertainly, but the pink pony wasn't paying attention.

"Rarity, I need you to go back to your Botique and get two rolls of blue silk, blue silk. Now Rainbow Dash, when I give the signal, you fly up and take the silk..."

She was cut off as the door creaked open and Spike cautiously poked his head out. "Girls!"

"Spike!" the other ponies called out, relieved.

"Awwwww," Pinkie Pie sighed, "but I already got the balloons." Sadly, she let go of the green and pink balloons she had pulled out of nowhere.

Spike cast a look back inside and quickly stepped out and towards the barrier. "I'm so happy you're all here. Twilight's a mess and she's not listening to me right now."

"What's wrong?" Applejack leaned in nervously. "Is Twilight all right?"

"Yes...-ish, but I'll explain inside." Spike stepped up to the barrier and reached his claw out. The barrier bubbled for a moment but allowed Spike's claw to pass through. "Twilight made me an exception to the barrier," he explained preemptively, "so I could go and get stuff she may need. Right now, she really needs you." He shook his claw anxiously. "Hurry, take my claw."

When all of the ponies had been guided through the barrier one-by-one, Spike lead them inside where the normally orderly library looked like it was hit by a tornado. Books were scattered everywhere, some even torn apart. One bookshelf was leaning on its side, propped against the wall. Maps and diagrams were plastered over every uncovered wall surface, all marked with madly scrawled notes. Food and silverware was scattered across the room, including an upended teapot spilling Earl Grey across the rug. So far Twilight was nowhere to be seen.

"Sweet applesauce," Applejack whistled in shock, "what's gotten her so worked up?"

"This book." Spike said, lifting a plain leather-bound book from under a pile of dictionaries. He suddenly yelped in shock as he and the book was levitated into the air, surrounded by an aura of purple energy.

"There it is!" Twilight cried, suddenly appearing at the top of the staircase. Her hair was frayed and twisted, her eyes strained and twitching. A wide smile was stretched across her face. "I've been looking for this everywhere." She levitated the book and Spike into one of her bulging saddlebags. "Thanks, Spike, you really, really, really are my number one assistant."

"Twi-" Rainbow Dash tried to ask, only to be confronted by the manic glare of her best friend.

Twilight spun on her friends, her broad, unnerving smile still plastered across her face. "Thank goodness you're here!"

"Wha-?" Rainbow Dash tried to interrupt before Twilight took the rainbow pegasus in both hooves and dragged her over to a set of maps.

"You know this area better than anypony else. ANYpony else." She gestured over to the maps. "Do you know of anyplace nopony knows of? Someplace where nopony could possibly find me? Someplace I could hide out for maybe, I don't know, a couple of days, weeks, years, FOREVER?!"

"Twi?" Rainbow Dash carefully pulled Twilight's hooves off of her shoulders. "Why don't we slow down this crazy train for a second?"

"FLUTTERSHY!" Twilight whirled on the yellow pegasus, who squealed and dived behind Applejack. "You know the Everfree Forest better than anypony. Maybe not Zecora." Twilight pulled away and started pacing in circles. "Maybe I'll stop by her place on the way. Wait, what if she gets there first? I can't take that chance!"

"Sugarcube!" Applejack cried exasperatedly. "Calm down and tell us who's after you?"

Twilight spun around and screamed, "I'M TOO YOUNG TO SLEEP WITH THE PRINCESS!" With that she cantered upstairs and started shifting through some drawers, leaving her friends dazed and confused.

Applejack stared, mouth agape, where Twilght stood moments ago. "Ah," she said carefully, "I don't think I heard that right, partner."

"Twilight found a book by Clover the Clever." Spike explained, crawling out of Twilight's saddlebag and back down the stairs. "It's a study on alicorns, specifically the Princess."

"So why does Twilight think the Princess is trying to...?" Rainbow Dash stepped forward, her voice wavering but curious.

"Because at the end of the book, that's exactly what happens to Clover the Clever." Spike held out his claws with a sigh, "and Twilight is certain that the same events that lead to that, have happened to her."

The room was silent save for Twilight's continued frantic search through her bedroom. Rarity opened her mouth to say something but found herself unable to find the words. Fluttershy finally broke the silence with a soft, "Oh my."

"How does that even work?" Rinabow Dash mused, scratching her chin.

"But why?" Applejack asked, looking up at the staircase.

"I don't know!" Twilight suddenly called back down. The purple unicorn, still manic, trotted down the stairs while shoving a blanket into her already stuffed bags. "All I know is that all of the facts point to this, and I really need to get out of here before the guards show up and drag me off to Canterlot so the Princess can... can..."

"Have sex with you?"

Twilight looked up at Pinkie Pie, who just smiled brightly. "Yes. That. And I don't know if I can handle all of this! I'm too young for this. But she wants me and then she's going to transform me like Clover the Clever and I can't handle this!" Screaming in frustration, Twilight threw herself to the ground and began to sob.

"Hold up sugarcube," Applejack trotted over and leaned down. "what is this about transformation?"

Once again, Spike stepped in. "Apparently Clover the Clever is still around..." he gulped and scratched the back of his head, "...as Princess Luna."

The room was quiet once again. Oddly, this was broken by the sound of crickets chirping.

"Um..." Fluttershy stammered.

"Woah..." Rainbow Dash gasped, vowing silently to read more books.

"That's..." Applejack gaped.

"AMAZING!"

All eyes turned to Rarity, who was absolutely radiant with joy.

"Beg pardon?" Applejack asked flatly.

"Twilight, you don't really understand what this means!" Rarity leapt at Twilight and took her up into her hooves. "Certainly there'll be a little awkwardness, a night with your teacher..."

"One week." Twilight groaned.

"Good heavens." Rarity mumbled, but shook her head and continued, "But in the end you will be a princess! You're going to be royalty! Can't you just picture it? You're focusing too much on the act itself. Sure it'll be one awkward week, but then you have a lifetime, an eternal lifetime of divinity." Rarity hugged Twilight close and sighed. "Darling, you must let me design your royal ensemble. Oh, designing for royalty. This is... The. Best...."

But before she could finish, a rainbow-colored blur tossed Rarity off her feet and yanked Twilight out of her hooves. Rainbow Dash looked down at Rarity in disbelief. "I can't believe you, Rarity!" Rainbow Dash cried in shock. "If Twilight doesn't want to go through with this, she doesn't have to."

"And she made it pretty clear she doesn't want to." Applejack nodded and joined Rainbow Dash in protecting her friend. "Really, I don't know if all of this is true or not, but I do know Twilight's stressed out over what's happening, and I'm not going to let it get any worse."

Rarity sighed, shaking her head. "Applejack, Rainbow Dash, I know you want what's best for Twilight..." Suddenly, a blue glow engulfed Rarity's horn and Rainbow Dash's tail. Yelling in surprise, Rainbow Dash found herself being tossed away from Twilight. With Applejack distracted by the sudden use of magic, Rarity jumped over and dragged Twilight away from the earth pony. "...which is why you should let her be a Princess!"

"No fair!" Rainbow Dash sped at Rarity, knocking the unicorn off her feet.

Applejack dashed over to where Rarity had taken Twilight, only to run into a soft, pink, barrier. Applejack shook her head and looked up to find Pinkie Pie standing over Twilight and tying her up in a bundle of pink polka-dotted wrapping paper.

"What?" Applejack asked.

"I always hide wrapping paper around Ponyville," Pinkie Pie explained, throwing a gift-wrapped Twilight over her shoulder, "in case of these kinds of emergencies."

The pink pony turned for the window only to see Applejack blocking her way. "Pinkie, what do you think you're doing?" Applejack cried disbelievingly.

"Because if she gets to be a Princess, I get to throw the biggest, most stupendous party in all of Equestria!" Pinkie Pie explained, staring at Applejack like this was obvious. "Duh."

"Sorry Pinkie, but that's one party I can't let you throw!" Applejack leapt at Pinkie Pie, who nimbly dodged out of the way.

Meanwhile Rainbow Dash struggled out of Rarity's grasp and flew into the air. With a lightning-fast swoop, the pegasus grabbed a dazed Twilight out of Pinkie's grasp and hoisted her into the air. But a well-placed throw from Rarity sent a book hurtling into Rainbow Dash's side, causing the blue pegasus to instinctively drop her passenger. Twilight fell to the floor with a thud right at the feet of Spike, who watched everything unfold with wide eyes.

"Oh, Spikey-wikey..." Rarity sang, smiling at the purple dragon, "...be a dear and-"

But Spike merely turned around and ran up the stairs. "SorryRaritydon'twanttogetinvolved!" he cried and slammed the door to the bedroom shut.

Meanwhile Applejack jumped over to Twilight and started tearing the wrapping paper off of her friend. "Come on, sugarcube, get up."

"I'm too young for this..." Twilight muttered, staring off into space.

"Oh for crying ou-" Applejack whined, only to be thrown off of the unicorn when Pinkie tackled her to the side. Rainbow Dash attempted to swoop in, only to be caught in a storm of books tossed by the passionate fashionista. With the agility of a humming bird, Rainbow dodged each one and flew around the room.

In the corner, Fluttershy ducked a copy of The Buckingham Fables that had bounced off the wall behind her. "Um... girls?" Fluttershy tried to speak up fruitlessly. Her friends continued to pummel each other.

"I was thinking amethyst and silver for the crown, or maybe platinum. What do you think about that, Twilight?!"

"You can't just make decisions that affect her entire life!"

"That's why I'm asking her, Rainbow."

"Get off of me Pinkie!"

"Yay! It's a tickle party!"

"Tickle? No wa-mphhehahahahahaha!"

"Girls?"

"Oh! Rainbow Dash! Look at what you did to my mane!"

"Oh come on, it's not that bad."

"I'LL DESTROY YOU!"

"Wee! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!"

"Pinkie Pie get back here!"

"STOP!"

Everypony stopped, Pinkie Pie in mid-bounce, and turned to face Fluttershy. The normally quiet pony lowered her hoof and stared at each of them in turn. A bright smile returned to her face as she cheerfully said, "Thank you. This fighting isn't getting us anywhere. We need to calm down and talk about this, like civilized ponies."

The fighting ponies mumbled their agreement, shamefully looking at the floor. Fluttershy flapped her wings and hovered to the door. "Applejack, unwrap Twilight, and we can all go out and get a late lunch."

Twilight sat upright, the wrapping paper still tight around her body. With frenzied eyes, she stared at Fluttershy. "LUNCH?" She said fearfully. "But that's when..."

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Everypony's eyes shot towards the door of the library, where the outlines of two armored stallions could be seen through its window. Twilight whimpered and promptly fainted.

A/N: Okay, this is something I dredged up out of my hard drive to tide over those people who are unhappy that I missed my Friday upload. Currently I have neither written nor planned ANYTHING after this point and as such I will NOT update it until AT LEAST Want Me Need Me Love Me's first arc is finished. I don't care if this gets featured, I don't care if this somehow surpases Cupcakes and My Little Dashie COMBINED in popularity, this will be secondary to my other stories.

Still, leave a like and a comment. Especially a comment.