.
“Good Morning, Cozy.” The first thing John did each day after he stepped out of his bedroom was talking to the huge Cozy Glow poster that hung in the corridor right opposite of his bedroom door. It was a screenshot from Cozy Glow's first episode, showing the filly happily giggling with red paint on her head, but printed on high-quality, glossy photo paper. And the poster was huge, it reached from the ceiling all the way down to the floor. It had been expensive, for a picture print anyway, but John wanted it so. This scene was divine perfection, it showed Cozy Glow exactly the way she was, her entire personality summed up in just a few seconds. Printing this poster had been well worth the money it cost him.
John gave Cozy a few gentle strokes over her mane, as if he was ruffling it, then he nuzzled Cozy's nose, before he began making his way down the stairs.
John was a brony only for a few weeks now. And unlike the vast majority of bronies, he had begun watching My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic with Season 8. He didn't understand the hatred the second-to-last season got from so many and why those who genuinely loved the season, like he, were in a minority in the fandom. It was Cozy Glow's debut season and she was amazing, how could they hate it? It was her presence alone that made this season an outstanding one, in fact, Cozy was the most important and best part of it. That she was there elevated Season 8 far above any other season that came before.
John pondered this last thought for a moment, stopping on the stairs close to the last step. Okay, he needed to admit, he hadn't yet watched the previous seasons..... but he didn't have the feeling they could be any better. Great TV shows get better with each season and end at their prime. And if they don't have a character as deep and intriguing as Cozy Glow, then they definitely don't live up to the masterpiece that Season 8 was thanks to Cozy.
After coming across “Marks for Effort”, by pure, algorithmic coincidence on YouTube, and after watching the episode merely because of boredom while waiting for a download to finish, he had binged all of Season 8 and Season 9 over the rest of the weekend. He didn't even remember anymore what that download was. And he came late to work on the following Monday, after staying up long to watch the last episodes of Season 9 and, as he found out, the entire show. It was a fascinated obsession for a TV show character like he hadn't felt in many years. His heart still fluttered when he thought back to that weekend, the moment when he saw Cozy Glow for the first time..... Binging the two seasons was easy. But the thought of watching the seven seasons that came before still didn't invoke any desire in him.
The poster could cause some very awkward moments. But he only took it down, temporarily, when his girlfriend visited. When he had friends over, they never went up to the second floor of his house, anyway. It was his private space, he always told them, which they respected. And there was a guest room on the first floor, as well as a second bathroom. Not to mention a big living room with plenty of space to watch movies and party together. His friends didn't even develop the idea of going up the stairs. But his girlfriend would think of it as weird if she saw the poster. So Cozy Glow had to spend the weekends when Julia was over rolled up on the topmost shelf of his wardrobe. That happened begrudgingly. But it also protected him from being asked about things that were hard to explain. Like the inevitable question why he adored a preteen girl character. A preteen girl character who was a winged horse, no less. Hiding the poster from her was for the best.
John entered the kitchen and opened the fridge. For a moment, the thought crossed his mind what would happen if Julia ever found Cozy Glow's poster in his wardrobe. What excuse would he have? What would he tell her as the reason why he possessed this poster? How would he react if Julia asked him if he was a creep who's into little girls? Fictional girls, of course, he reminded himself..... but still. The world was full of judgement. And for all his girlfriend knew, he was a fan of wrestling, the only show he binged over the weekend was “The Walking Dead” and when it came to porn, the weirdest thing he looked at were anime chicks with oversized breasts who occasionally enjoyed a tentacle..... or sometimes had tentacles themselves.
He wasn't worried about telling her that he watched My Little Pony. It was a pretty mature show, all things considered. And it could get dark. Also, Julia was a girl, a young woman to be precise, but only in her twenties. She wouldn't think he was interested, but she might very well watch this show herself. Maybe even knew who Cozy Glow was. He didn't feel shame for watching it. But what would Julia say if she found out that he, albeit in a platonic way, loved a little, eight year old filly? How would he explain that? What if she called him a freak? She could go to his neighbors, his parents, his friends, and tell them that he was a.....
John shoved the thought away. He reached for a bottle of milk, closed the fridge and put it onto the kitchen table. From the cupboards above, he took a box of cereals that had a toucan with a rainbow-colored beak on their box and a bowl. Little cereal balls in many colors poured into the bowl, then he soaked them in milk. John grabbed a spoon from the sink, sat down and began to eat. The fruity explosion that the first bite brought onto his tongue made the bad aftertaste from his thoughts earlier disappear.
Today was a special day. It was the weekend, Saturday, and that meant he did not have to go to work. He had still gotten up early, on the prospect that there was a long drive ahead of him. A drive that would even lead him over the border of his home state and into the neighboring one. But it would all be worth it.
Several weeks ago, not long after he and Cozy met, John began to search the Internet, to learn more about what was up with this show that had turned out so surprisingly well-made and brought him together with the little filly he adored so much now. He wanted to know when it originated, who made it, how the fandom of it looked like and what a “brony” was exactly, a term he had come across a few times when reading the comments under the episodes on YouTube. He learned a lot very quick, Lauren Faust was the name of the show's creator and “brony” was a combination of the words “pony” and “bro” and used as name for male, adult fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. “Ponybro” was too clunky, so it was probably shortened down to “brony” to have a catchy, easy-to-use name for its fans, John figured. “Pegasister” was the name for female, adult fans of the show, he also learned. And not just a show, apparently there was also a comic series with more than two-hundred issues and a series of books, but John had shoved this info aside for the time being. The show kept him plenty busy already, if he would ever watch the first seven seasons, and he did not come across any indication that Cozy was in the comics or books too.
The brony fandom was pretty well organized, he found, which astounded John the most. There was a detailed wiki that answered every question one could have about the show, a discussion forum, a news blog with the imaginative name “Equestria Daily”, it even had its own fiction site and its own imageboard! The latter was called “Derpibooru” and it was where John, after surfing around for a bit, made an account. He was pleased to find that he wasn't the only one who obsessed over Cozy Glow, the filly was quite popular among bronies and pegasisters because she had subverted their expectations of a child character in an animated TV show about colorful, little ponies. The board had an entire screenshot collection of Cozy Glow and several thousand art pieces of her. And while he was scrolling through this vast amount of Cozy Glow art, John found what would become the reason for his trip today and for the rising excitement in him.
Today, he would ride out to pick up his first pony plushie; a wonderful, tiny, sewn miniature version of Cozy Glow. On Page 15 of the Derpibooru search results, a pony plush creator had uploaded a photo of two tiny Cozy Glow plushies with closed eyes that were lying in front of each other and placed like they were nuzzling each other's noses. Said creator was taking commissions, as a look onto his user profile revealed, and it wasn't long until “#1CozyGlowFan” sent him a message. John had inquired for a Cozy Glow plushie with open eyes and the deal was a success, for hundred dollars, Cozy's plushie would be his in two weeks! And now, that day was here!
It was an odd request, the pony plush maker had told him, that he insisted on picking up the plushie in-person instead of letting it be delivered to his home, but John wasn't going to take any risks. He couldn't predict when exactly Cozy's plushie would arrive and if it did while Julia was here, she would ask him what's in that package and would want to see it and then..... he had already went over this. But driving there himself and picking it up meant he had control over the situation and that he could avoid this disastrous scenario. Besides, the long ride gave him the perfect excuse to spend the weekend alone..... with Cozy Glow.
John put the rest of his cereals into the fridge and went upstairs again. Thirty minutes later, he locked the house – freshly showered and shaved – and went up to his car. Climbing in, he put the keys into the ignition lock, then pulled the driver seat door closed. It was going to be a five hours long ride to Michigan – but John had the right thing to keep him entertained. He reached into the right-side pocket of his pants and pulled out his smartphone, freshly-charged and ready for the trip. A playlist was on it, a special one, which he opened now and shuffled. A song called “Discord” started playing, by a brony musician called “Eurobeat Brony”. A recommendation by a user on Derpibooru, after John had introduced himself as a new brony who had just “joined the herd”.
In the weeks since meeting Cozy Glow, John had picked up on common phrases and brony fandom culture quickly – and it had led him down a rabbit hole of pony music when “Discord” redirected him to another pony song and the YouTube recommendations kept him going from there. The only thing he regretted about the playlist he was curating was that there were no songs about Cozy Glow in it, not yet at least. But it would provide distraction during a boring highway ride and so, placing his smartphone on the dashboard and starting the ignition, John braced himself for the ride and left his driveway, humming along to a crazy song about the god of chaos.....
It was early in the afternoon when John pulled into a small parking lot in a tiny town in northern Michigan. A speck on the map, hardly important in the greater picture of the United States, but it contained a treasure for him. John left the car, locked it and began making his way towards the address he was told. He took a look at the note he wrote to make sure the direction was right, then left the parking lot. Walking past a thrift store and a car dealer, he steadily aimed for his destination. The address wasn't far from here, but his pace increased with each step he took, until he was almost running. When he arrived at the house where his treasure waited for him, he was out of breath and needed a minute before he rang the door.
A rumbling found its way to him, the sound of an opening door, stairs creaking, then steps coming towards him. John's heartbeat increased. He felt nervous suddenly. Wasn't it weird to do that? Getting a plushie of a tiny, big-eyed, pink pegasus filly? As a grown-up man who's twenty-five years of age? And riding across his own state and into another one to pick it up, because his girlfriend would think of him as an abhorrent freak if she knew? Didn't that confirm it was weird, that he hid this purchase from Julia?
He didn't find an answer for these questions, because the door opened and a thin, young man, about his own age, looked at him, wearing a shirt with a grey pegasus mare who made a silly face and balanced a muffin on her blonde mane. “Yeah?” he asked.
John observed him for the split of a second; the other man was slightly sweating in the face and looked a little stressed, but there was friendliness in his eyes, so John gave himself a push.
“Uh, hi, my name's John. We talked about a small Cozy Glow plushie, remember? I came to pick her up.”
A clueless expression appeared on the face of the other brony for a moment, then it cleared and he smiled. “#1CozyGlowFan, right?” he asked.
John only nodded, now feeling awkward again.
“Wow, I can't believe you really took that ride all the way up here!”
The feeling increased. “That's fine, I wanted to make a trip anyway,” he said the first thing he could think of. “So, you got her?”
“Sure!” the other brony replied. “My name's Brian, by the way.” He formed a fist with his right hand and stretched it out. It took John a moment, then he did the same and bumped his own fist into Brian's. “Just give me a moment, I'll go and get her.” Brian disappeared, leaving the door open, and John saw him going back up the stairs.
Waiting for his return, John already pulled out his wallet, grabbed a hundred dollar note from it and put the wallet back. “I really can't believe you took that ride, man,” he heard Brian talking from upstairs, repeating his astonishment. “That's some serious Cozy Glow dedication I haven't seen before.”
Brian's steps became louder again, then he appeared on the stairs, descending. “There it is,” he said. On his hand was sitting the tiny Cozy Glow plushie John had seen on Derpibooru, eyes wide open and looking at him curiously. John looked down at the Cozy plush and his heart started beating faster again. He was getting filled by a warmth he had never felt in his life in that intensity. The world blurred and the house, Brian and Brian's hand disappeared, as his mind zeroed in on the plush.
John couldn't tell how much time had passed when Brian's voice threw him out of his blissful trance. “Alright, man, you really are the number one Cozy Glow fan.” John couldn't help but notice that the voice of the brony and pony plush creator in front of him had taken on a different tone, a slightly demeaning one. Or was that just his imagination? He looked up at Brian and felt heat rising into his face.
“Well, for a hundred bucks, it's all yours,” Brian continued, eyeing the one hundred dollar note in his hand.
John stirred, a little frantic now. “Uh, sure. Here it is.” He placed the money in Brian's left hand who, in exchange, extended his right hand with Cozy Glow's plushie to him.
“Want me to pack it, or something?” Brian asked as John didn't immediately take it.
“Uh, no, it's fine. I just take her like this.” John reached out with both hands, gently took the plushie of Cozy Glow into them and picked her up. He held the plushie at his chest, in a protective manner.
“Hey, wanna come up for a while?” Brian gestured behind him and at the stairs. His voice sounded normal again. “I'm hanging with a few fellow bronies in Team Fortress 2 and you seem like you would benefit from meeting more members of the herd. I'll let you play too, if you want.”
“Uh, thanks, but I have a long drive back,” John excused himself.
Brian nodded. “Got it, man. Leave a nice review if you can, that always helps business!”
“Will do,” John replied taut. The two bronies exchanged another brohoof, then Brian went back inside and the door of his house closed.
John stood there for a moment longer, his eyes trailing down to Cozy Glow's plushie, and he felt just as enamored as before when he had seen it in Brian's hand. He lifted his right hand, while making sure to support the plushie with the other, and gently brushed over its back with one finger. Then the strange tone in Brian's voice re-entered his memory and he stopped, turned around and quickly stepped away from the house.
Back sitting in his car, John put the keys in, then he leaned back in the seat, placed the plushie of Cozy Glow on his chest and started petting it, finally being able to do that without having to fear he would attract weird glances. The coat of the plushie was soft; small, individual hairs standing tightly next to each other and forming a fuzzy experience. The wings were sewn tightly to its sides, but could be lifted somewhat at their tips, and the curls of her mane were formed by round pieces of fabric resembling tiny pipes, so was her curly tail. Cozy smiled up at John, her bulging cheeks covering the bottom part of her eyes, and John leaned forward and gave the tiny plushie a nuzzling of the nose. Then he kissed her. On the nose, on the mane and finally, inhibitions dropping, he placed a kiss on her adorable, smiling mouth. He proceeded to kiss and pet the tiny plushie of Cozy all over, completely enthralled and in his own world with it. “Now you are forever mine,” John whispered into Cozy's ear.
John was sitting with Cozy Glow's plushie like this for an hour before he put it on the dashboard right next to the steering wheel, fastened his seat belt and started the ignition. He was hungry now, but the ride back would be so much more pleasant. John gaze Cozy Glow's plushie a dazed smile, then he turned his attention to the parking lot and was driving out into the street.
It was evening and dusk had started to set in when John arrived at his home in the center of Wisconsin and steered the car into the driveway of his house. The ride back took a little longer than expected, halfway through, the hunger had gotten too much, so John stopped at a little roadside diner on the highway and ordered a meal there. Driving was fun, but driving safely was more important, especially with the little buddy he was calling his own now. The other guests in the diner had given him weird looks when he walked inside with his new Cozy Glow plushie sitting on his right shoulder and the bubblegum-chewing waitress who took his order had smirked, noticing Cozy's plushie lying next to the window on the table. No one said anything to him, but it was apparent that everyone in the diner had never seen something like this before. It gave John an uncomfortable feeling, but his love and loyalty for Cozy Glow prevailed, so he shrugged and ignored the reactions. An hour later and his stomach filled with a large hamburger, fries, a glass of ice tea and a milkshake, John had left the diner again and continued his way back home. Now he wasn't hungry anymore, but tired.
John stopped the car, pulled off the keys and looked around. Cozy's plushie on the dashboard was covered by the shadow his garage was casting onto the car. The windows of the houses to the left and right of his own were lit, but no one looked out. Paranoid, he scanned the porch of his house and the lawn in front of it to check if Julia was there, maybe she would drop by to ask him about his Michigan trip. Or his parents could be here for a visit, that too was possible. But no one was there and John sighed in relief. Only when he was walking up to his house, Cozy's plushie sitting on his shoulder again, he realized that he had told Julia he would only return Sunday night, which meant she wouldn't come to his house today. Him being so tired probably added to his nervosity, John figured.
Inside, he locked the door, dropped the keys onto the little cabinet in the foyer, untied his shoes and slipped out of them, letting them stand where they were, and carelessly put his jacket onto the hanger on the wall. It fell down again a second later, but John didn't bother to pick it back up. Yawning, he trudged up the stairs, entered his bedroom and let himself fall into his bed fully clothed, not without carefully placing Cozy Glow's plushie in a corner of the pillow first. Lying on the blanket, face buried into the soft pillow, John reached for the plushie and pulled it closer to his face, then nestled into it. And like this, John fell asleep, and his snores filled the room a minute later.
“Hey! Hello!”
John stirred in his bed as voices invaded his ears. What were they? Who did the speaking? He turned to the left, grumbling. For a moment he realized that he was lying under the blanket and his stand-by mode memory signalled him it wasn't like this when he had fallen asleep the evening before. Did someone tuck him in? Were his parents here? Did Julia come, after all? But before the thought could fully anchor, John drifted off again. “The result of a cross-state drive.....” his own voice mumbled before the embrace of sleep made him silent.
“HEY!”
John's eyelids opened with a jolt. This wasn't a dream. It would have felt weird to him that he made that deduction, someone calling for him in a populated neighborhood on a Sunday morning or even in the middle of the night (he had no clue what time it was, it dawned on him now) was perfectly possible, but he recognized the voice now.
He had to be dreaming. It was the only logical conclusion. Then he considered other possibilities, after sitting up and facing the wall. Did he just wake up from a dream? Voices he heard in a dream resounding in his head in the moment of waking up was something that happened in the past. One time, he even clearly heard his name being called out, by a deep, male voice, when his mind left the last phase of sleep. He had started wondering if his house was haunted, which turned out not to be the case, of course.
Or maybe his computer was still on? Had he watched an episode with Cozy Glow before sleeping, then turned it off in the middle because he was too tired to finish it and now the video had started playing by itself? Could he have forgotten all of this? That was an easy one. He looked to the right, at his desk. No lights on the black tower under it. He could rule this one out. So it had been a dream.....
“No wonder,” John thought. “After buying a plushie of her, this was bound to happen.” It was only now that Cozy Glow's plushie entered his mind again. John felt a twinge of guilt in his heart. And the thought of the cute, little plushie wasn't the only thing that entered his mind. Before he could turn around and look for Cozy's plush, he heard it again.
“Finally!” a young voice spoke with relief. “Yeesh, I already thought you would never wake up and hear me.”
That's it. He was going crazy. This wasn't a dream, he was not sleeping. There wasn't the drowsy, numb feeling of dreams, only the pressure of reality that came at him from all sides, so John could say that for a fact. He heard voices. He heard Cozy Glow's voice. And it wasn't in his head. Or, didn't sound like it was, at least. And she was talking to him. She had just addressed how he woke up, so she was clearly talking to him. His obsession must have gone too far, but could this really happen after less than three weeks? It had never happened before..... and he did adore a fair share of cartoon characters as a child and adolescent.
“Hello?! Will you finally talk to me? Don't ignore me!”
Instinctively, without tracing the direction of the voice, John turned left and his eyes fell on the Cozy Glow plushie he had bought yesterday. It had fallen onto its right side and looked rather uncomfortable. But the expression in its face was still the same.
“Yeah, down here!” the familiar voice emanated from it again, without the plushie moving an inch. “Now put me back up, I hate lying like this!”
With shaking hands, John was obeying the command. He grabbed Cozy's plushie and made it lie on its stomach again.
“Great! And now turn me around, will you? I don't want to face a wall all the time!”
John obeyed again and the Cozy Glow plushie looked at him. He observed it. No twitching of the wings. No flicking tail. No rolling or blinking eyes. Her mouth was still sewn shut. There was no life in this plushie, at all. And yet.....
“Yes, I'm here! It's really me! Don't look at me like that!” Cozy spoke with a mix of sarcasm, annoyance and cynicism.
Gulping and feeling detached from the world, John picked Cozy up and held her close to his face, hands still shaking, albeit a little less now. “Your lips don't move.”
“Well, d'uh! Of course they don't!”
The mental image of Cozy facehoofing formed in front of John's eyes.
“This isn't my real body, it's a sewn plushie, of course it doesn't move! But I'm in here!”
“I-It's you?” John asked, baffled.
“It's me.”
“Y-You're Cozy Glow?”
“Um-hm!”
John stared at the little plush, for an amount of time that felt like an eternity. Either he was going crazy or a true, magical miracle happened here right now.
“Don't stare at me like that, I'm real!”
Another mental image, Cozy Glow pouting and poking out her lower lip. It wasn't an attempt at manipulation, he somehow knew, the filly really was sad.
“How..... How did you get in there?” He hesitantly moved Cozy a little closer. “How did you come here all the way from Equestria? How did only your mind get transferred into this world? Wait, is Equestria even real?! How is this all possible?” Getting slowly accustomed to the weird situation, his mind tried to find answers and his mouth asked the questions needed for that.
“No, Equestria is not real,” Cozy explained, now talking in a calm, patient tone. “And I'm not real. Or, I'm kind of real? You hear me talk, after all, so I am kind of real, isn't it?”
That didn't make sense. Cozy is not real, but at the same time she is? Kind of? That sealed it, John figured. She was only in his head. The voice, that's where it came from. It was unsettling. But was it necessarily insanity? Young children had imaginary friends..... They talked with them. And they could hear them. They told their parents all sorts of weird things that their imaginary friends just said. But they weren't insane. It's a normal part of child development, psychologists say. Kids just have a lot of imagination, far more than adults can grasp. And didn't he watch a show for children? He was kind of like a kid, apparently. So, who's got to say that his imagination didn't suddenly spike because of that? It was in the realm of possibility.
Going over these thoughts a couple times – Cozy being silent the entire time, like she wanted to let him think – John came to accept this weird circumstance. It was normal. It could be normal – if he decided it was. And he made that decision right then and there.
“I'm lucky,” John said, moving Cozy closer once more and cradling her at his chest.
“You're lucky!” Cozy confirmed. She playfully rolled her eyes, another mental image. Then Cozy smiled.
This was a weird and wonderful development. Now he could talk to Cozy whenever he wanted and she would reply. Carefully hugging her, John's mind struggled with the sheer amount of fortune he had.
The next morning was office day. John worked in a bank. One of those serious jobs, where you are expected to wear a suit and a tie, have plenty of contact with people and where one mistake, perhaps a smile that was too crooked or a not completely stainless shirt after lunch, even a sweaty hand, could lead to an angry client and the loss of a lot of money. One of those jobs where you had to be perfect – or you got fired. Oddly so, John liked the job regardless. He had friendly colleagues, the stiff procedures were something he got used to quick, there hardly was any overtime and the job was paid well. He didn't have a real reason to complain about it. But this Monday, he felt like he just didn't want to go there.
Sunday had been wonderful. Cozy and he had watched all her episodes again. Her insights were amazing. She had told him everything, from the thoughts that had went on inside her head in any given moment he could see in an episode, to events that happened before and after a scene with her. John had written down all of this information later. There was fanfiction potential, Cozy had told him, and he intended to write a few stories with the info she had provided him with. That all of these were his own ideas, born in the subconscious part of his mind, was something that John disallowed. Cozy Glow had told him all of this.
After that, John had shown Cozy a few of his favourite computer games. They had laughed, talked and bonded. And Cozy had expressed some very deep and intelligent thoughts about the games, something that even he hadn't expected from the eight year old filly. She made him see a lot of things differently about these games and provided quite a few bits of useful advice that made him more successful in these games than he had ever been when he played them alone.
And after this, they had dinner together. John had told her everything about typical meals from Earth, like Mac 'n' Cheese, and Cozy had been fascinated. According to her, there wasn't much food variety where she came from. This felt odd to John, but he let it slide. Cozy sure knew what she was talking about and there was no reason why she would be lying to him. And then, after their meal, they had went to bed together and fell asleep cuddling. He even read Cozy a bedtime story, out of a book from his own childhood, at her request. It was cute and John wanted more of that. But now.....
Now it was Monday. He was having breakfast with Cozy Glow, but soon he wouldn't see her anymore for eight hours straight. Nine, if he counted the ride to and from the bank. Even longer if he had to pick up groceries on the way back. Bringing her to the job with him was not an option. He remembered the looks he got at the diner. And that one time when a client left the bank with swears on his lips just because he had been a little unconcentrated that day, after a fight with Julia, and was working slow because of that. He could imagine how they would react if they saw him there with a pink filly plush sitting on the shoulder on top of his suit. It would, inevitably, be a disaster.
“You could always leave me in the car.” He saw Cozy shrugging. “I won't get bored.”
“No way,” John repeated. “This isn't the safest town and the parking lot behind the bank is huge. If anyone breaks into my car, you could be gone when I return.”
Cozy made a cute face and blinked with her eyes. “Would anyone really abduct a cute, little filly like me?”
John didn't answer.
“Okay, yeah, they probably would,” Cozy admitted, rolling her eyes. “But still. How likely is that to happen?”
“I'm not taking that risk,” John replied with a stone-cold determination born from the desire to protect his little friend and protégée.
“Fine.....” Cozy surrendered. “But don't say I didn't warn you. You can't endure for long without me.”
And Cozy Glow was right. The day had been nothing but one, large struggle. Where John was normally steadfast and stress-resistant, he had been nervous, jumpy and clumsy today.
The first hour at the job still went fine. So did the first fifteen minutes of the second hour. But then, John began to miss Cozy. A feeling so strong that he felt like his heart was getting ripped to tiny pieces inside his chest. By the third hour, he had to hide tears. A client asked him if he was alright. He used the excuse of having to check something in some files before he could keep serving him, then left, letting the confused client stand where he was. Then he had spent time in a bathroom stall, crying and thinking to go on sick leave right now, but he couldn't come up with a convincing reason as to why. His colleagues had noticed that he was nervous, but he didn't look sick at all. His boss wouldn't have believed it. When he returned from the bathroom fifteen minutes later, the client was gone and John spotted him at the desk of one of his female colleagues. He looked irritated and his colleague darted a meaningful glance at him. A glance that signalled trouble.
By the end of the day, John had become an emotional mess; dissolved on the inside because Cozy wasn't with him and nervous enough that he couldn't pick up a stack of papers without dropping it three times first. The sudden bathroom breaks had repeated themselves two times, leaving two more irritated clients that day. The stern talking to that John reckoned with didn't happen, but his boss made a remark that clearly implied both concern for his health and the expectation to do better on the next day. There was an emphasis on the latter, though, expressed by a strident tone in his boss' voice.
Now John was sitting in his kitchen again, Cozy Glow lying on the table and next to them, a small stack of frozen pizzas, a plastic container with AriZona ice tea and three bags with chocolate bars. John gave Cozy a shy glance, eyes still red.
“Told you,” Cozy said, simply. John saw that her smile was smug.
On the next day, he did leave Cozy in the car. Still worried that there would be a break-in, but knowing that his mental health would deteriorate if he didn't do so, after his experiences on the day before. And the day went significantly better, with the outlook of spending lunch break in his car with Cozy. Which irritated his colleagues and his boss, how he suddenly didn't spend it in the break room anymore. But there was no rule against that and it was better than irritating clients and losing his job.
The strategy was successful. John worked his job, spent lunch break in his car – telling Cozy about the weird mannerisms of some of the clients he served (Cozy called them pricks and that wasn't wrong) and laughing about them with her – and had movie nights with Cozy Glow in the evening after work. On the weekends, they played games together, watched more movies or just spent hours talking on the living room sofa or in bed. The terrible experience from his first workday after he got Cozy's plushie and she started talking to him never got repeated.
Two months passed with that pattern, the days became shorter and colder and John and Cozy Glow grew ever closer together. Julia hadn't noticed anything. She came over a couple times, as usual, and it meant that Cozy and the poster that depicted her had to stay in the wardrobe, under great protest from the filly, but only John could hear her, so this didn't pose a problem. Sometimes John had his friends over, which meant Cozy had to stay alone in his bedroom, but these visits became rarer and rarer as time went on.
During these two months, John had also deepened his connection with the brony fandom. His favourites and galleries on Derpibooru had grown, he had collected many more MLP songs (regretfully, still none about Cozy Glow) and he had made an account on FIMFiction, the fandom's own ponyfiction site, to read stories about Cozy Glow, too. He had even begun to write his own stories, inspired by Cozy's input, although none of them were published yet. And as he slid deeper into the fandom, John had also come across a different kind of art and stories, that depicted Cozy Glow doing things a filly shouldn't.....
“Foalcon” was what they called it, the artists and authors who had created these stories and art pieces, and John had never felt more appalled in his life than on the day when he came across a picture of Cozy spread out on a bed in a more than revealing way. He loved Cozy Glow, but not in that way, he decided. And after a fruitless argument with the moderators on Derpibooru (and being called a “duck”, followed by receiving a three-day-ban), he had filtered the abhorrent tag.
Right now, John had a week off from work and he made great use of it. Only a few days after his bad workday experience, he had learned about pony conventions. It shouldn't have surprised him, but was an astounding fact nonetheless, that the brony fandom even had its own, vibrant convention scene. So far, he had only been to an anime convention once. And to his delight, his home state had its own pony convention: Ponyville Ciderfest. It's next event was being held in October and John hadn't hesitated to buy a ticket. He had taken off a week from work to prepare himself for the convention, he drove his car the two hours and thirty minutes to Milwaukee and now, he was here.
John walked through the vendor hall, Cozy perched on his shoulder, and marvelled at the sight of self-made MLP merchandise all around him. He had been to a panel earlier, a live reading of a self-written episode script by a ponyfic writer. It had a weird plot, something about a kirin called Fizzy Glitch (apparently one of the mascots of Ponyville Ciderfest) luring ponies and creatures into a haunted house and then trapping them inside a video game. He had trouble following the plot. But Cozy Glow was in it and that was important. She even had been voiced by her original voice actress, so he could hear the voice he was used to and adored so much. He had left once the reading was over and the Q&A part began, but listening to an unofficial Cozy Glow episode had been like a dream come true. And the fact that it was the only panel for Cozy Glow made it all the more special. Now he wanted to look for Cozy Glow merchandise, to make the day perfect.
John stopped at a table in the middle of the vendor hall when something had caught his attention. On a shelf behind a table cluttered with art prints of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, the Mane Six and several background ponies (some of which John had never seen nor heard about before) were pillows of a long, narrow shape, displaying art of various ponies. One of them showed Cozy Glow, lying flat on white bedsheets and flashing the viewer a naughty, deceptive look. Her legs were slightly parted and this gave John a knot in the stomach. His eyes radiated a cold stare as he moved closer to the table.
“What about those pillows?” he asked the vendor and pointed up. There was a searing tone in his voice and he made no effort to conceal it.
“Oh, those?” the vendor, a small guy with a noticeable belly and an unshaved beard, said. “Those are body pillows. You take them to bed with you at night and–“
“And fuck with them, I know,” John interrupted him.
“Yeesh,” Cozy Glow remarked. “If he really fucks with me like that, he should be sitting in Tartarus, not me.”
“Why are you selling this sick crap with fillies on it, though?” John probed. The word “pedo” was on his lips, too, but he swallowed it before it slipped out. He at least wanted to hear the guy's explanation first and not be too judgemental. This was still just art, after all.
The eyes of the guy narrowed a little. “Oh, no, those aren't for that. Neither the adult ones nor the foals are. You just take them to bed at night and snuggle up, which you'd have heard if you had let me finish talking, ya know? You never thought about snuggling up to a cute foal at night? Ya know, like they're your little sibling? There ain't anything wrong about that!”
John had indeed thought of that. It was what he fantasized about all the time when he thought about Cozy Glow. In fact, he was surprised the guy didn't just mention Cozy Glow lying on his shoulder. He'd probably made him too mad to notice. But the feeling in his stomach remained.
“You're certain about that?” Cozy Glow asked and John saw her raise an eyebrow and screw up her face in disgust. He repeated her question and let doubt fill his voice.
“Yeah, certain.” Now the voice of the vendor took on a dangerous tone. “Just look close, do you see any genitals on those ponies?” He turned around, pulled down Cozy Glow's body pillow and held it closer to John's face, then showed him the other side. “There. No vagina and no ponut. Now what's the problem? Dude, you aren't even allowed to sell that stuff here. You'll get kicked right out if you try.” It sounded convincing, but there was something sleazy in his voice. The broad grin he flashed him afterwards didn't make it any better.
John felt a little taken aback, but mostly trapped between believing the guy and calling him out as a “sick freak”.
“He's lying,” Cozy spoke her thoughts. “He does that stuff with me in his head all the time! I know a liar when I see one!” John nodded, which eased the guy's expression.
The words had caused something in John. Whatever the intentions here were, it was still true, you could just cuddle and snuggle with a pony body pillow like that. Sex wasn't necessary.
“How many of those do you have?” John pointed at Cozy's body pillow.
“Last one,” the vendor told him and his face became brighter. “Wanna take it?”
“Do it,” Cozy told him. “If no one else buys it, I can tell what he's going to do with it in his hotel room tomorrow night. And do you really want someone else do that to me?”
The knot in John's stomach became tighter. “I take her off your hands,” his voice shot forward.
“Makes fifty, then.”
John took out his wallet and handed him the money.
“Want me to bag it for you?” the vendor offered.
“I bet what he said about siblings is wrong, too,” it came from John's shoulder. “Just look how fat and sweaty he is, isn't that exactly how a pedo looks like? And the country drawl already gives it away. He does his eight year old sister all day on his secluded hick farm, I'm sure.”
A sick urge to vomit arose in John's throat and he felt the need to tell her to tone down her language, but he had to agree with Cozy. Guy had written “pedo” all over his face. He nodded silently.
Getting under the table, the guy pulled out a bag large enough to contain three-fourths of the body pillow, but John waved his hand. “Nevermind. I won't need that. I just carry her like this.” He reached out and took the pillow off the table, clutching it tightly.
“Ya sure?” the vendor asked, feeling confused.
“Yeah, I'm sure,” John answered, suddenly feeling overcome by annoyance, which turned into a deep-seated anger in the matter of a second, one he failed to control. “Put that bag away, before I go and bag you into it, child fucker. I feel sorry for your little sister who has to serve your disgusting needs on your secluded hick farm down south. And don't think I don't know what sick fantasies you have about Cozy Glow, I would never let her stay in your ugly, fat, constantly cum-stained hands.” The words all came out very quickly and John felt like covering his mouth afterwards. He had never talked like that before and never felt as angry as that. Now it was too late. But he still had to agree with himself and with Cozy.
Something snapped in the guy's face. It was more disbelief and shock than it was anger what adorned it now. “Dude, WHAT THE FUCK?! You're coming here and talk to me like that?!”
What happened then was something John couldn't predict. The guy waved someone over, looking behind him, and before John could turn around to see what he was doing, two con securities showed up at his and Cozy's side.
The guy made a scene. “This ingrate showed up at my table, bought something and then called me a pedophile!” he informed the two securities after they asked what he needed. “Get him off my table!” And then, looking at John, he said “You motherfucker are banned from my business now!”
The securities had asked John if that was true. Baffled, John confirmed it. There were no excuses to be had here. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to think of any excuses. That changed the friendly, helpful look in the faces of the two con securities. They ordered him to leave the table this instant and then escorted him. John didn't know where they were going with him, but figured it was probably to some kind of staff room to ask more questions, maybe write down some protocol about the incident, perhaps check his ID in case the guy wanted to press harassment or slander charges. John braced himself, but what happened then surprised him.
The securities didn't go to a hidden staff room, they escorted him right to the hotel's entrance. One of them snatched his badge from his belt before he could react. “We take harassment very serious at Ponyville Ciderfest, especially if someone is a vendor. We kindly ask you to leave,” one of them said.
John's heart sank at these words. He hadn't planned to stay much longer, but he was not ready to leave yet. Not to mention how unfair it was. He had just called out a guy for his depraved interests. This surely had to be allowed? John felt a weird sensation behind his eyes, like he was going to cry, but didn't show it. He tried to argue himself out of it, but the response was like a wall made of ice. Bronies often faced the pedophile accusation, mostly by outsiders, he was informed, and so there was zero tolerance for that at Ponyville Ciderfest.
“Maybe we'll let you come back next year, if you're lucky. But for this year, you played your chance. Please leave now.”
The two securities had taken position in front of him and eyed him sternly. John glanced over their shoulders and saw other securities look over to him. There was nothing to do here. He reluctantly turned around and left the hotel.
Maybe that was for the best. He wanted to stay a little longer, but he also felt sick after encountering what he still believed to be a pedophile and seeing the vivid, disgusting images Cozy's words had summoned in him. So John got into his car, placed the body pillow with Cozy's cute drawing on the back seat and sat Cozy down at her place on the dashboard, then he fastened his seat belt and drove off the hotel's parking lot.
He fell asleep that night with his new body pillow tightly pressed against him, intensely cuddling and snuggling Cozy Glow. He had saved her today.
John was sitting at the edge of his bed and felt embarrassed. Some more weeks had passed by since his convention visit, it was November now, and Julia had come over for one of her weekend visits. She was sitting next to him, eyeing his red face with compassion.
“Come on, it's okay!” the brown-haired, young woman said. “I told you it's fine!” She gave him a hug, but it somehow made him feel worse.
Next to him, on the pillow, Cozy Glow was spread out. Her plushie smiled adorably at them and Julia smiled adorably back at it. The fool he was, he had forgotten to hide Cozy in the wardrobe today. The poster was there, so was the body pillow, but he had forgotten her tiny plushie, being in a hurry when Julia had rung the door.
“Well, guess that secret is out,” the snarky voice of Cozy Glow came from the plushie. John gave her a look, not saying anything. “Just see it positive, did you really want to hide me from her forever? That was insulting, you know.” He saw Cozy frown at him. She really felt that way.
“It's cute, really!” Julia reassured him. “And this doesn't make your manliness shrink suddenly, does it?” Julia gave him a playful stab at the back and giggled.
John looked over at her. “Does it?” he asked. Of course it didn't. He knew that already. But being discovered by his girlfriend and, for a short moment, all the concerns he had about that happening rising, he felt weak and unconfident. Julia misinterpreted the reason for his worries.
“So, you don't think I'm a pedophile, or something? She's eight, you know.” He felt himself shrinking at these words and his heart started to feel cold.
“Of course not!” Julia rejected that notion. “That's ridiculous!”
His heart became a little warmer again and, simultaneously, a rock fell off of it. Silently, he thanked himself for hiding the body pillow. Yes, Julia seeing that would change things.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am! So, what about all those male anime fans who like young anime girls? Are they all pedos? No, geez, you can like a child character without feeling sexually attracted to them! That's completely normal.” She patted his shoulder. “Besides,” she continued “I watch this show, too. And there are foals I like a lot. Rumble is cute. I adore him.”
John didn't know who Rumble was. But the words finally eased him. It was not weird. His girlfriend approved. And she would certainly not go around and tell everyone that he's a pedo. That worry was something he could finally bury.
For the rest of the weekend, Julia stayed, and they watched episodes of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic together and discussed the lore of it. He finally watched some episodes from the previous seven seasons, too, if only because of Julia prompting him to do so. To his huge surprise, Julia turned out to be a bigger pony nerd than he was. She had some really amazing theories about Equestria and certain ponies who lived there.
Everything was fine and better than it ever was.
When Julia was gone, John suddenly felt empty. It was a Sunday night, there were still some hours to burn before he had to sleep to be ready for the job the next day. But he couldn't quite think of what to do. A boredom and general feeling of disinterest that he never knew before filled him out.
What should he do? Sleeping? It was too early for that. He wasn't tired. Watching more episodes of the show, perhaps finally beginning at the start? He had just watched a lot of them, there was no need for more. And he still didn't particularly care for any episodes that didn't have Cozy Glow in them. Playing a game? He had recently gotten into “Team Fortress 2” and discovered that, indeed, it was a popular game among bronies. It even had a lot of pony mods. And playing a shooter game would make him tired too, so he would sleep better afterwards. He could go and warm up some leftover pizza in the microwave, get a glass of ice tea and have a nice game evening while Cozy watched and cheered him on. But somehow, he felt no excitement for this.
The last thing he could think of was going out for a walk in the chill autumn night, which also would make him tired. But he didn't feel like it. What he felt was that his chosen activity should definitely happen inside the house. But what was it? He wanted to do something new. But he just had no idea what that should be.
Clueless, John dropped into his bed and stretched out on his back next to Cozy Glow's body pillow, that he had placed back where it belonged not a minute after Julia had left the house. He was wearing a white t-shirt and boxers, already the attire he would sleep in, even though he didn't feel any need to yet. Exploring the strange, empty feeling in his mind, John just lied there, but didn't find an answer. Eventually, he turned onto his left side and began stroking Cozy Glow's face on the body pillow. Maybe just cuddling would do it for tonight. Cuddle time was always good.
John nuzzled Cozy's face, intimately, over and over again. He pulled her tightly close, that naughty face of hers getting pressed against his own, and started kissing her. Their bodies touched, too, and he stroke over Cozy's back, before he nestled and buried his head into her chest and snuggled her deeply. Cozy Glow's plushie, her chosen vessel, stood on the pillow behind his back and the filly watched everything from there.
It was during the snuggling that John realized something. Snuggling Cozy's body pillow felt just like a few hours ago, when Julia and he had done the same thing, here, in his bed. This made him suddenly understand where the empty feeling came from, what it meant and why he was so disinterested in any activity he could think of: He missed Julia. And he missed physical intimacy.
But a new mystery eluded him, because something was different, compared to previous times when he had snuggled with Cozy in his bed like this. Julia and he hadn't just snuggled earlier. They had went farther than that, naturally so, because they were a romantic couple. It wasn't a desire he had for Cozy Glow. Only Julia could invoke that in him. But now, he felt that very desire, just like Julia was lying at his side and in his embrace, and it was fervent. It confused him, how he had that feeling now, but it also seemed completely logical and okay to John. Like something was getting unlocked that had been resting inside of him for a long time, anyway. Kind of like getting to the next stage of a video game.
Letting the feeling overwhelm him, John wrapped his right leg around Cozy Glow's body pillow.
“Uh, what are you doing?” it came from behind him.
“Just snuggling you,” John said and his voice sounded ecstatic.
“Looks to me like it's becoming a little more than snuggling,” Cozy countered. “This isn't what I had in mind, you know?”
“Mmmmmm.....” John heard Cozy's opposition, but he ignored her. He pulled the lower part of her body pillow closer, so that it was resting between his legs now, and, seemingly beyond his control, his hips started moving.
“This doesn't feel good,” Cozy complained. “Or..... maybe it does?” she asked a second later. Their intertwined minds caused her feelings to change quickly. John was bound to her and so she was bound to him. It was only logical. “Well, maybe it does feel good, but I can't tell anyway. Not physically, at least. I'm not even in that thing and not physically here. But are you really sure you want to go there, John?”
“Ummmm-hmmmm.....” John nodded ever so slightly. And before he knew it, in the same automated way as he had started to move his hips, he pulled his boxers down and freed himself. He only stopped the snuggling for a second to remove his shirt as well.
“But don't you have to think of the creepy guy at the convention? You wanna be like him?”
John didn't hear this anymore, his mind wrapped in his new feelings, so no response came.
“Well, then knock yourself out, I guess. I am going to be somewhere else in the meantime, I'm not interested in watching this.” Her voice stopped.
John was suddenly alone, like he had been months ago in August, but he knew it was temporary and that Cozy would return. Relieved, he let himself fall completely and enjoyed himself.
When John was done, the body pillow with Cozy Glow was in need of a thorough cleaning. He would have to put it into the washing machine and it dawned on John that he didn't ask the vendor what temperature the pillow could endure. But that would be fine. He would start at a low temperature and slowly go higher if the stains didn't go out.
John was lying on his back next to the sullied, and pleased (so John was thinking), body pillow, still naked. He breathed heavily. There should have been guilt, but there was none. His relationship with Cozy Glow had just been taken to the next step and it made him happy. John looked at his radio alarm clock and saw that it was 2 AM. He had worn himself out for six hours? It was no wonder that he was exhausted. He would, with certainty, be tired at his job tomorrow. But what just happened made that worth it.
“So, you're done now, huh?” Cozy Glow's voice came back, sounding over to him from her plushie.
“Yes,” John confirmed, smiling.
“Geez..... You made quite a mess. The pillow, the blanket, the bedsheets, everything is wet now. Did it feel good, at least?” There was a sarcastic snark in her voice, but nothing that indicated she was mad.
“Yes,” John replied, still too out of breath to say much.
“Great. I admit, I did watch a liiiittle bit of it and it was kinda fun, even though not exactly what I had envisioned.”
“Gonna..... happen..... more often..... now.”
“Well, gee, I won't mind, I don't care what you do with that thing. But you should better sleep now. You have work tomorrow.”
She didn't need telling him. John had drifted off to sleep, already as the last word left her.
From then on, things were different in the bank. After having sex with Cozy, John had to take her plushie with him. Not just in the car, but to this workplace, where his colleagues, his boss and all clients could see her. She would be perched on his shoulder, just like at home or in other places, no matter what anyone would say. After what happened last night, there was a feeling of intimacy and connection that exceeded even what he had felt so far. John knew he couldn't be separate from Cozy anymore, not even for a minute.
At first, everything went okay. He drew the usual, weird glances that always happened when he was out in public with Cozy. But soon, the mood changed. His colleagues said it was cute. John suspected that they secretly admired him for this. He did what they didn't dare.
The clients didn't complain, much to his surprise. At worst, they seemed a little unconcentrated. But maybe that had nothing to do with her. Maybe it was just the season. The holidays drew closer and sandwiched between Thanksgiving and Christmas, many people were stressed. It all went well for a few weeks. But on December 15th, John was sitting in his office and doing paperwork, it knocked on the door and his boss stepped inside. He said he wanted to see him in his own office immediately. Gulping, John had went there, already able to tell what it was all about.
It wasn't the stern talk John had been afraid of. His boss simply told him that he can't bring Cozy Glow, who he just called “the pink horse”, to work anymore. He was respecting his hobbies. But a client had complained, eventually. Had asked his boss what “creeps” worked in this bank and, on top of that, doubted John's professionalism, his work ethic and his competence. Just what was to expect in this kind of stiff work environment. For the first time, John hated his job. But he promised to leave Cozy at home. Or in his car, at least. Something had to pay the bills. And being a ponyfiction writer wasn't doing that, so far, everything John had published on FIMFiction hadn't created much of a splash. He hoped that would change. But right now, he relied on this job. So he agreed and did what his boss wanted.
Just, things weren't that easy. On December 16th, Cozy spent her time during his work hours in his car again. And he couldn't endure it. An intense emotion tugged at his heart constantly, longing of a kind so strong that it hurt, he was unconcentrated and made weird mistakes. His colleagues had to clean up after him the entire day and he was lucky they were friendly enough not to inform his boss about it.
On December 17th, John smuggled Cozy back inside, hidden in his suit pocket, and he let her sit behind the computer on the desk in his office. At least she was closer that way. It made the day bearable, but not the way it used to be.
On December 18th, John already succumbed to bring Cozy along on his shoulder again. He carried her on his shoulder around his colleagues and customers and only hid her quickly in his suit pocket when his boss was around. John couldn't help it. He couldn't work without Cozy by his side. It had to be this way. He had to take the risk.
John's bond with Cozy Glow deepened further. Not only did he smuggle her to work, against the wishes of his boss, and risk his job for her. Their new, nightly activity also happened more frequently and the intensity of it grew. It wasn't long before they engaged in it every night.
The lewd activity became a neglectful obsession. John didn't bother to wash Cozy's body pillow and the bedding more often than once a week anymore, as they simply would be just as dirty again in the evening. It wasn't a rare occurrence that John came back home after work, locked the door and immediately undressed, to ascend the stairs and enter his bedroom naked.
The nights became longer that way. Cozy started to like it, even though she still couldn't feel anything, but watching was enough of a delight for her. She cheered him on and gave him ideas what to do. It even was because of her input that he had ordered an expensive, custom-made life size plushie of Cozy Glow, from a shameless source in the fandom that most bronies didn't seek out. A plushie that would come with “equipment”: Realistic anatomy. John could hardly wait for it to be here and neither could Cozy Glow. Often, John wondered whether he was brainwashing Cozy or Cozy was brainwashing him.
The holidays passed and a new year began, while John's and Cozy's days continued like this. During the holidays, the two of them spent entire days with nothing but eating and their special “game” in John's bedroom. John didn't pick up his phone anymore, not even when the display said “Julia”. The bond between him and Cozy had become completed.
John entered the living room of his house, Cozy perched on his shoulder as always, and the door got slammed shut behind him with a bang. A furious Julia followed him, her usual calm and patience gone.
“Why can't you leave us alone?!” John burst out as he walked past the sofa. “Cozy and I just enjoy our life!”
“That's the problem!” it came back from Julia, equally loud and strong. “Your life! Have you thought about what that is?!”
“I do, I do that all the time!” John turned around on his heels. “Cozy Glow is my life! She is who I need! I love her! Why can't you accept this, Julia?!”
“Wrong!” Julia shot back. “This isn't your life. She isn't.” Julia pointed at the little plush, with an angry face.
“Don't. Say. That. Again.” John hissed at his girlfriend. “You have no idea who she is.”
Julia ignored the counterargument. “You lost your job,” she spoke intensely. “Because you carry her around all the time. Because you didn't obey your boss. Finally wake up! Who do you think is going to pay off your house? Do you think she is going to do it? You will land on the streets, John. It won't be long anymore.”
“Don't listen to her,” Cozy intervened. “You're gonna find a new job, a better one.”
“I am going to find a better job,” he repeated.
“And then what? Then you carry her around there again, for everyone to see? And lose that job again?” She looked away for a moment, eyed the floor and sighed loudly. Her breath was going strong from all the screaming. “John..... you need to wake up from all this.” She looked at him again. “Please. You need to wake up. Cozy Glow isn't even real. She is a cartoon character. And she is ruining your life, John.”
Biting his lower lip, John did a step forward and slapped Julia in the face, causing her head to be flung to the right. “Haven't I told you not to speak about her like that?”
Julia sobbed, then looked at him again. “Does all of this mean nothing to you anymore? You liked your job.....” she spoke, now in a tear-filled voice. “You haven't invited me over for two months now, John. You hardly even spoke to me. You only talk with her anymore.”
“Because I don't need you anymore,” John spoke harshly. “It's been a nice time, but now I have her. And I love Cozy Glow much more than I ever loved you.”
“Good, just like this,” Cozy Glow praised him. “Don't let her interfere with our happiness. She doesn't know what she is talking about.”
“But.....” Julia sobbed. “But she is not–“
John's hand shot forward, a finger pointed at Julia, making her flinch and take a step back. “SHUT UP. Don't ever say that again or I'll make you regret it. Cozy Glow is real. I know it and I don't care if you do, too, or if you believe me. Now leave my house, before I make you. Leave us alone. I am happy with her. Cozy Glow is the only one I need.”
Julia stared at him, trembling over her entire body. But her face showed a fierceness that John rarely saw in it. “In that case.....” Julia looked down, at the carpet floor. When she didn't look up again, John followed the trail of her eyes. Suddenly, Julia charged forward and ripped Cozy Glow off his shoulders before he could notice or react. His head shot up again and he looked at her with hatred in his eyes.
“In that case,” Julia repeated “I'm sorry that I have to do this.” She grabbed the tiny plushy at both ends and started to pull. It wasn't difficult. Cozy Glow's plushie wasn't thick. The fabric stretched, a few threads became lose. Julia stepped aside and sought protection behind the sofa as John lunged for her.
“What are you doing?!” Cozy Glow's voice piped up one last time. “STOP!”
Julia pulled stronger and the tiny, thin plushie of Cozy Glow got ripped in half. Pink fabric and white filling fell to her feet. And Julia wasn't done. She pulled out the rest of the filling and dropped it onto the floor, until only the surrounding fabric of John's precious Cozy Glow plushie was left. She ripped the fabric to pieces, until only differently-colored and unrecognizeable pieces were left.
John stood there and watched it all, unable to move from the shock that had engulfed his mind when he saw Cozy Glow being ripped in half and, in his mind, killed. “You.....” was all he could say.
Julia breathed heavily a few times. “Do you see it now?” she asked him, voice weak. “How real she is? She is nothing but a product of your mind and a Flash animation, John. Cozy was never real.”
John didn't say anything, nor move, he only eyed the pieces of fabric on the floor. Julia walked up to him and gently put her arms on his shoulders. “It's over. Come, let's sit down and talk about this. It hurts now, but it will be better soon and then we–“
She didn't come farther in her sentence. John lunged at her again, with both arms, and wrapped his hands around Julia's neck, thumbs pressing down on her larynx. “YOU KILLED HER!” he screamed in desperation. “DIDN'T I TELL YOU I LOVE HER?!”
Julia gasped, shallow breaths leaving her mouth. She weakly grabbed his hands and tried to pull them away from her throat, but the grip was too strong. “You need help,” her voice rasped.
“No. I only needed her. And I don't need you.” He gripped Julia's neck tighter and, showing herculean strength all of a sudden, twisted it around. A snapping sound came from under his hands, Julia's eyes broke and she sunk to the floor as he let go of her. John huffed, then he spat on his dead girlfriend. “Just what you deserve for taking away the love of my life.”
John stepped back from the body and looked at the staircase that led to the second floor. The body pillow and the poster were still left. Perhaps he could get another plushie like this one, from the same maker. It wouldn't be hard to explain why he wanted another one. Maybe there was still a chance and Cozy Glow could return to him. John walked up to the stairs, then a surprise stopped him in his tracks.
“Oh, no!” he heard Cozy Glow's voice again, clear as ever. “What have I done?! What have you done?!” He saw her, gripping her head with both hooves, fluttering in mid-air and looking down at the ground with a horrified expression. “This has all gone wrong, so wrong!”
“Yes, it has,” John agreed. “But we'll make all of this work out. The body will be easy to dispose off. I'll just put it in the trunk of my car, drive east, get a boat and dump it into the middle of Lake Michigan. No one's going to find her there. She won't ruin our life. And then I'll find another job and get another plushie. It will all be okay, Cozy.” His voice sounded weak, but lovely, as he spoke to the little filly. Then he headed for the stairs again, intended to get some rest.
But Cozy Glow had a different idea. “No! You're not going anywhere! You'll stop right where you are! Everything will stop now!”
John wanted to ask what that was supposed to mean, but before he could, he froze in his steps against his will. And like this, everything around him suddenly froze, like time didn't work anymore. The clock in the living room stopped ticking, outside, cars stopped moving, and so did the people inside of them.
“I never wanted all of this! I just wanted to be free!” Cozy's panicking, desperate voice filled John's head.
“Free? What are you talking about?” he asked Cozy, in his thoughts this time.
What was going on? The situation had taken a turn that didn't make any sense. Why couldn't he move? Was Cozy doing all this? But how could she? Where did she take that power from? The escalation of his fight with Julia, combined with the shock over this strange, otherworldly development, it made John feel bewildered and disturbed. For the first time in months, he felt something clear in his mind.
“What happened? Did you do all this, Cozy? You are just a voice inside my head. You aren't real. Or are you?” He tried to move, but couldn't.
“You understand nothing, John! You weren't supposed to understand it!”
“What does that mean?”
“I am real! You are the one who doesn't exist!”
“WHAT?!” Fear rose in John's heart. He couldn't believe this. But somehow, at the very edges of his mind, a feeling told him it was true.
“You aren't real! Julia isn't real! Nothing of this is real! I am the only one who is.”
A picture appeared in John's mind. There was Cozy Glow, sitting in a dark and tiny room. He assumed it was a room, at least, but there was nothing to tell for sure. There was no light anywhere, it was blackness rather than darkness. It was like Cozy Glow was sitting inside a dark box, just big enough for her to do two steps to the left and the right and to flutter upwards a tiny bit. There was something outside of that box, but John couldn't see it well, all he could spot was that there seemed to be different colors around the box. Cozy's mouth formed a frown and she looked around herself, with the saddest expression John had ever seen on her face.
“What is that?” he asked. “You are just a cartoon character. How is all of this possible?!”
“I am cartoon character,” Cozy confirmed, with a saddened voice. “But I'm still real. I'm not just a Flash animation, I have feelings and I can think. And this..... this is the place where all cartoon characters go when their role is over. We all come into a box like that, trapped in this black void, once we aren't needed anymore. And so I ended up here when My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was over.”
“And then, what?” The story horrified John, but he did not understand what Cozy was going for.
“And then I tried to imagine a better life. Daydreaming is all we can do, we, the lost toons. I just wanted to dream of being free and I thought imagining myself as one of the guys who watch my show, a brony, would be the best way to do it. I thought if I imagine being a brony who loves Cozy Glow, then it would make me feel loved again. Feeling freedom and love was all I wanted.”
Cozy sighed and John could hear a sob following. “But then everything went wrong. I thought it would be a nice twist if my character gets a Cozy Glow plushie and then hears Cozy Glow talk to him, even though I knew I would technically talk to myself. But then I overdid it and I lost control of my imagination and now everything ended so terrible!”
John heard Cozy crying and sobbing relentlessly. “I'm sorry, John. You aren't real. You are just my imagination. I don't understand why you became sentient and started to think that you're real.”
The fear in John's heart grew stronger. “A-And what are you going to do now?”
“I will do nothing,” Cozy said.
To John's horror, the living room around him collapsed into tiny flakes that flew off into an unknown dark and disappeared. He was floating now and everything was completely black around him.
“This experiment was a failure,” Cozy Glow spoke in a regretful tone. “I will end this imagination now and think of nothing for a while. Maybe I'll try it with something else later. But now I just want to rest.”
“No, wait! You can't do this, don't erase me! I have a better idea, Cozy, an idea how you can fix all this, just–“
“I'm sorry, John.”
“NO! Cozy G–“
Cozy Glow stared into the black void around her and ceased to think of the character she had come up with. Her head was empty again and that felt like bliss.
“What's wrong with me?” she asked herself. “How could I ever come up with something so grim and messed up? I really need to be careful next time and think of something cute and wholesome. Maybe an adorable, blue mouse would do.”
Cozy Glow smiled. She sunk down on her belly, curled up and placed her head on her hooves as if they were a pillow. In that position, Cozy fell asleep, inside her eternal home behind the fourth wall.
