Humanitys Last Stand Against Harmony

by Lolsternater

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Tragedy, Adventure, Human
Length: 5080

The end has come in the shape of ponies.

Well the shit is like this:
You read Twilights Dairy,
THEN THE REST!
WARNING: IS REALLY SHIT BECAUSE I TRIED TO BE FUNNY AND FAILED!
Also don't take this seriously until I say.
THAT IS ALL!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-05 06:55:08 UTC

They came in force

Chapter 1: 0.0 Pony's have arrived.

No one had expected what happened that fateful day. No one would have guessed that humanity would fall that easily, but it happened. There is no denying it.

The invasion began on Easter, a holiday where we are meant to celebrate. People's lives were changed for good that Easter. It was about six in the morning and I was awake, just staring at the ceiling, thinking about life and what mine meant. All of a sudden, trumpets sounded and I heard voices yelling out on the street. "Attention humans. Everypony is to remain calm and leave their house with their hooves above their heads."

Did I hear that right? First of all, everyPONY? What the hell? And then hooves above heads? Not to mention they said "humans", the only thing that could talk like that would be pony from Equestria! Despite wanting it to be true as a brony, I knew that it couldn't be possible. Could this be a prank?

I decided to see for myself and got out of bed. My morning head caused me to sway from dizziness for a few moments. Ignoring the feelings of tiredness and the beckoning of my bed, I made my way to the window on the other side through all the dirty laundry all over the floor of my room. Opening the blinds, I peaked out into the street, and nearly shat myself. My jaw hung open in disbelief at the sight that had found its way into my neighborhood.

In the middle of the road were two rows of ponies, some unicorns, some pegasi, all with the look of men about to do something terrible. I looked at the other houses, and it turned out that other people were already making their way onto the street, unsure how to react to this strange new appearance. I grabbed some jeans and my Fluttershy t-shirt, the only clean shirt I had (Talk about good timing) before making my own way onto the street. The dual lines of ponies seemed to stretch all the way down the street.

A burly pegasus, his mane and coat dyed the normal royal colours of white or grey coats and blue manes, trotted down between the lines of ponies. This guy gave off an aura as being in charge, no doubt.

"All families and loners (yes, he really said that) are to come with us to this city's town square for trial. Any humans that refuse will be beaten until we have an agreement." he smiled to himself at the thought of that. Half the people on the street were shocked to hear a giant horse with wings talk, and just stood there dumbstruck.

"Why are all of you hesitating? Am I not being simple enough for you stupid warmongers?" Alright, however educated this guy was, he obviously was biased. Since I was most likely the one with the most coherent train of thought out of everyone in the street, I decided to speak on everybody's behalf.

"I'm sorry, but who the hell are you? And what do ponies want with earth?" I said while glaring at him from my front door. In response, he glared back harder. He started to trot right up to my gate when he saw my shirt.

"Why, human, do you have a picture of the great bearer of kindness on the rags on your chest?" his look gave me the notion that he feared me a little, maybe thinking that the shirt made me powerful somehow. I just went with it and acted like an ass. Typical me.

"I hold the great portrait of Fluttershy to rebel all thoughts of evil and war from those who dear to threaten my friends and family!" I exclaimed with bravado, waving my arms over the people of my neighborhood. His expression became blank, unable to comprehend the fact that I even knew the name of the great bearer of kindness. I tried to push my luck and see what chaos I could pull off. "I wish to be lead to Princess Celestia, so we can discuss a peace treaty! No one, er... pony, is to be hurt until further notice! What say you, brave soldier?"

I think I pulled that off pretty damn well because he was speechless. I wasn't sure why they were really here, so guess his word was as good as any.

"Ahh... well... I guess we could... can they do that?" He turned to one of the ponies standing in line. He looked equally baffled. "Umm... I guess so...?" The poor pony pulled a face that looked like he was choosing between life and death.

"Uh... well then... very well! Human, you shall be the representative of your people! Follow me to the princess!" with that, he turned away from my fence. I walked out my gate, and I patted the fencepost as if saying goodbye, which I might very well be doing. I follow the pony in charge between the two rows of unicorns and pegasi, getting cautious looks from them and all my neighbors. I just gave them an empty shrug and walked down the line.

Chapter 2: 0.5 hours since ponies arrived.

Sometime later we had walked through my street and were now walking down the middle of Main Street. I attempted some small talk with the giant glob of pony muscle. "So, is the weather in Equestria nice this time of year?" He said nothing and simply just stared ahead. Born a soldier, die a soldier, be an ass like a soldier; I'm guessing that's his motto. "Well I must say, you are very friendly. Probably because you come from a land of sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. Must be fun." I know it seems that I may as well be signing my death certificate, but I couldn't help myself.

"We are nearly there. Remember to be silent, human, until addressed." He said in a tone of great patience. He must have dealt with a lot of rookies. I took his advice, not wanting to die until I figured what the hell was going on. We soon came in view of a big, pink, tent set up in the middle of the road. The sun was shining more brightly on it than anything else.

We stopped outside the tent, and Giant (that's my nickname for him) began talking to a guard at the entrance. After the conversation, the guard looked at me before turning and entering the tent. We stood there for about a minute before he returned, nodding at me. I didn't quite understand until Giant pushed me forward with his hoof. I had to enter the tent of the sun princess alone, and that could be bad or good depending on Celestia's mood.

The interior of the tent was filled with balloons, streamers, cake, and other goodies covering tables, which wasn't what I was expecting at all. I had a pretty good idea what it meant though. Sure enough I heard an upbeat voice exclaim, "Surprise! Hello there evil war alien! Twilight said that because you were evil and evil and stuff that you wouldn't like me and probably try to kill me, but I hope that you are a nice evil alien and we can be friends! Until the princess kills you, that is." The infamous pink pony smiled brightly, hoping I would do the same, and indeed I did. You just can't be near the element of laughter without smiling, it was like magic! Oh, wait; it is magic.

"Wow! This is amazing! Thanks Pinkie!" Those were the only words I said, before rushing over to one of the tables and stuffing myself with cake. What can I say? I'm a sucker for party food.

"WOO! PARTY TIME!" Pinkie Pie shouted, before turning on some music and joined me with the cake. If I had looked around, I would probably have seen the most dumbfounded faces ever. I knew that there were ponies behind me, because they started talking.

"Well, this is, I dunno, unexpected? Umm... princess... should we stop him?" that careful, knowledge hungry voice could only come from one pony. However, I was to busy with the cake to care. "Hmm. He certainly seems harmless. Let him have his fun." That voice one can not simply ignore. I stopped before turning, and I was right. Princess Celestia, with the other element bearers were all staring at me like I was from the zoo or something.

"Oh shi- I mean, apologies... your majesty. How rude of me to not address you first!" I said while giving a little bow. Twilight looked shocked with my sudden change in behavior, but I got that enough from humans. Celestia simply giggled with the utmost grace before trotting over and having some cake herself. After I remembered why I was there, I dropped the polite tone, but only a little bit. These were my idols I was talking to. "Now, would you be kind enough to answer my question. What are you doing on my planet and what are you going to do to us?"

The princess smiled at me with grace and a mouth full of cake (How?). She swallowed her mouthful before answering. "Why, I'm only here to put this poor race out of it's misery."

I nearly shat myself a second time. Ponies. Were. Here. To. Kill. All. HUMANS. Why in the fuck did it have to be me?

Words to save the world

Previously. "Why, we are here to put this poor race out it's misery." said Princess Celestia. Oh why the fuck me?

Chapter three: 0.5 Hours after ponies arrived.

I stared at her in disbelief. The kindest, most wise and graceful pony to ever trot the cartoon world, was on earth to kill everyone. And she sounded like it was just another chore. "Y-You can be serious! You... But... well... Why?" She looked at me like I was a simpleton for not understanding.

"Your race has been suffering because of wars you rage at each other, simply because of skin colour and money, You poor creatures have done nothing for your planet but ruined it with smoke and plastic. The human race will just kill it self eventually, so instead so a slow death for every soul, I will give them all a quick, merciful death instead." When she finished my face must have been pretty epic, because she took a step back away from me when she looked down.

It was about then they noticed my T-shirt, because Fluttershy took an interest in it. "U-umm, excuse me m-Mr deadly alien, why do you have a picture of me on your shirt?" At the time I had complete forgotten about the shirt. Maybe I could use it to save my ass again, and maybe save the world at the same time!

"I wear your face, Fluttershy, because you are symbol of peace and happiness through out the human world. That, and your the cutest thing to ever exist." I couldn't stop there. I had to drive it home that we weren't as bad as they say we were.

"We also use it to learn, hoping that your kindness will rub off one us so we can better ourselves. The same goes for the other elements. We hope that if we bring them close to your hearts we can become happy. You see, humanity may be somewhat evil and kills everything but we also try to better ourselves so that doesn't happen. After each war we learn from the mistakes the people who started those wars made, thus making a better humanity." Happy I had proven my point I looked at each of the ponies, smiling at myself for a job well done.

All they did was laugh. "That *giggle* is the most *snort* ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Learning from war? Yea right!" snorted twilight. I couldn't believe it. Even the smartest pony in all of Equestria thought I was bullshit. I knew then that talking these pony's out the slaughter wasn't going to happen. "Humans are also very clever and evil it seems. A better reason to kill them all as quickly as possible. My bottom jaw was hitting my ankles, swinging in the breeze.

"Now princess, let me begin the cleansing." A smile appeared on her face as her horn started to spark, her hooves slowly making her way towards me. I knew that if I didn't fight for my world, no one would.

I picked up the cake from the table, which pinkie gave an annoyed "Hey!' to, and threw it right in Twilights face; knocking out her magic. I leaped  over her and went right out the flaps. I wasted no time finding the nearest house and making a beeline for it. The Princess stepped out, shouting "Stop him!" to her guards, beginning the great chase.

Chapter 4: 1 Hour since ponies arrived.

I shouldered the door down to the house and ran through a few rooms with the pegasi guards hot on my heels. Luckily, humans houses didn't have doors that wide, giving a huge advantage. After messing around through the rooms a broke out into the back. I ran right through the back yard and jumped the fence into the next backyard and into the next house.

The unicorns were now also giving chase and they teleported to the front door of the house, blocking my way. Turning I saw the pegasi were now covering the back door. With no other choice I dived through the door to my right, which happened to be the cellar. Taking a tumble down the stairs, I quickly got back up the stairs and shut the door in the ponies faces. I locked all the locks I could and placed a few heavy boxes in the way. The ponies on the other side started the thud the door. Since the unicorns didn't know what the other side looked like they couldn't teleport in here.

I began searching for a window or a door I could escape by, but no luck. I went through the draws, hoping to find a carrot or something to bribe them with. What I found... was a shotgun. A M1014, with a strap to put the bullets in that I could hang over my arm. Whoever's  house this was, they were ready for a zombie invasion. I didn't have choice so I grabbed it and swung the strap over my shoulder.

I took a stance looking at the door, which was close to breaking and gave them a warning. "Don't come in here! You will die if you do and I don't want to kill you!" They just sniggered before slamming into the door one more time, knocking it down. A cocky pegasus walked right in, sure that this was going to be a breeze. Instead he got a breeze full of pellets. His entire face was gone in an instance, spraying anything behind him with bits of skull, blood, and brains.

The poor guys body slumped and rolled down the stairs, stopping at my feet. A unicorn then peeked around the door, his horn ready to blast something my way. I fired another shot, blowing his head on the wall as well. All sounds after that were of those of panic, lots of thumping, then silence.

I had just killed ponies! And there was no doubt more coming.

Shotguns and ponies

Those ponies out in the hallway were long gone, scared of the terrible magic that makes heads go pop. I had to get out of here because they were no doubt looking help, and with them all over the street there was a very good chance I didn't have long. Stepping over the bodies, I noticed out the window that the streets were empty.

Stepping out onto the street I found the place to be a ghost town minus the ghosts. In the distance I could hear the sounds of what I think were drums, with no other real lead I headed down in that direction. Staying near the houses in case a pegasus came flying over head, I sneaked down the street having a few close calls from a couple of Earth ponies walking past (Sneak Level Up).

At the end of the road was the town park which was currently filled with unicorns who were using instance magic for some kind of wall that had something moving behind it. To get a better view I headed to the local pub so I could see from the roof. As I opened I was meet with a barrel in my face. "You're not one of them. How did you escape?" It was an old raspy voice, no doubt Roger who had been running the old place since he got it from his father when he was only fifteenth.

"Roger? It's me. Remember? I got drunk last Wednesday and sang "Fuck You I'm Drunk"?"  That bloody great song seemed to jog his memory. Or the fact that I did break half the bands equipment and what-not, but it was junk anyway.

"Oh. You. Fine, get in here, you don't want to join those in the middle. Be thankful you weren't here when the last lot got burned." If what I just heard was correct then there were people in the field. And he said they were getting burned. Good fucking god. I raced through the back and made my way to the roof, the view I had was perfect, showing me the whole place and a good glance at the people trapped.

There was six groups of unicorns surrounding the walls, keeping a certain part of it up while leaving some more open then others. A big wooden ramp went above the trapped people and standing on that was Princess Celestia, charging something big with her horn. The people them selves were running into the walls and each other, looking for any means of escape. Some had even started digging at the ground. There was also pegasi sitting in random places keeping an eye on things and making sure nothing went wrong. "It's a giant barbeque." I thought out loud.

"Yep." Answered Roger, "And the second meal is about to be served up." I could tell what he meant, Celestia's horn was nearly blinding with the power coming from it; and getting brighter.

Knowing I couldn't stand here I turned to Roger. "We have got to do something. We can't just leave these people to die."

He answer may as well of been 'Fuck you I'm old.' "And how do we do that hero? There is only two of us. And unless you pull out a tank that reflects what voodoo their using, I'm not taking a step outside my pub."

Celestia's horn was nearly as bright as the sun it self now. "But there has-" I was cut short by Celestia. "And now humans, your salvation is at hand!" A bright beam shot into the sky, and it was damn obvious what would happen when it came back down. I panicked. People were about to die and there was nothing I could do. Expect one thing that might work.

"Hey gramps, get the loudest speaker you got and here and a Psy CD. Pronto." I was holding on to crazy like it was a teddy bear, and it held back tight.

"Kid, I got what you need but I don't see what this is gonna do." he sat down in a chair, tired from lifting the big box up here. "Thanks mate. I owe you a drink when this is over." I jammed in the CD and set the music to what I wanted. Prepare to amazed at how much of an ass I am.

I took a shot with my shotgun at the platform beneath the princess while yelling "HEY!" and catching the attention of everybody/pony in the park area, even the unicorns if only slightly. I turned the music on, stood on the table and did the only thing I could think of.

"Gangnam style!"

I danced like I had never danced before. The unicorns stopped their spell, pegasi fell out of the sky, and the princess face-hoofed. The people took this as a once in a lifetime opportunity and fled towards the buildings. The pegasi picked themselves off the floor, stopping their laughing as they realized what just happened. At first I smiled happily, but then screams came from the crowd. All the ponies were now on a killing spree, using every magical force they had to kill as many humans. I had got then out of the barbeque and launched into space towards the sun (not literally).

"OK, not what I had in mind, Come on gramps, we need to leave." I turned to find the old guy had died of a heart attack caused from laughing. "Oh, for fucks sake."

Friends within the enemy

Chapter 6: 2 Hours since pony arrival

Well that escalated quickly.  Now I'm behind the bar with my shotgun and about six other people, everyone loves the bar. So far two pegasi had tried to get in, both failed, but this shotgun wasn't going to last forever. "Okey, troops." I began, addressing the group of my newly made friends. "We going to need to get you guys some weapons, then we try to find the princess, the big bad bitch who tried to fry you, and try to get her to leave and call off this madness. Any objections?"

No one questioned my order, and that made me smile. If I could get them well armed, then we might just stand a chance of getting out of this alive. One of the group however, was a little girl, about eight, with black frizzy hair. She looked absolutely terrified, and with a cute face like that I just couldn't ignore it. "Don't worry little girl. We'll kick their ass." Who said I was good at encouragement?

"Right, you two," I said pointing at couple of guys my age, "You guys go into the cellar and try to find anything that could qualify as a weapon. Especially if long range." My two scouts ran off towards the back, leaving me and four more people. "You, get into the kitchen and sort out our food. We don't know how long we could be here. Once you've done that, get it to the basement." This person was young lady who looked about 15-17. The only guys left were the little girl this other guy who was staying close to her. "Umm, hey little girl," She looked at me before saying, "My name is Clementine." (SHUT UP! EVERYONE LOVES HER!)

"Right, Clementine, do you know this guy?" She looked up at the man who just nodded his approval. "Yes. He took care of me when they took my parents away." Dang, I respect this guy. "OK, good. Mate, your in charge of keeping her safe. Don't fail." He gave me a determined face. "Got it."

So with my team sorted out and some-what organized, I planned what to do next. If we stay here the ponies will eventually regroup and will no doubt check this building out after my little 'show', so staying was a big no. Remembering all those ponies that were on the streets, I knew that nearly no where was safe, there was just too many to find from. The only place that came to mind when I thought of peace and safety was...

"Hmm. But how would we get there...?" I thought out loud. "Get where?" I turned to find the two chaps who I had sent to the basement, and man, look at what they found. Three glock's, another shotgun, and, this is bloody amazing, and M4A1! It felt like Christmas! "Whoa, nice gun."

He looked down at it himself. "Yea, found in a big locker thing. We couldn't get it open but found this on top. You want it?" As much as I wanted to be epic and run around with that beauty, carrying around this shotgun was hard enough. "Naa, you keep it if you want. Or give it to that guy," I said pointing to the protector. "He's going to look after the girl, and he looks like he should be able to carry it without being weighted down too much."

The gun man shrugged and handed it over to the protector. The girl who was in charge of the food cam back. "I got all the canned food and drinks I could find and put it in a bag downstairs, in case we need to leave in a hurry." She looked pretty up her self, and she should for thinking of that. "Awesome! Good work people. Now we just need to get out of here. I think-"

"Humans! Freeze!" Oh great, more ponies. I popped over the counter shotgun in hand, but stopped. There in front of me was Shining Armor, the brother the Twilight Sparkle. "Oh snap. Umm, how about a truce? I really don't want to shoot you."

He looked a bit shocked by my proposal. Well, I'm pretty sure anyway. Real life ponies looked a lot different then from the show. He looked at the gun on my hands, then to the two dead ponies lying on the ground hidden behind the table. "Did you say the same thing to them?" He hissed, he was losing his cool and I really respected this guy. "No. They came in here and tried to kill us without a single word. What other choice did I have? And plus if I wanted you dead by now, you would be."

He took my tone seriously and calmed down a bit. One step closer to gaining a new friend that could possibly end this. He tried to the take diplomatic approach and talk me into surrendering. "Do you know why we are doing this?" his face full of concern and pity. If I knew that this was an act I would have listened. "Because you've all been mislead by facts you didn't look into properly?" He wasn't expecting a comeback.

"You came to a world that had no effect on yours what-so-ever, saw only the ugly side, and tried to put us down. You didn't look at what we have learned, what we can do, and how long it's been since the last proper war. Actually, ignore that last one. Point is, you are messing around in stuff you have a right to be messing with. If what ass created us wanted us dead, he or she would have done it ages ago."

He thought about what I said, I had my fingers crossed. If this worked then he might be able to talk to the princess and call this whole thing off. He was tapping a hoof on his chin thinking about what to do. "Damn it. You have a point. Look, I don't want to be here as much as the next pony, but we can't just leave. The princess has trapped us on this planet and the only way out is through some giant stone gateway. But without the key we can't leave. Also, I found some disturbing things in my sisters dairy. My sister is Twilight Sparkle by the way. She's Celestia's private student."

He produced a small book coloured pink (Didn't see that coming) and placed it on the bar next to me. I flicked it open, skipping to the more important pages. My eyes went wide as I read. This wasn't good. "Err, great. But how do we get out of here? The pegasi block every exit out of the city so the only way out would be-" I was cut short by a pegasus looking through the window. "Oh crap." Shining Armor turned, his mouth hanging open.

"The humans are here! Shining Armor is with them! GET THEM ALL!" Making friends can get you killed. Who knew?

Dear readers: I'm sorry

Well first of all, this was a bad idea from the beginning. Who knows why I thought it would be a good idea. I was bored one night, just making stories for every idea that came to my head. This was number four on this list. It was so bad I had to start writing it. You can see how that went. I didn't even proof read it or get someone else to.

I will be leaving it up to remind me that some ideas just don't work. I will also be continuing it to try to fix it so it doesn't seem so bad (Good luck for that)

I am very sorry for eyes had to see this torment. It turns out that just because it's funny on a youtube poop doesn't make it a good thing to write about.

I promise never to do this kind of shit again.

Very sorry.

The Arther

Tim

P.S: I blame the economy.

Twilights dairy

Twilights dairy. Page 1

I can’t believe it! We have managed to create a orb that allows us to view other worlds! Who knows what new advances we could make by simply looking at other places? The Princess is even more excited than me. I think this is just what she needs to knock her out of her dark mood. I really hope I get to meet some new friend from other planets! That would be amazing!

Twilight Sparkle.

Twilights dairy. Page 2

Despite the discovery of these new places, the Princesses mood continues to darken. I think it has something to do with the knock to the head she took from the Changeling invasion. Ever since that day she has gotten more and more depressed. No one can guess why. She’s asked to see me after today’s study on one planet; Earth. I hope she doesn’t yell at me again.

Twilight Sparkle.

Twilights dairy. Page 3

They did this. They are evil. They must never know. I came close to Twilight. Had to get rid of her. Have to get to earth. Have to get more power. Can’t let them know. Can’t let them know. They must all die. But first I need blame. Blame it on humans! Yes! Must blame it on humans. Must kill humans. They must never know. The Princess must stay dead.