“How did it happen?”. Most creatures were smart enough or polite enough not to ask those sorts of questions but you still got those who did. Kids who hadn’t learned yet, others who’d lost limbs and thought they were sympathizing. The worst were other veterans who thought you had a good ‘war story’ to share as if it wasn’t the worst thing you’d done with your life, though they usually shut up once I started quoting “War is a Racket” at them.
But the “therapist” (I know Tailwind means well, and he’s a good listener, but he’s no professional) that Guide Star sent says I should at least record the events as they happened for my own sake. Just have to remember to burn this page later. So, here it is, how I lost my talon doing the stupidest thing of my whole life.
I joined the EEF.
That’s not the whole thing of course but that’s what it boils down to, I lost my limb in the service of an invading army. During the entire roots forsaken mess that was the Kirean “Intervention” (read, “armed robbery”) helping to loot a dying country under the guise of some humanitarian mission and I can already hear Star telling me off for being so rough on myself so I better stick to the facts of it.
It was in Bulsan, I looked it up later and there’s stories about how the city was named for an ancient dragon who lived there. I suppose there’s a certain irony to that given what happened. I wasn’t even 21 yet and already wearing NCO’s stripes. Sweeping a wing of buildings on the edge of some electronics factory that we were told to take intact. Which means the fighting goes room to room. Which means you start jumping at every shadow, every dark corner, and you definitely jump when you finally run into a Kirean Army patrol coming the other way.
Kirin, they talk a lot about their mastery of the nirik side, the control and emotional fortitude that lets them contain it. I don’t believe them anymore. Emotions find a way out in those moments no matter how much “control” you think you have.
They came out of me in a burst of gunfire that went wide and did fuck all to save me.
They came out of that frightened kirin who couldn’t have been any older than me in flames
There is one place you really do not want to be when a kirin goes nirik, and it’s right where I was with him, too fucking close. Close enough I couldn’t get my gun between us and could only just hold him off with a talon. Guess which one.
Fire doesn’t care about a lot of things, it doesn’t care if you have hair or feathers, talons or hooves. It doesn’t care what you’re wearing because whatever it is isn’t enough to stop it. It just burns, and each moment is agony as it burns down into your bone with enough time.
A nirik hopped up on leaves knows what combat drugs they’d cooked up (couldn’t have been any worse than what we had though) burns hot enough that “enough time” is less time than it takes for your squad mates to pull you out from under his body.
People will tell you I was actually pretty lucky, apart from the talon everything would either heal or grow back. The talon was a complete loss, nerves don't grow back, neither do bones once they're dead. No choice at that point but to amputate. Not that you’re even conscious at that point because by then you’ve either passed out from the pain or been sedated which is a small mercy.
Contrary to popular belief, suntech does not get you up and moving again right away. It’s good but it’s not a miracle and depending on the severity you might be in physical therapy for a few days or a few weeks. I spent a week in an EEF hospital relearning how to use my own limb. I also spent it reading. And talking, and apparently talking too much.
Soldiers complain, it’s a fact of military life. We complain about the food, the beds, the cold, the long patrols, the officers, everything really. Even the most “gung ho” of soldiers will complain about something. I’d started complaining about why we were here.
I certainly wasn’t a warhawk before Kirea but I hadn’t exactly been a peace dove either. My time here though had not improved my opinion of war in the slightest and, with a couple of the right books things started to fall into place. A few folk weren’t too happy with how vocal I got over what I was realizing about this entire charade.
Equestria practices citizenship by spilled blood; serve in their army for so many years, or get wounded in action, and you’re an Equestrian citizen. By rights I had earned that with the loss of my limb though it would take time to process it. Couple of MP’s decided to leverage that. Either I shut up and finished out my enlistment and I’d get to keep that citizenship, Or I got sent home with no citizenship and an Other Than Honorable discharge
But at that point I’d realized what we’d all been doing here and that if I stayed I was going to lose a lot more than just a talon. Maybe I’d already lost it.
Even if the EEF can give me a new talon, they can’t give me back my soul.
There’s an old tradition out in San Palomino, when you leave an old life behind you burn it. I think they’ll forgive me for just tossing mine in the trash. I still don’t like being too close to a fire.
The EEF can’t give me back my sense of peace and comfort either. I still jump whenever I catch Spring Frost out of the corner of my eye, he’s got the same colors that kid had. Pretty sure a few folks have noticed. Pretty sure that’s why Guide and Tailwind want me writing this.
Author's Note
A lot of soldiers came home from war realizing things they wish they'd known before they went. I've quoted one of the more famous ones, US Marine Corp Major General Smedley Butler, author of the book War is a Racket.