“So… is that okay with you?”
This might be the second or third time he’s asked this, but I’m still trying to comprehend it. In front of me, my two best friends asked me something I honestly didn’t see coming. At all. It’s like something out of a dream if I’m honest, and given the setting, it might as well be. Sitting at a round table in a corner of a restaurant that I could hardly afford while a pianist played jazz in the background, I felt like I was struck by lightning. Nopony except for my two friends sitting across from me noticed my stunned silence. Then again, being in Manehattan, that’s hardly surprising. I almost wished that I didn’t drink all the water in my cup because otherwise, I would have dumped it on my face to make sure I was still awake.
“Hello? Equestria to Cobalt? Anypony home?” Curtain waved a hoof in my face.
Before I go any further, I should take a moment to give some context to my state of shock.
In front of me are my best friends: Curtain Call sitting on the left, and Lemon Souffle on the right. Curtain, for those who have been living under a rock in the past five or so years, is a Bridleway actor who has landed various roles in small theaters. Mostly dramas or Shakespur plays – he’s obviously the best-looking out of the three of us. A Pegasus that I swear goes to the gym at least three times a day, a billion-bit smile, a face that is chiseled to perfection, hypnotizing hazel eyes, a sandy white mane that is currently pulled back, and a green coat that is like summer incarnate.
To the right, Lemon Souffle is nothing more than a genius. At least, as far as cooking and baking are concerned. I believe he has studied every Prench recipe known to pony-kind, knows how to make even the most elaborate dishes and desserts by heart, and makes it all look so easy. Out of the three of us, I consider him the most successful, being that he’s not only a chef in one of Manehattan’s most covet restaurants – but he owns it. He may look like he’s on the heavier side, but don’t let that fool you, the guy can lift at least three ponies while making a souffle at the same time. A curly black mane guy who should be a goth due to his ghostly white coat and sunken eyes but he’s the cheeriest out of us.
And then there’s me. The one who’s having a moment of shell shock. I’m an artist, a painter with a tiny studio with an even smaller independent gallery on Thirtieth Street. Mostly I tend to paint everyday life in the city as my inspiration where once in an eclipse my art would get sold. I tend to live off grants most of the time, but I’m not by any means lazy. As to appearance… I’m not the kind that would pop out of a crowd. Being a blue unicorn with sapphire eyes and a white mane that makes me older than I really look, there’s not much to me. I don’t consider myself a looker, and while I’m not obese by any means, I don’t believe I was ever in shape for a day in my life. Just… bland really.
Now, there is one little detail about my best friends that I haven’t shared yet. And it’s part of the reason for the shell-shocked, thousand-mile stare I’m giving. You see, the one thing all three of us have in common is that all of us are either gay or bisexual. Well… Curtain is bi while the rest of us are straight-up gay. But the important thing here is that Curtain and Lemon are married. They have been for at least… seven? Eight years, I think? From what I’ve seen, they are a healthy couple. Perhaps it’s because they were already close friends from the start that falling in love and getting hitch that made sense I suppose. You’d think by the way they interact that they’re a perfect fit for one another in every way. And you’d be right. I thought so too.
I shook my head and blinked a few times. “But… me?”
They nodded, “Look, I get it. It’s a lot to dump on you all at once.” Lemon said with a blush forming on his face. “But we’ve talked about this for a while and thought we should probably ask.”
“We don’t expect you to say yes here,” Curtain added. “But we thought it was time to tell you, as our best friend to just get it all out there, lay it on the table, and leave this open to you.”
“But that’s where my brain is short-circuiting.” I rubbed the side of my head. “I mean… you guys are already married, and you want to date… me?”
“Uh-huh.”
I blinked.
Lemon rubbed the back of his neck, “Look dude, I know this is a big ask-”
“Understatement of the millennium.” I deadpanned.
“But seriously, we have talked this over for months now. Look, I get it, this shakes up everything. Even I had my doubts about it if we even should do this if you wanted to.”
I didn’t say anything, but my face said it all.
Curtain read my expression, so he laid back in his seat, waved a hoof at me, and said, “Alright. Go ahead, let it out.”
“What?”
“Hey, we’ve already made our thoughts clear so let’s hear yours. What are ya thinking?”
Clearing my throat, I began. “For starters… I really didn’t see this coming. At all. I mean, maybe this has happened to other ponies, but this is a first for me. I mean…” I ran my hooves through my mane. “Isn’t this… I don’t know… cheating with extra steps? You guys are married for crying out loud.”
Lemon raised an eyebrow, “That would imply that we’re going behind the other’s back instead of just telling what’s going on upfront. Only we’re not doing that now. If anything, this is the exact opposite of that.”
“Cobalt, you know I love Lemon.” Curtain said, wrapping a hoof around him. “Always have and always will. I wouldn’t cheat on him because even if we’re angry at each other or if we screwed up somehow, at least we know right away. Having you upfront and telling you about this speaks volumes.”
“Sure but…” I took a deep breath to choose my words carefully. “I mean… I’m flattered. Really. But I’m still your guy’s best friend. And I’ve watched you guys get closer over the years. You two were practically made for each other, and I don’t feel right to just come between you two.”
There was an… odd moment (at least for me) when my two best friends heard me say that, turned to each other, and acted as though they saw the most adorable thing they’d ever seen in their entire lives.
“You see what I mean,” Lemon asked, his eyes closed to the edge of tears with a hoof over his mouth. “He’s just so wholesome.”
“Not to mention sensitive and caring.” Curtain agreed, his hooves together and having the goofiest smile I’ve ever seen. “I swear he’s like a living teddy bear.”
“You know I have ears, right?” I asked them. “And that’s another thing, why me?”
They blinked. “Sorry?” Curtain tilted his head.
“Out of all the stallions in Manehattan, out of all of all the remotely gay guys out there that you could have this open relationship or whatever this is with… why pick me?” I scratched my neck, “You’d think there might be someone better than me out there.”
“Oh yeah?” Lemon propped his elbows on the table with a questioning look. “Like who?”
Celestia, I hate being put on the spot like this. I must look stupid to them that my mouth opened and closed like a freshly caught fish. My mind went blank the second he asked that. “I’m just saying you guys could do better.”
“That’s a bit insulting, isn’t it?” Curtain questioned.
“Huh?”
“Cobalt, you of all ponies know that we have standards, high ones too. Why do you think my job is a Bridleway actor or Lemon cooks and runs the most sought-after Prench restaurant in the city? We’re not exactly the kind of ponies that would scrape the bottom of the barrel here. We don’t just close our eyes and blindly grab whatever is there.”
“That, and consider this,” Lemon pointed out, “It had taken us years, understand, years before we decided to get married. Because we both know what we wanted.”
I raised an eyebrow, “So why ask to go out with you two, if you’re so perfectly married?” There was a… uncomfortable silence between them, even guilty looks from them. “You… are the perfect couple, right?”
Lemon sighed, “Look when I say that I love Curtain, I meant it. However, it has dawned on us that as much as we love each other, it is unrealistic to be flawless and do everything too.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well just think about it.” Curtain picked up his glass, swirling it with a straw mindlessly. “Everypony thinks that once you find the one, everything will be happily ever after. That not only will your special someone will be a perfect fit for you, but they will be your…” He closed his eyes and listed off, “Housekeeper, personal chef, chauffeur, therapist, best friend, comedian, great at sex, great at talking, great at listening, financial partner, schedule manager, repair guy, home decorator, personal assistant, nurse, garbage guy, laundress, tailor, and electrician. Oh, and that’s not even including raising foals if anyone has them.” He opened his eyes, “Tell me, does that sound remotely realistic to you?”
“…. So, you want to date me because you want me to do your chores too?”
“Not exactly,” Lemon shook his head, “We didn’t pick a random name out of a hat, but we picked you for a good reason. For one, you have qualities that we adore but Curtain and I lack. Your problem-solving, your ability to look at things in a new light, that you’re probably the wisest guy we know, your charity… that last of all is a big one. In a sense for what you’ve done for us in the past. We owe you big time.”
“No, no, guys, you really don’t have to.”
“I mean, why not?” Curtain pointed out. “You helped us when we were at our lowest points in our lives. When Lemon’s mom kicked him out after he told her he’s gay, you gave him a place to be in until he got the job at the restaurant that started it all. When I was behind rent a few times, you always stepped in. When Lemon got his place but couldn’t afford food, you helped buy him groceries so he wouldn’t go hungry. And when I had to move into a new apartment, you were there and helped move a good chunk of stuff before anyone else showed up.”
“I know, but you two were in need and I stepped in.”
Lemon nodded, “Dude, we know you care about us. Best friends or not, you’ve done a lot for us, not when we were at our lowest, but even our most important ones too. Why do you think we asked you to be the best stallion at our wedding?”
“I get it, I get it.” I held up my hooves. “You guys are grateful. But that’s not a reason that you have to date me.”
Curtain shook his head, “We don’t have to, but we felt we wanted to. Cobalt, you’re a good stallion. Really. Knowing you, anypony would be lucky to be your coltfriend.” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “Cobalt?”
“I just don’t know…” I rubbed my foreleg. “I won’t sugarcoat this, but I don’t think I would make a good coltfriend.”
Lemon’s ears folded back, concern on his face, “Why not?”
“I mean… I’ve had two exes, both long distances through paper romances. The first fell apart after two months, the other faded after a year – the last letter saying that he found a coltfriend where he lived. While I wasn’t upset at him (and I’m still not) it does make me think that maybe it’s because of me that I’m cursed to be unlikeable. If that’s the case, I don’t blame them.
“The thing is, I know what I’m like. I’m an awkward guy who has interests that would easily put anyone to sleep. I’m self-aware that I’m hard to live with – that I make my meals and then put everything away hours after I’ve eaten; that I can’t handle unexpected, stressful situations to where I shut down; that I can’t raise a complaint to save my life; that due to my work schedule that I’d be lucky to get a shower more than once a week; that I wouldn’t clean my living space until months later; honestly, I don’t know if I would want to live with me either.
“That, and that I’m boring. I’m not the most excitable guy around, heck I’m not even flamboyant, even as a gay stallion. For crying out loud, my music collection alone is like a dusty library that no one except for me bothers to enjoy. Not to mention that nearly everything about me is way out of date from my artistic style to my choice of books.
“Also, I’ve concluded a long time ago that it’s highly unlikely anyone would be crazy enough to… you know… love me back. And why would they? I’m the last stallion anyone would even flirt with – even in gay bars I’m invisible. I know why because, on top of being unbearably dull, I have the body type that would make even the desperate run away screaming. I never even had so much as a first kiss, let alone gone on a date where someone stupid enough has asked me out-”
“Okay! Stop the carriage!” Curtain interrupted. “Cobalt, are you even aware of what just came out of your mouth? Do you really believe that the guy you’ve described would be the kind we would ask to try this out with? Considering that we’ve known you since Jr. High, do not think that we’re idiots. Never once had we thought about dating you out of pity. We didn’t ask you as a sort of consolation prize. As shocking as this is going to sound to you – we want you to be our coltfriend. Not because we don’t know how difficult you could be, but because we do know. We want to date you – because you are you.”
“But-”
“Cobalt,” Lemon said, “has it ever occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, you do have many qualities that make you lovable? Yes, you can be all of those things you just said – we’re not denying that. However, call me naïve, but you seem to overlook all the good things about you as well.” Lemon leaned forward, “Do you remember when we started with our careers? I haven’t. Back when Curtain was a struggling actor, I didn’t think I was good enough to cook. How certain we were that we didn’t have a real talent and that we were dismissed left and right? You remember what you told us?”
“I…” trailing off, I shook my head.
“You said that we can be good enough. That we can be better at what we do if we put the work into it. And that’s what we did. Through sheer grit and determination, we’ve earned our place. It wasn’t easy, but I think it was still worth it. And it’s all thanks to your wisdom that made us what we are today. And you know what, maybe we are delusional in asking you, maybe we might be making a mistake – but after everything you’ve done for us, you too deserve to be loved. If anyone here should be given that chance, it should be you.”
For a while, I went silent. Looking at my now cold plate of a dinner that I hadn’t paid much attention to. “Still… what if it doesn’t work out? What if I make things worse? How would you know if neither of you would get jealous if I’m in the picture? What if I made you two get a divorce because of me?”
Curtain let out a breathless sigh, “I won’t lie, we wondered about that too. The jealousy part especially could very likely happen. Neither of us knows for certain if this will work out, even though we trust you completely. However, if there is anything we’ve learned while being married, is that above all else, we need two things: love and trust. Not only had we figured out quickly that we should communicate and decide what we wanted to do, but we’ve come to learn how to trust each other’s judgment. If, for whatever reason it doesn’t work out, we should trust you that you would want out of this first. We’ve learned that feelings can change, but it goes both ways. I mean, if you have this gut feeling that this won’t work out and we should just remain as friends – just speak up. We won’t stop you.”
“Exactly,” Lemon nodded. “What we’re offering here is to give you that same chance as well. We do trust you, more than anyone we know. You had gone through so much to make us happy, now we want to return the favor and give you that as well. Of course, how that would play out will depend on you. You can date us, be as open as you want, and if you want to go further than that, we’ll be open to that as well. But only if you say you want to.”
I raised an eyebrow at that, “Why does that sound like a subtle invitation to a three-way?”
They laughed. “I won’t lie,” Lemon rubbed his reddened cheek, “it would be nice, but from you, it’s not required. Just optional.”
“Still, he’s right.” Curtain nodded. “If we were to do this, you would be calling the shots in how fast or slow you want to take this. Personally, I’m fine either way, but just know that you would have full control.”
Rubbing my hooves, I asked, “And… suppose I say yes to this, what are the rules?”
“Rules?” They asked.
“Hey, it isn’t every day that you’re offered to date your best friends simultaneously while they’re married. I just wonder if there might be some… ya know… boundaries or something. Like, how would this work exactly?”
Curtain and Lemon looked at each other. “You know, I’m not sure if we’ve thought of that.” Curtain pointed out. “What would we do exactly?”
“I mean, we kinda did,” Lemon rubbed under his chin, “the idea while we would go together, we would take turns who would be hosting it, that way no one would be excluded. Outside of that…”
“Oh! How about a rule that if he’s into that physical touch thing that he can hug, snuggle, and cozy up to either of us he can do so?”
“Yeah, but if he wants to kiss us…” (That made me blush) “I think that if he does, for every kiss one gets, the other should have too.”
“That’s a good one,” Curtain agreed. “Come to think of it if we’re setting up boundaries that we should be open about when we get off from work as well. Maybe we should figure out how much time each day we might need to focus on each other, so we’re not entirely burned out.”
“Absolutely.” Lemon turned to me, “What about you? Are there any boundaries you want to set up?”
“Uh… I don’t… know? But I wonder… when do you guys think we could start?”
There was a moment when I could tell I had caught them completely off guard.
“Wait, hang on,” Curtain's eyes widen in realization, “you’re serious?”
“I know, and maybe I might be crazy for letting this come out of my mouth but… if anypony else had asked me what you guys are asking I would have said no right away. Heck, if someone told me yesterday that I would be getting not just a coltfriend but two, I would say they’re crazy. But then again, I know you two well enough that I can trust you. I’m not saying it would go anywhere, but maybe for once… it wouldn’t hurt to take a chance.”
Curtain and Lemon looked at each other, smiles stretching and eyes shining with happiness. They got up from the table to hug me from both sides.
“Thank you so much!” Lemon said, kissing me on the cheek. “I swear you won’t regret it.”
“Yeah! Thank you for this,” Curtain kissed the other cheek. “You’re amazing you… Cobalt?”
There was no hiding it. My head had turned bright neon pink at this point with their hot lips still branded on my cheeks. I just froze there. Embarrassed, yet relieved; hot, yet frozen; I was in Tartarus in my seat yet in Elysium dancing. Never in my life had I thought I would ever get a coltfriend – let alone two of them who happened to be my best friends.
Then again… not that I’m complaining.
